1986-1987 (Monitor).pdf

TIC IDe
THE RESOURCE DEVELOPMENT GROUP
P.O. BOX 161084
IRVING, TEXAS 75016
214869-9647

Sports Editor
The Dallas Morning News
Communications Center
Dallas, Texas
75265

Dear Sir
Sandwiched between the year of Big Brother and the return of
Halley's comet, the 1985 Dallas Cowboy season has passed like
the comet - a wisp of gas.
To say the Cowboys took it on the chin in their 20-0 loss to
L.A. is an understatement. They took it on the head, legs,
upper and lower body and every place else not protected by a
steel cup.
Sports fans should rejoice though, since it is better to face
this embarrassment now instead of having it viewed by the whole
world in the Super Bowl.The real bright side is that mega-buck, non-performers now have
several extra weeks to begin their 1986 salary and hold-out
strategy sessions. Isn't the free enterprise system great!
Best regards,

Mark Holbrook
01.05.86

Dear Sir:
Caught between the year of Big Brother and Halley's comet, 1985 in Irving may have suffered an identity
crisis.
To eliminate this from occurring again, perhaps The Journal should ask its readers to take a few minutes from
the racquetball game, polishing the BMW, or typing the minutesfromthe last Garden Club meeting and respond
to a survey that will demonstrate to the rest of the mega-plex that Irving does in fact have "couth and class."
Knowing your capable writers can develop an outstanding living's Best and Worst list, consider the following
questions for inclusioa In Irving:
The worst street is... —
The best street is (those bounding a bureaucrat's
home not eligible)... _^
The best bar in town where you don't have to spend
60% of your dollar eating to enjoy 40% worth of good
booze...
:
The best looking sign on Hwy. 183 (church steeples
not eligible)...'
The best street to surf on after a heavy rain..

The best reason why median sprinklers water the
roadway... .
The worst reason why teachers take competency
tests and elected officials don't (specify whether local
or state politician)...
The best price to sell yourfloodwayland for...
The worst event scheduled for tHe year-long Sesquicentennial
.-..
•_
The best thing to do on an empty DART bus...

The best city park to eatribs,drink beer and use restThe worst day to play golf on the city's municipal
rooms that flush.,,
course (answer not valid until 1989)... . .
.
The worst business name that rips off the use of the
Las Colinas name (example: Las Hills Butcher Shop
and Video)...
The best location for a new traffic light.
The best street to determine if your car needs new
shocks...
- The best statement made by a local politician (no
penalty if one is not found)

The worst thing about the city's name (having to tell
someone you actually live in IRVV-INGG doesn't
count)... ^_,^_-_s_^=^
,
'
The best thing about the uncompleted overpasses on
Hwy. 114
•
•-.-.';_,
The best thing about the long rambling speeches
made at City Council meetings... .
The worst reason why peon Cowboy fans cannot
buy a drink at Texas Stadium like the rich fans... . .

The best year-round swimming pool that has nobody swimming in it..
Mark Holbrook

Dear Mr. Holbrook
We laud your categories and you have spurred us on to add a few more:
Where can the biggest icicles be found from over' active sprinklers in February... __
Who is the best candidate for Mayor in 1987..*

Which is the most confusing traffic overpass, bypass, cloverleaf, circle, etc...
Who is the worst candidate for Mayor in 1987...

' Readers, respond! We'd love to hear your answers to these and any other questions you wish someone would
ask you. Send your responses to:
The Journal
308 Northgate Plaza
Irving, Texas 75062

Editor, The Journal
308 Northgate Plaza
Irving, Texas
75062
Dear Sir:
Caught between the year of Big Brother and Halley's comet,
.1985 in Irving may have suffered an identity crisis.
To eliminate this from occurring again, perhaps The Journal
should ask it's readers to take a few minutes from the
racketball game, polishing the BMW, or typing the minutes of
the last Garden Club meeting and respond to a survey that will
demonstrate to the rest of the mega-plex that Irving does in
fact have "'couth and class." Knowing your capable writers can
develop an outstanding Irving's Best and Worst list, consider
the following questions for inclusion. In Irving:
The worst street is.., the best street is (those
bounding a bureaucrats home not eligible).. ; the best
bar in town where you don't have to spend 60% of your
dollar eating to enjoy 40% worth of good booze..; the
best looking sign on Hwy 183 (church steeples not
eligible)..; the best street to surf on after a heavy
rain..; the best city park to eat ribs, drink beer and
use rest rooms that flush..; the worst business name
that rips off the use of the Las Colinas name (example:
Las Hills Butcher Shop and Video)..; the best location
for a new traffic light..; the best street to determine
if your car needs new shocks..; the best statement made
by a local politician (no penality if one is not
found)..; the best year-round swimming pool that has
nobody swimming in it..; the best reason why median
sprinklers water the roadways..; the worst reason why
teachers take competency test and elected officials
don't (specify whether local, or State politician)..;
the best price to sell your floodway land for..; the
worst event scheduled for the Sesquicentennial..; the
best thing to do on an empty DART bus..; the worst day
to play golf on the city's municipal course (answer not
valid until 1989)..; the worst thing about the city's
name ( having to tell someone you actually live in
IRVV-INGG doesn't count)..; the best thing about the
uncompleted overpasses on Hwy 114..; the best thing
about the long rambling speeches made at City Council
meetings..; and, the worst reason why peon Cowboy fans
can not buy a drink at Texas Stadium like the rich
fans.
Mark Holbrook
01.19.86

PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
P. O. Box 161084
IRViriO, TEXAS 75016
(214) 850-4315

February 15, 1986

Carlton Press
Dept. RO
11 West 32nd St.
New York, N.Y.

10001

Dear Sir
Please mail the free booklet and manuscript form on how to
publish a book as advertised in "The Rotarian" magazine.
Sincerely,

Mark Holbrook

20 a Tht Journal D February 17, I860

Dear Sir
Personally speaking, teaching sex education in the local public schools
should be considered a waste of time, effort, and taxpayers* funds.
Since sex education in the public schools resembles little more than an
advanced Biology course, and it is agreed that parents as a group fail in
properly informingihciroffspringofimportanlsoctalconsiderations, then
where are the high-tech adolescents of today with hormone levels approaching critical mass like Three Mile Island to turn?
A new theory beingconsidered is that young adolescents are obtaining
their data base of sexual misinformation from parental role models who
display their chosen professions on the vehicles they drive Sound incredible.' The next time you arc moving along Highway 183 at a snail's pace,
sec if you too can observe grown, no emphasis on mature, adults with the
following bumper stickers.
•
•
•
•
•

Librarians Make Novel Lovers
Plumbers Do It By The Hour
Accountants Do It By The Numbers
Programmers Do It Byte By Byte
Lawyers Do It In Court

We now know thai Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart, but at least he was
not brazen enough to display his learned sexual education or profession
on the exterior of Air Force One.
However, the equal teaching of sex education for local adolescents
could be assured if the City Council would assist the School Board by
passing an ordinance making it mandatory for all individuals to display
their chosen professions on the bumpers of their vehicles. Somehow, it
would then seem appropriate to see bumper stickers announcing, "Elected Officials Do It To Taxpayers."
Mark Holbrook

Editor, The Journal
308 Northgate Plaza
Irving, Texas
75062
Dear Sir:
Personally speaking, teaching sex education in the local public
schools should be considered a waste of time, effort and
taxpayers funds*
Since sex education in the public schools resembles little more
than an advanced Biology course, and it is agreed that parents
as a group fail in properly informing their offspring of
important social considerations, then where are the high-tech
adolescents of today with hormone levels approaching critical
mass like Three Mile Island to turn?
A new theory being considered is that young adolescents are
obtaining their data base of sexual misinformation from
parental role models who display their chosen professions on
the vehicles they drive. Sound incredible?
The next time you
are moving along Highway 183 at a snail's pace, see if you too
can observe grown, no emphasis on mature, adults with the
following bumper stickers.
*
*
*
*
*
*

Librarians Make Novel Lovers
Plumbers Do It By The Hour
Accountants Do It By The Numbers
Electricians Do It With A Charge
Programmers Do It Byte by Byte
Lawyers Do It In Court

We now know that Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart, but at least
he was not brazen enough to display his learned sexual
education, or profession on the exterior of Air Force One.
However, the equal teaching of sex education for local
adolescents could be assured if the City Council would assist
the School Board by passing an ordinance making it mandatory
for all individuals to display their chosen professions on the
bumpers of their vehicles. Somehow, it would then seem
appropriate to see bumper stickers announcing, "Elected
Officials Do It To Taxpayers."

Mark Holbrook
02.02.86

TIC IDS
THE RESOURCE DEVELOPMENT GROUP
P.O. BOX 161084
IRVING, TEXAS 75016
214-869-9647

Stevens & Pruitt:
After writing this, I still had two questions remaining:
1) How do disc jockeys do it?
and,
2) Is Stevens and Pruitt a symbiotic relationship, or the
result of a Siamese birth?
Best regards,

Mark Holbrook
02.17.86

"Jiut/jtOul PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
P. O. Box 161084
lRVIliO, TEXAS 73016
(214) 830-4313

February 23, 1986

Mr. Mike WAllace
% CBS - "60 Minutes Letters"
51 W. 52nd St.
New York, N.Y. 10019
Re:

"Fraud : 1-30 Condos
February 23, 1986 Program

Dear Mr. Wallace:
Regarding the Dallas condo land flips, it appears as if th-e
promoters were only practicing that old prostitution adage of
"you got it, you sell it, and you still got it." In this
instance, those who got it may get it proving that Texas too
has a Brooklyn bridge.
Yours truly,

Mark Holbrook
850-4315 (W)
255-6232 (H)

CBS/BROADCAST
GROUP
CBS Inc., 51 West 52 Street
New York, New York 10019
(212) 975-3166
Marjorie W. Holyoak, Director
Audience Services

Dear Mr. Holbrook:

May 5, 1986

I am replying to your correspondence concerning the 60 MINUTES
segment "Fraud".
The reactions of our viewers are most important to us and we
appreciate your taking the time to let us know of your thoughts
regarding this particular report. We have shared your comments
with those responsible for this broadcast.
Whatever topics are explored in the future, we hope you will
continue to find 60 MINUTES informative and thought-provoking.

Cordially,

wM°<

Mr. Mark Holbrook
Klngtail Productions Limited
P. 0. Box 161084
Irving, TX 75016

CBS/Broadcast Group: CBS Television Network,
CBS Entertainment, CBS Sports, CBS News, CBS Television Stations, CBS Radio,
CBS Productions, CBS Operations and Engineering

o
ROTARY

INTERNATIONAL

Service A6o\>eSe/f- He Profits Mosl (Dtio Serves 8est
C.C. COLLIE
Governor District 581
1985-1986
8235 Douglas Ave., Suite #1120
Dallas, TX 75225

Bus. (214)692-6464
788-2313

R e S i (2 14)

March 7 , 1986

Mr. Mike E. Howard
2310 Timberlake
Irving, TX 75062
Dear Mike:
you do a great job editing the Blade!

I read each issue thoroughly,

in vour March 6 issue, you had an excellent article about our
German exchange student and the Youth Exchange Program
Could
you give me the name and address of the boy who gave the medal
to Harold?
Yours In Rotary,

C. C. Collie
CCC:j c
cc:

Bill Benson
Milton Kessel
Stu Gibson

jwujtiul PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
P. O. Box 161084
IRViriQ, TEXAS 75016
(214)
850-4315

March 8,

1986

DG
C.C. Collie
8235 Douglas Ave. #1120
Dallas, Texas
75225

Re: Request for Name
March 6th Issue of "the Blade"
Dear Governor Collie:
With regards to your request, I am shocked and appalled that
you would ask a "responsible journalist" to divulge one of his
sources. What is becoming of the First Ammendment in this
country?
However, for ever rule, there must be an exception.
how would things ever be accomplished.

Otherwise,

The individual that gave his medal to Harald Marx (please note
spelling of first name) w a s :
Greg Park
1814 Cooper
Irving, Texas
75061
438-7381 (H)
My keen sense of deductive reasoning tells me that you intend
to send this individual a letter of commendation.
If this be
true, then you should also know that I have written an article
for "The Rotarian" magazine which documents and expands this
truly marvelous example of goodwill, friendship and world
understanding through the Student Exchange Program.
I will route you a copy of the article as soon as my pictures
of the two individuals are developed.
Again, many thanks for your interest in our Club and reading
"the Blade." Knowing that you read each issue now brings the
total to two of us that do so.
Sincerely,
Mike E. Howard
Publisher, Editor, Writer and Delivery Boy
"the Blade" of the Irving Rotary Club
cc: Bill Benson

If TEI

Dear Sin
Where is Andy Rooney when you really need him?
While Andy may not have all the answers, he poses questions that
require individuals to stop, think, and ask serious questions olihcirown. If
Andy came to Irving, do you think he would say:

"Didyou ever wonder why..."
...the new process of street resurfacing and overlaying has caused all the
curbs to disappear? Where are little kids who want to grow up to be
engineers going to build mud dams?
...the all new and improved minimum housing ordinance has not leveled
the burned down, rat infested Madrid Terrace apartment complex? Will a
sequel Minimum Housing II, be required?
... [he City always seems to end up on the losing side of lawsuits? Is there
hope now that Perry Mason has come out of retirement.'
...it's not okay fortheCity to build park facilities on the leased airport property for fear of falling airplanes, but it is okay to play golf on the Bear
Creek golf course? Has the west side of the airport received special dispensation from falling airplanes?
...some of the newest streets in the City are in worse shape than streets in
the older part of town? Has the composition of concrete changed drastically over the last 15 years?
...the construction of a performing arts theatre has to be a political football
game with seven quarters? Will Howard Cosell also be hired as a consultant and be responsible for the play-by-play?
...everything is going so well and there are no "visible" problems, then
candidates are nonexistant for city council elections? If the gravy train is
that good shouldn't there be a waiting list of passengers.'
The good thing about asking questions is that those who don'I know the
answers should, and those who should know the answers don't.
Mark Holbrook

PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
P. O. Box 161084
mvina, TEXAS 75016
(214) 850-4315

Editor
The J o u r n a l
308 Northgate Plaza
Irving, Texas
75062
Dear Sir:
Where is Andy Rooney when you really need him?
While Andy may not have all the answers, he poses questions
that require individuals to stop, think and ask serious
questions of their own. If Andy came to Irving, do you think
he would say:
"DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY
..the new process of street resurfacing and overlaying has
caused all the curbs to disappear? Where are little kids who
want to grow up to be engineers going to build mud dams?
..the all new and improved minimum housing ordinance has not
leveled the burned down, rat infested Madrid Terrace apartment
complex?
Will a sequel, Minimum Housing II, be required?
..the City seems to always end up on the losing end of
lawsuits?
Is there hope now that Perry Mason has come out of
retirement ?
..it's not OK for the City to build park facilities on the
leased airport property for fear of falling airplanes, but it
is OK to play golf on the Bear Creek golf course? Has the west
side of the airport received special dispensation from falling
airplanes ?
..some of the newest streets in the City are in worse shape
than streets in the older part of town? Has the composition of
concrete changed drastically over the last fifteen years?
..the construction of a performing arts theatre has to be a
political football game with seven quarters? Will Howard
Cosell also be hired as a consultant and be responsible for the
play-by-play?
..everything is going so well and there are no "visible"
problems, then candidates are nonexistent for city council
elections?
If the gravy train is that good, shouldn't there be
a waiting list of passengers?
The good thing about asking questions is that those who don't
know the answers should, and those who should know the answers
don ' t.

Mark Holbrook
03.14.86

PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
P. O. Box 161084
IRV1HQ, TEXAS 75016
(214) 850-4315

April 7, 1986

Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
Department WD
San Jose State University
San Jose, California 95192
Gentlemen:
Yes, enter me in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Please do
not send me any cash prizes, since I still haven't filed my tax
return yet.
A first time contributor,

Mark Holbrook
Vice President

h latest intrusion
Distraught over the
x > T ad
lA
-iunk
mail
in
his
Eternal
of junk

watch and sells
hair spray.
Mark Holbrook
p.O Box 161084
Irving, i x / J U

Writing contest to reward the best of the worst
Entrants try to surpass legendary bad fiction
By William Dunn
The Detroit News

Competition in the fifth annual
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for bad
writing is as fierce as standards are low.
Entrants submit just one writing sample — "an opening sentence to the worst
of all possible novels."
Scott Rice, a literature professor at San
Jose State University in California, tells
why he founded the lighthearted contest,
which draws wide attention:
"We have a number of literary con-,
tests around school, which are deadly serious, with a lot of ego wrapped up in
those things. I thought it was time to
lighten up and have a bad-writing contest."
Actually, there is a more noble goal.
"If we are to encourage national literacy,
we have to encourage people to see language as a source of pleasure," he says.
When asked why only opening sentences are solicited, Rice says: "Self-defense." He and faculty colleagues expect
to review more than 7,000 entries. The
grand-prize winner will receive a personal computer, and 50 others will earn
.."dishonorable mention" certificates.

The'contest is named after Edward
George Earle Bulwer-Lytton, a British author who lived from 1703 to 1773 and
cranked out 40 ghasjly novels. One of his
worst began with this interminable sentence:
"It was a dark and stormy night; the
rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by
a violent gust of wind which swept up the
streets (for it is in London that our scene
lies), rattling along the house tops, and
fiercely agitating the scant flame of the
lamps that struggled against the darkness."
Contest entries fall into two basic categories, Rice says: bad writing that's really
bad and bad writing that's a good parody.
"The best entries reveal talent. They
are so exaggerated and examples of
parody. They're informative," Rice says.
"I think a lot . . . are condensed acts of
literary criticism."
Winning sentences in the last few contests included:
• "She was like the driven snow beneath the galoshes of my lust."
• "Andre, a simple peasant, had only
one thing on his mind as he crept along

She was like the driven snow
beneath the galoshes of my
lust.
Andre, a simple peasant, had]
only one thing on his mind as I
he crept along the east wall:
'Andre, creep; Andre, creep;
Andre, creep.'

&

8 C

• ahpJOalla^pSrnmni^U)^

Monday, April 7, 1986

Writing contest to reward
the best of the worst fiction
Continued from Page 1C.
nails — not for the first time since
the journey began — pondered
snidely if this would dissolve into a
vignatte of minor inconveniences
like all the other holidays spent
with Basil."
Rice, 44, first stumbled upon the
works of Bulwer-Lytton while
doing a graduate school paper on
Victorian writers.
Like many popular writers, then
and how, Bulwer-Lytton wrote too
much too quickly. Still, he came up
with "The pen is mightier than the
sword."
Rice has given away the complete works of Bulwer-Lytton in

past contests but says he was afraid
that the prize kept many people
from entering. This year's submissions should be sent on 3-by-5 index
cards to Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (Dept. WD), San Jose State University, San Jose, Calif., 95192-0090.
The demanding deadline for serious and silly scriveners of sententious sentence submissions, it happens, is April 15; yes, alas, the same
dastardly date for the filing of tax
returns, observed the playful professor, who chortled: "That's the
date when Americans are already
making up bad stories, so what's
wrong with one more?"
Scripps Howard News Service

Owens

ilkily
cable

PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
P. O. Box 161084
IRV1NQ, TEXAS 75016
(214)
850-4315

April 21, 1986
Mr. Danny Simon
15233 Magnolia Blvd.
Sherman Oaks, CA 91403
Dear Danny:
SIMON ON SIMON
"The
(Fade In)
A CLASSROOM

Sponges"
Act I

no way to distinguish when day slips into

night
CAST: Danny and the Sponges ( this is not a musical.)
"Somewhere in rTrTe" inner bowels TTf a~ college, ~a gTtnrp o*fmulti-colored Sponges sit on chairs that give new
meaning to the term TB, sucking up words, phrases,
content and technique similar to a 3,700 pound sponge
resting on a Gulf of Mexico beach.
Twenty hours later, the Sponges, dripping from overflow
as necessity breaks were put on hold, wonder if there
really is any other meaning to life than the well
crafted, highly structured and polished art form of
comedy writing.
END ACT I
Danny, if the Sponges learned nothing else, it was that those
in search of the Holy Grail need only to pull the ring tab of
your mind, catalog all your years of experience and fully
comprehend your subtle creation of character wants and
conflicts. Then, on the 20th hour the Sponges can rest and
say, "that's good, but we need to "smell" more."
Thanks for your time, sharing and caring.
Your course at North
Lake College erased my desire to produce the quick, cheap laugh
of the moment and eager to smell Act II and much more.
Absorbently,

Mike Howard
President

Simon on sitcoms
Top comedy writer
tells how to craft
a laugher of a series
By M.I. Blackwell
MT3

V ~

a a

Staff Writer of The News

O . -^ u turn

Comedy writers are born, not
made.
"I can't teach you to be funny,"
says veteran comedy writer Danny
Simon, who is credited by funny
man Woody Allen and playwright

s as 3 £ °ra

S-og*

0)

XI

' a"

« a, -a jg « «

E3 o

gp

S|

a>

.J? a «

d

Is
Safa

COMEDY

* 8 o « ff
J.

<->

fl

Neil Simon (his younger brother) as
the man who taught them to write
comedy. "Only God can give somebody a sense of humor. But I can
teach you how to be funny through
structure."
That was the message he relayed
to 40 aspiring writers who took part
in his workshop "The Craft of Comedy Writing for Television" at North
Lake College this past weekend. In
the seminar, which he has presented at the University of California at Los Angeles, New York University and at various colleges nationwide, Simon delves into the use
of characterizations in successful
script writing.

^

a*
O Ml
o A
&<ugd<u«2«> . a ts
s .s •? a .s
* B I " a a = B £ 5 § E ^ k s 0.H.
"a
o U
a oC5
3.8 ca "O
Xi M

o a> •a 3 °
•a 25 O.'O
—

• 4 )

;

*

H

g.§s
603 ©
8

>

ttf

IS

«g2.S

g«
*

Saigas 3 a
to s a *
E a 3.-S

* s3£3 § § a
t! U >» S it ~~ X3 -ft

<D
•S. >» a
a , .gox >
S SSo oi

• id
'I*
&8cci fi-5o

B

w

CO

t- 1 oo

SIS J

J

e

_ S5

.9%

«

•=>

B

~

«?

M

5!a^

o

§35*

Co*-*-

00 ai

—
OJ M
S
a s«^
p a
a oo™
S <" «- 3"
S»23 I o
13 • © a

P. £ 55 o

ag

%.a2

03 O

s * 8 .t;
.52 C ,„ & ej
"ci
w

O

~
3 C -9 V «

>

w

o u mo a a<u"
m
"S

S

S

£

g

§

gg

1£

co

£ fa w «•*"5 3S

"§"3
•5 -a 22 3-a s5

• S J

"1

P. «2

1

u
*

S-SI 2gxJ§

o
u

41

w
9*
bo

CO *

*o

!

o
a.

0) H y fa B

a

O
1-

V CO
O . CO

a a
a *£ a

C3

§ «** § | RP

x> or

•J

CJ

1.2

E-- I

S o <u a

a

a

las «

.a 55 « !T- i} -o
o b-xl
XI
- eo co

The Dallas Morning News

Danny Simon
A rule of thumb to follow: Avoid
jokes.
"It is a mistake for a television
writer to write jokes," Simon says.
"The best comedy does not come
from jokes, but character relationships. Jokes stop the relationship of
the story. Reality is always funnier
than what you make up.
"It's learning the process of writing comedy, the structure of the
character and situation that makes
Please see SIMON on Page 2E.

Golf Course Foreplay Disarray
Dear Sin
What is all this garbage?
Ju$t when you thought it was safe to go out and buy a
set of golf clubs, shoes, eight dozen golf balls (in caw
you are new to the game), tees, club covers, club
towels, golfglove, ball markers, sand wedge, hat, green
plaid pants, yellow shirt special putter, and a pull cart
with beverage holder, it has been determined that some
trf the greens and tee boxes on the proposed city golf
course will be standing over piles of garbage. Revelation
Now. did the planners and officials forget that the
course was being built over a landfill? Does this mean
that the garbage in the landfill will have to be moved
again — possibly for the third time? How many times
can garbage be safely moved before the scientific value
of future archaeological digs is jeopardized? Questions, questions, questions, and all Irving golfers want

to do is tee offon a new course and not be teed offby not
playing on a new course.
But, there may be a cheap workable solution to this
garbage dilemma Since theCity cannot build park and
recreation facilities on the cast side of property leased
from the DFW airport, and golf is allowed to be played
only on the west side of the airport, then dig up all the
garbage in the landfill and truck it over to the casi side
leased property. Two problems are solved — the leased
airport property is finally used, and there will not be
any garbage under the to-be-built-some-day city course.
The savings from this solution would allow the City
to hire a professional the stature of Payne Stewart lb
manage what could be die most expensive golf course
site since the game was imported to the United States.
See you on the # 1 tee box in Mav, 1989. fellow
duffers'

— Mark Holbrook

PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
P. O. flo* 161084

mvina, TEXAS 75016
(214) 850-4315

Editor
The Journal
Dear Sir:
What is all this garbage?
Just when you thought it was safe to go out and buy a set of
golf clubs, shoes, eight dozen golf balls (in case you are new
to the g a m e ) , tees, club covers, club towels, golf glove, ball
markers, sand wedge, hat, green plaid pants, yellow shirt,
special putter, and a pull cart with beverage holder, it has
been determined that some of the greens and tee boxes on the
proposed city golf course will be sitting over piles of
garbage.
Revelation.
Now, did the planners and officials forget that that the course
was being built over a landfill?
Does this mean that the
garbage in the landfill will have to be moved again - possibly
for the third time? How many times can garbage be safely moved
before the scientific value of future archaeological digs is
not jeopardized?
Questions, questions, questions and all
Irving golfers want to do is tee off on a new course and not be
teed off by not playing on a new course.
But, there may be a cheap workable solution to this garbage
dilemma. Since the city can not build park and recreation
facilities on the east side on property leased from the D/FW
airport and golf is allowed to be played only on the west side
of the airport, then dig up all the garbage in the landfill and
truck it over to the east side leased property. Two problems
are solved - the leased airport property is finally used, and
there will not be any garbage under the to-be-built-some-day
city course.
The savings from this solution would allow the city to hire a
professional the stature of Payne Stewart to manage what could
be the most expensive golf course site since the game was
imported to the United States.
See you on the #1 tee box in May, 1989 fellow duffers?

Mark Holbrook
04.28.86

.Ms. Rock:
If words of encouragement may be extended to you in your time
of need, then remember, it is hard to be lonely at the top when
everyone wants a pound of your flesh.
Best regards,
M.H.
04.28

86

•"*•;
**ec7, * « to94 'ov,
O//)
tf

***0

Mr. Rock,
In the issue dated April 14, 1986 there is an article
about Temporaries, page 14. What you had to say
about temporaries was very degrading What I would
like to know is where did you find these temporaries
and what service did they come from.
I am a Temporary and enjoy it very much. My job
duties vary with the different companies that I work for.
You will never find me filing my fingernails, and you
definately won't see me coloring in a coloring book.
There are many types of temporaries, it all depends
on the Service and the person. When I tell people that I
am a temporary I say it with pride. You would never
know that I am a temporary for a company by the way I
dress or by the way I professionally do my job.
I think that you should do an article on how efficient
some temporaries are, it just depends on the service
you calL I think that those of us that are professional
temporaries should be praised. We are hard to come by.
Thank you for your time.
A Temporary with Pride,
Linda McDowell

Dear Temporary with Pride,
I'm sorry you found what I had to say "degrading"'
as I wasn't making sweeping generalizations — only
relating a few examples of behavior at our particular
office.
We have used no less than five area services and
have had equally poor experiences with them all. I
don't blame the services — I blame the people they've
sent who obviously don't have your pride and professionalism. However, in all faimessi must say we've
had one excellent person to come from a temporary
service, and we have hired her full-time.
— EWR
P.S. "Definitely" is misspelled in your letter, and if
you're going to capitalize "Temporary," do so each
dme you use the word.
P.P.S.: I'm also not a"Mr. "

*>sK

S£

\
rJ?*°0Q^

„/<*»<?.

"^/,

tbe>

Dear Sir/Madame:

" 'St,.

Attached is part of The Journals section on police
reports in the April 14,1986 issue of the paper. Isn't it
time for The Journal to grow up with the rest of Dallas
and cut out this kind of bigoted writing?
In other ways, my wife and I enjoy The Journal and
value its contribution to the awareness of whaf s going
on in our community.
Sincerely,
John E. Paynter

Dear Sir/Madame,
I think possibly you have some growing up — with
or without the rest of Dallas — to do if you think a
reference to Africans is "bigoted writing"
Africans, as I've discovered on several extended
trips to that fascinating continent, come in all shapes
and sizes, races and religions. There are Arabs.
Moslems, Zulus, Bantus, Xhosas, and literally millions of Africans in good standing who are of Italian,
French, Dutch, British, etc., descent
If 1 had made a reference to Europeans or South
Americans, would you have been as quick to see
bigotry? I doubt it
Physician, heal thyself, and quit worrying about prejudice where none exists.
— EWR

Continued From Preceeding Page
The best statement by a local politician...
..."This will not cost any thing":... "Trust me";...None; In this century?
The best year-round swimming pool that has nobody swimming in it..
<

Dear Readers:
A while back our itinerant and frequent correspondent, Mark Holbrook, offered for your edification an unofficial Best and Worst survey
concerning the identity crisis of the typical Irvingite. The questions ran
the gamut from thoroughfares and overpasses to DART and politics.
The responses came in to our offices at little better than a snail's pace,
with a total of seven completed surveys. With the benefit of new math, this
total translates into approximately .000636 of our total circulation taking
the time tofillout the questionnaire. Or, as Holbrook so succinctly put it,
perhaps our readers don't have the time "to take a few minutes from the
racquetball game, polishing the BMW, or typing the last minutes from the
last Garden Club meeting and respond"
Nonetheless, the responses that we did receive showed a quality of
thought and insight that belies the lack of quantity in Our mailbox.
Herewith is a necessarily unscientific sampling of answers.

...North Lake College;...Lake Carolya

The best reason why median sprinklers water the roadway...
...Free car wash;...To keep your clean car dirty;...Conspiracy by car
wash owners;...To clean the water out of the chuck holes;...To wet the
dust enough to dirty your windshield
The worst reason why teachers take competency tests and politicians don't..
...The elected couldn't pass: Most officials couldn't spell "competency";...Politicians dance to Perot's song...The Golden Rule— Them that
has the gold...

The worst event scheduled for the year-long Sesquicentennial...
...Chicken neck stretch at Colonel Sanders;...Main event chili cookoff,...How can you tell it's been planned?.
The best thing to do on an empty DART bus..
...If you don't know, get off the bus:...Sleep,...Relax;...Find ways to
support DART;...Not printable.

The worst day to play golf on the city's municipal course...

The worst street is...
...O'Connor — by the Country Club, north of Leland, at Spur 348;
...Union Bower.

The worst thing about the city's name...

The best street is...

The best thing about the uncompleted overpasses on Highway 114...

...Northgate:...Las Colinas Boulevard...Conflans:...unknowa

Best bar in town where you don't have to spend 60% of your dollar
eating to get 40% worth of good booze...
...Mandalay Four Seasons;...Country
as;... None;... You can drink in Irving?

Club:...Top

o'

Tex-

Best sign on 183...
...Irving city limits;...Burton-Curry:...Delta;...None;...They are all
horrible.

The best street to surf on after a heavy raia..
...Northgatc:.,.Nursery/Rock Island,... Britain' Pioneer.... Story

The best city park to eat ribs, drink beer, and use rest rooms that
flush...
...FriU Park for two out of three:...Joe Bailey's home;...This must
be a tr.jp.

The best location for a new traffic light..
...O'Connor/Las Colinas Boulevard... Grauwyler/ A Wen;... 114/ Love
Drive;...Northgate/Story:... 114/0'Connor....Northgaie/' MacArthur.
•lev View and MacArthur— since-rectified.
The best street to determine If your car needs new shocks...
...O'Connor...Williams Road...Walnut Hill Lane;...the entiriiy of
North irving,
Continued on Next Page

...Garbage collection day;... Will there ever be one?.
...It isn't picturesque;...That it's Irving... Sounds juvenile:...Nothing
...There are no gravel trucks spraying gravel on your car....No accidents on bridges:...Good area to drive your four-wheel drive Jeep:...Expletive deleted
The best thing about the long rambling speeches made at City Council meetings...
...If they're talking they can't vote:...Seeing who is stupid...The
audience is mesmerized and cannot comprehend what follows:...Short on
content...Nothing
The reason why peon Cowboy fans cannot buy a drink at Texas
Stadium like the rich fans...
...Them that has — gets:...Because the City Council voted that
way:. .They may pull out their guns and start shooting

Where can the biggest icicles be found from overactive sprinklers in
January...
...Walnut Hill Lane:,. Northgate: .Las Colinas Boulevard

Which is the most confusing traffic overpass, bypass, cloverleaf,
circle, eta..
...Belt Line/183:...Belt Line/11 4;... 1 83/Loop 12:...Texas Stadium/
183.

Who is the best candidate for Mayor in 1987...
...Me;...Charlie Cross:...L.W. May;...Dr. Bob Pierce;...No one.

May 5,1986 • The Journal D 3

If you want to make some business sense ofthefast and furious world
oj corporate Las Colinas, the key to the executive watch room is here
at hand
Page 4
Road Warrior looks out his front door and hits upon one of the
longest- play ingfeutures of road turmoil in the area, as he dives headlong into the construction commotion
Page 9
The Mark Holbrook survey of a while back turned afew heads, send'
ing those Pentels whizzing across theforms. And some of the responses we received reflect an insightful look at the sometimes lessthan- Utopian world we live in
Page 10
The mailbox at The Journal has been busier than usual these days,
with correspondence and comments on a variety ofsubjects. The responsive and the responsible are speaking out
Page 12
It's the latest word on what's new and what's exciting in the marketplace, and it runs the gamut from fajitas and fashionable frocks to
springtime aromatics to send your senses sailing
Page 16
ft's Spring and the heart turns to thoughts of the out-of-doors. But
you're in a quagmire and you need some advice on the possibilities
available. Well. The Irving Report is here to help, with all the information necessary for a sojourn into nature as we take on parks and
recreation
.'
Page 19
From edible testacy to refried Tex-Mex, eating out can be a hit-andmiss proposition. Your reservations can be quelled with a look at
Table Talk
Page 24
Having the Irving police beat under our belts for some weeks now,
our itinerant rookies took on the bane ofbeats, the Hurry Hines area
qf Dallas, for a comparison. The results were surprising, to say the
least, as we once again went — on patrol
Page 32

PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
P. 0. Box 161084
mVlNO, TEXAS 73016
(214) 850-4313

May 6, 1986
Editorial Department
The Dallas Morning News
Communications Center
Dallas, Texas 75265
Re: Bunny Buses (Pro/Con)

Dear Sir:
DART officials searching for the "flavor" of Dallas would do
well to emulate Baskin-Robbins by planning to serve their
customers more than just plain vanilla buses*
Instead of making the Bunny Buses an endangered species,
additional wildlife lines should be adopted. Why not consider
dressing buses as: Road Runners (for real express routes),
Minks (for North Dallas routes), and Donkeys (to transport
Board members_Jtg their million dollar conference room).
Yours truly,

Mark Holbrook
Vice President

Let's Get Serious
If you people in the back
row will straighten up and
stop the skylarking, we'll get
1
on with the grave matter before us: the environmental
impact and societal ramifications of the possible proposal to get rid of the bunny
buses.
Within the month DART
will be re-evaluating bus design on the downtown service. According to The Dallas
Morning News' report, it appears that a regiment of task
forces may be appointed to
weigh and consider the possibility of changing, perhaps
even liquidating, the present bunny bus. This unique
design — if you've seen it
once, you certainly remember it — features a large
amount of pink, ears, whiskers, button nose and the like.
The marketing official interviewed- in the story declared,,,that she personally
wotiid prefer "something

that's much more in keeping
with the Dallas flavor." She
added, though, that she
didn't know the fate of the
buses because she did not
know "how much brouhaha
would come up."
She is about to find out.
The lines are drawn. Essentially, there are two sides:
(1.) those who hate the bunnies because they are not in
keeping with the Dallas flavor and (2.) those who love
the bunnies because they
are not in keeping with the
Dallas flavor.
If you have strong feelings on either side, please
write them down and send
them to the Editorial Department, The Dallas Morning
News, Communications Center, Dallas, Texas 75265.
Arguments to the tribunal
of public opinion that are
adjudged particularly powerful will be published in
the Letters column.

STATEMENT
My personal comments, from what may be a more objective position than in
times past, on Industrial Revenue Bonds, would be that:
1. Regardless of the number of cities surrounding Irving that have
created IRB authorities, Irving should be a cut above by providing
positive leadership in what should be beneficial to an entire
community and not just a select few businesses.
2.

There will be a direct subsidization cost to individuals and
businesses that will never take advantage of the Industrial
Revenue Bond authority. Someone always has to pay for the
"free" lunch.

3.

It is only at the local level of government that a message, or
position can be taken which might register and influence our
elected Federal officials. Send this message tonight.

The passage of time can alter, dilute and even revamp the intentions
and actions of this council. Why then, create a burden for future
elected officals when the obvious consideration is to let the market
place dictate the economic growth of the city? To do otherwise indicates
that Irving can not survive without Industrial Revenue Bonds and it
would be agreed that this is a preposterous concept,
Irving has always been a leader and tonight should be no exception.

-Mike E. Howard
May 8, 1986

PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
fc

ii «wiii

i J i ii

mm^'

P. 0. Box 161084
IRVmQ, TEXAS 75016
(214)
850-4315

May 16, 1986

Dear Dr. McNamee
Received your quote and follow-up letter requesting assistance
in tracking down the source of "there is glory enough for any
man to live and die a Texan."
While I can not presently identify the source, I will check
with some of the areas scholars and historians.
If I had to guess, I would submit the the quote is that of a
transplanted Yankee, now reformed, who recognizes that the oil
crisis is not just a Texas issue and concern!
Thanks for your interest in my project.
on the progress.
Sincerely,

Mark Holbrook

I will keep you posted

EASTTEXAS S1ATE UNIVERSfTY

Ik May I986
Dear Mr. Ringtail:

By way of identification, I received a letter from
you all on 11 April and eventually did comply with your
request.
Now I come in thdguise of a mendicant.
Who is the author of the following quotation that

stands on

?
t h e masthead of t h e

MATADOR TRIBUNE.

"THERE IS GJ$(Zl GLORY ENOUGH FOR ANY MAN TO LIVE AND DIE A TEXAN."

Can you helpl

Thanking you in anticipation,

Laurence F. Mc l^amee
Professor of English

Department of Literature and Languages
Composition, Literature, Linguistics, Foreign Languages, Philosophy
East Texas Station, Commerce, Texas 75428
(214) 886-5253/5260
ETSU is an Equal Opportunity University

PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
P. O. Box 161084
IRV1NQ, TEXAS 75016
(214)
850-4315

May 18,

1986

Dr. Jack Siegrist
2204 W. Shady Grove
Irving, Texas
75060
Dear Jack:
I'll pay you fifty bucks to use one of the following for your
new quarterly newsletter name contest. If you do not find a
title that is just right, give me a call and I'll share some
additional thoughts with you.
"Your Pain, Our Gain"
"The Drilling Report"
"Molar
MiseryJI
IlRxtrarti nns 'R' Us"
"The Lost Silver Mine"
"Floss Your Way to Good Sex"
"Where's the Gas"
"The Quarterly Overbite"
"It's Your Mouth, But Our
Retirement"
"Missing Fingers"
"The Chair That
Sweats"
"Bicuspid Beacon"
"The Journal of Impacted
Wisdom"
"Blood, Sweat and Fears"
Smile Today for
It's Dentures Tomorrow"
Of course, my personal all time favorite is, "The Joy of Pain."
Incisorly yours,

Mike Howard

June 2,1986 D The Journal D 3
Dear Sin

When it comes to the happenings in the corporate world, there's noplace
like Las Colinas to make some business sense
Page 4
He's a superstar in the customized auto business, and he's adorned the
automobiles of such recognized names as Linda Gray, Don Johnson,
and "Too Tall" Jones. He's Star Tire's Ned Edwards
Page 8
Amplification, edification, and elucidation, plus a guest appearance by
Mark Holbrook in the letters department
Page 10
Irving'spossible Libyan connection sparked a heated debate in the City
Council chambers last week in an emotional exchange The proposed
acquisition of a track loader initiated the fracas
Page 11
The whirlwind ofsales, developments, and construction enveloping the
Las Colinas area can be enough to lay the groundwork for a personal
collapse This month's Irving report puts the real estate scene on a concrete level
Page 17
The luncheon scene was aflutter with celebrity waiters putting on the ritz
for the Leukemia Society, and the Women's Association doing their bits
at their annual event
Pages 21 and 24
You must have been a beautiful baby, 'cause baby, look at you now!
Young Nathan takes top honors among 67 contestants in the Lee Park
Baby Contest
Page 29
What do you get when you cross a full moon, a holiday weekend, a disappearing transvestite at Sixth andNursery, anda motorcycle thiefwith
a variety of identities? Why, it's just another Friday night on patrol
Page 32
At home with the Martins

Page 35

• The news is in and if s both good and bad
The good news is that 97 per cent of Texas' teachers recently passed a
competency test and are now certified to do what years of previous education and testing allowed The bad news is that Texas legislators have not
gone far enough with competency testing For the health, safety, and
public welfare of all Texans, efforts should begin immediately to initiate
competency testing for individuals whose jobs impact our daily lives as
much as classroom teachers.
Texans would feel better if skills and knowledge were tested for the
following critical jobs:
FRY C00K& Should have a demonstrated knowledge of Thermal Dynamics to ensure that a batch offriesdoes not contain
any of those small hard, dark, crisp things that do not appear to
be a piece offriedpotato.
GROCERY SACKERS: Should have a demonstrated knowledge
of Quantum Physics to ensure that eggs do not become scrambled while driving home.
ICE CREAM DIPPERS: Should have a demonstrated knowledge of Organic Chemistry to successfully prepare a malt
without leaving hunks and chunks of malt powder on the container rim and throughout the mixture.
ELECTED STATE OFFICIALS: Should have a demonstated
knowledge of Anatomy and Geology to ensure that they know
their posteriorsfroma depression in the ground before embarking on future ventures in educational reform.
Texans should petition for this series of competency tests, since adults
are children, too, and deserve equal protection under the law.
And, for all individuals failing to pass a competency test in these professions, the state should adopt the practice of branding individuals on the
forehead Somehow, branding DUMB-E (Don't Understand Most
Bureaucratic Endeavors) on all competency test rejects would then seem
to be appropriate.
Mark Holbrook

PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
P. O. Box 161084
IRVina. TEXAS 75016
(214)
850-4315

Editor, The Journal
Dear Sir:
The news is in and it is both good and bad.
The good news is that 97% of Texas' teachers recently passed a
competency test and are now certified to do what years of
previous education and testing allowed. The bad news is that
Texas legislators have not gone far enough with competency
testing. For the health, safety arid public welfare of all
Texans, efforts should begin immediately to initiate competency
testing for individuals whose jobs impact our daily lives as
much as classroom teachers.
Texans would feel better if skills and knowledge were tested
for the following critical jobs:
FRY COOKS: Should have a demonstrated knowledge of Thermal
Dynamics to ensure that a batch of fries does not contain any
of those small hard, dark, crisp things that do not appear to
be a piece of fried potato.
GROCERY SACKERS: Should have a demonstrated knowledge of
Quantum Physics to ensure that eggs do not become scrambled
while driving home.
ICE CREAM DIPPERS: Should have a demonstrated knowledge of
Organic Chemistry to successfully prepare a malt without
leaving hunks and chunks of malt powder on the container rim
and throughout the mixture.
ELECTED STATE OFFICIALS: Should have a demonstrated knowledge
of Anatomy and Geology to ensure that they know their
posteriors from a depression in the ground before embarking on
future ventures in educational reform.
Texans should petition for this series of competency test,
since adults are children too and also deserve equal protection
under the law.
And, for all individuals failing to pass a competency test in
these professions, the state should adopt the practice of
branding individuals on the forehead. Somehow, branding DUMB-E
(Don't Understand Most Bureaucratic Endeavors) on all
competency test rejects would then seem to be appropriate.
Mark Holbrook
05.10.86

June 16, 1986

Dear Mr. Howard:
I saw your ad for
want to apply for
know how much you
before legal fees
on how many times

someone to run your college bookstore and
the job. Of course, I can not accept until I
pay - I am now making $8,545.16 per month
and fines are subtracted. My net pay depends
a month my store is raided.

I run a small (800 sq. ft.) bookstore/video tape shop on Harry
Hines Blvd. in Dallas and have been doing so since I got out of
the drug treatment center. My probation officer says that as
long as I stay away from my ex-wife (she does tricks - magic I
think - on Cedar Springs) then I have a 50/50 chance of being
normal. When I say normal, hardly anyone ever comments about
my involuntary twitching and dozing off.
Back to the job, I know I can do
video tapes to clean-cut college
are probably as horny as some of
buy anything that shows a little

a good job selling books and
kids with lots of money. They
my present customers and will
flesh on the cover.

Did I mention that T am real good with numbers, handling cash
and inventory control?
In fact, before I got the job at the
bookstore/video tape shop, I was a self-employed chemical
distributor - something like Amway, but with a little more
snorting power if you know what I mean. Are you planning on
adding chemicals to your college store line?
If so, I can
bring my home cooking lab equipment, but would recommend that
it not be set-up in the bookstore (OSHA rules you know).,
Well Mr. Howard, I know you will pick the right person for this
job, and I think that could be me. Just give me a days notice
before calling me in for the interview so I can be sure to wash
my Levi's and hair - my ex-wife said that I don't do this often
enough, so I guess that is why she is my ex
Truly am,
Mark Holbrook
P.S. If you need some of those references, feel free to call my
probation officer, Richard Pryor, or that car fellow with the
Italian name who almost did time for trying to be an honest
self-employed chemical distributor like me.

Arsi

isviA
PO. E 0 * t 7 W

•

1UFKIN. TEXAS 75901

•

713SSIM1

POSITION VACANCY

Job Title

Manager of Retail Bookstore

Job Duties

Interact with faculty, staff and students in daily
operations of retail outlet for textbooks, supplies,
and confections grossing approximately $350,000
annually. Supervise one full-time and four part-time/
work-study employees.

Experience

Prior textbook retail experience at College or
University level.

Education

BRA. or equivalent experience.

Salary

Cocmensurate with experience

Location

Angelina College is located in East Texas approximately'
105 miles north of Houston, Tx. on U.S. Highway 59.

Application Deadline - Letters of interest with complete resume should
be received by July 1, 1986, and addressed to:
Bertin E. Howard, CPA
Business Manager
Angelina College '
P.O. Box 1768
Lufkin, Texas 75901

Dear Sir.
The proposed creation of an Irving Film Commission could be the best
thing that has happened in the city since the last wet/dry election.
However, the paltry $175,000 budget being considered might not
allow the new commission to properly entice major Holywood moguls to
produce those quality epics that could place the city on thefilmcharts of
the world.
Consider sitting in your local cimema for the first annual Irving Film
Festival and enjoying such classics as:

? * I ^ ° ! ^L«<K\^

nor ^

B

^V

V

^ co'

Quiet on the set
Lights, camera,
more money please,
action!

E.A Charon

PRODUCTIONS LIMITED
•

i mm

J i

mm'r

P. O. Box 161084
IRVina, TEXAS 75016
(214) 850-4315

Dear Sir :
The proposed creation of an Irving Film Commission could be the
best thing that has happened in the city since the last wet/dry
election .
However, the paltry $175,000 budget being considered might not
allow the new commission to properly entice major Hollywood
moguls to produce those quality epics that could place the city
on the film charts of the world.
Consider sitting in your local cinema for the first annual
Irving Film Festival and enjoying such classics as:
Nightmare on Leland Street - a pot hole goes beserk and devours
an entire condominium project. When the creeping crevice
approaches the 18th green of the Las Colinas Sports Club, it is
beaten to submission by 28 professional golfers.
Pee Wee's Big Swap - our timid hero goes for the biggest
Monopoly score in real estate annals by swapping three parks,
two school sites and options on Boardwalk for the first three
floors of Irving Community Hospital and fifty Blue parking
spaces at Texas Stadium for senior citizens.
Star Trek VI: The Search for Recreation - the civic minded crew
of the Enterprise discovers the treasures of a lost
civilization buried in an old landfill site and seeks a
permanant injunction to prevent a golf course from being
constructed on the hallowed turf.
Conan the Tax Collector - a zany comedy of the barbaric methods
once employed, before the advent of elected officials, to
relieve taxpayers of their hard earned money.
Quiet on the set.
E.A. Charon
09.01.86

Lights, camera, more money please, action!

City Elections:
Wanna Bet?
DAnd they are off!
The paramutual wagering windows opened last week in Irving for
the April 6th running of the Irving
Council Futura After talking with
trainers, watching early workouts
and checking the wire, "Magic"
Mark's best picks for your bucks:
Place 1
Frantic Fran: Without breaking
stride, Fran will cross the wire three
lengths ahead and will not even break
into a sweat No problem here as the
runner-up will still be happy. 7:5
Place 3
Jumping Jackie: Off to a slow start,
Jackie will move all of her pots to the
front burner and blaze to the finish
like a grease fire. Bet the win. 9:2
Place 4
Hurry Harry. A crowded field here.
While bunched together until the
final furlong, Harry will nail the door
shut with a nose hair to sparclf the
track is too verbose, then double all
bets on the re-run. 1:5
Place 5
Looks Like Leonard: Maiden run for
Leonard, but the honest lines, sleek
style and real business drive puts him
in the driver's seat as he rounds the,
comer on two wheels. 6:5
Place 7
Race scratched, as only one horse;.

entered No wagering this race. Save
your vote and money for the last,
race!
Mayor
National Norma: With a fast and dry
track, Norma will run stride for stride
and nudge out the heavy betting track
owners in a photo finish Years of sincere and candid training make her
deserving of the roses. Go for it!
1:5
If the Easter weekend will keep
youfromgoing to the track April 6th,
remember, you don't win if you
don't bet
— By Mark Holbrook

And they are off!
The paramutual wagering windows opened last week in Irving
for the April 6th running of the Irving'Council Futura. After
talking with trainers, watching early workouts and checking the
wire, "Magic" Mark's best picks for your bucks are:
Place 1
Frantic Fran: Without breaking stride, Fran Bonilla will
cross the wire three lengths ahead and will not even break into
a sweat. No problem here as the runner-up will still be happy.
7:5
Place 3
Jumping Jackie:
Off to a slow start, Jackie Townsell will
move all of her pots to the front burner and blaze to the
finish like a grease fire. Bet the win.
9:2
Place 4
Hurry Harry:
A crowded field here. While bunched together
until the final furlong, Harry White will nail the door shut
with a nose hair to spare. If the track is too verbose, then
double all bets on the re-run.
1:5
Place 5
Looks Like Leonard:
Maiden run for Leonard Burton, but the
honest lines, sleek style and real business drive puts him in
the drivers seat as he rounds the corner on two wheels.
6:5
Place 7
Race scratched, as only one horse entered. No wagering this
race. Save your vote and money for the last race!
Mayor
National Norma:
With a fast and dry track, Norma Stanton will
run stride for stride and nudge out the heavy betting track
owners in a photo finish. Years of sincere and candid training
make her deserving of the roses. Go for it! 1:5
If the Easter weekend will keep you from going to the track
April 6th, then get your absentee bets down by March 29th.
Remember, you don't win if you don't bet.

A Fairy Tale (Updated)
By
Mark Holbrook
Once upon a time in a land far, far away (at least eleven miles
west of Dallas) there lived three brothers - speaking strictly
in the Junto sense of the word. These brothers were of the
ruling business gentry and known, in most cases, as sound
members of the village.
In the same village lived a fair maiden, Lady Entrepreneur, the
last of a vanishing breed. Each of the three brothers realized
Lady Entrepreneur was their final hope for financial success if) TM6 fi^t*****
The debate among the brothers became intense as the day
approached when Lady Entrepreneur would announce her suitor.
Proclaimed the youngest of the brothers, "Lady Entrepreneur
must select me. While my intentions are considered to be
honorable, all I desire is to make a good deal that will
improve my poor business condition and make me 'well' again."
The middle brother shifted in his chair, cleared his throat,
and in a tongue as silver as a wine chalice said, "Lady
Entrepreneur desires me. I am strong of mind, weak of
conscience, and my verbal intercourse has lined many a
villager's pockets."
Finally, the eldest of the brothers arose and with the wisdom
of his years stated, "Being of pure business intentions and
guided by the Rotary 4-Way Test, Lady Entrepreneur seeks from
me a merger that is fair to all concerned and one that will
build goodwill and friendship for all the village."
When the day of celebration arrived, the people of the village
gathered in the town square. The hour approached and Lady
Entrepreneur announced that she would wed the middle brother
with his silver tongue and golden voice that could change
reason and sound logic into tremendous financial gain for her.
MORAL
"In the modern world of business relationships, the smooth
talking pimp of the fast buck is considered the front runner to
bed the prostitute of greed and avarice."

2.2.87

'T&qtad P R O D U C T I O N S

LIMITED

MIKE HOWARD
PRESIDENT

Ode to Peg Brown
by
Mark Holbrook

They say you are under the weather and
feeling poorly,
and things gone unattended cause you to
gasp sorely,
But, remember with all your troubles
and stitches,
It's been three weeks since poor Roy
did the dishes!