474 Things to Do When You

474 Things to Do When you’re Bored
- Wax the ceiling - Rearrange political campaign signs - Sharpen your teeth - Play Houdini with one of your siblings - Braid your dog's hair - Clean and polish your belly button - Water your dog...see if he grows - Wash a tree - Knight yourself - Name your child Edsel - Scare Stephen King - Give your cat a mohawk - Purr - Mow your carpet - Play Pat Boone records backwards - Vacuum your lawn - Sleep on a bed of nails - DON'T toss and turn - Boil ice cream - Run around in squares - Think of quadruple entendres - Speak in acronyms - Have your pillow X-rayed - Drink straight shots...of water - Calmly have a nervous breakdown - Give your goldfish a perm - Fly a brick - Play tag...on West 35th Street - Exorcise a ghost - Exercise a ghost - Be blue - Be red - But don't be orange - Plant a shoe - Sweat - Whine - Get your dog braces - Rake your carpet - Shave a shrub - Re-elect Richard Nixon - Have a proton fight - Critique "Three's - Watch a car rust Company" - Quiver - Listen to a painting - Rotate your carpet - Play with matches - Learn to type...with your - Buff your cat toes - Race ferrets - Set up your Christmas tree - Paint your house...Dayin April Glow Orange - Be someone special - Have a formal dinner at - Buy the Brooklyn Bridge White Castle - Mail it to a friend - Read Homer in the original - Go back to square one Greek - Factor your social security - Learn Greek number - Change your mind - Take the fifth - Change it back - Memorize a series of - Watch the sun...see if it random numbers moves - Read the 1962 Des Moines - Build a pyramid white pages - Stand on your head - Join the Foreign Legion - Stand on someone else's - Learn Sanskrit head - Exist...existentially, of - Spit shine your Nikes course - See how long you can stay - Print counterfeit Confederate awake money - See how long you can sleep - Kick a cabbage - Take a picture - Paint your teeth - Put it back - Wear a salad - Sandpaper a mushroom - Speak with a forked tongue - Play solitaire...for cash - Paint stripes on a lake - Abuse your patio furniture - Ski Kansas - Run for Pope - Sleep in freefall - Count to a million...fast - Kill a Joule - Make a schematic - Test thin ice...with a pogo drawing...of a rock stick - Commit seppuku...with a - Apply for a unicorn hunting paper knife license - Revert - Do a good job - Think shallow thoughts - Crawl - Starch your shoes - Invite the Mansons over for - Polish your Calvin's dinner - Contemplate a cockroach

- Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil - Turn - Write a letter to Plato - Mail it - Take your sofa for a walk - Start - Stop - Dial 911 and breathe heavily - Go to a funeral...tell jokes - Play the piano...with mittens on - Scheme - Sit - Stay - Water your family room - Cause a power failure - Roll over - Play dead - Find a witch - Burn her - Donate your brother's body to science - Ask why - Wriggle - Regress - Sleepwalk without sleeping - Try to join Hell's Angels by mail - Wonder - Be a square root - Ask stupid questions - Weld your car doors shut - Spew - Vacation at Three-Mile Island - Surf Ohio - Teach your pet rock to play dead - Go bowling for small game - Be a monk...for a day - Wear a sweatband to your wedding - Staple - Run away

- Paint your windows - Get a dog to chase your car - Watch a watch until it stops - Let him catch it - Flash your goldfish - Investigate the Czar - Paint - Form a political party - Flirt with an evergreen - Climb a sidewalk - Smile - Have a political party - Rotate your garden...daily - Get diagonal...with a good - Paint a smile friend - Shoot a fire hydrant - Ride a loaf of bread - Apologize to it - Sharpen a carrot - Pretend you're blind - Interrogate a gerbil - Annoy yourself - Go bow hunting for Toyotas - Get mad at yourself - Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids - Stop speaking to yourself - Jump back - Be a side effect - Play to lose - Ride a bicycle...up Mt. - Scalp a street light McKinley - Have your car painted...plaid - Duck - Redecorate...your garage - Read a tomato - Develop a complex - Sharpen your sleeping skills - Join the Army...be someone - Watch a game show...take simple notes - Try harder - Put out a fire - Hit the deck - If you can't find a fire, make - Put leg-warmers on your one furniture - Interview a cloud - Cut the deck - Play tiddlywinks...go for - Crumple blood - Translate Shakespeare into - Play basketball...in a English minefield - Skydive to church - Don't talk to things - Cheer up a potato - Draw Lewis structures on - Do aerobic exercises...in your ceiling your head - Have your cat bronzed - Play cards with your - Have your gerbil gilded swimming pool - Write books about writing - Pinstripe your driveway books - Play Kick the Fire Hydrant - Create random equations - Harness chipmunk power - Mispell words - Build a house with ice - Tell your feet a joke cubes - Throw a tomato into a fan - Call London for a cab - Sing the ABC song - Mug a stop sign backwards - Change your name...daily - Pretend you're a dog - Go for a walk in your attic - Dial-a-prayer and argue with - Challenge your neighbor to it

- Intimidate a piece of chalk a duel - Grease the doorknobs - Abuse the plumbing - Build a house out of - String up a room - Bend a florescent light toothpicks - Stack furniture - Bend a brick - Howl - Relive fond memories - Annoy total strangers - Wear a lampshade on your - Tie your shoelaces together - Let the best man win head - Gargle - Believe in Santa Claus - Memorize the dictionary - Count your teeth with your - Throw marshmallows - Stomp grapes in the bathtub tongue against the wall - Decay - Hold an ice cube as long as - Find a bug and chase it - Find your half-life possible - Make yourself a pair of - Design a better toilet seat - Adopt strange mannerisms wings - Shred a newspaper - Blow up a balloon until it - Be immobile - Have a headache pops - Dance 'til you drop - Scratch - Sing soft and sweet and - Check under chairs for - Sniff clear chewing gum - Hatch an egg - Sing loud and sour and - Squish a loaf of bread - Play air guitar gravely - Moo - Act profound - Open everything - Bounce a potato - Spill - Balance a pencil on your - Outmaneuver your shadow - Spell nose - Climb the walls - Stare - Pour milk in your shoes - Appreciate everything - Truncate - Write graffiti under the rug - Challenge yourself to a - Slouch - Embarrass yourself duel - Develop hearing problems - Grind your teeth - Make napalm - Put your feet behind your - Chew ice - Tattoo your dresser head - Count your belly button - Watch a bowling ball - Tie bows in everything - Sit in a row - Buy some diapers - Hold your hand - Stack crumbs - Eat everything - Watch the minute hand - Gesture - Begin move - Save your toenail clippings - Pour milk in the sink - Grow your fingernails - Make a pass at your blender - Make cottage cheese - Pretend you're a telephone - Punt - Tie-dye your sheets - Ring - Make up words that start - Carpet your ceiling - Radiate with X - Hold your earlobes - Skip - Make oatmeal in the - Fold your earlobes - Play hopscotch...with real bathtub - Flap scotch - Search for the Lost Chord - Squawk - Clock the velocity of your - Chew on a sofa cushion - Read tea leaves REMs - Sing a duet - Analyze the Koran - Put your shoes on the - Balance a pillow on your - Be Buddha opposite feet head - Award yourself a Nobel - Cross your toes - Hold your breath Peace Prize - Roll your tongue - Faint - Plug in the cat - Crystallize - Stretch - Turn on everything - Baby oil the floor - Flash your mailman - Drop pebbles down the - Hide

- Teach your TA English - Learn to speak Farsi - Swear in Russian - Use an eraser until it goes away - Disassemble your car - Put it together inside out - Record your walls - Interview your feet - Make a list of your favorite fungi - Sell formaldehyde - Repeat - Ad lib - Fade - File your teeth

chimney - Attack innocent bunnies - Turn off your neighbor - Declare war - Kill a plant - Destroy a tree - Buy a 1931 Almanac - Hide the scrabble bag - Memorize the weather - Seduce your stick shift section - Wink - Think lewd thoughts about - Memorize the periodic table yourself - Mummify - Blow bubbles - Pretend you're a roadie - Send chills down your - Buy a Ginsu knife spine - Collect electrons - Peel grapes - Correct typos that aren't - Make paper from the skins there - Bloat - Polish your neck...use - Catch them with your Pledge radiator - Get run over by a train of thought - Make up famous sayings - Bite your pinkie - Recopy the Bible substituting your name - Sell firewood door to door...in Atlantis for God - Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation - Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car Organization) - Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands - Play nuclear chicken with a small third on all four feet world nation - Count the bags under Walter Mondale's - Raise professional certified racing turnips eyes - Give your grandmother a raise and another - Unscrew all the lightbulbs and rearrange day of paid vacation the furniture - Lead an aerobics class...for patients of the - Found the Jim Jones School of Bartending I.C.U. - Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. - Go to a drive-in movie in a tank "Drink milk") - Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and - Dress like Motley Crue...surprise your drive in anyway grandmother - Send President Reagan an alarm - Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they're wrong clock...wind it up first - Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov - Found a cockroach stable and stud ranch Cocktail - Send your goldfish to obedience school - Learn everything there is to know about the - Free the oppressed toasters of America Holy Roman Empire - Weave a tablecloth out of copper tubing - Make a drive-in window at your local bank - Give your cat a suntan...in the microwave where there wasn't one before - Park your car...with a friend - Walk on water...but don't get caught - Park your car...with a group of friends - Confess to a crime...that didn't happen - Frame your first statement of bankruptcy - Be in the wrong place at the right time - Place it on the wall of your office - Plot the overthrow of your local School - Solve the population problem (x^2 + y^2 = Board population...solve for x)

- Request covert assistance from the CIA - Contribute to the population problem - Discover the source of the Mississippi - Wear a T-shirt that says "I'll walk on you - Search for buried treasure...in Nebraska to see The Who" and a peace sign - Hot wax the bottom of your brother's dress - Practice the Aztec method of heart removal shoes on your professor - Preach the philosophy of Marx...Groucho, - Find out who made the super glue that is commercials and give them your Ginsu knife - Drink as much prune juice as you can - Get Ronco and K-tel to merge...they sell - Write a book about your previous life the same stuff anyway - Serve ping-pong balls...as hors d'oeuvres - Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay - Jump up and down...on your alarm clock the night - Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins - Play with anything that looks interesting - Sterilize your stereo...with Jack Daniels - Drop piston engines on two people and see - Carve you and your girlfriend's initials...in who squishes first a marshmallow - See if your goldfish can live in Coors - Drive the speed limit...in your garage rather than water - Sing the national anthem...during your - Try to ignite water...the Mississippi might calculus final work - Wear a three-piece suit...in a sauna - Draw Venn diagrams...screw them up - Pay off the national debt...with a bad check - State fallacies as fact (like, "peanuts grow - Go to a cemetary and verbally abuse dead on bushes") people - Visit the Architecture building...loudly - Give yourself a hernia...for Christmas criticize its design - Defend your neighborhood from roving - Make a schematic drawing...of a rock Mongol hordes - Wallpaper your laundry room...with pages - Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster from books you don't like - See if you really can build a nuclear device - See if diamonds really do cut glass...on in your own basement everything in your neighbor's house - Go to McDonald's and pretend you can't - Tenderize your tongue...chew on it for a speak English while - Write to your congressmen, senators, - See how long you can stare at a fluorescent President, etc. to tell them what a good light...try green - job they're doing...On April 1st - Bronze your sister's turtle - Find the heat capacity of your chemistry - See how long it takes for her to notice professor - See what she does when she notices - Take apart all your major kitchen - Bronze your sister- If you lose, stop appliances...mix and match them watering it and try again. - Turn your TV picture tube upside down - Increase your territorial holdings by force - Phone in a death threat on President - Find out how many ways there really are to Kennedy skin a cat - Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets - Boldly go where no man has gone before - Carry a tune...drop it, see if it breaks - Be a threat to the American way of life - Be planar...but don't tell your parents - Do research into the cause of World War - Play hockey with your little cousin...as the III puck - Be a threat to the Northwestern Tibetan - Make a deal with the devil...but keep your way of life

fingers crossed - Re-establish the Roman Empire...in - Put instant concrete in your big brother's Pittsburgh waterbed - Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese - Debate politics with a fern - See how small you can scrunch your face