Broken Reflections

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Broken
by Dean Murray Smashwords Edition Copyright 2011 by Dean Murray

Also by Dean Murray:
The Reflections Series Broken (free) Torn (free if you sign up for Dean's Mailing List) Splintered ntrusion Trapped !orsaken "i#en The $reater Darkness (Writing as Eldon Murphy) % Darkness Mirrored (Writing as Eldon Murphy)

The Dark Reflections Series Disillusioned &unted

The Guadel Chronicles !ro'en (rospe)ts (free)

Thawed !ortunes (free if you sign up for Dean's Mailing List) Brittle Bonds Shattered Ties

f you lo#e Broken* you )an get a free copy of the ne+t book* Torn* by signing up for the author's mailing list,

Chapter 1
Stepping ba)k out into the relentless desert sun* on)e again wished we were still ba)k in Minnesota* or at least that we were done mo#ing, Then again might as well ha#e been wishing that Mom had de)ided on somewhere other than -tah* or that we'd had some long.lost relati#e die and lea#e us a small fortune* or e#en better that Dad and /indi,,, The thought was mu)h too dangerous to )omplete, My breathing had already sped up* and my balan)e degenerated so 0ui)kly it was a small mira)le made it o#er to the -. &aul before keeled o#er, 'd hated the battered #ehi)le that had spent the last two days )arrying us west a)ross .12, t was hard to keep up the feeling though when it was the only thing prote)ting me from a )on)ussion, &alf of the hori'on was green and beautiful* not land.of.ten.thousand.lakes beautiful* but still not bad, * of )ourse* ended up on the wrong side of the tru)k3 barren dirt and ro)ks* only o))asionally relie#ed by s)rubby plant life* as far as the eye )ould see, still didn't buy into my mom's oft.repeated )laim, 'd told her before that -tah would be a lousy pla)e to try and make her way as a photographer, 4nly #ery si)k* maso)histi) people buy )alendars with this kind of )rap on it, Sane people take pi)tures of furry little animals romping around green lands)apes and sell those, That helped a little* my breathing was starting to slow ba)k down* but that was too related to the other reasons we'd mo#ed, wasn't mentally ba)k in safe territory still, sought refuge in something e#en more mundane, 5amely the fa)t that tomorrow would ha#e to go enroll in s)hool and try to blend in with a bun)h of small.town 6uniors who'd all probably known ea)h other sin)e they )ould walk, $oing to a new s)hool after missing the first month of )lasses was a prospe)t likely to generate an+iety in the most outgoing of teenagers* and was far from that* but it was a different kind of worry, %s mapped out all of the things that )ould* and probably would* go wrong* )ould feel my heart slowly settle ba)k down out of my throat,

f were pretty or athleti) 'd probably manage to fit right in, t always seemed like the kids who mo#ed in partway through the year usually had some kind of instant in with the )ool )rowd* but that probably wouldn't happen for me, t wasn't that didn't want to make friends3 6ust wasn't #ery good at it, My e0uilibrium seemed to ha#e returned* so took a few unsteady steps around to the ba)k of the tru)k, f didn't return with a bo+ soon Mom would rush out e+pe)ting the worst, -nless she got )aught up #isuali'ing some new pro6e)t* in whi)h )ase it would be hours before she thought to )ome )he)k on me, 7e'd mo#ed the beds and most of the other hea#y items in earlier* whi)h helped e+plain my e+haustion* but that didn't make the pile of remaining items in the ba)k of the tru)k any less foreboding, de)ided to take the easy way out* and pi)ked up a )ouple of blanket.wrapped mirrors, didn't unwrap either of them, That was dangerous too, The fa)e that'd look ba)k out of the glass would look almost more like hers than mine, Shoulder.length blond hair and blue eyes still seemed to be all the rage* but mine were ruined by pale skin that burned instead of tanning* and a build that had retained its baby fat long after most of the other girls had started slimming down, Those e+tra in)hes had e#aporated re)ently* but of )ourse it )ouldn't be a )ause for )elebration, 7hen Mom surfa)ed enough to noti)e how mu)h weight 'd lost* she worried was de#eloping an eating disorder, She )ouldn't seem to understand that hated the new me more than she did, /indi was the skinny one, 'd tried to make myself eat enough to fill ba)k out* but 'd had a hard time remembering meals lately, t was easier to 6ust )in)h my pants up a little and a#oid mirrors, E#en when did remember* the )alories in didn't seem 0uite able to keep up with the )alories my body routinely burned up, guess pani) atta)ks are harder on your system than most people reali'e, My body had already started spiraling down to an atta)k again* but before )ould get too wobbly* made it inside the house, Mom met me at the bottom of the )reaking stairs with a big smile on her tired fa)e, 8The #iew from the rooms as the sun starts to set is e#en better than thought it would be, /oming here was the best idea we'#e e#er had,8 5ormally Mom's enthusiasm was fairly )at)hing, 9ou e+pe)t that kind of energy in a )hild3 when it )omes from an adult it's hard not to rea)t in kind, t didn't manage to infe)t me this time* but it did help fo)us me on the here and now, figured owed her for that* so tried to suppress my generally ungra)ious nature, e#en let her lead me up the )reaky stairs to show me the 'ama'ing #iew' for the third time, Mom pulled the mirrors out of my hands as soon as rea)hed the larger bedroom* and nudged me towards the window, 8%dmit it* %dri* we didn't get sunsets like this #ery often in Minnesota,8

8%driana*8 )orre)ted automati)ally* trying to a#oid thinking about where my ni)kname had )ome from, The sunset was beautiful* 6ust starting to turn the sky pink as a prelude to the glorious oranges that would no doubt follow, t was the kind of thing that Mom was always trying to )apture with her )amera* but whi)h ne#er seemed to turn out 0uite as good as the real thing, The sunset wasn't what )aptured my interest though* it was the greenery, Mom's room looked out to the west* the gorgeous side that reminded me of the pla)e and people that would always be home, Mom )arting me off to the middle of nowhere wasn't going to )hange that, There was a huge tree on the far edge of the yard, t was a spe)ies didn't re)ogni'e* but it still )alled to me, !or a se)ond )ould almost hear a familiar #oi)e whispering in my ear, 8/ome on* %dri, /indi's already )limbed up to the se)ond set of bran)hes, 9ou )an do it* but you don't ha#e to do it all by yourself* let me help you,8 My #ision was growing blurry, tried to wren)h my thoughts ba)k to safe territory* but it was too late* Dad's fa)e was already filling up my #ision, /indi and looked nothing like Mom, She was all dark* wa#y hair* oli#e skin and at fi#e. three hadn't been able to kiss Dad unless he bent down, Dad was the one who ga#e us the blond hair and a shot at maybe hitting an a#erage height, )ould see his handsome fa)e smiling at me now* trying to )oa+ me up into the tree with /indi, The #ision lasted only as long as it took me to hit the floor, )ould always 6udge how long 'd been out by my mom's e+pression when )ame to, That and whether or not 'd seriously in6ured myself on the way down, She looked )on)erned* but not desperate yet, &er )ell phone was in her hand* but not yet flipped open, t probably hadn't been more than eight or nine minutes, 8%dri* what 6ust happened:8 She knew already* the psy)hiatrist had some fan)y name for it )omplete with a whole list of symptoms and psy)hobabble garbage, t all boiled down to the idea that the more Mom )ould get me to talk about it* the sooner 'd shake off the fainting spells, 9eah right, Talking didn't make anything better3 it 6ust let him ra)k up a bun)h of fees while was passed out on his )ou)h, 8 'm fine* Mom, 6ust got a little di''y,8 didn't want to talk to her, 7hat really wanted to do was en6oy the short immunity fainting usually granted me, !or a minute or so )ould think about Dad and /indi with impunity, think Mom had figured that out though, 5othing 'd tried re)ently had been e0ual to the task of getting her to lea#e me alone* or at least in silen)e* right after an episode, She was probably worried 'd go ba)k to how was immediately after it all happened, 'd lost a )ouple of weeks there* alternately triggering a pani) atta)k and then thinking about Dad or /indi until the immunity wore off and another atta)k ensued,

Mom had flipped out, 'm not sure what brought me out of that bla)k hole, think maybe it was when looked out the window one day and reali'ed 'd somehow missed fall, !all had always been Dad's fa#orite time, /indi's had been spring..she hadn't minded the mud, My immunity was wearing off3 the ra)ing heart was a sure sign, fo)used ba)k in on what Mom was saying, 8,,,you were doing so well, Don't worry3 this is 6ust a little setba)k, 9ou'll see, Being in a different en#ironment will do wonders for us both,8 knew the rest of Mom's spee)h by heart* there was no reason to listen, 5e+t she'd run through all of the famous* marginally well.known* or e#en really obs)ure photographers who got their start in the 7est, t didn't really matter, waited the re0uisite fifteen minutes and then went ba)k out to the -.&aul and got another bo+, Mom followed me out this time, guess she was worried again, E#en worries about s)hool wouldn't )ushion me now that 'd had an atta)k today, There was nothing left but to wrap myself in numbness as tra#eled ba)k and forth between the tru)k and the house in a slow.mo#ing ha'e, The tru)k was the smallest one they rented* and we hadn't )ome e#en )lose to filling it up* but it was still dark by the time we finished, Mom looked at the mass of bo+es* groaned dramati)ally* and then went to the fridge and broke out the sandwi)hes we'd pur)hased when we stopped in town for dire)tions, %n hour later our beds were made* and had an outfit laid out for s)hool the ne+t day, The )lothes weren't mine, They'd nearly triggered a full.s)ale blowup, Mom thought 6ust wanted new )lothes, knew we )ouldn't afford a new wardrobe 6ust be)ause was temporarily skinny, didn't mind wearing my old stuff* 6ust didn't want to wear /in,,,wear her )lothes, My near atta)k ended the )on#ersation* albeit with my old )lothes still pa)ked away in some anonymous bo+, Mom's enthusiasm )ouldn't be damped for long though, t had fully returned by the time she turned my light off, 8&a#e a good night* %dri,,,ana, 9ou'll see* tomorrow will be like the start of a whole new life,8 kept the tears ba)k until the door was shut* and then they )ame in a hot rush that left me depleted and sore, t was like Mom had already forgotten about the other half of our family,

Chapter 2

The sound of my alarm pulled me from an uneasy sleep* full of dreams where was running in terror from some unseen horror, )ouldn't de)ide whether was happy to be free of them* or mad had to get up, My radio hadn't been in any of the bo+es we'd unpa)ked last night* so knew 'd ha#e to get ready in silen)e, for)ed myself out of bed regardless, Mom wouldn't be in to wake me up3 she might not e#en be home, t still wasn't light by the time finished showering, The fa)t that my body was* at least partly* still on Minnesota time should ha#e helped* but the morning was 6ust as unbearable as normal, !ighting ba)k a yawn* flipped on my bedroom light and e+amined the half.do'en bo+es that might )ontain my )lothes, debated sear)hing through them all* but it would 6ust mean another fight if did find them, 7ith a sigh of resignation walked o#er to the )hair where 'd left my sele)tions from the night before* and pulled the faded 6eans up my frail.looking legs, finished up with a tank top* )o#ered by a light blue blouse, %ll /indi's stuff, Thoughts of her were 6ust as dangerous as they'd been last night* but maybe was getting a little better, !eeling like a traitor* headed my skittering thoughts off before they )ould start affe)ting me physi)ally* and fo)used on the ne+t step in getting ready, There was a lot more at stake this morning than last night, f fell apart now might not make it to s)hool* and then 'd ha#e all kinds of trouble )alming Mom ba)k down when she returned from where#er she'd gone, My hair hung as limp and straight as always, 5o amount of styling e#er made it look any better* 6ust more )ontri#ed, Makeup was the same way, % tou)h here or there made me look marginally better* but sin)erely en#ied the girls who were skilled enough to transform their fa)es into something breathtaking after a session in the bathroom, Mom wasn't any help, Most days she didn't e#en put on mas)ara, 7ith the most depressing part of my routine now done* my mind wandered forward, t seemed only a se)ond later that was on the bus, ignored the thought that Mom would be mad if she knew 'd skipped breakfast and hadn't brought any lun)h, pulled out my old* unabridged )opy of Les Mis;rables, E#ery so often 'd try to make it through <i)tor &ugo's weighty )lassi)* but so far 'd ne#er made it past Marius' introdu)tion, &a#ing 6ust finished up (ride and (re6udi)e for the third time* was on)e again due to try and make it through the written inspiration to some of my fa#orite musi), hardly noti)ed the slow 6ourney into town* instead )aught up in a different time and pla)e as <al6ean's story started to unfold,

%ll too soon* the bus pulled up to a medium.si'ed* two.story bri)k building* and fi#e kids my age stood up to lea#e, followed them* my heart beating a little faster with ea)h step, 4ther kids were tri)kling o#er to the door* either from one of the other two buses* or from the smattering of )ars in the parking lot, Before we'd e#en made it inside 'd reali'ed 6ust how mu)h stu)k out, Shorts seemed to be the order of the day* knee.length khakis for the boys* and e#erything from mid.thigh on up for the girls, The only people in 6eans seemed to be the debate.)lub types, Silently groaning at my fashion fau+ pas* lo)ated a sign pointing towards the offi)e* and slipped around a )ouple of 6o)ks who paused in their manly mo)k bo+ing mat)h 6ust long enough to )he)k out the new girl, silently hoped they slipped and hit ea)h other in the nose, wandered down the white.walled )orridor until found another sign and turned left, There was a tall brunette already waiting* so took a seat in one of the hard.plasti) )hairs, The other girl had shorts on 6ust like e#eryone else* but hers were the shortest 'd seen yet, n Minnesota you )ould always pi)k out the alpha females by the length of their shorts* and this one seemed to think she was at the top of the food )hain, That or a )omplete slut* but with her tan skin and perfe)t wa#y hair* figured it was probably the former, She didn't look like she had to put out to get attention, Two minutes later* a smiling blond se)retary )ame waddling out of what was probably the prin)ipal's offi)e, spent the time wondering if should try to make small talk3 the gorgeous girl spent it staring out the window, The se)retary took in the two of us* frowned almost imper)eptibly at the length of the shorts and then signed a form for the other girl, Determined to at least try and make friends* started to smile as she turned towards me on her way out* but the e+pression died as soon as met her flat green eyes, My heart immediately started to ra)e* but she was already gone* mo#ing with gra)e and )onfiden)e out of the suddenly too.small offi)e, 'd e+pe)ted some degree of )li0uishness from su)h a small.town* but this was bad, 'd ne#er seen her before* so there wasn't any way it )ould be some kind of misunderstanding, The se)retary smoothed her blouse down o#er an ample stoma)h and smiled at me, told myself was 6ust imagining that the smile ne#er rea)hed her eyes, She seemed to know who was* and after identifying herself as Mrs, (endely* pro)eeded to 0ui' me about whi)h )lasses 'd been in at my last s)hool, She stumbled a bit when told her hadn't enrolled in )lasses before mo#ing, didn't offer any additional information* so she tried to defuse the awkwardness by asking about ele)ti#es,

answered numbly* pi)king out )lasses nearly at random, already knew a s)hool this si'e wouldn't ha#e anything truly interesting, 'd ne#er been willing to dedi)ate the time re0uired to learn a musi)al instrument, '#e always been passable at drawing s)enery* but anything more )ompli)ated than a sti)k figure gi#es me fits* so art was out too, -nless possibly the tea)her liked 5eolithi) )a#e drawings, By the time surfa)ed from my musings* Mrs, (endely had printed my s)hedule out on an an)ient pie)e of ma)hinery* handed me a map of the s)hool and a lo)ker assignment* and then dashed off a handwritten note to my first tea)her, somehow found my first )lass before the bell rang, Mrs, Sorenson* my biology tea)her* was a skinny old woman with )urly white hair that looked like $reek paintings of Medusa, She made me introdu)e myself to the )lass and then let me slink o#er to my assigned seat, left the )lass e#en more depressed than 'd been when woke up, 'd kind of known 'd ha#e an in)redible amount of material to )at)h up on from the first part of the semester, hadn't anti)ipated that e#ery other student was going to spend the )lass )arefully ignoring me, 'd ne#er really fit in* but this was unbelie#able, 5ew students )ould always )ount on someone to offer to be their friends, 'd seen it a do'en times before as people had mo#ed in, The really attra)ti#e people got drawn into the popular )ir)les* less )ool people were offered a pla)e with the punks* the nerds* or at least with the drug users* who didn't )are as mu)h what you looked or a)ted like as long as you were hooked on something illegal, knew had serious problems* but didn't think they were ob#ious to e#eryone that looked at me, English was ne+t* and odds were it would be a nearly e+a)t repeat of Biology* possibly minus the awkward introdu)tion, The thin* distinguished looking tea)her absently a))epted my proffered form* starting a little when didn't lea#e, 8"ight then* suppose you need a signature:8 The a))ent was so British half.wanted to ask him how he ended up in San)tuary, nodded* s)anning his desk while waited, 7hethers* Mr, 7hethers, 8"ight then* belie#e there is a #a)an)y ne+t to Ms, Samuels in the ba)k,8 (eople were still tri)kling into the room* so at least was spared the full gantlet* but the few ga'es met were still unfriendly until rea)hed the last table, The skinny.ish blond girl already at the table smiled at me as sat down, 8&i* 'm Britney,8 didn't know what to make of her, She looked like the type who was always on the fringe of the popular )rowd, She was the girl who was the first to follow whate#er fad happened

to be in* and the first to turn on someone if it would make her 6ust a tad more a))eptable to her peers, mumbled a response* something that wasn't rude* but whi)h )ouldn't be mistaken as pleading for friendship, Those kinds of girls lo#ed to laugh at the 'poor* desperate* friendless' types behind our ba)ks, 89ou must be %dri (aige, hope people ha#en't been too terrible to you,8 8%driana,8 spent too mu)h time )orre)ting my mom, t )ame out a little rude, would ha#e tried to smooth things o#er but was too busy trying to bra)e myself against the pani) atta)k was sure was )oming, My #ision swam for a moment* but all the pra)ti)e )ompartmentali'ing my mind seemed to be paying off, looked up, Britney looked a little )restfallen, She was probably de)iding to ask for a different seat assignment after )lass, 8Sorry about that, don't really like it when people shorten my name, Bad asso)iations with ni)knames and all that,8 Britney's smile was only a pale imitation of the brilliant thing she'd flashed a few moments pre#iously* but it signaled a willingness to try and make small talk at least, 8&ow did you know my name:8 84h* that's easy, San)tuary is the smallest town on the fa)e of the world, %nything out of the ordinary is instantly gossip fodder, 'll bet half the town knew you and your mom had pur)hased the old %nderson house before the ink was dry on the mortgage, The other half learned about it at )hur)h the ne+t day,8 tried to smile* but found it more than a little unner#ing, Big )ity life hadn't been so intrusi#e, hadn't e#en known my neighbors growing up, n Minneapolis the people you li#ed ne+t to and the people you asso)iated with were always kept properly segregated, tuned ba)k into what Britney was saying 6ust in time to answer a 0uestion with something safely non.)ommittal, She didn't seem to need mu)h in the way of responses to keep her talking, (robably for hours if she )ould get away with it, 8 'm glad you feel the same, 9ou'd think they'd be a little more wel)oming, nstead it's like they go out of their way to make sure you know you don't really fit in, 7e'#e been here a year* and still )an't get in#ited to any of the really )ool parties,8 'd ne#er been in#ited to any parties* let alone )ool ones, 'd ne#er felt the la)k too strongly* but smiled and let Britney keep talking until Mr, 7hethers reali'ed it was time to start )lass,

0ui)kly gathered we'd be reading 7uthering &eights* a prospe)t that both elated and disappointed me, %fter seeing how far behind was already in Biology* it was ni)e to know we'd be working on something 'd already been through twi)e, 4n the other hand hadn't liked the no#el the first time 'd read it* and when 'd gritted my teeth and sat down for a se)ond attempt 'd found liked it e#en less, Maybe 6ust la)ked the maturity to appre)iate Bronte's so.)alled masterpie)e* but )ouldn't stand that her )hara)ters were almost all really nasty people, wondered what else we'd be reading, )ould always ask Britney* but the odds of her knowing anything useful seemed pretty slim, 7hen the bell finally released us from an analysis of &eath)liff's early depra#ity* Britney asked what my ne+t )lass was, She was elated to find we were both headed to %lgebra, %s we trailed the other students out of the )lass* wasn't so sure was e0ually enthused, 5obody had said anything to either of us, t was starting to look like Britney was re)ei#ing 6ust as mu)h of a )old shoulder as was, %nd she'd been here an entire year, t was bad enough not fitting in be)ause you preferred your own )ompany o#er that of your peers, t su)ked a lot more when you didn't ha#e a )hoi)e, tried to amuse myself by people.wat)hing with the half of my mind that wasn't paying attention to Britney's )hatter as we went ba)k to our lo)kers, 7e passed one of those gorgeous* skinny redheads who always look good without looking like they spent mu)h time in front of the mirror* then Britney e+)hanged smiles with a )ouple of artifi)ial blondes, 'd seen the type before in Minnesota* girls who ha#e a perfe)tly a))eptable figure* but who throw money into their wardrobes* makeo#ers and a))essories in an effort to a)hie#e the )utting.edge look* when they'd be mu)h better off 6ust pi)king outfits that didn't try to )ompete with the anore+i).looking beauty 0ueens, % surprisingly adorable.looking nerd in 6eans and a tee.shirt du)ked out of our way* and felt a pang of sympathy, &e was the kind of boy Mom pointed out when she surfa)ed from one of her pro6e)ts, She hadn't e#er managed to really pi0ue my interest in any boy* but )ould see how a few years from now* he'd probably be fairly popular among )ollege girls, Britney stopped before one of the top lo)kers and started spinning the tumbler, She was still relating some story about her old s)hool* but suddenly )ouldn't hear a word, The )rowd of students had drifted to the sides of the hall* like worshipers making way for a pair of pagan gods, E#en so* there still wasn't 0uite room for them to walk side by side, The girl was leading, &er dark* wa#y hair and flawless skin would'#e made her pretty in any )rowd* but she also had perfe)tly symmetri)al features and one of those bodies that re0uired hours ea)h day in the gym to maintain, wanted to hate her, t didn't make any sense* she )ould hardly be blamed for taking )are of herself* but it 6ust didn't seem fair, Simply by being in the same town as us* she automati)ally made e#ery other girl in s)hool feel like bloated* heifers, Surely she was somehow )heating to be doing so well in

the subtle* nasty game in whi)h e#ery high.s)hool girl ranked herself against e#ery other female, probably would'#e spent the rest of the day depressed* but on)e she was out of my line of sight was able to see the boy following her, &e was in)redible, =ust looking at him dro#e e#ery other thought out of my mind, f the girl who'd 6ust walked by me without a)knowledging the e+isten)e of any of us lesser beings was e#ery boy's ideal physi)al spe)imen* the boy was e#ery girl's dream, % gorgeous fantasy breathed into life by some mer)iful goddess* one who wanted to gi#e us ea)h a glimpse of what awaited good little girls in the afterlife, Skin that was a gorgeous shade of tan* not at all artifi)ial.looking* disappeared into the )ollar of a thin* light.blue button.down shirt, The )ut of his )lothing hinted at designer origins* but the garment was mostly notable for the way it stret)hed o#er a pair of broad shoulders that looked like they'd been )hiseled from marble* or possibly )ast in bron'e, My eyes made it as far as the e0ually impressi#e )hest before for)ed them upwards, %nyone built like that should be ugly to keep things in balan)e, 5ot him, &is s0uare 6aw and e#en features were nothing less than perfe)tion, f he e#er )hose to model* the editors of e#ery ma6or fashion maga'ine would ha#e pulled out all the stops to land the )ontra)t for his debut appearan)e, The whole issue would ha#e to be pi)tures of him though, 5o amount of airbrushing would suffi)e to allow other men to e#er share the same maga'ine with him, e+pe)ted to begin hyper#entilating any se)ond* but my lungs seemed fro'en, My body should ha#e been s)reaming for o+ygen, nstead e#ery part of me was s)reaming for more of that di#ine fa)e, &e'd been looking to his left3 pried my ga'e away from his profile 6ust long enough to take in a )asual tangle of dark* )urly hair* and then he was turning towards me, <ague* traitorous hopes that the other side of his fa)e was marred with a birthmark* or a series of ghastly s)ars e#aporated away as took in eyes 6ust a few shades darker than the blue of his shirt, Somewhere a )osmi) for)e was trying to fi+ a pair of large* intangible s)ales, S)ales that'd been twisted into a mangled mess and then torn into two pie)es, 'd e+pe)ted the shallow* nar)issisti) eyes of a runway model, nstead* the eyes that )onne)ted with mine hinted at depths 'd ne#er e#en imagined e+isted, My lips* a)ting of their own #olition* started to pull ba)k in a tentati#e smile* but before they )ould )omplete the a)tion* the heart.wren)hing eyes narrowed, The emotions swooping a)ross the surreal fa)e were too 0ui)k to identify* but the way he turned slightly away as he passed all but pro#ed they'd been a )lose )ousin to distaste,

Chapter 3

!or a moment was too busy mentally flogging myself to hear Britney's 0uestion, 8&a#e you been to <egas yet:8 85o* we 6ust got here last night,8 %nd 'd been too busy making doe eyes at gorgeous boys who were )ompletely out of my league to do anything like take a shopping trip, Britney perked up at my answer, 87e so ha#e to go down there soon, t's the only pla)e within an hour and a half where you )an do any de)ent shopping,8 5ormally the prospe)t of dri#ing for hours to wat)h someone else spend money didn't ha#e* sounded roughly as appealing as laying out naked at the pool until had se)ond. degree burns on my whole body, Then again* maybe burns wouldn't be so bad if they let me disappear into the anonymity of a large )rowd in an a)tual )ity rather than dealing with hi)k hostility, 8That sounds great3 )an't wait to get out of this stupid town,8 % )ouple of people started a bit* and heard a lo)ker slam shut with surprising for)e, The ea#esdroppers were predi)tably pissed was dissing their home* but didn't )are, t ser#ed them right, Don't listen in if you aren't prepared to hear something you won't like, %s long as my )omments hadn't offended my new pseudo.friend* was 6ust fine, Britney laughed, 89ou said it, There is so nothing to do here, 9ou )an't e#en go hiking anymore,,,8 'd already reali'ed Britney wasn't the type to think twi)e before words a)tually left her mouth, /urious, 87hat do you mean we )an't go hiking:8 She was looking around at the other students, 85othing* )ome on, 7e're going to be late for )lass,8 followed without a word* e#en more intrigued now, '/ool' people don't sweat tardiness and Britney really wanted to be )ool, % slender* frumpy.looking woman looked up from her desk as Britney and walked in, held up my form* whi)h she took without reading it, 85o doubt something to ensure know you're my newest student, Sit o#er there where you won't distra)t Britney from 6ust how poorly she's doing in my )lass, There's an e+tra book on the shel#es in the ba)k,8 Britney rolled her eyes as she went to her assigned desk* but suspe)ted she was a)tually relie#ed we'd been split up, Mrs, /ampbell didn't seem like the kind of tea)her you )ould get away with ignoring* so retrie#ed an algebra book from the ba)k of the room and sat at my desk,

%ny thoughts about finding out why hiking was off limits 0ui)kly melted away on)e )lass started, Math had ne#er been my fa#orite sub6e)t, 'd always managed to pull %'s or at least %.'s* but hated all of the little nitpi)ky rules, -nfortunately* after missing a whole month of )lasses* was at least as bad off in %lgebra as was in Biology, Mrs, /ampbell was sol#ing problems with so many #ariables in them it was like wat)hing alphabet soup spontaneously re.arrange itself on her o#erhead pro6e)tor, 5ot only that* things were being s0uared and )ubed* an operation with whi)h had only passing familiarity, struggled #aliantly to understand what was going on, got the sense the operations being applied to the formulas were being e+plained #ery well* 6ust didn't ha#e the #o)abulary to follow what she was saying, By the time )lass finally ended was fighting not to be)ome emotional, The fa)t that Britney looked for a moment like she was debating whether or not to wait for me before finally stopping ne+t to the door with her arms )rossed* didn't help, threw my book and binder into my ba)kpa)k and tromped up to the front of the )lassroom, Mrs, /ampbell looked up when rea)hed her desk, 8&ere's your form* among other things,8 #erified that the top sheet had her signature on it* and then turned to go, She didn't let me get #ery far, 8!rom your bewildered e+pression during )lass it appears you aren't transferring in from another s)hool, e+pe)t most of your other tea)hers are 6ust letting you pi)k up from where they are now, 'm afraid this )lass builds on itself* so 'll be testing you on e#erything we'#e )o#ered in the past month, 'm sure you'#e got a full )lass load* but we ha#en't gotten into anything truly diffi)ult yet, The sooner we get you )aught up* the better off you'll be, Shall we say a month from today:8 The prospe)t of trying to )at)h up* all the while needing to master new material and deal with a full s)hedule of other )lasses* was too mu)h, felt tears rising to the surfa)e e#en as my heartbeat sped up to near.pani) atta)k le#els, That was the last thing needed* but )ould only fight off so many worries at on)e* and was 0ui)kly approa)hing my limits, 85ow don't )ome unglued on me, The s)hool has set aside some dis)retionary funds for a math tutoring lab after s)hool e#ery day, 7e're not fully staffed yet* but if you swing by we should be able to help )lear up any 0uestions you might ha#e, 9ou'll ha#e to do the ma6ority of the work, e+pe)t you to a)tually read your math book* but if you gi#e it an honest effort 'm sure you'll be 6ust fine,8 That helped a little, t was still a daunting prospe)t* but knowing had somewhere to turn for help )omforted me more than would ha#e e+pe)ted, mustered a half.hearted grin and followed Britney out into the hall,

8She's a )omplete monster, 5one of the other tea)hers are nearly as stri)t as /ampbell, Making you )at)h up on all that homework is ridi)ulous,8 My silen)e seemed to lea#e my new friend at a loss for words, guess she was used to people agreeing with e#erything she said, didn't like to lie though* so when didn't agree with someone tended not to say anything, guess didn't think my new task was as unreasonable as it'd first appeared: 84n the plus side* at least we'll both be at the math lab together, '#e had to spend an hour there e#ery e#ening sin)e Dad found out had the )lass low on the first test, Stupid nternet, )an't belie#e they gi#e our parents an a))ount where they )an see how we do on e#ery test,8 Britney had my sympathy there, 5obody liked their parents knowing too mu)h about their s)hool life* a)ademi) or otherwise, 87ow* they talked about doing that at my last s)hool* but wouldn't ha#e e+pe)ted a town this small to ha#e something like that implemented,8 7e dropped our books off and started towards the )afeteria, Being ba)k at my lo)ker* ba)k where 'd seen Mr, $orgeous* made me wonder about him, Britney had to ask me a 0uestion twi)e before reali'ed she'd been talking, 8Sorry* was thinking about something,8 8&mm* what distra)ted you:8 debated dodging the 0uestion* but it was normal to talk about boys, 8There was a guy and a girl who walked by earlier when we were at your lo)ker,8 % knowing look flashed a)ross Britney's fa)e, 84h* their royal highnesses %le) and =asmin, They're pretty distra)ting all right* but don't waste your time, They'll ne#er waste a thought on you or me* or pretty mu)h anyone,8 The way she said their names implied they were a )ouple, E#en if they weren't* she was probably right about not getting my hopes up, Espe)ially )onsidering the way %le) had looked at me there at the end, Despite my best efforts the 0uestion still slipped out, 8They're together then:8 Britney smirked, 89ou really are maso)histi)* aren't you: That's the rumor, 5obody really seems to know* at least nobody who's talking* but they're almost always together, 9ou really shouldn't go there3 he's brutal when it )omes to breaking girls' hearts,8 There was a story there* but wasn't about to ask now and e+pose myself to further ridi)ule,

Britney was oddly 0uiet as we entered the lun)h room, was a little hungry* but the pangs were a distant kind of dis)omfort, The real suffering for not eating wouldn't )ome into play until we hit the tutoring lab, 4h well* when got home ra#enous and ate a de)ent. si'ed meal Mom would probably be e)stati), 4r too wrapped up in some pro6e)t to e#en noti)e, t was hard enough anti)ipating what was going to do from day to day, Trying to figure Mom out was truly futile, Being held up by Mrs, /ampbell at least had one ad#antage3 the line for Britney to get food was nearly non.e+istent, Britney was talking again* but it was still the kinds of things )ould respond to with half my attention, took the opportunity to get a good look at the )afeteria, t was in)redibly small, t was probably on its se)ond generation of students* but looked pretty good still, The linoleum floor was faded* but still relati#ely )lean* and the white paint on the walls was )onspi)uously free of tags and gang signs, The students e#en seemed to be mingling fairly easily with ea)h other, a)tually kind of missed the feel of armed )amps, My s)hool hadn't been bad )ompared to some stories 'd heard from /alifornia* but there'd still been some kids beaten pretty se#erely for )rossing the wrong group of wannabe gang members, Britney had a pie)e of pi''a* and looked like she was eyeing a pie)e of )ake until she noti)ed was trailing along behind her without a tray of my own, She a)tually sighed as she passed the )ake, The urge to giggle was so strong un)apped my water bottle and turned slightly to the side in an attempt to disguise my amusement, t was one of those moments 'd try to re)onstru)t in my head again and again, think must ha#e heard the )ash register till )lose* or maybe Britney said something, 7hate#er the reason* took a step in her dire)tion while still looking away* my bottle half raised* and ran into the biggest 6unior 'd e#er seen, My )lumsiness would'#e been embarrassing enough all by itself, -nfortunately my mostly.full bottle of water splashed all o#er both of us, felt my )heeks go hot, Britney gasped and giggled, silently told myself things were as bad as they were going to get, was wrong, The boy wasn't as )ute as %le)* but he was so )lose )ould hear those )osmi) s)ales being melted down into something useless again, (aperweights maybe, didn't want to see the mess my water had made of his shirt* so started at the top and worked my way down, 'd seen better hair in a )ouple of fashion maga'ines* but not #ery many, /asually windswept* straight blond hair had be)ome i)oni) sometime in the last few years* and this boy either spent an hour on his hair ea)h morning* or the wind in -tah was kinder and gentler than the wind in Minnesota, >inder* and )urrently working on its )osmetology li)ense, &is skin was e+0uisitely tanned* lighter than =asmin or %le)'s* but e+a)tly suited to his lighter hair tone, !riendly gray eyes perfe)tly spa)ed abo#e some of the most natural

looking white teeth 'd e#er seen, My heart would ha#e started slowing down if 'd been sure the display of teeth was a smile* but there was something about the e+pression that defied )lassifi)ation, $ritting my teeth slightly let my ga'e )ontinue on down to assess the damage* only )ouldn't, )ould see the wet spots on the shirt, My mind was )lassifying it as a dark green polo with some kind of designer insignia but )ouldn't see anything other than how huge he was, 'd seen linemen on high.s)hool football teams whose shoulders weren't as broad e#en with their pads on, The shirt was snug enough to see that the rest of him was built along the same lines, 5o wonder 'd boun)ed right off of him* a small )ar would'#e probably done about the same thing, My blush deepened slightly as reali'ed was wondering what it would feel like to ha#e those arms wrapped around me, 6erked my ga'e ba)k up to the handsome fa)e 6ust in time to see the e+pression settle into a genuine smile, 8 'm so sorry, should ha#e been wat)hing,,,8 &e gently )ut me off with a gesture, 85o* please, t was entirely my fault, shouldn't ha#e tried to s0uee'e past you like that,8 The smile was still there, That had to be a good sign, -sually when people said something ni)e and didn't mean it their smiles only lasted as long as they were speaking, tried a tentati#e smile in return and his widened slightly, 8 'm Brandon,8 !eeling more than a little ner#ous* allowed him to )apture my right hand in his, 8 'm %dr,,,%driana,8 4ur handshake had ended* but my hand was tingling slightly, t was a pleasant* if illusionary* reminder of the )onta)t* one was hoping would last for about the ne+t three days, 89ou must be the poor soul who's got e#eryone bu''ing with )uriosity,8 Brandon rea)hed into the tall* glass.fronted fridge ne+t to the )ashier while he was talking* and pulled out a bottle of water and one of those aggressi#ely.)olored energy drinks, &e slipped some money to the )ashier while was still trying to )ome up with a response that didn't sound stupid, 8-m* yeah, 7e 6ust got into town last night,8 &e handed me the bottle of water, 87ell hope you'll like it here,8

87ait* what's this for:8 The grin was ba)k* and his teeth were still perfe)t, 8 6ust made you spill yours* it's only fair,8 Brandon nodded at Britney* who stood there with her mouth slightly open* as he walked away, %fter a se)ond or two of both of us staring blankly after Brandon* Britney grabbed me by the hand* the one holding the new* unopened water bottle* and pulled me o#er to a table in the )orner, 84h my gosh* you 6ust poured water all o#er Brandon 7orthingfield the Third, %nd then he talked to you, This is so in)redible,8 more or less fell into my seat* staring at my new bottle of water as Britney's )hatter poured o#er me, t was pointless to try and pay attention to anything she was saying, t was all )ould do to remember to nod when she paused and looked at me e+pe)tantly, Lun)h passed all too 0ui)kly, Before knew it we were ba)k at Britney's lo)ker and she was promising to gi#e me a ride home from s)hool after Spanish, &istory was about as dry as 'd e+pe)ted* whi)h was really too bad, 'd had a good history tea)her in 6unior high* and it was an in)redibly interesting sub6e)t when taught right, -nfortunately Mr, Simms was possibly the worst tea)her 'd e#er had, mentally shrugged when we were told to open our books and read the )hapter to oursel#es, %t least wouldn't ha#e any worries when it )ame to )at)hing up in this )lass, Thoughts of Brandon made it hard to really get into the )hapter, %lso* it was hard not to noti)e the borderline hostile stares from the other kids, sighed in relief when the bell rang* and pulled out my s)hedule and map to see where 'd be going ne+t, (hysi)s: mentally re#iewed my )on#ersation with the se)retary* but )ouldn't remember either of us mentioning the )lass, %s if trying to )at)h up in %lgebra wasn't going to be bad enough* was going to fa)e the same kind of problem in physi)s, $rumbling to myself* promised to try and swit)h into something better first thing tomorrow morning, The )lass was in a se)tion of the building hadn't been to yet* one apparently older than the rest of the building, The lights were spa)ed further apart and the )inder blo)ks in the walls were a slightly different si'e, $ood thing still had my water, The old part of the s)hool was 6ust as hot as the rest, 9ou'd think fun)tioning air.)onditioning would be a ne)essity for a s)hool so far south, %t least it should )ool down a little in the )oming months, %ssuming of )ourse lasted that long without losing it from dealing with all of the )ra'y small.town people in this s)hool,

entered the )lassroom and was immediately greeted by a portly* white.haired woman, 8&ello* hello, My name is Mrs, %le+ander* and you must be %dri, 4h* not %dri: <ery good then* %driana it is,8 wat)hed bemusedly as Mrs, %le+ander sear)hed through her po)kets for something to write with for at least half a minute before reali'ing she'd pla)ed her pen behind her ear, The form now signed* the pen went ba)k behind her ear for safekeeping* and she motioned me to a seat* predi)tably at the ba)k of the )lassroom, %s negotiated the )rooked path between desks* found myself looking forward to the )lass, "ight up until %le) slipped into the )lassroom a few se)onds before the bell rang, f there'd been any 6usti)e in the uni#erse* he'd ha#e somehow gotten uglier o#er the last few hours, That or 'd ha#e de#eloped some kind of partial immunity to him, 5either was the )ase* he was 6ust as unearthly gorgeous as he'd been in the hall, The sight of him was almost o#erwhelming, %s he slipped into a desk an aisle away from me* tried to breathe deeply and slowly in a futile effort to )alm my ra)ing heart, t helped a little when he slid the desk ba)k a few feet, %s long as wat)hed Mrs, %le+ander )ouldn't see %le) anymore, t seemed like )ould still feel him though, The right side of my body hummed and tingled* almost imper)eptibly* telling me he was there, did my best to ignore the sensation* )on)entrating on the pi)tures rapidly forming on the an)ient bla)kboard as Mrs, %le+ander diagrammed the )on)eptual model of a wa#e* and started disse)ting the #arious parts, /rest* trough* period* amplitude, 5one of it was hard to understand* not parti)ularly interesting* but still a wel)ome distra)tion, %fter what seemed like an eternity* Mrs, %le+ander pla)ed the pie)e of )halk she was using behind her other ear and smiled at the )lass, 84kay* that's your introdu)tion to light, !orm up into your usual groups and take a pro6e)t summary3 you'll be working on this for the ne+t few days,8 6oined the )lass in filing past the tea)her's desk* and then wat)hed as e#eryone started mo#ing desks around, Mrs, %le+ander saw me walking hesitantly ba)k to my desk* and inter)epted me before )ould get there, 8Miss (aige* you'll ha#e the good lu)k of working with Mr, $ra#es,8 t wasn't until %le) looked up* annoyan)e )learly e#ident on his handsome fa)e* that reali'ed was supposed to work with him, t was yet another sign of re6e)tion in a day that'd been largely filled with e#erything but a))eptan)e, t shouldn't ha#e bothered me* not )onsidering how poorly 'd always fit in3 but whether be)ause of his good looks* or for some other unrelated reason* found myself wanting %le)'s appro#al, My breathing started )oming faster* e+)eeded only by the pa)e of my heart,

%pparently wasn't the only one who )ould tell that working with me wasn't what the s)hool's resident ro)k star had in mind, There was a s)attered )horus of badly stifled giggles off to the front of the )lass, 5ot the normal kind people use when they're amused* but the high.pit)hed ones girls use to embarrass ea)h other, %le)'s fa)e une+pe)tedly softened for a moment* his e+pression still unwel)oming* but now mi+ed with a tra)e of something else, 7hile was busy trying to understand the sudden )hange* Mrs, %le+ander looked at the front of the )lass with a frown on her fa)e for a moment, suddenly reali'ed that she knew the differen)e between the two kinds of giggles, That was unusual in someone so old, The younger tea)hers usually kept the girls from being too awful to ea)h other* but the old guard didn't really )at)h the subtle differen)es high.s)hool girls used to emotionally traumati'e ea)h other, &er kindly fa)e taking on a stern )ast* Mrs, %le+ander turned ba)k to %le), 8 'm sure you'll en6oy working with Miss (aige* %le), %fter all* you )an't really e+pe)t to do e#erything by yourself, 4))asionally a helping hand is e+a)tly what's )alled for,8 The words rea)hed inside me* pulling on something that was already bleeding* tearing it further, The )lassroom ro)ked ba)k and forth at the same time my legs lost the ability to support my weight, %le) lunged toward me* mo#ing in)redibly 0ui)kly as my mind spun away ba)k to our kit)hen table, was fourteen and trying to understand geometry proofs, Mom had gi#en up trying to help me with homework about the time turned twel#e* so she kept telling me to 6ust read the book and figure out what they were doing in the e+amples, By the time Dad got home from work tears were streaming down my fa)e and )ouldn't e#en see the diagrams anymore, 8 )an't do it* Dad, Missy =effrys already did the entire assignment before we e#en got out of )lass* and )an't e#en figure out one problem, 'm not good enough3 'm ne#er good enough,8 "ough fingers had appeared from outside my peripheral #ision* gently smoothing away tears, 8/ome on honey* you really )an't e+pe)t to do e#erything by yourself, Let's take a break for dinner* and then 'll help you,8 &e'd forestalled my ne+t e+)use as if reading my mind, 8There isn't anything wrong with letting someone help you, Sometimes a helping hand is e+a)tly what's )alled for,8 The memory had a #i#idness that'd been la)king lately, t was the same a)hing realism that'd de#oured nearly a month of my e+isten)e before finally de)ided had to try and go on with my life* for Mom's sake if for no other reason, pani)ked when reali'ed 6ust how badly wanted to slip ba)k into that twilight world where nothing hurt* where it didn't matter if people liked me or not, The one where still had all three of the most important people in my world,

The fear that 'd gi#e in* that 'd end up in a hospital during the day or two it took Mom to reali'e hadn't made it home from s)hool* pulled me ba)k sooner than normal, !or a se)ond my mind inhabited a body that wouldn't obey any of the normal )ommands, !ear snaked out from my )enter when my eyes wouldn't open* but before my heart )ould really start a))elerating* my eyelids started fun)tioning again, The desks on the route between %le) and were lying hapha'ardly on their sides* but there wasn't any sign of %le), Mrs, %le+ander was looking down at me* )on)ern et)hed into her features* and the beginnings of a )rowd was starting to form as the rest of the students )ame o#er to look at the freak, 4nly something wasn't right, They weren't towering enough, 7hen you pass out on a regular basis* you get used to finding yourself on the floor surrounded by )on)erned.looking people* but none of these people were looming properly, E#eryone else ha#ing somehow gotten too short suddenly wasn't as important, The room was still swinging around* only now it wasn't mo#ing* was, % pair of mus)ular arms en)ir)led my tingling waist and legs* holding me tightly to a near ro)k.hard )hest as %le) deftly wea#ed through the approa)hing )rowd of students, )losed my eyes as a wa#e of heat started at my )ollarbones and rushed up to the tips of my ears, wanted to throw up* e+)ept that would be e#en more embarrassing than being )arried out of )lass by the most popular boy in s)hool, opened my eyes and found we were already out in the hall, %le)'s stride was so smooth it was hard to belie#e we weren't still ba)k in the )lassroom, 8(ut me down* mean please put me down,8 Those )lear* deep eyes met mine for a se)ond* seeming to look past the surfa)e and all the way down to the bleeding mental gash that'd 6ust triggered my most re)ent )ollapse, was trying to marshal my arguments* but his eyes wiped my mind )lean, )ouldn't form another )oherent thought until he shook his head and looked away, 89ou need to see the nurse,8 My mind hi))upped for a se)ond, There should be some kind of law re0uiring him to hide those things, Sunglasses* or maybe a blindfold, 8 'm fine, That wasn't anything3 it didn't mean anything, (lease put me down,8 tried to put the right amounts of sin)erity and )onfiden)e in my words* but wasn't a #ery good liar, Something )hanged though be)ause %le) slowed his ground.eating stride, 87hat do you mean you're fine: (eople don't 6ust )ollapse with no warning, 9ou seemed fine and then you were falling, 9ou s,,,you seemed hurt,8

shook my head gingerly* surprised when didn't feel the twinge knew was )oming, The atta)k had been more sudden than usual and nobody had been )lose enough to )at)h me, n those )ir)umstan)es e+perien)e had shown that led with my head, 8 t was 6ust the heat here, 'm not used to it, 5ow please put me down,8 %le) looked at me doubtfully* then took a deep* no doubt )alming breath* and shrugged, The mo#ement seemed too )asual* almost as if he was angry* but trying to hide it, wanted to try and make eye )onta)t to test my hypothesis* but was afraid of what 'd see, The tingling was spreading* no doubt a bad sign, Maybe 'd hit my head e#en harder than thought, 8 t was all 6ust a game for you* wasn't it:8 There was anger behind the #oi)e now* subtle* like the s)ent of rain the night before a storm* but definitely there, started to bristle3 e#en took a breath to e+plain what'd really happened, 4nly the truth wasn't any better than the story he'd fabri)ated, t was worse e#en, 'd mu)h rather this )o)ky* spoiled* ri)h boy be mad at me than feel pity, 'd had enough pity from my mom to last years, 89ou bet, Think they bought it:8 tried to in6e)t the proper amount of blonde stupidity into my words* but wasn't sure it worked until felt %le)'s arms tighten almost painfully around me, gasped* and he set me down so 0ui)kly almost fell o#er, Before 'd e#en regained my balan)e* he was walking away* mo#ing so 0ui)kly would'#e needed to run to keep up, E#en so* he hadn't turned away 0ui)k enough to hide the )omplete disdain in his e+pression, suddenly found myself wishing 'd told him the truth rather than making him think was stupid and manipulati#e, t was too late, &e was already out of sight* and by now his opinion of me was fi+ed,

Chapter 4
S)hool hadn't gotten any worse after 'd )on#in)ed the hottest boy on the planet that was a )omplete waste of o+ygen* but it hadn't gotten any better either, Mrs, Tiggs* my Spanish tea)her* had seemed e#ery bit as mean as my Biology tea)her from earlier in the day* and it had been a relief when Britney had finally dropped me off at home, wat)hed Britney's little white Saturn disappear down the lane with a )omple+ set of feelings that in)luded a bit of loneliness and more than a little relief, %fter a minute or two spent staring off into spa)e* finally de)ided the dis)omfort in my stoma)h was sharp enough to 6ustify the effort of eating,

$i#en the ridi)ulous heat* studying was the last thing wanted to do* but there wasn't really anything else to do so )hanged into )ooler )lothes and made the best of it, Three hours later my brain felt like it was going to run out of my nose* so wandered upstairs, t was still too hot for )omfort in my room* but unpa)king in the heat was better than fa)ing the math problems waiting for me downstairs, 7e'd partially unpa)ked things to get my bedspread out* so e#erything else went pretty 0ui)kly, My room wasn't parti)ularly large* but someone had put a long shelf around the top of the room* and the )loset had more storage spa)e than my room ba)k home, My meager belongings 0ui)kly found new homes, looked one last time at the bo+ holding my )lothes* and then sighed and sho#ed it under the bed, My unpa)king was all done* whi)h meant had to go ba)k to my homework, %t least now )ould listen to my musi) while studied, !ifteen minutes later was safely ens)on)ed in my room listening to the London /ast #ersion of Les Mis;rables as tried to work through my ba)klog of %lgebra assignments, 7hen finally surfa)ed from orders of operation as the sun started setting* was pleasantly surprised things had gone so well, %s maso)histi) as it sounded* a)tually en6oyed settling down with a set of a)ademi) problems* and working my way through them, Sometimes entered a ?en.like state where e#erything else in the world 6ust dropped away, t was ni)e to know the a))ident hadn't )hanged that at least, My heart stuttered a little* but wren)hed my thoughts away from where they'd been headed* distra)ting myself by wondering where Mom was, She'd been a little flighty before* but now it wasn't un)ommon for her to be gone for twenty.four hours at a stret)h, n some ways it was hard not ha#ing her around* but in other ways it was a relief, Sometimes she reminded me too mu)h of Dad and /indi, % surge of guilt splashed around inside me at the thought* but it was a reali'ation 'd made weeks ago, By now some of the sharper edges to the emotion had worn away, shrugged* dropping my book and binder on the floor ne+t to my bed, Dwelling on the guilt would 6ust make me think about why felt guilty in the first pla)e, 'd find myself on the floor with no memory of how 'd gotten there, By the time 'd brushed my teeth and finished the rest of my nightly ritual* my mind was wholly in the present* and was starting to get a little depressed, 'd ne#er parti)ularly fit in ba)k home* but there'd been enough other people in #arious fringe groups that 'd always felt like had somewhere to go if e#er wanted more friends, would'#e had to play a role to a )ertain e+tent* whi)h was why 'd ne#er made the effort* but the option had always been there, t didn't look like that'd be a possibility in San)tuary, n an entire day 'd had e+a)tly one person try and befriend me, %s mu)h as appre)iated the effort* )ouldn't shake the feeling Britney was befriending me mostly be)ause she didn't ha#e any other options, 7ith Mom be)oming less dependable by the day* was in for a miserable* lonely two

years until )ould graduate and es)ape to a big )ity, &opefully there )ould safely find a ni)he among the other 0uasi.loners who didn't fit in anywhere else, %s turned my light out and got into bed reali'ed there'd been one bright spot to the day, Brandon 7orthingfield might not really be interested in me* but he was ob#iously at the top of the so)ial food )hain* and he'd already shown me way more attention than any of the boys ba)k home e#er had, Maybe there was some hope after all, @@ was lost* not 6ust in the sense of not knowing where was* but be)ause 'd ne#er been anywhere e#en remotely like this, The bree'e was louder than any 'd e#er heard before* and was laden with an unimaginable host of s)ents, t took me se#eral se)onds to sort through things enough to reali'e was smelling things didn't e#en ha#e a name for, %fter se#eral se)onds of trying to )atalog the most delightful of my new dis)o#eries* reali'ed 'd had my eyes )losed sin)e 'd gotten here* possibly an un)ons)ious defense me)hanism meant to prote)t me from sensory o#erload, The distant sound of water tri)kling down a ro)k fa)e* of lea#es gently )aressing ea)h other in the bree'e faded away as took in an ama'ing wonderland of light, The trees 'd been listening to were e+a)tly where e+pe)ted them to be* but it took me se#eral heartbeats to re)ogni'e them, $one were the sturdy* brown behemoths 'd spent so mu)h time )limbing with /indi, nstead* pillars of soft light rea)hed up to the sky* swaying slowly ba)k and forth with the wind* )reaking in a rhythm 'd known by heart sin)e was se#en, felt tears )olle)ting in the )orners of my eyes as rea)hed out and tou)hed the nearest tree, t was as if the world 'd known my entire life had been simply a moldy )o#er designed to hide the true nature of my surroundings, 5ow the mask was gone and was immersed in #i#id )olors* li#ing lights* and a sense of harmony so strong it nearly o#erwhelmed me, t was impossible to say for )ertain how long sat looking at the gentle motion of the tree bran)hes* mar#eling at the way things made up of light )ould still )ast shadows when silhouetted by the harsher light of the sun, 4nly somehow the sun had disappeared* repla)ed by the paler* )older light of the moon, The trees were still gra)eful strands of light* but the bree'e had )hanged to a harsh thing* one )arrying new s)ents that somehow represented danger, Something inside me for)ed my limbs into motion, was running before the first howl tore through the night, was mo#ing unimaginably fast* 6umping fallen trees and bounding o#er other obsta)les whi)h e#en my impro#ed #ision struggled to make out in time for me to a#oid them, The speed of my passage wrung tears from my eyes* but didn't dare slow,

They were ba)k there* four of them mo#ing with speed only slightly less than my own* noses to the ground to follow my s)ent* sa#e for the moments in whi)h they let loose their unearthly howls, % fli)ker of motion up ahead should ha#e made me pull up in fear* but the smell a))ompanying it was somehow familiar* somehow safe, knew if )ould rea)h the shadowy person 'd been un)ons)iously following* 'd be safe* but he was so in)redibly fast and my pursuers were gaining, @@ The sound of my alarm pulled me out of a whole series of nightmares in whi)h was running from unknown mena)es, Ea)h had been terrifying* but none as #i#id as the first, Bad dreams had be)ome a fre0uent )ompanion sin)e the a))ident, t'd be)ome nearly pass; to wake up emotionally e+hausted from what should ha#e been a restful night* but these dreams had been different, 'd played out nearly e#ery possible )ombination of e#ents sin)e the a))ident, Dreams where was the one dri#ing instead of /indi, Dreams where got a ride home with someone so Dad and /indi didn't ha#e any reason to be on the road, Dreams where was in the tru)k that killed them* e#en dreams where was in the ba)k seat as a passenger at the moment of impa)t, was used to awaking shaking and s)ared )ountless times during the )ourse of a night* but 'd ne#er felt that le#el of pure* bestial fear, stumbled into the bathroom and flipped on the light* only to groan at how ghastly looked, was e#en paler than normal* with dark )ir)les under my eyes that only a )ra)k addi)t )ould possibly find attra)ti#e, % hot shower did a little to make me more presentable* tried to hide the shadows with some makeup* and then finally ga#e up after bot)hing the se)ond appli)ation* and 6ust put on some mas)ara and eyeliner, The mundane pro)ess of getting ready for the day wore away some of the edge to my nightmare, t was already starting to seem more like a normal* safe dream, put on 6eans and a button.up shirt* and then all but stumbled downstairs with my ba)kpa)k in hand, Sometime during the night Mom had put our message board up on the fridge, Went shopping, food in the fridge, don't forget breakfast and lunch !ee you tonight after school "o#e you $$Mo% shook my head resignedly3 you'd think the message would ha#e )hanged at least a little o#er the last few weeks* but it was still pretty mu)h the same, 'Don't forget to eat* 'll be ba)k later* but it might be a )ouple of days,'

was tempted to 6ust ignore the message* but that'd 6ust make her testy at some point, t made her feel like a poor mom if we went too long without some kind of )ommuni)ation, &a#e to stay late for %ath tutoring ' friend (ill bring %e ho%e $$' Signing my notes with an initial still felt a little like a stroke of brillian)e, 7riting out %driana was a pain* but for ob#ious reasons )ouldn't use the shortened #ersion of my name, glan)ed down at my wat)h and saw it was nearly time for Britney to show up, 7ith a sigh opened up the fridge and pulled out one of the trendy* meal.in.a.bottle drinks Mom had started getting lately, didn't parti)ularly like them* but it would keep until was a)tually hungry* and Mom would )ount the bottles as a way of determining how many meals was missing, thought about taking a se)ond bottle* but they were too e+pensi#e to pour down a sink* and knew wouldn't be hungry enough to finish up the first* let alone a se)ond meal, The tinny blare of a )ar horn pulled me out the front door, Britney was waiting outside with her heater going full blast, was surprised at how )old it was with the sun still struggling to get abo#e the mountains, 4f )ourse it wasn't )old enough for me to need a heater* but also wasn't wearing Britney's shorts* whi)h looked like they were e#en shorter than the ones she'd worn the day before, t was ama'ing what the administration was letting e#eryone get away with, 4f )ourse* if had legs like some of these girls* 'd probably be 6oining in, Britney turned down her rap musi) 6ust long enough to say 8&i8* and then we were off to s)hool, The musi) was fairly hideous* but it did spare me ha#ing to try and be friendly before was fully awake, 4f )ourse it also stopped me from digging further into the mystery of why it was so dangerous to hike, That parti)ular 0uestion would probably ha#e to wait at least until lun)h, Mrs, Sorenson looked up as walked into a nearly empty )lass* but was on time* e#en if only barely, 'd heard of tea)hers taking an instant dislike to one of their students* but 'd ne#er e+perien)ed it first hand until now, fielded two 0uestions on the role of phosphorus in photosynthesis before being hit with a third one )ouldn't answer, felt my ears go hot as the three other girls in the )lassroom giggled, slunk out of )lass as soon as the bell rang, English went better, Mr, 7hethers got the )lass in#ol#ed in a dis)ussion of &eath)liff's moti#ations* whi)h kept e#eryone o))upied for the full )lass time* and distra)ted me from what was likely to happen when Britney and got to algebra,

%s we walked ba)k to our lo)kers between )lasses* noti)ed that the halls seemed strangely empty, Britney rolled her eyes when asked why, 84f )ourse nobody's here, Tonight's the full moon* and there was a monster party last night, There'll be another tonight and then again tomorrow,8 felt my eyes go big, 89ou mean to tell me that se#enty per)ent of the s)hool parties for three nights running e#ery month:8 Britney nodded, 8 t's the only redeeming feature to this stupid little town* and )an't e#en go sin)e the a))ident,,,8 )ould see her trying to figure out how to sidestep the issue* but wasn't about to let her off the hook, 8Listen* if there's something dangerous around here don't you think should know about it:8 She shifted un)omfortably from one foot to another* eyes glan)ing to ea)h side of us in an effort to see who might o#erhear us, 87e )an't talk about it here3 you'll ha#e to trust me, 7ait until lun)h,8 wasn't entirely satisfied* but nodded* and followed her to algebra, Mrs, /ampbell shot us both a glan)e that didn't bode well for any attempt to get out of )lass without a stern reprimand* but allowed us to go to our respe)ti#e seats without )omment, pulled out the two assignments 'd done the night before* and passed them up with e#eryone else's homework, "eali'ing the le)ture wouldn't do me any good* pulled out my book* and started reading the ne+t se)tion in my self.appointed study regimen, Mrs, /ampbell either understood what was trying to a))omplish* or was sa#ing up all her #enom for after )lass, She didn't )all on me e#en on)e, Britney wasn't so lu)ky* and )aught a nasty look from her ea)h time surfa)ed from my te+tbook, The glares angered me more than 'd e+pe)ted, was ha#ing to )at)h up on a month's worth of assignments3 she didn't ha#e any right to get pissy 6ust be)ause she wasn't prepared, The third time it happened* stopped pretending not to noti)e and shot Britney a sugar. sweet look of my own, She didn't 0uite seem to know how to take that and the rest of the )lass passed 0ui)kly, %ll too soon* it was time to go up and talk to Mrs, /ampbell, put off the ordeal as long as )ould* waiting until e#eryone but Britney and had e+ited the room, Britney looked parti)ularly unhappy, Mrs, /ampbell was looking at my homework when rea)hed her desk, 8 was prepared to tear into you for not going to the tutoring lab last night* but that hardly seems fair seeing as how you went ahead and did the work by yourself,8

felt a small glow of satisfa)tion flare into life* but her ne+t words ensured it didn't get out of hand, 84f )ourse* you'#e got the right answers* and te)hni)ally you're atta)king the problems )orre)tly* but you're lea#ing out a )ouple of steps that think will gi#e you problems a bit later on, (lease take my ad#i)e and spend a little bit of time at the math lab, E#en if you )an't make it e#ery day* you need to )ome in a few times a week,8 89es* ma'am,8 The s)olding a)tually hadn't been that bad* almost like disguised praise, Britney looked like she was hoping for something similar* but Mrs, /ampbell's e+pression 0ui)kly dashed that idea, 89ou on the other hand definitely need to spend e#ery night at the math lab, 9our homework was in)omplete* and of the problems you bothered to attempt* you didn't do a single one )orre)tly, Britney* you're headed towards a failing grade* and while you might not )are* your father most )ertainly does, Make my )lass a priority* or 'll stop in for a )he)kup and let slip 6ust how poorly you're doing to dear old Dad* and then you'll find yourself riding the bus to s)hool,8 t was a #i)ious threat* but one almost guaranteed to ha#e an effe)t, Britney most definitely didn't want to be stu)k riding the bus with all of the 6unior high kids and other assorted 'losers', &er mouth opened and )losed se#eral times and then she nodded and fled the )lassroom, 7hen finally )aught up with her she'd re)o#ered enough to )omplain* but there was a breathless nature to her #oi)e that told me she wouldn't be skipping the math lab for a little while, made non.)ommittal noises as we waited in line* all the while s)anning the )afeteria for two fa)es, %)tually* s)anning wasn't the right word for it, 6ust kind of looked that way and instantly found my eyes drawn to Brandon, &e was surrounded by people* mostly female* all attra)ti#e, Taking in all of those lithe* tan bodies* suddenly felt in)redibly inferior, %ll of the impending skin )an)er deaths suddenly didn't seem 0uite so important, looked away before anyone )ould see me staring, Britney was still looking longingly at a pile of fries, 7hen looked up again Brandon was looking ba)k at me with a smile that )ommuni)ated all kinds of things 'd always thought you needed words for, &is e+pression seemed to say he was glad to see me* embarrassed to be the )enter of attention* and sorry he )ouldn't get away from his friends to )ome o#er and say hi, felt my fa)e go hot with embarrassment, tried to step behind a pillar before he saw me go bright red* but knew hadn't su))eeded, bit my lip as reali'ed how spasti) was being, 'd spent the last si+teen.plus years suppressing my natural tenden)y to form )rushes on one )ute boy after another, 'd nearly perfe)ted the art of e+hibiting 'ero interest in the opposite se+, The whole point of my e+isten)e had been a#oiding the kinds of things that'd result in e#eryone laughing at me,

7hy was setting my sights on a boy who was so far out of my league: E#en if there'd been a )han)e he might like me* had absolutely no idea how to pro)eed, $i#en the option* would'#e 6ust hid behind the pillar until e#eryone left for )lass* but Britney had made her de)ision* and was paying for her food, Essentially out of time* took a deep breath and followed her to a table, )ouldn't help glan)ing towards Brandon's table one last time, was hoping he was still smiling, Maybe he'd seen how awkward was* but didn't mind, Maybe he e#en thought it was endearing, !ailing that* at least hoped he wasn't )hu)kling with his friends o#er the new girl's stupid infatuation, &e wasn't doing either* in fa)t* he seemed to be #ery mu)h in#ol#ed in a )on#ersation with the sto)ky boy on his right, The rest of the kids at the table were listening 6ust as intensely* all e+)ept for the brunette on Brandon's left who was looking in our dire)tion, My fa)e pulled ba)k in a smile* e#en brought my hand partway up in a wa#e before reali'ed re)ogni'ed her, t was the trendy girl from the offi)e* and she apparently still didn't like me, felt my fa)e get e#en hotter* only now was both angry and embarrassed, t was a relief to sink down into a )hair with my ba)k to Brandon and his friends, Strangely enough* Britney also being so ob#iously un)omfortable helped )alm me down, 84kay* out with it* why is this su)h a big deal:8 Britney shifted ba)k and forth in her seat for a )ouple of se)onds before leaning in to whisper, 8 t really shouldn't be a big deal* but e#eryone around here a)ts like it's taboo, Two hikers were killed by some kind of wild animal a few months ago,8 felt my heart skip a beat as a )hill ran from the base of my spine all the way to my s)alp, Britney's inno)uous words shouldn't ha#e )aused my mind to immediately sink ba)k to the terror 'd felt this morning* but they did, !or a moment )ouldn't fo)us on what Britney was saying* my heartbeat had be)ome )ompletely errati) from the surge of adrenaline flooding my body as it futilely tried to es)ape the nameless things that'd been snapping at my heels, 8,,,out in the south end of ?ions, t was Mark /hilds and Lessi %rnolds, The bodies were a )ouple of days old by the time sear)h and res)ue found them* but it was pretty ob#ious they'd been mauled by something,8 opened my mouth to interrupt* but my #o)al )hords weren't working, 5ow that she'd finally broa)hed the sub6e)t* Britney was unstoppable, 8 t had to ha#e been a mountain lion* there isn't anything else around here that's both aggressi#e and big enough to kill people* but neither of them had been gnawed on at all* whi)h was strange enough by itself, E#eryone refusing to talk about it would'#e been enough to make it A.!iles weird* but when the )oroner threw su)h a fit* it entered a )lass of its own,8

Britney looked around again to make sure nobody was in hearing range* and then leaned in e#en )loser, 8&e said the wounds weren't made by anything in the )at family, &e wrote up a whole paper on how the teeth marks were made by some kind of new* pre#iously undis)o#ered predator,8 The )hills were ba)k* and they'd redoubled in intensity, t was like the howl from my dream was e)hoing through my soul, 8Did he say what it was like: The predator* mean,8 Britney nodded slowly, 89eah* he thought it was somehow related to a wolf* but bigger and stronger* with )laws like something out of a slasher mo#ie, &e was )ausing su)h a stir in St, $eorge they finally fired him, They said he was sensationali'ing the atta)k to get his fifteen minutes of fame, Daddy tried to get a))ess to the bodies* to pro#ide a se)ond opinion e#en though that isn't his real area of e+pertise* but they blo)ked him )old, &e thinks they were worried about s)aring away the tourists, They had to make the a))ident go away* to sa#e the lo)al e)onomy,8 My hands had gone )old despite the oppressi#e heat* 6ust now hitting its full stride for the day, 9ou didn't hang around the fringe without running into plenty of people who were )onspira)y theorists, Dis)ussing -!4s* lluminati* and A.!iles had been like air and water for some of the people 'd known ba)k in Minneapolis, 'd ne#er gi#en their wild theories a se)ond thought before* but what Britney was des)ribing sounded like a pretty )on#in)ing attempt at a )o#er.up, looked up as reali'ed Britney had fallen silent* only to reali'e with a start that a pair of tears were tri)kling down her fa)e, 8Mark and Lessi were the only ones to really open up when mo#ed in, Their great. grandparents were some of the first people to settle down here, They used to tell me all kinds of )ra'y stories, %fter they were killed nobody would really talk to me, E#eryone was polite* but it was like was shut out* like they blamed me for what happened,8 Britney paused for a se)ond and then shuddered, 8 was supposed to ha#e been with them,8 My shoulders suddenly rela+ed as e#erything started to make sense, There'd been an atta)k of )ourse, There might ha#e e#en been a bit of a )o#er.up by lo)al* or regional* authorities* but Britney's father was probably right in assuming the moti#ation had been prote)ting the tourist industry, That was all straightforward* but e#en that wasn't as ob#ious as the fa)t that Britney was suffering from some kind of sur#i#or's guilt, She felt like she was somehow to blame for not dying with her friends* and was reading all kinds of moti#ations into people's beha#ior that weren't e#en there, That would'#e been spooky enough* but then 'd turned around* linked all of it to a freak nightmare and been )on#in)ed the world was about to end, Silly,

did my best to )omfort Britney after that* but was more than a little relie#ed when lun)h finally ended, That of )ourse made me feel heartless and guilty in turn* but was still too fragile to deal with her issues, 7hen it's all you )an do to get through the day yourself* it's impossible to be a pillar of strength for someone else, &istory was a )omplete waste of time, hadn't e#en made it through the reading assignment* and still got a perfe)t s)ore on the pop 0ui', (hysi)s was surprisingly full, %pparently %le) was the only hard.)ore party animal in the )lass, was still feeling weird from Britney's story* so unlike the rest of my )lassmates* who seemed genuinely intrigued by the assignment* 6ust pretended to leaf through a referen)e book all hour, Spanish was as bad as history, Mrs, Tiggs turned on one of the Spanish T< )hannels within thirty se)onds of )lass starting, Towards the end of the hour finally started to )ome ba)k out of my funk* so put the last few minutes to good use re#iewing #o)abulary for the 0ui' on Tuesday, felt a momentary surge of relief when )lass ended* but the feeling e#aporated when remembered had to go to math tutoring, grabbed my math book* and met an e0ually morose Britney at her lo)ker, There are only so many times one person )an say something su)ks* and e+pe)t the other person to agree with them, Britney 0ui)kly used up her allotment of )omplaints* and then subsided into silen)e as she led the way to an out.of.the.way )orner of the old s)hool, 'd noti)ed Britney liked to position herself so she was )losest to the middle of the hall, %dmittedly* dodging all the people trying to get into their lo)kers wasn't mu)h fun* but suspe)ted her real moti#ation was a desire to ensure she )ould see and be seen* whi)h was mu)h more easily a))omplished by relegating me to the outside position, 5ormally 'd ha#e 6ust #iewed her theatri)s with amusement* but it'd been a long day and wasn't in the mood, f 'd known for sure where we were heading* 'd ha#e )onsidered )utting her off* e#en with all of the probable fallout* but didn't, nstead 6ust sighed* followed her around a )orner* and )ollided with si+.plus feet of mus)led goodness pa)kaged in a white polo shirt that looked worryingly familiar, Brandon )aught me as rebounded from him* easily stopping my momentum before )ould stumble into a lo)ker, 87e'd better be )areful3 'm starting to sense a trend,8 wanted to say something e0ually witty* but his shirt did wonderful* probably illegal things to his gray eyes* and his perfe)tly straight teeth were parted in a friendly grin that )ouldn't possibly be meant for me, managed a feeble grin before the silen)e stret)hed too far towards be)oming un)omfortable* but it was a patheti) attempt, Brandon gently released my shoulders and

detoured around me with a gra)e that should ha#e looked unnatural on a boy* but whi)h somehow e+uded more mas)ulinity than any four boys 'd known ba)k home, Britney shot me an en#ious look and then turned and stalked through an open doorway, should ha#e been worried was upsetting my only 'friend', !ailing that* should at least be mad she was being so unreasonable* but my ra)ing heart brushed those feelings away, 4ther than a persistent* imaginary tingling along my shoulders was strangely numb inside as followed her into the tutoring room, There were more kids inside than 'd e+pe)ted* enough that a normal room would'#e felt )rowded* but this wasn't a normal room, Someone had kno)ked down a wall or two* )reating a spa)e that was strangely wel)oming* despite ob#iously being meant for a)ademi) pursuits, % large number of re)tangular tables were s)attered about the room* situated so that the two people sitting at them would feel relati#ely isolated, %s )ontinued my sur#ey* reali'ed that there was only e#er one pile of books at any gi#en table* and in the few instan)es in whi)h two people were sitting at a table* one of the indi#iduals was ob#iously e+plaining something to the other one, Most of the kids looked fairly run.of.the.mill, There was e#en the e+pe)ted )ontingent of 6o)ks* ob#iously there 6ust be)ause a )oa)h or parent had deli#ered some kind of ultimatum, Britney predi)tably headed o#er and staked out a table as )lose as she )ould get to a group of girls who were probably )heerleaders, /lustered around the other end of the room were the more studious kids* the kind who were generally pretty smart* but for whate#er reason were struggling with math, wasn't surprised to see a kind of a no.man's.land between the two ends of the spe)trum, was startled to see that the middle ground was inhabited by an attra)ti#e girl a year or two younger than me, Left to my own de#i)es* would'#e normally pi)ked a table o#er on the nerd end of the room* but found myself relating more to the girl stu)k in the middle, She looked up and met my ga'e for 6ust a se)ond before du)king ba)k down and )on)entrating on her homework, Shy* ob#iously* and not popular, There'd been the hint of a smile on her fa)e* possibly )onstrained by fear of how her o#erture might be re)ei#ed, 4b#iously a )omplete so)ial re6e)t 6ust like me, t was ni)e to finally meet a kindred spirit, Britney's )lingy neediness was nearly as bad as the i)y indifferen)e or borderline hostility all of the rest of the students displayed, E+)ept for Brandon* but )ouldn't 0uite bring myself to trust him, % boy that )ute wasn't ni)e to a girl like me unless he wanted something from her, Mrs, /ampbell walked o#er while was )asing the room, She still looked stern* but her fa)e had rela+ed slightly, She e#en smiled as she handed me a green* laminated )ard, 89ou'll need to pi)k out an empty table* we don't let students share here, %lso 'd re)ommend )hoosing one somewhat distant from Ms, Samuels* she doesn't need any

more distra)tions than she already has, 7hen you ha#e a 0uestion* or need help from one of the tutors* flip the )ard o#er to the red side and pla)e it on your desk,8 nodded and headed o#er to a table near the girl* one where )ould wat)h her without her seeing me, wasn't going to fall all o#er myself to be)ome her friend or anything* but figured it was worth obser#ing her for a little bit, f she really was )ool then we might strike up a friendship at some point, f she wasn't* then the sooner )ould )onfirm that fa)t the better off 'd be, pulled out my book* study guide* and some paper* and got busy with my ne+t self. assigned homework set, was up to graphing now* whi)h was about as straightforward as you )ould get, made pretty good progress* pausing from time to time to stret)h my ne)k and look around, The girl had flipped her )ard o#er to the red side* and had a tutor with her* a )lumsy.looking boy who looked like he might be a senior, Based on the glasses* and the fa)t he had to ha#e pi)ked them out without any input from a girl younger than forty* figured he was in debate* or maybe the )hess )lub, &e was probably in)redibly ni)e* and boring as wat)hing paint dry, E+a)tly the kind of guy my mom would turn )artwheels o#er, 'd ha#e to make sure they ne#er met, took the opportunity to look a little more )losely at the girl, Seen from profile* she wasn't 0uite as pretty as 'd thought originally, She wasn't e+a)tly plain.looking* but her features weren't #ery remarkable, She did ha#e in)redibly soft.looking wa#y brown hair though, t looked like debate boy had pretty mu)h finished answering her 0uestion, looked ba)k down at my book so wouldn't get )aught staring, was 6ust about to di#e ba)k into my te+t book when someone )leared their throat nearby, The tutor was standing at my elbow looking o#er my assignment, 8&i* 'm %lbert* and you must be %dri,8 win)ed again, t was going to take a lot of work to get people to use my full name, 8%driana* but don't need any help,8 %lbert smiled, 8 know your )ard wasn't on the red side* but Mrs, /ampbell asked me to stop by and go o#er a )ouple of steps you left out on your homework assignment from today, Sin)e 6ust finished with "a)hel and was o#er here already* thought 'd show you the steps you're missing,8 nodded my assent as mentally filed away both his name and the girl's, Surprisingly enough* %lbert was a good tea)her* pointing out the steps 'd been skipping o#er* and e#en e+plaining why they were important, t was rare enough to find a s)hool tea)her who )ould really tea)h math these days* finding a student who )ould tea)h was nearly a mira)le,

"a)hel pa)ked up her things while was being instru)ted in the finer points of ine0ualities, %s she slid the last book into her ba)kpa)k* %lbert stepped away from my desk with another smile, flipped o#er to the ne+t )hapter and started in on fun)tions as "a)hel e+ited out a )orner door hadn't noti)ed before, saw a flash of the stunted* brown #egetation that the lo)als )alled grass before the door swung ba)k )losed, Suppressing an urge to 6ust surrender and go outside until Britney finished up* got started, The roar of some kind of high. performan)e engine a few se)onds later almost )hanged my mind* but my nati#e stubbornness ki)ked in before let the thought get out of hand, The sub6e)t matter was harder than graphing* but perse#ered* and managed to make it through all fifteen problems without resorting to the red side of the )ard, 4f )ourse %lbert did stop by to see if was ha#ing any diffi)ulties* but sin)e didn't summon him* he )ouldn't read anything into it, 7hen Britney stomped o#er and asked if was done* )onsidered telling her needed ten more minutes, &er being an attention hog didn't 6ustify me being petty though, 6ust nodded instead and pa)ked up my stuff, The ride home was )ompletely une#entful* and mer)ifully brief, Britney was one of those people who dri#e fast normally* and e#en faster when they are pissed off, %pparently ha#ing to stay after s)hool to study merited twenty.fi#e o#er the speed limit, normally would ha#e )omplained.. 'd be)ome mu)h more sensiti#e about speeding in the last )ouple of months* but was an+ious to get home* and #ery mu)h not feeling like there was anything parti)ularly spe)ial to li#e for, 5ot that was sui)idal* )ontrary to Mom's un#oi)ed* but ob#ious fears, 6ust didn't ha#e mu)h of anything to look forward to, t wasn't until Britney's Saturn was nearly out of sight that reali'ed our =eep /herokee was parked in the dri#eway, sometimes felt should ha#e outgrown the need to talk to Mom when things were tough* but )ouldn't deny that it felt like a big weight had been lifted off me as walked through the door, 8 'm home* Mom, &ow did your latest shoot,,,8 7hate#er 'd been about to say e#aporated off of my tongue as entered the li#ing room and saw Mom )urled up on the )ou)h with bloodshot eyes, Mom had always been the strong one, still more or less belonged in some kind of padded room, Mom had simply a))epted e#ents and done her best to hold our life together so there'd be something for me to )ome ba)k to, 87hat happened:8

wanted to )omfort her like used to do with /indi* but suddenly reali'ed didn't know how, (arents weren't supposed to need reassuring, f they did* they were supposed to work it out between ea)h other, 4nly now there was 6ust her, 8The bank's )alling the loan on our house, They )alled the Mayor's offi)e and were told didn't get the )ontra)t to do the tourism bro)hure, They're )laiming )ommitted loan fraud, 4nly don't understand* Mr, (eters told me had the 6ob,8 'd pretty mu)h forgotten about the tourism bro)hure for the )ity, t'd sounded like the perfe)t 6ob for Mom* albeit a short term one, 5ow it was sounding like it'd been too good to be true, The mo#e had been something 'd opposed and then ignored when my opposition hadn't made any differen)e, didn't know anything about grown.up things like mortgages, 'd been too self.absorbed to learn, !or the first time felt guilty about making things harder for Mom, Surely there was something )ould ha#e done to help out* e#en )onsidering the atta)ks, 8They )an't do that* )an they: mean* if they told you that you had the 6ob they )an't take it away* )an they:8 Mom rooted around in a half empty bo+ until she found some tissues* it wasn't the first one she'd been through this afternoon, 8 didn't think so* but Mr, (eters )laims there was ne#er any )ontra)t signed and )an't find our )opy in any of the bo+es,8 8Mom* what are we going to do: 7here will we go if they ki)k us out:8 She smoothed my hair ba)k from my fa)e, 8Don't worry about that* sweetie, 'm sure e#erything will be okay, was 6ust o#er.rea)ting, t'll turn out to be nothing,8 t was 6ust like Mom to mispla)e something important like that, opened my mouth to agree with her* but stopped before the words )ould fully form, didn't know mu)h* but fraud wasn't the kind of thing you asso)iated with a slap on the wrist, f the worst happened and Mom was going to ser#e 6ail time then we had bigger problems than e#en what she was admitting to, @@ t looked like the sun must ha#e set hours ago* but it wasn't really dark, The full moon seemed oddly brighter than normal* edging the lands)ape with a sil#ery tra)ing, The )ool illumination was strangely )omplemented by the warm tendrils of light trying to es)ape from the greenery surrounding the area, let my ga'e drop* and found an unearthly pool of li0uid light at my feet, The 0uiet murmur of falling water to my right kindled a burning thirst hadn't reali'ed 'd been feeling sin)e opened my eyes,

Looking towards the waterfall* found a shimmering ribbon of light working its way down the ro)k fa)e, The sight was so in)redibly beautiful it took me se#eral moments to reali'e the tendril was the waterfall 'd been looking for, rea)hed into the dan)ing pool of light at my feet and smiled as my )upped hands )ame away filled with water that lit up my palms, )ouldn't imagine anything more surreal, might ha#e stayed there for hours if the barest whisper of sound hadn't distra)ted me, %le) was staring at me* an e+pression of disappro#al marring otherwise perfe)t features, 84f all the pla)es for you to intrude* why did it ha#e to be here:8 !or a se)ond* surrounded as was by su)h beauty* did feel like an intruder, &e was gorgeous* and his tan skin seemed to ha#e the slightest hint of light playing beneath its surfa)e, was as plain and ugly as always, My response popped out before )ould think about it, 84nly you )ould see su)h beauty and think only of keeping it to yourself, Trust me* e#en with surroundings like this 'd mu)h rather be elsewhere if you're part of the bargain,8 The thought of being elsewhere brought our newest )risis to mind* and reali'ed that it was #ery likely wouldn't ha#e to worry about Britney* %le)* or Brandon for #ery mu)h longer, 8%t least you won't ha#e to suffer my presen)e for mu)h longer3 we'll be gone all too 0ui)kly,8 The fa)t was saying these things to %le) when knew this all had to be a dream was ludi)rous* but it wasn't as ludi)rous as the way he flin)hed at my words, 85o* you're right* all too soon you'll go the way of so many others, f )an depend on nothing else* )an rely on that,8 % little eddy of wind found its way into our grotto* and for the first time my newly.a)ute sense of smell registered %le)'s presen)e, &is s)ent was di#ine* full of subtle themes wasn't e+perien)ed enough to pi)k out* all of whi)h s)reamed of warm power and ro)k. like mas)ulinity, !or half a se)ond the torrent of sensation was too strong to lea#e room for )ons)ious thought, reali'ed 'd )losed my eyes to better sa#or the e+perien)e, 7hen opened them %le)'s e+pression had mo#ed from annoyan)e to sadness, had a pair of heartbeats to wonder at the strange tri)ks my sub)ons)ious was playing on me* and then the dream started fading away, The hea#enly surroundings were predi)tably the first thing to disappear* lea#ing afterimages of light burned into the )orners of my #ision, %le) was the ne+t thing to go*

but the memory of his features )lung to my mind long after found myself in a featureless #oid, Stranger still* his s)ent stayed with me e#en longer, was 6ust self.aware enough to hope 'd remember it all when awoke in the morning,

Chapter 5
t was a good thing 'd started s)hool in the middle of the week, f 'd gone to s)hool the ne+t day after all the drama of learning about our mortgage problems probably would ha#e had a ner#ous breakdown, %s it was* was essentially worthless all weekend, tried to warn Mom about the animals that'd mauled the kids from s)hool* but she told me she was already aware of the in)ident and left before )ould draw her into a dis)ussion of what we should do about the bank, saw her for maybe a total of three hours during the entire two days, E#en knew it was wasted effort, f Mom somehow beat the odds* it still wasn't going to result in the kind of money we'd need to sa#e our house, 5ot in the ne+t two or three weeks at least, t felt like my whole world had 6ust disappeared down a drain, didn't suffer any real pani) atta)ks* but more or less spent both days in a kind of desponden)y that wasn't mu)h better than a full.blown atta)k, By the time Monday morning arri#ed had #ague memories of doing homework and not mu)h else, The only positi#e from the whole weekend was the way my dream from !riday stayed with me, %s got ready for s)hool idly wondered if it would be possible to re)reate the grotto in real life, 4b#iously not with the impossible* glowing water* but with the in)redible* lush #egetation and the se)luded pool, Then again* 'd seen Mom pull off some pretty )ra'y tri)ks with her )amera* maybe there would be some way to simulate glowing water* some kind of photography tri)k 'd ne#er heard of, walked downstairs as the eastern sky was 6ust starting to )hange )olors, Mom was already gone, The message board was )onspi)uously empty* so she was either still frustrated with me* angry at our hopeless situation* or wrapped ba)k up in her 0uest to be)ome a renowned photographer, Britney pi)ked me up on s)hedule and somehow made it through my first two )lasses, Mrs, Sorenson was still out to pro#e to e#eryone was an idiot* and &eath)liff was still a psy)hopath despite Mr, 7hethers' best efforts to e+plain the )hara)ter's moti#ation, Math was a)tually the high point of the morning, Mrs, /ampbell was smart enough to put Britney off in a )orner surrounded by the kind of kids she'd ne#er e#en )onsider talking to under normal )ir)umstan)es, 5ot ha#ing Britney distra)t me all hour would ha#e been a blessing by itself* but things got e#en better when Mrs, /ampbell )omplimented me on the homework handed in,

8Most e+)ellently done* Miss (aige, %lbert said you seemed to pi)k up the )on)epts 0uite 0ui)kly, '#e noti)ed you'#e been working on the older material during )lass* whi)h #ery mu)h appro#e of* but you may want to listen today, 7e're starting a new se)tion* and it should be fairly straightforward for you to pi)k up,8 shouldn't ha#e been surprised when she turned out to be right, The new )hapter was on probability* whi)h had absolutely nothing to do with the stuff they'd been working on the week before, 0ui)kly de)ided didn't like the new stuff as mu)h as what 'd been studying on my own* but it was relati#ely easy* and almost before knew it )lass had ended and it was time to go to lun)h, My doubts about whether or not e#eryone would be ba)k in s)hool today after three nights of partying were 0ui)kly resol#ed as Britney and tried to fight through the ridi)ulous foot traffi) on our way to our lo)kers, By the time we made it to the lun)h room* was heartily si)k of dodging 6o)ks with shoulders the si'e of an o+, 7hy on earth did e#ery single one of them think it was ne)essary to mo)k fight* throw balls ba)k and forth to ea)h other* or otherwise make a spe)ta)le of themsel#es: My mood was further soured as we arri#ed to find an unmistakable )ir)le of bystanders signaling an impending fight, My first instin)t was to go find a tea)her before the two idiots hurt ea)h other* but while was still looking around to see if there was an adult in the room* Britney grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the )ir)le, t wasn't until we got )loser that reali'ed there was something wrong with the )ir)le of kids surrounding the )ombatants, 5ormally e#eryone pressed in tight for the best possible #iew, The spe)tators in this fight were di#ided into two groups* with a fairly signifi)ant spa)e between them, The rest of the students seemed to be relu)tant to fill that gap in, t wasn't until Britney pulled me )loser that understood why, Brandon stood surrounded by his friends on one side of the )ir)le* with %le) and a smaller group standing opposite them, The tension in the room was like the air before a lightning strike* )harged and unpredi)table* a li#ing organism on the point of materiali'ing out of thin air and atta)king anything surrounding it, Taking in the two groups* was ama'ed at the disparity before my eyes, The kids behind Brandon were half again as many as the gathering behind %le)* and they were eager for the )onfrontation* wat)hing with e+)ited eyes* and large smiles, %le)'s )ompany on the other hand awaited the )oming fight with )alm e+teriors and a sense they were bowing before the ine#itable )onfli)t without )on)eding anything to their opponents, They were fewer in number* but the men were larger than anyone other than %le) or Brandon* and somehow knew e#en the girls were dangerous,

7ith a sudden start reali'ed the )onfrontation wasn't between Brandon and %le) as 'd originally thought, nstead the stu)k.up blonde 'd first met in the offi)e* was s0uared off against a brunette less than three.0uarters her si'e, %s Britney pulled us e#en )loser* almost into the dead 'one between the two fa)tions* finally reali'ed the smaller girl was "a)hel, 89ou're going to get what's )oming to you* you little slut,8 The blonde's #oi)e sounded e+a)tly like 'd imagined* arrogant* #indi)ti#e and only barely )ontrolled, "a)hel on the other hand sounded )alm* speaking in tones shouldn't ha#e been able to hear* e+)ept the spe)tators were unnaturally 0uiet, 8 ha#en't done anything to you* /assie* and you know it, This is all 6ust an e+)use,8 looked around for tea)hers* but they were still )onspi)uously absent, There wasn't time, E#en if they arri#ed right now* someone was probably going to get hurt, /assie tossed her hair and smiled* a plasti) e+pression that bordered on a smirk, 8Shut your lying mouth, 'm really going to en6oy this,8 Britney had positioned herself so she )ould see Brandon, %s a )onse0uen)e* )ould see %le)'s entire group* and was ama'ed by their rea)tion to /assie's belligeren)e, =asmin's pretty lips drew ba)k in something that looked almost like a snarl* and she'd tensed up so tightly she was almost shaking, !or a heartbeat thought =asmin would laun)h herself at the other girl* but %le) rea)hed o#er without looking* and grabbed her arm, % sto)ky* Middle Eastern.looking boy to %le)'s right looked like he wanted to a)t as well* but he was looking at %le)* and an almost imper)eptible headshake stopped him, 'd been so busy wat)hing the byplay behind "a)hel that 'd missed the last two e+)hanges between her and /assie, 7hate#er had been said must ha#e been bad though, "a)hel was shaking* and the blonde looked like someone about to pull the wings off a butterfly, )ould feel my heartbeat )limbing* slamming away at my ribs with all the energy of a full.blown pani) atta)k* but wasn't di''y* 6ust s)ared, The )afeteria workers had all turned around so their ba)ks were fa)ing us* a sight whi)h kindled the first spark of anger* an emotion that burned brighter be)ause of the fear still )oursing through me, There was a gasp as /assie sho#ed "a)hel* a misleadingly )asual motion that sent the smaller girl stumbling ba)k into %le)'s )hest hard enough to lea#e bruises,

The typi)al )at)alls were still absent* it was as if nobody #iewed this as a normal fight* like there was somehow more at stake, 'd been waiting for someone to inter#ene on "a)hel's behalf, t was ob#ious she knew nothing about fighting, /assie wasn't the kind of girl to fight 6ust to pro#e a point and then forget about the in)ident afterwards, =ust looking at her* knew she'd remember any slight for as long as she li#ed* and she had enough influen)e in the s)hool to make 6ust about anyone's life miserable, She probably got away with things 6ust be)ause nobody was willing to )ross her, "a)hel was going to get hurt, was still thinking about all the ways ) )ould get hurt when stepped through the no. man's.land and into the )ir)le, The parts of me that weren't emotionally dead* that were still beha#ing rationally despite the a))ident* were s)reaming in terror, There probably wasn't anyone in the s)hool who knew less about fighting than me, knew should turn around and run away before /assie reali'ed was serious* but somehow didn't )are, /assie's arsenal of nasty tri)ks wouldn't be so effe)ti#e against someone who'd already been ki)ked out of their house and mo#ed to another state, %ll really needed to do was sur#i#e the ne+t few minutes, 'd be out of the state before she really got busy making my life miserable, % do'en different things )ould say blew through my mind* but they were all )ompeting* and none of them fit the situation, n typi)al fashion* found myself without anything )le#er to say, nstead 6ust stood there and stared at /assie, 'd thought things were tense already* but where e#eryone had been 0uiet before* now they were motionless too, /assie spun around and glared at me, 8Take off,8 shook my head and )len)hed my fists a little tighter, 8Lea#e her alone,8 !or a se)ond thought /assie would go through with it, &er knu)kles went white* and her breathing sped up, knew if she sprang at me* was going to get really hurt, 7hen Brandon's hand appeared on /assie's shoulder to restrain her* thought for a se)ond my knees would bu)kle, % few se)onds later* it was as if nothing had e#er happened, The ring of spe)tators dissol#ed as kids 0ui)kly returned to their tables, Brandon and his friends left through one set of )afeteria doors* while %le) and his friends departed through the other, Britney looked like she was trying to de)ide whether to be mad or impressed* but felt too si)k to sti)k around and try to nudge her in either dire)tion, mumbled something hoped sounded intelligible and headed towards the bathroom, passed Mr, Simms and another tea)her on my way out* but apparently looked as awful as felt, They 6ust shot me stern looks rather than stopping me to ask what had happened,

t wasn't until 'd finished dry.hea#ing and was trying to )lean myself ba)k up* that wondered where they'd been, The s)hool building wasn't that big, f they'd really been trying to break up the fight* they should ha#e arri#ed minutes earlier, thought about hiding in the bathroom for a while* but that was e+a)tly the kind of pla)e a girl like /assie would want to )at)h me, nstead took a deep breath and walked outside, Britney was waiting for me, By her e+pression she'd de)ided on being mad, 8Do you reali'e what you 6ust did:8 was still fresh out of witty )omments, 6ust shrugged instead, Britney had been mad before* now she looked furious, 89ou 6ust pi)ked sides* and you pi)ked the wrong one,8 Maybe still wasn't re)o#ered from my ordeal on !riday3 felt like was missing something ob#ious, Britney apparently agreed* and she wasted no time in letting me know what it was, 8There are two in.)rowds here3 Brandon's group* whi)h )onsists of all of the athletes and )heerleaders* and %le)'s group* whi)h is about half the si'e* and outside of his immediate friends is made up of a few geeks and misfits, 9ou were on the border of getting in with Brandon* but 6ust threw all of that away to sa#e %le)'s little sister when he's too mu)h of a )oward to do it himself,8 wanted to protest* to e+plain why e#eryone should be able to get along* or point out that despite Brandon's ob#ious appeal* it was his friend who was wrong* but Britney had already turned and stalked off, probably would'#e spent the ne+t few minutes refining my arguments for the ne+t time we talked* but the last thing Britney had said finally sank in, &is sister, "a)hel was %le)'s sister* and he hadn't made a mo#e to sa#e her, &e hadn't e#en been willing to let his friends step in and stop the fight, drifted off to &istory thinking that would'#e done almost anything to sa#e my sister, t would take a real heartless indi#idual to abandon their own family, My anger buffered me 6ust enough to think about /indi without the usual )onse0uen)es* but still wasn't really in top form, was halfway through my )lass before reali'ed Mr, Simms had been shooting me dark looks for the last twenty minutes, They weren't the ob#ious nasty looks that kids shoot ea)h other of )ourse, They were subtle and infre0uent but there was something about the set of his mouth that made it )lear he wasn't pleased was in his )lass,

shrugged it all off and gutted my way through )lass* eagerly planning what 'd say to %le) when saw him in physi)s* only when finally stalked into Mrs, %le+ander's )lass %le) wasn't sitting in his )orner desk, pulled out my notes and started re#iewing what 'd managed to learn about our pro6e)t* stalling until he arri#ed so )ould gi#e him a pie)e of my mind, 4nly he ne#er walked through the door, still had my anger* but it wasn't )ushioning me as well for some reason, t felt like another atta)k was on the way, My pulse was skyro)keting and the room wa#ered as my #ision dimmed, t didn't make sense to be ha#ing a pani) atta)k right now* but images of /indi swam into #iew* alternating with pi)tures of %le) and "a)hel, t was like %le)'s )ruelty to his sister somehow meant was failing /indi, )on)entrated all of my energy on thinking about %le)* about how mu)h hated him* about what was going to say to him ne+t time saw him, Beyond all e+pe)tations* it worked, My heart rate slowed down to something approa)hing normal* and the room stopped mo#ing around, By the time Mrs, %le+ander finished taking the roll* and returned her pen)il to its )ustomary pla)e behind her ear* 'd stabili'ed enough that )ould read my notes again, The group pro6e)t was due tomorrow* and sin)e %le) hadn't bothered to make an appearan)e in )lass sin)e my first day in San)tuary* it was looking like 'd ha#e to do the whole thing by myself if wanted to pass, 9et another reason to hate him, So far 'd had 'ero lu)k figuring out why rain puddles in the parking lot sometimes had )olors on them* sort of like little earthbound rainbows, turned around and pi)ked a referen)e book at random, t was a weighty thing that might or might not ha#e the answer* but at the #ery least promised to keep me o))upied for the duration of the )lass, finally found something promising about fifteen se)onds before the bell rang, probably would'#e stayed there trying to )ram information into my head* but Mrs, %le+ander walked by with a smile on her fa)e as the last of the other students filed out of the room, 8 f you're really that enthralled by a )ollege physi)s book* you're more than wel)ome to take it home with you tonight, =ust promise to bring it ba)k in the same )ondition, "emember* 'm less )on)erned with your answer* and more interested in the pro)ess you take to try and sol#e the problem, 4f )ourse the right answer ne#er hurts,8 smiled and hurried out of )lass with a 'thank you', shouldn't ha#e bothered rushing, slipped into Spanish e+a)tly three se)onds before the late bell sounded* but Mrs, Tiggs wasn't e#en there, 7hen she finally did show up* we had a surprise 0ui' on our #o)abulary, 4n)e we finished she turned on the tele#ision and told us to listen for )on6ugation,

almost wished shared the )lass with Britney* her dad seemed like the type to get si+ kinds of riled up o#er something like that, &e'd probably go straight to the s)hool board and demand a new Spanish tea)her altogether, t was a real relief when was finally able to lea#e the drab little )lassroom, stopped off at my lo)ker before heading to the tutor room* but Britney was nowhere to be seen, (robably still mad, mentally shrugged as swapped out books* and set off, "a)hel was already seated in her usual spot in no.man's.land, debated where to sit for a se)ond, 'd done the right thing in standing up to /assie* but didn't want to further alienate Brandon* or put myself anymore firmly in the group of idiots who looked to %le) as their master and liege, Before )ould finish weighing the pros and )ons* "a)hel looked up and )aught my eye, The smile that appeared on her fa)e was tentati#e but genuine* and )ompletely resol#ed my doubts, returned her shy greeting with a smile of my own* and sat down at the table )losest to her, Britney entered the tutor lab a few minutes later* and frowned at me before going o#er and sitting at the end of the room )ontaining the 6o)ks and )heerleaders, %pparently was supposed to ha#e waited: sighed and flipped open my book, %s finished up my se)ond assignment for the day* reali'ed was par)hed, My trusty water bottle was empty when rea)hed for it* so 0uietly stood and left the room, thought remembered where the )losest drinking fountain was, E#en so* planned on getting a little lost before found it, didn't* howe#er* plan on nearly )olliding with %le) as he slowly rounded the )orner in front of me, The tension of the near.fight earlier had distra)ted me from 6ust how in)redible.looking he was, There was no su)h refuge now, !or a moment )ouldn't think of anything other than how the dark blue of his shirt brought out his tan )omple+ion, f his gorgeousness had stopped there* probably would'#e been okay* but the little spirits in )harge of keeping the uni#erse in e0uilibrium must'#e been momentarily busy with something more important, The blue buttons that kept his shirt snuggly wrapped around his impressi#e torso were almost the e+a)t shade of his eyes* whi)h happened to be staring at me with a tra)e of something different than his normal self.assuran)e, n someone else would'#e almost said gratitude* but his manner was too arrogant for that, More than anything else* that was what finally shook me from my re#erie, &e was already talking, 8,,,wanted to talk to you about what happened today,8

(art of me wanted to wait and see what he was going to say* to lose myself in what was sure to be a #ery )on#in)ing lie designed to make him look good* and me feel like was on heroin for howe#er long he fa#ored me with his presen)e, Lu)kily that idealisti)* stupid part of me had seen too many girls get used by smooth.talking boys, interrupted right away, 89ou mean when your sister nearly got beaten by that whore* and you not only didn't do anything* you stopped your friends from doing anything either,8 %le) flin)hed a little, was a little surprised by how satisfying it was to ha#e him* a demigod* on the run* but didn't let it slow me down, 8The fa)t that * a little waif from out of town* )ould defuse the situation and sa#e "a)hel no doubt sti)ks in your )raw* whi)h e+plains why you're lurking around out here waiting to talk to me, Be)ause only then )an you fabri)ate some reason for why e#erything had to go down the way it did* and thereby sa#e fa)eB8 &e wasn't flin)hing now, nstead his fa)e had gotten tight and remote, !or a se)ond it seemed like he was looking right through me, 89ou don't understand,8 %le)'s e+pression should ha#e s)ared me, t sent shi#ers down my spine* but was too mad to ba)k down o#er a little thing like my knees nearly shaking, 84f )ourse, That's an easy )omeba)k, don't understand, 9ou're right* don't, would'#e done almost anything to prote)t my sister* but you didn't e#en )are that "a)hel was going to get hurt,8 5ow really was s)ared* %le) was trembling slightly* and he looked like he wanted to slap me, 7hile was still trying to de)ide whether should radiate smugness at ha#ing #erbally bested him* or run ba)k to the safety of the tutor room* he lunged forward and grabbed me around the shoulders, 8 was going to offer you my prote)tion against /assie and Brandon* and you throw your supposed superiority in my fa)e, !ine* but don't )ome )rying ba)k to me when the mask )omes off,8 %le) abruptly released me and stalked off, &e was mo#ing so in)redibly 0ui)kly he'd disappeared around a )orner with one balled.up fist pressed against his side before 'd e#en started shaking in fear, 'd ne#er before been that helpless, &ad he wanted to* had no doubt but that he )ould ha#e easily snapped my ne)k, &e was that strong, really was trembling now, wanted to mutter something about o#er'ealous body. builders lifting 6ust to intimidate people* but )ouldn't get the words out, think maybe was afraid he'd o#erhear and return to finish the 6ob, My shoulders felt like the skin was on fire* but knew it was 6ust my imagination, &is grip had been ro)k.hard* but he hadn't a)tually s0uee'ed enough to hurt me, &e'd shown

pretty good )ontrol for someone who'd 6ust been spanked in a debate* and ob#iously wanted to rip my head off, Turning around to return to the tutor room* almost tripped o#er my own feet when saw Britney standing 6ust outside the )losed door, 8%re you )ra'y: !irst you side with "a)hel against Brandon* firmly putting yourself in %le)'s )amp* and then you turn around and piss off %le):8 really wasn't in the mood to argue with Britney* so tried for non)halan)e, 8So now 'm not on anyone's side, They'll both lea#e me alone and 'll be fine,8 84h* yeah* be)ause that's how things work,8 'd only thought Britney was mad before, She was all but shaking with fury now, 8Don't you get it: 9ou* me* most of the rest of the s)hool* we sur#i#e by staying neutral, !or better or worse* we aren't attra)ti#e* )ool* or ri)h enough to get in with %le) or Brandon, 4n)e you piss one of them off though* you'd better hope you're in with the other one* be)ause that's the only way you'#e got any kind of prote)tion,8 t was starting to sound like organi'ed )rime or something, 4f )ourse they )ould make my life miserable so)ially* but it wasn't like they were going to really hurt me, opened my mouth to try and )alm Britney down* but she )ut me off, 89ou don't understand how mu)h influen)e they ha#e, Three years ago someone tried to start a newspaper in San)tuary, Things were going along 6ust fine until he pissed off %le)'s mother, The )ity )ondemned the building and refused to )hange the 'oning laws so he )ould get another pla)e, 7hen he really pushed the issue* his house mysteriously )aught on fire,8 My mouth was hanging open* but Britney seemed to think it was disbelief rather than ama'ement, 8 'm serious* %driana* and 'm not letting you take my family down with you, !ind your own way home,8

Chapter 6
There was no reason for Britney's a)tions to )ome as any kind of surprise* it was e+a)tly in keeping with her )hara)ter, E#en if she didn't belie#e a word of what she'd 6ust told me* really was on my way to be)oming a so)ial pariah* and her whole e+isten)e )entered around be)oming more popular, E#en so* knowing was offi)ially stranded at s)hool with no way home felt #ery mu)h like the end of the world, 7e still didn't ha#e a phone* and probably wouldn't for weeks to )ome* e#en assuming we somehow managed to keep our home through the end of the week, /alling Mom and asking her to )ome and get me was out,

(resumably if waited long enough Mom would de)ide something was wrong and )ome looking for me, -nless she was out hiking somewhere* in whi)h )ase it might be a day or two before she reali'ed was missing, There was nothing to do but walk, waited a few minutes to gi#e Britney time to get out of the lab* and then walked in and grabbed my things, The other kids were already )learing out, 5obody e#en looked up as left, Lu)kily 'd worn sneakers rather than the e+oti) footwear most girls gra#itated towards, f 'd been wearing anything else* 'd ha#e been nursing blisters before made it out of the parking lot, %s it was* 0ui)kly reali'ed my little walk home was going to be twi)e as unpleasant as 'd e+pe)ted, The s)hool most definitely wasn't in the pretty* green part of the region, E#ery step ki)ked up a miniature )loud of fine* red dust that drifted into my lungs and slowly )oated my )lothes, The dust would'#e been plenty bad all by itself* but the heat made things e#en worse, t was only an hour or two remo#ed from the hottest part of the day* and the air was so dry it su)ked moisture out of me with ea)h breath, knew it was stupid to walk home, My one little bottle of water wasn't going to last me fi#e miles in this o#en* but was tired of always ha#ing to be sensible about e#erything, was going to walk* and that was it, Maybe if passed out on the side of the road and ended up in the hospital Britney would finally reali'e what a wen)h she was, was barely out of sight of the s)hool* still #i#idly imagining %le) and Britney's fa)es when they found out that they'd put me in the hospital* when heard a )ar approa)hing from behind me, 4nly it wasn't 'ipping by* it was slowing down, E#ery s)ary story 'd e#er heard about rapists* kidnappers and murderers suddenly flowed through my mind like frayed ropes )at)hing at my insides as they went* pulling out all of the other thoughts and feelings until there was nothing left but a hollow* fear.filled shell, found myself praying for the first time sin)e the a))ident* pleading with whate#er might be out there listening to prote)t me and get me safely home, My heart was pounding so hard it almost drowned out the )run)h of gra#el as the )ar pulled e#en with me, didn't re)ogni'e the #ehi)le* whi)h was a bad sign, t was a light.eating bla)k* and emitted the throaty roar of a sports )ar, The windows were tinted3 )ould see that mu)h out of the )orner of my eye without a)knowledging that it was there, That really seemed like the best )ourse, Maybe if pretended he wasn't there* the dri#er would 6ust go away, % hint of motion told me that wasn't going to be the )ase, The passenger side window was sliding down with the smooth* e#en motion of power windows,

8 '#e heard that some of you easterners ha#e some really funny ideas, guess seeing as how we don't ha#e any mass transit out here you must'#e de)ided you needed to walk home, Don't you think it's a bit hot for that kind of en#ironmental responsibility:8 The #oi)e was familiar* but my mind initially refused to pla)e it with a fa)e, t was too unbelie#able to be real, took a )ouple more steps* and then looked to my left and was rewarded as an infe)tious grin slowly appeared on Brandon's fa)e, wanted to say something witty* but the thoughts all 6ust swirled around in my head without making it down to my mouth, Brandon's smile grew 6ust a little bigger, 8 really think you should let me gi#e you a ride home, Based on our past history* it's only a matter of time before one of us runs into the other* and 'm afraid of what my Mustang might do to you when that happens,8 Brandon's #oi)e washed o#er me like silk* )arrying away any desires might ha#e had to walk all the way home 6ust to pro#e a point, 5ot trusting my #oi)e* nodded and took the )ouple of steps needed to rea)h his passenger door, 8 wanted to apologi'e for what happened earlier today, /assie )an be a real 6erk sometimes,8 t was too good to be true, almost looked o#er at him* but knew 'd lose myself in a pair of soft* gray eyes, Brandon seemed to understand that my silen)e meant wasn't )on#in)ed, 89ou wouldn't belie#e how relie#ed was when you stepped forward and stopped her before things got out of hand,8 My natural pessimism reasserted itself* undaunted by the fa)t that )ould 6ust see Brandon's e+0uisitely.mus)led arm out of the )orner of my eye, 8 f you knew /assie was in the wrong* why didn't you stop her: She's your friend3 you should ha#e been able to defuse the situation before it got that far,8 Brandon took a deep breath, &is #oi)e was 0uiet now* the perfe)t e+ample of someone admitting something they weren't proud of, 8Things are )ompli)ated with /assie, 4ur families go really far ba)k* it's almost like she's my sister sometimes, She doesn't like to listen to me* and when she gets mad* things get #ery unpleasant,8 t was a weak e+planation* but there was something in his #oi)e that made me belie#e him, The few doubts still had melted away as finally met his eyes, '#e always been pretty good at reading people* and 'd ne#er seen anyone whose eyes )on#eyed that le#el of sin)erity, My #oi)e )aught* and it took a )ouple of tries to get a)tual words out, 8She'll )ome after me,8

Brandon shook his head, 8 won't let her, That's part of why wanted to talk to you, won't let anyone do anything to you, Think of it as repayment,8 The words weren't anything spe)ial* but there was something about the way he said them that made me absolutely sure he'd deli#er on his promise* that he was somehow )ompletely in )ontrol of his surroundings, The intensity in his stare was too mu)h* and found myself looking away* trying to buy some time to )olle)t myself, Lu)kily wasn't so far gone as to not re)ogni'e where we were, 84h* gosh* that was the turnoff to my house, 'm so sorry,8 Brandon flashed me another smile and 0ui)kly maneu#ered his )ar through a -.turn* a feat was fairly )ertain was harder than it looked in the bulky mus)le )ar, 85o harm done, 9ou guys bought the old %nderson home then:8 nodded* staring out at the desolate lands)ape, 89ou mean e#ery single person in town doesn't already know e#erything there is to know about us:8 84h* the 6oys of a small town, 9eah* with as little real news as we get out here* people probably know more about you than you're used to, t has its benefits though,8 snorted* and then felt myself turning red with embarrassment, 9ou would think after se#enteen years 'd ha#e learned how to laugh without making those wret)hed sounds, 8%s if, )an't think of one good thing about e#eryone ha#ing their noses in e#eryone else's business,8 The smile was ba)k* but it was more mis)hie#ous than before, 8&ow about me knowing Britney left you high and dry after s)hool today:8 8(lease, That 6ust makes the humiliation more painful,8 Brandon shook his head as we pulled to a stop in front of my house, 85o* that means )an do something about you losing your ride,8 suddenly felt like there was a 6oke was missing out on, 8&ow do you propose to fi+ that:8 8 t was my fault so 'll be your ride ba)k and forth from s)hool e#ery day,8 8 don't know about all of that* but thanks for the lift 6ust now,8 fumbled for a minute with the unfamiliar lat)h* and then in#ited the blistering heat into the )ool interior of the )ar as swung the door open,

Brandon gently )aptured my arm before )ould slide out of the passenger seat, 89ou'll wait for me tomorrow:8 8 don't know..maybe, %nyone that thinks Minnesota is the east instead of the Midwest )an't really be relied upon to remember important things like appointments,8 )ould feel myself blushing again as pulled free and fled into the house with a single wa#e goodbye, 5ormally wasn't flirtatious, &e)k* hardly knew the meaning of the word* but something about Brandon turned it all into a harmless game, % game with rules that were nearly )omprehensible for a )hange, 4ne where there was #ery little to lose and an undreamed.of potential for a)hie#ing ama'ing things, %s soon as the door was shut ran to the window and hid behind the blinds* wat)hing as the bla)k Mustang dro#e up our lane, 4#er)ome by the sudden urge to giggle* ran upstairs looking for my mom, made it all the way to her door before remembering the =eep hadn't been downstairs, Typi)al, The one time had good news* and she wasn't around, wandered ba)k downstairs* more be)ause it was )ooler down there than be)ause had any real desire to work on homework, 4n)e was down there though* grimly de)ided to open up my bag and make some progress before Mom got home, pulled my feet up on the )ou)h* leaned ba)k against the arm and rested my Spanish book on my knees, momentarily wondered if should make myself 0uite so )omfortable as my eyes )losed, The doorbell )ame as an abrupt surprise* waking me from the nap hadn't intended on taking, 'd been in one of the surreal* #i#id dreams, t was already too distant to remember details* but had the impression of being on a mountaintop during the day with #ision so a)ute that 'd been able to see the indi#idual motes of dust, 4ddly enough it almost seemed like %le) had been there too, The person waiting outside wasn't anyone re)ogni'ed* but he had the )ultured* high. brow appearan)e of someone who was either really ri)h* or who mo#ed in the kind of )ir)les where you didn't get seated unless you were properly attired, 87hy* hello* you must be %driana, /an )all you %dri:8 shook my head, 8 prefer my full name* Mr,,,8 87ilkenson* Mayor 7ilkenson, s your mother home:8 Suddenly stru)k by the fa)t that li#ing in the )ountry meant there wasn't anyone around to hear your s)reams* almost lied* but for whate#er reason belie#ed him, Maybe be)ause he e+uded the false* o#erabundant sin)erity 'd )ome to asso)iate with both the )lass presidents 'd known ba)k in Minnesota,

8She's out photographing one of the parks, s there a message you'd like me to pass on:8 &e looked surprisingly un)ertain* almost like he was used to working from a s)ript* and didn't know what to do when things didn't go as planned, 8Do you know when she'll be ba)k:8 My headshake seemed to unner#e him a little more, (resumably he was ha#ing a hard time belie#ing in a world where people didn't ha#e fi+ed s)hedules* where moms didn't let their daughters know when they'd be ba)k from their outings, 8The message really is 0uite urgent, %re you positi#e you don't ha#e a way to )onta)t her: 7ell then* suppose '#e no )hoi)e,8 Most people say they don't ha#e a )hoi)e rather flippantly* but he seemed rather more like he had his ba)k against the wall than e+pe)ted, 89ou know* presume* that there was some )onfusion regarding the tourism pro6e)t she bid out for the )ity: 7ell* '#e managed to get to the bottom of the situation and it appears we did indeed award the )ontra)t to her,8 The news seemed too good to be true, 89ou mean she's got the 6ob:8 8Te)hni)ally it isn't an employment offer, t's more in the way of a )onsulting pro6e)t* but yes* she'll be in a sense working for the )ity, '#e asked my staff to make sure that the )onfusion is )leared up with the bank as well so you shouldn't be in any kind of danger of losing your house anymore,8 almost )lapped for 6oy* only there was something off about it all, Sin)e when did the mayor personally )ome to deli#er a pie)e of relati#ely insignifi)ant news: 5ot only that* why would he be so shaken up: &e'd a)tually seemed to be trying to determine whether or not it would be okay to 6ust lea#e a message, Like he was operating by a set of rules he didn't )ompletely understand, 4r maybe at the order of someone else: 5ormally wouldn't ha#e been bra#e enough to press* but the words were out of my mouth almost before reali'ed what was doing, 8That's great* sir, Do you often work so )losely with the lo)al bank: mean when the loan offi)er talked to my mom he said that there was no way to keep us from losing our house, think she said his e+a)t words were that it would take an a)t of $od to )hange things now,8 % tiny fragment of memory rose to the surfa)e of my mind, % time when Dad had been talking about negotiating with someone for work, 8Don't be afraid of silen)e* %dri, Espe)ially not when you know you're right, Let the silen)e work on people for a little while and they'll usually start to )ra)k,8

That was the last thing wanted to do right now* but kept my mouth shut anyways, t was almost like )ould see the gray matter starting to heat up as the mayor tried to figure out e+a)tly what knew and how mu)h 6ust suspe)ted, 8%)t of $od indeed, !an)y that, 7ell* surprising as it may be* !redri)k doesn't know e#erything there is to know about the world,8 &e was turning to lea#e* and most of me was s)reaming to 6ust thank him and wa#e goodbye* but there had been something in his eyes that had me )on#in)ed he'd been lying, 8Thank you* sir, guess need to learn more about )i#i) go#ernment, )an't wait to go into whate#er re)ords are publi) and learn about all of the ways the mayor works with the banks, 'll bet there are plenty of other people who'd be interested too, Maybe )an start a )lub at s)hool,8 t was like someone else was doing the talking for me, 'd ne#er been this bold* and to do so now with someone who )ould arrange for my mom's 6ob to disappear again seemed like the worst kind of stupidity* but )ouldn't fall apart now, almost )ouldn't belie#e my eyes when his fa)e turned red, 8Listen here* Missy, '#e been in politi)s longer than you'#e been ali#e* and it takes a whole hell of a lot more than a pre)o)ious teenager to bla)kmail me, So* you )an 6ust drop your #eiled threats and pretend like we ne#er had this )on#ersation* or (ill see that your mom is on)e again unemployed* and we'll 6ust see whether or not your prote)tor is bluffing,8 Stepping out of my front door and being hit by a )ement tru)k would ha#e been less of a surprise, 'd thought something odd was happening* but the idea of someone prote)ting us was almost unbelie#able, The mayor took my sho)k as a sign he on)e again had the upper hand, Smiling smugly* he turned to lea#e* but not before )ould grab at the slee#e of his sport )oat, 87ait, 7ho is it: 7ho's helping us:8 The smirk hadn't left, 85o* he was #ery )lear on that point, 9ou're not to know, That's the one thing guaranteed to make him go through with his threats, 9ou'll 6ust ha#e to be satisfied with the fa)t that you'll both )ontinue to be able to li#e in our fine )ity,8 5ormally would ha#e 6ust a)0uies)ed* but )ouldn't bear the thought of letting him lea#e* taking with him the identity of the only person besides my mom who really )ared what happened to me, tightened my grip in an attempt to stop him, 8(lease* if you won't tell me who it is* let me write a thank you note, ha#e to do something, &e's done so mu)h for us,8

&e stopped partway through shaking his head, 8 )an't promise he'll e#en bother to read it* but 'll take it to him if you promise ne#er to talk about this again, don't want to hear e#en the slightest rumor anything unusual happened in asso)iation with this pro6e)t,8 nodded* relie#ed 'd ha#e a )han)e to 6ot down a )ouple of lines* that 'd at least ha#e that mu)h of a link with our prote)tor, Mayor 7ilkenson waited at the door* almost the perfe)t pi)ture of a gentleman at his leisure* but his desire to be done with this whole affair was almost palpable, hurried ba)k to the kit)hen )ounter and tore a pie)e of paper off of the tablet 'd been drawing on, Whoe#er you are thank you so %uch for (hat you'#e done *ot +ust for the +ob, but for s%oothing things o#er (ith the bank as (ell ) (ish there (as so%e (ay ) could repay you for e#erything $$'driana

Chapter 7
My alarm )lo)k 6erked me out of a thankfully dream.free slumber, %)tually* as pulled myself out of bed reali'ed 'd had a #irtual torrent of dreams* but none of them had been possessed of the strange #i#idness that'd begun haunting my waking moments, hadn't had one of the spe)ial dreams* ergo hadn't had any dreams last night, really needed to get out of this town before whate#er was in the water dro#e me )ompletely )ra'y, %)tually* probably didn't ha#e mu)h time in whi)h to affe)t my es)ape, 7hen it )ame to )ra'iness was already halfway there, %fter all* 'd already been diagnosed with the kind of )lini)al )ondition nobody with less than eight years of s)hool )ould e#en pronoun)e, %s amusing as my internal monologue was* didn't let it slow my normal morning preparations, %lmost before knew it* was downstairs and on)e again fa)ing the dreaded de)ision of whether or not to eat breakfast, already knew wasn't hungry3 the only real de)ision was how mu)h of Mom's wrath was willing to fa)e later on, t wasn't until had my hand on the doorknob that remembered Brandon's promise to pi)k me up, was so tired a)tually )onsidered for a se)ond that he might ha#e been serious, Sitting in his )ar* fighting not to look at his smiling gray eyes* it'd all seemed so reasonable, 'd lost my ride and he was grateful 'd sa#ed him from ha#ing to interfere with /assie* so he was going to be)ome my personal )hauffeur for the rest of the year, Looking at my empty lane* the s)hool bus only minutes away* it seemed more likely Brandon wouldn't e#en remember talking to me, =ust like e#ery hot boy with e#ery loser sin)e the dawn of time,

The thought hurt a little* but 'd had plenty of years to )ome to understand boys like that didn't go after girls like me, nstead of dwelling on it* greenhouse gases or anything else )ouldn't )hange* simply shrugged my ba)kpa)k a little higher and started down the lane, Some kind of bird was merrily announ)ing to the world that he was ridi)ulously happy the sun was 6ust rising* and that it was already pushing eighty degrees with the promise of something mu)h* mu)h worse before lun)h, hadn't been waiting for more than a minute when a pair of headlights rounded the bend in the road )oming from town, was so busy worrying how 'd deal with /assie when saw her that it took me a minute to reali'e the )ar had slowed as it approa)hed, 87ow* dri#e all this way* and then you depri#e me of the pleasure of the last hundred feet,8 The deep* smooth #oi)e was unmistakable e#en if the light was still too poor to make out anything else, slipped inside the Mustang with a grin playing at the edge of my lips despite my best efforts to remain )ool and )olle)ted, 87ell* didn't want to start your day off too well* or e#erything else would be anti)lima)ti),8 8"eally: 9ou weren't 6ust worried wasn't going to show up: Be)ause you understand how someone )ould'#e been thinking you'd walked down your lane so you )ould )at)h the bus if 'd forgotten about you:8 'd been gi#ing Brandon my )rinkled.nose glare for a solid three se)onds before his easy laugh made me reali'e what was doing, hadn't done that to anyone in months* it'd been my trademark e+pression for when a family member had made me mad, 84kay* you're right, didn't think you'd show,8 8 should be #ery hurt by your la)k of faith* but seeing as how you'#e been through so mu)h lately* 'll forgi#e you,8 My heart was suddenly trying to hammer its way out of my throat* whi)h had )onstri)ted so tightly )ouldn't seem to get any air down to my star#ing lungs, 8&ow did you,,,nobody knows,,,8 Brandon's hand was on my shoulder despite my inability to remember how it had gotten there, 8%re you okay: was 6ust kidding* you know* about the near fight and then telling %le) off and ha#ing Britney de)ide she was mo#ing on to greener pastures, didn't mean anything by it,8

The atta)k was still trying to o#erwhelm me* but Brandon not knowing the full e+tent of my weakness robbed it of some of the momentum ne)essary to roll me all the way under, managed some kind of reply* one that might'#e e#en been witty* but whi)h apparently didn't manage to )o#er up the fa)t wasn't really okay, 7e dro#e in silen)e the rest of the way into town* and by the time we turned into the s)hool parking lot 'd )ome ba)k to myself enough to be desperately looking for something else to say, needed something )ool enough Brandon wouldn't write me off as a lost )ause, 7ish.granting fairies somewhere were working o#ertime* be)ause as Brandon turned off the engine* saw a mob of people o#er by one of the smaller entran)es to the s)hool, 87ow* wonder what's going on o#er there,8 7e were both out of the )ar now* and it seemed the most natural thing in the world to grab Brandon's arm and tug him o#er to the )rowd, t wasn't until felt the iron.hard mus)les under my now.tingling hand that reali'ed what 'd done, felt a surge of heat wash o#er my fa)e and ne)k, Brandon for on)e didn't ha#e an easy )omeba)k to defuse the awkwardness, f anything he looked slightly un)omfortable himself, 8 'm sure it's nothing important,,,8 &e trailed off as my traitorous hand found his arm of its own a))ord and started pulling again, wasn't sure why was so an+ious3 usually a#oided )rowds like the plague, Maybe was 6ust trying to prolong our time together, let go as soon as we rea)hed the fringe of the )rowd* and prayed it was only my imagination that made me think Brandon was 6ust the slightest bit relie#ed, Lu)kily there was plenty to distra)t me, t looked like there'd been some kind of war behind the s)hool, The flagpole had a massi#e dent in its base* and a)tually looked like it was leaning slightly to one side, The straggly grass* kept 6ust barely ali#e by the nearly non.e+istent rain and infre0uent watering by some anonymous grounds keeper* had been torn up, Large pat)hes of reddish dirt had been e+posed and the ground was s)arred by gouges that looked like they'd been made by some kind of farm ma)hinery e+)ept for being so irregular, My eyes were momentarily pulled ba)k to the ground, Something about the gouges was ti)kling the ba)k of my mind, &ad seen something like that before: &iking maybe: 4nly )ould )ount the number of hikes 'd a)tually parti)ipated in on one hand, Surely something like that would'#e stayed with me, Someone gasped as the )rowd shifted around* distra)ting me from my half.formed suspi)ions, looked o#er at the e+terior wall of the s)hool and felt my 6aw drop, Maybe

Mom had read the story about the three little pigs a few too many times to me when was growing up* but 'd always thought of bri)k as the strongest possible building material, didn't ha#e any idea if it really was* but it seemed in)redible that anything )ould'#e wreaked su)h damage, The bri)ks on the wall ne+t to the door were )ra)ked and set ba)k in the wall* almost like they'd been hit with some kind of wre)king ball* and the )on)rete of the sidewalk had gouges )riss)rossing its surfa)e like some kind of abstra)t painting, 8There's nothing to see here* kids, want you to all disperse and go to your home rooms,8 The short* mostly bald man who'd ordered us all to lea#e was 6ust #isible through a gap in the )rowd, &e walked like an administrator* but hadn't e#er seen him before, 87ho's that:8 Brandon started 6ust a little* like he'd been thinking of something else, 8Mr, "indell* the assistant prin)ipal,8 5ow that my )omplete attention wasn't on the #arious destroyed bits of s)hool property* noti)ed how mu)h whispering was going on, Most of it was too 0uiet to )at)h more than bits and pie)es* but heard more than one ')ompletely 6a)ked up'* and a few people wondering what )ould ha#e )aused that kind of destru)tion, Mr, "indell apparently heard mu)h of the same snippets of )on#ersation, 89ou would think by now you'd all be old enough to figure some of this out on your own, The flag pole was ob#iously hit by some kind of #ehi)le* probably one of those big C+C's that you kids seem to lo#e so mu)h down here, The damage to the bri)kwork was no doubt the work of those stupid potato guns, 5ow get out of here before start handing out detention assignments,8 Brandon was tugging on my arm now* not hard enough for anyone to think he'd been dri#en off by a mere s)hool administrator* but urgently enough allowed myself to be guided away, 7e hadn't gone more than a step or two before his grip on my arm grew painful, hissed in dis)omfort and he released me* but not before noti)ed that his other hand was white.knu)kled and his 6aw was )len)hed, 8Sorry* 6ust don't like to see that kind of needless destru)tion, t makes e#eryone look bad and )osts the town a lot of money,8 Brandon's smile was ba)k* but it didn't ha#e his trademark easy )arelessness, 85ow you sound like my mom,8

7e rounded a )orner before Brandon )ould say anything else and nearly ran into Britney, 8$uysB Did you see the ba)k door:8 )ould almost see the wheels turning in Britney's head, !irst she went red as she remembered she'd stranded me at s)hool* then her eyes got a little wider as she reali'ed it was still about fi#e minutes too early for me to ha#e arri#ed on the bus, Brandon's normal smile was ba)k, 89eah* %driana noti)ed it almost as soon as we pulled up to the s)hool,8 &er suspi)ions that Brandon had gi#en me a ride into s)hool satisfied* Britney managed a si)kly smile and mumbled something about seeing us later as she disappeared around the )orner, managed to make it another twenty feet before )ouldn't restrain my laughter anymore, Brandon 6oined in with a )hu)kle that was more restrained* but no less heartfelt, 7e both wound down about the same time* and wiped a tear off of the )orner of ea)h eye, 8 should feel bad for laughing at her* but she's so transparent, t's ni)e to see her ser#ed with a little 6usti)e,8 Brandon nodded with a smile, 8 t's a little ironi), She threw you o#erboard be)ause she was worried you'd limit her upward mobility* and then the ne+t day you arri#e with the guy she's had a )rush on sin)e the day she mo#ed into San)tuary,8 pun)hed him on the shoulder, 89ou knew all this time:8 %nother laugh* and a smile at the way was trying to )on)eal how mu)h the pun)h had hurt my hand, 84f )ourse knew, t isn't like )ould do anything about that, '#e ne#er led her on* but '#e always been aware she liked me,8 There didn't seem to be mu)h else to be said* so thanked Brandon again for the ride into s)hool* and headed off to my home room, E#eryone had pretty mu)h 6ust pretended like didn't e+ist before, 5ow* with Brandon ha#ing taken an interest in me* got e#erything from simple a)knowledgment of my presen)e to ob#ious dislike* and e#en a )ouple of people who looked like they wanted to take Britney's pla)e, suppose some people would ha#e been thrilled by the )han)e to 6oin the top of the so)ial food )hain* but it mostly 6ust disgusted me, politely rebuffed the s)a#engers* ignored the haters* and )arefully a)knowledged the rest without gi#ing them anything else to go on,

t was a rather depressing e+er)ise, By the time Mrs, Sorenson had fired a )ouple of ridi)ulously obs)ure 0uestions at me* found the good feelings 'd managed to )arry away from the mayor's #isit the night before had pretty mu)h e#aporated, English should ha#e been better, 7uthering &eights wasn't e#er going to be my fa#orite book* but Mr, 7hethers had made the )hara)ters more real in the last few days and was a)tually e+)ited to see what he had in store ne+t, -nfortunately* Mr, 7hethers wasn't there, The substitute tea)her sitting at his desk didn't e#en take roll3 he 6ust shut the door* told us to keep it down* and flipped open a maga'ine, 7hile was sitting at my desk wondering what to do with the ne+t hour of my life* something 'd read in the physi)s book suddenly )li)ked, n a perfe)t world would'#e been left in pea)e to finish reasoning out the answer, nstead* Britney leaned o#er and smiled, 8So was really surprised to see you with Brandon, thought for sure he'd be pissed after you made /assie ba)k down like that,8 8Surprise* surprise* maybe he isn't as shallow and #indi)ti#e as you thought,8 The words were mean* but they felt good, There were a lot of other* e#en worse things on the tip of my tongue* things really wanted to say, !or a moment* my anger warred with the fear of being )ompletely friendless, 'd always thought didn't need any friends* that was fine making my own way, was starting to reali'e 'd ne#er really been alone before now, 'd always had the best friend a girl )ould'#e wanted, 'd 6ust ne#er re)ogni'ed how mu)h 'd depended on her, E#en that obli0ue thought was almost too mu)h, felt my pulse 0ui)ken a little as the air seemed to #ibrate, 8Look* 'm sorry about how rea)ted yesterday, shouldn't ha#e left you here like that,8 Britney's #oi)e was )oated with sin)erity* but it was the thinnest of layers* one whi)h poorly disguised all kinds of nasty little feelings, 4n the other hand* it distra)ted my mind from the string of thoughts 'd otherwise ha#e followed all the way down to a full.blown pani) atta)k, t was a small thing in the grand s)heme of the uni#erse* but it was 6ust enough to tilt the balan)e in her fa#or, still didn't like her any more than she really liked me* but was willing to tolerate her, To pretend we were friends so that neither of us had to fa)e the s)ary world entirely on our own, 84kay* apology a))epted, t wasn't #ery ni)e* but suppose e#eryone makes mistakes,8

Britney's eyes grew bright* e#en after su)h a short a)0uaintan)e* knew she was about to laun)h into a blow.by.blow a))ount of the last twel#e or so hours, 8Listen* don't mean to be rude* but '#e got to finish up my physi)s homework, /an we )at)h up during lun)h:8 Britney looked a little )restfallen* but her eyes 0ui)kly lit ba)k up* and before )ould get my notebook out and start writing* she'd already swit)hed seats to one )loser to a gaggle of )heerleaders, t was ama'ing that hadn't made the )onne)tion between light* the fa)t that light a)ted like a wa#e* and the rainbows on the parking lot puddles* but it was all making sense now, By the time the bell finally rang to release the )ir)us ba)k into the halls* 'd finished up a reasonable outline* and was feeling pretty smart, %le) probably e+pe)ted me to ha#e been totally stumped* but 'd figured out the e+a)t answer to the assignment* and was so going to show him, The glow of satisfa)tion more than made up for the fa)t that Britney )hattered non.stop on our way to %lgebra, felt like should feel guilty for not liking her* but was starting to noti)e how mu)h of her )on#ersation re#ol#ed around nasty gossip that made e#eryone else in the s)hool sound like re6e)ts or sluts, 7hen we finally made it to Mrs, /ampbell's )lass* slid into my seat with a sigh of relief, This was the one )lass all day where )ould #irtually guarantee wouldn't be talking to anyone, Mrs, /ampbell wasn't e#er really mean* but she ga#e off an air that made you absolutely sure she wouldn't put up with any )rap, 7e were still working on statisti)s* whi)h was ni)e in that )ould follow what was being said and wasn't falling any further behind* but kind of a bummer be)ause it meant )ouldn't do a bun)h of makeup work during )lass, t was a relief when Mrs, /ampbell finally )apped her marker and turned us loose to work on the homework assignment, was midway through the first assignment when one of the aides slipped into the room and whispered into Mrs, /ampbell's ear, There was a kind of muted* )olle)ti#e gasp that made me look up 6ust in time to see the )olor drain out of her fa)e, Before the aide had e#en finished whispering* Mrs, /ampbell was out of her )hair and headed towards the door, Thirty se)onds later we were all still looking around and wondering what had happened, t was a testament to our respe)t for* or in some )ases fear of* Mrs, /ampbell that nobody spoke in anything abo#e a whisper for an entire fi#e minutes, E#ery terrible thing that )ould possibly happen to a person flowed through my mind* and all )ould do was hope was o#errea)ting, Mrs, /ampbell had s)ared me a little that first day* but she'd been pretty ni)e sin)e* and she'd always been fair, 8So what do you think happened:8

8Britney* what are you doing:8 87hat: 9ou finished up your homework already and she left, 7e )an totally talk right now, 7hat do you think happened: 'll bet she 6ust got some really* really bad news,8 felt a dull a)he starting behind my eyes, 8=ust be)ause finished my (hysi)s doesn't mean don't ha#e other stuff need to do* and don't e#en want to guess at what would make her go that white, 6ust hope whate#er it was turns out not to be as bad as she thought it was,8 Britney rolled her eyes, 8(lease* like you don't ha#e 6ust as mu)h reason to hate her as me, Besides* what other homework )ould you possibly ha#e: 9ou're like the most anal person know when it )omes to doing your homework, Therefore you finished it all last night* and ha#e nothing that )ould possibly be more important than talking to me,8 &er logi) su)ked* but that didn't bother me e#en half as bad as how sure of herself she was, held up my math book with a look that hoped )on#eyed how ridi)ulous she was being, 84h* that's perfe)t, don't understand any of this 6unk* so you )an e+plain it to me now and then we won't ha#e to spend as mu)h time in that stupid tutoring lab,8 The old me would ha#e told Britney she was a self.)entered wen)h* but the new me* the one that was all too aware of how mu)h it would su)k to go through the ne+t two years of s)hool without a single friend* 6ust for)ed my fa)e into something appro+imating a smile and tried to e+plain why drawing something at random from a bag with repla)ement was different than drawing something from a bag without repla)ement, t was a fairly straightforward )on)ept that we'd seen twi)e now, was pretty sure Britney was )apable of understanding* she 6ust didn't )are* whi)h was the one thing #irtually guaranteed to make me mad, Stupidity was bad enough3 la'iness would be a hundred times worse, Still* by the se)ond time through 'd )larified a )ouple of points 'd been a little fu''y on* and was almost ready to belie#e Britney might a)tually apply herself to listening, was so )aught up in what was doing* and the e#er.so.slowly growing light of interest in Britney's eyes* that the rest of the )lass had fallen silent for a full twenty se)onds before the drop in noise registered for me, 8 want e#eryone ba)k to their regular desks and hard at work on their assignments,8 Mrs, /ampbell wasn't as pale as she'd been when she'd left* but she still looked unsettled and more than a little unhappy* presumably with both whate#er had )aused her to lea#e so 0ui)kly* and the fa)t that she'd )ome ba)k to a )lass where almost nobody had been doing anything produ)ti#e,

had a )ouple of heartbeats to hope she'd reali'ed 'd been trying to help Britney with her homework* and therefore not deser#ing of any punishment, 8Britney* %driana* 'll need to speak with you both after the bell,8 %pparently the whole 6usti)e thing was on the frit' right now, t would probably start working again 6ust in time to punish me for whate#er bad thing did ne+t, tried to work on my homework some more* but my heart wasn't in it* so 6ust sat at my desk and tried not to look like was pouting, %ll too soon )lass was o#er* and found myself trailing Britney up to Mrs, /ampbell's desk, She still didn't look #ery happy* but there was a tra)e more self.)ontrol to her fa)e than a few minutes before, 8Britney* despite spending at least an hour at the tutor lab ea)h afternoon* the 0uality of your homework hasn't )ome up in the slightest* so took the liberty of talking to your father yesterday,8 Britney's gasp had all the dramati) effe)t you'd e+pe)t out of someone who'd spent the last de)ade of her life getting away with pretty mu)h whate#er she wanted, She was ob#iously pretending to be sorry* all the while figuring her )urrent trouble would blow o#er 0ui)kly enough if she 6ust played her )ards right, 89our father agrees with me that your studies should be your highest priority* so you'll be staying an e+tra hour starting today* and ending on)e your performan)e impro#es, 4f )ourse you )an always )ontinue to 6ust waste your study time* but if you )hoose to do that '#e been assured that additional penalties will follow 0uite rapidly starting with the loss of your )ar,8 The ne+t gasp was less impressi#e* but tangibly more genuine, E#en my being ne+t )ouldn't stop a flash of satisfa)tion at the way Britney was finally ha#ing to fa)e some of the )onse0uen)es of her a)tions, Mrs, /ampbell dismissed her with a wa#e* waiting until she'd left* shutting the door with a tad more for)e than stri)tly ne)essary, 87hile )an't for a moment understand why you'#e )hosen to befriend Britney* )an't fault you on your willingness to help her despite her flaws,8 should ha#e been o#er6oyed wasn't in trouble, nstead felt guilty for being gi#en far more )redit than deser#ed, opened my mouth to ob6e)t* but was wa#ed ba)k into silen)e, 84b#iously don't want you to make disrupting my )lass a habit* but that isn't why wanted to talk to you, 9our studies are )oming along ni)ely* and '#e heard 0uite a few good things about you from other sour)es* so 'd like to offer you a 6ob,8 5ow that had a )han)e to talk* wasn't sure what to say, 5obody had e#er wanted to hire me, Mrs, /ampbell ga#e me a tired smile, 8The tutor lab is still understaffed,

4b#iously you )ouldn't spend your whole afternoon tutoring* as that would negati#ely affe)t your efforts to )at)h up, 'm thinking 6ust an hour or so per night, t would 6ust be minimum wage* but think you'll find you 0uite en6oy tea)hing,8 Still at a loss for words* 6ust nodded, started towards the door as soon as was dismissed* but stopped at the threshold, 8 s e#erything okay Mrs, /ampbell: mean it seemed like you were really worried when you left,8 trailed off* worried by the measuring look that she ga#e me, 8 don't suppose you're one of the gossipers* and guess it wouldn't really matter if you were, got a )all that my daughter had been in a )ar a))ident, By the time made it out to my )ar she'd )alled to tell me she wasn't hurt* 6ust shaken up, So* in answer to your 0uestion* yes* e#erything's all right, 'm 6ust a little unsettled,8 Lun)h was an awkward affair, Britney was still upset, * on the other hand* was e+tremely happy 'd made a good enough impression to get a 6ob, didn't like sitting there while Britney badmouthed Mrs, /ampbell, looked up during one of Britney's infre0uent pauses for air* and )aught %le) staring at me, Staring wasn't 0uite the right word though, Strangely enough* it didn't seem like he was ne)essarily mad* but he didn't seem happy either, only )aught his eyes for a few se)onds before he looked away* but e#en his normally ri#eting blue eyes )ouldn't distra)t me from my inability to identify the look, was used to people disliking me* ignoring me* or e#en o))asionally liking me* but this was the first time 'd met someone who seemed to be still trying to de)ide what )amp to 6oin long past the time when most kids our age would ha#e either made a de)ision or 6ust de)ided was weird and started ignoring me, Britney seemed to be getting suspi)ious that wasn't really listening* so had to make a lot of eye )onta)t o#er the ne+t few minutes, 7hen finally got a )han)e to look ba)k up* %le) and his friends weren't at their table, /assie )aught my eye before looked down* but she was definitely glaring, 5ot the typi)al .hate.you.and. 'm.going.to.do.e#erything. .)an.to.smear.your.reputation.and. get.you.in.trouble.be)ause.we're.in.high.s)hool.and.that's.all. )an.really.do type glaring, nstead her eyes seemed to warn me ne#er to go out alone at night be)ause if she e#er found me somewhere without any witnesses* they were going to ha#e to hospitali'e me, felt a )hill run through me* and dropped my eyes out of in#oluntary refle+, probably would'#e started shaking if someone hadn't grabbed my shoulder and startled some kind of twisted )ross between a shriek and a gasp out of me, turned to gi#e whoe#er it was a pie)e of my mind* but Brandon's laughing gray eyes made the words tangle up before they made it down to my tongue,

8&ey there, 9ou still going to that tutoring lab after s)hool:8 managed a nod that thought nearly looked )asual, 8$ood* need to start tra)king your mo#ements so you don't keep running me o#er,8 The rest of lun)h and all of history passed in a blur, My mind kept returning to Brandon* and the 0uestion of why he was taking su)h an interest in me, t wasn't until 'd returned Mrs, %le+ander's referen)e book to its shelf and sat down at my desk that remembered 'd had to do the entire 'group' pro6e)t by myself, %le) hadn't e#en bothered to )ome to (hysi)s sin)e the assignment had been gi#en, My entire life 'd had people try and sponge off of my work* and was way beyond si)k and tired of it, By the time %le) strode into )lass looking like the inspiration for e#ery roman)e no#el e#er written* was really mad, hardly waited for him to sit down before pulled my desk a little )loser and hissed at him, 8So #ery ni)e of you to )ome to )lass on the day our stupid assignment is due,8 %le)'s e+pression was remarkable in that 'd ne#er seen anyone look so full of life while simultaneously failing to betray e#en the slightest hint of emotion, &e didn't e#en open his mouth as he rea)hed into his bag and pulled out a bundle of densely.pa)ked typewritten pages, The arrogan)e of it all, &e hadn't e#en bothered to )onsult with me before typing up an answer that was probably )ompletely off base, pulled out my shabbier* but )orre)t* answer and mirrored his a)tion* tossing my bundle on his desk before looking down at his report, skimmed through %le)'s answer and felt my anger 6oined by surprise and 6ust the slightest tou)h of admiration, &e stru)k on e+a)tly the same theory as had* and done at least as good of 6ob e+plaining it, Maybe e#en better )onsidering that he took the time to re#iew some of the underlying theory we'd been taught in )lass, 'd 6ust 6umped right into the answer, 89ou're right, 9ou ne#er e#en )ame to )lass* and you got the right answer, Did you )heat: s the answer to this problem out there somewhere on the nternet:8 %le)'s fa)e tightened with something was willing to bet was anger, 85o* didn't )heat, did the resear)h to find the answer* presumably 6ust like you did, 5e+t time you feel like insulting me* please suppress the urge,8 had at least one nasty )omeba)k on the tip of my tongue* but swallowed it, didn't like his tone* but he did ha#e a right to be mad,

Lu)kily* was sa#ed by Mrs, %le+ander's appearan)e at the door* a dry.erase marker behind one ear* a pen)il behind the other, The rest of the )lass period should ha#e been en6oyable, My group had the right answer* whi)h 'd )ome up with on my own* and we were now learning about le#erage* me)hani)al ad#antage* and fri)tion* all of whi)h were a)tually pretty interesting, studiously ignored %le)* e#en though )ould all but feel him glaring at me the entire time, 7hen the bell finally rang* Mrs, %le+ander looked up from her white board with a startled e+pression, 8 suppose that's it then, Don't forget to turn in your assignments on your way out,8 %n+ious to make sure got )redit for all the work 'd done* hurried up to the front of the )lass before %le) )ould get to his feet, 84h* %driana, t looks like you'#e been busy,8 She took my handwritten report* and then held out a hand as %le) approa)hed, 8Somehow rather suspe)t you both ha#e the same answer* %le) 6ust used twi)e as many words to get there,8 shot %le) another dirty look* but it slid right off the armor of his arrogan)e, &e nodded to Mrs, %le+ander* and then slipped out of the )lassroom, 8"un along* young lady* we wouldn't want you to be late for your ne+t )lass,8 Spanish went about like 'd e+pe)ted, There was a brief dis)ussion on a new grammar )on)ept* some #o)abulary* and a whole lot of tele#ision, Britney )aught up with me at my lo)ker* still )omplaining that she was going to ha#e to start doing her homework instead of trying to flirt with football players, 8 t's )ompletely unfair, 5obody else's parents get )alled, t's like 'm ba)k in grade s)hool and ha#e to deal with parent.tea)her )onferen)e e#ery month, thought the whole point of high s)hool was to gi#e us the )han)e to start making some of our own de)isions,8 grunted something non)ommittal as we turned the )orner, t probably wouldn't ha#e been good enough to sa#e me from ha#ing to a)tually say something* but Brandon was leaning against a wall, 8 thought it mu)h safer to stay in one pla)e and wait for you rather than wander around and risk getting kno)ked down,8 felt my skin flush with embarrassment, t was fairly gentle as teasing went* but hated how my skin looked when was blushing whi)h meant blushed more than any two other people, 5ot only that* )ouldn't e#er )ome up with anything good to say when someone teased me,

Brandon seemed to sense my unease* and flashed another gentle smile, 8 6ust wanted to find out if you had a way home tonight after you finished up with your math stuff,8 Britney was almost 6umping up and down, 84h* don't worry* Brandon* 'll gi#e %dri a ride home, The poor thing li#es all the way out in the %nderson home, '#e been gi#ing her a ride into s)hool and home almost e#ery day sin)e she mo#ed,8 Brandon was still smiling* but got the feeling that it was a little more for)ed, 8(erfe)t, 'm going to go take )are of some stuff then* but 'll see you both tomorrow,8 Mrs, /ampbell looked up from the plant she was watering as we walked into the tutoring room, 8%h* there you two are, Britney* you'll be sitting o#er there from now on, %driana* go ahead and get started on your homework, 7hen you finish )ome find me and we'll get you situated,8 %s always* "a)hel was sitting at her table in the middle of no.man's.land, She looked up at me and smiled as took my usual spot and started on my homework, !or the first time all day felt like )ould rela+, The few times looked up* saw Britney* who seemed determined not to gi#e in and a)tually do her homework, finished my two assignments about the time normally did* and walked o#er to where Mrs, /ampbell was trying to e+plain a story problem, The sophomore she was helping looked like he wanted to be anywhere other than trying to figure out how long it would take Sally to mow the lawn gi#en a )ertain width of lawn mower mo#ing at a gi#en rate of speed, 84h* %driana, $o ahead and walk around looking for students who need help, Most e#eryone will lea#e in the ne+t ten minutes or so* but we're a)tually open for another hour,8 She was right, 5early e#eryone left o#er the ne+t little while as they either finished up their assignments* ga#e up* or finally filled whate#er 0uota of study time they'd been gi#en by their parents, did get to answer a )ouple of 0uestions* whi)h was surprisingly fun, 7hen there was only half an hour left Mrs, /ampbell walked o#er, 8$ood 6ob so far, %lbert* the other tutors* and are all going to head out, Stay here until )losing time* and then you're free to go, 7e'll see you tomorrow,8 wat)hed as my new )o.workers tri)kled out* and then looked around at the nearly empty room, "a)hel was still sitting at her desk in the middle of the room* and Britney was still pouting from her new* assigned seat, 8Let's go,8

shook my head, 8 told Mrs, /ampbell 'd stay the whole time, 'm not lying for you or anyone else,8 "a)hel piped up une+pe)tedly, 8 t's okay* Britney, f you want to lea#e we'll gi#e her a ride home,8 )ould see the wheels turning in her head, f really did ha#e a ride* she )ould lea#e without ruining things with Brandon3 but if wasn't going to lie* then there was a good )han)e that Mrs, /ampbell would find out she'd left early, (arents were relati#ely easy to fool, Lea#e the tutor lab early* go somewhere else and kill some time until you were supposed to )ome home* and they'd ne#er know the differen)e, Tea)hers were a little harder* but if you didn't ha#e the help of your 'friends'* then they be)ame an insurmountable obsta)le, The gears finally ground to a stop and Britney sighed as she put her head down on the table, tried to stop from smiling at her theatri)s* but happened to look o#er at "a)hel 6ust in time to see a mat)hing smile on the younger girl's fa)e, Before )ould look away* "a)hel held up the red side of her )ard, 8Do you ha#e a minute:8 &appy to be able to do something* hurried o#er and took a look at her open book, 8!ra)tions* huh:8 89eah* 'm supposed to redu)e them after finish adding* but )an't seem to get to the same answer as the book on this one,8 She'd transposed a )ouple of the numbers when working on one of the intermediate steps, 8&ere it is* you'#e )hanged the numbers here* it should be fourteen si+ty.fifths* not fourteen fifty.si+ths,8 "a)hel's skin was se#eral shades darker than mine* tan enough that it didn't show embarrassment as easily* but it still looked like she'd gone the slightest bit red, 84h* 'm sorry to bug you with su)h a stupid mistake,8 8Don't worry about it, 'm 6ust glad it was that easy, '#e been worried all day someone would stump me on something right out of the gate on my first day,8 "a)hel looked up at me through dark lashes as stood, 8 '#e wanted to say thanks for a while, really appre)iate you making /assie ba)k down yesterday, 5obody else has e#er stood up for me like that, %t least not people that didn't already know,8 Based on what 'd seen less than thirty hours ago* it didn't look like her friends stood up for her either,

85o worries* it 6ust seemed like the thing to do at the time, 7hy did she want to hurt you anyways:8 "a)hel looked down* but somehow it wasn't a gesture that )on#eyed guilt, 8 t's )ompli)ated,8 'd spent too mu)h time with emotions and thoughts floating around in my own head that didn't want e+amined too )losely, wasn't about to pry if there was something she didn't want to tell me, 8 guess that's fair, Let me know if you ha#e any more 0uestions,8 "a)hel nodded* and then turned ba)k to her book* apparently ha#ing used up her store of )ourage for the afternoon, stopped by Britney's desk to ask if she needed any help* and had to a#oid an attempt to su)k me into another gripe session about Mrs, /ampbell, Satisfied that there wasn't anything needed to be doing to help either of the other girls* and that they'd let me know if that )hanged* broke out my Spanish book and re#iewed some more #o)abulary, Despite my growing hatred for Mrs, Tiggs* managed to get deep enough into my Spanish homework to lose tra)k of time, 7hen finally surfa)ed from abe+a* ca%isa* and relo+ it was 6ust fi#e minutes before was supposed to )lose up for the afternoon, "a)hel pulled her things together and left while was straightening up the )hairs, t was petty* but waited inside the room until the )lo)k showed e+a)tly the time the lab was supposed to finish* and then 6oined Britney outside in the oppressi#e heat, The air was so dry )ould nearly feel it pulling the moisture out of my body as we started around the s)hool towards where Britney had parked her )ar, %s we rea)hed the west side of the building* the high.pit)hed growl of a performan)e engine tore a hole in the relati#e silen)e, The edge of the student parking lot was 6ust barely in #iew now* but it was enough to see the sour)e of the noise, % tiny figure barely re)ogni'able as "a)hel* was walking towards a dark.blue bullet bike* whi)h had 6ust roared to life, 7e had to walk se#eral more steps before re)ogni'ed the leather.)lad* dark.haired figure on the bike as %le), My feet must ha#e un)ons)iously slowed be)ause Britney was now se#eral steps ahead of me and looking ba)k impatiently, tried to )at)h up* but %le) )hose that moment to look up and stare in our dire)tion, &e was 0uite a ways away* and his lo#ely eyes were )o#ered by a pair of sunglasses* but somehow knew he was looking at me, &e handed "a)hel a helmet but )ontinued to look at us* at me* while she put it on,

was mo#ing again* but my pulse sped up as "a)hel grabbed a hold of her brother and swung her leg o#er the pillion seat on the bike, She seemed to see us for the first time as a )old )hill ar)ed down my ba)k and the hori'on started to #ibrate, managed to raise my hand in response to her wa#e* but it was an absent motion, My attention was still on %le) and his unwa#ering stare, "a)hel leaned forward as if to say something to him* and he finally nodded and dropped the bike into gear, % few se)onds later the pair was s)reaming out of the parking lot* and my breathing was too labored for it to be anything other than a full.blown pani) atta)k, made it another )ouple steps* 6ust far enough to grab Britney as started to fall, had a split se)ond to be grateful 'd lost all of that weight so Britney wouldn't )ollapse under me* and then the darkness )laimed me, E#en though knew wouldn't remember the #oid when finally )ame to* wanted nothing more than to 6ust float in the darkness, t had been a hard day, 'd,,,,a)tually wasn't sure why it'd been a hard day* but something told me 'd un)ons)iously been at the end of my rope 6ust before 'd )ollapsed, -nfortunately that same thing told me )ouldn't dwell here in the )omforting absen)e* there was a #ery important reason for me to regain my feet, The #oid was relu)tant to let me go* stripping me of memories and e+perien)es as fought my way free, By the time was near surfa)ing no longer remembered 6ust how mu)h 'd wanted to stay, Britney was pa)ing ba)k and forth when opened my eyes, She had her )ell phone out and was looking like she wanted to dial DEE* but was worried about the possible fallout, was on the ground* whi)h for some reason made me more irritable than it should ha#e, Didn't she reali'e how hard it was to make it o#er to someone before )ollapsing like that: t kind of defeated the whole point if they then put you on the ground where your )lothes would take their normal* instantaneous.)ollapse beating, 84h my gosh* are you okay: wasn't sure what to do,8 8 'm okay* 6ust need a minute,8 Sin)e was already on the ground* really did 6ust want to lie there for a moment* s)orpions* dirt and all* but Britney didn't seem to understand that )on)ept, 5ow that my eyes were open and the whole DEE 0uestion had been answered* she was determined to get me ba)k on my feet,

Chapter 8
was midway through brushing my teeth before reali'ed 'd had another night filled with nothing but regular dreams, 'd walked into two different )lasses and found out that there were tests 'd forgotten about* been stranded at the side of the road* and been )hased

through some kind of rain forest* but while some of those dreams had been plenty terrifying* none of them had e#en a tou)h of the surreal #i#idness of the ones 'd had my first few nights in San)tuary, Maybe they were 6ust some kind of psy)hologi)al defense me)hanism popping up in response to all the )hanges, f so* kind of wished )ould be si)k still, t's a he)k of a thing to not want to be healthy* but 'd gone to bed most e#ery night hoping 'd get to e+perien)e another one, t was depressing to think that probably had one less thing to look forward to, Looking at the )lo)k* saw that was a bit behind s)hedule, The bus would be here in about ten minutes* and Britney was supposed to arri#e 6ust a tad before that, t was sad* but didn't trust her anymore* so 'd probably take the bus if she didn't show up before it did, 6ust )ouldn't risk her lea#ing me here without a ride, She'd been way weirded out after my )ollapse, wasn't sure e#en the promise of Brandon's )ontinued presen)e would be enough to )on#in)e her to )ome through on her word, hurried downstairs and grabbed my li0uid lun)h repla)ement out of the fridge, was in su)h a hurry almost didn't see the new note on the white board, !orry ) %issed you last night ,ound a really pro%ising spot "eft early$$looked like it %ight (ork if ) (as there at sunrise $$Mo% wasn't sure what to think, n theory she might be working on stuff for the bro)hure* but somehow knew she was busy )hasing her dreams on)e again, -ood luck, )'ll see you later $$' My ba)kpa)k )reaked and groaned as pi)ked it up, Lu)kily most of my )lasses weren't mo#ing as fast as 'd e+pe)ted, was far enough ahead )ould start pi)king a few sub6e)ts and working on them e#ery night instead of bringing home my entire lo)ker e#ery day, %s always* it was already heating up despite the sun ha#ing only barely )leared the mountains, t did seem like it wasn't 0uite as hot though, Maybe it was getting late enough in the year to bring the temperatures down slightly, t was too mu)h to hope it would a)tually drop to the low se#enties* e#en when De)ember )ame around, made it down the lane and then started worrying, t was like )ouldn't win, f Britney dro#e all the way out here and was already gone be)ause 'd taken the bus* she was going to be really mad, 4n the other hand* if she didn't show* had no other way to get to s)hool* and Mom would freak out, (art of the reason she felt like she )ould be gone so mu)h e#er sin)e the a))ident was the fa)t that always did the responsible thing, f she started thinking was )utting )lass* she was going be furious, t would be like was beha#ing irresponsibly and taking away her ability to pursue her art* all at the same time,

t was past time for the bus to arri#e* and she still wasn't here, % )ar 'ipped around the )orner dri#ing way too fast* 6ust like Britney always did* but it wasn't white, looked past it* hoping to see another one following it, My mouth nearly hit the ground when re)ogni'ed the throaty roar and dark paint 6ob of Brandon's Mustang, 8 knew you'd be sitting here worrying she wouldn't )ome,8 t took a minute for the words to make sense, 8!ine* but that doesn't shed any light on why you're all the way out here,8 The gray eyes 6ust #isible in the slowly growing light )rinkled up in a smile, 8 )alled her and told her 'd pi)k you up, She )an take you home* 'll )ome pi)k you up e#ery morning,8 My head was spinning, 7hy would the most popular boy in s)hool want to pi)k me up for s)hool e#ery morning: 89ou don't need to do that3 )an always 6ust ride the bus,8 Brandon flipped open the passenger door and motioned for me to get in, started around the #ehi)le* stumbling and nearly falling before finally made it to my destination, Brandon waited for me to get my seatbelt on and then gunned the engine* flipping around a hundred and eighty degrees in a maneu#er 'd ne#er seen anyone perform outside of the mo#ies, 84f )ourse don't ha#e to pi)k you up, t's more a matter of wanting to* if )an say that without making things all weird, ha#e obligations at s)hool* people who depend on me, )an't spend the time 'd like getting to know you there* so it 6ust made sense to free up some time in the mornings to make that happen,8 E#erything was 6ust too unreal, )ouldn't belie#e it was all happening* so )hose to ignore the impli)ations of what he was saying, Boys like him didn't go for girls like me, They didn't e#en a)knowledge the possibility unless they were after something, 7e'd been dri#ing in more or less )omfortable silen)e for se#eral minutes before de)ided to a)t before things got un)omfortable, 8So* tell me about yourself,8 8There isn't mu)h to tell, was born here* and 'll probably die here,8 8More of the obligations you were talking about:8 Brandon nodded* staring off in the distan)e for a se)ond, 89eah, t sounds pretentious* but a lot of people depend on my family, &alf the businesses in the town are owned by my family* the other half are owned by %le)'s mother,8

The re#elation was a bit of a sho)k, 'd known all along they were both ridi)ulously ri)h* but them owning the li#elihood of nearly e#ery person in the town was mind.boggling, Brandon seemed to know where my thoughts were headed, 8(retty ama'ing* huh: %nyways* '#e been raised to belie#e ha#e an obligation to the town* to the people who work for us, (art of that in)ludes making sure other people with substantial resour)es don't abuse their power,8 t was probably about as good of a )han)e to find out what was going on under the surfa)e as was going to get* but something inside me shied away, t was like 'd be entering a new world* one in whi)h some of my illusions would be shattered, 'd ha#e to fa)e a )older interpretation of )ertain people's a)tions, Brandon su))essfully defused any awkwardness* )hu)kling as he pulled into the s)hool parking lot, 89ou really didn't know any of that:8 shook my head* more or less spee)hless* and he rea)hed out and playfully tapped the side of my fa)e with one finger, The tou)h left my skin warm and tingling, 8That's what's so ama'ing about you, %lmost e#eryone else at s)hool was born here, They essentially look at e#ery a)tion as )hoosing between %le) and , Britney* who )ould ha#e legitimately stayed neutral* has been trying to get in my good gra)es almost sin)e she arri#ed, 9ou* on the other hand* )ouldn't )are less who has the most money,8 t was an e+planation, 5ot an iron.)lad one* but good enough for now, thanked Brandon for the ride* and was rewarded with one more wide* open smile before we split up and headed our separate ways, kept telling myself not to get )aught up in the idea of being with someone for the first time in my life* but still went through the first two )lasses more or less in a da'e, Mrs, Sorenson was 6ust as nasty as she'd been e#ery day this week* but didn't )are when she managed to stump me on her se)ond 0uestion, found myself sub)ons)iously )omparing &eath)liff with Brandon during English* and Mr, 7hethers had to ask me a 0uestion at least twi)e before reali'ed he was talking to me, hardly e#en blushed at the ine#itable giggles, made a mental note to find out from Britney if 'd )aught his 0uestion on the se)ond or third repetition* but rather suspe)ted 'd forget, n fa)t* when )lass finally got out remembered my 0uestion* but 6ust didn't feel like asking, nstead* 6ust wanted to get away from her and the ne#er.ending gossip, waited until she stopped to talk to one of the )heerleaders about who was dating who* and then mumbled something about the bathroom* and made a break for it, 5ot wanting to out.and.out lie* du)ked into the nearest restroom, t was empty e+)ept for a mousy brunette 'd only seen a )ouple of times before, smiled and started to open

my mouth to say hi* but thought better of it, This was San)tuary, She wasn't going to a)knowledge the new girl was e#en breathing* let alone sentient, t should ha#e bothered me* but 6ust shrugged it off and went to the far stall, % split se)ond after 'd )losed the door heard the hea#y wooden outer door open, 5ormally that wouldn't ha#e )aused me to e#en pause in my normal routine* but it suddenly felt as if the stall was too small, 8 told you to stay away from him* you stupid whore,8 didn't re)ogni'e the #oi)e for all that felt like should, t was a snarling alto that e#en distorted by anger had tra)es of smooth #el#et* the kind of #oi)e guys o))asionally fantasi'ed about* when they weren't thinking about other* less subtle* feminine features, Something hit the stall ne+t to me* hard enough to lea#e dents, was s)ared* should ha#e been terrified* but was too busy trying to breathe, t was like the air had be)ome thi)k* and although the fine strands of hair on the ba)k of my ne)k hadn't mo#ed* it felt like they should be standing on end, heard indistin)t sobbing* and then the #oi)e returned and made me shi#er, The sensation started somewhere on my ba)k* and tra#eled forward like it was )lawing to get out of my fa)e, 8 know you're sorry* 6ust like you were sorry before, 4nly don't really belie#e you* so we're instituting a new poli)y, f )at)h you sniffing around him again* 'll kill you, 5o 0uestions asked,8 My pulse skyro)keted as the raw terror hit, 'd heard death threats a )ouple of times before, 9ou don't go to a s)hool of any si'e without seeing fights* and usually by the time girls resort to physi)al )onfrontations they really are serious about hurting the other person, 7hen girls say they're going to kill ea)h other* they mean it, This was something else entirely though, 7hoe#er was on the other side of the flimsy metal door was hiding behind didn't 6ust belie#e she would kill the other girl* she knew it* like someone who'd killed before, %s s)ared as was* should ha#e been a gibbering wre)k* but strangely enough part of my mind was )oldly rational, f walked out right now might be okay, f howe#er they did kill the brunette* they'd )ome after me too, t was possible* it turned out* to be rational but still )ompletely paraly'ed by inde)ision, The girl was sobbing now* and my heart felt like it was about to tear itself into pie)es, The )reak of the bathroom door opening should ha#e been a relief, was e+pe)ting the tension to e#aporate on)e there were more witnesses, )ouldn't ha#e been more wrong, The air had felt hea#y before* now it felt ali#e* like ground 'ero of a lightning strike a split se)ond before the soil was bla)kened by three hundred thousand #olts,

8$et out,8 8$o to hell,8 e+pe)ted whoe#er it was to lea#e* would'#e, didn't e+pe)t for them to tell monster girl off* or that 'd re)ogni'e the new #oi)e as belonging to /assie, The first girl was still whimpering, t nearly )o#ered up the distant sound of some kind of ma)hinery ki)king on and )reating a barely.audible two.part growl that made the air shi#er, 89ou )an't get away with this,8 /assie's #oi)e was barely re)ogni'able* a tattered shadow of her usual arrogan)e, 8 already ha#e, '#e already told Lu)y where she stands with Ben, f you get in my way* if you approa)h him on her behalf* if you e#en think of a)ting on any of the hundred things going through your mind right now* 'll kill you too,8 My knees were weak* but had to get out now, !or all that hated /assie* there was no way this )ra'y )hi)k would a)t on her threats when there were three of us to )orroborate ea)h other's stories, 0uietly swung the stall door open and felt my eyes go wide as saw Lu)y )urled up* sobbing* at =asmin's feet, 5either of the other girls e#en bothered to look at me as )arefully mo#ed to the door, =asmin took half a step to the side* gi#ing me room to get around her* but there wasn't e#en a slight drop in the le#el of mena)e she was radiating, t was like didn't e#en e+ist, was still shaking on my way down the hall, By the time made it into %lgebra* thought was going to throw up, felt like a )omplete )oward* but wasn't willing to go ba)k there, rationali'ed it by saying there wasn't enough time before the bell rang* but was really 6ust s)ared, Britney ga#e me a 0uestioning glan)e from a)ross the room* but 6ust shook my head, )ouldn't tell anyone about what'd happened, 5ot yet at least, Mrs, /ampbell ob#iously knew something was wrong* but as soon as )lass ended dodged out of the room and headed towards the relati#e safety of the lun)hroom, Britney's pro)li#ity towards gossip was a )omplete godsend when you wanted to find out information about someone, 8=asmin: don't know* people don't say #ery mu)h about her, She's got an in)redible temper though,8 8She's dating %le) right:8

Britney nodded emphati)ally, 8 '#e ne#er seen them kiss or hold hands* but they'#e got to be, She's totally rebuffed e#eryone* and he's ne#er e#iden)ed e#en the slightest interest in any other girl, (lus* they're like the two hottest people in the entire s)hool, &ow )ould they possibly date anyone else:8 t was hard to argue with that, =asmin was the kind of brunette who dispro#ed the old saying that gentlemen prefer blondes, %ny guy with a pulse would want her, %nd %le) was like a )omposite of e#ery gorgeous model e#er born, )ould get past that and see he was a 6erk* but that was 6ust be)ause girls seemed to be wired a little different, 5one of it made sense, f =asmin was dating %le)* why was she so mad at Lu)y for talking to this Ben boy: hadn't seen any other boys who were e#en )lose to as attra)ti#e as %le) and Brandon* and =asmin didn't seem like the type to pi)k substan)e o#er form, Britney had wandered off to other* safer sub6e)ts, nodded a lot and tried to a#oid thinking about what life was going to be like if =asmin was determined to kill me, There was 6ust no way to know if 'd made the right )hoi)e in lea#ing when did, 7ould /assie hate me a little less be)ause we were both potentially in =asmin's )rosshairs* or would she hate me all the more be)ause 'd seen her humiliated and for)ed to ba)k down: finally finished the little )an that represented my lun)h, wasn't parti)ularly hungry* but )ouldn't lose mu)h more weight without Mom dragging me into a do)tor, Besides* it ga#e me an e+)use to try and ignore the fa)t that half of the people in the room seemed to be staring at me when they thought wasn't looking, finally worked up enough )ourage to look a)ross the )afeteria as peeled the label off of the )an, %le) wasn't at his usual pla)e* but Brandon was at his normal table* surrounded by a smaller than normal group, The dis)ussion looked way more intense than normal* and seemed to )enter around him and /assie, t was all so )ra'y, Two weeks ago my life had re#ol#ed around my inability to think of )ertain things without )ollapsing, That hadn't )hanged* but now there was a distin)t possibility =asmin was going to hurt me 6ust to ensure stayed silent, 4h* and was a)tually )onsidering opening myself up for some #ery nasty ridi)ule* 6ust on the infinitesimally slim )han)e a boy who was so popular* ri)h* and gorgeous that he shouldn't e#en know my name might be interested in me, Life was supposed to get better as you got older* but it was starting to look like it 6ust got more )ompli)ated, =ust before looked ba)k down at the shiny aluminum of my now.naked )an* Brandon looked up and )aught my eye, The smile on his fa)e seemed to say all kinds of things, )'% sorry ) can't co%e o#er and talk They all really depend on %e This (hole thing (ith .as%in is really cra/y0 (e'#e got to figure out ho( best to handle it

Maybe it really said all of those things* or maybe was )ompletely deluded* but it was definitely a smile, That alone was enough to make my heart skip a beat* and send a warm tingly feeling lapping through me like a wa#e of distilled happiness, was halfway through &istory before reali'ed there'd been something odd about the dis)ussion at Brandon's table, Lu)kily* Mr, Simms started out the )lass in usual form, t was #irtually guaranteed we wouldn't learn anything whi)h was fortunate or might ha#e missed something, 4n)e my mind lat)hed on the 0uestion of what had been different than normal* didn't hear a word anyone else said, t wasn't until was ba)k at my lo)ker and midway between swit)hing out my &istory book for my (hysi)s notes that finally reali'ed what it was, 5ormal 6uniors didn't sit at a lun)h table and figure out what to do about anything, They )omplained* they gossiped* they boasted about what they were going to do* but it was all 6ust an e+er)ise designed to reinfor)e the so)ial order, 'd seen it played out in multiple grades* among groups ranging from the 6o)ks down to the lunati) fringe* and while the details )hanged* the o#erall form didn't, t was a uni#ersal )onstant* like the speed of light or maybe gra#ity, 4nly Brandon's group hadn't been gossiping, They'd been dis)ussing* brainstorming e#en, didn't know what it meant, didn't e#en know if it was a good thing, t made Brandon more intriguing* but he hardly needed any more help there, 7ith a sigh of frustration* walked into (hysi)s* smiled at Mrs, %le+ander* and took my normal seat, )ould pretty mu)h set my wat)h by %le)'s arri#al, %pparently it wasn't )ool to be )aught inside a )lassroom more than fifteen se)onds before the bell rang, t was a sign of 6ust how far remo#ed from reality was that he was able to sit down in the other )orner before e#en reali'ed he'd stepped through the door, reali'ed must ha#e been woolgathering for longer than 'd thought* and rea)hed for my notebook, 4nly the bell should ha#e rung by now* and it hadn't, looked up at the )lo)k and it )onfirmed that there was still at least a minute before )lass started, % slight rustle to my right brought my head around* and looked up to find %le) smiling at me, )ouldn't remember for sure if he'd e#er smiled at me before* but found myself suddenly positi#e he hadn't, would ha#e remembered su)h a strangely inno)ent e+pression, Brandon's smile was one of the most genuine 'd e#er seen* the kind of thing that only the most de)epti#e person )ould possibly pull off and not mean, %le)'s smile was like the first bloom on a flower* something so new* so unpra)ti)ed that there wasn't any possible way it was anything other than sin)ere, t made me tingle all o#er* and want to giggle like was still si+, Se#eral se)onds passed before reali'ed 'd been un)ons)iously returning his smile, felt a blush slowly rising past my throat* but )ouldn't look away, Lu)kily the bell broke my strange fit of paralysis* and was able to regain some of my )omposure while Mrs, %le+ander struggled her way through the role,

8 '#e been thinking about the fa)t that didn't really gi#e you young people a )han)e to ask any 0uestions that might ha#e )ome up during the )ourse of your work on our se)tion regarding light, 5ow's your )han)e* please ask away, f don't know the answer* 'm sure that together we )an find an ade0uate e+planation for whate#er you might ha#e )ome a)ross,8 The )lass was 0uiet for se#eral se)onds* before a hand finally shot up, )ould ha#e predi)ted who it would be, E#ery )lass has at least one tea)her's pet, Some of the kids end up that way be)ause they ha#e this bi'arre thirst for knowledge* some go that route be)ause they like to make e#eryone else look stupid, Sammy was in the latter group, She'd probably been sa#ing a 0uestion about light sin)e we'd started the unit, =ust in )ase an opportunity presented itself to earn some brownie points, 8Mrs, %le+ander* read something about water around rea)tor )ores gi#ing off a blue light, /an you e+plain how that works:8 'd e+pe)ted something stupid* but glowing water made me think of the #i#id dreams, listened as intently as 'd e#er listened to anything* and did my best to follow all of the diagrams as Mrs, %le+ander attempted to break a )ollege.le#el )on)ept down into something fairly a#erage high.s)hool students )ould follow, 8So* in short* really it's a matter of the hydrogen and o+ygen atoms attempting to shed the e+)ess energy they'#e gained from the radioa)ti#e parti)les emitted from the )ore, The energi'ed ele)trons gi#e off radiation in the #isible light spe)trum during the pro)ess of dropping down to a lower energy state,8 &mm* an interesting )on)ept* but still not an e+planation for how the water in my dream had gi#en off a soft golden glow* one that had rippled with the mo#ement of the water, %lmost before 'd reali'ed it* my hand shot up, 8 s the light always blue: s it e#er a whitish.gold )olor:8 Mrs, %le+ander looked slightly startled* like she'd ne#er thought of su)h an idea* or maybe 6ust that she hadn't been e+pe)ting a 0uestion from anyone other than Sammy, 85ot that 'm aware of, The water will a)tually emit 0uite a bit of ultra#iolet light* but for whate#er reasons* the ele)trons don't e#er seem to release any ele)tromagneti) radiation down in the lower energy le#els like infrared* or e#en the #isible red, 9ou'd need red and all of the other )olors to generate a true white light,8 t was ob#ious we were on the wrong tra)k here, 87hat about some other me)hanism: 4ne that wouldn't 6ust make water glow with a dan)ing gold light* but plants too, Do you know of anything like that:8 heard something snap off to my right* but was too busy blushing from the )horus of giggles )oming from the front of the )lassroom, E#en Mrs, %le+ander had an amused

smile on her kind fa)e, 87hile there are )ertain types of #egetation that do indeed glow* 'm afraid don't know of any natural phenomenon that would )reate the kind of effe)t you're referring to, Su)h a thing is still the pro#enan)e of s)ien)e fi)tion writers,8 knew 'd gotten a little )arried away, The prime rule of high s)hool sur#i#al in#ol#ed a#oiding situations people )ould use to ridi)ule you later* but 'd really wanted a rational e+planation for my dreams, They seemed so real, needed a friendly fa)e to get me through the rest of )lass, "emembering %le)'s smile from earlier* looked o#er at him* hoping he'd return my sheepish grin, t was almost like he was a different person, The smile was gone, t'd been repla)ed with a steely mask that almost )ompletely hid his emotions, 4nly the look in his eyes* and the me)hani)al pen)il in his hand* neatly snapped into two pie)es* told me he was mad* that something #ery mu)h like hatred was washing through him, felt like 'd been pun)hed in the stoma)h, t shouldn't ha#e mattered, 'd known he hated me pretty mu)h e#er sin)e 'd met him, Somehow it did matter though, To ha#e his friendship dangled out in front of me only to be yanked away a heartbeat later was somehow )rueler than 'd e#er guessed it would be, t all fit together though, =asmin had told him 'd o#erheard her death threats* and he'd de)ided to use his good looks to )on#in)e me to keep 0uiet, 4nly he hadn't been able to keep the a)t up for more than 6ust a few se)onds, must really repulse him, (hysi)s was my own little personal hell for the ne+t forty minutes, absorbed absolutely nothing from the rest of the dis)ussion about )al)ulating me)hani)al ad#antage* and when we were finally released into our groups %le) and didn't e#en look ea)h other in the eyes, gutted out the last fi#e minutes by pretending was )ompletely absorbed in a referen)e book while %le) started running preliminary )al)ulations, &e was out of his seat and halfway to the door by the time 'd e#en reali'ed the bell had rung to dismiss us, Spanish was both better and worse, Better be)ause without %le) sitting si+ feet away from me was able to think about something other than him* worse be)ause we had a pop 0ui' and barely pla)ed in the %. range despite ha#ing spent a fair amount of time on my #o)abulary, Math was plain and simply burning up too mu)h time, Something needed to )hange be)ause my only hope of going to )ollege was to get a s)holarship* or load up on student loans* and had no desire to graduate si+ty thousand dollars in debt and spend the ne+t fifteen years trying to pay it all off, By the time met up with Britney in the hall was emotionally e+hausted and )ould feel an atta)k ho#ering in the wings, Mu)h as 'd ha#e liked to* )ouldn't )ontinue to blow her off, She was my only friend* and definitely didn't want her spreading the kind of rumors about me that she routinely spread about e#eryone else,

87ow* you look like )rap, %re you going to )ollapse like you did last night:8 8Thanks* Brit, 9ou look ra#ishing too* and no* 'm not going to )ollapse, 6ust ha#en't been sleeping #ery well lately, 'm probably )oming down with something,8 Britney shrugged with the supreme indifferen)e of someone whose world e+tended only a few feet beyond their immediate person, 8=ust don't get me si)k if you do, %shure Day isn't that far away,8 7e were halfway to the tutoring lab* and the halls were nearly empty, E#eryone was always in su)h a hurry to get out* to go home* or to a party, %nywhere but here, 84h* speaking of boys* saw Brandon between fifth and si+th period, made sure he knew 'd get you home after tutoring, &e's so gorgeous, don't know how you're doing it* but whate#er it is* don't stop, &e's the surest ti)ket e#er to the %.list,8 wanted to throw up a little* but managed to smile and hold the door open for her, f made it through the ne+t two hours without ha#ing an atta)k it would be a miniature mira)le, &alfway through the walk to my normal table looked up and saw "a)hel smiling at me with almost the e+a)t same inno)ent* )on#in)ing smile her brother had used on me 6ust a )ouple of hours before, My insides simultaneously tensed up with hurt and rela+ed in happiness, The best )ould really ha#e e+pe)ted out of the e+perien)e would ha#e been to stay on an e#en keel* but instead it was almost as if part of my frustration e#aporated, still wasn't ready to get up and sing any songs* but it was starting to at least look like might manage to finish out the day, Espe)ially surprising )onsidering my )urrent mental state* it only took me half an hour to finish up the two %lgebra se)tions 'd assigned myself, Mrs, /ampbell stopped by my desk a few se)onds after finished up, 87e don't really need the e+tra help until later, s it okay if you 6ust start at the same time you did last night:8 She a))epted my nod at fa)e #alue* but then paused in the a)t of turning away, 8 s there anything wrong: 9ou seemed awfully distra)ted in )lass today,8 My headshake wasn't #ery )on#in)ing, 'd known it wouldn't be* but )ouldn't manage anything more, t was a relief when she )hose not to press for more information, By the time people started tri)kling out and my shift started* 'd spent plenty of time wat)hing Britney pout* and #ery little time a)tually working on my homework, think it was really starting to sink in that she wasn't going to be able to get out of )ontinuing to spend most of her afternoons here, %lbert* Mrs, /ampbell* and the other tutor all wa#ed goodbye as they left, 4ne of the )heerleaders* a parti)ularly whiny spe)imen named =a)kie* wanted help* whi)h was happy to offer* e#en in my )urrent state, -nfortunately she thought that meant 'd 6ust

hand o#er all the answers, 7e spent a good ten minutes with her trying to offer a #ariety of )o#ert bribes ranging from the insignifi)ant to things she )ouldn't possibly deli#er, kept telling her wasn't interested and that she'd 6ust ha#e to do the work, Surprisingly enough* on)e she a))epted that* she a)tually bu)kled down, t only took another ten minutes to e+plain the (ythagorean theory to her, By the time stood up from =a)kie's desk* there were only four of us left, Britney was staring sullenly at her book, thought about going o#er and seeing if she needed any help* but after helping =a)kie was feeling pretty good, turned and headed ba)k to my desk* smiling at "a)hel as passed, 8%dri* do you ha#e a se):8 The deadly ni)kname, %pparently 'd only thought was doing better, The good feeling 'd gotten from helping =a)kie had 6ust been the de)epti#e )rust of i)e hiding the sub.'ero deathtrap below, My desk was too far away, wanted to try and gut it out* but the emotional e+tremes from the day had been too draining, slumped into the empty )hair ne+t to "a)hel and tried to )on)entrate on my breathing, Maybe )ould lessen its impa)t* somehow ha#e a mini.atta)k that made my mind blank out* but left me enough )ontrol o#er my body to remain seated in the )hair, "a)hel grabbed my arm* disrupting my )on)entration, 8%re you okay: 7hat's going on:8 She had a )ell phone out* partially hidden by her desk, (art of me wondered why 'd ne#er seen her with a phone before, Most girls walked around looking like they'd had some e+perimental surgery that )reated a two.way graft between their phone* their hand* and their ear, t didn't really matter though, /ell phone or not* the biggest part of me was already floating away to somewhere safe, 8 'll )all %le)3 he'll know what to do,8 She was still whispering* but the words sheared through the darkness* arresting my fall, didn't want him here* didn't want to gi#e him another reason to despise me, 7hat if =asmin )ame with him: The thought of lying helpless with her in the same room sent shi#ers of )old sliding down me, )ouldn't see* so rea)hed out* blindly trying to find the phone before "a)hel )ould dial %le), My 0uesting hand finally found the tiny* hard.plasti) pa)kage* and grabbed on with all of my fading strength, The darkness was still be)koning* but alternating images of =asmin and %le) flashed before my eyes, was so )onfused that )ouldn't make sense of the flood of emotions that a))ompanied the pi)tures* other than the fa)t that terror )ame to the forefront as they sped up,

!aster and faster the two figures )hanged pla)es* and then they disappeared, t was like my mind was a )omputer that'd o#erheated and had to reboot, opened my eyes and met "a)hel's worried ga'e, My pulse was still ele#ated* and was breathing too hard, t seemed impossible for Britney and =a)kie not to hear and reali'e something was up* but a 0ui)k look #erified that they were still lost in their respe)ti#e inner worlds, 89ou 6ust had another fainting spell* didn't you:8 felt my eyes go wide, 5obody here was supposed to know about that, The more people who knew* the more pity 'd see in e#eryone's eyes, %ll that pity would then make it hard to want to )ontinue fighting* hard to want to do anything other than 6ust )url up in my room so )ould a#oid them all, "a)hel shook me gently* apparently not )on#in)ed was mentally where was supposed to be, 8Britney's been telling people you )ollapsed yesterday after s)hool, This makes twi)e in two days* and know that yesterday wasn't the first time,8 The tired* dreamy remnants of my atta)k were suddenly burned away as registered the meaning of what "a)hel had 6ust said, <ague suspi)ions that people had known about =asmin's threats #anished* dri#en away by the truth that Britney had been gossiping about me 6ust the way she gossiped about e#eryone else, "a)hel grabbed my arm as tensed up, 8 don't know what you're going to do* but maybe you shouldn't get up yet,8 looked o#er at "a)hel's )on)erned fa)e and opened my mouth to thank her for whispering* for keeping my se)ret* only the words didn't )ome out, nstead the image of %le)* the one that had burned itself onto my retinas a few se)onds pre#iously 6ust as it had done in physi)s when 'd looked o#er to see his broken pen)il* flared ba)k into life before my eyes, 89ou knew there was another time, %le) told you about (hysi)s,8 "a)hel opened her mouth* probably to deny it* but the look in her eyes told me it was true, She )ouldn't possibly be that s)ared about me putting two and two together if he'd been saying ni)e things about me, &e hated me* and she was s)ared of him* s)ared of what he'd do if he found out she'd let his se)ret slip, 8 t's not like that* %dri, t's,,,8 didn't e#en ha#e to )ut her off, She )ouldn't finish her own thought* )ouldn't )ome up with a lie that was belie#able, shook my head and went ba)k to my desk before my in#ulnerability wore off and she brought on another atta)k, missed them both so badly, Dad had always been there to listen when got into problems like this, &e'd known how to deal with the world* how to work with

)ir)umstan)es so that what resulted was benefi)ial* or at least something )ould li#e with, %nd /indi, f she were still here this would all be a moot point, hadn't e#er needed any other friends while she was ali#e* hadn't e#er had to really put myself out there where )ould get dragged into the kind of stupid infighting 'd read about for so many years growing up,

Chapter 9
)ouldn't bring myself to speak to Britney the entire way home, t didn't really matter3 she spent the whole time )omplaining about a do'en different ways in whi)h e#eryone around her was making her life miserable, She didn't need any kind of response from me, had the house to myself again* so worked on homework until was too e+hausted to )ontinue, t wasn't until was almost asleep that reali'ed was hoping (ouldn't ha#e one of the in)redible* #i#id dreams tonight, %le)'s )ameo role in my last two had apparently been suffi)ient to tie him inseparably to all of the spe)ial dreams* and as silly as it was* didn't want to see %le) right now, 5ot e#en 6ust in my dreams, Maybe there really wasn't any kind of link between him and the dreams, Maybe 'd ha#e one of them tonight without him making any kind of appearan)e, sin)erely hoped not* but 'd rather not ha#e them right now than see the disdain he'd displayed earlier in the day, @@ The ne+t morning played out essentially the same as the day before, awoke to an empty house* and then hurried to get ready and down to the bus stop so wouldn't be stranded if nobody else showed up to gi#e me a ride into s)hool, Brandon smiled as he pulled up and found me patiently waiting for the s)hool bus, 84ne of these days you're going to go ahead and wait for me at your house* and then 'll know you finally trust me,8 didn't feel mu)h like playful banter* but marshaled a semi.)on#in)ing smile and ga#e it my best go, 84h* trust you* 6ust know that you'#e got more important things to worry about, 4ne of these times you'll either forget to )ome get me* or you'll forget to tell me you're not )oming by anymore,8 Brandon let the silen)e build for se#eral se)onds, 8 'd try and )on#in)e you 'm not going to do any of that to you* but suspe)t that's 6ust going to take time,8 was busy ki)king myself for ha#ing )ast su)h a pall o#er the morning* when Brandon sighed, 87e should talk about what happened to you yesterday,8

8 don't know what you're talking about, 5othing happened,8 Deny e#erything, t's essentially the motto of two entire generations now, Make them tell you e+a)tly how mu)h they know before you admit to anything* and then only admit to the parts they already know about, t's a )rappy way to run a so)iety* but 'm 6ust one kid, )an't be blamed for 6ust trying to keep my head down and sur#i#e, 7e were already pulling into the parking lot, &e must ha#e been dri#ing e#en faster than normal, That should ha#e triggered another pani) atta)k* but the tension in the bla)k Mustang was high enough to distra)t my sub)ons)ious for now, Brandon smoothly pulled the bulky )ar in between a pair of S-<s and )ut the engine before turning and hitting me with the full for)e of his gray eyes, 8%driana* promised to prote)t you, know it's kind of ana)hronisti)* but take those kinds of promises seriously, Most of us here in San)tuary do, need to know what you saw and heard while you were in the bathroom with Lu)y and =asmin* before /assie arri#ed,8 89ou're going to prote)t me from /assie and =asmin:8 &is fa)e was )ompletely serious as he nodded, 8 f ne)essary* but need to know what else was said so know how serious things are, =asmin had a really tough )hildhood, &er mom was killed while she was really young* and her father was pretty abusi#e, %le)'s mother did a good thing by bringing her into their home and trying to gi#e her a de)ent life* but she's not )ompletely stable,8 My laugh had a tou)h more hysteria in it than 'd meant to let slip through, Brandon didn't look at me like was losing it though, 89ou're not the only one to reali'e she's dangerous* it's 6ust that %le)'s family has a lot of influen)e* and so far she's a#oided doing anything they )ouldn't )o#er up,8 drew a deep breath and nodded, 84kay* don't remember e+a)tly what she said* but she was mad at the other girl* Lu)y, Something about staying away from a boy* don't remember if she said his name, Then =asmin said she didn't belie#e Lu)y was sorry* and that she'd kill her if Lu)y didn't stay away from him,8 Brandon nodded slowly, 8The boy's name's Ben, 'm not sure why she's fi+ated on him the way she has* or why she #iews Lu)y as su)h a deadly threat to her )han)es with him* but it's essentially that simple,8 felt like my head should be reeling from the sheer stupidity, E#en in a town this small* it didn't seem like the )ompetition for the a#ailable males should be a matter for death threats, Brandon took my head shaking as denial of what he'd said* rather than disbelief regarding the situation, 8 promise that e#ery word 6ust told you is true, More importantly* promise 'll make sure nothing terrible happens to you,8

Looking into Brandon's )aring eyes* almost )ouldn't belie#e any of it, Being threatened and then ha#ing the perfe)t man )ome to your res)ue didn't happen in real life, Then again* maybe was due for some happy endings, 7ith a sigh* thanked him for the ride* and we parted ways, The only thing of note that happened in Biology was that for a few moments at the beginning of the hour it almost seemed that the near.)onstant stares had somehow )hanged and taken on a more sympatheti) tone than they'd had pre#iously, t seemed silly to e#en entertain the idea, (eople my age don't really do sympathy #ery well, 7e're mu)h more in)lined towards ridi)ule and hasty* usually unfair* 6udgments, Still* something had )hanged, held onto that hope right up until saw Mrs, Sorenson 6oining e#eryone else in staring at me whene#er looked down at my book, There was no mistaking the look on her fa)e3 it was utter distaste* possibly with a dash of disdain, was so tired of it all, By the time English rolled around my natural embarrassment had gi#en way to a)tual anger at Britney for starting it all, She tried to )at)h me at our lo)kers in between )lasses* but pretended not to hear her* and made it safely into Mr, 7hethers' )lass before she )ould )at)h up, (art of me a)knowledged how petty it was* but a#oided her attempts at a whispered )on#ersation during )lass, Mr, 7hethers unknowingly helped my )ause* when he )rossly silen)ed a )ouple of girls on the far side of the )lassroom, &e was normally so e#en. tempered that e#en his moderate rebuke instantly shut them up, probably shouldn't ha#e felt 0uite so happy about it* but was pretty sure from the way they'd been looking at me that 'd been the sour)e of their gossip, 7hen the bell finally released us* )ouldn't a#oid Britney any longer, 8%dri,,,ana* why didn't you tell me:8 didn't answer for se#eral se)onds* not sure 'd a)tually heard her right, 8Tell you what:8 8!ine* play )oy, 6ust think you should know it's pretty lame for me to find all that stuff out se)ond hand, 7e're best friends3 you should totally ha#e trusted me enough to tell me,8 %pparently 'd only thought the anger was under )ontrol, t frothed beneath the surfa)e right now* an+ious for a reason to bite someone's head off* and Britney was the preferred target, 4nly needed her, 5ot enough to )ompletely dismiss what had happened though, 8 don't know what you're talking about* but honestly wouldn't ha#e told you anything wanted kept a se)ret, 5ot after the way you told e#eryone about my pani) atta)ks,8

Britney looked like she was ha#ing a hard time getting enough air, She gasped a )ouple more times* and then managed to get some words out, 8 'm so sorry, didn't reali'e you'd )are, thought it would be okay,8 pinned her in pla)e with my eyes for se#eral se)onds to pro#e didn't belie#e her* and then shrugged, 8 don't suppose it matters all that mu)h, 6ust know now that )an't trust you with those kinds of things,8 Mrs, /ampbell's )lass ser#ed as another safe ha#en, There were still plenty of looks* but nobody dared gossip* and Britney was safely seated on the other side of the room, took a little bit of si)k satisfa)tion o#er the fa)t that e#eryone else was franti) about our test tomorrow, a)tually )ouldn't ha#e been happier, This was the first se)tion where 'd been in a position to sit for the e+am with e#eryone else, 4ur le)ture essentially )onsisted of an e+tended re#iew* whi)h 0ui)kly reali'ed didn't need, broke out my book and started in on one of my )at)h.up assignments instead, %t the rate was going 'd be able to take my makeup e+am way ahead of s)hedule, t was a pretty lame thing to be e+)ited about* but 6ust ha#ing something going well for a )hange helped )ompensate for the rest of my life, %ma'ingly enough* the satisfa)tion from ha#ing a))omplished so mu)h shielded me for most of the rest of the day, withstood Britney's #aried* mostly unsubtle* attempts to make me feel guilty for not spilling my guts about whate#er big se)ret she thought had* and e#en held up through the )omplete boredom that was Mr, Simms' )lass, t wasn't until walked into (hysi)s that felt the )old hand of reality rea)h out and )aress the ba)k of my ne)k, %le) was un)hara)teristi)ally early* already sitting at his normal desk, &e looked up and briefly met my eyes when rea)hed my desk* but there wasn't e#en a tra)e of a)knowledgment in his ga'e, Mrs, %le+ander started )lass* re#iewed a )ouple of points that other groups needed )larified* and then released us to work on our assignments, waited se#eral se)onds for %le) to make some kind of mo#e* and then with a flash of anger stood and )arried my things o#er to the desk ne+t to his, nearly 6umped when he opened his mouth, 89ou'll want to re#iew page 1D, t )ontains most of the rele#ant formulas, 7e'll need to know e+a)tly how they work, 7e'll be gi#en an unknown weight* an unknown number of pulleys* and e+pe)ted to mo#e it all with the most effi)ient arrangement possible,8 t almost didn't seem like he was talking to me, There was no emotion in his #oi)e* no gentle teasing3 he didn't e#en meet my eyes, sat down with a slight hope that he'd thaw out a little by the time )lass ended* only to shake my head in disbelief when the bell finally rang and pro#ed me irre#o)ably wrong,

Maybe he'd go ba)k to normal after a few days, There really wasn't any way to know though, didn't e#en know what'd brought on the sudden )hange, 7as he really 6ust angry 'd o#erheard =asmin threaten Lu)y: 7hy did e#en )are: Spanish dragged by at a snail's pa)e* but somehow before knew it* was walking with Britney towards the tutor lab, should ha#e been surprised when we rounded a )orner to find Brandon )asually leaning against the wall* ob#iously waiting for us* for me, 89ou still okay to go home with Brit today:8 &e a)ted like it was all my )hoi)e, t ga#e me goose bumps, Britney almost tripped o#er herself assuring Brandon that we were still the best of friends* and she wouldn't e#en think of lea#ing me without a ride, 4b#iously if it wasn't )on#enient for him to take me* she would lo#e to make sure got home okay, Brandon's fa)e remained serious through Britney's torrent of words* but he winked at me when she looked down to )at)h her breath, 8(erfe)t, 'll go take )are of some stuff then, 9ou two en6oy all of that math* and 'll see you tomorrow morning, Maybe you'll e#en wait for me at your house this time,8 t unsettled me a little that su)h a simple statement )ould )ause industrial.si'ed butterflies to spontaneously appear in my stoma)h* so tried to push the thought out of my mind, hesitantly returned "a)hel's tentati#e smile* and then dug into my homework, Mrs, /ampbell stopped by for a few minutes* ob#iously )he)king to make sure that was o#er my aberrant beha#ior from yesterday, got the feeling she would'#e liked to )hat for a bit longer* but we had the predi)table surge in attendan)e gi#en the )oming test, ga#e her my best reassuring smile as she left* and then wat)hed as she and the other tutors all boun)ed from one student to the ne+t answering 0uestions, %s mu)h as would ha#e liked to 6ust )all it a day* another good effort added to what 'd done earlier would put me two or maybe e#en three days ahead of my personal s)hedule, 7ith a sigh of resignation found my pla)e on the page again* and started sorting out another set of #ariables, !orty.fi#e minutes later 'd nearly )ompleted another two se)tions* and was more than ready for a breather, Sometime while 'd been studying* most of the kids had left, hadn't e+pe)ted all of them to stay until my shift started* but 'd e+pe)ted more than the two or three usually had, 4nly it didn't look like that was going to be the )ase, %pparently most of them hadn't been serious about learning the material..they'd 6ust wanted to )ome to the lab* make a half.hearted attempt* and then lea#e se)ure in the knowledge that if they failed the test they )ould whine to their parents about how hard they'd worked, 1ut Mo%, ) e#en (ent to the lab

t sort of made sense though, f they'd been serious about a)ing the test* they'd ha#e been here e#ery night for the last two weeks instead of trying to )ram a few more morsels of knowledge into their heads at the last minute, Mentally shrugging at the stupidity of it all* pulled out my Spanish and studied my #o)ab for a few more minutes until Mrs, /ampbell )ame by to wish me goodbye, 8 t looks like most e#eryone's gone again, The last few will probably lea#e in the ne+t ten minutes,8 She dropped her #oi)e to a )onspiratorial whisper, 8 a)tually prefer they do, That way when their parents phone in to )omplain about how poorly they did on the e+am* )an point out that the lab was open for another hour* but they didn't bother to sti)k around for the e+tra help,8 t was a spee)h that made her sound like a grou)hy old lady* but was starting to know her well enough to take it in the proper )onte+t, She would gladly ha#e done 6ust about anything to help a student who really wanted to learn* but was tired of ha#ing students try and use her as an e+)use for their own la'iness, wa#ed goodbye to e#eryone as they left* and then made a 0ui)k round of the remaining students, "a)hel and Britney were both in their a))ustomed pla)es* "a)hel studying away as always* and Britney making some weak efforts to do likewise, Two of the other three* a boy and a girl re)ogni'ed from se)ond hour* but whose names )ouldn't e#en begin to remember* were already pa)king their books into a pair of book bags* one of whi)h was a fairly utilitarian item* the other of whi)h probably )ost as mu)h as my whole wardrobe, )ouldn't pla)e the last boy for all that he looked really familiar, &e had in)redibly dark skin and features with a slight Middle Eastern )ast, 7hen he shifted in his seat* reali'ed he was built like a football player, 5ot like a lineman* but like a running ba)k* or maybe a 0uarterba)k, &e wasn't as big as Brandon* or e#en as %le)* but he was ob#iously well mus)led* and he mo#ed with an e)ho of their gra)e, 5one of whi)h helped me figure out where 'd seen him before, &e wasn't a regular at the tutor lab* and didn't ha#e the he)ti)* desperate look of someone )ramming for a test, nstead he looked )ompletely at ease sitting in one of the no.man's.land tables with a pair of books open in front of him, By the looks of things he wasn't going to need any help, 4n)e it was 6ust the four of us* Britney wa#ed me o#er and held up her homework, 8 don't get it, 7hat is the answer to this one:8 shook my head in e+asperation, 8Me telling you the answers won't help you on the test, f you ha#e a spe)ifi) 0uestion about how to work a problem 'd be more than happy to help you* but 'm not going to do your homework for you,8 Britney looked like she had all kinds of things that she'd like to say* but she showed more restraint that 'd reali'ed she was )apable of* and kept them all inside,

8(lease e+plain this one then,8 ran through three different e+amples of the same problem before she got it* but thirty minutes later she was finally working on her homework for the first time 'd e#er seen, was surprised 6ust how satisfying it was, Maybe should be)ome a tea)her, "a)hel )aught my eye before made it ba)k to my table, She ga#e me another tentati#e smile as slid into the seat ne+t to her, 8 'm really sorry about yesterday, said all of the wrong things, t's 6ust 'm not supposed to talk about what %le) says,8 7ow* he sounded like e#en more of a 6erk than 'd e+pe)ted, Talk about )ontrolling, 8 t's okay "a)hel, 'm sorry o#errea)ted at finding out my atta)ks were publi) knowledge, t was mostly meant for Britney,8 She )o)ked her head slightly to the side and looked at me with in)redibly large blue eyes that seemed older than they had a few se)onds before, 8 t really bothers you that e#eryone knows:8 shrugged un)omfortably, 8 guess maybe it shouldn't* but it does, 5obody likes to be ridi)uled* but it's e#en more than that, The atta)ks started up a )ouple of months ago, They,,,remind me of a really terrible thing that happened* so when people make a big deal out of them it's like it's all happening again,8 "a)hel nodded slowly* her wonderfully e+pressi#e fa)e full of sympathy, 8 'm sorry to ha#e pried like that, f 'd known it would make you feel bad* wouldn't ha#e asked,8 tried to shrug indifferently* but she seemed to see through my pretenses, 8 normally wouldn't ha#e said anything* but knowing what know now* wouldn't want you to go through the ne+t se#eral days hurting inside be)ause you think e#eryone looking at you out of the )orner of their eye is ridi)uling you,8 /onfident she didn't really need help* and eager to a#oid further reminders of 6ust how broken was* 'd been standing to return to my desk, The words were plenty foreboding* but they had an impa)t all out of proportion from what they should ha#e, sank ba)k into the )hair and turned towards "a)hel, 5ot enough to a)tually make eye )onta)t with her* 6ust enough hopefully didn't )ome off rude, Maybe the illusion of spa)e would be enough to )ushion me from whate#er she was going to say ne+t, "a)hel waited a se)ond* gi#ing me a )han)e to say something before she pro)eeded, 89ou should know that someone released another rumor about you* about your atta)ks,8 My heart sank, 'd only thought things )ouldn't get any worse, 4n)e e#eryone knew e+a)tly why was emotionally )rippled they'd ha#e e#en less sympathy, They'd pretend to feel sorry for me, They'd talk about how hard it must ha#e been to suffer su)h a loss* but they wouldn't understand* wouldn't ha#e the frame of referen)e to feel what was feeling, They'd se)retly talk about all of the people they knew who'd lost family members

and been okay after a few weeks* or a )ouple of months, &ow e#en at their worst* those friends hadn't )ollapsed at the mention of their departed lo#ed ones, My pulse was already almost twi)e as fast as normal* and the room was 6ust starting to wobble from side to side, "a)hel was saying something* but )ouldn't really hear her, The #oid was gaping below me* when something grabbed my shoulder and shook me surprisingly hard, opened my eyes to see "a)hel looking at me, 8 'm sorry had to do that* %driana* but you need to hear what ha#e to say,8 &alf of me wanted to be angry* but the other half 6ust wanted to )ollapse into the #oid, !or)e of habit won o#er anger and passi#ely let my defenses )rumble* but apparently being sho)ked out of a )ollapse fun)tioned mu)h the same as ha#ing 6ust )ome out of an atta)k, !or the ne+t few se)onds at least was safe* )ould think about anything wanted without fear of the reper)ussions, 4nly "a)hel was talking* ruining my )on)entration* so the only thing )ould fo)us on was her words, 8The rumor re#ol#es around the fa)t that you tragi)ally lost your boyfriend in a #i)ious )ar wre)k,8 The immunity meant hadn't e+pe)ted the words to hurt* hadn't e+pe)ted the flash of surprise that spiraled up from my )enter, The words were )lose to the truth* but not right somehow, 8&e was someone spe)ial* some of the rumors put him as some kind of model or a)tor* or maybe a semi.pro athlete, 9ou'd been dating for two years* and were in the )ar with him when it happened, t was so de#astating that you'#e had a hard time dealing with )ertain things sin)e the a))ident, Being in )ars that are dri#en too fast* mention of the wre)k* other assorted things* and sometimes things nobody would e+pe)t trigger an atta)k,8 The words were striking into my mind with su)h for)e almost forgot "a)hel was whispering, 5one of it made sense* it had some things in )ommon with the truth* but most of it was pure fabri)ation, 87hy,,, don't understand, 7ho would say that:8 "a)hel's fa)e went from a mobile* beautiful thing to a near.perfe)t mask, E#en in my befuddled state it was ob#ious she was lying, 8 don't know* but you )an use this, 9ou're not being mo)ked or s)orned anymore, True or not* that rumor is the most romanti) thing anyone here has e#er heard, t will transform you into a mini.)elebrity o#ernight,8 The ha'e was starting to e#aporate from my thoughts* the story still didn't make sense* but "a)hel's e+planation did,

8The story's #ague enough that nobody )an really pro#e or dispro#e it, Don't get spe)ifi) on any details* and you )an ride this all the way until you graduate,8 The mask was gone* she wasn't lying anymore, She really belie#ed this rumor would )hange e#erything for the better, t all made sense* but didn't e+plain who'd started it* or why they'd done it, "a)hel's fa)e told me she wouldn't answer either of those 0uestions, finally settled on one thought she might answer, 87hy are you telling me all this:8 "a)hel's fa)e tried to take on her liar's mask* but didn't 0uite su))eed, 89ou risked a lot to stop /assie from hurting me, The least )an do is tell you anything know that )ould sa#e you from getting hurt in return,8 She was telling the truth, 5ot all of it* but at least some of it, wanted to tell her she didn't owe me anything* but there were so many 0uestions needed answered still, There was some kind of weird power struggle going on* and her brother was right in the middle of it all* but )ouldn't ask her about any of it, She'd already said as mu)h as she was going to, nodded my thanks* and went to stand again* but she )aptured my arm before )ould )omplete the motion, 8There are a lot of things )an't tell you* but anything you want to know about me is fair game, 'm sorry about all the rest,8 Something about the #ulnerability in her eyes )on#in)ed me she really meant that, added one more item to the list of reasons to hate her brother, %nyone who would be so )ontrolling to someone like "a)hel had already piled up all kinds of bad karma, 8!air enough, 7hat's your fa#orite book that you'#e ne#er read:8 The 0uestion seemed to take her by surprise, 8-m* $one 7ith the 7ind, (robably be)ause she doesn't ne)essarily start out as a bad person* but allows self.interest and e#ents to )arry her into terrible a)tions,8 felt my eyes go wide, 8That's a pretty detailed analysis of a book you'#e ne#er read,8 "a)hel blushed a little, 8 really ha#en't read it, Maybe be)ause 'm worried that it won't turn out to be what think it will be, 7hat about you:8 shouldn't ha#e been surprised by the 0uestion* but was, (ossibly be)ause 'd spent too mu)h time around people like Britney who were so )aught up in their own li#es that they didn't really )are about what was happening in mine, 8Les Mis;rables, The musi) from the musi)al is so inspiring that know the book must be truly wonderful,8

let the statement hang in the air for a )ouple of se)onds* and then finished up with the truth, 84f )ourse don't really know* be)ause it's so big* and parts of it are so boring* that may ne#er manage to get through the whole thing,8

Chapter 10
The rest of the afternoon finished up on a 0uiet note, %fter went ba)k to my table* "a)hel worked on some homework for a few more minutes* and then gathered up her things and slipped out, de)ided the new guy wasn't a football player when he started gathering up his books, 5o athlete in my e+perien)e e#er took that many books anywhere, 5ot only that* he gently pla)ed them in his ba)kpa)k like someone who #iewed the written word as his friend rather than as a ne)essary e#il that interfered with the hero worship due him from the masses, was so busy wat)hing him that forgot to look away when he stood up* and he )aught me staring, e+pe)ted annoyan)e* or possibly some of the disdain 'd endured off and on for the last forty.eight hours, didn't get either, )ouldn't really interpret the look* but he held my eyes for se#eral se)onds* until finally looked away* my fa)e heating up, tried to run through the entire range of possible emotions* to pin that look down to something that made sense, t wasn't attra)tion* it'd been too neutral for that, En#y* fear* friendship* none of them fit, 7hoe#er he was* he 0uietly left the room while my head was still whirling, looked up to find Britney frowning at me, 87hat is your deal: don't think '#e e#er seen saa) noti)e anyone other than his girlfriend, &e isn't like %le)* who noti)es e#eryone but is too good to a)tually speak to any of us, saa)'s 6ust so )aught up in whate#er is going on inside his head that he doesn't reali'e any of us e+ist,8 Britney slammed her book, 8!irst Brandon de)ides he has the hots for you* and then you )ra)k the i#ory tower, There's absolutely no 6usti)e in the world,8 so wasn't looking forward to the ride home, (ast e+perien)e had pretty mu)h established that when Britney got like this there was no reasoning with her, Trying to e+plain that she hadn't seen the look from my end* that saa) most definitely hadn't been attra)ted to me* would be useless, was pleasantly surprised when Britney's annoyan)e seemed to ha#e blown o#er by the time we left the building, Before we'd e#en made it out of the parking lot* Britney was on)e again )hattering about e#eryone else in the s)hool and what they were or weren't doing lately, /onsidering that still )ouldn't put a fa)e with most of the names she was tossing around* the gossip wasn't 6ust uninteresting* it was a near ordeal,

t wasn't until looked o#er at the speedometer that reali'ed we really had been dri#ing longer than normal rather than the gossip 6ust making it seem to take fore#er, Britney )aught me registering the fa)t she was dri#ing under the speed limit for the first time )ould remember* and broke off re)ounting %my Ste#ens' supposed fling with one of the football players 6ust long enough to blush, 8 figured should be more )areful of how fast dri#e, 9ou know* my dad keeps threatening to take away my )ar if get any more ti)kets, 7ith e#erything else going on right now he 6ust might do it,8 t was a)tually pretty plausible, probably would'#e belie#ed it if not for "a)hel's des)ription of the new rumor floating around s)hool, Britney was trying to )ater to my supposed fear of being in a speeding )ar, 4nly* my supposed fear was a)tually a #ery real fear* 6ust not for the reasons Britney thought,

Chapter 11
Brandon arri#ed 6ust in time to pi)k me up before got on the bus, %s e+pe)ted* he teased me about not waiting for him at my house* but it was a small pri)e to pay for not ha#ing to worry about how was going to get to s)hool if he didn't show up, 7e made small talk and all too soon arri#ed at s)hool, %s we pulled into the parking lot was desperately looking for something witty or insightful to say, needed to gi#e him a reason to stay interested in me* but nothing )ame to mind, %s we pulled to a stop* the 0uiet hum of a )ellphone on #ibrate broke the strange paralysis that'd gripped me for the last twenty se)onds, Brandon's grin was more than a little sheepish as he fished his phone out of a front po)ket and )he)ked to see who was )alling, didn't need his groan to know it was one of his friends, % selfish urge to try and make him ignore the )all and )ontinue to fo)us on me momentarily flared up* but suppressed it, t was su)h a petty thing to do* and e#en worse was probably the 0ui)kest way to demolish whate#er interest he might ha#e towards me, might be almost )ompletely nai#e when it )ame to dating* but anyone who'd read more than a )ouple books* or sat through eight or nine )hi)k fli)ks* totally knew that the 0ui)kest way to dri#e a guy off was to be)ome )ontrolling and manipulati#e, -nless maybe you were a )heerleader and you were talking about a guy who was used to dating )heerleaders, 7hi)h while wasn't e#en )lose to the former* the latter a)tually des)ribed Brandon almost perfe)tly, almost stopped midway through the a)tion of opening my )ar door* but it was too late, E#en if 'd pi)ked the wrong )ourse* the moment was gone, had to 6ust play it )ool and lea#e or risk looking like a total loser, &e returned my wa#e with a nod and shifted his fo)us ba)k to whoe#er was on the phone with him, Brandon had parked on the opposite end of the parking lot from where he normally did, (resumably it was be)ause all of the good spots in his normal area had been snat)hed up

by people who weren't running 0uite as late as us, was halfway to the )losest door before remembered that it was still )losed as a result of the mysterious 'potato gun rampage' as e#eryone had started )alling it, % normal person* one who was really as self.)onfident as pretended to be* would ha#e 6ust turned and headed towards the eastern set of doors, 5ot wanting to look like a dit'y blonde who )ouldn't e#en remember that someone had run a S-< into the flagpole and temporarily rendered one of the four main e+its inoperable* kept walking, The s)hool was narrower than it was long, )ould walk around the west end* and use the )losest doors on the north side* and still ha#e plenty of time to get to my lo)ker before Biology started, was busy replaying my )on#ersation with Brandon as walked around the )orner of the building, The air was already hot enough to su)k the moisture out of ro)ks* but that wasn't the )ause of the sudden rush of heat to my fa)e, didn't think 'd e#er seen the boy before* but =asmin was easily re)ogni'able* e#en half.hidden amid all the intermittently. fun)tioning )ooling units that li#ed on this end of the building, )ouldn't see mu)h beyond the boy's wild red hair* but e#en that was enough to tell he wasn't )ompletely )omfortable, wanted to turn around and go ba)k the other way* but there was a )han)e that =asmin had already seen me* and if so )ouldn't afford to look like was s)ared of her, The fa)t a)tually (as terrified she was going to snap and start trying to kill people was irrele#ant, f )ould )on#in)e her wasn't s)ared* was less likely to get hurt, kept walking* not ne)essarily steering )loser to the three.0uarter wall the boy was leaning against* but also being #ery )areful not to go out of my way to stay further away from them either, %s got )lose to the pair* a little more of the boy be)ame #isible* reaffirming my impression that he wasn't happy to be talking to her, &is shoulders looked unnaturally tight and he was shaking his head slowly from side to side, Lo)ked as was into my )ourse* )ouldn't help but hear them both as got )loser, 8 )an't do this* =asmin, '#e been meaning to tell you for a while* but was afraid of how you'd rea)t,8 half stumbled at the raw pain in his #oi)e, 7hile was still trying to re)o#er my balan)e* =asmin looked up at me* and the for)e of her glare almost made me fall o#er my feet again, 'd seen plenty of girls try and warn off potential )ompetition* but 'd ne#er seen an e+pression that intense, Despite my earlier resol#e* )ouldn't help myself, #eered further away from the pair as some primiti#e* sur#i#al.minded part of my sub)ons)ious sought to )reate a buffer between me and the girl who looked ready to rip out my throat,

'd gone far enough )ouldn't see either of them* but it honestly felt like =asmin wat)hed me all the way until managed to make it safely out of sight, 'd read stories where people )laimed to ha#e felt someone's ga'e trying to bore a hole in their ba)k* but this was the first time 'd e#er e+perien)ed it for myself, hadn't e#en belie#ed it was possible* but the pins and needles 'd felt starting the se)ond she'd looked up hadn't disappeared until put a bri)k wall between us, Biology would'#e been unpleasant e#en without e#erything else that was going on, The air )onditioning was out to part of the building* and Mrs, Sorenson's )lassroom was one of the ones that apparently were going to go without until they got the regulator or swit)her* or whate#er it was* fi+ed, bowed out of our little )ompetition e#en earlier than usual, probably should ha#e stayed in the game longer* should ha#e kept answering 0uestions until she )ame up with a real stumper* but wasn't in the mood, 4n)e was safely free to let my mind wander* )ouldn't think of anything other than the look on =asmin's fa)e, E#en the steadily rising temperatures a)hie#ed by pa)king more than thirty bodies into a tiny )lassroom with only one door wasn't suffi)ient to really distra)t me, was going to suffer on)e again for ha#ing stumbled into somewhere didn't want to be, By the time made it into English and sat down ne+t to Britney* my heart felt like it was going to sei'e up, Mr, 7hethers walked into )lass a few se)onds after the bell rang* took one look at his already perspiring students* and told us all to go ahead and spend the time reading rather than worrying about trying to fo)us on a le)ture, t was a ni)e gesture* and normally would ha#e appre)iated it* but 'd 6ust finished 7uthering &eights* and knew that flipping the book ba)k open wasn't going to help distra)t me, -nwilling to spend another hour in worry* let my thoughts drift o#er to another* dangerous area, Thinking about Brandon wasn't safe anymore, &e'd started out making my stoma)h knot up simply be)ause he was so gorgeous* but lately my insides had started 6umping around for other reasons, wiped away the light sheen of perspiration on the ba)k of my ne)k* and wished the world was simpler, f only was still in Minnesota* or anywhere other than this )ra'y* se)reti#e town with its ridi)ulous share of gorgeous boys, Boys who didn't beha#e mu)h at all like any other popular kids 'd e#er known, %le) hated me* Brandon stopped by to gi#e me a ride to s)hool e#ery day* and neither of them should ha#e e#en reali'ed was ali#e, f )ouldn't be at home* )ouldn't the uni#erse ha#e at least arranged for me to get in#ol#ed with a ni)e* normal* un)ompli)ated* plain.looking boy* or barring that to remain safely uninterested in boys altogether: %t the #ery least* someone out there should ha#e managed to keep the air )onditioning working, By the time English ended* felt worse* albeit for different reasons than earlier in Biology, Lu)kily* %lgebra was starting to be)ome a real san)tuary, The fa)t that we had a

test made e#eryone e#en more fo)used than normal, /onsidering how on.task and busy Mrs, /ampbell normally kept the )lass that was a feat in and of itself, s)anned through the first problem* and then pi)ked up my pen)il and got started, &a#ing su))essfully finished my test with ten minutes to spare* e+pe)ted lun)h to bring more of the same kind of an+iety that 'd 6ust managed to push out of my mind, t was headed that way, Despite Britney's best efforts to distra)t me with a point.by.point analysis of what was going on with someone named Sandra* and the two boys she'd been leading on for the last month, followed Britney through the lun)h line* gripping my meal repla)ement drink with both hands, 7e sat down at our usual table* only to be surrounded a few se)onds later by an energeti) mob of familiar.looking people, t wasn't until Brandon slid into the seat ne+t to me that reali'ed who e#eryone was, 87e thought maybe we'd )ome 6oin the two of you today, That shabby little )orner where we always sit was getting a little old,8 Brandon's #oi)e was smooth and flawless as always* but e#en that )ouldn't distra)t me enough to miss the flash of dislike in /assie's eyes as she sat down ne+t to Britney, 5obody talked about anything important* whi)h was good sin)e )ouldn't fo)us on anything other than the fa)t 'd 6ust been gi#en one more sign* a really big one* that Brandon was interested in me, % )ouple of minutes before the warning bell rang* looked up from the group and saw another familiar fa)e lea#ing the lun)hroom, E#erything suddenly dropped into pla)e* and grabbed Brandon's arm, 87ho's that:8 Brandon tensed up for a se)ond* and then his massi#e arm rela+ed under my hand as he followed my ga'e, 8That's Ben,8 &is #oi)e dropped to a rumbling whisper, 8The one told you about the other day,8 t was in)redibly ob#ious* all the while making absolutely no sense, &e was ob#iously un)omfortable this morning* 6ust like you'd e+pe)t from someone who was in the unen#iable position of telling off a borderline psy)hopath, E#erything 'd seen substantiated Brandon's e+planation* but why would =asmin be)ome so enamored of someone so a#erage.looking: 5ot only that* what were the odds Ben was one of the eight males in %meri)a who would de)ide they weren't interested in dating the most gorgeous girl on the planet* e#en if she was a nut )ase:

was still trying to sort out all the pie)es when Brandon fished his )ell phone out of a po)ket and )he)ked the time, n an ama'ing display of herd beha#ior* thirty se)onds later his friends had all disappeared* and he was standing to lea#e, 87e should do this more often, 'll see you tomorrow,8 The words were inno)ent enough* but there was something in his eyes that made a rush of warmth shoot through me, Britney was so e+)ited she )ould hardly speak* but was too e+)ited myself to feel #ery superior, floated through my ne+t )lass* and would'#e gone through the rest of the day the same way* if hadn't had to share a )lass with %le), Still* was so happy that e#en %le)'s gi#ing me the )old shoulder didn't )ompletely sour my day, "a)hel had turned my illness into something really )ool* and Brandon really did like me, Life )ouldn't get mu)h better than this,

Chapter 12
'd all but run through the house* looking for my mom* e+)ited to tell her about my day, nstead 'd been greeted by nothing but half.filled bo+es and silen)e, didn't really want to unpa)k* but it was long past needing to be done and knew if left it to Mom that we'd ne#er really get mo#ed in, f 'd had anything e#en remotely better to do with my !riday night* would ha#e done it, didn't* so started with the stuff that we'd piled in the li#ing room be)ause it was marginally )ooler downstairs, got into a de)ent rhythm* opening bo+es* pulling out the stuff that )ould easily put away* and then )onsolidating what was left into fewer bo+es, was on my fourth bo+ when it happened, Mom's 6ewelry bo+ had somehow got pa)ked into a bo+ labeled 'old photography gear', %s pulled it out to set it to one side* it slipped from my hands, The glittering deluge of )hains and bra)elets that went sliding a)ross the floor would ha#e made me feel bad enough all by themsel#es* but there was a pro#erbial s)orpion nestled in the midst of all that shininess, 'd thrown mine out shortly after the a))ident, (art of me hadn't wanted to, t had felt like was abandoning /indi by doing so* but 6ust seeing /indi's half of the twin pendants we'd re)ei#ed two years before had been enough to send me into a tailspin, % deta)hed part of me noted that it was 6ust like Mom to ha#e lied about ha#ing lost /indi's, She'd known )ouldn't handle the reminder of what we'd lost* but she'd been unwilling to gi#e up that link to the past, The thought slipped away like sunlight skipping a)ross water a split se)ond before the storm arri#ed,

The atta)k was a bad one, lost more time, must ha#e slept at some point* but the ne+t time surfa)ed it was Saturday morning and was sitting in front of an empty bowl with an unopened bo+ of )ereal and a gallon of milk waiting in the wings, %t some point reali'ed wasn't hungry, put e#erything ba)k away and went upstairs for a shower, t didn't help, By the time was done* was )lean but 6ust as emotionally numb as before, %t least 'd turned the water all the way to )old there at the end, )ame out shi#ering* but it was a wel)ome )hange from the oppressi#e heat, E#en that didn't last3 it felt like was sweating again before e#en finished dressing, finally pulled out my Biology book, % )oldly rational part of me knew that howe#er this ended up playing out* 'd still ha#e a test on Monday* and 'd still want to pass, t'd be ni)e sometimes to make the kind of dramati) gesture that you see on mo#ies* or read about in books, nstead* was sitting here with a stupid te+tbook while e#erything else inside of me hurt in a funny* )old kind of way, Like it hurt so mu)h )ould only feel the edges of the pain, Spanish followed Biology3 then other sub6e)ts )ame and went until felt like 'd made enough progress* or possibly wasted enough time, )ollapsed into bed hours early and slept poorly, Sunday was about the same* only my insides felt e#en rawer under the )alm surfa)e, Like maybe they'd had something )austi) poured on them, woodenly went through the motions of studying* and then finally pushed all of my books to the side and opened up Les Mis;rables, tried to lose myself in the book* but the same worries that'd pestered me while was trying to study )ontinued to grate against the ba)k of my mind, hadn't wanted to )ome here* but 'd tried to make it work, Mom keeping the pendant felt like a )omplete betrayal, She'd known how it would impa)t me* but hadn't )ared, finally ga#e up on trying to immerse myself in nineteenth.)entury !ran)e* and )ried myself to sleep, @@ t was all )ould do to drag myself out of bed Monday morning, % part of me knew this was all stupid* but )ouldn't shake the depression, was 6ust aware enough to register Brandon's )on)erned glan)es as he dro#e me into s)hool, Mrs, Sorenson shot me a nasty look as stumbled into )lass, 87ell isn't it ni)e of you to )ome to )lass today, %nd here we all thought you were doing so well you didn't need to bother with the test,8 took the proffered test and made my unsteady way ba)k to my desk, The )lass passed in a blur as made a half.hearted attempt to fo)us on the 0uestions and remember all kinds of fa)ts about photosynthesis that 'd known 6ust a few days before, t was useless, The

separate pie)es of information skittered about on the edge of my memory without e#er be)oming tangible enough to relate to the answer needed, By the time )lass ended* 'd almost )ompletely shut down, registered the whispers as made my way to English, normally would'#e been mad* or possibly embarrassed* but it was like my feelings were wrapped in layers of )otton )andy, f really pushed* )ould faintly feel the hard edges* but there were so many layers shrouding them, 6ust )ouldn't seem to muster up enough )on)entration to )are, was on autopilot now, answered Britney's whispered 0uestions without e#er registering them and ne#er on)e worried about whether or not 'd made sense, parried Mrs, /ampbell's )on)erned in0uiries in mu)h the same manner* probably not )on#in)ing her that was okay* but at least persuading her to lea#e me alone* and then sleep.walked into the )afeteria, hated the fa)t that wanted Brandon to )ome sit down with me, f he did a )on#in)ing enough 6ob pretending to like me and tried really hard* maybe 'd belie#e it'd all 6ust been my imagination, t'd be one less pie)e of my world )rumbling out from under me, Britney slammed her tray down* but my listless ga'e didn't mo#e from the #a)ant )orner where Brandon usually sat, % few minutes later a group of girls )ame to 6oin us, re)ogni'ed them* but didn't bother putting names to the fa)es, t was like got hit with another pani) atta)k, Somehow lost an hour* but nobody was running around )alling for an ambulan)e so must ha#e at least responded to dire)t 0uestions, %le) was sitting in his normal seat as wandered into physi)s, tried to remember whether or not 'd already heard the se)ond bell ring, t wasn't important though, 5ot )ompared to the first thing 'd fa)ed in hours that had the potential to hurt me, )ould feel the edge* ra'or sharp* )leanly parting some of the layers of gau'e that'd been wrapped around my emotions, t didn't make sense, %le) was barely e#en )i#il, &e most definitely wasn't part of the support stru)ture that'd been holding my world in its normal orbit* but suddenly my defenses were in danger of being brea)hed, &e looked up disinterestedly as sat in my desk* and e#en that was enough to send little shi#ers of near pain )oursing through my system, t wasn't real pain3 was still too )ushioned from the world for that* but my body shied away from it 6ust the same, wanted to run s)reaming from the room* to 6ump through a window* to do anything to a#oid )oming into further )onta)t with someone who so ob#iously hated me, The urges were all #ery real* but it was like 'd been drugged to the gills, )ouldn't gather the energy to do anything about them, nstead my mind rea)hed down and pulled e+tra layers of gau'e o#er itself, looked down at my Spanish test and wondered how 'd gotten here, There were answers on the page, They were unmistakably done in my awkward s)rawl* but didn't make sense,

flipped the page o#er and found more of the same, My eyes idly tra)ed down the page* finding blanks and almost of its own a))ord my pen)il rea)hed out and filled them in with words that seemed familiar* but whose meaning )ouldn't seem to pin down, resurfa)ed as walked into the tutor lab* unsure if 'd passed anyone should ha#e greeted, sat down at my usual spot and pulled out a book at random as Britney stomped into the room and threw her books down, She was ob#iously mad* but on)e again )ouldn't muster enough )on)ern to figure out what'd ti)ked her off, blinked se#eral times as reali'ed Mrs, /ampbell had been speaking to me for se#eral se)onds, She was important* one of the few tea)hers that a)tually liked me, t was in)redibly hard* but fo)used on what she was saying* #oluntarily pulling myself partway out of the wonderful )ushion and e+posing myself to some of the pain, 8%re you sure you're okay:8 My nod and smile must not ha#e been #ery )on#in)ing, 8Listen* there isn't any real reason to keep the lab open so late today* and you'#e made ama'ing progress )at)hing up, 7hy don't you take the night off* and go straight home:8 The idea didn't make sense, knew all the words* but they wouldn't string themsel#es together in a way that had any meaning, nodded anyway* and then put my book in my bag* whi)h had somehow made it into her hands, She was holding it open as if e+pe)ting me to fill it, found myself outside the s)hool* sitting on the edge of the parking lot without a )lear idea how 'd ended up there, There was a #aguely irritating noise behind me that didn't seem to fit with what e+pe)ted from s)hool, thought about turning to see what it was* but was thankfully too far ba)k into the gau'e to a)t on the thought, went ba)k to )ontemplating the pair of ants that were )urrently trekking a)ross my right foot, 8%driana, %re you okay:8 My insides were too raw, =ust )oming out long enough to listen to Mrs, /ampbell had opened e#erything ba)k up, My mind tried to shy away* to sink away from the )ertainty of more 6agged shards being sho#ed into me* but this #oi)e was an important one, "a)hel looked down at me* her arms wrapped around her waist as if trying to hold herself together, 87hat are you doing:8

The words stubbornly tried to a#oid making sense* but rea)hed out with my trembling mind and for)ed them ea)h into their proper pla)e, 87aiting,8 The answer fell out of my mouth of its own a))ord, t took me se#eral se)onds to reali'e it was the truth, didn't ha#e a ride home until Britney finished up her regular studying stint, 8!or Britney: Do you want us to gi#e you a ride home:8 % slight mo#ement* barely seen out of the )orner of my eye* ga#e meaning to the last part of the senten)e, % familiar.looking guy was standing a few feet from "a)hel, )ouldn't pla)e him, slowly shook my head* trying to 6ar something loose enough to figure out who he was, 8(lease* %driana, t really isn't any trouble, =ames* )an you get your )ar* please:8 &e looked angry, Like maybe he was going to argue* but as he opened his mouth "a)hel turned and glared at him, t seemed odd to see someone only a little smaller than %le) ba)k away from someone e#en smaller than me, The image stu)k with me so strongly that )onsidered it until "a)hel )ame o#er and took my hand, 87hat's wrong: t's 6ust the two of us now* you don't ha#e to worry about =ames* and won't tell anyone else, swear,8 "a)hel's promise somehow seemed like it belonged from another time, The sin)erity pulled me further out of my safe* numb shelter, Something in me wanted to )onfide in her* was willing to risk the pain of fa)ing reality* but was too far gone to be able to put what was feeling into words, shook my head again* not sure if it was a refusal or something else entirely, "a)hel took it as the former and sat down ne+t to me* pulling her knees up tight against her )hest, % few se)onds later heard the howl of an after.market e+haust fed by a turbo.)harged engine, The green &onda that )ame s)reaming through the parking lot was hardly re)ogni'able as an %))ord, t was approa)hing too 0ui)kly* but )ouldn't bring myself to )are, Besides* "a)hel seemed un)on)erned, "a)hel helped me up as the )ar )ame to a s)ree)hing halt* all four tires lo)king up to slide it around so that the passenger side was fa)ing us, The o#er.tinted windows smoothly slid down to re#eal that =ames was indeed the dri#er* and he wasn't any happier than he'd been a few se)onds earlier, started towards the ba)k seat* only to feel "a)hel's surprisingly.firm grasp guide me towards the front seat, She got me settled and then slipped in behind me,

=ames pulled out of the parking lot with a rush of a))eleration that pinned me to my seat, 5ormally 'd ha#e gripped the door hard enough to make my fingers )reak* but was still strangely un)on)erned with the possibility of dying, !or the first time in months simply slou)hed down in my seat and en6oyed the ride, The little %))ord 'ipped around )orners faster than would'#e belie#ed possible* its tiny engine howling as the turbos wound up in between shifts, My bemused state was interrupted by "a)hel leaning forward and tapping me on the shoulder as she gestured for =ames to turn his musi) down, 8 almost forgot, $uess what* Les Mis;rables is )oming to Las <egas, 5ot 6ust a lo)al )ast* an a)tual touring )ast out of London, t's gotten e+)ellent re#iews all o#er the -,S,8 stared at her blankly* unsure where she was going, Some of her enthusiasm wilted in the fa)e of my in)omprehension, 8 6ust thought maybe you'd want to go, 9ou know, 9ou said you lo#ed the musi)* that it was what made you want to read the book, t's playing for more than a month* so there's plenty of time to make arrangements, )an set e#erything up if you want,8 t seemed impossible that she'd be so insensiti#e to my situation, opened my mouth to tell her off* and then reali'ed she wasn't pri#y to e#erything happening in my head, My world felt like it was disintegrating around me* and hers )ontinued on as normal, t should ha#e been depressing* but somehow found it so ludi)rous giggled, The laugh had a definite edge of hysteria to it* but it still felt good, 8"a)hel* my life doesn't work like that, E#en if )ould afford a trip like that* my mom would ne#er let me go, She's only an absentee parent when need her,8 "a)hel's soft blue eyes got really wide as she re)oiled slightly, 7hate#er she was about to say was preempted as we were both thrown forward in our seats, =ames slid the )ar through a one.eighty turn that left us fa)ing the dire)tion we'd 6ust )ome from* only a )ouple of feet from the start of our lane, 89ou're not making her walkB8 t was ob#ious that whate#er magi)al ability had allowed "a)hel to fa)e down the larger boy wasn't working anymore, &e looked like he was set for a monster fight, 8 'm not washing my )ar again,8 e+pe)ted "a)hel to ba)k down as soon as she reali'ed he was spoiling for a fight* but if anything she looked more determined, t was hard to belie#e this was the same person 'd had to res)ue from /assie so re)ently,

stopped "a)hel 6ust before she )ould put the impressi#e lungful of air she'd 6ust taken in to whate#er use she'd planned, 8 t's okay, 'm better, The lane's dusty and e+er)ise would do me good,8 She hesitated* ob#iously torn* but my fumbling fingers finally found the unfamiliar door release and made the de)ision for her, swung the door open and slipped out of the )ar before she )ould respond, wa#ed goodbye with a )heery )asualness thought did a pretty good 6ob of hiding my desire to break into tears, t was ama'ing how 'd let the numbness slip away for nothing, "a)hel wasn't any more my friend than she'd been a few minutes before, nstead she was probably freaked out, 'd ha#e been so mu)h better off if 'd 6ust stayed obli#ious to e#erything* and ignored her like 'd done e#eryone else today, The hot -tah sun was trying to kno)k me to my knees as slowly made my way down our lane, !or a moment thought about what would happen if fell and hurt myself, By the time Mom reali'ed was missing* 'd be a perfe)tly preser#ed mummy* su)ked )ompletely dry by the harsh )limate* e+a)tly as ordered for a pyramid burial, hadn't reali'ed some part of me was hoping Mom would be there waiting when got home, felt it shrink as )ame around the )orner and saw the empty )ement pad, walked through the door and dropped my things on the )ou)h, )ould feel myself sinking ba)k into obli#ion* but instead of wel)oming it* was suddenly terrified, 'd spent weeks numb to the entire world, 'd e#en missed Dad's fa#orite season* the one that'd be)ome mine as well, t'd be all too easy to slip into the same kind of numbness now as a refuge against e#erything, 7hat would happen if failed to surfa)e: t'd been easier to lapse into )atatonia this time than last, 7ould rea)h a point where )ouldn't )ome ba)k: There'd been a time right after the a))ident where Mom had thought was already there, was 6ust numb enough still to think about su)h things without immediately )ollapsing, E#en so* felt a pang of di''iness as my mind warned me 'd pushed it too far today, found myself in the kit)hen* nearly finished making en)hiladas with only #ague ideas of why 'd started pulling ingredients out of the fridge, wasn't hungry, knew should eat something* but that hardly merited putting together anything more )ompli)ated than a sandwi)h, 7hat was trying to a))omplish: slowly put the pan in the o#en as admitted to myself that e#en after more than two days* the odds were better than e#en that 'd be eating alone* that most of the food would go into the fridge untou)hed,

My )lass work* negle)ted as it had been all day* really deser#ed my attention* but didn't ha#e the heart to pull it out, knew wouldn't find any kind of refuge there, nstead* pulled out a pen)il and a sheet of paper from my notebook* and started sket)hing, The pro)ess slowly started pulling me ba)k out of the numbness, wasn't a)tually any good as an artist, Mom had e+posed me to enough art for me to reali'e that early on, la)ked some kind of )reati#e spark ne)essary to a)hie#e any kind of real beauty, Still* o))asionally en6oyed trying to re)reate something 'd seen, This time didn't try to guide my hand* 6ust let it )reate lines and )ur#es at random* until something tugged at my sub)ons)ious* and a half.formed memory began to materiali'e on the page before me, knew that the wa#y #erti)al line off the side was destined to be)ome a waterfall, The s)ene was starting to take shape* but for the first time in ages still )ouldn't pla)e it, % mossy boulder filled itself in with feathery detail* and then reali'ed the )enter of the pie)e was still blank, t was like my sub)ons)ious hadn't e#er seen that part of the lands)ape, 4nly that didn't make sense, &ow )ould not ha#e seen part of whate#er it was was looking at: -nless it'd been blo)ked by something, But if so would ha#e drawn whate#er it was that'd been in the foreground, was e#en worse than normal when it )ame to drawing people or animals* but had a good memory for e#erything else, pushed the notepad away in frustration* and then started shaking as finally re)ogni'ed my drawing, t was the grotto from my dream* and the reason hadn't filled in the )enter was that 'd ne#er seen it, That was the spot where %le) had been standing,

Chapter 13
Morning )ame not a moment too soon after a night filled with tossing and turning, E#ery time nodded off* awoke a few minutes later* my mind rea)hing for something that wasn't there* only to snap ba)k as it didn't find what it was looking for, Ea)h time the ba)klash woke me up* tried to figure out what was going on* but didn't su))eed until nearly morning, 'd been trying to find the #i#id dreams again, 'd finally stopped thinking about them* finally stopped yearning for them e#ery night* only to ha#e my stupid sub)ons)ious somehow mi+ them up with real life, That was really the thing that was the most unner#ing, 'd only e#er un)ons)iously drawn real pla)es, To draw a pretend pla)e was surprisingly unsettling* but almost )ouldn't blame whate#er part of me had gotten )onfused, The dreams were so )lear and sharp they sometimes seemed more real than the rest of my life, By the time finally reali'ed what was keeping me from getting real sleep it was too late to worry about trying to get anymore rest, 6ust stared out my window at the light the

pre#ious owners had mounted on a pole, t was 6ust )lose enough to see an ama'ingly thi)k )loud of inse)ts swirl around it* )apti#ated by the artifi)ial glow, 7hen walked downstairs found Mom's )amping e0uipment piled in the li#ing room, !or all 'd tossed and turned* must ha#e gotten some sleep to ha#e not heard her )ome in, )ontemplated 6otting down a note before 6ust shrugging and skipping outside* happy for on)e to be shi#ering, t wouldn't last, E#entually the sun would )lear the hills* and we'd be headed for eighty.plus degrees* but )ould at least en6oy the ne+t hour or so without worrying was going to melt right out of my )lothes, 7alking down the lane* tried to de)ide whether or not wanted Brandon to show up today, %fter my mi+ed signals yesterday figured there was a better than e#en )han)e he'd 'forget' to )ome get me, Strangely enough that didn't bother me as mu)h as thought it would, t was like walking down the lane managed to put things ba)k in perspe)ti#e for me, &ow )ould be put out about something hadn't e#er a)tually belie#ed was possible: almost refused to belie#e my eyes when )ame around the bend in our lane and saw a bla)k Mustang parked on the side of the road, Brandon stood up from where he'd been leaning against the sports )ar and flashed me a blinding smile, &e mo#ed towards me with a )asual gra)e that made little shi#ers run through me despite my earlier de)ision not to let his interest* or la)k thereof* affe)t me, 8 had a bet with myself that you weren't going to wait, Somehow the fa)t 6ust lost doesn't matter now,8 t didn't seem possible he was talking to me* that anyone so gorgeous )ould mean something like that about me, opened my mouth* maybe to laugh the )omment off* or otherwise hedge my bets against the humiliation and ine#itable mo)king laughter, 7hate#er it was 'd intended on saying e#aporated away the instant he rea)hed out and slowly slid his finger down the side of my fa)e, The tiny part of me that was still s)reaming none of this )ould be real was pulled along by the rest of me, )ompletely abandoned myself to the sensations )reated by his tou)h, My ner#e endings didn't know whether to )lassify his finger as i)y )old or s)or)hing hot* but before )ould re)oil in pain the sensation ga#e way to a tingly warmth that sank down into my )enter* simultaneously tightening and rela+ing parts didn't e#en know had, My pounding heart seemed loud enough to hear from a)ross the street, opened my eyes* afraid he )ould somehow hear the o#erworked mus)le* already flushing red with embarrassment* only to find a gentle smile waiting for me, f there was any insin)erity to the e+pression* was utterly unable to dete)t it, )leared my throat* seeking to a#oid the awkwardness that always followed these kinds of moments* but Brandon effortlessly defused all of that by opening my door and helping me into the )ar,

8 'm sorry wasn't around yesterday, Some things )ame up that demanded my attention,8 The musi) was lower than usual* a possible sign he wanted to talk: 8Did you manage to resol#e them su))essfully:8 %gain that in)redible smile flashed a)ross his fa)e, 8They were tou)h and go for a little bit* but 'm most pleased with how e#erything worked out,8 'd spent all of Monday in a da'e* and felt mu)h the same now* only this time it was a da'e of good fortune, t hardly bothered me when Britney snubbed me during English, flew through my %lgebra assignment* finishing up the one from yesterday as well as the one Mrs, /ampbell assigned* before the bell rang to release us, The only thing that e#en threatened my bubble of happiness was when walked into the lun)hroom and saw that Britney was sitting with the )heerleaders who'd )ome and sat at our table yesterday, t was blatantly ob#ious wasn't wel)ome, -nsure where to sit* almost spun around and walked ba)k into the hall until Brandon )aught my eye and wa#ed me o#er, had to detour around the tangle of tables that belonged to the )losest thing San)tuary had to real $oths, My wandering path brought me around to where )ould see what 'd mentally dubbed '%le)'s )orner', t was a good thing there was an empty )hair nearby, The for)e of =asmin's stare was almost a palpable thing3 my knees got weak so 0ui)kly it was like she'd rea)hed out and pushed me, steadied myself and then tried to ignore the way my skin )rawled as )rossed the rest of the distan)e to Brandon's table, 8The mongrels unner#e you a bit:8 The s)orn on the fa)e that the )omment belonged to was unner#ing, 'd seen him se#eral times before* but didn't ha#e a name to go with his aristo)rati) features, 8That's enough* <in)ent,8 % tra)e of rebelliousness flared up at Brandon's )hastisement* but <in)ent buried it so 0ui)kly almost didn't ha#e enough time to )lassify it before it disappeared, nterestingly enough* )ould see /assie out of the )orner of my eye* and she didn't look any happier than <in)ent, The rest of lun)h flew by, 'd ne#er reali'ed how mu)h fun it )ould be to belong to a group, Things weren't ideal3 'd ne#er met a group with so many inside 6okes, &alf the time felt like there was an entire )on#ersation being )arried on o#er my head* but sitting ne+t to Brandon left me with su)h a tingly feeling all along my right side that didn't really mind,

5ot e#en the presen)e of a pop 0ui' in &istory managed to fa'e me, %lmost before knew it was sitting down in (hysi)s, %s usual* %le) slipped into )lass a half se)ond before the bell, was so happy forgot how arrogant he was* and smiled at him as he sat down, t was like he was looking at something that wasn't e#en human, My insides seemed to free'e and shrink, )ouldn't e#en muster up my normal blush of embarrassment, 'd had plenty of people hate me sin)e 'd arri#ed in San)tuary* but he was the first person 'd met who was )on#in)ed wouldn't ha#e thrown me a life preser#er if was drowning, t wasn't e#en be)ause sa#ing me would be too mu)h work, &e was )ompletely )on#in)ed the world would be a better pla)e without me, 'd ne#er been so unner#ed in my life, %s Mrs, %le+ander took roll and then released us into our groups* was still trying to pull myself ba)k together, t didn't help when reali'ed we were being e#aluated today, fished out my notes and desperately tried to remember how to )al)ulate some of the stuff we'd need to know in order to su))essfully get our weight up the ramp* o#er the obsta)les* and otherwise to the appropriate destination using the minimum number of pulleys* the shortest ramp* and the thinnest string possible, %le) hardly e#en looked up as Mrs, %le+ander )ame by with our parti)ular spool of thread* an array of metri) weights* and a note )ard bearing the amount of weight we'd been assigned to mo#e around, was still leafing through my binder when %le) started testing the strength of our 'tow line,' s)ooted my desk o#er and pi)ked up a weight to hand to him* only to see the thread break as he su))essfully figured out the breaking point, %gain and again it happened, ran a )al)ulation for how many pulleys we'd need to lift our weight up the thirty.degree in)line on a string able to hold only a fourth as mu)h* only to look o#er at his paper and see not only had he already arri#ed at the )orre)t figure* he'd already thought to ad6ust for starting fri)tion, 5ot used to being out)lassed a)ademi)ally* got flustered* whi)h led to a mispla)ed de)imal* and then an in)orre)t )on#ersion from English to metri), %le) 6ust )ontinued on* ne#er seeming to really hurry* ne#er a)tually making a mistake* but still grinding through )al)ulations with a speed might ha#e been able to mat)h on a good day* but )ouldn't e#en approa)h today, t would'#e been mu)h easier to 6ust stop my efforts and wat)h him work* but was too stubborn to gi#e up, %le) finished up with the theoreti)al portion of the assignment* and started stringing the pulleys while most of the other groups were still arguing o#er whether or not they )ould afford to add a few e+tra grams for e+tra )redit,

f there was a single person in the )lass who didn't need any e+tra )redit* it was %le)3 but he )almly loaded the system with an e+tra si+teen grams* )aught Mrs, %le+ander's eye* and then smoothly started the train of weights mo#ing up the ramp* o#er the wall* through the woods* and right up to $randma's house, t wasn't fair that someone who missed so many days of s)hool )ould be so )onsistently right, &e must ha#e an F of EG2, That and an ego big enough for someone twi)e as smart, Mrs, %le+ander shuffled o#er and smiled at the pair of us, 8Si+teen grams, Most impressi#e* you two, %n entire gram more than would ha#e #entured to risk myself* and done before anyone else, thought the pair of you would make a great team,8 The easiest thing would ha#e been to stay 0uiet and 6ust let her belie#e 'd played an integral part of the pro6e)t* but didn't like getting )redit for something hadn't done, t was the worst kind of lying, 8Mrs, %le+ander* didn't a)tually do any of it, kept making mistakes,8 She )hu)kled so hard* for a se)ond thought the pen)il behind her ear was going to fall out, 8 rather suspe)t you're understating your a))omplishments* my dear, Didn't )ontribute indeed, %s if 5ora's fa#orite student would 6ust sit around while there were e0uations to sol#e,8 felt like 'd been hit in the stoma)h, hadn't reali'ed 6ust how fond of me Mrs, /ampbell was, My mind whirling with too many thoughts to sort out* turned to go ba)k to my desk* only to find %le) staring at me, &e still didn't seem happy to be sharing the same room with me* but the )omplete disgust from half an hour before had been repla)ed with something more measuring, n Spanish* Mrs, Tiggs took spe)ial delight in telling us that she'd started grading our tests and a )ouple of them weren't looking #ery good, suffered through the last hour of s)hool and then hurried to my lo)ker, didn't really want to meet up with Britney* but also didn't want to alienate her any more than already had, shouldn't ha#e e#en bothered, waited around for a full fifteen minutes before finally heading o#er to the tutoring lab, Britney was wat)hing the door when arri#ed, She didn't e#en bother trying to mask the flash of satisfa)tion that )rossed her fa)e when walked in late* ob#iously ha#ing spent the last little while waiting for her, wanted to s)ream* or maybe )ry, t was ama'ing how 0ui)kly a perfe)t day )ould go down the tubes, turned towards my normal table* and "a)hel )aught my eye, Sitting in a pool of light from one of the o#erhead skylights* she looked like Britney's antithesis, Smiling* happy to see me* and ob#iously already ha#ing forgi#en me for my weirdness from the day before, smiled ba)k and sat down* relie#ed the most important parts of my so)ial life had sur#i#ed,

Britney might hate me* might ha#e lost the )ool fa)tor resulting from all of the rumors about my imaginary boyfriend ha#ing died in a )ar wre)k* but Brandon still mira)ulously wanted to spend time with me* and "a)hel was still shaping up to be the best friend any girl e#er had, t was too bad the two ni)est people 'd e#er met hadn't been born in the same family, 4f )ourse* "a)hel was so inherently good* and Brandon was so reasonable about e#erything, f )ould get the pair of them to spend some time together it would probably go a long ways towards pat)hing up the stupid feud %le) seemed so determined to keep ali#e, thought about broa)hing the idea with "a)hel* but dis)arded the notion immediately, She would 6ust )lam up* 6ust like she always did whene#er anything relating to her brother was mentioned, 'd ha#e to be sneaky to get the two of them together, Mrs, /ampbell needed a little bit of reassuring when she stopped by my desk* whi)h did happily now that my personal uni#erse was looking up on)e again* and then dug into my homework with near.normal gusto, Time flew by all too 0ui)kly, Soon it was 6ust me holding down the fort and trying to take )are of a trio of freshmen girls who seemed to be at least slightly ahead of the normal )ramming )ur#e, was glad they weren't waiting until the day before the test to )ome in for help* but it was looking like tomorrow wasn't going to be any fun, Maybe 'd get lu)ky again* and most of the la'y ones would gi#e up before my shift started, turned around from e+plaining for the fourth time to the third person why you )ouldn't pro#e )ongruen)e of two triangles with the none+istent angle.angle.angle postulate* only to find that Britney had slipped out of the room, t was possible she'd 6ust gone to the restroom, tried to remind myself of all of the pla)es she )ould be* and all of the reasons she might ha#e left that didn't in#ol#e abandoning me here, "a)hel met me on my way ba)k to my table to gather up my books, 8She left with "i)k %nders,8 mustered a grin, 87as my pani) that ob#ious:8 85o* was 6ust wat)hing her to see who she had in her sights for the %shure Day Dan)e, Then when saw her lea#e reali'ed that would mean you wouldn't ha#e a ride home,8 put the last )ouple of books in my ba)kpa)k and shrugged, 8 think she's mad, guess she has pretty good reason to be* but she hasn't e#en gi#en me a )han)e to apologi'e,8 The first half of "a)hel's )omment finally sank in* and nearly tripped, 87ait* what dan)e:8

8%shure Day, t's an,,,a lo)al tradition, Think of it kind of like earth day* but with a dan)e, >ind of like a pagan (rom, 4r maybe a pagan home)oming sin)e it's still fall,8 (rom was my ar)h.nemesis, There were really only two times a year that the uni#erse managed to penetrate my histori)al indifferen)e to the opposite se+, (rom* and <alentine's Day, 4f the two* (rom was the more deadly, <alentine's Day was usually filled with enough e+amples of guys s)rewing up to make me feel okay, They were always pi)king the wrong present* forgetting to buy one* or otherwise making the day less than perfe)t, That in turn helped me remember that most relationships seemed to be more fuss and mess than they were worth, 7hy get something built up so mu)h in your mind that you )an't possibly e#er reali'e it: %ll of the little things about <alentine's Day that grounded me in reality were o#er)ome by the mysti0ue of (rom, nstead of people fighting* there were do'ens* sometimes e#en hundreds* of )ouples who all seemed to be #ery mu)h in lo#e, E#eryone got to dress up and go dan)ing in a pla)e that'd been transformed into another world, E#en before 'd gotten old enough to attend (rom* 'd still in#ariably spent the day grou)hy and depressed, Things only got worse as 'd aged* presumably be)ause wasn't really as indifferent as liked to pretend* and )ouldn't hide behind the e+)use of being too young to be asked anymore, My pulse had already skyro)keted3 almost didn't hear what "a)hel was saying o#er the pounding in my ears, 8,,,of )ourse it's still a little ways away* but a girl like Britney starts early so she gets as high up the so)ial food )hain as possible,8 "a)hel's words )almed me a little at the same time they sparked )onfusion, 'd ne#er heard her be 0uite so )yni)al, t was )ompletely at odds with the inno)ent* a))epting e+terior she usually displayed, My surprise must ha#e leaked through, %lmost as soon the thought )rossed my mind "a)hel's demeanor )rossed ba)k from the older* 6aded #isage* to one that was more youthful* e#en embarrassed, 8Sorry* know she's your friend, shouldn't say things like that* but that's really what she's doing, By the time the a)tual dan)e arri#es* e#eryone who is anyone will ha#e a date* most of them pi)ked out by the girl weeks before the boy e#en started thinking about the dan)e,8 There wasn't really any bitterness in her #oi)e* but there was something* maybe the same kind of longing felt when talked about (rom, 89ou're probably right, That would fit with what know of Britney so far,8 8Do you need us to gi#e you a ride:8 looked o#er and saw that =ames was on)e again glaring at me* somehow ha#ing approa)hed to within a few feet without making any noise, 8 should probably make sure

she isn't waiting somewhere for me, That's probably half of why she's so mad, was so out of things yesterday didn't think to let her know was headed home with you,8 "a)hel looked for a moment like she wanted to disagree* but she nodded* in the kind of non)ommittal way people use when they don't really agree* but are ready to let you make your own mistakes, "a)hel pulled her books together* and then followed me through the door* =ames two steps behind* and looking* ama'ingly enough* e#en more surly than he had a few se)onds before, "a)hel didn't seem to be one of those people who always had to be talking about something* but e#en so* two minutes of silen)e were enough to lea#e me s)rambling for something to talk about, 8Thanks for telling me about Les Mis;rables, mean* should ha#e said thanks yesterday* but really do appre)iate you thinking of me, t was really ni)e,8 "a)hel's eyes lit up brighter than 'd seen them in a while, 89ou're wel)ome, Does that mean we )an go to <egas:8 t seemed like a )rime to deny her* but knew Mom didn't ha#e the spare money to send me on a two.hour trip to an opera, was working now* but by the time )ould sa#e up enough to pay for gas* food* and a ti)ket* the produ)tion would'#e mo#ed on, 8 'm sorry* 'd like to go* but 6ust don't think )an, f it was running for an e+tra month or two )ould probably sa#e up enough money from tutoring* but it isn't* so it 6ust isn't going to happen,8 "a)hel nodded* and for a se)ond it was easy to forget that she probably got more spending money ea)h month than 'd see all year, 8That's okay, Things like that are always )oming through <egas, 7e )an 6ust go the ne+t time they )ome to town,8 nodded and smiled* surprised that the thought of so mu)h time trapped in a )ar with someone didn't make me want to run away s)reaming, /ars were s)ary, %ll that time with nothing to do but talk* and on)e you started talking to people they wanted to know things, Things that weren't any of their business* things you weren't ready to dis)uss, Somehow knew "a)hel wouldn't pry, t was like keeping so many se)rets for her brother had made her espe)ially sensiti#e to other people's se)rets, %nother few steps brought us to the door* and held it open for "a)hel to follow me outside, The intense heat felt like a physi)al blow, )ould almost feel my pores open up in an effort to keep me from o#erheating, The sensory o#erload as my eyes tried to ad6ust to the unfiltered afternoon sun momentarily distra)ted me, t wasn't until heard the other door swing shut that reali'ed

=ames had followed us through* but he'd taken the door on the right instead of the one of the left that 'd been holding open for him, 7ow* talk about a )hau#inisti) pig, t wasn't worth getting bent out of shape, let my door swing shut* and walked o#er to "a)hel's side so that )ould see the entire parking lot, Empty as it was* it didn't take #ery long to reali'e Britney's little white Saturn was gone, 8 thought you might still be here,8 The #oi)e )aught me by surprise, probably would'#e 6umped and s)reamed a little if hadn't re)ogni'ed it, Brandon was walking towards us with his )hara)teristi) )asual stride* and felt my heart speed up a little as remembered our )on#ersation from earlier in the day, 8BrandonB 7hat are you still doing here:8 heard some mo#ement off to my right* but was so fo)used on Brandon's response that none of it really registered, The smile gra)ing his breathtaking fa)e was like the ultimate treat, 84h* was helping out with the new set for the theater )lass' produ)tion of %rseni) and 4ld La)e,8 was suddenly glad Britney had abandoned me, f it resulted in me seeing Brandon again today it )ouldn't be all bad, n fa)t* my life felt pretty mu)h perfe)t right now, 7ait* not 0uite, f he'd greeted me with a hug in addition to the smile* then things would ha#e been perfe)t, felt myself blushing almost as soon as the thought )rossed my mind, My family wasn't,,,hadn't been demonstrati#e, wouldn't know what to do if he hugged me, n an effort to )o#er my embarrassment* turned ba)k to "a)hel and =ames* only to feel my 6aw figurati#ely hit the ground, =ames was standing between "a)hel and Brandon* slightly )rou)hed in a posture that looked strangely familiar, heard footsteps to my left as Brandon finished )rossing the last few feet between us, =ames ba)ked up a half step* one arm stret)hed out behind him* pushing "a)hel ba)k, suddenly reali'ed why his mo#ements seemed so familiar, 'd seen do'ens of )elebrities being shepherded out of one award show or another by professional bodyguards who a)ted e+a)tly like =ames was a)ting right now, 4nly they usually weren't so ob#ious about it, The only time 'd e#er seen a bodyguard physi)ally push their )lient around was when some up.and.)oming soap star had a bottle thrown at her by the wife of someone she was sleeping with, looked past Brandon* e+pe)ting to see something threatening headed towards us, e#en opened my mouth to

warn Brandon* but there wasn't anything there* 6ust Brandon* still with the same )asual smile as he rea)hed out and s0uee'ed my arm, 8&i* guys, 6ust thought 'd see if %dri needed a ride home,8 t was like 'd been hit by a bus, My arm tingled at the same time my heart started skipping beats, My body was trying to shut down as a pani) atta)k loomed on the hori'on* but not su))eeding be)ause it was also re##ing up from standing so )lose to Brandon, think said goodbye to "a)hel and =ames, kind of fu''ed out, The ne+t thing knew Brandon was pulling onto our )ement pad, 8So it looks like Britney's out, Do you mind if gi#e you a ride home on Tuesdays and Thursdays:8 Did mind: 4f )ourse not, 8That would be really great, Thanks for offering,8 Brandon ran one finger down the side of my fa)e* and then leaned ba)k with a smile as rea)hed for the door, t wasn't until was out of the )ar that reali'ed our =eep was parked in its normal spot off to the side of the house, E+)ited to talk to Mom about her last outing* wa#ed goodbye to Brandon and hurried to the door, Mom hardly e#en looked up from her laptop as walked in, 7hew* no need to go through the third degree about Brandon, 8%nything promising* Mom:8 8&mm: don't know, Maybe one or two will be okay on)e '#e tou)hed them up* but this bro)hure is pro#ing tougher than e+pe)ted, /an we talk after dinner:8 By now really should ha#e been used to Mom ignoring me when she got buried in a pro6e)t, shrugged and went upstairs to )hange, &ours later* ha#ing finished up all my homework and endured the agony of dinner* was finally free to do whate#er wanted with the last few minutes of my night, My room was still miserable* but with Mom sitting down in the li#ing room with her laptop going through the gigs of data that she'd shot o#er the last few days* it offered the only real )han)e at some time alone, trudged up the stairs* shut my door* and then reali'ed wasn't sure what to do with myself, 'd spent most of the time sin)e we'd arri#ed either buried in homework* or borderline )atatoni),

The ob#ious )hoi)e was sitting on the ri)kety table ne+t to my bed* but wasn't sure if was up to Les Mis;rables right now, Maybe in a few weeks* on)e the produ)tion had left <egas* 'd be ready to del#e ba)k into it, "ight now it was 6ust another reminder of how many things in my life didn't ha#e )ontrol o#er, 5o* that was right out, thumbed through (ride and (re6udi)e for a few minutes* and then 6ust ga#e up and headed to the bathroom, % short time later* teeth brushed and fa)e washed* swung my window wide open and )limbed into bed, t would take hours for the air to )ool down enough to start lee)hing some of the heat out of my room* but it was better than nothing, 'd at least sleep better for the se)ond half of the night, %s tired as was* my mind didn't want to shut down yet, Mom didn't seem to think it was at all odd that the )ity had flip.flopped so )ompletely on the 6ob, !irst she had it* then she didn't* now she did again, 5one of it made sense* but she seemed perfe)tly ready to a))ept e#erything at fa)e #alue, Maybe her way was the best, )ertainly en#ied her, 5ot the not knowing* but the fa)t that she didn't ha#e to worry about what it all meant, &ow did get stu)k being the parent* while she got to be the kid: 7ho'd be interested in helping us: 5o* that wasn't the right 0uestion, The key to figuring this all out was to de)ide who )ould'#e helped us out, 5obody we'd known ba)k in Minnesota )ould'#e strong.armed both the president of a bank and the mayor, Espe)ially not from all the way ba)k there, t had to be someone lo)al* and they had to be either ri)h* powerful* or both, The answer was so ob#ious felt like an idiot for not reali'ing who it was from the start, 7ho had been told* almost from my first day here* were the two most influential families in San)tuary: The 7orthingfields and the $ra#eses, Both of whi)h had at least one member of the family my age* one of whom seemed to hate me profoundly, 7hat was it the mayor had said: 8 )an't promise he'll e#en read it,8 t was a he who'd inter#ened on our behalf* and "a)hel and %le)'s father had died years ago* while Brandon's father,,,a)tually knew ne+t to nothing about Brandon's parents, wasn't e#en sure whether or not they were around, They must be though..if it had been a male who'd sa#ed us* then it )ouldn't be the $ra#eses* and that left only Brandon's family, t was hard to belie#e that Brandon had stepped in and done so mu)h for us* but the pie)es fit together so tightly, Brandon was e#en more wonderful and ama'ing than 'd thought before, (art of me e+pe)ted this new re#elation to keep my mind whirling so fast that it would take me hours to go to sleep, was only partly right, t took 0uite a while for me to go to sleep* but this time the )ulprit was the light outside my window,

Chapter 14

!or the first time in longer than )ould remember* woke up two minutes before my alarm went off, was showered* dressed* and ready to go ten minutes before normal* but after pulling my books together* 6ust sat down on the sofa, Today was the day, hadn't )ons)iously planned it when went to bed* but )ir)umstan)es were perfe)t, f was wrong* Mom was not only home* 6udging by the noises filtering down the stairs* she was awake and only a few minutes away from )oming downstairs, E#en filled with the near )ertainty that Brandon's parents* and by e+tension him* were our se)ret benefa)tors* the ne+t fifteen minutes were some of the longest in my life, 7hen Brandon's Mustang finally appeared around the bend in the lane* found myself smiling so hard my fa)e was starting to hurt, Breathing silent but heartfelt thanks that Mom was in the shower and therefore )ouldn't hear the low rumble of the Mustang's engine* slipped out the front door and skipped down the )on)rete steps, 8 figured you were either too si)k to get out of bed* or you finally de)ided to trust me,8 Brandon's gray eyes twinkled as he made a show of )he)king me o#er, 8Looks like you're not si)k,8 didn't know it was possible to blush and smile at the same time, 85ope* not si)k,8 %fter su)h a beginning* my day )ould hardly be anything but great, 4ne )lass after another rolled by* and all of the things that normally would'#e bothered me 6ust went whipping past without managing to sti)k, )ouldn't remember the se)ond phase of )ell di#ision in Biology, 'd forgotten to reread the last )hapter of 7uthering &eights* and Britney went out of her way to snub me, The only thing )ared about was making it to lun)h so )ould see Brandon again, dawdled on my way to %lgebra* so mu)h so was nearly late for )lass, t wasn't until sat down at my desk and felt a wa#e of disappointment slither through me that reali'ed 'd been hoping to see Brandon in between )lasses, Mrs, /ampbell )aught me before )ould lea#e for lun)h, 8%driana* your homework is progressing along #ery well, %t the risk of ha#ing you slow down* 'm going to admit that you're well ahead of where 'd hoped you'd be, %nother )ouple of weeks and you'll be )aught up and ready for your makeup test,8 shrugged un)omfortably, 7hen tea)hers praised me* it always made me feel like was so)ially defi)ient, didn't ne)essarily mind the fa)t that spent hours more on homework than any of my peers* but being praised for it always felt like a ba)khanded insult, 8 t's okay* 'm not going to sla)k off, want to be done with e+tra assignments as badly as you want to be finished with ha#ing to grade them,8

My feeble 6oke e#oked a smile* but wasn't 0uite free to go, 87ell* your homework is easier to grade than most, also wanted to let you know that 'm happy with what you'#e been doing at the lab* and to gi#e you this,8 %s unbelie#able as it was )onsidering that most of my )lassmates seemed more )on)erned with working their fast.food 6obs than with doing homework* the plain en#elope she handed me )ontained my #ery first pay)he)k, E#er, all but skipped out of the )lassroom, Later 'd probably )omplain about how small it was and wish had enough to go shoe shopping* but for now it was 6ust ni)e to know had some dis)retionary money, Brandon looked up as walked into the )afeteria* and wa#ed me o#er, %s threaded between a pair of )losely.set tables noti)ed that %le)'s table seemed unusually unsettled, f a shouting mat)h )ould be )ondu)ted in whispers* it was being done by =asmin and =ames* neither of who looked like they were happy about whate#er was being dis)ussed, %le) wasn't talking* but from the way he was s)anning the room* he didn't want to be there anymore than the rest of them, made it to Brandon's table* and was still pulling my meal repla)ement drink out of my bag when the loudspeaker )li)ked on with the obligatory burst of stati), 8This is (rin)ipal $ossil and '#e got an e+)iting announ)ement, The s)hool is sponsoring a trip to Las <egas to see the produ)tion of Les Mis;rables that 6ust started, Ti)kets are a#ailable at a dis)ounted rate in the offi)e for the ne+t two days,8 t was like someone had rifled through my mind to pi)k out my biggest disappointment in re)ent days* pulled it out and rubbed salt on the wound before )ramming it ba)k inside me, 4f )ourse 'd go see how big of a dis)ount the s)hool had gotten the ti)kets at* but it was e+tremely unlikely my tiny )he)k would end up being enough, t took me a moment to reali'e Mr, $ossil hadn't ended his announ)ement, 8,,,those wishing to be entered into the drawing should stop by the offi)e between today and noon tomorrow,8 n the fa)e of the near.uni#ersal apathy e+pressed by the rest of the student body* it took my mind se#eral se)onds to pro)ess e+a)tly what had been said, grabbed Brandon's arm and shook it to get his attention, 8Did he 6ust say they were drawing for free ti)kets:8 Brandon looked slightly amused, /assie* who 'd 6ust interrupted* looked #ery mu)h not amused, 8 think so, wasn't paying #ery )lose attention* but think he did,8 The sound that )ame out of my mouth was disturbingly )lose to a s0ueal* but was too e+)ited to )are, wa#ed goodbye as stood and headed towards the doors,

%ma'ingly enough* there was already a line in the offi)e by the time got there, Either the nerds who liked musi)als didn't a)tually eat in the lun)hroom* or some of the people who maintained a )ool* disinterested fa)ade a)tually wanted to see it, My enthusiasm ebbed lower and lower as waited in line behind a number of people who it turned out didn't e#en want to see the show* but figured that this would be a great )han)e to get away from their parents for the better part of twel#e hours, By the time signed my name to a brightly.)olored pink slip of paper* dropped it into the bo+* and walked out past the ridi)ulously.long line of people still waiting to enter the drawing* knew for a )ertainty that wasn't going, They'd posted the )ost of the ti)kets* and 'd been right, My pay)he)k wasn't going to )ut it, was still trying to de)ide whether or not to head ba)k into the )afeteria* when the first bell rang* signaling a fitting end to a disappointment.filled lun)h, &istory wasn't any better* and we had a sub for (hysi)s, %le) a)tually walked into )lass* saw Mrs, %le+ander wasn't there* and then turned around and left, t was possibly the most bra'en a)t of )lass )utting 'd e#er seen* and somehow it didn't surprise me in the least, E#en so* spent the rest of the hour stewing while working on the pointless* busywork assignment the sub handed out, Mrs, Tiggs still hadn't finished grading our tests* whi)h meant still had no idea how 'd done, By the time finally half.)ollapsed at my normal table in the tutor lab* all )ould think about was how ni)e it would be to see Brandon one more time as he dro#e me home, looked around to #erify that all of the usual suspe)ts were there, $eeks* )he)k, =o)ks* )he)k, "a)hel and her sinister sideki)k =ames* )he)k, smiled at "a)hel and then flipped open my math book, E#erything went 6ust like normal* and promptly at fi#e )losed my binder and started stuffing books into my ba)kpa)k, looked up to find "a)hel standing in front of my table, 8%re you ready: =ames had to lea#e early* but don't worry* we'#e still got a ride home,8 think managed to keep the disappointment off of my fa)e, "a)hel at least didn't seem to noti)e, Somehow 'd lost tra)k of the fa)t that it was a 7ednesday* and Brandon therefore wouldn't be taking me home, 8$reat, Britney's been a#oiding me like the plague, didn't e#en see her lea#e today,8 'd ne#er noti)ed that "a)hel's laugh was possibly the prettiest 'd e#er heard, Tinkling bells and all that aside* it really did sound like the kind of laugh you'd hear des)ribed for the prin)ess of a fairy tale, &ad really ne#er heard her laugh before* or was it 6ust that she hadn't e#er meant it before:

8She left about fi#e minutes before =ames did,8 8Still )hatting up her prime )andidate for the big dan)e:8 "a)hel nodded as we skirted the last two tables between us and the one e+terior door in the tutor lab, 89ep* she's definitely settled on Tim (arsons* who's perfe)t if you like your men fairly handsome* moderately popular* and built like an o+,8 wanted to protest* but if anything "a)hel was being too kind, 'd seen Tim trying to sound out the )aptions underneath the pi)tures in Sports llustrated of his fa#orite pro football players, was 6ust about to ask who we were going to ride with* more as a way of )hanging the sub6e)t than anything else* when mo#ement off to my right answered the 0uestion, 8%le)B8 The last thing was e+pe)ting out of "a)hel was for her to all but run towards %le) with her arms out as if e+pe)ting a hug, E#en so* that was less surprising than the fa)t that %le) a))epted the hug* turning slightly to the side to re)ei#e her* but still rea)hing out with his left arm to pull her in )lose* albeit only briefly, 89ou didn't think 'd forget* did you:8 85ot forget* no* 6ust maybe be a little late,8 %s abruptly as that* the interplay between the two siblings ended* lea#ing an un)omfortable silen)e as odd as the affe)tion from a moment before, 7e walked to %le)'s )ar in silen)e* the pair of them apparently lost in their own thoughts* and me wondering why %le) had agreed to gi#e me a ride home, wasn't enough of a )ar afi)ionado to re)ogni'e the #ehi)le other than the fa)t that it was a matte gray and had the kind of smooth* e+oti) lines all of the high.end #ehi)les seemed to be stri#ing for right now, "a)hel slipped in the ba)kseat while was still wondering how this seemingly low. profile ride mat)hed up against Brandon's Mustang, 8Did you enter the drawing for Les Mis;rables ti)kets:8 looked o#er to find "a)hel sitting in the middle of the seat* happily leaning forward so she )ould talk to us, 89es* but so did e#eryone else, My )han)es are so dismal they're not e#en worth mentioning,8

"a)hel looked like she was going to argue* or say something )heerful* but the ba)k of my mind had been trying to figure out how she )ould be e#en with us* but still sitting in the ba)k seat, did a 0ui)k )he)k to #erify my suspi)ion, 8"a)hel* you should be wearing your seatbelt,8 87hy: t isn't like anyone is going to pull us o#er and gi#e us a ti)ket,8 t was more diffi)ult than e+pe)ted to formulate a )oherent answer while fighting off the first 0ui#ering indi)ations of another atta)k, 8She's right* "a)hel, 9ou should be bu)kled in,8 e+pe)ted her to argue with him, 5o girl on the planet liked it when her older brother sided with her friends against her* but "a)hel 6ust frowned a little before s)ooting ba)k so she )ould do up her seatbelt, 7as she really that s)ared of him: stole a glan)e at him out of the )orner of my eye, &e didn't look threatening* well* at least no more so than usual, %nyone with that many mus)les was at least a little threatening, But he was 6ust sitting there )asually* dri#ing along* seemingly without a )are in the world, n fa)t* he wasn't bu)kled in either, 8 sn't that a bit hypo)riti)al: mean you tell her to bu)kle up* but you're not bu)kled up yourself,8 %le) shrugged, 89es* suppose it does look hypo)riti)al at that, Let's 6ust say "a)hel would be missed if we hit another )ar* but nobody would need to miss me,8 The answer was like something you'd e+pe)t from a politi)ian, t )on#eyed absolutely no information* and his supreme )onfiden)e was infuriating, Lu)kily* wouldn't ha#e to hold my tongue for #ery long, 7e were already gliding around the last bend in the road before our lane, e+pe)ted %le) to slow to a stop and make me walk like =ames had, &e slowed* but 6ust enough to make the turn down the dusty lane, "a)hel 6umped out of the )ar as soon as it slowed down and opened my door for me, 8En6oy the rest of your night* and don't lose hope on Les Mis;rables, 9ou ne#er know when you're going to beat the odds,8 Shaking my head in ama'ement at "a)hel's unfailing optimism* turned to thank %le) for the ride, &e was s)owling a little again* whi)h almost made me get out without saying anything, My thanks re)ei#ed only a nod in return* and then "a)hel was wa#ing goodbye as they ba)ked down the lane,

The =eep was gone* of )ourse, wiped away the beginnings of perspiration as )limbed our steps, t was still hot enough outside that knew it was going to be miserable inside, By the time rea)hed the door was )ontemplating 6ust finding a de)ent tree and spending the afternoon outside, The sight of a white en#elope* barely #isible against the off.white door* was enough to dri#e those thoughts out of my head, t had my name on the side that'd been fa)ing the door, pulled it down as walked inside the house, Mom was gone* there wasn't any reason )ouldn't read whate#er was in the en#elope in the li#ing room* but found myself 0ui)kly )limbing up our )reaky stairs and )losing my bedroom door behind me, tore the en#elope open and pulled out a pie)e of hea#y paper* almost like par)hment, The writing was elegant* a kind of flowing s)ript that was different from anything 'd e#er seen* but whi)h paled against the sheer artistry of the sigil positioned at the bottom of the note, 'driana, 2our (ords of thanks (ere altogether une3pected, but decidedly appreciated 2ou're %ost (elco%e for (hate#er s%all part ) %ight ha#e played in helping e#ents to unfold as they (ould ha#e in a perfect (orld My actions (ere not such as to %erit any large boon fro% you, but still ) %ust ask one 4lease ne#er sho( this note to anyone ) ask not for %yself, but for the others such kno(ledge could affect ) hope your circu%stances continue on %uch as they are no(, but on the chance they do not, ) can be reached by lea#ing a note in the hollo( of the lightning$struck tree half a %ile to the east of your house $$5

Chapter 15
My alarm pulled me out of the strangest night of sleep 'd e#er e+perien)ed, Maybe 'd 6ust been o#ertired* or possibly the strange* symbol on the note* inked into the pla)e where a signature normally would'#e been* had reminded me of the other truly alien e+perien)e so far in my life, 7hate#er the reason* it felt like 'd spent all night on the edge of one of the in)redible* #i#id dreams, kept )at)hing glimpses of the )hara)teristi) soft glow out of the )orner of my eye* but hadn't e#er a)tually slipped into a full.blown dream, t'd left me feeling #ery unsatisfied,

rolled o#er and pulled the note out from its hiding pla)e in my dresser, had the words memori'ed already3 the symbol was what wanted now, The note was proof of the e+isten)e of our benefa)tor* but the sigil on the bottom of the page was a )lue to his identity, t was in)redibly intri)ate and )ompletely different than anything 'd e#er seen, 4n)e again tra)ed the sharp edges and smooth swirls with my eyes* mar#eling at the way it hinted at further )omple+ity lurking 6ust out of sight, 7ith a sigh of resignation hid the note on)e again and pulled myself out of bed, /on#in)ed as was that Brandon was our benefa)tor* no longer felt any 0ualms about trusting him to )ome pi)k me up, waited in the li#ing room until saw him pull up* and then skipped out to meet him with a smile, &e rea)hed o#er and opened my door* but some of the usual )asualness was missing from his smile, 8Something wrong:8 Brandon spared a momentary glan)e from the road* 6ust enough to gi#e me a 0uerying look, 87hat do you mean:8 8 don't know, t isn't anything )an really put a name too* but 'm usually pretty good at reading people* and something seems to be bothering you, 4r maybe 6ust distra)ting you,8 The smile was ba)k* and at near normal intensity, 8Distra)ting is as good a des)ription as any, Some things ha#e been a little different than normal, 5othing to worry about* it 6ust got me thinking,8 Before my mo#e to San)tuary probably would'#e pried 6ust a little in an attempt to get whate#er it was out in the open* but didn't press him, had too many se)rets of my own now* se)rets didn't want anyone looking at too )losely until 'd had a )han)e to work through them, Brandon pulled into his normal parking spot* )ut the engine and grabbed my hand before )ould open the door, 8&ey* you'd tell me if you knew about anything should know* right: %nything odd or out of the ordinary:8 !or a se)ond nothing made sense, Brandon was the one who was sa#ing us* and if that wasn't out of the ordinary* didn't know what would be, 4nly he'd said in his note not to say anything to anyone, 4f )ourse, &e was testing me* making sure was going to keep 0uiet about what he'd done, (robably be)ause he didn't want any of the praise for su)h a selfless a)t,

was usually a pretty lousy liar* but it isn't really a lie if you both know the truth, 8Brandon* you )an trust me, There isn't anything odd going on, %t least nothing odder than normal for San)tuary,8 Brandon looked at me for se#eral se)onds* and then )hu)kled, 89ou're right* )ompared to other pla)es we do tend towards oddness, t's the small town effe)t* think,8 Something about his #oi)e was a little different than normal, 89ou'#e li#ed somewhere else* somewhere bigger:8 The wistfulness was gone3 the smile was ba)k full for)e, 85ot really, '#e #isited a few larger )ities* but ne#er for long enough to get the full feel for what it must be like to li#e in a Minneapolis or a 5ew 9ork, Someday maybe though,8 This time was going to pry* but he preempted my 0uestion, 8 t looks like we'd better be going or we'll both be late,8 Les Mis;rables, managed to put the impending drawing more or less out of my mind for the first half of the day* but a)tually missed Britney's )onstant gossip, There was almost no redeeming #alue to most of what she said* but it did ha#e the benefit of being distra)ting, By the time lun)h finally )ame around needed some kind of distra)tion, This was my only )han)e to see Les Mis;rables performed li#e before turned forty, -nfortunately* while the )on#ersation at Brandon's table was plentiful* it wasn't #ery distra)ting, was 0ui)kly reali'ing that Brandon's friends weren't #ery ni)e, 'd pretty mu)h known /assie was a wen)h* but <in)ent seemed e#en meaner, 7hile a story about how someone tri)ked some poor girl into thinking he was going to ask her out was highly illuminating* it wasn't parti)ularly the kind of thing wanted to dwell on, Espe)ially )onsidering how many parallels there were between her story* and mine, kept looking at the )lo)k* and the later it got* the more )ertain was that (rin)ipal $ossil was 6ust about to get on the loudspeaker and )all out the winners of the drawing, The last two minutes of lun)h dragged on fore#er* but then the bell rang and was left sitting stunned as Brandon and his friends stood to go, let Brandon help me to my feet* hardly noti)ing the way his tou)h left my hand tingling* and headed off to )lass, t was stupid* but )ouldn't help feeling this was yet another sign wasn't going to win a ti)ket, tried to shake the feeling during &istory* but was still fighting it when walked into (hysi)s, n a departure from his normal routine* %le) was already seated when arri#ed, flipped open my notebook and tried to distra)t myself with a brief sket)h* only to tear the page out and ball it up as the bell rang,

looked up to see %le) staring at me* whi)h 6ust made me mad, t was )ompletely unfair, wasn't going to get to go to Les Mis;rables* but he was ri)h enough to fly to 5ew 9ork and book the whole theater, %s Mrs, %le+ander stood up to take roll* a burst of stati) silen)ed us all, 8 t's my pleasure to read off the names of the fi#e winners in our drawing for ti)kets to Les Mis;rables,8 8The first winner is (am 7hite,8 Somewhere down the hall heard someone yell* and then an entire )lass broke out into )heers, knew should be happy for (am* but was too busy wishing e#eryone would 0uiet down so we )ould hear the ne+t name, Mrs, %le+ander shut the door* muting the roar as (rin)ipal $ossil )ontinued with a slight rustle of papers, 8%lso winning a ti)ket to Les Mis;rables ne+t weekend* Mr, %ndrew 7ebbs,8 % )ouple of half.hearted )heers broke out towards the front of the )lass* but they were short.li#ed, %ndrew wasn't in the )lass* and his friends were probably spending almost as mu)h time thinking about their odds of still winning* as was, only had three )han)es left* three in two hundred assuming that e#eryone else in the s)hool had entered the drawing* whi)h was #irtually guaranteed, 8%nd the third lu)ky person is Su'anne Bergerman,8 %nd my )han)es were down to two* with e#en worse odds than 'd had a se)ond before, My hands hurt* only when looked down to see why* it was be)ause my fingernails were digging into my palms, The blood was pounding so furiously in my ears that )ouldn't hear the ne+t name read, )ould tell it wasn't mine though be)ause nobody turned ba)k to )ongratulate me, There was only one name left to be read* and knew that it wasn't going to be mine, 'd ne#er been that lu)ky in my entire life, %s 0ui)kly as that my pulse slowed and my fists rela+ed, )ould )learly hear as (rin)ipal $ossil )leared his throat and )ontinued, 8The fifth winner is Ms, %driana (aige,8 The )heer from my )lassmates wasn't nearly as loud as the one for (am* but it didn't matter, 'd won a ti)ket, Me* the person who ne#er won anything* was going to get to see the greatest musi)al of all time, smiled and thanked e#eryone who yelled ba)k )ongratulations* and then turned to find %le) staring at me,

8/ongratulations* %driana, Les Mis;rables is one of the best, hope you en6oy it,8 thanked him sweetly* and e#en managed a smile* but wanted to tell him he was a 6erk, 'd been desperate to win a ti)ket* and he had to take yet another opportunity to rub in the fa)t that he'd already seen it, That he was ri)h enough to see it anywhere in the world as often as he wanted to, E#en my desire to tell %le) off wasn't strong enough to o#er)ome the pure 6oy at ha#ing won, The ne+t two hours floated by* and before would'#e belie#ed it possible* found myself heading towards the tutoring lab, "a)hel met me outside the door* her fa)e lit up with a smile e#en more striking than her usual e+pression, 89ou won, 'm so e+)ited that you won, $uess what, traded ti)kets with Su'anne Bergerman* so we get to sit togetherB8 Life )ouldn't get any better, was going to Les Mis;rables with "a)hel* and only had two more hours before Brandon would be taking me home,

Chapter 16
My time with Brandon blurred by too 0ui)kly, t was like the time between when he pi)ked me up and dropped me off didn't e#en e+ist, 4ne moment 'd be blah and mundane* then ne+t 'd be with him and the world was perfe)t, 7hen was by myself* it was hard to belie#e it all hadn't been a dream, Thursday morning flew by* it was like blinked and it was already time for Mrs, /ampbell's )lass, % number of the other girls* and e#en a )ouple of the guys* stopped by my desk before the bell rang to )ongratulate me on winning the last ti)ket to Les Mis;rables, Britney wasn't one of them, )aught her glaring at me a )ouple of times out of the )orner of my eye, -nder normal )ir)umstan)es probably would'#e felt guilty* or at least wished things had worked out differently, Today* was fully prepared to a)knowledge Britney as the spoiled* self.)entered brat she was, The bell rang and then Mrs, /ampbell's le)ture was o#er in re)ord time, e#en finished my assignment a good ten minutes before )lass was s)heduled to end, was absently sket)hing what e+pe)ted the inside of the opera house to look like* when a tap on my shoulder pulled me out of my re#erie, 8 'm so sorry* Mrs, /ampbell, finished early* but should ha#e started on one of the )at)h.up assignments, 6ust didn't want to get into a whole new sub6e)t with only ten minutes left,8 &er smile was mu)h more understanding than normal for a )lassroom situation, t took the sting out of the words that were probably 6ust for the people )lose enough to o#erhear,

8Don't you worry* Miss (aige* 'll let you know when don't think you're keeping up, Seeing as you are done though* would you please run something o#er to Mrs, 5orth: 'd do it* but need to go to a spe)ial pro6e)ts meeting today during lun)h,8 %s 0ui)kly as that* my books were in my ba)kpa)k and was on my way to the se)ond story of the s)hool* whi)h housed musi)* sket)hing* and all the other forms of art lesser mortals like me would ne#er master, The 6ourney would'#e been )ompletely unremarkable e+)ept that happened to glan)e into one of the )lassrooms 6ust before found Mrs, 5orth's room, E#en a brief glan)e s)reamed art students, There were at least twenty people sitting in front of )ontraptions that looked like a )ross between an easel and a desk* and most of them had the look of intense )on)entration 'd )ome to asso)iate with Mom attempting to frame a pi)ture, The notable e+)eption was %le)* who almost didn't re)ogni'e, hadn't e+pe)ted to see him in an art )lass* but more than that was the way his fa)e seemed transformed, &e'd always been gorgeous, )ould dislike* e#en hate him* and still a)knowledge that he made my heart go pitter.patter* but this was something else, &e looked so happy* so at pea)e with the world* that for the brief moment between when saw him and when re)ogni'ed him* thought 'd seen an angel, 'd always thought that intense look of )on)entration was the sign of a true artist, Maybe it still was, Maybe whate#er he was drawing was absolute )rap, Maybe the masters like Mi)helangelo and da <in)i had )ompleted their greatest works with e+pressions #ery similar to what e#eryone else in the )lass was sporting, Still* )ouldn't help en#y su)h )ontentment, dropped off my bundle of papers at Mrs, 5orth's )lass* and started ba)k towards my lo)ker, )ouldn't help trying to )at)h another glimpse of the art )lass as walked past, 'd been hoping to see %le) again* but hadn't e+pe)ted him to look up as )raned my ne)k to see inside, stumbled a little in surprise, &e was still gorgeous* but the simple 6oy was gone, &e no longer looked like something that )ouldn't e+ist in this world* but e#en with anger et)hed on his features my heart still skipped a beat, du)ked around the )orner and started down the stairs* my embarrassment at being )aught staring gi#ing way to anger, t didn't make any sense, 'd ne#er done anything to him, Did he really hate me so mu)h 6ust be)ause 'd told him off about not prote)ting "a)hel: /assie was waiting for me at my lo)ker when got there, 8Brandon wanted me to stop by and let you know he had a few things to take )are of* so he won't see you during lun)h, 9ou )an still )ome sit with us if you want,8 The words were right, f 'd been reading them off of a page in a book* probably would'#e belie#ed them* but the way she deli#ered them left no doubt in my mind, She

didn't want me at their table, The only reason she'd stopped by my lo)ker was be)ause Brandon had told her to, 8Thanks* but ha#e some studying to do, 'd better 6ust find a 0uiet )orner,8 The smile re)ei#ed was si)kly sweet* but left me with the impression 'd 6ust failed a test, 84kay* we'll see you another day then:8 pulled out my Spanish and Biology books* more be)ause they were the two sub6e)ts was doing the worst in than out of any real desire to study them* and wandered the halls until Mr, 7hethers took pity on me and asked if wanted to study in his )lassroom, Sitting there all by myself felt so lonely, 7hen you boiled it all down* had a grand total of two friends in San)tuary, "a)hel and Brandon* both of who seemed to dislike the other* and neither of whom was really sure )ould )ount on, t was fine to only ha#e two friends* or e#en 6ust one friend if you knew they would do e#erything they possibly )ould to make sure they wouldn't let you down, t was entirely different when you weren't sure you )ould trust the people around you, Brandon was too good to be true, pretty mu)h e+pe)ted any day now he'd )ome to his senses and reali'e he )ould do a lot better, "ight or not* it's hard to really be)ome emotionally in#ested when you feel like that, "a)hel on the other hand should ha#e been the perfe)t friend* but got the feeling she'd always )hoose her brother o#er me, felt guilty for holding that against her* family should be important, /indi's friends ba)k in Minnesota had probably felt similarly* but 'd always been really )areful not to make her )hoose between me and them, %le) seemed like the type who'd for)e a de)ision 6ust be)ause he )ould, felt my heart go )ra'y at the same time tears started gathering at the )orner of my eyes, t was stupid to ha#e risked a pani) atta)k when was already borderline depressed* but that was what was looking at now, 'd pi)ked a seat that wasn't #isible from the doorway* so 6ust put my head down and let the twin traumas run their )ourse, By the time was feeling steady enough to lea#e the )lassroom* had 6ust enough time to make it to the bathroom and try to )lean myself up before lun)h ended, The rest of the day went in starts and stutters, went from answering a 0uestion about the e)onomy of post./i#il 7ar $eorgia* to wat)hing %le) start putting together rough plans for our ne+t group pro6e)t, had 6ust enough time to noti)e he seemed relie#ed wasn't trying to get in his way* and then Spanish was finishing up and was headed to the tutoring lab, Most !riday afternoon sessions were pretty sparsely attended, Today was no different* whi)h was a good thing sin)e probably wouldn't ha#e done a #ery good 6ob of e+plaining anything,

Mrs, /ampbell shut e#erything down before my shift started* and sent me home with a )on)erned look in her eye, "a)hel skipped o#er to my table while was still trying to get my books put away, 8$uess what, 'm bringing pi''a on the bus so we'll ha#e something to eat on the way to Les Mis;rables, )an't wait, My first time going to Les Mis;rables* and my first road trip on a bus,8 89ou'#e ne#er a)tually been on a s)hool bus before* ha#e you:8 "a)hel blushed a little bit, 87ell* no not really, t should be fun still though* right:8 found myself returning her smile, 9ou really )ouldn't spend any time around "a)hel and not find yourself smiling, 87ell* '#e heard about bus trips that were e+tremely fun* but '#e ne#er been on one before, !or me it's always been way too mu)h time )rammed into a relati#ely small spa)e with fifty or si+ty other people and no bathroom, Still* if any bus trip is going to be fun* it'd be this one,8 "a)hel handed me my last book* and wa#ed to saa)* who was 6ust now getting up from his table, 8&ello* %driana, assume you'll need a ride home today:8 t was the first time saa) had a)tually spoken to me* and was surprised at how well. spoken he was, &is #oi)e sounded like a superbly.tuned )ello, filed the information away as further e#iden)e he wasn't really our age, 89es please* Brandon )an only take me home on Tuesdays and Thursdays,8 t wasn't my imagination3 saa) flin)hed slightly* and "a)hel's smile momentarily turned plasti), mentally ki)ked myself for ha#ing on)e again stepped s0uarely between the /apulets and Montagues, saa) re)o#ered with admirable speed* smiling as he gestured us forward, 87ell* then* after you,8 t wasn't until "a)hel and saa) were dri#ing away that reali'ed she'd )ompletely pulled me out of my funk, still didn't know that )ould really depend on her* but at least knew she'd try her hardest,

Chapter 17
rea)hed out groggily to turn off my alarm* and then wished it was still the weekend so wouldn't ha#e to get up and go to s)hool,

finished off my normal morning routine with a pair of aspirin from the bathroom )upboard, didn't usually like taking drugs of any kind* but had a sharp heada)he building already, shuffled downstairs* wa#ed a spee)hless hello to Mom* grabbed my lun)h* bag* and books as absently wondered why there was a )up)ake on the )ounter with a lit )andle, Mom has always been paranoid about open flames, She'd nearly burned down the house as a kid, was halfway to the front door before Mom grabbed my arm and turned me ba)k towards the kit)hen, 8 )an't belie#e you, 9ou really would ha#e left without reali'ing it was your birthday:8 -gh, 5o wonder had a heada)he, My brain must ha#e been working o#ertime in an effort to blo)k out the fa)t was now another year older, 8Thanks* Mom,8 blew out the )andle* and turned to lea#e again* but didn't e#en get to take a step this time, 8&old on there, Do you always skip breakfast now:8 Mom had somehow spontaneously de#eloped these weird memories featuring me as a morning person, personally )ouldn't remember a time when 'd a)tually liked getting up, didn't ne)essarily hate the mornings* but we weren't really on a first.name basis, More like a)0uaintan)es than friends, 89ou both used to be down in the kit)hen eating breakfast at the )ra)k of dawn almost e#ery morning, 5ow it's like you don't e#en want to roll out of bed,8 !he used to like mornings, 'd tagged along 6ust be)ause it hadn't seemed right to put a damper on su)h enthusiasm, Trust Mom to bring that up on my birthday, swayed 6ust a little, Today it didn't seem 0uite as bad* as long as didn't think of her a)tual name, 8Mom* don't want to be late, Thanks a bun)h for the )up)ake, /an we wait to )elebrate until after s)hool:8 5ow it was her turn to look guilty and fidget 6ust a little bit, 8%)tually* that's why wanted to talk to you this morning, '#e been shooting that new pla)e left you the note about, The one that bun)h of kids your age told me about, %nyways* it's the best pla)e '#e found so far, '#e been shooting it at pretty mu)h all hours* but think need to get higher up for the shot want,8 knew e+a)tly where this was going, %)tually* was kind of relie#ed she wasn't going to be around this afternoon, Birthdays are supposed to be spe)ial, Dad had always understood that and done an ama'ing 6ob of surprising us with something new and unusual on our birthdays, Mom had always felt like a round of happy birthdays and a

)ake more than met the re0uirements for birthday spe)ialness, t was going to be hard enough missing Dad on the one day guaranteed to make me think of him, t would'#e been worse if Mom was around )onstantly making )omparisons between what she was doing and what Dad would'#e done, 8,,,so this is the only day he )an help me* and if don't get some help )limbing* then 'll ne#er make it high enough to get the shot for the tourism booklet, 9ou understand* don't you* sweetie:8 nodded* and managed a fairly )on#in)ing smile, 84kay* then, 7ell there's a present for you in the li#ing room* but sin)e you didn't want to )elebrate until after s)hool* you'll ha#e to wait to open it,8 )ould definitely hear the rumble of a high.performan)e engine, nodded again* and turned to go* hopeful that )ould a#oid the ine#itable 0uestion of why Brandon was )oming to pi)k me up in the mornings as well as dropping me off most afternoons, -nfortunately* Mom's hearing was nearly as good as mine* and she was walking towards the windows before managed to get the door open, 8%dri* who's that:8 t was ob#iously one of those leading 0uestions designed to see whether or not 'd try to lie, shrugged, 8&is name is Brandon3 he pi)ks me up sometimes in the morning,8 was sa#ed from dealing with her response by Brandon's kno)k, 8&ello* %driana* Mrs, (aige,8 ne#er thought 'd see the like, Mom's fa)e lost its stern ' 'm doing this for your own good' look* and instead transformed into something not #ery different from what saw e#ery time wat)hed the girls my age look at Brandon, 87ell* hello, 9ou're Brandon:8 @@ !ifteen minutes later* was still trying to belie#e things had gone so well, 'd e+pe)ted Mom to put her foot down and tell Brandon 'd be riding the bus to s)hool e#ery morning* starting today, nstead* she'd shaken Brandon's hand* smiled way more than usual* and hurried us out the door so we wouldn't be late for s)hool, 8 don't know what kind of magi) you 6ust used on my mom* but whate#er it was* you should do it again, &e)k* use your powers on her e#ery time you stop by, That was ama'ingB8

Brandon )hu)kled and rea)hed o#er to run a finger a)ross my palm, 8 didn't do anything spe)ial, 9our mom seems like a #ery sensible person,8 almost )hoked, 8 lo#e my mom* but she's the least sensible person e#er, She spends half of her time in a different uni#erse entirely* and only o))asionally worries about the same kinds of things as other parents,8 8%h* a dreamer* but one who still freaks out when it )omes to her daughter and boys, Maybe she was 6ust stru)k by my ob#ious good nature,8 shook my head as we pulled into the parking lot, 8(lease, 9ou're 6ust about e#erything she's worried about in a guy, "i)h* handsome* popular, The only thing you )ould )hange to s)are her worse would be to 6oin the football team and be the star 0uarterba)k,8 &is smile was so beautiful it made my heart a)he, 87ell* in that )ase 'm glad ne#er tried out for the #arsity team, 'd hate to make things any more diffi)ult for you,8 Brandon gently )aptured my arm as we slipped inside the s)hool, 8Speaking of stars* happened to read them last night and they told me a se)ret,8 84h* really: Do tell* always lo#e to hear a good se)ret,8 There was a new twinkle in his eye as he shook his head, 84h* it wasn't a se)ret from you* 6ust one you hadn't shared with me, &appy birthday, '#e got a multi.part present in the works* but it's taking a bit longer to wrap it all up* so you may ha#e to wait a little,8 %s 0ui)kly as that* he winked and turned to )at)h up with /assie* lea#ing me in a state of near sho)k, &e'd been inside the house* but hadn't been able to see the kit)hen* so he hadn't seen the )up)ake and )andle, 'd done web sear)hes on my name and birth date before and ne#er had it return anything legit* so he )ouldn't ha#e found it out that way, E#en that would'#e been an unheard.of le#el of effort )oming from a guy* but howe#er he really had learned it was my birthday must ha#e been e#en harder than that, felt like was floating on a )loud as hurried off to Biology, The feeling lasted e+a)tly as long as it took me to sit down* listen to Mrs, Sorenson tell us all that she'd finished grading our tests* and then see the big* self.satisfied 'D' sitting at the top of my paper, !or a se)ond it felt as though my heart had stopped beating, 'd ne#er done worse than a 'B' on any assignment or test sin)e 'd finished up >indergarten, )ouldn't take this home and show my mom, &ead in the )louds half of the time or not* she'd still freak out, &e)k* was already freaking out enough for the both of us, This was going on my high s)hool trans)ript, The one )olleges would be looking at, The one that might ha#e gotten me a s)holarship, 4nly now 'd be lu)ky to pull a '/' out of the )lass, tried to )ontrol my breathing, This wasn't the end of the world, was almost done )at)hing up in %lgebra* so 'd ha#e a ton more time, f really worked hard* maybe 'd be

okay, Most tea)hers would still offer some kind of e+tra )redit if you begged hard enough, spent the ne+t hour mapping out e+a)tly how was going to sal#age my )ollege prospe)ts* and had more or less pulled myself together by the time English ended, My newfound dedi)ation to e+)ellen)e meant outdid myself in %lgebra, finished up the day's homework* and made it more than halfway through one of my makeup assignments by the time Mrs, /ampbell stopped off at my desk, 8/are to run another errand for me* %driana:8 didn't really want to, 5ot when 'd 6ust dis)o#ered had more studying to do than was humanly possible, Still* Mrs, /ampbell had always been super ni)e* if e0ually stern* and there was only ten more minutes of )lass left, Besides* 'd been so intrigued by the sight of %le) drawing that wanted to see him like that again, f he )ould take su)h 6oy in the )reation pro)ess* maybe he wasn't as bad as he seemed, The only way to know for sure was to see him with all of the masks off again, 8Sure* 'd lo#e to, Mrs, 5orth again:8 ignored the spate of nasty looks shot my way* gathered my books* a))epted the bundle of papers* and hurried off to the stairs, t was later than last time* so unless was 0ui)k the bell was going to ring before made it ba)k down the stairs, The )ongestion was bad in the halls* but for some reason it was twi)e as bad around stairs, %pparently was hurrying 6ust a little too fast, tripped 6ust before hit the first step* and almost went )rashing down the flight that led to the basement, Lu)kily was 6ust 0ui)k enough to grab the banister and sa#e myself from a broken ne)k, didn't 0uite manage to a#oid twisting my ankle though* so limped all the way up to the se)ond floor, Trying to be as )asual as possible* looked into the art room as hobbled by* but they'd rearranged their stations* and someone's easel was in the way now, The sprained ankle had slowed me down enough that there was no way was going to make it ba)k to my lo)ker before the bell rang, Still* tried to be gra)ious when it went off 6ust as handed Mrs, 5orth the papers, Based on the number of )lassrooms on the se)ond floor* and the narrowness of the stairs* there was no point in trying to wait the )rowd out, gritted my teeth and limped out into the surge of bodies, Surprisingly enough* there were more familiar fa)es than e+pe)ted, %s grabbed the handrail on the right* noti)ed saa) se#eral feet ahead of me, 4f )ourse* it's hard to miss someone nearly si+ feet tall and almost as well.mus)led as %le), E#en if he was partially hidden by <in)ent* who was strutting along a little higher up the stairs with all of his usual arrogan)e,

f saa) had been the one )lose enough to rea)h out and tou)h* probably would'#e tried to get his attention and said hi, 7ith <in)ent* 6ust stayed 0uiet and hoped he wouldn't noti)e me, didn't want to risk tripping and making my ankle worse* so was paying espe)ially )lose attention to where my feet were going, f hadn't been looking down* would ha#e )ompletely missed it, still almost thought 'd imagined it* but there was no denying that <in)ent's foot snaked out and nudged the ankle of the kid in front of him 6ust hard enough to trip the smaller guy, The result was all out of proportion to what e+pe)ted, The smaller boy fell forward* )areening towards the banister with so mu)h for)e he kno)ked people in front of him out of the way, =ust before left elementary s)hool someone had read us a newspaper arti)le about some poor guy being pushed o#er a railing and falling to his death, 'd had nightmares for months, Dreams where the stairs had turned sli)k and 'd slid all the way down them, Dreams where the banister hadn't e#en been there and the stairs had be)ome impossibly narrow* and nightmares where 'd somehow stumbled and started to fall o#er the edge of the railing, This was like all of those dreams put together* only happening to someone else, % )ouple of kids rea)hed out* but the only people who )ould'#e really stopped him had already been bowled o#er, Time slowed down for me as he hit the railing and started o#er it, &is feet )ame up and his torso was hanging in the #oid when someone rea)hed o#er and grabbed his arm, heard a grunt of effort* saw him stop mo#ing* and only then reali'ed it was Ben who'd nearly died, n the split se)ond between Ben being gently pla)ed ba)k on the stairs* and e#eryone starting to breathe again* followed the arm that'd sa#ed him ba)k to see who the hero was, saa) met my ga'e as he let go of Ben and then he looked up at <in)ent with a stare that was somehow both )alm and )hallenging at the same time, 87hat are you looking at* freak:8 t was hard to belie#e <in)ent )ould be so non)halant after ha#ing almost killed someone, t'd been an a))ident ob#iously* but still that wasn't the kind of thing you 6ust shook off, %ll of the kids that'd been rushing forward to )ongratulate saa) for his heroi) sa#e started ba)king away, %n+ious to a#oid the fight* tried to mo#e with the )rowd* but felt a flash of pain as my abused ankle protested, !or a se)ond )ouldn't think about anything other than the agony, 7hen managed to get my eyes to fo)us again* <in)ent was only a )ouple of in)hes away from saa) and hissing something too 0uiet for me to make out,

7hate#er it was* <in)ent was all but foaming at the mouth while saa) was so )ontrolled it was hard to belie#e a fight was about to break out, %s admirable as saa)'s )alm was* was a)tually wishing he was a little more worked up, 'd seen plenty of fights where the guy who got the first hit in won, <in)ent was going to throw the first pun)h* and then saa) was going to go down like a house of )ards, Something <in)ent said must'#e been parti)ularly #ile, saa)'s e+pression shifted for 6ust a se)ond, They were )ir)ling now* both ama'ingly gra)eful )onsidering that they were still on the stairs, E#eryone stepped ba)k a little further, hobbled up a stair or two in an effort to a#oid getting in the way, 'd heard of tension so thi)k you )ould )ut it with a knife* but this was the first time 'd e#er e+perien)ed it, t felt like there was ele)tri)ity surging ba)k and forth between <in)ent and saa)* making my skin feel too small, The tension suddenly fli)kered like a dying light bulb, 8<in)entB8 was disoriented for a se)ond, The yell had )ome from behind me* and had torn the two apart faster than 'd belie#ed possible, The )rowd* pa)ked so tightly that 'd been worried someone was going to get pushed o#er the railing* separated as %le) flowed down the stairs, 'd only thought saa) and <in)ent were gra)eful, %le) made them look like drunken frat boys, <in)ent spun around so fast it almost looked like he was going to fall down and then ba)ked away from both of them like a )ornered animal, t was hard to de)ide whether my e+)itement at seeing the biggest 6erk 'd e#er met humbled outweighed my dislike for %le)* who'd pretty mu)h lo)ked up the honor of being the se)ond biggest 6erk, % surge of dread washed through me as <in)ent ba)ked )loser to the wall in an effort to maintain his distan)e from %le), half e+pe)ted for the in)redible tension 'd been feeling before to disappear* but instead it morphed slightly, f hadn't known it was absolutely absurd* would'#e said it felt like there was a tingly wind blowing down the stairs* pushing <in)ent along before it, saa) mo#ed slightly, t was a small )hange of position* but somehow in)redibly mena)ing, t wasn't until <in)ent fro'e in pla)e that reali'ed saa)'s shift had kept <in)ent s0uarely between him and %le), t was like wat)hing a pair of wol#es bringing down an elk, 'd seen gangs work together like this before* but it seemed strangely out of pla)e in San)tuary,

was positi#e there was going to be a fight after all* but then <in)ent grabbed some poor freshman* sho#ed him into saa)* and pushed his way downstairs as saa) )aught the human missile, %s soon as <in)ent was safely out of sight* e#eryone surged forward to )ongratulate saa) on ha#ing sa#ed Ben* and Ben on ha#ing not died, @@ The near fight between saa) and <in)ent and then %le)'s inter#ention seemed to be the bu'' for the ne+t two hours, t appeared that a lot of other people felt the same way that did, %le) was plenty pri)kly and stu)k up* but that was nothing )ompared to how mu)h the a#erage student hated <in)ent* who seemed to delight in making e#eryone's life miserable, The tea)hers seemed )uriously ignorant of e#erything, 5obody else seemed to think that was unusual* whi)h freaked me out almost as mu)h as Ben ha#ing nearly gone o#er the stairs, %t least didn't ha#e to listen to all of the gossip during lun)h, 4n)e 'd been able to hobble down the stairs* 'd made my way to Mr, 7hethers' room* and 'd spent the entire lun)h break studying, hadn't been espe)ially e+)ited at the prospe)t of spending that long by myself* but the )afeteria was all the way on the other side of the s)hool, Limping o#er there listening to <in)ent run his mouth and then )oming all the way ba)k here for &istory wouldn't be worth it, &istory being what it was* probably heard about as mu)h in that one hour as most e#eryone else did during the whole rest of the day, Mr, Simms seemed espe)ially dense* and pretty mu)h let e#eryone do whate#er they wanted for the entire )lass, n deferen)e to my new dedi)ation to a)ademi) e+)ellen)e* finished up the reading* and then opened up my Biology book and started trying to get a handle on all of the items 'd thought understood* but apparently hadn't, 7hen the bell rang limped ba)k to my lo)ker before making my painful way to (hysi)s, almost turned around and left when saw the substitute again* but almost two de)ades of ingrained respe)t for authority figures propelled me into the room and to my seat, happened to look up at the e+a)t moment that %le) appeared in the doorway, e+pe)ted him to take one look at the sub and turn around like he'd done before* but he registered the presen)e of a substitute and then )ame inside regardless,

t didn't make sense until the first girl all but fainted as he walked past her desk, 4f )ourse, &e didn't like substitutes* and figured he had better pla)es to be* but the draw of hero worship after ha#ing almost double.teamed <in)ent was 6ust too mu)h to resist, The sub took a desultory roll* and then wa#ed his hands at us, 8&er notes say you're all supposed to be able to work on some kind of group pro6e)t, =ust keep it to a dull roar,8 t was like releasing a bun)h of kids in a )andy store and telling them to sample whate#er they wanted, E#ery single girl in the )lassroom but me made an instant beeline towards %le)'s desk, The guys were a little slower* but not by mu)h, !or a while tried to ignore all of the poorly disguised gushing about how bra#e %le) was* or attempts by the guys to re)reate e+a)tly what %le) would'#e done if <in)ent had gone ahead and thrown a pun)h, %fter fifteen minutes finally ga#e up* )losed my book and flipped open my notebook, 4ur physi)s )lass was about the most sedate* nerdy group of people 'd yet met, f they were this worked up about the fight* it was a good thing didn't share any other )lasses with %le), The rest of the s)hool must be three or four times as bad, Sket)hing helped blo)k out all of the inane )on#ersation that'd taken o#er the other )orner of the room, t was ama'ing how easily was able to 'one out while drawing, 4n)e again* didn't try to guide my hand* 6ust let my sub)ons)ious )reate a hori'on and start fleshing out a body of water and droopy trees around it, The sound of a hand )oming down hard on a desk pulled me from my refuge, 8 told you all to keep it to a dull roar, want e#eryone ba)k to your seats,8 % )ouple people looked like they wanted to gi#e the sub a hard time* but these were all the kids who were hoping to make it into the top ten per)ent of their graduating )lass, 5one of them really had a disobedient bone in their body, They grudgingly returned to their seats and left %le) by himself, pi)ked my pen)il ba)k up and started drawing again* only to be disturbed by someone )learing their throat, %le) was looking down at me with something almost like a smile playing at the )orner of his lips, !or a se)ond )ouldn't blame the other girls for swarming him o#er, &e was so attra)ti#e it was hard to remember he was su)h a 6erk, for)ed myself to stop wondering if anyone else in the entire world had su)h in)redibly blue eyes* and tilted my head to the side 0uestioningly, 8Sorry* )an tell you're not really in the mood to work on our pro6e)t* espe)ially with all of the ra)ket today* but saw you limping down the stairs 6ust before lun)h, %re you okay:8 t was almost )on#in)ing, f he hadn't mentioned the stairs* and thereby the fight* might ha#e fallen for it* but he was 6ust looking for more attention,

8 'll be okay, =ust a little sprain,8 %le) looked like he wanted to say something else* but finally nodded and sat down in the ne+t )hair o#er, t wasn't as good as if he'd gone all the way ba)k to his seat* and it was e+tremely out of )hara)ter* but it was better than nothing, breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn't going to )ontinue fishing for )ompliments* and returned to my drawing, knew should open my books ba)k up and study* but it was starting to take shape* and figured it was only a few minutes away from be)oming re)ogni'able, 4n)e that happened my meager drawing skills would e#aporate and 'd ha#e to stop anyways, !or whate#er reason e#ery time tried to work on something after reali'ed what it was* )ompletely ruined it, 4ne of many reasons why 'd ne#er really pursued drawing, % short time later surfa)ed again and looked down to find a familiar lands)ape, The body of water had morphed into an oblong pond with a )res)ent island positioned almost e+a)tly in the )enter, still remembered the first time 'd been told a monster had taken a bite out of the island* and that was the reason it was so oddly shaped, The trees were all familiar too, 'd )limbed ea)h and e#ery one of them at least on)e, The one on the right had taken the longest to )on0uer, 'd tried )limbing it do'ens of times o#er the years before finally making it to the top when was thirteen, 7hen 'd finally made it as high as figured was safe* 'd worked my trembling way ba)k down to the ground* and ne#er felt e#en the slightest in)lination to )limb it again, felt tears start to gather at the )orner of my eyes as remembered all of the good times our family had spent together there, t was like being immersed in e#erything 'd lo#ed only to ha#e it e#aporate when went to grab my surroundings, 8&ey* that's really pretty good, s that a real pla)e:8 nodded* hoping %le) would take the hint implied in my silen)e, should ha#e known better, 87hat's it )alled:8 The name slid out of me almost of its own a))ord, 8Monster Lake,8 E#ery single birthday )ould remember had in#ol#ed some kind of trip out to Monster Lake, (i)ni)s had swapped off with treasure hunts and then been repla)ed by other a)ti#ities depending on Dad's mood and my age, My sub)ons)ious had keyed in on the one s)ene guaranteed to make me feel miserable, 87as that )lose to your house in Minnesota: ,,,8 7hate#er else %le) was saying was lost to the roar in my ears* )aused as always by my ra)ing heart, didn't e#en ha#e a )han)e to try and fight the atta)k, By the time reali'ed was in trouble* papers were flying off my desk and the floor was ra)ing up to meet me,

"ather than swimming around in bla)kness like normally did when )ollapsed* this time there was 6ust nothing, 4ne se)ond was falling* the ne+t was opening my eyes and looking up at %le), 8Stand ba)k* e#eryone* and let me throughB8 t took a few se)onds to reali'e the sub was the one yelling, 5obody seemed #ery interested in making room for him, The reason it took so long for my brain to start working again was that )ouldn't seem to think about anything other than %le), &e was looking down at me with an e+pression 'd ne#er seen on his fa)e before, still )ouldn't read it* but it was new and somehow seemed like it belonged there more than his normal impenetrable mask, 87hat's going on: s she okay:8 The sub had finally pushed his way through the )rowd* and looked like he was about two steps away from a total pani), %le) stood* and it wasn't until went up at the same time that reali'ed he was )arrying me, 8 think she'll be fine* but maybe should get her to the nurse, =ust to be sure,8 E#en as he was talking* %le) was mo#ing towards the door, 8There's really no need, 'm fine, don't need to see the nurse,8 t was ob#ious he was going to ignore me, tried to thrash around enough for him to put me down* but he restrained my arms with a )ouple of fingers, The motion was so )asual was pretty sure nobody e#en reali'ed he'd pinned my arms to my stoma)h with surprising strength, thought about ki)king* or e#en s)reaming* but that would 6ust lea#e me feeling like a )hild and gi#e %le) e+a)tly the kind of attention he was probably hoping for, 89ou hit your head pretty hard3 really think we should get you to the offi)e, Sir* with your permission:8 The )omment about hitting my head settled me down, t wasn't until we were out in the hall that reali'ed my head didn't hurt, That was probably a really bad sign, 8Let go of my hands,8 %le) unpinned my arms* set me down* and then )hu)kled as started gingerly probing my s)alp, 87hat are you doing: 9ou didn't a)tually hit your head, )aught you before you hit the ground,8 started to shake my head and then thought better of it, 8(lease* e#ery other time '#e dropped that 0ui)kly '#e totally banged myself up, 9ou were on the other side of my desk* there's no way you got all the way around it and managed to )at)h me before hit the ground,8

The mild amusement on %le)'s fa)e fro'e into something else, 8Belie#e what you will, There's no reason to worry about a )on)ussion,8 8Then why did you tell the sub 'd hit my head:8 &e looked away for a moment* almost as though de)iding whether or not to tell the truth, 8 presumed you wouldn't want to stay and be sub6e)t to e#eryone's 0uestions, 9ou seem not to like people prying about your atta)ks* and you were less happy than usual today, thought you )ould use the break,8 %pparently he'd de)ided against the truth option, 8) looked unhappy today: 9ou* who ne#er )ra)k a smile unless you're going to get something out of it* were )on)erned about the fa)t wasn't all smiles and giggles: Maybe you should flunk a test or two, 4nly it doesn't really )ount unless your dad* you know* the one who used to make your birthdays really spe)ial* is gone,8 %le)'s mouth opened* )losed* and then assumed its normal pla)e in his unreadable mask, &e rea)hed out* almost )onsolingly* but stepped away before he )ould make )onta)t, knew should shut up before said something really unreasonable* but my anger was in the dri#er's seat now, 8Don't try and pretend you're sorry, 9ou were 6ust looking for an e+)use to get out of )lass on)e all of the hero worship dried up, 7ell got you out and you helped me a#oid all of the stupid 0uestions e#eryone would'#e asked* so we're e#en,8 There was another fli)ker of something )ouldn't 0uite read in %le)'s eyes* but was long past )aring, turned and limped off* wishing my ankle was in better shape so )ould properly stomp, Spanish arri#ed mu)h too soon, Sin)e hadn't gotten in trouble wandering the halls so far* it was a definite temptation to skip the last hour of s)hool too, -nfortunately my lu)k was bound to gi#e out sooner or later* and then 'd be in e#en more trouble, The last thing needed was a re)ord of delin0uen)y to go along with my failing grade in Biology, Mrs, Tiggs was positi#ely glowing as we all walked into her )lassroom, She popped out of her )hair as soon as the bell rang* and began handing out graded tests, My world started trembling as turned my test o#er and saw an '!' at the top of the page, 'Co%e see %e after class ' The note felt like the final nail in the )offin of my a)ademi) future, My efforts to fo)us were entirely wasted, t took e#erything had 6ust to hold myself together until )lass ended, 'd planned on remaining in my seat until e#eryone else left* but Mrs, Tiggs motioned me to her desk while half the )lass was still filing out the door,

8 t gi#es me no pleasure to tell you this* but based on your initial test s)ore think you should prepare yourself for the fa)t that you're probably going to fail this )lass, worried this would be the result of your starting so late in the semester and not ha#ing any prior Spanish e+perien)e, -nfortunately* it's now too late for you to swit)h into another )lass, 'm afraid you'll 6ust ha#e to take the failing grade,8 stood there woodenly for se#eral se)onds* unsure whether or not she was through, She finally made a shooing motion and turned ba)k to grading papers, (redi)tably* there were still a half.do'en other kids in the )lassroom, They all turned ba)k to the door and started filing out again* but by tomorrow half the s)hool would know e+a)tly how badly 'd 6ust been humiliated, found myself 6ust outside the tutor lab with no re)olle)tion of ha#ing stumbled to my lo)ker* or going by (hysi)s to grab the stuff 'd left there, Still* somehow my Spanish book had disappeared* repla)ed by my math book, My knees started shaking as entered the room* but made it safely to my normal table before they ga#e out, 8%dri* %driana: E+)use me,8 didn't re)ogni'e the girl standing a)ross from me* but based on her un)omfortable e+pression and the fa)t that more than one person had turned for the sole purpose of wat)hing us out of the )orner of their eyes* she'd been standing there longer than 'd reali'ed, %pparently my looking up was enough of a response for her to pro)eed, 8 '#e got a note from Mrs, /ampbell, She asked me to deli#er it to you,8 managed something that )ould 6ust barely be )onstrued as a thank you* took the note* and wat)hed her lea#e, % note from a tea)her* e#en one liked* didn't seem #ery important when weighed against failing two of my si+ )lasses, The reo))urring thought of how horrified my Dad would'#e been that his daughter* 'the smart one*' was going to flunk out of high s)hool was enough to keep me )onstantly on the edge of a pani) atta)k, The longer that went on the less ability* and e#en more dangerous* the less desire 'd ha#e to try and fight it off, finally opened up the note more out of a need for a distra)tion than any real in)lination to find out what it )ontained, 'driana )'% afraid )'#e been called into a surprise %eeting (ith the school ad%inistration *or%ally ) (ouldn't cancel the tutoring session, but 'lbert and 4eter are both out, and it (ouldn't be fair to lea#e you all by yourself to try and take care of e#eryone -o ahead and tell e#eryone the tutoring session is canceled, and )'ll see you to%orro( $$*ora Ca%pbell

sat motionless for se#eral se)onds before reali'ing this was the out needed, f )ould pull myself together enough to )an)el the lab* )ould go home and self.destru)t without ruining the s)attered shards left of my life, 8The lab has been )an)eled for today, 'm sorry* e#eryone* but most of the tutors are si)k and Mrs, /ampbell had to go to a meeting after s)hool, E#erything should be ba)k to normal tomorrow though,8 e+pe)ted e#eryone to 6ump to their feet and all but run out of the room, didn't e+pe)t what a)tually got, 87ho are you and why on earth should we belie#e you: The last thing want to do is go home and get in trouble for )utting tutoring again,8 opened my mouth to answer* but words wouldn't make their way past the trembling in my )hest, felt tears start threatening to arri#e and further humiliate me* but "a)hel )ame to my res)ue, 8She's one of the tutors, (atty Sanders* who happen to know has Mrs, /ampbell's )lass si+th period* 6ust ga#e her a note, Stay if you want* but she's done e+a)tly what she was supposed to,8 wanted to gi#e "a)hel a big hug* or maybe 6ust break into tears right then and there, managed to 6ust gi#e her a smile* and hold off on the tears until 'd gathered up my stuff and made it out of the room, "a)hel )aught up with me before made it #ery far, 8%driana* are you okay: Don't you want a ride home:8 turned towards her to respond and 6ust broke down, She pulled me into an open )lassroom and ga#e me a hug while tried to e+plain about the two failed tests* my birthday* and how mu)h missed my Dad and /indi, The last bit was espe)ially garbled, was pretty sure she wasn't getting any of it* but that didn't matter, %ll that mattered was was finally able to tell someone, ne#er really got myself under )ontrol3 my sobs 6ust subsided enough for me to tell "a)hel wanted to go home, saa) was standing right outside the )lassroom door* and unobtrusi#ely helped "a)hel get me to his )ar where she 6umped into the ba)k with me, E#en through the ha'e of tears )ould tell he wasn't happy about the seating arrangement* but on)e again "a)hel showed the kind of iron will she'd demonstrated with =ames, %lmost before knew it we were rolling to a stop in my dri#eway, fumbled* for the lat)h* but "a)hel put a hand on my arm before )ould get the door open, She handed me a white.wrapped pa)kage with a shy smile,

8&ang in there, 4h* and happy birthday, Don't open it now* but hope you like it,8 whispered thanks as hugged her goodbye* and then made my halting* limping way into the house, was only in the house for fifteen minutes before reali'ed being all by myself was a terrible idea, %t some point transitioned from 6ust )rying to ha#ing a full.blown pani) atta)k, t should'#e terrified me that something new was bringing on an episode* but it was like there was so mu)h else going wrong )ouldn't spare any more emotional energy, )ame out of the atta)k and remained on the floor thinking about all of the good times 'd had with Dad and /indi, The memories should ha#e made me feel better* but they had the opposite effe)t, felt the tears start again as reali'ed all that goodness and 6oy was gone from my life fore#er, %s my immunity started to wear off* gratefully surrendered to the ne+t atta)k* and the blissful relief it represented, knew was on tra)k to drop ba)k into the funk that'd robbed me of the weeks immediately after they died* but was still strangely numb in the parts that should ha#e )ared, t seemed like was on my third iteration* but it might ha#e been the fourth or fifth, was too deta)hed to )are, The kno)k on the door at least brought me ba)k to myself enough to wonder how long 'd been on the floor, My ankle hurt so bad* it was all )ould do to get myself standing and then hobble the fifteen feet to the door, 7hen finally managed to get the door open and found empty spa)e where there should ha#e been a person* almost swore, Then saw the in)redibly beautiful rose on our por)h, pi)ked it up* trimmed the bottom in)h or so off with a knife* and got it into some water a)ting out of nothing more than pure habit, Dad had always kept at least a pair of rose bushes ali#e, &e'd lo#ed nothing more than gi#ing Mom roses, 4n)e 'd safely done my part to help prolong the future life of the gorgeous spe)imen* got down to really e+amining it, was far from an e+pert on roses* but 'd looked through pi)tures of hundreds of different kinds of tea roses* and ne#er seen anything 0uite like this one, t was as big as some of the largest spe)imens 'd seen* and had at least fifty per)ent more petals than most of the '#ery full' #arieties was familiar with, That in and of itself was pretty ama'ing* but nothing in )omparison to the petals themsel#es,

They were the purest white edged in a breathtaking purple, E0ually ama'ing was 6ust how #el#ety they were, They looked like the softest thing in the world* and )ried out to be tou)hed, e+pe)ted to be disappointed as leaned in, Most of the prettiest roses aren't a)tually #ery fragrant, This one pro#ed a surprise, The normal s)ent 'd )ome to asso)iate with roses was there* with the slightest hint of something new* something better than anything 'd e#er been e+posed to, leaned in e#en )loser in an attempt to drink in the fragran)e* and heard the rustle of e+pensi#e paper as brushed the note that had been atta)hed to the rose with a simple green ribbon, My name was elegantly s)rawled along the outside fa)e in a s)ript 'd only seen one other pla)e, %fter a moment's hesitation* unfolded the par)hment, 2our birthday should be a ti%e of happiness )'#e spent %onths looking for a na%e for this flo(er, and at the point of gi#ing up, inspiration struck today "agri%as del 'ngel al(ays co%e at too high a cost *othing so e36uisite could be other(ise 4lease don't despair $$5 The hand.drawn symbol on the bottom of the page was so familiar it almost felt like a part of me now, &e'd sa#ed our house* got Mom a 6ob* and then gi#en me the best birthday present )ould'#e asked for, felt my insides )len)h and knot* but this time it was happiness that brought tears to my eyes, My wa#ering #ision was 6ust up to making out the outline of "a)hel's present where 'd left it on the table, !eeling in)redibly ungrateful and thoughtless* limped o#er to the table and tore open the deli)ate wrapping paper, t was a )opy of the latest Les Mis;rables mo#ie* )omplete with the s)ore from the most re)ent Broadway produ)tion* and a signed pi)ture of the entire )ast, Mom still wasn't home by the time it got dark* but went to bed truly happy for the first time in ages, "a)hel was the best friend a girl )ould wish for* and Brandon had )ome through in spades,

Chapter 18
felt my stoma)h do handsprings as walked inside the opera house, The week had flown by mu)h faster than e+pe)ted, Espe)ially )onsidering how slowly ea)h indi#idual day had dragged along, Most of my waking hours had been spent wondering if Saturday night was e#er going to arri#e,

My train of thought shattered as got my first glimpse of the interior of what'd be)ome my own personal Me))a, The e+terior of the building had been impressi#e* )omplete with statues and s)ulptures reminis)ent of an eighteenth.)entury opera house* but hadn't e+pe)ted the illusion to hold on)e passed through the enormous* gilded doors, 'd been wrong, The floors were a gorgeous marble whi)h drew the eyes to the nearest golden.white wall* and up the elaborate gilded trim towards #aulted )eilings, t was like walking into a pala)e* )omplete with painted* spun.sugar )louds* and burgundy drapes made out of ri)h #el#et, f it wasn't for the press of people pushing me from behind* probably would'#e stayed in the front entryway right up until the sound of the or)hestra filtered down to me, %s it was* only got a few hurried looks before being rushed along with the rest of the students, Seeing all of my )lassmates looking utterly bored as they allowed themsel#es to be herded through the most ama'ing building 'd e#er seen brought me ba)k to my original train of thought, hadn't a)tually spent e#ery waking moment thinking about Les Mis;rables, % fair number of those se)onds had been spent with Brandon, &e'd already been pi)king me up from s)hool e#ery morning and dropping me off most days, 7e now spent e#ery lun)h together* and he'd started lingering when he dropped me off, t was still only on the days when Mom wasn't home* and hadn't 0uite mustered the guts to in#ite him in* but it'd still been really ni)e, 4f )ourse it'd been the logi)al kind of thing to ha#e start happening after someone asked you to the %shure Day Dan)e, t was still so ama'ing someone like Brandon had asked me to go to a dan)e that half the time forgot all about it, The other half of the time had a hard time belie#ing it'd really happened, But it had* and there were more than four do'en roses s)attered around our kit)hen to pro#e it, (redi)tably* Brandon didn't do anything halfway, 'd gone to s)hool on Tuesday after re)ei#ing his ama'ing* 'anonymous' gift the day before* only to be ambushed at lun)h, 'd been an+iously waiting for him at his normal table when a pair of employees from the lo)al florist had walked in* their arms o#erflowing with roses, 'd been e+pe)ting them to stop in front of =asmin, nstead they'd passed her up and then de)lined to make a beeline to /assie either, 7hen they'd started handing the flowers to me* 'd tried to )on#in)e them there'd been some kind of mistake, The sound of '4ne Day More' playing on the )ell phone nestled in the )losest bou0uet had been what finally )on#in)ed me it was all meant for me, Brandon's #oi)e had been like silk )aressing my fa)e when 'd answered the phone, 4ne minute was minding my own business trying to pretend like didn't noti)e the nasty looks some of Brandon's friends were shooting my way when they thought wasn't

looking* the ne+t was going to the biggest dan)e of the year with the most popular guy in s)hool, 'd half thought /assie was going to rip out my throat, walked past a pair of gorgeous* gold.fringed drapes* handed my ti)ket to a distinguished.looking man in a uniform* and then smiled as he pointed me towards my door, t was almost a relief to be around strangers again, &e'd been polite* but hadn't tried to fawn o#er me, My being asked out had )hanged my treatment from almost e#ery girl at s)hool, &alf the student body* the more sensible portion it seemed* had all de)ided that was some kind of massi#ely stu)k.up slut, The other half had de)ided they needed to be my new best friend if they wanted to get in#ited to any of the )ool parties e#er again, t might not ha#e bothered me e+)ept the girls who now hated me were the ones generally would'#e gotten along with* at least as mu)h as e#er got along with anyone, My lea#ing Brandon's insane bou0uet of flowers at the offi)e instead of lugging it around all day should ha#e helped, %pparently they all either thought it was a ploy* or were 6ust too stupid to get the message that didn't want to 6ump on the popularity bandwagon, 7hate#er the reason* 'd gotten three in#itations to assorted parties or other a)ti#ities before s)hool ended, e#en got another two as hobbled ba)k from the offi)e with my roses* whi)h had de)reased during their stay there by e+a)tly the number of offi)e ladies, 'd politely de)lined ea)h in#itation* )iting my need to )at)h up in Biology and Spanish* and made it to tutoring without further mishap, %nother usher* this one thankfully no more fawning than the first* pointed me towards my seat* and felt my se)ond surge of disappointment for the night, My seat was on the main le#el* but it was only three rows from the #ery top* and all the way off to one side, guess it really wasn't that surprising, f the s)hool was paying for the ti)kets should 6ust be glad hadn't been stu)k with a standing room only spot, Still* as disappointing as it was that the performers were only barely going to be #isible* it wasn't as bad as the nagging worry that "a)hel wasn't )oming after all, 7e'd spent almost e#ery se)ond together talking about how mu)h fun we were going to ha#e seeing Les Mis;rables together, She'd e#en still been e+)ited about the bus ride, $i#en e#erything she'd said* 'd an+iously waited for her to show up at the departure point, t'd seemed impossible* but as Mrs, %le+ander had gently herded me onto the bus* there'd still been no sign of her, 8Maybe she's dri#ing instead of taking the bus down, seem to remember someone saying her brother had pur)hased a ti)ket, &e isn't here* so possibly they're going down together,8

t'd been a fairly slender thread upon whi)h to hang my hopes, Somehow my dream of seeing Les Mis;rables had morphed into a dream of seeing Les Mis;rables with "a)hel, 7e still didn't get to spend mu)h time together* but she was rapidly be)oming the only person )ould )onfide in besides Brandon, % boyfriend* or near.boyfriend* was ni)e* but some things 6ust needed to be shared with another female, )ouldn't tell my mom about my feelings for Brandon or she'd absolutely freak, %fter spending so mu)h time lying to her about the origin of the almost four do'en roses* )ouldn't afford any kind of slip in that regard, She'd thought the single rose* Lagrimas del %ngel* as was )alling it now* had been sweet and thoughtful* espe)ially when 'd told her it was from an anonymous admirer, The other roses had been an entirely different matter, 'd had to do some pretty 0ui)k talking to )on#in)e her didn't know who they were from either, %ll of whi)h meant still hadn't told her 'd been asked to the %shure Day Dan)e, Lu)kily* "a)hel was the perfe)t listener* e#en if she did )ringe a little e#ery time mentioned Brandon, %ll the things would'#e told my mom had instead been shared with "a)hel, Best of all* there'd been absolutely no hint that she'd blabbed to anyone else, settled deeper into my seat* opening my program as the or)hestra started warming up, t was ama'ing to think the near.)haos )urrently drifting up from the pit would transform itself into the glorious strains of the 4#erture in 6ust a few minutes, was so intent on the program it should'#e taken a small e+plosion to bring my head around* but something )aused me to look up as %le) walked past the drapes, &e looked e#en more gorgeous than normal, 'd gone ba)k and forth* both with myself* and with "a)hel* on how mu)h to dress up, $oing in normal street )lothes would'#e )heapened the e+perien)e* but hadn't wanted to sti)k out too mu)h from the rest of the kids* all of whom 'd been pretty sure would be in shorts and polos, 'd been right* whi)h had made me glad 'd )ompromised and )ome in my one and only sun dress, %le) apparently hadn't gotten the memo, &e was in an honest.to.goodness full tu+, wasn't the only one stunned by how good he looked3 there was a ripple of turned heads as people noti)ed his entran)e, &e pa)ed the short distan)e down to the ba)k row of seats with su)h in)redible gra)e that felt my mouth go dry, 5o one person should be so attra)ti#e* not when there wasn't enough of him to go around to e#ery single woman in the world, !or a few se)onds forgot all about the reasons didn't like him* and 6ust wished he was sitting in front of me instead of two rows behind me where )ouldn't see him, Then reali'ed what his arri#al really meant, "a)hel had stood me up, She wasn't on the bus* and she apparently hadn't )ome with her brother* so she wasn't )oming, knew

should reser#e 6udgment until 'd gi#en her a )han)e to e+plain what'd happened* but it was hard to remember that when fa)ed with %le)'s air of superiority, "a)hel was ni)er* but she was still a $ra#es, Maybe this was 6ust a sign of things to )ome, %pparently wasn't the only one put off by %le)'s snobbishness, % )ouple of guys who looked like they were old enough to be in )ollege were rolling their eyes at him, They were whispering and laughing* but positioned as they were )loser to %le) than to me* )ouldn't make out any of what they were saying, 7hile agreed )ompletely with their sentiment* they were so loud they were disturbing at least twenty or thirty people, &opefully they'd 0uiet down on)e the a)tual show started up, =udging by the or)hestra* it was almost time, looked ba)k* intending to shoot the obno+ious pair a nasty glare in the hopes it would shut them up* and instead )aught %le)'s eye, The house lights were still bright enough for me to make out e#ery detail of his perfe)t fa)e* and yet was still baffled by his e+pression, &e'd ob#iously been staring at me* was still staring at me a)tually* but it wasn't a leer, t was something else* it made me want to blush* or maybe smile and toss my hair, 7hate#er it was* it left my skin feeling warmer than usual* and more than a little tight, E#en after looked away with a flush of embarrassment* still felt like )ould feel his eyes wat)hing me, )ould feel his presen)e behind and to the left of me* like a gentle tingle of ele)tri)ity )ould'#e pointed to e#en with my eyes )losed, resisted the urge to look ba)k again as the lights dimmed and the or)hestra began the opening strains of the first number, The a)tor playing =ean <al6ean strode out onto the stage* and e#en weighed down by )hains* he still )ommanded e#eryone's attention as though he was a member of the nobility, Ea)h su))essi#e )hara)ter somehow managed to lat)h onto my heart as they arri#ed, Despite the nagging sensation that )ould feel %le) behind me* the first few minutes of the play e+)eeded all my hopes, That all )hanged when they started 'Lo#ely Ladies', t was my absolute least fa#orite song on the whole soundtra)k, !rankly the whole play would'#e been better if they'd 6ust left it off, Still* sitting through a song about 'ladies of the night' as my mom still )alled them* had seemed like a small pri)e to pay for getting to listen to the rest of the play, By the middle of the song both of the o#erse+ed boys behind me were whispering )at)alls,

felt my ears going red, wanted nothing more than to sink down into my seat and try to ignore them* but on)e guys got started on something like that* they ne#er stopped, Some of the people around me were starting to e#iden)e signs of annoyan)e* but that 6ust spurred the he)klers on to greater heights, was so worried they were going to ruin e#eryone's e+perien)e* that turned around and shot them a dirty look, 84h* sweetie* don't you worry* we'#e been a)hing to get our hands on you all night, 7e're sa#ing plenty of lo#ing for you later, Meet us out ba)k after this )rap is o#er and we'll gi#e you a real show,8 My mouth dropped open in sho)k, 5othing was going to get them to shut up now* not when they had su)h a perfe)t target, Sitting there staring at them was about the worst of all the )hoi)es open to me* but was too sho)ked to pull my eyes away, felt a surge of heat rush through me as the room wa#ered slightly, !or a se)ond worried was going to pass out* but mo#ement behind the two punks distra)ted me from my hea#ing internal lands)ape, There was 6ust enough light for me to see %le) lean forward and put a hand on ea)h troublemaker's shoulder, There was an aborti#e mo#ement by the two loudmouths* as they tried to spin around and )onfront him, $ranted* the lighting was less than ideal* but it didn't look like %le) was holding onto them #ery hard, Still* neither of them made it more than a 0uarter of the way around before being slammed ba)k down into their )hairs, The tingly heat that'd )on#in)ed me %le) was staring at me earlier was ba)k* and e#en more intense, felt the tiny hairs on my ne)k stand up as the feeling redoubled yet again, The darker* more #o)al of the two opened his mouth and got the first part of a swear word out before ending in a hiss of pain that was almost )ompletely drowned out by a )res)endo from the or)hestra pit, %le) leaned forward* whispered something in ea)h of their ears* and then finally let both of them go, e+pe)ted them to turn around swinging* or at least swear at him, didn't e+pe)t them to remain in their seats stunned and shaking like trauma #i)tims, %n usher finally arri#ed to see what all of the )ommotion was about, The older boys shook themsel#es and then looked for a se)ond like they were going to try and get %le) ki)ked out of the theater, The sense of being )aught in some kind of ele)tri) sandstorm momentarily intensified* and then faded away as they got up and left, felt my mouth drop open again as they s)urried out of the theater without on)e looking ba)k, %le)* who 'd always figured had the depth of an old.style Mi)key Mouse )artoon*

had 6ust fa)ed down two older boys* and singlehandedly sa#ed my Les Mis;rables e+perien)e, <al6ean laun)hed into '7ho am :'* and almost against my will was pulled ba)k around to where )ould see the stage, E#en as enthralled as was by the musi)* made a mental note to thank %le) after the performan)e, !or on)e wasn't going to try and get the best of him #erbally* was 6ust going to walk up and thank him, The sense of being able to feel %le) behind me didn't diminish during the )ourse of the play* if anything it gradually in)reased almost to the le#els it'd been during the fa)e.off with the )ollege boys, 5ow though* it felt more reassuring than threatening, The rest of Les Mis;rables was e#en better than 'd hoped, Minutes and se)onds went by faster than at any other time in my life, %s the )urtain finally )ame down* brushed away the tra)es of tears that'd appeared on my fa)e during the performan)e* and turned in my seat as the lights )ame up, %le) was gone, The drapes were swaying gently as if they'd been brushed by someone mo#ing 0ui)kly* but other than that there was no tra)e of him, t wasn't until 'd filed out into the grand foyer* eager to spend a few minutes taking in the gorgeous bron'e statues liberally s)attered throughout the room* that reali'ed why felt so odd, (art of the differen)e was the normal sensation of ha#ing #i)ariously been part of something larger than life, My head knew all 'd done was sit motionless while performers portrayed a fi)tional story, The rest of me felt as though had 6ust risked life and limb* seen people lo#ed killed* and played a small but tangible part in altering the )ourse of history, "eturning to my mundane* e#er so boring life was an in)redible letdown* but that didn't e+plain the hollow sensation that'd lodged itself somewhere between my heart and stoma)h, llogi)al as it sounded* the only e+planation for feeling as though a part of me had been ripped out and lost was %le)'s ha#ing disappeared sometime between the last note and the final bow, t was unsettling, E#en my growing feelings for Brandon didn't hint at that kind of need, t was a pale shadow of what it felt like to lose a family member* but it was made up of too many of the same elements, 4ne of the )haperons* an o#er.blea)hed woman who looked like she was struggling to deny her last eight or nine birthdays* had to )all my name at least twi)e to shake me out of my funk, followed e#eryone else out to the bus* but there wasn't any refuge there, was 6ust too different from e#eryone else,

&our after hour passed in silent misery* until finally the rest of the kids wore themsel#es out and it 0uieted down enough for me to lapse into a fitful sleep, was sma)k.dab in the middle of a dream about "a)hel and Britney when e#erything )hanged, E#er so slowly* the normal dreams)ape took on a sharp.edged glow* and then morphed into the breathtaking )olors that'd wormed their way e#en deeper into my heart than 'd reali'ed, didn't re)ogni'e my surroundings* but they were different than any of the pla)es 'd been before, The new s)ents whipping past me on the bree'e were sign enough e#en if hadn't been able to dete)t the subtle differen)es in the light emanating off of the foliage pa#ing the trail was walking along, !or the length of the dream lost myself in the wonder of e+perien)ing the world in all of its ama'ing depth, Still* e#en the pure delight in my surroundings wasn't enough to mute the feeling something was missing,

Chapter 19
t seemed like the old karmi) s)ale was still going strong and trying #ery hard to make up for how great Les Mis;rables had been, 7e finally arri#ed in town after way too many hours of dri#ing and then had to wait for Mom to )ome pi)k me up, The last )haperon had been about fi#e minutes from throwing in the towel and 6ust taking me home herself by the time Mom finally pulled into the s)hool parking lot, Mom hadn't e#en apologi'ed, She'd mumbled something about needing to hit one of her ')lose' sites while the moon was still high in the sky as she dropped me off at home and then dro#e off without looking ba)k, 'd 6ust managed to drop off into a fitful sleep when she )ame ba)k home and ruined any )han)e of me )at)hing up on the sleep 'd missed be)ause of the trip, 'd ne#er been able to go ba)k to sleep after being woken up in the morning* but tried anyways, By the time finally ga#e up and got out of bed was not a happy )amper, was e#en less so by the time Mom finally woke up, "a)hel not ha#ing been at Les Mis;rables had been preying on my mind the whole time 'd been studying* and sin)e Brandon wouldn't work for girl talk* needed to hash it all out with my mom, 4nly she was so far gone* getting anything out of her was all but impossible, She interrupted partway through my des)ription of what'd happened to ask if 'd noti)ed when the light outside my bedroom had stopped working, %s if )ared when some stupid bulb burned out, tried for another fifteen minutes* but on)e her mind started fo)using on a new pro6e)t* anything less than the domesti) #ersion of a ta)ti)al nuke had effe)ti#ely 'ero )han)e of )at)hing her attention,

%pparently someone de)ided that ha#ing my mom )ompletely ignore me in my moment of need was going a little too far on the di#ine retribution, n an effort to try and balan)e things out the dream angels granted me another #i#id dream on Sunday night, t was wonderful, got to swim around in the most glorious pond known to man, was somehow faster than normal* and spent what seemed like hours )hasing around sli#ers of light that turned out to be some kind of long* thin fish, !or perhaps the first time in my entire life didn't mind at all that 'd ended up in a swimsuit so small might as well ha#e been wearing nothing at all, n fa)t* the feel of the warm water sliding past my skin was so in)redible almost )onsidered skinny dipping, 4f )ourse that'd only lasted for about a nanose)ond, E#en in a dream* there were things that were 6ust too s)ary to really entertain, The dream lasted longer than any of the others before it* but e#en so it e#entually lapsed into a normal* boring dream, Still* woke up feeling more refreshed and rested than any other time )ould remember, E#en more ama'ing* the feeling was strong enough to )arry me through Biology and Mrs, Sorenson's relentless grilling, did better than e+pe)ted* but still not as well as 'd hoped, 5ot )onsidering how mu)h time 'd spent studying, t was like she knew e+a)tly whi)h parts didn't understand )ompletely* and after letting me start to get a little bit of false )onfiden)e* she'd hammer me down again, Talk about depressing, Still* was feeling well.prepared for my English test tomorrow and %lgebra flew by, By my latest )al)ulations was only about two weeks from being all )aught up, Lun)h was interesting, was still the odd man out* but it was amusing wat)hing <in)ent preen, ne#er did figure out what it was he'd done* but apparently it had him thinking he was e#en more of a stud than normal, 7hate#er it was* it had Brandon pissed* whi)h was a refreshing )hange, f he had to be friends with some of these people out of responsibility* that was one thing* but letting them )ontinue to be 6erks was taking it too far, 5obody was more surprised than me when Brandon pushed ba)k from the table* s)anned the room* and then pulled me to my feet, 7e spent the rest of lun)h pa)ing around the outside of the s)hool while he worked through whate#er was bothering him, 7hen the warning bell finally rang* he turned and looked at me with a )onsidering smile, 7e stood like that for a good thirty se)onds before he rea)hed a single finger up and tra)ed the left side of my fa)e as he leaned in slightly, t was simultaneously the s)ariest and most e+)iting thing 'd e#er e+perien)ed, E#en as leaned in a little bit myself* my thundering heart seemed to be trying to leap out of my throat solely for the purpose of disrupting what looked #ery mu)h like it was going to be my first kiss,

E#ery tiny hair on my body stood up in a shi#er of ner#ousness as he tilted his head to the side* and then he broke off* shaking himself slightly as he ga#e me a smile, !or a se)ond thought he was re6e)ting me* that he'd de)ided not to kiss me be)ause he wasn't interested, 4nly the way he rea)hed out for my hand indi)ated that he really wasn't repulsed by me, t bothered me the entire time was in &istory* and then 6ust before got to (hysi)s it hit me, &e hadn't stopped be)ause he didn't want to kiss me, &e stopped be)ause with all of my blushing and near.terror it'd been ob#ious wasn't ready to be kissed, t was the ultimate a)t of )hi#alry, more or less floated through my last two )lasses, t wasn't until finally got to tutoring that started to put more sto)k in the idea that "a)hel had simply )hosen not to go to Les Mis;rables, She looked up* and then away guiltily as walked in, There wasn't a tra)e of smile or greeting on her fa)e* an abnormality that hit me hard somewhere in the region of my stoma)h, %lbert stopped by to say hi* and used his presen)e as a distra)tion, 8 t sounds like you're almost )aught up,8 89eah* finally, '#e got another two weeks or so* but then 'll be all done with this whole triple math homework garbage,8 %lbert smiled* and for the first time noti)ed how genuine his e+pressions were, t was almost like he was a different person when he wasn't )on)entrating on e+plaining some parti)ularly stubborn math problem to one of the slower students, 9ou know* the ones who still didn't understand why anyone needed to know their multipli)ation tables, 8%nd here had su)h high hopes for you be)oming a true math geek, $ranted* you'#e shown pretty medio)re progress so far, don't think '#e on)e seen you skip a meal 6ust so you )ould graph out some new fun)tion, %lso you'#e e#iden)ed no in)lination to )he)k out old te+tbooks from the library in an effort to edge out your )ompetition at the ne+t math bowl, Still* had hoped, mean being a tutor and all* it seemed like a gi#en,8 stu)k out my tongue, 8(lease* like you really do any of those things, in fa)t happen to know that you're in a band that performs o))asionally down in <egas* so don't go trying to pull a fast one on me,8 %lbert looked genuinely startled* but re)o#ered 0ui)kly, 8&ey there* idle* profoundly.untrue )omments dropped by Mrs, /ampbell in passing )on#ersation don't )ount, 'm absolutely not a member of !atal %ngst,8 89es* you are* at least you are until either de)ide to dispose of your body* or let your little se)ret out of the bag be)ause you're not doing your 6ob,8

hadn't heard Mrs, /ampbell approa)h from behind me* and for a se)ond worried she was really angry* but the way %lbert )hu)kled as he )ringed in mo)k fear alle#iated my )on)erns, %lbert pushed his glasses a little ways ba)k up his nose* and then wandered off to help the ne+t person with a red )ard fa)e up on their desk, The number of people who pro)eeded to )ome into the tutoring lab was nothing less than ama'ing, Based on o#erheard )on#ersations* it sounded like there was a perfe)t storm of tests, Both of the other math tea)hers were apparently ha#ing tests in e#ery single one of their )lasses* and Mrs, /ampbell was ha#ing tests in a )ouple of hers as well, The resulting number of 0uestions kept us all 6umping, started work half an hour early* and %lbert* (eter and Mrs, /ampbell all stayed an e+tra forty.fi#e minutes, was helping out an undersi'ed freshman who was ha#ing a really hard time understanding the fundamental )on)epts of the unit she was going to be tested o#er tomorrow when Mrs, /ampbell stopped by, 87e're all done, 7ait until the end of your normal shift* and then go home, f anyone )omplains feel free to suggest that they don't lea#e it until the last minute ne+t time,8 There was plenty of grumbling when announ)ed that the lab was o#er* but nobody a)tually said anything, "a)hel was waiting for me at the door as e#eryone else filed out, She looked up guiltily as made my way o#er to her, 8Did you ha#e a good day: ha#en't seen that many people here e#er,8 f there was one thing that'd always pissed me off* it was people who refused to own up to their mistakes, n my mind not being where you said you were going to be* espe)ially after being so 6a''ed about it pre#iously* fit into that )ategory, "a)hel wasn't making a good start, 87hy don't we )ut to the )hase* "a)hel: 9ou didn't go to Les Mis;rables, 7e spent more than a week planning what we were going to do on the way up and the way ba)k* and you didn't bother to show up,8 "a)hel's mouth opened and )losed a few times, She looked around* but we weren't the only two people in the room, =ames was barely #isible pa)ing up and down the far end of the hall* so there wasn't any help there either, 8 'm sorry* really wanted to go, More than anything* but )ouldn't,8 8That's it: 9ou aren't going to gi#e any kind of real reason: guess should at least be glad you aren't going to lie to me, -nless you really didn't e#er want to go* and were lying to me all along,8 "a)hel shrank in on herself a little, t almost looked like she was going to )ry* whi)h should ha#e made me feel bad* but was too mad to )are, 'd been miserable the whole

way there* and espe)ially the whole way ba)k* and then she wanted to 6ust pretend like none of it had happened, "a)hel's lip trembled slightly as she finally managed to get a response out, 8This isn't like you, 7hy are you doing this:8 /indi used to do the e+a)t same thing, &er 'woe is me* don't understand what is happening a)t' had usually worked with Dad* and it'd always infuriated me, t had mu)h the same effe)t now, 8This isn't like me: To stand up for myself when find out who my real friends are: (lease* you don't e#en know me* and apparently don't know you,8 "a)hel shook her head in denial, 85o* this isn't you, s Brandon putting you up to this: &e isn't what you think* you really shouldn't trust him,8 5ow she'd gone too far, 8Brandon didn't put me up to anything, -nlike you* )an a)tually think for myself, don't know what kind of si)k hold %le) has o#er you* but until you do something about it* you'll ne#er ha#e any real friends, &e won't e#er let you ha#e one,8 She wiped away a pair of tears before they )ould es)ape from the )orner of her eyes, 89ou don't know what you're talking about* %dri, 9ou really )an't trust Brandon, &e's not safe,8 87hate#er, Like your brother is any better,8 turned and went out through the e+terior door, was all the way out to the parking lot before reali'ed that didn't ha#e a way home, was still trying to figure out what to do* when heard the deep roar of a high.performan)e engine, Brandon was )lear o#er at the other end of the parking lot* but somehow he saw me and flipped his )ar around, 89ou're looking 6ust a little stranded,8 8That ob#ious:8 &is smile was 6ust as radiant and reassuring as always, 84nly to someone who happens to know your entire s)hedule* and who 6ust saw what looked like "a)hel and =ames lea#e without you,8 t was my turn to try and hide a trembling lip as responded, 8"a)hel and had a fight,8

Brandon turned his stereo down and motioned me around to the passenger seat, 89ou okay:8 managed a smile, 89eah* 'll be okay, t was 6ust a really bad fight, '#e ne#er said those kinds of things to anyone, don't think there's any going ba)k, She has to hate me,8 Brandon shook his head and flashed another of his winning smiles* albeit one with an o#ertone of sympathy, 8 'm sure it isn't as bad as that,8 wanted to disagree* to go into detail about why my life had 6ust taken a turn for the worse* but something about his manner was suddenly distant, thought about )alling him out on it* but with my life suddenly looking like was all but friendless* that didn't seem like su)h a good idea, 7ithout really meaning to 'd managed to alienate 6ust about e#eryone at s)hool, Brandon already had plenty of reasons not to be with me* it was the height of stupidity to gi#e him any more, )ould probably deal with not ha#ing a boyfriend* e#en assuming that was what we were right now, $oing half a year without anyone to talk to be)ause my mom was wrapped up with her art and e#eryone else in the town thought was stu)k.up would be more than )ould take, The thought was enough to lea#e me spee)hless for the entire dri#e home, Brandon seemed )ontent to lea#e me alone with my thoughts as he sped around the #arious turns at speeds that normally would'#e made me protest, %s went to lea#e the )ar* he grabbed me by my ba)k po)ket* whi)h nearly made me shriek in surprise, 8&ey* you know what you need to put all this in perspe)ti#e:8 85o* but then think it's more than 6ust a matter of my perspe)ti#e being off,8 My fear of alienating him had almost #anished in the rush of indignation o#er how he'd grabbed me, wanted to say something e#en more snarky* but there was 6ust enough worry left to )urb my tongue, Mostly, 89ou need to )ome to the party !riday night,8 89ou mean the monthly kegger:8 Brandon shook his head* still flashing the grin that made it almost impossible to remain mad at him, 85o* the monthly full moon 'kegger' happened last weekend, This is 6ust a party to blow off some steam, 7e ha#e them sometimes to )elebrate things,8 8Like what:8 Brandon shook his head as he pulled me ba)k down into my seat, 85ope* if you want to find out* you'll ha#e to )ome to it with me,8

89ou know* don't usually lea#e )on#ersations midway through, 9ou really )an let go of me,8 8Maybe* but 'm en6oying holding onto you,8 for)efully remo#ed his hand as shook my head, 8Boys, 9ou're all the same, 4kay, %ssuming my mom takes off for the night* 'll go* but only on the )ondition that you beha#e,8 managed to make it to the door without my knees kno)king together* but it was a )lose thing, 'd been s)ared si)k when he'd been about to kiss me* but it had at least been something 'd been dreaming about off and on for years, wasn't sure was ready for the other things he was starting to imply,

Chapter 20
There were a )ouple of times between Monday and the end of the week where didn't think was going to sur#i#e ha#ing to worry about whether or not 'd be able to sneak out to Brandon's party, My dreams had taken a de)idedly odd turn, 'd had the lu)id* #i#id dreams e#ery single night* but my guilty )ons)ien)e seemed to be working o#ertime, %t least that was all )ould assume, woke up flustered* with #ague memories of %le), My best guess was that was trying to defend myself after ha#ing argued with his little sister, f was going to waste my time in the #i#id dreams* it would'#e made more sense to spend them trying to e+plain my side of what'd happened to "a)hel* but apparently wasn't normal enough for that, 'd been all set to swallow my pride and thank %le) for shutting up the two kids sitting behind me, 4nly that'd been before the ride home all by myself on the bus while he sped home in his little lu+ury )ar, Maybe 'd still ha#e apologi'ed to him if he'd been in s)hool on Monday, nstead* he'd skipped the entire first half of the week* and by the time did finally see him* 'd ba)ked myself so far into a )orner* )ouldn't e#en meet his eyes during )lass, Somehow 'd managed to make it through day after day of isolation, Brandon's friends )ontinued to more or less ignore me* the boys without the tra)e of spite that pi)ked up from most of the girls, Britney started another rumor sometime about the middle of the week, %pparently was now some kind of )loset drug addi)t who was hoping to get Brandon to fund my habit, "a)hel hadn't been ba)k to tutoring sin)e we'd argued* and was pi)king up an in)reasing number of hostile looks from people didn't e#en know, Some of them were re)ogni'able as %le)'s friends* but most of them were 6ust nameless nerds who apparently had a soft spot for "a)hel* or a towering hatred for Brandon's friends, 8%driana (aige, &a#e you heard a word was saying:8

looked up and blinked a )ouple of times, 8Sorry Mom* was thinking about s)hool,8 8 swear* you'#e be)ome more absentminded lately than e#er before, %s mu)h time as you spend studying and thinking about your )lasses* 'm surprised they ha#en't de)ided to graduate you a year early,8 shrugged un)omfortably, Sin)e Mom hadn't been interested in the things )ould safely tell her without getting grounded* s)hool had be)ome a standard e+)use for why was so distra)ted, 8Speaking of whi)h* when do they send out mid.term reports:8 8 think they do them twi)e here, 7e missed the first bat)h* and the se)ond isn't until later,8 still didn't parti)ularly like lying* but seemed to be doing it more and more often, 8%nyways* was 6ust apologi'ing for lea#ing you home alone on a weekend again, ran into another trio of hikers* and they told me about a new #antage point for that )rooked. looking mountain keep telling you about, t's on the far side* so 'm going to hike as far in as )an while it's still light today so )an make it there tomorrow with plenty of time before sunset, don't want to make the hike again* so 'll probably spend all of Sunday shooting* and then hike ba)k on Monday,8 Mom paused in her preparations to put her hand on my forehead, 89ou're not )oming down with anything* are you: 9ou'#e been so listless lately, Do you need me to stay home with you:8 There it was* the perfe)t opportunity to get her to stay home with me, t would get me out of ha#ing to spend time with Brandon's in)reasingly annoying friends* whi)h was what )urrently wanted more than almost anything else in the world, -nfortunately wanted to spend time with Brandon e#en more than wanted to a#oid his friends* so there wasn't really a )hoi)e, 8 'm fine* Mom, =ust feeling a little run down, 'll spend the whole weekend lying around reading and studying, That should fi+ me right up,8 ga#e Mom a wan smile* e+a)tly the kind used when was really si)k* and helped her finish pa)king, wasn't sure whether helped be)ause was feeling guilty* or be)ause was worried Brandon would show up before she'd left, Maybe was 6ust hoping to kill two birds with one stone, t wasn't until she was finally in the =eep and ba)king down our lane that finally stopped worrying that Brandon was going to pop around the )orner, &e'd been smugly )onfident he wouldn't show up before she was gone* but had refused to tell me how he planned on pulling up at my house fi#e minutes after the )oast was )lear,

&alf of me was strongly tempted to dawdle for fifteen or twenty minutes* but with my lu)k he'd really manage to show up within the ne+t few minutes* and 'd ha#e to s)ramble to get ready while he waited for me, 7ith a sigh ran up to the bathroom* brushed my teeth* ga#e my hair the on)e.o#er* and grabbed a light 6a)ket as left my room, t wasn't e#en remotely as )old here as would be at home by this late in the year* but the oppressi#e heat had finally started to wane a little, >nowing my lu)k* if left it home tonight would be the first time it snowed in San)tuary in the last two )enturies, More and more e+)ited about the prospe)t of going to my first real party* boun)ed down the stairs and into the kit)hen for a drink, happened to look out the window as pulled a glass out of the )upboard* and nearly dropped it when saw Brandon leaning against his )ar* patiently waiting for me, Before )ould mo#e out of sight* he looked up at me with a self.satisfied smile, nearly dropped the glass again, Twenty se)onds later was headed out the door, 8&ow did you do that: There was no way you )ould possibly ha#e timed things that )lose,8 %nother smirk as he held my door open for me, 8 told you, $reat instin)ts resulting from superior breeding,8 8!ine* don't tell me, didn't really want to know anyway,8 Brandon )hu)kled as he threw the Mustang into re#erse and sped out of the lane faster than normal, The stereo )li)ked o#er to another song as we flipped around and headed ba)k into town, t was more of the thrumming beats 'd )ome to asso)iate with Brandon, 8 thought this pla)e was in one of the parks or something, 7hy are we headed ba)k to town:8 87ow* you really are a )ity girl, n order to get far enough not to be busted by the )ops we ha#e to go really remote, There isn't any way my )ar would make it where we need to go, 7e're headed to <in)ent's to hit)h a ride in his tru)k,8 'Tru)k' turned out to be an understatement, 'd mar#eled more than on)e sin)e getting to -tah* at 6ust how big some of the pi)kup tru)ks saw dri#ing around were, t seemed like nobody was willing to dri#e anything around the way it )ame off of the showroom floor, E#erything had bigger wheels* and suspension that lifted it up se#eral in)hes, <in)ent's tru)k had more in )ommon with the beasts in monster tru)k rallies than it did with the souped.up #ehi)les 'd seen dri#ing around town, The tires were the biggest 'd seen on anything outside of a tra)tor* and the lift kit on it was so outrageously tall that was pretty sure someone was going to ha#e to lift me into the )ab, By myself it was going to take a rope and )limbing shoes, 4f )ourse it was bla)k, )ouldn't imagine <in)ent in anything other than a bla)k #ehi)le,

(redi)tably* <in)ent was rubbing down his #ehi)le* but the e+er)ise seemed more targeted to gi#ing him a )han)e to walk around with his shirt off than it did with )leaning up the already imma)ulate tru)k, Based on the way the )heerleader types by the garage were wat)hing him* it was working, mu)h preferred Brandon's 6eans and tee shirt* tight as it was* o#er the shorts and shirtless look* but apparently was in the minority, almost hyper#entilated when <in)ent )asually walked out of the house with a pair of beer kegs and tied them down in the bed of his pi)kup, &is house was more on the fringes of town* but it was still in town, 7hat if his parents )ame home and saw them: !or that matter* where had he been hiding them: t wasn't e#en remotely possible that all of the people who were going to be at the party were old enough to drink without getting arrested, Brandon looked at my white knu)kles and laughed, 8Don't worry* nobody's going to make you drink* and we'#e ne#er been busted by the )ops, 7e'll ha#e you safely ba)k home sometime early tomorrow morning* and your mom will ne#er ha#e the slightest idea you went to su)h a wild gathering,8 %s far as reassuran)e went* it was a pretty lame attempt* but somehow it didn't sound so feeble when it was Brandon saying it, )almed down enough to mar#el at the amount of other baggage <in)ent dragged out of the house* and then any )han)e might ha#e had to ba)k out #anished as Brandon pi)ked me up and deposited me on the tailgate of <in)ent's tru)k, 8"iding in the ba)k* isn't that illegal:8 The high.maintenan)e blonde <in)ent was helping up ne+t to me rolled her eyes, 8(lease,8 Brandon helped a )ouple of late arri#als into the pi)kup* and then )losed the tailgate, half thought he was going to ride up front in the )rowded )ab* but he instead )leared the sides of the tru)k in a 6ump that was almost inhumanly gra)eful, &e )rowded in* )lose enough )ould feel my skin start to tingle with anti)ipation* and then <in)ent started the engine and we were off, n what was probably the only display of maturity and )ommon sense 'd e#er seen out of <in)ent* he didn't tear off down the freeway at eighty miles per hour, &e was still going plenty fast* but at least the wind wasn't deafening, %fter a few minutes of white.knu)kled fear* was finally able to rela+ a little* and en6oy the feeling of ha#ing Brandon so )lose while the wind tossed my hair ba)k and forth, The other girls were studiously ignoring me while they gossiped ba)k and forth about e#eryone from under)lassmen to tea)hers and other adults in the town, didn't want to

6oin in the gossip* and Brandon was sprawled out on the pi)kup bed with his eyes )losed, settled for )ontemplating the glorious sunset's myriad )olors, 7e passed some kind of border into one of the parks, <in)ent slowed down a little more as was busy taking in the in)redible pinks and purples that were dominating the western sky, t was like someone had splashed glowing paint a)ross a window and then gone ba)k and painted in pi)ture.perfe)t )louds to )omplete the s)ene, 'd seen plenty of ama'ing sunsets ba)k home* but there was something about the rugged* almost hostile* skyline here that ga#e this one a spe)ta)ular le#el of depth, Maybe Mom was right about the west after all, Sure* it was hotter than Satan's kit)hen* and a dermatologist's worst nightmare* but the skylines were ama'ing, Brandon opened his eyes as let out a sigh of )ontentment, 8Bored already: 7e're only halfway there,8 %s opened my mouth to respond* <in)ent turned off the road onto a trail that hardly looked wide enough for a $eo Metro let alone his monster tru)k, let out a yelp as we dropped down a small hill and then started )limbing up the other side of the gully with a small boun)e, Brandon )hu)kled at me* but shifted position enough to bra)e himself against the two beer kegs* and then rea)hed out and wrapped an arm around me, % )ouple of the girls who'd been looking espe)ially )ondes)ending o#er my surprise as we'd gone off.road were now ob#iously disappointed, They were probably wishing it was them instead of me )radled against Brandon's yummy )hest, tried not to radiate too mu)h )ontentment* but rather suspe)ted failed, <in)ent wasn't really dri#ing any faster than before* but the fa)t that we were going up and down slopes wouldn't ha#e thought )ould be dri#en made his )urrent speed re)kless, E#en with Brandon's arm stopping me from flying out of the pi)kup* still had a )ouple of moments where my heart shot up to the top of my throat, &e of )ourse remained frustratingly )alm* e#en when we hit a bump with enough for)e to nearly send e#eryone flying out of the bed, The other girls were trying hard to appear nonplussed, They were probably e#en fooling the boys* but they weren't en6oying themsel#es, was nearly si)k by the time the tra)k we were following le#eled out* but there was 6ust enough light left for me to en6oy the last of the sunset as we finished up the last ten minutes of the dri#e, %s the final glimmers of )olor faded away into twilight* <in)ent pulled his tru)k o#er in a spray of dust* and we were there, 'd been e+pe)ting a lot of people, E#en knew you )ouldn't finish off two kegs of beer with eight or nine people* but this was )ra'y, There were already at least thirty people here* and based on the )louds of dust )ould now see )oming from where we'd 6ust been* there were more people still on their way,

Brandon nimbly 6umped out of the tru)k bed* and then helped me down to the ground as <in)ent )ame ba)k and manhandled one of the kegs to the edge of the tailgate and tapped it, My first kegger had 6ust offi)ially started, /assie showed up in a white pi)kup a few minutes after the beer started flowing* and popped the panel )o#ering the bed* re#ealing an astounding row of speakers that promptly started spewing an aggressi#e mi+ of drums* guitars and synthesi'ed notes that made Brandon's usual mi+es sound like /hristmas )arols, n short order there was a roaring fire going* despite the fa)t it wasn't really )old yet* and people started )ongregating in groups to talk or dan)e depending on their preferen)e, Brandon seemed to be one of the former, Dragging along behind him as he slowly worked his way through a third of the s)hool was e+tremely boring, honestly )ouldn't think of a less entertaining way to spend an e#ening* but wasn't ready to 6oin the dan)ers, Most of them seemed to be rapidly losing key items of )lothing* and all of them were dan)ing so )lose it was hard to tell where one person ended and the other began, %s Brandon handed me another )up of beer* whi)h started slowly pouring out on the ground as soon as his ba)k was turned* the loneliness really started to hit me, t would be bearable if had a friend other than Brandon, t might e#en be fun to sit ba)k and laugh at some of the anti)s making an appearan)e as people got more and more wasted, nstead was stone )old sober* and the ne+t best thing to )ompletely friendless, %bout the time <in)ent tapped the se)ond keg* Brandon looked o#er at me and flashed a thoughtful smile, would'#e said nothing )ould'#e made up for the last two hours* but it )ame remarkably )lose, 8 'm sorry* this isn't any fun for you* is it:8 My listless shrug earned me a )hu)kle, 87ell then* let's )hange stuff up a little, /are to dan)e:8 almost said no* but as he pulled me in towards him* suddenly reali'ed 6ust how badly wanted to tou)h his in)redibly hard )hest and shoulders, Being wrapped in his arms was so pleasant that didn't e#en protest when he pulled me in )loser, My whole body tingled where it tou)hed him* and his )ologne* so faint as to be almost imper)eptible* was like nothing 'd e#er smelled, %lmost against my will found myself pressing up against him so )ould drink in the s)ent, The musi) was still way too loud* e#eryone around us was still ridi)ulously drunk* but suddenly )ouldn't )are less, Someone tried to )ome up and talk to Brandon as the ne+t song started* but he wa#ed them off* not e#en pulling his eyes away from mine, 'd thought my heart )ouldn't ra)e

any faster than it already was* but when he started mo#ing his fa)e down )loser to mine* it felt like it was going to tear itself free from my )hest, t was happening, 'd fantasi'ed about kissing e#en ba)k when thought boys had )ooties, wasn't sure was any more ready than 'd been out in the parking lot* but )ould tell by the way he was mo#ing that he wasn't going to abort this time, The tingling was e#en more intense now as brought my hand up and )upped the side of his fa)e* and then our lips met, t wasn't like 'd imagined, &is lips were warm* and they had the slightest hint of softness* but there was more urgen)y and fier)eness to the kiss than e+pe)ted, t wasn't as ama'ing as 'd fantasi'ed* but was still ha#ing a hard time thinking, tried to pull ba)k and )at)h my breath* but his arms had be)ome steel )ables that pulled me in tighter, !ear finally o#er)oming my desire not to look stupid, started to push away from Brandon, My efforts seemed futile for se#eral se)onds* and then his right arm released me, &e wasn't letting me go though* his right hand had 6ust repositioned to my stoma)h while his left arm kept me pinned against him almost as tightly as both hands had 6ust a se)ond before, t should ha#e been ob#ious what he had in mind* but it wasn't until his hand was under my shirt and mo#ing upwards that my o#erloaded mind )aught up with e#ents, tried to protest* tried harder to push myself away from him* but he 6ust held onto me tighter than e#en before, &is hand was 6ust millimeters away from its target* and was starting to see stars from la)k of air* before finally remembered some of the tri)ks my dad had shown me, slammed my heel down on his left foot* and then brought my knee upwards towards his )rot)h* only to hit nothing but air as he spun me around, 87hat the )rap are you doing:8 &e wasn't e#en limping, &e seemed more surprised than angry, 87hat was doing: Maybe trying to )on#in)e you to keep your hands to yourself* you think:8 %s soon as the words )ame out started wishing hadn't said them, This was 1randon, $uys like him didn't 6ust drop out of the sky and de)ide they were interested in )hubby little nerds like me, Brandon's e+pression hardened* and suddenly knew there was no going ba)k, Maybe it would'#e been worth it to let him grope me a little* but done was done,

(eople were starting to gather around us* Brandon's )losest friends* the ones he ate lun)h with e#ery day* were all standing behind him* while e#eryone else filled out the )ir)le, looked around for some kind of support from the other girls present* but )ouldn't find e#en one sympatheti) fa)e, The ne+t thing knew was on the ground with my ears ringing and /assie standing o#er me, 8,,,your stupid lies, f you repeat them you'll be sorry, E#ery single person here will #ou)h for Brandon,8 % )ouple of people flin)hed a little at that* like they weren't )ompletely )omfortable lying* but /assie stared them down, 5obody would meet my ga'e, opened my mouth to protest* and /assie grabbed me by the front of my 6a)ket and dragged me the better part of twenty feet, My head was still spinning as she leaned down and hissed into my ear, 8$et out of here, Don't wait around* don't ask anyone for a ride, 9ou had your )han)e and you blew it, &e's mine again* and if you're not out of sight in the ne+t fi#e minutes 'll kill you myself and end this stupid e+periment on)e and for all,8 'd only heard that kind of blatant willingness to kill on)e before* and 6ust like with =asmin* was absolutely )on#in)ed /assie was serious, wanted to get up* to do something other than 6ust lie shaking on the ro)ks* but my mind was like an applian)e with stripped gears, t was spinning but not grabbing onto anything* so nothing was happening, /assie pi)ked me up with one hand and ga#e me a hard sho#e ba)k towards the road, almost fell, /onsidering 6ust how rugged the terrain was* it was a good thing didn't* be)ause probably would'#e broken my ne)k, t was still a near thing* but on)e was mo#ing refle+ kept me headed in the right dire)tion, Tears were flowing freely down my )heeks* and my heart seemed to be missing e#ery se)ond beat* almost like a hole had been torn in it and now it was a battle to )ontinue beating* when it 6ust wanted to 0uit, did fall down when hit the first slope, There was 6ust enough moonlight to )onfirm that the pain in my hands and elbow was the result of ha#ing all of the skin abraded away, thought was going to pass out* or maybe throw up* but )ouldn't )ry any harder than already was, (art of me kept e+pe)ting Brandon to )ome running towards me from the dire)tion of the party, &e'd apologi'e* and e+plain how he'd wanted to stop /assie* but he'd been too stunned by what she was doing,

E#en the delusional part of my brain that was trying to )ome up with a way to be res)ued )ouldn't )reate a plausible s)enario from there on, The look he'd gi#en me at the end hadn't been that kind of sho)ked ga'e, /assie's threat was too #i#id, nstead of )urling up on the ground where 'd fallen* pulled myself ba)k up and )ontinued to stumble along in the dire)tion thought would e#entually get me ba)k to the road, The washed.out lands)ape mo)ked me as reali'ed 6ust how alone was, "a)hel didn't like me anymore* she'd ne#er forgi#e me, 'd managed to alienate e#eryone from %le)'s group* and now Brandon had tossed me aside like so mu)h trash, t was too mu)h, )ollapsed onto all fours* hardly noti)ing the burning pain from my damaged palms* and let the ra)king sobs take o#er, probably would'#e stayed there all night if not for the howling, t'd been going for se#eral se)onds before it pulled me ba)k from the mental abyss 'd been so eagerly approa)hing, looked around blankly for se#eral more heartbeats before finally managed to pla)e the noise, 7ol#es, There weren't supposed to be any wol#es in the area* but there wasn't any ignoring my ears, numbly pulled myself ba)k up* and began stumbling ba)k towards the party* only to stop as another howl e)hoed down through the )anyon, t was between me and e#eryone else, turned and started into a shuffling run, Maybe the wolf would be attra)ted to the noise and light, Maybe 'd be able to get far enough away it wouldn't smell me, 'd only been mo#ing for about a minute before another howl sent )hills running down my spine, t sounded like a different wolf* and it was )loser than the first one, tried to run faster* but all that time studiously a#oiding e+er)ise was working against me, topped a slight rise and then tripped as the ground wasn't where e+pe)ted it to be, My 6a)ket sa#ed me from pi)king up any really serious s)rapes this time* but 6ust before finished tumbling to a stop slammed my head into a )res)ent.shaped ro)k, My #ision swam in and out of fo)us* but struggled to my feet* only to nearly fall again as my right ankle all but )ollapsed under me, They were definitely )loser now, They'd stopped howling* but )ould still hear them, somehow found myself on my ba)k again* looking up at the biggest wolf 'd e#er seen, T< had gi#en me the impression that a wolf shouldn't be mu)h bigger than a $erman Shepherd, These guys were roughly the si'e of a small pony* one nearly bla)k* the other

more of a gray )olor* both with yellowish eyes* and lips pulled ba)k to show teeth the si'e of my fingers, Most of my 6eans had been torn away from my right )alf* whi)h was bleeding fairly profusely* but didn't feel any pain, t was like my mind had finally torn loose from the moorings that usually held it in )onta)t with reality, was going to die* ripped to shreds by the same impossible animals that had killed the hikers a few months ago* but 6ust )ouldn't bring myself to )are, 5obody would e#en miss me, The bla)k wolf was in)hing towards me now* growling low in its throat, )ould see its haun)hes tense up* and then it was airborne* hurtling towards me almost faster than )ould follow, 4nly it didn't hit me, % pat)h of night had interposed itself between me and the wolf, My #ision still wasn't up to making out fine details* and e#erything was mo#ing too 0ui)kly to follow, The growling seemed to be in three parts now* whi)h didn't make any sense be)ause the pat)h of night was #aguely man.shaped* if impossibly big, There was a yelp as one of the wol#es was tossed into the side of the )anyon with enough for)e that )ould feel it from where was lying, % shower of sparks lit up the night as the se)ond wolf dodged away from my defender* and then impossibly the first wolf was ba)k and darting in as heard 6aws snap shut on something, The bla)k shadow staggered ba)k* nearly falling under the )ombined weight of its two opponents, % se)ond later another yelp was )ut short as one of the wol#es fell away to lie motionless on the ground, My head was throbbing so bad bla)ked out for a moment* and missed the end of the fight, 7hen opened my eyes ba)k up* the indistin)t shadow was mo#ing smoothly towards me, opened my mouth to thank him* and then felt as though my world had been pulled out from underneath me, The shadow went from my sa#ior to a nightmarish being, t was easily eight feet tall* )o#ered in thi)k fur* and had bloody )laws as long as my hands tipping the ends of its fingers, My #ision was still swimming enough that almost )ouldn't belie#e what was seeing, E#en so* there was no way to ignore the bloodstained mouth as it got )loser, had a moment to reali'e was still going to die all alone* and then the bla)kness )ame for me,

Chapter 21

woke up e+pe)ting to see pale blue eyes burning a hole through me, &aunting eyes set abo#e terrible fangs, nstead found myself lying atop a giganti) bed in a room didn't re)ogni'e, The sheer sho)k at still being ali#e pre#ented my mind from working #ery well, t took se#eral minutes before all of the other relati#ely in)onse0uential details started filtering in, My hands were bandaged* as was my elbow and right )alf, My dirty* ripped 6eans and shirt had been repla)ed with )lean )lothes that were only a little too small, That last fa)t should ha#e alarmed me more than it did, Somehow being stripped down by a stranger paled in )omparison to a near.death hallu)ination in#ol#ing wol#es and a monster straight out of a s)ien)e fi)tion mo#ie, The bedroom was possibly the ni)est room 'd e#er been in, % mo#ie star or millionaire would ha#e had a hard time topping this pla)e for sheer de)aden)e, The walls were paneled in some kind of rare* doubtless e+pensi#e imported hardwood, The book)ases that )o#ered the ma6ority of the wall spa)e seemed to be made out of the same kind of wood* and were filled with more books than 'd seen in the lo)al bookstore the one time 'd )on#in)ed Britney to stop by on our way home after s)hool, They were all hardbound* with leather bindings and engra#ed )o#ers, There was a stereo system off in one )orner* hooked up to a laptop and some kind of portable musi) player, had to look around the room twi)e before finally spotted the speakers to the system, They were built into the walls and )eiling* and based on their number and #arying si'es had a sneaking suspi)ion they'd produ)e nearly as mu)h #olume as the monsters professional D=s brought to dan)es, Based on the amount of money in#ol#ed in setting up su)h a system in the first pla)e* they probably )ranked all that out without e#en the slightest hint of distortion, %s impressi#e as the stereo no doubt was* it was all of those shel#es filled with books that finally pulled me off of the bed and onto the in)redibly lush* maroon )arpet, Emerson* %yn "and* Shakespeare* and Tolstoy were all present, 7hoe#er li#ed here was either in)redibly well read* or a )omplete poser who bought books 6ust for show, %lmost s)ared to find out whi)h it was* rea)hed o#er and pulled out the )opy of Mary Shelley's !rankenstein* and opened it up to find a well.)ared.for book that'd still ob#iously been read se#eral times, )arefully slid the book ba)k into its spot and then noti)ed the faintest glimmer of light )oming from an open doorway off to my right, t was an art gallery, 4ne )o#ered in pi)tures that were eerily familiar* all with a )ir)ular signature at the bottom right hand )orner, They were mostly of mundane kinds of things* lands)apes* or people* but there were o#ertones that )aressed a hidden )hord inside my soul, E#erything was done in drab* painfully boring )olors* o#erlaid with in)redibly #ibrant* hues that were almost unreal in their perfe)tion,

t wasn't until 'd mo#ed around a )orner and entered what looked like a new phase for the painter that figured out why the paintings looked so familiar despite the fa)t that 'd ne#er seen any of the pla)es or people depi)ted, The reali'ation hit with su)h for)e that it distra)ted me from the familiarity of the signature, The new pie)es were all breathtaking, The drab )olors were gone* lea#ing s)enes made up of multi.hued strands of light, t was like waking up and ha#ing someone tell you they'd been reading your mind, The pie)es weren't of spe)ifi) pla)es or e#ents from my dreams* but they were an e+a)t mat)h for how they'd looked and felt, felt my hands start to shake, t was like 'd had too mu)h for)ed on me too 0ui)kly, wanted to 6ust )ollapse and let un)ons)iousness o#er)ome me* but something pulled me onward towards the ne+t series of pi)tures* and then the ne+t after that, wanted to stop, Ea)h pie)e opened up another fragment of my soul* re#ealing a new pain that 'd kept hidden for the last few months, The last pi)ture was ne+t to a door* whi)h opened almost without reali'ing was doing so, The organi'ed )onfusion of a true artist met my ga'e, 'd seen it with my mom* when she was so dri#en to )omplete a shot that she )ouldn't be bothered to )lean up after herself, She left 6ust enough stru)ture to the mess to find needed tools* but didn't waste any effort on anything that wouldn't help her with her great aim, Brushes were s)attered e#erywhere* old and new )an#ases sta)ked in the )orners of the studio* and fle)ks of paint had found their way onto almost e#ery #isible surfa)e, The ri)h smell of paint was nearly o#erpowering* but noti)ed it only in passing as made a beeline towards the easel that dominated the )enter of the spa)e, The painting was still wet* right down to the signature whi)h had been done in the palest green, The s)ene was from the point of #iew of someone looking into a bedroom window* darker than most of the later stuff 'd 6ust looked at, The )enterpie)e* done in a dimmer light than what remembered from my dreams* was the sleeping figure, She was deli)ate.looking, % tiny figure* a being of light temporarily )lothed in flesh* one who seemed almost at the point of breaking out of her mortal husk, She was so breathtakingly beautiful it was se#eral se)onds before noti)ed the other* nearly unformed details of the room, They were so indistin)t it took me a full minute to pla)e them, 4n)e did* my eyes darted ba)k to the sleeping figure* the gorgeous one whose features now re)ogni'ed as /indi's, 4nly it )ouldn't be /indi be)ause the room was mine* the one here in San)tuary, My pulse ra)ing* refused to look at the signature again, now knew what it was* but if ignored it maybe )ould ignore the ramifi)ations of e#erything 'd 6ust learned, The room was swimming as my battered psy)he finally took one blow too many* but fought the atta)k with e#erything had left, )ouldn't afford to be found here )ollapsed on the floor, had to get away before he reali'ed was awake,

My shoes were at the foot of the bed3 grabbed them* but didn't put them on, needed to be 0uiet* more now than e#er, )rept to the other end of the suite* passing a )urious )olle)tion of items ranging from a mundane* if e+pensi#e.looking* desk* to an intri)ately tooled broadsword* bla)k with age* and si'ed as though made for a giant, finally found the e+it and was halfway down the hall when heard #oi)es for the first time, 7hile it didn't sound like anyone was out.and.out yelling* they weren't the )alm #oi)es of friendly )on#ersation, 0ui)kly re#ersed dire)tion* and found an e+ternal door less than a minute later, The #oi)es had faded away to nearly nothing as 'd gotten further away from them* but all of a sudden they peaked into a full.blown yelling mat)h* pun)tuated with an in)redible )rash that sent a tremor through the entire house, %ny thoughts 'd had about trying to find a phone and )alling DEE #anished as full flight instin)t took a hold, % few se)onds later was outside and running, The moon was so obs)ured by )louds it pro#ided only minimal light* but e#en the poor #isibility )ouldn't )on#in)e me to slow my flight through the near 6ungle waiting outside the house, )ould barely make out the stone path that led through the garden* but stumbled along it as 0ui)kly as )ould with my sprained ankle* de)iding between bran)hes in the path )ompletely at random, 'd only been running for a few se)onds when lightning tore its first gash in the night sky and opened up the way for a monsoon.like rainstorm, 7ithin a few se)onds the )old rain was falling so hard that )ouldn't see e#en a few feet ahead of me, started shi#ering instantly, %s mu)h as my body had been through in the last few hours* needed to find shelter before got )hilled, The ne+t lightning strike was so )lose it lit the entire sky up, The telltale flash of glass up ahead was 6ust enough to guide me to a door that was nearly hidden by the rampant foliage, pulled the door open with less effort than e+pe)ted* and slipped inside, The heady fragran)e of flowers told me immediately what 'd stumbled a)ross, 8%s if there wasn't enough greenery outside* he's got to ha#e an entire greenhouse too,8 The abrupt lessening of the rain assaulting the glass roof brought ba)k my sense of urgen)y, 5obody )ould possibly find me while the most intense rainstorm sin)e 5oah had sealed up the ark was going on* but )ouldn't stay here on)e it stopped, slipped my battered shoes onto my abused feet* and turned to lea#e 6ust as the door opened of its own a))ord, fell ba)k in ama'ement as he stepped into the pool of light that'd materiali'ed as the )louds parted, The 6eans were mundane* perfe)t* but )ompletely normal for all that they were snug in all the right pla)es and loose e#erywhere else, The shirt* unbuttoned in his haste to follow me* was also perfe)tly normal* entirely belie#able, E#erything else* howe#er* was too surreal to really grasp, The s)ulpted stoma)h and )hest were e+a)tly

like 'd se)retly imagined they would be* but my ga'e was pulled instead up to the massi#e bandage )o#ering most of %le)'s shoulder, The bandage alone should ha#e told me hadn't been hallu)inating* but the fragments of memory didn't )oales)e until saw his eyes, The ama'ing* pale blue eyes were the final* poeti) pie)e of e#iden)e threatening to shred my sanity, 'd ne#er really liked %le)* but ne#er suspe)ted he was an a)tual monster, t was too mu)h to pro)ess so 0ui)kly, 7hen %le) took a )areful step towards me* all )ould think of was that 'd 6ust seen those same eyes ho#ering abo#e bloodstained fangs, shrank ba)k away from him* and saw his fa)e go from )alm to e+pressionless in a barely dete)table fli)ker, 'd opened my mouth* maybe to apologi'e* or possibly to s)ream for help* but it snapped shut at %le)'s response, Mo#ing faster than would ha#e belie#ed possible* he spun around and fled through the door, Between one heartbeat and the ne+t he disappeared into the darkness* letting the door slam shut with enough for)e that the glass in the )eiling should ha#e )ome down in a rain of ra'or.edged shards, The flowers )losest to me swayed slightly from the for)e of the #ibrations* pulling my ga'e towards them, felt my heart skip a )ouple of times and tears start to flood my eyes as took in beautiful white petals edged in an ama'ing shade of purple, Lagrimas del %ngel, The whole greenhouse was filled with them* and suddenly )ouldn't ignore the signifi)an)e of the )ir)ular signature on the paintings anymore, hurried outside* looked desperately from side to side for some hint of whi)h way he'd gone* and then headed off to the right towards the sound of shattering pottery, =ust before was about to gi#e up hope of finding him* heard another )rash and turned into a small grotto, The sight of ro)k walls nearly )o#ered by a swath of greenery )aused me to pull up with a suddenness that only barely sa#ed me from tumbling into the small refle)ting pool off to one side, %le) fro'e at my appearan)e* a large planter that easily weighed as mu)h as did dangling from one hand, The shards of pottery strewn about the grotto answered any 0uestions might ha#e had regarding its imminent fate, 5either of us mo#ed for se#eral se)onds* and then he turned towards me with a glare, 8$o awayB8 The )ommand was so for)eful it was almost more than )ould do to stop myself from turning and running away in terror* but held my ground, 8Lea#e, Lea#e now and won't follow you,8 The anger was still there* but now there were other emotions* one of whi)h )ould identify* one of whi)h knew how to handle,

8 t was you the whole time* wasn't it: The bank, The mayor, 7ere you responsible for the Les Mis;rables ti)kets too:8 87hy: 7hat possible differen)e does it make one way or the other:8 The words had lost most of their for)e* but none of the feeling behind them, 8Be)ause want to understand, 7hy me: 7hy would you do all of that for me:8 89ou really don't understand: 9ou sa#ed "a)hel from a beating, f for no other reason* then for that,8 took a )areful step forward and pla)ed a hand on his arm, &e absently let the huge flower pot drop* but didn't step away from me, 8That isn't why you did it though, s it:8 %le) finally shook his head, 85o* 6ust did it for you, Maybe not so mu)h at first* but )ouldn't get you out of my mind, 9ou were e#erywhere looked, n my )lass* at lun)h* e#en in my dreams, )ouldn't get away from you,8 felt my heart skip another beat, E#erything good that 'd attributed to Brandon had been %le) all along, didn't understand what 'd seen a few hours ago* but he wasn't a monster, The amount of hurt in his #oi)e took him out of the )ategory of frightening, mo#ed a little )loser, 8Do you still want me to lea#e:8 8Do you want to lea#e: won't stop you if you do, f you )an )on#in)e your mom to lea#e town there's e#en a )han)e you'll be safe from Brandon,8 Shi#ers worked their way down my spine as some of the pie)es )li)ked into pla)e, 8&e's like you* isn't he:8 %le)'s laugh was a bitter* humorless thing, 89ou mean a monster: 9es* we both feel the )all of the moon, Does that s)are you:8 shook my head, 85o, guess a little* but not like it should, 9ou wouldn't hurt me after e#erything you'#e done for us,8 8 )ould kill you without e#en meaning to, 9ou're so fragile, %ll it would take is an a))ident* a momentary loss of )ontrol, really am a monster,8 85o* you're not, don't understand what you are* but you aren't a monster, Brandon is, <in)ent* /assie, They're all monsters* but you aren't,8 %le) finally let his eyes fully meet mine, 8&ow )an you know that when sometimes 'm not sure myself:8

%lmost without reali'ing it* mo#ed my hand from his arm to his stoma)h* and then wrapped both arms around him and pressed my fa)e into his ro)k.hard )hest, 8Thank you for sa#ing my life, 7ere those wol#es some of Brandon's friends:8 felt him nod, 8Simon and 5athanial,8 8 didn't know them that well* they mostly ignored me* but didn't think they'd kill me,8 %le) finally put his arms around me, &e hugged me like was made out of fine )hina* but it was a start, The tingling sensation 'd always felt around Brandon was ba)k* stronger than e#er, Despite the in)redibly gra#e nature of e#erything that'd happened in the last few hours* felt mildly euphori), Maybe this was what people were talking about when they said they were bu''ed, 8Maybe they weren't going to kill you, )an't say for sure* but they'#e both killed people before, )ouldn't take the )han)e that they weren't 6ust playing around, had to stop them,8 thought for a moment that my knees were going to )ollapse on me, )arefully rea)hed up and brushed the bandage on his shoulder, 8They )ould'#e killed you:8 %le) shrugged, 8 )ame out okay all things )onsidered,8 &e was going to ha#e to rethink this defle)tion thing* but now didn't seem like the time to get pushy, for)ed a measure of gaiety into my #oi)e and smiled up at him, 87ell* 'm glad things turned out the way they did, 4therwise we'd both be dead,8 %le) flin)hed slightly* and then looked at the grotto, 8 suppose 'd better )lean this up or Dono#an is going to be #ery unhappy with me,8 87ho's Don,,,,8 felt my mouth drop as finally re)ogni'ed my surroundings, 8 '#e been here before, n my dream, Then drew it* whi)h didn't understand be)ause only e#er draw real pla)es* and this was imaginary, 4nly it wasn't* but there wasn't any way for me to know,,,8 turned around* e+pe)ting to ha#e to field a barrage of 0uestions* but %le) was )almly wat)hing me, 8 sn't that odd: Doesn't that make you want to know what's going on:8 &e was debating whether or not to lie to me, )ould see it in his eyes, !unny how 'd ne#er reali'ed how e+pressi#e they were, 8Don't lie to me,8 %le) sighed* and then shrugged, 8 'm not sure what to tell you, There's so mu)h you don't know* and most of it )an't tell you, More importantly* you're better off not knowing,8

waited for se#eral se)onds* e+pe)ting him to go on* and then finally reali'ed the matter was )losed as far as he was )on)erned, 8&old on there, 9ou )an't 6ust lea#e me in the dark about all of this, 'm in up to my ne)k3 you ha#e to at least let me know what '#e fallen into,8 &e was shaking his head again, 8 'm sorry* know this has to be hard* but you don't belong in this world, 9ou admitted yourself that you don't know anything about us, t was a mistake for me to let you get in#ol#ed, 'm going to remedy that right now, 7e'll get you home* and then your mom is going to get an offer that's too good to pass up, 7ith any lu)k you'll both be out of town within a )ouple days, think )an arrange it so neither of you will be ba)k for a year or two, That should be more than enough time for this all to resol#e itself one way or another,8 felt my eyes go wide with pani) as reali'ed what he was proposing, 87ait, 5o, 9ou )an't do that,8 tried to grab a hold of his arm* but he'd already taken se#eral steps away, The pleasant tingly feeling was gone* but that loss was nothing against the sense of )old abandonment rushing through me, tried to step forward* tried to follow him* but my #ision was dimming and my heart felt like it was about to e+plode, managed a single step before my knees )ollapsed and the ground 6umped up to meet me, /ons)iousness was slow returning, 7hen my eyes finally fluttered open* was surprised to find myself in %le)'s arms on)e again, 8%re you okay:8 &e tried to set me down* to stand me up on my feet* but grabbed onto him as tightly as my shaking arms were able, 8Don't lea#e me, (lease don't make me go,8 didn't reali'e was )rying until tried to talk, t was embarrassing* but was too worried about being sent away to )are, %ny amount of ridi)ule would be worthwhile if it meant being able to stay with %le), &e ob#iously still wasn't )on#in)ed though, 8%dri* you don't understand, This is the only way to keep you safe, )an't prote)t you here, )an't e#en prote)t my own family,8 &e was still trying to disengage my arms from around his ne)k* but it was ob#ious he didn't want to hurt me* and was holding on with e#erything had, 85o* you don't understand, This whole time thought was in lo#e with Brandon* didn't e#en know him, 9ou did so mu)h for us and didn't e#en hate me when was so rude, '#e been so stupid* please don't send me away,8 was halfway to another atta)k before %le) finally put a finger to my lips and nodded, 8<ery well, should send you away for your own prote)tion* but 'm too selfish to do

what's best for you, Maybe later 'll be able to do what's right* but not right now* not so soon,8

Chapter 22
"a)hel met us at the door with a shy smile that let me know any hard feelings would e#aporate instantly if wanted to be friends again, %le) put me down with a slight start as soon as he saw his sister, relu)tantly let go of him* and )o#ered the last few feet under my own power, ga#e "a)hel a hug as soon as she was within arm's rea)h, 8 'm so sorry, '#e been in)redibly dumb,8 She wa#ed the e+planation away, 8Brandon's fooled people smarter than both of us put together, The hardest part was not being able to tell you anything,8 %le) started to open the door* but "a)hel put a hand on his arm, 8The rest of the pa)k is ba)k, =asmin already told them what happened, t doesn't look good,8 had my mouth open and was halfway to asking what was going on when saw %le)'s e+pression* and swallowed my words, &e didn't look any different than normal* in fa)t if 'd been standing forty or fifty feet away from him 'd probably ha#e still thought he was 6ust as )alm and in )ontrol as always, This )lose* )ould feel the anger radiating off of him, almost took a step ba)k when he turned towards me, 8 reali'e it's unreasonable to ask you to trust me right now* but 'm going to need you to do so, /an you remain 0uiet for the ne+t few minutes:8 wanted to ask why* but it was ob#ious we didn't ha#e the time for a lengthy e+planation, nodded, 8 trust you, %fter e#erything you'#e done* know you wouldn't hurt me,8 %le) turned towards "a)hel* but she shook her head before he )ould e#en open his mouth, 89ou don't e#en need to ask, 'll follow your lead* and try to look bra#e,8 &e threw the door open and stalked into the house, "a)hel grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind her, % group of familiar fa)es was waiting for us in the largest li#ing room 'd e#er seen, t took me se#eral se)onds to mat)h identities to the rain.soaked group staring at me with su)h hostility, =asmin was standing in the )enter* and didn't e#en wait for me to get fully in the room before she started talking,

8She goes ba)k to Brandon tonight, t's a long shot* but it's better than nothing, She brought it on herself so there isn't any reason to )ry o#er what might happen,8 %le) shook his head, 8-na))eptable, She wasn't properly his, There was no bond of =a'tell* and )onse0uently we ha#e no obligation to return her to him,8 =asmin opened her mouth to say something else* but a tiny brunette* probably =essi)a* interrupted her, 8%le)* we ha#e to do this, 5one of us are stupid3 we know what's going to happen, 9ou killed two members of his pa)k,8 There was steel in %le)'s #oi)e that 'd ne#er heard before, 8Still una))eptable, 9ou'#e all aired your opinions3 you )an retire to your beds now,8 =ames looked up from where he'd been slou)hing against the wall* and suddenly reali'ed that he wasn't shaking from )old, &e was so furious it looked like he was only se)onds away from e+ploding, % #ery pretty &ispani) girl pla)ed a gentle hand on his arm* but he shook her hand off and let out a sound that was un)omfortably )lose to a growl, 89ou selfish 6erk, 9ou'#e been mooning o#er her for weeks, 9ou'#e got her now* but at what )ost: This isn't open to dis)ussion, 7e're taking her ba)k to Brandon and asking for lenien)y,8 n an effort to see better* "a)hel and had mo#ed slightly to the side, %le) rea)hed ba)k without looking and mo#ed us dire)tly behind him, t wasn't until his arm brushed me that reali'ed he was shaking e#er so slightly himself, 8There's only one way you're going to tou)h her* =ames, %re you really ready to take that step:8 felt shi#ers run down me as reali'ed 6ust how easily e#erything )ould boil o#er into deadly #iolen)e, The tension in the room pulsed out in wa#es* skittering many.legged a)ross my skin like something that belonged under a ro)k somewhere, The feeling intensified e#en more as first =essi)a and then =asmin pi)ked up the same strange* near epilepti) 0ui#er, =ames let out a low* grating growl* and my stoma)h dropped as he looked up with eyes that weren't the unremarkable brown they'd been 6ust a se)ond before, The hot yellow eyes of a predator were looking out of =ames' familiar fa)e* )hanging it into something threatening and inhuman, %nswering growls from =asmin and =essi)a seemed to snap something inside of %le), &is tremble be)ame more pronoun)ed, There was a ripping sound* and when looked down at his hands* they'd been repla)ed by the same wi)kedly.sharp )laws remembered from the night before,

must ha#e let out a gasp* be)ause "a)hel tightened her grasp on me and mo#ed )loser, She might ha#e whispered something )omforting* but )ouldn't hear it past the thunder of my own heartbeat, %ll three of them were mo#ing towards us now, t was so inhumanly smooth and slow the motion was almost imper)eptible* but was )ertain they were stalking us, Stalking me, %s soon as they got )lose enough to )o#er the remaining distan)e in a single bound* they'd atta)k* and if %le) had been sorely pressed fighting two of his kind last night* three were almost )ertain to kill him, "a)hel pulled me around behind her and spoke with a )alm that seemed too )on)rete to be real, 8=asmin* please don't do this, 'm not going to mo#e, She doesn't mean anything to you, 7hat about me:8 =asmin stopped mo#ing, She was still shaking* and when she looked up at me* her eyes still bubbled with hate* but they were human again instead of the pale* i)e blue from a moment before, 7ith a #isible effort of will* =asmin )losed her eyes* )almed her shaking body* and then turned and 0ui)kly walked out of the room, was 6ust tall enough to see o#er "a)hel and take in what was going on in the rest of the room, =ames' eyes were still yellow* and he was still in)hing his way towards me* ob#iously undeterred by =asmin's defe)tion, The &ispani) girl )arefully )losed the distan)e between them* and then pla)ed her slender* perfe)t dark hand on =ames' arm on)e again as she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, !or a moment it seemed he was going to shake her off again but then he shuddered* shot %le) another dirty look* and stormed out of the room, The tiny form following after him looked like a fragile s)hooner trailing along the edge of a hurri)ane, The room seemed so )alm after =ames disappeared that for a se)ond forgot =essi)a was still half.)rou)hed in the )enter of the room, %le) hadn't forgotten* and if the wa#es of tension and energy rolling off of him weren't as strong as the )ombined effe)ts )oming from all four of them* it still felt like the walls should e+plode outwards, =essi)a seemed to shrink in on herself* and then she turned and ran away with a final hiss of defian)e, saa) looked up at %le) from the )orner where he'd been 0uietly standing, %le)'s almost imper)eptible nod sent him in the same dire)tion as =essi)a, 7hate#er meager sur#i#al instin)ts had left )hose that moment to finally ki)k in* and felt my knees begin to gi#e way, "a)hel let out a high.pit)hed sound that had all of the surprise of a s0ueal* but none of the e+)itement, %pparently %le) knew how to interpret it, &e turned ba)k and )aught me again before )ould hit the ground,

8There isn't anything to worry about now, $o ahead and )at)h your breath,8 %s pleasant as it was to be in his arms again* was starting to worry he'd get tired of it, pushed him away as soon as was reasonably )onfident my knees would support me, 87hat's going on: 7hy are they so s)ared of Brandon:8 %le) shook his head, 8This isn't the time3 we need to get you ba)k home to your mom, t would be most unfortunate if she were to arri#e and find you gone,8 My mind was still a little fu''y* but it was working well enough for me to know he was wrong, 85o, She's not going to be home until Sunday, There isn't any reason to go ba)k there yet,8 looked around for "a)hel* but she'd disappeared sometime between when 'd started falling* and when 'd thought to thank her, 89ou mean she wasn't planning on )oming ba)k until Sunday, 4n)e Brandon gets in#ol#ed in things* they tend not to go as e+pe)ted,8 wanted to ask 0uestions* but "a)hel appeared from a hallway, 8&e's right* %driana, 9ou need to be home in )ase your mom returns sooner than e+pe)ted, Things are going to get plenty weird enough o#er the ne+t )ouple of weeks, 9ou don't want to start out with your mom already mad at you,8 !eeling #ery small inside at the thought of going ba)k by myself* nodded, %le) apparently read the meaning of my sudden )hange in e+pression, 8Don't worry3 'm not going to send you ba)k alone, 7e'll make sure nothing happens to you,8 Too s)ared to e#en muster a 8yeah right* they all hate me*8 simply waited while %le) flipped open an ultra.slender )ellphone* and made two )alls, &e spoke too 0uietly for me to make out e+a)tly what was being said, t seemed like he was gi#ing orders though* and that they weren't being re)ei#ed #ery well, % few minutes later %le) bundled me into the ba)k seat of an unfamiliar )ar* whi)h rapidly filled up as first =asmin* saa) and the tiny &ispani) girl arri#ed, =asmin )ompletely ignored me as she )limbed into the )ar3 saa) ga#e me a polite* if somewhat )ool nod, The &ispani) girl ga#e me an honest.to.goodness smile as she slipped behind the steering wheel and started the engine, n what was one of the most thoughtful things that'd happened all night* she turned the heater on full as she pulled out of the dri#eway, The dri#e into town* and then ba)k out to my house was 0uiet* but lu)kily didn't take as long as normal, %pparently her timidness stopped well short of obser#ing the speed limit, %le)* saa)* and =asmin all 6umped out of the )ar as soon as my house was in sight, The )ar was still doing at least twenty miles per hour when they bailed, They faded into the darkened lands)ape about the time we rolled to a stop,

went to open the door* but a deli)ate brown hand stopped me, 8 'm sorry you'#e had su)h a rough night, =ames and the others will )ome around e#entually, Till then 6ust )ontinue being bra#e and trust %le), &e really will mo#e the cielos to prote)t you,8 She had a thi)k* beautiful Spanish a))ent, !or a se)ond was torn between )omplimenting her on it and asking her what cielos meant, finally 6ust settled on faking a smile and thanking her, She smiled at me, 85o need to thank me, My name is Domini) by the way,8 % few se)onds later was standing alone* ner#ously fa)ing my house, %le) suddenly appeared at my side, 6umped a little at the surprise, 8 'm sorry* didn't mean to s)are you,8 shrugged as my breathing started to slow down again, 8 t's okay, 7here were you:8 8S)outing, 7e had to make sure Brandon's pa)k wasn't waiting for us,8 8&ow )an you be sure: They )ould be hidden anywhere,8 %le) shook his head* his eyes strangely gentle, 85o* if they were hanging around outside we'd be able to smell them,8 8So not only are you faster and stronger than normal people* you'#e also got noses like real wol#es:8 84f a sort, That's not really important though, Let's get you inside,8 nodded and started towards the door* only to blink as %le) stepped in front of me, 8May ha#e permission to enter and make sure it's safe inside:8 slowed down* suddenly terrified at the thought of Brandon and his friends waiting inside for me, 8 thought you said you'd be able to smell them if they were here,8 8 f they were outside* yes, -nder normal )ir)umstan)es we'd be able to determine whether or not they'd been here in the last few days* but the rainstorm last night was strong enough to wash away all of that,8 %le) waited patiently as tried to get a grip on myself, %s soon as nodded he disappeared through the door, % few se)onds later he was ba)k, 8 t's safe3 there's no tra)e of them,8 &e held the door open for me* and then slipped outside, 89ou need to erase any e#iden)e that you weren't here all night, Take a shower* )hange into some of your own )lothes* and then go to sleep, 7e'll keep wat)h outside until your mom gets ba)k,8

opened my mouth to ask what would happen after that* but he was already gone* mo#ing so 0ui)kly through the darkness that wasn't e#en sure whi)h dire)tion he'd headed, lo)ked the door for the first time sin)e we'd arri#ed in San)tuary* turned on all the downstairs lights* and then slowly walked upstairs, t was )ra'y to be s)ared that %le) had somehow missed someone* but )ouldn't shake the feeling was being wat)hed, 4n)e finally made it upstairs* )he)ked both rooms* and the bathroom* before finally rela+ing a little, showered 0ui)kly* )arefully making sure the smell of al)ohol and )igarette smoke was out of my hair* and then )hanged into )lean )lothes and )ollapsed onto my bed, was e+hausted* but )ouldn't fall asleep, E#ery time )losed my eyes* saw dark shapes hurtling towards me, %fter looking at the )lo)k for the thousandth time* finally got up and went downstairs, The lights were still bla'ing* 6ust as 'd left them, debated for se#eral se)onds before opening the door and stepping out into the darkness, Somehow the por)h light didn't rea)h out as far into the yard as 'd remembered, %le) appeared on the edge of the light with su)h suddenness that a startled yelp es)aped me despite my best efforts, 8 'm sorry* didn't mean to frighten you,8 Strangely enough* belie#ed him, &e was mo#ing with the same* o#er.)ontrolled )are 'd seen him use around "a)hel, 8 t's okay* it must be really limiting to always ha#e to pretend you're slow and normal,8 &is e+pression took on an alien )ast* as he shrugged, 8%)tually '#e spent so mu)h of my life trying to hide the unusual aspe)ts of my nature* it's usually effortless, !or some reason* forget myself around you,8 There was something to his #oi)e* but e#en after he'd hinted at ha#ing strong feelings for me* it was hard to really belie#e it all, %t least not without an outright admission on his part, Seeking to distra)t myself from a thoroughly useless train of thought* looked around* trying #ainly to pier)e the )urtain of bla)k hanging around the feeble )ir)le of light, 8%re they out there waiting now:8 %le) shook his head, 85o* 'd already ha#e )ome and )arried you away if any of Brandon's people were around, Barring that* you'd hear us fighting, Mere doors and windows wouldn't do mu)h to muffle the sound,8

89ou'd be fighting* be)ause of me,8 %le) slowly )rossed the distan)e between us* and took my shoulders in his hands, 8(lease don't try and take the blame for this, 7e'#e been on a )ollision )ourse with Brandon's pa)k for years,8 &is tou)h was into+i)ating, )ould feel warm tingles start from my shoulders and work their way down my arms, % full two se)onds of silen)e passed before reali'ed he'd asked me why 'd )ome downstairs, 8 )an't sleep, '#e been trying* but 'm too wound up to do anything but 6ust lie there, thought 'd )ome downstairs and talk to you instead, mean* unless it's bothering you, 9ou know* keeping you from patrolling or something,8 That last bit hadn't really been planned, 'd wanted to )ome downstairs and talk to him* but wouldn't ha#e dreamt of 6ust saying it outright, Maybe it was the natural high got simply from being around him, %le)'s smile was brief* but it felt like the first one 'd seen sin)e he'd been for)ed to sa#e me, )ouldn't blame him for being worried about how this was going to further strain already tense relations with Brandon's pa)k, Still* the transforming e+pression made me reali'e 6ust how badly 'd missed his other fa)e* the one that wasn't stern and serious all of the time, 85o* you're not bothering me in the slightest, =asmin or saa) either one )ould easily keep wat)h, 4ur sense of smell and hearing are good enough that it's all but impossible for e#en other wol#es to )at)h us unawares, They're here more in the role of bodyguards, f Brandon's people do show up* it'll likely take all three of us to get you away safely,8 8So you don't mind: 9ou'll stay here and talk to me:8 %le) paused for se#eral se)onds* whi)h wasn't promising, Then again* he hadn't released my shoulders yet* so maybe there was still some hope, 8 'm not sure that's the best idea, 9ou really need your sleep, The whole purpose of this little e+er)ise is to )on#in)e your mom you'#e been safely home this entire time, f you )rash later in the day* she's going to know you didn't sleep tonight,8 8Maybe if you stayed with me it would help me sleep,8 almost )ouldn't belie#e those words were really )oming out of my mouth, wanted to blame it on how )lose he was standing* or how tired was* or anything else that might be remotely belie#able* but based on how serious his fa)e had 6ust be)ome* it was too late to take it all ba)k, 8That doesn't strike me as being a mu)h better solution,8 felt my ne)k and fa)e begin to burn from embarrassment, took a step ba)k* and rea)hed for the door* hoping to beat a 0ui)k retreat before )ould humiliate myself further* but he stopped me with a surprisingly gentle hand, 8 'm sorry3 that didn't )ome

out as intended, f it would help you sleep* of )ourse 'll )ome upstairs and sit with you, t's the least )an do after allowing you to be dragged into this mess,8 %le) followed me upstairs* and then slid down the wall to sit on the floor as sat down on my bed, %s soon as was )omfortable he rea)hed up and flipped off the light, 8&ey* )an't see you now,8 &is laugh was like silk, t rea)hed out* and smoothed away the last of the embarrassment, 8The deal was would )ome up here so you )ould sleep, 9ou aren't going to fall asleep if the light is on and you're staring at me,8 8!ine* the light )an be off* but get to ask you 0uestions still* and you need to start gi#ing me real answers,8 The )hu)kle was a little more resigned* but he didn't argue* so laun)hed into my first 0uestion before 'd really thought it through, 87hat,,, mean* you're all so different,,,8 trailed off into silen)e worried he was going to be mad, 8 think you meant to ask what am,8 %le) sighed* but it wasn't an angry sigh* so nodded* forgetting for a moment that he )ouldn't see me in the darkness, 87e share a little in )ommon with a bun)h of different legends* but none get it 0uite right, n short* we're shape shifters* people who )an take the form of animals,8 'd already seen that for myself* but it was strangely e+hilarating to hear him admit it, 89ou mean like werewol#es:8 There was a hiss of sound* as if 'd 6ust hit him, !or a se)ond worried 'd made him angry, 85o* not like werewol#es,8 waited for him to elaborate, 7hen the silen)e grew too un)omfortable was the first to )ra)k* 6ust like always, 8Did say something wrong:8 %le)'s #oi)e was surprisingly gentle, 85o* you'#e nothing to feel sorry about, should tell you though that )alling a shape shifter a werewolf is the kind of insult that nearly always results in a fight* and often e#en a death,8 felt momentarily like 'd been hit, %le) was waiting for me to respond* but )ouldn't bring myself to say anything, 8 'm sorry3 didn't mean to s)are you, forget sometimes how mu)h more #iolent my world is,8 wasn't any less sho)ked* but his tone was so apologeti) )ouldn't help but smile,

8That's better3 mu)h prefer the happy %dri fa)e to the s)ared %dri,8 87ait* you )ould see me smile: guess that all follows* better hearing* better sense of smell, 4f )ourse you'd ha#e better #ision too,8 t wasn't until heard the note of longing in my #oi)e that reali'ed what was missing, %le) didn't ha#e that same ad#antage* and )ould feel him waiting e+pe)tantly, 8Sorry* it's 6ust that this all makes me think of these ama'ing dreams '#e been ha#ing sin)e arri#ed, 'm transported to #arious pla)es* but in e#ery )ase )an hear and smell better than )an in real life, 5ot only that* e#erything is glowing, 4nly that isn't the right word for it, Mostly there's 6ust light )oming out of the people and the plants and animals, t's so beautiful, !unny your ha#ing more a)ute senses would make me think of that,8 %le) sighed, 8 t's bordering on stuff shouldn't tell you* but you deser#e to know, 9ou'#e 6ust des)ribed e+a)tly how we per)ei#e the world, The )olors are all more #ibrant* the bree'e is more ali#e with s)ents than anyone )ould e#er know,8 felt my heart speed up a little as things started falling into pla)e, 89our paintings, That e+plains them, 9ou were superimposing what you see o#er top of what someone like me would see, 4nly how would you know what things look like to us:8 %le)'s )hu)kle held more than a little resignation in its timbre, 89ou are ama'ing, %nyone else waking up in a strange pla)e would'#e run away as soon as they regained )ons)iousness, %t the #ery least* you should ha#e started s)reaming, nstead you wander around* take in some rather feeble attempts at art* and then sneak out without saying a word,8 Se)ure in the knowledge he )ould see me* stu)k my tongue out at him, 8&ey* my sur#i#al instin)ts* or la)k thereof aren't the point, Stop trying to distra)t me,8 8 suppose deser#ed that, t's 6ust more than a little unsettling how 0ui)kly you're putting pie)es together, There really are things that aren't safe for you to know, %mong them* the reason why it isn't safe for you to know them,8 waited e+pe)tantly* and he finally resumed, 8To answer your 0uestion* wasn't always like this, 7hen was younger saw e+a)tly the way that you do, E#en now* my #ision is more like yours when 'm in this form, still see in)redibly well* and there's 6ust the slightest hint of light from li#ing things* but nothing like what you saw in the dreams,8 8So you work from memory mostly then: That and trying to make what you see when you're in human form e#en more drab than what you really see:8 8That about sums it up* although didn't really e+pe)t you to pi)k up on that last part so 0ui)kly, 9ou're remarkably per)epti#e,8

felt my fa)e heat at the )ompliment, 0ui)kly looked for something worthy of a )hu)kle to )hange the sub6e)t, 8So what does a se#enteen.year.old shape shifter spend his time doing:8 su))eeded with my goal of making him laugh, 87ell* spend a ridi)ulous amount of time trying to keep my friends away from ea)h other's throats, 7e'#e got some pretty strong personalities* and it's nearly a full.time 6ob stopping minor disagreements from boiling o#er into something bigger, %part from that* spend an hour or two e#ery day #etting Dono#an's management of the family assets, &e does an in)redible 6ob with e#erything* but e#en so* there are )ertain things ha#e to appro#e myself,8 87ho's Dono#an:8 %nother )hu)kle, 8That's one of the most diffi)ult 0uestions you'#e asked so far, &e likes to )all himself our butler* but that doesn't e#en begin to des)ribe him, &e does take )are of most of the duties a typi)al butler would assume* but he's also our finan)ial manager and long.time family friend, 'm e+)ited for you to meet him tomorrow, think you'll like him,8 89eah* but will he like me:8 sat up in bed* e+)ited to finally be getting real details about %le)'s life, 8(lease lie ba)k down, 9ou ha#e to at least be trying to sleep, 4therwise 'm heading ba)k downstairs, %nd don't pout, t won't influen)e me in the slightest,8 8 t's 6ust sooo hard for my merely human ears to hear you from so far away, Maybe if you were to mo#e o#er here wouldn't ha#e to strain to )at)h e#ery word,8 t was so blatantly )oy* almost )ouldn't belie#e was saying it, t had been said though, %ll there was left to do was hope he didn't de)ide was the biggest loser to e#er walk the earth, The e+tended silen)e was almost enough to make me de)ide he was going to get up and lea#e, 8%ll right* 'll )ome o#er and lean against your bed* but you really need to try and sleep, 9ou'#e got to be nearly e+hausted,8 87hat about you* mister superhero shape shifter: 9ou'#e been up longer than ha#e, 'm not the only one who needs to sleep,8 tried not to let my #oi)e get too sing.song* but felt a )ompletely irrational thrill as he 0uietly )rossed o#er to my side of the room, 8That's a)tually one of the benefits of my )ondition, don't a)tually need normal amounts of sleep, %n hour or two per night is usually more than enough,8 &a#ing him so )lose to me was somehow both e+hilarating and soothing at the same time, )ould feel the tense* knotty parts of me start to rela+ for the first time sin)e Simon and 5athanial tried to kill me, %s e+haustion started to finally eat through all of the

ner#ous energy that'd been fueling me* it was all )ould do to follow what %le) was saying, Still* wasn't ready to go to sleep, t felt like he'd disappear if )losed my eyes, 8So you don't need to sleep, 7hat do you do with all the rest of your time:8 %le) was )lose enough now that )ould see his smile, t rea)hed out and wrapped itself around me like a warm blanket, 87ell* do spend a fairly signifi)ant amount of time ea)h day sitting in )lass, >ind of like someone else know,8 8-na))eptable, '#e added that up in my head* and you'#e still got se#eral hours ea)h day that you ha#en't a))ounted for,8 Despite my best efforts* was mumbling so badly wasn't sure anything 'd said was )omprehensible, Somewhere in there 'd )losed my eyes* so felt a sluggish* tired kind of surprise when he gently brushed his fingers a)ross the side of my fa)e, The sensation was so feathery almost opened my eyes to #erify that he'd really tou)hed me, t was too mu)h effort, Besides* didn't really want to know if he hadn't tou)hed me* it was better to 6ust go on pretending he had, 8 'm afraid that really is the balan)e of my time, spend time with "a)hel of )ourse, Then there are a few odd minutes where s0uee'e in some reading* or a bit of painting,8 8They're beautiful, Best '#e seen, E#er,8 imagined )ould hear him smile, 8Thank you, 'm afraid mostly all see is the flaws, E#en with the most perfe)t sub6e)ts* still generally fail to )apture their true essen)e,8 8But not all:8 85o* not all of them,8 t was getting harder and harder to string thoughts together in a )omprehensible manner, 8Sounds fulfilling, Busy* but fulfilling,8 %le) waited so long to respond that nearly drifted off, 8 t's always seemed fulfilling, %t least until re)ently,8 wanted to know what he meant* but )ouldn't muster the willpower, already felt myself starting to drift away, E#en the feeling of him )aressing my )he)k again wasn't enough to bring me all the way ba)k to full alertness, 8Somehow that all )hanged after you arri#ed, Little by little started to reali'e 6ust how empty my life really was, wish )ould )ome right out and say it while you're awake, don't want that life anymore, don't really want any life that doesn't in#ol#e you,8

(art of me wanted to s)ream for 6oy* to 6ump up out of my bed and wrap myself around %le) as tightly as )ould* but was 6ust too far gone, half thought was dreaming it all, %s finally let sleep pull me down into darkness* almost thought heard %le) say one last thing, The tone was so #ulnerable and hesitant he almost sounded like another person, 8The truth is* '#e fallen well and truly in lo#e with you,8

Chapter 23
Someone was )alling my name* but really didn't want to wake up, was still so tired* and 'd had the most wonderful dreams, They were a little foggy now* but they seemed to ha#e in#ol#ed %le) )oming to my res)ue* and then holding my hand as went to sleep, t wasn't until finally pla)ed the familiar #oi)e that e#erything started )oming ba)k to me, sat up with an abruptness that nearly kno)ked %le) off of his per)h on the edge of my bed, &im still being there* looking at me with a barely restrained amusement glimmering in his eyes* )almed my ra)ing pulse, 89ou're still here,8 89ou sound disappointed, Do you want me to lea#e:8 &is e+pression had taken on the guarded blankness still hadn't learned how to read* so wasn't sure whether he was 6oking or not, 85o* not disappointed* 6ust surprised, figured 'd wake up and find e#erything had 6ust been one ama'ing* )ra'y dream,8 'd hoped that my reassuran)e would make the mask drop* but if anything %le) was looking at me e#en more seriously, 87ould you prefer things to take that )ourse:8 t took me se#eral heartbeats to understand what he was getting at* long se)onds in whi)h his fa)e grew in)reasingly remote, 85o* how )ould you think that: 7hy would possibly want to ha#e you #anish when '#e 6ust now finally found out it's you who's been wat)hing o#er my mom and me sin)e we got here:8 %le) looked away for a moment* and then stood up and walked o#er to the window, 8 t would be for the best* you know, )ould arrange for you both to lea#e the state* and ne#er ha#e to )ome ba)k to San)tuary again, 9ou'd be safer,8 felt my mouth drop open as his words hit me with almost physi)al for)e, wanted to turn and run away* but the 0uasi.dream from the night before was 6ust barely #i#id enough to keep me in the room,

8 s that what you want: 5ot what's best for me* or what you think is best for me* but what you really want:8 The silen)e seemed to stret)h into hours before %le) finally shook his head, 8$ood* be)ause don't want to lea#e, 9ou said last night that your life felt meaningless before )ame here* well* mine was e#en worse, The only thing that's kept me sane has been your behind.the.s)enes help, want to stay with you, want to be with you,8 %le) studied me for a moment longer* and then nodded* a short* )hoppy motion with little if any of his usual gra)e, 8<ery well then, t's 6ust after ten o')lo)k, 9our mom is about to pull into the dri#eway, Do your best to )on#in)e her you spent the night safely at home, 7e'll stay here and wat)h o#er the two of you, %lso* if you )an )on#in)e her it's safe to lea#e on an e+tended trip* that would be #ery helpful, 4n)e she's gone* 'll )ome ba)k for you,8 opened my mouth to ask him what he meant* only to be distra)ted by the sound of the =eep's engine as it rolled to a stop on the )ement pad, %s looked ba)k* %le)'s eyes )aptured me, 89ou're sure this is what you want:8 managed a nod* and then the downstairs door )rashed open, 8%dri* honey, 7here are you:8 %le) was gone when looked ba)k, 4nly the slight sway of my )urtains ga#e e#iden)e he'd 6ust )asually 6umped out of my se)ond.story window, heard Mom's e0uipment bags hit the floor one after another, The sound of her tromping up the stairs finally roused me from my state of sho)k, 8 'm in my room* Mom,8 %pparently the sound of my #oi)e was at least slightly reassuring* she was only a little wild.eyed by the time she opened the door and stu)k her head in my room, 84h* there you are* dear, was worried you were gone,8 for)ed a )hu)kle, 8(lease* Mom, 7here else would be: Saturdays are one of my only two )han)es all week to a)tually sleep in, t isn't like 'm going to )limb out of bed at the )ra)k of dawn and go hiking or something,8 Mom's )hu)kle was almost genuine, f %le) hadn't implied she was going to suspe)t 'd been up to no good* probably wouldn't ha#e e#en noti)ed how off she sounded,

89ou're right* dear, shouldn't ha#e doubted you, 6ust had a few kids )ome hiking past this morning talking about this massi#e party the entire s)hool was at last night, know it's )ompletely irrational* but kept thinking about you there with all that al)ohol,8 was so ner#ous about answering her 0uestion that didn't reali'e she was headed o#er to shut my window until she was already so )lose that there was no hope of inter)epting her, &opefully %le) had kept mo#ing after he'd 6umped, 4therwise Mom's 0uestions were about to get a bit more pointed, 8Mom* how )ould you think that: '#e ne#er e#en had the slightest desire to do something like that,8 The lies were starting to add up* but %le) had a)ted like it was important not to be grounded right now, That and really didn't want to get into the kind of trouble the truth would bring, 8That's a good point* but you )an't blame me for being worried* sweetie, mean with this new boyfriend of yours, 9ou know don't trust boys who dri#e sports )ars, Espe)ially not the really )ute ones who ha#e a way of making e#ery female in sight go all gooey on the inside,8 She slid the window shut with a sigh* rather than s)reaming in sho)k* so %le) wasn't lying on the ground with a pair of broken legs, %pparently Brandon's )harms were enough to make Mom forget herself while he was around* but not so great as to keep her from worrying when he wasn't, shrugged un)omfortably, 8&e's not my boyfriend* Mom, mean he wasn't really e#er my boyfriend* but e#en less so now,8 Mom looked away from the skyline* a new bat)h of )on)ern painted a)ross her features, 8 'm so sorry* dear, didn't parti)ularly appro#e of him* but wasn't going to get really #o)al about it, 5ot when he was your first boyfriend, 7hat happened:8 didn't ha#e to pretend to be hurt and disappointed, E#en knowing that %le) was e#erything 'd thought Brandon was* still felt used and disappointed, 8 6ust wasn't what he was looking for, &e made it #ery )lear the last time saw him,8 Mom )rossed the distan)e from the window and wrapped her arms around me, 8Teenage boys are so )ruel, 'm sorry, Do you want to go out for i)e )ream this afternoon:8 My smile )ame mu)h easier than it would ha#e if %le) hadn't magi)ally )ome into my life, 8That is the time.honored method for dealing with breakups,8 7hate#er Mom had been planning on saying was interrupted by the perky 6ingle of her )ell phone, She shot me an apologeti) look as she answered it* but already knew Mr, (eters had taken to )alling her at unusual times to get updates on where she was at with her shots for the tourism bro)hure,

8This is she, 9es* 'm doing well* thanks* may ask who's )alling: 9es* am a photographer, 7hy yes* did ha#e a )ouple of pie)es that submitted last year* but they ne#er got printed, 5o* '#e ne#er heard of,,,yes* of )ourse, 7ell* that's really not my area of e+pertise, might know of a person or two who might be interested in helping you out,,,8 Mom's fa)e was nearly as surprised as the time Dad had )ome home from work and announ)ed he'd 6ust taken the ne+t two days off and we were going up to St, /loud for a #a)ation starting in twenty minutes, wasn't sure who'd )alled* or what e+a)tly they were after* but it was looking like she was going to ha#e a really good story to tell when she managed to get off of the phone, 8 appre)iate your interest* but as said* that really isn't the kind of thing do, 4h, 7ell* ha#e )ommitments here* pro6e)ts 'm working on, !or three weeks:8 She looked at me with wide eyes, 8 'd ha#e to )onfirm that, /an )all you ba)k in half an hour:8 Mom stood there with the phone up against her ear for se#eral se)onds before shaking herself and looking at me, 8That was some kind of promoter, She wants me to go out and shoot a fashion show in (aris, !or a week and a half* and then another one in taly, '#e ne#er heard of either of the shows* but she's offering me twenty thousand dollars for 6ust three weeks,8 felt my eyes go wide at the idea of something so unbelie#able happening to us* and then e#en wider as reali'ed this must be what %le) had been referring to, '/on#in)e her it's fine for her to lea#e' indeed, &e hadn't been kidding about getting us out of the )ountry, 8Mom* you ha#e to goB This is the biggest opportunity e#erB8 She looked doubtful, 8Sweetie* know it seems e+)iting* and hea#en knows we )ould use the money* but that 6ust isn't my kind of thing,8 shrugged, 89eah* but on)e you'#e had some paying photography 6obs it's sure to help land others, t isn't your ideal kind of work* but it's still a good start* and you ne#er know where it might lead,8 8 )an't lea#e you here alone, 5ot only that* '#e still got the bro)hure to do,8 4b#iously was going to ha#e to work harder, 8Mom* 'll be fine, =ust think of it as an e+tended hike, 9ou'll e#en ha#e )ell phone )o#erage* so you )an )he)k in with me as often as you want,8 %t least hoped we'd be able to arrange that somehow, 8%s for the bro)hure* you'#e got s)ads of great shots already, Maybe if you )all up Mr, (eters you'll be able to work something out,8 %)tually was positi#e Mr, (eters would be amiable to the idea, %t least he would be if %le) had remembered to work whate#er magi) he'd used on the Mayor the first time, 4f

)ourse it was possible he'd forgotten to make the arrangements* but somehow doubted it, Mom looked like she was starting to wa#er, 8 t does seem like a great opportunity* but there 6ust isn't any good way to know for sure it's legitimate,8 That didn't sound like %le) at all, 8%re you sure* Mom: They didn't arrange anything you )ould use to #erify they're for real:8 suddenly reali'ed why parents got su)h a big ki)k out of )at)hing their kids doing something wrong, Mom looked so sheepish almost laughed, 87ell* he did say he'd arrange for an immediate ad#an)e to be wired o#er to our bank* but it's )losed on Saturdays* and it isn't like )an go )alling up the bank president for something tri#ial like that,8 opened my mouth* still unsure what to say in response to her latest e+)use* only to be interrupted by her )ell phone again, 89es* this is she, Mr, >ard: 4h* hello, % wire: "eally: didn't reali'e you e#en had anyone working today,8 Mom listened for se#eral more se)onds and then hung up, 8They 6ust sent the money, %pparently it's for real, The bank president was 6ust )alling to tell me the money has been )onfirmed* sub6e)t to my a))epting the 6ob,8 5ow was the time to strike, 8Mom* go )all Mr, (eters* and 'll start pulling your stuff together,8 t's ama'ing how 0ui)kly you )an pa)k when it's for someone else* and they aren't around to tell you what you )an or )an't throw into their suit)ase, E#en with my la)k of sleep starting to )at)h up with me* was still essentially done by the time Mom wandered into her room* staring at her phone like she wasn't sure it was really possible for it to ha#e 6ust told her what she'd 6ust heard, 8&e says it's fine, &e'll swing by ne+t week to pi)k up the shots think are the most promising* and then he'll see if he )an't put the bro)hure together from that,8 She noti)ed the suit)ases and the empty hangers for the first time, 8&oney* there isn't any reason to be in su)h a hurry, 7e ha#en't really de)ided to take the 6ob yet* and e#en if we do* 'm sure we won't be able to arrange a flight for another day or two,8 "ight, f %le) really had arranged this in)redible trip* literally o#ernight* he'd ha#e her on a plane mu)h faster than anyone else would'#e belie#ed possible,

8Mom* we'#e already gone through e#ery single one of your ob6e)tions* and they'#e all been taken )are of, 'll be fine* the bro)hure will still be )ompleted on s)hedule* and the 6ob is as real as it gets, The only thing left to do is )all them ba)k and a))ept before they de)ide to offer it to someone else,8 t ob#iously hadn't )rossed Mom's mind that they might de)ide to go with someone else, 7affling o#er whether or not to take the 6ob was one thing when she was sure she'd ha#e it in the end, t was entirely different when it might )ost her the biggest break she'd e#er had, She nodded 6erkily as she stepped out of the room* already dialing, felt my eyelids drooping by the time she )ame ba)k, 8They want me to lea#e right now, She said she's already arranged for a )harter plane out of St, $eorge, f lea#e in the ne+t ten minutes* we )an make the flight out of Salt Lake nternational with something like half an hour to spare,8 7e both sat there in silen)e for a few se)onds as e#erything sank in* and then Mom e+ploded into motion, She ran downstairs to repa)k her photography e0uipment* all the while yelling upstairs to #erify that 'd pa)ked all of the other essentials she was going to need, %lmost before 'd e#en finished assimilating how 0ui)kly %le) had pulled e#erything together* Mom was ba)king down the lane as wa#ed goodbye, %le) appeared within thirty se)onds of Mom's departure* saa) )lose behind him, 87e need to go, 4ne of Brandon's people 6ust got )lose enough to smell us, They left before we )ould tell for sure who it was* but the odds of them )oming ba)k with lots of help 6ust went through the roof, f we're still around when they do* things will get ugly,8 (art of me wanted to break down into a gibbering wre)k, The rest of me 6ust nodded )almly* and turned to head upstairs as saa) politely passed me* apparently on his way to the kit)hen, %le) gently grasped my shoulder before 'd e#en managed to take a step, 8There isn't time, 7e ha#e to go now,8 %s soon as we were out the front door* %le) motioned for me to 6ump on his ba)k* and then we were off with a speed suspe)ted an 4lympi) athlete )ouldn't ha#e mat)hed, The lane between our house and the road flew by faster than 'd e#er dri#en it in a )ar, The wind )reated by our passage was strong enough to make my eyes tear up* but resisted the urge to )lose them, o))asionally saw shadowy shapes darting through the trees ahead or to either side of us* but there wasn't any way to be sure it was saa) and =asmin instead of Brandon and his entire pa)k, % faint howl from behind us )aused %le) to put on another terrifying burst of speed as we left the lane and turned to parallel the road, The sight of bran)hes )lawing at us as we

slipped by them with little more than in)hes to spare was too mu)h, finally )losed my eyes and du)ked down as )lose to %le)'s ne)k as )ould get, 7ith one less sense distra)ting me* the rest of them ki)ked into high gear, )ould feel e#ery step* in)luding the o))asional slide as the rough gra#el we were running on wasn't up to bearing our )ombined weight without slipping, The bitter taste of fear along the ba)k of my tongue was surprisingly strong* but e#en so found my thoughts dwelling on the sheer pleasure of ha#ing my arms wrapped around %le)'s ro)k.hard upper body, The high.pit)hed s)ream of a performan)e engine pulled me away from my absurd musings, =ames' blue and white %))ord passed us doing the better part of twi)e the legal speed limit* and then flipped around with the distin)ti#e s0ueal of o#erworked tires, %le) #eered up onto the road as looked ba)k to find that e#en as fast as he was running* the %))ord was still gaining on us at a prodigious rate, %s the )ar pulled e#en with us* %le) smoothly rea)hed o#er* pulled the passenger door open* pried me off of his ba)k* and slid me into the front seat without losing e#en a single step, f e#erything had happened at something approa)hing normal speed* probably would'#e started hyper#entilating* but it was all so 0ui)k my mind didn't ha#e a )han)e to fully register what was going on before was safely ens)on)ed ne+t to =ames, =asmin and saa) appeared alongside the road* materiali'ing where there'd only been trees a half.se)ond before, !aster than would ha#e belie#ed possible* all three of the shape shifters piled into the mo#ing )ar* and then =ames stomped on the gas hard enough to break triple digits before slowing slightly for the first turn, The mirror on my side of the )ar was perfe)tly positioned for me to be able to see three or four flashes of tawny brown sliding through the trees before the winding road )arried us out of sight, %le) nodded as looked ba)k and met his eyes, 8They were pretty )lose, There weren't that many of them* but they )ould'#e de)ided to push the issue regardless,8 spent the rest of the trip* e+pe)ting someone to 6ump out of the trees* but faster than 'd ha#e belie#ed possible* the wrought iron gates 'd noti)ed on our trip out last night were swinging open* and we were turning off onto %le)'s asphalt lane, % distinguished.looking gentleman in his fifties was waiting for us as we s)ree)hed to a stop, &is slightly disappro#ing frown hinted at de)ades of pra)ti)e letting his 'bosses' know when they'd 6ust )rossed some kind of line* all the while ne#er )rossing any himself,

The shape shifters all e+ited the )ar* most before it had e#en stopped mo#ing* and then =essi)a and Domini) both appeared as made my )omparati#ely slow way out of the #ehi)le, 8,,,e#eryone's okay, was somewhat worried about taking so mu)h of our strength away, 'm glad it worked out,8 %le) turned towards the older man as made my hesitant way o#er to the group, 8Dono#an* this is the young lady we hosted last night, %dri* this is Dono#an,8 !eeling e#en more awkward than normal* stu)k out my hand* only to feel my eyes widen as he gra)efully took my hand in his own* and bent down to brush his lips a)ross it, 8My sin)ere apologies that we weren't better hosts, (lease let me know if there is anything you need to make your stay here more )omfortable,8 stammered out a thanks as Dono#an released my hand, The rest of %le)'s friends were already disappearing* saa) and =essi)a around ba)k towards the garden* while =ames and Domini) were already inside his )ar* and ba)king down the lane, %le) took my hand as Dono#an opened the front door for us, &e walked with a definite limp* one that was all the more painful when )ontrasted against his otherwise gra)eful mo#ements, looked 0uestioningly at %le)* but he shook his head* so stayed 0uiet as he led me into the house, "a)hel was waiting for us in a lu+uriously.furnished sitting room, 8Mother's been asking for you* %le), told her you'd be ba)k soon* but she's worried,8 8 suppose this is a good opportunity to introdu)e %driana,8 !or the first time sin)e 'd found out about %le)'s se)ret* "a)hel was looking un)ertain, She was suddenly the old "a)hel knew from s)hool instead of the )onfident young woman who'd helped fa)e down three terrifying shape shifters intent on sending me ba)k to Brandon, 8%re you sure* %le): )ould go help her get settled into the Lila) "oom,8 %le)'s smile was gentle, t reminded me of how Mom looked when offered to take )are of some espe)ially undesirable duty she'd been pro)rastinating, 85o* Mother's still the mistress of this house, 7e'#e waited too long as it is, f we don't take )are of it now it may be another week or two before we ha#e a )han)e* and Dono#an will be se#erely disappointed in both of us,8

They were both smiling now* as if at some shared 6oke* but that didn't help defuse the sudden feeling of ner#ousness sweeping through me, "a)hel followed us down a series of )orridors* and then waited as %le) kno)ked on a plain* oak door, % half.se)ond passed* and then responding to something too faint for me to hear* %le) gently opened the door, % slightly tilted eyebrow seemed to ask "a)hel if she wanted to )ome inside* but she shook her head* now with the slightest of 0ui#ers to her )hin, 7hate#er was e+pe)ting from %le) and "a)hel's rea)tions* didn't get it, The airy* sunlit room we walked into was almost like being outside, There were a number of plants s)attered about the spa)e* some resting on the floor* others on a #ariety of slender stands, The effe)t was ethereal, t was hard to imagine that any of the spun.metal stands )ould support anything more substantial than a bo+ of >leene+, t wasn't until we were further inside that reali'ed there was an entire al)o#e off to one side* almost )ompletely dominated by a bla)k grand piano, The piano was so breathtaking it was se#eral se)onds before reali'ed there was someone sitting at it, 8%le), 'm so glad you're safe, "a)hel was going on and on about some kind of problem with the pa)k, She's so e+)itable, told her e#erything would be fine* but she worries so, 9our dad was the same way, %lways going on and on about some )risis or another* but nothing e#er really materiali'ed,8 %le)'s mom was tiny, t was easy to see where "a)hel got her slight frame from* but there was more than 6ust geneti)s at work, 'd ne#er seen someone with so little e+tra flesh on their bones* at least not outside a hospital, t seemed she should be wearing a hospital gown instead of the white* flower.print summer dress was almost sure )ost more than my whole wardrobe, 87e're e+perien)ing a time of more than usual diffi)ulty* Mother* but that isn't why '#e )ome by, wanted to present my friend %driana to you, She'll be staying with us for the ne+t few weeks,8 got a distra)ted smile, 8That's ni)e* dear, 9ou remind me so mu)h of your father, So serious and worried all the time, 4h* how miss him,8 %le) let his mother take both of his hands in hers, 8 know you do* Mother, "a)hel and miss him too,8 %le)'s mom tossed her head, 89ou barely remember him, "a)hel's a good girl* but she was so young when he died, She )an't really miss him, 5ot like miss him,8 !or a se)ond thought he was going to argue with her, &is tired smile had the feel of resignation* of something that'd been well argued o#er the years,

87ill you play something for us* Mother: %driana hasn't had the pleasure of listening to your songs,8 'd rarely seen anyone )hange moods so 0ui)kly, 85o, 9ou know it isn't ready, 'll tell you when '#e perfe)ted it, 9es* you )an bring "a)hel* but )an't let anyone listen to it before it's ready,8 %le) bowed his head in a)0uies)en)e* grasping my hand as he turned to lea#e, &is mother grabbed his arm before he )ould )omplete the motion, &e halted instantly* despite there being no way she was strong enough to stop him, doubted she had enough grip strength to slow e#en me down, 8Don't be angry with me* %le), 9ou're all ha#e left,8 8 'm not angry* Mother* but you're wrong, 9ou ha#e mu)h more left than 6ust me,8 She shook her head with a youthful smile, 8Su)h a good boy,8 "a)hel* tears )oursing down her fa)e* stormed off as %le) pulled his mother's door shut behind us, started to follow her* but %le) re)aptured my hand in his, 8She 6ust needs a little time, Dono#an will alert =asmin,8 My surprise must ha#e bled through to my fa)e, %le)'s smile had a tinge of sadness to it as he led me away, 8There's still a lot you don't know about all of the others, There's mu)h )ould tell you about =asmin* but it isn't my story to share, Suffi)e it to say only Domini) has a greater )apa)ity for empathy,8 wanted to ask what %le) meant* but it was more and more ob#ious he wasn't going to answer anything he didn't want to, 7e walked in )omfortable silen)e for se#eral minutes before turning off into what )ould only assume was the Lila) "oom, Dono#an looked up as we entered the suite, 8 trust your mother was well* sir:8 %le) nodded* a short )hoppy motion that elo0uently )on#eyed his desire not to dis)uss the matter, &e turned towards me* only to break off as a )ell phone rang, 8 t's for you* probably your mom, (retend you're home* 'll e+plain on)e you're finished,8 almost dropped the phone* and probably wouldn't ha#e managed to figure out how to answer the )all in time if he hadn't rea)hed o#er and pushed the green button for me, 8&ello:8

8%dri* honey* are you sure this is a good idea: ha#en't gotten on the )harter plane yet* there's still time to )all this off if you're uneasy about being alone for so long,8 The last pla)e wanted her right now was home though* so it was easier than normal to lie, 8Mom* this is the )han)e of a lifetime, Don't worry about me* 'll be fine,8 There was a long pause as her dreams warred with normal maternal instin)ts, )ould hear a plane start up in the ba)kground by the time she finally responded, 84kay* honey, f you're sure* then we'll do it* but if anything )omes up 6ust )all me, 'll keep my )ell phone with me all the time* and made them promise to fly me ba)k no 0uestions asked if it be)ame ne)essary,8 stifled a laugh at the idea of Mom making a twel#e.hour flight ba)k to the -S be)ause stubbed my toe* and instead tried to inter6e)t e#en more sin)erity into my #oi)e, 8 'll be fine* Mom, e#en promise to stay out of trouble, &a#e a safe flight,8 stared at the )ell phone for se#eral se)onds before looking up at %le)* who was 6ust putting a )ell phone that )ould ha#e been the twin to the one was holding away, 89ou redire)ted our )alls:8 8/orre)t, That's what saa) was doing in the kit)hen after your mom left, thought it might )ome to this* so had him bring along some of his toys, 9ou'll want to )hange the message sometime tonight* so you )an let it roll to the #oi)e mail if she )alls while you're at s)hool,8 89ou really do think of e#erything* don't you:8 &is smile was surprisingly bashful, 8 don't think you )an go that far* but try to anti)ipate most e#entualities,8 The smile disappeared* and his fa)e seemed to put on additional years, 8!or most of my life* there's been 0uite a bit riding on my ability to do so,8 Seeking to break the tension* pointed to his phone, 89ou got a )all too:8 89es, 'm afraid something has )ome up, 7ill you be okay here for a few hours:8 5ormal human response was to make a little white lie* but got the feeling wouldn't be able to get away with lying to %le), 8 rather suspe)t whate#er ')ame up' is important enough 'll 6ust ha#e to be okay,8

&e flin)hed a little* like maybe my aim had been a little too true, &e looked for a moment like he was going to say something* but then his phone started #ibrating again* and he simply nodded as he turned and walked away* mo#ing mu)h faster by himself than he did when was with him, %s stared at the empty spa)e where he'd been standing 6ust a se)ond before* felt my )hest start to )onstri)t* and my breathing speed up, The sense of terror ra)ing along my synapses was )ompletely irrational* and e+traordinarily powerful, =ust as the room began to spin )ra'ily around me* felt a gentle tou)h on my shoulder, 8Mistress (aige* is there anything )an get you: Something to eat perhaps: 4r if you'd rather* )an show you to the theater,8 )hopped off a hysteri)al burst of laughter 6ust before it managed to emerge full for)e and totally embarrass me, 4f )ourse %le) had a theater in his house, (robably a pool and a gym too, %long with a half.do'en other amenities 'd ne#er think of* but that the ultra. ri)h simply )ouldn't do without, pulled my errati)* pointless thoughts ba)k into a )ompa)t* nearly sensible ball* and shook my head as did my best to gi#e him a genuine smile, 85o thanks, probably won't be hungry for se#eral hours still, s there a library in the house perhaps:8 Dono#an's smile had a surprising tou)h of mis)hief to it, 8%)tually* you )ould say that we ha#e two, n a manner of speaking,8 felt a more genuine smile working its way a)ross my fa)e, 8/ould we go to one of them: really should be doing my homework* but 'd mu)h rather 6ust )url up with a good book,8 Dono#an pi)ked up the )ell phone that * unsure whether or not it was really mine* had left on the bed* and handed it to me, 8 belie#e you'll want to keep this with you at all times, 4therwise it won't be able to fulfill its assigned purpose, %nd yes* we )an most definitely go to one of the libraries, n fa)t* belie#e you'll find the smaller one 0uite satisfa)tory, t has a )opy of e#ery te+tbook )urrently in use at your high s)hool* in )ase you re)onsider,8 There were more turns than had any hope of e#er remembering* but e#entually we made it to a familiar.looking door, %t a nod from Dono#an pushed it open* and then as the furnishings registered* turned ba)k around, 8This is %le)'s room, )ouldn't possibly,,,8 Dono#an shook his head, 89oung Mr, $ra#es instru)ted that you were to ha#e e#ery )on#enien)e, 'm sure that in)luded a))ess to what we all 6okingly )all the se)ond library, Besides* this is where you'll find the )opies of all your te+tbooks,8 t must ha#e been ob#ious wasn't )on#in)ed* but Dono#an wasn't dissuaded, &e pointed to the )ell phone* still grasped un)omfortably in my hand, 8 n the e#ent that you need

something* it is likely you )an 6ust say my name and 'll hear you, f not* that wonderfully infernal de#i)e is* belie#e* programmed to )all me if you hold down the number nine, am of )ourse )ompletely at your ser#i)e,8 opened my mouth to protest* but mo#ing mu)h too 0ui)kly* e#en with his painful. looking limp* to be a normal human* he'd already #anished around the )orner, stood awkwardly in the doorway for se#eral minutes* but )ouldn't resist the draw of all those books fore#er, finally broke down and started tra)ing #arious spines as de)ided whi)h one 'd start with, -nfortunately found the te+tbooks before made a final de)ision* and then guilt o#er how poorly was doing in Biology and Spanish won out, was halfway through my se)ond re.read of my Biology )hapter when heard a 0uiet kno)k at the door, "a)hel giggled a little at my guilty start, 8Don't worry3 it's 6ust fine that you're here, ran into Dono#an and he told me where to find you, 6ust wanted to apologi'e for earlier,8 shook my head #iolently, 85o* you don't ha#e anything to be sorry about, t,,,well* it was all so horrid, )an't imagine how hard it must be for you,8 "a)hel stopped me before )ould say anything else, 8 t's pretty rough* but not for the reasons you think, Mom isn't entirely healthy, &asn't been sin)e our father was killed, t isn't really her fault she beha#es the way she does, 7hen we humans get in#ol#ed with shape shifters sometimes we pay a pretty serious pri)e,8 t took me se#eral se)onds to understand why "a)hel's words seemed so odd, E#er sin)e learning %le)'s se)ret 'd assumed e#eryone here was a shape shifter, 4nly hadn't e#er felt the underlying hint of power and energy from her that 'd )ome to asso)iate with %le) and the others, 87ait* you're not a shape shifter: &ow is that possible:8 "a)hel's e+pression as she tried to understand my 0uestion was so surprised it a)tually managed to lighten the mood, 84h* forget sometimes how mu)h you don't know, 'm normal* and Mom's normal* but e#eryone else is a shape shifter, &uman.shape shifter marriages almost ne#er happen* but when they do the kids )an go either way, %le) be)ame a shape shifter* and 'm 6ust a run. of.the.mill girl without e#en a single superpower,8 7e sat in silen)e for se#eral se)onds as tried to pro)ess how that new pie)e of information fit in with e#erything else already knew, The ob#ious* if somewhat selfish* impli)ation was that maybe it really was possible for someone like %le) to want to be with someone like me, There were plenty of other things to think about though, 87ow* is that hard: mean li#ing with people who )an do all those things:8

"a)hel's shrug was surprisingly sin)ere, 8 t was a bit at first* espe)ially right after %le) first started manifesting, 4kay* maybe was )ra'y 6ealous then* and again a )ouple of years later when it be)ame apparent wasn't going to manifest anything* but got o#er it,8 My raised eyebrow was )ompletely in#oluntary* and apparently more elo0uent than 'd reali'ed, %t least it earned me another laugh, 8 t wasn't like it was easy or anything* but Dono#an ga#e me some good ad#i)e when things were the worst, don't remember his e+a)t words* but essentially it )ame down to the fa)t that there'll always be people who're better than me at something, E#en gaining super powers wouldn't )hange that, 7hat's important is that do the best )an with what '#e been gi#en, %s )ra'y as it sounds* %le)'s pa)k needs me,8 mentally rea)hed around for something similar and then finally nodded, 8 guess )an understand that, My mom would ha#e a hard time fun)tioning without me* so try to do the best )an at taking )are of her,8 "a)hel's smile lit the room up, 8That's it e+a)tly, %nyways* mostly 6ust wanted to stop by and see if us girls )an take you shopping tomorrow,8 The non se0uitur really threw me for a loop, 8 left my money at home, 'm not mu)h of a shopper anyways,8 That last part sounded pretty weak e#en to me, 8Don't be silly, %le) hustled you out of your house so 0ui)kly you didn't get to bring anything but the )lothes on your ba)k, =asmin's )lothes will fit you pretty well* but that's only a short.term solution, 7e need to get you stuff to wear* and sin)e it was %le) who )reated this mess* it's only fair he be the one to pay,8 was absolutely sure there was no way was e#er going to fit into anything =asmin owned* but girls being girls* there was no point in protesting, "egardless of the truth* "a)hel would be obliged to say was 6ust as skinny as =asmin, 8 don't think %le) e+a)tly got me into all of this, t was more like my own stupidity that landed me in this parti)ular bat)h of trouble,8 8(lease* as if any girl who didn't know what a 6erk Brandon was would'#e done anything different, &e's gorgeous, t isn't until you reali'e 6ust how hollow he is that anyone has a )han)e of resisting him,8 There wasn't really any response to that, 8So* what's going to happen now: mean with Brandon's pa)k: E#eryone seemed really worried last night,8 8 'm not sure, 5ot really, t won't be straightforward3 nothing in#ol#ing Brandon e#er is, &is pa)k is bigger* but we'#e always had the laws on our side before this,,,8 "a)hel broke

off as my eyes got bigger, 8Sorry* that's tou)hing on some of the things 'm not supposed to tell you,8 shrugged* pretending indifferen)e, 8&ow soon will we know if it's really bad or 6ust a little bad:8 8 don't know, Things were already pretty tense, That's probably where %le) is right now a)tually, Brandon's people are always skirting around the edge of our territory* but tonight they'll be out in greater numbers than normal, f things don't boil o#er now* it's pretty mu)h guaranteed that there will be some kind of )onfrontation Monday at s)hool,8 The word confrontation rea)hed out and grabbed me, t took a se)ond before reali'ed it was dragging up memories of the near.fight between %le) and half his pa)k, 87hat happened last night,,,it was for real* wasn't it:8 "a)hel didn't ask what meant3 she didn't e#en bat an eye, 8 'm afraid so, Don't hate the others too mu)h, Sometimes when you're that s)ared it's hard to keep things in perspe)ti#e, 5ow that they'#e )almed down a little nobody would really trade you to Brandon on the tiny )han)e it might smooth things o#er, 5ot when we'll e#entually end up in e+a)tly the same spot,8 8 t felt kind of like a game of )apture the flag* with me as the flag,8 t wasn't the most flattering )omparison e#er in#ented* but at least it allowed me to try and )on#in)e myself 'd imagined the near.#iolen)e, "a)hel's laugh was short and bitter, 8That would be 0uite the understatement, '#e known all fi#e of them for 0uite a while, Most of them my whole life, E#en so* don't really know what it's like to be a shape shifter, Most of the time it 6ust means they're faster and stronger than me, That they )an heal from things that would kill me almost instantly, Sometimes though* the other side of their nature shows through,8 felt my heart speed up as "a)hel met my eyes with more gra#ity e#en than normal, 8They aren't always )ompletely in )ontrol* %dri, They try* and some of them are really good, %le) is probably the most )ontrolled person '#e e#er met* and saa) is so dis)iplined he's almost immune to the power plays, E#en so* sometimes it's like they operate on a shorter fuse than the rest of us,8 My throat was so dry it took me two attempts to )lear it, 8/ould %le) ha#e won:8 The 0uestion stu)k in my throat* relu)tant to )ome out, t felt disloyal to %le) but had to know, 8 don't know, ndi#idually %le) )ould take any of them, There's a reason he's dominant to all of the rest of them, =ames is a hybrid too, &e isn't e#en se)ond in the pa)k be)ause saa) is a better fighter than him* but he makes for a strong third, =asmin is essentially fourth* although sometimes she gets away with bossing =ames and e#en saa) around, %pparently she's a lot tougher than a normal wolf should be* and she's 6ust )ra'y enough

to fight to the death o#er something that the other two don't think is really all that important, =essi)a is pretty mu)h the most submissi#e* not by temperament* but be)ause she's the weakest fighter we'#e got,8 felt my eyes go wide at all the new terms* but kept my mouth shut be)ause was worried "a)hel would )lam up if started asking 0uestions, 8 'm pretty sure %le) )ould take two of them* but not all three, They knew that* whi)h was part of the reason they were pushing so hard,8 felt shi#ers )rawl up my spine* but what )ould someone say after something like that: "a)hel rea)hed o#er and ga#e me a hug, 8Try not to think about it too mu)h, =ust remember that %le)'s dominant to e#eryone here* and he'd die for either of us without e#en a heartbeat's worth of hesitation,8 %fter "a)hel left spent the ne+t hour trying to get )omfortable in %le)'s desk )hair, t was likely the dis)omfort was more due to the sub6e)t matter than the )hair* but 6ust )ouldn't get )omfortable, finally mo#ed my books o#er to the bed and sprawled out on it, Spanish* Math* &istory* Biology* English, The sub6e)ts all blurred together as the hours passed by in a blur of a)ademi) e+haustion, wanted to go to sleep long before dark* but )ouldn't 6ustify it* so 6ust kept grinding along, 'd long ago learned that )hanging sub6e)ts and studying something new was almost as good as a break* so swapped out books on a regular basis* and perse#ered despite in)reasingly.fre0uent head bobs, The atta)k )ame as a )omplete surprise, 4ne moment was 0uietly studying* an instant later hordes of shape shifters were pouring into the mansion, Most of them looked 6ust like Simon and 5athanial* pony.si'ed wol#es mo#ing with blinding speed as they tore through doors and ra)ed down halls, Brandon )ame in immediately behind the first bat)h of wol#es, There was no way )ould'#e known that the gray monster who )asually sli)ed through walls and two.by. fours with his wi)kedly )ur#ed )laws was Brandon* but was somehow )ertain, &e was built 6ust like %le) had been !riday night* only so mu)h bigger that he had to )rou)h forward to a#oid hitting his head on the unusually high )eilings, Dono#an fa)ed off against one of the first wol#es* but it was ob#ious he was no mat)h for the gra)e and power of his opponent, The gentle* aging butler was kno)ked to the ground between one heartbeat and the ne+t, was mer)ifully spared from seeing the wre)kage left when Brandon's wol#es mo#ed on* but there was no doubt in my mind that Dono#an was dead, S)reams* distant enough that they had to be )oming from the other wing of the house* rea)hed out and pier)ed my heart, There wasn't any way to be sure whether or not it was

"a)hel or her mother* but ultimately it didn't really matter, Brandon was going to kill all of us, %nother door )a#ed in under a blow from Brandon's fist* and suddenly reali'ed that he was now standing in the Lila) "oom, 8Spread out and find her,8 The words were nearly unintelligible* )oming as they did from a throat that shared little in )ommon with &omo sapiens* but the #enom behind them was unmistakable, fled the bed where 'd been studying* and hid in %le)'s studio* but )ould hear them getting )loser* the dissident melody of growls* howls* and destru)tion growing stronger as they rampaged through the house, Terror stret)hed time out* but e#en so it felt as though only se)onds had passed before felt Brandon enter %le)'s suite, )rou)hed fro'en on the floor as my death )rept e#er )loser, %s Brandon )rashed through the studio's far wall in an e+plosion of plaster and lumber* tried to shield my eyes* only to find that )ouldn't mo#e, The in)ongruity of being restrained when )ouldn't see anything )onstraining my mo#ements was enough to finally snap me ba)k to wakefulness* but it was still se#eral se)onds before stopped thrashing and reali'ed it'd 6ust been an e+traordinarily terrifying nightmare, %s soon as stopped mo#ing* the iron band around my arms rela+ed and slipped away, 8%re you okay: 'm sorry about that* was afraid you were going to hurt yourself,8 %le)'s e#en tones )aressed me like a )alming bree'e, finally oriented myself enough to reali'e that the warm* solid surfa)e my ba)k was resting against wasn't a wall, 8 'm sorry, t was a nightmare,8 My #oi)e )ame out raw and s)rat)hy* like 'd been talking for hours* or possibly 6ust s)reaming for the last minute or so, wanted to tell him about what had happened* but now that was awake my fears felt foolish, tried to distra)t myself by looking around* and then felt my fa)e heat up as reali'ed 'd fallen asleep in %le)'s room, 8 'm so sorry* %le), Dono#an and "a)hel told me you had )opies of our te+tbooks in here, was studying and must ha#e fallen asleep, (lease don't think,,,8 felt tears start to gather at the )orner of my eyes* but there wasn't any way to tell whether they were attributable to simple terror* a)ute embarrassment* or a )ombination of the two, %le)'s arm was ba)k* and he gently hugged me against his )hest, 8 t was all 6ust a dream* and you don't ha#e anything to be sorry about, don't mind you being here, 'm sorry had to lea#e you alone for so long* it was ine+)usable,8 wanted to say something* wanted to tell %le) he didn't need to worry about me* that 'd spent enough time by myself lately to be happy with my own )ompany* but the words

wouldn't )ome out, The sheer pleasure at ha#ing him hold me so )lose was like a drug, )ould feel the pleasant* tingly sensation 'd started asso)iating with his tou)h* and it was like the best full.body massage* tied up with )ho)olate and reading a )lassi), -naware of my mild state of euphoria* %le) )ontinued on, 8%)tually* owe you another apology, 7hen returned and found you here meant to )arry you to your room, was only going to sit down for a se)ond* but apparently was more e+hausted than reali'ed, hope you don't think my a)tions are inappropriate,8 managed to slowly shake my head no* despite my lassitude, %le) waited se#eral se)onds* and then sighed, 87ell* suppose 'd better get you off to bed,8 The words initially didn't mean anything to me, heard them* but my mind refused to assign meanings to the sounds, t wasn't until he'd mo#ed his arm and rolled out of bed with his )hara)teristi) speed and gra)e that finally reali'ed he meant to take me to the Lila) "oom and then return here to sleep, suddenly had a hard time breathing, The idea of lying alone in the dark* in the #ery room 'd 6ust seen Brandon demolish* sent my heart into an errati) rhythm, f there'd been an EMT present they'd ha#e already been )harging up the defibrillator, %le) turned around while was still trying to get my throat to work again, 89ou stopped breathing, 7hat's wrong:8 The tears his tou)h had dried up a few se)onds before were ba)k* and 6ust se)onds away from es)aping the )orners of my eyes by the time finally pulled myself up onto my knees and managed to speak, 8(lease don't send me there, 5ot after my dream,8 There was 6ust enough moonlight tri)kling into the room for me to see his e+pression )hange, My stoma)h seemed to rea)h up and wrap itself around my heart as reali'ed it was the e+pression he used when it was important to him that people not know what he was thinking, 8 'm not sure that's the best idea,8 The tears finally made their es)ape as )rumpled ba)k onto the bed, 89ou're right, 'm so sorry to be su)h a bother,8 The words were broken by gasping sobs* but they were understandable* if only 6ust barely, %le)'s hand on my shoulder 6ust made me try to roll away, didn't want his pity, 5ot after e#erything else he'd already done for me, $uilting him into helping me more 6ust felt wrong,

&e )aptured me in his iron grip* stopping me from getting up and running away, 8%driana (aige* it isn't that don't want to be with you, want it more than anything else right now, That's why 'm not sure it's su)h a good idea,8 &is fa)e had somehow gotten so )lose to mine that )ould see his eyes* and they were dead serious, 'd ne#er noti)ed how )lear his eyes were, They were the purest blue 'd e#er seen* and looking into them was like trying to plumb the depths of a bottomless spring, )ould see further into him than e#er )ould with Brandon* and there wasn't any de)eption there, nodded* and then buried my fa)e against his )hest as )ried myself out, t was se#eral minutes before was able to speak again, 89ou're so ready to send me away it's hard to belie#e sometimes that you really want me here,8 %le) stroked the side of my fa)e* ending by tu)king a strand of hair ba)k in pla)e behind my ear, 8 really want nothing as badly as want you here, f were to be )ompletely selfish 'd ne#er ha#e e#en made the offer* but that wouldn't ha#e been fair to you,8 snuggled )loser to him, 87ell* 6ust want to log my #ote for you to be more selfish,8 %le)'s dry )hu)kle hinted at old hurts, 8%))ording to my father* we shape shifters were )reated spe)ifi)ally for the purpose of not being selfish* of wat)hing out for the dayborn e#en at the e+pense of our own desires,8 89ou miss your dad, )an tell it in your #oi)e,8 &is shrug would'#e been imper)eptible e+)ept for the fa)t his arms were still wrapped around me, 8 do, don't really remember him* but '#e read through his 6ournals do'ens of times, t seems )ra'y to miss what you ne#er knew* but there are days when really wish he were still around to gi#e me ad#i)e, think that's what missed the most, That and his stories,8 smiled, 8That sounds ni)e, 7e ne#er got stories at my house, Dad played with us plenty* but bedtime was bedtime,8 8Dono#an said Dad used to tell me stories e#ery night, %fter Dad died Dono#an took o#er telling them to both "a)hel and me, t wasn't until after grew up that found out they were legends about where we )ame from, That we weren't normal like e#eryone else,8 8Like the,,,dayborn: 7hat did you mean earlier:8 %le) was 0uiet for so long that thought maybe he wasn't going to answer, 8That tou)hes on the things you shouldn't know,8

8(lease, t will help me go to sleep, need something else to think about,8 t was a bit of a white lie, %s soon as he'd tou)hed me e#erything else )eased to matter, 84n)e upon a time the Sun and the Earth lo#ed ea)h other, So mu)h so that the Sun sent her )hildren down to li#e upon the Earth's fa)e,8 was rela+ing so 0ui)kly that wasn't sure how mu)h longer would be able to stay awake* but his story was already different than any other 'd heard* and resol#ed wasn't going to miss any of it, %s long as he was willing to talk was going to fight off sleep, 8Something happened though to break the bonds between the Sun and the Earth, Some say the Earth insulted the Sun* who is in)redibly #ain, 4thers belie#e the Sun's )hildren marred the fa)e of the Earth* and that when she refused to dis)ipline her wayward family* the Earth swore in his wrath to destroy them,8 %le) ad6usted his pillow and )ontinued, 87hate#er the )ause* it's )ommonly held that this was the point at whi)h the Earth )eased to be a paradise, Bountiful gardens were repla)ed by weeds and thorns, &urt and betrayed* the Sun distan)ed herself from the Earth* lessening the number of life.gi#ing rays warming his surfa)e, (ossibly that was his plan, f she'd totally abandoned him then her )hildren would'#e all died,8 felt my eyelids begin to flutter* as my breathing slowed to mat)h %le)'s, 87hether that was his intent or not* the Sun didn't )ompletely abandon him* either out of respe)t for what they'd shared* or possibly out of )on)ern for her )hildren, 4n)e it be)ame apparent that the Earth and Sun were through with ea)h other* the Moon began to )ourt her, Doomed to tou)h only briefly during the rare solar e)lipses* they ne#ertheless be)ame belo#ed* one to the other, The greatest sign of the Moon's de#otion to the Sun )ame about when he sent his )hildren down to the Earth to wat)h o#er and prote)t the sunborn* or dayborn as they are most often )alled,8 %le)'s pause was long enough that think nodded off* but the sound of his #oi)e on)e he resumed talking pulled me ba)k awake, 84riginally there were 6ust two of the moonborn* a pair of brothers )alled %d6am and no)k, -nbeknown to the Moon* the Earth had anti)ipated his great gesture of lo#e* and sent forth a plague upon the land, %s %d6am* the elder of the brothers* des)ended from the hea#ens and tou)hed down upon the Earth* he )ollapsed to the ground in pain, Despite his agony as the #ery bones of his body rearranged themsel#es* he managed to )all out a warning to no)k* to flee ba)k to the Moon, The lo#e of no)k for %d6am was so great that he rushed to his brother's side* where he too fell #i)tim to the Earth's plague,8 wanted so #ery badly to remain awake* but wrapped )omfortably in the warmth of %le)'s arms* )ouldn't fight off e+haustion any longer* and felt myself drift off into

dreams of two brothers who sur#i#ed the plague* rising from the ground after se#en days* one a wolf* the other a 6aguar,

Chapter 24
'd been awake for se#eral minutes before finally remembered where was, rolled o#er* opened my eyes* groaning when saw that the other side of the bed was empty, 7ho knew what %le) thought, &e'd ob#iously fled his own room to a#oid talking to me when finally woke up, Dono#an's gentle kno)k and appearan)e at the door pulled me up short before )ould really get going on the self.loathing, 8$ood morning Mistress (aige* hope you slept well,8 &e limped into the room with his odd* somehow gra)eful lur)h* and then set down a tray filled with eggs* !ren)h toast* orange 6ui)e and e#erything else you'd e+pe)t if you were to go to &4( and order their 'e#erything but the kit)hen sink' spe)ial, 7hile was still trying to )atalog e#erything on the tray* Dono#an laid out a full set of )lothes* e#erything either in unopened manufa)turer's plasti) bags* or with pri)e tags still atta)hed, 8Mistress "a)hel thought you might desire a )hange of )lothes seeing as how Master %le) )arried you off without pro#iding proper time for you to pa)k your things, pray though that you not think too harshly of him, t was he who prepared your breakfast, % small a)t of atonement* but still a start nonetheless,8 t was all so surprising that it took me a moment to find my #oi)e, 8Thank you* Dono#an, &a#e slept in too long:8 % gentle smile met my in0uiry, 8Those of us who don't re0uire normal amounts of sleep ha#e all been up for 0uite some time* with the e+)eption of Master %le)* who remained abed for an un)hara)teristi) length of time* but the rest of the house is 6ust now waking, n fa)t rather suspe)t you ha#e 6ust enough time to shower and eat before Mistress "a)hel will be pounding on the door* as it were* in e+)itement for your up)oming trip into town,8 % groan es)aped me despite my best efforts, Dono#an was too polite to ask outright* but had to respond to his raised eyebrow or he might think didn't want to talk to "a)hel, 8 'm sorry* Dono#an* it's 6ust that really hate shopping,8 8%h* yes, Might suggest that possibly is due to the fa)t you'#e ne#er pursued the a)ti#ity in the right )ompany:8 @@

"ight )ompany indeed, 'd e+pe)ted it would 6ust be "a)hel and * and that we'd make a 0ui)k run in to San)tuary* whi)h seemed silly seeing as how my house was 6ust as )lose as town was, was wrong on both a))ounts, The co%pany* as Dono#an had dubbed it* also in)luded Domini) and =asmin, Domini) had smiled shyly in my dire)tion as we'd )limbed into an ostentatious bla)k Mer)edes, =asmin 6ust looked like she'd rather be anywhere than on babysitting duty, "a)hel had e+plained that %le) didn't want us deli)ate* fragile girls tra#eling alone* so he'd assigned us bodyguards* who happened to also be female and deli)ate.looking* but who weren't nearly as fragile, %lso* it turned out we weren't going to San)tuary* or St, $eorge* or e#en anywhere in -tah* a fa)t didn't reali'e until we'd been on the road for twenty minutes, 84h* %dri* don't be silly, 9ou )an't do real shopping in San)tuary, Besides* %le) wouldn't ha#e let the four of us go alone if we'd been planning on staying so )lose to Brandon's territory, <egas was definitely the best option gi#en the time restri)tions we're under,8 'd settled in for a long trip* only to reali'e as we )rossed the state line that =asmin was positi#ely shattering the speed limit, managed to limit myself to a single gulp* when saw 6ust how fast she was going* but e#eryone else was so rela+ed that finally managed to un)len)h my fists and 6oin ba)k in the )on#ersation, t helped that the Mer)edes was so smooth* and that knew =asmin had refle+es and rea)tion time that would'#e made any ndy ra)er insanely 6ealous, %pparently there wasn't a single )op on duty* be)ause we made it into downtown <egas in what was sure was re)ord time, t had to be, =asmin hadn't dropped below triple digits until we were less then fifteen minutes from e+iting the interstate, t wasn't until we hit the first store that started to get an idea of what Dono#an had been hinting at, The shyness "a)hel normally e+hibited at s)hool was repla)ed by supreme )onfiden)e the moment we )rossed the threshold of the first store, %rmani* <ersa)e* (rada* we )ondu)ted a tour de for)e of them all along with others whose names didn't e#en re)ogni'e, The shopping trip was ostensibly for me* but "a)hel )a6oled both =asmin and Domini) into dressing rooms on more than one o))asion, %ma'ingly enough* e#erything she pi)ked out for them fit so perfe)tly that began to agree with them that there wasn't mu)h point in e#en trying anything on, The first store we stopped at didn't take us seriously until "a)hel pulled out a bla)k %meri)an E+press* after whi)h e#ery sales person in the entire pla)e lined up to assist us, 4n)e we ea)h sported a bag or two from some ridi)ulously o#er.pri)ed store* things went mu)h more smoothly, tried on a #ariety of 6eans* blouses* shirts* skirts* dresses* and 6ust

about e#ery other arti)le of )lothing imaginable, drew the line at a swimsuit* sin)e there was no way on earth 'd e#er wear one* and then felt so bad at how )rushed "a)hel was that let her drag me into a store full of formals, t was a mistake be)ause soon found myself being 'ipped into a deli)ate* green dress that was absolutely positi#e wasn't going to sur#i#e the e+perien)e of trying to wrap itself around me, 84h* it's perfe)t* %dri, 7e ha#e to get it,8 a#oided looking at the mirror, t seemed like a )rime to defile su)h a pretty dress* and wanted to remember it like it had looked on the hanger* all shimmery and wispy, did risk a look down at the pri)e tag, My heart a)tually skipped a beat, That was more than some people spent on their first )ar, 8"a)hel* you'#e already bought me way too mu)h, )an't let you get this, 5ot only will ne#er wear it* you )ould pra)ti)ally feed small )ountries with what you'd ha#e to pay for all this,8 She started to pout* but 'd already been taken by that ta)ti) on)e today* and )a#ing in had 6ust landed me in deeper trouble, 8 'm serious* "a)hel3 we are not walking out of the store with this dress, 9ou )an throw a temper tantrum if you want* but 'm not gi#ing in,8 "a)hel glared at me for se#eral se)onds* and then suddenly smiled, 84kay* %dri, mean was 6ust trying to do something ni)e for you* but if you're going to be like that* we'll lea#e it here,8 &er grin didn't engender trust* but when opened my mouth to )all her on it* she forestalled me with an upraised hand, 8 swear, 7e'll go home and lea#e the dress here,8 The pout )ame ba)k out for a moment, 8But* if you're not going to let me buy this for you* 'm going to need to )ompensate by buying something for =asmin,8 "a)hel floun)ed off* followed by a frowning =asmin* lea#ing Domini) to help me out of the strait6a)ket was )urrently using as a dress,

Chapter 25
slowly stret)hed* and then turned o#er and smiled when found %le) lying on top of the )o#ers, 8$ood morning* beautiful,8 %s always* his #oi)e sent shi#ers down my spine, By the time we'd arri#ed home* it was ridi)ulously late* and 'd barely managed to stay awake long enough to bolt down a little dinner after Dono#an had helped us unload our haul, 'd then done the single most gutsy thing of my entire e+isten)e, 'd 0uietly followed %le) ba)k to his room and then asked if )ould sleep there again,

&e'd gi#en me another of those long looks that seemed to say he thought it was a bad idea* but that he )ouldn't bring himself to deny my re0uest, 5ot with e#erything else he )ouldn't do for me, 8(lease* must look horrid, f you'd known )ould look this bad* you'd ne#er ha#e bothered sa#ing me from Simon and 5athanial,8 %le) )o)ked his head to the side* as if trying to de)ide how to respond to my half.serious 6est, 8%)tually was )ompletely serious, 9ou are beautiful,8 waited for the ine#itable 6oke* or ba)khanded )ompliment to follow* but he seemed happy to 6ust stop there, !or on)e in my life managed to be smart and do the same, 8So what's the agenda for today:8 %le) stret)hed and then shrugged, 8S)hool* 6ust like e#ery Monday,8 My groan brought a smile to his fa)e, 8 )an ship pesky parents out of the )ountry* but if you start a wholesale program of )utting )lass your mom will find out when she gets ba)k,8 8So 6ust go about my day like normal* pretending like don't know Brandon's a psy)hopath who 6ust happens to be able to )hange shapes at will and rip big holes in bri)k walls:8 finally rolled out of bed* and started pi)king through the pile of bags from our shopping trip* hoping to find something that wouldn't make it look like 'd 6ust won the lottery or robbed a bank, 85ow you know how "a)hel feels, 'm afraid that with only a )ouple of differen)es* it'll be business as usual,8 finally settled on a white button.up* and headed to the bathroom so )ould )hange, 8So are you going to tell me what the differen)es are* or is that part of the stuff 'm not allowed to know:8 %le)'s )hu)kle was muffled by the )losed door* but still brought a smile to my fa)e, 8The biggest differen)e will be that we're going to ha#e to shuffle some )lass s)hedules to make sure Brandon and his pa)k don't ha#e a))ess to you or "a)hel, E#erything else is 6ust kind of a )orollary to that, %t least one pa)k member will need to be with you whene#er you lea#e the house,8

spit out the toothpaste )urrently prohibiting me from being able to respond* and swung the door open, 8%le)* it's the middle of the semester, 7e )an't 6ust walk into the offi)e and tell them we want to )hange our s)hedules, t doesn't work that way,8 @@ %fter seeing <in)ent's 'a))ident'* and knowing he'd probably been trying to kill or at least seriously in6ure Ben 6ust for the fun of it* )ouldn't really argue with %le), "a)hel seemed relati#ely unfa'ed by the idea of bodyguards* but wasn't espe)ially e+)ited about yet another point of differen)e between me and e#eryone else, Still* s)hool was both better and worse than e+pe)ted, %s %le) had intimated* the day started out with a trip to the offi)e, 5ot 6ust me* not e#en 6ust me and %le), The entire pa)k trooped into the room* filling it with impe))ably dressed* mostly gorgeous* shape shifters* who ga#e off a per)eptible tingle of energy if you knew what to look for, 'd really thought %le) was tilting at windmills right up until he politely* but firmly asked for a brief meeting with the prin)ipal and was ushered into the other man's offi)e fi#e se)onds later, %le) drew the blinds* whi)h didn't do anything to muffle the prin)ipal's raised #oi)e, !ifteen minutes later* after the unmistakable feeling of %le)'s power had )rested to the point where it almost felt like there was a bree'e blowing from the offi)e* we were all sitting down with the bewildered s)hool )ounselor and playing musi)al )lasses, 4nly it turned out "a)hel and were the only ones not )hanging our s)hedules, started to protest being treated differently than e#eryone else* only to feel my mouth )li)k shut as "a)hel shook her head at me, t wasn't until %le) was walking me to Biology that finally got an e+planation, 89ou and "a)hel are the ones who need the most sleep* ergo you don't )hange )lasses,8 8That's )ra'y,8 would'#e stopped, 9ou )an't really ha#e a good disagreement while you're walking down the hall* but we happened to be holding hands* whi)h he used to keep me mo#ing along, %nd here 'd been so e+)ited ba)k in the )oun)ilor's offi)e when he'd taken my hand, 8 t's not )ra'y, E#eryone who swaps )lasses is going to be doing double homework for the duration, %ssignments for their old )lass* whi)h they presumably still want to get )redit for* and assignments for the new )lass so as not to make any more wa#es than ne)essary with their temporary tea)her, t only makes sense to pla)e that burden on the ones who )an most easily deal with it,8 That last part had been said in a near whisper* due to the fa)t that we were right outside Mrs, Sorenson's )lass, E#erything he was saying made sense* but didn't resol#e the real reason was so worried, 8 )an help, )ould swit)h at least one )lass and still keep up,8

%le) shook his head, 8%driana* you're struggling in two )lasses already, &ow do you propose to handle yet another set of homework:8 felt my mouth slam shut, &e knew e#erything about e#eryone* but it still somehow )aught me by surprise that he knew so mu)h about me, 8But they'll hate me e#en more,8 already wished )ould take it ba)k* but it was too late, t took less than half a se)ond for him to figure out who was talking about, 8They don't hate you, % few of them are s)ared almost senseless* but nobody hates you,8 8They were willing to kill me, They wanted to trade me ba)k to Brandon,8 t )ame out as something less than a whisper* but apparently %le)'s hearing was a)ute enough to )at)h that too, %le) drew me )lose* heedless of the open door and the twenty staring kids, &e pla)ed the side of his fa)e against mine and whispered into my ear, 8 'm not going to let anything happen to you, f there's a way to keep you safe 'll find it,8 The feel of his breath )aressing my )heek sent tingles ra)ing through my entire body* but e#en that )ouldn't )ompletely reassure me, Still* ga#e it my best effort* and if my smile wasn't entirely )on#in)ing* it was at least good enough to temporarily reassure %le), followed him into )lass* pausing while he handed his note to Mrs, Sorenson, t was almost worth all of the )ra'iness and e+haustion of the last se#enty.two hours to see her eyebrows rise in astonishment as she read the inno)uous pie)e of paper essentially gi#ing %le) )arte blan)he in her )lassroom, 8This is highly irregular* Mr, $ra#es, n fa)t don't belie#e the administration )an legitimately e+pe)t me to )omply,8 %le)'s smile )ould ha#e been used to sweeten pretty mu)h any be#erage you )ould imagine, 8 promise not to get in the way, n fa)t if you )ould 6ust find us a )ouple of desks in the ba)k )orner you'll hardly know we're here,8 The look she shot me was so #enomous for a se)ond thought my heart was going to stop, 8Ms, (aige has an assigned seat towards the front of the )lass, Based on her s)holasti) performan)e to date it would be highly irresponsible of me as an edu)ator to allow her to )hange seats,8 was 6ust far enough off to the side to wat)h as %le)'s eyes #ery slowly and pointedly drifted down to stare at the note in her hands, !or a se)ond wasn't sure she'd gotten the hint* but then those same hands )len)hed refle+i#ely* nearly tearing the note before she )aught herself and smoothed it ba)k out,

8Ms, Bellarose* please mo#e up to Ms, (aige's old seat,8 %le) politely )olle)ted his note and led me to our seats, %ny en6oyment 'd 6ust e+perien)ed as a result of seeing one of my least.fa#orite tea)hers put in her pla)e 0ui)kly soured as she started the )lass and laun)hed into her usual barrage of 0uestions designed to demonstrate my stupidity, %le) had apparently gotten under her skin e#en more than 'd reali'ed, She abandoned her usual pra)ti)e of stopping on)e missed my first 0uestion* and instead )ontinued to grill me* her smile growing ea)h time failed to answer something )orre)tly, My earlier )ommitment to rededi)ate myself to s)hool notwithstanding* the weekend hadn't e+a)tly been )ondu)i#e to mastering the intri)a)ies of our latest sub6e)t, &er smile was wide indeed by the time the bell finally released me to flee in defeat and embarrassment, %le) pa)ed me all the way ba)k to my lo)ker, 8 s that normal for her:8 started to laugh* only to )ut the motion short as reali'ed there was a better than e#en )han)e 'd end up )rying instead, settled for 6ust nodding as swapped books and slammed my lo)ker shut, %le) pursed his lips for a se)ond and then nodded* not at me* but at whate#er de)ision he'd 6ust made, 87e'd better get you to your ne+t )lass, Dealing with that will ha#e to wait until later,8 wanted to ask what he meant* but the halls were already full of other students* and was pretty sure he'd tell me when he was ready and not a moment sooner anyways, 7ith a sigh* followed him into the )rowd, % few minutes later 'd been handed off to my ne+t babysitter* =ames this time* and was safely ens)on)ed in Mr, 7hethers' )lass, Mr, 7hethers looked more than a little )onfused after reading =ames' note* but he simply added =ames' name to his roll* and then absently wa#ed the two of us towards seats, would'#e en6oyed English if not for the wildfire bu'' )reated by my little s)ene with %le) outside of Biology, Mr, 7hethers repeatedly asked #arious )lumps of giggling and or staring girls to be 0uiet* but his efforts were largely wasted, %s time went on the spe)ulation grew both wilder and louder rather than petering out as any normal person would'#e e+pe)ted, The former was probably due to an almost )omplete la)k of anything resembling a)tual fa)t, The #olume was no doubt designed to see if they )ould draw a rea)tion out of me and thereby figure out how 'd gone from dating one of the two most popular boys in s)hool to dating the other one in the spa)e of 6ust one weekend,

The pre#ailing opinion among the popular girls off to the left was that was the biggest slut e#er, The e0ually #indi)ti#e but more s)holasti)ally minded group in front of us was )on#in)ed was 6ust playing with %le) in an attempt to make Brandon 6ealous, t was all so far off that part of me wanted to laugh, )ouldn't )are less if Brandon was 6ealous* and %le) hadn't e#en kissed me yet, E#en so* hearing my name said with su)h disdain by so many different people took its toll o#er the )ourse of the )lass* and before long was on)e again fighting the urge to break down and )ry, Lu)kily by the end of the )lass* Mr, 7hethers had be)ome so frustrated with the )omplete la)k of attention being paid him by the gossipers* he'd a)tually started writing them up for detention, %s )lass finally ended* =ames )ra)ked one of the first smiles 'd e#er seen gra)e his fa)e, 87ow, ne#er would'#e thought anyone )ould push old 7hethers so far, &e 6ust set a s)hool re)ord for the most detentions assigned in a single )lass,8 7ith =ames' )onsiderable frame opening a route through the )rowded hallway* it took almost no time to make it to my lo)ker, =asmin was waiting for me* and if she didn't e+a)tly look o#erwhelmed with 6oy* she at least wasn't s)owling, 7e were 6ust outside Mrs, /ampbell's )lass when a muted hiss from =asmin alerted me to impending danger, didn't reali'e what was happening until felt the rising tingle of energy wash o#er me, t was both warmer and weaker than normal* and for the first time reali'ed that =asmin's power was different than what 'd felt from %le), t ar)ed ba)k and forth between us with a fury that 6olted me all the way down to the soles of my feet as <in)ent and /assie )ame into sight, The answering surges of power from the two ri#al shape shifters made my hair stand on end as =asmin sho#ed me into the )lassroom* mo#ing with only slightly more than human speed, probably should ha#e )leared out of the way* but despite there being nothing )ould do to help =asmin if it )ame to an open fight* wasn't going to abandon her, %s <in)ent and /assie got )loser* something about them seemed off, t is ama'ing how the mind fo)uses in on minutia when things get really s)ary* but )ouldn't think of anything else until reali'ed it was their eyes, /assie's had gone a pale* unearthly green* while <in)ent's had deepened into a near bla)k, f eyes really were the windows to the soul* he'd be)ome so twisted and warped there wasn't mu)h left that )ould truly be )onsidered human, The halls had emptied remarkably fast* espe)ially )onsidering how mu)h gossip there was for the rumor mill, t was almost like some primiti#e sur#i#al instin)t had ki)ked in and steered e#eryone away from ground 'ero,

7ith the two of them so mu)h )loser* )ould feel their energy beating at =asmin and me, t was all )ould do now to remain motionless as they entered what e#en knew was striking range of =asmin, 8%wfully e+posed out here* aren't you* pre)ious:8 <in)ent's #oi)e was a low* unnatural thing* pit)hed so it was 6ust barely audible for humans, /assie's e+pression made my stoma)h tighten up and my gorge rise, t wasn't right for a girl to look at another girl like that, Like she )ouldn't wait to wat)h <in)ent do all kinds of terrible things, 8(ayba)k su)ks* doesn't it:8 =asmin's )omplete stillness was an eerie )ounterpoint to the wa#es of power still beating at me, somehow knew she was 6ust se)onds away from springing when the sound of running footsteps )aused all three to turn, %le) appeared around the )orner* followed by saa)* 6ust a split se)ond before Brandon sauntered into #iew from the opposite dire)tion, The tingly feeling grew e+ponentially more powerful with so many more shape shifters present, "ubbing my arms did nothing to ward off the feeling that entire )olonies of inse)ts were skittering a)ross my skin, Mr, "indell's appearan)e forestalled what 'd been sure would turn into a full.blown fight, &e si'ed up the situation with the )anny eye of an edu)ator who'd seen more fights o#er his )areer than most gang leaders, 8/lass is about to start* and if e#ery one of you isn't where you're supposed to be before the bell rings* you'll ha#e detention for the ne+t month,8 <in)ent's hiss was still almost inaudible, 8This isn't o#er,8 felt my knees almost )ollapse as the two pa)ks slowly ba)ked away from ea)h other* and =asmin 6oined me inside the )lassroom, Mrs, /ampbell ga#e the two of us a )onsidering look after reading =asmin's note* but sent us off to a pair of empty seats at the ba)k of the )lassroom without )omment, 7e were starting a new unit* but )ouldn't )on)entrate on the le)ture, %le)'s unshakable )alm o#er the last few days had mostly )on#in)ed me the other members of his pa)k had been o#errea)ting, Somehow 'd )ome to belie#e the )oming dispute with Brandon's pa)k would be resol#ed as easily as a normal teenage dispute,

%fter e+perien)ing su)h intense* barely restrained #iolen)e* was starting to see 6ust how ludi)rous that'd been, (eople had already died o#er what was going on here, t hadn't been real* either be)ause hadn't e+amined Simon and 5athanial's lifeless bodies* or maybe be)ause was repressing the e+perien)e like 'd done with so many other parts of my life lately, )ould feel my mind trying to shut down* hoping to )ushion me from the worst impli)ations of what was )oming, knew it was going to be bad* )ould feel it in a si)kening* only.se)onds.away.from.#omiting kind of way* but )ouldn't follow the )hain of logi) through to the #ery end, let =asmin help me pull my books together* and then numbly followed her out to the hallway, %le) and the rest of the pa)k were waiting for us at my lo)ker, =asmin )almly opened my lo)ker and put my things away while was still trying to )ome to terms with e#erything, %le) took my hand, 8%re you okay:8 shook my head, 8This is going to be really bad* isn't it:8 &is silen)e #alidated my belief* probably e#en more than he reali'ed, 8 'd,,,we'd,,,spare you it if we )ould,8 t was my turn to shake my head, 85o* this is my fault, belong here* not )owering in a )orner somewhere,8 "a)hel hugged me from one side while Domini) pla)ed a gentle* dark hand on my other shoulder* and then we were off, Brandon* and what must ha#e amounted to his entire pa)k* were waiting for us 6ust off s)hool property, The two leaders fa)ed off as e#eryone else fanned out around them, =asmin* saa)* and the others all maintained )alm e+teriors that were markedly different than the eager* often sadisti) e+pressions of Brandon's people, 8 demand satisfa)tion on behalf of my pa)k for the two of our number that you brutally murdered, This is within my rights under the laws that bind us, demand two li#es for the two li#es robbed me,8 Brandon's e+pression was )onfident and a little smug* and somehow didn't doubt in the slightest that he'd e+pe)ted %le) to )almly hand o#er two people to be e+e)uted, %le) hadn't e#en flin)hed at the demand, 89our wol#es were lawbreakers who were e+e)uted before they )ould break further laws, The prote)tion of the people* of the se)rets that guard our nature from the dayborn* represents a law that supersedes any 0uestion of territory or dominan)e,8

The energy suddenly rolling off of the gathered shape shifters nearly dro#e me to my knees as %le) )ontinued, 8By their a)tions %driana (aige learned of our nature* and it was only by the gra)e of the Maker that was able to stop them from killing her, Their deaths were an una#oidable pri)e to sa#e an inno)ent,8 Some of the fa)es a)ross the )ir)le from me flin)hed a little* and had a moment to wonder if Brandon hadn't told them the truth about what'd happened, 8&er life belonged to me* it was mine to dispose of as saw fit,8 opened my mouth to protest* but )losed it at a sharp 6ab in the ribs from "a)hel, 8The an)ient laws don't support her life being a disposable )ommodity* e+tinguished at your whim, 5ot e#en the bond of =a'tell pro#ides you with that right,8 Brandon's grin was wider e#en than before, 8%h* but those aren't the laws under whi)h we labor now* are they: She's mine* and ha#e e#ery right to do whate#er wish to her, &er presen)e among your pa)k is a dire)t affront to my rights and honor, )ould demand your life* be glad 'm only re0uiring two of your pa)k,8 %le) shook his head* fa)e more emotionless than e#en a se)ond before, 8By the same laws set down by %d6am and no)k when they first took mates from among the dayborn* )hallenge your bond of =a'tell, )hallenge your standing among the people* and your personal honor, The dispute between us is su)h as )an only be settled by blood,8 !or a brief se)ond it seemed Brandon had been taken by surprise* but he regained his e0uilibrium while was still trying to understand what was being said, &e )losed the distan)e between himself and %le) with su)h 0ui)kness that for a se)ond thought they were going to fight then and there, !or the first time reali'ed 6ust how mu)h bigger Brandon was than %le), 'd ne#er seen them so )lose together, They were so )areful not to )ross paths* it was possible this was a true first* but seeing them now there was no way to get around the fa)t that Brandon was at least two in)hes taller* as well as being broader and more mus)ular, 'd seen %le) shirtless* and he had the in)redible physi0ue of a swimsuit model* but Brandon's was that of a professional body builder, Either of them dwarfed me* but Brandon ga#e off an air of mena)e that e#en %le)'s )ontrolled power )ouldn't offset, Brandon's ne+t few words )ame out in a low growl that )ouldn't make out* and then he slowly ba)ked away from %le) before he and the rest of his pa)k disappeared from sight, finished pro)essing e#erything about the time %le) turned and walked ba)k, opened my mouth to protest* but he shook his head at me as we all fell into formation around him,

!rom what little knew about %le)'s pa)k* it wasn't un)ommon for them to spend time together without the kind of )hest.beating byplay that was so mu)h a part of Brandon's group* but our lun)h table was e#en more subdued than 'd e+pe)ted, !a)ed with an almost )omplete la)k of )on#ersation* didn't ha#e the )ourage to ask some of the 0uestions on my mind, t wasn't until 'd followed saa) to my history )lass that finally worked up the ner#e to find out more of what was going on, 4n)e the substitute had )alled roll* and then more or less turned the )lass loose for a 'group study session'* turned to saa) and whispered my first 0uestion, 8This fight between %le) and Brandon* it's for real: mean they aren't 6ust going to fight until first blood* are they:8 saa)'s nod was hesitant* like he knew was headed towards things he wasn't supposed to tell me, 8 'm afraid the )ontest is 0uite serious* but still nothing for you to worry about,8 That didn't add up in the slightest, 8 don't belie#e you, %t least not the part about it not being anything to worry about, 9ou all wouldn't ha#e been so worried about %le) bringing me home !riday night if this was all no big deal, 5one of you ha#e argued with %le) about anything sin)e then* but !riday night =ames* =asmin and =essi)a were all ready to rip my head off o#er his e+press orders,8 The nod re)ei#ed this time was e#en slower than the first, waited for saa) to say something* but he seemed unwilling to gi#e away anything hadn't already figured out for myself, 8/an he win: %le)* mean, /an he ki,,,beat Brandon:8 saa)'s sigh was elo0uent, 8 'm forbidden to speak on these things, To do so risks no small amount of %le)'s displeasure,8 8But you're going to anyways* aren't you:8 8 t is right that you know the sa)rifi)e undertaken on your behalf* both by %le)* and by the rest of our family, The one be)ause of his feelings for you* the other be)ause of our respe)t and lo#e for %le),8 8 t's true then3 he )an't win,8 87hile it isn't impossible* it's unlikely, %le) is a remarkable fighter* to hear Dono#an speak of it* he's possibly e#en almost the e0ual of his father* but Brandon's strength and speed ha#e not seen a mat)h in )enturies, t's likely Brandon will emerge the #i)tor,8 E#en though* or possibly e+a)tly be)ause it was what 'd suspe)ted* the words sent sli#ers of i)e through me, My heart seemed to be ha#ing a hard time maintaining a steady

rhythm* but for)ed myself not to gi#e into the pani) atta)k that was promising temporary relief from the horror of my life, 7ith what 'd 6ust been told* should be able to put some of the pie)es together, 84n)e %le) is dead* there'll be reper)ussions for e#eryone else:8 %gain the short* relu)tant nod, had so many 0uestions still wanted answered* but it didn't seem fair to get saa) in any more trouble than he was already in, 87ill you be okay: mean with %le), &e's not going to torture you or anything for telling me* is he:8 saa)'s smile somehow )ompleted his fa)e, !unny how 'd ne#er thought there was anything wrong with it before* but after finally being rewarded with something more than his normal* serious )ountenan)e* had the first hint why he was one of "a)hel's fa#orites among the pa)k, 8 t's likely 'll be e+)eedingly sore for the ne+t few days* and my ego* su)h as it is* will likely take 0uite the beating* but our >ir'shan* our %lpha as you would say* isn't a bad sort,8 That was a relief, t also meant knew e+a)tly what was going to do when saw %le) ne+t, &alf an hour later* was following him down the hall towards (hysi)s and wishing 'd had more time to prepare, %le) slowed as we finally arri#ed outside the door to Mrs, %le+ander's )lassroom, )arefully )raned my head around him* half e+pe)ting to see Brandon's entire pa)k waiting to ambush us, nstead the pause seemed to ha#e been )aused by the fa)t Mrs, %le+ander had been repla)ed by a sub, 8Do you mind if we don't go to (hysi)s today:8 %le)'s 0uestion should ha#e been lost in the )lamor of all of the kids walking by us* but pi)ked his #oi)e out as easily as if we'd been alone together in the forest, 7as that another mysti)al power granted to alpha shape shifters* or 6ust be)ause was so hyper.aware of him: 8 thought you said we'd get in trouble if we started )utting s)hool,8 &is easy* gra)eful shrug pulled his bla)k polo shirt tight a)ross his shoulders, t seemed impossible that anyone )ould be so well built and tightly ripped that you'd be able to see e#ery mus)le through his )lothing* but there he was, 8 may ha#e e+aggerated slightly, 4dds are that )an )on#in)e the se)retaries to make your absen)e here disappear* and mine hardly matters,8

throttled down my first impulse* the almost o#erwhelming desire to say yes* to do anything re0uired to spend more time with him* and instead fo)used on the opportunity to get inside his head* to learn some of the things mo#ing him, 8But that isn't why you want to skip,8 85o* find that 'm strangely un)on)erned right now with what the future may bring* and this seems entirely too good an opportunity to waste on a substitute that knows e#en less about physi)s than we do,8 returned his smile* and grabbed his hand* tugging him in the dire)tion of the outside door, 7e didn't go far* stopping in a little )luster of trees no more than fifty feet from the s)hool, 8So is this nearly )omplete disregard for )onse0uen)es typi)al:8 %le) ga'ed at me with one of his inde)ipherable looks for se#eral se)onds, !eeling more than a little self.)ons)ious* tried to let go of his hand and s)oot a little further away* but he maintained his grasp, 8(lease don't, didn't mean to make you ner#ous, t's 6ust that you )ontinue to surprise me,8 8 t's more than a little )reepy how you all )an do that, %re all shape shifters born with the ability to read people's minds:8 The smile was ba)k* gentle and teasing, 8Minds no* s)ents yes, The human body is 0uite mar#elous in how many different systems it re)ruits to mat)h its mood,8 The way Brandon had always known e+a)tly the right thing to say at any gi#en time suddenly made sense, %le) let me pro)ess his latest little tidbit of information* and then )ontinued, 8%)tually* none of us are born with any unusual abilities, %ll of the )hanges tend to show up more or less around puberty, %nd no* disregard for the )onse0uen)es of my a)tions isn't typi)al, n fa)t '#e spent nearly a de)ade weighing almost e#ery word,8 8So dashing off to res)ue an admittedly stupid teenage girl and landing yourself in a fight to the death that you probably )an't win isn't how you normally run your life, 7hy did you do it then:8 %gain the silen)e* but this time* more )ompletely en#eloped as was by the tingly warmth that seemed synonymous with being in his presen)e* was )ontent to wait, 8%pparently saa)'s de)ided there are a few things you should know, Don't try and tell me it wasn't him* you didn't know that parti)ular pie)e of information an hour ago* and nobody else has had the opportunity to tell se)rets,8

felt myself tense up in worry* but he wa#ed my worries away, 8 n answer to the )ore of your 0uestion* =asmin thinks it's be)ause '#e finally gone o#er the edge* that in essen)e '#e snapped due to the stress* and this* 'obsession*' as she terms it* is merely a no#el way of )ommitting sui)ide,8 My heart started ra)ing again* but he wasn't done, 8The other s)hool of thought is that 'm more of a healer than anyone reali'ed* and that )ouldn't resist your ob#ious need,8 &e'd lost me there, 87ait* what do you mean:8 %le) paused for se#eral se)onds before answering, 89ou glow, %ll of the time, -ntil now we always thought someone had to be a shape shifter to do that,8 8But 'm 6ust a normal person, 7hy would appear different than anyone else:8 %le)'s shrug was enough to send my heart ra)ing again* but not enough to distra)t me from his words, 87ith shape shifters* we belie#e it's be)ause the animating energy* the soul if you will* burns more brightly than normal, think it's tied in with what allows us to shift forms, 7ith you* there isn't any ob#ious reason* but think that Domini) has probably hit upon the root of the matter,8 &is pause this time wasn't 6ust to )olle)t his thoughts3 )ould tell he was tempted not to tell me whate#er he was thinking, 89ou know that our legends indi)ate a belief we were )reated in order to wat)h o#er and prote)t humans: 7ell* Domini) belie#es that your light represents a defense me)hanism, 7e don't know of any a))ounts where humans ha#e burned so brightly* but it's possible the primiti#e parts of you* the ones that remember what it was like to be wat)hed o#er by our kind* hit upon a way to )all for help from us* while not admitting a problem to your own kind,8 &e was being so #ague that it took me se#eral se)onds to follow the e+planation to its logi)al )on)lusion, 8So you're saying that was* am* so broken glow so your people would be able to pull me aside and fi+ me,8 &is nod was hesitant* but my wan smile seemed to reassure him somewhat, 8 guess that makes sense, 5obody likes to be told there's something wrong with them* but )an't e+a)tly say e#erything is 6ust =im Dandy, 5ot when still )ollapse at the mere mention of what '#e lost,8 The silen)e wasn't as )omfortable now, had to break it* e#en if it meant further e+amining all of the holes inside me that 'd spent so many months struggling to ignore, 8So you're 6ust one of those guys that )an't resist trying to help the broken girls* huh:8

85o, That's Domini)'s theory* didn't say it was mine, did what did be)ause when )lose my eyes still see you there,8 My heart 6umped up to my throat* but in a good way, 8 don't know why* not really, 9our in)redible* unearthly beauty helps* as does your stubborn determination to )ontinue soldiering on* despite how badly you'#e been hurt, That doesn't e+plain it all though, 5either does the fa)t that you stepped in and sa#ed "a)hel from a beating )ouldn't stop,8 &e rea)hed up and tu)ked a stray hair behind my left ear, 87hate#er the reason* sin)e your arri#al here* 6ust feel like parts of me that were missing ha#e )ome ba)k home, E#en when thought you were some kind of,,,rogue,,,shape shifter )ome to destroy my pa)k* was still drawn to you,8 My stupid eyes were tearing up again, Sometimes being a girl really su)ked, Boys ne#er seemed to ha#e their bodies betray them in front of other people like we did, The most gorgeous* kind boy 'd e#er met had 6ust professed his lo#e to me* and strangely enough it made what had to do ne+t both harder and easier, 8%le)* what if were to go ba)k to Brandon: 7ould that stop e#erything from going wrong: mean* then you wouldn't ha#e been poa)hing his property or whate#er you )all it,8 t was bad enough that my heart was shattering as said it* the look in %le)'s fa)e made e#erything a hundred times worse, !or a se)ond thought the earth was shaking* but it was %le)* trembling mu)h like he'd done !riday night, % loud )ra)k from beside us made me 6ump, %le) looked at the bran)h* easily as thi)k as my arm* whi)h he'd 6ust torn from the tree we were leaning against, &e stopped shaking as he )onsidered what he'd done to the poor tree, 89ou're saying that be)ause you're worried for me: 5ot be)ause you really want to go ba)k to him:8 shook my head* as )onfused by his rea)tion* by how )lose he'd )ome to losing )ontrol* as was by my not ha#ing felt threatened, 85o* want to stay* but how )an knowing it will mean you're going to be fighting to the death:8 %le) tossed the bran)h away with a sigh, 8 '#e spent years learning )ontrol* but sometimes still forget 6ust how breakable e#erything around me is, f you go ba)k to Brandon* you support his )laim that you belong to him* and 'd still be for)ed to )hallenge him, f didn't* he would be 6ustified in killing whi)he#er two of my friends he wants,8 8So there's no way you )an a#oid fighting him:8

%le)'s smile was more bittersweet than normal, 85o* but it's not too late to sa#e you, )an ha#e you on a flight to (aris tonight, t's the only way to guarantee your safety,8 shook my head, 8 'm not lea#ing, belie#e you when you say my going ba)k to Brandon won't sol#e anything* but 'm not going to run away and lea#e you all to deal with the mess )reated, wish you'd stop asking me to,8 &is ga'e was long and steady* but finally he nodded, 89ou ha#e as mu)h right to see this through as anyone else does* but it's almost )ertainly going to get a lot uglier before it's o#er, 9our freedom is going to be in)redibly restri)ted* at least as bad as it was today, 7e'll es)ort you to s)hool* stay 6ust long enough to ensure we don't get in trouble* and then hurry ba)k to our territory, %t least if Brandon's pa)k does )ome after us there* we're within our rights to do something about it,8 opened my mouth to )omment on the fa)t that Brandon's pa)k was roughly twi)e the si'e of ours* only to reali'e that s)urrying ba)k home kind of pre)luded )ontinuing to help out at the tutor lab, 87hat about helping Mrs, /ampbell:8 t shouldn't ha#e surprised me that %le) thought it o#er for se#eral se)onds before shaking his head, 7hate#er else he was* he wasn't the thoughtless 6erk Brandon had pro#en himself to be, 8 'm sorry* %driana, wish we )ould* for "a)hel's sake as well as yours* but it's 6ust too risky, !ewer witnesses means more )han)e Brandon's people will try to arrange for something to happen, There are 6ust too many of them for us to meet them in a stand.up fight and )ome out uns)athed,8 didn't like it, Mrs, /ampbell was the only tea)her who'd taken an a)ti#e interest in my wellbeing* but )ould see his point, managed to do at least a passable 6ob hiding my near frown as nodded in a))eptan)e, 8/an ha#e 6ust a few minutes today after s)hool to tell her:8 %le)'s hand was warm on my fa)e as he nodded, 89ou're ama'ing, %ll the things being taken away from you 6ust be)ause you got in#ol#ed with the wrong )rowd* and you 6ust do what has to be done, 4f )ourse you )an ha#e a few minutes, 'm sorry to make you do this,8 wanted to tell him it was less than he was doing, To say it was the least )ould do )onsidering this was all my fault* but the unabashed bliss of ha#ing him tou)h me was o#erwhelming, t took surprising effort to string )oherent thoughts together, Before managed to do so su))essfully* he sighed and helped me to my feet, 87e'd better get ba)k or you'll miss Spanish,8

Based on how badly Biology had gone* was dreading Spanish with e#en more fer#or than normal, felt in)redibly better when it was Domini) who was waiting with a smile for us at my lo)ker, %le) let go of my hand with an a)tual look of regret, Mrs, Tiggs seemed to ha#e read whate#er memo Mrs, Sorenson had been working off of earlier, She started out the hour by asking me a 0uestion was positi#e wasn't in any of the )hapters 'd e#er read, The )lass' )olle)ti#e mouth dropped in astonishment as Domini) )alled her on it, 8But Mrs, Tiggs* isn't that )o#ered in /hapter E1: mean* 6ust started the )lass ob#iously* but it 6ust seems )onfusing, 9our syllabus says we're talking about the preterit today,8 The only other person 'd e#er met who )ould'#e e#en )ome )lose to pulling off su)h an inno)ent e+pression was "a)hel* and wasn't sure e#en she )ould )ompete with Domini) today, f 'd found her standing in front of a broken window with a ro)k in her hand* and she'd told me she had no idea why the window had shattered* all the while flashing me that look* would'#e belie#ed her, Mrs, Tiggs apparently wasn't 0uite so gullible, 8 t's a reasonable 0uestion* as the two sub6e)ts are highly related, 4ne )ould almost say they're so )lose to the same thing that any distin)tion is purely arbitrary,8 5ow Domini) looked both inno)ent and )onfused, 8But why are they so far apart in the book then: mean my Spanish book in the s)hool before )ame here had them pretty widely spa)ed too,8 t was masterful, 'm not e#en sure the rest of the )lass reali'ed the pattern* but Mrs, Tiggs )aught on about halfway through the hour, E#ery time she was snippy with me* Domini) made her look like the idiot we all suspe)ted she was, %s the bell rang* and we e+ited the first truly instru)ti#e Spanish )lass all semester* pulled Domini) off to the side, 8That was ama'ing, Thank you* but you )an't keep doing that or she's going to fail you,8 Domini) sagged a little against me, 8 don't think she will, 5ot after the rest of the )lass reali'es she has a hard time reading the book herself, E#en if she does* it doesn't really matter, ne#er e+pe)ted to finish 6unior high* let alone graduate from high s)hool, Besides* =ames is always talking about dropping out and 6ust getting his $ED, Maybe 'll follow suit,8 She stiffened slightly as hugged her* but then smiled and returned the gesture with an earnestness that made me think she hadn't had mu)h in the way of hugs in her life, 87ell* hope it doesn't )ome to that* but thanks again, may still flunk out* but seeing the e+pression on her fa)e makes it worthwhile,8

7as it possible to be both shy and )onfident at the same time: f it was* Domini)'s fluid* e+pressi#e fa)e pulled it off, 85onsense, 4n)e we undo all of the damage from her tea)hing you* you'll do so well e#en she won't flunk you,8 t went against e#erything past e+perien)e with Mrs, Tiggs had taught me* but almost belie#ed her,

Chapter 26
t was ama'ing how 0ui)kly my )lasses flew by when had a friend* or at least a prote)tor* with me at all times, Then again all of Monday had flown by* not 6ust the s)hool portion of the day* so it really shouldn't ha#e been a surprise today was doing likewise, %fter Spanish* =asmin had es)orted me to Mrs, /ampbell's )lass, Telling her wasn't going to be able to help out at the lab anymore had been one of the harder things 'd e#er done* but she'd been surprisingly understanding, 7e'd s)heduled my makeup test for the ne+t day and 'd left with the sneaking suspi)ion she'd guessed more about what was really going on in San)tuary than either pa)k would'#e liked, 'd been busy )ontemplating what Mrs, /ampbell might ha#e really figured out as we left the building* only to ha#e =asmin interrupt my musings with an apology of all things, She didn't get into spe)ifi)s* and it was ob#ious she was still worried about the )oming showdown with Brandon* but was pretty sure she really was sorry, t didn't make us best friends and she was still an enigma* but it was a start, t e#en ga#e me hope maybe =essi)a and =ames might e#entually )ome around, was still reeling in surprise as we walked out to the parking lot and met up with the rest of the pa)k* or rather the rest of the pa)k minus %le), &e'd shown up se#eral minutes later* looking #ery satisfied with himself* but ob#iously unwilling to answer any 0uestions, %s we )ara#anned home* reali'ed the )olle)tion of #ehi)les )arrying us ba)k to %le)'s estate probably )ost more than my house, Dono#an had met us at the door and )ondu)ted us to the dining room* where %le) and his friends de#oured a si'able meal, E#en ba)k when 'd had a more substantial appetite* still )ouldn't ha#e kept up with the wol#es, E#en the girls pa)ked away more food than would'#e belie#ed possible for su)h slender frames, mentally shrugged and added it to the list of shape shifter benefits, %ble to eat like a )omplete pig and still slip into si'e 'ero 6eans, Domini) spent a )ouple hours after dinner helping me with Spanish, She probably would'#e spent e#en longer with me* but Mom )alled* so Domini) slipped out to gi#e me some pri#a)y, fielded something like a hundred 0uestions about s)hool* reassured her two or three times that she wasn't a terrible mother* and promised yet again to stay one

hundred per)ent out of trouble while she was gone, was beginning to wonder if was e#er going to get off the phone when she finally de)ided* ultra.late shoot tomorrow or not* she'd better go to bed, By the time finally finished up the rest of my studying* de)ided was ready for my )at)h.up test in Mrs, /ampbell's )lass tomorrow* and spent a few minutes with "a)hel* was well and truly e+hausted, thought about going ba)k to the Lila) "oom* but it would'#e 6ust been be)ause was worried about what e#eryone else was thinking, 'd been raised to belie#e good little girls didn't spend the night with boys, 5ot e#en boys who were so gentlemanly it was sometimes painful, still belie#ed that* but my desire to be with %le) had de#oured the parts of my brain that used logi) and reason to de)ide things, wanted to be with him while he slept* e#en if it was only for a )ouple of hours, E#eryone in the pa)k already knew 'd spent the night, n the end* the reasonable part of me ne#er had a )han)e, 7aking up ne+t to %le) fully #indi)ated my de)ision, &e'd greeted me with his typi)al* heart.stopping smile and 'd leaned in to kiss him before 'd e#en reali'ed was in motion, &e'd pulled ba)k* but his e+pression at least wasn't reproa)hful, wanted to for)e the issue* wanted it so badly )ould feel the desire bubbling inside me* but e#en more than my natural shyness* the thought of him pulling away again* this time in disgust* was too mu)h to )ontemplate, 4n)e we got to s)hool* 'd found the rampant gossip had subsided to a dull rumble* but the few unde)ided #otes had )ome down solidly on the side of e#eryone else, Some people hated me for using Brandon* others hated me for playing %le)* while a small* but de)idedly upwardly.mobile group disliked me for a)hie#ing not 6ust one* but both of the )on0uests they'd been dreaming of sin)e grade s)hool, n the end* it didn't really matter why e#eryone disliked me, Still* only the fa)t that %le)'s pa)k )losed ranks around me kept the situation from be)oming unbearable, Biology went better than it had sin)e my first day in San)tuary* largely be)ause %le) seemed to ha#e de#eloped a postdo)torate knowledge of Biology, %lso he didn't ha#e a single 0ualm when it )ame to using that knowledge to defle)t 0uestions aimed at me, Mrs, Sorenson tried three different times to make me look stupid before finally gi#ing up and getting down to the business of tea)hing, She )ontinued to shoot us nasty looks throughout the )lass* but hardly noti)ed, %le) spent the rest of the )lass time writing 0uestions for me in the margins of my notebook, By the time 'd des)ribed my grandparents* kindergarten tea)her* and top three most embarrassing moments* wanted to get a )han)e to ask some 0uestions of my own* but he 6ust shook his head and passed me my notebook ba)k with a new set of 0ui)kly.6otted 0ueries, The senten)es should ha#e been a )areless mess based on the speed with whi)h

he was writing, nstead they turned out more e#en and )arefully )onstru)ted than anything 'd e#er been able to a))omplish, )'% the 'lpha here0 you can ask your 6uestions (hen ) finish (ith %ine The flippant* humorous nature of his response was so atypi)al* and yet still 0uintessentially %le), nearly broke into a fit of laughter that would'#e gotten us both in e#en more trouble with Mrs, Sorenson, ) roll %y eyes at you a lot !o once you're done, ) get to ask you any 6uestion7 *o restrictions7 That was nearly a deal breaker* )ould see it by the way his initial smile at my 'rolled eyes' faded away into his more )hara)teristi) seriousness, &e )ontemplated his response for a good fifteen se)onds* whi)h was probably something like two hours in shape shifter time* before finally tou)hing his pen to the paper again and then passing my notebook ba)k, )t's a deal When ) finish up (ith %y 6uestions, you can ask (hate#er you (ant 8f course if your 6uestion is so%ething that's going to get you into trouble, ) reser#e the right to pack you onto a plane and send you off to safety once )'% done ans(ering stu)k my tongue out at him* for real this time* as wrote down my response, 1ully Still* all in all it was a win for me, 4n)e he'd dug up e#ery painful moment from my )hildhood* was going to get to finally start learning about him, &is pa)k too of )ourse* but most importantly* 'd finally know more of what made %le) $ra#es ti)k, % )ouple of hours later at lun)h* Mrs, /ampbell had met the appearan)e of "a)hel* %le)* and the rest of the pa)k with a raised eyebrow and a disbelie#ing headshake* but simply motioned them all o#er to the other side of the room* and handed me my test, Despite ha#ing spent weeks preparing for my makeup e+am* was still a little ner#ous until started working the first problem, !orty minutes later handed Mrs, /ampbell a )ompleted test* and got the e+treme pleasure of wat)hing her grade it and write a large* )rimson '%' on the front page, was so e+)ited nearly s0uealed in delight, managed to restrain myself* 6ust barely* only to giggle as "a)hel dropped her lun)h and s0uealed for me, Domini)'s gentle smile wasn't 0uite as enthusiasti)* but already knew her subdued rea)tion wasn't any less heartfelt, Throw in =asmin's )ongratulations* whi)h seemed to indi)ate the passing grade had been nothing less than ine#itable* with %le) taking my hand as soon as sat down* and =essi)a and =ames' la)k of response didn't matter at all, 7ith saa)'s reassuring presen)e at my side in &istory* weathered the renewed gossip* apparently o))asioned by the entire pa)k's absen)e during lun)h for the se)ond day in a row* and soon found myself reunited with %le) in (hysi)s,

%s lu)k would ha#e it* Mrs, %le+ander was gone again* and the substitute was typi)ally )lueless about what we were supposed to be doing, %le) of )ourse spent the whole )lass unearthing other little bits of embarrassing information, 'd ne#er e+perien)ed anything like it* e#ery 0uestion answered spawned two more* and he in#ariably seemed to figure out the underlying reasons 'd done a gi#en thing* or rea)ted a )ertain way, 'd 6ust finished des)ribing my failed tryout for the s)hool's produ)tion of To >ill a Mo)kingbird* when he hit me with a )ompletely une+pe)ted 0uestion, 8So tell me about both your best date and your worst date before you )ame here,8 felt my skin instantly heat up* and looked down* unable to meet his ga'e, &e let me sit there for a )ouple of se)onds* and then rea)hed out and used one gentle finger to nudge my )hin up, 87hat's the matter* afraid 'll be 6ealous:8 shook my head* fighting the urge to look ba)k down, 85o* there isn't anything to be 6ealous of, 'd ne#er been on a single date before San)tuary* and you know all about what's happened sin)e arri#ed,8 &is smile was surprisingly reassuring, 8That sounds like the easiest one '#e asked you yet, 7hy the sudden bashfulness:8 My throat seemed to be spending an awful lot of the time lately )onstri)ted down to the point where spee)h was all but impossible, t was e#en worse than usual now, thought maybe he'd ha#e mo#ed on to something else by the time was able to talk again* but he was still patiently waiting when managed to make myself look up again, t was tempting to lie and tell him was 6ust thinking about /indi* the only one in the family who'd e#er really had any lu)k in the dating department* but that wasn't fair, Besides* it would only put off the dreaded day, E#entually he'd find out what was really like, 7hen the words finally made it out* they seemed to fight me the whole way* )lawing at my throat with su)h for)e that by the time they finally e+ited my mouth* they were the barest hint of a whisper, 8Be)ause 'm worried on)e you reali'e 6ust how mu)h of a loser was ba)k home* how mu)h of a loser still am* you'll de)ide you don't belong with me,8 87hy would you not dating #ery mu)h ha#e any impa)t on how feel about you:8 8Be)ause in addition to being the most thoughtful boy '#e e#er met* you also happen to be ri)h enough to buy a small )ountry, 9ou're so in)redibly gorgeous girls swoon when you walk into a room, &ow )an possibly )ompete against the kinds of girls who'll )ontinue throwing themsel#es at you for as long as you're breathing:8

%nger managed to a))omplish what all of the swallowing hadn't, The diatribe that'd started out nearly inaudible had grown in #olume until by the end was hissing loud enough the people )losest to us turned around in )uriosity, %le) )almly )aptured my wildly gesturing hands* immobili'ing them with a )asual strength that made me feel like a )hild, 8(lease don't do that,8 &e )ontinued on before )ould open my mouth, 8The fa)t you didn't date until re)ently doesn't mean you're some kind of nerd, E#en if it did* that wouldn't matter to me, %lso* other girls who may or may not find me attra)ti#e are irrele#ant, don't want them* want you,8 E#en )ould tell that wasn't doing a #ery good 6ob pretending belie#ed him, %le) re)aptured one of my hands in his* and then leaned ba)k* la'ily e+uding )onfiden)e, 8 t's okay that you don't belie#e me yet* 'm e0ual to the )hallenge of )on#in)ing you,8 &e smiled at my shrug* but now that we weren't arguing about the ine#itable fa)t he was e#entually going to lea#e me* my mind was free to start working again, 8Don't do what:8 !or the first time e#er* 'd managed to )at)h him by surprise, t took him se#eral se)onds to figure out what was talking about, 89our hands* you tend to talk with them when you're e+)ited or angry* and it's #ery distra)ting, mean for us, %ll of the motion results in a hundred tiny signals flooding my brain as my instin)ts try to de)ide whether you're prey to be )hased* or a bigger predator that need to flee from,8 felt my eyes go wide as reali'ed what he was saying, t made me think of the stray kitten we'd taken in for a few months when was fi#e, /indi and had spent hours teasing it with pie)es of string* wat)hing its tiny head dart ba)k and forth from one to the other as it tried to de)ide whether to poun)e on them* or dart away and hide under the bed, t'd been really amusing when it had been a half.pound kitten* but the thought of ha#ing a two.hundred.plus pound wolf atta)king me be)ause 'd triggered some kind of fight or flight instin)t wasn't so funny, 84h* didn't reali'e it was a problem, 'll stop,8 %le) laughed, 8 t isn't a)tually that bad, More like an it)h you )an't 0uite rea)h, %lthough* if you e#er want to dri#e =essi)a absolutely )ra'y* spend a few minutes around her

fidgeting, She's the most naturally high.strung out of anyone besides =asmin, The fa)t she's also a submissi#e only makes things worse,8 t was terribly #indi)ti#e* and wonderfully appealing, felt a smile tugging at the ends of my mouth, 8She won't eat me if do that:8 &is )hu)kle pulled my smile wider, 85o, f you're really worried about it 6ust make sure that one of the others are in the room at the same time with you,8 85ow that has some real possibilities,8 was still rolling the thought around in my mind when the bell rang and %le) pulled me to my feet, 7e swapped out our books and were halfway to Spanish when <in)ent and Brandon strode into #iew, Mo#ing so smoothly was positi#e that nobody else e#en reali'ed anything was wrong* %le) swung me around so he was between them and me, The tension rat)heted up in step with the rolling wa#es of energy* as Brandon and <in)ent drew nearer, They split up when they saw us* )asually positioning themsel#es so %le) )ouldn't prote)t me from both of them, felt my knees stop working as took in Brandon's la'y* )onfident smile* and <in)ent's si)k* eager e+pression* but the gentle pressure of %le)'s grasp on my hand kept me from falling down, looked up at %le)* hoping for a reassuring smile* but his fa)e had taken on the e+pressionless mask he used to guard his thoughts, tried to slow down* but %le) kept mo#ing forward* ne#er altering his speed in the slightest as he pulled me dire)tly towards <in)ent, t seemed in)redible that the few other people still in the hall )ouldn't feel the surge of energy as <in)ent stepped dire)tly in front of us and pla)ed his hand on %le)'s )hest, The sudden spike was enough to make my hair stand on end* but =im &ansen hurried by without any indi)ation there was something out of the ordinary, 89ou're in our way* half.breed,8 felt %le)'s grasp tighten slightly* but )onsidering the )rushing strength he was )apable of* it was the )losest thing imaginable to a non.response, Brandon was )oming up behind <in)ent* as %le) rea)hed up and pla)ed his own hand on <in)ent's )hest* with another* stronger flash of power, The ripple of skin and bone was so 0ui)k for a se)ond )ouldn't belie#e what was seeing* but there it was, %le)'s hand and fingers had elongated* turning into a hairless repli)a of the deadly )law that'd terrified me 6ust a few days before,

<in)ent's bulk was su)h that it s)reened %le)'s mo#ements from passersby* as those ra'or.sharp )laws sank 6ust the barest distan)e into his )hest, %le) spoke for the first time* and the e#en tone of his words was a stark )ontrast to the winds of power that seemed almost ready to throw me a)ross the hall, 89ou forget yourself* mutt, %s the leader of another pa)k* 'm due more respe)t than that, Should you or your dominant wish to push things further* guarantee that your heart will de)orate the floor before he )an )ome to your aid,8 Brandon stopped mo#ing as %le)'s words )arried to him, &e was probably weighing odds and tabulating the probable )ost of the #arious )ourses of a)tion a#ailable to him, <in)ent's life was likely a relati#ely small )omponent in the grand e0uation, Domini)'s presen)e as she stepped around the )orner seemed to be the de)iding fa)tor, Brandon ga#e us another la'y smile as he stepped slowly ba)kwards to gi#e us more room, %le)'s tone was still )on#ersational as he sho#ed <in)ent ba)kwards and allowed his hand to return to normal, 8The harassment of my people stops now,8 85ow why would we do a thing like that when we all know you're a dead man:8 Domini) stopped 6ust outside of what was starting to understand was poun)ing range for people who happened to ha#e supernatural strength* as %le) ga#e Brandon a )old smile, 8 f e#er really de)ide the out)ome is a foregone )on)lusion* you'd better start wat)hing out for your people, 9ou'd be surprised 6ust how many of them )ould disappear if no longer worried about the )onse0uen)es of my a)tions,8 The tingle of %le)'s power lessened slightly on)e we were out of sight* but it still hadn't dropped off )ompletely by the time we were standing in front of Mrs, Tiggs' )lassroom, )ould still feel the faintest tra)es of his power long after he'd finally let my hand go with ob#ious relu)tan)e and strode off* lea#ing Domini) and to find our seats, @@ The pa)k was more subdued than normal on the way home, E#eryone splintered off into smaller )omponent parts as soon as we passed the wrought.iron gate signaling the entran)e to the $ra#es estate, Dono#an was waiting patiently inside the door* but he took one look at the bristling bundle of energy that was %le)* and ob#iously re#ised his plans on the spot, 8Shall ha#e dinner delayed* Master %le)* Mistress "a)hel:8

8 'll take mine later* Dono#an* but please don't let that in)on#enien)e the rest of the household, 'll be out in the garden if anyone needs me,8 %le) took a pair of 0ui)k steps down the hall* and then turned ba)k and looked at me, 87ould you )are to 6oin me* %driana:8 t wasn't until we'd been sitting in a se)luded )orner of the sprawling* green san)tuary for nearly half an hour that %le) finally rela+ed, There wasn't any #isible )hange to his demeanor* but one se)ond tingles of lightning were dan)ing along my skin* and in the ne+t heartbeat the unseen world settled into a sleepy )alm, 87ill you do me the honor of allowing me to es)ort you to the %shure Day festi#ities:8 The 0uestion )aught me so mu)h by surprise that the tiny ant 'd been wat)hing managed to drag his hea#y burden of lea#es halfway a)ross the nearest flagstone before managed a response, 8 s this be)ause of earlier: Be)ause told you don't e+pe)t you to stay with me:8 %pparently it was his turn to spend some time pondering his reply, My si+.legged friend was 6oined by another of his kind* and they were manfully working their way up the hill towards a tree, 8 '#e a)tually wanted to ask you for 0uite a while, &earing that Brandon was taking you was harder for me to a))ept than you might imagine, My asking you now has nothing to do with our )on#ersation from earlier today,8 87hy are you doing it now then: half e+pe)ted you to try and send me out of the )ountry again, %n in#itation to the lo)al e0ui#alent to (rom was the last thing on my mind,8 The pair of ants disappeared* hidden among the lush grass that somehow managed not to look out of pla)e here on the edges of the desert, was starting to reali'e that the best way to get information out of a guy was to wait him out, Sometimes applying a little 6udi)ious pressure here or there helped* but it was largely 6ust a matter of letting them work through whate#er internal barriers stopped them from sharing their feelings, 8My taking you to the dan)e is one of the more selfish things )ould be doing, t represents so mu)h of what want* but is wrong for you on almost e#ery le#el, guess '#e 6ust de)ided 'm tired of trying to be good when ha#e so little time left,8 87hy is that selfish: Most people would think you were being 0uite )haritable taking the new girl to the big dan)e when you )ould ha#e your pi)k of anyone in the s)hool and half the females in the state,8

%le) slowly rea)hed o#er and took my hand for the first time sin)e we'd sat down, The sudden surge of tingly* pleasant energy nearly distra)ted me from the fa)t he was #ery )arefully not meeting my eyes, 8/an you feel that: mean* it feels good* doesn't it:8 felt smiles tug at the )orner of my lips as a giggle bubbled in my )hest, 8 think it's supposed to feel good* silly,8 My laughter died at his la)k of mat)hing mirth, 8&a#e you e#er wondered about my mom: mean* why she's the way she is:8 Definitely not a time for funniness apparently, 87hat do you mean: '#e only met her the one time, She seemed normal enough, guess a little distra)ted,,,8 The )hu)kle 'd been waiting for surfa)ed* but it wasn't at all like his normal laugh, t was as if someone had su)ked all of the 6oy and goodness out of the sound 'd grown to )ra#e on a nearly sub)ons)ious le#el* and left a twisted shell, 8She's definitely distra)ted, 9ou )ould e#en say utterly dis)onne)ted from the world, /ompletely free from the present* always li#ing in the past,8 8 don't understand how any of this ties together,8 &e looked up at me for the first time* and the tortured look in his eyes made me hold onto his hand as tightly as was able, 8 t's all the same thing, 4ur tou)h* my tou)h* it's like a drug, t's addi)ti#e* subtly* so subtly most humans ne#er e#en reali'e what is happening to them, '#e seen what it's done to my mother, &ow )an say lo#e you if turn around and do the same thing to you:8 !or a se)ond )ouldn't e#en think, &e'd 6ust used the 'L.word'* and my heart felt like it was tearing itself apart inside my )hest, n the subtle shadings we girls used to measure )ommitment* it wasn't as good as if he'd )ome right out and said* ' lo#e you %driana (aige'* but it was still pretty good* and it was a )omplete first for me, 4n)e made it past the se)ond part of his statement* was able to start )onsidering the first part of what he'd said, t was horrifying and ama'ing all at on)e* and it made )omplete sense, &is mom was li#ing in memories be)ause the real world was 6ust a pale shadow of her life with his father, %le) seemed to take my silen)e as )ondemnation* or possibly 6ust agreement with his self.)ondemnation, 87e're where the legends of su))ubi originated, rresistible demons who drain their #i)tims dry* who lea#e their lo#ers a hollow shell of what they were before,8

'd finally worked through things enough inside my mind* to respond* but he bulldo'ed right o#er me, 8Do you understand now: My getting )loser to you is the ultimate form of self.gratifi)ation, t's the worst possible thing )ould do to you, f you somehow sur#i#e e#erything that's about to happen* it would lea#e you fore#er hungering for another tou)h* but ne#er able to fulfill that desire,8 pla)ed a hand on his lips before he )ould ramp ba)k up to another diatribe, 85one of that matters, %ll want is to be with you* and if we're as likely to all die as you seem to think we are* then the state of my mind after you're gone is hardly something worth wasting worry on, a))ept your in#itation, %s mu)h as hate the #ery thought of going to any formal dan)e* )an think of nothing better than going with you,8 8That's the addi)tion* the =a'tell bond talking,8 5ow that knew his )on)erns* it was hard not to noti)e 6ust how distra)ting the feel of his lips under my fingers was, =ust how pleasant it was to ha#e his hand )upped o#er mine, t was with an in)redible amount of regret that let go of him* and put se#eral in)hes of empty air between us, t didn't help mu)h3 )ould still feel his energy )aressing the e+posed pie)es of my skin, 8There* 'm not tou)hing you* and still want to go to the dan)e with you, 7ant it more than anything else,8 That wasn't )ompletely true, wanted him to kiss me e#en more than wanted to go to the %shure Day Dan)e, &a#ing him tou)h me in other ways was pretty high on the list too* but maybe that was 6ust psy)hosomati), &e didn't need to know that, really did want to spend time with him, E#en if he wasn't going to tou)h me* being with him was better than being anywhere else, 8This is a mistake, The worst kind of mistake be)ause we both know it's wrong and we don't )are,8 8 don't think it's a mistake, don't e#en think it is wrong,8 8But if you did* would you )are:8 8(robably not* but that doesn't )hange the fa)t that this is what want to do,8 &is sigh was ample e#iden)e he didn't belie#e me, t probably didn't help that 'd mo#ed in )loser as finished speaking* but was already worrying about something else he'd said, 8%le)* e#eryone keeps talking as though this fight is soon* but '#e ne#er heard an a)tual date,8

&e finally wrapped his arms ba)k around me* but it was a sub)ons)ious mo#e* as if he was trying to prote)t me from what he was going to ha#e to say ne+t, 8 t's after the dan)e, The night of the new moon* an hour or two after the %shure Day )elebration ends,8 was suddenly e#en more grateful we were going to the dan)e together, f only had a )ouple of weeks to li#e* then wanted to spend e#ery possible se)ond with him,

Chapter 27
groaned as %le) )ir)led two of my biology essays and handed them ba)k to me, 89ou're doing mu)h better* but you're missing a )ouple of key )omponents here and here,8 8&as anyone e#er told you you're a brutal taskmaster:8 &is smile took away some of the sting o#er 6ust how )areful he was being not to tou)h me lately, t was like he had a split personality, 7hen he was thinking about it* he was ultra. )areful not to do anything to deepen the =a'tell bond, 4ther times* usually when he was thinking about something else* he'd un)ons)iously rea)h out to me, still wasn't sure whi)h option preferred, E#ery moment we spent together made me want to tou)h him that mu)h more* but the idea of being addi)ted to anyone* e#en him* was more than a little unsettling, 8Sure* "a)hel tells me 'm entirely unreasonable on at least a daily basis,8 stu)k my tongue out at him* and started ba)k through the book in sear)h of the missing information, There were so many other ways 'd rather be spending our time together* but he was adamant not fall further behind in my )lasses, looked up to ask for a hint* and found him staring off into spa)e, 8(enny for your thoughts:8 &is smile was a half.hearted thing, 8Mother is playing again, She 6ust finished up with '/ourtship'* so the ne+t one will be '7el)oming',8 t was ama'ing how 0ui)kly )ould forget his supernatural abilities, Most of the time he seemed so normal, f you )ould )onsider any gorgeous* well.built boy who happened to be interested in me normal, E#ery so often though he'd do something that should be impossible, %le)'s smile was slightly apologeti), 8Sorry about that, 7ould you like to listen as well:8

My )onfusion earned me a )hu)kle, %le) rea)hed o#er to the bedside table and pi)ked up a remote that had more buttons on it than most laptops, % split se)ond later piano musi) flooded the room through the myriad of speakers mounted on the )eiling, The pie)e %le)'s mother was playing was in)redibly beautiful* full of lilting )hords of 6oy that seemed to stumble o#er ea)h other in a )heerful effort to outdo their prede)essors in greeting the audien)e, !i#e minutes later* she started the number o#er again* playing with #ariations on the minor notes* and %le) silen)ed the speakers with another )li)k of his remote, 8 t's beautiful, ne#er reali'ed she was so good* %le), mean* it's the most in)redible thing '#e e#er heard,8 &is smile was a )ombination of pride and regret, 8Mother says it represents my birth, She was always an e+)ellent performer, Dono#an says she would'#e been nationally a))laimed if she'd )hosen to pursue a )areer instead of marrying my father, She didn't begin )omposing until after he was gone,8 n what was for me a rare display of )ommon sense o#er )uriosity* shel#ed the rest of my 0uestions and looked for something )ould use to help him sidestep the memories, 8$rowing up surrounded by this* and neither you or "a)hel play an instrument:8 %le) shook his head, 8 '#e ne#er had the finesse to play anything, "a)hel took #iolin lessons for more than a year, think she wanted to be able to play with mother, That was when she begged me to wire the house for sound, Dono#an and spent two weeks setting up mi)s in Mom's studio* and then another )ouple of weeks running sound into e#ery other room of the house, She kept insisting it was so she )ould monitor Mother on the rare o))asions when nobody else was home* but used to hear her trying to play along to '/ourtship',8 The tra)e of a smile on %le)'s fa)e lulled me into a false sense of se)urity, 8She doesn't play now though, '#e been into her room* and there's no #iolin there,8 85o* she doesn't play anymore, She stopped playing shortly after Mom finished up the pie)e you 6ust heard,8 &is e+pression was so serious now that almost stopped him before he )ould )ontinue, 8She stopped when she reali'ed that '7el)oming' was the only )elebration of )hildbirth mother was going to write,8 felt my smile sour* and tried to turn away* but %le) )aught my )hin and gently pulled my fa)e up* for)ing me to meet his ga'e,

89ou don't need to feel embarrassed, t's not something that's easy to talk about, t's e#en harder for "a)hel to dis)uss* but sometimes those things still need to be e+amined, t's a)tually a relief to tell you, There are so many open se)rets around here, t )omes from li#ing in su)h )lose 0uarters* from e#eryone being able to hear what's said anywhere in the house, t feels good to be able to share them with you,8 returned his smile and tried not to fo)us on 0uestions of 6ust how mu)h of the fluttering in my stoma)h was due to natural attra)tion for him* and how mu)h was due to mysti)al heebie.6eebies, 8!or my part* 'm 6ust glad you're telling me something for on)e instead of )ontinuing to keep me in the dark,8 &e released my )hin and ran a finger down the side of my fa)e, 87ell* then 'm afraid 'll ha#e to trade upon your )urrent satisfa)tion to beg your lea#e, %s mu)h as 'd rather stay here and bask in your beauty* it's time for more training,8 tried to keep the disappointment from my fa)e* but his e+pression fell a little despite my best efforts, 89ou're unhappy with me:8 85o, mean not really unhappy* at least not with you, Maybe with the situation, 6ust feel left out of e#erything that's going on, know you don't want to get me any more deeply in#ol#ed with 'dangerous information'* but it really su)ks sometimes,8 %le) ga'ed at me for se#eral se)onds* and then sighed, 8 f you would like to )ome wat)h* you may, $i#e us half an hour* and then ask Dono#an to show you the way,8 felt my fa)e break into a huge smile* but he held a hand up to forestall my thanks, 8This is all still #ery mu)h against my better 6udgment* but 'm finding it in)reasingly hard to refuse you the things you want the most,8 8Somehow find that hard to belie#e, E#en if it were true* you're hardly the type to gi#e away the upper hand by )oming out and telling me so,8 %le)'s eyes had taken on the serious* resigned e+pression that'd be)ome disturbingly )ommonpla)e lately, 8 know, think that last part bothers me the most* but find myself doing so ne#ertheless, Make sure you wait at least half an hour, There's a definite element of danger to all of this,8 @@

must ha#e )he)ked the )lo)k si+teen times during the last fi#e minutes of the obligatory half.hour, The sensible* grownup part of me was arguing for another fi#e minutes 6ust to make sure* but told that part to take a flying leap and all but ran through the house looking for Dono#an, 89es* mistress: Do you need something:8 8Dono#an* %le) said )ould go wat)h them work out, 7ill you take me to where#er they are:8 &e dried his hands on a blisteringly white towel* and nodded, 84f )ourse, belie#e they are in the north end of the #alley, "ight this way,8 7e made good time* e#en with Dono#an's 6erky* oftentimes painful gait* but the estate was e#en bigger than 'd reali'ed, 7e walked for se#eral minutes before rounding a )orner and finding the entran)e to a hedge ma'e, 87e're #ery nearly there, The ma'e ser#es as a final barrier against unwel)ome eyes,8 was lost within se)onds* before we'd made more than four or fi#e turns, 85o wonder %le) laughed when threatened to try and follow him, 'd star#e to death before anyone found me,8 Dono#an's laugh was surprisingly rela+ed, 'd only e#er seen him with a serious* if respe)tful e+pression, E#en "a)hel's fre0uent teasing hadn't e#er managed to )ra)k his 'working fa)e', 8 hardly think that would be the )ase, 7hile you may #ery well ha#e lost your way* it would ha#e been a small matter for one of the others to tra)k you down, 9ou ha#e* if may say so* a #ery distin)ti#e smell, t reminds me of a type of sage brush that hasn't grown here in 0uite some time,8 &is sigh was more felt than heard* and it put me in mind of mountains* redwoods* and other an)ient things, 8Dono#an* )an ask you a 0uestion:8 84f )ourse* mistress, 'm afraid there are many whi)h won't be able to answer* but it would be a delight to share those things whi)h ha#en't been forbidden me,8 89ou're really old* aren't you:8 &is hesitation was brief* so mu)h so almost thought 'd imagined it, 89es* Mistress (aige* 'm 0uite old,8 84lder than San)tuary:8

This time there wasn't any doubt, &e'd definitely hesitated, t stret)hed out long enough that for a moment didn't think he was going to answer* but then he nodded* a long deliberate motion that left no 0uestion but that it was a )onfirmation, wanted to ask more* but didn't want to #enture into the kinds of things that would get him in trouble with %le), 7e walked for another minute or so before was stru)k with the silliness of someone who was old enough to be my great grandfather )alling me 'Mistress (aige,' 8Dono#an* you )ould 6ust )all me %dri if you want,8 8That would hardly be appropriate* mistress,8 8 t 6ust seems silly, mean* 'm not really part of the family or anything* so there isn't really a need* is there:8 Dono#an's smile was in)redibly gentle as he shook his head in disagreement, 89ou're #ery mu)h a part of the family* and if may be so bold* 'm 0uite delighted by your in)lusion, '#e not seen Mistress "a)hel or Master %le) this )ontent in more years than like to think about, !or my part* hope to ha#e the )ontinued pleasure of your )ompany for a #ery long time,8 felt myself blushing, hated how easily my fa)e heated up* but a little thing like my imminent death was hardly going to )hange that, 8Thanks* Dono#an, 5ot 6ust for that either, ha#en't properly thanked you for how ni)e you'#e been to me,8 Dono#an wa#ed away my thanks, 8That is no more or less than my duty to a member of the family* and with that* we'#e arri#ed,8 The $ra#es estate was )radled between two spurs* and we'd finally tra#ersed the length of the estate to arri#e where the spurs 6oined the mountain, The north end of the #alley was a terra)ed masterpie)e that was remarkably green despite the )omplete la)k of #isible water, Large trees of a type didn't re)ogni'e towered on ea)h side* shooting up do'ens of feet before bran)hing out into an interlo)king )anopy that )ut the harsh sunlight down to a greenish ha'e that swayed with the gentle motion of a bree'e too slight for me to feel, % gra#el pathway )ut its winding way between real* li#e grass before terminating in a sandy )ourtyard that my eyes had been a#oiding* almost as though my mind wasn't ready to deal with what it knew it would see there, The pa)k had turned at our appearan)e and si+ sets of unblinking* inhuman eyes stared up at me,

% low growl sounded from one of the throats* and Dono#an edged in front of me as the largest of the figures turned and stru)k out at another of the shape shifters with blurring speed, % startled yelp boun)ed off of the #alley walls* and then Dono#an rela+ed slightly and started forward, 87e should be safe now, Master %le) seems to ha#e things well in hand,8 &is word )hoi)e didn't inspire an o#erabundan)e of )onfiden)e* but )ould hardly turn and run away after begging to be allowed to )ome wat)h, The path seemed to shrink as we were walking* and almost too 0ui)kly sand repla)ed the )run)h of gra#el under our feet, re)ogni'ed %le)'s humanoid form from before* a massi#e* bla)k* hea#ily furred tower of mus)le* )laws and fangs, might ha#e pulled ba)k at his approa)h* but the eyes* e#en with their #erti)al pupils were still undeniably his, % paler* more i)y blue than was used to* but it was still him looking out at me from the other side, E#eryone else was harder to pi)k out* but ga#e it my best shot, saa) was probably the bluish.bla)k hybrid who was nearly as big as %le), &is utter stillness in )omparison to the )onstant motion of the rest of the pa)k was too mu)h like his normal self.mastery for it to be anyone else, The other hybrid* the gray one with his teeth showing and 6ust the barest hint of a growl had to be =ames, =essi)a was ob#iously the smallest of the wol#es, She pa)ed ba)k and forth* her eyes ne#er lea#ing me as she made it entirely e#ident she'd like nothing more than to gi#e into )ountless millennia of instin)ts* and 6ust rip my throat out in a single lightning.fast bound, t wasn't until tried to de)ide whi)h of the two remaining wol#es was Domini)* that reali'ed the ne+t smallest figure wasn't a wolf at all, The pit)h.bla)k shadow that padded towards me was some kind of )ross between a leopard and a 6aguar, % low growl rippled up out of %le)'s throat as the large )at got )loser* but she dropped to the ground and rolled onto her ba)k, started forward* but Dono#an's hand )losed around my arm* pulling me up short, %le)'s ga'e ne#er left the prostrate shape shifter, &e let her remain on the ground for se#eral se)onds* and then his )hin dropped in an unmistakable nod, Mo#ing with what had to be e+aggerated )are for someone )apable of su)h speed* she rolled ba)k onto her paws and )rossed the remaining distan)e between us, Dono#an released my arm as she reared up and pla)ed her front paws on my shoulders, The )olorless eyes didn't mat)h any of the pa)k's human form* but they had Domini)'s gentleness,

She dropped ba)k down and butted her head against my hand, started petting her out of refle+* but when slowed down out of embarrassment* she butted my hand again, %fter a few se)onds she turned and slipped away* disappearing into the trees in a matter of se)onds, The rest of the pa)k waited e+pe)tantly* milling about partially hidden by %le)'s towering figure, turned to ask Dono#an what to do ne+t* only to ha#e the words torn away from me as a surge of power washed o#er me from where Domini) had disappeared, % momentary ripple of stillness swept through the pa)k* and then Domini) reappeared* this time walking on two legs, 'd been too o#erwhelmed by e#erything else to really register the fa)t that e#eryone was wearing some form of stret)hy )lothing, 'd ne#er thought about how )hanging shapes must make for diffi)ulty when it )ame to )lothing )hoi)es* but it appeared someone had sol#ed the problem, Dom's bla)k outfit had perfe)tly mat)hed her fur* and whate#er it was* it had shrunk down to fit her four.legged form* while still ha#ing enough elasti)ity to e+pand out to )o#er her person shape, The girl's )lothes had an elasti) band of some kind at their ne)ks* legs and arms* while the boys were wearing a pants.like number whi)h )in)hed down o#er their waist* as well as 6ust abo#e the knees, My preo))upation o#er what e#eryone was wearing ga#e Dom a )han)e to )o#er the distan)e between us, Dono#an smiled as Dom rea)hed us, 8 'll lea#e her in your )are then* Mistress San)he':8 %le) wat)hed Dono#an lea#e* and then turned ba)k to the pa)k and )hi##ied them ba)k into motion, grabbed onto Dom's hand with enough for)e to bruise a normal person as saa) and =ames turned on ea)h other with a sudden fero)ity that left me breathless, 8 t's okay, They're training* sparring if you will,8 t was hard to belie#e what was wat)hing was anything less than an all.out bid to kill ea)h other, saa) du)ked a #i)ious swipe from =ames* and then kno)ked the smaller hybrid o#er with a ba)khand blow was pretty sure would'#e )rushed ro)k, Domini) win)ed a little as the blow landed and her boyfriend hit with earth.shattering for)e, 8%re you sure: mean* it looks pretty real to me,8 8They're definitely being )areful not to kill ea)h other, saa) )ould'#e )onne)ted with his )laws instead of his fist,8 =asmin and =essi)a were )ir)ling ea)h other now, t reminded me of a fight 'd seen between two feral dogs while was still in grade s)hool, The dogs had )ir)led for fi#e or

ten se)onds* and then one had thrown himself at the other, % neighbor had broken the fight up with a few thrown stones before it'd )ome to a grisly end* but it'd been ob#ious on)e the first dog had lat)hed onto his opponent's throat that it was only a matter of time before the smaller dog would'#e died, This was e+a)tly the same* only it happened faster as =asmin blurred into motion, 4ne moment she was growling at =ess from a distan)e of more than fi#e feet* the ne+t instant she was on top of =ess* and her teeth were lat)hed around the smaller wolf's throat, Domini)'s hand tightened on mine as =ess began to whine* but %le) took a mena)ing step forward and =asmin released =essi)a with another growl, 8She didn't want to let go* did she:8 Dom looked for a se)ond like she wasn't going to answer* but she finally shook her head, 8 t's harder to )ontrol the instin)ts* the beast inside us* if you will* while we're in an alternate form, &ybrid* wolf* )at* to one e+tent or another* we be)ome the beast* and if there's one thing animals ha#e figured out* it's that you don't sur#i#e by letting a beaten opponent li#e to learn from their mistakes,8 felt a shudder go through me at what she was saying, 8So %le) wasn't kidding when he said it wasn't safe for me to be here:8 89ou're probably not in any more danger today than you were that first night, =essi)a isn't any fonder of you now than she was then, '#e been working with =ames e#ery day sin)e then* but he hasn't really )ome around yet* so he is still a bit of a problem, Lu)kily* with %le) and saa) both firmly on your side* and =asmin starting to de#elop a liking for you* there isn't a thing those two )an really do about it, %s long as %le) is #ery )areful to stay between the two of them and you* you really don't ha#e a reason to worry,8 8&e let you get )lose to me,8 Dom's smile was in)redibly winning, 8%h* but Dono#an was still with you* and not only do like you more than any of the others* 'm also a )at* so in this )ase my instin)ts aren't 0uite as worrisome,8 89ou're different from the others then: mean* they )an't )hange into )ats* )an they:8 She shook her head* attention still mostly on the fighting taking pla)e on the far end of the sand )ourt, 87e're from different bloodlines, f you belie#e the legends* %d6am be)ame the first wolf* and no)k the first of the big )ats, %le) and the others des)ended from %d6am* and 'm a des)endant of no)k,8

t all seemed so impossible* legends brought to life and paraded before my in)redulous eyes* and yet there was no arguing with the truth, t was starting to sink in that needed to )ome to terms with all of the natural impli)ations, Things like the fa)t that some or all of my attra)tion to %le) was based on his ability to addi)t humans to him* intentionally or not, =ames and =essi)a were s0uared off against %le) now while saa) and =asmin wat)hed, 'd thought e#eryone else mo#ed fast* but %le) was e#en faster, &e a)tually dodged =ess' 6ump* )ausing her to lat)h onto nothing more than thin air* while he spun around and hit =ames with a blow to the )hest that had to ha#e broken ribs, 8%le)'s a good leader, Maybe the best, This kind of e+er)ise would be impossible in nearly any other pa)k* but it's the only thing that's kept us ali#e in the fa)e of Brandon's larger pa)k,8 didn't want her to say anything she wasn't supposed to* espe)ially not if %le) was ha#ing as hard of a time )ontrolling the anger that seemed to be part and par)el of the new shapes e#eryone was wearing* but was desperate to start understanding some of what was going on, Domini) must'#e looked away from the fight long enough to see the 0uestions on my fa)e, 8 t's hard to understand 6ust how important the pa)k stru)ture is, The 0uestion of who is dominant and who is subordinate dri#es so mu)h of what we do, E#en so* it's not nearly as bad as other pa)ks* other pla)es, %le)'s established )lear dominan)e to e#eryone else here* but he still probably )ouldn't make his gentler rules sti)k if it weren't for the fa)t that saa) ba)ks him almost without 0uestion,8 The ob6e)t of our dis)ussion was )urrently ba)king away from =ames while trying to keep =essi)a from )ir)ling around behind him, finally reali'ed what 'd always thought of as gra)e was really an e)onomy of motion, t was like he was sa#ing e#ery possible bit of energy be)ause he ne#er knew when he'd find it ne)essary to burn up his reser#es in a bla'e of #iolen)e, E#en as wat)hed* he spun around* plu)king =essi)a out of the air* grabbing her by the head mid.leap as she sought to find pur)hase on this throat, &e tried to spin ba)k around to meet =ames' rush* but the smaller hybrid kno)ked him down with a )rash, saa) and =asmin were there in a blink* tearing the other two wol#es off of %le) before the )onfli)t )ould turn deadly, )ouldn't breathe until the dust settled* and %le) rolled ba)k up to his feet* dripping blood from a large gash in his side, Domini) heard my sudden gasp and rea)hed o#er to reassure me, 8&e's okay, 7e heal fast* and he heals faster than most,8 8So this isn't normal:8

Dom shook her head again, 85o* in most pa)ks* any )onfrontation ends in #iolen)e, $enerally there are a whole host of dominants who want to be)ome the alpha, This would usually turn into a real dominan)e fight* with the other two doing their #ery best to kill him before turning on ea)h other to fight o#er the spoils,8 8That's terrible,8 &er nod was sad, 8 told you he was spe)ial, %ll of that hard.won )i#ili'ation tends to flake and )hip away when we're that )lose to our beast, %le) always does what's right though, 5o matter what it )osts him personally,8 Dom's words were timely, Before hearing them would'#e wat)hed %le)'s near.stillness with un)on)ern* but now* seeing the way =asmin and saa) split their attention between %le) and the wol#es they'd 6ust pulled off of him* )ould nearly see the effort he was e+erting to sho#e aside the instin)ts demanding the death of the wol#es who'd marked him* who'd 0uestioned his suprema)y, 7ith a shudder* he rela+ed again* and =essi)a approa)hed* dropping to her stoma)h to )rawl the last little ways* and then rolling onto her ba)k, =ames dropped down on all fours* grounding the wi)ked.looking )laws tipping his hands* and then it seemed all was forgi#en, My suspi)ions were )onfirmed when Dom sighed with relief, t hadn't 6ust been my imagination, %le)'s will had been suffi)ient to the task* but its #i)tory hadn't been assured, t was a terrible risk to run* one that apparently put a big fat target on his )hest for anyone in the pa)k who wasn't happy with how things were )urrently running* but %le) ran it regardless, &e ran it again and again be)ause doing so ga#e his pa)k a slight )han)e of sur#i#al* and he )ouldn't deny them that )han)e* not when there was something he )ould do to put it within their rea)h, That wasn't the kind of person who'd take ad#antage of my human weakness to sedu)e me, n fa)t* it was all too likely he was going to fight my e#ery effort to bring us )loser together pre)isely be)ause he didn't want to take ad#antage of me, was suddenly #ery )ertain though that was going to wage that war, )ouldn't not want him* not lo#e him* any more than he )ould do less than his best to keep his family from harm,

Chapter 28
%le) was )ompletely dren)hed in sweat* and still wanted to throw myself at him so badly my teeth hurt, t shouldn't be possible for someone to look so good dressed in what amounted to little more than loose* e+tra.stret)hy sweatpants, 8&ow was training:8 t was hard to sound )asual, The urge to kiss him had be)ome almost o#erpowering in the last few days, &e knew me better on e#ery le#el imaginable than anyone outside my immediate family e#er had* and all )ould think about right now was how mu)h wanted to tou)h him,

8!airly well* all things )onsidered, 7e took it easy though,,,8 'd gotten used to the idea that he left a substantial number of thoughts unsaid out of a desire to prote)t me from knowing too mu)h, didn't like it* but 'd learned to a))ept it, &e didn't need to finish that parti)ular senten)e though, They'd gone easy be)ause today was %shure Day* and on)e the dan)e finished up* he'd be fa)ing off against Brandon* and it would be stupid to tire himself out when he was going to be fighting for his life, t was a thought pretty mu)h guaranteed to stifle a )on#ersation* but managed a smile, 84nly you would )ome ba)k dripping in sweat and say you took it easy,8 %le)'s smile was a bit strained at the edges* but the tenderness on his fa)e was genuine, 8 don't know what 'd ha#e done without you these last few weeks,8 My heart went pitter.patter* but still mindful of the fa)t that throwing myself at him would 6ust result in him freaking out and keeping me at arm's length* managed not to go all gooey on the outside too, -nfortunately the effort meant was slow responding, &e mo#ed on before got anything out, 8&ow's your homework )oming:8 5ow did frown at him, 8 think my mind's going to e+plode if look at my Biology book e#en 6ust one more time this weekend, 4ther than that things are great,8 %le)'s )hu)kle seemed to rea)h out and )aress me, 8 take it you'd be up for a brief field trip then:8 My ears must ha#e perked up, !or all that we'd spent an in)redible amount of time together o#er the last little bit* he hadn't taken me anywhere, 8% field trip sounds great, E+)ept ha#e to be ba)k at least three hours before the dan)e* or "a)hel and =asmin will eat me, %t least that's what they said* and tend to belie#e them,8 %le) )rossed o#er to me and ran a finger down the side of my fa)e, 84nly you )ould manage to make a 6oke out of ha#ing fallen in with monsters,8 shrugged, 87hat else is a girl to do:8 %le)'s reply shrug mirrored mine e+a)tly and yet still turned the mo#ement into something far more gra)eful and elo0uent than what 'd managed, 8Be that as it may* think you don't gi#e yourself enough )redit for 6ust how ama'ing you are,8 felt myself start to blush as %le) disappeared into the bathroom,

@@ Monsters )ould handle* motor)y)les were something else entirely, 'd almost ba)ked out when %le) told me we'd be taking his bullet bike* but didn't want him to know really was a )omplete wuss, %ll of whi)h e+plained how 'd ended up on %le)'s shiny* blue 9amaha "E with my arms lo)ked around him in a death grip, %pparently 'd gi#en away at least some of my fear though* be)ause %le) took the first half of our forty.minute dri#e at a positi#ely sedate pa)e* or at least what 0ualified as a sedate pa)e on a ma)hine that )ould go from 'ero to si+ty mu)h faster than any of the e+oti) sports )ars %le) and his friends usually dro#e, =ust as finally started to en6oy leaning with %le) while 'ipping around turns at what was starting to suspe)t were triple digit speeds* he pulled off behind a ramsha)kle* old building and held a finger to his lips, held my breath and tried my best to try and figure out what he was listening for* but en)ased as was by the blue helmet he'd insisted on* would'#e been lu)ky to noti)e if a herd of elephants had been hot on our trail, Se#eral se)onds passed* and then %le) smiled at me again and ba)ked the bike into the building* whi)h was e#ery bit as de)repit.looking on the inside as it'd been on the outside, 8%re we here:8 8Disappointed:8 felt my skin heat up again* but managed to sti)k my tongue out, 85o* we're not 0uite there yet* but before we )ontinue on* need your promise not to dis)uss this with anyone, 5ot e#en the rest of the pa)k,8 was taken aba)k with his sudden intensity* and part of me wanted to bristle at the impli)ation )ouldn't be trusted with a se)ret, &is e+pression softened a little as he rea)hed into the small bag mounted on the fuel tank* and handed me a bottle of water, hadn't e#en reali'ed was thirsty until that se)ond, 8 'm sorry* %driana, know )an depend on you* this is 6ust important enough that needed to make sure you understood what's riding on your dis)retion,8 finished with the first third of the bottle* and then nodded, 8 won't say anything, 7hat e+a)tly are we going to see:8 85ot a what* but a who,8 Mu)h like he'd done when we'd been fleeing from my house* %le) pi)ked me up and then slung me around so )ould wrap my legs around his waist* and my arms around his ne)k and )hest, This time %le) wasn't sprinting* but he still set out at a pa)e that made

)on#ersation impossible* so 6ust rela+ed into him and en6oyed being so )lose for a se)ond time today, 4n)e we stopped* slid down %le)'s ba)k and looked around, The tiny )abin set ba)k into the ro)ks before us blended into the hillside so well* probably wouldn't ha#e noti)ed it if %le) hadn't stopped so )lose, %s soon as he was )onfident )ould stand unaided* %le) ga#e me a reassuring smile* and then kno)ked gently on the door, The woman who appeared a few se)onds later seemed frail in a way that somehow wasn't attributable to her graying hair* or slender frame, t wasn't until she released %le) from a hug* and slowly mo#ed ba)k into the )abin* that reali'ed it was how she mo#ed that made her seem so old, &er motions reminded me of how my grandfather had mo#ed the last few years before he'd died, Slowly* and with e+tra )are* as if a )areless a)tion would lea#e him )rumpled on the floor* ra)ked with pain, 8Mallory* 'd like to introdu)e you to %driana (aige, %driana* Mallory,8 smiled* and gingerly offered my hand to her* whi)h she )lasped in both of hers, 8 'm #ery happy to finally get to meet you* young lady, %le) is better )ompany than most* but it's ni)e to ha#e a new fa)e around here,8 felt myself warming to her immediately* e#en more so as she ushered us into her small sitting room and )lu)ked o#er me* all the while pro)laiming that was far too skinny, t was e+a)tly the kind of thing you'd e+pe)t your grandma to say* but almost belie#ed her, %le) helped both of us down into our )hairs* and then smiled as Mallory wa#ed him off, 89ou go ahead and do your )hores, 7e girls will 6ust get to know ea)h other* and then on)e you're done* you )an bring me up to speed on the latest de#elopments,8 7e passed se#eral se)onds in silen)e after %le) disappeared* and then Mallory turned ba)k towards me with a twinkle in her eyes, 8So it finally happened:8 8 'm sorry3 don't understand what you mean,8 8%le)'s finally fallen in lo#e* and with su)h a lo#ely girl, was half worried he was going to spend the rest of his life so mired in responsibility* he'd ne#er let himself noti)e anyone,8 was flabbergasted* but my la)k of response didn't fa'e her in the slightest, 8 take it he finally reali'ed you aren't a shape shifter then:8

%pparently my astonishment leaked through to my e+pression* that or maybe she )ould 6ust smell the sho)k on me, 7hate#er the reason* her smile took on new intensity* and she slowly rea)hed out and )lasped my hand again, 8 'm sorry3 spend so mu)h of my time alone with my thoughts that they de#elop well. worn groo#es, forget sometimes that other people ha#en't been pri#y to the endless hours of spe)ulation that got me from one point to another,8 There was something about her tou)h that distra)ted me, 5ot in a bad way* almost like the ti)kle you get in the ba)k of your mind when you know you're missing out on some key point of plot in a suspense no#el, 89ou glow mu)h more brightly than any human '#e e#er met* but you don't feel like a shape shifter* so you're either a #ery powerful !ir'shan* one strong enough to mask your nature from %le)* as well as me* or you're a #ery e+traordinary human, %le) wouldn't ha#e brought you here until he was sure it was the latter,8 )losed my mouth in astonishment, 8 didn't reali'e %le) had talked to anyone about me, %)tually think you 6ust let more drop in a few senten)es than he's told me all week, %le) )laims it's be)ause )ould be put in danger 6ust by knowing )ertain things* but think he's still 6ust not 0uite sure he )an trust me,8 Mallory slowly leaned ba)k in her )hair* and then shook her head, 85o* it isn't be)ause he doesn't trust you, f he didn't trust you* he wouldn't ha#e brought you here, &e'd trust saa) or =asmin with his or e#en "a)hel's life* but neither of them know about me, n fa)t* bringing you here e+pands the )ir)le of people who know about me to a grand total of three, &e trusts you* more than 6ust trusts you* but he's right, There are a number of things you shouldn't know 6ust yet,8 Mallory smiled again in response to my hea#y sigh, 8 know that must be hard to swallow, 'll tell you what, $o ahead and ask away* and if think you should know the answer to any of your 0uestions* 'll 6ust tell you and de#il take the )onse0uen)es,8 t seemed too good to be true, 8%ren't you s)ared of what will happen when %le) finds out that know more than 'm supposed to:8 8%nd how's he going to find out* youngster: !rom how long it took them to unload my most re)ent food shipment* he won't be ba)k anytime soon* and 'm )ertainly not planning on telling him, %re you going to let our little )at out of the bag:8 started to shake my head* but honesty pre#ailed before )ould finish the motion, 8 mean 'm not planning on it* but 'm not #ery good at lying or keeping se)rets, Espe)ially not from %le),8 Mallory's )hu)kle was that of a mu)h younger woman, 8That bothers you a little* doesn't it:8

8Sometimes, % little, 6ust hate being su)h an open book to e#eryone,8 8Try not to let it get to you too mu)h, %s hard as it may be for you to belie#e* %le)'s e#en better at reading people than most of us, There are se#eral of the pa)k there at the house who are nearly as bothered by that as you are,8 The familiar feel to her tou)h suddenly fell into pla)e, t was hard to belie#e that 'd spent so long with her and not reali'ed that she was a shape shifter until she'd said as mu)h, 8%h* and the first 0uestion you want to know is how )ome you didn't reali'e was a shape shifter* isn't it:8 nodded* surprised at her insight* but more or less resigned to the fa)t that was ne#er going to ha#e any kind of se)ret e#er again, 8(artly it's be)ause 'm so old* but it also has a little bit to do with the fa)t that '#e spent the last )ouple of de)ades )on)ealing my presen)e from others, suppose it has be)ome a habit to hide the more unusual aspe)ts of my nature, guess all that pra)ti)e has made me better at it than most of the shape shifters you'#e run into so far,8 t made sense* but didn't really help me fill in any of the broad holes that had been bothering me for so long, Mallory ga#e me se#eral se)onds to ponder her answer before )ontinuing, 8&ow is the rest of the pa)k: %le) will tell me* but he'll filter his answer through what he thinks 'm able to hear* not ne)essarily what need to hear,8 8They're worried, =essi)a and =ames seem to be the most unsettled by e#erything that's happened* but think e#eryone is more or less )on)erned, s there someone in parti)ular that you were )urious about:8 Mallory hesitated for a moment* and then nodded, 8&ow does Dono#an seem to be doing:8 The 0uestion took me )ompletely by surprise, There was no reason it should ha#e* but it was the last thing e+pe)ted her to ask me, 8&e's good* think, mean ha#en't been there #ery long* and don't know him or anyone else #ery well* so it's hard to tell, %s long as there isn't any kind of publi) fight with massi#e amounts of bloodshed* probably wouldn't know that e#eryone is at ea)h other's throats* but Dono#an seems happy, &e's always pleasant,8 The e+pression on Mallory's fa)e tugged on my heartstrings, The open #ulnerability there made me )ast about for additional tidbits to tell her,

8&e's one of my fa#orites, "a)hel and were already friends* so it made sense that she'd be ni)e to me* and Domini) at least knew who was* but Dono#an was ni)e to me right from the start, t's almost like he appro#es of me where some of the others aren't so sure %le)'s dating me is a #ery good idea,8 Mallory's e+pression was far away as she spoke, 89es* he would appro#e of the two of you, &e's the )onsummate man ser#ant* so #ery professional that you probably wouldn't e#er know it if he didn't like you* but 'm sure he does, &e appro#ed of %le)'s father's )hoi)e e#en ba)k when most of the pa)k was still energeti)ally opposed to the idea, &e's always been one to see truly,8 89ou are* mean* you were )lose:8 &er smile turned sad, 8%)tually* neither, 7e weren't )lose when there was an opportunity for )loseness* and now that 'd like #ery few things more than to be )lose to him* there's no real opportunity for us to be)ome so,8 She patted my hand as she shrugged, 8 t's rather ironi) how things work out sometimes* but that's not fair on my part, 'm sure there are things you would mu)h rather learn of than how )ame to be in my present )ir)umstan)es,8 8%)tually* that's part of what want to understand, mean didn't )ome here wanting to learn your story spe)ifi)ally* but there's so mu)h history don't know, There's this shared past that 'm not a part of, t's like* oh* don't know* think maybe learning about the past will help me understand what's going on right now,8 Mallory's sigh seemed to allude to e#ery one of her presumably substantial years, 8&ow #ery per)epti#e, The past is #ery mu)h dri#ing what's happening right now* but so mu)h of the past is tied up with the #ery things from whi)h %le)'s trying to prote)t you,8 was bubbling with 0uestions* but sensing that now wasn't the time to push* sat ba)k and waited in silen)e while she de)ided e+a)tly how mu)h to tell me, 8%le)'s father was killed nearly two de)ades ago, don't remember e#erything about that night* wasn't e#en )ons)ious for a large part of the happenings* but the pie)es do remember are sharper than they should be, Sharper in my mind now maybe than e#en when they happened,8 &er hand gripped mine with a fragile strength that hinted at the #ibrant* powerful woman she'd been ba)k then, Ba)k before the years had worn at her, 8The pa)k was huge ba)k then, Mu)h larger e#en than Brandon's is today* but all of that might didn't sa#e %le)'s father that night, There was a nightmare of blood and death* and when the sun finally tou)hed the earth again the ne+t morning* a full third of our number were dead* and most of those who remained were )rippled, would'#e been one of the former* e+)ept for Dono#an,8

The 0uestions )ontinued to bubble up inside me* but throttled them down* suppressing them rather than risking an interruption whi)h might )ause her to not finish, 8%t great risk to himself he )arried me away from the site of the battle* running and swimming more miles than )are to think about, E#entually his strength finally ga#e way* and when he )ouldn't e#en )rawl anymore* he found a )a#e and did his best to ensure wouldn't die from e+posure, %s soon as he was able to mo#e again* he went ba)k and ha#en't seen him sin)e,8 8But how:8 The 0uestion 6ust kind of popped out before )ould think, t )ould'#e been taken as the worst kind of insensiti#ity3 Mallory 6ust ga#e my hand another s0uee'e, 8&e hasn't always been )rippled, n fa)t he used to be a delightful dan)er, &is in6uries were sustained at the hands of the indi#iduals who killed %le)'s father* the same ones who wanted to kill me* and who tortured Dono#an for days before finally a))epting that 'd died from the wounds that left me like this,8 Mallory shrugged* slowly and painfully in response to my 0uestioning look, 8My s)ars aren't readily #isible* but they're there, That's why %le) is for)ed to )ome mo#e the food he has sent to me, The s)ar tissue built up around my heart tends to pull in painful ways when my pulse starts ra)ing, tend not to worry about it all that mu)h* but %le) fears it's a sign of deeper problems, generally humor him and lea#e the hea#y lifting for his #isits* and we both pretend he doesn't know about the small garden keep in a nearby )a#e,8 opened my mouth* but 6ust simply didn't know what to say, The horror of being trapped in a body that was riddled with old in6uries was something thousands of people fa)ed e#ery day* but it seemed e#en more of a shame for someone who'd on)e been so #ital and strong, Mallory's smile held only the faintest hint of regret, 85o need to feel sorry for me, '#e had a good run, % mu)h better one than most of my friends did, f ha#en't managed to a))omplish what was sent down to do in the )ourse of almost a hundred and fifty years* then '#e nobody to blame but myself,8 8Still* 'm sorry, 9ou seem mu)h too ni)e of a person to ha#e had all of that happen to you,8 85onsense, f am kind* it's no doubt be)ause of those #ery e+perien)es that would'#e been the most desperate to a#oid, think most of the best people are that way e+a)tly be)ause of the things they'#e endured, ndi#iduals like Domini)* "a)hel* and =asmin don't 6ust happen, They're the result of a nati#e goodness being tempered and refined by terrible e+perien)es,8

Mallory suddenly doubled o#er in a fit of )oughing that left her white and shaking, 6umped to my feet and almost ran for %le)* but she grabbed my hand with more of that fragile strength* and pulled me ba)k down, 8There isn't anything he )an do for me* )hild* and unless 'm #ery mu)h mistaken he's more than normally worried right now, &e's in no kind of way needing yet more to fret about, =ust let me )at)h my breath and 'll be as right as e#er,8 Se#eral minutes later* on)e the renewed bout of )oughing had subsided* Mallory looked ba)k up at me with wan features, 8&ow did it happen: 7hat brought things between Brandon and our %le) to a head:8 8 t was my fault, 'd been dating Brandon* and we went to a party, 4nly while we were there he tried to do things wasn't )omfortable with, 7hen told him no* he..they..threw me out and told me to find my own way home,8 t was harder to relate the story than 'd e+pe)ted* but Mallory's )lu)k of disappro#al o#er Brandon's a)tions helped a little, t made me hope that maybe she wasn't going to hate me for bringing ruin to %le) and the others, 8 was stumbling in the dark when Simon and 5athanial )ame for me* only didn't know it was them* 6ust saw two enormous wol#es running me down, f %le) hadn't stopped them think they probably would'#e killed me,8 8-ndoubtedly* but don't let it bother you* sweetie, This has been all but ine#itable sin)e %le)'s father died, !rom the moment they were born* )ould tell that both %le) and Brandon had been gifted with un)ommon potential for power,8 My blank look apparently made her take pity on me, 8 'm sorry, forget you're not aware of my spe)ial gift, see inside people, Shape shifters really* but e#ery on)e in a while normal humans as well, )an see their potential* and when they de#elop gifts* )an see the shape those gifts ha#e taken,8 8$ifts:8 8The most powerful of the !ir'shan* the hybrids as the younger generation )alls them* o))asionally de#elop unusual abilities, %le)'s father's was that of being able to heal himself more rapidly than normal* e#en for our kind, Thanatas* the legendary king who defeated the southerners* was said to be able to mold his own body* making powerful )hanges that made him unbeatable in )ombat,8 Mallory's e+planation was ti)kling the ba)k of my mind, 8 s that why Brandon's unbeatable:8

85obody is unbeatable* but yes* that's why Brandon is su)h a formidable ad#ersary, &is gift is more prosai) than most* it's 6ust in)reased strength and speed* but that makes him more than a mat)h for most normal hybrids,8 8That's why %le) had more food than normal dropped off here then: Be)ause he really doesn't think he )an win:8 Mallory pondered for se#eral se)onds* before finally shrugging, 8That may be unduly pessimisti), &e's detail.oriented enough that part of it's probably 6ust an insuran)e poli)y for me in )ase he doesn't pre#ail* but there is a kernel of truth to your )on)ern, %le) is an in)redible fighter* but Brandon's like hasn't been seen in )enturies,8 87hy are you telling me all this: '#e been with the others for almost two whole weeks* and nobody's hinted that there were hybrids with spe)ial powers,8 Mallory patted my hand again, 8 probably wouldn't ha#e )ompli)ated things this way sa#e for the fa)t that for only the third time in my long life* '#e looked inside a human* and seen something outside of the ordinary there,8 87ait* you mean me: '#e got a power: 'm about as ordinary as you )an get,8 8&ardly ordinary, &a#e you had more of the dreams sin)e %le) res)ued you:8 8&ow )an they be a power: They're gorgeous* but nothing )ool like what you des)ribed,8 Mallory started to answer* only to break off as she was o#er)ome with another )oughing fit, Thankfully this one was less intense, 8Many of the gifts aren't flashy like Brandon's strength, n fa)t* suspe)t that many of the !ir'shan a)tually de#elop gifts but ne#er reali'e it be)ause they're of a less powerful nature* and are mistaken for lu)k* or un)ommonly sharp instin)ts, 9our gift seems to be that of sharing dreams,8 gasped as reali'ed what %le) must ha#e suspe)ted for 0uite some time, 89ou mean that was really him in my dreams:8 8 ndeed, That's part of why he was so )on)erned you might be a powerful !ir'shan posing as a normal human,8 % tiny sound 6ust outside the door preempted my ne+t 0uestion, %le) )arefully maneu#ered a pair of huge metal baskets in through the door, felt my eyes go wide as reali'ed that they were full of hundreds of )ans of food, didn't e#en want to guess at how mu)h weight was in ea)h basket* but as %le) )leared the door it was ob#ious that the slow speed that he'd been mo#ing at had only been due to him not wanting to hit anything, &e mo#ed like they weighed no more than a )ouple of pillows as he )rossed the )abin and set them down in front of what must be the food pantry,

8That was almost as 0ui)k as normal,8 %le) nodded in response to Mallory's obser#ation, 8 '#e been lifting weights for a while* but present )ir)umstan)es di)tated a more aggressi#e program,8 &e opened the door to the pantry* and started putting )ans away* but Mallory wa#ed him off, 89ou'll put them in the wrong spots, =ust lea#e that* and 'll put it away later, Don't go all mulish on me* may be old and feeble* but 'm still able to mo#e a )an of food, /ome o#er here and let me look at you,8 %le) )ame ba)k towards us with an air of resignation, Mallory tenderly a))epted the letter he produ)ed from a po)ket somewhere* and then waited while %le) knelt in front of her, felt a tingle of power as Mallory rea)hed out and pla)ed her hands on either side of his fa)e, The power surged* and %le)'s hea#y* )ool power was 6oined by something light and laughing, Se#eral se)onds later* Mallory released %le) with a sigh and fell ba)k in ob#ious e+haustion, %le) wat)hed intently until she shook her head* and then the mask fell for 6ust a se)ond before he lo)ked it ba)k in pla)e* hiding the disappointment that for the slimmest of moments had been plainly written on his e+pression, Mallory rea)hed out* as if to take %le)'s hand* but he gently set her hands ba)k on her lap, 85othing's )hanged, 7e'll 6ust pro)eed as before, "est now* and should the worst )ome to pass 'll send Dono#an to you,8 % few se)onds later %le) and were outside the )abin* walking ba)k in the dire)tion of the waiting motor)y)le, rea)hed out to take his hand* and felt a glimmer of relief when he didn't re6e)t the gesture as he had with Mallory, 8%le)* was the letter from Dono#an:8 had to repeat the 0uestion again before he shook himself and nodded, 8 '#e been running letters ba)k and forth between the two of them sin)e was ten, don't )ome out here #ery mu)h* but make the trip as often as it's safe to do so, They both li#e for those letters,8 7e walked in silen)e for se#eral more se)onds before got the ner#e up to #erify my interpretation of what 'd 6ust seen, 8She was 6ust looking inside you to see if you'#e de#eloped a power yet* wasn't she:8 %le) helped me o#er an espe)ially daunting ro)k and then nodded, 8%nd nothing has )hanged, She's been telling me for years now that ha#e the potential to de#elop a fairly spe)ta)ular gift* one that should it )hoose to manifest in a useful form* )ould be more than a mat)h for Brandon's strength, %pparently 'm still right on the point of de#eloping

said gift* only our time has run out, fight Brandon tonight, Besides* e#en if were to de#elop a gift this instant* most of them re0uire pra)ti)e to master* and 'm not going to ha#e a )han)e to do any of that,8 8 'm sorry, t's my fault that this all happened,8 %le) stopped and tugged me around to fa)e him, 8Don't be sorry, wish this had happened a long time ago, 7e kept stalling* kept waiting for me to de#elop the ability to stand Brandon off* and it was the wrong thing to do, should ha#e )hallenged him when Simon and 5athanial killed the tourists* should ha#e slapped <in)ent down the day he almost killed Ben* should ha#e done something a thousand times o#er* but 6ust kept waiting, 7ell* 'm finally done waiting* and it's a relief, 'll fight Brandon tonight* and one way or another things will finally be resol#ed,8 shook my head in denial* unable to )ontemplate the horror of what he was dis)ussing* but he gently stopped me before )ould )omplete the motion, 8This isn't your fault, E#en if it was* it wouldn't matter be)ause spending the last two weeks with you would'#e been more than worth the pri)e,8

Chapter 29
The dress hadn't entirely been real inside my mind, E#en after "a)hel finally admitted she'd pur)hased the dress from our <egas trip* and had it sent here* it'd been hard to belie#e was really going to be wearing it at the dan)e, t was hard to still be disbelie#ing when it was hanging from the door 6ust a few feet from me* but was gi#ing the effort my best shot, ts green* silky beauty seemed to be mo)king me, There was no way was going to be able to pull off a dress like that, E#en assuming it didn't fall off of me* was still going to look like a walrus, 8Stop fidgeting* %dri, t's 6ust a dan)e* not a funeral* and if you don't hold still your makeup isn't going to turn out right,8 "a)hel poked me in the ribs* and then went ba)k to work on the last few details of my 'new and impro#ed' look, 'd a)tually been trying to sneak a look in the mirror to find out how e#erything was shaping up* but it wasn't worth trying to e+plain, 7ith the pall that'd des)ended o#er the pa)k on)e we'd made it ba)k* it was almost )ertain she wouldn't belie#e me, 5obody e#en knew where we'd gone* but they'd keyed off of our mood faster than would'#e belie#ed possible, The results hadn't been good, =asmin stepped ba)k around behind Domini) as was wat)hing* and for the first time got a good idea of how the massi#ely piled style =asmin had been working on for the last half hour was going to turn out, Domini) frowned at my gasp, 84h no* really look that horrid:8

85o* you're gorgeous, %ll of you are ama'ingly gorgeous, suddenly feel uglier than normal,8 wasn't sure my reassuran)e had been prompt enough* but =asmin 6umped in with a self. satisfied smile, 8She's right* about how beautiful you look* Dom* if not about how pretty she is, =ames is going to pant when he sees you,8 "a)hel had started prepping for the dan)e early* doing first her own makeup* and then =asmin's while was still gone with %le), By the time 'd returned* "a)hel's youthful features had taken on a mature )ast that'd make all kinds of boys wish they'd taken a risk and asked %le)'s little sister out, =asmin had about the least reason out of any girl ali#e to be an e+pert hair dresser sin)e her naturally wa#y hair )ould 6ust air dry and still look like she'd spent hours working on it* but an e+pert she was, The results of her efforts on "a)hel's behalf were nothing less than spe)ta)ular* and the )asual.looking knot of )urls and twists was wispy in all the right pla)es, E#en with "a)hel )urrently an order of magnitude hotter than normal* =asmin still )aptured the pri'e, "a)hel's work on her behalf had resulted in a makeup 6ob that was so in)redibly understated* e#en us girls had a hard time dete)ting it, &er wa#y brunette hair had been straightened and pulled ba)k in what looked like an attempt to let some other girls shine for a )hange* but it 6ust made her look like a goddess who'd de)ided to spend the night slumming, $i#en who she'd spent the last hour being surrounded by* it was no wonder Domini) was worried she was the ugly step sister, She needn't ha#e worried, &er features were e#en more e+oti) than =asmin's* and "a)hel had )hosen bright )olors that made her stand out mu)h more than usual, =ames' ma)ho )ool really was going to finally )ra)k tonight, Maybe )ould pull the dress off after all, E#eryone would be so busy looking at the other three girls that they wouldn't e#en noti)e me, t wasn't ideal* but it was better than nothing, % 0uiet kno)k brought us all around to find =essi)a waiting at the door* her makeup and hair partway done* a dress bag slung o#er her arm, 8/an 6oin you guys:8 &er #oi)e was s)rat)hy* and her eyes were red from )rying* but she was putting on a bra#e fa)e* and "a)hel didn't e#en hesitate, 84f )ourse* =ess, 7e figured you wanted some pri#a)y with saa)* or we would'#e dragged you o#er here hours ago,8

The rest of us were 0ui)k to pipe in* but at least on my side* the sentiment was a little half.hearted, -nlike =asmin* =essi)a ne#er had )ome around* ne#er made her pea)e with the fa)t that be)ause of me things were going to go downhill in a hurry after tonight, 'd tried to get both "a)hel and Domini) to e+plain why she hated me so mu)h* but neither would gi#e me a real e+planation, "a)hel would always 6ust get mad and say there was no e+)use for how =ess was a)ting, Domini) always refused to say anything other than that =essi)a had been through her own set of struggles* and had her reasons for her beha#ior, 8 'll be done with Dom in 6ust a moment* =ess* then 'll fi+ your hair while "a)hel finishes up with %dri,8 The ni)kname should ha#e hurt* but somehow it wasn't as bad when the pa)k used it, t was almost like ha#ing a new family* one without all of the grief.poisoned memories that popped up e#ery time really thought about Dad or /indi, !aster than would'#e belie#ed possible* we were all in our dresses* and waiting in the li#ing room for the boys to make their appearan)e, =asmin and "a)hel had worked what was pretty sure was a)tual magi), E#en =essi)a was nothing less than stunning* and didn't look as bad as normal, =asmin's ba)kless bla)k dress and shoulder.length glo#es had streaks of blue that brought out her eyes* while Domini)'s tight* red gown seemed to gi#e her the )onfiden)e and poise you'd e+pe)t from someone so gorgeous and utterly e+oti), =ess had opted for a slee#eless sil#er number that flared out at the bottom so mu)h wasn't sure how saa) would be able to walk ne+t to her without stepping on the shimmery material, "a)hel's mau#e dress was probably the most )onser#ati#e of all* neither o#er.snug* nor espe)ially low.)ut, t had seemed entirely out of )hara)ter )onsidering what she'd pur)hased for the rest of us* but when 'd asked* she'd 6ust grima)ed and said %le) would'#e made her stay home if she'd )hosen anything more daring, 5one of whi)h helped me feel any more )omfortable in the tight* strapless wonder "a)hel had been so e+)ited to gi#e me, E#en with all of the weight 'd lost sin)e the a))ident* it still felt like the material was fighting a losing battle to stret)h itself o#er my frame, 'd been hoping to be able to put off a)tually putting the dress on for at least another half hour* but when my makeup had finally been pronoun)ed satisfa)tory* =asmin had studied me for a few minutes* pulled my hair ba)k* se)ured it with a pair of sil#er )ombs was worried might a)tually )ontain genuine diamonds* and then helped "a)hel )ram me into the dress, f =essi)a hadn't grudgingly )omplimented me on 6ust how good my hair looked* might ha#e suspe)ted =asmin was trying to purposefully make me look worse than the other girls, Domini) and "a)hel had to tell me looked good* that was an unwritten girl.rule

regardless of what spe)ies you were, =essi)a had no su)h imperati#e* so was for)ed to )on)lude =asmin had done the best she )ould )onsidering what she had to work with* and resigned myself to being the homely one in the group, Still* seeing all of the other girls in one pla)e* fully de)ked out in the kind of shoes 'd always wanted to wear* but ne#er been able to pull off* was e#en more intimidating, was on)e again psy)hing myself up to be seen in publi)* when Dono#an limped into the room and )leared his throat, 8The gentlemen ha#e at long last arri#ed,8 saa) was the first one through the door* looking parti)ularly 22H in a tu+ that ama'ingly enough had the o))asional sil#er thread that mat)hed perfe)tly with =essi)a's dress, looked up from his outfit 6ust in time to see a flash of )on)ern melt away into relief, had 6ust a moment to wonder at the no#elty of saa) showing that mu)h emotion all at one time* and then =ames stalked through the door in a tu+ that was so )utting edge* that wasn't sure if there was anything else like it anywhere in the States, The shimmery nature of the fabri) )ombined with an unusually angular* sharp )ut to make it different than anything else 'd e#er seen, worked my way up from the blindingly.polished bla)k shoes* to the splash of deep red peeking out of his )hest po)ket* and somewhere along the way de)ided lo#ed the tu+, %s ama'ing as =ames' and saa)'s tu+es were* was already looking past them* )raning my ne)k to see down the hall in a #ain effort to )at)h a glimpse of %le), There was no reason for my heart to be pounding away so furiously in my )hest* but unlikely or not* my body at least seemed )on#in)ed he was going to )hange his mind and lea#e me standing here by myself, "a)hel looked up from her )on#ersation with =asmin 6ust long enough to gi#e me a reassuring smile* and then heard the barest whisper of sound, spun around with a speed that ga#e lie to all of my patheti) attempts to pretend like hadn't been worried, %le) was standing in the doorway* ha#ing )rossed the distan)e down the hall faster than would'#e belie#ed possible* appearing almost as if by sor)ery, &is shoes were e#ery bit as shiny as =ames'* leading up to sla)ks that )ould'#e been mistaken for shiny* but were a)tually something else* something with more depth than anything 'd seen before, The )oat was made out of the same material* tailored tightly enough it managed to emphasi'e rather than )on)eal his massi#e shoulders and )hest, &is po)ket s0uare mat)hed his bow.tie* both of whi)h were the e+a)t shade of green used on my dress, t wasn't a mas)uline )olor by almost any standard* but he made it his* and there wasn't anything about him that )ould be des)ribed as anything other than manly,

&a#ing stalled as long as )ould* finally looked up past his perfe)t lips and met his twinkling eyes, % smile tugged at the )orner of his mouth as he walked towards me* and it wasn't until he stopped and held out his hand that reali'ed it hadn't been empty this whole time, 8"a)hel said you needed some shoes,8 7hile was still struggling to get thoughts to )oales)e into words* %le) smoothly went down onto one knee* and pi)ked up my left foot, The work of art he slipped onto my foot was so beautiful felt bad letting it tou)h the ground, held it up for a se)ond* admiring the way the lights played off its gentle )ur#es while )on#in)ed myself nobody was going to throw me into 6ail for defiling it by using it for its intended fun)tion, $lass* or possibly something else perfe)tly transparent, t was hard to tell for sure what it was from so far away* but it wasn't plasti), The )ool o#als where the sole had been )ut away to re#eal the material underneath told me that mu)h, 7hate#er it was* it'd been )reated in layers, The outermost material was a)hingly )lear* while the inner layers seemed in)reasingly less so, %le) waited* another smile playing about his lips* while )ame to terms with the shoes, &e then deftly slipped the other shoe onto my right foot* and steadied me as tried to ad6ust to suddenly being almost si+ in)hes taller, 8They're perfe)t, Thank you,8 "a)hel du)ked around her brother so she )ould see the shoes and then smiled before leaning in to whisper, 8Mom wore those to the %shure Day Dan)e* the one where she fell in lo#e with Dad,8 pulled ba)k in protest* but %le)'s grasp on my hand tightened 6ust enough to stop me, 8She wanted you to wear them, They were meant to be worn again tonight,8 My head was still spinning as %le) offered me his arm and led me out of the room, There was a limo* easily the largest #ehi)le 'd e#er seen* waiting for us outside, 7e piled into it with plenty of room to spare, The bar was fully sto)ked* but %le) shook his head at "a)hel when she made as if to rea)h for a drink, 5obody else seemed e#en the slightest bit interested in the prospe)t of al)ohol, "a)hel sat ba)k with a pout and then turned and whispered in my ear, 8Stupid shape shifters, 5one of them )an get drunk* so they depri#e the rest of us of the best parts of being young and stupid,8 4n)e we arri#ed at the park* did my best to pretend obli#iousness to all of the gasps and stares as we tri)kled out of the limo, t was a good thing %le) had su)h a steady arm* it

was all )ould do not to stumble as took in the transformation that'd taken pla)e, 4ur group glided up to the )o#ered pa#ilion* surrounded in a po)ket of silen)e as the rest of the )rowd turned to see who'd 6ust arri#ed, %le) produ)ed ti)kets for all of us from a po)ket somewhere while was still taking in the sheer number of lights that'd been assembled for the o))asion, The de)orations inside the pa#ilion were ama'ing, Swathes of silk ga#e the open.air building an ethereal feel* while )andles and other light sour)es )reated a soft illumination, didn't ha#e to possess preternatural hearing to )at)h whispers about the )ity ha#ing re)ei#ed a #ery large* #ery anonymous donation 6ust a few days before, The )ommittee had ob#iously )hosen to spend it on de)orations, My newfound height put me )loser to %le)'s ear, only had to tug on his arm a little bit to get him down to where )ould whisper to him, 8That was you* wasn't it:8 87hat if it was:8 8 t's too mu)h, mean it's really ni)e* in)redibly gorgeous in fa)t* but it must ha#e )ost you a fortune,8 %le) shrugged, 8% paltry sum if it helps ensure a perfe)t night for you,8 89ou'#e done so mu)h, mean the dress* the shoes* and now this, Thank you* but you really shouldn't ha#e,8 &is smile was ba)k* and for some reason it nearly pulled tears out of me, 8 'm glad you like it, The fa)t that e#eryone else gets to parti)ipate is ni)e* but really it's all for you, 4f )ourse did make a )ouple of stipulations,8 The musi) started up before )ould ask what he meant, %lmost before reali'ed what was going on* found myself twirling through some kind of modified walt', !or the first time in my life* was glad Dad had drilled me for all of those weeks when 'd turned twel#e, My first dan)e had still been )omplete and utter misery* but at least managed not to trip o#er my own feet as %le) led me around the room in time to ar)hai) musi), The rest of the pa)k fell into formation around us* all dan)ing mu)h more profi)iently than me, =ames and Domini) led the way* with =asmin and "a)hel dan)ing off to our left, %ma'ingly enough* saa) and =essi)a were far and away the best3 he was leading her through steps that were at least twi)e as hard as anything we were trying, !or maybe the first time 'd e#er seen* =essi)a was happy, She seemed )ompletely in her element* utterly obli#ious to the number of people wat)hing her e#ery mo#e* and felt 6ust a little of my resentment dissol#e,

89ou're all su)h good dan)ers, &ow did that happen:8 %le) released my waist and spun me out and ba)k in without missing a single step, wished )ould be so lu)ky* only the fa)t that his arm was like an iron bar allowed me to keep my misstep from resulting in a fall* or possibly a sprained ankle, 8Dono#an has #ery infle+ible standards when it )omes to some things, Dan)ing happens to be one of them, n fa)t* don't think 'll e#er forget the e+pression on =asmin's fa)e when he told her she )ould go )lubbing all she wanted after he 6udged her suitably profi)ient in real dan)ing, &e said he wouldn't ha#e her 'sedu)ed by throbbing beats and soulless )onta)t' before he'd at least e+posed her to proper dan)e steps,8 felt a giggle surge past my lips* and pressed them tight before )ould )ompletely embarrass myself, 8That's ama'ing, My dad thought knowing how to dan)e would make my first dan)e easier, t turned out to be a )omplete waste of time, 5obody asked me to dan)e and his lessons wouldn't ha#e helped e#en if they had, Still* now wish 'd done a better 6ob of learning,8 %le) nodded* but there was a distra)ted air to the gesture, waited while we made another 0uarter of a 6ourney* him gra)efully* me not 0uite so mu)h* around the floor* before opening my mouth to speak* but he beat me to it, 8 don't suppose either of us talk about our dads mu)h, 'm not pushing* but if you e#er need to talk about him* about what happened* 'll listen, 'll e#en try to suppress the natural male instin)t to present ad#i)e or solutions,8 missed another step* but wasn't fighting off a pani) atta)k* was 6ust sho)ked that his words hadn't triggered one, Maybe it was 6ust a fun)tion of the simple passage of time* but that didn't feel like the right answer, 7rapped inside his right arm as was* the pleasant tingle surging through me where#er our skin tou)hed* it seemed utterly impossible anything )ould e#er ha#e that kind of power to hurt me again, regained my footing* and it wasn't until %le) )eased mo#ing that reali'ed the musi) had stopped, 8Sorry* the stipulation was two de)ent songs* and then the D= )ould play three of whate#er he was in the mood for,8 8 t's okay* a)tually need to sit down for a minute,8 The words )ame out as a refle+* designed to let boys gra)efully bow out of ha#ing to keep dan)ing with me* but a slight tremor in my legs put some truth to the polite lie, really was tired, E#en more surprising was the way that %le) held onto my hand as he led me o#er to a line of )hairs, &e was normally so )areful not to prolong physi)al )onta)t, "a)hel and =asmin were waiting for us as we rea)hed the )hairs, 8Big brother* will you please take =asmin out on the dan)e floor so she )an get some pra)ti)e following: tried to lead last time and she kept tripping me,8

%le) ga#e me a )onsidering look* and then nodded as faked a smile at him and gestured my assent, "a)hel turned to me as suppressed a stab of 6ealousy, 8 swear she's going to e+plode if Ben doesn't show up, /onsidering that dan)es are about the last pla)e he'd e#er go of his own free will* think the odds are better than e#en that she'll lea#e little pie)es of herself all o#er the park before the night is o#er,8 The re#elation was like being hit by a <ol#o, Somehow 'd assumed that all of the things Brandon had told me were lies, 87ait* she really does like Ben: mean Brandon said she did* but 6ust assumed it was a lie like e#erything else he told me,8 "a)hel patted my hand, 8Brandon's lies are so )on#in)ing pre)isely be)ause he's so )areful to mi+ a healthy ser#ing of truth in there to go along with the false, She's liked Ben for almost as long as )an remember, think it all started when they both ended up at the s)hool nurse together with broken bones due to 'falling down the stairs,'8 felt a shi#er )ourse through me at the thought of what "a)hel was implying, 7at)hing =asmin twirl through mo#es that seemed to be a modifi)ation of East /oast Swing* it was hard to belie#e anyone so self.possessed )ould'#e had that kind of )hildhood, thought about asking for more details* but it felt wrong* like reading someone else's e. mail, Besides* was pretty sure "a)hel would tell me it was =asmin's story* and 'd 6ust ha#e to go to her with my 0uestions, The musi) pi)ked up slightly* and =asmin and %le) sped up with it, They were mo#ing so 0ui)kly now it almost seemed they were better than saa) and =essi)a, % 0ui)k #isual sear)h laid that 0uestion to rest though, )ould 6ust make out saa)'s towering form a)ross the pa#ilion in the )orner where they'd apparently gone to find room for some of their more impressi#e mo#es, t seemed ama'ing to me that they were willing to mo#e so 0ui)kly around normal* uninformed humans* but apparently they figured professional dan)ers were at least as 0ui)k, shook my head and turned ba)k to "a)hel* only to feel my throat )onstri)t as saw Britney, 5ot only was she wearing a tight* bla)k dress that made her look at least twi)e as hot as me* she also happened to be draped a)ross Brandon's arm, was so )aught up wat)hing Britney that it took me se#eral se)onds to noti)e the differen)es in her date, Brandon had always e+uded a sense of )onfiden)e* but sometime sin)e 'd last seen him* it had morphed into something e#en more aggressi#e, &e still )ut through )rowds* but people weren't mo#ing out of his way out of deferen)e anymore, nstead they were dodging away to a#oid being run o#er,

felt the fine hair on the ba)k of my ne)k stand on end* but was distra)ted by %le)'s return before )ould figure out what else had )hanged about Brandon, =asmin pulled "a)hel to her feet* and gently pushed her towards %le) before )asually taking a seat ne+t to me, t was a )areful a)t, 'd spent way too mu)h time with the pa)k to belie#e any of them had failed to noti)e Brandon's entran)e, My ga'e wandered ba)k to where <in)ent and /assie were arrogantly walking through the door, 7here Brandon had )hosen a fairly traditional bla)k tu+* <in)ent had sele)ted a sil#ery masterpie)e that probably )ost only half as mu)h as the former's outfit* but whi)h pra)ti)ally s)reamed for attention, /assie trailed along half a step behind <in)ent* in a gray e#ening gown that was e0ual parts material and skin, Ba)kless and strapless* )ombined with some fairly daring )utouts, She )ould probably ha#e made a run for royalty if she hadn't topped the dress off with a s)owl, She didn't look happy to be on <in)ent's arm instead of pressed up against Brandon, =asmin elbowed me in the ribs* distra)ting me before )ould start in on whome#er it was that happened to be following along behind /assie, 8=ust ignore them, E#en Brandon won't try anything with this many witnesses around, t's 6ust more dominan)e games,8 nodded, t made sense* but it was all )ould do to keep my eyes grounded despite the )old pri)kles running up and down my spine, %)tual )on#ersation was 6ust too mu)h* so sat 0uietly with my head slightly bowed while the song ran its )ourse, %le)'s fingers gently pulled my )hin up as the musi) ended, 8Dan)e with me:8 mustered a bra#e smile as nodded and let him lead me out onto the dan)e floor, t was a slow song this time* and %le) didn't protest when abandoned all pretense of a)tual dan)ing* and 6ust leaned into him hungrily, The reassuran)e was seeking was weaker than normal, The solid feel of his body was 6ust as permanent as always* but there was no tingle where our skin tou)hed, %lmost as though sensing my thoughts* %le) hugged me tightly and buried his )hin in my hair, 8 know you don't want to hear this* but it isn't too late for you to )hange your mind, E#en now* it'd be a relati#ely simple thing to ha#e you halfway a)ross the )ountry by the time the )hallenge a)tually o))urs,8 The thought of what was )oming filled me with dread* but shook my head, %s s)ary as all of this was* knew flying away and ne#er knowing what'd happened would be worse, %le) was probably going to die* and all of the rest of us with him* but if he didn't* if the pa)k somehow managed to sur#i#e the )oming )risis* wanted to be there,

%le) was more than )apable of sending me away and then ne#er letting me know he'd sur#i#ed, There was a )onstant war inside him o#er what to do with me and )ouldn't afford to gi#e up my one ad#antage, &e seemed less able to )ontemplate )utting me out of his life when was around, planned on playing that )ard for all it was worth, was staying and that was it, %le) sighed* presumably in resignation* and then suddenly my legs were thrown up in front of me as he pi)ked me up with inhuman speed, 4nly the steady pressure of %le)'s arm around my waist kept me from s)reaming* and then was ba)k on my feet* and being )arefully* but firmly sho#ed through a tangled knot of bodies, My shoes had ne#er been intended to allow ankles to withstand that kind of punishment, E#en 6ust walking had been risky* so it wasn't a surprise when my right foot slipped* and a sharp knife of pain shot through that ankle as it )ollapsed under me, Dealing with blinding agony hadn't e#er been my strong point, opened my mouth to s)ream* only to find that no sound would )ome out, The world was still spinning* but was oriented 6ust enough to reali'e that Domini) had her hand o#er my mouth and nose, pulled at her arm* but the effort was )ompletely futile, "ising pani) o#er not being able to breathe made me hammer at the iron bar pressing me against her* but she ne#er looked away from whate#er had )aptured her )on)entration, "a)hel suddenly appeared off to my right* and she put her finger to her lips* and then sank all ten fingernails into Domini)'s arm, The sudden absen)e of the support 'd been un)ons)iously using to keep weight off of my right foot resulted in tear.6erking pain as the damaged appendage tou)hed down* but gritted my teeth and managed to keep it down to a hiss, "a)hel draped my arm o#er her shoulders* and then dragged me forward a )ouple of awkward* hopping steps, % )ouple of heartbeats passed before reali'ed the pool of shadow before us was =essi)a, She had her eyes )losed and was ro)king ba)k and forth as "a)hel )arefully pulled her to us, mirrored "a)hel's a)tions* wrapping my free arm around =ess as whipped my head ba)k and forth in an effort to figure out what was going on, 7e were pressed up against one )orner of the pa#ilion* with what assumed was the rest of the pa)k between us and e#eryone else, !or a moment the wall of bodies pre)luded figuring out what was going on* but then saa) shifted slightly to the left* and saw Brandon and <in)ent through the gap, The pools of bla)k where <in)ent's eyes should ha#e been finally made me aware of the pri)kle of energy ar)ing ba)k and forth between the two ri#al groups,

)ouldn't imagine what it must feel like where %le) or Brandon were standing, E#en 6ust the fringe of power dan)ing o#er my arms and shoulders was enough to make me profoundly grateful wasn't any )loser to the epi)enter, <in)ent's sadisti) smile sent shi#ers down my spine* but it was nothing )ompared to Brandon's e+pression, 'd known for a )ouple of weeks now that what the outside world saw was nothing more than a mask* but hadn't reali'ed 6ust what was under the fa)ade, 5ow knew, t was like he'd spent the last few days peeling ba)k some of the layers that'd hidden him* and the sheer inhumanity waiting underneath )ompletely distra)ted me from the throbbing in my ankle, &e held Britney before him* ostensibly )aressing her* but in reality using her as a shield* his dark eyes daring %le) to atta)k, Britney was apparently unable to sense the )ra)kling power surrounding her, She looked )ompletely un)on)erned* e)stati) e#en to be where she was* )lasped in Brandon's left arm, Brandon's lips drew ba)k* but it wasn't in a smile* it was the human e0ui#alent to showing his ha)kles, 8Break it upB 9ou kids ba)k offB8 The words seemed to float in from far away, They )ertainly didn't ha#e an effe)t on any of the shape shifters, <in)ent was mo#ing too slowly for my human eyes to dete)t any )hange* but was sure he was )loser now than the last time 'd looked, The feeling of inse)ts mar)hing a)ross my skin intensified as =ames started shaking, =asmin and Domini) both followed suit within se)onds* and the feeling doubled as se#eral of Brandon's wol#es went into near )on#ulsions, 8 said break it upB8 Mr, (aterson sho#ed his way past a pair of Brandon's wol#es* and for a split se)ond thought they were going to turn and kill him, % heartbeat before they mo#ed a low* barely per)eptible growl washed o#er the entire s)ene, reali'ed that the sound was )oming from %le)* spreading out from him in ripples of )alm, %s the noise tou)hed the shaking wol#es in either pa)k* they )almed down* sa#ing Mr, (aterson from in6ury he'd ne#er e#en seen )oming, 8This ends now, don't )are who started what* you guys are done dan)ing, %le)* you and your friends lea#e now, Brandon* you guys are out of here in the e+a)t opposite dire)tion and mean now,8

!or se#eral se)onds nobody mo#ed, 8 'm not talking be)ause like the sound of my own #oi)e* people, f you lea#e now* 'll forget this e#er happened, f someone doesn't start mo#ing in the ne+t three se)onds* 'll see the whole lot of you e+pelled and brought up on )harges,8 Mr, (aterson was still too new to know what he was dealing with, !or a moment it looked like Brandon was going to let <in)ent kno)k the tea)her into a wall* but then he gestured <in)ent ba)k, Brandon's pa)k rela+ed slightly* and then* presumably a)ting on a signal from %le) that )ouldn't see* Domini) and =asmin fell ba)k to help =ess and , E#en with Domini) under my right arm* )ouldn't hop along without 6ostling my ankle* and felt tears gathering in the )orners of my eyes again, %le) )arefully lifted me into his arms before took more than two or three hops, =asmin had her )ell phone out before she'd e#en made it to the stairs* and the sound of a massi#e engine under hard a))eleration heralded the arri#al of our limo, leaned ba)k in my seat as e#eryone else settled into their spots, %le) pulled out his po)ket s0uare and used it to dab away my tears, 8 'm sorry, didn't mean to set you down so hard,8 =asmin interrupted before )ould say anything, 8%ny slower and you'd ha#e been )ut off from the rest of us by those mutts,8 My )onfusion must ha#e been ob#ious, Domini) looked up from =ess, 8<in)ent and /assie )ut =ess and saa) off from the rest of us,8 "a)hel leaned in so she )ould whisper, 8=ess is terrified of what <in)ent and Brandon will do to her if they get a )han)e, She )ollapsed* and then e#eryone stormed the area,8 The limo hit a parti)ularly nasty bump* and a wa#e of pain dro#e 0uestions about what e+a)tly Brandon had threatened out of my mind, 'd ne#er noti)ed how bad the roads between s)hool and %le)'s house were, Ea)h 6ostle sent wa#es of agony up my leg* and =ess's 0uiet sobs kept time to my suppressed gasps, t was one of the worst half hours of my life* and by the time we made it to %le)'s house* felt like 'd been wrung out, %le) yelled for Dono#an and the first.aid kit as he )arried me inside* and set me down in the li#ing room, Dono#an appeared a few se)onds later* and edged %le) out of the way, &e stripped off my shoe and then his prodding fingers brought another )ouple hisses out of me as he )he)ked for a break, %pparently satisfied with whate#er he'd found* he pulled out a syringe and filled it from a little #ial while %le) gently s)rubbed my ankle down with an al)ohol pad,

8!ortuitously* it's not broken* but 'm afraid it's one of the uglier sprains '#e seen, )an take )are of the pain though,8 There was a reason 'd ne#er had the slightest in)lination to gi#e blood* but fear of needles or not* )ouldn't bring myself to protest* so 6ust shut my eyes and gripped %le)'s hand as Dono#an stu)k the needle in se#eral different lo)ations, The blessed numbness 0ui)kly spread out to en)ompass my entire foot, 7orking with a sure 0ui)kness any surgeon would ha#e en#ied* Dono#an wrapped my ankle and then e+amined his handiwork with a nod of appro#al, 8That should take )are of the pain and immobili'e it so it )an begin healing* but it is #itally important that you don't put any weight on it* Mistress (aige,8 %le) gripped Dono#an's shoulder in thanks* and then nodded as Dono#an e+)used himself to go see to =ess, 87e should go too, (oor =ess,8 %le) shook his head, 8They'#e already got her mostly settled down, =ames and Dom ha#e already split off* and =asmin and "a)hel will lea#e ne+t, She 6ust needs some time, Time and saa),8 4n)e again it boggled my mind that they )ould all li#e with so little pri#a)y, %le) interrupted my thoughts, 8 'm sorry to ha#e ruined your night, wanted it to be perfe)t, should ha#e known that wasn't possible, 5ot with e#erything hanging o#er our heads,8 t felt funny to smile, The gesture belonged with perfe)t times* not ones in whi)h people other than me were ha#ing ner#ous breakdowns, Then again* a bad night with %le) still somehow managed to beat most other good nights, 8E#erything was almost perfe)t, f there was anything less than ideal* it wasn't your fault,8 8Still* 'd like to make it up to you,8 &e looked down at my ankle and then smiled with a hint of mis)hie#ousness, 8 suppose dan)ing is out* but think '#e got something that'll do 6ust about as well,8 %le) )arefully pi)ked me up before )ould respond, % few se)onds later we were outside* tra#eling through the darkness with a breakne)k speed that would'#e been sui)idal with merely human #ision,

was )ompletely lost by the time we )ame around a )orner and my inferior eyes were finally able to see the first hints of light up ahead, %le) slowed* to prolong the suspense as we got )loser, E#en so* it was only a few more steps before the grotto materiali'ed out of the darkness before us, 'd thought it'd been breathtaking two weeks ago bathed in the light of the full moon, 'd been ama'ed at its lush beauty the )ouple of times 'd snu)k ba)k during the daylight, 5either of those )ompared to what greeted me now, Soft light )ame from do'ens of floating lamps that'd been pla)ed in the pool* all of whi)h ga#e off an a)hing* white lumines)en)e that seemed perfe)tly mat)hed to the brilliant white of the rose petals s)attered o#er the surfa)e of the water, t wasn't until we got )loser that )ould make out the purple edging to the petals, 8Lagrimas,8 %le)'s #oi)e was husky, 85othing else would be appropriate, 5ot for you* not tonight,8 %s we )ontinued forward was able to make out the other additions to the grotto, The hundreds of petals had been 6oined by a do'en of their potted sisters, Their ri)h* hea#enly s)ent filled the air from s)ores of perfe)t* tall buds* and found myself leaning forward slightly in %le)'s arms in an effort to )apture more of its essen)e, %le) )ir)led the pool and then stopped before a wooden easel that'd es)aped my noti)e, The subtle tinkling of the tiny waterfall behind us was suddenly 6oined by a slight* but definitely )ooling bree'e that do#e down into the grotto before making its way ba)k out using the path we'd 6ust followed in, t didn't seem fair for things to )ool off now when it was so in)on#enient after so many weeks of oppressi#e heat, was still musing o#er the in6usti)e of it all when %le) shifted me around so was held in 6ust one arm, 8There's something 'd like you to ha#e, Something hope will help you remember what you mean to me,,,8 &e trailed off* and then seemingly at a loss for words* rea)hed out and lifted the bla)k #el#et that'd been )o#ering the painting, %nother gra)eful gesture flipped on the set of soft lights surrounding its border, %s always with %le)'s paintings* it took me a se)ond before )ould shift my perspe)ti#e enough to translate the beautiful formations of light into something )ould tie to the drab* dreary world inhabited,

t was the same grotto where we now stood, The warm glow from the )limbing i#ory and roses formed a ba)kdrop awash in the sil#ery light of a full moon, =ust #isible off to one side was the pool* ali#e with enough mi)ros)opi) life to gi#e it a pale glow of its own to )ompliment the off.)enter refle)tion of a hundred tiny lights, % few se)onds later finally re)ogni'ed that the sub6e)t of the pie)e was a female* rea)hing out towards the point of #iew with glowing hands, 8She's beautiful, t's how always imagined an angel would appear,8 %le) was silent for so long finally tore my ga'e from his masterpie)e long enough to find that he was staring at me with surprise, 8 t's you* %dri, 4f )ourse it's beautiful,8 !or a se)ond )ouldn't breathe, t seemed so utterly impossible, Maybe it )ould'#e been a painting of /indi* but not one of me, )ouldn't possibly be the gorgeous figure he'd brought to life on his )an#as, opened my mouth to protest* and then the e+pression on her fa)e finally registered for me, /ompassion, %))eptan)e of the #iewer* )ombined with an ob#ious desire to mend grie#ous hurts, t was e+a)tly how remembered feeling, My 0uesting eyes finally found the last* missing pie)e, There was the gratitude, Mispla)ed on her perfe)t fa)e, 7rong on the features of someone who )ouldn't possibly need help from a mere mortal* but still there, 8 t's so beautiful, don't know what to say, %re you sure you want to gi#e it up:8 %le) looked ba)k up at me* and his eyes were filled with in)redible need, was suddenly stru)k by the similarities to the me he'd painted* and what saw written on his fa)e, t seemed impossible he would be unsure* that a glorious being like him )ould e#er need anything )ould pro#ide* but )ouldn't deny it was there, There was no way of knowing what it was* but didn't )are, 7hate#er it was he needed wanted to gi#e him, opened my mouth to say as mu)h* but my #o)al )hords wouldn't )ooperate, was still trying to #erbali'e my feelings* when his free hand )ame down to my )hin and gently pulled it up, My heart stuttered and threatened to 0uit as his lips slowly )ame down to meet mine, My only other e+perien)e had been so terrible that nearly pani)ked* but before )ould formulate a protest* or e#en de)ide if a protest was what wanted* our flesh tou)hed, The )onta)t immediately dro#e e#ery other thought from my mind,

&is lips were the perfe)t )ombination of firm and soft* and the heart that'd been all but stopped a se)ond before sped up to heart atta)k rates* slamming itself against my )hest in an effort to get )loser to him, %ll of my senses were blending together, )ouldn't tell if he smelled in)redible* tasted like hea#en* or if it was all 6ust a side effe)t of the energy whi)h had gone from tingling to )ra)kling as soon as our fa)es tou)hed, My inhibitions* the ones that'd always kept me from a)ting on the o))asional amorous impulse* e#aporated sometime in the first half se)ond* and found myself with both arms wrapped around his ne)k* )linging to him with all my strength, Later 'd probably )laim it was to steady myself against the wa#e of di''iness* but right now knew it was be)ause wanted him more than anything 'd e#er e+perien)ed, %le) pulled me away* held me at arm's length while gasped for air* and then on)e )almed down a little* he smiled and pulled me in )lose again* 6ust for a hug this time, tried to turn it into a kiss* but he deftly a#oided my attempt* burying his fa)e in my hair, 8 'd like to* truly would* but don't think that would be fair to you, E#en letting that happen was a mistake, '#e ne#er )ome so )lose to losing )ontrol,8 &e wasn't breathing hard* and normally a )omment like that would'#e made me doubt his feelings for me* but what 'd 6ust felt was too powerful to deny, )ould still see tra)es of desire in his eyes3 and for the first time sin)e 'd met him* was absolutely positi#e he wasn't e#er going to lea#e me, 8 don't think it was a mistake, want to kiss you again* but 'll beha#e,8 89ou like the painting then:8 nodded* and then shi#ered, t's ama'ing how a near )omplete loss of physi)al )ontrol )an burn through your energy reser#es, %le) frowned, 8 'm sorry, forget sometimes how mu)h easier it is for you and "a)hel to )at)h a )hill, Let's get you inside where it's a bit more temperate,8 t seemed like su)h a waste* lea#ing the grotto after all the work that'd been put into transforming it* but %le) wa#ed away my protests, &e easily )radled me in one arm* while )arefully pi)king up my painting with his free hand, % short time later* we were ba)k inside the house and headed towards his room, /uddled up against his )hest with the familiar* warm tingle )aressing my skin* my system apparently de)ided was )ompletely safe* and started shutting down, was doing a fairly respe)table 6ob of hiding my drooping eyelids* but all my efforts were undone by the prodigious yawn that ambushed me as he set me down on the bed,

8 'm not tired* promise,8 &is eyebrow ar)hed in disbelief as pulled him down onto the bed* and found myself admitting the truth, 84kay* might be a little tired* but it isn't a big deal, want to spend as mu)h time with you as possible, %fter all* it isn't like 'm going to be able to really get mu)h rest between now and whene#er we need to lea#e for the )hallenge,8 &is wonderfully e+pressi#e fa)e fro'e into the stony mask he wore so often with the rest of the world, 89ou weren't planning on bringing me* were you:8 8 t's not safe* %dri, don't want to lea#e you anymore than you want to be left* but it's the only option,8 85o* it isn't* 6ust bring me along,8 &is fist )len)hed* knotting up the )o#ers ne+t to my head* but was long past worrying he'd lose )ontrol of his beast and hurt me by a))ident, 89ou heard Mallory, The odds are #ery good that 'm not )oming ba)k, f the worst happens* the rest of the pa)k may #ery well ha#e to try and fight their way out of there, They won't be able to get you out* they'll be lu)ky to sur#i#e e#en fleeing unen)umbered, )an't ask them to run that gauntlet )arrying you the whole way,8 ran my finger along his )heek* mirroring the motion he'd done to me so many times, 8Then don't ask them, 9ou'll either win* in whi)h )ase it doesn't matter whether 'm there or not* or else don't )are what happens,8 Both fists were knotted now* and unless was #ery mu)h mistaken* there was 6ust the barest hint of a shake there as well, 8Don't be ridi)ulous* %dri, 9ou should know at least a little by now what they're )apable of, )an't let you e+pose yourself to the kinds of things <in)ent or Brandon would,,,it's out of the 0uestion,8 Mom had always gone on and on about how nurturing was, 7hen she was less happy with me* she tended to fo)us more on 6ust how stubborn )ould be, t wasn't always ob#ious what would set off a bout of 'stiff ne)k' as she referred to it* but the only people who'd e#er su))essfully talked me into a 'reasonable* rational' response had been Dad and /indi,

)ould feel that same )ore of iron making its presen)e known right now, wasn't going to be depri#ed of howe#er mu)h time had left with him, wasn't going to be losing this argument, 8%le)* need to be there with you tonight, f you lea#e me here* 'll head out on my own and look for you,8 The shake was definitely there* and getting more pronoun)ed, 8 'll order Dono#an to keep you here,8 89ou )an try, &e may e#en do it* but don't think so, &e's far too mu)h the gentleman to keep a lady )apti#e against her will, E#en if he does* do you really think he )an wat)h o#er me e#ery se)ond:8 7ith a sharp tearing sound* %le)'s right hand elongated into the #i)iously )lawed weapon of his hybrid form, t shredded the )omforter and mattress 6ust a few in)hes from my head, ga#e him my best lop.sided smile and kissed his arm, 89ou're not going to s)are me off with )heap tri)ks, This is important,8 &is eyes were an intense blue* paler than normal, They were %le)'s eyes* but they were also the eyes of his beast* and suddenly reali'ed the dominan)e stuff wasn't 6ust a game, There was a feral part of %le) that didn't play well with others* that would kill or be killed in turn rather than ha#e his will thwarted, % )omple+ )ollage of emotions flooded through my system as tried to pro)ess what that meant* and whether or not needed to be s)ared, %s suddenly as it'd )hanged before* %le)'s fist rela+ed* shrinking ba)k into its normal si'e and shape like melting snow, 8%ll right, 9ou )an )ome, don't like it, Don't like knowing you're guaranteed not to sur#i#e my passing* but it's your )hoi)e,8 was too busy being ama'ed by how 0ui)kly he'd stopped shaking* how rapidly his eyes had gone ba)k to normal to really wonder whether or not it was all 6ust an elaborate ruse designed to lull me into a false sense of se)urity so he )ould trap me here, 85ot that 'm )omplaining* mind you* but why the sudden )hange:8 %le) ga#e me a lopsided smile of his own, 8My death is nearly )ertain* but there's always a )han)e 'll somehow sur#i#e, %s unlikely as that is* don't want to sur#i#e and then find '#e poisoned you against me, won't stop you,8 felt things hadn't reali'ed were knotted up rela+ inside me, 7hen my #oi)e finally )ame out it was smaller than normal,

8Thank you,8 %le) shrugged and ga#e me another smile, 89ou must ha#e dri#en your parents )ra'y with that refusal to ba)k down,8 8 suppose might ha#e frustrated them a time or two,8 8%nd to think "a)hel says )'% stubborn,8 started to smile* but stopped as he )o)ked his head to the side in what was unmistakably a listening posture, 87hat's the matter: 7hat do you hear:8 8=asmin 6ust left,8 87hat's wrong with that:8 8 t's not safe for her to lea#e the estate, Brandon's pa)k )ould be waiting for her,8 &e started to mo#e* but held onto him, 8%le)* she'll probably be okay, know it isn't the best idea but please don't stop her, 5ot tonight,8 t was like )ould see the thoughts dart around as he put pie)es together* and was suddenly torn between telling him in the hopes it would buy =asmin her last night with Ben* and trying to keep her se)ret, My heart ra)ed until he finally rela+ed and sank ba)k down with me, 8(lease don't let on that you know, wasn't supposed to say anything, 6ust )ouldn't let you go after her,8 The immediate )risis past* )ould ha#e lost myself looking at his features* but a slow smile suddenly reminded me of the only other person knew that )ould pa)k so mu)h pain in su)h a simple gesture, 87hat about "a)hel* %le): 7here is she:8 hadn't thought his e+pression )ould be)ome anymore bittersweet, was wrong, 8"a)hel doesn't ha#e anyone either* but she's still suffering from a deeper hurt, She's with my mother,8 My )onfusion must ha#e been more than usually self.e#ident as sat up, 85o* Mother isn't going through a good episode, She's asleep, "a)hel )rept into her room and )rawled

into bed with her, t's a poor substitute for what she a)hes for* but it's all Mother )an offer right now,8 8%le)* there must be something we )an do,8 &e gently )aptured my hands* stilling their franti) motion and shook his head, 85ot right now, "a)hel )herishes her few remaining illusions, 4ne of the most important is the pretense that nobody knows 6ust how hard it is sometimes for her to be the only human in a house full of shape shifters,8 felt my lips trembling* and he freed one of his hands to brush it lightly a)ross my mouth, 89ou'#e been a godsend for her* %dri, %s badly as it hurts ea)h time she sneaks away* it hasn't happened nearly as often sin)e you got here, She's been impro#ing e#er sin)e you mo#ed into town* and the rate of )hange has in)reased o#er the last two weeks,8 8 suppose we make 0uite the pair* her and , Two shattered little dolls trying our best to make sure the pie)es don't blow away and lea#e us with nothing, %n imposition to e#eryone around us,8 &e hugged me to him as he shook his head, 85ot an imposition, 5e#er that,8 t felt wrong to try and kiss %le) right now, didn't want to make light of "a)hel's hurt* or =asmin's loneliness* but his presen)e was too great a temptation to pass up, My fa)e started out in the hollow of his ne)k* drinking in the ambrosia of his s)ent* and then mo#ed up towards his lips without )ons)ious de)ision on my part, 4ur lips met* and it felt like a warm* pleasant surge of ele)tri)ity washed from my head down to the tips of my toes, My head started spinning almost instantly* only my hand on his )hest* and his arms around my waist kept me from losing my balan)e )ompletely, %s it was* still fell into him* o#er)ome by weakness as my heart stopped beating altogether, 5o more than a se)ond or two of breathlessness )ould ha#e possibly passed* but %le) pulled away* firmly holding me at arm's length, 89ou need to get some sleep, "egardless of how the fight turns out* you'll need to be well.rested,8 My best longing look didn't seem to be ha#ing any effe)t on him* so finally nodded and rela+ed ba)k onto the bed, 8 guess did promise to beha#e myself, don't think 'll be able to sleep* but if you'll tell me another story 'll at least try,,,8 %pparently satisfied by my promise* %le) 6oined me on the bed and pulled me )lose, was still )hilled enough from being outside for the warmth of his arms to feel good,

8%d6am and no)k found that the dayborn had lost all knowledge of their lo#ing mother* and that they rea)ted poorly to no)k's plague form, 5either brother was able to maintain their original forms for more than a few hours at a time* and although %d6am was able to blend in with the animals found in the area* there was nothing like no)k's feline body nearby* and he was )hased and hunted by many of the dayborn* for they thought him a demon,8 %le)'s breath )aressed the ba)k of my ne)k e#en as his 0uiet* #el#ety baritone rea)hed inside my head and smoothed away the tensions that'd been keeping me from seeking sleep, knew there'd been a reason for being so s)ared* but 6ust )ouldn't bring myself to )are about it now, 8The brothers wat)hed the dayborn for many turnings* but although they learned many things* they found themsel#es unable to learn the dayborns' language, E#en worse* the dayborn hunters were be)oming e#er more skilled at tra)king no)k* and they began to press him sorely,8 felt as though was drifting, The bed no longer mattered* or e#en seemed to e+ist, %ll that mattered was the story and the warm drowsiness that in)reased with ea)h breath, 8%d6am saw his brother's frustration grow* but he ne#er suspe)ted 6ust how strong it'd be)ome until two hunters brought no)k to bay* and he turned on them, no)k killed the first hunter and would ha#e done likewise to the se)ond* but %d6am sprang upon his brother* kno)king him away before the se)ond man )ould be harmed,8 %le)'s fingers slowly )aressed my stoma)h as he spoke, t should ha#e ti)kled* but instead it lulled me e#en further towards obli#ion, 8%nd thereby the full effe)t of the Earth's )urse was felt, Trapped as they were in their beast forms* neither brother )ould talk to the other* and the resulting )onfrontation 0ui)kly spun out of )ontrol, &ours later %d6am was left bleeding and broken as his brother disappeared into the night,8 %le)'s soothing #oi)e )ontinued on* but 'd lost the ability to listen, My mind floated off into #isions of a battered wolf who dragged himself o#er to a brook before )ollapsing on the bank* streaked with mud, =ust before the bla)kness )arried me )ompletely away* a willowy girl appeared from behind a thi)ket of trees and timidly approa)hed the bleeding figure,

Chapter 30
The )ool night air dimpled my skin despite the warmth of %le)'s )hest, 7e'd been walking for 0uite a while before )ame fully awake, Domini) and =asmin had shaken me awake* and then helped me out of my dress and into 6eans and a white shirt,

Dono#an had been waiting in the hall 6ust outside %le)'s room, &e'd pressed ob6e)ts into Dom and =asmin's hands* and then brushed his lips a)ross the ba)k of my hand, &e slipped away* and then we'd entered a brightly.lit room filled with the rest of the pa)k, %le) had pi)ked me up and )arried me out to a massi#e S-< that 'd ne#er seen before, E#eryone piled in* and despite the seriousness of rapidly approa)hing e#ents* fell ba)k asleep somewhere en route to our destination, %pparently you )ouldn't dri#e all the way though* be)ause we were walking again* or at least some of us were, )ould 6ust make out saa) off a little ways into the darkness, &e was in hybrid form and mo#ing with a ground.de#ouring gait that was de)epti#ely smooth, !lashes of mo#ement off to either side of us* lower to the ground* made me sure the girls were all following along on four legs, %le) shifted me around as he reali'ed was awake, 87e'#e still got nearly half an hour* you should get some more sleep if you )an,8 tried to argue but )ouldn't find the strength, % while later the flash of light as =ames and saa) lit flares pulled me ba)k awake, t took se#eral se)onds for my eyes to ad6ust* and then started being able to pi)k out indi#idual shapes in the darkness, %le) set me down as <in)ent appeared* a towering* furred figure illuminated by the light of the flares that'd been planted on either side of the )leared spa)e, &is dark eyes drank in the light as he sur#eyed us with his typi)al boundless arrogan)e, % horde of shifting figures milled about 6ust outside of the twin )ir)les of light, The rest of Brandon's pa)k and they seemed to ha#e grown in number sin)e the dan)e, =asmin and Domini) )rowded up against me* one on either side* and let my hands brush against their heads, The feel of their fur* one short and soft* the other long and )oarse* an)hored me before the surreal strangeness of the s)ene )ould )arry me away, The tingle of shape shifter power was as strong as 'd e#er felt it* 6umping from multiple sour)es* ar)ing around me as it unsu))essfully looked for a pla)e to ground out, !or the first time* was able to a))urately pi)k out the indi#idual signatures that made it up, =ess was off to the left* white hot with mi+ed anger and fear* stabili'ed only by the )ool* )ontrolled pillar of power that was saa), =asmin almost hummed under my fingertips like barely.leashed #iolen)e* while my other hand drank from the still pond that was Domini)* her mere presen)e feeding me )omfort, 'd 6ust finished identifying the raging beast to the right as =ames* when Brandon stepped into the light,

&e looked like some kind of pagan god* smeared all o#er with blood* an une#en )ir)le drawn on his )hest* filled with sharp* angry lines that didn't mean anything to me* but whi)h made the wol#es around me tense and growl, 87hile appre)iate the sentiment* it really is far too late to se)ure absolution by bringing me the girl,8 &is #oi)e had )hanged* be)oming deeper and harsher* with elements that didn't sound like they )ould )ome from any human throat, &e stepped forward* and felt my )hest sei'e up, The transformation 'd sensed the beginnings of at the dan)e had run its )ourse now and any 0uestion as to why someone as )ultured as Brandon would asso)iate with a near.psy)hopath like <in)ent was put to rest, &e was shaking now* 0ui#ering with the need to kill* and reali'ed that it didn't matter whether the darkness inside Brandon had )reated <in)ent or 6ust attra)ted him to orbit in his sphere like a small moon, t was enough to know that <in)ent's was the lesser e#il, 8%dri is here solely as a witness,8 %le)'s #oi)e was huskier than normal* but still )arried most of its #el#ety perfe)tion, %s looked at him* reali'ed wasn't feeling any power ar)ing from him, E#erything )entered on him now* but he wasn't adding to the storm, The wol#es behind Brandon growled as %le) stepped forward, 8%h* and here 'd thought you'd on)e again settled on a )ourse of appeasement,8 Brandon's features were hollow* almost skeletal in the harsh )hemi)al light, 85o, 7e'#e )ome for one purpose and one only, 5o more murdered hikers* no more )on#enient a))idents, This ends tonight,8 Brandon worked more mo)kery into a simple )lap than most of us )ould )arry off with a full )ast of supporting a)tors, 8%lways obser#ing the old forms* aren't you* %le), 7ell now it's time for a whole new bat)h,8 4ne se)ond Brandon was a human* the ne+t he was a huge monstrosity* a thing that normally dwelt in the bottom* most primiti#e parts of the mind* #enturing out only to star prominently in nightmares, The rush of power beat ba)k at our entire pa)k, f it'd been a physi)al wind it would'#e kno)ked me o#er, ntangible or not* it still staggered me and only my grip on =asmin and Dom kept me from dropping to my knees,

%le) stood motionless for a pair of se)onds* and then seemed to e+plode and melt ba)k into himself, blinked* and his human body had been repla)ed with the hybrid form that'd sa#ed my life on)e before, 4nly this time he wasn't fighting wol#es* he was fighting another hybrid* and Brandon towered o#er him, There was another ripple of mo#ement on the other side of the light, =asmin and Dom both pulled away from me* 6oining the other three* fa)ing outward in preparation for the ine#itable atta)k, <in)ent's dark form in)hed slightly )loser* but Brandon's growl fro'e his hen)hman in pla)e, The )omplete stillness that resulted was suddenly shattered by a flash of heat lightning off to the east* and when the spots )leared from my #ision* the two hybrids were a blur of motion, Merely human eyes ne#er )ould'#e hoped to follow all of the a)tion, got the feeling %le)'s te)hni0ue was superior, &e mo#ed from spot to spot* motion to motion with the smooth e)onomy of a tree bending before the wind* but if he was a tree* Brandon was the hurri)ane, !lare.light refle)ted off of deadly )laws* and blood splattered the earth as Brandon dro#e %le) before him, $ashes appeared on both leaders* wetly glistening in the green light* but they were more numerous on %le) than on Brandon, e+pe)ted the unseen plane to mirror the fight was so desperately trying to tra)k with my inferior #ision, There should ha#e been titani) )lashes of power* ants mar)hing up and down my skin from being far too )lose to ground 'ero* but there weren't, Brandon's energy beat down on %le)* beat down on all of us* but although )ould feel the answering flare of power from the rest of the pa)k* %le) remained silent* dan)ing away from the worst bursts of metaphori)al death at the same time he dodged Brandon's fangs, The flares were almost dead* but there was 6ust enough light for me to see the smaller figure reel away from the larger as a #i)ious slash sank home in %le)'s )hest, Time stret)hed and pulled like taffy* and had plenty of time to wat)h %le) fall* to feel splatters of hot li0uid e#en standing so far away, % s)ream ripped itself free from my throat* and it suddenly seemed we really were )aught up in a hurri)ane, %s the flares finally died* the pulsing pressure* the pins and needles disappeared as well, 4nly that wasn't 0uite the term for it, The power* the energy that'd be)ome more than oppressi#e* was su)ked towards %le) and Brandon* dragging with it my strength* and the unnatural #itality of the rest of the pa)k, felt a lan)e of pain sink into my ba)k* mirroring the 6olt in my ankle* as all fi#e shape shifters )ollapsed around me, knew with a )ertainty was going to die* that we were all

going to die* but that didn't matter, t was only right that my e+isten)e )ease within heartbeats of %le)'s,

Chapter 31
%s the normal grogginess of sleep wore off* reali'ed 6ust how thirsty was, rea)hed for a drink* hissing a little as my stit)hes pulled against the still.healing skin* but the glass of orange 6ui)e remained steadfastly 6ust beyond my fingertips, %le) appeared immediately* paint.spe)kled and undeniably ali#e* from where he'd been working in his studio, 8 really wish you'd 6ust )all for me when you need something, %ll of this mo#ing around isn't going to help your ba)k heal any more 0ui)kly,8 89ou're not letting your in6uries slow you down,8 t was a losing argument* but hated being )ooped up in bed all the time* and it was the only argument had, %le) paused for a se)ond to look down at the long* thi)k bandage wrapped around his middle, The gash of white )utting a)ross his darkly tanned skin was un)omfortably similar to what imagined his wound must ha#e looked like 6ust after Brandon had infli)ted it, &e sighed* but there wasn't any real frustration to the sound, 84ur )ases are hardly )omparable, 9ou know heal more 0ui)kly than you do,8 %n upraised finger )ut me off before )ould lat)h onto my last remaining point, 8The fa)t that your in6ury was less se#ere is really 0uite immaterial, E#en the fa)t that shape shifter.infli)ted wounds don't heal as 0ui)kly as normal for me is really a small matter when )ompared to 6ust how mu)h blood you lost before we got the bleeding staun)hed,8 %nd there was the real rub, %le) was well on his way to being fully healed* while still had fits of di''iness e#ery time tried to stand, e#en had to ha#e =asmin or Dom help me to the bathroom, There was no good way to know how long 'd lain there with a bran)h stu)k through my ba)k* but it'd been long enough for e#en a relati#ely small wound to result in near fatal blood loss, 'd been nearly un)ons)ious from the pain* so didn't remember any of what had happened ne+t* but %le) had relu)tantly filled in most of the details, %pparently the stress of the fight had finally awakened his potential* and his power was a real humdinger, The metaphysi)al hurri)ane that'd kno)ked me to the ground had a)tually been %le) pulling power from all of the shape shifters and humans in the area, The e+perien)e had been nearly as o#erwhelming for %le) as it had been for the rest of us, &e'd re)o#ered 6ust in time to find Brandon grimly pulling himself along on all fours, Lu)kily %le) had re)o#ered more 0ui)kly* and on)e Brandon was depri#ed of the

strength and speed his power had bestowed upon him* %le) had been more than a mat)h for him* e#en wounded and e+hausted, Brandon's end had been 0ui)k* and if %le) hadn't reali'ed my blood was slowly leaking out onto the ground* the rest of Brandon's pa)k would'#e likewise been 0ui)kly sorted out, nstead* %le) had stumbled o#er* shifted ba)k to human form* and got the bleeding slowed to a point where wasn't in imminent danger of death, -nfortunately that'd been all the delay Brandon's pa)k had needed to make a run for it, saa)* =ames and =asmin were trying to tra)k down the worst of the lot* the ones who'd taken an a)ti#e part in Brandon's atro)ities* but it was slow going, (art of the 6ob had been resol#ed when /assie and two other wol#es had tried to )ir)le around and atta)k the estate, Lu)kily saa) and the others had stumbled onto them, The fight had been brief and bloody, 5one of our guys had es)aped unharmed* but they were all going to make a full re)o#ery* and the same )ouldn't be said for /assie or the others, shi#ered a little at the thought* and %le) looked up with )on)ern on his fa)e, 8Do you need another blanket:8 85o* 'm fine* 6ust a little worried about =asmin and the boys,8 5ow he did frown, &e wasn't e+)ited that he had to stay here instead of leading the tra)king group, personally was glad he )ouldn't go along* and not 6ust be)ause it was dangerous work, wasn't positi#e he'd really )ome to terms with ha#ing killed Brandon, 8They'll be fine, 9ou need to worry about getting better* and nothing else,8 My pout met with 6ust as mu)h su))ess as it usually did, %fter a se)ond or two ga#e up and nodded, 84kay* promise to be good and )on)entrate on getting better* if you'll )ome keep me )ompany,8 The flash of emotion* barely #isible in %le)'s eyes* was a sour)e of hope and despair all at on)e, Eagerness* desire, Both )urbed by the same iron will that'd )ontinued fighting long past where most people would'#e gi#en up and died, patted the bed ne+t to me* win)ing slightly as e#en that simple motion pulled on things that weren't meant to be pulled on, &e stared at me for se#eral se)onds* and then sat down on the bed, waited* and then when was sure that was as )lose as he planned on getting* slid )loser* resting my head on his arm, %s long as was )areful not to go too far* not to tou)h too mu)h of him* )ould get away with that mu)h, &is half.imagined sigh sent little trills of satisfa)tion through me, &e wasn't going to initiate )onta)t, f didn't know with an absolute )ertainty that he wanted to be with me*

would'#e despaired already, Still* Domini) had been right so many days ago, %le) was worth it* and as long as he still lo#ed me* was going to do my best to help him see that we belonged together, &uman or shape shifter* homely or gorgeous* none of that mattered, %ll that mattered was he made my heart beat faster* and )ould no longer imagine my life without him, guess you )all that lo#e, IThe Story /ontinues in Torn J !plinteredI Publisher s !ote" )f you'#e en+oyed this book, please consider signing up for the author's %ailing list 1y signing up you'll recei#e 910 00 (orth of free books :including Torn; We'll be offering a special discount to e3isting fans for the first (eek each ne( book is li#e, so signing up for his %ailing list (ill %ean that you'll al(ays kno( about ne( releases (ith plenty of ti%e to take ad#antage of the ne( release discount #uthor s !ote" )n so%e (ays it feels like )'#e been at this for decades, in other (ays it feels like ) only +ust sat do(n to try and put 'dri's story do(n in (ords *o( that it's li#e, ) can only say that ) hope you en+oyed it as %uch as ) en+oyed (riting it )f you ha#en't read Torn yet, please go check it out When ) set out to (rite 1roken, ) ne#er e3pected that ) (as going to end up (riting the sa%e story fro% 'lec's point of #ie(, but )'% pleased (ith ho( both 1roken and Torn ha#e turned out, both indi#idually and as a co%bined (ork They are done in #ery different styles, but ulti%ately that (as e3actly (hat ) (as after ) think there is plenty of cross$o#er of guys reading paranor%al ro%ance, and girls picking up %ore action$packed stories <lti%ately ) think %ost of us +ust (ant a co%pelling story, but so%eti%es the labels that get applied to books get in the (ay of us disco#ering the%, rather than helping as they are %eant to do ) think one of the things that %ade the &arry 4otter books so successful (as the fact that the (hole fa%ily could share in the series ) re%e%ber as T(ilight ca%e out thinking that there (ere plenty of guys (ho (ould en+oy T(ilight if they e#er sat do(n and read it, but %ost of the% (ouldn't e#er gi#e it a try My hope (ith 1roken and Torn is that the t(o stories co%bine into so%ething that both guys and girls can en+oy The girls are likely to start out (ith 1roken, (hile guys are likely to pick up Torn and en+oy the e3tra action there Either (ay, %y biggest hope (ould be that the guys can introduce their (i#es and girlfriends to 1roken, and the girls can introduce their husbands and boyfriends to Torn We'#e included e3cerpts for both Torn and !plintered :the se6uel for 1roken and Torn; belo( #ckno$le%&'ents"

' big thanks to all of the fans (ho are doing so %uch to help get the (ord out There are tons of you that ) don't kno(, but ) do (ant to %ake special %ention of a fe( dependable souls that )'% #ery grateful to kno(, and (ho'#e helped in #arious (ays (ith Torn, and (ho ) suspect (ill continue to go abo#e and beyond (ith 1roken Cassy = Mark, )'% glad you both turned out to be story addicts +ust like %e Thanks for e#erything Dad, not e#eryone gets to be best friends (ith their parents Thanks for all of the feedback and the ongoing support Mi%i, thanks for sticking (ith %e long enough to get addicted and to fi3 so%e of %y biology facts along the (ay 's al(ays, >atie deser#es special thanks Without her, 'lec and 'dri's story ne#er (ould ha#e seen the light of day Thanks need to be e3pressed to 8bsidian Da(n, ((( obsidianda(n co%, for brushes used in the creation of 1roken's co#er ,inally, a big thanks to the bloggers (ho'#e kindly re#ie(ed 1roken and Torn, done inter#ie(s and other(ise gone o#er and abo#e by sharing their platfor% #bout the #uthor" Dean Murray is a prolific author (ith %ore than 20 titles across %ultiple pen na%es and %ore than ?00,000 copies of his (ork currently in circulation Dean started reading seriously in the second grade due to a co%petition and has spent %ost of the subse6uent three decades lost in other people's (orlds Things (orsened, or i%pro#ed depending on your point of #ie(, (hen he first started e3peri%enting (ith (riting (hile finishing up his accounting degree These days Dean has a (onderful (ife and t(o lo#ely daughters to keep hi% rather %ore grounded, but the idea of bringing others along (ith hi% as he %eets interesting ne( people in uni#erses nobody else has e#er seen tends to drag hi% back to his co%puter on a fairly regular basis >eep up to speed on Dean's latest pro+ects at dean(rites co% This ebook is licensed for your personal en+oy%ent only This ebook %ay not be re$sold or gi#en a(ay to other people )f you (ould like to share this book (ith another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient )f you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it (as not purchased for your use only, then please return to !%ash(ords co% and purchase your o(n copy Thank you for respecting the hard (ork of this author

(orn )*cerpt
The sil#ery light of a nearly.full moon should ha#e been )omforting, !or most people it would'#e been pea)eful e#en* but it pulled at my anger with surprising strength as bounded a)ross the arid Southern.-tah terrain,

Darkly.furred* four.legged shapes ghosted through the darkness on either side of me as we slid between the softly.glowing pillars of trees, =asmin* arguably the )losest thing had to a best friend* do#e through a latti)ework of light and then it was my turn to feel the undergrowth grasping at my fur in an effort to slow my progress, The warm e#ening bree'e )arried a host of aromas too subtle for mere human noses to identify, n our four.footed forms ea)h mole)ule was un)ons)iously sorted and )ataloged* lea#ing us free to )on)entrate on the elusi#e s)ent of our prey, The other pa)k* a portion at least* was less than a mile away* far enough into our territory for it to be a killable offense if they were )aught, They'd be)ome in)reasingly arrogant o#er the last few months* but )oming in )lose enough to threaten our families was a whole new le#el of pro#o)ation, E#en their leader* Brandon* wasn't usually so bold, % stray eddy of wind played a)ross my mu''le* and knew they'd made their first mistake, pressed into my se)ond in )ommand for a moment* )on#eying an order through posture and motion* and then nipped at =asmin's heels* the two of us stret)hing out in a full sprint, !ree from the others* =asmin and streaked through the night with a speed the rest of our pa)k )ouldn't ha#e mat)hed, =asmin pressed at my flank* )urious at my de)ision until she )aught the s)ent* and then an answering growl made its way past her fangs, The trap was )le#er* but the other wol#es didn't know the terrain well enough, let my beast bubble up from the )orner of my being where usually kept it )hained, Between one moment and the ne+t* went from running on four legs to two, %s my transformation ended* a si+.foot tower of mus)le and )laws sprang from the shadows, du)ked <in)ent's first blow and retaliated with a gash that opened one side of his )hest nearly down to the bone, % dark.furred form leaped at =asmin* but the other wolf mistimed the spring, Most of the other pa)k didn't appre)iate 6ust how nimble she was, =asmin dodged to one side and then the two of them were )ir)ling* looking for an opening, <in)ent* the other hybrid* atta)ked with the strength and fury that'd earned him the position of se)ond in his pa)k* but he hadn't been e+pe)ting to fa)e me in this form, %s a wolf weighed in at a solid two hundred pounds* but would'#e still gi#en up more than a hundred pounds to him, 5ow had at least si+ in)hes and se#enty.fi#e pounds on my side of the e0uation* and he was the one pressed onto the defensi#e as the fight progressed, )aught flashes of a)tion from the other fight as we )ir)led ea)h other, =asmin sprang at her opponent* )at)hing her behind the shoulders as <in)ent reeled away from me in a shower of blood, 'd finally managed a deeper strike on his arm,

The high.pit)hed s)ream of pain as =asmin began trying to )rush her opponent's spine was answered by rapidly.approa)hing howls, <in)ent atta)ked with renewed strength at the promise of reinfor)ements, was bleeding in a do'en pla)es now* but the rage insulated me from pain and weakness, Both sides of my nature were united in hating <in)ent, f e#er did manage to kill him* my 0uestionable humanity wouldn't grie#e, The world would be better for his absen)e, )ould hear the other pa)k now* panting with e+ertion* our friends hot on their heels, <in)ent o#errea)hed in his effort to )laim the kill* and sunk my teeth into the mus)led flesh of his shoulder as finally made it around behind him, My )laws sank into his arms and legs as repositioned to snap his ne)k* and then a hammer blow of weight stru)k me a)ross the shoulders, >no)ked loose from <in)ent* spun around in time to tear Simon from the air as he leaped at me again, t was the perfe)t opportunity to end a life nearly as e#il as <in)ent's* but one of the re)ent arri#als had bowled =asmin o#er, Le#eraging a frame that was more than )apable of pi)king up a small )ar* threw Simon into the whirling ball of flesh and fangs, &e didn't hit hard enough to snap his ne)k* but he kno)ked the other wolf off of =asmin* and then <in)ent was ba)k on his feet, The rest of the ri#al pa)k* sa#e for Brandon their leader* )ame streaming past* but they didn't help their fellows swarm =asmin and me o#er, 5one of them e#en slowed, <in)ent took an angry swipe at the last* a small female* and then our pa)k burst from the trees, % se)ond later* our enemies were in full rout,

+plintere% )*cerpt
%le) had been promising to take me somewhere new for nearly a week* but pa)k business kept getting in the way, 'd been e+pe)ting some posh restaurant in <egas or maybe L%, The world kind of be)omes your oyster when you'#e got your own 6et, The last thing 'd e+pe)ted was a pi)ni) up at the top of the mountain that )radled the $ra#es' estate between large* ro)ky spurs, t was perfe)t, !or %le) money was nothing more than a useful tool* but he understood still wasn't )omfortable ha#ing that tool used to pur)hase me things didn't really need, 'd set out determined to hike the whole way up to the top* but was still a little weak, %pparently e#eryone had been right about 6ust how mu)h blood 'd lost the night our pa)k had destroyed the lo)al ri#al pa)k, They'd been trying to absorb %le)'s pa)k for the last se#eral years and he hadn't really had any other options* but knew he still felt uneasy about what had happened,

7ith his superhuman hearing and sense of smell* %le) knew was struggling before e#en did, &e waited though until finally admitted how tired was* and then he s)ooped me up and effortlessly 6ogged to the top of the peak, 8%re all of you shape shifters su)h showoffs: %t least the )hange in altitude should bother you a little,8 %le) smiled as he )ame to a stop at the #ery top and set me down, waited for a )ouple of se)onds for him to respond and then shrugged and looked out o#er the arid* Southern -tah lands)ape, The #iew literally took my breath away, hadn't reali'ed we were 0uite so )lose to ?ion 5ational (ark with all of its in)redible greenery, The stark )ontrast between the desert and the lush #egetation was striking, 85ot a show off* 6ust really eager to get you up here so )ould wat)h your fa)e when you first saw all of this,8 %le) had un'ipped his ba)kpa)k and started emptying it while he spoke, 7orking with his usual speed it was only se)onds before he had a blanket laid out, &e handed me a bottle of water and then helped me down, 89ou weren't kidding when you said this pla)e was spe)ial,8 %le) smiled and then wrapped me in a light blanket, The heat had finally relented slightly, 5ot enough to a)tually make it )omfortable* but this high up it was a)tually a little )hilly, f hadn't spent the last se#eral weeks li#ing in the air.)onditioned ha#en of %le)'s house* the )ooler temperatures at the top of the mountain would almost ha#e made the trip worthwhile all by themsel#es, 8 '#e been wanting to bring you up here for a while, used to )ome up here a lot when was younger, t was kind of an es)ape after e#eryone started gaining their wolf form, 7e were all so )losely mat)hed sometimes it seemed like we were always s)uffling to establish who was dominant,8 &e'd sunk down beside me while he was talking* resting with his hands behind his head so he )ould look up at the few thinly.stret)hed )louds, took the opportunity to mo#e )loser* )uddling up ne+t to him, didn't bother looking up at the sky, Truth be told* had all the beauty needed right in front of me, &is slight start as my head )ame to rest on his arm was disappointing but entirely predi)table, &e ad6usted my blanket slightly so it was between us and then pulled me )loser, &e was perfe)tly happy to tou)h me as long as there wasn't any a)tual skin on skin )onta)t, E#ery time pushed for more he ba)ked away or found somewhere else he had to be,

8That must ha#e been rough, There are a lot of strong personalities down there,8 %le)'s )hu)kle wasn't really amused, 89ou )ould say that, %t first it seemed like things )hanged up on a daily basis, Then =asmin manifested her royal wolf form and things settled down a little,8 7e were #enturing into unknown territory for me, %le) was usually so )areful to keep me sheltered from his world, 87as =asmin dominant then: mean if she was a royal wolf and you hadn't manifested your hybrid form yet did she win all of the fights:8 %le) rested his )heek on the top of my head, 85ot e+a)tly, f she'd been a little more heartless she probably )ould ha#e killed me and )owed the rest of the pa)k, E#en then though* it was be)oming pretty )lear that we )ouldn't ha#e two separate pa)ks in su)h )lose pro+imity, The need to keep the pa)k strong meant that e#en though she pretty mu)h ran the show most of the time there was the o))asional thing that 'd 6ust refuse to ba)k down on,8 &is mus)les tightened un)ons)iously* like maybe he was remembering past pains, 8She'd rip me up one side and down the other but on the most important stuff 'd simply out stubborn her, 7hen the dust settled usually at least got a )ompromise we )ould both li#e with,8 hugged him tighter for a se)ond, 8That sounds a lot like what you guys do right now* 6ust the other way around,8 89eah, That's about the si'e of it, She's still hiding something from me* but 'm not willing to bleed her to try and get an answer* not when odds are she'll 6ust refuse to tell me anyways,8 That was edging towards a se)ret that wasn't mine to tell, 8Let's talk about something happier,8 &e looked at me out of the )orner of his eye, &e'd probably heard my pulse spike, Sometimes the fa)t that he was a shape shifter instead of 6ust a normal boy was pretty in)on#enient, 4f )ourse if he wasn't a shape shifter* then he wouldn't really be 'lec, 89our mom is likely to be ba)k in town pretty soon, &er latest )ontra)t has about run its )ourse and it's looking like 'd ha#e to throw a whole bun)h of money at her if wanted to keep her in Europe,8 8 'm not so sure that's really an impro#ement in topi)s,8 89ou don't want to see your mom:8

8 t's not that* it's 6ust that know we're not going to be able to spend as mu)h time together, t's not like she's going to let me sleep o#er,8 %le) shrugged, 8 )an arrange for her to stay away for another month or two* but with the kind of disposable in)ome she'd get out of the deal it's #ery possible she'll fly you out there,8 8That settles it, Bring her ba)k home, E#en the prospe)t of less time with you is better than being sent out of the )ountry and not seeing you at all,8 %le)'s smile nearly made me )ry, 89ou know it might be for the best, 9ou need some time to get your bearings again, $oing )old turkey is generally the best way to kill an addi)tion,8 7e'd been through this more than on)e sin)e he'd killed Brandon, &e'd been so sure he was going to die that he'd rela+ed his normally rigid rules, Sin)e then he'd done e#erything possible to keep me at arm's length, E#erything short of sending me away, $rowing up with the e+ample of his mother was a powerful ob6e)t lesson regarding what happened to humans that got in#ol#ed with shape shifters3 but gi#en enough time* 'd e+ploit that tiny pie)e of him that wanted e+a)tly what wanted, 8-nless you're sending me away there's no point in ha#ing this )on#ersation, 'm e+a)tly where want to be, t's not like 'm throwing myself at you this #ery se)ond, &a#e you )ome up with an e+planation for that yet:8 %le) stared ba)k up at the )louds rather than meet my eyes, 85ot yet, D,,,my best guess is maybe that you'#e reali'ed your best bet at getting what you want long term is to pretend like you're not impa)ted,8 8(lease, Do you really belie#e ha#e that kind of willpower:8 8%fter the things '#e seen you go through 'd ne#er doubt your willpower* %dri,8 t was rare that suffered from a pani) atta)k in %le)'s presen)e but the referen)e to what 'd lost* )ombined with my dreaded ni)kname nearly did the tri)k, %s my pulse sped up again %le) pulled me in )lose, 8Sorry about that, 9ou do ha#e to admit* it would help e+plain why you're still here,8 8"ight* gorgeous* ri)h boy who also happens to be the ne+t best thing to a super hero, must be out of my mind not to run for the hills,8 89ou don't like it when spend money on you and the more in#ol#ed you get with me the less likely it is 'll be able to prote)t you,8

8 f let you buy me something will you 0uit trying to s)are me off:8 85o* but it would make me feel better,8 &e said that last with his heart stopping blue eyes ga'ing dire)tly into mine and nearly stopped breathing, Somehow he hadn't reali'ed yet that when he looked at me like that there wasn't anything )ould deny him, 84k* you )an get me a present* something small and relati#ely ine+pensi#e,8 %le) smiled and rea)hed o#er to the ba)kpa)k as he sat up, let him pull me up and then felt my fa)e free'e as he pulled out one of the largest #el#et bo+es 'd e#er seen, 8%le)* no,8 8 t wasn't that e+pensi#e and you'#e already told me )ould,8 8 didn't think you'd ha#e something already ready and waiting to ambush me with, thought 'd at least ha#e a few days to prepare myself,8 &e smiled again and gingerly held my hand out, The green #el#et lid swung up to re#eal the most deli)ate ne)kla)e 'd e#er seen, t was a thin glass heart set inside a slightly larger heart, 8 saw it when was in <irginia last week for business and thought of you,8 8 t's beautiful, 9ou shouldn't ha#e* but thank you,8 %le) slipped it around my ne)k and did the )lasp* his fingers lingering a fra)tion of an in)h from my skin but he pulled them ba)k without e#er a)tually tou)hing me, t really was beautiful3 looked ba)k up to thank him again when a wa#e of weakness slid through me, %le) )aught me before hit the ground, 8%re you ok:8 8 think so, thought was past all of this re)o#ery stuff,8 &e looked )on)erned but 'd learned to read his e+pressions better than think he reali'ed, &e was worried* but not 6ust about me, &e spent a lot of time worrying, The rest of the pa)k* the town* his mother* his sister, t was a lot for someone our age to deal with, 8There's an un)ommon amount of that going around right now,8 %le) shook his head at my )urious stare, 8Dom and =asmin both seem to be spending more time in bed than you'd e+pe)t based on the wounds they took putting down /assie

and the others, saa) mo#ed like an old man when we spared yesterday and Dono#an is looking old lately,8 thought ba)k and reali'ed he was right* about Dono#an at least, The old shape shifter always mo#ed gingerly thanks to old in6uries that had left his right leg permanently )rippled, hadn't thought anything of it at the time but Dono#an was looking frailer lately, The thought of Dono#an getting to the point that his age was starting to show nearly made me )hoke up, didn't ha#e the e+tensi#e history with Dono#an that %le)'s family had* but he'd been unfailingly kind to me despite the fa)t that 'd endangered e#erything he )ared about, %le) )orre)tly read my thoughts, 8Don't worry3 'm sure it's nothing, 'll for)e him to take a )ouple of days off and 'm sure he'll be fine, &e's only a bit past middle age for one of us,8 nearly protested* but %le) was right* it would take an a)tual order to get Dono#an to slow down* and two days was probably pushing it, Dono#an somehow managed to respe)tfully )ir)um#ent any order he thought pre#ented him from taking ade0uate )are of %le)'s family, 8Tell me about /hristmas at the (aige house,8 blinked a )ouple of times, The progress 'd made lately notwithstanding* half e+pe)ted the 0uestion to dri#e me into a pani) atta)k, %pparently %le)'s presen)e was proof against a se)ond near atta)k today, 8 don't know, 7e always used to do the standard kind of stuff, (resents* eggnog and the /hristmas story, -sually Dad made us breakfast /hristmas morning and then we'd dri#e out of the )ity later in the day and go sledding, hadn't thought about what it would be like this year,8 %le) nodded like he'd 6ust )he)ked a bo+ off on some kind of mental list, 8So snow's always been a pretty key ingredient sounds like,8 8 guess, t hadn't really sunk in that we wouldn't be getting any of that this year, % month ago would ha#e thought that was a good thing* that it would be one less thing to remind me of Dad and /indi, think might a)tually miss it this year though,8 rested my head against %le)'s shoulder, 8 t doesn't really matter, The important thing now is that we're together for /hristmas, Beyond that don't really )are what happens,8 was still safely wrapped in my blanket so %le) pulled me into a hug, E#en taking into )onsideration his annoying efforts to prote)t me from the addi)ti#e effe)t of his tou)h* this was the happiest 'd e#er been, 'd had plenty of bad times o#er the last year or so to

offset the near perfe)tion of my life now* but it still didn't seem like something that )ould last, 7e 6ust sat there in silen)e with his arms wrapped around me for se#eral minutes before his )ell phone rang, Sometimes wondered if the slim de#i)e was some kind of super spy phone, t seemed to get re)eption in some of the most in)redible pla)es, &e shifted around 6ust enough to answer it without letting go of me with his right arm, 87hat's up:8 7hoe#er was on the other end was talking too 0uietly for me to make out more than the o))asional word, 8,,,=a)k,,,now,,,no time,,,8 )ould suddenly feel the energy radiating off of %le) as his beast woke and rose to the surfa)e, &is limbs hadn't taken on the fine tremble of someone only se)onds away from )hanging shape* but he was ob#iously unhappy, $i#en the tight leash he kept his beast on* would ha#e been willing to bet that 6ust about anyone else in the pa)k would ha#e already shifted shapes and ripped a tree out of the ground or done something e0ually destru)ti#e by now, %le) shifted the phone slightly* )ouldn't hear whoe#er was on the other end anymore* but whate#er they'd 6ust said hadn't made things any better, The in#isible ants mar)hing up my arms went to double time and the metaphysi)al bree'e that started on his skin and went outward turned into a full.blown gale, 8Stall them, 7e'll be down in eight minutes if worse )omes to worst you two )ontain saa) and tell Dom to sit on =a)k, >eep "a)hel out of the way,8 %lready mo#ing with the unearthly speed he normally )on)ealed e#en from me* %le) hung up the phone and started throwing things into the ba)kpa)k, 8=a)k's working himself up to a dominan)e fight with =ess, This )ouldn't ha#e happened at a worse time, f we're not ba)k before it starts odds are someone's going to die,8 Table of /ontents /hapter E /hapter K /hapter L /hapter C /hapter M /hapter G /hapter H

/hapter 1 /hapter D /hapter E2 /hapter EE /hapter EK /hapter EL /hapter EC /hapter EM /hapter EG /hapter EH /hapter E1 /hapter ED /hapter K2 /hapter KE /hapter KK /hapter KL /hapter KC /hapter KM /hapter KG /hapter KH /hapter K1 /hapter KD /hapter L2 /hapter LE E+)erpt from Torn E+)erpt from Splintered

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