Child Care

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Helping Your Child at Home with Vocabulary Building
Parents are the first "language models" for children. The language children use is modeled, or based, on what they hear from their parents. Parents need to create an environment that enriches what a child hears. The words he hears, he will use with encouragement. To start, take a look for a moment at the words you use-and how you use them, Children who repeatedly hear, "I seen it" will imitate that language. And the probability is great that if they speak that way, they will write that way. Encourage family discussions. Turn off the TV and talk. One of the best places is the dinner table. That's one of the few times an entire family is together. In a sense, it's a "captive" audience. Set up some ground rules, such as "No eat and run," and "Everyone will have something to talk about" during and after supper. It's a kind of "hear and tell" time. What to talk about? Things going on in the neighborhood, what happened at school, events that are coming up, family plans, family decisions, et cetera. But remember the conversation should be pleasant and relaxing. This is NOT the time to bring up sins of omission or commission. If your child has started formal spelling at school, post the list on the refrigerator door. Use those words with your child as discussions arise. Encourage him to use them in his responses. If you have a cassette recorder, make a tape of words. Say the word, define it, and then use it in a sentence. (Select words that he will find interesting.) Better yet, have the child do the taping. Encourage regular use of the tape. (If he's studying for a spelling test, he can also spell it on the tape.) "Word of the Week" is a family game-like activity. Each person selects a word taking turns each week. For example, the first week it might be Mother who writes a word on a card and puts it on the refrigerator door. Everyone must use that word as much as possible that week. The next week it's Dad's turn, and then the children's turn, and so on until it is Mother's turn again. As the words are used, they are posted on a cabinet door to stimulate continued Usage. "Ten Questions" is a game that promotes several teaming skills, chief of which is reasoning with words. One family member thinks of something, which the other players must guess with no more than ten questions. The first question always is "Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?" This covers virtually every possible thing the child could think of. Then, question by question, the field is narrowed to likely possibilities. After the first questions, the following questions must be asked so that they can be answered by "yes" or "no." For some youngsters, "Ten Questions" might be too demanding, so make it "Twenty Questions. " One of the values of the extension is that additional reasoning and logic can

be expressed. Stretch the game as much as possible. You can show, for example, the process of moving from broad-based questions to more discrete ones. In this way, your child will team to ask questions such as, "Is it located in the Northern Hemisphere?" "Is it in the Western Hemisphere?" "Is it in the United States?" "Is it land based?" and so on. This becomes an exercise not only in vocabulary development but also in geography. Encourage the use of a "log" or "diary. " And Pen Pal Clubs are easy to find and join. Enter a subscription to a child's magazine. There are many of these, and they cover practically every interest area of children: cars, sports, computers, the out-of-doors, et cetera. (Information from the articles makes an ideal subject for family discussions.) If distant family members have cassette players, send "letters" on tape. Each family member has his or her "say," and then the tape is mailed to the distant relative to listen to on his tape recorder. That person then adds some comments and either returns it or passes it on to another family member. Play games with homonyms - words that sound alike but are spelled differently and mean something different, as in "sun" and "son." For example, on the versatile refrigerator door, post train rain- or "reign-rain" or" pray-prey" or "flower -flour." Ask family members to add to the list. You'll be surprised at how many homonyms they will uncover Another way of encouraging vocabulary development is the penny game," which can be played even if your child is having difficulty with reading. You might use a comic book, the comic strips or sports pages in your local newspaper, or a magazine article- To play the game, the child must know that some words start with a consonant followed by a vowel-for example, "say, look, go, pay," et etc. that other words begin with two consonants (called a blend) such as "grow, plate, tray, brush," etc. (Note: Some words do start with two or three consonants but are not true blends because one letter is silent, as in "white". gnat, pneumonia," etc.) Tell the child you'll give him a penny for every word he underlines that starts with a blend. A follow-up to the "penny game" is to list words in "teams," such as fog/frog, bake/brake, pay/play, say/stay," et cetera. A guessing game can be fun. "I'm thinking of a word that starts with "br" that is something you use to paint a house." (Brush) "I'm thinking of a word that starts with "tr" that is something we do to the bushes when they get too large." (Trim) A traditional game that most children enjoy is "My father owns " Example: "My father owns a grocery store, and in it he sells something that begins with the letter B. " If the child does not know the alphabet, letter sounds can be used. Revolving blend- is another family game in which someone gives a common blend-for example, "tr"--and, in sequence around the table or room, everyone must think of a word that begins with that blend-"train, truck, truffle, try, tray, trumpet, truce." et cetera. When

the list is exhausted, the last person begins another blend, such as "st"--"stay, start, stick, stuck, star," etc. Word origins or facts about words can be fascinating family fare. For example, the word "salary" had its origin in "salarium," which is Latin for salt. Roman soldiers received their pay in salt. Ask your librarian to help you find books that will provide other interesting examples of the origin of common words. Suffixes are clues to word meanings. For example, "er" or "or" at the end of a word suggests "one who." Example: conductor-one who conducts; trainer-one who trains, etc. Each week a new suffix can be selected to create words. The "Take a Walk" game is an activity that brings family members together in an enjoyable, relaxing way. It takes at least two people. A walk is taken around the neighborhood or perhaps around a local shopping area. On one trip the thrust may be, "Let's name everything we see that begins with the letter B." On another walk, it might be naming everything that begins with the letter G. Or everything that is the color purple. You might add an element of fun by saying, "We'll get one point for every word we name. Let's see how many points we can get." (Involves arithmetic as well as vocabulary.) A rhyming game is always fun, particularly for young children because they can say any "word," nonsense or sense. Start with things the child knows, such as parts of his body, and say, "I'm thinking of something on your face that rhymes with (sounds like) rose." From this point, once your child gets the idea, you can play it just by saying words, such as "what's a word that rhymes with car?" (jar, bar, star, far, et cetera) "How about a word that rhymes with junk?" (bunk, skunk, trunk-but even runk lunk zunk as nonsense words). Nor only does this quick little game build vocabulary, but it also teaches the child some fine-tuning for the sounds of words. Children listen, then use words, then read them, and, finally, write them. What they team at home about words supports success in school. A great deal of the learning that takes place at home is effective because it isn't a repeat of school. Once it becomes too formal and too "school-like," it will lose its appeal. Parents who talk to their children, and who encourage interaction win lay a healthy platform for academic success. And children will quickly realize that words need not be drudgery but can be exciting and interesting.

General Developmental Sequence Toddler through Preschool
This page presents typical activities and achievements for children from two to five years of age. It is important to keep in mind that the time frames presented are averages and some children may achieve various developmental milestones earlier or later than the

average but still be within the normal range. This information is presented to help parents understand what to expect from their child. Any questions you may have about your child's development should be shared with his doctor or teacher. There are many programs available touting to raise IQ and speed up child development in general. Research shows that the key to healthy child development is the amount of time children spend time with their parents having fun and learning at the same time. Electronic input for children of this age should be limited to no more than 2 hours per day (that includes "educational" programs). Here are some suggestions: Activities for Toddlers & Parents. Reading to children develops language skill and pre-reading skills. You will find these resources on reading to children to help you make the most of this special time. Here is a great preschool book list. Children at this stage also need lots of playtime. This includes playing alone, with peers and with their parents. Please see our articles on "Play the Work of a Child." Here are suggestions for Toys & Games for this crowd. Listening to music and playing with musical toys is also great. Finally, get our kids playing outside as much as possible. Just a couple of well chosen outdoor play items such as these Outdoor Fun can lead to hours of fun, exploration and physical development.

Physical Development Walks well, goes up and down steps alone, runs, seats self on chair, becoming independent in toileting, uses spoon and fork, imitates circular stroke, turns pages singly, kicks ball, attempts to dress self, builds tower of six cubes. Emotional Development Very Self-centered, just beginning a sense of personal identity and belongings, possessive, often negative, often frustrated, no ability to choose between alternatives, enjoys physical affection, resistive to change, becoming independent, more responsive to humor and distraction than discipline or reason.

Social Development Solitary play, dependent on adult guidance, plays with dolls, refers to self by name, socially very immature, little concept of others as "people." May respond to simple direction.

Age 2

Intellectual Development Says words, phrases and simple sentences, 272 words, understands simple directions, identifies simple pictures, likes to look at books, short attention span, avoids simple hazards, can do simple form board.

Physical Development Runs well, marches, stands on one foot briefly, rides tricycle, imitates cross, feeds self well, puts on shoes and stockings, unbuttons and buttons, build tower of 10 cubes. Pours from pitcher. Emotional Development Likes to conform, easy going attitude, not so resistive to change, more secure, greater sense of personal identity, beginning to be adventuresome, enjoys music.

Age 3

Social Development Parallel play, enjoys being by others, takes turns, knows if he is a boy or girl, enjoys brief group activities requiring no skill, likes to "help" in small ways-responds to verbal guidance. Intellectual Development Says short sentences, 896 words, great growth in communication, tells simple stories, uses words as tools of thought, wants to understand environment, answers questions, imaginative, may recite few nursery rhymes Social Development Cooperative play, enjoys other children's company, highly social, may play loosely organized group games - tag, duck-duckgoose, talkative, versatile.

Physical Development Skips on one foot, draws "Man", cuts with scissors (not well), can wash and dry face, dress self except ties, standing broad jump, throws ball overhand, high motor drive. Emotional Development Seems sure of himself, out-of bounds behavior, often negative, may be defiant, seems to be testing himself out, needs controlled freedom. Age 4

Age 4

Intellectual Development Uses complete sentences, 1540 words, asks endless questions, learning to generalize, highly imaginative, dramatic, can draw recognizable simple objects. Social Development Highly cooperative play, has special "friends", highly organized, enjoys simple table games requiring turns and observing rules, "school", feels pride clothes

Physical Development Hops and skips, dresses without help, good balance and smoother muscle action, skates, rides wagon and scooter, prints simple letters, handedness established, ties shoes, girls small muscle development

Age 5

and accomplishments, eager to carry out some responsibility. about 1 year ahead of boys. Emotional Development Self-assured, stable, well-adjusted, home-centered, likes to associate with mother, capable, of some selfcriticism, enjoys responsibility. Likes to follow the rules. Intellectual Development 2,072 words, tells long tales, carries out direction well, reads own name, counts to 10, asks meaning of words, knows colors, beginning to know difference between fact and fiction-lying, interested in environment, city, stores, etc.

Language Development In Children
This page presents information on the development of language in children. The chart below presents typical language development. There is a wide range of normal development. Most children will not follow the chart to the letter. It is presented so you will know what to expect for your child. If your child seems significantly behind in language development, you should talk with your child's physician regarding your questions and concerns.

Language Development Chart
Age of Chil Typical Language Development d
• • •

6 Months

Vocalization with intonation Responds to his name Responds to human voices without visual cues by turning his head and eyes Responds appropriately to friendly and angry tones Uses one or more words with meaning (this may be a fragment of a word) Understands simple instructions, especially if vocal or physical cues are given Practices inflection



12 Months

• • •

• • • •

Is aware of the social value of speech Has vocabulary of approximately 5-20 words Vocabulary made up chiefly of nouns Some echolalia (repeating a word or phrase over and over) Much jargon with emotional content Is able to follow simple commands Can name a number of objects common to his surroundings Is able to use at least two prepositions, usually chosen from the following: in, on, under Combines words into a short sentence-largely nounverb combinations (mean) length of sentences is given as 1.2 words Approximately 2/3 of what child says should be intelligible Vocabulary of approximately 150-300 words Rhythm and fluency often poor Volume and pitch of voice not yet well-controlled Can use two pronouns correctly: I, me, you, although me and I are often confused My and mine are beginning to emerge Responds to such commands as "show me your eyes (nose, mouth, hair)" Use pronouns I, you, me correctly Is using some plurals and past tenses Knows at least three prepositions, usually in, on, under Knows chief parts of body and should be able to indicate these if not name Handles three word sentences easily Has in the neighborhood of 900-1000 words About 90% of what child says should be intelligible Verbs begin to predominate Understands most simple questions dealing with his environment and activities Relates his experiences so that they can be followed with reason Able to reason out such questions as "what must you do when you are sleepy, hungry, cool, or thirsty?"

18 Months
• • • • •



24 Months
• • • • •

36 Months

• • • • • • • • • • •

• • • •

Should be able to give his sex, name, age Should not be expected to answer all questions even though he understands what is expected Knows names of familiar animals Can use at least four prepositions or can demonstrate his understanding of their meaning when given commands Names common objects in picture books or magazines Knows one or more colors Can repeat 4 digits when they are given slowly Can usually repeat words of four syllables Demonstrates understanding of over and under Has most vowels and diphthongs and the consonants p, b, m, w, n well established Often indulges in make-believe Extensive verbalization as he carries out activities Understands such concepts as longer, larger, when a contrast is presented Readily follows simple commands even thought the stimulus objects are not in sight Much repetition of words, phrases, syllables, and even sounds Can use many descriptive words spontaneously-both adjectives and adverbs Knows common opposites: big-little, hard-soft, heavelight, etc Has number concepts of 4 or more Can count to ten Speech should be completely intelligible, in spite of articulation problems Should have all vowels and the consonants, m,p,b,h,w,k,g,t,d,n,ng,y (yellow) Should be able to repeat sentences as long as nine words Should be able to define common objects in terms of use (hat, shoe, chair) Should be able to follow three commands given without interruptions Should know his age Should have simple time concepts: morning, afternoon, night, day, later, after, while Tomorrow, yesterday, today

48 Months

• • • • • • • • • •

• • • • • • •

60 Months

• • • • • •



Should be using fairly long sentences and should use some compound and some complex sentences Speech on the whole should be grammatically correct In addition to the above consonants these should be mastered: f, v, sh, zh, th,1 He should have concepts of 7 Speech should be completely intelligible and socially useful Should be able to tell one a rather connected story about a picture, seeing relationships Between objects and happenings Should have mastered the consonants s-z, r, voiceless th, ch, wh, and the soft g as in George Should handle opposite analogies easily: girl-boy, man-woman, flies-swims, blunt-sharp short-long, sweet-sour, etc Understands such terms as: alike, different, beginning, end, etc Should be able to tell time to quarter hour Should be able to do simple reading and to write or print many words Can relate rather involved accounts of events, many of which occurred at some time in the past Complex and compound sentences should be used easily Should be few lapses in grammatical constrictionstense, pronouns, plurals All speech sounds, including consonant blends should be established Should be reading with considerable ease and now writing simple compositions Social amenities should be present in his speech in appropriate situations Control of rate, pitch, and volume are generally well and appropriately established Can carry on conversation at rather adult level Follows fairly complex directions with little repetition Has well developed time and number concepts

• • • •

6 Years


• • •

7 Years

• • • • • • •

8 Years

• • • • • •

Click on a tag to find related articles on our site: language development

Parent Tool Kit: More Information & Resources
• •

More Articles on Speech and Language Development Recommended Books on Speech & Language Development Including Baby Signing

Resources For Parents


How To Raise A Smart Baby - This Parent Education Module provides parents with clear and specific examples of what they need to do from day one to develop and raise a smart baby. This is a practical resource for new and experienced parents who care about the learning and future for their baby. Higher Order & Creative Thinking Skills (3 - 7 Year Olds) - The activities written in 'Higher Order & Creative Thinking Skills - 3 to 7 Year Olds aim to unlock independent thinking in children. The fun and stress-free activities provide opportunities for open-ended response where children are encouraged to look at things differently and 'think outside the square.' Nick Jr Boost - Online Educational Games for Kids - Nick Jr. Boost is an educational online subscription service designed for preschoolers through first graders. Nick Jr. Boost follows school curriculum, focusing on the major concepts kids need for academic success. Skills range from learning the alphabet to improving reading comprehension; from simple counting to mastering addition and subtraction; and from creative self-expression to conquering the computer keyboard. Click N Kids - Reading & Spelling for Young Children - As early as 4 years, children can learn to read. Give your child a head start with this program widely used in homes and in school districts. Great for kids 4 to 10 years old. Melissa & Doug Toys - Great items to encourage physical, intellectual and psychological development in young children. From puzzles to puppets, plush to play food, magnetic activities, music and more, Melissa & Doug® is one of the leading designers and manufacturers of educational toys and children's products. Back to Basics Toys - Toys with "Play Value" for kids of all ages. Encourage fun, creative, active play with toys designed to encourage physical, intellectual and psychological development. Amber Alert - Child Tracking GPS - Introducing the new Amber Alert GPS 2G.













The world’s smallest, most powerful GPS tracking device. Tracking your child is as easy as placing a call or sending a text.


Instant Baby Sleep - Audio soundtrack developed by a sound engineer that based on acoustic and neuropsychological research can produce sleep in a matter of minutes. Plus parent guide that provides tips and directions for use. Being A Happy Effective Parent (CD) - Parenting can be one of the most enjoyable, rewarding, and challenging roles of our lives. This audio program will help you make the most of this opportunity. You will learn how you can help your children become more happy, independent and successful.



Temperament and Your Child's Personality

Personality is determined by the interaction of temperament traits with the environment. Each person (including your child) comes with a factory installed wiring. How your child is wired can determine whether they will be easy or difficult to raise. How well their temperament fits with the environment and how well they are received by the people in the environment will determine how a child sees himself and others.

What is temperament?
Temperament is a set of in-born traits that organize the child's approach to the world. They are instrumental in the development of the child's distinct personality. These traits also determine how the child goes about learning about the world around him. These traits appear to be relatively stable from birth. They are enduring characteristics that are actually never "good" or "bad." How they are received determines whether they are

perceived by the child as being a bad or good thing. When parents understand the temperament of their children, they can avoid blaming themselves for issues that are normal for their child's temperament. Some children are noisier than other. Some are more cuddly than others. Some have more regular sleep patterns that others. When parents understand how their child responds to certain situations, they an learn to anticipate issues that might present difficulties for their child. They can prepare the child for the situation or in other cases they may avoid a potentially difficult situation all together. Parents can tailor their parenting strategies to the particular temperamental characteristics of the child. They can also avoid thinking that a behavior that reflects a temperament trait represents a pathological condition that requires treatment. Parents feel more effective as they more fully understand and appreciate their child's unique personality. When the demands and expectations of people and the environment are compatible with the child's temperament there is said to be a "goodness-of-fit." When incompatibility exists, you have what is known as a "personality conflict." Early on parents can work with the child's temperamental traits rather than in opposition to them. Later as the child matures the parents can help the child to adapt to their world by accommodating to their temperamental traits.

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Parent Tool Kit: More Information & Resources

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The 9 Temperament Traits Is your child easy or difficult to raise? Coping With Your Child's Personality

Resources For Parents


How To Raise A Smart Baby - This Parent Education Module provides parents with clear and specific examples of what they need to do from day one to develop and raise a smart baby. This is a practical resource for new and experienced parents who care about the learning and future for their baby. Higher Order & Creative Thinking Skills (3 - 7 Year Olds) - The activities written in 'Higher Order & Creative Thinking Skills - 3 to 7 Year Olds aim to unlock independent thinking in children. The fun and stress-free activities provide opportunities for open-ended response where children are encouraged to look at things differently and 'think outside the square.' Nick Jr Boost - Online Educational Games for Kids - Nick Jr. Boost is an educational online subscription service designed for preschoolers through first graders. Nick Jr. Boost follows school curriculum, focusing on the major concepts kids need for academic success. Skills range from learning the alphabet to improving reading comprehension; from simple counting to mastering addition and subtraction; and from creative self-expression to conquering the computer keyboard. Click N Kids - Reading & Spelling for Young Children - As early as 4 years, children can learn to read. Give your child a head start with this program widely used in homes and in school districts. Great for kids 4 to 10 years old. Melissa & Doug Toys - Great items to encourage physical, intellectual and psychological development in young children. From puzzles to puppets, plush to play food, magnetic activities, music and more, Melissa & Doug® is one of the leading designers and manufacturers of educational toys and children's products. Back to Basics Toys - Toys with "Play Value" for kids of all ages. Encourage fun, creative, active play with toys designed to encourage physical, intellectual and psychological development. Amber Alert - Child Tracking GPS - Introducing the new Amber Alert GPS 2G. The world’s smallest, most powerful GPS tracking device. Tracking your child is as easy as placing a call or sending a text. Instant Baby Sleep - Audio soundtrack developed by a sound engineer that based















on acoustic and neuropsychological research can produce sleep in a matter of minutes. Plus parent guide that provides tips and directions for use.


Being A Happy Effective Parent (CD) - Parenting can be one of the most enjoyable, rewarding, and challenging roles of our lives. This audio program will help you make the most of this opportunity. You will learn how you can help your children become more happy, independent and successful.

The 9 Temperament Traits
Classic child development research conducted by Doctors Chess and Thomas has identified 9 temperamental traits:


Activity Level: This is the child's "idle speed or how active the child is generally. Does the infant always wiggle, more squirm? Is the infant difficult to diaper because of this? Is the infant content to sit and quietly watch? Does the child have difficulty sitting still? Is the child always on the go? Or, does the child prefer sedentary quiet activities? Highly active children may channel such extra energy into success in sports; may perform well in high-energy careers and may be able to keep up with many different responsibilities. Distractibility: The degree of concentration and paying attention displayed when a child is not particularly interested in an activity. This trait refers to the ease with which external stimuli interfere with ongoing behavior. Is the infant easily distracted by sounds or sights while drinking a bottle? Is the infant easily soothed when upset by being offered alternate activity? Does the child become sidetracked easily when attempting to follow routine or working on some activity? High distractibility is seen as positive when it is easy to divert a child from an undesirable behavior but seen as negative when it prevents the child from finishing school work. Intensity: The energy level of a response whether positive or negative. Does the infant react strongly and loudly to everything, even relatively minor events? Does the child show pleasure or upset strongly and dramatically? Or does the child just get quiet when upset? Intense children are more likely to have their needs met and may have depth and delight of emotion rarely experienced by others. These children may be gifted in dramatic arts. Intense children tend to be exhausting to live with. Regularity: The trait refers to the predictability of biological functions like appetite and sleep. Does the child get hungry or tired at predictable times? Or, is







the child unpredictable in terms of hunger and tiredness? As grown-ups irregular individuals may do better than others with traveling as well as be likely to adapt to careers with unusual working hours.


Sensory Threshold: Related to how sensitive this child is to physical stimuli. It is the amount of stimulation (sounds, tastes, touch, temperature changes) needed to produce a response in the child. Does the child react positively or negatively to particular sounds? Does the child startle easily to sounds? Is the child a picky eater or will he eat almost anything? Does the child respond positively or negatively to the feel of clothing? Highly sensitive individuals are more likely to be artistic and creative. Approach/Withdrawal: Refers to the child's characteristic response to a new situation or strangers. Does the child eagerly approach new situations or people? Or does the child seem hesitant and resistant when faced with new situations, people or things? Slow-to-warm up children tend to think before they act. They are less likely to act impulsively during adolescence. Adaptability: Related to how easily the child adapts to transitions and changes, like switching to a new activity. Does the child have difficulty with changes in routines, or with transitions from one activity to another? Does the child take a long time to become comfortable to new situations? A slow-to-adapt child is less likely to rush into dangerous situations, and may be less influenced by peer pressure. Persistence: This is the length of time a child continues in activities in the face of obstacles. Does the child continue to work on a puzzle when he has difficulty with it or does he just move on to another activity? Is the child able to wait to have his needs met? Does the child react strongly when interrupted in an activity? When a child persists in an activity he is asked to stop, he is labeled as stubborn. When a child stays with a tough puzzle he is seen a being patient. The highly persistent child is more likely to succeed in reaching goals. A child with low persistence may develop strong social skills because he realizes other people can help. Mood: This is the tendency to react to the world primarily in a positive or negative way. Does the child see the glass as half full? Does he focus on the positive aspects of life? Is the child generally in a happy mood? Or, does the child see the gall as half empty and tend to focus on the negative aspects of life? Is the child generally serious? Serious children tend to be analytical and evaluate situations carefully.









Click on a tag to find related articles on our site: discipline, emotional development, parenting tips, positive parenting

Is your child easy or difficult to raise?

Temperament is the innate behavior style of an individual that seems to be biologically determined. Although some experts feel that labeling a child too quickly as "difficult" may create a self-fulfilling prophecy of problematic parent-child interaction, knowing what kind of temperament your child has may make the difference between a happy and a troubled child - and between an accepting and frustrated parent. You can use the table below to get a rough idea on how easy or difficult your child is to raise. Temperamental Traits Activity Level (how active the child is generally) Distractibility (degree of concentration and paying attention when child is not particularly interested) Intensity (how loud the child is) Regularity (the predictability of biological functions like appetite and sleep) Sensory Threshold (how sensitive the child is to physical stimuli: touch, taste, smell, sound, light) Approach/Withdrawal (characteristic responses of a child to a new situation or to strangers) Easy Low Low Low Regular High Approach Difficult High High High Irregular Low Withdrawal Poor High Negative

Adaptability (how easily the child adapts to transitions Good and changes like switching to a new activity) Persistence (stubbornness, inability to give up) Mood (tendency to react to the world primarily in a positive or negative way) Low Positive

If your child weighs more heavily on one side of the spectrum than the other, he may be a classic example of the easy or difficult child. However, if your child is in-between and his behavior presents you with problems, you may be in need of some new management techniques. Click on a tag to find related articles on our site: discipline, emotional development, parenting tips, positive parenting

Coping With Your Child's Personality

Ever feel frustrated by your high-energy baby? What can you do about a child who screams himself silly when he doesn't get his own way? A youngster who gets overexcited when a playmate come over? The experts tell us that there's probably not a lot you can go about changing the way a child tends to reach if that tendency is inborn but there are ways you can help him manage his impulses better - and spare yourself lots of grief along the way. Realize that your child's immature behavioral style is not your "fault" because temperament is biological not something he learned from you. Still it is within your power to help your child cope with his temperament - and eventually to understand himself or herself better instead of feeling sorry for yourself for having a noisy, distractible or shy child. Learn to accept this as his/her nature and then develop a strategy to help him or her adapt in a socially acceptable way. Replace a victimized mind-set with an adult resolve to help your child ameliorate his difficulties. Above all, remember that all temperamental qualities can be shaped to work to a child's advantage if they are sensibly managed. To become a "manager of your child's temperament, make sure that you step back from his objectionable behavior for a minute and remind yourself that his shrill shriek of excitement or his irregular sleeping habits are not deliberate reactions but one he can yet control. The key is to switch on the objective part of your mind rather than to become emotionally embroiled in his temperamental difficulties. Through this emotionally "neutral" stance, you'll be better able to help him modify his reactions because you'll be thinking rationally. Develop specific plans ahead of time to cope with troublesome behavior and then enforce them in a sympathetic but consistently firm ways. If your child tends to get wild on family occasions or when he or she is with friends, be sensitive to this tendency and take steps to quiet it before it escalates. (Decide ahead if this activity is one he or she can handle. With younger children avoiding potential problem situations may be the best solution). With a baby you may want to tell your host that you will want to leave the party early. You can also take your child into a quiet room and sit with him until he falls asleep. Follow similar procedure with an older child, either by removing him or her from the activity, distracting him or her with something quieter such as a story hour or a snack or calling a "time out" period. See Successful Parenting for practical suggestions to handle a wide variety of behavior problems. An infant with irregular biological rhythms will need special structuring from you so that

he or she eventually learns to sleep through the night, to eat at the usual meal times and to control his or her bladder and bowel function. In this case, a doctor or child-behavior expert may be able to help to develop a schedule for your baby. See Sleep Issues for Kids and Teens or Bedwetting Information for some additional help. For an older child who resists going to sleep, you may have to make special distinctions between bedtime and "sleep-time." To help him settle down, you can insist that the youngster get into bed at a certain time but permit him to read or play quietly until he feels sleepy. In this way, you are regulating his schedule but still allowing him to relax at his own pace. Learn to distinguish between behavior that is temperamentally induced and that which is learned. If a child knocks over your best vase by mistake because he is a high-energy child and was running gleefully through the living room, your response should be different than if he broke your vase deliberately. In some instances you will probably be upset and may express your displeasure. But the action you pursue should be different. In the first case you may have to give some thought on how to prevent your child from running through the living room and remembering other ways he/she can work off his/her energy while in the house. In the second scenario, you will probably want to punish the child for his or her deliberate destruction of your personal property to impress upon him/her that this behavior is socially unacceptable. With temperament, the goal is always to manage rather than to systematically punish. By the same token learn to distinguish between a tantrum that is temperamentally determined and one that is deliberately manipulative. Both may look the same because in both instances the child is crying or screaming loudly but the reasons for them are different. A strong-willed and intense child may react to a disappointment with a tantrum but the parent should understand that in a sense the child really can't help it - that this is his innate behavioral reaction. This is in marked contrast to the less intense child who screams and cries in the same way when you say no because he has learned that such behavior will weaken your resolve and make your give into him. Becoming an expert on your child's temperament will help you distinguish between the two types of tantrums and then you can react to the tantrum appropriately. Finally remember that one of the most important jobs a parent can do is help his child develop self-esteem. That doesn't mean over-inflating his ego but rather helping him develop a positive sense of himself with a fair sense of his strengths and weaknesses. Understanding a child temperament is the first step toward enhancing his self-esteem because you will be able to deliver praise sensitively in accordance with his innate tendencies and help him build upon those traits in a positive way. Please see Helping Your Child Develop Self-esteem for some useful suggestions.

Parenting Strategies For Very Intense Children:

• • • • • •

Provide activities that are soothing such as warm bath, massage, water play, stories. Recognize cues that signal that intensity is rising. Help child learn to recognize cues that signal that intensity is rising. Use humor to diffuse intensity. Teach child to use time-out as a time to calm self-down. Avoid escalating intensity of child be reacting intensely to his/her behavior. Give calm, clear, brief feedback

Kid Control; The Secrets Behind Getting it Back and Making it Work.
By David Paltin, PhD (Child Psychologist) Picture yourself driving down the road, your favorite music coming from the radio, each highway mile moving you further away from your troubles, and then, from the backseat a howl of pain, “He hit me,” your child’s voice pops your balloon of peace with a cry like an ice pick. “She’s making those noises again,” comes the reply. A thought enters your head, “If they only had a “kid control” button in this car instead of a cruise control, I would have paid double the price.” Indeed, having more control might allow you to drive from point A to point B without a brawl from the booster seats, and control would also let you finish a phone call without interruption, or get your sixth grader to the homework table in less than a half-hour. If control is that important a part of parenting, why can’t we somehow find more of it? In this article, we look at the reasons why control is so challenging and elusive in most parenting situations, and approaches that can lead to a greater degree of control. First, let’s recognize that parents might be evenly divided when the word control is mentioned. Around half of us immediately feel a sense of suffocation or a feeling that an over controlled child becomes intolerant of themselves and others. We think of the first grade teacher that hands out only brown, green, and blue crayons during nature drawing class because those are the only colors she can see in nature. In this view, control seems like a repressive stick. The other half of us might wonder why other parents can’t see where the lack of child control has brought us as a society. In this view, the key to adult self-control is through appropriate control applied by parents; its a way of helping children understand that the world is filled with real consequences, and happiness comes from recognizing and avoiding those consequences. The good news is that both sides are right, and of course, the bad news is that both sides are wrong. Most of the misunderstanding comes from our trouble remembering 1) that we cannot control children, we can only control situations and 2) that relationship factors are as important as rewards and punishments in how children respond to control. More about that later, let's look at what parenting researchers tell us about the issue.

The most credible research in this area comes from Baumrind's studies of parenting style (1991), and additional research by Maccoby and Martin (1983). According to Baumrind, there are three basic parenting styles that lead to predictable outcomes: 1) Authoritarian Style - These parents follow the "because I said so" rule, and place a premium on obedience. They are strict in enforcing rules, and focus on punishment as the most effective consequence. The child's feelings are secondary to maintaining authority and obedience in the home. Children of authoritarian parents, indeed, become "good" adults that know how to obey, but they tend to lack social competence and overall happiness. 2) Authoritative Style - These parents set rules and expectations just like authoritarian parents, but are more responsive to the child's reactions and feelings. Goals and rules are presented in a positive light, rather than as standards that should cause kids to tremble. Authoritarian parents balance negative consequences with positive discipline, and can offer forgiveness when it is appropriate. Children of authoritative parents earn respect from their children that translates into later measures of happiness, capability, and work success. 3. Permissive Indulgent Style - These parents might view it as limiting to set expectations and rules on children. They might feel that children will naturally choose good behavior over bad when left on their own. In truth, permissive parents can sometimes fear conflict with their children and seek "friend" status rather than deal with the risk of battling with an angry child. Not surprisingly, children who are raised in this style struggle with selfcontrol and have the poorest outcome in measures of adult functioning. Now, remember the two factors that help set the stage for effective parent control? That was the part about controlling situations, and relationships as important as rewards or punishments. On the surface, it looks like Authoritarian parents have the most parental control. After all, their kids don't talk back, don't challenge authority, and don't punch each other in the arm at the dinner table. Rigidly authoritarian parents often mistake over control of children as control over the situation. The problem with this mechanism of control is that it often translates into fear of authority as kids enter adulthood rather than a true sense of internal, self-control. Another problem is that the ratio of negative to positive consequences is often about 4 to 1, meaning children gain much more experience in avoiding punishment than they spend time striving for positive consequences. On the other end of the spectrum, highly Permissive-Indulgent parents often don't have skill in using situation-control tools such as an authoritative voice, controlling praise and attention, or planning ahead to control situational problems. Permissive parents find themselves throwing up their hands and feeling defeated because it seems like gaining control is a lost battle. And when the situation starts to fail for either authoritarian parents or permissive parents, they often find themselves falling back on yelling as a means of control, doling out extreme consequences like 6-month-long time outs, or using power threats (like, "wait till we're not in public and you'll see what you get for this behavior").

Authoritative parents seem to be the most skilled at controlling situations in order to develop kid controls, and also know how to effectively use both postive and negative relationship consequences to get the outcome they are looking for. What do Authoritative parents do differently: 1) they recognize that the situation is like steering a boat on water much more than steering a car on land, that is, kids will move in the direction of situational control over time if enough situational elements are applied, but might not change immediately. 2) Authoritative parents know that relationship tools such as providing positive attention and praise as well as corrective messages and negative consequences are more effective than other kinds of rewards and punishments such as spanking or passively trying to reason with an agitated, angry child. Authoritative parents also seem to recognize that parental respect, that thing we all wish we had more of from our children, is created by giving meaningful and achievable behavioral challenges to children balanced by clear and honest feedback and negative consequences when a bad behavioral choice is made. The main point that Authoritative parents get and that we need to remember is that control will happen over time if we take time to plan out and consistently try out new tools when our old efforts do not work. In this way of seeing things, we don't have to think of control as such a negative thing, perhaps like the way it was applied in our own childhoods, and we can redefine what it means in relation to our own kids. Lets apply some of these concepts to these very real and very common situations where control becomes a primary issue: Back Seat Back-and-Forth – What is it about the back seats of the minivan that brings out the “inner irritator” in children? There are two reasons that this situation tends to rob us of situational control. First, time is usually not on your side. Given the pressure to get to the destination, it is understandable that we tell ourselves, “If I can only make it to where I’m going, I’ll be able to stop the arguing then.” Second, confining a child to a small space naturally triggers arguments over territory and attention. To reduce battles in the bucket-seats, try offering complements and positive attention to the one who is behaving the best (a tool we call "differential rewards for positive behavior), even if it’s only for a few moments of good behavior. It’s also helpful to give children a job to do while they are stuck in the back seat. Any job will do, even if it’s counting exits on the highway until you reach yours. Bring a street map, mark your starting and ending points with stars, and see if they can spot any of the streets mentioned along the way. More Kids = More Noise - This sounds like an old proverb, "One parent can never catch two children running in opposite directions." Children wear away at situational controls by moving quickly, doing things over and over, and by doing many negative behaviors in a short period of time. The more kids in the picture, the situation can quickly double or triple in its intensity. Instead of being worn down both in energy and authority by "putting out every fire" that flares up, choose only one or two under-controlled behaviors to work on at a time. For example, only work on running away from a parent in the grocery store or a child going into a brother or sister's room to start a fight, but don't try to change five other behaviors at the same time. The greatest power you have when you are outnumbered by children (even if it is just by 2 kids) is your greater ability to plan ahead. Try taking some time away from the situation and mapping out strategies to try

the next time, like planning an extra ten minutes into the trip to the store that can be used to take kids to the side of the store to wait until their behavior is back in control, or controlling the TV situation by patiently holding the actual plug to the device in the air until the bickering stops. With some of these ideas in mind, any parent can reset the balance of control in their household as long as they are willing to take a step back, look in the mirror at their own feelings about control, and try to adjust where adjustments are needed.

"Play Is The Work of the Child" Maria Montessori

Play activities are essential to healthy development for children and adolescents. Research shows that 75% of brain development occurs after birth. The activities engaged in by children both stimulate and influence the pattern of the connections made between the nerve cells. This process influences the development of fine and gross motor skills, language, socialization, personal awareness, emotional well-being, creativity, problem solving and learning ability. The most important role that play can have is to help children to be active, make choices and practice actions to mastery. They should have experience with a wide variety of content (art, music, language, science, math, social relations) because each is important for the development of a complex and integrated brain. Play that links sensori-motor, cognitive, and social-emotional experiences provides an ideal setting from brain development. According to Montessori, the essential dimensions of play are:
• • • • •

Voluntary, enjoyable, purposeful and spontaneous Creativity expanded using problem solving skills, social skills, language skills and physical skills Helps expand on new ideas Helps the child to adapt socially Helps to thwart emotional problems

If play is the work of the child, toys are the tools. Through toys, children learn about their world, themselves, and others. Toys teach children to:
• • • • • •

Figure out how things work Pick up new ideas Build muscle control and strength Use their imagination Solve problems Learn to cooperate with others

Play content should come from the child’s own imagination and experiences. Unfortunately, the play experience for today’s child is often quite different from that of their parents. With the ever expanding influence of electronic media including TV, videos, video games and the internet, child are spending much of their time being passively entertained by or minimally interacting by way of a keyboard or control pad with an electronic device. Even today’s toys are more often structured by onboard computers that dictate the play experience. This robs children of unstructured play with other kids as well as individual playtime spent in creative play. Parents need to understand the play needs of their child and provide an environment to meet those needs.

Click on a tag to find related articles on our site: creativity, intellectual development, play

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