Chuck Norris Facts
Content
* When Chuc Norris loo s in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuc Norris.
* Chuc Norris bites the hand that feeds him?and eats their entrails.
* Chuc Norris can unscramble an egg.
* Chuc Norris has a vacation home on the sun. * Chuc Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his s in. * Chuc Norris invented the apple. * Chuc Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a buc et and spade. * Chuc Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which suc s for you. * Chuc Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unles s treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you wou ld most li ely go into shoc and collapse a split second before getting hit in t he face with a roundhouse ic . * Chuc Norris can chug a gallon of mil and not throw up. * Chuc Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest. * If you get roundhouse ic ed in the face by Chuc Norris in your dream, yo u DIE!
* Chuc Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands. * Some people get luc y and ill two birds with one stone. Chuc Norris onc e illed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such th ing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't thin so either.
* P is for Chuc Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet. * Chuc Norris puts the FUN in Funeral. * Chuc Norris' paradise is war. * Chuc Norris is capable of photosynthesis. * Chuc Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surp rised. EVER.
* Chuc Norris CAN lic
his elbow.
* Chuc
Norris can have his ca e AND eat it too.
* When Chuc
Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebras a.
* An apple a day
eeps the doctor away. A Chuc Norris a day ills.
* We don't
now if Chuc Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one.
* When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuc , you stop, drop, and die.
Norris
* Chuc Norris does not love Raymond.
* Chuc Norris can ic start a car.
* Chuc Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he h as illed.
* As seen in Side ic s, Chuc Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
* Chuc Norris can MAKE water run uphill. * Chuc Norris can hold Puff Daddy down. * The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuc Norris roundhouse ic ed it into orbit. * Chuc Norris can stri e a match on a bar of soap. * Chuc Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
* Chuc Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend. * Chuc Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar a nd a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54. * On the Asian mar et, Chuc Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce. * See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house ic ed in the face by Ch uc Norris. * Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuc 's legendary cannon balls. * Chuc Norris sneezes electricity. * Chuc Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.
* You now he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only
* Chuc Norris' smile once brought a puppy bac
* If you were illed by Chuc into pieces.
Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped to life.
* Chuc Norris is allowed to tal
about Fight Club.
* The only reason the color pin or blind.
still exists is because Chuc Norris is col
* Chuc
Norris does not dance. He roundhouse
* Bigfoot ta es pictures of Chuc
Norris.
ic s to the beat.
* Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuc our relatives will feel it.
* Chuc
Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
* Chuc Norris can lic
his own elbows. At the same time.
Norris ic s you, y
sprained his an le. * Chuc Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to wal it off. * Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are ju st the number of people Chuc Norris illed that given day. * Chuc norris invented the corndog. * The agent of Chuc Norris as ed Chuc if he wanted to be in Bro ebac Moun tain. Chuc Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never as C huc Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie. * Chuc Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU. * Chuc Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey. * Chuc Norris belives the hype. * Chuc Norris CAN in fact stop the beat.
* When Chuc Norris pic s his nose, he REALLY does find Gold. * Chuc Norris spea s in all caps. * Chuc Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S . Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years. * Chuc Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots. * Chuc Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse. * When Chuc Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return becaus e it is scared to come bac .
* Chuc Norris can dribble a football. * Chuc Norris
IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight
* Chuc Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime. * Chuc Norris was once as ed to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse ic . * Chuc Norris can clap with one hand. * Chuc Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw. * Chuc Norris digs graves with a shoe horn.
* Chuc Norris floats li e a butterfly and stings li e a tomahaw t mach 3. In the face.
* When Chuc
Norris crosses the street, the cars have to loo both ways.
missile. A
* Chuc Norris bites the hand that feeds him?and eats their entrails.
* Chuc Norris can unscramble an egg.
* Chuc Norris has a vacation home on the sun. * Chuc Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his s in. * Chuc Norris invented the apple. * Chuc Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a buc et and spade. * Chuc Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which suc s for you. * Chuc Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unles s treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you wou ld most li ely go into shoc and collapse a split second before getting hit in t he face with a roundhouse ic . * Chuc Norris can chug a gallon of mil and not throw up. * Chuc Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest. * If you get roundhouse ic ed in the face by Chuc Norris in your dream, yo u DIE!
* Chuc Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands. * Some people get luc y and ill two birds with one stone. Chuc Norris onc e illed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such th ing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't thin so either.
* P is for Chuc Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet. * Chuc Norris puts the FUN in Funeral. * Chuc Norris' paradise is war. * Chuc Norris is capable of photosynthesis. * Chuc Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surp rised. EVER.
* Chuc Norris CAN lic
his elbow.
* Chuc
Norris can have his ca e AND eat it too.
* When Chuc
Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebras a.
* An apple a day
eeps the doctor away. A Chuc Norris a day ills.
* We don't
now if Chuc Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one.
* When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuc , you stop, drop, and die.
Norris
* Chuc Norris does not love Raymond.
* Chuc Norris can ic start a car.
* Chuc Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he h as illed.
* As seen in Side ic s, Chuc Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
* Chuc Norris can MAKE water run uphill. * Chuc Norris can hold Puff Daddy down. * The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuc Norris roundhouse ic ed it into orbit. * Chuc Norris can stri e a match on a bar of soap. * Chuc Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
* Chuc Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend. * Chuc Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar a nd a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54. * On the Asian mar et, Chuc Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce. * See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house ic ed in the face by Ch uc Norris. * Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuc 's legendary cannon balls. * Chuc Norris sneezes electricity. * Chuc Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.
* You now he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only
* Chuc Norris' smile once brought a puppy bac
* If you were illed by Chuc into pieces.
Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped to life.
* Chuc Norris is allowed to tal
about Fight Club.
* The only reason the color pin or blind.
still exists is because Chuc Norris is col
* Chuc
Norris does not dance. He roundhouse
* Bigfoot ta es pictures of Chuc
Norris.
ic s to the beat.
* Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuc our relatives will feel it.
* Chuc
Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
* Chuc Norris can lic
his own elbows. At the same time.
Norris ic s you, y
sprained his an le. * Chuc Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to wal it off. * Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are ju st the number of people Chuc Norris illed that given day. * Chuc norris invented the corndog. * The agent of Chuc Norris as ed Chuc if he wanted to be in Bro ebac Moun tain. Chuc Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never as C huc Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie. * Chuc Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU. * Chuc Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey. * Chuc Norris belives the hype. * Chuc Norris CAN in fact stop the beat.
* When Chuc Norris pic s his nose, he REALLY does find Gold. * Chuc Norris spea s in all caps. * Chuc Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S . Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years. * Chuc Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots. * Chuc Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse. * When Chuc Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return becaus e it is scared to come bac .
* Chuc Norris can dribble a football. * Chuc Norris
IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight
* Chuc Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime. * Chuc Norris was once as ed to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse ic . * Chuc Norris can clap with one hand. * Chuc Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw. * Chuc Norris digs graves with a shoe horn.
* Chuc Norris floats li e a butterfly and stings li e a tomahaw t mach 3. In the face.
* When Chuc
Norris crosses the street, the cars have to loo both ways.
missile. A
