conflict resolution strategies
Content
Keyword: how to handle conflict
How to handle conflict: 5 fatal conflict management mistakes
Conflicts are one of the most frequent human related occurrences. When people deal with
other people there is almost always some level of interdependency concerning achieving
one’s goals. This leads to potential conflict. The level of interdependency usually matches the
conflict risk.
Because it is such a common occurrence, people should and need to be better trained in how
to handle conflicts, especially what NOT to do to escalate the conflict.
Most people continually make the similar fatal mistakes dealing with conflicts whether
personal or professional. Natural conflict behavior aligns with basic human tendencies and
repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Conflicts can expose our less rational side so
conflict handling becomes conflict mishandling.
As humans, we are disposed to conflict. It may become difficult to change or even notice our
own behavior during a conflict. Our less rational side can then take over and blur our
thinking: and once again, we repeat these fatal conflict resolutions mistakes.
Over the years of training and consulting about conflicts and negotiations, I've noticed a trend
for the many common mistakes. Learning from these prevalent mistakes will aid you in
handling your daily conflicts.
Answer back
We can all get on the defensive, especially when we feel our views are threatened. Think
about the last time you were involved in conflict. When your point of view was threatened or
contradicted, what was your reaction, your natural human reaction? You may have felt
compelled to ‘answer back’ or defend your view. Someone has done or said something that
contradicted your point of view and you feel the need to defend. Naturally, you are now on the
defensive. This begins the vicious cycle, as the other party involves may feel that same desire
to 'answer back'.
There must be a better way to handle the conflict? Being aware of this natural desire to
answer back is an important step, yet not enough as. You will need to expand upon this
awareness and take action to grow your restraint for answering back. This is where life’s
lessons come into play. You must remember the consequences you have paid in the past for
this answering back habit. It’s a simple method of thinking before acting or speaking. You will
soon be motivated to refrain from taking too swift of actions in defending your point of view.
Create yourself a 'support group'.
Another phenomenon people get caught up in once in a conflict retaliation cycle is to invite
one's friends for support. People call their friends to share the story which usually starts out
something like. ‘You won’t believe the gall of some people’. We get a false sense of comfort and
righteousness as our friends are inclined to support our point of view – sympathize with us –
taking our accountability and responsibility away. Without taking responsibility, whether it's
indeed the other side's fault or that you have just a little bit to do with the outbreak of the
conflict, things are at a standstill, each side waiting for the other to take the initiative.
How to (better) handle the conflict? The suggestion is not to refrain from social engagement
or to stop seeking encouragement from family and friends, it's the quest for consent that you
should elude. Ask for the help to keep a laser focus on your goals rather than to simply and
blindly support your point of view. Ask for their support in a more positive way, where they
can show empathy without blindly supporting your point of view.
Losing sight of personal goals
The mixture of answering back and creating a support group often results in losing sight of
the original personal goals. The conflict gains momentum due to the attention you're feeding
it and, because you focus your attention on the conflict, losing sight of your personal goals in
eminent. The irony is that people involved in a conflict believe that their behavior is on track
to achieve their goals but that behavior is usually sabotaging them.
How to (better) handle the conflict? In order to keep yourself focused on your own goals you
need not only to learn these new habits but also to learn how to correctly define your goals.
Any goal articlulated as a 'how' in not a goal but a mean to an end. The result is the goal, the
‘how’ is the method. For more clarification, enroll in a good conflict resolution skills course as
it's one of the most important conflict management skills.
Clinging to 'I'm right – he/she is wrong' perception
Recall the last conflict you were involved in. You'll notice that if the conflict stayed active for
enough, even a matter of minutes, you've slid into the blame game or a 'it's his/her fault'
perception. This self conviction is strengthened by your support group who tends to accept
your point of view as true, or at the least take your side. The more you feel you're right and
the other side is wrong, the more trapped you are because a sacrifice state of mind. That is
where you end up when you don’t take accountability and transfer the responsibility to
someone else. Sacrifice state of mind and consequential thinking - the kind of thinking that
enables you to take action can't reside together. Without Consequential thinking no correct or
positive action is possible so you are left with your righteousness while all goals lose focus.
How to (better) handle the conflict? When you find yourself on the brink of already in an
accusing state of mind, stop to assess your goals. Your goals will serve as a lighthouse that will
enable you to correct your course of action. One that will take you to your desired goals. As
i've said before, correct goal setting is an essential conflict management skill.
Refraining from acquiring conflict resolution skills
A research study from about 20 years ago revealed that managers spend about 42% of their
working time dealing with conflict. I believe this number represents the same trend today. If
you have a child living in your household, you may notice the similarity between managers
and parents with respect to the amount of time you spend dealing with conflict.
Even if the research numbers appear bloated, and we estimate only 20% of our time
manageing conflict, it's still a L-O-T of time spent on conflict. The object we must learn how to
better deal with. It is a part of life that does not need to be negative.
How to (better) handle the conflict? Most people won't take the initiative to attend conflict
resolution training. Why? Most people tend to avoid conflict and confrontation. The cost of
conflict, in both the personal and professional lives, is grave if not handled with your goals in
mind. Conflicts do not disappear on their own, they can fester if voided, explode if handled in a
improper way, or…We can learn not to avoid but proactively participate using tools like
accurate goals setting.
Reading this post and simply agreeing will keep you well in your comfort zone, while taking
responsibility and action will set you back on course. Begin by using any of the above
suggestions – Take it upon yourself to implement positive change. You will be more likely to
reach your goals you will find that it is well worth the effort.
How to handle conflict: 5 fatal conflict management mistakes
Conflicts are one of the most frequent human related occurrences. When people deal with
other people there is almost always some level of interdependency concerning achieving
one’s goals. This leads to potential conflict. The level of interdependency usually matches the
conflict risk.
Because it is such a common occurrence, people should and need to be better trained in how
to handle conflicts, especially what NOT to do to escalate the conflict.
Most people continually make the similar fatal mistakes dealing with conflicts whether
personal or professional. Natural conflict behavior aligns with basic human tendencies and
repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Conflicts can expose our less rational side so
conflict handling becomes conflict mishandling.
As humans, we are disposed to conflict. It may become difficult to change or even notice our
own behavior during a conflict. Our less rational side can then take over and blur our
thinking: and once again, we repeat these fatal conflict resolutions mistakes.
Over the years of training and consulting about conflicts and negotiations, I've noticed a trend
for the many common mistakes. Learning from these prevalent mistakes will aid you in
handling your daily conflicts.
Answer back
We can all get on the defensive, especially when we feel our views are threatened. Think
about the last time you were involved in conflict. When your point of view was threatened or
contradicted, what was your reaction, your natural human reaction? You may have felt
compelled to ‘answer back’ or defend your view. Someone has done or said something that
contradicted your point of view and you feel the need to defend. Naturally, you are now on the
defensive. This begins the vicious cycle, as the other party involves may feel that same desire
to 'answer back'.
There must be a better way to handle the conflict? Being aware of this natural desire to
answer back is an important step, yet not enough as. You will need to expand upon this
awareness and take action to grow your restraint for answering back. This is where life’s
lessons come into play. You must remember the consequences you have paid in the past for
this answering back habit. It’s a simple method of thinking before acting or speaking. You will
soon be motivated to refrain from taking too swift of actions in defending your point of view.
Create yourself a 'support group'.
Another phenomenon people get caught up in once in a conflict retaliation cycle is to invite
one's friends for support. People call their friends to share the story which usually starts out
something like. ‘You won’t believe the gall of some people’. We get a false sense of comfort and
righteousness as our friends are inclined to support our point of view – sympathize with us –
taking our accountability and responsibility away. Without taking responsibility, whether it's
indeed the other side's fault or that you have just a little bit to do with the outbreak of the
conflict, things are at a standstill, each side waiting for the other to take the initiative.
How to (better) handle the conflict? The suggestion is not to refrain from social engagement
or to stop seeking encouragement from family and friends, it's the quest for consent that you
should elude. Ask for the help to keep a laser focus on your goals rather than to simply and
blindly support your point of view. Ask for their support in a more positive way, where they
can show empathy without blindly supporting your point of view.
Losing sight of personal goals
The mixture of answering back and creating a support group often results in losing sight of
the original personal goals. The conflict gains momentum due to the attention you're feeding
it and, because you focus your attention on the conflict, losing sight of your personal goals in
eminent. The irony is that people involved in a conflict believe that their behavior is on track
to achieve their goals but that behavior is usually sabotaging them.
How to (better) handle the conflict? In order to keep yourself focused on your own goals you
need not only to learn these new habits but also to learn how to correctly define your goals.
Any goal articlulated as a 'how' in not a goal but a mean to an end. The result is the goal, the
‘how’ is the method. For more clarification, enroll in a good conflict resolution skills course as
it's one of the most important conflict management skills.
Clinging to 'I'm right – he/she is wrong' perception
Recall the last conflict you were involved in. You'll notice that if the conflict stayed active for
enough, even a matter of minutes, you've slid into the blame game or a 'it's his/her fault'
perception. This self conviction is strengthened by your support group who tends to accept
your point of view as true, or at the least take your side. The more you feel you're right and
the other side is wrong, the more trapped you are because a sacrifice state of mind. That is
where you end up when you don’t take accountability and transfer the responsibility to
someone else. Sacrifice state of mind and consequential thinking - the kind of thinking that
enables you to take action can't reside together. Without Consequential thinking no correct or
positive action is possible so you are left with your righteousness while all goals lose focus.
How to (better) handle the conflict? When you find yourself on the brink of already in an
accusing state of mind, stop to assess your goals. Your goals will serve as a lighthouse that will
enable you to correct your course of action. One that will take you to your desired goals. As
i've said before, correct goal setting is an essential conflict management skill.
Refraining from acquiring conflict resolution skills
A research study from about 20 years ago revealed that managers spend about 42% of their
working time dealing with conflict. I believe this number represents the same trend today. If
you have a child living in your household, you may notice the similarity between managers
and parents with respect to the amount of time you spend dealing with conflict.
Even if the research numbers appear bloated, and we estimate only 20% of our time
manageing conflict, it's still a L-O-T of time spent on conflict. The object we must learn how to
better deal with. It is a part of life that does not need to be negative.
How to (better) handle the conflict? Most people won't take the initiative to attend conflict
resolution training. Why? Most people tend to avoid conflict and confrontation. The cost of
conflict, in both the personal and professional lives, is grave if not handled with your goals in
mind. Conflicts do not disappear on their own, they can fester if voided, explode if handled in a
improper way, or…We can learn not to avoid but proactively participate using tools like
accurate goals setting.
Reading this post and simply agreeing will keep you well in your comfort zone, while taking
responsibility and action will set you back on course. Begin by using any of the above
suggestions – Take it upon yourself to implement positive change. You will be more likely to
reach your goals you will find that it is well worth the effort.
