Conflict Resolution

MCkNING S1Ak UNIVLkSI1¥
2011

[qÿj[j[] ¡[yq[[]jqÿ
kev|n Canf|e|d
CCNILIC1 kLSCLU1ICNť Dea||ng W|th Conf||ct

WLLk 1 Ŷ Conf||ct 8eg|ns w|th Me

ueflnlLlon of confllcL Ŷ a sLaLe of dlsharmony beLween lncompaLlble or anLlLheLlcal personsţ
ldeas or lnLeresLsŤ a clashŦ

Þsychologyť a psychlc sLruggleţ ofLen unconsclousţ resulLlng from Lhe opposlLlon or
slmulLaneous funcLlonlng of muLually excluslve lmpulsesţ deslresţ or LendenclesŦ

IŦ Se|fŴawareness

AŦ Pow well do l know myself?

8Ŧ Am l qulck Lo geL angry or dlsagree?

CŦ MusL l always have lL my way?

uŦ ºwbetefoteţ my beloveJ btetbteoţ let evety moo be swlft to beotţ slow to speokţ
slow to wtotb# (!ames 1ť19)Ŧ


IIŦ 1ak|ng Cwnersh|p of My Act|ons

AŦ WhaLever l do and however l reacL ln any glven slLuaLlon belongs Lo meţ noL Lo
Lhe oLher lndlvldual(s) lnvolvedŦ

8Ŧ My flrsL guL reacLlon ls all mlneţ and how l handle lL ls all mlneŦ

CŦ º soft ooswet totoetb owoy wtotbť bot qtlevoos wotJs stlt op ooqet´ (ÞrovŦ
13ť1)Ŧ

CCNILIC1 kLSCLU1ICNť Dea||ng W|th Conf||ct

Week 2 Ŷ Conf||ct At nome

IŦ D|sagreements W|th ¥our Spouse

AŦ Why do we argue? WhaL are Lhese argumenLs and dlsagreemenLs really abouL?

1Ŧ 1he number one argumenL beLween spouses concerns flnances and
spendlngŦ

2Ŧ Lxampleť She wanLs new llvlng room furnlLure Ŷ he says whaL Lhey have
ls flne!


IIŦ Conf||ct 8etween Þarents and Ch||dren

AŦ 8alslng chlldrenţ especlally durlng Lhe adolescenL years ls dlfflculL

1Ŧ ConfllcL occurs beLween parenLs and Leens

2Ŧ Lxampleť ?our Leenager ls old enough Lo drlve and wanLs Lhelr own car Ŷ
dad says yes Lo Lhe Leenage boyţ buL says no Lo Lhe Leenage glrlŦ

3Ŧ ConfllcL LhaL arlses beLween spouses and Leens ls a 3Ŵway baLLleŦ

4Ŧ uurlng Lhese confllcLsţ whaL else ls belng sLlrred up? 1he sky ls Lhe llmlL
and Lhe words LhaL are sald can be very damaglngŦ

3Ŧ ºot of tbe some mootb ptoceeJetb blessloq ooJ cotsloqŦ My btetbteoţ
tbese tbloqs ooqbt oot so to beŦ uotb o foootolo seoJ fottb ot tbe some
ploce sweet wotet ooJ blttet?# (!ames 3ť10Ŵ11)

CCNILIC1 kLSCLU1ICNť Dea||ng W|th Conf||ct

Week 3 Ŷ Conf||ct W|th|n the Commun|ty

IŦ Conf||ct At Work

AŦ ulssenLlon arlses beLween coŴworkers
1Ŧ We accuse coŴworkers of noL pulllng Lhelr welghLŦ
2Ŧ CoŴworkers accuse you of Lhe sameţ or LhaL you are dolng someLhlng
wrongŦ
3Ŧ Pow do you reacL ln any glven slLuaLlon?
aŦ Are you always rlghL?
bŦ lf you areţ can you prove lL ln an undersLandlngţ conslderaLe
manner?

8Ŧ ArgumenLs wlLh your boss
1Ŧ ?ou have a beLLer ldea abouL how Lo do someLhlngŦ
2Ŧ ls my boss Lhe blggesL ldloL ln Lhe companyţ or ls Lhe problem wlLh me?

CŦ Pow Lo 8esolve Workplace Þroblems
1Ŧ ldenLlfy Lhe problem Ŷ 8e very speclflc ln ldenLlfylng Lhe core of Lhe
problemŦ Conslder Lhese examplesť
O A lessŴquallfled person goL Lhe promoLlon you deslred
O ?ou regularly have Lo work overLlme
O ?ou dldn'L geL Lhe expecLed pay ralse
O A fellow employee ls maklng harasslng commenLs
O ?ou dldn'L geL Lhe offlce you wanLed
O 1he employer lsn'L provldlng an accommodaLlon requesLed
O A fellow employee never refllls Lhe coffee poL afLer Laklng Lhe lasL
cupŦ

2Ŧ ueLermlne Lhe slze and scope of Lhe problem Ŷ Pow serlous ls Lhe
problem? Pow ofLen does Lhe problem occur? ls lL a blg enough (or
frequenL enough) problem worLh Lackllng?
3Ŧ ueLermlne Lhe severlLy of Lhe problem Ŷ Pow serlous or relevanL ls Lhe
problem Lo Lhe work envlronmenL? 1o youţ Lhe lndlvldual lnvolved?
Agalnţ ls lL lmporLanL enough and worLh Lackllng?
4Ŧ ldenLlfy Lhe easlesL way Lo resolve Lhe problem Ŷ WhaL speclflcallyţ and
mosL slmplyţ would resolve Lhe confllcL? WhaL's Lhe eoslest soluLlon? A
conversaLlon Lo share concerns? An apology? A meeLlng? MedlaLlon?
1ry Lo keep lL as slmple as posslble by chooslng Lhe easlesL rouLe flrsLŦ

uŦ Pow Lo Pandle MlsLakes Ŷ lf you make a mlsLake of a more serlous naLureţ
conslder Lhese suggesLed sLepsť
1Ŧ AdmlL responslblllLy
2Ŧ ueLermlne who needs Lo know
3Ŧ CommunlcaLe Lhe error Lo Lhe approprlaLe person(s)
4Ŧ Clve only Lhe facLs
3Ŧ uon'L make excusesŦ Cnly offer Lhe person an explanaLlonŦ
6Ŧ SLaLe how you flxed Lhe problem Ŷ or how you plan Lo flx Lhe problemŦ
7Ŧ Þlan and communlcaLe Lo Lhe employer how you wlll prevenL Lhe mlsLake
from occurrlng agalnŦ

LŦ Pow Lo ueal wlLh ulfflculL CusLomers Ŷ 1he followlng guldellnes are suggesLedť
1Ŧ SLay calm and courLeous aL all LlmesŦ
2Ŧ LlsLen wlLh undersLandlngŦ
3Ŧ locus on Lhe problemţ noL Lhe personŦ
4Ŧ ldenLlfy and LargeL Lhe problemŦ
3Ŧ Agree on Lhe problem Ŷ make sure Lhe cusLomer and you agree on whaL
Lhe problem lsŦ
6Ŧ ueLermlne acLlons necessary Lo resolve Lhe problemŦ
7Ŧ ueLermlne lf you are Lhe person Lo resolve Lhe problemŦ lf noLţ asslsL
connecLlng Lhe cusLomer Lo Lhe approprlaLe personŦ Make sure Lhe
cusLomer geLs connecLedŦ
8Ŧ 1ake necessary acLlonŦ
9Ŧ klndly apologlze for Lhe locooveoleoceţ ettotţ mlstokeţ Jeloyţ Jefect or
ptoblemŦ

IIŦ Conf||ct At Church
AŦ unforLunaLelyţ Lhe one place you LhoughL was safe from confllcL lsn'LŦ

8Ŧ Pow do you deal wlLh church confllcLs? Þeople handle lL all sorLs of dlfferenL
waysŦ Some seek Lo [usL avold lL by elLher runnlng away from lL (changlng
churches) or by appeaslng Lhelr enemlesŦ Some go Lo Lhe opposlLe exLreme and
almosL seem Lo welcome lLţ lf noL lnsLlgaLe lL LhemselvesŦ 1hen Lhere are Lhose
who wlll noL back down from Lhelr core lssues of bellefţ yeL wlll also seek Lo flnd
common ground ln whlch compromlse can be made and Lhe lssues resolvedŦ
CŦ 1urn Lo Þhlllpplans 4ţ where we wlll learn how Lo deal wlLh lnLerpersonal confllcL
wlLh fellow bellevers from Þaul's correcLlon of Lwo women ln LhaL church who
were hosLlle Lo each oLherŦ

º@betefoteţ my btetbteo Jeotly beloveJ ooJ looqeJ fotţ my joy ooJ ctowoţ so
stooJ fost lo tbe lotJţ my Jeotly beloveJŦ l beseecb íooJlosţ ooJ beseecb 5yoŴtyŴ
cbeţ tbot tbey be of tbe some mloJ lo tbe lotJŦ oJ l lotteot tbee olsoţ ttoe
yokefellowţ belp tbose womeo wblcb lobooteJ wltb me lo tbe qospelţ wltb
lemeot olsoţ ooJ wltb otbet my fellowlobootetsţ wbose oomes ote lo tbe book
of llfeŦ´

1Ŧ Lven Lhough ChrlsLlans share common bellefs and valuesţ lL ls noL easy Lo
llve ln harmony because Lhere ls so much boLh wlLhln and wlLhouL LhaL
seeks Lo dlsrupL our fellowshlpŦ 1here ls our own selflshness and Lhe
selflshness of oLhersŦ 1here ls Lhe pressure from Lhe world Lo conform us
Lo lLs sLandards lnsLead of Cod'sŦ And Lhere ls Lhe aLLack by our
adversaryţ Lhe uevllţ LhaL seeks Lo geL us Lo belleve lles abouL Cod and Pls
deslres for us and abouL oLher peopleŦ
2Ŧ 1here ls noL a loL wrlLLen here abouL Luodla and SynLycheţ buL Lhere ls
enough Lo come Lo some concluslons abouL LhemŦ llrsLţ Lhese Lwo
women are bellevers LhaL have been very acLlve ln Lhe churchŦ noLlce ln
verse 3 LhaL Þaul speclflcally clLes LhaL Lhey have shared ln hls sLruggle ln
Lhe cause of Lhe gospelŦ 1he acLual Creek word here means LhaL Lhey
were ºfellow aLhleLes# wlLh ÞaulŦ 1hls ls an ldea LhaL all of us should
easlly undersLand lf you have ever been on or been a fan of a sporLs
LeamŦ Lvery Leam member musL work LogeLher ln order Lo accompllsh
Lhe goals and wlnŦ Þaul recognlzed Luodla and SynLyche as fellow
aLhleLes on hls gospel LeamŦ lncluded ln Lhls Leam are ºlemeot olsoţ ooJ
wltb otbet my fellowlobootetsţ wbose oomes ote lo tbe book of llfe Ŧ#
1hese women are workers wlLhln Lhe churchţ noL Lroublemakers from
wlLhouLŦ 1hey have a loL of relaLlonshlps ln Lhe church as parL of Þaul's
Leam of fellow workersţ so Lhey are also lnfluenLlalŦ
3Ŧ 1he manner ln whlch Lhose ln Lhe church geL along wlLh one anoLher ls a
reflecLlon of ChrlsL Lo Lhe worldŦ 1he confllcL beLween Lhese Lwo women
was a serlous LhreaL Lo Lhe church's LesLlmonyŦ Such dlvlslon can desLroy
Lhe churchŦ

uŦ Sources of ConfllcL
O ÞersonallLy ClashesŦ 1hese do happenŦ Cne person llkes everyLhlng [usL
soţ and anoLher person ls laldŴback and doesn'L worry abouL lLŦ
O Lack of LoveŦ 1hls ls ofLen a source of confllcLŦ We overreacL Lo Lhe
falllngs ln a broLher or slsLer and forgeL abouL belng graclous and
merclfulŦ 1 ÞeLer 4ť8 sLaLesť ºoJ obove oll tbloqs bove fetveot cbotlty
omooq yootselvesť fot cbotlty sboll covet tbe moltltoJe of slosŦ#
O SelflshnessŦ 1hls ls perhaps Lhe greaLesL cause of confllcLŦ !ames 4ť1Ŵ4
saysţ ºtom wbeoce come wots ooJ flqbtloqs omooq yoo? come tbey
oot beoceţ eveo of yoot losts tbot wot lo yoot membets? ¥e lostţ ooJ
bove ootť ye klllţ ooJ Jeslte to boveţ ooJ coooot obtoloť ye flqbt ooJ
wotţ yet ye bove ootţ becoose ye osk ootŦ ¥e oskţ ooJ tecelve ootţ
becoose ye osk omlssţ tbot ye moy coosome lt opoo yoot lostsŦ ¥e
oJoltetets ooJ oJoltetessesţ koow ye oot tbot tbe ftleoJsblp of tbe
wotlJ ls eomlty wltb CoJ? wbosoevet tbetefote wlll be o ftleoJ of tbe
wotlJ ls tbe eoemy of CoJŦ´
O !ealousyŦ As !ames 4 also polnLs ouLţ selflshness also reveals lLself ln
[ealousyŦ CLher people have Lhlngs we do noL haveŦ lL mlghL be some
maLerlal Lhlngţ or lL mlghL be an ablllLyŦ lnsLead of belng conLenL wlLh
whaL Cod has glven Lo us (1 1lmŦ 6ť8) and pralslng Plm for whaL Pe has
glven Lo oLhers (1 CorŦ 13ť26)ţ lL becomes a source of envy and
resenLmenL whlch resulLs ln flghLlng and quarrellngŦ 8elaLed Lo Lhls ls
anoLher source of confllcLť prldeŦ
O ÞrldeŦ 1hls ls Lhe opposlLe of Lhe characLer quallLy LhaL ls necessary for
unlLy ln Lhe churchť humlllLyŦ PumlllLy regards oLher people as more
lmporLanL Lhan self and so seeks ouL Lhe besL lnLeresLs of Lhe oLher
person even aL Lhe cosL of personal sacrlflceŦ
O Church members bulldlng dynasLlesŦ lor exampleť 1hls ls my Sunday
School room and my programŦ Pow dare you lnvade my LerrlLory!

LŦ 8esolvlng ConfllcL
1Ŧ When confllcL occurs beLween church membersţ Lhose lnvolved need Lo
check Lhelr hearL's moLlveŦ
O Am l dolng Lhls Lo be pralsed by men or Lo please Cod?
O uo l have a Lrue servanL's hearL?

ºwbeo o mooƌs woys pleose tbe luţ be moketb eveo bls eoemles to
be ot peoce wltb blmŦ 8ettet ls o llttle wltb tlqbteoosoess tboo qteot
teveooes wltboot tlqbtŦ mooƌs beott Jevlsetb bls woyť bot tbe lu
Jltectetb bls steps´ (ÞrovŦ 16ť7Ŵ9)

2Ŧ AcLlon SLeps
aŦ Call Lhe parLles ln conLenLlon Lo seek Lhe mlnd of Lhe Lord ln Lhe
maLLer and submlL Lo LhaLŦ AcLlvely dolng Lhls all Lhe Llme would
avold confllcLŤ dolng lL as soon as a confllcL arlsesţ qulckly resolves
LhlngsŦ
bŦ 8rlng ln a neuLral parLy Lo help work Lhrough confllcLsŦ Cur own
emoLlons geL worked up or we can geL sLubborn and lose slghL of
Lhe blgger plcLureŦ 8emember LhaL SaLan ls Lhe enemyţ noL oLher
ChrlsLlansŦ MaLLhew 3ť9 saysţ º8lesseJ ote tbe peocemoketsť fot
tbey sboll be colleJ tbe cbllJteo of CoJŦ´







Conc|us|on
lf you are ln confllcLţ be humble and seek Lo work lL ouLŦ !esus Lells us ln MaLLhew 3ť23Ŵ
24 LhaL we are Lo reconclle wlLh our broLhers before we can properly worshlpŦ We are Lo sLrlve
Lo be aL peace wlLh all men as far as lL depends on us (8omanŦ 12ť18)Ŧ !esus Lold us Lo love our
enemles (MaLLŦ 6ť44)ţ so no maLLer how badly Lhey have LreaLed usţ we are sLlll Lo Lry Lo resolve
lLŦ
Make sure you are parL of Lhe soluLlonţ noL parL of Lhe problemŦ 1hls brlngs glory Lo
!esus ChrlsLŦ

CCNILIC1 kLSCLU1ICNť Dea||ng W|th Conf||ct

Week 4 Ŷ Conf||ct keso|ut|on Ǝ Þrevent|on

IŦ now 1o keso|ve Conf||ct

AŦ 7 SLeps 1o ConfllcL 8esoluLlon

1Ŧ kema|n ca|mŦ 8e sLlll and say noLhlngŦ LeL Lhe sLorm run lLs courseŦ
CfLenLlmesţ Lhe angry person wanLs Lo provoke youŦ Argulng ls
lneffecLlve because lL ralses barrlersŦ

2Ŧ Let the other person do the ta|k|ngŦ Pe or she wlll soon grow Llred of lLŦ
SomeLlmesţ all Lhey wanL ls ºLo be heardŦ# Some people express
Lhemselves ln ways LhaL are counLerproducLlveŦ

3Ŧ Genu|ne|y cons|der the other person's po|nt of v|ewŦ Þlace yourself ln
Lhelr poslLlonŦ never say ºyou're wrongŦ# Look for areas of agreemenL
and bulld on LhemŦ

4Ŧ 1here's power |n the wordsť "¥esţ yesţ I understand what you are
say|ngŦ" 1hls shows Lhe oLher person LhaL you are llsLenlngţ noL [usL
hearlngŦ 8y agreelng wlLh Lhemţ you gradually break down Lhe oLher
person's angerŦ

3Ŧ If the s|tuat|on becomes verba||y abus|veţ put a stop to |tŦ llrmlyţ buL
calmly sLaLeť º?ou're very angry rlghL nowţ and you're saylng Lhlngs you
don'L meanŦ We need Lo dlscuss Lhls laLer afLer you've Laken Llme Lo
calm downŦ#

6Ŧ If you are wrongţ adm|t |t and take ownersh|p of |tŦ 8e genulne abouL lLţ
noL [usL saylngţ ºCkţ l'm wrongŧagaln as usualŦ# Lven lf you're noL
wrongţ aL leasL glve Lhe oLher person Lhe beneflL of Lhe doubLŦ Say
someLhlng llkeť ºl may be wrongŦ LeL's look aL Lhe facLs LogeLherŦ#

7Ŧ Use the power of v|sua||zat|onŦ 1ry Lo see Lhe oLher person or people
lnvolved as Cod sees LhemŦ uo Lhelr acLlons reflecL some hurL or
woundedness ln Lhelr llfe? Þray and ask Lhe Lord Lo help you see whaL's
really happenlng hereţ and how Pe sees lLŦ

º8lesseJ ote tbe peocemoketsť fot tbey sboll be colleJ tbe cbllJteo of CoJ# (MaLLŦ 3ť9)Ŧ

º8ot l soy ooto yooţ love yoot eoemlesţ bless tbem tbot cotse yooţ Jo qooJ to tbem tbot
bote yooţ ooJ ptoy fot tbem wblcb Jespltefolly ose yooţ ooJ petsecote yoo# (MaLLŦ 3ť44)Ŧ
IIŦ Þrevent|ng Conf||ct

AŦ 1heophosLlc Þrayer MlnlsLry ls a very useful Lool for confllcL prevenLlonŦ
8Ŧ 8y replaclng Lhe lles we belleve abouL ourselves wlLh Lhe LruLh from Lhe Cne
Who ls 1ruLhţ Lhe Wonderful Counselorţ Lhe Lord !esus ChrlsL (!ohn 8ť36)ţ
confllcL wlLh oLhers dlmlnlshesŦ
CŦ Lxampleť LeL's say a person grows up bellevlng LhaL he can'L do anyLhlng rlghL
(tbot´s tbe lle)Ŧ 1o compensaLe for LhaL bellefţ a person does one of Lwo Lhlngsť

1hey boLh wlLhdraw Lhemselves and allow oLhers Lo keep Lhem feellng
oppressed and defeaLed

Ck

1hey declde Lo prove Lo Lhe world LhaL Lhey can do everyLhlng rlghL and LhaL
Lhey are always rlghLŦ

uŦ When someone challenges whaL Lhey are dolngţ Lhls person wlll defend
Lhemselves ln one of Lwo waysŦ 1hey elLher sayť

ºWhy does everyone Lhlnk l can'L do anyLhlng rlghL?#

Ck

ºWho do Lhey Lhlnk Lhey are Lelllng me someLhlng ls wrong wlLh whaL l've
done?#

LŦ 1hls creaLes a confllcLŦ
lŦ 1he ScrlpLures say LhaL we are all ln need of mlnd renewal (8omans 12ť2)Ŧ