Five Points Has Been Designated a City

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V5 I13 of Columbia, South Carolina's only locally owned alternative newsweekly. online at columbiacitypaper.com March 11,2010

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Contents
five points has been designated a city park -- just for the 24 hours of st. patrick’s day p6 .

march 11, 2010 volume 5 issue 13

Editor-in-ChiEf Todd Morehead [email protected] ArtS Editor Judit Trunkos [email protected] ColAthEAtEr.Com S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals dESign Lindsey Downen muSiC Kingsley Waring, Max E. Pad
pg. 8

News.Politics.Commentary.
regional briefs running from police in a go-cart local news transparency in cayce letters to the reader dear grandma system of injustice don’t excercise your constitutional rights editorial on st. patricks festival can we drink beer at walgreens? statehouse report legislators need more issues training the right’s woodstock the conservative political action committee 3 4 4 5 7 14 15

Arts.Entertainment.Etc.
st. pat’s in five points guide: map and band listing bacardi soundboard punk/indie/emo/ska/hardcore/metal/rock vocal booth hip-hop review and events ask a mexican taco bell edition arts usc’s 54th annual student art exhibition savage love dude on the airplane Quote of the issue: jonesin crosswords “Debbie, it’s time to get out your red pen!” sudoku, derf, and red meat 8 11 15 14 17 18 18 19
pg. 15

PubliShEr Paul Blake [email protected] ACCount ExECutivES John Gibson, James Wallace ContributorS S.M. Baleem, Andy Brack, Garrett Kellerhals, Ismail Lagardien, WR Marshall, Will Moredock, Ted Rall, Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods ColumbiA City PAPEr 2965 North Main Street Columbia, SC 29201 803.218.9455 (DIAL AREA CoDE)

Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the entire content of the advertisements. The first copy of Columbia City Paper is free. Additional copies are $1 and two-bits each. Views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of Columbia City Paper or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC

AIKEN Area raccoons acting odd A City of Aiken Animal Control officer says four incidents of “strange” raccoon activity were reported in one week. According to the Aiken Standard, the most recent incident involved a raccoon fighting with a homeowner’s dogs. Another incident involving dogs and a separate raccoon occurred a few days prior. Experts are particularly concerned that three of the four incidents occurred during daylight hours, as raccoons are normally nocturnal. One of the animals tested negative for rabies. Tests on the others are pending. Aiken veterinarian Charlie Timmerman told the Standard that the raccoons could have distemper. He also said that some raccoons become intoxicated on fermented berries. The only raccoon captured during the night was acting erratic near a Wal-Mart. Motorists on I-20 report objects thrown from overpass Aiken County Sheriff’s deputies are investigating multiple claims of highway vandalism reported by victims who say someone threw objects at their cars. Authorities are looking into five incidents that occurred on roadways near Graniteville. In separate incidents, two motorists reported that objects had been dropped on their vehicles from an overpass on I-20 near mile marker 11. Paint was thrown on a vehicle during another incident. Two other motorists reported shattered windshields due to objects being thrown at their cars on a road near Graniteville. No injuries have been reported so far and no suspects have been named.

reportedly began to feel ill, but worked through the rest of the day. When her symptoms worsened she was forced to call in sick. The principal learned that a student had bragged that she had “taken care” of Tew, according to authorities. The girl has not been formally charged, but prosecutors may take the matter before a judge. She could be charged with either a felony count of administering or attempting to administer poison or a felony count of tampering with products or food items. However, state law prohibits the state from incarcerating a child younger than 11. FORT MILL Man beaten over choice of alcoholic beverage A Fort Mill man has been charged with assault after he allegedly punched a man who bought the wrong type of alcohol for a party. According to York County authorities, two men left a party on Fossil Stone Lane to purchase booze for the group. When they returned, an altercation ensued over the kind of alcohol purchased. The individual responsible for the purchase was then beaten by one of the dissatisfied drinkers. GREENVILLE Argument over parking spot ends tragically Investigators say an employee at a Gray Court car lot killed his coworker in an altercation over a parking spot. According to multiple media reports, Randy Lyn Fuller, 50, was angered by a car that had been parked in front of another vehicle that was about to be shipped from Classic Cars of South Carolina. Fuller and another employee argued over the parking arrangement and Fuller reportedly died during the ensuing altercation. No evidence of stabbing or other wounds were found. Authorities have not yet filed charges in the case and are investigating a claim that Fuller’s coworker was acting in selfdefense. ROCK HILL

SUMTER Intoxicated cop accused of pulling his pistol at Shoney’s A Lee County sheriff’s deputy has been charged with

that objects had been dropped on theIr vehIcles from an overpass on I-20 near mIle marker 11.”
CHARLESTON Fourth grader accused of poising teacher A Colleton County girl is accused of attempting to poison her teacher with crushed prescription pills after the teacher switched her to a different class. Authorities said the 10-year-old Hendersonville Elementary student placed the crushed pills and possibly other poisons in her teacher’s drink. The teacher, Laura Tew,

“In separate IncIdents, two motorIsts reported

pointing a gun at employees of a Hartsville area Shoney’s before driving away drunk, according to a report in the Sumter Item. A spokesman for the Lee County sheriff’s office said Sgt. James Reddick, 55, will be terminated. According to the report, Reddick was intoxicated at Shoney’s and pulled his handgun on employees. About 20 people were reportedly in the restaurant. He was later stopped by Hartsville police for driving erratically. UNION Drunken man tries to evade police in go-cart Police cruisers didn’t have to work too hard to catch up to a man suspected of stealing a go-cart. Authorities arrested Edward Sweezy, 29, at an intersection in Union after spotting him in a go-cart, turning on their lights and sirens, and pulling him over. Sweezy reportedly became agitated during questioning and later struggled after police found a crack pipe and a bottle of pills. The police turned the go-cart over to Sweezy’s wife.

Inmate accused of exposing himself to guard An inmate in the York County jail faces additional charges after a female guard said he attempted to masturbate in front of her. According to a report filed by the York County Sheriff’s Office, a 22-year-old inmate told a female officer that he had a question about a form he needed to fill out. When she approached, she said he exposed himself and began to masturbate as she neared. The officer turned and walked away and the inmate apologized.

march 11,, 2010

3

Letters to the Reader
Dear Facebook paparazzi, Remember the early days of cell phone cameras? It was a simple time, when, at most, young coeds would cluster together, lips pooched, and take headshots of themselves at Art Bar for gaudy MySpace slideshows. Maybe added some animated glitter and a Maroon 5 song for kicks. Folks generally kept to themselves in them days. Folks was content. Nowadays, these newfangled Facebookers and Tweeters have turned their digital lenses outward and introduced a new Wild West of cell phone photography. These days a fella will post a photo of his buddy in a dress without even explaining that it was a joke at a surprise party. And if a respectable young lady is visible in the background at said party passed out on a dog bed in her skivvies, folks think nothing of tagging her in the photo to alert her 480 friends and coworkers. Something has to give here. This center cannot hold. Columbia City Paper Dear S.C. Legislators, This is yet another letter to you guys sincerely asking that you pull yourselves together up there. State workers are entering another year of furloughs due to budget cuts, education spending has been slashed and burned, among a slew of other financial woes befalling our state. Yet, some of you are proposing to lend $10 million to a Hilton Head PGA golf tournament because Verizon pulled out as a sponsor? The proposal was apparently tucked into the state’s spending budget. Rep. Brian White of Anderson –who also wants to erect a statue memorializing aborted fetuses on the State House grounds—recently defended the proposal in a newspaper report, claiming the tax revenue the tournament would generate makes up for the investment. And, maybe it would. But, why not just invest that money in small businesses, who could also turn that investment into profit for the state? Sure, Hilton Head hotels, restaurants, call girls, and coke dealers would suffer, but times are tough for everyone. Columbia City Paper Dear grandma, The flannel shirts for Christmas and $15 checks for my birthday have been great every single year for the past 20-something odd years. I’m not complaining. But, a grandmother in Wisconsin recently camped for 43 hours so her grandson would be first in line at a new ice cream shop. According to one report, she had planned to spend the night in her car, but locked her keys in it, so she had to sleep in a public restroom. Now, I’m not saying I don’t appreciate your brownies (though lately I can tell they’re not homemade), but I’m just wondering how deep your commitment to me really goes. You know, stores will be releasing the new Apple iPad next month. Maybe we should take this opportunity to reevaluate our relationship. ...I’m just sayin.’ Columbia City Paper Dear municipal election commission, So, we have a convicted felon running for city council and a mayoral candidate who was recently removed from the ballot stemming from a felony conviction in 1994 –and both in the same election? And all this time I thought the felonies came after a candidate takes office. Columbia City Paper

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march 11,, 2010

Columbia’s system of
and shows officers getting physical with McCoy. This is not the first time Officer Passmore, in particular, has used poor judgment. Passmore is shown in the video initiating both arrests. On August 20, 2003, I personally had a runin with Passmore and several of Columbia's finest in Five Points. According to that police report, I was arrested because “...Reporting officer identified the subject in the city fountain splashing.” No joke. “Allegedly” cooling off in the fountain on that August evening didn't bother them. They were According to court documents Allen Keith McAlister Jr. disputed upset that I was exercising several charges placed on his food and beverage tab at Red Hot my Fifth Amendment rights Tomatoes and it ultimately landed him a night in the slammer when they approached me: I didn’t explain why I walking Editorial by Paul Blake home wet a few blocks away from the fountain on Harden Street. It was Laws and Constitutional amendments an officer-initiated incident and cops don't don't seem to matter at all times in the like it when you don't answer questions. Columbia, S.C. justice system. It only takes Exercise fundamental rights the way McCoy sifting through a few weekend police reports did on October 16, 2009 and you could get to see that sometimes police don't feel the punished. need to use probable cause. Fortunately, my cellmate didn't kill According to a federal lawsuit, on the himself and I was only lightly scarred by night of October 16, 2009, Officer John an inmate’s offer that I could “masturbate Passmore and two other officers arrested the in front of him if I wanted to.” In a bizarre wrong man: Myrtle Beach attorney Jonathan twist, he claimed to be the stepbrother of the McCoy. McCoy was arrested outside mayor of the City Of Charleston and said he Sharky’s and in return filed a lawsuit on was arrested in a shoplifting attempt to score January, 19 against three officers involved. some money for cocaine. Not sure if this is Video surveillance of the incident true; that’s just what he said. Considering backs up McCoy’s allegations that the some of the other alternatives, I was actually officers exaggerated the incident and made lucky to have that fat bastard take a dump misleading remarks on the police report. next to my cot pillow. An errant turd and an The charges include resisting arrest and offer of mutual masturbation is something interfering with a police officer. Video from I will get over. That’s not much worse than the scene contradicts their own police report hanging out at a downtown bus stop for a few hours. But, McCoy wasn't so lucky. His cellmate committed suicide in front of him. When I fought what I believed to be a bogus disorderly conduct charge in court, shady things began to happen. The judge initially denied my right to an attorney. After name dropping an attorney and firmly demanding a recess, I returned with representation 15 minutes later. Immediately, the judge changed his tune and declared a mistrial for “procedural error.” After the mistrial, Passmore reinstated the charges. During the initial trial Passmore made contradictory statements Video survaillence shows Office Passmore shoving (as he has in the McCoy case), so I made a
Myrtle Beach Attorney Johnathan McCoy

injustiCe rears its ugly head

formal request for the trial transcript. This is where the judge, officer and City of Columbia should be ashamed of themselves. The City left me a voicemail stating, “The transcript is inaudible” and that “there was something wrong with the tape.” Had the judge been embarrassed about his behavior in denying the request for an attorney days earlier? Was Passmore worried about the statements he made under oath? What if this was a murder case and not someone enjoying a fountain in the summer? McCoy's federal lawsuit against the officers involved describes similar cover up tactics. Page five of the lengthy suit alleges that the incident, “should have been recorded by the dashboard camera video equipment located inside the Defendants’ patrol vehicle pursuant to policies and procedures of the City of Columbia Police Department. However, Defendants now claim that no video recording of this incident exists.” So, Columbia City Paper would like to help judges, attorneys, and police with a “fundamental freedoms” refresher course. We are offering free pocket constitutions at our offices on North Main Street with proper identification showing that you are part of Columbia's justice system. The above column is just my opinion, based on what I have seen and experienced. A person’s opinion, thankfully, is still a protected liberty. But, in Columbia, it’ll probably just land me in court. [email protected]

This little criminal is enjoying a chlorine treated public fountain on a summer day

march 11,, 2010

5

By Paul Blake Five Points has been designated a city park -- just for the 24 hours of St. Patrick’s Day. Proponents of the idea say it gives police more leeway to enforce rules associated with the St. Pat’s in Five Points festival, such as restrictions on outdoor consumption of alcohol and liquor and possession of coolers and backpacks. But some Five Points merchants who had planned to sell beer at their establishments during the popular festival claim the new resolution could affect -- if not shut down completely -- their beer sales. “It seems like they are doing everything they can to prevent retailers from selling beer,” said Krista Snyder, co-owner of Disorderly Conduct, a business in Five Points. “I was told I could get fined and be held criminally liable if someone leaves my store with beer that day.” The controversy had its genesis on February 3. That day, the Five Points Association, a nonprofit organization that runs the St. Pat’s in Five Points festival, lobbied for and won city council approval to designate the entire Five Points area a park for the day. The resolution also gave Five Points Association the potentially lucrative control over beer sales by requiring establishments to serve beverages in containers purchased from the nonprofit group if patrons were to drink alcohol inside the festival. Last year, prior to the city council’s resolution requiring that “possession and consumption of alcoholic beverages shall be permitted only in containers provided by the Five Points Association,” the FPA took in $7,500 from sales of cups, which sold for on average 25 cents per cup. Now that the city council has required businesses to purchase cups from the
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march 11,, 2010

nonprofit organization in order to sell beer out their doors, the association could earn far more than $7,500 in cup sales this year. In short, City Council gave the Five Points Association a monopoly on beer sales during St. Pat’s in Five Points, providing the nonprofit with a guaranteed cut of as much as $160,000 in beer sales revenue. The new law could also mean cuts in profits for bars and businesses in Five Points -- an irony given Five Points Association’s mission to promote and foster business in the area. In previous years, merchants in the festival zone obtained one-day permits to sell beer and alcohol. They were able to sell beverages in any type of plastic container out the door, and that meant sizable revenue spikes during the festival that attracts about 40,000 people to the area. Because of the new law, the state Department of Revenue in a letter urged Snyder of Disorderly Conduct to return a one-day license it had already issued. The state agency wanted to give Snyder

particularly regarding St. Pat’s in Five Points. In the article, City Paper described how former board member Duncan MacRae tried to block Groucho’s owners Bruce Miller and Deric Baum out of the St. Pat’s event by assembling portable toilets and a stage in the way of their business. Other merchants shared similar stories, and many retailers protested by shutting down the day of the festival. Merrit McHaffie, Executive Director of the Five Points Association, said the park designation and her organization’s control over beer sales will bolster safety during the festival. Police weren’t able to enforce some rules in previous years, she said, and the park designation and cup requirement will provide police with greater authority to write tickets for a number of violations, not all of which pertain to beer sales. As for selling cups it is unclear what the Association will do on the day of the festival. The festival organizers are claiming ignorance to what will be enforced that day. “We were not asking

-we cannot require them to use our cups, but would very much like to see beverages in plastic for safety reasons.” Although McCallister has admitted privately that he is powerless over the St. Pats In Five Points committee that organizes the festival. But particularly relevant to Five Points Association’s monopoly over beer sales is the nonprofit’s close relationship to city government. In fact, due to receiving nearly 50 percent of its operating capital from taxpayers, Five Points Association is a quasi-public agency. During the one-year period from April 2008 to March 2009, Five Points Association received $280,000 in taxpayer funding from the city’s hospitality tax fund. That money goes largely unchecked by city officials. Despite the fact that City Paper has reported how the Five Points Association has paid tens of thousands of dollars in “commissions” to board members and associates in conjunction with the annual St. Pat’s in Five Points -- money that would not be available were it not for taxpayer funding -- the City of

hospItalIty tax advIsory commIttee at the same tIme he sIts on the board of fIve poInts assocIatIon”
a restricted license following passage of the park designation. Snyder refused, and she is now letting other merchants know they may have a right to sell beer that day -- without having to buy cups from Five Points Association. Friction between Five Points business owners and the nonprofit whose mission is to promote business in the area is nothing new. In 2007, City Paper detailed a growing rift between Five Points business owners and the Five Points Association, anyone to buy them this year, but if a bar/ restaurant wants to, they can,” McHaffie wrote in an email to City Paper. McHaffie responded with more ambiguity on the question of enforcing the “containers provided by the Five Points Association” in the new park designation resolution and passed the buck on questions to the Department of Revenue. Outgoing president of the Five Points Association, Don McCallister, told City Paper, “I would say that the answer is yesColumbia still does not require a certified audit of the organization. In short, the city doesn’t know how exactly Five Points Association spends $280,000 in taxpayer funds. What’s more, one FPA board member, Richard Burts, chairs the city’s Hospitality Tax Advisory Committee at the same time he sits on the board of Five Points Association -an apparent conflict of interest. (Burts maintains no such conflict exists, since he recuses himself from votes pertaining to

“one fpa board member, rIchard burts, chaIrs the cIty’s

“ van loan receIves what can only be descrIbed as an act of God bonus. If st. pat In fIve poInts Isn’t raIned out, van loan receIves $5,000.”
downplayed the significance of the beer contract when talking to City Paper. She said her business had to bid for the contract and compensation is on a sliding scale maxing out at 8 percent -- significantly lower than in previous years. But even with a lower percentage, Glynn still stands to earn a healthy commission check. Last year, when Glynn’s commission was $4,570, St. Pat’s in Five Points had low attendance numbers and low beer sales figures due to rain. This year, weather permitting, Glynn stands to make an estimated $9,000 after expenses. (Assuming beer sales are around $150,000 and expenses are similar to last year.) Yet she isn’t necessarily the greatest beneficiary of St. Pat’s in Five Points. That distinction goes to Skip Anderson, the executive director of operations for the Columbia Blowfish who organizes a mostly volunteer staff for the St. Patrick’s Day Festival. In previous years, Anderson received a percentage of wristband sales. Records show as much as $28,000 in wristband commissions were paid out in previous years. Anderson denies ever making that much and last year he received $8,000 A letter from the Department of Revenue threatening the owner of small business “Disorderly Conduct” for his action on the wristband sales. “No, it is not percentage based,” with criminal prosecution if their patrons leave the establishment with alcohol into the festival area. Anderson told City Paper. “I’m just here Five Points Association.) member Kelly Glynn took in $4,570 in to help out and see what happens, man.” Absent oversight by public officials, beer sales commissions after paying $2,750 City Paper’s interview with Anderson City Paper has attempted to audit the in expenses -- giving her a profit of $1,820 came to a halt when Duncan MacRae, the festival annually until the city implements a for the festival. Glynn owns Village Idiot co-owner of Yesterday’s and a co-founder better process to account for how taxpayer Pizza and Pub with her husband Brian, of St. Pat’s in Five Points, interrupted. money is spent. That hasn’t always been an who formerly worked for Budweiser. “Get off my ass,” MacRae said. easy process for the paper. Not surprisingly, Glynn controls Also benefitting financially from St. Five Points Association failed to the beer order this year and stands to Pat’s in Five Points is Jack Van Loan, disclose commission payouts for the 2009 take in even more money in Five Points the economic development director for festival when City Paper requested such Association commissions. On March 7, Five Points Association. Van Loan receives information in March of that year. More at training for event volunteers, Glynn recently, City Paper requested a list of all vendors and consulting contractors and money paid to those entities for St. Pat’s in Five Points. According to the state open records law, Five Points Association has until March 19 to provide City Paper with those records. At deadline, the organization had not yet provided those records. Those records are important because the commission on beer sales in years past was 18 percent. That commission has meant sizable amounts of money for people connected to Five Points Resolution 2010-002 past on February 3, 2010 designates all of Five Points a park on the day of the Association. Last year, board
festival. The resolution includes the language “possession and consuption of alcoholic beverages shall be permitted only in containers provided by the Five Points Association in designated areas.”

what can only be described as an Act of God Bonus. If St. Pat in Five Points isn’t rained out, Van Loan receives $5,000. St. Pat’s in Five Points, for the record, is supposed to benefits charities. For the 2008 festival, which had expenses totaling $353,970, Five Points Association gave $39,500 to charity. In other words, the City of Columbia kicks in $280,000 in taxpayer money to help put on a festival to benefit charities. That festival, in turn, generates about $40,000 for those charities -- making for a negative 88.5 percent return on taxpayer investment. Mayoral candidate Kirkman Finlay III told City Paper in 2007: “Three hundred thousand dollars in taxpayer money seems an inefficient way to give $30,000 to charity.” [email protected]

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all you need to know!
aLways responsibLe. aLways aLert cab! need a safe ride hoMe after the festivaL? Get a ride froM your bud. Take an Alert Cab from the following gates and CheckerYellow & Budweiser will pay the first $10 of your fare to a home or hotel. • Blossom Street (near Wachovia) • Greene Street (near Claussen’s Inn) • Devine Street (near Subway)

treats, a petting zoo, magic shows, karaoke, face painting and the new Fun Bus- a fitness playground on wheels. Notes: Silly adults... St. Pat’s is for kids!

It is safe to say without expert opinion or attribution that planning and pulling off

Notes – Adult beverages will be available for sale. Rock Band competition is free.

the annual St. Patrick’s Day Festival in Five Points is no small feat. Executive Director of the Five Points Association Merrit McHaffie and all the staff, vendors and volunteers put an immeasurable amount of effort into putting together one of the marquis street festivals in the region. As the FPA continues to acknowledge a need to be more transparent and sensitive to the needs of all merchants in the district; as the monetary “cookie jar” of what is supposed to be a charity event has finally been nibbled down to a few thousand crumbs; and as the City of Columbia continues to improve its accounting practices, the annual St. Patrick’s Day festival can only get better. Many hope going forward that it will be beneficial for all parties involved, be they association members, stand-alone merchants, vendors and, most importantly, tax payers. Drink to that! The following information has been provided by festival organizers: THREE Days of Pre-Party Festivities March 12 - Let’s Get ready to ruMbLe! Time/Location: 5-10 p.m. on Santee Avenue Admission: FREE to the public!! Description: What better way to preparty for St. Pat’s in Five Points than listening to 6 local bands vying for a slot on a St. Pat’s stage and seeing if you have what it takes to be named Rock Band Champion.

coMfort Zone + shuttLe service + aLert cabs = coMpLiMentary convenience St. Pat’s in 5 Points is quickly approaching and festival planners have devised a number of ways to make your festival experience as enjoyable and safe as possible. crowds + Music – enerGy = a need to reLax soLution: South Carolina Hospital Association Comfort Zone Location: Five Points Fountain (center of the festival) Seek solace in the chairs and cots of the Comfort Zone. Rest and recharge your batteries. Enjoy the day the safe way. Amenities: st. pat’s parade tiMe: 10:00 a.M. fruit, water, juice, band-aids, diapers and Location: Musical Mile of Free Viewing on other similar provisions Devine Street (from Dreher to Five Points) Description: There will be magic in the tips on avoidinG five points’ air and clover everywhere as this visual traffic! park and ride for free spectacle delights and entertains with lively Shuttle Transportation - Time: 9:00 a.m. – music, entertaining floats and amusing 8:00 p.m. Hassel free parking is available characters. Bring a bag to collect all the at a number of locations throughout the goodies shared by the parade participants. city. Be sure to watch for Five Points own Shuttles run every 20-minutes from Kudzu Queens! these locations and deliver riders to the festival gate: • Capital City Stadium on free wachovia chiLdren’s Assembly St.; drop off at Green Street Gate carnivaL Time: 10:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m. • Park Street behind the Koger Center; Location: Martin Luther King Park drop-off at Green Street Gate • Hand Description: Celebrating with wee Middle School on King Street side; drop ones? Your little leprechauns are sure to off at Devine Street Gate think they’ve found the end of the rainbow NOTE: in this safe fun filled area with rides, food, beverages, backpacks, coolers games, kid-approved entertainment, tasty and containers are not allowed on shuttles!!

sc education Lottery shaGGin’ on santee Time: Noon – 6:00 p.m. Location: Santee Avenue Description: Irish Jig? Southern Shag! The Capital City Shag Club is bringing the State Dance to St. Pat’s in Five Points. DJs from around the state will be throwing down beach, boogie, blues and shag tunes ready. set. run -or parade, -or pLay while Shag enthusiasts shag, shuffle and glide during exhibitions, showcases, -or shaG! Whatever you prefer, this lessons and free-style dance. Top off the year St. Pat’s has something for day with Jim Quick and Coastline! See the everyone. Best of all, you’ll find music tab for the DJ tons of free activities to choose from that are sure to please all the sc education Lottery’s shaGGin’ on little (and big) leprechauns! santee DJ Throwdown Schedule - Free Shag & Get to the Green 5k run & 1 MiLe Line Dance Lessons/Demonstrations Noon - 1:00 - 2:00 waLk day of reGistration: 7:00 a.m. 3:00 - 4:00 - 5:00 – 8:00 a.m. - Official Start: 8:30 a.m. DJ Skip Lancaster, R&B Spartanburg Location: Registration and race start line Shag Club CCSC Shag/Line Dance on Blossom Street (by Carolina First) Description: Runners follow rainbows Demonstration & Shag Lessons DJ Brett through the beautiful tree lined streets of Bishop, Sumter Shag Club Junior Shag/ Shandon to a pot of gold at the finish line Line Dance Demonstration & Shag on Devine Street. Over 1,500 lean green Lessons DJ Billy Cook, Florence Shag running machines made the 2009 race the Club CCSC Junior Shag/Line Dance Largest Road Race in the Midlands. *Don’t Demonstration & Shag Lessons Jim Quick forget to dress in your leprechaun best and Coastline Junior Shag/Line Dance and vie for an award as the Best Dressed Demonstration & Shag Lessons DJ Dennis Leprechaun! Notes: All participants in the Brumble, Camden Shag Club CCSC Shag/ 5th annual race get FREE entry into the Line Dance Demonstration & Junior Shag Demonstration & Lessons festival and the official race t-shirt.

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9

Voted best in ProPerty management!

Wed 03/10/10 Peter Mulvey White Mule Thu 03/11/10 Weatherbox New Brookland Tavern Fri 03/12/10 Full Throttle Hard Knox Total Denial Utopia Kevin Hart Comedy House Theatre Sat 03/13/10 Coolie G & Lion Reggae Utopia Kevin Hart Comedy House Theatre «St. Patrick's Day Festival» Columbia, SC Ballyhoo! Celtic Blue Crash Kings Dangermuffin Deepfield Foxy Shazam Jet

John Satterfield Josh Roberts & The Hinges Justin Smith Long Miles Patrick Davis Perpetual Groove Robert Earl Keen Saosin Sequoyah Prep School Shallow Palace The Movement The Skelligs Villanova Jason Dalton Hard Knox Sun 03/14/10 DB Bryant and Friends Hard Knox Kevin Hart Comedy House Theatre Wed 03/17/10 Jazz Fusion & Funk With Jeremy Roberso Hard Knox Crime In Stereo New Brookland Tavern The Wonder Years Blues Jam with Naz Hard Knox

Wayne «The Train» Hancock White Mule Fri 03/19/10 David Bazan New Brookland Tavern Headlights Edwin McCain Clarion Town House Patrick Davis Irritating Julie Hard Knox Jelly Roll & The Delicous Dish Utopia Sat 03/20/10 Benjy Davis Project New Brookland Tavern Sequoyah Prep School Marshall Ruffin Trio Elbow Room Blackberry Smoke w The DB Bryant Band Hard Knox Glenn Powell & Friends Utopia

Thu 03/25/10 Laura Story Columbia Int'l University Telepath Elbow Room Fri 03/26/10 Pinna Utopia Jeff Dunham Colonial Life Arena Tue 03/30/10 Pretty Lights Club 1800 Two Fresh Tigercity New Brookland Tavern Wed 03/31/10 Abandon Kansas New Brookland Tavern Farewell Flight Thu 04/08/10 Yarn White Mule Fri 04/09/10

Manchester Orchestra Jillian's Biffy Clyro O'Brother The Features Sun 04/11/10 Rachael Sage White Mule Danielle Howle Simplified Capital City Stadium Thu 04/22/10 Laura Story Spring Valley Baptist Church Fri 04/23/10 Appetite For Destruction - Trib. To Guns N' Roses (NC) New Brookland Tavern Bess Rogers White Mule Sat 04/24/10 Patrick Davis White Mule

rockin’ out with their banjo out
Justin Osborne, vocals, West Jones, guitar, Jordan Hicks, guitar, Johnnie Matthews, bass, and Harrison Boyd, drums, are no strangers to Columbia or their popularity amongst the locals. Performing songs off their latest album, Ghost Town, as well as some older songs for their older fans, everyone in attendance won’t be disappointed as the boys are certain to unveil some new songs during their performance. Recently, Sequoyah Prep School has been touring the country and recording some new music. They are gaining fans all over the country, but they know no one is more devoted than their very own South Carolina fan base. During every performance, you can point out the newbie’s from the die-hard fans as they will be singing, clapping, and stomping along to every song; they are truly a huge contributor to why every Sequoyah Prep School show is so memorable and entertaining. Although this will be one of Sequoyah Prep’s Schools first shows as an opener, headlining Southern-rock band, Benjy Davis Project, whom just released their latest album, “Lost Souls Like Us,” are certain to be a perfect fit to this Columbia favorite.

By Shelby Sachs Known for their plaid shirts, banjo’s, love songs, and tons of screaming 16-year-old girls, Sequoyah Prep School will be sure to pack out yet another show March 20 at New Brookland Tavern.

thursday 11
$8

7:30pm

Friday 12
$6

9pm

no cover

Saturday 13
6pm

Sunday 14
$7

mArCH

All Get Out Weatherbox The Restoration Calculator thursday 18
$5/8 8pm

twilight armada

Thank God Satanized Sein Zum T ode Friday 19

St. PAttieS FeSt @ nBt W/ roB
$2.50 Killians, Guinness, Harp $2.00 Domestics
$10/13

7:30pm

$5/8

monday 15
DoY Worst our

5:30pm

$5/8

tuesday 16

6pm

Wednesday 17
$10 7pm

$12/14

9pm

Saturday 20

8pm

Horrendous Forgetting Ruby Blue & Wonder Shakedown! With Reckless The Isnauts Old Canoe Fera Abandon Mobley no cover 9pm ears Vindictive Sovereign The WonderY Dance Commander Behold The ellow T eam The Makeout Party uSeleSS triviA W/: TheY Hardy and Dewayne Messenger $100 Worth Of Prizes Crime in Stereo Wednesday 24 Sunday 21 monday 22 tuesday 23
Kill MeABear Gasoline Heart new music The Sea Wolf Last Breath OfAugust night: I In The Sky Mutiny From The Heart Brass T The Future Full Color Footage o The Dirty White Faces Unturned William Cronin M-T ank The Jones Machine
$5/8 7:30pm $5/8 5:30pm $5/8 6pm $5/8 7pm

mArCH

Fuzz Orchestra T unguska ...for science! thursday 25

David Bazan
Headlights
Friday 26

Benjy Davis Project Sequoyah Prep School T Carey odd

midnigHt murderAmA

mAr/APr

AAron & grAnt City UnderFlames Enemy Within CAmPAign Annihilation Of The FundrAiSer
Preach Jacobs The Elements Sons OfY oung TBA $5 suggested donation
$5/8

7:30pm

$5/8

5:45pm

Saturday 27
My Losing Season (Farewell Show) Freshman 15 DoY Worst our
$5/8

Hardy and Dewayne $100 Worth Of Prizes

uSeleSS triviA W/: Great TequilaAssassins

5:30pm

monday 29
$5/8

Exiled

Obraskai Decadence Host T Another o Shotgun Opera

9pm

Shallow Palace uSeleSS triviA W/: Lionz Of Zion Sounds Of Suburbia Hardy and Dewayne Thee Mad Frogs $100 Worth Of Prizes

$5/7

9pm

T Car Pile-Up en With Reckless Abandon The Fierce Pursuit

5:30pm

tuesday 30
$10

Caleb Davis Band Constellations

Famous Last Words
$3/5

Tigercity O'V erona Parades and Armies TBA

7pm

monday 31
$7

Versus The Robot Abandon Kansas Cayla Fralick

FAreWell FligHt

7:30pm

tues. Apr 6

acoustic showcase:
TBA

6:30pm

If interested in playing please e-mail
newbrooklandtavern@ hotmail.com

Blue ruBY

david Bazan

Benjy Davis Project

AND THE ISNAUTS

Mobley Dance Commander The Makeout Party
$7
12

Crime in Stereo
Forgetting Fera The Wonder Years Behold The Messenger

tunguska
...For science!

Sun. Feb 14

7:30pm

Wed. mar 17
$10

7pmm

thurs. mar 18
$5/8 8pm

Headlights
$12/14

Sequoyah Prep School T Carey odd
$10/13

Versus The Robot Abandon Kansas Cayla Fralick

Fri. mar 19

9pmm

Sat. mar 20
8pm

mon. mar 31
$7

7:30pm

August 6, 2009

122 State St. W Columbia SC 29169 www.newbrooklandtavern.com 803.791.4413

¡Ask a Named Sue? Mexican! A Niño
Greetings!!! March is upon us, the Weather is on the upswing, and the time keeps rolling…summer is right around the corner. Based on how cold it’s been, it will be pretty hot this summer; SC weather always happens in extremes. A big thank you to every person out there reading this CCP for the continuous support and love of The Vocal Booth; be on the lookout for the website and much more on the way. Much music has dropped since last issue. Method Man, Raekwon, and Ghostface teamed up to make the ‘Wu Massacre’, Erykah Badu is about to drop part 2 of her ‘New Amerykah’ series, Ludacris is having the time of his life as he rides the ‘Battle of The Sexes’ wave, and labels are gearing up to make as much money as possible from their artists as the ‘cash cow’ season gets underway. Although March is Women’s History Month, today we are going to shine the spotlight on one of Hip Hop’s greatest emcees that’s currently battling an illness, suffered a heart attack, endured surgery, fell under comatose, yet still remains strong. This enemy is none other than…Gifted Unlimited Rhymes Universal aka GURU (of Gang Starr & 7 Grand). Here is a list of the 20 best songs by Guru, featuring Guru, or produced by Guru. Let’s get it!!!! 4) Code of the Streets (GS- Hard To Earn) 5) Words I Manifest (GS- No More Mr. Nice Guy) 6) Just To Get A Rep (GS- Step In The Arena) 7) JFK 2 LAX (GS- Moment Of Truth) 8) Dwyck (GS- Hard To Earn) 9) Step In The Arena (GS- Step In The Arena) 10) Skillz (GS- The Owners) 11) Ex To The Next Girl (GS- Daily Operation) 12) Soliloquy of Chaos (GS- Daily Operation) 13) Wordplay (by BahamadiaKollage) 14) You know my Steez (GSMoment Of Truth) 15) Watch What You Say (Jazzmatazz Vol. 2) 16) Bring It On (by N’Dea Davenport s/t) 17) Certified (Jazzmatazz-Street Soul) 18) Check The Technique (GS-Step In The Arena) 19) Royalty (GS- Moment Of Truth) 20) Brainstorm (GS-Hard To Earn)

GURU (of Gang Starr & 7 Grand) 20 WORDS OF WISDOM Best!!! (In No Particular Order except You never know what day will #1-my personal fav!!) be your last…Live your life now!!! Stay Up!!!! 1) Mass Appeal (from Gang StarrHard To Earn) DJ Kingpin-Villain Of Vinyl kingp2) Loungin’ (Jazzmatazz Vol. 1) [email protected] 3) Jazz Thing (from Mo’ Betta Blues Sdtk.)

about the bullied kid, of Dear Mexican: I’m a course, but also about the pan blanco, and my wife is father’s thought process. puertorriqueña. Our son The dad’s not a racist pig— looks white (though a casual just an understandably upset observer might admit there papi. But pendejos exist in is some Latin going on every ethnicity, and there’s there). I’m not sure how this no reason to use those pertains to my question—it fuck-ups to smear a group may or may not be worth as a whole. It’s a natural mentioning. Our son is a inclination to do so, but a high-functioning autistic wrong one. To the dad: My 12-year-old. The way he best advice is to get on the looks and behaves makes school administration’s ass him a target for bullies. He to protect your beautiful son. is sweet and innocent. He And trust me, at some point doesn’t understand sarcasm By GuSTaVO aRellaNO in his life, there’ll be a good or how to be cool. He studies Mexican kid who’ll kick the hard and gets good grades. He is a classic four-eyed, Harry Potter asses of those bullies like any good person dork. He doesn’t bother anyone, but he gets would. teased and bullied by cruel classmates. It Dear Mexican: Whenever I read some breaks my heart and makes me furious. Today, a bigger kid came up and twisted Mexican history, I’m always amazed at the his arm behind him, causing him pain. After variety of first names that apparently have no he told me about it, and as I fought back English equivalent. I’m only 40 pages into a tears of rage (and yes, I tell the authorities, book about Pancho Villa, and already I’ve and they do what they can, but they can’t be seen such beauties as Indalecio, Fidencio, everywhere at once), he asked me, “Daddy, Maclovio, Nemesio and Belisario. I’ve tried why is it that every time I’m bullied, it’s by Google, but I can’t seem to find a place where the origins of these names and their a Mexican?” I’m wondering the same thing. Every meanings can be found. Any suggestions? time—and I mean every single time–he’s Flummoxed In Flagstaff been bullied and tormented since we moved to California three years ago, it’s been by a Dear Gabacho: Try Google again. All the Mexican kid. Oh, and the Mexican students are in the minority in his school. A large names you mentioned are the Hispanicized minority, but a minority nonetheless. It’s not nombres of Catholic saints (respectively, like he’s the only white kid in the yard. I’m Indalecio, Fidelis, Maclou and Nemesius), truly at a loss as to why this seems to be so. with the exception of Belisario, which refers Are all of these kids beaten by their fathers to the great Roman general Belisarius. so they have to take it out on what they Mexicans traditionally pulled their names might perceive to be a pampered gringo? from the Bible and the Papist calendar. I’m guessing. Other than teach my kid how This resulted in two separate celebrations to defend himself, I don’t see what can be for someone’s birth—the cumpleaños (the actual birthday) and the día de santo, done about it. Is it cultural? I wonder if you could the feast day of the saint corresponding to suggest what I might say to my son to the person’s name; sometimes the twain prevent him from hating Mexicans by the did meet and knock back Herradura. time he reaches adulthood, if not before. Or Those traditions and esoteric names what I might say to myself, for that matter. are unfortunately disappearing because Why is it always a Mexican kid tormenting American culture devours all. But you my son? Every fuckin’ time. Why? I don’t know what’s the weirdest male name I’ve like the dark place my mind is going to. Can heard? Susano. Etymology? From Susanna, obviously, but no pinche clue how it became you help me? accepted for hombres . . . A Good Papi Ask the Mexican at themexican@ Dear Readers: The more I think about this question, the more it saddens me— askamexican.net

803-218-9455
march 11,, 2010

13

LEGISLATORS NEED MORE ISSUES TRAINING
By Andy Brack The opposite of a leader is a lemming, a political metaphor for a follower who will do just about anything, including blindly jumping off a cliff, to back a leader. South Carolina’s General Assembly is full of lemmings – so much so that one top lawmaker privately confided this week that some legislators wouldn’t know where babies came from if they had not been personally involved. Part of the reason for the vast number of lemmings in South Carolina politics is Call it an “Institute of Government.” Such an idea has been successful in North Carolina in helping to build camaraderie among partisans. It also has allowed legislators to deepen their understanding of issues. From a practical perspective, such an Institute wouldn’t cost much. Legislators already meet for an organizational session each December. They could spend an extra day in Columbia to hear from leading university professors on everything from budget and health care to education, environment and growing jobs. Because many

it is time to shake things uP at City hall!

Aaron Johnson
candidate for Mayor

& Grant Robertson
for City Council at large

“ I would arGue, for example, that at least half of the General assembly’s 170 members really don’t understand the state budGet”
the institutional structure of the legislature. In other words, committees. Legislators get experience on a range of specific issues through committees to the exclusion of other issues. For example, a House member may serve on the Agriculture and Natural Resources Committee and learn a lot on environmental issues. But because she isn’t on Ways and Means, she doesn’t have as much familiarity with budget issues. Therefore, she relies on colleagues who deal with budget issues to provide information and voting recommendations about those issues. That’s how committees are supposed to work – as structures to help lawmakers use time more wisely and deal with multiple issues. Unfortunately these days, serious issues often fly through committees so fast that there’s little deliberate discussion before a meaningful vote occurs – and then they move on to the next big thing. Another reason for so many lemmings is lawmakers face a great number of issues on which they seem to have a hard time keeping up with details. They have, for lack of a better description, a knowledge gap on proposals outside their narrow committee scope. I would argue, for example, that at least half of the General Assembly’s 170 members really don’t understand the state budget or have a big-picture view of how government is funded. (Some people say I’m very low in the estimate.) While changes to the General Assembly’s committee system likely aren’t in the tea leaves, there is something lawmakers could do to bone up better on the issues they face: Attend a special annual training session to get non-partisan educational information on top issues impacting the people of South Carolina. 14
march 11, 2010

of the professors already are state employees, they could do presentations as part of their jobs. Several political insiders and legislators – Republicans and Democrats – who we asked about the idea said annual training would be a good thing. To get something like this moving, however, would require the House’s and Senate’s leaders or caucus leaders to support educational training by requiring lawmakers to attend. Mandatory attendance is necessary if the exercise is to have an impact. Because lemmings, you know, do what they’re told. If they’re not told to attend, they won’t. So now we read that House lawmakers have voted to cut the amount that can be awarded for negligence in civil lawsuits to $350,000 at most. Proponents claim such tort reform is needed to attract jobs, which seems to be the new rationale for anything that anti-lawyer forces use to get what they want. Opponents of this next iteration of tort reform say reform isn’t needed because the system already works – that of 136 jury verdicts for personal injury in 2007 and 2008, only two involved damages of more than $7,000. We urge state senators to look beyond the rhetoric when considering this measure that would take away people’s rights to receive compensation for corporate or personal negligence. Instead of listening to special interests, think about it this way: If you lost your arm in an accident caused by an employer’s negligence, wouldn’t you want to sue for more than $350,000 in damages? Or is having use of your arm for the rest of your life worth less? [email protected]

For a Greater Columbia Area
Vote April 6th
www.aarongrant2010.com

By Baynard Woods I walked out of the Capitol building, waist high mounds of gray snow glistened in the sun. I walked down C Street, thinking about Senator DeMint and the highly political, yet tax exempt, organization that rents him a room in its frat house on the street. But DeMint wasn’t on C Street. He was across town at the Marriot where the Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC) was meeting. I made my way to the nearest Metro. As I rode down the escalator on my way to CPAC, I felt like I was descending into the underworld. It was about 3:00 o’clock when I got there. Before I went up to the Marriot, I stopped at Murphy’s Irish Pub around the corner. It was filled with young Republicans in suits, looking over their shoulders every other minute, hoping some luminary may walk in. A union organizer I know goes there every year for a CPAC happy hour and tries to pick a fight. He didn’t go this year. Knowing he likes a good fight, I could see why. Though the rhetoric of the CPAC Republicans has become robust—downright revolutionary, in fact—the guys at the bar were the same dweeby young Republicans I knew in college and high school. Picking a fight at Murphy’s that day would have been like shooting wolves with machine guns from helicopters and calling it sport. But, as I walked up the hill to the Marriot’s service entrance, I was a bit nervous. Aside from being a straight white dude—the obvious favorite racial and gender characterization of CPACers—I was the embodiment of so many of the hatreds they’d been railing against. I live on the east coast where I teach at a University. I write for what they would consider the “mainstream media.” (If you imagine a world where Columbia City Paper is considered mainstream and FOX News independent, you can get an idea of just how skewed the CPAC worldview is). In fact, I had no trouble getting in at all, even though I didn’t have any kind of badge or pass. I walked into the lobby. Everyone was either watching the conference they were attending being broadcast on wallmounted televisions, talking on cell phones, or scanning the room for important people. Nobody even noticed me. By the time I made it to the exhibition hall, I grabbed a couple of the most radical stickers I could find and stuck them on my jacket, and I moved

around the conference freely. Then people were running and screaming, as flames engulfed them. Oh no, that wasn’t here. That was an IRS office that a right wing anti-tax terrorist flew his plane into at the exact moment that Pawlenty was urging conservatives across the country to emulate Elin Woods and smash out the government’s windows just as she had done Tiger’s. And this is the amazing thing. None of these staunch anti-terror advocates will call this terror. And, so afraid of them are we, that no one else will either. A guy gets on a plane with some kind of ridiculous flammable underwear and is apprehended and it is all Obama’s fault. In the middle of a conference where radicals are urging citizens to do harm to their own government, a man attacks the very heart of conservative hatred—the IRS—and nobody “connects the dots” as terrorism people like to say. But that explained why there was no heightened security—these were the terrorists. Or at least the people who share their ideological hatred of the United States government. Earlier, I watched the worst comedian I had ever seen—some bozo with a book called Obama Zombies. He called CPAC “our Woodstock.” Sure, I’ll take those odds. We get Jimi Hendrix, you get Alec Baldwin’s right wing brother. We get Janis Joplin, you get Anne Coulter. But, as I walked around, I figured the zombie guy was right. These tea party folks are like the Right’s hippies. I saw a couple of guys dressed in Colonial garb and wondered if everyone in the Marriot had taken the brown acid. John Kerry lost in 2004 because of what the hippies did over thirty years earlier. Stopping at the NRA exhibit, I wondered what long-term negative effects CPAC types would have on the Republican Party over time. In a flashback moment, I saw a ponytailed guy running the John Birch Society booth. Their booth had a picture of black children smiling hanging above it. I wasn’t even alive in the Sixties and it freaked me out. Birchers should not have ponytails. I talked to the man who navigated the Enola Gay and dropped the atomic bomb. He told me “it ended the war, but did not win it.” He asked me if I wanted to have my photo taken with him. I did. I talked to some radical student groups, because everyone here was obsessed with “capturing” the youth. Oh, and I forgot, when the zombie guy

compared CPAC to Woodstock he claimed “our women are more attractive.” (That may not be an exact quote—I couldn’t bear to watch him again). Well, there did seem to be an overabundance of the type of blonde that every network must now hire as sportscaster. But they were as bland and boring as the rhetoric is radical. As I walked around, I noticed that they were definitely showing the dorky guys exactly why the Republicans are called the party of no. Most importantly of all, I kept my eyes peeled for Senator DeMint. See, I had called him earlier. I wanted to write about one of his staffers in the same way I wrote about Clyburn’s policy director. When I called and asked for the Press Secretary, the woman who answered the phone asked who was calling. I told her. She put me on hold. She came back. “He’s not in right now.” “OK,” I said. “Could I get a voicemail?” “He doesn’t have voicemail.”

“Email?” “He doesn’t do email.” It’s hard to know how DeMint gets by with a luddite press secretary. Or maybe, he is just living up to his principles and cutting the costs of his office staff. He had after all, just called for the abolition of the Federal income tax that pays his expenses. When I got back out onto the street, it was dinnertime. I noticed large groups of blue blazers standing stunned on the streetcorners. I listened in and realized what was going on. The only obvious restaurants in Woodley Park were ethnic—Indian or Ethiopian—and the CPACers didn’t know what to do. “I don’t think I’m hungry anymore,” one young man said. I didn’t know if it was because he was a bigot or because he had been fed such a load of shit all day. [email protected]

march 11,, 2010

15

Arts

fresh on the scene

notes froM usc’s 54th annuaL when viewed from the other direcstudent art exhibition tion it features images from all over campus. by Judit trunkos Venugopal’s painting depicts Each year the University of South young Indian couple on their wedding Carolina Art Department invites stu- day. The bride, represented as femidents to submit works in any media nine and soft, the groom as strong and for an annual juried exhibition. disciplined, seem to be optimistically This year, Jeanette Guinn, Program looking towards the future together. Director for the South Carolina Arts The bride gives the viewer a hint of Commission, judged the competition. a smile as the groom looks at the She selected 57 works ranging from viewer with a certainty. photography, painting, multimedia Morris, who earned first place sculptural installations and video. among undergraduate students, does The works are a good representation not limit his work to a certain theme

“venuGopal’s paIntInG depIcts younG IndIan couple on theIr weddInG day.”

of the departments’ undergraduate and graduate students. Mallory Collins’ “USC Library Card Catalog Book,” graduate student Katie Venugopal’s “Venugopal and Vasantha on Their Wedding Day” and undergraduate student Jordan Morris’ untitled work all received awards. Collins’ hand stitched picture book incorporates photographs and descriptions of buildings and plays with the idea of cataloging an entire university. When viewed from one direction the book features sepia-toned images of USC’s Thomas Cooper Library,
16
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or object, but wants the viewer to come to their own conclusions. The normally two-dimensional pieces of paper turn into a three dimensional object in Morris’ hands. The aesthetically pleasing sphere creates a seemingly organic object, individual details dissolving into Morris’ larger fantasy. The USC group exhibit can be seen through March 27 at the McMaster Gallery at the University of South Carolina. [email protected]

march 11,, 2010

17

I am a girl who sabotaged my relationship. I was angry; I had complaints. But my real issue was a store of repressed childhood trauma, and I was working it out on the closest person to me, my BF. We had something magical, and I destroyed it. I am now willing to give 110 percent to fix it. We no longer have sex. We are hardly on speaking terms. I know now that my relationship skills are stunted—more childhood baggage—but I want to save my relationship. Do you have any tips on initiating sex with someone whom I have traumatized or on improving communication with someone who is so resentful? I am willing to give it time and effort, accept my faults, and breathe deeply rather than react in anger when we talk through things. Saboteur Addressing Dysfunctions

SavageLove
Sex Advice by Dan Savage

opposes allowing him to explore with others. Presently, the boy goes to dungeon parties and plays with men behind his boyfriend’s back. I feel very strongly that the boy should either come to an understanding with his boyfriend that allows him to explore or break up with him so they can both find what they need. I wouldn’t ordinarily presume to know what’s best for other people, but this boy is starving sexually, emotionally, and spiritually. But my conscience will not allow me to advise him on navigating the leather scene when I know he’ll use this knowledge to cheat on his boyfriend. Do you agree with the advice I’ve given this boy? Wanna Be A Good Influence I agree with the advice you’ve given this boy— get the boyfriend’s okay or get out—but this boy is already navigating the leather scene, WBAGI, and will continue to cheat on his boyfriend with or without your guidance. So continue to serve as this boy’s confidant and adviser, WBAGI, all the while pressing him to do the right thing and leave his boyfriend. And we both know that he needs to leave his boyfriend, WBAGI, not just get the boyfriend’s permission to explore. If this boy’s interest in BDSM is so strong that he’s jumped into the deep end of the pool—i.e., dungeon parties—he’ll never be happy with a vanilla monogamist who grudgingly allows him to play with other guys. And what does the guy sitting next to me on this airplane think? “The guy with the boyfriend should do what the other guy, the leather guy, says,” says TGSNTMOTA. “Because the leather guy has a good head on his shoulders, and the guy with the boyfriend should listen to the leather guy and leave the other guy, the boyfriend guy, and see other guys.” Um... thanks, TGSNTMOTA! I’m an 18-year-old hetero male college student. I’m in a relationship with an awesome girl. I’m dominant; she’s submissive. I like namecalling; she likes being called names. Our libidos match, etc. There’s only one thing I’m into that she isn’t: watersports. The idea of urinating on a girl turns me on. My fetish is by no means unusual, and I’m perfectly comfortable saying, “I’m into piss!” She, however, finds the idea unappealing, to say the least. I know that I’m young and have a long time to act on my fantasies, but this one seems like it will always be difficult. Do you think that, down the road, I will be able to find a girl who is willing to get pissed on? I Want To Pee On Someone Watersports, for the kinkily inclined, is one of those things that can seem almost unspeakably perverse at 18 and not that big a deal at 28. Don’t do it first thing in the morning, and don’t do it after chowing through a plate of asparagus. Do it after you’ve had a few beers and the piss is just so much warm—and sterile—water. So relax, IWTPOS, because the odds that you’ll be with this girl forever—remember, you’re 18, she’s 18—are slim, and the odds that you’ll meet a girl at some point who’s either into it or can be talked into it are high. And what does the guy sitting next to me on this airplane—a very nice-if-nosey thirtysomething dude from Lubbock, Texas—think? “I have a thing for girls peeing on me,” TGSNTMOTA whispered to me. “Because it’s like a sort of female ejaculation thing. I met girls on the Big Island who were into it, clear and nice, and—” Okay, TGSNTMOTA, thanks for sharing and—hey—it looks like we’re getting ready to land, so... thanks for playing Savage Love. [email protected]

I’ll get to your problem in a second, SAD. But first, a Savage Love programming note: I don’t usually mention where I’m writing a particular column, because it doesn’t really matter whether my computer is sitting on Ann Landers’s desk or resting on Apolo Ohno’s ass. (I will let you know when I am writing in a bar, though, because alcohol can impair an advice columnist’s judgment.) I’m writing this column on an airplane, and I was totally in the zone when I noticed that the guy sitting next to me on this airplane was reading my laptop screen. So I wrote this: “HEY! YOU! YEAH, YOU! THE GUY SITTING NEXT TO ME ON DELTA 2360! STOP READING THIS SHIT UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO ADD!” Some people. Okay, SAD: Unless your boyfriend is a weight bench or an exercise ball, you weren’t “working it out” on him. You were taking it out on him. Now, maybe you’ve been led to believe—by your counselor, by Oprah, by some other idiot with an advice column—that you can just throw up your hands and say, “Childhood issues! Childhood baggage!” and everything will be magic again. Sorry, SAD, but sometimes the damage is too great. Your boyfriend won’t speak to you? Won’t fuck you? Game over. Accept that you—not your issues, not your baggage, but you yourself—screwed yourself out of a decent guy. End it, get your ass into counseling, and make an effort to resolve your issues and unpack your bags before you inflict yourself on some other dope. You don’t have to be 100 percent healthy before you date—no one is 100 percent healthy—but you do have to be in relatively good working order. And what does the guy sitting next to me on this airplane think? “I’ve dated girls like her,” says TGSNTMOTA. “Daddy issues. She should get over her shit before she dates someone else, you know, but she probably won’t. Girls like her never do. But maybe this one will, because you’re pulling her up short. And she should move to an island—Hawaii, the Big Island—because being on an island can really help you work through your shit.” Thanks, TGSNTMOTA! I am a leather daddy in a big city. A young man—early 20s, in a small town—contacted me online and asked to be my boy. I declined, due to distance, but agreed to be his confidant and adviser. The boy has one huge problem: He is in a long-term relationship with a vanilla boyfriend who has no interest in BDSM and vehemently

Across 1 What writer Malcolm Peltu predicted could “cross a busy highway without being hit” by 2010 6 Heavy falling sound 10 Green living prefix 13 Verdugo of “Marcus Welby, M.D.” 14 Bar mitzvah dance 15 Fetal position? 17 Guilty pleasures 18 Phil of poker 19 Daredevil Knievel 20 Acronym used a lot by Rachael Ray 21 Malaria-carrying fly 23 Peyton Manning’s brother 24 2016 Olympics site 25 With “The,” country that’s already a U.S. state by 2010, in the 1968 novel “Stand on Zanzibar” 27 Panama currency named for an explorer 29 Impressionist painter Mary 30 Classical architecture style 32 Chips to play 33 Manned space mission that gets carried out in the 1984 movie “2010” 39 Actress Turner 40 “I won’t ___ guy who doesn’t own a toolbox” (Kristy Swanson quote) 41 Electronic device 45 Villain’s evil laugh 49 Online world where people live and pay taxes in 2010, according to Tom Clancy’s “Net Force” series

““The Future Is Now”--and they got it wrong.”
51 On the ___ (fleeing) 52 Silent ___ (presidential nickname) 53 Visually finds 54 Sitcom with a famous Turkey Drop episode 55 Director Reitman 57 “___ be easy” 58 Ex-UN Secretary-General Boutros Boutros-___ 59 Drowsy 60 Fox comedy with Jane Lynch 61 Sedan named for an Italian city 62 Badminton divider 63 The “Big Board,” on Wall Street 64 Its cause is what rocket scientist Robert Truax predicted would be found and corrected by 2010 Down 1 Studio feedback 2 Singer Newton-John 3 “Just chill, OK?” 4 “___’Clock Jump” (Count Basie song) 5 Prof’s helpers 6 Aptly-titled 2009 Michael Jackson documentary 7 Run-down abode 8 Pertaining to pee 9 Place for a manicure and seaweed wrap 10 Lamb’s mom 11 Written agreement 12 Brunch dish

jonesin’ crosswords
16 Sore from walking 21 Ex-UN Secretary-General U ___ 22 They’re shorter than LPs 25 Eeyore’s pal 26 Biblical prophet 28 Clumsy oaf 31 Fish and chips fish 33 Limp 34 Winston Churchill’s niece (and no, she never went door-to-door) 35 On fire 36 Curtis of “A Fish Called Wanda” 37 Spy planes of the ‘60s 38 Euro follower? 42 Three in Torino 43 Naval officer 44 In a wholly absorbed way 46 Blue litmus indicator 47 “Spider Kiss” author Ellison 48 Energizing, with “up” 50 Mah-jongg pieces 54 Old party 56 Crossword editor Will Shortz’s paper, for short 58 Chris Cuomo’s former show, for short ©2010 Jonesin’Crosswords (editor@ jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0457.

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march 11, 2010

march 11,, 2010

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