Gary Crompton's Fight Against Prostate Cancer
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“Keep Swimming” My Personal Race For Life After Prostate Cancer
BY GARY CROMPTON 2009
We bs bsite Designed & Donated by bby Mark Ramskill Story written f rom Gary’s original transcript bby Karen Palmer
“Keep Swimming” My Personal Race For Life After Prostate Cancer
Introduction The purpose of this website is to share with you a special journey, an initial journey of despair and loss, but ultimately of hope and life life after prostate cancer. My journey is written to each and every one of you, the 35,000 men who will be diagnosed in the UK this year alone, to raise awareness for the men yet to join our elite membership in the years to follow and for those who have ha ve already begun. Please, know your body, accept you're getting older and acknowledge and question question changes in your body and and its functions. Be aware of your options and don't let misplaced embarrassment or fear ultimately take away precious days of life with those you love. My journey is not only about cancer, it also recognises and explains depression at its most destructive, the devastation of impotence, its effect on the male psyche and relationships and my ultimate fight to regain my physical, sexual and mental health. I promise to be open with you on every aspect of prostate cancer, it's repercussions on you as a man, its effects on you as a father, brother, husband, lover, friend, colleague - All the unique things that make you, YOU. In talking to you in this way, I hope to offer you insight into places and people who really can offer positive solutions and help you repair and heal h eal the man behind the cancer. So, who am I and what right do I have to talk to you on these intimate intimate and personal subjects? OK, well my name is Gary Crompton; my age at the time of writing this is 44. I'm a plasterer by trade, I come from the north of England, Wigan, Manchester to be precise, I'm divorced and a dad to four beautiful children. children. I've been a dedicated weight trainer for the past 16 y ears ears and have always been a bit of a health nut I guess. gu ess.
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A couple of years ago, I visited the doctor when I discovered a lump on one of my testicles. My GP said I had an infection and he suggested I go away; away; take the antibiotics antibiotics he’d prescribed and come back in 4 weeks. weeks. I went home, took a shower and found another lump on my other testicle. testicle. I went back to the doctors and and like before, he told me to keep taking the antibiotics, antibiotics, not to mess around with the lumps & come back in 4 weeks. I wasn’t happy with this time lapse or what seemed to me as a “diagnosis he’d guessed at” rather than knew for certain so I asked to go private. p rivate.
My local private clinic was the QUEENS PARK CLINIC, Chorley Road Bolton, where they did an internal rectal examination and found that the testicle lump was probably due to an infection but, the examination also showed that the prostate was enlarged. The next stage here was to have a prostate blood sample taken but I was told to come back several days later for a scan. I had the scan, came back as requested a few days later for the results and the results on scan were that everything was clear but the blood showed abnormal cells. I was sent to Wigan Wigan Infirmary for a biopsy. I was concerned but really kind of took it for granted that everything would be ok ‘cause like you, I never thought it could happen to me, the health nut! – The consultant broke the news to me that the test for men just over 40 should be a PSA blood level should be between between 1.5 and 2. Mine was 6.5. It was official, I had Prostate Prostate Cancer! Cancer! Those of you you who have already experienced the beginning of my journey will know how my world fell apart. It was 2006 and I was 42 years old.
The scary statistic is that this WILL happen to ONE IN ELEVEN ELEVEN MEN! Look around you, at your male family members and friends, are there about 11 guys in that close circle, could you be that 1 in 11, are you prepared to play Russian roulette with your life? life? If you’re 40 years old and above, INSIST ON REGULAR PROSTATE CHECKS WITH YOUR GP. There is a section on this website that enables you to sign a petition to the Prime Minister to get screening for men as common place place as cervical and breast screening is for women. We’re not asking to be given special special rights, just equal treatment! treatment! Please log log on and sign, whoever you you are, man or woman, we need your help.
Medical Stuff! (PSA is a protein produced by both normal and and cancerous prostate cells. cells. A high level of PSA can be a sign of cancer, but your PSA level can also be raised in prostate conditions that are not cancer (are benign), or if you have an infection. There is no one PSA reading that is considered con sidered 'normal'. The reading varies from man to man and the normal level increases as you get older. But the following values are a rough guide •
3 ng/ml or less is considered to be in the normal range for a man under und er 60 years old
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4 ng/ml or less is normal for a man aged 60 to 69
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5 ng/ml or less is normal if you are aged over 70).
It still amazes me that so many people, both men and women, know so little about the Prostate gland and its function so for the uninitiated, here’s the medical explanation: The prostate is a small small gland about the size of a walnut, wh ich lies just just below the bladder in men. The prostate gland is part of the male reproductive system. It develops at puberty and then continues to enlarge after the age of 40. 4 0.
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Women do not have a prostate gland and therefore cannot get prostate cancer. The prostate gland acts rather like a junction box. It allows the tubes that carry sperm from each testicle, and the tubes that drain from the seminal vesicles to meet and then empty their contents in to the urethra. (The seminal vesicles consist of two pouches that provide nutrients for the sperm and lie immediately behind the prostate). At the point of orgasm sperm, seminal vesicle fluid and prostatic secretions enter the urethra and mix together forming semen. This is then ejaculated out through the penis by rhythmic muscular contractions.
Options After the diagnosis I was given 3 options: 1) Insert pellets in to the cancerous prostate gland (procedure is called Brachytherapy and is a form of radiation treatment in which tiny pellets containing radioactive material, such as Iodine-125, are implanted directly into the tumour containing organ. This form of radiation therapy has long been used in other types of malignancies including cervical, breast, endometrial as well as head and neck cancers. Brachytherapy offers the appealing concept of delivering high doses of radiation to the prostate while limiting the exposure to the adjacent organs. 2) Surgery. 3) Leave it. One of the most important important factors for you to understand is to why I chose option option 2, surgery. When you hear that word, Cancer, that’s all all you hear. Possible impotence at some stage stage in a future you may not have isn’t even a consideration, you’re advised advised of it sure, but the word cancer stuck fear into into me. I was going through a divorce but was in a brilliant brilliant relationship with a special special lady called Ann whom I loved very much. Ann, her daughter and I had been making a new life and and up to this point I had been totally totally happy. Being told you have Cancer is like suddenly being hit with with a baseball bat - All I could could see was dying and losing Ann, Ann, her daughter and my own kids, family family and friends, everyone that I loved and cared about. Ultimately you focus on the magnitude of the CANCER, you live and breathe that word, from the initial mind blowing shock, to the all consuming daily fight to pull and wrench it out of your body and your life. You look at those you love, you look at your kids and wonder if you’ll see them grow up and become independent and loving productive adults. Would I see my kids get married, would I be given precious precious time to see my grandchildren? grandchildren? And Ann, how do you say goodbye to so much love? There are so many questions that rip rip at your you r heart heart that you can’t answer – At that time, the possibility of never having an erection again was never considered, never part of the equation. For me, my personal choice had to be surgery. I had listened to all options, asked numerous questions questions but the possibility of the cancer returning with the pellet option seemed higher and leaving it, even now I can’t see how leaving it would be an option to a man man of 42. I could see the sense of this ifif I had been 80 and it was a slow growing tumor but to me, I’d be walking walking around with a time bomb in my boxer-shorts. boxer-shorts. Dying and losing everything that I loved was all that I cou ld see and with no other options op tions given to me, I believed surgery to be my o nly chance of a long term future. 9 0 0 2 ” g n i m m i w S p e e K “
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Losing Richard Before I had the surgery but after the the diagnosis, I lost my good mate Richard. I was out with a couple of friends on our motorcycles when Richard Richard came off his bike whilst travelling at speed. Looking back, I think he was gone before the wheels of his bike had stopped stopped spinning. I tried my best to revive him for for what seemed like hours but in reality reality was probably about 25 to 30 minutes until the ambulances ambulances came. He was rushed to hospital but there was was no chance, he’d died at the side of the road. How do you come to terms with losing a good mate in his mid twenties twenties in such a
violent way, how do you face his family f amily and friends and their heartbreaking grief? The crash would continue to play through my mind repeatedly in slow motion in a continuous, repetitive loop. The feeling of helplessness, feelings of guilt when I couldn’t save him, the horror of his injuries, the funeral, the tears, and the grief – everything. If I was to pinpoint the time where my depression began it was was here. Just before I went for surgery I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Surgery I went in hospital in July 2006 and had the surgery to remove the cancerous prostate gland and prior to the op’ I was told that there was an 18 month recovery before I would get back to full health. I’d been advised about possible impotence, a 50/50% chance of incontinence and I was also warned there was a 50,000 to 1 chance of contracting HIV due to blood transfusions that would be needed. Looking back, I entered the operation operation already in a state of shock due to Richard’s death and the diagnosis of Cancer and all the trauma connected with that. After the operation, I had a catheter fitted and I knew I had to wait a period of 4 weeks before I had the catheter taken out and before I knew if I was impotent or not.
When Impotence Becomes a Part of Your Life When you get down to the actual fight against the invasion invasion of cancer on your body and your life you don't look to the future, to a specific moment in time where you'll you 'll be in bed with your partner again. Hopefully that time will come. If like me you’ve had the operation operation to remove the prostate, you’ll be sent sent on your way from hospital, hospital, in remission remission from Cancer but with a high probability probability of impotence. For some reason reason you’re not supposed to mind, I was 42, I don’t know if this makes a difference, I hope I can still want and enjoy sex as much in my 50’s, 60’s and and beyond. When you first first get home, you hope that that you’re going to be one of the lucky ones. As the discomfort from your operation subsides, you look forward to the removal of the catheter and you’ll look forward to seeing how “things work”. Mentally, you’ll remember how it used to be. You’ll look at your your partner and want them as intensely as before the treatment and operation (if not more so because o f what you’ve been through together). Your partner will want you, want to touch you like before and want to feel you get hard, want the anticipation and excitement of you - only now, no matter what you do, whatever you try it won't happen. Each time you try more, more, try anything but you’re hit with wi th the realization that it’s never going to be like it used to be. Your penis has become just a piece of skin that you urinate through. through. Even now, I can’t really put in to words the despair that began to take over my life. It gets to the stage where you can’t look your partner in the face; you turn away from the slightest embrace in-case it leads to a kiss, which leads to a touch, which leads to.................nothing. to.................nothing. You begin to dread going to bed, dread intimacy of any kind; you know in your heart that this is your life now. This is you and how can you face a lifetime with the person you love, feeling like you’ll never be a man again with them and for them. You begin to doubt their loyalty, convincing yourself that that one day they’ll leave you for some man who can make them happy in bed, like like you used to be able to. No matter what your partner says to convince you otherwise, inside you don’t believe it. You’re no longer a man, you’re no longer you. At the time, just after the operation, I wasn’t aware that the choices I’d been given were incomplete I just thought that I was expected to live the rest of my life without my right as a man to have an erection, penetrative sex and a full and loving sex life with the woman I loved.
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Trial And Error I went to my GP in desperation and was given an oral prescription Viagra and Cialis – none of them worked – nothing worked, nothing! You’ve got feeling in your penis, it’s not numb, but it’s like touching your arm, or your foot, no matter what you do you don’t get the feeling feeling of arousal, you don’t get an an erection. Your functioning penis is dead, it doesn’t work, it’s just skin that you urinate through.
Medical Stuff! – Oral Prescriptions Pre scriptions •
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Cialis is not an aphrodisiac. It will not increase sexual drive. Cialis works by helping the blood vessels in the penis to relax, allowing blood to flow into the penis causing an erection. For Cialis to be effective, sexual stimulation is required. Men who do not have erectile dysfunction shou ld not take Cialis. Both Cialis and Viagra work in the same way. Although no direct comparative research has been carried out, both drugs appear to be similar in how effective they are for men with erectile dysfunction. Cialis does differ from Viagra in that it has been shown to work for up to 24 hours, although this does not mean the man gets an erection for 24 hours because Cialis only works when he is sexually stimulated. In addition, Cialis is not affected by food so can be taken with a meal and its effects remain unchanged. As Cialis enhances the actions of the chemical messengers responsible for producing an erection, it will only work once these messengers are present. p resent. This means that sexual stimulation stimulation is required for it to produce p roduce and maintain an erection. The dose should be taken at least 30 minutes before intended intercourse, and it may produce an erection in response to sexual stimulation for up to 36 hours after taking the dose.
Penile Injections Next, they put me on an injection called Cavajet; it worked and was brilliant but caused some pain – When you get an erection sometimes sometimes it can get quite sore using this method. method. I took it 3 times times and was told it was causing causing scarring. This was on NHS - The first time they show you how to do it then you go back a second time and you do it (inject yourself) in front of him, the third time you go you do everything yourself in front of the doctor just too fully ensure your correctly administering the injection. injection. The third time however it was causing causing a lot more pain. It’s not the injection itself, it’s when you go on to have penetrative sex then it’s really sore.
Medical Stuff! How injection therapy causes an erection
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Injection treatment typically uses a combination of drugs prescribed by a doctor, usually a urologist. The man directly injects the drugs into the side of his penis. The drugs relax muscles and increase blood flow to create an erection. The most common drugs are Papavarine, Phentolamine and alprostadil. The doctor may combine two of these drugs (called a "bi-mix") or all three of the drugs (called a "tri-mix.")
The drugs are injected directly into the penis through a fine-gauge "insulin-style" needle. A firm erection develops in 10-15 minutes and lasts up to 60 minutes. If a prolonged erection occurs, the man should contact his prescribing physician immediately or seek medical treatment.
Injection therapy advantages • • •
Fast-onset, high-quality erection. Erection may last longer than a natural erection. Partners have no reported side effects.
Injection therapy disadvantages Side effects may occur. • • • •
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Limits sexual spontaneity. Some men feel a sting from the needle. Some men feel penile pain after injection. Some men develop nodules in their penis, although this may disappear after a short break from injections. In a small number of cases, permanent nodules may occur with long-term use. Some scarring can occur with multiple use. Th is can further complicate the process of achieving an erection. Scarring may cause curvature of the penis. Although rare, prolonged erection can occur. Such an erection can turn into "priapism." This is a painful erection lasting more than four hours. If priapism occurs, immediately seek medical help. The treatment may fail, causing additional stress and anxiety.
Depression Takes Control Finally after the 3rd painful attempt I was told I couldn’t have any more injections as it was causing scarring which would go on to cause curvature curvature of the penis.
My last chance, my last hope had failed… I nose-dived into deep and clinical depression, with no where to to go, no one to turn to that could help me. I was (mentally), back into the gutter that I’d begun to slide into after Richard died and I was first told I had cancer. Back then I had hope, but now that had been taken away from me. At this point in my life, I was given no further options. My life as I had percei p erceived ved a man’s life to be b e was over. Like everything before Richard’s death and my diagnosis of cancer, I had taken life and health for granted, thinking I would always be as I was back then. I also took the right to have sex for granted. I never realised the gravity gravity of my own sexuality and how much it was a part of me as a person until it was taken away from me. I never envisaged that one day the masculine fundamental right of a man to have an erection would be lost, no longer a part of my life and no chance of recovery.
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Losing Ann My precious relationship with Ann declined with the depression fueled by the loss of Richard, the impotence, my non-existent self self esteem and constant drinking. I can say, hand on heart that it was the depression not the sex that ruined my relationship with Ann. My rational train of thought was gone, but that’s what depression does – that’s what it’s best at - ruin ing relationships. The thing is, when I was diagnosed with cancer, everybody was there to support me but, because I was going through a divorce and I was separated at the time, Ann was there for me as well as my family members, especially my brother Keith. Like all loving partners Ann supported me and loved me and did everything in her power to help me. In retrospect, I can see that my actions, fed by clinical depression, and a self-destruct cocktail of Anti-depressants and alcohol made me impossible to live live with. I was drinking heavily every day and instead instead of helping, the anti-depressants anti-depressants and drink combination were making me a lot worse. When you’re in the middle of such devastation you just don’t see it yourself. At the time all I wanted was to to blot out the pain, everyday was filled with confusion and emotional sorrow for so many precious things I’d lost, the grief of that loss seemed to reach into my soul. With all my heart I needed, wanted to be the man I had been, to be able to love Ann again physically as I once had but with all my heart I knew that the man man I had been was gone. Even now after all this time, if I could somehow turn turn back the clock, clock, I’d do anything I could without question to make it right but I know I can’t. I don’t remember much of it in detail because of the depression, the prescription drugs and drink but my day was, well, I’d get up, go and see my children, maybe visit my mum and just walk round the shops all day, I’d get blind drunk and didn’t know what day it was or where I was half the time. time. What made the depression depression worse wasn’t just the impotency, I felt tortured by guilt for Richard’s death. Going back to the depression and what it does to you – when it takes hold it basically destroys your life and those close to you who love you. I said some really horrible horrible things to people that I deeply love and care for, family, friends and Ann. Depression warps your train of thought; you’re overwhelmed overwhelmed by loss and emotional pain pain that eats away at at you every day without release. You try to lose yourself with drink and you won’t listen to those people who love you and want to help. Ann had been my rock, rock, but unless you’ve experienced experienced depression, then you really really don’t understand the nightmare nightmare I personally personally suffered and in turn turn put Ann through. through. Ann simply didn’t didn’t understand depression and as you can only on ly really really empathise by experie exp erience, nce, I hope h ope and pray she never will. Ann did everything she could to support me to the end and I will remain grateful to the day I die for the love and tireless support she gave me when I needed her most. I still miss her and her daughter, but in all sincerity I wish them both a happy life and future, they deserve deserve it. I can’t defend my actions and won’t try to, all I can say to those I hurt during this time is that I’m deeply grateful for the help you tried so hard to give and sincerely sorry for the pain and anguish I caused each and every one of you.
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Turning Point I’ve heard that to change your life radically, you sometimes need to reach the lowest of low points. Mine came after Ann and I had split up. I was living in my transit van, but on this particular day I’d gone to my ex wife’s property and had sat steadily steadily drinking in the garage, my head head getting more and more messed up. All I could feel was loss, loss of everything. Don’t get me wrong, in saying that, that, it may seem that I didn’t value my children. children. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love, adore and am proud proud of each one of them, but in my mixed up and and distorted state of mind, I felt they’d be better better off without me. I wasn’t a man any more, children want a strong man to look up to and
in all conscience I believed that the man man I had once been had died during du ring the operation. operation. There was no future, no way forward, no solace or hope, everything I thought I could try had been tried and failed - I had failed as a man, husband, partner. I’d lost ME, my my identity, my laughter, laughter, joy. I didn’t recognise myself any more and and at this point I realised that I just didn’t want to go go on. Every minute of every day was agony agony with no end in sight, I’d had enough. I wanted an end to it all, I needed peace so badly. I left the garage, and felt a kind kind of calm I guess, I’d made a decision decision that at the time made sense to me. I thought I was on my own in the property and went into the kitchen and cut my wrists. It was done, over and in that instant instant I was glad to leave it all behind. behind. In my appalling state of mind, I didn’t think of repercussions and and when I look back b ack to that moment, I’m filled with horror and sadness that my daughter, son and ex wife Denise came in and found me. That anyone should witness this in another human being is appalling, but I put these people whom I loved and cared about through such a personal personal atrocity fills me with horror horror to this day. To each one of you, I thank you for saving me, for your continued con tinued support and love, without which I wouldn’t be here. On another occasion, I seriously considered considered committing suicide in front of a train. train. The main reason reason I didn’t, was because of the people around Ann. At that most dreadful time, people were saying to her “he’s a waste of time, he’s he’s using you, he’s not going to come through” and plenty of o ther ther things as well. I didn’t want them to be able to say “I told you so”. Everyone was thinking, he’s got cancer; he’s going to die, ifif he gets through the cancer he’s impotent, impotent, he can’t have sex any more – that’s what peop le think and I had to prove them wrong.
My ex-wife Denise later made a d iscovery which would change my life forever.
A Ray Of Hope Denise looked on the internet internet and found out ou t about about penile implants which consist consist of reconstructive surgery. She told me about it, I looked at it on the internet and decided it was the only way out for me. For the first time in months, I had hope, the examples of impotency that were described on the internet were a replica of my own experiences and I saw an opportunity of really getting my life back.
Medical Stuff! You have to understand the function of the prostate gland to understand why you become impotent in the first place. Function The prostate is one of three glands necessary for reproduction. The prostate produces a sticky, milky fluid of acids and enzymes. This fluid makes up about 15 percent of the total volume of the semen and helps to sustain the sperm cells that are created in the testicles. The prostate is surrounded by muscle, which contracts to ejaculate this fluid. When the entire prostate gland is removed, the operation is called a radical prostatectomy. During my operation the nerve and blood supplies to the erectile tissues of the penis were removed as part of the procedure, this is often a generally generally accepted part of the process. However, I have since discovered that the chance of impotency has been substantially reduced with the development of "nerve-sparing” techniques which you MUST discuss with your doctor before the operation. Without this, blood will no longer be able to flow into you r penis and you will be left impotent.
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Inflatable Penile Implants Overview - Inflatable Penile Implant
The implant provides a more natural appearing erection and greater flaccidity than rod implants. These advanced, prostheses are inflatable implants available in a variety of models and sizes for a custom fit. Each consists of a reservoir implanted in the abdomen, a pump placed in the scrotum and a pair of cylinders implanted in the penis. The entire device is totally concealed in the body.
Advantages • • • • • •
Acts and feels more like a natural erection. Expands the girth of the penis. A true firm & full erection. You can control the actual time you remain erect. Feels softer and more flaccid when d eflate eflated. d. Totally concealed within the body
A Ray Of Hope Continued I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, a device inside your abdomen, a cylinder full of fluid. The device which you operate, floods the fluid into your penis where the blood should go and thus creates an erection – then the rest is up to you! I can honestly say in that that respect you come out better, more capable than before you were diagnosed diagnosed with cancer, it’s amazing. I thought about it; spoke to a specialist about it at the Thomas Linacre Centre ( Thomas Linacre Centre, Parsons Walk, Wigan. WN1 1RU Phone: 01942 774743), bbut ut I was told I wasn’t entitled to treatment. treatment. Obviously again, I slipped back down into depression, at death’s door and thought “That’s it, there’s nothing else.” I spoke to my own GP, Doctor Sutton, but he told me that information wasn’t right, I WAS entitled to it and he would sort it out for me.
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A couple of weeks later, later, I had an appointment to see see a Mr. Minnus in Surrey. Surrey. I went down to Surrey, had the interview with him and he said said he could help me and basically give give me my my life back. I can’t really convey in words the excitement and hope that surged surged through me, I believed believed what he’d said wholeheartedly. It seemed so easy easy for him to say it in in such a matter-of-fact matter-of-fact way, but it was on a massive massive scale to me. I went onto a waiting waiting list and 3 months later I went to the London University College Hospital University College Hospital (UCH) 235 Euston Road, London NW1 2BU, Main switchboard: 0845 1555000
I had the reconstructive reconstructive implant surgery, (which I admit admit was very painful). I remember coming round from the the anesthetic and looking down below and seeing seeing a big stonking stonking erection! erection! It was was unbelievable, unbelievable, fantastic! fantastic! NO DEPRESSION! The depression depression just went and I just just wanted to build my my life up again, make a fresh fresh start. I was sent home to recover for 4 weeks, and then I had to go back to London for a check-up.
Keep Swimming – My Inspiration Ann with whom I was having a relationship before the cancer told me to “Keep Swimming”, I asked her what she meant by that and she said, “well, if you tread water, you’ll get tired and go under, but if you keep swimming, you’ll move forward and your alive, so I thought though t about that every day, in my darkest hours her words stayed with me. Those two words were massive to me and still are. They got me through my hardest times, it was because of what Ann said to me that I got through it, in in retrospect I have no doubt. I think she knew exactly what what she was saying when she said it, she understood its impact, but at the time, I didn’t and that’s why all the events that I now do since the reconstructive surgery are called “Keep Swimming”
A Normal Life – What’s That? I’m now leading a normal life, life, believe me, I’m more capable capable now than I ever was of having a relationship. The rewards are massive massive from the reconstructive surgery. surgery. Anyone who’s impotent through cancer, cancer, medication or is born that way – THEY DON’T NEED TO BE IMPOTENT! The feeling feeling of orgasm o rgasm since since the operation is more intense than ever it was before I had cancer, everything’s normal, there’s no sperm, you get fluid coming out now and again when you orgasm but that’s it, it, there’s nothing in it (your sterile). I would totally recommend to anyone who is impotent to have that surgery, they’re entitled to it (on the NHS) so don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not entitled to it because you are. If you go on the waiting list list you can get it on the NHS. I didn’t want to wait, I went private (it cost – at the time £8,000 ).
Fundraising & the support of family & friends keeps me strong
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Keeping On Top The clinical depression depression still comes and goes because because there’s no cure for clinical depression. You’re not level all the time, you know when you’re getting it, but I’ve now learned how to deal with it. I deal with it by exercise or going for a walk or doing something positive but I admit it’s a constant constant battle. At first I lost the battle, the impotency and depression made me a horrible person. person. You don’t know you’re you’re doing it ‘till after after you’ve done it. Prostate cancer cancer doesn’t kill everyone, but it destroys your life in other ways. I’m OK with the depression depression and I can control it now, it’s become a part of my life, it’s a lot better than it’s been, the doctor can’t tell me when it will stop, it’s like, how long is a piece of string? I don’t cope with it by drinking any more, I exercise and go running.
Extreme Fundraising The main reason I do my events is to raise money and equally important, awareness for Prostate cancer and womb cancer. The womb cancer, a friend of mine, her grandmother had it and and we thought my daughter had had it, my daughter had a scare, but thankfully got the all clear and I thought to myself, well, it’s horrendous for a man, it’s really, really bad,, but for a woman to have it done – to take away the possibilities of having children – it must he horrendous. With regards to prostate cancer where families are concerned, I would say to the wives or the partners don’t give up on it because they’ve become impotent, you’ve got to stick with them. If you stick with them and what we call, ride the storm, you’ll keep swimming with them and you’ll come out of it and and he’ll be normal normal again. It’s vital vital that they get that support, without that support they won’t get through it. I support these these charities for obvious reasons. reasons. I do the events, I do extreme events ‘cause it seems to me you have to do something out of the normal to be heard. Men don’t like talking talking about it – no one wants to talk about it – there was no one there for me to turn to, to ask about it so that’s why I’m here, for that reason, to talk about it.
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“For anybody who has prostate cancer and they want to talk to me, or visit me or me visit them, I’m there 24 hours a day to speak to them, their wives, partners, anything they want – I’m not embarrassed, and it needs to be said”.
Presenting my f undraising cheque f or £2,500 to Mr. Minnus at London City Hospital who perf ormed my implant operation and gave me my lif e bback.
“Keep Swimming” Fundraising Event 1 The fundraising side of it began last July when I pushed ‘the’ bed, the double bed that belonged to a friend of mine, Steven Knox who had just died of brain cancer, his wife Ann asked if I’d push his bed in memory of him and of course I said yes. He spent all his time time in that bed, and he died in it. it. I ran with that bed, not walked, walked, I ran with it, the team was myself, my son Gary John, Rob Simm; Rob is a friend, friend, but, well more like a brother. When I was really ill with the depression, he found out that I was living in my transit van. van. He took me into his home; he was on suicide watch with me and nearly lost his job. Also on the bed run was Fritz Jones and Rob was the organiser, he sorted all the food out and other things. In 8 days I ran 180 miles - Rob and my son son Gary ran with me. Fritz drove the back up vehicle with his caravan bringing up the rear. On the first day I collapsed with sun stroke, I still got up the morning after and still ran 32 miles. On day 2 I collapsed with exhaustion, my feet and legs swelling, my feet bleeding, I lost some toenails, but I had to keep going, I couldn’t let everybody down, not now. We finished the event in Wigan town centre on the 8th day. The bed push ra ised £2,000 f or Christies a nd £2,000 f or London University College to go towa rds trea ting men with impotency.
“Push For Lif e” In Memory of f SS teven Knox (It was Steven’s b be bed I pushed) Af ter 8 days and 180 miles we return home to Wigan town centre
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A few days later, the depression came back because because I was so exhausted. Your thoughts begin to to slide again into the black abyss and every thing comes back – Ann, Richard and the drinking but this time, I managed to get a grip of it because of the support of friends and family. It took me 4 months to recover.
“Keep Swimming” Fundraising Event 2 On November the 16th 2008 (Ann’s birthday), I carried a full size fridge freezer from Southport to Standish it took 8 hours and I carried the fridge freezer for 19 miles, including Parbold Hill, Wigan. Half way up a caravan hit me and sent me flying with the fridge-freezer.
The f antastic Team With Me Were: My son Gary (so proud of the man you’ve become – Thank you for your you r love, support & strength, I wouldn’t be here without without you son) Rob Simm Fritz Keith Jones My Brother Keith Mick Farnsworth Ann Knox Sarah Smith David Grimshaw Grimshaw Both Ann & Sarah were amazing with their support, looking after us all, providing food and refreshments along the way. John Veary (John was responsible for getting more money than most, which totaled £3,000, without him we wouldn’t have raised that amount. John was waiting for bowel surgery and had never trained before, never done any exercising, but still walked the 19 miles) along with Mick & Dave carrying the Christie money buckets for peop le to donate anything.
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I can sa y hand on hea rt tha t without these special people, their love and support; the events I ca rried out to raise money would never ha ve happened. To each of t f them, I give my sincere thanks. I’m humbled by the ir generosity of spirit a nd f or their belief in me. It’s a team ef f fo rt, without them it’s jjust no t possible. The f ridge wa s a lso ca rried in memory of the f ollowing: In memory of David’s wife Jennifer Grimshaw (who died last year from cancer of the Esophagus). Kay Parkinson’s cousin Paul Tonge who died of Brain cancer can cer at 24.
“Keep Swimming” Fundraising Event 2 November 16th 2008
The fridge pictures pic tures are of Dale & Morgan…who along with their father have Retina Blastoma. Blastoma. £1,000 of the monies raised by this event will go to St Bartholomew’s Hospital to help with this disease
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Also – – the event was to raise awarene ss of Retina Blastoma (eye cancer).
Since the fridge freezer event, I got depression again, triggered by the exhaustion and I began to slide back into the gutter. However, this time I was expecting it and decided to fight it. My first step was to cut the drink out. I locked myself away away in my flat and dealt with it, cause that’s what you have to do, you have to deal with it every every time. For me anti-depressants don’t work and I personally, feel that people need to come off them to get back to health again, but don’t take my word for it, I urge you to discuss it with your doctor before you try. Everyone’s different; everyone has their own way of coping.
“Keep Swimming” Fundraising Event 3 My next event is to ca rry the f ridge f reezer f rom Manchester to Wigan which is 24 miles.
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Setting off at 6am from the A6 outside Manchester city centre; I’ll make my way towards Wigan through Worsley, Westhoughton, Hindley and Ince, carrying a 200lb fridge-freezer from Manchester to Wigan. At 24 miles it is longer than the last trek where I carried the fridge from Southport to Standish and raised £3,000 for The Christie cancer hospital in Manchester and London's St Bartholomew's Children's Hospital eye cancer fund. The main beneficiary will once again be The Christie, but this time I’m also running to raise funds for Hindley dad James Smith's trip to America for treatment for a debilitating brain condition and completing the marathon in memory of two friends: the former boxer Ryan Cummings from Scholes, who tragically hanged himself last year, and six-year-old Neil Turner, also from Scholes, who died several years ago in a tragic accident.
I know it will be another tough da y's work, but I have got plenty to motivate me. Like always, I’m tra ining hard, running 100 miles a week and also weight tra ining every evening. Please support me if y f you ca n. I thank you with a ll my heart f or your k indness and generosity. You can log on to my website:
http://www.prostatecancerinsider.com
You can dona te using my “ Ju Just Giving” web pa ge: http://www.justgiving.com/garycrompton You can petition the Prime Minister to Ensure Equality in Health Services f or Men by Providing Ca ncer Screening: http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/MaleCancers/
My Special Thanks I want to take this opportunity to pay tribute to Denise, my ex wife and mother of our beautiful children. Denise, you’ve been with me heart and soul throughout throughout our marriage, through thick and thin. For all these years you’ve given me support and friendship friendship when many would have turned away. Without you and what you did for me; in taking time to to help me find a solution, I wouldn’t have have had a life, future or hope. Your generosity of spirit will remain with me always and I thank you from the bottom of my heart; you are and will always remain a very special lady. I want to thank ALL my kids, kids, Gary, Emma, Sarah Sarah and Shane for their never-ending love and forgiveness. forgiveness. My heart swells with pride for each of you and I love every one o f you, ALWAYS… My brother Keith who’s been like a father, friend and the best brother ever, you are all these special people all rolled in to one fantastic person. My mother who has always listened to me without judgment and instills in me the strength to carry on even in my darkest hours. I want to thank Ann for what she did for me when I was w as diagnosed with cancer. A sincere debt of gratitude goes to my dietician, Wayne Mapson without whom I would not have finished any of the events. Thanks for your advice advice and guidance throughout. throughout. This web site has been set up by Mark Ramskill who has donated his time and expertise to put it into place and it will be managed by Karen Lamb (Palmer) who has been the driving force to get the information together to be included onto the site, both of whom who m I hadn’t even met until a few weeks ago, what wonderfu l and generous people you are and I am delighted and honoured honou red to include them into the ‘Keep Swimming – Extreme Fund Raisers Team’ Finally, I need to give a massive “THANK YOU” to ALL the people who have taken the time and kindness of spirit to donate so generously along both trips. London to Wigan on my “Push For Life” Life” and my “Keep Swimming” Extreme Fundraiser Fridge Carrying Event from Southport to Standish. This included, but not restricted restricted to Supermarkets, Public Houses, Football Teams, Banks, Hotels & Restaurants, Grocers, Hairdressers, Private Businesses and to every person who threw money into our ou r buckets along the way!
Why This Was Written My reason for writing this and my most intimate and painful memories, is that I want people to see that there IS life after cancer. It’s not for any personal gratification, gratification, I’m not interested in that I can can assure you, but I need people to see and really understand how it was.
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I don’t ever want another man to experience both the loss of identity and his relationships with the people he loves. I’ll carry fridge freezers till the day I die to make people peo ple LISTEN, to RAISE AWARNESS and TO GIVE HOPE. If I can do it, if I can can go through all that I’ve been through then then anybody CAN get through it. it. It wasn’t just getting over cancer, it was getting over the impotency, the depression, post traumatic stress disorder, divorce and a massive split with Ann. Cause I didn’t just lose Ann, I lost her daughter as as well, that was massive, massive, it was like losing one of your own kids.
For The Women Who Will Read This… The only way I can really put everything into context for a woman, to explain the trauma of cancer, impotency & depression, well, the only comparison comparison I can think of is fo r a woman woman to have her breasts or her womb removed. I’ve been told and can empathise that you feel scarred, you feel traumatised at what you believe is the loss of your femininity, and also the chance chance for more children. You feel unattractive to your partner and as a woman you no longer feel whole. Having the operation, and the subsequent impotency left me with just a piece of skin to urinate through and to go from being very active (sexually) and having 4 children and being in a relationship with someone who’s special to you, to go from all that you ju st think, “it’s “it’s all gone, and if it’s all gone then why be here, it’s pointless” You’ve got to get your man to focus and just do it, to fight it every step of the way. You may not realize how important your love and support is, but it’s vital, it’s vital that you continue to love them, even at times when their despair drives you to the brink. Don’t take “NO” for an answer from from the hospitals and doctors, YOUR MAN’S ENTITLED TO RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY, A LIFE AND THE ABILITY TO KEEP ON LOVING YOU PHYSICALLY – THE RIGHT TO BE A MAN. I’ve been been there, its 40% medication and 60% mental strength. strength. In normal life before the cancer you took health and love for granted, now you have to fight together to get it back. I know from experience that men are a lot weaker than women. Women are strong, tenacious fighters, fight for your man when he’s weak in body and spirit, spirit, and please don’t give up on him. I promise you hand on heart, you won’t regret it, and you’ll reap reap such rewards together. There will come a time when the healing’s done, when you find peace and the precious precious gift of life and a future together you never never thought you’d see. see. Be strong for him. him. I know I get that personal strength from my mother, it doesn’t come from anywhere else, that’s it, you’ve got to be focused or you just die and now I don’t really want to die. Hopefully, I’ll just keep going as I am, if the cancer comes back, no problem I’ll sort it, that’s how you have to be. Don’t think like you’ve got cancer, think like you’ve got flu or a cold and I know that without the support I’ve had, I wouldn’t be here today and without the reconstructive surgery, I certainly wouldn’t be here, it sorted the depression out and gave me a life again. I took my health for granted and like everything, until it’s not there you don’t realise what a massive p art of you life it is. 9 0 0 2 ” g n i m m i w S p e e K “
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My Inspiration I nspiration… … When I went for my interview at the London University College, there was a young girl there who was in a wheelchair, she lived in that chair, and she had a morphine drip in front of her (I know it was morphine because I’ve been on it). She looked up at me and I saw the the gentleness in her face, I thought I’m not ill, that that little girl’s ill. She looked up at me and despite her own suffering and pain, she smiled like the angel she was and put her thumbs up at
me and I went in to the toilet and cried my eyes out. Her strength humbled me, and and continues to humble me to this day. The hospitals are filled with such children, some of whom will never grow up, adults who lose their their loved ones to illness, each individual fight a mountain who’s summit won’t always be reached – All the suffering behind closed doors, in hospitals, hospices, family homes, with all my heart, I wish carrying a fridge would make a positive difference to the life of each individual that that suffers. I know I can’t do that, but what I do know is that that I’ll never stop trying. I think about what I went through and all that these people go through and it changes your perspective forever. These people inspire me daily; I never tire of hearing about the courage and kindness of my fellow human beings. Remember to be kind to those about you. you . Never forget to tell those close to you how important they are and that you love them. We’re on this earth for such a short time and every day should be cherished. cherished. It’s important that we leave behind a legacy of love and kindness, compassion and und erstanding for those who have suffered.
I know that now, after all this, I understand why we’re here and I will never give up, I will never stop fundraising and I’ll do it till I die, it’s as simple as that.
Gary Crompton 2009 During the writing of Gary’s story and whilst training for the 3 rd “Keep Swimming” Extreme Fundraiser Event, Gary suffered a heart attack one month before his latest marathon, due to take place on 2nd May 2009. Gary hadn’t been aware but he had been suffering from atherosclerosis (a condition where a heart valve narrows) and underwent a reparative reparative procedure to open the blocked artery artery by the insertion insertion of a stent. The procedure begins through an incision in the groin. As always, Gary wanted you to be fully informed as to the procedure.
P e r c u ta n eo u s c o r o na r y i nt e r v e nt io n ( P CI o r angiopl as ty wit h stent) What is it? Percutaneous Coronary Intervention (PCI, formerly known as angioplasty with stent) is a non-surgical procedure that uses a catheter (a thin flexible tube) to place a small structure called a stent to open up blood vessels in the heart that have been narrowed by plaque buildup, a condition known as atherosclerosis.
For a moving diagrammatic explanation, please click on the link below: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvRtP3wl_AY
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What’s The Procedure? Hair in the groin area around where the catheter will be inserted may be clipped. An intravenous (IV) line is inserted so, if necessary, you can be given medications quickly. Electrodes will be placed on your body to monitor your heart, and a small device called a pulse oximeter ox imeter may be clipped on a finger or ear to track the o xygen level in your blood. Most PCIs are conducted with the patient sedated but not asleep. You will lie on your back on a procedure table. A local anaesthetic will be injected into the skin at the site where the catheter will be inserted. Once it has taken effect, the catheter will be inserted into the blood vessels. You may feel a brief sting or pinch as the needle goes through the skin and some pressure within the artery as the catheter is moved. If you are uncomfortable, tell your doctor and if necessary additional pain medication may be given. When the catheter reaches the heart, the contrast dye will be released so the area where the blood vessel is narrowed can be identified. When the dye is released, you may feel a brief flushing sensation or feeling of warmth. Some people experience a salty or metallic taste in the mou th, or a brief headache. A few people may feel nauseate n auseatedd or o r even vomit, but this is rare. These effects are harmless usually last for only a few minutes. When the narrowing is located, the catheter will be advanced so the special tip can be activated. It is possible to experience some chest pain or d iscomfort at this point, but your doctor will monitor you carefully and the discomfort should go away quickly. When finished, the catheter will be withdrawn and pressure put on the insertion site to stop the bleeding. Once the bleeding has stopped, a tight bandage will be applied. You will need to remain lying flat during this time. If the catheter was inserted in the groin, you will have to keep your leg straight for several hours. If it was inserted in the arm, your arm will be kept elevated on pillows p illows and kept straight with an arm board. After the procedure, you will probably go to a recovery room for several hours of observation. You will be asked to remain in bed for two to six hours, depending upon your specific condition. Pain medication may be given if you experience any discomfort. You will be encouraged to drink water and other fluids to help flush the contrast dye from your body. Most people spend the night in hospital after a PCI. When you return home, keep an eye on the insertion site. A small bruise is normal, but contact your doctor if you experience increased pain, redness, swelling, bleeding or other draining from the insertion site, fever, or ch ills. 9 0 0 2 ” g n i m m i w S p e e K “
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Message From Gary: Obviously, I have have to take it easy easy for a while and give my body chance chance to heal. I want to to assure all those those nd who have supported me and pledged donations for what was to be my third event on May 2 that the “show will go on!” I’m aiming for July 2009 but of course will have to take guidance from my doctors as to when I’m considered fully fit.
I would ask that you please still continue to pledge your support, for whenever that time comes, you can be sure I’ll give it 100%. I’m lost without you! Thanks to all of you who continue to support me and for those who are suffering from prostate cancer and its effects, I’m still here, still fighting for you and help is only a call away.
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BY GARY CROMPTON 2009
We bs bsite Designed & Donated by bby Mark Ramskill Story written f rom Gary’s original transcript bby Karen Palmer
“Keep Swimming” My Personal Race For Life After Prostate Cancer
Introduction The purpose of this website is to share with you a special journey, an initial journey of despair and loss, but ultimately of hope and life life after prostate cancer. My journey is written to each and every one of you, the 35,000 men who will be diagnosed in the UK this year alone, to raise awareness for the men yet to join our elite membership in the years to follow and for those who have ha ve already begun. Please, know your body, accept you're getting older and acknowledge and question question changes in your body and and its functions. Be aware of your options and don't let misplaced embarrassment or fear ultimately take away precious days of life with those you love. My journey is not only about cancer, it also recognises and explains depression at its most destructive, the devastation of impotence, its effect on the male psyche and relationships and my ultimate fight to regain my physical, sexual and mental health. I promise to be open with you on every aspect of prostate cancer, it's repercussions on you as a man, its effects on you as a father, brother, husband, lover, friend, colleague - All the unique things that make you, YOU. In talking to you in this way, I hope to offer you insight into places and people who really can offer positive solutions and help you repair and heal h eal the man behind the cancer. So, who am I and what right do I have to talk to you on these intimate intimate and personal subjects? OK, well my name is Gary Crompton; my age at the time of writing this is 44. I'm a plasterer by trade, I come from the north of England, Wigan, Manchester to be precise, I'm divorced and a dad to four beautiful children. children. I've been a dedicated weight trainer for the past 16 y ears ears and have always been a bit of a health nut I guess. gu ess.
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A couple of years ago, I visited the doctor when I discovered a lump on one of my testicles. My GP said I had an infection and he suggested I go away; away; take the antibiotics antibiotics he’d prescribed and come back in 4 weeks. weeks. I went home, took a shower and found another lump on my other testicle. testicle. I went back to the doctors and and like before, he told me to keep taking the antibiotics, antibiotics, not to mess around with the lumps & come back in 4 weeks. I wasn’t happy with this time lapse or what seemed to me as a “diagnosis he’d guessed at” rather than knew for certain so I asked to go private. p rivate.
My local private clinic was the QUEENS PARK CLINIC, Chorley Road Bolton, where they did an internal rectal examination and found that the testicle lump was probably due to an infection but, the examination also showed that the prostate was enlarged. The next stage here was to have a prostate blood sample taken but I was told to come back several days later for a scan. I had the scan, came back as requested a few days later for the results and the results on scan were that everything was clear but the blood showed abnormal cells. I was sent to Wigan Wigan Infirmary for a biopsy. I was concerned but really kind of took it for granted that everything would be ok ‘cause like you, I never thought it could happen to me, the health nut! – The consultant broke the news to me that the test for men just over 40 should be a PSA blood level should be between between 1.5 and 2. Mine was 6.5. It was official, I had Prostate Prostate Cancer! Cancer! Those of you you who have already experienced the beginning of my journey will know how my world fell apart. It was 2006 and I was 42 years old.
The scary statistic is that this WILL happen to ONE IN ELEVEN ELEVEN MEN! Look around you, at your male family members and friends, are there about 11 guys in that close circle, could you be that 1 in 11, are you prepared to play Russian roulette with your life? life? If you’re 40 years old and above, INSIST ON REGULAR PROSTATE CHECKS WITH YOUR GP. There is a section on this website that enables you to sign a petition to the Prime Minister to get screening for men as common place place as cervical and breast screening is for women. We’re not asking to be given special special rights, just equal treatment! treatment! Please log log on and sign, whoever you you are, man or woman, we need your help.
Medical Stuff! (PSA is a protein produced by both normal and and cancerous prostate cells. cells. A high level of PSA can be a sign of cancer, but your PSA level can also be raised in prostate conditions that are not cancer (are benign), or if you have an infection. There is no one PSA reading that is considered con sidered 'normal'. The reading varies from man to man and the normal level increases as you get older. But the following values are a rough guide •
3 ng/ml or less is considered to be in the normal range for a man under und er 60 years old
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4 ng/ml or less is normal for a man aged 60 to 69
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5 ng/ml or less is normal if you are aged over 70).
It still amazes me that so many people, both men and women, know so little about the Prostate gland and its function so for the uninitiated, here’s the medical explanation: The prostate is a small small gland about the size of a walnut, wh ich lies just just below the bladder in men. The prostate gland is part of the male reproductive system. It develops at puberty and then continues to enlarge after the age of 40. 4 0.
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Women do not have a prostate gland and therefore cannot get prostate cancer. The prostate gland acts rather like a junction box. It allows the tubes that carry sperm from each testicle, and the tubes that drain from the seminal vesicles to meet and then empty their contents in to the urethra. (The seminal vesicles consist of two pouches that provide nutrients for the sperm and lie immediately behind the prostate). At the point of orgasm sperm, seminal vesicle fluid and prostatic secretions enter the urethra and mix together forming semen. This is then ejaculated out through the penis by rhythmic muscular contractions.
Options After the diagnosis I was given 3 options: 1) Insert pellets in to the cancerous prostate gland (procedure is called Brachytherapy and is a form of radiation treatment in which tiny pellets containing radioactive material, such as Iodine-125, are implanted directly into the tumour containing organ. This form of radiation therapy has long been used in other types of malignancies including cervical, breast, endometrial as well as head and neck cancers. Brachytherapy offers the appealing concept of delivering high doses of radiation to the prostate while limiting the exposure to the adjacent organs. 2) Surgery. 3) Leave it. One of the most important important factors for you to understand is to why I chose option option 2, surgery. When you hear that word, Cancer, that’s all all you hear. Possible impotence at some stage stage in a future you may not have isn’t even a consideration, you’re advised advised of it sure, but the word cancer stuck fear into into me. I was going through a divorce but was in a brilliant brilliant relationship with a special special lady called Ann whom I loved very much. Ann, her daughter and I had been making a new life and and up to this point I had been totally totally happy. Being told you have Cancer is like suddenly being hit with with a baseball bat - All I could could see was dying and losing Ann, Ann, her daughter and my own kids, family family and friends, everyone that I loved and cared about. Ultimately you focus on the magnitude of the CANCER, you live and breathe that word, from the initial mind blowing shock, to the all consuming daily fight to pull and wrench it out of your body and your life. You look at those you love, you look at your kids and wonder if you’ll see them grow up and become independent and loving productive adults. Would I see my kids get married, would I be given precious precious time to see my grandchildren? grandchildren? And Ann, how do you say goodbye to so much love? There are so many questions that rip rip at your you r heart heart that you can’t answer – At that time, the possibility of never having an erection again was never considered, never part of the equation. For me, my personal choice had to be surgery. I had listened to all options, asked numerous questions questions but the possibility of the cancer returning with the pellet option seemed higher and leaving it, even now I can’t see how leaving it would be an option to a man man of 42. I could see the sense of this ifif I had been 80 and it was a slow growing tumor but to me, I’d be walking walking around with a time bomb in my boxer-shorts. boxer-shorts. Dying and losing everything that I loved was all that I cou ld see and with no other options op tions given to me, I believed surgery to be my o nly chance of a long term future. 9 0 0 2 ” g n i m m i w S p e e K “
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Losing Richard Before I had the surgery but after the the diagnosis, I lost my good mate Richard. I was out with a couple of friends on our motorcycles when Richard Richard came off his bike whilst travelling at speed. Looking back, I think he was gone before the wheels of his bike had stopped stopped spinning. I tried my best to revive him for for what seemed like hours but in reality reality was probably about 25 to 30 minutes until the ambulances ambulances came. He was rushed to hospital but there was was no chance, he’d died at the side of the road. How do you come to terms with losing a good mate in his mid twenties twenties in such a
violent way, how do you face his family f amily and friends and their heartbreaking grief? The crash would continue to play through my mind repeatedly in slow motion in a continuous, repetitive loop. The feeling of helplessness, feelings of guilt when I couldn’t save him, the horror of his injuries, the funeral, the tears, and the grief – everything. If I was to pinpoint the time where my depression began it was was here. Just before I went for surgery I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Surgery I went in hospital in July 2006 and had the surgery to remove the cancerous prostate gland and prior to the op’ I was told that there was an 18 month recovery before I would get back to full health. I’d been advised about possible impotence, a 50/50% chance of incontinence and I was also warned there was a 50,000 to 1 chance of contracting HIV due to blood transfusions that would be needed. Looking back, I entered the operation operation already in a state of shock due to Richard’s death and the diagnosis of Cancer and all the trauma connected with that. After the operation, I had a catheter fitted and I knew I had to wait a period of 4 weeks before I had the catheter taken out and before I knew if I was impotent or not.
When Impotence Becomes a Part of Your Life When you get down to the actual fight against the invasion invasion of cancer on your body and your life you don't look to the future, to a specific moment in time where you'll you 'll be in bed with your partner again. Hopefully that time will come. If like me you’ve had the operation operation to remove the prostate, you’ll be sent sent on your way from hospital, hospital, in remission remission from Cancer but with a high probability probability of impotence. For some reason reason you’re not supposed to mind, I was 42, I don’t know if this makes a difference, I hope I can still want and enjoy sex as much in my 50’s, 60’s and and beyond. When you first first get home, you hope that that you’re going to be one of the lucky ones. As the discomfort from your operation subsides, you look forward to the removal of the catheter and you’ll look forward to seeing how “things work”. Mentally, you’ll remember how it used to be. You’ll look at your your partner and want them as intensely as before the treatment and operation (if not more so because o f what you’ve been through together). Your partner will want you, want to touch you like before and want to feel you get hard, want the anticipation and excitement of you - only now, no matter what you do, whatever you try it won't happen. Each time you try more, more, try anything but you’re hit with wi th the realization that it’s never going to be like it used to be. Your penis has become just a piece of skin that you urinate through. through. Even now, I can’t really put in to words the despair that began to take over my life. It gets to the stage where you can’t look your partner in the face; you turn away from the slightest embrace in-case it leads to a kiss, which leads to a touch, which leads to.................nothing. to.................nothing. You begin to dread going to bed, dread intimacy of any kind; you know in your heart that this is your life now. This is you and how can you face a lifetime with the person you love, feeling like you’ll never be a man again with them and for them. You begin to doubt their loyalty, convincing yourself that that one day they’ll leave you for some man who can make them happy in bed, like like you used to be able to. No matter what your partner says to convince you otherwise, inside you don’t believe it. You’re no longer a man, you’re no longer you. At the time, just after the operation, I wasn’t aware that the choices I’d been given were incomplete I just thought that I was expected to live the rest of my life without my right as a man to have an erection, penetrative sex and a full and loving sex life with the woman I loved.
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Trial And Error I went to my GP in desperation and was given an oral prescription Viagra and Cialis – none of them worked – nothing worked, nothing! You’ve got feeling in your penis, it’s not numb, but it’s like touching your arm, or your foot, no matter what you do you don’t get the feeling feeling of arousal, you don’t get an an erection. Your functioning penis is dead, it doesn’t work, it’s just skin that you urinate through.
Medical Stuff! – Oral Prescriptions Pre scriptions •
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Cialis is not an aphrodisiac. It will not increase sexual drive. Cialis works by helping the blood vessels in the penis to relax, allowing blood to flow into the penis causing an erection. For Cialis to be effective, sexual stimulation is required. Men who do not have erectile dysfunction shou ld not take Cialis. Both Cialis and Viagra work in the same way. Although no direct comparative research has been carried out, both drugs appear to be similar in how effective they are for men with erectile dysfunction. Cialis does differ from Viagra in that it has been shown to work for up to 24 hours, although this does not mean the man gets an erection for 24 hours because Cialis only works when he is sexually stimulated. In addition, Cialis is not affected by food so can be taken with a meal and its effects remain unchanged. As Cialis enhances the actions of the chemical messengers responsible for producing an erection, it will only work once these messengers are present. p resent. This means that sexual stimulation stimulation is required for it to produce p roduce and maintain an erection. The dose should be taken at least 30 minutes before intended intercourse, and it may produce an erection in response to sexual stimulation for up to 36 hours after taking the dose.
Penile Injections Next, they put me on an injection called Cavajet; it worked and was brilliant but caused some pain – When you get an erection sometimes sometimes it can get quite sore using this method. method. I took it 3 times times and was told it was causing causing scarring. This was on NHS - The first time they show you how to do it then you go back a second time and you do it (inject yourself) in front of him, the third time you go you do everything yourself in front of the doctor just too fully ensure your correctly administering the injection. injection. The third time however it was causing causing a lot more pain. It’s not the injection itself, it’s when you go on to have penetrative sex then it’s really sore.
Medical Stuff! How injection therapy causes an erection
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Injection treatment typically uses a combination of drugs prescribed by a doctor, usually a urologist. The man directly injects the drugs into the side of his penis. The drugs relax muscles and increase blood flow to create an erection. The most common drugs are Papavarine, Phentolamine and alprostadil. The doctor may combine two of these drugs (called a "bi-mix") or all three of the drugs (called a "tri-mix.")
The drugs are injected directly into the penis through a fine-gauge "insulin-style" needle. A firm erection develops in 10-15 minutes and lasts up to 60 minutes. If a prolonged erection occurs, the man should contact his prescribing physician immediately or seek medical treatment.
Injection therapy advantages • • •
Fast-onset, high-quality erection. Erection may last longer than a natural erection. Partners have no reported side effects.
Injection therapy disadvantages Side effects may occur. • • • •
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Limits sexual spontaneity. Some men feel a sting from the needle. Some men feel penile pain after injection. Some men develop nodules in their penis, although this may disappear after a short break from injections. In a small number of cases, permanent nodules may occur with long-term use. Some scarring can occur with multiple use. Th is can further complicate the process of achieving an erection. Scarring may cause curvature of the penis. Although rare, prolonged erection can occur. Such an erection can turn into "priapism." This is a painful erection lasting more than four hours. If priapism occurs, immediately seek medical help. The treatment may fail, causing additional stress and anxiety.
Depression Takes Control Finally after the 3rd painful attempt I was told I couldn’t have any more injections as it was causing scarring which would go on to cause curvature curvature of the penis.
My last chance, my last hope had failed… I nose-dived into deep and clinical depression, with no where to to go, no one to turn to that could help me. I was (mentally), back into the gutter that I’d begun to slide into after Richard died and I was first told I had cancer. Back then I had hope, but now that had been taken away from me. At this point in my life, I was given no further options. My life as I had percei p erceived ved a man’s life to be b e was over. Like everything before Richard’s death and my diagnosis of cancer, I had taken life and health for granted, thinking I would always be as I was back then. I also took the right to have sex for granted. I never realised the gravity gravity of my own sexuality and how much it was a part of me as a person until it was taken away from me. I never envisaged that one day the masculine fundamental right of a man to have an erection would be lost, no longer a part of my life and no chance of recovery.
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Losing Ann My precious relationship with Ann declined with the depression fueled by the loss of Richard, the impotence, my non-existent self self esteem and constant drinking. I can say, hand on heart that it was the depression not the sex that ruined my relationship with Ann. My rational train of thought was gone, but that’s what depression does – that’s what it’s best at - ruin ing relationships. The thing is, when I was diagnosed with cancer, everybody was there to support me but, because I was going through a divorce and I was separated at the time, Ann was there for me as well as my family members, especially my brother Keith. Like all loving partners Ann supported me and loved me and did everything in her power to help me. In retrospect, I can see that my actions, fed by clinical depression, and a self-destruct cocktail of Anti-depressants and alcohol made me impossible to live live with. I was drinking heavily every day and instead instead of helping, the anti-depressants anti-depressants and drink combination were making me a lot worse. When you’re in the middle of such devastation you just don’t see it yourself. At the time all I wanted was to to blot out the pain, everyday was filled with confusion and emotional sorrow for so many precious things I’d lost, the grief of that loss seemed to reach into my soul. With all my heart I needed, wanted to be the man I had been, to be able to love Ann again physically as I once had but with all my heart I knew that the man man I had been was gone. Even now after all this time, if I could somehow turn turn back the clock, clock, I’d do anything I could without question to make it right but I know I can’t. I don’t remember much of it in detail because of the depression, the prescription drugs and drink but my day was, well, I’d get up, go and see my children, maybe visit my mum and just walk round the shops all day, I’d get blind drunk and didn’t know what day it was or where I was half the time. time. What made the depression depression worse wasn’t just the impotency, I felt tortured by guilt for Richard’s death. Going back to the depression and what it does to you – when it takes hold it basically destroys your life and those close to you who love you. I said some really horrible horrible things to people that I deeply love and care for, family, friends and Ann. Depression warps your train of thought; you’re overwhelmed overwhelmed by loss and emotional pain pain that eats away at at you every day without release. You try to lose yourself with drink and you won’t listen to those people who love you and want to help. Ann had been my rock, rock, but unless you’ve experienced experienced depression, then you really really don’t understand the nightmare nightmare I personally personally suffered and in turn turn put Ann through. through. Ann simply didn’t didn’t understand depression and as you can only on ly really really empathise by experie exp erience, nce, I hope h ope and pray she never will. Ann did everything she could to support me to the end and I will remain grateful to the day I die for the love and tireless support she gave me when I needed her most. I still miss her and her daughter, but in all sincerity I wish them both a happy life and future, they deserve deserve it. I can’t defend my actions and won’t try to, all I can say to those I hurt during this time is that I’m deeply grateful for the help you tried so hard to give and sincerely sorry for the pain and anguish I caused each and every one of you.
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Turning Point I’ve heard that to change your life radically, you sometimes need to reach the lowest of low points. Mine came after Ann and I had split up. I was living in my transit van, but on this particular day I’d gone to my ex wife’s property and had sat steadily steadily drinking in the garage, my head head getting more and more messed up. All I could feel was loss, loss of everything. Don’t get me wrong, in saying that, that, it may seem that I didn’t value my children. children. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love, adore and am proud proud of each one of them, but in my mixed up and and distorted state of mind, I felt they’d be better better off without me. I wasn’t a man any more, children want a strong man to look up to and
in all conscience I believed that the man man I had once been had died during du ring the operation. operation. There was no future, no way forward, no solace or hope, everything I thought I could try had been tried and failed - I had failed as a man, husband, partner. I’d lost ME, my my identity, my laughter, laughter, joy. I didn’t recognise myself any more and and at this point I realised that I just didn’t want to go go on. Every minute of every day was agony agony with no end in sight, I’d had enough. I wanted an end to it all, I needed peace so badly. I left the garage, and felt a kind kind of calm I guess, I’d made a decision decision that at the time made sense to me. I thought I was on my own in the property and went into the kitchen and cut my wrists. It was done, over and in that instant instant I was glad to leave it all behind. behind. In my appalling state of mind, I didn’t think of repercussions and and when I look back b ack to that moment, I’m filled with horror and sadness that my daughter, son and ex wife Denise came in and found me. That anyone should witness this in another human being is appalling, but I put these people whom I loved and cared about through such a personal personal atrocity fills me with horror horror to this day. To each one of you, I thank you for saving me, for your continued con tinued support and love, without which I wouldn’t be here. On another occasion, I seriously considered considered committing suicide in front of a train. train. The main reason reason I didn’t, was because of the people around Ann. At that most dreadful time, people were saying to her “he’s a waste of time, he’s he’s using you, he’s not going to come through” and plenty of o ther ther things as well. I didn’t want them to be able to say “I told you so”. Everyone was thinking, he’s got cancer; he’s going to die, ifif he gets through the cancer he’s impotent, impotent, he can’t have sex any more – that’s what peop le think and I had to prove them wrong.
My ex-wife Denise later made a d iscovery which would change my life forever.
A Ray Of Hope Denise looked on the internet internet and found out ou t about about penile implants which consist consist of reconstructive surgery. She told me about it, I looked at it on the internet and decided it was the only way out for me. For the first time in months, I had hope, the examples of impotency that were described on the internet were a replica of my own experiences and I saw an opportunity of really getting my life back.
Medical Stuff! You have to understand the function of the prostate gland to understand why you become impotent in the first place. Function The prostate is one of three glands necessary for reproduction. The prostate produces a sticky, milky fluid of acids and enzymes. This fluid makes up about 15 percent of the total volume of the semen and helps to sustain the sperm cells that are created in the testicles. The prostate is surrounded by muscle, which contracts to ejaculate this fluid. When the entire prostate gland is removed, the operation is called a radical prostatectomy. During my operation the nerve and blood supplies to the erectile tissues of the penis were removed as part of the procedure, this is often a generally generally accepted part of the process. However, I have since discovered that the chance of impotency has been substantially reduced with the development of "nerve-sparing” techniques which you MUST discuss with your doctor before the operation. Without this, blood will no longer be able to flow into you r penis and you will be left impotent.
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Inflatable Penile Implants Overview - Inflatable Penile Implant
The implant provides a more natural appearing erection and greater flaccidity than rod implants. These advanced, prostheses are inflatable implants available in a variety of models and sizes for a custom fit. Each consists of a reservoir implanted in the abdomen, a pump placed in the scrotum and a pair of cylinders implanted in the penis. The entire device is totally concealed in the body.
Advantages • • • • • •
Acts and feels more like a natural erection. Expands the girth of the penis. A true firm & full erection. You can control the actual time you remain erect. Feels softer and more flaccid when d eflate eflated. d. Totally concealed within the body
A Ray Of Hope Continued I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, a device inside your abdomen, a cylinder full of fluid. The device which you operate, floods the fluid into your penis where the blood should go and thus creates an erection – then the rest is up to you! I can honestly say in that that respect you come out better, more capable than before you were diagnosed diagnosed with cancer, it’s amazing. I thought about it; spoke to a specialist about it at the Thomas Linacre Centre ( Thomas Linacre Centre, Parsons Walk, Wigan. WN1 1RU Phone: 01942 774743), bbut ut I was told I wasn’t entitled to treatment. treatment. Obviously again, I slipped back down into depression, at death’s door and thought “That’s it, there’s nothing else.” I spoke to my own GP, Doctor Sutton, but he told me that information wasn’t right, I WAS entitled to it and he would sort it out for me.
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A couple of weeks later, later, I had an appointment to see see a Mr. Minnus in Surrey. Surrey. I went down to Surrey, had the interview with him and he said said he could help me and basically give give me my my life back. I can’t really convey in words the excitement and hope that surged surged through me, I believed believed what he’d said wholeheartedly. It seemed so easy easy for him to say it in in such a matter-of-fact matter-of-fact way, but it was on a massive massive scale to me. I went onto a waiting waiting list and 3 months later I went to the London University College Hospital University College Hospital (UCH) 235 Euston Road, London NW1 2BU, Main switchboard: 0845 1555000
I had the reconstructive reconstructive implant surgery, (which I admit admit was very painful). I remember coming round from the the anesthetic and looking down below and seeing seeing a big stonking stonking erection! erection! It was was unbelievable, unbelievable, fantastic! fantastic! NO DEPRESSION! The depression depression just went and I just just wanted to build my my life up again, make a fresh fresh start. I was sent home to recover for 4 weeks, and then I had to go back to London for a check-up.
Keep Swimming – My Inspiration Ann with whom I was having a relationship before the cancer told me to “Keep Swimming”, I asked her what she meant by that and she said, “well, if you tread water, you’ll get tired and go under, but if you keep swimming, you’ll move forward and your alive, so I thought though t about that every day, in my darkest hours her words stayed with me. Those two words were massive to me and still are. They got me through my hardest times, it was because of what Ann said to me that I got through it, in in retrospect I have no doubt. I think she knew exactly what what she was saying when she said it, she understood its impact, but at the time, I didn’t and that’s why all the events that I now do since the reconstructive surgery are called “Keep Swimming”
A Normal Life – What’s That? I’m now leading a normal life, life, believe me, I’m more capable capable now than I ever was of having a relationship. The rewards are massive massive from the reconstructive surgery. surgery. Anyone who’s impotent through cancer, cancer, medication or is born that way – THEY DON’T NEED TO BE IMPOTENT! The feeling feeling of orgasm o rgasm since since the operation is more intense than ever it was before I had cancer, everything’s normal, there’s no sperm, you get fluid coming out now and again when you orgasm but that’s it, it, there’s nothing in it (your sterile). I would totally recommend to anyone who is impotent to have that surgery, they’re entitled to it (on the NHS) so don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not entitled to it because you are. If you go on the waiting list list you can get it on the NHS. I didn’t want to wait, I went private (it cost – at the time £8,000 ).
Fundraising & the support of family & friends keeps me strong
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Keeping On Top The clinical depression depression still comes and goes because because there’s no cure for clinical depression. You’re not level all the time, you know when you’re getting it, but I’ve now learned how to deal with it. I deal with it by exercise or going for a walk or doing something positive but I admit it’s a constant constant battle. At first I lost the battle, the impotency and depression made me a horrible person. person. You don’t know you’re you’re doing it ‘till after after you’ve done it. Prostate cancer cancer doesn’t kill everyone, but it destroys your life in other ways. I’m OK with the depression depression and I can control it now, it’s become a part of my life, it’s a lot better than it’s been, the doctor can’t tell me when it will stop, it’s like, how long is a piece of string? I don’t cope with it by drinking any more, I exercise and go running.
Extreme Fundraising The main reason I do my events is to raise money and equally important, awareness for Prostate cancer and womb cancer. The womb cancer, a friend of mine, her grandmother had it and and we thought my daughter had had it, my daughter had a scare, but thankfully got the all clear and I thought to myself, well, it’s horrendous for a man, it’s really, really bad,, but for a woman to have it done – to take away the possibilities of having children – it must he horrendous. With regards to prostate cancer where families are concerned, I would say to the wives or the partners don’t give up on it because they’ve become impotent, you’ve got to stick with them. If you stick with them and what we call, ride the storm, you’ll keep swimming with them and you’ll come out of it and and he’ll be normal normal again. It’s vital vital that they get that support, without that support they won’t get through it. I support these these charities for obvious reasons. reasons. I do the events, I do extreme events ‘cause it seems to me you have to do something out of the normal to be heard. Men don’t like talking talking about it – no one wants to talk about it – there was no one there for me to turn to, to ask about it so that’s why I’m here, for that reason, to talk about it.
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“For anybody who has prostate cancer and they want to talk to me, or visit me or me visit them, I’m there 24 hours a day to speak to them, their wives, partners, anything they want – I’m not embarrassed, and it needs to be said”.
Presenting my f undraising cheque f or £2,500 to Mr. Minnus at London City Hospital who perf ormed my implant operation and gave me my lif e bback.
“Keep Swimming” Fundraising Event 1 The fundraising side of it began last July when I pushed ‘the’ bed, the double bed that belonged to a friend of mine, Steven Knox who had just died of brain cancer, his wife Ann asked if I’d push his bed in memory of him and of course I said yes. He spent all his time time in that bed, and he died in it. it. I ran with that bed, not walked, walked, I ran with it, the team was myself, my son Gary John, Rob Simm; Rob is a friend, friend, but, well more like a brother. When I was really ill with the depression, he found out that I was living in my transit van. van. He took me into his home; he was on suicide watch with me and nearly lost his job. Also on the bed run was Fritz Jones and Rob was the organiser, he sorted all the food out and other things. In 8 days I ran 180 miles - Rob and my son son Gary ran with me. Fritz drove the back up vehicle with his caravan bringing up the rear. On the first day I collapsed with sun stroke, I still got up the morning after and still ran 32 miles. On day 2 I collapsed with exhaustion, my feet and legs swelling, my feet bleeding, I lost some toenails, but I had to keep going, I couldn’t let everybody down, not now. We finished the event in Wigan town centre on the 8th day. The bed push ra ised £2,000 f or Christies a nd £2,000 f or London University College to go towa rds trea ting men with impotency.
“Push For Lif e” In Memory of f SS teven Knox (It was Steven’s b be bed I pushed) Af ter 8 days and 180 miles we return home to Wigan town centre
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A few days later, the depression came back because because I was so exhausted. Your thoughts begin to to slide again into the black abyss and every thing comes back – Ann, Richard and the drinking but this time, I managed to get a grip of it because of the support of friends and family. It took me 4 months to recover.
“Keep Swimming” Fundraising Event 2 On November the 16th 2008 (Ann’s birthday), I carried a full size fridge freezer from Southport to Standish it took 8 hours and I carried the fridge freezer for 19 miles, including Parbold Hill, Wigan. Half way up a caravan hit me and sent me flying with the fridge-freezer.
The f antastic Team With Me Were: My son Gary (so proud of the man you’ve become – Thank you for your you r love, support & strength, I wouldn’t be here without without you son) Rob Simm Fritz Keith Jones My Brother Keith Mick Farnsworth Ann Knox Sarah Smith David Grimshaw Grimshaw Both Ann & Sarah were amazing with their support, looking after us all, providing food and refreshments along the way. John Veary (John was responsible for getting more money than most, which totaled £3,000, without him we wouldn’t have raised that amount. John was waiting for bowel surgery and had never trained before, never done any exercising, but still walked the 19 miles) along with Mick & Dave carrying the Christie money buckets for peop le to donate anything.
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I can sa y hand on hea rt tha t without these special people, their love and support; the events I ca rried out to raise money would never ha ve happened. To each of t f them, I give my sincere thanks. I’m humbled by the ir generosity of spirit a nd f or their belief in me. It’s a team ef f fo rt, without them it’s jjust no t possible. The f ridge wa s a lso ca rried in memory of the f ollowing: In memory of David’s wife Jennifer Grimshaw (who died last year from cancer of the Esophagus). Kay Parkinson’s cousin Paul Tonge who died of Brain cancer can cer at 24.
“Keep Swimming” Fundraising Event 2 November 16th 2008
The fridge pictures pic tures are of Dale & Morgan…who along with their father have Retina Blastoma. Blastoma. £1,000 of the monies raised by this event will go to St Bartholomew’s Hospital to help with this disease
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Also – – the event was to raise awarene ss of Retina Blastoma (eye cancer).
Since the fridge freezer event, I got depression again, triggered by the exhaustion and I began to slide back into the gutter. However, this time I was expecting it and decided to fight it. My first step was to cut the drink out. I locked myself away away in my flat and dealt with it, cause that’s what you have to do, you have to deal with it every every time. For me anti-depressants don’t work and I personally, feel that people need to come off them to get back to health again, but don’t take my word for it, I urge you to discuss it with your doctor before you try. Everyone’s different; everyone has their own way of coping.
“Keep Swimming” Fundraising Event 3 My next event is to ca rry the f ridge f reezer f rom Manchester to Wigan which is 24 miles.
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Setting off at 6am from the A6 outside Manchester city centre; I’ll make my way towards Wigan through Worsley, Westhoughton, Hindley and Ince, carrying a 200lb fridge-freezer from Manchester to Wigan. At 24 miles it is longer than the last trek where I carried the fridge from Southport to Standish and raised £3,000 for The Christie cancer hospital in Manchester and London's St Bartholomew's Children's Hospital eye cancer fund. The main beneficiary will once again be The Christie, but this time I’m also running to raise funds for Hindley dad James Smith's trip to America for treatment for a debilitating brain condition and completing the marathon in memory of two friends: the former boxer Ryan Cummings from Scholes, who tragically hanged himself last year, and six-year-old Neil Turner, also from Scholes, who died several years ago in a tragic accident.
I know it will be another tough da y's work, but I have got plenty to motivate me. Like always, I’m tra ining hard, running 100 miles a week and also weight tra ining every evening. Please support me if y f you ca n. I thank you with a ll my heart f or your k indness and generosity. You can log on to my website:
http://www.prostatecancerinsider.com
You can dona te using my “ Ju Just Giving” web pa ge: http://www.justgiving.com/garycrompton You can petition the Prime Minister to Ensure Equality in Health Services f or Men by Providing Ca ncer Screening: http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/MaleCancers/
My Special Thanks I want to take this opportunity to pay tribute to Denise, my ex wife and mother of our beautiful children. Denise, you’ve been with me heart and soul throughout throughout our marriage, through thick and thin. For all these years you’ve given me support and friendship friendship when many would have turned away. Without you and what you did for me; in taking time to to help me find a solution, I wouldn’t have have had a life, future or hope. Your generosity of spirit will remain with me always and I thank you from the bottom of my heart; you are and will always remain a very special lady. I want to thank ALL my kids, kids, Gary, Emma, Sarah Sarah and Shane for their never-ending love and forgiveness. forgiveness. My heart swells with pride for each of you and I love every one o f you, ALWAYS… My brother Keith who’s been like a father, friend and the best brother ever, you are all these special people all rolled in to one fantastic person. My mother who has always listened to me without judgment and instills in me the strength to carry on even in my darkest hours. I want to thank Ann for what she did for me when I was w as diagnosed with cancer. A sincere debt of gratitude goes to my dietician, Wayne Mapson without whom I would not have finished any of the events. Thanks for your advice advice and guidance throughout. throughout. This web site has been set up by Mark Ramskill who has donated his time and expertise to put it into place and it will be managed by Karen Lamb (Palmer) who has been the driving force to get the information together to be included onto the site, both of whom who m I hadn’t even met until a few weeks ago, what wonderfu l and generous people you are and I am delighted and honoured honou red to include them into the ‘Keep Swimming – Extreme Fund Raisers Team’ Finally, I need to give a massive “THANK YOU” to ALL the people who have taken the time and kindness of spirit to donate so generously along both trips. London to Wigan on my “Push For Life” Life” and my “Keep Swimming” Extreme Fundraiser Fridge Carrying Event from Southport to Standish. This included, but not restricted restricted to Supermarkets, Public Houses, Football Teams, Banks, Hotels & Restaurants, Grocers, Hairdressers, Private Businesses and to every person who threw money into our ou r buckets along the way!
Why This Was Written My reason for writing this and my most intimate and painful memories, is that I want people to see that there IS life after cancer. It’s not for any personal gratification, gratification, I’m not interested in that I can can assure you, but I need people to see and really understand how it was.
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I don’t ever want another man to experience both the loss of identity and his relationships with the people he loves. I’ll carry fridge freezers till the day I die to make people peo ple LISTEN, to RAISE AWARNESS and TO GIVE HOPE. If I can do it, if I can can go through all that I’ve been through then then anybody CAN get through it. it. It wasn’t just getting over cancer, it was getting over the impotency, the depression, post traumatic stress disorder, divorce and a massive split with Ann. Cause I didn’t just lose Ann, I lost her daughter as as well, that was massive, massive, it was like losing one of your own kids.
For The Women Who Will Read This… The only way I can really put everything into context for a woman, to explain the trauma of cancer, impotency & depression, well, the only comparison comparison I can think of is fo r a woman woman to have her breasts or her womb removed. I’ve been told and can empathise that you feel scarred, you feel traumatised at what you believe is the loss of your femininity, and also the chance chance for more children. You feel unattractive to your partner and as a woman you no longer feel whole. Having the operation, and the subsequent impotency left me with just a piece of skin to urinate through and to go from being very active (sexually) and having 4 children and being in a relationship with someone who’s special to you, to go from all that you ju st think, “it’s “it’s all gone, and if it’s all gone then why be here, it’s pointless” You’ve got to get your man to focus and just do it, to fight it every step of the way. You may not realize how important your love and support is, but it’s vital, it’s vital that you continue to love them, even at times when their despair drives you to the brink. Don’t take “NO” for an answer from from the hospitals and doctors, YOUR MAN’S ENTITLED TO RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY, A LIFE AND THE ABILITY TO KEEP ON LOVING YOU PHYSICALLY – THE RIGHT TO BE A MAN. I’ve been been there, its 40% medication and 60% mental strength. strength. In normal life before the cancer you took health and love for granted, now you have to fight together to get it back. I know from experience that men are a lot weaker than women. Women are strong, tenacious fighters, fight for your man when he’s weak in body and spirit, spirit, and please don’t give up on him. I promise you hand on heart, you won’t regret it, and you’ll reap reap such rewards together. There will come a time when the healing’s done, when you find peace and the precious precious gift of life and a future together you never never thought you’d see. see. Be strong for him. him. I know I get that personal strength from my mother, it doesn’t come from anywhere else, that’s it, you’ve got to be focused or you just die and now I don’t really want to die. Hopefully, I’ll just keep going as I am, if the cancer comes back, no problem I’ll sort it, that’s how you have to be. Don’t think like you’ve got cancer, think like you’ve got flu or a cold and I know that without the support I’ve had, I wouldn’t be here today and without the reconstructive surgery, I certainly wouldn’t be here, it sorted the depression out and gave me a life again. I took my health for granted and like everything, until it’s not there you don’t realise what a massive p art of you life it is. 9 0 0 2 ” g n i m m i w S p e e K “
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My Inspiration I nspiration… … When I went for my interview at the London University College, there was a young girl there who was in a wheelchair, she lived in that chair, and she had a morphine drip in front of her (I know it was morphine because I’ve been on it). She looked up at me and I saw the the gentleness in her face, I thought I’m not ill, that that little girl’s ill. She looked up at me and despite her own suffering and pain, she smiled like the angel she was and put her thumbs up at
me and I went in to the toilet and cried my eyes out. Her strength humbled me, and and continues to humble me to this day. The hospitals are filled with such children, some of whom will never grow up, adults who lose their their loved ones to illness, each individual fight a mountain who’s summit won’t always be reached – All the suffering behind closed doors, in hospitals, hospices, family homes, with all my heart, I wish carrying a fridge would make a positive difference to the life of each individual that that suffers. I know I can’t do that, but what I do know is that that I’ll never stop trying. I think about what I went through and all that these people go through and it changes your perspective forever. These people inspire me daily; I never tire of hearing about the courage and kindness of my fellow human beings. Remember to be kind to those about you. you . Never forget to tell those close to you how important they are and that you love them. We’re on this earth for such a short time and every day should be cherished. cherished. It’s important that we leave behind a legacy of love and kindness, compassion and und erstanding for those who have suffered.
I know that now, after all this, I understand why we’re here and I will never give up, I will never stop fundraising and I’ll do it till I die, it’s as simple as that.
Gary Crompton 2009 During the writing of Gary’s story and whilst training for the 3 rd “Keep Swimming” Extreme Fundraiser Event, Gary suffered a heart attack one month before his latest marathon, due to take place on 2nd May 2009. Gary hadn’t been aware but he had been suffering from atherosclerosis (a condition where a heart valve narrows) and underwent a reparative reparative procedure to open the blocked artery artery by the insertion insertion of a stent. The procedure begins through an incision in the groin. As always, Gary wanted you to be fully informed as to the procedure.
P e r c u ta n eo u s c o r o na r y i nt e r v e nt io n ( P CI o r angiopl as ty wit h stent) What is it? Percutaneous Coronary Intervention (PCI, formerly known as angioplasty with stent) is a non-surgical procedure that uses a catheter (a thin flexible tube) to place a small structure called a stent to open up blood vessels in the heart that have been narrowed by plaque buildup, a condition known as atherosclerosis.
For a moving diagrammatic explanation, please click on the link below: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvRtP3wl_AY
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What’s The Procedure? Hair in the groin area around where the catheter will be inserted may be clipped. An intravenous (IV) line is inserted so, if necessary, you can be given medications quickly. Electrodes will be placed on your body to monitor your heart, and a small device called a pulse oximeter ox imeter may be clipped on a finger or ear to track the o xygen level in your blood. Most PCIs are conducted with the patient sedated but not asleep. You will lie on your back on a procedure table. A local anaesthetic will be injected into the skin at the site where the catheter will be inserted. Once it has taken effect, the catheter will be inserted into the blood vessels. You may feel a brief sting or pinch as the needle goes through the skin and some pressure within the artery as the catheter is moved. If you are uncomfortable, tell your doctor and if necessary additional pain medication may be given. When the catheter reaches the heart, the contrast dye will be released so the area where the blood vessel is narrowed can be identified. When the dye is released, you may feel a brief flushing sensation or feeling of warmth. Some people experience a salty or metallic taste in the mou th, or a brief headache. A few people may feel nauseate n auseatedd or o r even vomit, but this is rare. These effects are harmless usually last for only a few minutes. When the narrowing is located, the catheter will be advanced so the special tip can be activated. It is possible to experience some chest pain or d iscomfort at this point, but your doctor will monitor you carefully and the discomfort should go away quickly. When finished, the catheter will be withdrawn and pressure put on the insertion site to stop the bleeding. Once the bleeding has stopped, a tight bandage will be applied. You will need to remain lying flat during this time. If the catheter was inserted in the groin, you will have to keep your leg straight for several hours. If it was inserted in the arm, your arm will be kept elevated on pillows p illows and kept straight with an arm board. After the procedure, you will probably go to a recovery room for several hours of observation. You will be asked to remain in bed for two to six hours, depending upon your specific condition. Pain medication may be given if you experience any discomfort. You will be encouraged to drink water and other fluids to help flush the contrast dye from your body. Most people spend the night in hospital after a PCI. When you return home, keep an eye on the insertion site. A small bruise is normal, but contact your doctor if you experience increased pain, redness, swelling, bleeding or other draining from the insertion site, fever, or ch ills. 9 0 0 2 ” g n i m m i w S p e e K “
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Message From Gary: Obviously, I have have to take it easy easy for a while and give my body chance chance to heal. I want to to assure all those those nd who have supported me and pledged donations for what was to be my third event on May 2 that the “show will go on!” I’m aiming for July 2009 but of course will have to take guidance from my doctors as to when I’m considered fully fit.
I would ask that you please still continue to pledge your support, for whenever that time comes, you can be sure I’ll give it 100%. I’m lost without you! Thanks to all of you who continue to support me and for those who are suffering from prostate cancer and its effects, I’m still here, still fighting for you and help is only a call away.
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