Get Your Ex Back Original
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GET YOUR EX BACK
DISCLAIMER & LEGAL NOTICE This eBook is for informational purposes only and HowBooks.com does not accept any responsibilities for any liabilities, actual or alleged, resulting from the use of this information. This eBook is not “professional advice.” HowBooks.com generates revenue by selling products and by being an affiliate for other companies. HowBooks.com is financially benefiting from anything you purchase. HowBooks.com encourages the reader to seek advice from a professional where any reasonably prudent person would do so. While every reasonable attempt has been made to verify the information contained in this eBook, HowBooks.com and his affiliates cannot assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies or omissions, including omissions in transmission or reproduction. Any references to people, events, organizations, or business entities are for educational and illustrative purposes only, and no intent to falsely characterize, disparage, or injure is intended or should be so construed. Any results stated or implied are consistent with general results, but this means results can and will vary. The author, his agents, and assigns, make no promises or guarantees, stated or implied. Individual results will vary and this work is supplied strictly on an “at your own risk” basis. You DO have the permission to give away this eBook for free, as long as its content remains unchanged.
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Table of Contents INTRODUCTION .................................................................................................................. 4 CAN THIS RELATIONSHIP BE SAVED? ............................................................................ 5 W HAT WENT WRONG? ......................................................................................................... 5 DOES YOUR EX ACT INTERESTED?........................................................................................ 6 AVOID SEEMING DESPERATE........................................................................................... 7 PLAY IT COOL ..................................................................................................................... 7 DEVELOP OTHER INTERESTS................................................................................................ 7 PLAY HARD TO GET ............................................................................................................. 7 WHAT NOT TO DO .............................................................................................................. 8 NO MIND GAMES ................................................................................................................. 8 THINGS TO AVOID ............................................................................................................... 9 NOT BEING JUST A FRIEND ................................................................................................... 9 HOW TO REKINDLE THE SPARK ..................................................................................... 10 CHANGE YOUR LOOKS ....................................................................................................... 10 TAKE IT SLOW ................................................................................................................... 10 BOOST EGOS .................................................................................................................... 11 ATTEND TO THE SMALL THINGS .......................................................................................... 11 KEEP THE MYSTERY ALIVE ................................................................................................. 12 RECOMMITTING ................................................................................................................ 13 LEARN TOGETHER ............................................................................................................. 13 GIVE AND TAKE ................................................................................................................. 13 W HAT YOU REALLY WANT .................................................................................................. 14 W HAT YOUR EX REALLY WANTS.......................................................................................... 14 GETTING PAST THE HURT................................................................................................... 14 LITTLE THINGS MATTER ..................................................................................................... 15 USE FACEBOOK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE ............................................................................... 15 CONCLUSION .................................................................................................................... 16
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Introduction Even when you see a breakup coming, it often is still a surprise. Human nature makes us want to deny the inevitable. There is any number of reasons we tell ourselves to explain why the heat may be cooling. We tend to believe if we can just “do better” that the relationship will revive. Sometimes we tell ourselves we don’t care if the relationship dissolves. We may think it is okay, but then when it actually happens, we are devastated. We become desperate, trying everything we can think of to convince our ex that we want him or her back. We let our desperation show. Another reaction to a breakup might be anger and accusations. Name-calling and blaming each other follows. The more it continues, the more anger develops. Soon, we wonder how we could have ever thought we loved them, and they may think the same. Still, we don’t want to give up on the relationship. There are ways to salvage a broken relationship, or to possibly repair one before it is hopeless. How you conduct yourself and what you say and do at the very first hint of trouble can make a big difference in whether the relationship becomes hopeless or salvageable.
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Can this relationship be saved? What went wrong? Before you can answer the question of whether the relationship can be saved or not, you have to understand what went wrong. What actions did you see that pointed toward this breakup? If you can determine that, you might be able to see what could have been done differently and maybe prevented the breakup. There are some signs of an impending breakup. They start calling less and less. They become emotionally distant. They begin being critical of things you do and say. You get “those looks” that tell you they are upset or angry about something. They may even start arguments frequently, and seem frustrated at many things you do. When you reach out to them, trying to reignite the spark, they get more distant and maybe even reject your overtures. When you see any or all of the above signs, you know the relationship is on slippery ground. It may be too late to stop the breakup, but you can do something at the beginning that will help with any plans you might have for reuniting. Try to turn loose and let go. It might not be forever, especially if you handle it right. Don’t cling, let them go. Then, look at their actions and see if you can determine what went wrong. Of course, if they have someone else and have been cheating on you that is a different situation. It might not be impossible to reconcile, but will be harder. Other than that, what might have happened? If they begin calling less and less, maybe you are being too clingy, or too demanding. Do you require that they spend every spare moment with you? That will tend to drive them away. Everyone needs their space, and their own private life. If they seem constantly angry, maybe you have some aggravating habits. Try talking about what is frustrating them. If it is you, make efforts to change that. If it is them, they may be losing interest in you. Maybe you have become too ‘comfortable’ in the relationship, and need to do something in a different way to attempt to ignite the spark again. If they are super critical, giving you disapproving looks, or openly criticizing you, even sometimes in front of friends and family, then examine yourself. Have you started letting yourself go, not using your best grooming habits like you did at first? Have you become so comfortable with your significant other that you no longer make an effort to connect with them, expecting them to do all the trying? This is not an attempt to lay blame, neither on yourself or your partner. It is merely an attempt to examine what is happening and seeing what part of it is due to your actions. Try to sit down and talk things over in an attempt to see what you can do and help your partner understand what he or she can do. You may be able to prevent the breakup from ever happening.
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These are just some basic things to consider. We have just skimmed over them. But, these two eBooks go into great detail about how to interpret the signs of an impending breakup. They are: The M3 System, is written for the guys and Get Him Back Forever, written for the gals.
Does your ex act interested? There are several indicators that your ex might be interested in reviving the relationship. If your ex shows any of these signs you have a much better chance of getting them back. These signs fall into one of four categories. These categories are: what your ex says; other romantic interests; communications; and responses to you. What does your ex say? Do they indicate that they enjoy your company? That is good. It means you have a chance. If they say they enjoy talking to you and want to see you more often, then you really have a good chance to revive your relationship. If they claim being comfortable every time they are around you, there’s a good chance there is still some interest there. What about other romantic interests? If your ex hasn’t formed a serious relationship with anyone while you have been apart, and they want you to know that, it is good sign. Even if they mention dating or interest in others, they haven’t committed to a relationship. It is also encouraging if your ex asks if you have someone else. How does your ex communicate with you? Are conversations of a serious nature, and does your ex expect and depend on your listening to what they have to say? Staring into your eyes for minutes at a time, for no particular reason indicates that romantic interest is still there, as does the desire to be around you whenever possible, even when it is not a date. Other things that indicate romantic interest is the desire keep communication going with you, and the tendency to ignore or make light of little things that may go wrong. If your ex shows an interest in getting to know you again, you can be confident that there is still some romantic interest there. Any or all of the above means you have a good chance of restoring your relationship. You should carefully proceed, following certain guidelines so as to not “mess it up.” Don’t do exactly what you did before and expect different results. You need to proceed with caution. You can read about them way more in depth than in this small eBook, and find out exactly how to respond to them in the eBook, The Magic of Making Up. Click the title to get your copy and find out more about getting your ex back and keeping the relationship forever.
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Avoid seeming desperate Play it Cool When a relationship breaks up a person can’t help feeling desperate. After all, a major part of their life is suddenly drastically changing, probably one they expected to improve over time, not go downhill. Fear, even panic, and intense hurt and emotional pain hit you like a ton of bricks. How can you not be desperate? You probably can’t help but feel desperate. The key is to not let it show. Visibly showing your desperation will only drive your ex further away, in effect eliminating any hope of getting them back, or at least making it extremely hard. If you have already shown your desperation, you need to move forward in the process of getting your ex back, knowing that it will be harder, but not impossible. Just skip this step and move on to the next one. Okay, desperate is how you feel. So, how can you avoid showing that desperation and stand a better chance of getting your ex back? There are several keys to doing this. We will discuss three of them here. You can find more in the eBook, The Magic of Making Up and Reunited Relationships. One key to seeming less that desperate is to play it cool. When you see your ex, speak calmly and sort of disinterestedly. Look as if you have an important appointment or activity to go to, but indicate that you just wanted to say, “Hi.” Don’t call. Don’t hang onto their every word if you see them in person. Don’t stalk them for a chance to see or speak to them. Treat them as if they are just a casual friend.
Develop other interests You should also develop other interests, ones that are different from what you two shared. If you used to bowl frequently, skip bowling for a time and do something else. Make sure the new interests won’t cause you to run into your ex. Maybe pursue an interest you know your ex would never consider. Even if you don’t think you like it, you just might be surprised. If you don’t come to like it, then you can just drop it later. For now, you are trying to find places to socialize where you won’t run into your ex.
Play hard to Get If you ex exhibits any interest in you, don’t be ugly, but do play hard to get. We won’t cover it in depth here, but will look at a few ways to play hard to get. Just remember, there is a limit to how hard to get you should be in order not to risk totally alienating your ex.
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When your ex shows an interest, be nice, but ‘busy’ and limited in the time you have available. Don’t claim a relationship when you have none. This could backfire. Just claim activities that you must attend to, but leave the subtle hint that you maybe could become interested sometime in the future, just not right now. This is extremely hard when you are dying to grab them in a bear hug and cling to them forever. Let yourself be seen in social circles visiting with others, not necessarily the opposite sex, but show interest in whoever you are around. If you do show interest in someone of the opposite sex, make it apparent that you are not currently romantically involved, but that there is definitely a chance of that happening. No matter how desperate you are, hide that fact. Desperation will panic your ex and have them running in the opposite direction. Playing it cool, but slightly interested in them, will have them struggling to renew your interest. Of course, if you have messed up by falling apart at the beginning, you will have to recover the cool appearance. Also, if your ex has become seriously involved with someone else, the chance of getting them back may not be good. It isn’t necessarily impossible, but you will have an added challenge in making yourself appear more appealing than the new interest. It may require a little more time to get your ex to see that you are the best one for them. These are just suggestions of a few quick tricks to get you started. For more details, and to get the reasons why you should follow through with these and more, get the eBook, The Magic of Making Up. For more specific details specific to whether you are male or female, get one of the following: The M3 System, is written for the guys and Get Him Back Forever, written for the gals.
What Not to do No Mind Games This is not the time for mind games. Don’t lead your ex on, with the intent of dumping them later. Not only will you inflict added hurt on them, you may also alienate a potential partner who is standing in the sidelines observing what you are doing to your ex. You may not even be aware of that person, or particularly interested in them at the time. Also, you may burn any bridges between you and your ex and you may just change your mind about wanting them back in the future. You don’t want to make that totally impossible by the way your treated them at the breakup.
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Things to Avoid When you face the breakup of your relationship and want to try and get it back, there are some things you should definitely not do. We will look at a partial list, but you can get the whole list plus reasons for not doing them, and what to do instead, in The Magic of Making Up. Some of these things to avoid include: •
Trying to convince them we are the love of their life
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Apologizing profusely for everything
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Promising to change for good this time
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Trying to get them to see that it wasn't really your fault
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Generally being overly nice and proclaiming your love over and over
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Buying gifts in an attempt to entice them back
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Using phony, manipulative trickery to bribe your ex back to you
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Trying to reason, argue and use logic to persuade your ex to come back to you
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Shutting your ex out of your life completely
The eBook mentioned above gives reasons why these things won’t work and why you should not use them. Though they may seem like positive actions, they are not. They will drive your ex further and further away from you. Some even lead to more and more anger on the part of your ex, making it impossible to ever get the relationship back again.
Not being just a friend It might appear that being just a friend when a relationship falters is a good idea. But, it is not really, especially if you want to try and get your ex back. Later, after you are really over the breakup, it is possible. But, in the beginning, the complications can be too much. Trying to be just a friend when you secretly want to get your ex back can lead to major situations. What happens when the ex enters a new romantic relationship? A true friend would be overjoyed at the occurrence. But, can you be? The tendency is to be jealous and be offended. Even if you don’t express it, your ex can sense it. That will make them angry that you weren’t honest, and you will be hurt all over again. When you are fresh out of a relationship and not over your ex, it is not a good idea
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to try and be just friends. Once you get completely over your ex and have moved on, maybe even found your own new relationship, you will probably not need them as a friend. Any new partner may well resent a continuing relationship with an ex. So, trying to continue a friendship after a romantic relationship is not really a good idea.
How to rekindle the spark You finally manage to work out all the past issues with your ex. You have both learned what went wrong. You both realize you want the relationship to continue. You agree to disagree about those issues that don’t matter, and compromise on those that do matter. You know you have to each give the other some space, some personal time, and understand that it is not a sign of lack of commitment to want that personal space and time. You realize that you don’t want to go on without each other. You mutually agree to get back together. So, how can you insure that you won’t go back to the problems you had before?
Change your looks It is not that looks determine the relationship. If someone loves another, looks don’t matter. But, for a number of reasons, it is beneficial to change your looks. One reason is that the old look might bring back old memories, maybe causing some friction. Plus, it is wise to give off an aura of new found confidence. You want your ex to see you as a new person, worthy of their consideration. It will not only help them see your new confidence, it will make you feel more confident. You are excited about having and being something new. Your change doesn’t have to be drastic. Just a new couple of outfits, a new haircut, new jewelry, any small changes will work. Maybe if there was a certain color before that you wouldn’t wear, try it. If you don’t like the new look, don’t force it. You want to please yourself as well as your ex.
Take it Slow It is best to move slowly. After all, it is a new relationship. The old relationship died, and now you are moving to a new phase. Don’t jump into anything too rapidly. Don’t make drastic changes, such as new jobs, new apartments, moving to a new city, and other such major life changes. Don’t expect something that is not there. You and your ex are the same people; you have just learned some things about getting along. Drop the old accusations and
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disappointments, but know that deep down, the old issues are there. Take time to talk to each other, giving and taking to move forward without accusations. Don’t expect miracles, but accept them if they happen. Find out what you ex wants in the relationship, and let your ex know what you want. Don’t totally give you personality over to your ex, but be willing to attempt to give them what they want from the relationship. Also, expect them to attempt to give you what you want. Don’t get totally upset if they don’t, but try to gently guide them toward what you need. Expect it, and you will be more apt to get it.
Boost Egos Both of you are probably somewhat nervous about what the future holds. Each of you probably has some feelings of guilt for your part in the breakup, and even some feelings of not being good enough for the other. Feelings of being loved are probably tender as well. Do what you can to boost your ex’s ego, and they will probably do the same for you. You might even have to gently guide them to build your ego as well. Let them know what will make you feel important to them. Give compliments as you can and still be sincere. You may have to find small steps to compliment. If you ex happens to give you a hug in a way that makes you feel special, compliment them for that. If they do some small thing for you, even if they unconsciously did it, give them a compliment. They may have only handed you a glass of cold water, but let them know you appreciate it. Maybe they didn’t put their dirty clothes in the hamper, but did take them to the bathroom. Let them know you noticed and appreciate it. Don’t nag. Don’t say, “It’s nice you put them in the bathroom, but next time….” You may think you are guiding them into what you want, but they see it as a criticism. We’ve been told this is the way to guide to what we want, but you risk alienating them. Sometimes it is tempting to ignore what is expected, such as working at your job, or keeping the house clean, or paying the bills. Even though that is your “job” or your ex’s “job” it is a good ego boost to compliment them for doing it. Let them know you appreciate the things they do. Even though it is what is supposed to be done, it helps boost the ego to hear how appreciated they, or you, are for doing it.
Attend to the small things Other changes are important, especially before engaging in the intimate aspect of the relationship. You don’t want to build your relationship on intimacy alone. You want the relationship to be based on love and respect. There are some things you
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can do to insure the fullest aspects of that relationship. As mentioned before, compliments help boost egos, and that will help develop a relationship based on respect. No longer will the disrespect for each other be a part of your lives. Do little things for each other to show that you care. Bring a small gift, such as a flower, a favorite candy bar, fix a soft drink, bring the paper, or any little thing that doesn’t take long to do, or cost much, but just says you were thinking of them. Give a spontaneous hug as you pass them, not one intended to lead to sex, just one to show you love to touch them. Hold hands. Whisper sweet words in their ear. Call them during the day just to say you love them. Leave a love note on their pillow, taped to the bathroom mirror, or in their lunch box. Stick a love note anywhere they might go during the course of their day, like on the steering wheel, or on a plate they usually get to eat a snack, or taped to the refrigerator door. These are just a few little things you can do to show you love them. Be creative and think of some of your own. If you need suggestions to get your ideas flowing, see the eBook, The Magic of Making Up.
Keep the mystery alive Don’t let things get mundane again. Be mysterious. Keep your ex guessing about what has come over you. If you were quiet and passive before, become more forceful. If you used to never decide the restaurant to go to in the past, suddenly make that decision on your own. If you used to always make the decisions for the two of you, begin to defer to your ex’s choices. If you used to do something you knew bugged them, such as going around picking up behind them, no longer do that. If your impulse is to pick up things, wait until they are not around. Don’t let on that it bothers you to see things lying around. The mystique around you will keep your ex guessing, and wanting to discover who this new you really is. Of course, you also need to be spending time discovering things about each other and growing closer, building your new relationship. These are just a few suggestions of how to keep the mystery alive in your relationship. To learn of more ways to be mysterious, and find out why it is important, the basics of how it helps you relationship, check out the eBook, The Magic of Making Up.
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Recommitting The process of recommitting to each other is a fun, but challenging one. There are certain things you need to establish at the beginning of the recommitment period. How you handle this early on can make a big difference in your relationship.
Learn Together You need to work together to learn about each other and about the changes you have gone through and are going through. Discover new places together. Go to new places, do new activities, make life new and discover it together as you rebuild a special relationship.
Give and Take Another important factor that probably was missing before is give and take. In most relationships that go bad, one person has been used to getting their way all the time, and the other has been used to always giving. A healthy relationship is dependent on their being an equal give and take. Though you should not depend on equal sharing with the give and take, and should be ready to give more than you take, it works best if it is equal. Part of the success of any relationship, and especially a renewed one, is showing each other you are willing to give your all. That means sometimes you give more than the other partner. But, being willing to do that should mean that sometimes your partner will give more than you. If for some reason your partner doesn’t get the idea, don’t become a slave to them, always giving in. Yes, be willing to give in more than ‘your share’ is important, but it is also important to have things your way part of the time. Gently let your partner know what it is you want, and request, maybe with conviction, that they give you what you are due once in a while. They will respect you more than if you wait until you are totally frustrated and feeling taken advantage of, then blowing up, causing another rift.
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What you really want Kindly and respectfully let your ex, now partner, know what you really want from the relationship. Let them know the expectations you have from them, and what you expect to give them. Be specific. Before you can let your ex (partner) know what you want and expect, you need to know that yourself. Do a deep soul-searching to determine what you really want. Determine, as well, what you are willing to give in a relationship, and determine to match that to what your partner desires in the relationship. This leads us to the next section.
What your ex really wants While sitting and discussing the expectations you have for the relationship, listen carefully to what your partner desires in the relationship. You may have to dig a little, as some people find it hard to talk about expectations. Sometimes, it is even hard for some to know what they really want. They have vague longings, but have trouble verbalizing. You may have to help them be able to do that. If your partner has a hard time verbalizing what they want in the relationship, ask some poignant questions. What you think they want may not be it at all. Guide them through questioning if they just can’t seem to tell you what it is. Or, it may be that they haven’t done the soul-searching that you did, so may not understand what it is they want. If it is just impossible to get your partner to reveal what they want, you can still get a good idea. Use what you know about their likes, their dreams, and any other information you have, to try and decide what they might want. Combine that with what you know about human nature and try to form an idea of their wishes. You can adjust this as you go along and find out something that doesn’t work. Of course, it is best if you can get it directly from them. You can find more information about what men and women want from each other in the eBooks, The M3 System, written for the guys, and Get Him Back Forever, written for the gals. Knowing this will not only help you know what your partner wants, but also can help you decide what about the relationship is important to you.
Getting past the hurt For your new relationship to succeed, you and your ex have to get past the hurt of the breakup, and the hurts inflicted during your relationship prior to that breakup. There were probably things each of you did that hurt the other and more than likely hurtful words were exchanged. There was probably a lot of anger, but most
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definitely there was a lot of hurt. No relationship can survive all that unless you manage to put it behind you. Apologies may be exchanged, or they may not. Don’t demand one. Sometimes, moving on and showing your remorse by a changed attitude can do more than an actual apology. But, to move on, you and your ex both have to be forgiving. Though hurts and anger will never really be forgotten, to have a decent relationship, you have to move on. Don’t dwell on the bad parts of the past. Try to see the positives and focus on your present relationship as well. Moving on doesn’t necessarily mean avoiding old, painful issues. If those issues are in the current relationship, they must be addressed in order to move on. But, that doesn’t mean dwelling on them and rehashing hurts. It also doesn’t mean dealing with infidelity. It does mean dealing with the underlying issues that lead to the infidelity. Find out what went wrong and make sure not to repeat it.
Little things matter The big things are important, as we have discussed, but so do the little things. The little things grate on you and can cause the relationship to start deteriorating. Little things add up to big things over time. If something irritates you, don’t ignore it and let it stew. Over time, the little things can develop into bigger things, and those can destroy your relationship. Things that began as just a nagging annoyance, when added to other small things, and then a bigger thing or two are added, can result in an insurmountable difference. Take care of it while it is still small and manageable. Conversely, if you sense something is not right between you and your partner, don’t wait until things blow up, wondering what is going on. Have a talk and get to the bottom. Even if they insist it is a little thing that doesn’t matter that much, insist they let you in on what is wrong. Try to set it right before it escalates. Little things do matter. Little things grow into big things if not caught at the beginning. Catch them while they are still little, and you can expect to have a long, loving relationship.
Use Facebook to your Advantage When trying to develop a new relationship, you need to take advantage of every avenue. Even your Facebook account can be used to help your relationship. It is often an avenue for insulting the partner, causing many breakups. But, you can use it to your advantage and use it to show your ex how much you have changed and how you have new interests in your life. It can also be used to show your partner how
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much you care, and help them understand you better. The mp3 series, Reunited Relationships, guides you in how to do that, as well as giving other relationship advice.
Conclusion It is possible to get your ex back, and to have an ongoing relationship that meets and exceeds all your expectations. But, it does take effort, and more than just a little knowledge. It is hard to do it all on your own, because what might seem a good thing often is just the opposite. The eBook, The Magic of Making Up, has all the secrets to guide you through getting your ex back and rebuilding that relationship. There are certain expectations people have in a relationship, and they often don’t even know what that is. They may not know want they need and want. You may not know what you want and need, either. Two eBooks, one for the ladies and one for the gentlemen, will help you recognize what you need, and will help you understand what your ex needs as well. They are: The M3 System, written for the guys, and Get Him Back Forever, written for the gals. Never give up on your dream of getting your ex back. It can happen. About the only thing that would prevent it is if they had remarried. Even a new romantic interest can be challenged, so long as they haven’t married yet. And, when you do get them back, work on getting the best relationship ever, one expected to last forever. Just use the information you find in the eBooks mentioned and you will have a blueprint for getting what you want.
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DISCLAIMER & LEGAL NOTICE This eBook is for informational purposes only and HowBooks.com does not accept any responsibilities for any liabilities, actual or alleged, resulting from the use of this information. This eBook is not “professional advice.” HowBooks.com generates revenue by selling products and by being an affiliate for other companies. HowBooks.com is financially benefiting from anything you purchase. HowBooks.com encourages the reader to seek advice from a professional where any reasonably prudent person would do so. While every reasonable attempt has been made to verify the information contained in this eBook, HowBooks.com and his affiliates cannot assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies or omissions, including omissions in transmission or reproduction. Any references to people, events, organizations, or business entities are for educational and illustrative purposes only, and no intent to falsely characterize, disparage, or injure is intended or should be so construed. Any results stated or implied are consistent with general results, but this means results can and will vary. The author, his agents, and assigns, make no promises or guarantees, stated or implied. Individual results will vary and this work is supplied strictly on an “at your own risk” basis. You DO have the permission to give away this eBook for free, as long as its content remains unchanged.
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Table of Contents INTRODUCTION .................................................................................................................. 4 CAN THIS RELATIONSHIP BE SAVED? ............................................................................ 5 W HAT WENT WRONG? ......................................................................................................... 5 DOES YOUR EX ACT INTERESTED?........................................................................................ 6 AVOID SEEMING DESPERATE........................................................................................... 7 PLAY IT COOL ..................................................................................................................... 7 DEVELOP OTHER INTERESTS................................................................................................ 7 PLAY HARD TO GET ............................................................................................................. 7 WHAT NOT TO DO .............................................................................................................. 8 NO MIND GAMES ................................................................................................................. 8 THINGS TO AVOID ............................................................................................................... 9 NOT BEING JUST A FRIEND ................................................................................................... 9 HOW TO REKINDLE THE SPARK ..................................................................................... 10 CHANGE YOUR LOOKS ....................................................................................................... 10 TAKE IT SLOW ................................................................................................................... 10 BOOST EGOS .................................................................................................................... 11 ATTEND TO THE SMALL THINGS .......................................................................................... 11 KEEP THE MYSTERY ALIVE ................................................................................................. 12 RECOMMITTING ................................................................................................................ 13 LEARN TOGETHER ............................................................................................................. 13 GIVE AND TAKE ................................................................................................................. 13 W HAT YOU REALLY WANT .................................................................................................. 14 W HAT YOUR EX REALLY WANTS.......................................................................................... 14 GETTING PAST THE HURT................................................................................................... 14 LITTLE THINGS MATTER ..................................................................................................... 15 USE FACEBOOK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE ............................................................................... 15 CONCLUSION .................................................................................................................... 16
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Introduction Even when you see a breakup coming, it often is still a surprise. Human nature makes us want to deny the inevitable. There is any number of reasons we tell ourselves to explain why the heat may be cooling. We tend to believe if we can just “do better” that the relationship will revive. Sometimes we tell ourselves we don’t care if the relationship dissolves. We may think it is okay, but then when it actually happens, we are devastated. We become desperate, trying everything we can think of to convince our ex that we want him or her back. We let our desperation show. Another reaction to a breakup might be anger and accusations. Name-calling and blaming each other follows. The more it continues, the more anger develops. Soon, we wonder how we could have ever thought we loved them, and they may think the same. Still, we don’t want to give up on the relationship. There are ways to salvage a broken relationship, or to possibly repair one before it is hopeless. How you conduct yourself and what you say and do at the very first hint of trouble can make a big difference in whether the relationship becomes hopeless or salvageable.
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Can this relationship be saved? What went wrong? Before you can answer the question of whether the relationship can be saved or not, you have to understand what went wrong. What actions did you see that pointed toward this breakup? If you can determine that, you might be able to see what could have been done differently and maybe prevented the breakup. There are some signs of an impending breakup. They start calling less and less. They become emotionally distant. They begin being critical of things you do and say. You get “those looks” that tell you they are upset or angry about something. They may even start arguments frequently, and seem frustrated at many things you do. When you reach out to them, trying to reignite the spark, they get more distant and maybe even reject your overtures. When you see any or all of the above signs, you know the relationship is on slippery ground. It may be too late to stop the breakup, but you can do something at the beginning that will help with any plans you might have for reuniting. Try to turn loose and let go. It might not be forever, especially if you handle it right. Don’t cling, let them go. Then, look at their actions and see if you can determine what went wrong. Of course, if they have someone else and have been cheating on you that is a different situation. It might not be impossible to reconcile, but will be harder. Other than that, what might have happened? If they begin calling less and less, maybe you are being too clingy, or too demanding. Do you require that they spend every spare moment with you? That will tend to drive them away. Everyone needs their space, and their own private life. If they seem constantly angry, maybe you have some aggravating habits. Try talking about what is frustrating them. If it is you, make efforts to change that. If it is them, they may be losing interest in you. Maybe you have become too ‘comfortable’ in the relationship, and need to do something in a different way to attempt to ignite the spark again. If they are super critical, giving you disapproving looks, or openly criticizing you, even sometimes in front of friends and family, then examine yourself. Have you started letting yourself go, not using your best grooming habits like you did at first? Have you become so comfortable with your significant other that you no longer make an effort to connect with them, expecting them to do all the trying? This is not an attempt to lay blame, neither on yourself or your partner. It is merely an attempt to examine what is happening and seeing what part of it is due to your actions. Try to sit down and talk things over in an attempt to see what you can do and help your partner understand what he or she can do. You may be able to prevent the breakup from ever happening.
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These are just some basic things to consider. We have just skimmed over them. But, these two eBooks go into great detail about how to interpret the signs of an impending breakup. They are: The M3 System, is written for the guys and Get Him Back Forever, written for the gals.
Does your ex act interested? There are several indicators that your ex might be interested in reviving the relationship. If your ex shows any of these signs you have a much better chance of getting them back. These signs fall into one of four categories. These categories are: what your ex says; other romantic interests; communications; and responses to you. What does your ex say? Do they indicate that they enjoy your company? That is good. It means you have a chance. If they say they enjoy talking to you and want to see you more often, then you really have a good chance to revive your relationship. If they claim being comfortable every time they are around you, there’s a good chance there is still some interest there. What about other romantic interests? If your ex hasn’t formed a serious relationship with anyone while you have been apart, and they want you to know that, it is good sign. Even if they mention dating or interest in others, they haven’t committed to a relationship. It is also encouraging if your ex asks if you have someone else. How does your ex communicate with you? Are conversations of a serious nature, and does your ex expect and depend on your listening to what they have to say? Staring into your eyes for minutes at a time, for no particular reason indicates that romantic interest is still there, as does the desire to be around you whenever possible, even when it is not a date. Other things that indicate romantic interest is the desire keep communication going with you, and the tendency to ignore or make light of little things that may go wrong. If your ex shows an interest in getting to know you again, you can be confident that there is still some romantic interest there. Any or all of the above means you have a good chance of restoring your relationship. You should carefully proceed, following certain guidelines so as to not “mess it up.” Don’t do exactly what you did before and expect different results. You need to proceed with caution. You can read about them way more in depth than in this small eBook, and find out exactly how to respond to them in the eBook, The Magic of Making Up. Click the title to get your copy and find out more about getting your ex back and keeping the relationship forever.
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Avoid seeming desperate Play it Cool When a relationship breaks up a person can’t help feeling desperate. After all, a major part of their life is suddenly drastically changing, probably one they expected to improve over time, not go downhill. Fear, even panic, and intense hurt and emotional pain hit you like a ton of bricks. How can you not be desperate? You probably can’t help but feel desperate. The key is to not let it show. Visibly showing your desperation will only drive your ex further away, in effect eliminating any hope of getting them back, or at least making it extremely hard. If you have already shown your desperation, you need to move forward in the process of getting your ex back, knowing that it will be harder, but not impossible. Just skip this step and move on to the next one. Okay, desperate is how you feel. So, how can you avoid showing that desperation and stand a better chance of getting your ex back? There are several keys to doing this. We will discuss three of them here. You can find more in the eBook, The Magic of Making Up and Reunited Relationships. One key to seeming less that desperate is to play it cool. When you see your ex, speak calmly and sort of disinterestedly. Look as if you have an important appointment or activity to go to, but indicate that you just wanted to say, “Hi.” Don’t call. Don’t hang onto their every word if you see them in person. Don’t stalk them for a chance to see or speak to them. Treat them as if they are just a casual friend.
Develop other interests You should also develop other interests, ones that are different from what you two shared. If you used to bowl frequently, skip bowling for a time and do something else. Make sure the new interests won’t cause you to run into your ex. Maybe pursue an interest you know your ex would never consider. Even if you don’t think you like it, you just might be surprised. If you don’t come to like it, then you can just drop it later. For now, you are trying to find places to socialize where you won’t run into your ex.
Play hard to Get If you ex exhibits any interest in you, don’t be ugly, but do play hard to get. We won’t cover it in depth here, but will look at a few ways to play hard to get. Just remember, there is a limit to how hard to get you should be in order not to risk totally alienating your ex.
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When your ex shows an interest, be nice, but ‘busy’ and limited in the time you have available. Don’t claim a relationship when you have none. This could backfire. Just claim activities that you must attend to, but leave the subtle hint that you maybe could become interested sometime in the future, just not right now. This is extremely hard when you are dying to grab them in a bear hug and cling to them forever. Let yourself be seen in social circles visiting with others, not necessarily the opposite sex, but show interest in whoever you are around. If you do show interest in someone of the opposite sex, make it apparent that you are not currently romantically involved, but that there is definitely a chance of that happening. No matter how desperate you are, hide that fact. Desperation will panic your ex and have them running in the opposite direction. Playing it cool, but slightly interested in them, will have them struggling to renew your interest. Of course, if you have messed up by falling apart at the beginning, you will have to recover the cool appearance. Also, if your ex has become seriously involved with someone else, the chance of getting them back may not be good. It isn’t necessarily impossible, but you will have an added challenge in making yourself appear more appealing than the new interest. It may require a little more time to get your ex to see that you are the best one for them. These are just suggestions of a few quick tricks to get you started. For more details, and to get the reasons why you should follow through with these and more, get the eBook, The Magic of Making Up. For more specific details specific to whether you are male or female, get one of the following: The M3 System, is written for the guys and Get Him Back Forever, written for the gals.
What Not to do No Mind Games This is not the time for mind games. Don’t lead your ex on, with the intent of dumping them later. Not only will you inflict added hurt on them, you may also alienate a potential partner who is standing in the sidelines observing what you are doing to your ex. You may not even be aware of that person, or particularly interested in them at the time. Also, you may burn any bridges between you and your ex and you may just change your mind about wanting them back in the future. You don’t want to make that totally impossible by the way your treated them at the breakup.
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Things to Avoid When you face the breakup of your relationship and want to try and get it back, there are some things you should definitely not do. We will look at a partial list, but you can get the whole list plus reasons for not doing them, and what to do instead, in The Magic of Making Up. Some of these things to avoid include: •
Trying to convince them we are the love of their life
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Apologizing profusely for everything
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Promising to change for good this time
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Trying to get them to see that it wasn't really your fault
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Generally being overly nice and proclaiming your love over and over
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Buying gifts in an attempt to entice them back
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Using phony, manipulative trickery to bribe your ex back to you
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Trying to reason, argue and use logic to persuade your ex to come back to you
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Shutting your ex out of your life completely
The eBook mentioned above gives reasons why these things won’t work and why you should not use them. Though they may seem like positive actions, they are not. They will drive your ex further and further away from you. Some even lead to more and more anger on the part of your ex, making it impossible to ever get the relationship back again.
Not being just a friend It might appear that being just a friend when a relationship falters is a good idea. But, it is not really, especially if you want to try and get your ex back. Later, after you are really over the breakup, it is possible. But, in the beginning, the complications can be too much. Trying to be just a friend when you secretly want to get your ex back can lead to major situations. What happens when the ex enters a new romantic relationship? A true friend would be overjoyed at the occurrence. But, can you be? The tendency is to be jealous and be offended. Even if you don’t express it, your ex can sense it. That will make them angry that you weren’t honest, and you will be hurt all over again. When you are fresh out of a relationship and not over your ex, it is not a good idea
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to try and be just friends. Once you get completely over your ex and have moved on, maybe even found your own new relationship, you will probably not need them as a friend. Any new partner may well resent a continuing relationship with an ex. So, trying to continue a friendship after a romantic relationship is not really a good idea.
How to rekindle the spark You finally manage to work out all the past issues with your ex. You have both learned what went wrong. You both realize you want the relationship to continue. You agree to disagree about those issues that don’t matter, and compromise on those that do matter. You know you have to each give the other some space, some personal time, and understand that it is not a sign of lack of commitment to want that personal space and time. You realize that you don’t want to go on without each other. You mutually agree to get back together. So, how can you insure that you won’t go back to the problems you had before?
Change your looks It is not that looks determine the relationship. If someone loves another, looks don’t matter. But, for a number of reasons, it is beneficial to change your looks. One reason is that the old look might bring back old memories, maybe causing some friction. Plus, it is wise to give off an aura of new found confidence. You want your ex to see you as a new person, worthy of their consideration. It will not only help them see your new confidence, it will make you feel more confident. You are excited about having and being something new. Your change doesn’t have to be drastic. Just a new couple of outfits, a new haircut, new jewelry, any small changes will work. Maybe if there was a certain color before that you wouldn’t wear, try it. If you don’t like the new look, don’t force it. You want to please yourself as well as your ex.
Take it Slow It is best to move slowly. After all, it is a new relationship. The old relationship died, and now you are moving to a new phase. Don’t jump into anything too rapidly. Don’t make drastic changes, such as new jobs, new apartments, moving to a new city, and other such major life changes. Don’t expect something that is not there. You and your ex are the same people; you have just learned some things about getting along. Drop the old accusations and
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disappointments, but know that deep down, the old issues are there. Take time to talk to each other, giving and taking to move forward without accusations. Don’t expect miracles, but accept them if they happen. Find out what you ex wants in the relationship, and let your ex know what you want. Don’t totally give you personality over to your ex, but be willing to attempt to give them what they want from the relationship. Also, expect them to attempt to give you what you want. Don’t get totally upset if they don’t, but try to gently guide them toward what you need. Expect it, and you will be more apt to get it.
Boost Egos Both of you are probably somewhat nervous about what the future holds. Each of you probably has some feelings of guilt for your part in the breakup, and even some feelings of not being good enough for the other. Feelings of being loved are probably tender as well. Do what you can to boost your ex’s ego, and they will probably do the same for you. You might even have to gently guide them to build your ego as well. Let them know what will make you feel important to them. Give compliments as you can and still be sincere. You may have to find small steps to compliment. If you ex happens to give you a hug in a way that makes you feel special, compliment them for that. If they do some small thing for you, even if they unconsciously did it, give them a compliment. They may have only handed you a glass of cold water, but let them know you appreciate it. Maybe they didn’t put their dirty clothes in the hamper, but did take them to the bathroom. Let them know you noticed and appreciate it. Don’t nag. Don’t say, “It’s nice you put them in the bathroom, but next time….” You may think you are guiding them into what you want, but they see it as a criticism. We’ve been told this is the way to guide to what we want, but you risk alienating them. Sometimes it is tempting to ignore what is expected, such as working at your job, or keeping the house clean, or paying the bills. Even though that is your “job” or your ex’s “job” it is a good ego boost to compliment them for doing it. Let them know you appreciate the things they do. Even though it is what is supposed to be done, it helps boost the ego to hear how appreciated they, or you, are for doing it.
Attend to the small things Other changes are important, especially before engaging in the intimate aspect of the relationship. You don’t want to build your relationship on intimacy alone. You want the relationship to be based on love and respect. There are some things you
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can do to insure the fullest aspects of that relationship. As mentioned before, compliments help boost egos, and that will help develop a relationship based on respect. No longer will the disrespect for each other be a part of your lives. Do little things for each other to show that you care. Bring a small gift, such as a flower, a favorite candy bar, fix a soft drink, bring the paper, or any little thing that doesn’t take long to do, or cost much, but just says you were thinking of them. Give a spontaneous hug as you pass them, not one intended to lead to sex, just one to show you love to touch them. Hold hands. Whisper sweet words in their ear. Call them during the day just to say you love them. Leave a love note on their pillow, taped to the bathroom mirror, or in their lunch box. Stick a love note anywhere they might go during the course of their day, like on the steering wheel, or on a plate they usually get to eat a snack, or taped to the refrigerator door. These are just a few little things you can do to show you love them. Be creative and think of some of your own. If you need suggestions to get your ideas flowing, see the eBook, The Magic of Making Up.
Keep the mystery alive Don’t let things get mundane again. Be mysterious. Keep your ex guessing about what has come over you. If you were quiet and passive before, become more forceful. If you used to never decide the restaurant to go to in the past, suddenly make that decision on your own. If you used to always make the decisions for the two of you, begin to defer to your ex’s choices. If you used to do something you knew bugged them, such as going around picking up behind them, no longer do that. If your impulse is to pick up things, wait until they are not around. Don’t let on that it bothers you to see things lying around. The mystique around you will keep your ex guessing, and wanting to discover who this new you really is. Of course, you also need to be spending time discovering things about each other and growing closer, building your new relationship. These are just a few suggestions of how to keep the mystery alive in your relationship. To learn of more ways to be mysterious, and find out why it is important, the basics of how it helps you relationship, check out the eBook, The Magic of Making Up.
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Recommitting The process of recommitting to each other is a fun, but challenging one. There are certain things you need to establish at the beginning of the recommitment period. How you handle this early on can make a big difference in your relationship.
Learn Together You need to work together to learn about each other and about the changes you have gone through and are going through. Discover new places together. Go to new places, do new activities, make life new and discover it together as you rebuild a special relationship.
Give and Take Another important factor that probably was missing before is give and take. In most relationships that go bad, one person has been used to getting their way all the time, and the other has been used to always giving. A healthy relationship is dependent on their being an equal give and take. Though you should not depend on equal sharing with the give and take, and should be ready to give more than you take, it works best if it is equal. Part of the success of any relationship, and especially a renewed one, is showing each other you are willing to give your all. That means sometimes you give more than the other partner. But, being willing to do that should mean that sometimes your partner will give more than you. If for some reason your partner doesn’t get the idea, don’t become a slave to them, always giving in. Yes, be willing to give in more than ‘your share’ is important, but it is also important to have things your way part of the time. Gently let your partner know what it is you want, and request, maybe with conviction, that they give you what you are due once in a while. They will respect you more than if you wait until you are totally frustrated and feeling taken advantage of, then blowing up, causing another rift.
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What you really want Kindly and respectfully let your ex, now partner, know what you really want from the relationship. Let them know the expectations you have from them, and what you expect to give them. Be specific. Before you can let your ex (partner) know what you want and expect, you need to know that yourself. Do a deep soul-searching to determine what you really want. Determine, as well, what you are willing to give in a relationship, and determine to match that to what your partner desires in the relationship. This leads us to the next section.
What your ex really wants While sitting and discussing the expectations you have for the relationship, listen carefully to what your partner desires in the relationship. You may have to dig a little, as some people find it hard to talk about expectations. Sometimes, it is even hard for some to know what they really want. They have vague longings, but have trouble verbalizing. You may have to help them be able to do that. If your partner has a hard time verbalizing what they want in the relationship, ask some poignant questions. What you think they want may not be it at all. Guide them through questioning if they just can’t seem to tell you what it is. Or, it may be that they haven’t done the soul-searching that you did, so may not understand what it is they want. If it is just impossible to get your partner to reveal what they want, you can still get a good idea. Use what you know about their likes, their dreams, and any other information you have, to try and decide what they might want. Combine that with what you know about human nature and try to form an idea of their wishes. You can adjust this as you go along and find out something that doesn’t work. Of course, it is best if you can get it directly from them. You can find more information about what men and women want from each other in the eBooks, The M3 System, written for the guys, and Get Him Back Forever, written for the gals. Knowing this will not only help you know what your partner wants, but also can help you decide what about the relationship is important to you.
Getting past the hurt For your new relationship to succeed, you and your ex have to get past the hurt of the breakup, and the hurts inflicted during your relationship prior to that breakup. There were probably things each of you did that hurt the other and more than likely hurtful words were exchanged. There was probably a lot of anger, but most
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definitely there was a lot of hurt. No relationship can survive all that unless you manage to put it behind you. Apologies may be exchanged, or they may not. Don’t demand one. Sometimes, moving on and showing your remorse by a changed attitude can do more than an actual apology. But, to move on, you and your ex both have to be forgiving. Though hurts and anger will never really be forgotten, to have a decent relationship, you have to move on. Don’t dwell on the bad parts of the past. Try to see the positives and focus on your present relationship as well. Moving on doesn’t necessarily mean avoiding old, painful issues. If those issues are in the current relationship, they must be addressed in order to move on. But, that doesn’t mean dwelling on them and rehashing hurts. It also doesn’t mean dealing with infidelity. It does mean dealing with the underlying issues that lead to the infidelity. Find out what went wrong and make sure not to repeat it.
Little things matter The big things are important, as we have discussed, but so do the little things. The little things grate on you and can cause the relationship to start deteriorating. Little things add up to big things over time. If something irritates you, don’t ignore it and let it stew. Over time, the little things can develop into bigger things, and those can destroy your relationship. Things that began as just a nagging annoyance, when added to other small things, and then a bigger thing or two are added, can result in an insurmountable difference. Take care of it while it is still small and manageable. Conversely, if you sense something is not right between you and your partner, don’t wait until things blow up, wondering what is going on. Have a talk and get to the bottom. Even if they insist it is a little thing that doesn’t matter that much, insist they let you in on what is wrong. Try to set it right before it escalates. Little things do matter. Little things grow into big things if not caught at the beginning. Catch them while they are still little, and you can expect to have a long, loving relationship.
Use Facebook to your Advantage When trying to develop a new relationship, you need to take advantage of every avenue. Even your Facebook account can be used to help your relationship. It is often an avenue for insulting the partner, causing many breakups. But, you can use it to your advantage and use it to show your ex how much you have changed and how you have new interests in your life. It can also be used to show your partner how
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much you care, and help them understand you better. The mp3 series, Reunited Relationships, guides you in how to do that, as well as giving other relationship advice.
Conclusion It is possible to get your ex back, and to have an ongoing relationship that meets and exceeds all your expectations. But, it does take effort, and more than just a little knowledge. It is hard to do it all on your own, because what might seem a good thing often is just the opposite. The eBook, The Magic of Making Up, has all the secrets to guide you through getting your ex back and rebuilding that relationship. There are certain expectations people have in a relationship, and they often don’t even know what that is. They may not know want they need and want. You may not know what you want and need, either. Two eBooks, one for the ladies and one for the gentlemen, will help you recognize what you need, and will help you understand what your ex needs as well. They are: The M3 System, written for the guys, and Get Him Back Forever, written for the gals. Never give up on your dream of getting your ex back. It can happen. About the only thing that would prevent it is if they had remarried. Even a new romantic interest can be challenged, so long as they haven’t married yet. And, when you do get them back, work on getting the best relationship ever, one expected to last forever. Just use the information you find in the eBooks mentioned and you will have a blueprint for getting what you want.
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