Long Term Relationship Problems
Content
Long-term relationship problems
- with 25 of the most common issues
Helping people to deal with relationship problems or marriage trouble is
what I do for a living.
I am a fully qualified and experienced couple counsellor and I am registered
with - and accredited by - the British Association for Counselling and
Psychotherapy.
I have helped thousands of individuals and couples to deal with all kinds of
relationship issues and my experience has allowed me to develop this website
so that I can help as many people as possible. I sincerely hope that I can help
you too.
These pages are for you whether you're married, in a long-term relationship and
are or aren't cohabiting, are separated or divorced. On my next page I'm talking
about the 25 most common relationship issues, but first read on...
How unmet emotional needs lead to relationship
problems
A close couple relationship provides an ideal opportunity for many of the
essential emotional needs of both partners to be met.
However, relationship problems can occur when one or both of you feel that
your needs aren't being met.
A relationship can also become troubled if you either misuse or do not maximise
your natural resources. Not taking care of your own emotional needs can lead
you to become unhappy and suffer with emotional, mental, social and
relationship problems.
For example, as people one of our most important emotional needs is attention.
If you feel that you're not getting enough attention then problems may start to
arise in your relationship.
It is important, however, to try to achieve a healthy balance. Asking for too
much attention, or perhaps even becoming demanding or manipulative,
obviously isn't going to make for a happy relationship or marriage either.
Balancing your needs with those of your partner
It is very important that your needs, and the needs of your partner, are met
in a helpful way. Just as many problems can be caused by selfish, manipulative
or controlling behaviour as by being a victim, a doormat or a pushover.
Don't worry - I am not criticising at all - we are all within that scale somewhere
and learning to balance our own needs with those of our loved ones is a lifelong journey!
It's helpful to start by honouring how you've 'survived' so far, and trusting that
you have within you all of the resources you need to transform your world,
including your relationship or marriage. I know you can - I believe in you!
(To learn more about the human givens - see link further down)
Are your expectations unrealistic?
Whenever you think people are withholding from you - praise, appreciation,
assistance, loving care, and so on - give it to them. You don't have it? Act as if
you have it and it will come. Then, soon after you start giving, you will start
receiving. You cannot receive what you don't give.
Erhart tolle, A New Earth
It's unrealistic to expect all of your needs to be met in your relationship or
marriage. Being overly dependent on each other often leads to relationship or
marriage problems too. Please note: if you feel that your needs aren't being
met this is a warning sign - not a 'green light' for infidelity!
Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and resentment. However
your view of precisely what is classed as 'realistic' is likely to be different from
mine and from your partner's. Therein lies the problem as well as the solution.
(It can really help to discuss this in confidence right now with an Online
Relationship Expert.)
I know it may sound harsh and you may feel angry with me for saying this, but
I do hope that you will try to stick with me because...
... by looking at your perception of the problems and your reactions, rather than
blaming your partner, you're more likely to make the right decisions about how
to overcome the difficulties.
Relationship or marital problems come in all shapes and sizes. So, If you're
feeling distraught, worn out or desperate for help then please remember that
you are not alone, and you are now in the right place.
As a qualified and experienced couple counsellor I have been with many
individuals and couples who have experienced these feelings. My expert
knowledge has allowed me to help them to understand how and why they are
struggling. They learned how to deal with their problems, solve them and move
forward.
I really hope that I can help you too, no matter what problems you are
experiencing. I have listed below the most common relationship problems
which is the best way for your exploration to begin…
25 Most common relationship problems
Here is the list of the most common relationship problems my clients most
often came to see me for. Follow the link to the page you're most interested in
for help on how to deal with your particular relationship problem.
1. Affairs / infidelity / cheating
This includes emotional infidelity, one-night stands, internet relationships
(including ‘sexting’), long- and short-term affairs and financial infidelity.
2. Sexual Problems, particularly loss of libido (Male and Female) and including
questions around your gender (bisexual?), or your partner's gender (bisexual?)
3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs
4. Life stages – you have ‘outgrown’ each other or
have ‘changed’ significantly for whatever reason
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing Events (see also: Brain Injury Symptoms)
6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress, such as Work-Related Stress,
long-term illness, mental health issues, Financial Problems, problems with
the children, infertility and many more
7. Bored in or with Your Relationship or..
8. Being Bored with 'Life'
9. Treating each other, or feeling as though you are being treated,
with contempt (see: Relationship Communication)
10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal as well as physical abuse:
THE most serious relationship problem. See Signs of An Abusive
Relationship.
11. Knowing you should not have got married in the first place! (See my
relationship or marriage compatibility test: Stay or Walk Away)
12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances, children (see: Children in the
Middle), health and many other issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations - still thinking your partner / spouse is the
princess / knight and not seeing the 'real' human being
14. Addictions - substance abuse (see: Alcoholism Stages)
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of the relationship (see:
Facebook Problems)
16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from people that matter
to you
17. Manipulation or over-involvement in your relationships with family or
friends
18. Lack of communication about important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided lack of responsibility for chores and
tasks. It is not always women who complain about this relationship problem!
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration / attentiveness:
feeling the relationship is one-sided is a big one!
21. Significant personal disappointments and traumas that lead to a change in
relationship dynamics (see: Your Partner in Prison)
22. Long term depression or other mental health issues suffered by one
partner or both (see: Natural Depression Treatments)
23. Significant differences in opinion on how to discipline / deal with the
children (see: How Divorce Affects Children and Children in the Middle)
24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking responsibility for doing
something positive to address the cause, or about learning to handle it if it
cannot be changed (see: Stress and Your Relationship and Adrenal Fatigue
Symptoms)
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and/or significant problems after
the birth your baby. See: How to Deal with a Birth Trauma and Before You
Consider Suing for a Birth Trauma
1
I wouldn’t be surprised if you have found that you are experiencing several
of these relationship problems, but you know what? However difficult this time
is for you I promise you that this too will pass. I am rooting for you and I know
that you will be happy again. You don’t have to wait and hope for better times –
together we can do something about it now!
The person you love (or used to love) was always bound to hurt you - it's sadly
a fact of life and we all do it to each other. However, we can become better at
solving our relationship problems by taking responsibility for ourselves.
You do deserve a great relationship or marriage. I’m passionate about
helping you to get started with solving your relationship issues.
I know that you were born with all of the resources you need to make the right
changes that'll lead to greater happiness.
Relationships and marriages (or any kind of relationship for that matter, including
friendships) go sour when they are damaged by poor or even toxic communication.
You may perhaps recognise some of the following:
'Settling scores' - a guaranteed way to cause relationship issues or marital
problems
Power battles and/or scoring points for whatever reason
Treating your partner differently from how you would want to be treated
yourself
Wanting to be right all of the time
Manipulating your partner or situations to get your own way
Undermining the person you are supposed to love - no wonder you've
relationship issues!
Using your partner or spouse deliberately to get what you want
Controlling your partner or spouse
Treating your partner with contempt
Abusing your partner in any way, for example financially, physically, mentally
and / or emotionally
Whilst all of these behaviours are hugely unhelpful in a relationship there's a reason
for - and a meaning of - all of them. They just need to be explored in the context of
people who are simply trying to have their essential emotional needs met.
Yes, they may not simply be 'issues' - their existence could mean 'personality
problems' for sure. However that label doesn't help you to solve your relationship
issues.
What is your role in your relationship issues?
Which mask do you wear? What role do you play?
If you recognise yourself in any of the above behaviours then do try to
challenge yourself. There’s no need to judge yourself - simply notice and
acknowledge the way you’re feeling and behaving. As a human being you're
very likely trying to have your emotional needs met in whichever way is familiar
and natural to you. I’m here to help you to achieve this in a more helpful way
and to stop your behaviour causing relationship issues.
You can start by asking yourself questions about why, where and when you behave
as you do, so that you can develop an awareness of what the triggers (not the
causes) are. My page on Problem Solving Strategies can help you to ask the right
questions and start understanding where the trouble is coming from.
Who is to blame for your relationship trouble?
Although you often won’t have control over what happens to you, you can
start to take control over how you respond to things.
If you truly think that your partner or spouse is the problem, here are some things
to help you:
Accept that you cannot change your partner
Consider Couple Counselling
Consider going for counselling yourself, if your partner doesn't want to come
with you. You can get some help in understanding how you get caught up in
your relationship issues
Seek help if your partner or spouse is abusive you. The abuse won't stop
however much you hope it will. This really isn't just an 'issue' - it's a serous
problem
Stop looking at what doesn't work, concentrate instead of what does go well
Marriage guidance or relationship counselling can really make the difference when
you’re having relationship problems because it helps you both to make the
necessary changes.
In any case, take control of your life. Learn to relax and meditate so that you can
make greater use of all your inborn resources.
Self-hypnosis too can really help you to stop those whirring thoughts and out
of control feelings in a doable and enjoyable way, with life-time benefits.
Time to end your relationship or marriage?
Not feeling safe and secure in your relationship or marriage?
Are few of your emotional needs met in your marriage or relationship, despite
your very best attempts at sorting them?
Have you really no hope?
Maybe it is time to consider if this relationship truly is the right one for you with my
Relationship Test. It will help you focus your efforts on improving your
relationship or perhaps deciding to end it, depending on what you feel is best
for you.
What else do you need right now?
All the information on my website is free.
It may not be enough though. And when you're most in need - and free to
choose - it can be hard to decide what other kind of help you need even if you
have to pay for it.
I've done the hard work of finding effective and trustworthy tools. Feel free to
choose from these 4 categories:
1. Mind-tools: Self-hypnosis
2. Books and programmes:
Save Your Marriage
Prepare for a Reconciliation
Panic Miracle
Stay or Walk Away Relationship Test
3. Immediate Online Confidential Advice from an Expert Counsellor
4. Remedies and supplements: Natural remedies
- with 25 of the most common issues
Helping people to deal with relationship problems or marriage trouble is
what I do for a living.
I am a fully qualified and experienced couple counsellor and I am registered
with - and accredited by - the British Association for Counselling and
Psychotherapy.
I have helped thousands of individuals and couples to deal with all kinds of
relationship issues and my experience has allowed me to develop this website
so that I can help as many people as possible. I sincerely hope that I can help
you too.
These pages are for you whether you're married, in a long-term relationship and
are or aren't cohabiting, are separated or divorced. On my next page I'm talking
about the 25 most common relationship issues, but first read on...
How unmet emotional needs lead to relationship
problems
A close couple relationship provides an ideal opportunity for many of the
essential emotional needs of both partners to be met.
However, relationship problems can occur when one or both of you feel that
your needs aren't being met.
A relationship can also become troubled if you either misuse or do not maximise
your natural resources. Not taking care of your own emotional needs can lead
you to become unhappy and suffer with emotional, mental, social and
relationship problems.
For example, as people one of our most important emotional needs is attention.
If you feel that you're not getting enough attention then problems may start to
arise in your relationship.
It is important, however, to try to achieve a healthy balance. Asking for too
much attention, or perhaps even becoming demanding or manipulative,
obviously isn't going to make for a happy relationship or marriage either.
Balancing your needs with those of your partner
It is very important that your needs, and the needs of your partner, are met
in a helpful way. Just as many problems can be caused by selfish, manipulative
or controlling behaviour as by being a victim, a doormat or a pushover.
Don't worry - I am not criticising at all - we are all within that scale somewhere
and learning to balance our own needs with those of our loved ones is a lifelong journey!
It's helpful to start by honouring how you've 'survived' so far, and trusting that
you have within you all of the resources you need to transform your world,
including your relationship or marriage. I know you can - I believe in you!
(To learn more about the human givens - see link further down)
Are your expectations unrealistic?
Whenever you think people are withholding from you - praise, appreciation,
assistance, loving care, and so on - give it to them. You don't have it? Act as if
you have it and it will come. Then, soon after you start giving, you will start
receiving. You cannot receive what you don't give.
Erhart tolle, A New Earth
It's unrealistic to expect all of your needs to be met in your relationship or
marriage. Being overly dependent on each other often leads to relationship or
marriage problems too. Please note: if you feel that your needs aren't being
met this is a warning sign - not a 'green light' for infidelity!
Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and resentment. However
your view of precisely what is classed as 'realistic' is likely to be different from
mine and from your partner's. Therein lies the problem as well as the solution.
(It can really help to discuss this in confidence right now with an Online
Relationship Expert.)
I know it may sound harsh and you may feel angry with me for saying this, but
I do hope that you will try to stick with me because...
... by looking at your perception of the problems and your reactions, rather than
blaming your partner, you're more likely to make the right decisions about how
to overcome the difficulties.
Relationship or marital problems come in all shapes and sizes. So, If you're
feeling distraught, worn out or desperate for help then please remember that
you are not alone, and you are now in the right place.
As a qualified and experienced couple counsellor I have been with many
individuals and couples who have experienced these feelings. My expert
knowledge has allowed me to help them to understand how and why they are
struggling. They learned how to deal with their problems, solve them and move
forward.
I really hope that I can help you too, no matter what problems you are
experiencing. I have listed below the most common relationship problems
which is the best way for your exploration to begin…
25 Most common relationship problems
Here is the list of the most common relationship problems my clients most
often came to see me for. Follow the link to the page you're most interested in
for help on how to deal with your particular relationship problem.
1. Affairs / infidelity / cheating
This includes emotional infidelity, one-night stands, internet relationships
(including ‘sexting’), long- and short-term affairs and financial infidelity.
2. Sexual Problems, particularly loss of libido (Male and Female) and including
questions around your gender (bisexual?), or your partner's gender (bisexual?)
3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs
4. Life stages – you have ‘outgrown’ each other or
have ‘changed’ significantly for whatever reason
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing Events (see also: Brain Injury Symptoms)
6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress, such as Work-Related Stress,
long-term illness, mental health issues, Financial Problems, problems with
the children, infertility and many more
7. Bored in or with Your Relationship or..
8. Being Bored with 'Life'
9. Treating each other, or feeling as though you are being treated,
with contempt (see: Relationship Communication)
10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal as well as physical abuse:
THE most serious relationship problem. See Signs of An Abusive
Relationship.
11. Knowing you should not have got married in the first place! (See my
relationship or marriage compatibility test: Stay or Walk Away)
12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances, children (see: Children in the
Middle), health and many other issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations - still thinking your partner / spouse is the
princess / knight and not seeing the 'real' human being
14. Addictions - substance abuse (see: Alcoholism Stages)
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of the relationship (see:
Facebook Problems)
16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from people that matter
to you
17. Manipulation or over-involvement in your relationships with family or
friends
18. Lack of communication about important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided lack of responsibility for chores and
tasks. It is not always women who complain about this relationship problem!
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration / attentiveness:
feeling the relationship is one-sided is a big one!
21. Significant personal disappointments and traumas that lead to a change in
relationship dynamics (see: Your Partner in Prison)
22. Long term depression or other mental health issues suffered by one
partner or both (see: Natural Depression Treatments)
23. Significant differences in opinion on how to discipline / deal with the
children (see: How Divorce Affects Children and Children in the Middle)
24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking responsibility for doing
something positive to address the cause, or about learning to handle it if it
cannot be changed (see: Stress and Your Relationship and Adrenal Fatigue
Symptoms)
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and/or significant problems after
the birth your baby. See: How to Deal with a Birth Trauma and Before You
Consider Suing for a Birth Trauma
1
I wouldn’t be surprised if you have found that you are experiencing several
of these relationship problems, but you know what? However difficult this time
is for you I promise you that this too will pass. I am rooting for you and I know
that you will be happy again. You don’t have to wait and hope for better times –
together we can do something about it now!
The person you love (or used to love) was always bound to hurt you - it's sadly
a fact of life and we all do it to each other. However, we can become better at
solving our relationship problems by taking responsibility for ourselves.
You do deserve a great relationship or marriage. I’m passionate about
helping you to get started with solving your relationship issues.
I know that you were born with all of the resources you need to make the right
changes that'll lead to greater happiness.
Relationships and marriages (or any kind of relationship for that matter, including
friendships) go sour when they are damaged by poor or even toxic communication.
You may perhaps recognise some of the following:
'Settling scores' - a guaranteed way to cause relationship issues or marital
problems
Power battles and/or scoring points for whatever reason
Treating your partner differently from how you would want to be treated
yourself
Wanting to be right all of the time
Manipulating your partner or situations to get your own way
Undermining the person you are supposed to love - no wonder you've
relationship issues!
Using your partner or spouse deliberately to get what you want
Controlling your partner or spouse
Treating your partner with contempt
Abusing your partner in any way, for example financially, physically, mentally
and / or emotionally
Whilst all of these behaviours are hugely unhelpful in a relationship there's a reason
for - and a meaning of - all of them. They just need to be explored in the context of
people who are simply trying to have their essential emotional needs met.
Yes, they may not simply be 'issues' - their existence could mean 'personality
problems' for sure. However that label doesn't help you to solve your relationship
issues.
What is your role in your relationship issues?
Which mask do you wear? What role do you play?
If you recognise yourself in any of the above behaviours then do try to
challenge yourself. There’s no need to judge yourself - simply notice and
acknowledge the way you’re feeling and behaving. As a human being you're
very likely trying to have your emotional needs met in whichever way is familiar
and natural to you. I’m here to help you to achieve this in a more helpful way
and to stop your behaviour causing relationship issues.
You can start by asking yourself questions about why, where and when you behave
as you do, so that you can develop an awareness of what the triggers (not the
causes) are. My page on Problem Solving Strategies can help you to ask the right
questions and start understanding where the trouble is coming from.
Who is to blame for your relationship trouble?
Although you often won’t have control over what happens to you, you can
start to take control over how you respond to things.
If you truly think that your partner or spouse is the problem, here are some things
to help you:
Accept that you cannot change your partner
Consider Couple Counselling
Consider going for counselling yourself, if your partner doesn't want to come
with you. You can get some help in understanding how you get caught up in
your relationship issues
Seek help if your partner or spouse is abusive you. The abuse won't stop
however much you hope it will. This really isn't just an 'issue' - it's a serous
problem
Stop looking at what doesn't work, concentrate instead of what does go well
Marriage guidance or relationship counselling can really make the difference when
you’re having relationship problems because it helps you both to make the
necessary changes.
In any case, take control of your life. Learn to relax and meditate so that you can
make greater use of all your inborn resources.
Self-hypnosis too can really help you to stop those whirring thoughts and out
of control feelings in a doable and enjoyable way, with life-time benefits.
Time to end your relationship or marriage?
Not feeling safe and secure in your relationship or marriage?
Are few of your emotional needs met in your marriage or relationship, despite
your very best attempts at sorting them?
Have you really no hope?
Maybe it is time to consider if this relationship truly is the right one for you with my
Relationship Test. It will help you focus your efforts on improving your
relationship or perhaps deciding to end it, depending on what you feel is best
for you.
What else do you need right now?
All the information on my website is free.
It may not be enough though. And when you're most in need - and free to
choose - it can be hard to decide what other kind of help you need even if you
have to pay for it.
I've done the hard work of finding effective and trustworthy tools. Feel free to
choose from these 4 categories:
1. Mind-tools: Self-hypnosis
2. Books and programmes:
Save Your Marriage
Prepare for a Reconciliation
Panic Miracle
Stay or Walk Away Relationship Test
3. Immediate Online Confidential Advice from an Expert Counsellor
4. Remedies and supplements: Natural remedies
