One and Only One Promise
Content
One and Only One Promise
(prompted by today’s reading in the Just for Today)
I use to think, “If I could just get sober, if I could just stop using drugs, my life would be fantastic. My life would get so much better and all my problems would disappear. I used to think that I would stop having financial troubles, employment issues, relationship problems, and defiant children. I thought that if I became a clean and sober person, everyone that I stumbled across would respect me and treat me with the dignity that I deserve. I thought that my life would magically evolve into a big bowl of cherries. I thought that I would feast on cherries until my finger tips turned crimson and my stomach would burst. I was wrong about all of the above. I was absolutely mistaken. However, finding a way to live without drugs and alcohol has, without a doubt, altered my life. Finding a new way to live has changed my attitude, but not all of my actions (I have far from mastered the principles I am being taught). Honestly, today my life is not necessarily superior to what it used to be, but it is definitely different. Moreover, today I recognize, and I have accepted, that I have been promised one, and only one, promise. That promise is the freedom from active addiction. I experience, on a daily basis, the freedom from active addiction. I no longer wake up sick with headaches, nausea, the shakes, diarrhea or any other withdrawal symptoms. I wake up on most days rested and in first-class health. I rarely get ill with colds and other ailments (although today, literally, I am sick as a dog). I am no longer consumed with the thoughts of getting, and finding ways, to get, and use more, of the chemicals that I abused daily. Honestly, I rarely think about using any drug stronger than an Aleve or two for a migraine headache. I am no longer scheduling all of my activities (or those of my children) around my chemical use. I can make appointments for any time of day; I do not have to worry that they will interfere with my use of
chemicals. I do not have to worry that I will be blacked out, otherwise sick, or in the midst of withdrawals. I am no longer deceitful to my loved ones, or missing family functions because I am too drunk or too high to attend. I can be trusted to be where I say I am going to be, when I say I am going to be there. I am no longer spending every penny I make on drugs and alcohol, or stealing to get the money that I need. I am no longer being arrested and sent to jail, nor am I confined to mental institutions. I visit the jails and I am allowed to leave when the visit is complete. I take part in meetings located in psychiatric institutions, and I am allowed to leave from there too. I am no longer lying to myself, and most importantly I am in control (for the most part) of my own behavior. My addiction, the drugs and alcohol, are no longer controlling me. The compulsion to use has been lifted. I am no longer a slave, dominated by an evil, and unfair force, I am free. What a promise to behold, freedom from the pain, agony, defeat, and demoralizing behaviors that caused me to hate myself dreadfully. What a gift greater than any other. It is a gift that I treasure and work diligently to keep a grasp on. Along with this gift, freedom from active addiction, I am blessed with a clearer and sounder mind than I have ever had before. Today I am able to make decisions and choices that will benefit me and my life rather than hinder my growth and progress. Therefore, I receive other blessings as a result of living this way. There is less turmoil and chaos, although there are some rough spots in the road. There is less financial trouble, but it does exist to a certain degree. I have a job, but not full time employment. I have family and friends in my life that love me, but at times these relationships are strained or difficult. My children are beautiful, but at times (not often) show disrespect and defiance. Last but not least, not everyone I meet thinks the world of me because I am clean and sober. Why should they? I am only doing now, what I should have been doing all along. It would be easy to
blame my past mistakes on the addiction, but I must not do that. Furthermore, people are fallible and make mistakes; most people, including myself, have bad days treating others with disrespect. I do not have to react inappropriately to these people, places, or situations. A drink or a drug will never make any of it disappear, or any easier to cope with. I have learned to accept, although not always gratefully, there will be days or people that are not so nice. The reality is that life is just life for all people. Bad days will, and often do occur, to each and every one of us. I am not alone, different, or singled out in that regard. There are times that I will not be able to pay every bill on time. There will be times of feast and times of famine. There will be times of ease and times of difficulty. There will be times of joy and times of sadness. There will be love and, sadly, there will also be hate in this world I live in. I must accept reality. I must accept change. My life is guaranteed to change, and not all change is good, or easy to accept. My life will not necessarily get better. My life, if I stay clean and sober, will unquestionably continue to get different. Like it or not! I must remember that I will always have today, but I am never promised tomorrow. I must also keep in mind that I have been promised one, and only one, promise. I was promised freedom from active addiction, and that is exactly what happened; and that my dear friends, I must emphatically acknowledge, is more than enough for me! All My Love, Kristin McNulty January 20, 2010
(prompted by today’s reading in the Just for Today)
I use to think, “If I could just get sober, if I could just stop using drugs, my life would be fantastic. My life would get so much better and all my problems would disappear. I used to think that I would stop having financial troubles, employment issues, relationship problems, and defiant children. I thought that if I became a clean and sober person, everyone that I stumbled across would respect me and treat me with the dignity that I deserve. I thought that my life would magically evolve into a big bowl of cherries. I thought that I would feast on cherries until my finger tips turned crimson and my stomach would burst. I was wrong about all of the above. I was absolutely mistaken. However, finding a way to live without drugs and alcohol has, without a doubt, altered my life. Finding a new way to live has changed my attitude, but not all of my actions (I have far from mastered the principles I am being taught). Honestly, today my life is not necessarily superior to what it used to be, but it is definitely different. Moreover, today I recognize, and I have accepted, that I have been promised one, and only one, promise. That promise is the freedom from active addiction. I experience, on a daily basis, the freedom from active addiction. I no longer wake up sick with headaches, nausea, the shakes, diarrhea or any other withdrawal symptoms. I wake up on most days rested and in first-class health. I rarely get ill with colds and other ailments (although today, literally, I am sick as a dog). I am no longer consumed with the thoughts of getting, and finding ways, to get, and use more, of the chemicals that I abused daily. Honestly, I rarely think about using any drug stronger than an Aleve or two for a migraine headache. I am no longer scheduling all of my activities (or those of my children) around my chemical use. I can make appointments for any time of day; I do not have to worry that they will interfere with my use of
chemicals. I do not have to worry that I will be blacked out, otherwise sick, or in the midst of withdrawals. I am no longer deceitful to my loved ones, or missing family functions because I am too drunk or too high to attend. I can be trusted to be where I say I am going to be, when I say I am going to be there. I am no longer spending every penny I make on drugs and alcohol, or stealing to get the money that I need. I am no longer being arrested and sent to jail, nor am I confined to mental institutions. I visit the jails and I am allowed to leave when the visit is complete. I take part in meetings located in psychiatric institutions, and I am allowed to leave from there too. I am no longer lying to myself, and most importantly I am in control (for the most part) of my own behavior. My addiction, the drugs and alcohol, are no longer controlling me. The compulsion to use has been lifted. I am no longer a slave, dominated by an evil, and unfair force, I am free. What a promise to behold, freedom from the pain, agony, defeat, and demoralizing behaviors that caused me to hate myself dreadfully. What a gift greater than any other. It is a gift that I treasure and work diligently to keep a grasp on. Along with this gift, freedom from active addiction, I am blessed with a clearer and sounder mind than I have ever had before. Today I am able to make decisions and choices that will benefit me and my life rather than hinder my growth and progress. Therefore, I receive other blessings as a result of living this way. There is less turmoil and chaos, although there are some rough spots in the road. There is less financial trouble, but it does exist to a certain degree. I have a job, but not full time employment. I have family and friends in my life that love me, but at times these relationships are strained or difficult. My children are beautiful, but at times (not often) show disrespect and defiance. Last but not least, not everyone I meet thinks the world of me because I am clean and sober. Why should they? I am only doing now, what I should have been doing all along. It would be easy to
blame my past mistakes on the addiction, but I must not do that. Furthermore, people are fallible and make mistakes; most people, including myself, have bad days treating others with disrespect. I do not have to react inappropriately to these people, places, or situations. A drink or a drug will never make any of it disappear, or any easier to cope with. I have learned to accept, although not always gratefully, there will be days or people that are not so nice. The reality is that life is just life for all people. Bad days will, and often do occur, to each and every one of us. I am not alone, different, or singled out in that regard. There are times that I will not be able to pay every bill on time. There will be times of feast and times of famine. There will be times of ease and times of difficulty. There will be times of joy and times of sadness. There will be love and, sadly, there will also be hate in this world I live in. I must accept reality. I must accept change. My life is guaranteed to change, and not all change is good, or easy to accept. My life will not necessarily get better. My life, if I stay clean and sober, will unquestionably continue to get different. Like it or not! I must remember that I will always have today, but I am never promised tomorrow. I must also keep in mind that I have been promised one, and only one, promise. I was promised freedom from active addiction, and that is exactly what happened; and that my dear friends, I must emphatically acknowledge, is more than enough for me! All My Love, Kristin McNulty January 20, 2010
