Psychic

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Thingy By Christine Pawlowicz

2010

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ACT I Scene 1 (Pat and Adrian may be played by male or female actors. For the sake of simplicity, in this script they will be written as male.) Pat and Adrian are working on an unspecified piece of metalwork with various nuts, bolts, screws, and other such bits. Out of reach of Adrian are several tools, within Pat’s reach. ADRIAN Hand me the thingy. Pat hands Adrian a wrench. Adrian takes the wrench and uses it to tighten a bolt. Pat watches this with growing amazement and realization. He sets down his tool, sits back, and thinks for a moment. Then, with incredible intensity, Pat stares at Adrian’s head. Adrian is oblivious for some time as he works on the metalwork. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Pat’s intense stare, glances at him in confusion and starts to speak. ADRIAN WhPAT You’re wondering what I am doing. ADRIAN ...Yes. PAT I’m reading your mind. ADRIAN NPAT You don’t believe me. ADRIAN No, I don’t. PAT Ahh, but I am! (spooky voice) I am reading your mind!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

ADRIAN You’rePAT Crazy. I knew you were going to say that! Adrian stares at Pat for a moment with a look that borders on hatred and reeks of annoyance. He shakes his head, picks up his wrench and gets back to work. Pat continues to stare at Adrian. After a few seconds, Adrian puts down the wrench and gestures toward the other tools. ADRIAN Hand me the other thingy. Pat picks up a screwdriver and holds it out toward Adrian. Adrian grabs the screwdriver, but Pat will not let it go. He stares at Adrian with a look of smug satisfaction. Adrian looks at the tool, then at Pat. ADRIAN What? PAT I knew what you meant by thingy. ADRIAN Yeah, so? PAT I’m reading your mind! ADRIAN No, you just knew what I meant by thingy. PAT But how did I know? ADRIAN Because I already have the wrench thingy, and the only other thingy left is the screwdriver thingy, now give me the damn thingy! Pat lets go of the screwdriver, and Adrian forcefully pulls it away and uses it on the metalwork. (BEAT) Pat grins smugly and leans in toward Adrian.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: PAT

3.

You’re thinking if you ignore me I’ll drop the whole mind-reading thing. Adrian puts down the screwdriver forcefully and turns to Pat. ADRIAN Yeah, fine! If I ignore you will you stop so we can get some work done? PAT No. ADRIAN What? PAT I want you to believe I can read your mind. ADRIAN Fine. I believe you can read my mind. let’s finish this. There. Now What?! What do you want, then?

Adrian picks up the screwdriver and continues fiddling with the metalwork for a few seconds. (BEAT) PAT You don’t believe me. Adrian drops the screwdriver and throws his hands up in the air. ADRIAN Fine. Fine! You’re right. I don’t believe you can read my mind. I do believe you’re crazy. Why should I believe you? Please, enlighten me. PAT Well, I’ve been right about everything so far. ADRIAN LuckyPAT Guesses. I know. I knew you were gonna say that, by the way. But I wasn’t guessing. I was reading your thoughts. ADRIAN So you’re telling me you looked into my mind and heard what I was thinking. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

PAT Well, no. I didn’t really hear them, I just read them. ADRIAN Oh, what’s the difference- fine. You looked into my mind and read my thoughts. You want me to buy that? PAT Yes. ADRIAN Alright, convince me. PAT Ok, When you asked for the thingy the first time, I handed you the wrench. You never said wrench, but I read your thoughts and knew you meant wrench. ADRIAN No, you looked at what I was working on and guessed I needed to tighten the bolt. Just because you’ve been working with me long enough that you know what tool I need doesn’t mean you can read my thoughts. PAT When you asked for the other thingy I knew you wanted the screwdriver. ADRIAN We’ve been through this. That was the other thingy and you knew it was that thingy because I already had this thingy! Adrian brandishes the wrench, almost but not quite threateningly. PAT I knew you were going to call me crazy. And that you were going to say it was a lucky guess, and that you didn’t believe me, and that right now you’re getting frustrated with me and you’re trying to find a way to prove me wrong andADRIAN You’re just making observations based on the situation! You’re not reading anything, you’re just predicting! PAT But I’ve been right.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

ADRIAN LuckyTOGETHER Guesses! Adrian glares at Pat and taps the wrench in his hand in annoyance. (Pause) PAT Ok, hear me out. Were you or were you not thinking the things I said you were thinking? ADRIAN I was. PAT Those were your thoughts. ADRIAN Yes. PAT So I read your thoughts. ADRIAN No, you read the situation well enough to know what I was thinking. You guessed what I was thinking based on how I was acting and what I was saying. Pat looks triumphant. PAT Exactly. ADRIAN What do you mean, exactly!? PAT I never said I was psychic, I just said that I could read your thoughts. And I did. Ok, look. Are the things you say out loud, at some point, your thoughts? ADRIAN For the most part, yes. PAT So technically, I’m listening to your thoughts. use language to express your thoughts. Fair? You You’re not psychic!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

ADRIAN Fair. PAT Now, is body language a language? For example, I can tell by the way you’re holding the wrench and the way you’re glaring at me that you’re angry and annoyed. Anger an annoyance are your current thoughts. I can read that based on your body language. ADRIAN Technically, yes. PAT And now, by using my perceptive abilities, I can predict, judging by how you verbally responded to me and how I know you’ve reacted in the past, you’re going to think that I have a point, and maybe I’m right, and you’re going to get a little angry that I’m right, and then you’re going to be a little shocked that you’ve done exactly what I said you would, and then you’re going to accept it. As Adrian listens to Pat, he gets thoughtful, then angry, then shocked as he realizes he’s done exactly what Pat has said. ADRIAN Huh. PAT Told you. ADRIAN Alright, well what about those people who claim to be psychics? PAT They’re just better at it than most people. They pick up on language and situational cues that most people can’t. ADRIAN We’re reading Hop on Pop, and they’re reading... PAT Finnigan’s Wake. ADRIAN Yeah. Well damn. I guess you’re right.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

7.

PAT Ok, you try. ADRIAN Try what? PAT To read my thoughts. Go ahead. Try. Pat gives Adrian a stare like he’s trying to project his thoughts into Adrian’s brain. Adrian stares back at him for a few seconds, then gives up. ADRIAN I don’t know, you’re probably thinking of some random word like Taco or something that I’d never be able to guess. PAT Falafel. ADRIAN What? PAT I was thinking of Falafel. But they’re both foods, so not bad for your first try. Adrian laughs, finally relaxed. ADRIAN Fair enough. All right, let’s finish this.

They go back to working on the metalwork in silence for several seconds. After a considerable pause, PAT Stop thinking about me naked. ADRIAN Ok, THAT was just a lucky TOGETHER Guess! BLACKOUT

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