Texas Roadhouse

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The Texas Roadhouse
Written By Steven Donnini and Lana McCauley
Copyright 2008 Donnini Studio

Episode 1 (30:00 mins) "Take This Job and Shove It" Here "Texas rednecks" humorously entertain people about modern life as seen through the eye's of Texas country people. Their unique perspective is expressed through country songs that are performed at the Roadhouse where the owner, Johnnie Mack Cates, hangs out with his cronies every night. They try to solve all of their problems while running the Texas Roadhouse as their lives intertwine with it's loyal audience of local people, who come to drink and dance the night away. Johnnie Mack is 6 foot or so and looks like he hasn't eaten in weeks. His sense of humor is pure country redneck and he's proud of it! When he was young, he went to Nashville to try to make it as a songwriter and he became friends with many people who are now big Stars. Frustrated he came home to Collin County bought a small farm and the Texas Roadhouse. Now, as a favor to him these big Stars come and perform at his Texas Roadhouse. Tater Digger is a 45 years old Collin County native, he has a stout build, thick eye glasses, and a wide smile that are his trademarks. A childhood friend of Johnnie Mack, he is the business manager and transportation captain. Only Johnnie Mack knows Tater's real name and he is sworn to secrecy. He drives around in what everyone calls "The Taterville Trolly," a 1972 R.V., used to transport the bands around Dallas. It is Tater's pride and joy.

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Betty, Barb, and Suzie are local trailer park women, a little on the hefty side, who have had a tough time finding men until they met Johnnie Mack. They don't mind sharing him as friend and companion. For them the most exciting time of the day is the evening when they can get dressed up, put on too much make-up and go to the roadhouse to hang out with Johnnie Mack. Hondo is the 40 something Mexican American cook at the roadhouse. He is new to this country and has not learned how to speak English very well. Yet, he is very clever in the way he discusses what he thinks and brings a fresh new outsiders perspective to life here in America. Daisy and Ruby are waitresses at the Texas Roadhouse. They have lived in the area all their lives. They went to school together and dated the same boys. Ruby now 35 years old is married to Daisy's old high school sweetheart. Daisy's husband was killed in a motorcycle accident. Bear is a 35 year old auto mechanic that hangs around the Roadhouse dispensing home remedies to anyone that will listen, gives a back rub to whoever has a backache, they buy him drinks in return.

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TEXAS ROADHOUSE "Take This Job and Shove It" ACT ONE

FADE IN: EXT. WIDE SHOT OF COUNTRY ROAD (GOLDEN LIGHT OF THE AFTERNOON SUN STREAKS THROUGH TREES ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AS THE "TATERVILLE TROLLEY" COMES INTO FRAME. COUNTRY MUSIC UNDER AND GROWS LOUDER AS BUS GETS CLOSER) CUT TO WIDE SHOT OF BIRD'S EYE VIEW INT. OF BUS CLOSEUP OF JOHNNIE MACK (HE IS SINGING AND PICKING ON HIS OLD GIBSON GUITAR) CLOSEUP OF TATER DRIVING BUS (HE IS LIP-SYNCING TO COUNTRY MUSIC)

INT. WIDE SHOT OF PEOPLE IN BUS (TATER, BETTY, SUZIE AND JOHNNIE MACK) CUT TO WIDE SHOT OF BUS (BUS PULLS INTO PARKING LOT OF TEXAS ROADHOUSE) DISSOLVE TO CLOSEUP OF BUS DOOR (THEY RUSH OUT TRIPPING, LOG JAMMING AT DOOR PUSHING TO GET OUT, FALLING TO THE GROUND. BETTY OVER 300 LBS. LANDS ON TOP OF TATER WITH JOHNNIE MACK COMING OUT OF THE BUS LAST, STEPPING OVER THEM ON THE GROUND)

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CAMERA FOLLOWS (JOHNNIE MACK TO DOOR OF THE ROADHOUSE AS HE STRAIGHTENS THE POSTER OF THE STAR TO APPEAR THAT NIGHT) (JOHNNIE LOOKS BACK AT ALL THE PEOPLE ON THE GROUND AND SHAKES HIS HEAD IN WONDERMENT) MUSIC FADES FADE TO BLACK (COMMERCIAL BREAK #1)

INT. MED. WIDE SHOT OF TEXAS ROADHOUSE BAR (TATER AT THE BAR, TATER IS COUNTING RECEIPTS FROM LUNCH CROWD) INT. WIDE SHOT OF RESTAURANT AREA (RIGHT BEFORE DINNER, DAISY AND RUBY CLEANING OFF TABLES, CLEANING GLASSES AND STRAIGHTENING CHAIRS) INT. MED. SHOT OF FRONT DOOR (JOHNNIE MACK WALKS IN)

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CUT TO MED. WIDE SHOT FROM BAR (TATER IS AT BAR COUNTING MONEY - JOHNNIE WALKS UP UNNOTICED AND STANDS IN BACK GROUND BEHIND TATER) TATER (COUNTING MONEY) hundred, forty. JOHNNIE No, one hundred, twenty. You counted that last twenty twice! CLOSEUP OF TATER'S FACE (HE NERVOUSLY TURNS TO FACE JOHNNIE MACK SURPRISED) TATER Oh, hi Johnnie! (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) That goes to show you that you can't have enough twenties! JOHNNIE Yeah Tater, you got a real knack for money! CLOSEUP TATER'S LAP (TATER DROPS MONEY INTO HIS LAP) CLOSEUP OF JOHNNIE (AS HE PUTS HIS HANDS ON HIS HEAD IN FRUSTRATION) One hundred twenty, one

TATER I've been up all night. CLOSEUP JOHNNIE'S FACE (HE'S LOOKING AT TATER)

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JOHNNIE You're up every night! but I can still count! TATER (STAMMERING) JOHNNIE A well is a deep subject, too deep for your shallow mind! You'd better double check it! Oh well, ah... I was too,

CLOSEUP OF JOHNNIE (SHAKES HIS HEAD IN DISBELIEF) MED SHOT OF BAR AREA (RUBY COMES UP BEHIND JOHNNIE AND SLINGS HER ARM OVER HIS SHOULDER) RUBY What's this about you being up all night with all the girls in the trailer park? JOHNNIE (HOLDING HAND OVER HEART) Well, with so many girls and so little time, somebody's got to do it! RUBY (ROLLING HER EYES) Right, it's your patriotic duty!

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TATER Yeah, Johnnie, were you able to keep count last night! (LAUGHING) (JOHNNIE TAKES OFF HIS HAT AND THRASHS TATER WITH IT)

CLOSEUP OF EXT. KITCHEN DOOR: (HONDO NERVOUSLY STICKING HIS HEAD OUT OF DOOR) HONDO (MEAT CLEAVER IN HAND) Where's the meat? MED SHOT OF BAR AREA (JOHNNIE WAVES HIS HAND AT HONDO) JOHNNIE Tater's in charge of that. HONDO She's explains everything! (MUMBLING IN SPANISH TO HIMSELF- HE GOES BACK INSIDE KITCHEN) MED SHOT OF BAR AREA TATER When I was in the Army I could make steak from shoe leather. RUBY Maybe that's why I've got some complaints on the steaks! They've just been too tough!

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JOHNNIE I told you to stop buying that cheap beef!

EXTREME CLOSEUP OF TATER (TATER ROLLS EYES AND LOOKS GUILTY) MED. CLOSEUP OF RUBY (SHE SMACKS GUM LOUDLY AND HAND ON HIP TURNS TO JOHNNIE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT TATER) RUBY And speaking of complaints, I've got myself a real problem here. Tater wants me to open up

on Saturday morning, but my roots are getting roots. (POINTING TO HER HAIR)

And I just got to go to Loretta's Beauty Barn first thing on Saturday mornin's. CLOSEUP OF RUBY: RUBY And, another thing, if you don't get me some help around here, I'm ah gonna quit! MED SHOT OF BAR AREA: (KITCHEN IN BACKGROUND) TATER (ACTING AS IF HE DID NOT HEAR A THING SHE SAID) Hey, Ruby did we get that side of beef in this morning?

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RUBY (LOOKING AT JOHNNIE AND STOMPS HER FOOT) (LOUDLY) See!!! (LOOKS AT TATER) You didn't hear a word I said! (STORMS OFF MAD)

MED SHOT OF KITCHEN DOOR (HONDO EXITS KITCHEN AND JOINS GROUP AT BAR) HONDO Someones say "Yes?" JOHNNIE No, Hondo, nobody said yes. HONDO (HONDO SCRATCHES HIS HEAD AND LOOKS PUZZLED) Me no gots it! TATER Hondo, go check on the meat. JOHNNIE No, Hondo you don't get it. HONDO What, me no gets no beefs? JOHNNIE Never mind! (HOLDING HIS HEAD) TATER Hondo, just go check if the meats ah been

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delivered. HONDO (WAVING KNIFE SPEAKING IN BROKEN ENGLISH) Everybody tells me... yes beefs's in, then no beefs, only Hondo this, Hondo that... Hondo, Hondo, Hondo! Me changes me name!

WIDE SHOT OF BAR AREA (WILLY JOINS GROUP AT BAR) WILLY Tater tells me it's my turn to clean the bathrooms. It's Hondo's turn.

MED EXT. SHOT OF KITCHEN DOOR (HONDO IS WAVING KNIFE, CROWD LOOKS WARILY AT KNIFE MOVING FROM SIDE TO SIDE AS HE POINTS IT AT THEM) HONDO Looks, me tolds you, Hondo this, Hondo that. MED CLOSEUP OF JOHNNIE MACK (JOHNNIE PUTS HIS HANDS IN THE AIR) JOHNNIE Alright! We can kill each other later, we've So, Hondo, back to

got a big night coming up. the kitchen.

Ruby, back to the register

and Tater, stay with me.

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WIDE SHOT OF CROWD (CROWD DISPERSES, GRUMBLING) JOHNNIE A manager is like a sargent in the army. gotta keep the troops workin' together. TATER Does that mean I've got to let Ruby get her roots fixed? He's

CLOSEUP OF JOHNNIE JOHNNIE Yeah, and don't let Hondo change his name. It's hard enough gettin' his attention as it is. MED WIDE SHOT OF RESTAURANT (JOHNNIE PAYCHECK ENTERS ROADHOUSE FRONT DOOR AND IS GREETED BY RUBY WITH A HUG)

PAYCHECK How's it goin' Ruby, dear? RUBY Oh, Johnnie, I'm so tried of doing all the work around here I'm a fixin' to quit. Be a

sweetheart would ya and sing "Take This Job And

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Shove It" for me? PAYCHECK It'd be ma pleasure, darlin'. (JOHNNIE MACK STROLLS UP AND HUGS JOHNNIE PAYCHECK) JOHNNIE MACK Heah, ol' buddy, it sure is good ta see ya again, it's been longer than a coon's age. PAYCHECK It sure has! How the heck have ya been?

JOHNNIE MACK (CONT.) Oh, I can't complain, more women than I can handle, so it can't be all that bad!

PAYCHECK Well, ya better not loose that Ruby, she's a real jewel! JOHNNIE MACK Yeah, she is! running! She helps me keep this place

I sure appreciate ya coming and

singing here at ma Roadhouse for me good buddy, I know you're busy and all. PAYCHECK I'm never to busy for old friends and I'll do anything to help 'em out.

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JOHNNIE MACK Well, you sure have. I'm expectin' a big crowd

tonight, everybody in town's been talking about you bein' here! PAYCHECK That's great! setup. I'd better go check out the

I'll talk at ya later.

JOHNNIE MACK (PATS HIM ON THE BACK) Okay, good buddy, if ya need anything just holler! (LATER THAT EVENING WIDE SHOT OF SUN GOING DOWN) COMMERCIAL BREAK #2 MED SHOT OF INT. KITCHEN (TATER ENTERS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO EAT, HONDO IS CHOPPING ONIONS WITH A BIG KNIFE, RUBY'S YELLING ORDERS INTO THE KITCHEN WINDOW) CLOSEUP OF HONDO (HONDO THROWING THINGS AROUND THE KITCHEN) MED SHOT OF HONDO (TATER ENTERS AND WALKS UP TO HONDO) TATER Hondo, what's up? HONDO My wife left me for another guy.

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TATER What? You've got six kids. What's going to

happen... HONDO (INTERRUPTS TATER) We split them down the

middle!(HE SAYS AS HE CHOPS WITH A KNIFE) TATER (DISBELIEVING) three for her? HONDO Yeah, she'll be back. TATER Why? HONDO Because, she took the ones that bite! (CONTINUES TO CHOP FOOD) CLOSEUP OF DAISY IN KITCHEN WINDOW DAISY Hondo can't you go any faster? The customers You mean, three for you and

are circlin' me like hungry sharks. CLOSEUP HONDO (LOOKS UP)

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HONDO Faster Hondo, hurry Hondo. That's what my wife

use to say. Now she's back in Mexico. DAISY Does that mean I'm gonna end up in Mexico? CLOSEUP TATER (SHOVELS IN A PIECE OF PIE AND TALKS) TATER Daisy, it wouldn't hurt you to get a little culture. DAISY Is that what happened to you... (IN AN EXAGGERATED SEXY VOICE) DAISY ... because you are certainly one hunk of a cultured man. (AS SHE SLINKS AND DISAPPEARS) CLOSEUP HONDO (PLACES DISH ON COUNTER) HONDO Tater, do you think Rosita will... (LOOKS, TATER STUFFING PIE, IT'S ALL OVER HIS FACE, HONDO STOPS TALKING; TATER LOOKS UP WONDERING WHY HONDO HAS STOPPED TALKING) HONDO Do this. (MOVES HIS LIPS AROUND)

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CLOSEUP OF TATER MOVING HIS LIPS AROUND (KITCHEN WINDOW IN BACKGROUND WITH DAISY WAITING, SHE MOVES HER LIPS AROUND LIKE HONDO AND TATER. TATER DOESN'T KNOW HE HAS PIE ALL OVER HIS FACE. RUBY WALKS UP AND SEES THEM ALL MAKING FACES AT EACH OTHER) RUBY Everybody hold that pose, I'm getting my camera. (ROLLING EYES AND WALKING OFF) HONDO Well, do you think she'll come back? TATER Not if she's smart. Your pie ain't all that

wonderful. (BRUSHING PIE OFF HIS FACE) HONDO Why you eats them? (TEASINGLY SHOOTS TATER A NASTY LOOK AS HE RAISES HIS KNIFE IN THE AIR IN THREATING WAY) TATER (LAUGHS BACKING OFF OUT OF THE KITCHEN, PRETENDING TO BE SCARED) No, Hondo, don't! INT WIDE SHOT OF KITCHEN DOOR (JOHNNIE ENTERS CARRYING AN EMPTY FOOD TRAY AND RUNS INTO TATER) JOHNNIE MACK (JOKINGLY) Hondo, I thought I told you not to A

kill anymore of my employees! (HONDO LOWERS KNIFE AND RETURNS TO COOKING)

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CLOSEUP MED SHOT OF BAR AREA (WHERE JOHNNIE AND TATER WALK OUT OF KITCHEN AND SET DOWN) JOHNNIE MACK Tater, I heard you got another speeding ticket the other day. TATER Yeah, but that was a speed trap the Sheriff caught me in. JOHNNIE How's that? TATER Well, I was a showing this good looking darling that lives over in Wylie how to drive and I was a distracted, if you know what I mean. (RAISING HIS EYEBROWS UP AND DOWN) JOHNNIE So, go on. TATER She was a setting in my lap and driving the Trolley. JOHNNIE She's never been for a ride in the Taterville Trolley?

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TATER Nope and everything was going great til I saw the flashing lights and it startled me so much that I pulled off into a parking lot and hit the roof of the Holiday Inn. JOHNNIE That's reckless driving, not speeding. TATER Well it was both, but the sheriff felt sorry for me. JOHNNIE I can see why. TATER Yeah I ended up not getting a ticket at all! I sweet talked my way out of it. JOHNNIE (SUSPICIOUSLY) Now how did ya do that? that cute! TATER He loves Johnnie Paycheck. So, I gave em a front row seat. wife. Over yonder's him and his Tater, you're not all

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CUT TO TABLE WITH THE SHERIFF (SHERIFF AND WIFE WAVE AT TATER) CUT BACK TO TATER AND JOHNNIE (HE SMILES BIG AND WAVES BACK AT THEM) (PAYCHECK WALKS UP TO TATER AND JOHNNIE) PAYCHECK How's it going Johnnie? JOHNNIE Just great Paycheck, you sure pulled in a big crowd, everybody's been a hollering for ya. CLOSEUP OF TATER AND JOHNNIE PAYCHECK TATER (PUTS HIS ARM AROUND PAYCHECK) It's been a long time. We missed your face around here. PAYCHECK (JOKINGLY PUNCHES TATER'S FAT BELLY) Well, I ain't missed your ugly ol' gut at all! How the heck ya been? TATER Good, good... I can't complain... oh I could but it does no good! Nobody want's to hear it!

I'll check ya later. (TATER WALKS OFF TO BAR WHERE A PIECE OF PIE WAITS HIM) CLOSEUP OF RUBY AND TATER (TATER STARTS EATING PIE AND GETS CHOKED, RUBY SLAPS TATER ON THE BACK, HE'S STILL CHOKING ON PIE AND HEADS TO THE KITCHEN CHOKING)

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MED SHOT OF JOHNNIE MACK AND PAYCHECK GREETING RUBY PAYCHECK You're always beautiful Ruby. JOHNNIE She sure is... I sure wish she wasn't married. PAYCHECK Johnnie Mack, you've got to take care of this lovely lady and keep her happy. JOHNNIE I'm a tryin'! RUBY (RAISING AN EYEBROW, SARCASTICLY) He sure is trying! JOHNNIE Well... we better get this show on the road! Huh!

CUT TO WIDE SHOT (JOHNNIE WALKS AWAY FROM RUBY AND PAYCHECK AND STEPS ON STAGE) JOHNNIE Welcome to The Texas Roadhouse. enjoy the show. We hope you

I am proud to introduce an

old buddy of mine, Johnnie Paycheck.

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MED SHOT OF STAGE (CROWD ROARS AS JOHNNIE PAYCHECK TAKES THE STAGE)

CLOSEUP OF JOHNNIE PAYCHECK PAYCHECK It's good to be here. As ya'll know Johnnie

Mack and I go back a long ways, longer than I'd care to say! CUT TO WIDE SHOT OF CROWD LAUGHING CUT TO CLOSEUP OF JOHNNIE PAYCHECK PAYCHECK He's ma buddy so keep on comin' out here and seein' him. CUT TO CLOSEUP OF JOHNNIE MACK (HE PROUDLY PUTS HIS HANDS IN HIS VEST) PAYCHECK My first number is dedicated to Ruby. (BAND BEGINS TO PLAY, MUSIC UP "TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT") CUT TO INT. KITCHEN (RUBY IS IN FOOD WINDOW TALKING INTO THE KITCHEN) RUBY Okay now Hondo, these customers have already chewed off all of the fingers on my left hand and are now working on my right! (HOLDING UP HER HAND WITH FINGERS FOLDED TO LOOK CHEWED OFF)

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CLOSEUP OF HONDO HONDO (JOKINGLY WITH A SERIOUS EXPRESSION) Oh my,

Ms. Ruby how you carry them foods tos 'em now? CLOSEUP OF TATER TATER She can carry the plates in 'er teeth. (TATER LOOKS AT HONDO AND LAUGHS) RUBY That's it, I quit! RUBY TAKES OFF HER APRON AND THROWS IT AT TATER TATER You can't quit. RUBY And why not ya nasty ol' pole cat? (CUT TO MED. WIDE SHOT OF KITCHEN AREA) (JOHNNIE MACK WALKS UP) TATER Cuz, I won't let ya! RUBY Well darlin', ya heard the man, you can take this job and shove it. CUT TO WIDE INT. SHOT OF KITCHEN (RUBY IS STILL IN FOOD WINDOW JOHNNIE WALKS INTO KITCHEN)

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JOHNNIE Heah, heah whats goin' on here?

RUBY Tater just broke this camel's back! It's not enough that I do all the work 'round here, but Hondo has no help, so the foods comin' out slow and the customers are a houndin' me. And, on top of that Tater just

has no regard for ma feelin's! JOHNNIE Now, Ruby darlin', you really don't want to leave me now right in the middle of my big night with all these folks a waitin' on their food. Please just finish up the night and then

we'll talk. RUBY Well... I'll work tonight but then that's it! I won't wanna leave you in a fix, Johnnie. (NODDING HER HEAD TOWARD TATER) You keep that dirty ol' hound dog away from me! Ya hear?

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JOHNNIE He'll leave you be. (RUBY LEAVES WITH SEVERAL PLATES OF FOOD) JOHNNIE Tater, what the heck did ya say to Ruby? TATER Not much... JOHNNIE (ANGRILY) Well, it was enough! Now, you stay here

and help Hondo get the food out faster and don't ya say another word to Ruby. Got it?

You've sure stirred up a mess a hornets! CUT TO MED SHOT OF KITCHEN (HONDO LOOKING ON CEILING AND ALL AROUND) TATER Come on Hondo, we go to get this food out faster or Ruby might quit for good. lookin' for? HONDO Dem hornets you done stirred up. TATER That's just a figure of speech! What ya

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HONDO Si, shes gots some figure. TATER (MOANS) Oh..., never mind! We got to get this food out But where hornets?

or Johnnie might fire us! HONDO (LOOKING PUZZLED) What? Johnnie builds fires to rid hornets? TATER No, no, no! HONDO Me no gots! TATER No, Hondo, it's I don't get it. HONDO You toos? (SHRUGGING HIS SHOULDERS SMILING AND

PATTING TATER ON THE BACK) TATER Ohhh... (MOANING)

WIDE SHOT OF INT. (EMPLOYEE'S CLEANING UP, BAND BREAKING DOWN SET) MEDIUM CLOSEUP OF RUBY AT THE BAR (SHE'S COUNTING HER TIPS AS JOHNNIE MACK WALKS UP)

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JOHNNIE Did you do good tonight? RUBY Yeah, better than I've ever done. JOHNNIE I wanted to talk to ya about quitting. Ruby,

darlin' I need ya here, you're the one that's able to keep this place a runnin'. RUBY It's about time you figured that one out! JOHNNIE It's been hard and Tater's about as considerate as a warthog. It's been slim pickin's around here and it looks like that's gonna change. A few of ma old buddies are gonna be

coming and helping me get this place on it's feet. RUBY Yeah, I did better tonight than I've ever done.

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JOHNNIE I realized when ya had Paycheck dedicate that song for ya that we might jest loose ya. Sometimes it takes a sledge hammer to get a man's attention. Well, ya got it now...

Tommorrow I'll hire ya some help round here. We did so good I can do that now. (PAYCHECK WALKS UP AND HEARS JOHNNIE PLEADING WITH RUBY) JOHNNIE Please don't leave. PAYCHECK Yeah, Ruby, Johnnie Mack needs ya, he's a good ol' boy, just not too smart. (PAYCHECK RUFFLES JOHNNIE MACK'S HAIR AFFECTIONATELY) PAYCHECK He doesn't realize that a woman needs time and that a beautiful lady is worth waiting for. RUBY Well, since ya put it that way, it seems I don't have a choice... but, I'll need Saturday mornin's off to take care of my hairs.

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JOHNNIE What every ya need, darlin', just let me know. (JOHNNIE AND RUBY BOTH STAND UP AND HUG EACH ` OTHER) FADE TO BLACK

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