The Austin Cut - Issue #15

August 2012

How’s The Water?
Are Austin’s pools as clean as the city likes to think?

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Letters to the Cut
by the readers

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DRINK OF THE MONTH
SuMMER BuMMER
by Lisa van Dam-Bates

Served

IRON CaCTuS IS GETTING SERvED: WITH a CLaSS aCTION LaWSuIT
by Marie Scott

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Putting Taqueria Chapala to the test
WHaT'S a CHaPaLa?
by Eric Karjala & Kelly-Sue Calderon

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Issue 15 August 2012

How's The Water?
by Brandon Roberts

aRE auSTIN'S POOLS aS CLEaN aS THE CITy LIKES TO THINK?

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august Show Listings
by austin Cut Staff

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The Austin Cut, August 2012 | austincut.com

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Letters to The Cut
Raw, uncompromising independent journalism.

Staff

Editor-in-Chief
Brandon Roberts

Managing Editor
Lisa van Dam-Bates

Calendar
Austin Cut Staff

Copy Editor
Nick Longoria

Re: Slumlords Exposed Great article! It amazes me what landlords can get away with. I had a similar experience while renting a place on riverside from pioneer property I really wish I’d filed complaints against them but I didn’t know my rights. A lot of the people living in those places probably don’t know that you can do something about their lack property maintenance! —Amanda Criticisms Austin Cut has the look of the New Yorker which is great for writers but makes it more inaccessible to plebeians. Not sure how to fix that. —S URGENT In CA, since 2003, San Jose police have been stalking me and harassing me and searching for my marijuana plants, sometimes flying at dangerously low altitudes, with their blue “N4080C” helicopter, aircraft and other emergency equipment using “GPS” tracking and dispatch systems in different cities, they do not like political views about marijuana policies which is my “First Amendment Constitutional Right to Free Speech.” —Mike W. Editor’s Note: I Googled this guy’s name and I found a news report from 2008 about a guy in the Bay Area finally getting

busted after shining a green laser in pilots’ eyes off-and-on for three years. I asked Mike if he was the guy from the news. First he replied with a legalize pot rant (it’s legal in CA), and after I asked him again, he replied with, “I am paranoid, sir.” Re: Slumlords I used to live in Park Lane Villas. It was a total shithole. Lost one car stereo, had random Mexican dudes bang on my door in middle of the night occasionally, and noise was a constant issue. —M Re: Fresa’s not so Fresca Maybe I missed the point, but was this “article” just an avenue to showcase your pretentiousness? —Pap Re: Slumlords Exposed I used to live in Wickersham Green. It might not be as nice as an apartment in Pflugerville for the same price, but you’re living much closer to the city, so yeah you’ll get less for your money. I always had a good experience of course this was before they changed ownership. I’ve definitively experienced the “we’ll paint over it” when dealing with mold that didn’t really solve the problem from apts in that same area that I’ve lived in. —J Re: Slumlords Exposed Newsflash—there are shitty apartment complexes in southeast Austin off Oltorf

and Riverside. —C.O. Re: Slumlords Exposed This is good work. Man I feel bad for people living in those places and it makes me wonder what kind of human being takes advantage of people like that and get away with it. This is was truly a great article and journalism at its best —Jose Love & Hate on Reddit I really love the Austin Cut, it’s the only real journalism we’ve got that matters in this town. Maybe some of the Chronicle pieces, but that’s pushing it. —Dan The Beerman Eh, yeah I’m going to disagree. I like the Cut because it looks like their people actually put up a lot of work to get their stories beyond just copy & paste from the Chronicle or Statesman, and they dig up some interesting topics (their article on the ARCH shelter definitely gave my brain some meat to chew on), but calling it journalism is questionable. If they put the same amount of effort into making their articles readable as they do researching them, then we can talk about calling it journalism. As said above, they tend to sprinkle their columns quite heavily with excessive theatrics/drama/hyperbole and that can go away, frankly. —McVader

Columnists & Contributors
Eric Karjala, Kelly-Sue Calderon, Anderson Rodriguez, Marie Scott

Photographer
Eric Karjala

advertising Director
Lisa van Dam-Bates

advertising sales
Gina Probst

Cover art
Megan Balden

Contact
E-Mail
[email protected]

Phone
(512) 221-2136

The austin Cut
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aBout This Issue
Damn it’s hot out there, but now that I’ve tested my apartment complex’s pool, I’m definitely not going swimming. Maybe I tested your pool and you can see if it’s safe. Keep your eye peeled for future Austin Cut events. We’ve got big plans (and prizes) for the fall.

Got something to say? Send your letter to the Austin Cut! [email protected]

DR IN K OF TH E M ON TH
Journalists
The Austin Cut is looking to publish bold & determined new writers. No Fiction or Poetry, sorry. Send samples, queries, and ideas to the Editor:

Summer Bummer

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1.5 oz. white rum 2 or 3 mint leaves 1 can of coconut juice 1 lime wedge

[email protected]

Chop up the mint in really small pieces (or use a food processor). If you have a by Lisa van Dam-Bates bar-kit, you can muddle the mint and This August, while you’re sitting by lime together like you would for a mojito. your bacteria infested, pee-ridden pool, Fill a glass with ice and sprinkle the mint, wishing that the whole public-pool swimsqueeze the lime and pour the rum. Fill ming experience hadn’t been ruined for to taste with the coconut juice. I like the you by Brandon, take comfort in knowing coconut juice that has pulp and I prefer that you can stay refreshed and hydrated unsweetened. If you like a sweeter drink with this drink. Maybe if you drink use sweetened coconut juice or spiced the enough of them you’ll decide that rum instead of white. Stir vigorously with bacteria in your apartment’s pool is noth- a straw, or shake (if you have a shaker), go poolside and enjoy. ing to worry about and you’ll take a dip back (just so you can pee without going to your apartment).

austincut.com | August 2012, The Austin Cut

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IRON CaCTuS IS GETTING SERvED: WITH a CLaSS aCTION LaWSuIT
by Marie Scott When I first moved to Austin, I applied at basically every bar on 6th. I came close to getting hired at one place – but then the manager’s friend ended up getting the job. Just as I was beginning to think that until I knew the right people, I would never get to bartend again, Iron Cactus called me for an interview. I was glad that the search could finally be over, but they weren’t hiring a bartender, they were looking for servers. I wasn’t exactly overthe-moon about going back to waiting tables. Besides the fact that it’s a position I thought I’d graduated years before, carrying heavy food trays + scoliosis + a severe lower back injury was pretty unappealing. But I figured, what the hell, at the last Mexican restaurant I waited tables for, I was promoted to the bar after only a few months. I went in for my interview, nailed it, and started training a couple of days later. After I got hired, the first order of business was buying my uniform. The black slacks, all black shoes and black socks, I already had. My new purchases were an Iron Cactus t-shirt (purchased from Iron Cactus for about $15), a short black apron (also purchased from Iron Cactus for about $12 – I already had a short black apron, but it wasn’t identical to the one they wanted me to wear), and about 15 black pens that click-open and have a clip on the side. Basically, before I could even start my training and orientation, I had to spend a little over thirty dollars – most of it at the restaurant itself. Orientation dragged. It turned out that I wasn’t the only new person that got hired. There were about ten of us. The first day was like five hours long. Afterward, the new people all got to share some Iron Cactus food. It was all covered in cheese and I can’t eat dairy, so I didn’t really eat anything. The orientation process lasted for about a week. The first day we went over the employee handbook. Then, the rest of the week we had class. I’m not joking. I don’t remember if they called it “class,” but that’s what it was. My class was taught by a waiter that had worked at Iron Cactus for about five years. We had to memorize the ingredients in every dish and all the drinks. At the beginning of each day, we would take a written exam on the previous day’s section. If you missed too many ingredients or a step in serving protocol, you had like one or two days to study and re-take the test. I remember going home and studying, thinking, “how the hell did I end up in school again? I started working in restaurants instead of getting an education…” Each day was more excruciatingly boring than the last, and it was hard to escape the feeling that I had somehow ended up back in high school. After a couple of days, I started to think that everyone around me was probably sleeping together. All of the servers flirted with the managers. All of the managers had big-time favorites. My first Friday consisted of a morning class, followed by a night of “following” a waiter around. He was supposed to be showing me how to use the computer system and let me practice, but I ended up just being his bitch all night and waiting most of his tables for him. At the end of our shift he showed me how to do the money. We waited in line for the calculator (we’re both off the clock at this point), he calculated the tips that he was required to tip-out (hostess, bartender, busser and expo), we went into the office to turn in the money to a manager, and then we left. Some of my fellow trainees were excited because their servers tipped them out. Mine didn’t. I knew that if I waited it out at Iron Cactus, played favorite with a manager, and was promoted to bartender, I’d be making a couple hundred dollars a night. But I just couldn’t stand it, so I walked out the next day. I haven’t had contact with Iron Cactus since, so, I was surprised when I recently got some mail with Iron Cactus’ name on it. As a lot of you probably know by now, they’re being sued. Too bad I didn’t stick with it long enough to actually wait tables, or maybe I’d be eligible to profit from this situation. So, the reason they’re getting sued… I already mentioned it, though I doubt anyone picked up on what it was. I’ve had enough friends in the service industry here to know that what Iron Cactus is being sued for, while being totally illegal, is common practice. Believe it or not, Iron Cactus made the same mistake that Thai Fresh made a few short months ago (see our May issue). What law did these businesses get caught breaking? Really it comes down to the main reason people wait tables in the first place: tips. Though more specifically, this lawsuit revolves around tip credit and tip pooling. A tip credit is what businesses in Texas and other states use to pay their employees, less than the federal minimum wage. In Texas, the tip credit is $5.12. That means that employers can use tips that their servers, bartenders, baristas, counter people, etc., make to compensate for up to $5.12 of their minimum hourly wage. The remaining $2.13 per hour is inescapable – dang!  The only exception to the tip credit law is that in the event that an employee does not make $7.25 per hour, with their tips and hourly wage combined. In this case the business is responsible for paying that employee the difference. In order for an employee to be eligible for a tip credit, they have to “customarily and regularly” make at least $30 per month in tips. Texas doesn’t have its own wage laws so we follow the federal laws. The tip credit laws are very clear about who is eligible to be included, and tip pooling laws are just as strict. A mandatory tip pool, a system in which employees share part of their tips with coworkers, is legal in Texas, as long as it’s done right. In order to be done legally, only people who normally receive tips can be included in a tip pool. The law further states

Served

that the percentage of tips to be shared with other employees must be “customary and reasonable,” basically the industry standard. Obviously, waiters can legally be required to tip out a reasonable percentage of their tips to bussers, hostesses and bartenders. It is illegal however for back of house employees like cooks and dishwashers to be included in a tip pool. Cooks and dishwashers do not have interaction with customers and therefore do not generally receive tips. The law is explicit when it comes to employees like dishwashers, janitors and cooks, but becomes more vague with other positions like food expeditors or back-waiters. Let’s say for example that you go out to eat at a sushi restaurant and sit at the sushi bar. While your sushi chef may not actually and verbally take your order, preparing your food in front of you is a means of interaction. Also, it is commonplace to tip your sushi chef (basically every sushi chef has their own tip jar). So, while the person preparing your sushi is in fact a cook, they would usually be eligible to take part in a tip pool. They regularly and customarily receive their own tips. The food expos at Iron Cactus were responsible for getting trays of food ready to be carried out by the servers. This meant working with the cooks to check each tray and corresponding food ticket to make sure that there were no mistakes. The expos at Iron Cactus never left the kitchen. Sure, they were helping the servers take care of customers, but loosely speaking, so are the cooks. Expos at Iron Cactus don’t actually ever see a customer, they never talk to them, and most customers probably don’t even know that they are there. It seems painfully obvious that they shouldn’t be included in a tip pool. What I want to know is how Iron Cactus got away with requiring an illegal tip pool for over 16 years (assuming this went on the whole time). I think I can guess at an answer: everywhere does it. Literally every restaurant big enough to require an expo requires them to get tipped out. Because it’s so common, servers don’t seem to know it’s illegal, or care. And maybe when they do, they’re afraid of

getting in trouble or, like my friend at Thai Fresh, fired. You would think that the possibility of a huge lawsuit would be incentive enough to pay your expo more so as to not rely on tips, but lots of businesses prove every day that they’d rather pay the consequences than do things right in the first place. I think the financial repercussions of this lawsuit are likely to put Iron Cactus out of business— when they lose. Iron Cactus is getting hit with a class-action lawsuit. Basically two guys, Joshua Covey and Jacob Hinojosa, with the help of Kennedy Hodges LLP (law firm), are suing their former employer for the illegal tip pool they were forced into. Anyone who worked as a server at Iron Cactus in the last three years (since February 2009) is allowed to be a part of this. If they win (and I’m about 112 % sure they will), then Iron Cactus will have to pay back the tip credit they used, for every hour that every plaintiff worked in the last three years. A business loses their right to use a tip credit when forcing employees into an illegal tip pool. On top of having to pay back all of the difference in minimum wages, Iron Cactus will also be responsible for compensating all over-time worked in the past three years with standard time and half pay. This lawsuit will take time, but I’m positive that it won’t be the last that we see of its kind. A lot of law firms are realizing that there is big money in helping to defend servers’ rights. And maybe servers in this town are finally ready to stick up for themselves. This situation really boils down to one basic problem: the ability for restaurants to even use a tip credit in the first place. By allowing a business to pay some of their employees with tips, the line between tips and wages become irreversibly blurred. Servers sticking up for themselves with some knowledgeable legal support is the first step in the right direction towards making a decent hourly wage. So, good for you Joshua and Jacob, and anyone else willing to stick it to the rich pieces of shit that couldn’t afford to pay their own staff. I hope you clean ‘em out.■

Food expos (expediters) generally are responsible for checking a food ticket, making sure the food comes out of the kitchen correctly (for example if the ticket says “no cheese” , they’ll make sure there’s no cheese), getting the food ready for a waiter to take out to their table, and, at some places, actually running the food out to the table, themselves. Expos are different at every restaurant, all with different levels of responsibilities and customer interaction.
MaRIE SCOTT

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The Austin Cut, August 2012 | austincut.com

Putting Taqueria Chapala to the test
WHaT'S a CHaPaLa?

ERIC KaRjaLa

Taqueria Chapala at Cesar Chavez and Anthony St. by Eric Karjala & Kelly-Sue Calderon Eric has been trying to get Kelly-Sue to try one of his favorite Mexican restaurants for a while. He finally convinced her to give it a shot. This is most of the conversation they had at this underrated east Austin joint. In the car on the way to Taqueria Chapala… Kelly-Sue: I’m fuckin’ hungry and if this meal sucks I’m gonna be grumpy. If I have an MSG attack, I’m gonna be upset. Eric: So, I think you’re gonna like Taqueria Chapala. Kelly-Sue: We’ll see. My expectations are not high because I’m Mexican. I haven’t found good Mexican food in Austin. Eric: I understand that. You come from San Antonio, that’s like living in Mexico. Kelly-Sue: Pretty much. I’m just saying I’m hungry and this better not suck. (They pull into the parking lot.) I’m just not a big fan of the name Chapala. I mean, what’s a Chapala? A chalupa, I know what that is… Eric: I can’t believe you doubt my ability to recognize real Mexicans operating a joint. Okay, let me ask you this: what do you think about the outside? Kelly-Sue: I like it. I like that there’s bars on the windows… They have good hours. Eric: I do know that there are like four TVs, they’re all set to… Kelly-Sue: Sports? Eric: Univision. Kelly-Sue: Oh, cool! Maybe we’ll see my sister. Eric: There’s usually like a telanovela and soccer. (They enter the restaurant.) Kelly-Sue: Fútbol… Eric: Fútbol… (Eric and Kelly-Sue both say “gooooooaaaalll” for a while, without breathing.) Eric: Ah, that was pretty good! Kelly-Sue: Hey, thanks. I could’ve probably gone more but then it got really annoying. Eric: Another thing about this place, it’s relatively inexpensive, really big portions. Kelly-Sue: Do they take cards? Eric: Yes. Kelly-Sue: Okay, cool. Eric: I’m still trying to figure out what I’m gonna get. I kind of wanna get migas, but I kinda want the lengua. Kelly-Sue: Get the lengua. Go all out. Eric: I should probably get some guacamole… (The waitress comes to take the drink order. Kelly-Sue gets a diet Coke in a can and Eric gets a Coke.) Kelly-Sue: This is called Chapala Taqueria #1? Eric: Yeah, you can get breakfast tacos all day. Kelly-Sue: Cool. That salsa is fuckin’ bangin’! Eric: Oh? Okay! Not bad for a half-Mexican right? Kelly-Sue: Wow, that salsa has some kick to it. I like that. It’s really good, and it tastes homemade. Eric: It tastes fresh. It’s not so kicky that it’s like… Kelly-Sue: No, but it’s flavorful. It’s just the right amount. Eric: It’s just the right amount of heat. You can taste the freshness, you can taste the onion, the cilantro, the chile and yet it doesn’t melt your mouth. And it tastes like someone fuckin’ made it, and look at that, there’s chunks. Kelly-Sue: I’m so excited right now, that I can get breakfast tacos. (Their Cokes arrive and they cheers.) Eric: I don’t know. I wanna get the lengua, but I get the lengua pretty often. The last time I was here I got the guisada. Kelly-Sue: I’m gonna get a carne asada taco to-go. Then I can eat it in the morning … damn, I don’t know what to get. Eric: Oh look, you can get menudo. It’s on the back. (The waitress comes and takes their food orders. Kelly-Sue orders in Spanish and Eric in English/Spanglish.) Kelly-Sue: I feel like I haven’t seen you, since you have a girlfriend now. You guys are hanging out all over the place. Eric: It’s starting to feel like she’s my real girlfriend. Kelly-Sue: She is your real girlfriend. Pictures

on Instagram, checking in together, “tagging” and all that. Eric: Yeah, it’s pretty nice, I have to say. Kelly-Sue: You love her or what? Eric: Yes. Kelly-Sue: Did you tell her you love her? Eric: Yes. Kelly-Sue: Did she tell you she loved you? Eric: Yes. Kelly-Sue: Why does that gross me out? Eric: Why does that gross you out? Kelly-Sue: Because I don’t like her maybe. Eric: You haven’t even met her. Kelly-Sue: I still don’t like her. Sorry. But it doesn’t matter what I like. If you like her, love her. Therefore I will have a mutual respect for her because you love her, so I would never be mean or anything like that to her. Eric: But you knew that I loved her before I did. Kelly-Sue: No, I knew that you were like… I was trying to get you to admit that you were falling in love with her, but you kept denying it and I kept thinking ‘well, maybe he’s not’ or whatever. And you kept denying it too, but now you’re full-on. (Eric protests.) Now that I know that you told her you love her and she told you -and you just said right now, it’s on tape, you said “yeah, I love her.” Eric: Yeah, but I didn’t say in love. Kelly-Sue: You… Eric… Quit… Eric: Splittin’ hairs? Kelly-Sue: Yeah. You love her. You’re in love with her, which is cool. You know what? Eric: More power to me. Kelly-Sue: I’m really happy. I’m glad one of us can find true love again. Eric: That’s not what I’m sayin’ Yeah, no, I . definitely do love her, I guess. Kelly-Sue: Do you love her with all your heart and soul? Eric: I don’t know. Kelly-Sue: You would do anything for her, but you won’t do that? Eric: I don’t know that I would do anything… Kelly-Sue: Have you ever heard that Meatloaf song? Eric: Oh yeah. I’m not a big Meatloaf fan. I’ve heard it but… Kelly-Sue: Are you guys going to have kids or what? And move in together? Eric: (He thinks…) I don’t know. Kelly-Sue: Oh my god, you’re actually considering it? I was just joking! Eric: The kids part… Kelly-Sue: She wants kids or what? Eric: No, no, no. Definitely, I’m not into kids so much. I mean I don’t know. It’s too early to make those kinds of deep calls.

Eric: I don’t know why I love lengua so much, but I do. Kelly-Sue: Are you sure it’s lengua?
austincut.com | August 2012, The Austin Cut

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Kelly-Sue: Well we always hated kids. Eric: No, yeah. Kelly-Sue: We bonded over our hate for kids. Eric: I don’t foresee kids anytime in my future. But even moving in together… You know what? She stayed over a few weeks ago and she’s going to stay over again tonight. I have to say, it was really nice having her there in the morning. You know? All night. But, I don’t think I’m ready to live together. It’s too early for that. Kelly-Sue: Yeah, well, sometimes it just happens. Eric: Don’t say that. I don’t think I’d be ready for it to just happen. (The food arrives. They take some pictures of it and thank the waitress.) Kelly-Sue: So guess who came over and stayed the night with me? Eric: Who? Kelly-Sue: My ex-husband. I was having a nervous break-down and he came over and helped me out. Eric: That’s good. Kelly-Sue: It was totally platonic and friendly. It was good to see him, he looks good. He seems to be in a good place you know? Eric: Well, you know my ex-wife, if she needed help, I would… Kelly-Sue: Oh, he totally helped me. Although he did say that I should probably seek therapy. Eric: I don’t know. You’ve done that before right? Kelly-Sue: Yeah, I’m not a big fan of it. Eric: I don’t think it would hurt, but I don’t think you need… Kelly-Sue: Well he said I should get on some

sort of medication. Eric: I don’t know about that. Kelly-Sue: That’s what I said too. I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Eric: So what do you think about the way it looks? (In reference to the food.) Kelly-Sue: It looks good. It tastes really good. Yours looks good. Eric: What did you end up getting? Tamales? Kelly-Sue: No, just cheese enchiladas. Playing it safe for now. You know that story of chef’s that like… To test how good a chef is they have them make a scrambled egg or something. Eric: Yeah, take the most basic thing and if they can do that really good then you know they can do everything else. I thought we ordered guacamole… Kelly-Sue: I thought we did too. She forgot. Eric: The first, bad, negative thing that’s happened to me here. Kelly-Sue: It could still be coming. How’s your food? Eric: It’s delicious. I don’t know why I love lengua so much, but I do. And at the price of it, I’m surprised by how much they put on my plate. Kelly-Sue: Are you sure it’s lengua? No, I’m just kidding. I’m stuffed already. Eric: Yeah, I kind of had a feeling that I would be too, that’s why I ix-nayed the guacamole.  (The waitress comes and KellySue asks for a to-go box.) Kelly-Sue: So, I wish they made their own tortillas. Eric: That’s a pretty big operation. So, how does it compare to San Antonio? Kelly-Sue: It reminds me of San Antonio…

it’s not as good because most of the places I go to in San Antonio make their own tortillas there. But, it does remind me a little bit of San Antonio. Eric: I told you you would like. So, in other words it’s the best Mexican restaurant you’ve been to in Austin? Kelly-Sue: I can’t really say Mexican because I ordered Tex-Mex. Know what I mean? Eric: You want a bite of this lengua? It doesn’t get much more Mexican than that. Kelly-Sue: No. But I like it, I like the Cokes in a can, it’s good. I like the ambiance. Eric: Service? Kelly-Sue: She forgot your guacamole, but she was very nice. We were kind of weird when we were ordering… Eric: I would say that having a little bit of Spanish speaking skills would come in handy.

Kelly-Sue: Yeah, maybe. You could also just point at something. Eric: I’m just saying, be prepared. Kelly-Sue: I wasn’t a big fan of the rice, to be honest. The cheese enchiladas were super cheesy. I would almost try beef ones or chicken ones if they’re going to put cheese on top of them. Super cheesy. The beans are good. Eric: Would you bring your parents here? Sister? Kelly-Sue: Yeah, I would bring them here. I don’t know, my dad though, is so picky. I would come back and try a few other things. I would love to try the menudo. Eric: I’ve been telling you about this place for a long time and you’re like “you’re only halfMexican, what do you know?”■

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The Austin Cut, August 2012 | austincut.com

How's The Water?
aRE auSTIN'S POOLS aS CLEaN aS THE CITy LIKES TO THINK?
by Brandon Roberts “Public pools are the number one spreader of disease,” my boss said. He was teaching me how to test and balance pool chemistry. I was 16 and about to be in charge of the pool at the condo complex I worked for. My boss continued, “I’ll never go in a public pool again after this job.” I spent my mornings cleaning, skimming, and testing the pool. I’d dump all sorts of liquids and powders into the chemical soup and mix it all together. I had to do it fast and be done before the old ladies showed up with their empty gallon milk jugs for aqua aerobics. It didn’t take me long to get good. With the pool, I was godlike. The sanitizer and pH levels almost never faltered from their nearly perfect happy mediums. The spa was a different kind of beast. Most mornings, the levels would look good. But the instant one of the elderly residents would take a soak, things went into disarray. The levels would be totally fucked. Disinfectant levels would be dangerously low, having been used up sanitizing bacteria, pathogens, grime, deodorants, or whatever other contaminants rinsed off the tenants’ bodies. The pH would spike in one direction or another depending on how much or what kinds of sweat, piss, fecal matter, bodily fluids or oils washed into the tub. Keeping the water safe is a constant war that no pool operator should ever stop fighting. When I moved to Austin, I saw things that got me thinking. I lived in a neglected, run-down apartment complex. Our maintenance team was a totally ragged crew of overworked/underpaid and ridiculously incompetent & unprofessional ex-crack types. They had my old job of keeping the pool safe … or not, in their case. The pool was green and murky, but that never stopped fully clothed Mexican kids from swimming in last summer’s extreme heat. Eventually, the Health Department put up some signs and chained the pool closed. It sat there for a few months, stewing. When the pool re-opened, my fullyclothed roommate jumped in, one drunken night, and the chlorine burned his skin. All public and semi-public pools, including apartments, hotels, City of Austin-ran pools, and everything but private residential pools, are inspected by the Austin/Travis County Health and Human Services Department. After breaking through the City’s reporter firewall, I got to talk to Robert Wright, the Sanitary Supervisor. He’s the guy in charge of the pool inspectors themselves. “We schedule them year-round,” he explained about pool inspection scheduling, “if we inspect one today then we’ll probably be out in a year or less … some pools, they keep the thing locked up during the winter, so we can’t access it at all. Sometimes, if we can get somebody in to meet us there readily, they’ll let us in and we’ll inspect it anyway, because we can’t do them all in the summer. That would be too many. We have to spread them out.” Besides the yearly inspections, which focus on pool chemistry as much as they do grounds safety (things like broken railings, broken doors, busted drain pipes, or broken glass in a pool, etc.), citizen complaints also trigger inspections. They are handled by the Environmental Health Services Division of the Health Department. During an inspection, there are some major chemical problems that can get a pool shut down right away. Again, according to Wright, things like “too much disinfectant (chlorine), such that it’s toxic and it could be caustic to peoples’ skin, hair, eyes, nasal or mucus membranes and whatnot … that would be one. If your pH is too low, that’s an acidic state that the water’s in, that can also be very caustic and an irritant. Some people react more injuriously than others.” According to the health laws, chlorine levels have to stay between 1 and 8 parts per million (ppm). pH levels have to be kept above 7 and below 7.8. Good water will have a pH around 7. Stomach acid, being extremely acidic, has a pH around 1. Bleach is highly basic and has a pH around 13. At a pool store, I found the “DPD Deluxe Test Kit.” It’s capable of measuring chlorine concentrations between 0.5 and 5 ppm and pH levels between 6.8 and 8.2. The DPD chlorine test works like this: Get a pool sample and pour the water into a test tube up to a marked line. Then you add five drops of reagent #1 (a mix of disodium phosphate and potassium phosphate), add five drops of reagent #2 (N, N-diethyl-p-phenylenediamine), cap the tube, and gently flip it upside down and back to mix. The sample will turn different shades

ERIC KaRjaLa

One of the few West Campus pools was a total frat house dump. It looked like a hell of a night: pool chairs sunk at the bottom, empty wine and beer bottles were littered everywhere, someone had flipped the trash can to the left (out of photo), and the water was cloudy. Do you think anyone peed in the pool? of purple depending on how much chlorine is in the pool water. The darker, the more there is. (The pH test works the same, but instead with five drops of phenol red. The darker the purple, the higher the pH.) There’s a translucent gradient of possible purple shades with little numbers on them indicating ppm connected to the tube. You hold it up to the light and compare the test with the key. The only limitation with my kit is the chlorine test only going up to 5 ppm. While the sample can get darker, the person at the pool store showed me a chart, the next level above 5 is 10. So any time a sample tests darker than 5, it’s impossible to accurately say if the chlorine levels are barely-legal or straight-up illegal (over 8 ppm). Any tests that come out really dark are just “high.” After realizing that most pools are only tested once a year, and that a lot of maintenance crews are extremely broken down, I knew I had to do my own pool inspections. So I grabbed my “deluxe” pool testing kit, an athome bacteria testing kit, and hit the road. if pools with low levels of chlorine also had harmful bacteria in the water. This test can detect E.coli, Pseudomonas aeruginosa (a bacteria known to cause “hot tub folliculitis” … it can kill you if it infects your lungs), dysentery-causing Shigella bacteria, Enterobacter species that can cause UTIs, and “many other coliform and non-coliform bacteria.” Spotting a pool with low chlorine levels isn’t easy without a test kit. A well-kept pool with legal limits of chlorine will only have a light chemical smell. A powerful-smelling pool is bad and something to watch out for. When “free” chlorine, the kind that’s available to attack and sanitize, acts against a pathogen or contaminant, it’s converted to an inactive form called “combined chlorine.” This form puts off a strong smell that you might associate with “smelling like pool.” Combined chlorine can burn your skin and is a symptom of a dirty pool. For the most part, the pools I tested had a pretty mild smell. So I was suspicious of the following pools when I didn’t smell anything, walking up to them.

The pH would spike in one direction or another depending on how much or what kinds of sweat, piss, fecal matter, bodily fluids or oils washed into the tub.

Pools without Any or Not Enough Chlorine

La Quinta Inn – E. Oltorf & IH-35
I pulled into this hotel’s lot after almost skipping it. A lot of the hotel pools were a pain in the ass to get to and included me jumping fences or sneaking around the back of a building. La Quinta’s pool area was easy to get to and full of people. They all stared as I dipped my test tube into the pool. Heads followed me walk around the gate and out to the lot. The water could have been bath water. Zero chlorine and a somewhat neutral pH of 7.3. I went back with a bigger plastic container and got a decent sized sample for bacteria testing. When I got home that night, the test came out positive for pathogenic bacteria.

Normal levels of chlorine, the prescribed 1 to 8 ppm, can sanitize most pathogens in a pool. This would include all kinds of bacteria, viruses, and other harmful microorganisms. But don’t think that because a pool is properly chlorinated it is necessarily safe. Accidentally swallowing even well-chlorinated pool water can still get you sick. It takes time for chlorine to kill pathogens, especially when they’re clumped together, like they’d be in fecal matter. There are also some pathogens that can resist chlorine. “Crypto,” a.k.a. the cryptosporidium protozoan, is a common chlorine-resistant pathogen found in pools. It gives people real nasty diarrhea. When I asked the Dept. of Health’s Robert Wright about whether they test for bacteria or not on inspections, he said that it’s rare, except for times of mass-crypto outbreaks or complaints. In his years at his position, since ’03, he hasn’t seen an epidemic. I got the at-home bacteria test kit to see

Wickersham Green Apartments – 2310 Wickersham Ln
I decided to revisit the slums I talked about last month. I walked around the gate, trying to find an unlocked entrance. A gang of Latino and Black teenagers were smoking weed and watching me. Two kids were swimming in the pool and eventually their dad let me in. I

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got my sample as the kids splashed around. I looked back at the gate and saw that I needed a key to get out, too. Instead of bothering the guy again for his key, I climbed the seven foot wobbly fence and jumped over. Back in my car I did the test – no chlorine and a pH of 7.2. Bath water, again. I thought about going back and warning them, but I didn’t want to be a buzz kill. I noticed the pool water got my hands all oily when I was pulling out of the lot. The harmful bacteria test ended up producing a very strong positive result.

7.5 I took a sample home for bacteria testing, but it came up negative. Maybe during hot school-season weekends this would’ve been a different story, but the pool was basically deserted.

Pools with Too Much Chlorine … or Just “High” … and Acid Pools

 Metropolis Apartments – 2200 S. Pleasant Valley Rd
For anyone who’s never been, the Metropolis Apartments in south Austin are an all-concrete blockade of discount apartment units geared towards hippies, the poor, traveling weirdos, and all other people that come to mind when people talk about Austin being “weird.” If you ever get a chance to hang out here, do it. I dropped by on the Fourth of July for a friend of a friend’s party. That party ended up transferring to another unit’s party and people from other units came and went. It’s a very … “free” place. Anyway, at some point the party I was at moved towards pool time. I tagged along with no intention of swimming. The pool area was a bizarre mix of preschoolers and smokingand-drinking twenty-somethings plastered with tattoos. Someone explained that the pool at Metropolis was special because it was a chlorine-free “saltwater” pool. I had never heard of a saltwater pool before, but I knew that saltwater alone doesn’t kill bacteria: look at the ocean. I looked online and found out that in the pool world, a salt water pool is called that because it’s equipped with a “salt water chlorine generator,” a machine that electrocutes salty pool water and generates chlorine. Usually, these pools have a salt level that is below the threshold for human taste. I went back to test the pool a couple weeks later. It was empty and full of floating debris. The test came back like I expected and like our friend said it would: no chlorine and an extremely-high pH of 8.2. The bacteria test was inconclusive, but swimming in this pool is still a dice roll. If you wouldn’t go to a house show, pick six random

For some reason, pools with high and offthe-charts chlorine levels tended to have low, acidic pH levels. Either of these conditions can make for a shitty swimming experience. Low pH can burn your eyes. High chlorine can fry your swimsuit and screw up your hair. I wondered if these pool operators were afraid of spreading disease, considering the amount of people using the pool or the number of tenants in the area. I also noticed that some of the more ghetto complexes and hotels, the ones that you’d expect to have basically zero chlorine and give zero fucks about it, actually had high levels of chlorine. Maybe some of these places had been busted for not having enough chlorine in the past and didn’t want to repeat the violation. Whatever the reason, they all kept the chlorine levels extra high.

ERIC KaRjaLa

The “salt water” pool at Metropolis. When this pool was tested, it’s chlorine level was so low that is was undetectable and it had an extremely high pH of 8.2. A week later, Brandon looked around and found chlorine-generating and filtration equipment. While they had the capabilities to properly chlorinate this pool, it was not done at the time of testing. my open records requests back last month. The complex had a few complaints about sewage leaks around the property. But there was one recent complaint from a tenant worried about a recurring leak near, and maybe running into, the pool. Unfortunately, the person who filed the complaint wanted to be totally anonymous so the Code Compliance investigator couldn’t contact him or her. The case faded away because of that. I got a big cup of water out of the pool. There were a lot of kids splashing around. One of them did a cannon ball and soaked me. The test came up high in chlorine with an acidic pH of 6.8. For a pool with a sewage maybe-leaking into it problem, it’s probably better that the pool was over-chlorinated than none at all. And I’m glad that I didn’t get cannonballed with full-blown fecal bacteria water. is harder to control. When I worked for the condo complex, we had equipment from the 70s and sometimes balancing pool chemistry took lots of patience and skill.

The Oaks Apartments – 130 Cumberland Rd
When I walked up to the pool area, I heard a lot of yelling and I saw a small pile of beer trash outside the fence. Inside the area, there was one table with the entire surface covered in empty beer bottles. In the opposite corner of the pool, there was a group of MTV spring break types drinking and having a hell of a time. I bent down and filled a huge cup with pool water. “Don’t drink that!” one of the guys yelled to me on my way out. “Chlorine!” Back at my car the test results read: really high chlorine and a perfectly-neutral pH of 7. On my way out, I saw a well-known local Austin celebrity get out of his or her car in this lot. I won’t say who.

Country Garden Inn & Suites – 2915 S IH-35
I honestly thought this pool was going to be a steaming crater of toxic goo when I turned off the frontage road. They boasted extremely cheap weekly rates and the complex could’ve used a face lift. The parking lot was cracked, and there was a makeshift basketball hoop fastened to the ice machine area’s roof. Some kids were swimming in the pool, and when I showed up with my cup, one of them asked, “Are you going to swim?” “No,” I said, “I’m going to drink this water.” The pool had a little bit of algae in it, but the chlorine levels were great: 3 ppm. The pH was too acidic, though: below 6.8.

Park Lane Villas – 1720 Woodward St
This pool was slightly green and full of mothers with kids. I didn’t really know what to expect from a pool owned by the same man who caused 40 families to get kicked out of

Oak Park Apartments – 4505 Duval St
For some reason, of the few UT-area pools that were still running most of them were heavily chlorinated. Oak Park’s pool had a

University Crest Apartments – 1616 Royal Crest Dr
The University Crest Apartments are across the street from Canyon Oaks and aren’t in much better shape. The pool was, though, with a chlorine reading of 5 ppm and a poorly maintained pH of 6.8. I don’t get it. All you have to do to raise the pH is dump some powder into the pool. But I guess that would require testing which is a lot to ask in some cases.

k six random If you wouldn’t go to a house show, pic get into a smoking-drinking-sweating strangers, and ’t want to bath with them, then you probably wouldn ter pool. swim in Metropolis’ un-chlorinated saltwa
smoking-drinking-sweating strangers, and get into a bath with them, then you probably wouldn’t want to swim in Metropolis’ unchlorinated saltwater pool. Ion at East End Student Apartments – 1600 Wickersham Ln This was the first of the student-bloc pools I tested. It had a chlorine level of 0 and a pH of his apartment building because he wouldn’t maintain it until it became too unsafe to live in. (See: Wood Ridge Apartments fiasco last month.) The test came back with a high chlorine level and an illegal pH of 6.8. high chlorine level and a low acidic pH below 6.8.

My Apartment Complex – Undisclosed Location
I was bummed when I tested the pool at my apartment complex. I noticed the strong chlorine smell the second I stepped out the door to get a sample, over 100 feet from the pool. It turned out to be incredibly chlorinated. But worst of all, out of all the pools I tested, mine had the absolute lowest, most acidic pH. I considered dumping some baking soda into the pool and monitoring it on my own, but it would be really awkward getting caught. I don’t want to file a complaint, or draw attention to myself in any way, either, because it’s a little Nazi regime here. Read any Google

Chimney Sweep Apartments – 105 W 38 ½ St
This deep pool also had a very high chlorine level and a really low pH. One thing I remember Robert Wright telling me is that the older pools usually have older equipment that

Canyon Oaks Apartments – 1601 Royal Crest Dr
I basically had to test this pool after getting

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review of this place. They’ll tell you. That is if you can find it.

Open Records Requests

I filed public information requests with the Department of Health. I asked for copies of all citizen pool complaints made since April 2012, just before summer swim season, to get a picture of what we’re dealing with out there. A lot of complaints came in about green, algae-ridden pools. Other quality issues included cloudy water, stagnant, mosquitoattracting pools, “smelly pool(s),” generally “dirty” water, powerful chemical stenches, a dead frog floating, “black pool water,” broken gates, drain covers, and glass. These things are all important, yes, especially to the Health Department. But I really wondered about infections, rashes, outbreaks, and anything like that. Here’s what I found.

find sometimes 0 chlorine and sometimes off the chart (once complainant observed water bleach out a woman’s bathing suit).” It went on to say that there wasn’t a certified pool technician managing the pool. Although Regency Apartments are technically an upscale place with high rent, it just proves that rich or poor you never really know what someone else’s pool is going to be like until you test it.

City Pools & The Law
Texas allows counties and cities to require every pool permit holder to also designate somebody with a Certified Pool Operator’s (CPO) certificate to be in charge of cleaning and balancing the pool. Only a small number of counties have these requirements. Travis County is not one of them. Tarrant County does require pool operators to pass a CPO class. They also charge re-inspection fees ($125) for pools that fail their inspections, requiring a second visit. The money helps pay for the pool inspectors’ division. Travis County charges a $100 re-inspection fee. The City of Austin does require its own pool operators to be certified, though. That probably explains why every city-run pool is well kept. In fact, the only remotely exciting thing that happened at the city pools was that the lifeguards all stopped me if they caught me getting a water sample: “Hey, you’re not going to drink that pool water, are you?” A lifeguard at Mabel Davis asked. “Hell no! That’s disgusting,” I said back. “Good,” another bigger lifeguard wearing a cowboy hat said. “Because there was this guy the other day that came in here with a gallon jug and I watched him fill it up with pool water and start drinking it!” Again at the Rosewood pool, I filled my

Gold’s Gym Tech Ridge – 235 Canyon Ridge Dr
In July, a Gold’s Gym customer filed a complaint. It said, “Complainant diagnosed with Pseudomonas aeruginosa folliculitis in late June (’12) and believes she was infected by spa … the scum ring around spa contains dead skin cells.” In case you forgot, Pseudomonas bacteria is responsible for “hot tub folliculitis” and is commonly found in poorly managed pools and can kill you in extreme cases. Maybe my old boss wasn’t wrong after all.

Regency Apartments – 401 Little Texas Ln
This place had an insane number of negative reviews on Google and ApartmentRatings.com for “unprofessional” and “shady” management techniques. There were a lot of reports of peoples’ entire $1,300+ deposits disappearing and then being charged hundreds on top of it at move out. So I can understand why the person who filed this complaint “needed” to stay anonymous. It read, “Spa has caused rashes on over 10 residents/guests. Complainant tested water to

The Zone/The Edge – 4700 E Riverside Dr
A June complaint concerning these student-bloc heavyweights read, “Apartment does not have a certified pool operator onsite and have been keeping the pools in … shock mode. Complainant tested the pool and chemicals are way off.” (It’s starting to look like there are a bunch of psychos out there testing their own pools, isn’t it?)

Pool Test Results
Pool
Big Stacey Park Pool Gillis Park Pool The Oaks Apts Mabel Davis Pool Park Lane Villas Wyndham Garden Hotel Country Garden Inn & Suites Motel 6 La Quinta Inn Canyon Oaks Apts University Crest Apts Country Club Creek Apts Wickersham Green Apts Metropolis Ion at East End Student Apts Martin Neighborhood Pool Rosewood Park Pool Super 8 Doubletree by Hilton Hotel Duval Villa Apts Oak Park Apts Big Shipe Pool Chimney Sweep Apts Plaza 38 Le Marquee Apts Lone Star Lofts My Apartment

Cl
5 1 HI 2 HI 2 3 3 0 HI 5 2.5 0 0 0 4 2 2 3 4 HI 1 HI 3 5 3 HI

pH
7.2 7.1 7 7.3 6.8 7.4 <6.8 7.6 7.3 <6.8 6.9 7.2 7.2 8.2 7.5 7.5 7.5 7.2 7.5 7 <6.8 7.5 <6.8 7 7 7.2 <6.8

Bacteria
n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a YES n/a n/a n/a YES MAYBE NO n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a n/a

= Good Pool

= Bad Pool

cup, and the lifeguard looked at me, confused: “Hey, you’re not going to drink that, right?” The Gillis Park, Big Stacey Neighborhood, Mabel Davis, Rosewood, Martin, and Big Shipe pools were all well-balanced and clean. I even tried to get a sample from shallow areas right next to packs of screaming children, but the city’s chemistry was unbeatable. Even against shitty aqua diapers. The Department of Health told me that their inspectors find about 2% of pools to be in violation. That gives Austin pools a 98% pass rate. When I added up the results of my investigation, I found radically different numbers. Altogether, I tested 28 pools. Taking away the public city pools, which were all well-kept, we’re left with 22 pools. Of these remaining hotel and apartment pools, only 10 of them had acceptable pH and chlorine levels. That’s a 45% pass-rate, or a giant F for the math geniuses out there. Two of the 22, or 9%, tested positive for harmful bacteria. The open record requests obviously aren’t comforting, either. In the past three months, two people reported infections caused from pathogens in a public or semi-public pool. Thinking about all these mismanaged, bacteria ridden swimming holes makes places like Barton Springs look pretty damn good with its ice cold, deep, moving water that gets regularly tested for fecal coliform and E. coli. At least they are aware of what’s living in their water and they’re not operating under the swimmer assumption that the water is sterilized. The city will actually shut down Barton Springs if bacteria levels get too high. That’s a hell of a lot more than you can say about a lot of places. The Center for Disease Control mails out free pool testing strips to people who want to test their local pools. When people report back with chlorine and pH levels, they add it to a database and display a graph on their site. The charts basically match mine: 54% of CDC-reported pools have unhealthy pH and 55% have unhealthy chlorine levels. Considering that these reports come from all over the U.S., not just the Wild Wild West out here, it looks like shitty pool maintenance isn’t just an Austin thing. Obviously pool operators can’t be trusted to keep the majority of pools in acceptable or safe condition. But not requiring operators to take classes and fully understand pool chemistry doesn’t help the situation. Also, testing pools during the winter might be an OK thing to do if you’re just checking up on railings, but for that to be the only test of the year seems ridiculous. One thing I learned operating my work’s pool was that the levels are affected by literally everything: who gets in, how many people swim, whether it’s raining or sunny, hot or cold, what kind of sunscreen the swimmers chose, whether or not people peed in the pool, or showered beforehand. Combine that with lazy or overworked management with zero pool skills, once-a-year testing, a sweltering swimming season and a ton of swimmers and you get the perfect recipe for a nasty bathwater pool. Next time you see someone grabbing a cup of water out of the pool and testing it, instead of yelling “Don’t drink that!” you might want to ask, “Hey, how’s the water?”■

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1
Jaill, Coathangers, John Wesley Coleman III
No. They don’t sing songs about MRSA and work release.
7pm at Trailer Space Records

August show Listings
and the HooDoo Boys
It’s at the Legendary White Swan, so I think you can guess what’s up for this night: people with tattoos playing country music, and enough alcohol vapors in the air to get drunk without spending a penny.
8pm at Legendary White Swan 8pm at Legendary White Swan

The Dig
Up and coming accessible pop rock for the alternatively minded individual.
9pm at Mohawk

Divine Fits
What happens when electro indie superstars band together? A totally sold out first U.S. tour and Beerland show.
9pm at Beerland

Neon Cobra, Animal Train
Animal Train, the rock n’ roll haiku of caesarean-shattered dreams and microwave dinners fronted by a 40 year old grass widow with a stick up her ass and welfare funded gear. Neon Cobra sounds like youth crew with a crush on Nickleback. See Animal Train.
9pm at Beerland

Psychic Paramount
Psychic Paramount has the vibe of an Ableton Live band - super loud with thousands of dollars worth of digital effects. Only thing is, I don’t see any computers on the stage anywhere.
9pm at Mohawk

DJ Abilities, Jel, DJ Notion
A smooth and vibed-out DJ dance party. Expect an eclectic array of DJing that ranges from classic hip-hop tracks to tranquil tea-drinking background noise.
10pm at Beauty Ballroom

The Coathangers
Power pop and garage punk bummer ballads about having bad relationships.
9pm at 29th St. Ballroom

Language Room w/ Little Brave, Randall Shreve & the Sideshow
Tried and tried and tried and true millennial alt-rock in the vain of Sugar Cult and the Grey’s Anatomy soundtrack.
9pm at ND at 501 Studios

2

mewithoutYou w/ Kevin Devine, Buried Beds
Does the fact that mewithoutYou exists say more about Philly or more about them in the context of Philly?
7pm at Red 7

Kay Leotard, Bang Bang Theodores, Chris Catalena & the Native Americans, Bye and Bye
If I had to jump into a teleporter at gunpoint that I KNEW was going to launch me straight to Ancient Egypt where I was going to be a pyramid building slave, I’d grab the “Golden Dawn” single, hoping the Egyptians accept me as one of their own with it.
9pm at Beerland

Belaire w/ Bitter Birds, Mira Cook
If I was going to direct an indie-porn trying to capture the dirty-ass soul of Austin, Belaire would need to write the soundtrack.
9pm at Frontier Bar

Call me stupid. Call me ignorant. Shit, call me racist if you want, but I can’t get into the sound of a white man’s voice trying to rap.
empty on command.
9pm at Beerland

The Ghosts of Texas, Modern Man, Haydon

5

Frank Smith w/ Rayon Beach, Shivery Shakes
“I just ate a sandwich next door and now I have heartburn and it feels like someone tried to brand my asshole. Sorry, guys, I don’t think I can make the show.”

Agalloch w/ Taurus
You’re welcomed to a hollowed night of melodic metal epics with plenty of Euro-centric pagan camp sprinkled all over ‘em.
8pm at Red 7

9

Smoking Nurse (Knoxville)
Raw and heavily reverberated ass blistering garage rock.
7pm at Trailer Space Records

If I was going to direct an indie-porn trying to capture the dirty-ass soul of Austin, Belaire would need to write the soundtrack.

10pm at 29th St. Ballroom

3

Continental (Ex Dropkick Murphys), Black Eyed Vermillion, The Black Irish, Sawwheel
This show is a vulgar display of the legacy that Mel Gibson’s Braveheart has left us. Thanks... you son of a bitch.
9pm at Beerland

Abigail Williams, Plutonian Shore, Humut Tabal, Lions of Tsavo
Munch down on a healthy serving of tossed black metal-core salad and a trail mix of every other extreme rock genre blended with metalcore. Yum yum yum.
9pm at Beerland

Moebius Strip
If you’re afraid of emotional breakdowns or cathartic moments, you might not want to be there for this show. Moebius Strip takes their DC roots seriously, picking up the emo as much as the punk.
7pm at Trailer Space Records

6

Burger City with The Bad Lovers, Burger City DJs
If I had a nickel for every punk patch I’ve seen at The Grand on Monday nights, I’d be living in a skyscraper in Manhattan.
10pm at Grand

10

Sabbath Crow, Bay of Pigs, Bad Lucifer
Gear up for a Hurricane Andrew of gruff, hard, and sleazy rock n’ roll that would be best accompanied by a swirling fractal of leathery sun-damaged boob jobs and cowboy hats with bat wings.
8pm at 29th St. Ballroom

Shardz, Doctor Girlfriend, Night Court
An artistic circle jerk of cellos and lights.
7pm at Trailer Space Records

7 8

Lola Cola (record release), Church Shoes
Shouting, mics that are really close to the mouth, simplistic but raw riffs, and a shit load of energy.
9pm at Beerland

The Memorials
Cult status pop-prog stars with lyrics about living the high life.
9pm at Red 7

Obits w/ Flesh Lights, Mind Spiders, James Arthur’s Manhunt
Knock knock! Who’s there? Piper at the Gates of Dawn! Piper at the Gates of Dawn who? Oh, never mind ... that was just an intro, I guess.
9pm at Red 7

Gobi w/ Dead Love Club, Knifight
This show is a test tube baby from the lateral gene transferring of 80s dance music, some hip-hop flavor, and a heavy dose of nu-metal fanaticism.
9pm at ND at 501 Studios

Nerd Nite
I remember sitting on the school bus, heading home, and there was going to be this Halloween party at some girl’s house, complete with “The Blair Witch Project” and spin the bottle. She stood up on the seat, made a square with her fingers, and said “be there or be square.” Well, Nerd Nites shows how much just one word can change things with their tagline: “be there, be square.”
7pm at ND at 501 Studios

Mannie Fresh, DJ Orion, Cauze One
Cash Money mastermind Mannie Fresh is touching down in his Air Force Ones to lay a stomp on all those Austin haters out there.
10pm at Beauty Ballroom

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4

Freak Starr, Diagonal Lions
This couldn’t be the “rap-rock” nu-metal band, could it?
7pm at Trailer Space Records

Zombie Western
If you’re into TOOL and country-western, you might have a total ball.
7pm at Trailer Space Records

Protomen
This one’s simple: Do you like Mega Man? Do you like the soundtrack to Top Gun? You’re here.
8pm at Red 7

Space Camp
Space Camp’s part 90s British pop rock and part Duran Duran (without the keyboards ... or the cocaine?) sound is specifically engineered to get girls’ panties to fall off and guys’ wallets to

Lazy J and the Dirty Shuffle
Lazy J and the Dirty Shuffle play the rippin’ grindcore / rockabilly equivalent of jazz.

Aesop Rock w/ Rob Sonic and DJ Big Wiz, Edison, Dark Time Sunshine

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August show Listings
Call me stupid. Call me ignorant. Shit, call me racist if you want, but I can’t get into the sound of a white man’s voice trying to rap.
8pm at Mohawk

a little bit garage, a tiny bit pop & emo, but right when other bands would take (or keep) a song in a bad or corny direction, they throw in something completely unexpected.
9pm at Beerland

be what that cousin became.
9pm at Mohawk

Daze Of Heaven, Andy Hendrix, Rigid
“LOUD AS FUCK” and “bring earplugs” are the taglines surrounding this show and god damn it, they’re not bullshitting you. Have you ever imagined what it would feel like, after being chained up to an electric chair, deep in the heart of death row, to have the executioner slam down the switch? Well this show might bring you close.

Shortwave Party
I know the members of Shortwave Party read these show listings, so I have to be careful unless I want someone to find me in the bathroom of Spider House, lying in a pool of blood with a knife in my back and my penis still hanging out.

The Insurrection of Drone Collins
Meet Drone Collins: an intergalactic cyborg drag queen who has a message to share with humanity in the form of a musical.
8pm at ND at 501 Studios

Agent Ribbons w/ The Blank Tapes
Theatrics and punk rock ... I’d totally go if I didn’t get 86’d from Frontier Bar for somehow ending up butt naked, behind the bar, and serving drinks without a TABC.
11pm at Frontier Bar

Nerdcore Showcase
Imagine for a second that you heard some live hip-hop blaring from Cherrywood Coffeehouse. You kind of like rap ... 2Pac, Biggie, you know. Get closer and start to make sense of the lyrics. Video games, pocket protectors, science, technology? If you’re drawing a blank, it’s a special experience.
8pm at Cherrywood Coffeehouse

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The Fleshlights, Wymyns Prysyn, Crisis Hotlines
Nothing like a bout of punk rock corn-holing to start the evening.
9pm at Beerland

If Wheatus molested its younger 9 year old cousin at a Labor Day B.B.Q. Fang Island would be what that cousin became.

College w/ Anoraak, Electric Youth
I did a test. I played one of College’s songs off SoundCloud and told my girlfriend to say whatever came to her mind. “Stupid. Boring.” The three-note ambient intro went on for about five minutes. Then the song changed to a heavily Nintendo’d jam. “Wave race.” “This is cool.” “I like this song.”

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That said, it’s always nice to see a band go from playing their mom’s friend’s daughter’s birthday party to headlining Beerland. It’s the American Dream.
9pm at Beerland 7pm at Cherrywood Coffeehouse

Matt Begley and Bitter Whiskey w/ Red Dirt Rebellion
There are two kinds of people on this Earth. There are the Matt Begleys and then there are the Bitter Whiskey band members. Which are

Rich Hands
San Antonio’s Rich Hands might not be the breakout garage group in the area, but they’ve definitely got their formula down.
7pm at Trailer Space Records

Crosby, Stills & Nash

Hmmm. I can’t really figure out what to go to: the dress-up Pimps ’n’ Ho’s ball at The Parish or to the real deal at 12th and Chicon less that 2 miles away.
9pm at Red 7

David Crosby never did cut that freak flag.
8pm at Moody Theater

Hard Skin
Shave your head and wear some ugly-ass boots and suspenders for a night: Oi! Oi! Oi!
9pm at Red 7

Dunes
Remember David Lynch’s 1984 “Dune” and the scene where that crazy ass Edward Scissorhands lookin’ guy stabs the gigantic sand worm with a crow bar, climbs on its “back,” jams these enlarged fishhooks into its pores, and starts riding it and then there’s electricity and shit flying everywhere? If only life was that cool.
9pm at Mohawk

Frustrations, Foreign Mothers, Lechuguillas
Say hello to the kind-of return of Ska. Dibs on the first skank session.
9pm at Beerland

you?
8pm at Legendary White Swan

Scorpio Rising w/ Adrian and the Sickness, Hyde Park Showdown, Sabbath Crow
Scorpio Rising mixes all the good elements of growing up in the 80s-early 90s and hearing music at the mall while my mom dragged me from store to store.
10pm at Frontier Bar

Shonen Knife (Japan)
Of all the girl three-pieces ever formed, Japan’s Shonen Knife definitely takes the keh-ki.
9pm at Red 7

Dear Landlord w/ Murderburgers
Pop punk. Woooo!!!
9pm at Red 7

Juicy J, Chip Tha Ripper, Smoke DZA, Doughbeezy, Joey Bada$$, Fat Trel
A zip and a double cup, I’m gettin’ high as fuck. Ziploc bag of kush double cup full of drank, I get so damn trippy in my mind I go blank. The top ten get high rappers, number one is my rank, You say no to drugs, Juicy J can’t. This is the best show all month. Juicy J and that young ass whipper snapper Joey Bada$$ on the same ticket. If you miss this show it’s because you hate yourself; tough guy.
9pm at Beauty Ballroom

Dethrone, Turbo Krieg, Old and III, Bad Lucifer
Meet Dethrone: Austin’s next ruler. These are going to be dark days under the new regime, but at least there will be some decent black metal jams for once.
9pm at Beerland

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Divine Eve, Imperial Conquest, West Wal
If only Divine Eve went through a “Cold Lake” era just like Celtic Frost.

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The Monkey Speaks, The Grundles, Hell’s Black Intelligencer
Last I heard, this got cancelled and Nelson the Spanish Speaking Monkey will be there with his keeper instead ... oh, wait, wrong show.
7pm at Trailer Space Records

Annual Pimps and Ho’s Ball w/ Booty Call
Hmmm. I can’t really figure out what to go to: the dress-up Pimps ‘n’ Ho’s ball at The Parish or to the real deal at 12th and Chicon less that 2 miles away. Maybe I’ll crash both dressed as a cop.
9pm at Parish

Peligrosa
This is Austin. Therefore “peligrosa,” the Spanish word for “dangerous,” needs to be shortened or butchered. Any suggestions?
9pm at Red 7

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I know the members of Shortwave Party read these show listings, so I have to be careful unless I want someone to find me in the bathroom of Spider House, lying in a pool of blood with a knife in my back and my penis still hanging out.

Inches to Pixels
This band is definitely interesting. Part punk,

Fang Island
If Wheatus molested its younger 9 year old cousin at a Labor Day B.B.Q. Fang Island would

austincut.com | August 2012, The Austin Cut

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August show Listings
They kind of have a shoegaze-influenced, 80s sound, but they aren’t boring, so that’s definitely a good thing.
9pm at Red 7

Is the rise of glitched-out music like dubstep the best thing that’s happened to the Elysium since that rotting/decaying "best dance club” banner was hung up in 2002?
I made a habit of listening to the Rolling Stones every day at my old job. Well, it wasn’t all bad because at some point, one of the guys from Uncle Lucius noticed and gave me one of their CDs for free. Real mellow guy, real mellow band. I’m pretty sure there will be free Shiner at this show, so if you’re a freeloader, you should at least show your face here.
5pm at Waterloo Records

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Quiet Company (tour kickoff), The Tontons, Bobby Jealousy
Austin’s up-and-coming friendly indie band, Quiet Company, is ready-made for ACL this year.
9pm at Stubb’s

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Amy Cook
Amy Cook is the Austin Mick Jagger of female singer-songwriters.
5pm at Waterloo Records

9pm at Beerland

7pm at Trailer Space Records

Wu-Block featuring Ghostface Killah and Sheek Louch, Saigon, DJ Notion
I realize he’s not going to be at this show, but did you see RZA play that insane thug on Californication and blow David Duchovny’s best “corny white guy who can’t even say ‘yo’ right” act out of the water?
9pm at Beauty Ballroom

Amplified Heat, Red 100s, Motel Ball Band, Power Chief
I fucking hate how every band these days writes “Play Loud!” on every damn tape, record, and CD. Sex Vid is the only band that got away with it and that was a long ass time ago. So just stop, OK? We got it.
9pm at Beerland

Break Time, Fun League
For such a minimalistic sound, Break Time really fills the soundscape with a lot of echo, distorted keys, and one hell of a vocalist.
7pm at Trailer Space Records

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Tenement, Brain Attack
Feelgood pop-influenced punk rock. A good throwback to “better” times.
9pm at Beerland

Lightning Bolt
Lightning Bolt proves that stages are obsolete. Get it in your head Austin!
8pm at Emo’s East

Fun Fun Fun Fest Aqua Olympics
If we’re going to talk about good ideas, we have to bring up Transmssion’s Aqua Olympics. They string a giant rope across Town Lake and armies gather on each side. It’s North vs. South all over again, but this time without all that confederate bullshit: just a legendary game of tugo-war. If only they could’ve found a rope long enough in 1861...
4pm at Fiesta Gardens

Defeater
If you know anything about Hardcore, then the fact that Defeater is on Bridge 9 should tell you everything you need to know.
3pm at Red 7

Deathrock Disco with DJs Malediction, None, Deathchurch
Is the rise of glitched-out music like dubstep the best thing that’s happened to the Elysium since that rotting/decaying “best dance club” banner was hung up in 2002?
9pm at Elysium

Wild Nothing w/ Boy Friend
Wild Nothing’s imagery looks like an advertisement for something, but my girlfriend disagreed with me so maybe I’m just full of shit.

Ryan Layden, The Living Room, Do You See Those Bats?
Do you believe in life!, souls!, and shit like that? Well bring your sticks and marshmallows because I heard there’s going to be a camp fire of Trailer Space’s dollar-bin records. Ryan Layden is going to be armed with nothing but an acoustic and his open soul.
7pm at Trailer Space Records

“Bring beer.”

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Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin w/ Oh No Oh My, Tiger Waves
Go check out SSLYBY’s music video to “Critical Drain.” Is this reminiscent of horrific acts committed against fellow man not-so-long ago in the South on accident or purpose?
9pm at Red 7

Willie Nelson, Paula Nelson
Do readers of The Austin Cut listen to Willie Nelson?
7pm at Backyard at Bee Cave

Blood Royale
Blood Royale is a wild Austin-based hardcore band with ties to d-beat, thrash, heavy metal, and Lemmy. Approach with caution.
9pm at Beerland

These United States
Wow, is this an Intel commercial with sincere vocals? I always thought Blue Man Group was totally Pentium II.
9pm at Mohawk

Vinyl CD’s and FUN
1401 A Rosewood Ave 512-524-1445 trailerspacerecords.com trailerspacerecords.blogspot.com

Buy

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Pete Rock
Pete Rock is one hell of a talented guy. This show will leave you feeling good, unlike all that rock ‘n’ roll bullshit.
9pm at Beauty Ballroom

Bloody Knives, The Dead Space
Bloody Knives (Austin) clamor a hot flurry of apathetic shoe gaze and pop punk.
9pm at Beerland

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Impressive
Styles
with Color or Highlights
Walk-ins welcome Closed Sundays 512.554.1483
2308 E. Cesar Chavez Austin, Texas 78702

The Young w/ Belaire, Sleep Good with East Cameron Folkcore, The White White Lights
What do any of these bands have in common? I would’ve said tattoos, but there isn’t a visible tattoo on any member of Belaire. No mustaches tying them together either. For what it’s worth, this is going to be one hell of an off-the-wall show.
1pm at Parish

Bang Bang Theodores
Prepare for a sizzling night of neckties, dance rock, and alt-nineties mirth.
9pm at Beerland

FREE Haircut

Dahling, Special Guest, Chubb Lake
I don’t know much about some of these bands, but damn it Chubb Lake have got a fucking way with words.

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Uncle Lucius

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The Austin Cut, August 2012 | austincut.com