The Austin Cut - Issue #6

SERVED!
Do Texas' Waiters suck?
PagE 5

OFF!, Das Racist, BEARRACUDA

pagE 14

TRAFFIC IS HELL
WE FOUND AND RANKED THE CITY'S MOST PERILOUS INTERSECTIONS
by Brandon ROberts Page 8

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The Austin Cut, November 2011 | austincut.com

ISSUE 6

CONTENTS

NOVEMBER 2011
8

TRAFFIC IS HELL
by Brandon Roberts

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Austin Cut has been logging the City of Austin’s collision data for the past six months and here’s what we found

FOOD
SERvEd
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ever notice that service in Texas is terrible?
by Marie Scott

5 5 6

dRINK OF THE MONTH
by Lisa van Dam-Bates

. . . . . . . . . . . . . The “fresh shaked” oatmeal cookie

GypSy pICNIC TRAILER FOOd FESTIvAL
by Debbie Rice

. . . . . A bunch of food trailers get together for the second year in a row

LET US EAT ANd dRINK, FOR TOMORROw I HOpE wE EAT ANd dRINK SOME MORE . . . . . . . 11
Why limit binge-eating and drinking with friends (and maybe family) to a once-a-year, puritanical event?
by Wint Huskey

MUSIC
OFF! wITH CEREbRAL bALLzy & FLESH LIGHTS
by Lisa van Dam-Bates by Josh Newport by Curtis Grey

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14 14 15

bEARRACUdA AUSTIN

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

dAS RACIST wITH dANNy bROwN NOvEMbER SHOwS LIST

. . . . . . . . . . . 17 Even if you don’t care about finding shows, there are a couple one-liners in here for you to check out

T H E BA C K D O O R
THIS HAppENEd: NOvEMbER
Thanksgiving and moustache month
by Tim Lambert

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The Austin Cut, November 2011 | austincut.com

STAFF

Ever notice that service in Texas is terrible?
by Marie Scott
When I moved to Texas, I started looking for jobs on Craigslist almost immediately. I was given a rush of hope by an up-and-coming pizza restaurant that was offering $11/hr (plus tips) as starting wages for front of house employees. I was ecstatic when they emailed me for an interview and began dreaming of the grandiose lifestyle I would be able to lead with that kind of budget. It quickly became apparent that I’d been scammed. It didn’t take long for me figure out that hardly anyone here pays more than minimum wage ($2.13/hr for servers) and anyone claiming to do so, at least over the internet, is probably lying. With a somewhat deflated expectation of what I might find, I hit the streets looking for a job downtown. I applied at every bar on 6th Street, but hardly anyone was hiring. A couple of days later I got a call from Iron Cactus for an interview with their hiring manager, Amy. She apologized for not having contacted me sooner (she’d been on vacation in Seattle) and asked me to come in later that week. I was relieved, and ready to quit the job hunt. I had been hoping to work in a bar, but lazy enough to take a serving job while I waited things out. The interview went well; Amy used to live near where I had lived in Washington State. We discussed the reasons for my move and my qualifications. Toward the end she asked if I had gone out to eat since I’d moved to town. I hadn’t—I was broke and literally moved the week before, but I had gone out for a drink. Amy wondered what I thought of the service at the bar I had been to. I wasn’t sure how she knew to ask this, but I responded honestly: “the service stunk. The bartender seemed annoyed that I was even there and was slow and rude.” Compared to how I was used to being treated when I went out (in Washington State) this was unusual behavior. Amy said that she had noticed it too. Service here (in general) wasn’t very good. Maybe my little observation helped me land the job without the usual second interview, or maybe they really needed someone right away. In any case, her comment got me thinking. In Washington, it took me four solid years of bussing and hostessing to make it on the floor as a waitress. Most restaurants wouldn’t hire servers with any less than two years of experience. Some required five. I was one of the younger employees at all of the restaurants I worked at. Most of the waiters had worked for five or more years at a single job, and had even more experience before that. It made sense; waiting tables is a good gig, even if you just do it on the side. You take home cash at the end of each shift and the hours are short (stressful, but short). Most people can get away with having a Monday thru Friday, 9 to 5 job and still work nights and weekends in a restaurant. Things at Iron Cactus didn’t go so well. I felt like I was in high school all over again, with more managers than I ever had teachers, and more rules than your average boot camp. I soon quit and got a different job. This was easy to do. It seems like every restaurant I went to was hiring servers. Most restaurants boasted “extremely low turnover” and “customers that tip really well,” but I wasn’t buying it. After I got settled in at my new job and in my new town, I started to dine out on occasion. I slowly realized that Amy’s observations about general service standards in Austin were true, with very few exceptions. Granted I wasn’t going to the nicest restaurants in town, but for the most part, service was remarkably mediocre. I know there are problem customers, but I swear I am a delight. I’ve waited tables for long enough to know how to talk to my server and how to tip them too. I also know how to deal with a problem if I’m serving a table that has one, whether it was my fault or not. So, for me to complain at a restaurant means that something was inexcusably bad. A couple of months ago, I ordered a shot of tequila at a café/bar in North Austin near campus. There was nothing remarkable about this experience (I sipped my tequila throughout my meeting) until I got to the bottom of the shot and realized that there were fruit-flies in my mouth, as well as in my glass. I didn’t want my money back or anything, but I wanted to let the bartender know so that he could inspect the rest of the bottle and toss it out (or just strain the bugs out and return it to its shelf ). He didn’t seem surprised when I told him what had happened and with mild interest he asked to see the flies I was talking about. After showing him he said, “oohhhh, yeah…” and that was it. I know it wasn’t his fault that I picked an ancient bottle of tequila that nobody seems to drink, or that it was infested in the first place. But, I think as a customer who unconsentingly consumed an insect that he poured into my glass, I deserved an apology of some kind. Maybe you can’t expect someone who makes close to no paycheck to treat your customers the way that you would. Or maybe the shitty tippers of this state have demoralized the mid to low-end service industry in an irrevocable way. A restaurant job here isn’t what it was back home. Waiters certainly don’t need the experience that was required and it appears the work ethic got lost along the way. Maybe it’s time for me to make some real money so I can go to the nice restaurants with the waiters who want to be there. Or maybe it’s time for me to get a high-end gig so I can complain about rich snobs for a change.

S ERV ED

Editor-in-Chief
Brandon Roberts

Managing Editor
Lisa van Dam-Bates

Contributing Editor
Josh Newport

Copy Editor
Nick Longoria

Contributors & Columnists
Wint Huskey, Tim Lambert, Marie Scott, Curtis Grey, Debbie Rice

Cover Art
Justin Winter

Advertising Director
Lisa van Dam-Bates

AbOUT THIS ISSUE

If you want to talk about mad rushes to finish shit, start with this issue of the Cut. But the work paid off and we’re proud to give you another quality product. We’ve expanded the war front to the north, and will continue to do so. Be afraid half-assed magazines and newspapers. Here we come. This cover rules so much we’re considering turning it into a psychedelic T-Shirt. If you want one, send $20 ca$h to our mailing address below. Or you can get it tattooed onto your chest by the artist himself. (See page 16 for details about that.) Also, we don’t appreciate mail without return addresses, especially if there’s weird propaganda inside.

wRITERS!

We’re still looking for more writers, but most responses so far have only expanded the list of things that people shouldn’t be writing these days. Either way, if you have something unique to say or report on, consider doing it with us.

CONTACT
E-Mail
[email protected]

The Austin Cut
1006 Banister Lane #806 Austin, Texas 78704

dRINK OF THE MONTH
by Lisa van Dam-Bates

Fresh Shaked Oatmeal Cookie

This can be downed as a shot, but I would sip it in a martini glass to feel classy. 1 oz. Buttershots 1 oz. Baileys Irish Cream 1/4 oz. Goldschlager 1/4 oz. Jagermeister Shake ingredients well with ice (until cold) and serve! If it smells like a fresh baked oatmeal cookie then you did it right :) On Thanksgiving morning, enjoy in a cup of coffee.

austincut.com | The Austin Cut, November 2011

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GypSy pICNIC TRAILER FOOd FESTIvAL

A bunch of food trailers get together for the second year in a row
By: Debbie Rice, owner and operator of Fry Baby (South Congress)
Austin's second-annual Gypsy Picnic Trailer Food Festival didn't disappoint. Located at Auditorium Shores and free of charge, the picnic showcased live music including performances by Delta Spirit, Hacienda, Dale Watson, Alabama Shakes, and Boy. There was ample space for stretching out on picnic blankets, setting up beach chairs, or just walking with friends and family through the "trailer park" of more than thirty food trailers. The trailers were spread out on the perimeter of the park for easy access and viewing (a contrast to last year’s event, where they were all crowded into the center with lines that went on forever). This year, each trailer had a small tent beside it so customers could stay in the shade while waiting to be served. Each trailer displayed large signs showing their three sample items, which ranged from three to six dollars. Lines moved quickly but still gave everyone time to choose which of the three selections they favored. This allowed for leisurely walking around the park, without some of the confusion of last year. In addition to the great food and music, the festival was family and dog friendly, with special booths for keeping Fido and the kids well entertained. For the grownups that might’ve needed a break from sampling the trailer fare and relaxing to the music, a visit to the Gypsy Fortune Teller booth seemed to be on many people’s todo lists. Before the festival began, there was a food cook-off judged by a panel of prestigious foodies from the Austin area. They included food writers and editors, radio personalities, and plain-old food lovers. This year’s winner was: East Side King, serving Asian–fusion. They have more permanent residence on East 6th Street at the Liberty Bar. The East Side King was also voted “fan favorite.” Kebabalicious won for best vegetarian entrée and are located at 2nd Street & Congress. Best taco went to Torchy's from South 1st Street. Best ethnic food went to Mmmpanadas, whose food is available at local grocery stores. Best drink went to MamboBerry, a newer trailer which opened their first location on Barton

Springs back in July. Best dessert? Surprise, surprise! My neighbors Hey Cupcake on South Congress. The purpose of the Gypsy Picnic seems to be just getting out on a beautiful day with family and friends, sampling some amazing food, enjoying some local music, and finding a new favorite place to eat while supporting our own local Austin trailers. It costs about $500 to enter your trailer in the Gypsy Picnic, but once you’re a part of the festival, the payoff is worth it. With a couple of thousand people all there to try

new food, it’s a great investment for any business. The founder of the Gypsy Picnic is Tiffany Harelik, a fourth generation Austinite. Harelik has just finished her book, Trailer Food Diaries Cookbook, which contains recipes from selected trailers in the Austin area. It's available on Amazon.com and at Book People. The book promises to “serve up the American dream one plate at a time.” More information is available at gypsypicnic.com, and trailerfooddiaries. com.

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The Austin Cut, November 2011 | austincut.com

COME CHECK US OUT! 1603 SOUTH CONGRESS (NEXT TO HEY CUPCAKE) COME CHECK US OUT! 1603 SOUTH CONGRESS (NEXT TO HEY CUPCAKE) FOLLOW US ON TWITTER @AUSTINFRYBABY -- FRIEND US ON FACEBOOK @FRYBABY FOLLOW US ON TWITTER @AUSTINFRYBABY FRIEND US ON FACEBOOK @FRYBABY

FISH & CHIPS FISH & CHIPS FRIED PICKLES FRIED PICKLES SWEET POTATO FRIES SWEET POTATO FRIES FOOT LONG CORN DOG FOOT LONG CORN DOG POMEGRANATE LEMONADE POMEGRANATE LEMONADE

FRIED MAC N’ CHEESE!

Homemade
Try our

Pasta shells and a blend of four cheeses, deep-fried to perfection then covered in melted cheese.

austincut.com | The Austin Cut, November 2011

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The Austin Cut has been logging the City of Austin’s collision data for the past six months and here’s what we found
by

TRAFFIC IS HELL
brandon roberts

Lakeline & 183
54 Collisions

Parmer & I-35
45 Collisions

Parmer & N. Lamar
47 Collisions

Rhundberg & I-35
55 Collisions

Rhundberg & N. Lamar
49 Collisions

1100 IH-35
38 Collisions

710 East Ben White
43 Collisions

East Riverside Dr. & I-35
45 Collisions

William Cannon & I-35
82 Collisions

Ben White & I-35
46 Collisions

Collisions reported to the APD / Travis County Sherrif’s Office from April 23 - Oct 29, 2011

A couple weeks ago I rolled through a stop sign, coming out of the heavily-Hispanic Southport Drive apartment complex neighborhood, and got pulled over. The stop sign at the intersection of Southport Dr. and Banister Ln. is buried in trees. You can’t see around the corner until you’re fifteen feet in front of the sign. It’s a perfect place for a cop to hang out and wait for some dumb fool to look, not see any cars coming, and blow the stop. The officer approached the window and I handed her my Texas license and insurance. “Do you know why I stopped you?” “No.” 8 4

“You didn’t stop at the stop sign back there.” “Oh … shoot! I’m sorry! I just live right here.” I pointed to my apartment, which was in sight. She started asking questions about my out-of-state plates, and I started lying about how long I’d been living in Texas. This process went on for about twenty minutes. I managed to confuse her enough to only write me a ticket for running the stop sign. As a parting line, she assured me that she was acting in my best interest. “There have been a lot of accidents at this intersection, lately. We’re just making sure everyone stays safe.”

“Liar,” I thought. I took my ticket and drove the hundred feet to my apartment parking spot. I thought about that line the next day and remembered: I’d been logging the City of Austin’s traffic reporting page for the past five months. I could look through all the logged data and see if there were any recorded accidents in the past six months. I wasn’t surprised at all when I searched and scrolled through the thousands of traffic events that Austin police and Travis County sheriffs had responded to and didn’t find anything about that intersection. The Austin-Travis County Traffic Report

Page is a simple web page where the city outputs current traffic events every five minutes. It gives location, time, and a category to the event. The Austin Police Department is responsible for most of the data on this page, although there are other agencies included. Traffic events are broken down like this: “Crash Blue Form”: Collisions that do not require a law enforcement response. “Crash Urgent”: Dispatched within 5 minutes. Collisions involving minor injuries and or where minor injuries are suspected. “Traffic Hazard”: Any traffic hazard on major thoroughfares that may cause a collision, injuries, or otherwise cause undue

The Austin Cut, November 2011 | austincut.com

traffic congestion. “Loose Livestock”: Selfexplanatory. The Travis County Sheriff’s Department uses similar terms, but they prefer the word “collision” instead of “crash.” (You can find the Austin-Travis County Traffic Report Page at http://www.ci.austin.tx.us/qact/ default.cfm) So I set up some software (hidden on the austincut.com server) to log this data every five minutes, for the past five months. I gathered thousands of events and I was able to plot it all onto a Google map. I could see where the most collisions were concentrated.

I-35 and William Cannon

The king of Austin-area collisions was the I-35 and William Cannon intersection/ exits. From late May to late September, I recorded over 71 auto collisions. That’s basically one every other day. If you’ve ever been on the exit or through this intersection, you know what kind of a congested headache it can be. The actual intersection of IH-35 and William Cannon is so overloaded that cars often back up from the stop lights all the way past the exit ramp and onto I-35 itself. This area also has a feature that seems to increase collisions and congestion significantly, and is a theme in these traffic hot-spots: large strips of shopping centers next to high-volumes of traffic. Particularly, there’s an enormous H-E-B at this intersection with a narrow, packed, poorly designed parking lot that leads directly onto the IH-35 service road. I talked to a panhandling homeless guy who said he hangs out around the intersection a lot. He said, “I see accidents here all the time. Especially on a day like this. I’ve seen people run over, man!” He went on to tell me about how people he knows like to run cross I-35 as he pointed down to the highway and to some sort of an encampment under the William Cannon overpass. He continued: “I mean, right now it’s OK, because the traffic is so bad and everyone is going slow, but some people like to run across when it’s going fast. I’ve probably had eight friends get hit by cars at this intersection.” As far as the collision data goes, the accidents were fairly evenly distributed between the exits (both north and southbound) and the actual intersection. In the news, this intersection was also home to a couple flaming trucks (one of which was noticed first by a Department of Transportation traffic camera), an eighteen-wheeler gone out of control, a pedestrian killed while crossing I-35 on foot, and a teenager killed by police while breaking into Big Lots. Coming in second, was I-35 and Rhundberg. I collected 45 collisions in the five-month period and I guess this spot hasn’t gone unnoticed by Austin police.

North Lamar and Rhundberg: to the left is the bus stop where Kari Williams was hit by an uninsured driver, and a woman crossing the street Texas style, captured by chance on Google Street View.

“

I see accidents here all the time. Especially on a day like this. I’ve seen people run over, man! ... I mean, right now it’s OK, because the traffic is so 710 East Ben White bad and everyone is going slow, but some people like to run across [I-35] Blvd This intersection is the only one that was heavily concentrated at one address. 710 E. when it’s going fast. I’ve probably Ben White / Payload Pass is the only main road that leads out from the Walmart shophad eight friends get hit by cars at ping center. I used to go to this Walmart to buy injection supplies, but the hassle of this intersection.” getting in and out of there wasn’t worth it.
9000s block of North Lamar is a heavily congested area. According to the Austin Police Department's DWI Enforcement Unit, this intersection was number two in alcohol-related collisions between 2008 and 2009. There are also a lot of shops, stores, and bus stops, and crosswalks are inconvenient. In Texas terms, that means a lot of people will be running across two high-speed lanes to the yellow line, waiting for that direction of traffic to clear up, and running across the road to the sidewalk. In fact, a Google Maps “street view” of the area shows a woman with a bag of groceries (I assume) waiting on the double yellow. (http://g.co/maps/k5q7k) In June, one woman, Kari Williams, was waiting at the bus stop on North Lamar near Rhundberg, when a car pulling a right out of the nearby Walgreens parking lot came crashing into the stop. According to KVUE, who interviewed Williams, “[The driver] got out of the car. She kept telling me, ‘I can't go to jail. I can't get arrested. I can't get deported.’” The driver didn’t want to call for help, but Williams’ screams were heard by others who did call for an ambu-

lance. In a fairly incredible moment of willpower, Williams took off her belt and tied it around her leg, knowing, “if I didn't stop the bleeding, I would die.” She was rushed to the emergency room where doctors were able to save one of her legs. In a typically Texas outcome, the woman who hit Williams didn’t have insurance.

In June, they started setting up a camera surveillance system on the area. According to one police officer being interviewed by the Community Impact Newspaper, “Statistically, Rundberg [at I-35] has been a problem for years … People go there from all over Austin because they know that’s where they can get drugs.” According to the reporter, crimes logged by police in that area include everything from prostitution to kidnapping. So while the police seemed to be concerned with gang activity, drug peddling, and other more extreme forms of crime, the area still caused a blip on my traffic data radar, meaning it wasn’t without its more mundane counterpart, auto accidents.

North Lamar and Rhundberg

I-35 and Rhundberg

I only collected one less accident (44) at N. Lamar and Rhundberg than I did several miles east at the I-35 intersection, but the North Lamar intersection generated a lot more media-documented carnage. For those who don’t know, the mid-

If you’re coming from the west, you need to take the Ben White U-turn and try to snake into oncoming high-speed westbound Ben White traffic. If you manage to get into the Walmart parking lot without crashing, getting out is just as hard. There is always a pretty long wait to get out of there, because traffic headed down Ben White rarely stops coming. While the “good citizens” generally line up and wait for the person ten cars in front of them to turn into traffic, a lot of people go through the Chick-fil-A parking lot and start a smaller line of more impatient (and reckless) drivers. There are so many accidents in this area that the dispatchers have a specific code they use for it: “PAYLOAD PASS/BEN WHITE SVRD EB AT IH 35 TRN.” I actually saw someone get rear-ended near this area. The driver in front of me sped up, following the driver in front of him who was taking a right onto Ben White. But the front driver must have second guessed his timing and slammed on his brakes. The following driver kept going, probably looking to see who was coming and not where he was going, and smashed into the car in

austincut.com | The Austin Cut, November 2011

9 3

A line of traffic, at the HEB on William Cannon & IH-35, that stretches off into infinity.

front of him. If you take into account the type of person who frequents Walmart and combine that with the extreme poor planning of that IH-35 and Ben White intersection, it’s really no surprise that this area is a collision magnet.

East Riverside Drive and I-35

This area is a nightmare. You have people on bikes and on foot coming from the enormous apartment complexes down Riverside, high-speed traffic coming from all directions in eight lanes of traffic, extremely odd traffic light sequences, and a constant barrage of people asking for change. Of the four Riverside lanes that cross I-35, only the left lane turns left onto the Highway. But the amount of people needing to head south outnumbers the number of people willing to wait an extra three green-and-red light cycles in the left lane. So the left two lanes cluster up, as half the people in the third lane try to snake everyone in the left lane. Of those who don’t try to merge at the last second, a good chunk of them take the left turn anyway. The city’s “new and improved” bike map lists the section of East Riverside near I-35 as “low-comfort.” I’d call it extremely dangerous and would warn you to stay far away. There’s a reason why almost everyone riding a bike around there stays on the sidewalk. News outlets have been reporting for years how Austin’s traffic problem ranks with cities many times larger, like L.A. and New York, for several years. I’ve heard every side of the argument from, “that’s total shit! I used to live in Los Angeles” to, “down with City Council, they only cater to the rich … look at the 183A, built only to encourage 10 4

soccer moms and further suburban sprawl, fuckers!” But you can’t deny that the majority of these collision hot-spots are centered around I-35 and in poorly designed or severely vehicle-overpopulated areas. It’s not a secret that Austin has seen explosive population growth since the 90s, and it’s pretty obvious that more people meant more cars. A lot of people come to Austin expecting to ride public transit from their house on the Eastside to South Austin, but are met with the wall of incompetence and extreme unpredictability that Capital Metro riders experience on a daily basis. As many online commenters have put it: “Austin is a driving city.” (Do a Google search of that quote and you’ll find a lot of complaints from people warning others to not move here.) If you can’t afford a car then you better get a bike, just make sure to avoid East Riverside! Austin is also home to terrible light coordination, which encourages drivers to run red lights as if it’s their last chance to ever cross the intersection. Throw in tiny, neighborhood-like roads, such as South 1st and Lamar, which are used almost like mini freeways by the massive influx of new Austinites. Toss in a huge percentage of people who are texting so hardcore while driving that one cop told me, “I’ve driven alongside drivers watched them staring down at their phone for minutes until they even saw me.” We don’t have any anti-texting while driving laws, unlike many major American cities. Rick Perry vetoed legislation this year that would have banned texting while driving calling it a “government effort to micromanage the behavior of adults.” With all of these traffic problems, and a gigantic population of frustrated, heavilyuninsured drivers, I’m not surprised the city doesn’t really know what to do about

it. Clearly, throwing billions of dollars down on road improvements isn’t really on the table with the economy in such terrible shape. A light rail solution is such a ridiculous joke that it’s barely even worth mentioning. Same with building toll roads leading out into the middle of nowhere.

Maybe the city could start with trying out a couple new bike lanes, or maybe by trying to give people a shred of a reason to have any faith in our transit system. Who knows. I do know one thing: there are a ton of psychos out there and they’re driving fast. So watch out.

LONGHORN BIKES
SALES, SERVICE, PARTS, RENTALS
2308 E. CESAR CHAVEZ AUSTIN, TEXAS 78702 MON-FRI 10-6 SAT 10-3
(512) 542-9505

The Austin Cut, November 2011 | austincut.com

LET US EAT ANd dRINK, FOR TOMORROw I HOpE wE EAT ANd dRINK SOME MORE family) to a onceWhy limit binge-eating and drinking with friends (and maybe
a-year, puritanical event?
by Wint Huskey
I was having a phone conversation with a friend during his ten-day leave from Afghanistan. I was excited to hear from him, although I dreaded what was sure to be a stiff, awkward, and thoroughly uncomfortable dialogue. Little, reliable space-fillers like “how's it going,” “how's work,” or “what's the weather like,” suddenly become inappropriate when the person on the other end of the line is between stints in the shit. And it was pretty safe to assume that stories of workplace politics at the pizzeria I worked at, or how the aspen leaves were all beginning to change, were not what my friend wanted to hear about, either. As the discussion crept on, I ventured to ask my friend why he had chosen to return for Thanksgiving and not Christmas, which would have made for a break right in the middle of his tour. There was no hesitation in his response. “It would just be too fucking gross to be in some mess tent in Afghanistan on Thanksgiving. I mean, they do ok and get turkey and mashed potatoes.” “MRE potatoes?” I asked, shuddering at the thought of olive drab, man-sized Mylar bags being emptied of a pasty white chemical compound a few carbon chains shy of being an actual potato. “No, nothing that bad, I don't think, but it just isn't the same at all. Of course the food is not as good as my family makes it ... but it's just the eating with a bunch of guys who don't want to be there. It would be too depressing. It's the only real American holiday I care about, and I wanted to be home for it, not in Afghanistan.” “Fair enough,” I said. His answer made my question seem like a dumb one, but it was the first response I had elicited that went on beyond a few syllables. “And I could really give a fuck about Christmas. I mean, do I want to come home, go to a mall, and buy shit? I'm not taking a bunch of sweaters my mom gets me at Kohl's back to Afghanistan.” He was on a roll now. “I just want to come home, be around my family, and eat and drink constantly for a few days.” My friend's flourish at the end made me realize that for many people, myself included among them, Thanksgiving is a day that is far more venerated than Christmas. The list of events from my past few Christmases is highlighted by viewings of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and Rumble in the Bronx. It doesn't sadden me to wake up without gifts to open or to no longer even have a stocking with my name glitter-glued on it. I feel no remorse when New Year's rolls around and I have gone another year without putting a small tree in my living room. But I have never missed a Thanksgiving. And my friend, likewise, made it a point to briefly leave Afghanistan for a few days spent with his family and their tasty holiday vittles. And even if this may seem like a sort of frivolous anecdote, I could tell there was a very serious and obvious reason why he chose to fly across the globe to enjoy a host of things drowned in gravy. Neither of us expressly said anything about death, but it seemed clear that it was a motivating factor in his decision to visit when he did. When every day begins with the prospect of someone blowing you up or shooting you, mortality becomes a real concern. That weariness was certainly present in our phone conversation. It sounded to me like he was worried that he might really die over there, and in case he actually did, he wanted the last time he saw his family to be centered around enjoying a meal with them. I am ineffably pleased to report that he returned to the States alive and well. We have since cooked a wide array of foods and consumed many exotic drinks. But the idea of a last meal has since interested me, and I find myself thinking about it more frequently. We are creeped out by a serial killer's appetite and final request for Kentucky Fried Chicken, fried shrimp, french fries, strawberries, and Diet Coke, just as we are fascinated by the over-the-top accounts of former French President Francois Mitterrand's feat of gustatory fortitude before succumbing to a grapefruit-sized tumor. We even know all about what Jesus Christ himself ate the last time he was here. I think most people have given thought to what the last thing they want to eat would be. I know that I have taken part in meals so fantastic that I've declared it to be the sort of culinary apogee worth revisiting again when my time on earth is coming to an end. And if one were able to add friends and loved ones to the mix, the experience would surely be all the more enjoyable. Luckily, you needn't be dying imminently for that sort of thing to happen! So I am convinced that “Eat Like You Were Dying” could be a country-crossover-smash-hit-single, given the amount of pleasure and satisfaction special days like Thanksgiving offer us. So why are we so set on that sort of thing coming just once a year? Why the hell do so many people so rarely enjoy good food and fine company on a regular basis? A large part of the problem must surely be cultural. I'm willing to make the broad generalization that people in America seem to dine in seclusion a lot. (I'm talking about single people here, although couples and even families can fall into this habit, too.) The folks I notice are not eating alone in a cool, moody, mysterious way in the dark corner of a bistro—it's more like scarfing some beef stroganoff out of a pan while Jeopardy is on. I always feel disappointed, personally, when I find myself plowing through mealtime like a chore, and I imagine that repeating this experience would probably be severely detrimental to my emotional and dietary wellbeing. Perhaps I have placed a good meal on a higher pedestal than it deserves, and maybe good company is overrated. Many people would counter that phenomena such as Thanksgiving are actually stressful and unpleasant affairs. Everybody, whether as a child or as the brains behind the whole operation, has been present at a bad dinner party. Stuffing alone cannot save you. Like that time someone's uninvited vegan girlfriend kept reminding guests that “the so-called bird on the table probably grew up in a cage and was genetically modified to be 90% breast meat and have no beak.” The only consolation to these disagreeable and vexing scenarios is taking solace in the fact that such events tend to occur at family gatherings, like Thanksgiving. Now some people out there actually get along real well with their kin, which is a beautiful thing. These family-lovin' souls can happily disregard the following advice: just remembering the fact, that when hosting an event like a dinner party, an adult can invite or exclude whomever they wish. I mean, what's not to love about the family dining experience minus the family? Having all the delicious food you want to eat while surrounded by people you actually like? Yes, please! Just because many of us are removed from our families, moving on to college, a job, or, you know, just a bigger city, doesn't mean we don't still crave a warm and inviting place where we can eat well and have a good time. And it does not need to only happen in celebration of some bizarre, quasi-true meal that religious fanatics in buckled hats shared with the noble, copper-skinned men in loincloths. Most any night will do and you don't even really need a reason. People who like to cook will enjoy getting fancy for a big group and being praised with an evening's worth of residual belches and dazed smiles of approval. Those who don't know how to cook will love to bring beer or wine. Everybody's clearly going to be having a great time. This is the point where the caloricallyminded moralists will surely begin their assault. Why, just imagine how fat we'd all get feasting on turkey legs like Henry VIII every other night! Such indulgence and gluttony would be detrimental to the national character. The nightly news' mandatory two-minutes of footage of obese people, seen strolling from the neck down, serves to confirm that intemperance and avarice already have a foot in the door. Consider the two syllables that comprise the all-too-American phrase 'low carb': the moment in our history when a lot of people agreed that little to no exercise, pork rinds, and Diet Dr. Pepper constituted a safe and healthy dietary regimen. As I've been laboring to point out here, what we eat and how we eat it is downright lamentable and could stand some serious improvement. The mass market dieting/self-help paperback-world experienced a freak occurrence of common sense, a few years ago, when Mireille Guiliano's French Women Don't Get Fat became a bit of a sensation—especially if you watch daytime television. I have no problem confessing that I have not yet read French Women Don't Get Fat, but the few conversations I've had with those who did read it have me sold on the book's principal points. So although I don't care much for the 'lifestyle/dieting/self-help' section of Borders, Barnes and Noble, Amazon.com, and find the whole area festooned with bullshit, some of it might actually have some redeeming value. Occasionally. So even if there is plenty of filler in the horribly titled French Women Don't Get Fat, it got the conversation pushed into the right direction. The state of America's culinary union was bad enough that the country actually needed a book to tell them that eating well in moderation, enjoying sweets and alcohol in sensible portions, and taking the occasional walk might actually be good for one's health. Many folks may need some additional inspiration to commit the time, money, and energy it takes to become the host/hostess with the most/mostest. Thankfully the French culinary tradition has more to offer than 'weight-loss-enhancing leek soup.' Few authors have as much gastronomical credibility as Emile Zola, whose 1873 novel, The Belly of Paris, was heralded by rockstar chef Anthony Bourdain as “the Citizen Kane of foodie books.” Zola kept true to his realist nature, and the French women of The Belly of Paris are not fat ... but they are often plump, full, robust, and/or ample. The novel takes place almost entirely in Les Halles, the enormous public market that once stood in the heart of the city of light before it was properly illuminated. A great deal of the charm of The Belly of Paris stems from the almost unimaginable character of what a place like Les Halles must've been like. Whereas today's cities have dozens of nearby choices for grocery shoppers, the idea of what amounts to a centralized food neighborhood sounds pretty far out there. But the place was real, and Zola is probably one of the few writers fit to report on such an environment. His acrobatic and inspired prose perfectly captures the bustling, viva-

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cious, and at times sybaritic, feel of the foodcrazy city's labyrinthine market. But funnily enough, The Belly of Paris begins by immediately introducing readers to Florent, a highly-undernourished man on the verge of death. I, for one, did not expect the protagonist of the “Citizen Kane of [epicurean] books” to be a starving man too weak to chew his way through a carrot. Witnessing Les Halles from Florent's hungeraddled and confused perspective, the first pages of The Belly of Paris are not as pleasant as readers might hope for. Instead of finding some delicious scraps or encountering a benevolent baker, Florent wanders through an overwhelming, disorienting, and even nauseating environment. It is a veritable sensory overload, though probably no different than how any of us would feel if forced to navigate through such hectic scenery today. Anyone who has walked into Trader Joe's on a busy evening without a clear sense of what they want/need to buy has experienced this. And who among us wouldn't be aghast after peeking into the charcuterie and witnessing the sausage being made, or feel barfy when a wind gust carries the skanky aroma of an outdoor fish market on an August afternoon? Zola gladly takes readers to every grimy and confined corner of Les Halles, and manages to do it so damn elegantly as to make it beautiful. I never thought I would read a description of freshly-removed cow lungs that was as tranquil and charming as Bob Ross narrating one of his more serene pieces, but Zola has proven that it can be done. The ability to describe with equal splendor every aspect of a place like Les Halles is one of the most interesting and admirable things about Zola as a writer. It makes reading The Belly of Paris a worthwhile venture for anyone tired of the prim and purple prose that plagues so much food writing. I would have also argued (before reading The Belly of Paris) that it takes very little skill to write a pleasant sentence about some freshly-picked fruit. When read in comparison to the text that takes up space in 'food & dining' sections, Zola's reverence for everything from peaches, to eels, to radishes, instantly feel as separate as an Old Master's still life and a seventh-grader's submission to the state fair. If you've ever wondered what visiting the cheesemonger in Paris was like back in the day, get someone to read the following paragraph to you out loud and just close your eyes:
A Parmesan added an aromatic pungence to the heavy smell. Three bries on round boards were sad as waning moons. Two very dry ones were full. The third, in its second quarter, was oozing, emitting a white cream that spread into a lake, flooding over the thin boards that had been put there to stem the flow. Port Saluts shaped like ancient discuses had the names of the producers inscribed around the pe1

rimeters. A Romantour, wrapped in silver paper, was reminiscent of a nougat bar, a sugary cheese that had strayed into the land of fermentation. The Roqueforts, under their glass bells, had a regal bearing, their fat, marbled faces veined in blue and yellow as though they were the victims of some disease that strikes wealthy people who eat too many truffles. Alongside them were the goat cheeses, fat as a child's fist, hard and gray like the stones rams kick down a path when they lead the flock.

And that's only one of four consecutive paragraphs about cheese. I can go on about how much I enjoy pristine prose devoted to things I would like to eat, but there's more to The Belly of Paris than superb food writing. Since food, politics, and what I will call 'social justice issues' are closely intertwined, especially in France where le revolution was sparked in part by a shortage of le pain, Zola explores the relationship between foodstuffs and government with the same wit and detail as a hunk of Roquefort throughout The Belly of Paris. The book repeatedly describes the turmoil in Paris as a war of Fat versus Thin and a conflict of the well-fed and the hungry. Florent, who remains gaunt no matter how much he is fed, is quickly disgusted with the world of Les Halles. It is easy to understand how an individual who has known real hunger and actual oppression (or maybe even someone who just happens to be 'keenly aware' of its presence) could see somewhere like Les Halles as a foul and contradictory place. The Belly of Paris ends pretty anti-climactically for the skinny idealists, and life quickly returns to fat 'n' happy normalcy after a very brief spurt of political upheaval. The book completely wraps up with a funny-cuzit's-true shoulder shrug of “[w]hat bastards respectable people are!” But people have it all sorts of backwards if they think the main message imparted by The Belly of Paris and each full plate before them is a reminder of hypocrisy, injustice, and troubles afflicting the world. Regularly taking a moment to reflect on and appreciate why one decides to ingest one thing over another is not only of consequence to our emotional well-being, I think, but our physical health, as well. Being responsible for providing friends with an unforgettable spread is a genuinely sublime feeling. Simply eating well with those you like, sharing some wine, maybe toppin' the whole thing off with some pie and coffee— these are all things to be thankful for and not ashamed of. We should appreciate the big binge the Pilgrims brought to the table, back in the days of yore, but it is time to drop the Puritanical baggage. Let us eat and drink, friends, for tomorrow ... well, I was maybe hoping we could eat and drink a little more then, too.

While I am aware that Canada also has a day they refer to as “Thanksgiving,” it is completely weird, wrong, and entirely inferior to our version. The same is true of football. 2 Mitterrand’s final meal consisted of copious amounts of wine, oysters, foie gras, capon, and the Ortolan Bunting, a bird about the size of your thumb, prepared by drowning it alive in Armagnac, cooked and then served whole, eaten bones and all. The Ortolan, long revered as a “the soul of France,” is endangered and, therefore illegal to consume. Although I would like to get further into this, I will instead suggest Michael Paterniti’s splendid article, “The Last Meal,” from the May 1998 issue of Esquire. 3 Thanks to the sharp spike in diabetes, though, this foot will soon be amputated. 4 Copycat works have claimed that Mediterranean Women Stay Slim, Japanese Women Don’t Get Old, and have even gotten so bold as to claim that White Men Can’t Jump. 5 I hate the phrase “rockstar chef,” but I can’t talk about Anthony Bourdain without describing him as such (legally) and I hate the term ‘foodie’ even more, but it is in his quote.

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SHOw REvIEwS, LIvE!

Keith Morris and OFF! kicking off their set (left) and Cerebral Ballzy ‘s(right) guitarist and vocalist, who loosened up the crowd in extremely drunken style.

OFF! wITH CEREbRAL th bALLzy & FLESH LIGHTS
Oct 13 at Red 7
by Lisa van Dam-Bates
fun. They are a pretty rockin’ punk band with a raw sound. Sometimes girly punk vocals can be annoying, but Flesh Lights’ vocals definitely aren’t. Retox, a power-violence-ish band from California, played second. They used samples and were super loud, but I didn’t watch their set because it didn’t sound that good and I wanted to get a drink instead. Third up was Cerebral Ballzy, a five piece band from Brooklyn. They were super bomb. It seemed like they had a lot of people fussing over their performance, from some sound people doing mic-checks before they played (“check…check…ballzy….check”) to the guys who kept running on stage to put up the mic-stands they didn’t use (and kept knocking over) and the women in the crowd handing them newly purchased 40s of Miller Highlife. They seemed belligerently drunk for the most part and showered the crowd with a near constant spray of wine and beer (from the bottles and their mouths). People seemed to like it. Everybody in the band seemed like they were having a good time and moving around so much it was hard to get a good picture with my shitty camera. A while after the show I watched a music video that they have on YouTube. It was wackily high-budget (sponsored by Adult Swim, or maybe just aired there) and pretty entertaining, but the lyrics were really stupid. They sure did put on a show, though. Last was OFF!, Keith Morris (of early Black Flag and Circle Jerks) had a troop of adoring young girls in the front row. This surprised me, because boy does he look like shit. I made a snide remark about his ridiculous hair style (comb-over waist-long dreds, ughhh) to a 17 year-old looking blonde girl when I saw him get on stage. She seemed to take offense to this and retorted, “it’s just because he’s had them for so long.” Keith Morris is a bore on stage. I took about a hundred pictures and he’s doing the same two poses

It’s been a while since I went to a hardcore punk show. Back in high school it was something I did at least once a week. But as I got older and had to get a job, money slowly became a priority for me. The best restaurant shifts are Friday and Saturday nights, so I all but quit going to shows by the time I was 20. I went to a couple of Chaos in Tejas shows and they were cool, but there is a different feeling you get from going to a smaller hardcore show than from a huge fest. I miss seeing local bands that are excited to perform and go wild when they get on stage. The OFF! show at Red 7 was a little bit on the big side, but still kind of cozy in a way. Flesh Lights opened. They are a local band with a chick for a drummer (she also sings sometimes) and two guys up front. Normally, I wouldn’t bring attention to the fact that Flesh Lights’ drummer is a girl, but I want to mention that she was really fuckin’ good. All three members had a ton of energy and their set was super entertaining to watch. They looked like they were having

in every single one. He made a couple of lame speeches, one about how racism is bad (DUH) and another rant about how annoying it is to go to the grocery store and wait in line. They played an encore but assured us that didn’t actually have any more songs rehearsed that they hadn’t already played and said they would just re-play a couple from the set they had just finished (OMG yayy!). This might be offensive to all those people who respect Morris because of his contributions to early punk and hardcore, but I think that OFF! is a sad and pathetic attempt to relive those glory days. I know I could respect him a lot more if he just gave up already. Maybe the headliner wasn’t worth it, but I’m definitely glad I went to this show and got a chance to see Flesh Lights and Ballzy. I felt like a high schooler all over again.

Oct 15 at ND 501 Studios
by Josh Newport
I ended up heading to Bearracuda directly from work, still wearing my dingy work clothes. But dressing to impress at this event would include 300 pounds of nondescript male weight, a bib of back hair, and leather studded overalls. Bearracuda Austin is a seasonal dance party event catering to the male homosexual fringe community of bears. Bears are heavy set men that are usually hairy or bearded, with rugged or ultra-masculine grooming practices. Needless to say, Bearracuda events are populated with almost 14 4 entirely super-gay, super-hairy men. I couldn’t find ND (at 501 Studios) and had to ask around for directions. Luckily, I ran into a girl, Megan, who was pedicabbing somewhere on the east side. After she told me where ND was, I told her my situation: that I was heading to Bearracuda to write about it, and how uncomfortable and literally gay the idea of going there by myself made me feel. Something about the situation must have appealed to Megan because she ended up going with me. Her friend didn’t seem as excited, so Megan

bEARRACUdA AUSTIN th

The only men brave enough to smile for Austin Cut cameras were found at Bearracuda.

The Austin Cut, November 2011 | austincut.com

excluded all of the gory details about where we were going. When we finally got to Bearracuda, Megan’s friend seemed almost disgusted. She walked around with a horrified look on her face as she scoured the room looking for Megan, who had just disappeared in the mass of hairy, overweight, leather clad men. One of the main walls was covered with a psychedelic kaleidoscope projection of two naked, tattooed men, both fat and muscular, grinding and making out. It one-upped anything Tim and Eric have ever made. Aside from the scenery and the blaring music, Austin Bearracuda was sedately low key. I spent a lot of time taking group photos of other people having fun and walking around with no determined destination in particular. There was no sweaty pig

pile (bummer). There weren’t any dudes taking hairy titty bumps in the bathroom (bummer). And nobody was snorting loose Ambien or Ecstacy pills off the dance floor that’d fallen out of pockets, got stepped on, and ground into the dance floor. After about 40 minutes of walking around and taking pictures, Nakia and Tje Austin from the Voice did a duet. Every time I tried to take a picture of them, the back of some dude’s shiny head was all that showed up. Nakia and Tje were cool enough to pose for a picture later on that night, though. I ended up going outside and talking to Matt Bearracuda, the main person behind Bearracuda, and homosexual-party-enthusiast Aaron Haze. They both had completely different things to say about Austin Bearracuda. Matt was content with the way the event had gone (he made lots of money

off it, lots of people showed up, and there were no 911 calls), but Aaron completely disagreed. I asked Aaron what Austin Bearracuda needed. He responded, “more drugs and more dick.” Aaron compared this Bearracuda to all the other homosexual mega parties he went to where, “everyone is rolling and people actually get laid.” He claimed that Austin didn’t have the kind of homosexual community capable of hosting a mega bear party, yet. Aaron said the Austin gay community was all about arm candy and maintaining some sort of chic. The whole discussion took place while all the neighboring functions were emptying and filling the streets low-riders, girls in eight inch heels, gangster playboys, and Nakia making out with some dude in front of the door. For me, Bearracuda was as awkward an

experience as you could imagine. Mainly because I spent most my time there alone and felt completely out of place, but the pure novelty of the situation made any awkwardness worth going at least once. Throughout the night, the occasional handful of party girls would come in and dance for a short while, which would probably be one of the more enjoyable ways of experiencing an event like Bearracuda (with a bunch of friends). I would recommend Bearracuda to anyone who has never been before. It was pretty cheap, the music was loud, and the bar was full. It’s a one-of-a-kind event, especially for a city like Austin. Bearracuda Austin is a seasonal event and you should totally check it out the next time it comes around, which is on New Year’s Eve.

“Who’s that? Brooown!” Das Racist’s Dap, Heems, and Kool A.D. through the fog.

Danny Brown, sipping a light pink liquid, which we think was a vodka cranberry.

dAS RACIST wITH dANNy bROwN th
Oct 28 at Emo’s East
by Curtis Grey
We got hyped on a mixture of Four Loko and 15 year Glenfiddich before heading to Emo's on East Riverside to see the New York-based rap group Das Racist. I really didn't know what to expect from a Halloween weekend show put on by artists who rap about loving White Castle Burger and Shaun Bridgmohan (lyrics state: the first Jamaican in the Kentucky Derby). When we got there, the girl who checked my ticket seemed annoyed with the music, "oh my god, that guy is such a downer ... ID Please?" Despot was on stage, wrapping up his performance for an unenthusiastic assortment of early-twenties gamers and a meager amount hip hop fans. I beelined my way to the front through the thin crowd, but before I could get there his act was over. From observing the texting to fist-pumping ratio, I gathered that the consensus sided with the ticket gal. Projecting overhead onto a giant screen was the word "RELAX," the name of the tour and the new Das Racist album. It was layered over an image of police in riot gear, flashing with such intensity that anyone with an epileptic disorder would have started convulsing. After a short wait, and blowing an inane six dollars on a 12oz beer, Detroit's Danny Brown rocked the stage. It was awkward to see such an obviously street-wise G trying to connect with the room full of geeks who probably understood nothing about class struggle or institutional racism. He let us all know one thing for sure: he couldn't wait to get off stage and smoke a blunt. The moment his last song finished, he exited immediately and left the rest to our imagination. The next time I saw him on stage, he was in a pretty damn good mood. When rappers Heems, Vik (Kool A.D.), and hype man Dap stormed out from a plume of smoke, the lingering dweebs put their mobile devices away and, surprisingly, went absolutely ape-shit. What I didn't expect about Das Racist's act was that it would be coupled with a seriously trippy overhead slide show. The images I saw brought me back to the first time I heard their music in 2009, when a few friends and I were experimenting with the incredibly potent synthetic THC (JWH-018). After two puffs, the track "Rainbows in the Dark" took me deep into a world of infinite colors and ideas that projected themselves from the words, "the second hand couldn't even clock me." During the hour and a half set, I saw a rotating clay-animation black Jesus on the cross zoom through a worm hole, a kaleidoscope of inverse colored Bart Simpsons skateboarding, Kanye West talking shit to Taylor Swift at the VMAs, a nine-eyed goat getting butchered on top of a leather Bible, all spliced with snap-shots of Lakutis, the guy DJing, in various poses (like shooting a bow while half naked). Das Racist definitely knew how to work a crowd. Every time the energy started to dissipate during a new song that fewer people knew (indicated by the increasing number of cell phones being used), they would either feign playing their most popular song, crowd surf, or get everyone to hum to the tune of "Tom's Diner" by Suzanne Vega. At one point, they sat at the edge of the stage and hooked pinky fingers with fans. The show crescendoed up to the very end, as more and more artists poured onto stage, bringing back Despot, Danny Brown, local artist Fat Tony, and the beastly Lakutis who blew everyone away with his flow since he had been humbly working the turntables all night. Afterwards, Das Racist sat at the merch table and spent quality time kickin' it with everyone, giving autographs, and just being cool dudes.

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NOVEMBER 2011 SHOWS LIST
NOvEMbER 1ST - 4TH
TUESdAy, NOv 1
Randa Briggs BONERFEST
It'll be an all-out orgy of beer and loud music. Y'all ready for this?
Beerland 9:00pm

Johnathan Cash's Birthday Bash featuring: Total Unicorn w/ Synthetamine, I Cactus, Ew The Toilet
Electronic bands from Austin. Some of the bands utilize old school hip hop beats and others sound like the computer rock jam from the first Revenge of the Nerds.
Beerland 10:00pm

8:00pm

8:45pm

FRIdAy, NOv 4
Doomriders w/Inepsy, Mammoth Grinder, Mindless
Doomriders play pop metaly hardcore from Boston. Inepsy sound like late 70s British heavy metal and Motorhead. Mammoth Grinder (Austin, TX) play death metal and hardcore.
Red 7 Outside 9:30pm

Follow That Bird w/ Kay Leotard, Agent Ribbons, Planets
Follow That Bird is an Austin alt-rock band with classic and garage rock tendencies. Kay Leotard, also an Austin band, plays modern noise pop ballads with nostalgic psychedelic effects.
Frontier Bar 9:00pm

Boots Electric
This solo project by Jesse Hughes (Eagles of Death Metal) covers a variety of genres with a campy and comedic twist from electronic party music to heartland Americana.
Stubb’s Inside 7:00p0

River Ghost, Moonraker, Holler and Bang, Skirt The Issue
Indie show, fo sho. These bands “are rich in the Texas tradition of solid structure and lyrical poetry without sacrificing sonic innovation and a groove.” Or at least that’s what I read on some website.
Red Eyed Fly Outside 8:00pm

Dressed to the Nines: Gothic Dress Up Ball - DJ Alex V w/ None, Damage Done
A gothic dress up party with renowned hip hop DJs, but they’re DJs, so they'll probably spin to fit the occasion. DJ Damage Done had this to say about the show, "I'll be DJing at the Gothic Dress Up Ball! Don't bother coming if you're not dressed like you're going to Edward Gorey's funeral! Practice dramatically sashaying and posting the back of your hand to your forehead now!"
Elysium 9:30pm

Said the Whale w/ We are The City
A YouTube video of Mascots dancing to Said the Whale's "This City's A Mess" kept me mesmerized for 3:01. My usual comment of "I want my 3:01 back didn't occur to me. We Are The City is indie rock with progressive elements from what city? Kelowna, California?
Emo's Inside 10:00pm

The Thermals, Lemuria, Ume, David Liebe Hart (of Tim and Eric Awesome Show)
The Thermals, Portland-based indie / poppy punk rockers, are headlining. They put on a good show. Lumuria (Buffalo, NY) have an alternative power pop sound. Ume (Austin) play female-fronted noisy alt pop rock.
The Parish 9:30pm

THURSdAy, NOv 3
moe. w/ Great American Taxi
Moe. rode the jam band wave of the early 90s with bands like Phish and Widespread Panic, but their greatest accomplishment was probably playing Woodstock 99'. (http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=ywuYC0n5cNg)
La Zona Rosa 7:00pm

Miss Melvis w/ Alejandro Escovedo
Miss Melvis has elements of classic rock and stoner grunge. Alejandro Escovedo has been featured in a couple of their more mellow alt rock songs. On his own, Alejandro has a very eclectic style that seems to incorporate most of the Billboard music from the early to mid 90s.
Continental Club 10:00pm

Too High to Die presents Dikes of Holland w/ Holy Wave, The Zoltars
It's going to be a surf and punk show with Austin bands. The Dikes of Holland have a lo-fi punk sound with twangy instead of distorted guitars. Holy Wave have a broad modern surf sound with tons of echo and tremolo (the effect not the technique).
The 29th St. Ballroom This venue’s site is a fucking joke, but we’re guessing: “sometime at night.”

The Baker Family w/ Archeology, The Burning Hotels
The Baker Family (Austin,TX) doesn't really have a distinct sound. Some of their songs sound like The XX, others have a banjo or sound like a mid 90s post-rock pop ballad. The Archeology play indie altpop from Portland.
Frank 9:00pm

Sonia Leigh
Female country rock star from Atlanta. She has a hit song in almost every genre of country and Americana.
Stubb’s Inside 9:00pm

Kenny McCardle, Son Of A Gun, Nick Swift, Lonely Playground
Justin Bieber’s hair ain’t got shit on Kenny McCardle’s. Expect every band that plays to perform a cover of their favorite song by Bruno Mars or whatever they listen to. You gotta’ start somewhere, man.
Red Eyed Fly Lounge 8:00pm

Equals w/ Searcher. Again, For the Win, The Tontons
Ambient post-rock show. Expect lots of droney guitar soundscapes and feedback.
The Parish 9:45pm

wEdNESdAy, NOv 2
Bayside w/ Saves The Day, I Am The Avalanche, Transit
If you’re a fan of Ludo or Fall Out Boy, you’ll probably enjoy Bayside.
Emo’s East 10:00pm

Woody Pines w/ Shotgun Party
Woody Pines (Asheville, NC) make popbluegrass and roots music with youthful enthusiasm.
Continental Club 10:00pm

David Liebe Hart (from Tim & Eric) w/ Breakdancing Ronald Reagan, Pataphysics, Plutonium Farmers, Synthetamine I randomly found David Nkrumah Liebe Unger Hart street performing with a puppet in Santa Monica in 2007 and immediately recognized him from the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Expect much of the same killer weirdness from Breakdancing Ronald Reagan who hails from New Braunfels.
Hideout Theatre 7:00pm

Soul Track Mind w/ Morry Sochat & The Special 20s
Soul Track play eclectic blues rock from Austin. Morry Sochat and The Special 20s play all kinds of old school rock n' roll, with influences coming from everything in the first half of the 1900s.
Continental Club 10:00pm

The Alice Rose w/ Wiretree, Cartographers
An indie pop rock show with Austin bands, except the Cartographers, they're from San Antonio.
Skinny’s Ballroom 10:00pm

Allison’s Pearl Panther, Awkward Robot, Sam Pace & The Guilded Grit, Carter Mondale
Local show put on by some dudes who seem like they want to just have a good time. The show starts with a pretty solid southern rocker, Carter Mondale, and ends with self-proclaimed “experimental blues.”
Red Eyed Fly Outside

Shpongle presents The Shpongletron Experience w/ Emancipator, Blockhead, DJ CAM
Shpongletron is psychedelic and electronic. There's going to be a variety of electronic genres, some of it is going to sound like Moby, some of it is going to sound like world-rave music with East Asian chanting.
Emo's East

Long Woodson
Acoustic folk rock from Austin with dramatic song writing.
Stubb’s Inside 10:30pm

Scorpion Child w/ The Well, Sioux City Pete
Scorpion Child (Austin, TX) play 70s style heavy prog metal.
Red 7 9:00pm

Scarlet’s Eyes, Holy Ka-Kow, Codename Boris, Target Practice, Allus

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NOVEMBER 2011 SHOWS LIST
NOvEMbER 4TH - 11TH
Killus
Close your pretty eyes and imagine Ms. Swan from MadTV trying to sing to an ambient dance groove. Add some reverb to the vocals and you know exactly what Scarlet Eyes sounds like.
Red Eyed Fly Outside 10:30pm

heavily produced power punk and ska with shock value lyrics about fleshlights and gay pride. They'll be playing with Denton oddity Brave Combo, a polka fusion band with a celebrity cult following and a Simpson's cameo.
Beerland 9:00pm

MONdAy, NOv 7
Of Mice And Men w/ Iwrestledabearonce, I See Stars, For The Fallen Dreams, That's Outrageous
This show is in the forefront of pop metal core entertainment. If you've ever watched foreign music channels and seen bands like Bomfunk MC's or Tokio Hotel and thought, "Weird. That's popular over there?" Iwresteledabearonce goes beyond that. If you don't really care about music that much, and are mostly into drugs and being in a loud room full of people stoked on something, then this show is for you. Depending on how high you are before you the show, you could easily experience some trippy shit.
Emo's East 6:00pm

6:30pm

Cartwright w/ Fat History Month
Cartwright were nice enough to us at the shitty Wavves show, even after mentioning that we were there to see Wavves. So, I thought their show ought to be mentioned here. They play intricate indie pop with strange, nearly gutteral vocals. So go see them play at Trailer Space Records with Fat History Month.
Trailer Space Records 7:00pm

Organians w/ Tetrahedons, Keg Vultures, Favored Demise
Organians (Cedar Creek, ATX) sound like Syd Barrett-era Pink Floyd covering Flipper.
Trailer Space Records 7:00pm

Soapbox Spellbinders, Broken Harps, The Hang, Stampede Mesa, Ever Burn
Soapbox Spellbinders is Simon & Garfunkel vocals over banjos in good rhythm.
Red Eyed Fly Outside 8:30pm

THURSdAy, NOv 10
Smoker's Club Tour with Method Man, Curren$y, Big K.R.I.T., Fiend, The Pricks, Corner Boy P
When Rammstein's “Du Hast” doesn't awake Method Man, just blow a little smoke from the good green his way and he'll be up like Viagra. If you don't know who Method Man is, this show means as little to you as this How High reference.
Stubb's Outside 7:00pm

SATURdAy, NOv 5
Paul Simon w/ Punch Brothers
I don’t care what anyone says, Graceland is a chore to listen to.
Cedar Park Center 8:00pm

Awkard Robot w/ Cactus Peach, Habrock
Awkward Robot (Austin) play poppy folk that you would hear in a really optimistic commercial. Cactus Peach (Austin) play indie folk rock.
Skinny’s Ballroom 10:00pm

Dale Watson
Dale Watson has been performing country rock and Americana for the past 20 years. He seems to have all the archetypical facets to the genres down with game show host mastery.
Continental Club 10:00pm

Andy Davis w/ The Daylights, Stukenberg
A modern singer-songwriter from Nashville, Andy Davis will be headlining with radio ready pop ballads and easy listening jams. The Daylights (L.A.) will be supporting with their own style of pop-rock that sounds like an equal mix of every pop-rock band that's been on the radio in the past five to six years. Also supporting will be Austin's folk pop rock group Stukenberg.
Emo's Inside 8:00pm

SUNdAy, NOv 6
Simple Plan w/ Forever The Sickest Kids, The Cab
Josh Newport’s little brother used to like Simple Plan … what a loser.
Emo's East 7:00pm

The Inspector Cluzo, Hot Rod Radio, The Millipede, Awesome Death
One second I think I’m listening to KoRn, the next swear it’s Jimmy Fallon’s “Idiot Boyfriend,” and then I realize: “oh shit, this is Inspector Cluzo.”
8:00pm Red 7

Jonathan Scales
Skilled jazz-fusion played on steel pan, guitar, and drums. The group moves through a variety of genres, from island music to classical to almost rock tempo jazz.
Skinny’s Ballroom 10:30pm

Church of the Friendly Ghost presents New Works by Nick Hennies w/ Brent Fariss, Travis Weller
It's going to be an experimental show. Some of Nick Hennies’ music sounds like something you would hear in an overture to an experimental movie (think more experimental than David Lynch).
Salvage Vanguard Theater 7:00pm

FRIdAy, NOv 11
Yellowcard w/ Every Avenue, GO RADIO
Nobody rocks out harder with a violin than Yellowcard. Disregard that two-year hiatus, they're on tour forever!
Antone's 7:00pm

Peter Murphy w/ She Wants Revenge, Hassle Club
If you're a 45 year old heroin punk, this show could be the perfect opportunity for you to get laid. Just kidding, no one who goes to this show is getting laid. Bauhaus frontman Peter Murphy will be promoting his eighth studio album, Ninth, but if you include his live album from 2001, Ninth really would be his ninth. Murphy's new music is more of a poppy version of Bowie's post "Afraid of Americans" career. Supporting Murphy will be San Fernando pop rock group She Wants Revenge. They have common musical elements of U2 and The Strokes.
The Moody Theater 8:00pm

TUESdAy, NOv 8
Kate Voegele w/ Parachute, Conor Flynn
Acoustic pop prodigy Kate Voegele will be supporting her third album Gravity Happens. Opening for Voegele will be Parachute. After listening to Parachute, you'd probably find it funny to know that they have associations with the record label Def Jam.
The Parish 8:00pm

Robot Williams, Anaya, Treachery Of Others, Punk Art Nation
Simple Plan plus 2001: A Space Odyssey equals Robot Williams.
Red Eyed Fly Outside 8:00pm

The Sounds w/ Natalia Kills, The Limousines, Kids at the Bar
Dance rock show headed by Swedish garage rock stars, The Sounds. They'll be supported by Natalia Kills—British T.V. star turned modern club diva.
La Zona Rosa 8:00pm

FFF 2011 Presents: ZERO BOYS & Others
If you aren’t feeling shitty enough about yourself, just rub a little bit of this crap in your face: The Zero Boys are playing the Mohawk … “Admission FREE with FFF Fest Wristbands. Wristbands only.”
Mohawk 10:30pm

wEdNESdAy, NOv 9
Phantogram
Electronic indie pop duo from New York. Some of their songs have a Cardigans (Gran Turismo) feel.
Mohawk Outside

The Wee Beasties w/ Brave Combo, Sara Hickman
The Wee Beasties (Denton, TX) play 18 4

We'll Go Machete w/ The Midgetmen, The Distant Seconds, The Professor Machine We'll Go Machete have a post-punk 90s hardcore sound. The Midgetmen make indie pop rock from Austin.

The Austin Cut, November 2011 | austincut.com

NOVEMBER 2011 SHOWS LIST
NOvEMbER 11TH - 16TH
Red 7 9:00pm Trophy’s 8:00pm

Boonesboro, The Cocker Spaniels, DJ Stephy B
Destroyed For Comfort (Austin) play minimalistic electro punk in a modern vein. They may have also coined the tagline, “my band is fucking weirder than your band.” Low Red Center (Austin) play dance and synth-ballads with Bjork-style vocals. Fishyboy (Denton) are an indie power pop four-piece with tongue and cheek lyrics.
Skinny’s Ballroom 7:00pm

Maryland.
Emo's Inside 6:00pm

Mudhoney w/ The Riverboat Gamblers, The Hunt Sales Memorial
Seattle grunge forbearers, Mudhoney, are still touring and sound more garage rock influenced than usual, while still keeping the loud and heavy tones they started with. The Riverboat Gamblers are an alternative melodic pop punk band who now live in Austin.
Emo's East 9:00pm

Rasputina
Brooklyn experimental cello pop with divergent vocals. They're known for their conceptual lyrics about anything from schistosomiasis and the Little Ice Age to Rosemary Kennedy.
The Parish 8:00pm

Morrissey w/ Kristeen Young
Supporting Morrissey, Kristeen Young (New York) plays loud peculiar dance beats with eccentric vocals reminiscent of Kate Bush and Nina Hagen.
Bass Concert Hall 7:30pm

Tav Falco's Panther burns w/ The Crackpipes, The Golden Boys
Cult rock icon Tav Falco had been influencing up and coming subgenres of fringe and alt rock during the past 30 years. Up to his usual bizarre tricks, he'll be playing a mix of tragic-noir-cabaret-garage-ect. The Crackpipes are a blues jam, rock band from Austin.
Emo's Inside 10:00pm

Wale w/ Turntable.fm, Brenton Duvall, Black Cobain, Phranchyze Washington, D.C. rapper, Wale hit gold when he signed to Rick Ross's Maybach Music Group. With Brenton Duvall's Tupac and Taylor Swift mashups, Wale's right hand man Black Cobain, and local rap prospect Phranchyze to warm it up, you're in for a damn good night. Bring the rubbers.
La Zona Rosa 8:00pm

Mark Sultan w/ A Giant Dog, DJ Richard Henry
Montreal rock legend Mark Sultan, formerly in The Spaceshifts and The Almighty Defenders, will be playing raw and sloppy 60s garage rock. Austin band A Giant Dog have a modern lo-fi pop punk sound. You might like them if you're a fan of Jay Reatard.
Mohawk Inside 10:00pm

SUNdAy, NOv 13
Let the Dead w/ Pat the Human, Set the Sun, Against the Archaic, Swaggasaurus
Let the Dead play modern hardcore with the occasional keyboard or emotional harmony. Pat the Human sounds like hardcore with minimalistic death metal.
Red 7 7:00pm

Henry & the Invisibles w/ Kabomba, DJ Chorizo Funk
Henry and the Invisibles is a one-man fusion band originally from San Antonio. He prerecords jazz clips and loops them from his laptops when he's playing live. Kabomba make wild fusion rock from San Marcos.
Stubb’s Inside 9:00pm

wEdNESdAy, NOv 16
JC Brooks & the Uptown Sound
This show is a must-see if you like classic Motown stuff, the Delfonics, or any 70s-style disco influenced soul. This show wasn’t promoted very well, yet, but it’s going to rule. And it’s free.
End of an Ear 6:00pm FREE SHOW

Chuck Ragan (Hot Water Music), East Cameron Folkcore, Possessed by Paul James
Every hardcore kid in Seattle listened to Hot Water Music and it bugged the shit out of me. Frontman Chuck Ragan likes to play psychobilly on the side.
Red 7 9:00pm

Hardcore Matinee: End Times (DFW), Strong Belief (MX), Cutting Losses, Dead Times
Daytime hardcore show with headliners End Times (Dallas / Fort Worth) playing downtuned, moshy hardcore, and Strong Belief (Mexico City) playing youth crewstyle mosh hardcore. You can expect the same from Locals Cutting Losses and Dead Times, but maybe with a few more “fast parts.”
Red 7 5:00pm

Night Viking
Experimental punk from Austin with elements of humor, electronic music, no-wave, and a little bit of absurd spoken word.
Trailer Space Records 7:00pm

Lovey Dovies w/ Gold Beach, The Sour Notes, Bill Baird
Lovey Dovies are a New Orleans alt punk band with elements of melodic post punk. If you're a fan of the Foo Fighters, you might like them. Gold Beach play ethereal Beach Boy's style (go figure) pop rock.
Frank 9:30pm

Mac Miller
I don’t care if he has 100 million views on YouTube, he looks like my ‘friend’ from middle school who stole my wallet, and I don’t trust him. In all seriousness, Donald Trump has nothin’ on this rap sensation.
Stubb’s Outside 8:00pm

MONdAy, NOv 14
Immortal Technique w/ Killer Mike
Immortal Technique is one of those guys I could see battling Eminem on stage in the movie 8 Mile (and possibly winning). You may remember Killer Mike from the popular 2003 Outkast song "The Whole World."
Mohawk Outside 6:30pm

SATURdAy, NOv 12
The Woggles w/ The Ugly Beats, Jade Idol
Punk ballads influenced by 50s and 60s pop rock (The Byrds, Little Richard, Bob Dylan) with Jello Biafra vocals. The Ugly Beats have a 60s pop alt rock vibe.
Continental Club 10:00pm

Sons of Hercules
Bluesy garage rock from San Antonio.
Beerland 9:00pm

Plaid
An electronic duo from London that play a variety of genres, comprised of renowned DJs Andy Turner and Ed Handley.
ND at 501 Studios 9:00pm

New Bomb Turks w/ High Tension Wires, Grand Champeen
New Bomb Turks are an Ohio band playing blues punk with inventive production. Supporting the New Bomb Turks is High Tension Wires from Denton with a musical style of old-school pop punk.
Red 7 9:00pm

Real Estate w/ Big Troubles
Noisy indie pop rock show. Real Estate (New Jersey) play ambient psychedelic pop. Big Troubles mix and alternate between noisy surf rock and 80s post-rock.
The Parish 8:00pm

TUESdAy, NOv 15
Hit The Lights w/ The Dangerous Summer
Hit The Lights play Disney Channel style pop-metalcore (Cash Cash, Jonas Brothers, Metro City, with metal core). Supporting act The Dangerous Summer have a thoroughly produced emo alt pop sound from

Animal Train w/ Anti-Climax, Beaver, Suicide Drive, Mr. Patrick
Austin punk band, Animal Train's most distinctive trait is its gnarly monotone middle-aged female vocals. Anti-Climax are a pop-punk and alt rock band from Spring Texas.

Get Animated: Comic Con unofficial afterparty w/ Destroyed For Comfort, Total Unicorn, Low Red Center, Fishboy, World Racketeering Squad,

JC Brooks & the Uptown Sound
Revamped soul pop from Chicago.
Mohawk Inside 9:00pm

austincut.com | The Austin Cut, November 2011

19 3

NOVEMBER 2011 SHOWS LIST
NOvEMbER 16TH - 20TH
THURSdAy, NOv 17
Holy Ghost! w/ Eli Escobar, Jessica 6
Holy Ghost! sound like minimalistic electronic rock reminiscent of ESG, with vocals that have the romantic machismo of Chromeo.
The Parish 9:00pm 10:00pm

emo bands.
Emo’s East 7:00pm

Muchos Backflips w/ Plutonium Farmers, Bee vs. Moth, The Ugly Numbers
Muchos Backflips (Austin) play instrumental rock with similarities to 90s math rock and video game soundtracks. Plutonium Farmers (Austin) are an experimental garage and surf rock band (I couldn’t find any lyrics in their songs, either).
Skinny’s Ballroom 9:00pm

The Jayhawks w/ Jolie Holland
After a short hiatus, The Jayhawks return with their eighth studio folk-rock album. Founding member of The Be Good Tanyas, Jolie Holland, brings the folk rock from Houston.
The Paramount Theater 7:00pm

duced me to BTBAM. I still can't figure out which guys in the band are Christians and which ones are straight edge. Either way, this is some of the most intricate progressive death-metalcore shit out there.
Emo's East 9:00pm

Swingin Utters w/ Far From Finished, Threes Away, Scary Mondelos
If you ever find yourself reminiscing about the good ol' days of skate punk from the 90s, I hope to see you there. I'll be wearing my MxPx t-shirt.
Red 7 9:00pm

Rebirth Brass Band
African influenced brass jam band from New Orleans.
Stubb’s Inside 10:00pm

Culture Kids w/ Creamers
Culture Kids play raw and original punk from San Francisco, with talented song writing. The Creamers from L.A. play old school pop punk with a modern take.
Beerland 9:00pm

FRIdAy, NOv 18
Doug Stanhope
If you can be offended, you will be by Stanhope's cathartic stand-up. Why do Irish pedophiles fuck little boys? Because the "women are too ugly to rape!"
Red 7 7:00pm

The Scatterbrains, Madmartigan, One Red Martian (Dallas), Friend City, Good Day Paradise
I spent a month in Karlsruhe, Germany growing food with a bunch of hippies, but by the end of the first week, I realized music to them meant a drum circle plus whatever instruments that were readily available. The Scatterbrains feel like the folk punk version of this. Hmm ...
Red Eyed Fly Outside Stage 8:30pm

Megafauna w/ The Suite Unraveling, The Boxing Lesson
Megafauna (Austin, TX) have a modern alt rock sound with creative time signatures and eccentric vocals.
Frank 9:00pm

Dead Dog w/ Followed by Static, Church Shoes
Dead Dog (Athens, GA) play heavy, stolid punk that resembles Sonic Youth and the better parts of late 80s grunge. Followed by Static will be playing lo-fi indie punk.
Trailer Space Records 7:00pm

Gwar w/ Every Time I Die, Warbeast
Gwar is one band you must see live before you die. And if you're lucky, you'll die at the show. There are more spikes sticking out of these 3 bands’ equipment to put Guy Fieri's hair to shame.
East Side Drive In 9:00pm

SATURdAy, NOv 19
Steve Aoki w/ Hank, Cupcakes
Steve Aoki is one of the best DJs in the game, having worked with artists like will.i.am and MSTRKRFT. It's gonna be a party.
Stubb's Outside 7:00pm

SUNdAy, NOv 20
Vagabond Collective Presents: The Rocketboys w/ The Winter Sounds, Wild Moccasins, Little Lo
The Rocketboys have a modern arena rock sound. The Winter Sounds (Nashville, TN) have a modern polished pop rock sound with a well-tempered tone of contemporary effects.
Stubb’s Inside 8:00pm

My Jerusalem w/ Michael Booher
My Jerusalem is an Austin super-group, comprised of members from Great Northern, Polyphonic Spree, Bishop Allen, and The Twilight Singers. They make the kind of nondescript super poppy indie chart toppers you would hear echoing in a noisy mall plaza or food court during Black Friday and 12 days of Christmas fire sales.
Mohawk Inside

Deadeye (Grateful Dead tribute)
The Grateful Dead tribute band of Austin. Hmm... Does that mean they have a monopoly? Does every city need one of these?
Stubb’s Inside 10:00pm

Matt Burnett performing "HEFT"
Local audio wizard, Matt Burnett, will be playing from "HEFT," a set of songs built around a pedalboard that serves as a electronic one-man-band. Occasionally, other people join in on the performance.
Green House Austin 7:00pm

Senses Fail w/ Stick To Your Guns, Make Do & Mend, The Story So Far
A solid line-up of melodic pop-punk and

Black Veil Brides w/ Falling in Reverse, Aiden, Drive A
Screamo-fashion show. On a side note, I can't believe Aiden isn't headlining shows of this genre anymore. I went to their show in 2006, and girls had the band logo tattooed everywhere.
Emo's East 6:30pm

Ghostland Observatory

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Send shows listings to [email protected]
(Make sure to include date, time, bands playing, and venue.)

Electro-pop music from right here in Austin. If you fancy Architecture in Helsinki or Scissor Sisters, then you're in for a great time.
The Moody Theater 8:00pm

The Bled w/ Decoder
What sets these two post-hardcore bands apart from others is Decoder's incorporation softer elements, whereas The Bled stays true to the heavier side of the genre.
Emo's Inside 7:00pm

Melt Banana w/ 400 Blows
Japanese experimental-punk band Melt Banana teams up with the Los Angeles based nu-metal noise band 400 Blows. We have a feeling this show will be crazy.
Mohawk Outside 8:00pm

Fu Manchu w/ Honky, The Shrine
Hard rockin' stoner grunge from the late 90s.
Red 7 9:00pm

Between the Buried and Me w/ Animals As Leaders, TesseracT
Six years ago, a Christian friend intro-

20 4

The Austin Cut, November 2011 | austincut.com

NOVEMBER 2011 SHOWS LIST
NOvEMbER 21ST - 30TH
MONdAy, NOv 21
C3 presents Ximena Sarinana w/ Avalanche City
She may look like Rebecca Black, but it's merely the Latin-American version of Miley Cyrus. That's only after C3 presents Avanche City, another "Billionaire" Travie McCoy that is utterly unknown in the US, but had a number 1 hit in New Zealand?
The Parish 8:00pm

world who only claim a single genre: blues.
The Continental Club 8:30pm

FRIdAy, NOv 25
Dimitri's Rail
Modern alt-pop rock (Spring, TX) with over the top stud vocals that make the Kenny Wayne Shepard Band sound like a bunch of mortified teenagers over analyzing the phenomenon of their nightly emissions.
Stubb’s Inside 9:00pm

Pop Pistol (San Antonio) make dance and Latin-inspired alt-rock. They use lots of effects that give their songs a detailed ambience. The Great ‘85 (San Antonio) have a heavy garage sound with some country influence.
Trailer Space Records 7:00pm

Clack your heels and come on ova'. Good ol' southern folk rock.
Stubb’s Inside 10:00pm

Unearth w/ Chimaira, Skeletonwitch, Molotov Solution
Metal-core show. Unearth have a thrashy power metalcore sound. Chimaira have even more power pop elements.
Emo's East 6:00pm

Honey Son w/ Borrisokane, Georgette
Honey Son (San Antonio, TX) is a one man band that plays indie ballad pop, made from the loops he constructs while playing live. Borrisokane (Austin) play electronic indie rock.
Skinny’s Ballroom 9:00pm

TUESdAy, NOv 22
Fleshlights 7 Inch Release Show
Flesh Lights rule. They have a rippin' girl drummer who makes the male co-frontmen look like weenies. They're releasing a new 7" and playing with a bunch of local hardcore and punk bands. If you like snotty punk, or laid back Trailer Space shows, check this out. As always: BYOB.
Trailer Space Records 7:00pm

Macklemore w/ Ryan Lewis, Champagne Champagne, Xperience
Seattle rappers arrive in Austin. I actually met Xperience in a Denny's parking lot in Olympia, Washington when my friend almost puked "Moons Over My Hammy" on his fresh pair of Jordan's.
Emo's Inside 9:00pm

The Queers w/ Knockout
Making a 2007 comeback with a cover of the Beachboys' classic "Wipe Out", The Queers are back to their old surf punk ways.
Emo's Inside 9:00pm

SUNdAy, NOv 27
Immersion Two (The Cube) LoudAs-_ _ _ _ Quadraphonic Sound Experience
This shit will blow you away. Pay what you can.
Salvage Vanguard Theater 8:00pm

Lusitania w/ Jamestown Revival
Not the Romanian province, nor the British ocean liner, but rather five dudes from El Paso that rock with acoustic instruments. Every band on this concert calendar gets a listen, but only a select few will end up on my iPod shuffle. Hopefully Jamestown Revival will come on following my kettlebell workout. They're pleasant alt rock that reminds me of something from the 90s with a modern twinge, in case you were wondering.
Mohawk Inside 10:00pm

SATURdAy, NOv 26
Maryann and the Revival Band CD Release Party w/ The LaRues, Waldo, The Naturals, Federal! State! Local! Maryann and the Revival Band (Austin, TX) play upbeat folk rock.
The Parish 8:00pm

Neverwas w/ Twin Prisons
Neverwas (Del Rio, TX) sound like Nivana's Bleach with Gavin Rossdale vocals.
Red 7 9:00pm

Tracy Shedd w/ She, Sir
Easy listenin' alt-rock from Tuscon, AZ.
Mohawk Inside 9:00pm

wEdNESdAy, NOv 23
"BEAR TO LIVE!" Bike Night
Acid rock, hard psychedelic, metal, etc. Bring your motorcycle, park it inside the Mohawk (yes, they allow that on this night), get wasted on cheap happy-hour whiskey, and ride your bike home drunk. A free shot for bikers.
Mohawk Inside 5:00pm

Scott H. Biram w/ Joe Buck, Molley Gene One Whoaman Band
Scott H. Biram will be playing dramatic lo-fi country folk rock. Supposedly, it's well documented he was hit by a semi truck. Joe Buck plays experimental psycho-billy from Nashville, sometimes in a style like The Flying Lizards.
Mohawk Outside 9:00pm

Cabra w/ The Window Silhouette, The Umbrella Academy Local feel-good indie coupled with touring UK power-pop.
Red 7 9:00pm

wEdNESdAy, NOv 30
ST 37, Miss Moonlight, SPACEQUAKE, Whale Watch
ST 37 are an experimental alternative post punk band from Austin. If you're a fan of early Sonic Youth, then you might like this band.
Beerland 8:00pm

MONdAy, NOv 28
Boosy Cray w/ the Stepchildren, James Bullard, William Kelly, Amy Annelle
There aren’t a lot of shows going on, on the 28th, but I had to put something here. In the first video of Boosy Cray I found (for some reason their name is spelled “Boessi Kreh,” depending where you look), I thought the vocalist was rapping over the song “I want candy” by Aaron Carter, but a more bluesy style. I was wrong.
Momo’s 5:00pm

Ruleta Rusa
San Francisco hectic hardcore. Noisy guitar tones with classic punk vocals and high-end blues leads.
Beerland 9:00pm

THURSdAy, NOv 24
Thanksgiving!
What kind of a loser goes to crappy bar shows on Thanksgiving?
Texas and beyond All day

Frankie Ballard
Winner of Kenny Chesney’s Next Big Star competition for Michigan in 2008, Frankie Ballard brings country straight to the city.
Stubb’s Inside 9:00pm

Flesh & Layzie Bone of Bones ThugsN-Harmony Qween Ching, G'Sta
Krayzie Bone is MIA for this bitch, but it shouldn't be any less of a party. In 50 years, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony will be one of the groups that people will remember from the pioneer days of hip hop.
Emo's Inside 9:00pm

Tameca Jones, The Peterson Brothers: “Dance Yer Stuffin’ Off”
Tameca Jones, the country jazz rock fox from ‘Tamecaville, TX,” joins The Peterson Brothers, one of the few groups left in the

TUESdAy, NOv 29
He's My Brother, She's My Sister w/ The Sweet Nuthin' austincut.com | The Austin Cut, November 2011

Pop Pistol w/ The Great ‘85

21 3

THIS HAppENEd
by

tim Lambert

Coming in at number 11 on the Gregorian calendar is the late-autumn month of November. National Novel Writing Month, National Pomegranate Month, National Homeless Youth Awareness Month, Alzheimer's Disease Month, American Diabetes Month, Lung AND Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month, and International Cornucopia Awareness Month. November is packed to so tightly with events you couldn’t even zip its zipper if you sat on it. Luckily you won’t have to because November isn’t going anywhere. It’s a month. It doesn’t travel. The most famous event in November for us Américains is Thanksgiving (pronounced thanks-giving or thankskiving depending on what part of the country you’re from). The first ‘Thanksgiving’ in what is now the United States was held in Virginia in December of 1619, when settlers went 20 miles up the James River from Jamestown and landed safely. Not only was it not in November, but NOT crashing your ship in a large river is hardly an excuse for giving thanks to God. These guys had it all wrong. Countries and cultures all across the globe have had celebrations after harvests for hundreds if not thousands of years. The Thanksgiving we know began as one of these celebrations, sort of. The Pilgrims landed in Plymouth with few supplies and even less know-how. Before they made it to Plymouth, they landed in Cape Cod, ransacked a deserted Indian village, and made it back to the Mayflower with the stolen goods. By the time they decided to make Plymouth their settlement, many had already died on the voyage and winter was just weeks away. Half of the ill-equipped Pilgrims were able to make it through the first winter with the food stolen from Cape Cod. The other half died. Luckily for the survivors, they had come to the New World in the midst of turmoil. If the Pilgrims had arrived just 5 years earlier, they would have had to win Plymouth from the Patuxet people who inhabited the land. The Patuxet belonged to a larger conglomeration of Indians known as the Wampanoag who were led by their ‘sachem’ (chief ) Massasoit. Massasoit held sway over nearly 20,000 people all over what is now Massachusetts and Rhode Island in 1616, but by 1620 that number had been reduced to fewer than 1,000. The earliest adventurers to the New World had brought with them a strain of hepatitis that was spread through food, then from person to person. The Patuxet and Wampanoag peoples had been wiped out by disease. Plymouth was an Indian ghost town by 1621. After the first winter, Massasoit (who had had some contact with Europeans before) decided to go and meet with the Pilgrims, hoping they might ally with him against his enemy, the Narragansett people. He brought with him Tisquantum (a.k.a. Squanto) as a translator. Tisquantum was much different than any of the other Indians the Pilgrims dealt with. First of all, he knew enough English to act as a translator. In 1614, John Smith and a group of his men had been sailing up and down what is now the New England coast, drawing maps and trading with the native peoples. He left his second in command, Thomas Hunt, in charge while he sailed back to England in one of his ships. Hunt was left with the smaller of the two ships and decided to go out for an adventure. Having recently traded successfully with a group of the Patuxet, Hunt sailed back to their territory and invited some of them onto his ship. Without warning, Hunt tried to force the group into the hold of his ship. When they refused, the crew opened fire, killing some of the Indians and scaring the rest into doing what they were told. After this, Hunt made another stop to kidnap a few Nauset Indians then set sail for Spain, where he intended to sell his cargo (people).

In Spain, Catholic priests seized the Indians and intended to convert them. Tisquantum most likely fooled the priests into thinking they had converted him because they let him leave to try to get back to his homeland. He got into England where a wealthy ship builder kept him around the house as a conversation piece while teaching him English. After staying in England for a short period, a series of circumstances led Tisquantum to Newfoundland, then back to England, and finally to what is now southern Maine. He arrived on the continent after disease had ravaged the coastal villages. Tisquantum walked from Maine to Rhode Island only to find out he was one of the last surviving Patuxet Indians. Then he was captured and sent to Massasoit as a prisoner. Tusquantum knew that Wampanoag people had been nearly wiped out, so he set out to convince Massasoit that the English would be a strong ally in his war against the Narragansett (a rival tribe to the west). Massasoit was at first unconvinced, especially when he saw how poorly the Pilgrims did during their first winter. However, he decided that 50 or so short, scraggly, white dudes in funny hats were better than nothing, and with the help of Tusquantum, worked out a treaty with Pilgrims. Just after the fall harvest in 1621, the relationship between the Wampanoag and the Pilgrims was good enough (and probably super weird) that the two groups got together for a feast. The first Thanksgiving ensued. Though the dates of the holiday have changed (individual States used to decide what day to celebrate T-giving), Thanksgiving has always been the holiday where we first say ‘what am I thankful for?’ then we proceed to eat until we almost throw up. November isn't just for giving thanks and eating too much though. If you’re tired of celebrating all the same old non-moustache related holidays and observing all the non-moustache related awarnesses November in and November out, then you must be pretty happy about this month. Movember (moustache + November) is a monthlong event started by a group of men in Adalaide, Australia to raise awareness for men’s health issues. The rules for Movember are clearly stated in the ‘Movember Manifesto’ on the Movember website: On Shadowe'en (October 31st), the complete moustache region, including the entire upper lip and the handlebar zones, must be completely shaved. For the entire duration of Movember, no hair shall be allowed to grow in the goatee zone - being any facial area below the bottom lip. There is to be no joining of the moustache to sideburns. Failure to conform to all of these rules may, at the discretion of the official Movember Committee, result in instant blacklisting and may void invitation to the end of month festivities (this year lip-marked for Movember 35th!) Movember Committee accepts no responsibility for lost jobs, rashes, food/beer encrustments or any other such mishaps caused to the wearer (or his partner) of a Movember Moustache. You grew it yourself. Beginning in 1999, Movember first gained popularity in Australia and New Zealand. Last year, 450,000 men all over the globe participated in Movember and raised $81 million. So this month, if you see a ‘stache around every corner, don’t start to make scenarios in your mind about a mustachioed alien race who gets their power from the flavor saver, just know that a bunch of people are growing their lip rugs for a good cause.

PERSONALS
W4W, 24 New to Austin
Self-loathing Leo seeking a like-minded woman who reads books or paints pictures. If you like your Tennessee Williams, then I'm your girl.
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M4?, 26, Lonely
Seeking warmth that won’t interfere with my solitude.
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M4M, 20, Glasses Guy
I’m a 420 typical college guy (who’s active) looking for a good time with a sugah daddy, or whatever…
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M4W, 26, Caring, Egotistical and Very Busy
If you look like Kristen Stewart, I’ll deal with it.
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M4W, 23, Driven Musician and College Grad
Looking for a smart girl who reads. If you don’t watch TV you’re for me.
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M4W, 24, Wacky Sense of Humor
Into all kinds of girls—with pretty faces. I’m a chill guy and want a hookup or a good friend.
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M4W, 27, Slender and Hairy
You: must be naturally tan with light blonde, curly hair, and a really good dancer—gapped teeth preferred. Anger management problems OK.
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M4W, 24, Intellectually Curious
Looking for somebody with a thirst for knowledge. I’m musical and honestly bad at marketing myself.
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W4M, 23, Smarta$$ Bartender
I want someone with money who can save me from whoring myself out (not literally) at the bar. I’m attractive and you have to be too.
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W4M, 21, Sophomore at UT (Delta Delta Delta!)
Looking for a confident guy to take control. I LOVE to party! You’ll often find me at Shakespeare’s.
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W4M, 29, True Blue Gal
Looking for my soul mate. Good place to look right? Sick of dating random weenies. If you’re ready to get serious, so am I.
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