Transformers 3 Dark of the Moon MarketBOB Movie Review
Content
MarketBOB's Movie Review
Transformers:
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 0
Dark of the Moon
Movie Review
© 2011 by Sportscar Projects Ltd.
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 1
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
June 3, 2011
From the first shot of Rosie HuntingtonWhiteley’s butt climbing the stairs to the bedroom, you know who the star of Transformers 3 will be after the big box office weekend is over. As for the rest of this forgettable, soulless Hollywood sequel crap-ola, just two words: More Turturro!
One Word Movie Review: Sad
Transformers 3 WTF? Yes, you should ask WTF is director Michael Bay thinking with Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the third movie about Hasbro Toys' cute cars and trucks and the miracle twists and turns that turn them into robot warriors. Michael has rowed the good ship Transformers adrift with this battle between good Autobots and evil Decepticons, elevated from children's fantasies of car crashes into a world conflict to enslave humans and merge our planet into a resource feeder for their home world. Yes, in Transformers 3, everyone dies or becomes slaves. Yes, you see people get disintegrated. Whole cities get trashed. As well, we really see the greatness of America gutted by Transformers 3, this sad and hopefully last sequel to the first, surprising okay
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 2
adaptation of these toy characters. However, our stars Shia LaBeouf and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley escape to kiss slowly at the end, oblivious to the carnage all around them. It really proves how a bit of success gets amped up in Hollywood to cinematic excess of the worst kind. There is no story, just links to past historical events like the Apollo 11 moon landing, the nuclear disaster at Chernobyl and the Challenger Space Shuttle tragedy. Add in a supermodel (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) love interest (God, every character in this movie is interested in her), a humiliating job hunting effort by our hero Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) and the huge government bureaucratic insanity which smothers any logical plan of attack and you have a lifeless, frustrating and soulless movie. Several characters in the PG movie ask WTF? but we need to ask why so many people tried so damn hard to bring this ridiculous story to our theaters. As for the (rip-off) 3D vs. 2D controversy simmering in Hollywood these days, this is another example of how pissed people are getting to having to fork out extra bucks for an extra dimension that’s not necessary and makes for a poor movie experience. A bad movie is a bad movie in any dimension, but paying extra for it is just so wrong.
The Story
From the first shots of the robot wars to the last slowmotion kiss, this movie is truly a battle between the Absurdicons and the AutoStoryBots. All the characters
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 3
should have been killed about fifty times, yet the key characters all survive with just a few scratches. The plot is all about a magic gate that needs to be assembled on Earth so the evil Decepticons can transport their planet here and suck all our resources and slave labor into rebuilding their world. It takes a whole bunch of traitorous humans to help out this plan, and one treacherous Autobot to make this elaborate and complex takeover work. Of course, our hero clues in early to the grand scheme and fights everyone including the government, his girlfriend and his wacky parents before finally rallying all the beloved characters from the previous movies into one last-ditch effort to destroy the thingamajig on the south-east corner of the building with the dome on top in Chicago. The Autobot hero Optimus Prime never gets any screen time to battle boss enemies. He has to play second fiddle to humans at every turn. He’s the saddest figure in the movie, playing the fool and getting tangled up in cables for the longest time just so the humans can fight the bad bots for a while. Shia LaBeouf spends his time acting pissed off, probably more at his role than the enemy robots and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley runs around the action scenes with a pout on her sensual lips and a glorious toss of her fabulous hair. She's Megan Fox's replacement and she'll do nicely as a back-up. Too bad her role is even worse in Transformers 3 than the previous love interest/damsel in distress from the first two Transformers movies. However,
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 4
Rosie makes one of the best entrances in years as the camera follows her ass up the stairs to wake up Shia LaBeouf asleep in bed.
The Genre
The “kid’s toy fantasy adaptation” genre is driven by marketing, hitting kids (and their parents) with a pre-sold affection for their treasured playthings. Imagine a child’s imaginative play with trucks and cars that can transform into robots and fight each other. Wouldn’t that make a great movie? Someone thought so. However, as success corrupts everyone in Hollywood, the core of the toy’s magic is the transformation, the cool twisting and turning of the parts to make a car into a bot. This is lost in these movies. The greatest charm in the first Transformers was the relationship between the boy and his first car (who happened to be able to turn into a bot). That intimacy between hero and machine is gone now, replaced by supermodels and screaming actors hamming up to the camera. If you add in the demeaning messages about the futility of getting a meaningful job in America these days and the demeaning way the great triumphs of the past are used to drive plot points instead of emotional motivations for characters and you have a sad, trashy and noisy film about gears and sheet metal grinding away ad nauseum.
The Overall Quality
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 5
There are many references to America's past greatness, which is portrayed in words and pictures in amazing clarity as the eagle lands in Tranquility Base and Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong take their first walk on another planet. It is the proudest day of our lives and the great kicker opening to a movie, just not this one. You see, we've all be deceived into thinking the race to the moon was a noble pursuit, but it was really to investigate an alien ship that had crashed on the dark side of the moon (way before Pink Floyd set it to music). The Absurdicons just pile up from there, all building to the one great moment in the film when John Turturro reprises his rogue agent role with an over the top performance that is a delight. The greatest credit goes to actor Shia LaBeouf for throwing himself so enthusiastically into the machinery of Hollywood's sequel grinder. He tries his best to make his character work but all his screaming and frustration is mild compared to the audiences watching Transformers 3. In reality, these movies ignore him and focus on the female lead, in this case elevating Rosie Huntington-Whiteley into super-stardom, just like Megan Fox. Apparently Steven Spielberg had a hand in dropping Fox and adding Rosie Huntington-Whiteley so he hasn't lost his eye for what the camera likes to dawdle over in slow motion.
Movie/Market Analysis
The Movie Mood for audiences is Negative. Transformers 3 is a rip-off for 3D audiences and 2D
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 6
audiences who come to theaters to see a story. Instead, they get two and half hours of grinding metal against metal and actors screaming their lines in toilet stalls, offices and fabulous apartments with high ceilings. MarketBOB's Movie Review Sentiment Indicators, the GQS (Genre, Quality, Story) rate Transformers 3 an emotional BEAR. The story is demeaning to humans, kids who love the toys and anyone trying to get a job.
Read an excerpt from my latest book: Dig Three Tunnels about personal financial freedom based on the movie The Great Escape. Those brave men set themselves free and you can to with these 10 simple steps from the prison camp to your pocketbook. Buy from Lulu.com, Amazon or OffTheBookshelf.com
Craig Forgrave (MarketBOB)
For all my books and writing projects, drop by my writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/ For the latest analysis of movies and entertainment, go to http://www.marketbob.com/ and read a free excerpt from my book about Movies We Love in Times of Depression on Amazon Kindle. For my take on sibling rivalry and gods falling to earth, read Devil Jazz available from ENC Press and on Scribd.
Transformers:
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 0
Dark of the Moon
Movie Review
© 2011 by Sportscar Projects Ltd.
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 1
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
June 3, 2011
From the first shot of Rosie HuntingtonWhiteley’s butt climbing the stairs to the bedroom, you know who the star of Transformers 3 will be after the big box office weekend is over. As for the rest of this forgettable, soulless Hollywood sequel crap-ola, just two words: More Turturro!
One Word Movie Review: Sad
Transformers 3 WTF? Yes, you should ask WTF is director Michael Bay thinking with Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the third movie about Hasbro Toys' cute cars and trucks and the miracle twists and turns that turn them into robot warriors. Michael has rowed the good ship Transformers adrift with this battle between good Autobots and evil Decepticons, elevated from children's fantasies of car crashes into a world conflict to enslave humans and merge our planet into a resource feeder for their home world. Yes, in Transformers 3, everyone dies or becomes slaves. Yes, you see people get disintegrated. Whole cities get trashed. As well, we really see the greatness of America gutted by Transformers 3, this sad and hopefully last sequel to the first, surprising okay
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 2
adaptation of these toy characters. However, our stars Shia LaBeouf and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley escape to kiss slowly at the end, oblivious to the carnage all around them. It really proves how a bit of success gets amped up in Hollywood to cinematic excess of the worst kind. There is no story, just links to past historical events like the Apollo 11 moon landing, the nuclear disaster at Chernobyl and the Challenger Space Shuttle tragedy. Add in a supermodel (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) love interest (God, every character in this movie is interested in her), a humiliating job hunting effort by our hero Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) and the huge government bureaucratic insanity which smothers any logical plan of attack and you have a lifeless, frustrating and soulless movie. Several characters in the PG movie ask WTF? but we need to ask why so many people tried so damn hard to bring this ridiculous story to our theaters. As for the (rip-off) 3D vs. 2D controversy simmering in Hollywood these days, this is another example of how pissed people are getting to having to fork out extra bucks for an extra dimension that’s not necessary and makes for a poor movie experience. A bad movie is a bad movie in any dimension, but paying extra for it is just so wrong.
The Story
From the first shots of the robot wars to the last slowmotion kiss, this movie is truly a battle between the Absurdicons and the AutoStoryBots. All the characters
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 3
should have been killed about fifty times, yet the key characters all survive with just a few scratches. The plot is all about a magic gate that needs to be assembled on Earth so the evil Decepticons can transport their planet here and suck all our resources and slave labor into rebuilding their world. It takes a whole bunch of traitorous humans to help out this plan, and one treacherous Autobot to make this elaborate and complex takeover work. Of course, our hero clues in early to the grand scheme and fights everyone including the government, his girlfriend and his wacky parents before finally rallying all the beloved characters from the previous movies into one last-ditch effort to destroy the thingamajig on the south-east corner of the building with the dome on top in Chicago. The Autobot hero Optimus Prime never gets any screen time to battle boss enemies. He has to play second fiddle to humans at every turn. He’s the saddest figure in the movie, playing the fool and getting tangled up in cables for the longest time just so the humans can fight the bad bots for a while. Shia LaBeouf spends his time acting pissed off, probably more at his role than the enemy robots and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley runs around the action scenes with a pout on her sensual lips and a glorious toss of her fabulous hair. She's Megan Fox's replacement and she'll do nicely as a back-up. Too bad her role is even worse in Transformers 3 than the previous love interest/damsel in distress from the first two Transformers movies. However,
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 4
Rosie makes one of the best entrances in years as the camera follows her ass up the stairs to wake up Shia LaBeouf asleep in bed.
The Genre
The “kid’s toy fantasy adaptation” genre is driven by marketing, hitting kids (and their parents) with a pre-sold affection for their treasured playthings. Imagine a child’s imaginative play with trucks and cars that can transform into robots and fight each other. Wouldn’t that make a great movie? Someone thought so. However, as success corrupts everyone in Hollywood, the core of the toy’s magic is the transformation, the cool twisting and turning of the parts to make a car into a bot. This is lost in these movies. The greatest charm in the first Transformers was the relationship between the boy and his first car (who happened to be able to turn into a bot). That intimacy between hero and machine is gone now, replaced by supermodels and screaming actors hamming up to the camera. If you add in the demeaning messages about the futility of getting a meaningful job in America these days and the demeaning way the great triumphs of the past are used to drive plot points instead of emotional motivations for characters and you have a sad, trashy and noisy film about gears and sheet metal grinding away ad nauseum.
The Overall Quality
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 5
There are many references to America's past greatness, which is portrayed in words and pictures in amazing clarity as the eagle lands in Tranquility Base and Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong take their first walk on another planet. It is the proudest day of our lives and the great kicker opening to a movie, just not this one. You see, we've all be deceived into thinking the race to the moon was a noble pursuit, but it was really to investigate an alien ship that had crashed on the dark side of the moon (way before Pink Floyd set it to music). The Absurdicons just pile up from there, all building to the one great moment in the film when John Turturro reprises his rogue agent role with an over the top performance that is a delight. The greatest credit goes to actor Shia LaBeouf for throwing himself so enthusiastically into the machinery of Hollywood's sequel grinder. He tries his best to make his character work but all his screaming and frustration is mild compared to the audiences watching Transformers 3. In reality, these movies ignore him and focus on the female lead, in this case elevating Rosie Huntington-Whiteley into super-stardom, just like Megan Fox. Apparently Steven Spielberg had a hand in dropping Fox and adding Rosie Huntington-Whiteley so he hasn't lost his eye for what the camera likes to dawdle over in slow motion.
Movie/Market Analysis
The Movie Mood for audiences is Negative. Transformers 3 is a rip-off for 3D audiences and 2D
My writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/
pg. 6
audiences who come to theaters to see a story. Instead, they get two and half hours of grinding metal against metal and actors screaming their lines in toilet stalls, offices and fabulous apartments with high ceilings. MarketBOB's Movie Review Sentiment Indicators, the GQS (Genre, Quality, Story) rate Transformers 3 an emotional BEAR. The story is demeaning to humans, kids who love the toys and anyone trying to get a job.
Read an excerpt from my latest book: Dig Three Tunnels about personal financial freedom based on the movie The Great Escape. Those brave men set themselves free and you can to with these 10 simple steps from the prison camp to your pocketbook. Buy from Lulu.com, Amazon or OffTheBookshelf.com
Craig Forgrave (MarketBOB)
For all my books and writing projects, drop by my writer site http://www.cforgrave.com/ For the latest analysis of movies and entertainment, go to http://www.marketbob.com/ and read a free excerpt from my book about Movies We Love in Times of Depression on Amazon Kindle. For my take on sibling rivalry and gods falling to earth, read Devil Jazz available from ENC Press and on Scribd.
