Who I Am Now

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Nicholas J. Tuttle
Professor Debra Jizi
UWRT-1103-063
9 October 2015
Who I Am Now Essay
I am a small town kid chasing big city dreams. I was born and raised in the close knit
community of Level Cross, North Carolina. I was the boy in the brick house with a white picket
fence, the American poster child. My dad made a pretty penny as the cable man and my mother
was the television depiction of a housewife. My younger brother looked up to me, almost
enviously while growing up. I had all the opportunities growing up. My parents let me try
anything, within reason. Turns out going to school and playing sports became my favorite things
to do, ever since I first experienced them. I grew up a towhead blonde that was jovial as could
be, not a single worry in the small world I knew. My world changed when I reached adolescence.
I had a storybook childhood, with the kind of plot twist only read about in a novel.
From a young age I valued independence and leadership. In elementary school, I was
elected class representative year after year, and by 5th grade I became my school’s Vice President.
With the genuinely clever slogan “Nick T for VP”, I was a shoo-in. I held my skillset of being a
leader very high. To me personally, if you’re a good leader you can do almost anything. That
mindset coincided with my infatuation with independence. The best leaders should be selfsufficient, I thought. In most every group setting growing up, I can look back and find myself
leading my peers in most of our endeavors. I think my teachers have always encouraged me to be
a leader because they saw how it fueled my passion for learning. Unknown to me at the time, my

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reality was going to test my values early on in life. The leadership and independence that had
driven me academically, would also drive me personally.
In middle school, probably the worst segment of my life, was when everything became
difficult. Honestly, who likes middle school? Especially for me it bred many problems. My father
had lost his job from the company he was with for twenty years and my mother was a still a
housewife. My group of friends got significantly smaller, and my younger brother’s autism had
become more prevalent. My parents became ill towards one another, something to be expected
when both are unemployed, and as a result my dad went into a deep depression. It became an
unhealthy environment in the house, but as a pre-teen where was I to go? Going into my eighth
grade year, my stress was at an all-time high. My home and school life were equally confusing
and difficult. A few months later, the man whose namesake I carry could no longer fight the
depression and committed suicide when I was thirteen years old. At the time I couldn’t fully
grasp how surreal the situation was. I lost my father, my mother had no job, and we had to
explain to my brother, Brian, where dad went. This made me sprint through the maturity process
while still barely understanding what puberty was. To say the least this event played a major role
in my development, but it also made me appreciate and learn a lot of lessons. All growth and
change is unexpected, however at the end you should come out with more understanding and be
stronger. The passing of my father had this effect on my life.
Building from the negatives, is something I do often. My most hated thing is the misuse
of drugs. This is coming from the guy who still drinks Children’s Tylenol because he doesn’t like
to swallow pills. My entire family has had a history in drug use it seems. If there is a product on
the market, I can assure you it has been in one of my relatives systems. I think my emotions
towards drugs could be rooted in experience with the hospital that allowed my father to do what

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he did. Now that I am in college, I know witnessing drug use is inevitable, but my distain for it
still stays the same. Specifically, I have issues with alcohol. Alcoholism doesn’t just run in the
family, it flies. I know the affects alcoholism has on a family and the body. Alcohol abuse has
seeded a hatred in my heart. My low tolerance towards drugs have definitely molded me into the
person I am today. I think my negative experience with substances has actually played a positive
role in my development. My low tolerance leaves no room for the nonsense to be in my life.
Throughout my life I’ve been called numerous things. Particular sayings get repeated and
they stick with me. Growing up all of my teachers praised me for being smart and a leader. This
ultimately caused me to label myself as such. Maturity is something I identify with, no matter the
situation I’ve been looked towards as one of the most mature. Personally, I think it’s because
after the death of my father, I became reserved, so I didn’t act out as much as my other peers. I
mesh with a lot of people emotionally and socially so that has labeled me as collective. My
ability to blend with so many groups is something I’ve let define me. This allows me to expand
my horizons. Whether it is my colleagues or higher-ups, I’ll take what they’ve said about me and
analyze it. My mind works in a way that takes feedback and finds a logical reason for the
statement. I think the labels have defined me, because I let them define me, and I happily accept
who I am.
My number one character strength is Perspective Wisdom. The strength means you are
looked to for your insight and responses because people feel you have good ways for handling
situations. I think of myself as a socially intelligent individual, so several people have opened up
to me. The easiest example to come up with is my younger brother. Once I was catapulted into
being the man of my household he came to me with almost all of his problems. Brian trusts me. I
help him with situations at school whether it was diffusing bullies or making friends. Brian isn’t

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the only one who comes to me. Several of my friends have come to me with relationship and
academic woes. I’m a strong active listener that relays information back quite often, this makes
others feel important because I’m invested in my conversations. It’s hard for me to talk about
being a good counselor and not come off as boasting, but I have the ability to make people trust
me, and it’s rewarding. I think my perspective wisdom is rooted in my having a passion for
solving problems. When math problems weren’t cutting it, I started to help with peoples
problems in real time. The talks and connections I have made with people through doing a simple
thing such as giving another perspective has helped me develop tremendously. These experiences
are something a textbook could ever teach me. I’ve been exposed to so many different situations
and types of people that my understanding and tolerance has exponentially expanded.
I believe that each individual is born to serve a purpose. Whether or not they fulfill that
purpose is up to them. I find comfort in thinking we all have something called upon us to do. I
pray I have a higher calling. I believe my abilities and my experiences have happened for a
reason and that I should channel that to make something worthwhile. Regardless if there is a
higher power calling on us to accomplish something, I think everyone should feel important to
stay motivated. If you ever get to a point in your life where you feel you aren’t serving a purpose,
it can be detrimental to your psychological state of mind. I have all intentions of using my
resources to make the most of my situations and create a life I am proud to lead. Sadly, I think
that’s a reason my father could’ve slipped into his situation, feeling useless. I never want anyone
to feel unneeded. My belief system has motivated me to keep my head high and since then, my
overall self-value has skyrocketed.
Throughout this writing assignment, I began to realize how much my home life molded
the person I am today. I referenced my father an awful lot, and pretty much kept most of my

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memories within the family. I knew my strengths and personality coming into this class, but
delving into the back story is humbling. I started to overlook all the things I did in the past, like it
was a different lifetime. Appreciating the life I’ve been given and finding myself along the way
is essential to growth. I loved looking back on my journey and even opening some closed doors.
If I take away anything from this, it has to be the ability to know myself. It seems odd that for the
past month, I’ve been researching myself, learning about me, the person I’m with 24/7. I think
it’s surprising to me how much was tucked away, it may seem cliché but I liked myself better
after writing this essay.

Authors Response
I began my writings with the end in mind, knowing how I am today and tracing it back to
a starting point. I made sure it had some structure, but felt loose enough to feel authentic. It felt
great writing about myself, it was humbling, and I love telling people about who I am so this was
a fun assignment for me. I chose to be pretty open in this paper, to me you must be open to grow
as a person. I also tried to make it seem like I was there in person, instead the disconnected
words on a page. Honestly the paper went pretty smoothly for me, none of it was difficult to
phrase or place chronologically. Surprises didn’t really happen for me in the writing process, the
biggest surprise was actually the response I got from peers and friends who read the essay. I got
overwhelming feedback and, oddly, respect after they finished reading. I’d like to ask any future
readers if they could imagine the kind of person I am from this essay. Additionally, do you like

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the style of writing I used in composing this essay, was it too informal? Lastly, was it interesting,
would you like to see more?
Revision Process
The revising of my paper was very minor, I got limited feedback as far as additions to the
paper. My peers let me know they thoroughly enjoyed the paper. I only tweaked a few minor
phrasings because my first draft was already something I was content with. The story was there,
the content was full without being too watered down, and I felt like I had a finished product. My
groups’ feedback process was a little delayed, but I’m an understanding guy. I was already so
satisfied with my essay that it hadn’t bothered me. I know freshman year is stressful and things
arise so I don’t fault my colleagues for returning my draft on Monday. A good note from the
process was the reactions I got to my writing, which I thrive for. Even if the peer review wasn’t
required, I would have others take a look at my work before submission, it’s comforting to me. I
like seeing reactions in person because so much is told through body language, which was our
initial stage of peer review. Overall I find peer review powerful when used correctly.

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