Anger Management

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Tamarapu Sampath Kumaran

About the Author:

Mr T Sampath Kumaran is a freelance writer. He regularly contributes articles on
Management, Business, Ancient Temples, and Temple Architecture to many
leading Dailies and Magazines. His articles are popular in “The Young World
section” of THE HINDU.
His e-books on nature, environment and different cultures of people around the
world are educative and of special interest to the young.
He was associated in the renovation and production of two Documentary films on
Nava Tirupathi Temples, and Tirukkurungudi Temple in Tamilnadu.

I wish to express my gratitude to the authors from whose works I gathered the
details for this book, and Courtesy, Google for some of the photographs.
- Tamarapu Sampath Kumaran

Anger Management:

Anger – one letter short of Danger
Everyone has been angry and knows what anger is. We get angry when our
expectations are not met – whether those expectations are about themselves, or
about others. When our expectations are unmet, we revert to illusions of control,
“unrealistically expecting all people to behave and all situations to turn out as we
think they should”. Anger often leads us to blame others and shift aggression
towards them.
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, but when anger spirals out of control, it can
have serious consequences on your relationships, your health, and even on your
mental health.
Anger can be useful as well as frightening. When something makes us angry,
adrenalin causes our body to prepare for some sort of reaction, giving us excess
energy and triggering the feelings of stress and depression. Releasing this energy is
important as long as it is expressed in a healthy manner. In most of the cases anger
leads to responses that make things worse rather than better
Showing anger is not a bad thing until or unless it harms you or people around you.
People feel angry usually because of something that is happening to them at that
point of time. As soon as the situation is resolved and your feelings of anger are
relieved, you move on. However, when you don’t express your anger, or express it
at inappropriate times or in unsafe ways, this is when it can damage your health
and your relationships. This happens when we don’t or can’t express our anger and
it gets bottled up. No doubt, sometimes it gets hard to control your temper, but it’s
not impossible. If you can’t express your anger in a safe or constructive way, this
can be bad for your emotional, mental and physical health.

It might lead to:
• Depression or anxiety
• Sleep problems
• Alcohol or drug addictions
• Eating disorders
• Compulsive behavior e.g. excessive cleaning, overworking
• Self-harm.
• Digestion problems contributing to the development of heartburn, ulcers, colitis,
gastritis or irritable bowel syndrome.
• Heart and circulatory system
• High blood pressures, etc.
Take a timeout and count till 10 before reacting to tense situations.

Once you’re calm, express your anger by discussing your needs with other
Get some exercise – walk, go for a run, practice yoga
Think before you speak
Identify possible solutions –
Don’t hold a grudge – Forgiveness is a powerful tool. Let go of bad feelings
towards people and things.
Use humor to release tension – socialize with your friends and family
Practice relaxation skills – Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a
relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, “Take it easy.”
You might also listen to music, write in a journal

Anger Management is a process of recognizing the signs that you are becoming
angry, learning to take action to defuse from anger and calm down, and learning to
deal with situations in a positive and effective ways. The brains first reaction when

we are in a situation that we don’t like, is aversion - hormones start pumping and
the body sends us signals telling us to fight or get out. Anger Management is not
about keeping one from feeling anger or holding it in. Neither of these are possible,
although one may have some awareness that one has been trying to not feel or
express anger for much of your life
While one is angry they experience "Out-of-Control" behavior, such as breaking
things or driving recklessly. Anger leads to physical violence, such as hitting the
partner or children or starting fights. Anger also leads one to threaten violence
against people or property and find trouble with Law.
Generally many people have a hard time distinguishing between hate and anger,
even within themselves. It is true that the two most often go hand in hand, but not
always. The primary difference we need to reflect on is the fact that while anger in
a relationship can be used to engage the other, to move toward, to seek to remove
injustice and fight for a restored communion, hatred always seeks to destroy the
other, to turn one’s back, to distance oneself from the other who has harmed you.
We have all heard that expressing anger destructively never solves anything. It
only creates more anger
Anger problems are a symptom of fear and pain ― and lashing out at others in
trying to heal one’s own wounds never works. Until the real source of the pain is
discovered, the wound remains open. Therapy can get to the source of the suffering
and help one to close the wound to live a more peaceful life. Anger management is
an important part of the recovery process.
Anger management issues hits a cord with many people because everyone gets
angry. It’s an emotion that we’ve all felt in the heat of a moment where we lost our
self-restraint. From angrily beeping our car horn at the person who just cut us off
on the highway ― to full blown road rage ― it’s an emotion that’s been in the
driver’s seat at some point in our life

Learning to recognize and express Anger appropriately for adaptive purposes can
be life transforming. The Anger Management Training provides to help ne to
recognize the various experiences in life in which anger shows up and produces
unpleasant and undesired outcomes. As one learns to gain control over the
experience of anger, will result to gain more control of behaviors, and feelings, and
will learn to be more calm and focused on expressing the needs.
We can’t change what is happening but we can remember that we have a choice; to
react to what’s happening or to respond skillfully to the situation.
Step 1 - Ask yourself, where do I feel this anger in my body?
In this situation, I felt a warmth, tension, holding in my chest and stomach.
Sounds simple, but it takes practice and it isn’t easy – in the moment, the first thing
we can try to do is realize that our body is having a reaction to the situation and try
to zoom in on the sensations before we react. This allows us to contextualize this
situation as an experience in this moment that will change. Usually in stressful
situations we feel bracing, tension, anxiety or pressure most commonly in our
head, neck, shoulders, chest or stomach.
Step 2- Ask yourself: will a few breaths help me calm down in this moment? Is
there another way of thinking about this that might serve me and the situation
In this situation my meditation practice will help immensely – I focused on my
breath, calmed it down and to the best of my ability brought an open and accepting
approach to the situation – viewing it as a learning experience to teach me how I
react in situations like this.

It’s all about “accelerators and brakes” when the hormones, thoughts and feelings
start kicking in, we need to realize this and shift to putting the brakes on. Here we
remember we have a choice.
We can take a couple of breaths and shift towards re-framing our perspective about
the situation (we might need to move away from the situation to take these breaths
and cool down).
Step 3 – Ask yourself, what action will I take for myself, the person I am
interacting with and the situation I am in that will serve the most healthy outcome?
In this situation, I chose to be calm, patient and as open and accepting of the
situation as possible for me. Allowing me to transition quickly and calmly to my
client and find the smoothest way to deal with this ticket. Remembering to
repeatedly do this every-time thoughts of the situation would arise.
Finally, we make the choice and as Jon Kabat-Zinn says “you can’t stop the waves,
but you can learn to surf”. Still feeling the emotions, we learn how to be with them
rather than get pushed around by them - repeatedly making the choice to respond
skillfully to the situation and quietly say to oneself “this person in front of me is
just like me, wishing to be happy and avoid stressful, anxious situations.”
Attitude Reconstruction has confirmed that expressing anger by communicating
constructively is beneficial. We can neutralize anger with any of our five tools. On
an emotional level, we dissolve our anger by expressing it physically, naturally,
and constructively by pounding, hitting, stomping, or yelling in a safe place. On a
mental level, we decrease our anger by making our thoughts more positive. On a
heart level, if we look within for guidance rather than react to what others think or
want, we’ll feel less anger and more loving.

On a verbal level, if we obey the Attitude Reconstruction Four Rules of
Communication, we’ll increase connection and understanding. And on a behavioral
level, by doing things as gestures of giving without selfish motives, we increase
feelings of love.

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