IN THE CASE OF HOLLYWOOD’S NEWEST LOVECHILD, ARNOLD, YOU ARE THE FATHER! AND MARIA IS NONE TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT. THE INFAMOUS NIECE OF FORMER PRESIDENT KENNEDY HAS HIRED A TOP HOLLYWOOD LAWYER AND IS ENTERTAINING THE IDEA OF DIVORCE. NOT REALLY SURE WHAT SHE NEEDS TO MULL OVER HERE BUT SHE HAS ENLISTED LEGAL HELP TOO DETERMINE IF THIS MARRIAGE SHOULD IN FACT BE TERMINATED. THE MOTHER OF THE NOW INFAMOUS CENTER OF CONTROVERSARY, MILDRED PATTY BAENA, IS SAID TO BE A FREAKISHLY HUGE FAN OF MARIA. NOT ONLY DID SHE LONG TO LOOK LIKE THE ATTRACTIVE ANCHOR BUT ALSO TOOK IT TO DISGUSTING DEPTHS BY PUTTING ON SHRIVER’S CLOTHING AND JEWELRY AND TRAPSING IT AROUND TOWN. IF YOUR JAW HASN’T DROPPED JUST YET, KNOWING THAT ARNOLD’S ILLEGITIMATE SON WAS BORN THE SAME WEEK AS HIS AND MARIA’S YOUNGEST CHILD SHOULD KNOCK YOUR CHIN TO THE GROUND. AND TO FURTHER BURY YOUR TEETH IN THE SAND, ARNOLD DIDN’T INFORM MARIA OF THIS MYSTERIOUS SPAWN UNTIL AFTER HE LEFT OFFICE IN JANUARY. ANOLD’S CLOSEST ISN’T QUITE CLEAR YET AS MORE SKELETONS KEEP SPILLING OUT. AS IT TURNS OUT,
THE FORMER GOVERNATOR FUNDED AN ELABORATE BIRTHDAY BASH FOR BAENA’S NIECE IN WHICH ALL OF ARNOLD’S LEGITIMATE CHILDREN WERE IN ATTENDANCE. WE’RE NOT JUST TALKING A PINATA HERE. ARNOLD WENT FULL BLOWN FIESTA HOST AND SUPPLIED FOOD, ENTERTAINMENT, AND LIMO SERVICE.