Avril Maxim.2010 11

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The perfect way to enjoy Patrón this holiday season is responsibly.
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eliminate regifting.
patrongift.com
simply perfect.
This holiday season,
give the world’s finest ultra-premium tequila.
Made with only hand-selected 100% Weber blue agave.
©2010 Volkswagen of America, Inc. *Starting MSRP of $15,995 for 2011 Volkswagen Jetta S 2.0L with manual transmission.
Model shown is a 2011 Volkswagen Jetta SEL 2.5L manual transmission with a starting MSRP of $21,395. All prices exclude
transportation, taxes, title, other options and dealer charges. Dealer sets actual price. **Not available for all carriers or devices.
Message and data rates may apply.
German engineering, best-in-class rear legroom, and Intelligent Crash Response System.
All standard. Great. For the price of good.
Text JETTA to 892277 (VWCARS) and we’ll send back a video tour.**
The all-new 2011 Jetta.
It’s like “Cuff links” for the price
of “Buttons.”
Surprisingly priced at $15,995.*
vw.com
“Life’s worth nothing
Series 3
View the video on braun.com
“LLiiffee’ss wworth nothing
Wear
without passion.” without passion.”
your face.
INTRODUCING BULOVA PRECISIONIST
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The key is Precisionist’s unique three-prong quartz crystal,
which produces a vibration frequency of 262.144 kilohertz (kHz),
eight times greater than the usual two-prong crystal and the
highest of any watch available today. And, the innovative design
of the Precisionist movement reduces the effects of temperature
variation without using a high maintenance thermo-regulating
integrated circuit.
The result is a watch that is extraordinarily precise, yet so
easy to operate.
available at Macy’s
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 7
features
NOVEMBER
2010
Music’s bad girl is back
to rock your world!
BY RUTH HILTON
86 avril
lavigne
92 Icon:
Will Arnett
The Arrested Devel-
opment star reunites
with David Cross on
Running Wilde.
By Patrick Carone
94 Season
of Slam
2010 hoops in your
face! Durant on
winning! Howard on
farting! Artest on
Celine Dion!
100 The
Main Event
The Event’s Taylor
Cole is 70 percent
legs, 30 percent
carbon, and 100
percent gorgeous!
By Brekke Fletcher
106 Jackass:
The Oral
History
Johnny Knoxville,
Steve-O, Wee Man,
and the rest relive
TV’s sickest show.
By Marc Spitz
114 Motion
Pictures
Five cars of the
future race across
our pages and
into your dreams.
By Jesse Will
128 The 12
Most Danger-
ous Men in
the World
Our deadly dozen,
from nuke dealers to
serial-killing truckers.
By Chris Wilson
130 In the
Mood for
Italian?
Scorching soccer
WAG Melissa Satta!
By Paolo Giovannazi
132 Scarface
in Stilettos
The true story of
a Colombian beauty
queen cops say
turned cocaine
crime lord.
By Mark Ebner
92 Icon:
on the cover:
Photograph by Don Flood
STYLING, JESSICA PASTER; HAIR
AND MAKEUP, GABRIEL PANDURO
FOR I.C.O.N.; MANICURE, KIMMIE
KYEES FOR MINX/CELESTINE
AGENCY; SET DESIGN, DAVID ROSS.
THANKS TO SIREN STUDIOS.
VINTAGE TOP COURTESY OF
HOLLYWOOD TRADING COMPANY,
FOREVER 21 BOY SHORTS, TOM BINNS
NECKLACE, GASOLINE GLAMOUR RING,
VAN CLEEF BRACELET, SO RUFF
SO TUFF EARRINGS COURTESY OF
DIAVOLINA, ROCK & REPUBLIC SHOES.
8 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
13
Letters
Hot shots from our
Hometown Hotties
party, and hot letters
from our even hotter
readers!
17
Circus Maximus
Pointless achieve-
ments, much-needed
celeb rehab, and the
return of the Decider!
It’s a 13-page fun-
splosion in your face!
47
Rated
Out-of-this-world
Syfy beauty Elyse
Levesque, comedy
genius Todd Phillips,
and the return of rock
gods Kings of Leon.
57
Stuff
The Maxim gaming
guide anoints this
generation’s motion-
control master. Plus,
Tommy Lee’s killer
chopper, and a woman
with a tool.
71
Columns
Plenty of sex and
meatballs. Plus, we
knuckle up for
college football’s
nastiest rivalries!
138
Style
Witness the rebirth of
classic American style!
(It’s a lot less gross
than witnessing the
birth of a child.)
156
24 Hours to Live
On his last day on
Earth, the new Captain
Kirk, Chris Pine,
laments some break-
fast burrito choices
(and so do we—light
a match, man!)
20 50 47
64
71
departments depa
SEX
Twelve lovely ladies
tell you what
they’re thankful
for in bed.
83
FELLOW RIDER MARISA MILLER ON THE CROSS BONES
®
MOTORCYCLE
WITH HARLEY-DAVIDSON
®
GENUINE MOTOR ACCESSORIES
A SALUTE TO OUR BRAVE DEFENDERS OF FREEDOM
Ie| all whc serve kncw hcw nuch |heir aeaica|icn neans |c us. Jcin EarleỷPaviascn
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in senainç |hen µerscnal nc|es cl çra|i|uae. 8|cµ in|c any aealer cr visi| P̉LKWU\PIVSaW]. Ana see ncre
cl |he Anerican Bcn|shell while ycu're |here. Ircn all |hcse whc riae |c |hcse whc aelena |he riçh|, here's |c ycu.
©2010 H-D. Harley, Harley-Davidson and the Bar and Shield logo are among the trademarks of H-D Michigan, LLC.
12 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY KAYT JONES
Taylor
Made
Meet Taylor Cole (left), the
insanely gorgeous actress
starring in NBC’s smash The
Event. No, take a long look at
her brain-meltingly hot shoot
in this very magazine on page
100. Next, head to Maxim.com
for more exclusive photos
of the sexy star. The future of
the world depends on it!
GET YOUR
CLICKS
HERE
EXTRA CREDIT
Speaking of
voting, our Top
10 Hometown
Hotties need
your ballots.
One click could
determine this
year’s queen.
You have great
power!
Grab a full digital
version of this
issue for your iPad
or smartphone at
Maxim.com/iPad
and Maxim.com/No-
vember2010. If you
download in the next
30 minutes, you’ll
also receive nothing
else—for free!
Check out Maxim-approved
hangouts with our city guide at
Maxim.com/cityguide. We eat
and drink so you don’t have to!
APP ATTACK!
H
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More digital delights from your favorite mag.
Subscribe to
our weekly sports
newslet ter
(maxim.com/
newsletters) to
get our picks
for the week’s
best and worst
showdowns.
Hello, bocci!
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I’m allergic to cotton!
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Scan with your
smartphone for a
chance to win a
tailgating package.
You’ll also be entered
to win a trip to one
of college football’s
biggest weekends.*
*For official rules, go to Maxim.com/contests.
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 13 PHOTOGRAPH BY MATT JONES
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Whoever wrote the Tech Tonics story
[Stuff, September] needs to do their
research. If they knew anything at all
about the current RC helicopter scene,
they would know it isn’t for “old men.”
The hottest pilots on Earth are young
guns. Do your research before you
flame the hottest talent around. The
“Air Bud” is a joke compared to
state-of-the-art helis. What moron
wrote this? Fire him, as he just totally
shamed your rag. Get it right or die.
Anonymous via e-mail
We read this letter while listening to
“Danger Zone” and popped a serious
Kenny Loggins in our pants. You can
be our Goose anytime, hotshot.
tion. So you guys have to make
sure your magazine is available
in all the towns on Alaska’s west
coast. I couldn’t find a single
one in five different villages.
Nathan via e-mail
We’ve dispatched Tenzing, our staff
Sherpa, with a team of sled dogs and
1,000 Maxims! He should arrive in
the next eight to nine years. He’ll
probably have dysentery when he gets
there, so if you could be waiting with
some antibiotics, that’d be super.
Bracket Racket
Regarding “The Ultimate Bracket
Battle” in your NFL preview
[September], sirs: You stated that
the ’68 Colts were the AFC
champions. This is wrong for
several reasons. First, the ’68
Colts were the NFL champions.
Writer’s Road Block
I’m a student at UC San Diego,
and this summer I started
driving between San Diego and
L.A. The drive gets boring, and
I can get drowsy. The only thing
that keeps me awake is the
Maxim magazine in my car. One
look at your beautiful women
and I’m wide-awake. Thank you
for giving me the chance to read
every month’s issue on the road.
Ayk San Diego, CA
PS: I wrote this while driving.
“Ayk”? We’re pretty sure that’s what
you’ll be screaming when you hit the
guardrail. Good luck!
Tug Job
I love Maxim, but since I work on
a tugboat in the Bering Sea in the
summer, I can’t get a subscrip-
Caught Lohanded
Thanks again, Maxim, for making my day! First Milla Jovovich,
then Olivia Munn, now Lindsay Lohan. How can you get any better?
Lindsay has been one of my favorite actresses since I saw her
in The Parent Trap. Then she became one of my first crushes
when I saw Freaky Friday! This has to be the best issue of Maxim
I’ve ever seen!
Daniel Agundiz Fort Stockton, TX
Dude, she was, like, 16 in Freaky Friday. Oh...nice try, Chris
Hansen. There’s no way we’re falling for that one. Again.
mail pattern
awesomeness
SOME CORRESPONDENCE IS SO SPECTACULAR
IT MUST BE SEEN TO BE BELIEVED.
letters
THE ONLY CURE FOR OUR LONELINESS IS YOUR MAIL
We’re at [email protected]. Do it before we cut ourselves.
these hotties likes to party!
WE FLEW THE 2010
HOMETOWN HOTTIES
FINALISTS (FLIP TO
P.38 TO SEE MORE!)
FOR A WEEK’S
WORTH OF FUN AND
FREAKY FROLICKING
IN SUNNY SAN DIEGO.
HERE’S A TASTE
OF THE DEBAUCHED
GOOD TIMES.
Bearly legal
Hot enough to be a contestant,
this partygoer crashed our
rooftop pool bash sporting
some recent roadkill. Chic!
passing the torch
2009 champ Kristin (right) with
2010 hopeful Kaitlynn. We’re
blinded by the double sexiness!
(And our cataracts.)
lucky lineup
From left: Hot girl, ball, hot girl,
ball, hot girl, ball...We sense a
pattern here!
Charging in
San Diego Chargers linebacker
Shaun Phillips meets a few of
the lovely ladies before sacking
the buffet. Fumble!
AWESOME GRIPE OF
THE MONTH
(Baltimore defeated Cleveland
34-0). Second, there was no AFC
(American Football Conference)
in 1968. Third, the championship
game that became known as the
Super Bowl was played between
the AFL (American Football
League) champions (New York
Jets) and the NFL champions
(Baltimore Colts). From a faithful
reader since issue number one.
Albert Philadelphia, PA
All those acronyms confuse us. We
thought NAMBLA was a late-after-
noon basketball league for years! So
did Bayani, our houseboy, no matter
what that little hairless minx tells you.
Herbie just
blew a gasket.
watch
it all on
maxim.
com!
ime, hotshot.
n
14 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
Adult Bedtime
Stories
jokes
THE HA-HA
LIST
BY MICHAEL
BRUMM
SEE IF YOUR FUNNY BONE IS BIGGER THAN OURS…
Send your funnies to [email protected].
*NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. Open only
to legal U.S. residents, 18 years or older. Contest begins October 19, 2010, and
ends November 10, 2010. Odds of winning depend on number of eligible entries
received. For entry and official rules with complete entry, eligibility, prize, and other
details, go to www.maxim.com. Sponsored by Alpha Media Group Inc.
1. Enter your caption at Maxim.com/contests.*
2. Visualize yourself winning this $130 Sony TRiK
iPod dock!
3. Check Maxim.com or the January issue to
see if your visions were true!
BEAT THIS CAPTION
“Why do they keep sending me
on these wild moose chases?”
Trena Rivers
TO ENTER
september’s
Winner
Jokester: Andy Ritchie
fighting out of: Austin, Texas
Most annoying reality TV star:
The cops from Cops.
High school nickname:
When I got my GED, they misspelled my name “Amdy.”
That’s the closest I got.
Biggest waste of money:
Robot repellent (doesn’t work).
Who would play me in a movie?
If the movie was about me as a baby, I’d say any baby
would do. It should probably be a boy baby, though.
If I could masturbate to only one picture,
it would be:
The actual Mona Lisa.
Make Us Laugh,
Funnyman
ONE KNOCKDOWN-FUNNY JOKE
FROM A STAND-UP COMIC.
Kermit and a freshly
shorn Fozzie
A guy wakes up after an epic night of drinking
and notices two rings around his pecker: one red
and the other brown. Horrified, he goes to the
doctor, who takes a sample and comes back
in the room. He says, “I have some good news
and some bad news. The good news is that the
red circle is lipstick.” The guy hollers, “Hell, yeah!”
The doctor continues: “The bad news is that the
brown one is Skoal.” Greg Ingram
Where the
Vibrating
Things Are
The Ant and the
Grasshopper: The
Experimental
College Years
Hop on Pop’s
Mistress
The Cat in the
Strappy Lace
Teddy
One Fish, Two
Fish, Red Fish, Key
Party
The Very Horny
Caterpillar
Hansel and Gretel:
Forbidden Love
The Giving-It-
From-Behind Tree
Goodnight,
Spooge
Once Bitten
A shark and his son go
looking for a snack. The
father says, “I’m going
to teach you how to
catch a human. First
you raise your fin out of
the water and start
circling, then you go in
and eat them.”
“Why circle them?”
asks the son.
The father replies,
“They taste better
without shit in them.”
Roger Pal
Stand and Deliver
“You seem to be more
intelligent than the
average witness of
your background,” says
the lawyer to the man
on the stand.
The man replies, “If I
wasn’t under oath, I’d
return the compliment.”
Tim Jennings
Condomania
A man gets on a plane
with six kids. The flight
attendant asks, “Are
these yours?”
The man replies,
”No, I work for Trojan,
and these are cus-
tomer complaints!”
Rob Findley
Ring My Bell
Twelve monks are to be
ordained. For their final
test, they must line up
nude while a topless
dancer performs. Each
monk has a small bell
attached to his privates
and is told that if the
bell rings, he’ll fail.
The girl dances
before the first can-
di date and gets no
reaction. She moves
down the line, with the
same re sponse until
the final monk. As she
dances, his bell rings
and falls to the ground.
Ashamed, he bends
down to pick it up…and
the other 11 bells go off.
Jamie Waterman
I listen to a lot of rap music,
and people give me shit
about it, which I don’t
understand. When they say
things like, “What are you
listening to gangsta rap
for? You’re not a gangsta,”
I’m like, “You watch action
movies, and you’re not a
ninja, so fuck off.”
I mlike, Youwatcha
movies, and you’re
ninja, so fuck off
W
IN

T
H
IS
!
Make Astroglide X Personal Lubricant part of your next adventure. Try this new high performance
silicone formula to enhance sexual sensations and truly take your experience to the next level.
For a free sample, visit Astroglide.com or call 800-848-5900.
©2009 BioFilm IP, LLC
Rough is fun. Dry is not.
©2010 Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company. All Rights Reserved. 5, Prism, Stimulate Your Senses
and all affiliated designs are registered trademarks of the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company.
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 17
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Gucci bikini
Before you watch this Canadian cutie brave
a bevy of deadly traps in Saw 3D, read
up on some of her more memorable firsts.
PHOTOGRAPHS BY BRIE CHILDERS
MY FIRST TIME:
rebecca
marshall
A MAXIM VIEW OF THE WORLD
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000 MAXIMOCTOBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY TKTKTKTKTKTK
First Sore Throat
I had to do some audio
redubbing for Saw 3D, but
the whole thing was just
screaming. You have to
watch video of your scene
and time your screaming,
like, “OK, one short scream
and two long screams!”
The traps in this install-
ment are the biggest and
goriest by far, so there’s
a lot of screaming.
First Foreign Trip
Cuba, when I was a kid.
I remember leaving the
resort, and an old woman
kept looking at me. Then
she came up and tried to
touch my lips. It was weird
till I realized she had never
seen lip gloss, so I gave her
mine. I’ve been back since
as an adult, and no one
has tried to touch my lips.
First Audition
It was for the role of Helen
in Troy with Brad Pitt. I had
just come in from Toronto.
I had nothing, just $80 in
my pocket. All these girls
were auditioning in, I don’t
want to say togas, but,
like, drapey dresses. I came
in with ripped jeans and a
T-shirt. I was the modern-
day Helen of Troy!
First Racy Role
On the show Threshold
I played an alien stripper
named Candy Cane. I in -
fected Peter Dinklage and
turned him into an alien.
I had a death scene where
he’s supposed to be hit
by a lamp, but I was under-
neath him in bed, and it
kept hitting me instead.
After my mom saw it, she
was like, “Wow.”
Saw 3D hits theaters
October 29.
EVERYTHING A HYBRID IS. AND ISN’T.
Introducing the sport hybrid. Hybrids are all the rage, as they should be. Efficiency and economy are more important
now than ever. But at Honda, we weren’t about to turn our back on hairpin turns and manual gearboxes. So we
designed a hybrid that seemingly defies logic. One that embraces the driving experience most hybrids ignore.
The result is certainly a hybrid. But also obviously something else altogether. For more, visit cr-z.honda.com.
EX model shown with accessory wheels. ©2010 American Honda Motor Co., Inc.
20 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATION BY APAK
CIRCUS MAXIMUS
these feats are
made for mocking
POINTLESS ACHIEVEMENTS OF PEOPLE WITH WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS.
1
Google Sap
British “hiker” Matthew
Partridge is “walking”
the length of Great Britain—all
1,200 miles of it—via Google
Maps Street View. “I can’t be
bothered with all the training,
planning, and hardships of actu-
ally doing the walk,” he said.
The lazy sod plans to wrap up
his trek in 100 hours over
10 days, by which point he’ll
go back to googling “Queen
Elizabeth” and “beaver shot.”
Degree of difficulty: 1
Degree of lameness: 10
2
walkman
It took 859 days, but on
August 9 of this year,
British army vet Ed Stafford
completed his goal of walking
the entire length of the Amazon,
all 6,000-plus miles of it. He did
it to bring the world’s attention
to the depletion of the rain
forest, but we think it mostly
brought crotch rot to his balls.
Degree of difficulty: 10
Degree of lameness: 6
3
Driven Crazy
This summer an avid fan
of conservative icon Ayn
Rand decided to shout his love
of the author such that it could
be read only via Google Earth.
To do this Nick Newcomen drove
his car 12,328 miles in 30 days
to “write”READ AYN RAND, plotting
his course using a GPS tracking
device. If this sounds utterly
tedious, you should try reading
Atlas Shrugged.
Degree of difficulty: 4
Degree of lameness: 7
4
Bass Ackwards
Italian Michele Santelia
has typed a whopping 68
books from finish to start . Yup,
from The Odyssey to Macbeth, he
typed them all backward. Be-
cause doing it straight would be
a total waste of time.
Degree of difficulty: 5
Degree of lameness: 8

5
Just Our Type
On December 7, 1998,
after 16 years at his
typewriter, Aussie Les Stewart
finished typing all the numbers
from one to one million…in
words. Yeah, as in: nine hundred
seventy-eight thousand, six hun-
dred fifty-three. Not impressed?
He used only one finger. World’s
worst finger bang.
Degree of difficulty: 3
Degree of lameness: 9
MUCH-NEEDED
CELEB REHAB
DR. DREW, THEY NEED YOU!
Jennifer
Aniston
Her addiction to
crappy rom-coms
will inevitably lead
to a movie about
trying to conceive
a child with Hugh
Grant. Watch for
Robin Williams as
the wacky ob-gyn!
Jesse James
Capt. Motorcycle
is dating Kat Von
D. Jesse, does
your love of wom-
en who look like
passed-out frat
kids covered in
Sharpie scribbles
know no limits?
Every media
outlet in
New York
Can you go one
day without filing
a report about
bed bugs? How
about an hour?
Baby steps, baby
steps.
Justin Bieber
OK, fine, we’re
the ones who
need a little help
getting this über-
cutie out of our
heads. We see
his face every-
where we look—
save us, Dr. Drew!
LeBron James
His inability to
refer to himself
in the first person
is alienating both
friends and family.
As LeBron might
say: “LeBron
needs help.”
Barack obama
Let us be clear,
Barry: Your
chemical depen-
dence on mom
jeans is destroying
your ability to
lead. We “hope”
you “change”
your pants.
>
Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab
returns to VH1 with a truckload
of effed-up messes, including kidnap-
prone Jeremy London and heroin-y Leif
Garrett. But who really needs his firm
helping hand? We have some thoughts.
THE POWER OF COOL
AVAILABLE AT MACY’S
22 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
CIRCUS MAXIMUS
google
street
warfare
GOOGLE’S STREET-
VIEW CAMERAS HAVE
CAUGHT EVERY PRECIOUS
FACET OF THE HUMAN
CONDITION—AND A ROCK
STAR IN A BATHTUB.
Do you like
exotic women?
Your grandmother’s
Jamaican nurse
swordsmen (Pittsburgh, PA)
Turns out these medieval warriors were
part of an art project. So, um, joke’s on us?
Girl Flashing (Homewood, IL)
She may not be a looker, but her heart’s
in the right place.
“Dead” Girl (Worcester, england)
What looked like the corpse of a 10-year-
old was just this girl “playing.” Fun!
Guy With Rifle (Rapid City, SD)
Be vewy, vewy quiet: He’s hunting
bumper stickers.
Man in Bathtub (Oklahoma City, OK)
That dude is actually Wayne Coyne of the
Flaming Lips (which kind of makes sense).
Are you a
total dick?
When you hit the local
bar, you’ll reminisce
about high school
because:
A. You had some
wild, fun times.
B. You work as the
night janitor there.
Have your Facebook
updates ever regarded
your feelings about the
release of Star Wars
on Blu-ray?
Your brother’s wife
Girl you think was maybe
in your ninth-grade
chemistry class
Your hand
NO
NO
YES
A
Are you going to your
parents’ house?
Because you live in
the basement?
start here
House on Fire (sherwood, AR)
Wait, all of Arkansas doesn’t look
like this?
B
NO
NO NO
YES
YES
YES
YES
The Decider
WHO WILL YOU HOOK UP WITH THIS THANKSGIVING?
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Hydration when you least expect it.
©2010 Energizer. Schick, Schick Hydro and other marks are trademarks of Energizer.
SchickHydro.com
FREE YOUR SKIN
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your skin as you shave.
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28 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
the world series


foulest balls
A LOOK BACK AT AMERICA’S FAVORITE PASTIME: DOING STUPID THINGS IN AND AROUND BASEBALL STADIUMS.
CIRCUS MAXIMUS
1920
Brooklyn Dodgers vs.
Cleveland Indians
≥Hall of Fame pitcher
Rube Marquard was
arrested before Game 4
of the World Series for
scalping six tickets for
$350. He was slapped with
a whopping fine of $3.80!
And in case you think he
got off easy, that would be
$40 in today’s money.
1933
New York Giants vs.
Washington Senators
≥Senators left fielder
Heinie Manush ended an
argument with umpire
Charley Moran by grabbing
Moran’s elastic-band bow
tie and snapping it back at
the ump’s neck. Moran
tossed him, but not before
Manush responded, “Nyuk,
nyuk, nyuk!”
1961
CincinNati Reds vs.
New York Yankees
≥As it was the height of
the Cold War, Pennsylvania
Supreme Court justice
Michael Musmanno sent a
letter to Reds manager
Fred Hutchinson pleading
with him to change his
team’s name, worried
what a headline like “Reds
Defeat Yanks!” might do
to national morale. No
worries: The Yanks beat
the Commie bastards.
1985
St. Louis Cardinals vs.
Kansas City Royals
≥With the Cards up three
games to two and leading
in the ninth inning, umpire
Don Denkinger botched
a call at first base,
allowing the Royals to
come back and tie the
series. Then, in Game 7,
Denkinger tossed Cards’
ace Joaquin Andujar for
arguing calls. Andujar, per
league regulations,
destroyed a clubhouse
toilet in response.
1990
Cincinnati Reds vs.
Oakland A’s
≥What with the Nazi
memorabilia, homophobia,
and boozing, Reds owner
Marge Schott wasn’t
exactly known for her
sharp mind. Before Game
2, Schott raised the bar
by dedicating the game to
U.S. troops in the “Middle
West.” Get home safe…
from Kansas, brave
soldiers.
1992
Atlanta Braves vs.
Toronto Blue Jays
≥With America and Canada
facing off for the first time
in the fall classic, the U.S.
Marine Corps Color Guard
made a funny by carrying
the Canadian flag upside
down. When the series
returned to Toronto,
maple-syrup-swilling
vendors did brisk business
selling fans “upside down”
versions of old glory.
Pretty original, eh?
2000
New York Yankees vs.
New York Mets
≥Like Buffy the Vampire
Slayer letting loose on a
vampire batter, Yankees
ace Roger Clemens hurled
a jagged shard of Mike
Piazza’s bat at him in a
display of what was
definitely not a case of
’roid rage. Because the
Rocket never juiced.
Are we clear on this?
2009
New York Yankees vs.
Philadelphia Phillies
≥In a rousing show of
home-team love, The
Philadelphia Inquirer ran a
full-page ad screaming,
“Congratulations, Phillies!
Back-to-Back Champs.”
Problem was, the Phils
lost. Inquirer staffers
apparently missed “climax
control” condom day at
Citizens Bank Park.
>We pulled terms from
the Kama Sutra and
MMA Mastery: Ground and
Pound (in stores now!). Can
you tell which will bring you
pain and which will bring
you an orgasm and which
might bring you both?

The Pair of Tongs
The Twining of A
Creeper
The Turtle ride
Posture inside
bottom scissors
The blow of a boar
The blow of a bull
The sporting of a
sparrow
The Top Saddle
The Rear Mount
The Throne Pass
The Rock of Gilbraltar
The Sternal Arrow
A N S W E R : T H E Y ’ R E A L L M M A
T E R M S E X C E P T “ T H E
T W I N I N G O F A C R E E P E R ”
mma move
kama sutra position
pop
quiz
or
30 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATION BY ERIK T. JOHNSON
≥Think the cutie in VIP with Rihanna is her BFF? Nope, that’s her
femme fatale bodyguard, and she will crush you if you take another
step. More and more female celebs are adding sexy security to their
posses. “It’s about concealment,” says Elijah Shaw, CEO of Icon
Services, who trains a bevy of lady protectors. “Female bodyguards
can blend in and go where male security can’t.” Icon alum Joanna
Torrens, 27, says it’s more about brains than brawn. “I’m not just
there to be a pretty face. I keep an eye out on paparazzi, escape
routes, traffic patterns.” And, presumably, creepy Maxim editors.
CIRCUS MAXIMUS
HOTTIE BODYGUARDS
FORGET “BIG BLACK” BOYKIN—GIRLS IN THE CELEBRITY
SECURITY GAME CAN BACK YOUR ASS UP, TOO!
PRIVATE
PARTS
PRO ATHLETES ARE
SHOWING UP ONLINE
IN NUDE PICS LIKE
C-LIST STARLETS.
WHAT THE HELL ARE
THEY THINKING?
in da club
CHRONICLING ALMOST 20 YEARS’ WORTH OF MUSICAL SHENANIGANS AT THAT
MYTHICAL DISCOTHEQUE KNOWN ONLY AS “THE CLUB.”
November 9, 1993
A Tribe Called Quest
“Electric Relaxation”
Line: “If I was workin’ at
the club, you would not pay.”
Interpretation: Attractive
females hoping to gain
access to the club would
most likely be acquitted
of any entry fees.
March 17, 1998
Ice Cube “We Be Clubbin’ ”
Line: “Back in so we
can smoke a dub, down to
bump all these bitches
at the club.”
Interpretation: Before one
attempts ingress into a
female, one should partake
of a marijuana cigarette.
December 28, 1999
Jay-Z “Do It Again
(Put Ya Hands Up)”
Line: “ If a nigga wanna
draw, then the blood, it
can drip in the club.”
Interpretation: If one
brandishes a gun in Mr. Z’s
presence, one can expect a
most violent response.
GRADY SIZEMORE
The skinny: Seminude
pics of the Indians star
were stolen from his
girlfriend’s e-mail.
Possible excuse: With a
name like Sizemore, this
was bound to happen.
Apology type: Zen-like.
“It just happened to work
out the way it did.”
Subconscious motivation:
“I’ll show ‘em that base -
ball players aren’t boring!”
MARTELLUS BENNETT
The skinny: Supposedly,
an angry ex shared im -
pure pics of the Cowboys
tight end.
Possible excuse: Bennett
is dumb (see his YouTube
channel for proof).
Apology type: Lame.
Bennett called the photos
“totally inappropriate.”
Subconscious motivation:
“Maybe Romo will throw
me the ball more if I join
him in the tabloids.”
GREG ODEN
The skinny: Portland’s big
man became a true
trailblazer when grainy
dong shots surfaced.
Possible excuse: Oden
was out for the year, so
he had a lot of free time.
Apology type: Sincere.
Oden’s “heart dropped”
when he heard the news.
Subconscious motivation:
“Maybe my junk will make
you forget I was drafted
before Kevin Durant.”
DARNELL DOCKETT
The skinny: After a bet
that the Cards tackle
wouldn’t film a shower
scene, he went to work.
Possible excuse: Dockett
only makes $3.75 mil, so
he needed that $1,000.
Apology type: Hilarious.
According to the
Huffington Post, “[He]
vowed never to bathe
himself online again.”
Subconscious motivation:
“Who am I kidding? I’ll
probably bathe myself
online again.”
ence, one can expect a
olent response.
February 6, 2003
50 Cent “In Da Club”
Line: “You can find me in
the club, bottle full of bub.
Look, Mami, I got the X if
you into taking drugs.”
Interpretation: Whether
your vice is champagne or
MDMH, 50 will deliver.
May 23, 2008
Usher feat. Young
Jeezy “Love in This Club”
Line: “I wanna make love in
this club, aye.”
Interpretation: Going a
step further, Usher
promises coital acts within
the establishment.
August 19, 2008
Lil Wayne “Lollipop”
Line: “Bottles in the club,
Shawty wanna hump.”
Interpretation: Alcohol is
plentiful, and the women
here would very much enjoy
Mr. Wayne’s penis.
January 2009 (Leak)
Rihanna
“Hatin’ On the Club”
Line: “Ohhh, you got me
hatin’ on the club, ’cause
you took my love.”
Interpretation: Taking love
for granted in the club may
lead to dislike of said club.
June 28, 2010
Flo Rida feat.
David Guetta
“Club Can’t Handle Me”
Line: “The club can’t even
handle me right now.”
Interpretation: Once one
has proven dominance over
the club, it can no longer
“handle” one at the
moment. Later, perhaps.
S
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c
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h
it
s
! >
≥ According to the dating experts AT
OkCupid, iPhone owners score more
tail than users of any other
cell phone. Male iPhone
owners averaged 10 sexual
partners, and lady Apple
fans averaged an impres-
sive 12.3. Using an Android
phone? Sucks to be you
and your measly mean of
six boning buddies.
32 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
≥ Sure, but it might be painfully
similar to diving headfirst into
concrete, according to chemist
David Lever at Ohio Wesleyan
University. The coins would lock
together and form a solid surface that, if you
chose to dive into, would snap your neck. It’s
probably not safe to keep your life savings in a
giant vault with a money symbol on it, either.
ILLUSTRATION BY CHRIS PHILPOT
Will we ever
be able to play
games with
our brains?
Eric Brawn, via e-mail
That rhymes! Also, yes, we can
already. Here’s how the Brain-
Gate Neural Interface System
will put your thumbs to pasture.
1. First, a 4 mm microchip is
implanted in the motor cortex,
the area of the brain that
controls voluntary movement.
2. Electrodes on the chip
detect the nerve impulses your
brain usually sends to your limbs.
3. Those impulses are sent
through a cable to a nearby com-
puter, which translates the
signals based on pattern recogni-
tion (“move thumb sideways”
has a signature, for example).
4. Those translated directives are
then given to an object in the
nearby game, in this case a Pong
paddle. Awesome! (Unfortunately,
you have to be paraplegic to
use it. Still, though…awesome!)
CIRCUS MAXIMUS
ANSWERING ALL THE STUPID QUESTIONS YOU NEVER KNEW YOU HAD (AND SOME YOU DID).
▲ THE AGE AT WHICH YOUR PERSONALITY
IS SET FOR LIFE, SAYS A RECENT STUDY
FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA. SO
THAT MUST BE WHY WE STILL WANT TO
HAVE SEX WITH CHEETARA FROM THUNDER-
CATS, RIGHT? RIGHT?!
6
circus maximus contributors: martina lachance / mike olson / joel randell / scott rothman / anna wexler
knowledge you’ll
wish you Never had!
Can you dive into a
pool of gold coins like
Scrooge McDuck?
John McDonald, Irving, TX
H
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Y
A
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A
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F

A
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D
W
H
A
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N
O
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?
Send your puzzlers to
ask@m
axim
.com
!
DUMB QUESTION OF THE MONTH You Didn’t Ask, but We’re
Telling You Anyway
fast facts
Tasty tidbits
about
turkey day!
Turkey, Texas (pop.
456) is the most
populous of the three
towns in the nation
named after the bird.
The first Thanksgiv-
ing feast occurred in
Newfoundland
in 1578, not in
Plymouth in 1621.
709 million
pounds of
cranberries
were produced
last year.
The USDA advises storing
the raw turkey, duck, and
chicken no longer
than two days before
cooking a turducken.
250 million
turkeys were
raised in the
United States
in 2009.
ctsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
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against a grueling obstacle course, the clock and each other. Follow the
Warriors through each battle and see for yourself what it takes to
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ENTER TO WIN A 2011 JEEP® WRANGLER
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Call of Duty®: Black Ops. Available 11/09/10.
2011 JEEP® WRANGLER
CALL OF DUTY®: BLACK OPS EDITION
AVAILABLE NOVEMBER, 2010.
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valid driver’s license. Sweepstakes begins October 15, 2010 and ends November 19, 2010. Odds of winning depend on the number of eligible entries received. For entry and offi cial rules with
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Get in the game at www.MaximumWarrior.com
Introducing the 2011 JEEP® Wrangler: New features. Continued kudos. Rugged as ever.
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2011 JEEP® WRANGLER
CALL OF DUTY®: BLACK OPS EDITION
AVAILABLE NOVEMBER, 2010.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHRIS PHILPOT
THERE AND BACKS
Run 25 yards, reaching near-sprint speed.
Return running backward. Do two sets to open
warmup, then two sets to close it. Focus on:
Posture, slowly increasing speed, swinging
arms, not wiping out while running backward.
PRONE SCORPIONS
Lie flat on your beer belly, arms extended.
Swing right leg over body toward left hand.
Toe-tap, then swing leg back. Repeat with
left leg. Protect ya neck: Keep your mug close
to the ground and face opposite direction of
foot. Focus on: Opening hips and hammies.
QUADRUPED ABDUCTIONS
Get on hands and knees, facing floor. Keep -
ing knee bent, lift up one leg like you’re peeing
on a hydrant, dog boy. Do 10 on each leg.
Focus on: Opening up hips and lower back,
marking your territory.
LONG ARM SWINGS
Stand with feet shoulder width apart and
swing arms up and down in the air, like you just
don’t care. Somebody say, "Ho, I feel stupid!"
Focus on: Shoulders, neck, extending your spine.
FORWARD SKIPS
High knee skips with opposite arm swings.
Go 25 yards. Turn; skip back to start. Be
sure to yell, “Whee-e-e-e-e” while skipping.
Focus on: Posture, extending your lower
back. Do not focus on the giggling gym rats.
HIGH KNEE HUGS
Walk 25 yards, and with each step pause,
lift leg, and grab knee, pulling into chest.
Extend planted foot up (on toe), knee hugger.
Focus on: Elongating your spine, working lower
back, maintaining balance through posture.
ARM HUGS
Saddest back pats ever: Swing arms quickly
in front, wrapping them around your back.
Focus on: Opening up your chest, shoulders,
and midback; loving yourself.
CARIOCAS
These are sideways, alternate-foot
crossover runs. Do them for about 25 yards
with arms extended. Then come back
facing same direction. Do two sets. Focus on:
Working your hip rotation; opening up your
chest, shoulders, and upper back.
STRAIGHT LEG MARCH
March 25 yards. For each step, extend arm
straight out and swing your same-side leg
up, trying to touch toe. Keep arms and legs
straight, cheater. Focus on: Your hammies,
keeping spine straight, not looking like a Nazi.
CIRCUS MAXIMUS
>
Everything you know about stretching is wrong. According to
research, static (standing still) stretching before a workout actu-
ally makes you weaker and more prone to injury. “Doing it just before
exercising is potentially worse than starting cold,” says David "Dave T."
Tebidor, director of Velocity Sports Performance in N.Y.C., who trains
pro athletes. Static drills elongate muscles but don't prep them for the
intense contracting that occurs in a workout or competition. “To get
them ready—and to get the most out of your gym session—you need to
get blood flowing and work on range of motion. Still stretch, but only
on off days.” Here’s Tebidor’s preworkout routine.
NO PAIN
,

HUGE GAINS
THE WARMUP THAT'LL MAKE YOU STRONGER, FASTER, AND INJURY-FREE. GET READY TO RULE DIESEL-DOM.
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 37
38 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY BRIE CHILDERS
CIRCUS MAXIMUS
MC
HOMETOWN:
Houston, TX
What’s the worst/most
awesome pickup
line you’ve ever heard?
One guy actually
said to me, “If I was
Peter Pan, you’d
be my happy thought!”
ASHLEY ANN
HOMETOWN:
Nashville, TN
You live in Florida. Ever
seen an alligator?
Of course! I used to
beg my dad to let me go
swimming in the
Everglades. He was like,
“Are you an idiot?
Do you not see those
alligators sunbathing?”
But they don’t want
a piece of me, trust me.
LISA
HOMETOWN:
Aventura, FL
How do you feel about
girl-on-girl action?
Sometimes you just want
to kiss your girlfriend!
I remember on my
birthday, my friend came
up to me and kissed me.
It wasn’t like we were
trying to get attention!
KAITLYnN
HOMETOWN:
Portsmouth, NH
What’s the weirdest
experience of your life?
My friend and I went to
Coachella this year, but
we booked our motel for
the wrong dates! We end-
ed up staying with the girl
at the reception desk and
her boyfriend, mother,
brother, and three kids
for $75 a night. But
the music was great!
DANIELLE
HOMETOWN:
Chicago, IL
Did you ever have a
run-in with the Chicago
system of justice?
I had to get a liquor
license for a restaurant
I was opening. I tried the
ol’ Chicago cash-under-
the-table trick, but it
didn’t work. In the end
I did it the old-fashioned
legal way.
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NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 39
MEREDITH
HOMETOWN:
West Harwich, MA
What’s the worst job
you’ve ever had?
I worked at a Jet Ski
store. I was the only
girl there, and the guys
would pick on me. They
would throw me off the
backs of the Jet Skis and,
like, try to drown me.
But in a nice, flirty,
middle-school way.
Kassandra
HOMETOWN:
Los Angeles, CA
How was your first
Maxim shoot?
It was amazing. Though
I had sand in places
you don’t even want to
know. Or maybe you do.
We even had some on-
lookers, these little boys.
We said we’d take photos
with them if they’d
stop checking us out!
LINDSEY
HOMETOWN:
Murrieta, CA
What’s the wildest thing
you’ve ever done?
I got to go on a ride-along
with rally car driver Ken
Block. It was so scary. He
was just hauling ass
and doing crazy donuts
and turns. He had to
replace his tires every
four runs.
MELANIE
HOMETOWN:
New York, NY
What’s the best date
you’ve ever been on?
This year a guy took me
on a private plane from
New York to Atlanta. Then
we went to some strip
club where a girl dropped
these, like, 12-pound
boobs in his lap. He was
looking at me the whole
time. It was cute.
Amanda
HOMETOWN:
Louisville, KY
Ever been arrested?
No, but I did get a citation
for jaywalking in
Kentucky—it was
ridiculous. I had to go
to court, and the judge
actually gave me com-
munity service! I had
to wash windows in
the middle of winter!
maxim

s perfect 10
From the East Coast to the Left Coast, from the Dirty South to the Cleaner North (hey, we didn’t invite the comparison),
thousands of lovely ladies entered this year’s Hometown Hotties competition. After months of heated battle, your votes have
culled 10 of the sexiest specimens of American beauty. Meet the girls, then head to Maxim.com to vote for the winner!
ALL SWIMWEAR BY AMERICAN APPAREL
X
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PHOTOGRAPH BY TKTKTKTKTKTK S
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42 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
BEST BARREL
PROOF
George T. Stagg
143 Proof, $70
≥The alcohol
content is so high
it’s illegal to take
this combustible
concoction on a
plane. Even more
amazing, it’s still
super-sippable,
and it’s the stuff
distillers tip when
they get together
to swap stories.
This white-hot
heat stings the
lips but has deep
maple, citrus, and
clove flavors.
BEST BOTTLE
FOR DAD
Willett Pot
Still Reserve
94 Proof, $50
≥Willett is the
closest thing to
pre-Prohibition
bourbon. It packs
a wallop, but the
butter, cedar,
and lime notes
soften the blow.
This sauce, in the
signature still-
shaped bottle, is
the gift for the
old man .
BEST BARGAIN
Jim Beam Black
86 Proof, $20
≥Just because
the Beam folks
figured out how
to get you their
tasty barrel-aged
treats more cost-
efficiently doesn’t
mean they must
be relegated to
the world of well
drinks. Black is
top-shelf stuff.
It sports Beam’s
spiciness but
swirls with heavy
hints of brown
sugar and leather.
Perfect for the
game-day flask.
BEST SINGLE
BARREL
Blanton’s
Original
93 Proof, $50
≥Blanton’s was
the first single
barrel. In 1984
Elmer T. Lee felt
a few of his casks
were too tasty
to mix, so he just
bottled ’em and,
bang! a new niche
was born. (Sadly,
Elmer never trade-
marked “single
barrel.” We ex-
pected more from
a man named
Elmer.) Taste:
bold with toffee
undertones.
BEST FOR THE
DESK DRAWER
Pappy Van
Winkles
90.4 Proof, $100
≥ Peppery with
a vanilla finish,
Pappy V’s superb
sip epitomizes
the rule that the
more hillbilly the
name, the better
the brown. Two
decades of aging
makes this corn
mash the most
unique on the
market. Every
taste is a journey
to classy town.
BEST FOR MIXING
MAN DRINKS
Maker’s 46
94 proof, $35
≥When master
distiller Kevin
Smith told us
he made a new
Maker’s recipe,
we worried; that’s
a tough act to
follow, Kevvy. But
he crushed it. Like
its fore bear, 46
is still approach-
able and sweet.
But thanks to
seared French
oak staves, it’s
stiffer—ideal for
Manhattans and
old-fashioneds.
BEST NEWCOMER
Angel’s Envy
86.6 Proof, $46
≥This fall Lincoln
Henderson, an
inaugural member
of the Kentucky
Bourbon Hall of
Fame who used to
distill Woodford
Reserve, went
rogue and cre-
ated his own
micro batch. It
lives up to the
man’s legend. Big
and smooth, with
an almost oatmeal
cookie taste,
plus hints of pipe
tobacco.
STAFF FAVORITE
Hudson Baby
Bourbon
92 Proof, $40
≥This micro outfit
may have gone
mega (recently
bought by William
Grant & Sons),
but it still churns
out the most
approachable lip-
smacking sauce
on the shelf. With
its clean caramel-
corn and biscuit-
dough notes, BB
swills easy, so go
slow, gulp boy.
CIRCUS MAXIMUS
maxim bourbon awards
TIME TO GET DOWN WITH THE BROWN.
1
Bourbon is the first
American-born booze.
Congress declared it
America’s official distilled
spirit in 1964.
2
It can be made
anywhere in the U.S.
but must be 51 percent
corn and aged in charred
oak. And no added flavors.
Sorry, Jack Daniel’s.
3
“Straight” means it
was aged at least two
years. Almost all whiskey
is cut with H
2
O to lower the
proof. Uncut bourbon is
labeled “barrel proof.”
Angel’s share:
W
hat w
hiskey
distillers call the
percentage of liquor
that evaporates
from
the barrel
each year.
4
“Small batch” is a
marketing ploy. Uncle
Sam doesn’t regulate the
term (yet), so the actual
batch could fill a Walmart
and still be called small.
5
Distillers are artists.
Each year they re-
create the brand’s flavor
from hundreds of new,
unique barrels. Drink up
these masterpieces!
five things
you don

t
know about
bourbon.
PHOTOGRAPH BY STEVE COHEN

2
0
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Π
&
Γ
© 2010 NFL Properties LLC. Team names/logos/indicia are trademarks of the teams indicated. All other NFL-related trademarks are trademarks of the National Football League.
NFL PLAYERS is a trademark of National Football League Players Incorporated.
“GREATEST SMELL IN THE NFL”
IF YOU THINK OLD SPICE ISN’T GREAT-SMELLING
OR THAT THIS IMAGE ISN’T AVAILABLE FOR
DOWNLOAD AT OLDSPICE.COM,
YOU ARE INSANE.
*
B
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44 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHRIS PHILPOT
CIRCUS MAXIMUS
GET READY—MAXIM IS COMING TO YOUR TOWN! WE’RE ON THE HUNT FOR THE
COUNTRY’S TOP WATERING HOLES. WELCOME TO OUR NATIONWIDE BAR CRAWL!
Butternuts Beer & Ale’s
Heinnieweisse WeissebIer
Extend your summer into the coming
snow season with this June-in-a-can
wheat beer made by the geniuses
behind Pork Slap pale ale. Sweet and
grassy, this green bullet is the cleanest
concoction we’ve gulped. Slug it and
instantly drown your fall-winter blues.
530 MILLION
>
NUMBER OF RED AND BLUE SOLO KEGGER
CUPS SOLD IN THE U.S. IN ’09.
*
Hair of
the Big Dog
•3 oz. gin
• ¾ oz. fresh
lemon juice
• Healthy dashes
of Tabasco
• 1 slice chili
pepper
≥ Wake up. Shake
gin, juice, Tabasco,
and ice. Strain into
rocks glass neat.
Garnish with chili
pepper. Swallow
your regrets.
bulldog gin
In 2003 a Wall Street banker standing in
the rain one day said to hell with bonus-
es and started Bulldog.This quadruple-
distilled upstart has more than earned
its top-shelf status. Gin facts: (1) That
evergreen smell is the main ingredient:
juniper berries. (2) In the 1600s folks
spiked gin with turpentine.
6:00 p.m. Happy Hour
St. Regis Bar
Even if you’re not racking at the hotel,
crash this stately wood-paneled bar for
cocktails. It boasts the best Bloody in
the South and its own in-house bourbon.
If any models are in town, they’ll be
giggling on the red leather couches.
8:00 p.m. Sustenance
South City Kitchen
Think upscale Southern comfort food.
Drink: The Hot Brown (mint julep with
ginger, mint, and soda). Eat: Cornmeal
Crisped Catfish (with stewed okra and
tomatoes, mustard greens, scallion
remoulade). Sides: Grits, butterbean
succotash.
10:00 p.m. Booze Session
The BookHouse Pub
This is one of Atlanta’s best gastropubs,
but the food isn’t the draw here—it’s the
dizzying craft-brew menu. Also dizzying:
the beer-loving creative-class cuties
and tatted hipster honeys who pack this
place nightly. Bonus: Outdoor patio.
Nearby: The owners of BookHouse also
run the Drunken Unicorn across the
parking lot, one of the nation’s best
ear-bleeding underground music clubs.
2:00 a.m. Nightcap(s)
The Highlander
Scuzzy, awesome dive bar in a friggin’
strip mall. Go for the cheap booze and
canned beer. Stay because it’s open till
three and has a giant air hockey table.
3:00 a.m. Late-Night Gut bomb
Gladys Knight and Ron Winans’
Chicken & Waffles
Yep, that Gladys Knight. (Ron was a gospel
singer.) Once you get over the R&B kitsch,
order the Midnight Train: four Southern-fried
jumbo chicken wings and one original waffle.
Wash down with the house sweet tea.
Materials needed
• 4 quarters
• 1 dollar bill
• 1 beer bottle.
The setup: Place the
dollar bill on the
mouth of the empty
beer bottle and stack
the four quarters in
the middle.
MISSISSIPPI IS
THE ONLY STATE
WHERE IT’S LEGAL
TO DRINK A BEER
WHILE DRIVING (IF
YOU STAY SOUTH
OF .08 BAC).
building the perfect liquor cabinet
what’s in the maxim beer fridge
welcome to the major
leagues of hangover curin’.

AL
R
IF
H
Bar
Trick File
No. 27
your one-night stand starts here
3. Lick the side of
your index finger for
some extra friction.
4. Swipe quickly down
the end of the bill.
With the help of your
sticky slobber, the
quarters will remain
unmoved as the bill
snaps out with ease.
Collect winnings.
1. Bet your friends that
they can’t remove the
dollar bill with only one
finger while keeping
the quarters from
falling off the bottle.
2. When you have suf -
fi ciently enjoyed their
failure, step in and
show ’em how it’s done.
B
O
O
Z
E

N
E
W
S
MACY'S
Registration required.
Now, for vehicles up to
125,000 miles.
© 2010, Ashland Inc.
Valvoline.com
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.
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0.
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 47 PHOTO-ILLUSTRATION BY MARK WEAVER
YOUR ULTIMATE ENTERTAINMENT AUTHORITY
Thanks to 2008’s smash Only
by the Night, Kings of Leon
became one of the world’s biggest
bands. But superstardom hasn’t
made them immune to pigeon crap,
as a recent incident in St. Louis
proved. Jared Followill, the band’s
bassist, wiped away the poop
and told us about their latest album,
Come Around Sundown.
Will you be disappointed if this
album isn’t a huge success?
I know we shouldn’t be, but truth-
fully, yeah. We feel like we made a
better record, but it probably
won’t be as big. If it’s not a huge
commercial success, it’ll probably
gain back the critics who thought
the last one wasn’t as good. It’s
win-win. The last thing we wanted
was to make a bad record. Then
we’d all have to punch ourselves
in the faces.
How is being an arena band?
Shows are more fun in a club, but
everything else is much better.
The riders, the backstage area…
The feel is cleaner and nicer.
You don’t feel like you have the flu
all the time.
What can you have now that you
couldn’t have before?
Tons of stuff. We travel with a
Ping-Pong table. TVs everywhere.
Right now we’ve got pay-per-view
of the Oklahoma game. Anything
we ask for gets done in about an
hour. We’re super spoiled.
You’re only 23 and joined the
band when you were 15. Do you
feel like you lost a childhood?
It has to feel normal to me because
it’s me, but I know it’s not normal
at all. I dropped out of school
and at 16 was touring Europe with
the Strokes and Interpol, doing
drugs and getting drunk. It was a
weird time, but it was perfect. It
scares me to say, but if I died now
I couldn’t complain.
Have you bought anything nuts?
We’re not crazy. I got a Nissan GT-R
supercar that’s fun to drive. And
I got a big-ass house in Nashville
that’s fun to hang in. I kind of feel
like the little boy in Blank Check.
Tell us about being crapped on and
stopping in the middle of a show.
There were pigeons in the rafters in
St. Louis. I was told if crap got in my
eye, it could blind me. On the third
song, management pulled us. It was
lose-lose; we were a laughingstock
either way. We’d be singing “Use
Somebody,” and I’d be covered in
pigeon shit. That’s not badass
rock’n’roll. That’s just humiliating.
rock royalty
NASHVILLE’S KINGS OF LEON
ARE BACK TO RECLAIM
THE ROCK’N’ROLL THRONE.
Family guys (from left):
Matthew, Jared, Caleb,
and Nathan Followill.
48 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
RATED TV/FILM TV/FILM
Scared Chiklis
NO ORDINARY FAMILY’S MICHAEL CHIKLIS ON HIS EMBARRASSING
EARLY ROLES AND MAINTAINING HIS ROCK-HARD ASS.
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Saw 3D
As a deadly battle rages over Jig-
saw’s legacy, a group of his survivors
join a man who just may be respon-
sible for a new wave of terror.
Hereafter
Clint Eastwood’s latest tells the unset-
tling story of three strangers who’ve
all come close to death and whose
lives mysteriously intersect. Spooky!
The final chapter in one of the most
grisly and gory horror franchises of
all time promises to be the grisliest
and goriest of all, thanks to a pair of
dorky wannabe Ray-Bans.
Like a fine wine (or Helen Mirren),
Eastwood gets better with age. With
actors who can do more than just
scream, this thriller will be a refuge
from the typical Halloween fare.
O
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A

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Film Checkup
SIFTING THROUGH THE CINEMATIC HEAP.
Kristen Stewart takes out her fangs to
play a teenage prostitute who forms a
strange relationship with James Gandolfini
in Welcome to the Rileys.
Bada-awkward!
Danny Boyle’s 127 Hours recounts the true
story of Aron Ralston (James Franco), the
dude who got his arm stuck under a boulder
while mountain-climbing and had to chop it
off with a dull knife. Give him a hand!
LAUGH
OUT
LOUD
Get over your fear of carnies with Circus,
PBS’s unblinking look at what it takes to
run the world’s best traveling show, the
Big Apple Circus. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry,
you’ll get a jones for cotton candy!
CATCH
THIS
FLICK
CLOWN
THIS!
Unstoppable
When a train with toxic liquids threat-
ens to wipe out a city, an engineer
(Denzel Washington) and a conductor
(Chris Pine) try to prevent disaster.
Who wouldn’t want to watch a
movie where Captain Kirk and
Malcolm X try to save the world…
especially when action super-
director Tony Scott is at the helm?
Everybody’s been comparing
this show to Heroes and The
Incredibles, which must be
annoying. Do you want to finally
put those comparisons to rest?
Yeah, it’s an unfair comparison.
There have been 475,000 cop
shows, yet they’ll make 10 new
ones a year without even batting
an eye. As far as superhero
shows are concerned, I don’t
even think we’ve gotten to a
dozen yet in TV history. No
Ordinary Family is its own thing.
Your character has super
strength. Do you spend crazy
hours in the gym?
Well, he’s a middle-aged
everyman, so it’s not appropri-
ate for him to be Herculean. Just
to survive this thing, I’m gonna
need to stay fit and in shape, but
I want to keep it accessible. At its
core this is a family show more
than anything else.
Your (male) costar Romany
Malco said your butt is hard as
a rock. What’s up with that?
Romany has a tendency to
pinch me down there once in a
while. It’s an odd thing.
Did you have any bad gigs early
on in your career?
There are definite credits on my
résumé I wish weren’t there, and
of course, you’re gonna make me
mention them, aren’t you?
Of course.
Let me think. I was in a movie
called Soldier. Oy. Not OK.
And the Miami Vice TV show?
If I remember correctly, I played
an art thief. It was one of my first
roles ever—a long time ago. I had
to dress up in drag. Wait—I had to
dress up like a Haitian woman to
try to escape and get across the
border, to get on a ship.
Did you get away?
No! Crockett busted me.
—Alison Prato
P
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S

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On Halloween Shawshank director
Frank Darabont’s frightfest about
humans in a zombie apocalypse hits
AMC. Here he tells us why to watch.
The Walking Dead Is No
Laughing Matter.
“This isn’t a comedy. I loved Shaun of the
Dead and Zombieland, but we’re tapping
into the scariest aspects of having
corpses brought back to life and feeding
on flesh, how living in that world can tear
people apart emotionally.”
The Story Transcends
the Horror…
“Robert Kirkman, who created the comic
book series, developed so many
compelling characters. I hope people get
invested in them and our story. TV brings
so much room to develop the series
beyond basic horror.”
…But That Doesn’t Mean the
Horror Is Lost.
“I always say: If you’re making a
western, you need cowboy hats and
six-shooters. We’re making a zombie
show, so we need to have ripping of
flesh and zombie attacks. You can’t not
deliver that.”—Matt Barone
UNDEAD ARE TAKING OVER
ON THE WALKING DEAD.
OUD
50 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY ANTOINE VERGLAS
RATED MOST WANTED
As Chloe Armstrong
on SGU, model turned
actress Elyse Levesque mix-
es sexy and smarts as she
fights in an epic battle
for survival. Now the Cana-
dian-born beauty is back
for the second season, giv-
ing geeks across the galaxy
something to smile about.
Here’s why we love her.
She’ll fall for you!
I was shooting an ad in
Taiwan, and they wanted me
up in the air in a harness.
The tiny Asian man who was
supposed to pull the rope
couldn’t support my weight,
and I came crashing down.
I was in tears, and the crew
just stared at me until the
one person who spoke
English said, “Model no cry.”
She wants to be asked out!
In Vancouver there’s a ratio
of seven girls to one guy,
so it’s super tough to meet
men. The three years that
I’ve lived here, I can’t think
of one time I was asked out!
In the States men flirt,
and it’s refreshing. I’m like,
“I still have it going on!”
She likes dorks!
Sci-fi knowledge is definitely
not a deal breaker. If a
guy is interested in it, he’s
probably super smart, and
that’s attractive. I always
used to fall for the dark,
brooding, bad-boy type, but
that’s gradually changing.
Stargate Universe airs
Tuesdays at 9 P.M. on Syfy.
Elyse
levesque
Syfy’s sexiest
star is back on
Stargate Universe.
©2010 Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company. All Rights Reserved. Orbit, Orbit O design, Tropical
Remix and all other affiliated designs are trademarks of the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company. Artificially fruit flavored.
Find us at facebook.com/orbitgum
NEW ORBIT
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®

N
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passed a trailer park.
One of my buddies said
we should get back on the
interstate. I was going to
say we should go toward
the neighborhood or the
trailer park, but I said
‘trailerhood’ accidentally.
As soon as I said it, I knew
I had to write a song
called ‘Trailerhood.’ ”
Sounds like a cross
between: “Willie Nelson,
Marshall Tucker Band,
Charlie Daniels. I don’t
even know any contem -
porary country songs.”
52 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
RATED DVD/MUSIC
AS BACK TO THE FUTURE HITS
25 YEARS, DIRECTOR ROBERT
ZEMECKIS GIVES US 1.21
GIGAWATTS OF INSIDE INFO.
TOBY KEITH
BULLETS IN THE GUN
The country outlaw
spills a round or two on
his 14th album.
WEEZER
HURLEY
The nerd-rock giants’
frontman, Rivers
Cuomo, reaches back
for their eighth album.
TALES FROM THE STUDIO
THE STRAIGHT DOPE ON THE MONTH’S HOTTEST ALBUMS.
Where the magic
happened:
“Nashville. Almost always
Nashville. If I was in L.A.,
I wouldn’t even know
where to find a harmon ica
player. I’m sure they’ve
got plenty, but in Nashville
if you need one you can
just make a phone call.”
The key to writing lyrics:
“I get inspiration from
bumper stickers, T-shirts,
or people saying things
backward—a mistake is a
song. We were on motor -
cycles one day, and we
Digging in the crates:
“We wanted to do
something more for our
core audience—unpol-
ished, emotional rock.
I was able to go back
because I have all my old
unproduced ideas on
my computer now, ripped
to iTunes. For ‘Run
Away’ we pulled an idea
from 1998.”
Secret weapon:
“Michael Cera and I played
in a celebrity soccer
match together. A few
months later I saw him on
Letterman talking about
doing silent meditation at
the same place I go to.
We met up for lunch on a
day we happened to be
recording, so he came in
on ‘Hang On.’ He’s a pret -
ty serious guitar player.”
Our obsession during
recording: “The band
Sleigh Bells. We were
blown away by the
way their stuff sounded.
We’ve been e-mailing
with them but haven’t
had a chance to
get in the studio yet.”
KYLESA
“TIRED CLIMB”
Southern-fried
metal from your
new fave band.
TAYLOR SWIFT
“MINE”
We won’t tell any-
one how much you
love it. Promise.
YOUNG JEEZY
FEAT. LIL JON
“JIZZLE”
Silly title, so focus
on the crunk.
PETE YORN
“PRECIOUS
STONE”
Frank Black pro-
duces the rocker.
SUFJAN STEVENS
“I WALKED”
Symphonic pop
geek drops the
orchestra.
CEE LO GREEN
“FUCK YOU!”
Gnarls frontman’s
kiss-off single.
Everybody sing!
DOWNLOAD
NOW!
THE TIME-
TRAVELING
CAR
“We picked a DeLorean
because we wanted the
folks in 1955 to think it
was from space. We
spent lots of time think -
ing of numerology that
felt poetic. Like, 1.21
gigawatts rolls off your
tongue better than
785.53. Same with 88
miles per hour. Rather
than sounding like a
bunch of tech talk,
they’re numbers the
audience remembered.”
THE OVER-
WORKED
STAR
“Michael J. Fox was
shooting Family Ties
during the day, so
we shot the entire
movie at night except
for on weekends. When
people look at films that
THE SEXY
MOM
“Lea Thompson playing
Lorraine as this sex
are wildly entertaining
to watch, the comment
you get is, ‘That must
have been really fun to
make!’ Back to the
Future really wasn’t
fun to make at all, and
it was a good thing
Michael was young and
energetic. He’s not
singing, but that’s him
playing guitar.”
kitten made her scenes
so hot. She went for it. I
found it fascinating that
the line, ‘Are you telling
me that my mother’s
got the hots for me?’
was in every TV spot
and ad. The marketing
department must have
known that concept
would touch the world.”
THE OTHER
MARTY
“Eric Stoltz was
originally cast as Marty.
Why did I recast the
part? I realized that
as great an actor as
Eric is, his comedy
sensibilities weren’t
the same as mine. It
was a very painful thing,
and I felt horrible about
it. The fault was totally
mine as a novice direc -
tor. There are a couple
of clips of his scenes on
the DVD. This edition
has it all.”
Back to the Future 25th
Anniversary Edition hits
shelves October 26.
N
!
Each issue is packed with:
COOL STYLE
(SERIOUSLY, DUDE, PUT ON A FRIGGIN’ SHIRT ALREADY.)
MOVIES, MUSIC AND GAMES
(IF YOU CAN WASTE TIME WITH IT, WE’VE GOT IT!)
HOT NEW GADGETS AND GEAR
(PLUG INTO THE LATEST BLINKING, BEEPING GOODIES!)
HEAPS OF FUNNY-ASS JOKES
(SOMETIMES NOT AT ALL OFFENSIVE!)
THE WORLD’S SEXIEST WOMEN
www.StoRr emag Gs.com
(OFTEN NOT WEARING PANTS!)
Order
now
SUBSCRIBE NOW!
54 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
RATED Q&A
TODD PHILLIPS
THE DEMENTED DIRECTOR OF ROAD TRIP, OLD SCHOOL, AND THE HANGOVER
IS BACK WITH THE DARKLY HILARIOUS ROAD FLICK DUE DATE.
Your first feature was
Road Trip, and your latest
movie is Due Date, about
two guys traveling cross-
country. Are you a big
fan of road movies?
Here’s the thing: The plots of my mov-
ies sound generic, but we try to do
a spin on them. When I do a movie, it’s
more about who has chemistry. Or
antichemistry, in this case.
How did you decide to pair Robert
Downey Jr. with Zach Galifianakis?
Zach is the funniest person I’ve ever
met. He just sits down to eat lunch
with you and you start laughing. And
Downey’s one of the greatest actors
alive, so even though I thought it was a
bit of a long shot, I sent him the script.
Most people didn’t know about Zach
until The Hangover, even though he’s
been doing comedy for a long time.
He actually read for Road Trip more
than 10 years ago, for Tom Green’s
character, Barry. That would’ve been
interesting. He has so much talent,
but I always thought he wasn’t quite
used properly in movies. Then the
role of Alan came up in The Hangover,
and I realized Zach could crush it. I’d
be happy to bring Zach into every
movie I do forever, but you have to let
him soar with other directors. It’s like
seeing your ex go out with other guys.
There’s death, violence, and a
masturbating dog in this movie. Will
fans of “Todd Phillips movies” be
thrown by how dark Due Date gets?
It does get a little dark, but we
still have that masturbating dog.
I think there’s nothing more pure
than masturbating.
In Road Trip you have a cameo as
the guy who wanted to suck on Amy
Smart’s toes. In Old School you
show up for an orgy. In The Hang-
over you’re caught going down
on a girl in an elevator. You really
give yourself classy roles.
I only work in R-rated movies directed
by Todd Phillips. Actually, Juliette
Lewis is the same character in Due
Date as she was in Old School, and
I’m playing that guy who showed up to
the gangbang again. In my mind
they’re the same couple, but in the
legal departments at DreamWorks
and Warner Bros., they’re not.
What’s up with Hangover 2?
I know sequels are perceived as a
money grab, but we’re doing it
because we want to make a movie
that’s funnier and better than the
first one. I’m treating it like the
fucking Godfather II. A good portion
of the movie takes place in Bangkok.
I thought of Bangkok because
what word means something the
way “Vegas” means something?
Vegas means bad behavior and
bad decisions, and Bangkok, to me,
is a shadier and scarier version
of that. It’s going to get dark, and
somebody’s coming back in a
body bag…I just don’t know who it is
yet. It’s probably going to be me.
Will Mike Tyson be involved?
Mike texts me all the time. He’s the
greatest guy on the planet. I know
he’s had transgressions, but he’s a
different man these days. He’s
become a really close friend, and it’s
hard to say no to Mike. Let me put
it that way.
Prep for the fourth season of The
Venture Bros.’ animated-action comedy
with the first eight episodes on DVD . It’s
Adult Swim’s best and least weird show!
Denise Richards joins the cast of Blue
Mountain State, Spike TV’s comedy series
about the fundamentals of college:
beer, sex, and football. Season
two kicks off October 20.
MUST
BUY
NOW
Conan O’Brien returns to the late-night
game on TBS’s creatively titled Conan.
Here’s hoping the Masturbating Bear,
Pimpbot 5000, and Triumph will be back
on board, too.
SET
YOUR
TIVO
BACK
IN
RED
ab
be
tw
&
’70s
Animal House,
Blazing Saddles,
Slap Shot
’80s
Police Academy,
Bachelor Party,
Caddyshack
’90s
Clerks, American Pie,
South Park: Bigger,
Longer & Uncut
REQUIRED VIEWING NINE MUST-MEMORIZE R-RATED CLASSICS.
The King
of the
R-rating!
Todd poses with
the world’s creepiest
doll collection.
Thanks for your story, Susie!
Every Toyota has a story.
The 2010 Corolla – a 2010 Top Safety Pick from the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety.*
Share your story at facebook.com/toyota

* Insurance Institute for Highway Safety 2010 rating for Corolla, vehicle class Small Cars. Ratings are only meaningful when comparing vehicles in the same class. 2010 model year tested. For
more details on 2010 Top Safety Pick Awards, see www.iihs.org ©2010 Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., Inc.
ILLUSTRATION BY CHRIS PHILPOT
FILL YOUR INNER EMPTINESS WITH MATERIAL GOODS
THE XBOX 360 KINECT IS A
MOTION CONTROL GAME CHANGER.
The Wii has its WiiMote, and the PS3 has its ice
cream cone joysticks. The motion controllers
of this generation are just that: controllers. (Dramatic
pause.) Until now. Microsoft’s Kinect ($149) may
be the last to join in the motion control gangbang,
but it’s seriously hung with some im pres sive control-
ler-less credentials, like live streaming video chat,
biometric facial mapping, and full-body movement
and voice recognition. Which makes it less of a
fun-for-a-while gimmick (cough, Wii, cough) and
more of a revolution in how we interact with our
consoles. So how do these fancy-sounding features
make hands-free gaming on the 360 a reality and
not a hyped-up mess? Consult our breakdown (right)
and find out! And consult a physician about that
erection. Dude, it’s been more than four hours.
Face the facts
The Kinect’s identity
program creates a
profile based on your
mug. Just look at
the sensor and you’re
logged in. Creepy!
Stress Tests
Building on 10 years
of Microsoft R&D,
engineers trained the
motion controls with
20 million clips of every
conceivable human
gesture, including
“sexy hop-bounce.”
1
2
3
1. A 3D IR
projector fires
out infrared
beams that paint
a depth map,
essentially locat-
ing the distance
of every object in
front of it. Yes,
your dinner table
is 10 feet away!
Amazing!
2. This lens is
the receiver,
taking in the raw
data painted by
the IR projector.
The Xbox 360’s
software uses
this information
to create a map
and determine
your body’s
motion.
3. Just for
fun, it also has
a traditional
camera that
allows you to
video-chat with
other Kinect
users on Xbox
Live. Hands-free
video sex chat,
anyone?
4. Microsoft
re corded thou -
sands of hours
of speech from
across the U.S.,
ensuring that the
four-mike system
understands doz-
ens of accents,
even annoying
ones (that’s you,
Boston).
4
CONTINUED ON PAGE 60
x factor
Video Game
Blowout!
Thanks for your story, Melanie!
Every Toyota has a story.
And with 90% of all Toyota Camrys sold in the last 15 years still on the road,* we want to hear yours.
Share your story at facebook.com/toyota
*Based on R. L. Polk & Co. U.S. Vehicles In Operation registration statistics MY 1995 - 2010 as of January 2010. Includes Camry Solara. ©2010 Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., Inc.
60 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
STUFF VIDEO GAMES
HERE’S WHAT MAKES THREE SEQUELS TO
OUR FAVORITE FRANCHISES SUPER SPECIAL.
reloaded
PS3, Windows, Xbox360
Special sauce: Original
developers!
After taking over the defunct
franchise in ’08 with its own
massively successful entry
in the RPG series (Fallout
3), Bethesda smartly hired
former staffers from Black
Isle—the studio behind Fallout
I and 2—to help on their
sequel, New Vegas. Those
developers bring old-school
authenticity to an already
awesome edition. As senior
designer Chris Avellone,
formerly of Black Isle, says,
“There’s even stuff from the
pen-and-paper role-playing
game.” You just overdosed on
dork juice, didn’t you?
PS3, Xbox 360, Wii
Special sauce: Gambling!
How did the developers at
Treyarch improve the most
popular first-person shooter
in the world’s multiplayer
mode? Betting! In four wager
match types, players can
choose to ante up penny
stakes or tens of thousands
of units of in-game currency,
which is used to purchase
upgrades. “Some people
would call the sheer number
of game modes alone
ludicrous,” says game design
director David Vonderhaar.
“And they’d probably be
right.” Why he had to get a
rapper involved beats us,
but the game’s good!
PS3, Windows, Xbox360
Special sauce: Realism!
MoH’s designers worked so
hard to create a realistic
and respectable Special
Forces experience in their
first-person shooter, they
enlisted real Tier 1 opera-
tors as consultants. Guys
who, according to one, “Are
dedicated to the art of war
like an Olympian is dedicated
to gold.” As to how it gets
real, the still-active soldier
says, “The sequence where
a ranger calls home, making
everything sound boring
while getting ready to go into
the fight of his life…when my
wife saw that, she said, ‘Oh,
my God, I’ve had that call.’ ”
medal of honor
call of duty: black ops
AT LONG
LAST
FOUR MORE
FOLLOW-UPS
WE’VE WAITED
FOR WITH
SWEATY-PALMED
ANTICIPATION.
Castlevania:
Lords of Shadow
PS3, Xbox 360
The Dracula-baiting
Belmont clan makes a
comeback. Playing as
Gabriel, gamers wield the
classic whip in a mash-
up of God of War–style
action and timeless
’Vania platforming.
Gran Turismo 5
PS3
After five long years,
Gran Turismo returns with
70 tracks in 20 countries
and, for the first time,
vehicle damage! Realisti-
cally crashing Lambos and
the more than 100 other
cars will never get old.
Star Wars: The
Force Unleashed 2
PS3, Xbox 360
As Starkiller you use dual
lightsabers and new Force
powers, like Jedi mind
trick, to fight stormtroop-
er hordes in a galaxy far,
far away. This is the game
you’re looking for.
Fable III
Xbox 360
The RPG is back with
an improved co-op mode
that allows players to
adventure together in
Victorian-age Albion, open
business ventures, and
even marry. Fight to see
who wears the panta-
loons in the family!
fallout: new vegas
Video Game
Blowout!
STUFF VIDEO GAMES
ARCADE SPITFIRE
Being old-school doesn’t mean you can’t spice things
up on your PS3. Modeled after the Super Street Fighter
IV arcade cabinet, Hori’s Real Arcade Pro Premium
VLX is guaranteed to deliver beaucoup one-ups. Its
nine customizable buttons can be set to three turbo
speeds. No quarters required. $300, hori.jp/us
SPEED RACER
Like a $282,000 Scuderia, the Ferrari
Wireless GT Cockpit (for PS3/PC)
sports a five-position Manettino dial and
metal shift paddles. Its magnetic resis-
tance brake pedal adds to the realism.
Not included: Ferrari maintenance
bills—and girls riding shotgun. $250,
red-collection.thrustmaster.com
COMMU NI-
CATION
SHAKEDOWN
Houston, we have an ass
clown?! No problem. The
best part of Tritton’s AX
180 wireless headset
isn’t the stereo sound or
hassle-free pairing with
Xbox 360, PS3, and PCs;
it’s the portable control
unit, a remote that lets
you quickly adjust audio
levels on the fly. If some
n00b you wasted in
Halo won’t stop bitching,
just crank up the sound -
track. $ 150, tritton
technologies.com
ENJOY STICK
Maneuvering a jet responsibly at 600
knots takes your entire hand, not just
a thumb. So set aside your stock Xbox
360 or PS3 controller and upgrade
to this bad boy. Cyborg F.L.Y. 9 Flight
Stick is wireless and features a lap
mount. It’s the best wingman since Cap-
tain Morgan. $100, cyborggaming.com
BATTLE AX
Shredding on Guitar
Hero is a lot like dry-
humping: feels rad,
lacks reality. The 360/
PS3 game Power Gig:
Rise of the SixString
not only requires you to
strum actual chords, but
its “controller” is a 100
percent legit guitar that
you can plug into any
amp and wail on. All you
need now is a drummer
who sleeps on your floor
(with your girlfriend).
$180, powergig.com
62 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATIONS BY PETER OUMANSKI
UP YOUR SCORES AND FRAG
THEIR FACES OFF WITH THESE PROPER
GAMING PERIPHERALS.
under
control
Video Game
Blowout!
May require up to a $36 activation fee/line, credit approval and deposit. Up to a $200 early termination fee/line applies. While supplies last. HD Video: Records and plays back at 720p at 30fps. Sprint Mobile Hotspot: Optional $29.99 add-on for
sharing access to Wi-Fi. No discounts apply. Uses data allowance within your base service plan. Connectivity dependent upon compatibility. Other Terms: Coverage is not available everywhere. The Nationwide Sprint Network reaches over 275 million
people. The Sprint 4G Network reaches over 50 markets and counting, on select devices. The Sprint 3G Network reaches over 266 million people. See sprint.com for details. Not all
services are available on 4G, and coverage may default to 3G/separate network where 4G is unavailable. Offers not available in all markets/retail locations or for all phones/networks.
Pricing, offer terms, fees and features may vary for existing customers not eligible for upgrade. Other restrictions apply. See store or sprint.com for details. ©2010 Sprint. Sprint
and the logo are trademarks of Sprint. Android, Google, the Google logo and Google Search are trademarks of Google Inc. Other marks are the property of their respective owners.
Epic screen. Epic 4G speeds.
Epic theater in the palm of your hand.
With a brilliant Super AMOLED screen and lightning-fast downloading, the
Samsung Epic

4G is made for movies. Download titles from the Media
Hub and watch them on the go at 4G speeds. It can even transform into
a mobile hotspot for up to five Wi-Fi devices. Another amazing first from
Sprint, the Now Network.

Get the phone. See Epic Mini Movies. sprint.com/epic
1-800-SPRINT-1 (1-800-777-4681)
64 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATIONS BY PETER OUMANSKI
Objets d’Awesome
BUY, BEG, BORROW, OR STEAL THESE GREAT NEW GADGETS, OR WE’LL FIGHT YOU.
TRUE PLAYER
Like many a newborn baby, the MCR-140 bookshelf stereo weighs
just 7.9 pounds. But unlike an infant, this Yamaha will not soil itself
and can reproduce the smooth sounds of Sade with precision, thanks
to a digital amplifier that outputs 30 watts total. It’s also available
in 10 colors, and the wireless transmitter (included) can crank an
uncompressed linear PCM audio stream wirelessly from your iPod
across the room. $400, yamaha.com
THAT’S
A KNIFE
Screw survival of the
fittest. We’ll take all
the help we can get.
Beyond a stainless-steel
4.8-inch serrated blade ,
Gerber’s Bear Grylls
Ultimate Knife packs a
ferrocerium fire starter,
a sharpener, a whistle,
and even a Man vs. Wild–
approved survival guide
stuffed into the sheath…
in case you forget
how to build a fire, or
drink your own pee.
$59, gerbergear.com
HYPER
TYPER
DVRs are supposed
to save time, not suck it.
Which is why this Slide
remote is the best thing
to happen to TiVo since
Real Housewives, er…
Instead of taking 10
minutes to pound out
title searches with one
thumb, the slide-
out QWERTY keyboard
puts both digits to
work. And since it’s
backlit, you won’t
even spoil the candlelight.
$90, tivo.com
DIALED IN
There’s a reason this
self-adjusting multiband
atomic timepiece looks
hotter than a stolen
Bugatti: The Ediface
EQWM1100DC is modeled
after the carbon-
fiber cockpit of a racecar.
But unlike a road rocket,
this murdered-out
model (check that black
stainless-steel band)
runs on a solar-powered
battery. Other pluses: It
won’t quit at 100 meters
below sea level, and it
self-adjusts to atomic
time. $500, casio.com
STUFF LUST OBJECTS
G
A
D
G
E
T
O
F T
H
E
M
O
N
T
H
PROJECT
YOURSELF
The lamest thing about “home movies”
isn’t persuading your girlfriend to par-
ticipate—it’s getting her to watch them
with you. Forget sitting side by side at
the computer: Nikon’s Coolpix S1100pj
14.1-megapixel digital point-and-shoot
cam also projects your HD videos in
720p to a screen size of 47 inches on
your bedroom wall. Just make sure the
blinds are closed. $350, nikonusa.com
ADVERTI SEMENT
Maxim’s
Hometown
Hotties
Need You!
G
o

t
o

s
t
o
r
e
m
a
g
s
.
c
o
m


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e
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t

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h
e

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a
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Your votes (just 0 cents a
day!) will help nurture and
clothe the nation’s sexiest
girls in red-hot lingerie
and barely-legal bikinis.
Won’t you take a minute of
your day to log onto
Maxim.com/Hotties to
meet the Top 10 finalists
and cast your vote for your
favorite Hottie? Let them
know that you care. And
if your boss asks you why
you’re looking at Maxim.com
at work, tell him you’re
doing God’s work.
S
T
Y
L
I
N
G
,

D
O
N

S
U
M
A
D
A
/
B
-
A

R
E
P
S
;

H
A
I
R
,

D
A
M
I
A
N

M
O
N
Z
I
L
L
O

U
S
I
N
G

E
V
O
L
U
T
I
O
N

D
R
Y
E
R

B
Y

T
3
/
K
A
T
E

R
Y
A
N

I
N
C
;

M
A
K
E
U
P
,

J
O
R
D
A
N

L
O
N
G

U
S
I
N
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B
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N
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F
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C
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.

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C
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,

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L
F

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A
S
T
I
N
G
.
66 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY TOM CORBETT
#4 IN A SERIES
STUFF WOMAN WITH A TOOL
Lumber
Jacked
This chain saw is sharper
than your average wood
eater. By the way, that tree
just looked at you funny!
You may not share our
dream of winning the Hot
Saw competition at the
Lumberjack World Champion-
ships and spending the next
five years fighting off jean-
shorts-wearing groupies
(some of them female!). But
that doesn’t mean you don’t
deserve a top-notch chain
saw like the Stihl MS 280.
At less than 12 pounds, it’s
light enough to tote around
the yard, yet its 2.7-kilowatt
engine gives the chain plenty
of bite. And thanks to a handy
microprocessor, it constantly
adjusts the fuel-air mixture
for optimum efficiency in all
conditions. That means you
can pull the cord and clear-cut
your neighbor’s intruding
branches with reckless aban-
don. Can’t you smell the glory
now? (Hint: It smells like
gasoline.) $500, stihlusa.com
WARNING: Professional
model on a closed set.
Do not attempt chain-saw
use with open-toed
footwear at home.
P
H
O
T
O
G
R
A
P
H
E
D

O
N

L
O
C
A
T
I
O
N

A
T

W
R
I
G
H
T

R
A
N
C
H

I
N

M
A
L
I
B
U
,

C
A
L
I
F
O
R
N
I
A
.
68 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 PHOTOGRAPH BY JIM WRIGHT
STUFF CELEB RIDE
When Mötley Crüe
drummer Tommy Lee
isn’t driving hard
beats, he’s got his
hands on a chopper.
THAT’S A LONG-
ASS MOTOR-
CYCLE. IF PEOPLE
DIDN’T KNOW BETTER,
THEY MIGHT THINK YOU
WERE COMPENSAT-
ING FOR SOMETHING.
Ha-ha. Yeah, the bike
is a little more than 12
feet long, and it’s got
the longest front end
I’ve ever seen. It’s out
there. It’s nearly impos -
sible to make a U-turn.
WHAT’S THE STORY
BEHIND IT?
I had it custom-made
about four years ago.
I wanted a sort of
road-warrior bike. It’s
all matte black—no
fancy graphics, just a
dirty-ass, barhopping
rat bike. It looks like
death, but I love cruising
on it. There’s no radio.
Just you and the road.
NO RADIO MUST BE
TOUGH GIVEN ALL THE
SUBMISSIONS YOU
HAD TO LISTEN TO FOR
YOUR NEW METHODS
OF MAYHEM ALBUM.
For months I’d get up at
9 A.M. and listen to
demos until 2 or 3 A.M.
We put the raw tracks
up online and had fans
remix different parts.
We had about 10,000
submissions. I wanted
to make a record with
the whole world. It was
a cool, cool experience.
HAVE YOU ALWAYS
BEEN INTERESTED IN
MOTORCYCLES?
Yes. I got my first Harley
in ‘82 and stared at it
all day. There’s just
something about bikes:
You have your girl on the
back, and she’s digging
the vibrations and
holding on for dear life.
There’s nothing better.
Heavy
Metal
Methods of Mayhem’s
A Public Disservice
Announcement is avail-
able on iTunes.
© 2010 Cadbury Adams USA LLC. Trident and all related trademarks are owned by Cadbury Adams LLC. tridentgum.com
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 71 ILLUSTRATION BY SEAN MCCABE
THINK THE NCAA’S CLASSIC RIVALRIES ARE DEAD?
THINK AGAIN. WHEN THESE SCHOOLS GO TO WAR, THERE’S
MUCH MORE AT PLAY THAN GRIDIRON SKILL. HERE WE
DECLARE EACH BATTLE’S WINNER BASED ON HISTORY, HOT
CHICKS, AND WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE WE WANT.
College Football
Rivalries—Settled! SCHOOL MOTTO
Cal: “Let there be
light.” For their bongs,
they mean, right?
Stanford: “The
wind of freedom
blows”…for privi-
leged white kids.
Edge: Cal
STANFORD AT CAL
November 20 // Series record: 55-46-11, Stanford
“The Big Game” kicked off in 1892, with future prez Herbert Hoover acting
as Stanford’s manager. His Cardinal beat Cal’s Golden Bears 14-10.
COMMUNITY WITH
MORE TO LOSE
Cal: San Franciscans
are so busy eating
locally grown soy -
beans while driving
Priuses to their next
anti-cat-declawing
rally, they probably
won’t even notice if
Cal loses.
Stanford: Let’s see,
Silicon Valley went
bust in the late ’90s,
as did former student
Tiger Woods a decade
later. Football and
good weather may be
all they’ve got left.
Edge: Cal
72 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
sports
STANFORD AT CAL (cont.)
Fan Talents
Cal: Ingenuity.
Berkeley students
are credited with
inventing the “card
stunt,” whereby fans
coordinate to create
words or images
by holding up giant
cards at games.
You’re welcome,
Yalies (see right).
Stanford: Intellectual
snobbery. Quoth one
recent alum (who
refuses to be named
because his boss
graduated from
Berkeley): “Generally
speaking, they have
the bigger grudge,
because if any of them
had gotten into Stan -
ford, they wouldn’t
have gone to Cal.”
Holy No-Cal
smackdown!
Edge: Stanford
Sexiest
Theater Geek
Yale: Meryl Streep
Harvard:
Natalie Portman
Edge: Yale
(What—have
you not seen It’s
Complicated? )
AUBURN AT ALABAMA
November 26 // Series record: 40-33-1, Alabama
This intrastate rivalry, which kicked off in 1893 and was later dubbed
the Iron Bowl, is the most bitter in all of college football. Period.
TEXAS A&M AT TEXAS
November 25 // Series record: 75-36-5, Texas
When these local rivals meet, it’s like a steaming pot of chili did a shot of
tequila and then vomited itself all over a 10-gallon hat. Yee-haw!
Bitchiest Dispute
Auburn: In 1906 the
Tigers’ coach
threatened to cancel
the series if ’Bama
continued to use
elaborate structures
and shifts. Um...
Alabama: A year later
Auburn asked to up
player per diems for
both teams to $3.50.
Alabama said no,
causing a 41-year
standoff.
Edge: Auburn
Hometown Pride
A&M: College Station
was declared “the
most educated city
in Texas” in 2006.
Texas: Austin is
known as the Live
Music Capital of the
World. Guitar solo!
Edge: Texas
Famous Students
Auburn: Bo Jackson,
Charles Barkley
Alabama: Bernie
Madoff, Forrest
Gump
Edge: Alabama
YALE AT HARVARD
November 20 // Series record: 65-53-8, Yale
Sure,“the Game” has no football relevance, but the fact that it
brings together this many eggheads at one time each year has
to count for something, right?
Proposed
Uniform Additions
Yale: Ascot
Harvard: Cravat
Edge: Draw
Prank Wars
Yale: In 2004 students
dressed as the
Harvard pep squad
passed out cards to
Crimson fans that,
raised, read: WE SUCK.
Harvard: In 1933
members of Harvard’s
Lampoon humor
mag kidnapped Yale’s
mascot bulldog.
Edge: Yale
Powerful
Dropouts
Yale: Dick Cheney.
Will shoot up your
face.
Harvard: Mark
Zuckerberg. Can
erase you from the
social universe.
Edge: Harvard
Legitimate
Connection to the
Game of Football
Yale: Late-19th
century alum and
coach Walter Camp
is credited with
introducing many
features of the
modern game,
including the system
of downs.
Harvard: Built the
first-ever concrete
stadium in 1903.
Three years later a
proposal to widen the
field was shot down
because the stadium
could not be easily
renovated…leading to
the adoption of the
forward pass.
Edge: Harvard
WINNER: cal
WINNER: texas
WINNER:
alabama
WINNER:
who cares?
Lamest For-
Credit Class
Cal: Children’s
Literature. If you
get high and read
James and the Giant
Peach backward,
universal truths are
revealed, brah.
Stanford:
Introduction to
Guzheng. Students
learn how to play the
guzheng, a 21-string
traditional Chinese
instrument. Course
“may be repeated for
credit a total of 14
times.” At which point
you’d better be the
fucking Jimi Hendrix
of China.
Edge: Cal
Stadium Scare
Factor
Cal: Memorial
Stadium rests
directly on top of
the Hayward Fault,
which makes it
an “appre ciable life
hazard,” according
to a recent seismic
safety study.
Stanford: The band’s
scathing halftime
shows have crushed
more visitors than
the Cardinal’s D, with
formations like the
Hearst Burger,
named after Cal stu -
dent Patty Hearst’s
kidnapping
in 1974: It took
the shape
of two buns
and no
patty.
Edge:
Stanford
ok
Mascot in Nature
Auburn: Aubie the
Tiger. This cat is an
“obligate carnivore,”
meaning its diet is 70
percent meat, 30 per-
cent Siegfried & Roy.
Alabama: Big Al the
Elephant. Has no
natural predator yet
is a wussy vegetarian.
Edge: Auburn
best Player Name
Auburn: Quindarius
Carr (WR)
Alabama: Dont’a
Hightower (LB)
Edge: Alabama
Lecherous Item on
school Home Page
Auburn: Image of
Taylor Swift during a
“surprise concert” at
which two students
competed to hug her.
Alabama: School
slogan: “Touching
Lives.”
Edge: Alabama
Stadium Scare
Factor
A&M: Fans at Kyle
Field stand for the
entire game—even
when they’re drunk!
Texas: Darrell K.
Royal is the largest
stadium by seating
capacity in the Lone
Star State. Suck on
that, Jerry Jones.
Edge: A&M
Creepiest
Tradition
A&M: When mascot
Reveille, a collie,
dies, the school holds
a military funeral and
buries her in the field.
Texas: Holds a
séance-y “hex rally”
before A&M game.
Edge: Texas
Spotted on
the Sidelines
A&M: George H. W.
Bush, whose pres -
idential library is
on campus grounds.
Texas: Liar
Roger Clemens,
shirtist Matthew
McConaughey.
Edge: Texas
≤ James Laurinaitis
LB, St. Louis Rams
Ohio State, 2005–08
“The Michigan thing is more than just
the game. You have a constant reminder
of it all year. In the locker room we
have a countdown clock to the game and
a whole wall just for the Michigan
rivalry—what it’s about, the history of it.”
≤ Jam
LB, S
Ohio
“The
the g
of it
hav
a wh
riva
der
and
f it.”
≤ Calais Campbell
DE, Arizona Cardinals
University of Miami, 2004–07
“My first year playing Florida State, it
went down to the last play, and when we
won, the whole campus went crazy—wild
parties, people applauding wherever you
went. The Super Bowl was unbelievable,
but beating Florida State comes close.”
BLASTS FROM THE PAST NFL PLAYERS CALL OUT THEIR COLLEGE RIVALS.
≤ Jacob Hester
FB, San Diego Chargers
LSU, 2004–07
“Florida was always our biggest game.
After we beat them my senior year, I saw
a bad situation—a couple of their fans
were in the Porta-Potties, and our fans
were rocking them back and forth. Who
knows what they were getting on them.”
Fight Song
Face-Off
A&M: “Aggie War
Hymn.” “Saw varsity’s
horns off / Saw
varsity’s horns
off / Saw varsity’s
horns off.” Like that
“Redrum” kid, but
with school spirit!
Texas: “The Eyes
of Texas.” “The eyes
of Texas are upon
you / You cannot get
away.” We’re officially
having nightmares.
Edge: Texas
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76 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
sports
FLORIDA AT FLORIDA STATE
November 27 // Series record: 33-19-2, Florida
Florida has dominated over the past five years, but fans of these teams
still beat the daylights out of each other in the yearly Sunshine Showdown.
GEORGIA TECH AT GEORGIA
November 27 // Series record: 60-39-5, Georgia
This rivalry’s nickname, though idiotic-sounding and awkward to use
as a noun, says it all: Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate.
MICHIGAN AT OHIO STATE
November 27 // Series record: 57-43-6, Michigan
Thanks to UM’s recent slide into the gridiron dumps, this rivalry has lost
some luster—unless you’ve ever lived anywhere near Michigan or Ohio.
ARMY VS. NAVY
(at Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, PA)
December 11 // Series record: 54-49-7, Navy
When not making the world safe for democracy, our soldiers and sailors
are busy trying to give each other a good ol’ American ass-whupping. U-S-A!
lady-fan passion
Florida: In 2008, with
her Gators kicking
Georgia’s ass,
Veronica Hairston
began taunting her
husband, a UGA fan.
When he tried to walk
away, she bit his thigh.
FSU: Buxom fans not
interested in cheering
can be Cowgirls, the
’Noles’ unofficial
boner—um, pep squad.
Edge: FSU
Rowdiest Fans
UGA: In 1893
sore-loser Georgia
supporters hurled
rocks at Tech play -
ers and then chased
them back to their
train home.
Tech: In 1978 the
sore-loser Tech
crowd hurled
liquor bottles,
batteries, and dead
fish at the Notre
Dame sidelines. Ha,
remember when
Notre Dame was
good?
Edge: Georgia
Mascot Tragedy
Michigan: March
2010: The state’s lone
wolverine found dead.
OSU: Fall 2009: Thou -
sands of buckeyes fall
to unceremonious
deaths.
Edge: Michigan
Local drink
Florida: The Gator
Bite: A 50-50 shot of
O.J. and vodka
followed by a 50-50
shot of blue curaçao
and vodka followed
by a big shot of shame.
FSU: Tallahassee mag
touts the Calimocho:
red wine and Coke.
Edge: Florida
Worst Coaching
Decision
Michigan: Whichever
one Rich Rodriguez
made last.
OSU: In the infamous
1950 “Snow Bowl”—
with a conference
title and national
championship bid on
the line—coach Wes
Fesler opted to punt
on the third down
with 20 seconds left.
Michigan recovered
in the snow-covered
end zone for a TD
to win.
Edge: Michigan
Shockingest
Scandal
Florida: Shady
fund-raising
schemes—for
example, boosters
were asked to cough
up 25K for souvenirs
like Tim Tebow’s
toenail clippings—
triggered a federal
investigation in ’07.
FSU: The NCAA placed
the school on proba -
tion after Seminole
jocks, including
footballers, cheated
in an online music
history class. Why not
just go to the Uni -
versity of Phoenix?
Edge: Florida
Recent Scandal
UGA: In July the
athletic director was
arrested for DUI
with a young female
passenger who
was not his wife.
Tech: A 2005
NCAA investigation
revealed that 11
academically ineli -
gible players had
manned the field for
the Yellowjackets.
Edge: Georgia
community with
More to Lose
Michigan: Six straight
losses to Ohio State
and back-to-back
sub-.500 seasons?
Break out the Zoloft!
OSU: “I’ve decided
to take my talents to
South Beach.”
Edge: Michigan
Branch Perk
Army: Not being
stuck on a boat for
months at a time.
Navy: Fleet Week!
Edge: Army
Hottest Alum
Florida: ESPN
reporter Erin
Andrews
FSU: Spike TV host
Courtney Hansen
Edge: Florida
Fan Rap Lyric
Michigan: From
“Welcome to the
Big House”: “Rich Rod
is just the next
Bo Schembechler.”
OSU: From “There’s
Only One O,” a rebuttal
to an Oregon Ducks
fan rap: “We addicted
to winnin’, y’all
addicted to quack.”
Edge: OSU
Best Film
Representation
Army: Stripes.
“Lighten up, Francis.”
Navy: Top Gun. Made
coughing while saying
“bullshit” a national
comeback.
Edge: Army
Contribution
to Society
Florida: University
researchers invented
Gatorade in 1965 .
FSU: Six faculty
members have
earned Nobels.
Edge: Florida
Hidden Talents
UGA: Wide receiver
A. J. Green was a
competitive juggler.
Tech: Assistant
coach Joe Speed
was a captain in the
Marine Corps.
Edge: Tech
Party in the
State of GA
UGA: The number
one “party school”
according to known
fun experts The
Princeton Review.
Tech: Tech kids
ditch campus jams
to head into the
heart of Hotlanta
and down sizzurp
with Lil Jon.
Edge: Georgia
The World
Owes Us One
Army: Battle of the
Bulge
Navy: Battle of
Midway
Edge: Army
Gridiron to
Battlefield Hero
Army: Gen. Dwight D.
Eisenhower started
as a running back and
a linebacker in 1912.
Navy: Adm. Jonas
Howard Ingram
scored the lone TD
in the 1906 game,
Navy’s first victory
over Army in six
meetings. He later
commanded the
Atlantic fleet in WWII.
Edge: Army
Distinguished
Alumni
UGA: Newman
Tech: Jeff Foxworthy
Edge: Georgia
≤ Shawne Merriman
LB, San Diego Chargers
University of Maryland, 2002–04
“These rivalries never go away. I’m in
the locker room with Philip Rivers, who
played for NC State while I was at
Maryland. He never beat us, and I never
let him live it down. He can’t say any-
thing, because they lost every year!”
≤ Willie McGinest
Free agent LB
USC, 1990–93
“UCLA was our biggest conference rival,
and it was kind of the battle of L.A. They
were on the west side, we were on the
east side. I had a lot of buddies who went
there, but when we put those pads on, it
became hate, because that was war.”
≤W
Fr
US
“U
an
we
ea
th
be

L
U

t
p
M
l
t
≤ Tashard Choice
RB, Dallas Cowboys
Georgia Tech, 2005–07
“Georgia and Georgia Tech fans really
do hate each other. From the field you
could see people fighting, crying…It’s
all-out. We were 0–3 against them, with
two heartbreaking losses. But to hell
with Georgia. That’s what we say.”
WINNER:
florida
WINNER:
michigan
YANKEE GUEST STAR
Michigan: Derek
Jeter has been known
to stalk the sidelines,
wearing awesome
Cosby sweaters.
OSU: George
Steinbrenner was an
assistant under
Woody Hayes in 1954.
Edge: OSU
WINNER: army
Use of Taxpayer
Dollars
Army soldiers:
Disturbingly choreo -
graphed video
remake of Lady
Gaga and Beyoncé’s
“Telephone.”
Navy pilots:
Disturbingly choreo -
graphed video
remake of Black-Eyed
Peas’ “Pump It.”
Edge: Army
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0ller or|y va||d or day ol |r|l|a| corsu|lal|or. F|rarc|rg ava||ao|e W|l| cred|l approva|. @ 2010 la|r C|uo lor Ver, Lld., lrc.
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 79 PHOTOGRAPH BY STEVE COHEN
BY MARIA FONTOURA
What is the manliest meat?
A dino-size porter-
house? A barbecued
pork shoulder? A
five- alarm chicken
wing? Before you say yes to any
of those, consider the humble
meatball, a spherical mash-up
of savory wonder. You don’t
have to be an expert chef to make
them: All you need are two
hands and some ground-up
animal. If you can make a
snowball, you can make dinner.
Yes, friends, we are living in the
age of the meatball. Increasingly,
chefs around the country are
celebrating this simple peasant
food, dressing it up with fancy
ingredients or stripping it down
to its essence for a satisfying
taste of home. Lamb, lobster, foie
gras, even Kobe beef—if you can
grind it up, there’s a chef some -
where turning it into a meatball.
But no one has boiled this
trend down better than the
guys behind New York City’s
Meatball Shop: Daniel Holzman,
chef, and Michael Chernow,
general man ager. Their bustling
nine-month-old restaurant, a
39-seat spot nestled amid the
bars and late night lounges of
the Lower East Side, serves
one thing and one thing only:
meatballs. (OK, there are some
vegetable sides, but that’s it.)
Ravenous diners can choose
from four types of two-ounce
balls: beef, pork, chicken, and,
for heathens, veggie. Get them
“naked” (four balls in a bowl
with one of four sauces: classic
tomato, spicy meat, Parmesan
cream, or mushroom gravy)
or in sandwich form with
melted mozzarella or provolone.
Everything on the menu is less
than 10 bucks, including daily
specials like the “jambalaya ball,”
crammed with shrimp, chicken,
andouille, and pork. It’s Mardi
Gras in your mouth!
The appeal, according to
Holzman, is simple. “People
don’t cook anymore,” he says.
* Rejected Headlines for This Story
MEET THE LATEST IN RETRO-COOL MAN-FOOD: MEATBALLS.
BOYS MEAT
BALLS
TWO BALLS
ONE RECIPE
MEATBALLS
DEEP
GASSY WITH
A CHANCE OF
MEATBALLS
STRAIGHT
BALLIN’
THE MAGIC
ATE BALL
PLAY
BALLS!
FEEL DEEZ
NUTS
SAVED BY
THE BALLS
HOW MEAT
IT IS
80 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
“But if you’re going out to dinner,
you have two choices: a special
meal or McDonald’s. Now, in its
day McDonald’s was cool. In 1963
a guy could take a girl there, roller-
skate over, and she’d be stoked.
But for our generation, there isn’t
that place. We wanted to open
a place where you can take a date
that won’t be terribly expensive
and still fits all the requirements
of a good restaurant today.”
The Meatball Shop was
actually a bit of an accident.
Holzman, 31, and Chernow, 30,
grade-school buddies who
started working together doing
deliveries at a Manhattan vegan
restaurant (irony alert!) 17 years
ago, were finally following
through on talk of a joint
venture. They had scoped out a
downtown location with two
entrances, one next door to a bar.
“There were always people
outside, smoking cigarettes and
hanging out,” Chernow says,
“and we thought, How are we
gonna feed those drunk people?”
WHERE’S THE BEEF?
1
A16
San Francisco, CA
This restaurant’s Meatball Mondays
feature orbs made from beef and pork
trimmings, plus buttery prosciutto.
2
Coppa
Boston, MA
Chef Ken Oringer’s “meatballs alforno”
are topped with a layer of lardo—that’s
straight-up pork fat to you.
3
RDG + Bar Annie
Houston, TX
Lobster meatballs with remoulade
sauce (a savory mayo-mustard combo)
are fancy enough to feed to your lady.
4
City Grocery
Oxford, MI
Extra hungry? Swallow an entrée
portion of wild boar meatballs for $30.
5
Proof on Main
Louisville, KY
Bison and beef join forces in bison pas-
trami sliders served with smoked aioli.
6
Frasca Food and Wine
Boulder, CO
Diners often call ahead to confirm that
Frasca’s famous stew of roasted veal
and lamb meatballs will be on the menu.
7
Dominick’s
Los Angeles, CA
This former Rat Pack hangout serves
a combo pork-beef-mushroom ball.
Feeling fishy? Try the tuna ball instead.
RESTAURANTS ALL OVER
THE COUNTRY ARE SERVING UP
TASTY WRECKING BALLS.
MAXIM’S BIG BALLS!
MEATBALL SHOP CHEF DANIEL HOLZMAN CREATED A BALL RECIPE JUST FOR US. GET ROLLIN’.
4 lbs. 80 percent lean
beef, ground
4 tsp. salt
½ tsp. chili flakes
1 tsp. fennel seeds,
ground
1 cup bread crumbs
½ cup parsley, chopped
2 Tbs. oregano,
chopped
2 cups fresh
ricotta cheese
4 eggs
4 Tbs. olive oil
1. Preheat the oven to 450°F.
2. Combine all ingredients except
the olive oil in a large bowl
and mix thoroughly by hand.
3. Drizzle the olive oil onto two
large baking dishes (9”x12”),
evenly coating the surfaces.
4. Roll the mixture into firm,
golf-ball-size meatballs.
5. Place the balls in the dish such
that they’re lined up evenly in
rows and are touching each of
their four neighbors in a grid.
6. Roast until firm and cooked
through, about 20 minutes.
Great Balls of Fire
Yield: about 48 meatballs (8-10 servings)
2 large yellow onions,
small dice (about
4 cups)
2 lbs. pork shoulder,
ground
4 Tbs. olive oil
4 tsp. chili flakes
4 tsp. salt
4 Tbs. tomato paste
4 28 oz. canned
tomatoes, chopped
(preferably San
Marzano)
1. Cook onions and pork with the
olive oil, chili, and salt over
medium heat in a large pot (six
quarts), stirring constantly till
meat is thoroughly cooked and
onions are soft and beginning
to brown, about 15 minutes.
2. Add the tomato paste and con -
tinue cooking for five minutes.
3. Add the canned tomatoes
and stir constantly until the
sauce begins to boil.
4. Continue cooking for 35 min -
utes, stirring every four or five
so the sauce doesn’t burn.
may the Sauce be with you
Yield: 16 cups (8-10 servings)
Meatball Shop chef Daniel Holzman,
left, and GM Michael Chernow love
talking about their balls.
The duo decided to run a takeout
window in that entrance and
started casing the neighborhood
to see what people were chowing
down on late-night: pizza, fries,
“basically garbage,” according to
Chernow. Then he recalled his
time managing the bar at Frank,
an Italian bistro in the city’s East
Village. “I didn’t want to eat a big
bowl of pasta late at night, so
I would just order the meatballs
with broccoli or spinach.” The
deal on the two-entrance spot
fell through, but a seed had
been planted. When a different
lease opened up blocks away,
Chernow says, “We looked at
each other and said, ‘Meatballs.
Let’s just fuckin’ do it.’ ”
What they quickly discovered,
selling nearly 2,000 balls a day
right out of the gate, is that love
of balls is pretty much universal.
“Focused food is definitely
where things are going right
now,” Chernow says. “ ‘The best
burger,’ ‘the best pizza.’ But
fundamentally, people just love
meatballs. I think that’s the
beginning and end of it.”
“People go crazy for them,”
Holzman adds. “There are all
these fancy chefs putting out
great meatballs. But at its base
it’s a comfort food. It’s hard
to screw up. On the scale of what
bad is, you’re not like, ‘This is
disgusting.’ Maybe you’re like,
‘This isn’t my favorite meatball.’
But for the most part, meatballs
taste good wherever you go.”
There are, of course, personal
preferences when it comes to
balls. In the flavor department,
an early experiment with a
salmon ball was removed from
the menu, but not without pleas
from its few passionate sup -
porters. And it’s possible that
not every customer will love the
Shop’s philosophy on texture.
“If your grandmother cooked
dense meatballs, you’re proba -
bly prone to enjoying a dense
meatball,” Chernow says. “Here
we embrace a more supple ball.”
“I want to put up a sign,”
Holzman chimes in. “BE GENTLE:
OUR BALLS ARE TENDER.”
Perhaps good advice for the
most surprising segment of the
restaurant’s clientele: women.
“I never expected to see groups
of six girls waiting an hour to
chow down on melted-cheese-
covered balls,” Holzman says.
“And then following it up with
a massive ice cream sandwich,”
Chernow adds. “My theory is, a
woman hears about us and calls
five of her friends like, ‘We gotta
go to this place!’ A dude just
thinks, Maybe I’ll get drunk and
go there one night. I very rarely
see a crew of guys come in here at
eight for dinner. They come
between midnight and 4 A.M. and
barely speak—just, ‘Mumble,
mumble, meatball, mumble.’ ”
The pair’s next step in feeding
the hungry masses? Another
foray into seafood. After an
animated debate on the merits
of a particular recipe for monk -
fish balls, Holzman pauses
and shrugs. “Life is all about the
next meatball,” he says.
leftovers rule
Like many of Mom’s best meals,
meatballs were born of stinginess.
Peasants in early cultures would
roll bits of meat with grains, nuts,
and fruits to make it last longer.
for the birds
The earliest recorded recipes for
meatballs date to ancient Rome.
A common ingredient? Peacock.
mo’ money, mo’ meat
At $30 the one-pound Kobe beef
ball at Miami’s Prime Italian is the
most expensive ball short of
a Lance Armstrong prosthetic.
open wide
In 2005 competitive eater
Sonya Thomas downed 163 ounces
of meatballs in 12 minutes—a
world record.
pasta la vista
The tradition of serving meatballs
with spaghetti began not in Italy but
in America, where we like being fat.
featball
The world’s largest meatball was
born in ’09 at Nonni’s Italian
Eatery in Concord, NH, weighing
222½ pounds and looking like a
massive turd.
BETTER
KNOW YOUR
BALLS
EVER WANTED TO ENTER
A MEATBALL TRIVIA
CONTEST? NOW YOU CAN.
they

re
tender
and
delicious!
F
O
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D

S
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A
N

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V
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A
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O
/
H
A
L
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Y

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S
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PHOTOGRAPHS BY RONY SHRAM
In true Thanksgiving tradition,
unbutton your pants. Because
you won’t be needing them
after you read about all the dirty,
flirty, nasty, and naughty things
women are most thankful for this year.
While others have been planning a
turkey supper, we’ve been planning a sexy
feast, gathering dozens of real women at
our table to tell us what they love most
about getting down to business with you.
Sure, it’s not polite Thanksgiving dinner
conversation, but it beats listening to
Grandpa rant about the price of milk.
The best part is, we’re going to tell you
how to take everything these appreciative
ladies say and put it to good use in bed.
You can thank us later.
Lay Dates
On this time-honored American holi-
day, many women are raising a glass
to the sexy traditions they’ve started in
the sack. For example, each week 31-
year-old Trish* and her fiancé celebrate
“Screwsday,” in which they try a new
Give Thanks
for Sex
REAL GIRLS REVEAL WHAT THEY’RE
MOST GRATEFUL FOR…IN BED.
BY LAURA LEU
sex
Sure, it was
hot, but, still,
it was no way
to turn up to
Mom’s 60th
birthday party.
84 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
Show your gratitude: It’s all about the
F-word—that is, foreplay. Devote one night
a week to a different part of your girlfriend’s
body and ask her to do the same for you.
(There must be something other than your
member that craves her attention.) Linger
there for 20 to 30 minutes, taking periodic
detours to other sensitive bits so that no area
goes untouched. When you both can’t take
it anymore, move on to the other F-word.
Fully Poseable
Many women we spoke with were thankful
not just for our bodies but for everything
they can do—like the reverse pile driver! But
even the most devoted yogis in the group
confessed that sometimes classic sex posi -
tions are the most erotic. “Missionary is
the best,” says Janelle, 22. “It lets my clit and
my vagina get the most simultaneous
action—which is pretty much the only way
I can orgasm during sex. Plus, it kind of
takes me back to losing my virginity.”
Still others traveled back even farther in
time when asked about their favorite sexual
escapades. “My boyfriend and I have make-
out-only nights where we just roll around
and rub against each other,
never taking off our undies,”
says Mary, 33. “I don’t know
what position you’d call it—dry
humping?—but it’s totally
reminiscent of junior high and
gets us supercharged for the
next time, when we actually go
‘all the way.’ ”
But by far the sex act that re-
ceived the most praise was oral.
“I’m hugely thankful for any
man who loves going down,”
says 25-year-old Collette. “Noth-
ing makes me feel sexier or
come faster. I also love 69-ing—
turns me into a porn star.”
Show your gratitude: Pick up a
translated Kama Sutra (see: The
Pocket Idiot’s Guide to the Kama
Sutra)—the ancient Sanskrit
screed that everyone thinks is
about crazy pretzel-twisty ver-
sions of exotic and alien sex
acts. While the guide does con-
tain some wacky suggestions,
it mostly focuses on maximiz-
ing the mind-blowing potential
of positions you already know
(missionary, woman on top).
Bypass the spiritual hooey and
take away the key info: where
to put your bodies so you both
get the most explosive O’s.
Then settle in for a long holiday
nap; this stuff is even better
than tryptophan.
sex move every Tuesday. “We started doing it
because we were in a rut and wanted to bone
outside our comfort zone,” she says. “We’ve
discovered things we didn’t think we’d like,
such as adding restraints. Of course, there are
also totally awkward things I learned that I
don’t enjoy—like seeing him in a priest frock
for role play. But overall I really look forward
to our weekly experiment.”
Rachel, 26, and her boyfriend like to ob -
serve real holidays with kinky customs. On
Bastille Day she dressed up like a French maid
and made l’amour while spouting dirty French
phrases. On Columbus Day they borrowed
his father’s sailboat and did it at sea. “When
you turn holidays into sexy occasions, you
want to celebrate all of them—even the silly
ones,” she says. “My friends never under-
stand why I get so excited for Arbor Day.”
Show your gratitude: Create a sexy ritual
with your lady that forces you to switch up
your sexual routine. (Yes, Threesome Thurs -
days would be great, but try to make it
about just the two of you.) If you work near
each other, how about a designated day
for lunchtime quickies? Is she artsy-fartsy?
Suggest a regular body-painting session.
Whatever you do, don’t do it too often or for
too long—the last thing she wants is a
sexual tradition that feels as surprising and
arousing as laundry night.
electric dreams
While there’s no substitute for a man, several
women expressed gratitude for the tech-
nological advancements that fill in when no
guy is around. “I couldn’t live without
my vibrators,” says 32-year-old Melissa, who
bought her first vibe 10 years ago and has
since amassed a collection of eight. “They all
have varied speed settings, and one has a
couple of fun add-ons for extra stimulation.
I definitely like to use them with guys,
too—the combined effect brings my orgasms
to a whole new level.”
Other gals pay homage to the technology
not in their nightstand drawer but online.
“Skype has saved my relationship by
allowing me to have long-distance sex with
my boyfriend, who’s working in London for a
year,” says Annie, 27. “It’s not only a million
times cheaper than long-distance phone sex;
it’s hotter because there’s a visual. The first
time we did it, I was able to give him a real
striptease instead of lying there in my pj’s
pretending to be naked.”
Show your gratitude: Surprise her with a
gizmo that will amplify your talents with a
supersexy buzz. (Jimmyjane sells a range
of models, from a simple $16 bullet to a $35
vibrating ring to the double-headed Form 2,
$135, which won an award at this year’s
AVNs.) If you’re feeling extra bold, ask her to
use it while you watch on Skype. As you’re
probably aware, you don’t need to be
long-distance to watch a lady pleasure
herself online.
The best Parts
Not surprisingly, many women boiled
down their love of sex to a love of
self—specifically, their lovely
lady lumps. After all, what’s not
to like? “My boobs are super
sensitive, so I love having them
fondled and sucked,” says
29-year-old Julia of her natural C
cups. “When my boyfriend
squeezes my nipples while he’s
going down on me, I’m in total
ecstasy.” Meanwhile, Megan, a
31-year-old Pilates devotee, loves
the firm yet round behind her
exercise routine has created. “I’m
always dying for a guy to grab my
ass during sex,” she says. “Smack
it, spank it—enjoy it. That’s why
I’m in the gym five days a week!”
When it comes to the male
anatomy, women are ever
grateful for your equipment (“I
could play with my boyfriend’s
dick all day,” says Tami, 20). But
there are even more utilitarian
muscles that turn us on, too. “I
love my guy’s arms,” says 25-year-
old Krista. “Not because I’m into
beefy dudes but because he’s so
strong. My favorite thing is when
he picks me up while we’re doing
it and then stands up.” And for
Ellie, 23, there’s nothing better
than when her boyfriend gives
her the finger. “His digits can
bend to touch super-sensitive
areas like my G-spot,” she says.
“It makes me feel like he’s really
exploring my body.”
Fundies
Just think of the
three-legged races
you could have
in these smushy
panties-for-two.
Oral Sex Light
Bluetooth headset
meets reading lamp
in this totally un-
necessary sex “toy.”
Ironically, can’t help
you find your dignity
once it’s on.
Blowup Sheep
If you’re into ani-
mals, go for it.
But wouldn’t
the real thing be
better than the
silence of this lamb?
Al Gore’s Sex
Scandal
Charges against him
were dropped, but
we’re still scarred
for life by the idea
of Gore exposing
his south pole and
telling a massage
therapist,
“Take care of this.”
THANKS BUT
NO THANKS
THESE ITEMS MAKE
OUR LIST OF
SEXUAL TURKEYS.
Knees and
elbows too
sexy to show.
sex
Learn more at facebook.com/durexUSA
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WITH A NEW ALBUM
AND A NEW
FOUR-LETTER TATTOO,
THE SCORCHING AVRIL LAVIGNE
CONTINUES
TO ROCK OUR
WORLD.
BY RUTH HILTON
PHOTOGRAPHS BY
DON FLOOD
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88 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
SAY THE THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM,
AND HERE’S THE PROOF:
AVRIL LAVIGNE’S THIRD MAXIM COVER IS OFFICIALLY HER HOTTEST SHOOT
YET. THE 26-YEAR-OLD SONGBIRD IS ALL GROWN UP AND FULLY IN TOUCH WITH
HER SEXY SIDE AS HER NEW SINGLE HITS THE AIRWAVES. THOUGH THE PAST
YEAR HAS BROUGHT MANY CHANGES IN HER LIFE, INCLUDING A DIVORCE , AVRIL
IS MORE CONFIDENT THAN EVER. THE ONLY TRACE OF HER ONCE-TRADEMARK
EXPLETIVE-LADEN TIRADES IS THE NEW “FUCK” TATTOO ON HER RIB CAGE. ARE
YOU TOUGH ENOUGH TO HANG WITH POP PUNK’S REIGNING PRINCESS?
This is your third Maxim
shoot…and we have to say,
they just keep getting sexier!
I’m older and more comfortable
with my femininity. The first
time I was about 19 and was
very nervous. I was more of a
tomboy, I guess. I’ve always
had a great time shooting with
Maxim. I feel like it gives me
my freedom. It’s an edgy maga-
zine, so it’s cool.
What makes a woman sexy?
Attitude and confidence.
So, a new single and a new
album to follow…
I have officially just wrapped
the album. I’ve been working
on it for about two and a half
years. I’ve lived a lot, gone
through a lot, and put a lot into
my songwriting. These songs
are very meaningful to me.
A lot of your songs have
been about boys. Is that still
the case on this album?
This album is the first that is
not boy-bashing. [laughs] Is it
inspired by my personal rela-
tionships? Yes. Inspired by life
experiences? Yes. Inspired by
experiences in situations with
my family and friends? Yes.
What do you think of the new
stars who have emerged since
your last record, like Katy
Perry, Lady Gaga, and Ke$ha?
It’s an interesting period in
music right now, very ’8os and
beat-driven. A lot of girls are
really into their image and cos-
tumes and going over the top. I
really like Ke$ha. Her songs are
fun to party to, and her lyrics
are hilarious.
There have been some notable
meltdowns of former teen
stars. How have you managed
to avoid those?
I got here on my own. I came
from a small town and grew
up in a regular home. I know
what I’ve worked hard for. I’ve
seen a lot of people who have
gone a little crazy and who
are really into the Hollywood
scene. I don’t really like to
hang out with people like that.
Are you able to play in
private?
Well, there are a lot of papa-
razzi in L.A. The only time
I really ever get photographed
is if I decide to go out with
my friends to a bar or club, so
then it kind of looks like I do
that more than I do. The major-
ity of the time I stay in.
Do you laugh or get irritated
when you see stories about
yourself in the tabloids?
You can only laugh at it and
roll your eyes because it’s like,
“Really?” They usually just pull
that stuff out of their ass, but
I think people know that.
Do you even care what people
think of you anymore?
I care, but you can’t please
everyone. I’m here to create my
music and give it to the world.
Is there anything you think
people would be surprised to
know about you?
Yeah—I’m really shy and quiet.
You have some new tattoos
since our last shoot. Tell us
about them.
[points to forearm] This is
ABBEY DAWN—that’s my nick-
name and clothing line. I have
a lightning bolt, a music note,
and a star. [pulls top up to
show hip] Oh, I had a little star
here last time, but now I have
a big star. I have about 15 alto-
gether, but they’re all small.
You also have a FUCK tattoo on
one side of your rib cage.
I got that one two months
ago…no, six.
What dating advice would you
give Maxim readers?
I like a classy man, a gentleman
who opens the door and
gives flowers and always puts
the lady first. I’m a little old-
fashioned like that.
Gasoline Glamour gloves,
suspenders with leggings courtesy of
Undrest, Tom Binns necklace,
Van Cleef bracelet,Corcoran boots
courtesy of Hollywood Trading
Company (opening spread) Vintage
top courtesy of Hollywood Trading
Company, Forever 21 boy shorts,
Tom Binns necklace, Gasoline
Glamour ring, Van Cleef bracelet,
So Ruff So Tuff earrings courtesy
of Diavolina, Rock & Republic shoes.
Avril’s technique for
dealing with peeping Toms
works like a charm.
Faster dress courtesy of
Diavolina, Gasoline Glamour
shoes,Tom Binns necklace.
“I’VE ALWAYS
HAD A
GOOD TIME WITH MAXIM.
IT GIVES ME
MY FREEDOM.”
G
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92 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
Are you raising your boys to be
comedy supermen?
Oh, yeah. My two-year-old, Archie,
is really into Bill Hicks. [laughs] I’m
actually sick of celebrities who say,
“I’m really just a comedy nerd.” Give
me a fucking break. You’re not making
yourself sound more “of the people.”
When you’re filming Parks and
Recreation, are you deferential to
your wife since she’s the star?
No, no. When I’m on Parks and Rec,
I’m the one who’s got it going on. I’m
the swinging dick on that set.
What’s the most important thing
you’ve learned about women?
Oh, I’ve got to be careful here.
Women have a tough time…No, you
know what? Let me put it this way:
Women are fantastic. Fantastically
illogical creatures.
You used to do lots of serious roles.
Would you ever do another?
Well, we all remember Jonah Hex,
right? Don’t we? We don’t? Yeah,
I would do another. Honestly, I don’t
have a plan. Some other man would
have a plan, but I’m just winging it.
Is there a dramatic movie you’ve
done that you are proud of and think
people should Netflix?
No.
Finally, what do you wish you could
tell your 18-year-old self?
Quit drinking five years earlier. And
hit the gym, for God’s sake!
What drives you to play pricks?
There’s nothing less interesting
than a nice guy. Sure, he might be
great to marry and have kids with,
but in terms of entertainment value,
who gives a shit? I enjoy playing
char acters who are damaged and
kind of, well, assholes.
Is it fun being a celebrity couple
with Amy Poehler?
Yeah, it’s the best. I love being able to
wake up in the morning and look
across the pillow and be looking at
a celebrity.
Would Amy say likewise?
She would say that when she looks
over the pillow, she does not see
a celebrity.
Are you guys the funniest couple—
Of all time? Yes.
You even beat out Danny DeVito and
Rhea Perlman?
Are you kidding? Of course! No, I
guarantee you Danny and Rhea are
far funnier than we are.
You and Amy collaborate quite
often. You must enjoy it.
Well, we’ve collaborated on two kids
so far, and it’s been great. Our two
joints have been very productive.
Aw, that’s nice.
Yeah. Well, it’s not true.
What’s the biggest difference
between your Running Wilde
character, Steve Wilde, and the
great Gob Bluth from Arrested
Development?
Steve is a rich playboy who is
seemingly all about himself, but on a
personal level he’s a really generous
guy. Gob, on the other hand, was an
incredibly selfish person. He had this
sense of being wronged on a very
fundamental level at an early age, and
he was always looking to give a “fuck
you” back to the world.
Where would you place Arrested
Development in the pantheon of
shows that were canceled too
soon? Somewhere between Star
Trek and Freaks and Geeks?
I wouldn’t dare to attest that we were
canceled too soon. We got what the
world dealt us. And who knows? If we
got another season, maybe our
legacy would have been different.
You must have strange run-ins with
Arrested Development fans.
What’s weird is when people pop
into your personal space. Of course,
that comes with the territory. I’m
happy that anybody liked the show,
but…I remember this one time I
was in a restaurant, and this guy
jumped in front of me and did a
coin trick, really abruptly. I was like,
Am I being mugged?
OK, time to ask: Will there be an
Arrested Development movie?
The Arrested movie is gonna
happen. Mitch Hurwitz said he was
halfway done with the script. He’s
juggling a lot of things right now, like
making Running Wilde, but once he
finishes it we’re off to the races.
First off—
Hey, listen. How is working at Maxim?
Is it just, like, a bikini contest all day?
Oh, yeah, bikini contests and
dwarves with trays of drugs.
So everybody is drunk and high all the
time? Good for you guys!
Congrats on the birth of your
second son. Do you like being a dad?
Yes. I mean, I haven’t actually met
the children yet. I’m not really a baby
guy. I said, “Bring them around when
they’re five or six.”
What’s your favorite dad activity?
All bits aside, I enjoy it all. It sounds so
fucking boring, but I can be changing
the worst diaper and be thinking, This
is great. And if I had, like, 20-year-
old me around, he’d be like, “Dude,
this is not great. You’re wiping
somebody else’s crap off their ass.”
Why is Running Wilde the new show
everyone should watch?
There are a lot of TV shows and
movies these days, I’ve found, that
explore the mundane. And guess
what? Turns out the mundane is
boring! Who woulda thunk? Running
Wilde gets back to that thing that
really captured people’s imagina-
tions, that Dynasty/Dallas
shallow-but-fun world.
You’ve got a great cast.
Well, Keri Russell is a handful. No,
we’re lucky. The day we fooled her into
doing our show was a great day for
us. David Cross is on the show as well,
and I’m also on his IFC show, The
Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd
Margaret. We made a pact that we
would never stop working together.
“I HAVEN’T
ACTUALLY MET
MY CHILDREN
YET. NOT REALLY
A BABY GUY.”
Will
Arnett
HOLLYWOOD’S BIGGEST BOOB IS BACK IN PRIME TIME ON FOX’S
RUNNING WILDE. THANK GOB!
BY PATRICK CARONE • PHOTOGRAPH BY SPENCER HEYFRON
94 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
BARKLEY
ON THE BIG
GAMES*
>
“The regular season?” says Charles Barkley. “Most of it’s monotonous.
There are really only six teams that have a shot at winning the NBA
championship: Boston, Miami, and Orlando in the East, and the Lakers, Utah,
and Oklahoma City in the West. There’s nobody else with a chance of
surpassing them in either conference. The marquee games between those
teams (five of them are listed below) are the ones to watch, where
everybody’s trying to send a message in advance of the playoffs. And all
those other teams? Well, they’re just playing for fun.”
After a seismic shift rocked the roundball world this summer,
a South Beach superteam has a target on its back.
Get ready for bigger games, badder blood, and the most
gripping season in basketball history!
MAGIC AT CELTICS
January 17, 8 P.M., TNT
This one’s all about
getting the upper hand on
your competition in prep -
a ration for the playoffs.
Both teams should have
stellar records, but each
team will be trying to fig -
ure out how good they are
and if they need to make
a trade to win the East.
THUNDER AT LAKERS
January 17, 10:30 P.M., TNT
A great playoff matchup
from last year. Go back
and look at the series—the
Thunder were the Lakers’
toughest matchup before
the Celtics. The Lakers
won 4–2, but each game
they won went down to
the last couple minutes.
Should be a real battle.
NUGGETS AT THUNDER
December 25, 8 P.M., ESPN
Everyone thinks this game
is about Carmelo Anthony
versus Kevin Durant, but
really it’s for the entire
country to see Oklahoma
City. They’re the next big
thing. They’re all, like, 21
and will be tough to beat
for the next 10 years. Get
to know them now.
HEAT AT CELTICS
October 26, 7:30 P.M., TNT
This is the first time you’ll
see the big three: LeBron,
Dwyane Wade, and Chris
Bosh. Anyone who thinks
the Celtics are going to
hand over their crown to
Miami doesn’t know much
about basketball. We’re
going to start to see how
things play out here.
HEAT AT LAKERS
December 25, 5 P.M., ABC
Kobe’s the man, and,
man, it ain’t easy. If
winning championships
were easy, everybody
would do it. The Lakers
are the best team in the
NBA, but Miami’s gonna
want to send them a
message that they’re the
new kids on the block.
*(and one to avoid)
HEAT AT CAVS
December 2, 8 P.M.
People will be intrigued by
LeBron’s return to Cleve -
land, but I’m not looking
forward to it. It’s going to
be bitter and emotional,
and could be dangerous
fo r the players. I don’t
do that trash. I respect
the game too much.
Number of games the
Raptors and Nets will
play in London March
4–5. They’ll be the first
regular-season contests
ever held in Europe.
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 95
Miami’s been stealing
all the hype, but Orlan -
do may well be the team
to beat in the East.
Feeling overlooked?
Well, people have been
sleeping on Orlando
forever. That’s nothing
new to us.
How are you feeling
going into the season?
It’s gonna be a different
NBA—should be a lot of
fun. The Bulls have
gotten better, and, of
course, the Heat have,
too. I think it’s a great
new beginning for us all.
I spent time in China and
India this summer and
saw some life-changing
stuff. Mentally, I feel a
lot stronger.

You’re a big bowler.
Who’s better, you or
Chris Paul?
I used to bowl every
other day, and my
highest score is a 274.
The one time I played
Chris, though, I had to
use his ball, so he won.
I want a rematch!
Your coach, Stan Van
Gundy, has a killer
’stache. Have your
teammates ever
considered growing
similar ones for a
playoff run?
No way. We have
considered trying to
get Stan to cut his facial
hair off, but he just
wants to look like Paul
Bearer from the WWE.

It’s been reported that
the Magic have a “no
farting” rule during
practice because of
you. Have you ever
crop-dusted the floor
during a game?
Well, you know, I may
have farted a couple
of times while going up
to dunk a ball.
Is that how you get
your edge?
Yes, but it only works
for 20 seconds.
2
HOOKED ON
CLASSICS
Get your throwback
on with this killer gear.
● THE LEAGUE’S BEST
BIG MAN HAS A SCORE
TO SETTLE WITH
MIAMI. AND HIS
COACH’S MUSTACHE.
THE NBA’S WILDEST FANS
Any jacko can scalp a seat in South Beach, but to sit
in Milwaukee’s 100-fan-strongSquad 6, a noisy super-
section of rowdy hoopheads, you’ll need to be hand-
picked by Bucks center Andrew Bogut. Season 2 of Squad
6 will continue with more Miller Lite–fueled chants and
nasty noisemakers. Sadly, the NBA has just outlawed
vuvuzelas, a Squad 6 fave. “I take that personally,” says
Bogut, “but we’ll stay one step ahead of the law, maybe
with some trumpets, tambourines, and triangles.”
R. Kelly “I Believe I Can Fly”
Vs
Quad City DJs
“Space Jam”
Winner: “Space Jam”
This galactic groove still
sets off rockets in our pants.
EPIC MATCHUP
BEST SONG ON THE SPACE JAM
SOUNDTRACK (1996)
274.
ed
d to
won.
Van
r
r
ng
to
facial
t
Paul
WWE.
d that
no
ng
of
r
floor
may
ple
g up
t
rks

till
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The best-ever arcade
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Pair your look with an
eccentric personality. Any
will do the trick, but my
favorite is the Celtics’ Brian
Scalabrine, who fully
embraces his role as the
human victory cigar.
2
96 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
In June you hit the shot
that clinched a title,
then thanked your
shrink on national TV.
What could be better?
Winning it again. I’m
looking forward to the
challenge of three-
peating! It’s a hard
thing to do.
VH1’s been following
you for a series. What
are we going to see?
It’s about family.
Everything starts in the
family, and it goes to
other things—seeing
how I interact with the
fans and how I record
music. Player, busi -
nessman, and family
man. Figuring out
how you balance it.
If you came in and
edited Maxim, who
would you put on
the cover?
I would have to put Shin
Shin [a Chinese pop
singer] on the cover.
And I would want to do
a story on Celine
Dion, ’cause I love Celine
Dion’s voice.
Have you ever met her?
I would love to meet
Celine. I need to meet
Celine Dion. I’ve been
trying to meet her for
three years. Every time
I try to meet her, they
always send me a phone
number that somebody
on Mars answers.
I’m tired of speaking
to people on Mars.
So what’s shaved in
your head right now?
Oh, nothing’s shaved
in my head right now.
I’d get the Maxim logo
shaved in my head.
OK. When can we do
that? Opening night?
Whenever you’re ready.
You just gotta fly my
barber in from Orlando.
Done. We’re big fans
of your Twitter feed,
where you drop
random updates like,
“I’m taking a naked
pringle to the beach.”
Just wondering what
that one means.
I don’t know. It’s just a
potato chip. It’s funny.
It is.
I just like to have fun.
Seek out the
superstar
This is critical, because it’ll
get you on TV. Be like Josh
Powell, who spent the past
few years giving Kobe a
bro-hug before every tipoff.
Whatever it takes!
Be an All-Star
Benchwarmer
Ride the pine with pride!
Undrafted NCAA star
Mark Titus tells you how.
How to:
CLEVELAND SURVIVAL GUIDE
Things to do in C-town besides watching the Cavs.
Become a
Brewmaster.
Use the money
you spent on
game-day suds
to create your
own beer at the
Brew Kettle
Taproom. You
pick the recipe,
they brew it, you
bottle it. At
least the beer
you’re crying
into is your own.
$115, thebrew
kettle.com
Get Gnarly.
Work out your
anti-traitor
aggression at
the best indoor
mountain-bike
park in the
States. Ray’s
MTB, located in
an old industrial
factory, boasts
more jumps
than ever this
season, and
it’s open all
winter long.
raysmtb.com
Cut a Record.
For all the time
you spent
watching
LeBron, you
could’ve been
becoming
the next Black
Keys. Take a
tour of this
record plant,
then lay down
your “Suck It,
South Beach”
single.
gottagroove
records.com
Look the part
Take your wardrobe over
the top by wearing every
piece of warmup gear you
can. The standard look also
includes facial hair, thanks
to benchwarming poster
boy Adam Morrison.
1
Disguise your apathy
When you’re on a bad team
and still don’t play, it’s hard
to care about every game.
But take a page from Eddy
Curry’s playbook and cover
your mouth so your coach
can’t tell you’re laughing.
4
5
Act like you’re having
the time of your life
Make fans jealous that they
can’t be sitting on the
bench with you. Wave a
towel after routine plays. Go
crazy on dunks. See: entire
Cavs bench (LeBron era).
3
Number of rural villages in China that
will get government-built basketball
courts in the next few years.
800,000
LeBron’s Abe Lincoln beard
Vs
MJ’s Hitler ‘stache
Winner: LeBron
The King made a dick move, but
clearly he’s no dictator.
EPIC MATCHUP
BEST FACIAL HAIR
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You’ve had a wild
summer leading the
U.S. national team, and
playing all over the
world. What’s been the
highlight so far?
Going to China and
climb ing the Great
Wall! I got a workout
I’ll never forget.
You led the league in
scoring last year and
just signed a huge
contract. You’re a big
deal. Why are you still
driving a conversion
van to work?
That’s my everyday car.
It’s cool, know what I
mean? I drive a lot. All
last summer I drove
● THE FUTURE OF
THE NBA (AND THE
STEERING WHEEL
OF ONE BADASS VAN)
ARE IN HIS HANDS.
from Oklahoma to Texas
to go to school. I took
the van. It’s got a bed in
the back, a TV, and
everything. I like to
sleep back there! What
more do you need?
During All-Star
weekend you won the
H.O.R.S.E. competition
and were awarded
what was universally
panned as the ugliest
trophy of all time. How
would you redesign it?
I’d make it a big glass
centaur. Half horse,
half my torso.
You’re always standing
up for the skinny guys.
Who’s in your skinny
guy hall of fame?
Well, Snoop Dogg is
undoubtably number
one. And Travis Barker
is definitely in there;
he’s a great drummer.
t
h
o
u
s
a
n
d
Snoop, Travis Barker,
and uh…hmm. I’m gonna
have to get back to you
on that.
What’s your pregame
ritual?
Before every game I
gotta dunk, reverse,
and dunk left handed. I
tie my shoes on the table
every game. And I gotta
dance. And I gotta pray.
What’s the dance?
It’s called the Dougie.
Besides playing
basketball, what’s the
best thing you can do
with a 7’4” wingspan?
When I’m at the mall and
they have four rows
of shirts stacked, I can
reach the top row, no
problem. Even if I don’t
need the shirt, girls
notice me. Gotta put on
a little show for them,
you know?
Number of Cleveland
households that watched
LeBron’s “The Decision”
special live, barely
overtaking the record
Antiques Roadshow
episode starring Drew
Carey’s gumball machine.
395
LOCKER
ROOM
SECRETS!
Top players sound
off on the league’s
sweatiest players
and sweetest
talkers.
Player most
likely to become
governor
Player who
drives the
lamest car
Sweatiest
player
Worst
off-court style
in the league
Player most
likely to date a
Maxim model
Derek Fisher
Travis Outlaw. “He
drives an old green
Impala. It’s...wow.”
Nick Collison
Jerryd Bayless
“No idea.”
Nick Collison
Etan Thomas.
“Not the worst. It’s
just…different.”
Brandon Jennings
J. J. Redick
“Well, as a rook
I drove a pickup for
a while.”
Adonal Foyle
Vince Carter.
“He wears big
Shaq jeans.”
Dwyane
Wade
Etan Thomas. “He’s
one of the most
politically minded.”
Brandon
Jennings
John Brockman.
“He’s a
walking puddle.”
Kurt Thomas
Brandon Jennings
KEVIN DURANT
(F-G, OKC)
CARON BUTLER
(F, DAL)
DWIGHT HOWARD
(C, ORL)
Andrew Bogut
(C, MIL)
n
98 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010

2
0
1
0

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a

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E
V
I
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ws
can
no
on’t
s
ut on
em,
Derek Fisher
Luke Ridnour
EPIC MATCHUP
BEST CINEMATIC
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102 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
How did you get your
start in acting?
I played volleyball in high
school until I tore my
ACL senior year. Then
I started modeling, did
rehab on my knee, audi-
tioned for Summerland,
and moved to L.A. I’ve
been here six years now.
Do you miss Texas?
I really love Texas. I don’t
get back there much,
but the people are great.
There’s no b.s., no hid-
den agendas.
Your costars on
Summerland were Ryan
Kwanten of True Blood,
Zac Efron, and Kellan
Lutz. That show sure
launched lots of careers.
Yeah, a lot of big names
came out of Summer-
land. And Ryan and I
dated for three and
a half years. He’s the
sweetest.
Is it tough seeing your
ex get randy on TV?
We were still dating
when he got the show.
If you can’t draw the line
between the character
and the person, then you
probably shouldn’t date
an actor.
Tell us about your Event
character, Vicky.
Nice girls aren’t always
what they seem. She
has a totally different
side to her that will
be revealed. She could
be perceived as bad,
but to her, she’s just
doing her job and doing
what needs to be done.
I don’t think anybody
bad thinks they’re bad.
She’s very complex
and has a lot of tricks up
her sleeve. It’s fun to
play a character with so
many different sides.
What “event” in your
life would you not want
them to make a show
out of?
If I did have one, I
wouldn’t tell. But we
can all learn from our
mistakes. I usually do.
There is a lot of action
on The Event. Any crazy
moments from the set?
The back tire on my Jeep
went missing recently,
and I was convinced
somebody was playing
a joke on me. But I real-
ized we were shooting
in a sketchy neighbor-
hood, so it was probably
stolen. I wouldn’t put
it past anybody to play a
practical joke.
Did we see you in the
Green Hornet trailer?
It’s a quick part, but it
was really fun working
with Seth Rogen, and the
director let us do what-
ever we wanted with the
scene. I can’t wait to
see how it turns out.
What is your guiltiest
pleasure?
I’m a big eater, so I
appreciate a good meal.
Sushi is my favorite.
What do you look for
in a guy?
Confidence, but not
false confidence, be-
cause that’s not attrac-
tive. Someone who’s
motivated and makes me
laugh. If they just hap-
pen to be good-looking,
I won’t complain.
What turns you off?
Jealousy for no reason
is my biggest turnoff.
If I’m with a guy in a
relationship, I want him
to feel like he’s king of
the world. I don’t want to
play games. I want him to
know how special he is.
What part of your body
are you most proud of?
My legs take up about
70 percent of my body,
and they look great in
stilettos.
Are you a big partyer?
I did the nightlife thing
for six years. Lately
staying in with friends is
more what I like to do.
Finally, are you single?
I’m excited to be single
now, but I tend to jump
from relationship to
relationship. I fall in love
easily. My goal is to be
single for at least a year.
We’ll see how that goes.
Mourning the loss of Lost?
The end of 24? The blindingly gorgeous Taylor Cole will get
you over it, and fast. This Texas rose is now the breakout babe
from The Event, a conspiracy-filled mindbender eating up
DVR space all across this great land of ours. In the show she
plays Vicky Roberts, who flips from a bikini-clad damsel in
distress to a double-agent femme fatale. But don’t be fooled.
There’s more to this gorgeous girl than meets the eye.
“Wanna skinny dip?”
she asked. We got
excited until she passed
the low-fat mayo.
James Perse shirt, Calvin Klein
lingerie. (opposite) Michael Stars
tank, Malia Mills bikini bottom.
Joe’s Jeans tank.
(opposite) Malia Mills bikini
top, Frankie B. shorts.
TO GET COMPLIMENTARY
PHOTOS ON YOUR MOBILE
PHONE, TEXT MAXIM TO 50501.
STANDARD MESSAGING AND
DATA RATES APPLY.

Happiest day
ever for our
garden gnome
108 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE (cocreator, cast member, writer): Hello, my name is
Johnny Knoxville, and this is the oral history of Jackass. As opposed
to an anal history—which would be much longer.
Aspiring actor and writer PJ Clapp moved to Los Angeles from Tennessee after
graduating high school in the late ’80s. After a decade of struggle, Clapp, nick-
named Johnny Knoxville, was married and the father of a young daughter.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I was making my living doing commercials
for things like ESPN, Mountain Dew, and Bud Light. I was a complete
whore because I had a young baby and I needed to make money.
I had an idea for an article where I would test different types of self-
defense equipment on myself. A few magazines wanted the story,
but nobody wanted the liability. Everyone was fine with the pepper
spray and the stun gun and the Taser gun. Where it got shady was
where I was testing a bulletproof vest—with a .38. The only magazine
that would do it was Big Brother.
TONY HAWK (über-skater, guest star): Big Brother was the
rawest and funniest magazine out there, beyond just
skateboarding. The articles were dense with sarcasm,
shock, and vulgarities. Skaters ate it up.
JEFF TREMAINE (cocreator, director, Jackass; editor, Big
Brother): One of our first articles was a guide called “How
to Kill Yourself.” We had a tiny little staff. Slowly we were
collecting people who “got it.” They might not have
had the most talent, but they definitely had the larger
personalities. Chris Pontius came through that. And
I hired “Wee Man” because he worked at the local skate
shop and would just come by all the time. He was very
unmotivated and a terrible employee.
CHRIS PONTIUS (cast member, writer ): In the eighth or
ninth issue, I was interviewed in Big Brother, and it was
pretty wild. I was nude, and I think I wasn’t even 18, so
that was naughty. It was obvious I should write for the
magazine. It took in the misfits of the skateboard world.
STEVE-O (cast member, writer): I made it my mission to
track those guys down. My attitude was: Nobody needed
to like me. They just needed to put me in the magazine.
SPIKE JONZE (cocreator, producer, writer, guest star): In
the late ’80s and early ’90s, no one cared about skate-
boarders. There was no Internet, no other way to com-
municate, so everyone just made their own videos, and
that’s how skateboarding communicated with itself.
JEFF TREMAINE: Our first video was called Shit. Wee Man
was on the cover, painted blue, with orange-dyed hair.
Shit was pretty well received, so we decided to make the
second video, called Number Two, and that’s when we met
Knoxville. He was not a skateboarder, so he had to be
even more outrageous to survive.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: Jeff persuaded me to film the self-defense piece.
I wasn’t an aspiring video guy. The article was my evil attempt at
imitating my hero, Hunter S. Thompson.
JEFF TREMAINE: The guys we had been working with, none of them
could really talk to the camera. But Knoxville came back with this
footage, and he’s just walking you through, step by step, and you
can’t stop watching. Starting with the pepper spray, to the stun gun,
and then the Taser gun, and then the bulletproof vest. It was like a
snuff video. The cameraman didn’t even want to be there.
GIDEON YAGO (former MTV News correspondent): I remember seeing
that video for the first time in 1999 wasted at a friend’s party, which
is the way all skate videos are meant to be screened. I think Brian
Graden found it the same way.
BRIAN GRADEN (former president of entertainment, MTV
Networks): Johnny was so obviously a TV star, even in that
small clip. I thought, Who is this guy?
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: We had all these ideas of what a TV
show might be. I would be kind of the host, like The Daily
Show, and we would have all the guys come on and do
stunts. Spike finally said, “You guys already have the
show. The Big Brother videos—that’s the show.”
SPIKE JONZE: At the start, when we didn’t know what it
was, it could be anything. We thought, “We’ll have 22 min-
utes on TV every week to do whatever we want. We can
do anything. Let’s not underestimate what ‘anything’ is.”
Meanwhile, in West Chester, Pennsylvania, pro skateboarder
Bam Margera was filming his family and friends. The videos
were distributed under the CKY (Camp Kill Yourself) moniker
and, like the Big Brother videos, became cult sensations.
BAM MARGERA (cast member, writer): We’d go to some park
or building to skate ledges or Ollie off the stairs. I wasn’t
too liked by the police, but I didn’t really have anything
to lose. My aunt gave me an ’89 Buick Regal, so whenever
anybody said, “Dude, you’re gonna get sued one day
doing this,” I’d say, “Yeah, what are they gonna sue me
for? My Buick Regal that my aunt gave me? I don’t care.”
RYAN DUNN (cast member, writer): The guys out in L.A.
took notice of us. They were wondering who these little
jerks were in West Chester doing this ridiculous stuff.
BAM MARGERA: I remember when Jeff first called me.
He flew me out to L.A., and I played CKY2K for him and
Johnny. They just loved it. They were like, “You’d be
perfect for Jackass.”
Tremaine, Jonze, and Knoxville shopped the Jackass demo
footage to various networks. Saturday Night Live offered
JOHNNY
KNOXVILLE
“Fearless Leader,
Bull Rider”
39, Knoxville, TN
“I love bulls,
because they’re so
cooperative and
predictable. They
are just going
to try to stomp the
fuck out of you.”
JASON “WEE MAN”
ACUÑA
“Kicks-Himself-in-
the-Head Dude”
37, Torrance, CA
“When I was a little
kid, I realized
I could do it. I don’t
know how it came
about; I just tried it
and was like,
‘Wow, that does
work.’ ”
Rogues’
Gallery
MEET THE MEN WHO
MADE MILLIONS…BY
POOPING ON EACH
OTHER.
Jackass’ Jackassiest Moments 1) In the stunt that started it all, Johnny Knoxville tests self-defense equipment: “Tase me, bro!” 2) Steve-O gets hooked on his role as shark bait. 3)
Dave England enjoys a shit sandwich (Kidding! That’s just plain old shit.) 4) Bam Margera throws a haymaker at his long-suffering (and superhumanly tolerant) dad, Phil.
1 2 3 4
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 109
Knoxville a recurring segment, but the crew decided to go with MTV, which
promised to give them more creative control.
VAN TOFFLER (president of MTV Networks): We just knew there were a
bunch of knuckleheads out there who had a very high tolerance for
stupidity and pain.
BRIAN GRADEN: We got pitched a stunt show every other week, but
when I saw their video, it was clear they were taking such a joy from
it. It wasn’t a TV exercise; it was what these guys were doing anyway
for their own amusement. You couldn’t fake that, and if we could
just preserve it, we had a show.
JASON “WEE MAN” ACUÑA (cast member, writer): Personally, I didn’t
think it would transfer into mainstream society. I thought this stuff
was only funny in the skateboard community.
DAVE ENGLAND (cast member, writer): I was a total naysayer. I said, “I’ll
go ahead and work on it with you guys and get it together,” but I
thought MTV would put it on, like, Monday night at 3 A.M. once, and
that would be that. “No one’s gonna wanna see this crap.”
STEVE-O: Jeff told me to put together all the video
footage I had and send it in. A little while later, he told
me not a single clip cleared MTV. We weren’t allowed
to play with fire, and I was always on fire. We weren’t
allowed to jump off stuff higher than a certain height,
and I was always on fire and jumping off stuff from
too high. So my first thought was, What kind of pussy-
ass show is this?
SPIKE JONZE: We weren’t doing anything with permits.
We were doing it the way we had done our skate videos,
just, you know, a camera, an idea, and a group of friends.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: In one of the earliest pranks, I was
dressed in an orange jumpsuit with L.A. COUNTY JAIL
written on it. I had a pair of cuffs on, and I went into
a hardware store. My face was all dirty, and I was out
of breath, and I ran back to the saws and the axes and
asked anyone if they would help me.
JEFF TREMAINE: He freaked out the employees, and they
called the police. Spike and I go out and film Knoxville
walking out, and as soon as he does, all these cops roll
up and park right in the middle of the street, draw their
guns, and yell at him to get on the ground.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I didn’t explain immediately,
because I thought, Well, this is footage. In the early days
of Jackass, we would just go in anywhere and do pranks
like that. Eventually we became smarter and would get a
location agreement from a willing store owner first.
We’d tip him off and say, “We are coming in to do this
prank, but you cannot tell your employees.”
Jackass premiered on MTV in April 2000 and was a runaway hit. The stars
went from unknown to extremely famous overnight. A few even became
fantasy boyfriend material.
SHANNA ZABLOW (producer): Girls think they’re cute. For me it’s like
thinking your own brother’s cute. I think they’re adorable, but
I don’t find them attractive. There’s a sense of family between the
guys. They all really love each other, and I think girls like that.
JOHN WATERS (movie director, guest star, national treasure): I’m a big
fan of Johnny’s, and I think if I ever were to have a “type,” it would be
the Jackass boys.
GIDEON YAGO: The second it got to a mass audience, it blew the fuck
up. And I think, to MTV’s credit, the top execs knew enough to just
get out of the way and let those guys do their thing.
SPIKE JONZE: Within a couple of months, Knoxville was on the
cover of Rolling Stone.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: It was jarring, but it was a lot of fun. And I
probably had a little too much fun. I definitely didn’t handle it as
well as I could have.
JEFF TREMAINE: Were some people handling success bet-
ter than others? Yeah, definitely. Steve-O was all about
fame. He wanted it so bad, whereas Pontius could give
two shits. He didn’t change at all. And Bam was already
kind of a little celebrity in his world.
BRIAN GRADEN: Some of them were having a different ride
with the fame. Some actors might dream their whole life
of being famous, and I think Johnny had ambitions of
that nature, but I’m not sure all the other cast members
went out and thought, I’ll do this stuff in my real life:
I’ll fall off bridges and end up being famous.
BAM MARGERA: Like a light switch, overnight I was the
most popular kid in school. It was so fake to me
that I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left. Everybody
who wouldn’t even give me the time of day—now
they want to be my best friend?
Despite a warning that ran before every show, on January 26,
2001, Connecticut teen Eric Lind accidentally set himself on fire
while trying to emulate Jackass behavior. Senator Joe Lieberman
of Connecticut issued a statement denouncing MTV. Jackass,
the improbable pop phenomenon, became a political football.
JEFF TREMAINE: We would always watch something to
see if it was too imitable. We still do that to this day.
TONY HAWK: I think it pushed the limits of what’s appro-
priate for TV audiences. And because it was daring and
edgy, it became conservative America’s call to arms.
STEVE-O
“Clown Ingester-
Regurgitator”
36, Miami, FL
“Goldfish
swallowing was
the first thing I
ever filmed for the
show. But I was
certainly snorting
shit way before
Jackass.”
BAM MARGERA
“Dad Torturer”
31, West
Chester, PA
“Ever since I was
three, me and my
dad [Phil] were
always wrestling,
but over the years
I became faster
and stronger and
he became
fatter and slower.”
1) To add insult to injury, Bam’s not getting just any old brand on his ass—he’s getting a cock and balls branded on his ass. 2) Chris “Party Boy” Pontius shakes his brand-free assets
for a Jackass groupie. 3) The crew dons panda costumes for a rampage through Tokyo. 4) “Gee, doctor, I have no idea how that Matchbox car got up there,” says Ryan Dunn.
1 2 3 4
110 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: We were supposedly the cause of the crumbling
of society. That always made us laugh, but when Lieberman got on
his high horse, I think in an election year , I took that seriously. And
MTV got very, very scared.
VAN TOFFLER: We took tons of precautions on set. We had safety
people there all the time. We never wanted anyone to get hurt. It’s
really sad and unfortunate when stuff like that happens.
I’ll leave it at that.
PRESTON LACY (cast member, writer): It was a strange
time. My picture was on 20/20. Me in my underwear. All
my family saw it, so I wasn’t a big fan of that.
The first idea to be affected by the Lieberman-led backlash was
the “Vomlet” sketch, in which Dave England consumes the ingre-
dients for an omelet, then vomits them up into a hot skillet.
DAVE ENGLAND: We turned it in to MTV, and they decided
the puke fumes were airborne pathogens. I was pretty
bummed, because we nailed it the first time. The first
time I fed a bite to Steve-O, and he puked all over my leg.
MTV’s insistence was to have everyone except me wear a
Hazmat suit.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: Now you have to heat the omelet to
this degree, and you have to be in Hazmat suits. At first
we were like, “What? Fuck that. We’re not gonna get in
Hazmat suits.” It just sucked the funny right out of it.
SPIKE JONZE: MTV got scared, so they pulled back on
promoting the show, and it sort of took the steam out of
it for us. It wasn’t worth it.
VAN TOFFLER: We were symbolic of authority. They didn’t
like us drawing lines, which ultimately led to the demise
of the show and their going as far as they could.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I felt that we couldn’t do a watered-
down version of the show, so I quit. In hindsight I don’t
know how smart a move that was, because who did I
think I was? I hadn’t had any action for 10 years in Holly-
wood, and suddenly we have a hit show and I quit?
BRIAN GRADEN: I can’t speak to what their emotional
ride was. I can only say from the MTV side, it was a gold
asset. We didn’t need to promote the thing, because no
matter where you put it, it got a giant rating. But they
didn’t want to do it anymore. We pulled out every tool
we had to encourage them to keep doing it. Even a giant
amount of money didn’t motivate them to do it.
VAN TOFFLER: We’d launched MTV Films, and I was in
search of a sketch movie. Then it hit a bunch of us: “Well,
we have the franchise, and it’s called Jackass.”
SPIKE JONZE: Then everybody got excited again: It could be rated R!
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: It was like someone took the chains off. Now we
could do all the things we couldn’t do on TV.
JOHN WATERS: Johnny broke his penis, you know. And I thought,
How’d you break your penis? God, I’ve never heard of that!
Jackass: The Movie debuted at number one on October 25,
2002, grossing nearly $23 million its first weekend. The New
York Times has since called it “probably the most successful
plotless movie in American film history.” In 2003 MTV aired
Jackass spin-offs with Steve-O and Pontius (Wild Boyz) and
Margera (Viva La Bam). Next was a sequel, Number Two. It
opened at number one in September 2006, and while it packs the
laughs from the start, they save the best for the climax: “Terror
Taxi,” in which “Danger Ehren” McGhehey, dressed as an Arab
suicide bomber, hails a cab, not knowing the driver (actor Jay
Chandrasekhar) is in on the joke—or that his own beard is made
of pubes. Jay pulls him out at gunpoint and locks him in the trunk .
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: Yeah, when we do pranks, we always
try to play it as real as possible, because usually what
we’re doing is a little over the top. Jay played it wonder-
fully, and Ehren just bought it hook, line, and sinker.
JEFF TREMAINE: The original idea was, like, “All right,
how can we get someone to eat his own pubic hair?”
and I think it was Preston then who said, “Well, what if
we make a beard out of it? What if we did a bit where
we convinced Ehren that we’re gonna dress him up as a
terrorist and glue this pubic hair all over his face?”
“DANGER EHREN” MCGHEHEY (cast member, writer): If I
can make the world laugh by putting pubes on my face,
fuck it. Pube away.
On February 23, 2008, MTV welcomed the Jackass crew back to
television for “Jackassworld.com: 24 Hour Takeover,” to promote
the crew’s new Web site. Steve-O, whose substance abuse had
gotten out of control, was kicked out of MTV’s studios.
BAM MARGERA: Steve-O was pretty much 24/7 out of his
mind. He’d wake up to nitrous balloons, then drink a
vodka and grapefruit juice, snort a line of special K and
then a line of coke, and then smoke PCP with weed in it.
Seriously, anything you can think of, he would do. He
was on this path of pure destruction.
JEFF TREMAINE: Steve-O was spinning off his rails. We
were starting to lose him to drugs. Alcohol and drugs.
STEVE-O: I felt like the process of using all this opportu-
nity that came with notoriety was immediately causing
me to hurt people I loved.
RYAN DUNN
“The Stunt-Savior”
33, West
Chester, PA
“We really just got
lucky, you know,
with the group,
’cause it all
formed—all the
ingredients made a
good soup. We’re
like the Wu-Tang
Clan.”
CHRIS PONTIUS
”Party Boy”
36, Pasadena, CA
“The whole nudity
thing was
something I was
always into, ever
since I was a little
boy. I realized that
no matter what
you do, if you do it
naked it’s a lot
funnier.”
EHREN McGHEHEY
“Mr. Danger”
33, Portland, OR
“It’s an alter ego I
created when I was
young. I owned a
neck brace, arm
sling, leg brace,
crutches, and
ankle brace, and
then put on that
jumpsuit:’Danger
Ehren.’ ”
More of Jackass’ Jackassiest Moments 1) Wee Man, John Waters, and some fat chick get ready for the world’s sexiest three-way. 2) Preston Lacy’s Eggcellent Adventure
ended in heartbreak. And projectile vomiting. 3) Less-Than-Wee Man chases Wee Man through the streets of L.A. 4) Kicking oneself in the head: Do not try this at home.
1 2 3 4
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112 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
SHANNA ZABLOW: It was a blurry line, because part of Jackass is party-
ing. We like to go out and get wasted and have a good time. And that
line got blurry with Steve-O. It was part of his persona, and what he
got paid to do is be that crazy wasted guy. But he crossed the line,
and it wasn’t fun anymore. It got really dark and scary.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: He was honestly getting pretty close to death.
We would have to sit him down and say, “You’ve got to cool it.” We
had to have a talk with him for putting a hit out on one of the guys
who works at Jackassworld. I was like, “Steve-O, you’ve got to quit
putting hits out. Please stop that.” Steve-O wouldn’t hurt a fly, but
he was off his nutter then. Most of the time that fell on deaf ears,
until the last time, when we took him to the psych ward.
JEFF TREMAINE: We went over and didn’t negotiate with him at all. I
didn’t think it was going to work, but we had to at least get him to
the hospital. I never fully believed he’d want to get sober. His heroes
were all crash-and-burn, like Mötley Crüe. He worshiped them when
they were at their worst and disrespected them for getting sober.
STEVE-O: Everyone involved in Jackass has had to put up with me be-
ing a real burden, a super-annoying guy, and it’s a blessing for me to
be able to work with everybody and not be that guy anymore.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I’m completely blown away by how
well he’s doing now—so honestly proud of him and
how healthy he is and how he’s helping other people get
sober. He’s a strong motherfucker.
BAM MARGERA: It’s actually funny, because he totally
does the whole 12-step thing, and one of them is
apologizing for all the shit-talking you’ve been doing.
He came up on the set and went, “Hey, bro, if I ever
talked any shit about you, if you feel bad about it, you
can totally kick me in the nuts or punch me in the face,
’cause I totally deserve it.” I broke his nose. So I guess
that handles that. All is forgiven.
As with the Jaws franchise before it, the third Jackass film
would be in 3D. This was in 2008, i.e., a pre-Avatar universe.
RYAN DUNN: When Tremaine called me and said he was
thinking about doing another movie and told me he was
doing it in 3D, I was apprehensive. I was wary of the idea,
just picturing the old red-and-blue glasses and stuff. But
once I started seeing the footage, I was blown away.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: It’s like giving chimpanzees a bunch
of expensive equipment.
SPIKE JONZE: The funny stuff was that much funnier. The
gross stuff was that much grosser.
BAM MARGERA: It’s the first time anybody has put a movie
out that’s 3D that isn’t, like, Avatar or Clash of the Titans.
Instead, you’re going to see my dick sneaking up on Chris Pontius
while he’s sleeping, and then all of a sudden you’ll see a yellow
piss stream coming out of the screen, and you’ll realize it’s my dick
pissing on Pontius.
SHANNA ZABLOW: There’s one bit in the new movie called “The
Sweatsuit Cocktail.” Preston walks on a StairMaster and starts to
sweat. He’s wearing one of those outfits athletes wear to build up
sweat. Then Steve-O takes the sweat and drinks it and throws up.
Puking still gets me every time. Poo I’ve gotten used to, especially
after all these years.
JEFF TREMAINE: It’s not hard to imagine us going on. Other than the
fact that I’ve got to keep the guys alive.
DAVE ENGLAND: Obviously injuries catch up to us, but as far as our
creativity and our spirit, they’re strong. I’m not just saying that
because I want you to go to the movie. I want you to go there and
get 3D shit on your face.
VAN TOFFLER: Jackass is so much more than a succession of stunts.
You couldn’t explain the female appeal of Jackass if it were. It is about
a bunch of guys getting off on each other .
RYAN DUNN: Yeah, you can consider us a gang. We don’t
have jackets or anything, but we’ll be family forever.
CHRIS PONTIUS: With everything we’ve done, we’ve all
said, “This is the last time,” and something always hap-
pens. We get bored and want something adventurous.
But I honestly don’t think we’ll do Jackass when we’re 50.

JASON “WEE MAN” ACUÑA: I think we’ll be like the Rolling
Stones, doing it until we’re in our 60s.
BAM MARGERA: If you’re on the set, you’re gonna get
messed with, whether you’re cast or crew. I feel so
unsafe. Full-blown paranoia. If you’re tired, you can’t
even sleep, because you’ll definitely get stun-gunned or
peed on. I’m sure I’ll be in a wheelchair by the time I’m
40, if I even make it there.
JOHN WATERS: You know, when I retire I want to go to the
Jackass nursing home. That’s where I want to retire.
JEFF TREMAINE: Do I see myself doing it at 70? No, not
at all. But that’s not to say I won’t be. We never thought
we’d be doing it this long.
JOHNNY KNOXVILLE: I got in the best shape I’ve ever been
in my life for this movie. I blew my back out over the
years and it was really giving me problems, so I was exer-
cising to get my back better. It’s like wrapping a present
for Christmas. You wrap it real nice and neat, and then
Christmas morning you just tear the hell out of it.
PRESTON LACY
“Fat Guy/S&M
Dude”
41, Carthage, MO
“I did a thing back
in the series where
these two
dominatrices beat
me up with paddles
and whips. My
safe word was
‘Oklahoma.’ ”
DAVE ENGLAND
“Shit Master”
40, Ventura, CA
“Shit is an integral
part of Jackass.
I can shit on
command. I don’t
know why other
people can’t.”
1) Johnny Knoxville and Spike Jonze go undercover on the Boca Raton swingers circuit. 2) What’s scarier than a terrorist on the loose? Ehren McGhehey’s pube beard. 3) Knoxville,
back on the senior swingers scene, this time with a never-tougher-looking Henry Rollins in tow. 4) Bam takes one for the team as Tony Hawk tries to keep from barfing.
1 2 3 4
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118 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
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WHOSE CURVES ARE RIGHT FOR YOU?
go to maxim.com/hottiescurve and take the quiz to see
which hottie is a perfect match for you and enter-to-win
a date with a 2010 Hometown Hotties finalist.
Lindsey
Murrieta, CA
Fuego: 20%
Phoenix: 25%
Vixin: 55%
Danielle
Chicago, IL
Fuego: 32%
Phoenix: 16%
Vixin: 52%
Melanie
New York, NY
Fuego: 56%
Phoenix: 17%
Vixin: 27%
Amanda
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Vixin: 24%
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Vixin: 26%
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Curve’s sexy girls are heating things up and Maxim wants in on
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Kaitlynn
Portsmouth, NH
Fuego: 17%
Phoenix: 55%
Vixin: 28%
Kassandra
Los Angeles, CA
Fuego: 45%
Phoenix: 35%
Vixin: 20%
Ashley Ann
Nashville, TN
Fuego: 41%
Phoenix: 48%
Vixin: 11%
MC
Houston, TX
Fuego: 54%
Phoenix: 30%
Vixin: 16%
Meredith
West Harwich, MA
Fuego: 19%
Phoenix: 68%
Vixin: 13%
No purchase necessary to win. Void in Maine, Puerto Rico & US territories & Possessions where prohibited by law.
Open to legal residents of the 50 U.S. and D.C who are 21 years of age or older as of date of entry. Sweepstakes
begins at 12:00am ET on 10/4/2010 and ends at 11:59pm ET on 12/31/2010. For entry and official rules with complete
entry, eligibility, prize and other details go to www.maxim.com/hottiescurve. Sponsor: Alpha Media Group, Inc.
MEET
CAROLINA
DEL FUEGO
MEET
KIMBERLY
PHOENIX
MEET
IMA
VIXIN
© 2010 EA FRAGRANCES, CO. Curve is a trademark of LCI and is used under license.
This slippery sportster is
the coolest car built by
British manufacturer Lotus
since the Esprit S1 piloted by
James Bond in The Spy Who
Loved Me. Sure, the Elite won’t
turn into a submarine like Bond’s
Esprit, but its performance on
dry land—a romp to 60 mph in
just over three seconds with a
couple of Bond girls in the
backseat—should be enough
for us, thanks. The car is part of
an onslaught of sexy new rides
to come from the limeys at Lotus
in an effort to bring the brand
back into the top tier with
builders like Ferrari, Lambor-
ghini, and Aston Martin (Bond’s
main modern-day ride). This
hot hybrid ’s tricks might do just
that. Two electric motors can
propel the car by themselves
or work in tandem with its twin-
turbocharged V-8 engine to
provide a push-button boost of
power. Looks like Lotus is back.
Best get outta the way. ≥≥
PICTURED LOTUS ELITE

AS UNSEEN IN TRON
SPEC CHECK ARRI VAL: APRIL 2014 • PRI CE: TBD • ENGI NE: 5.0-LITER V-8 • HORSEPOWER: 542
TORQUE: TBD • 0–60 MPH: 3.5 SECONDS • TOP SPEED: TBD
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 123
ELECTRIC POWER
IS RECAPTURED
DURING BRAKING
AND DECELERATION.
PICTURED PORSCHE 918 SPYDER

AS UNSEEN IN THE BLUES BROTHERS
SPEC CHECK ARRI VAL: TBD • PRI CE: $625,000 (EST.) • ENGI NE: 3.4-LITER V-8 WITH THREE ELECTRIC MOTORS
HORSEPOWER: 718 • TORQUE: N/A • 0–60 MPH: 3.0 SECONDS (EST.) • TOP SPEED: 198 MPH (EST.)
124 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
If the term “hybrid car” evokes
thoughts of the fun-killing Toyota
Prius, prepare for your little mind to
melt. With its next elite supercar,
Porsche will flip the script on the H-word
by combining a V-8 gas engine with
three electric motors. The purpose?
Just. Go. Faster. (Oh, yeah, and, uh, save
the Earth. Heh.) The stunning speed-
ster’s 3.4-liter V-8 engine will put out
a whopping 500 horsepower and work
in tandem with three battery-powered
electric motors to call up an additional
218 ponies anytime you click a wheel-
mounted “E-Boost” button, Speed
Racer–style. You’ll also be able to shut
the gas engine off and drive on pure
battery power, allowing for one long,
silent 16-mile cruise. You’ll hear
everything they’re saying about you. ≥≥
REAR
HOODS RAM
AIR INTO THE
ENGINE.
INTRODUCING THE NEW FIESTA
fordvehicles.com
Any car can offer a hands-free calling device.
Only the Fiesta offers voice-activated SYNC.
®

With SYNC,

you can use your voice to do a
whole lot more than just make calls. After all,
it’s one of the most advanced communications
systems you can find in a car.* All at a price that
will leave you, well, speechless.
IT’S A PRETTY BIG DEAL.
* Class is Compact Cars vs. 2010 competitors. Optional feature. Driving while distracted can result in loss of vehicle control.
Only use mobile phones and other devices, even with voice commands, when it is safe to do so.
PICTURED
LAMBORGHINI
SESTO ELEMENTO
AS UNSEEN IN
THE CANNONBALL RUN
SPEC CHECK
ARRI VAL: UNDETERMINED • PRI CE: N/A
ENGI NE: 5.2- LITER V-10
HORSEPOWER: 570 • TORQUE: 398 LB.- FT.
0–60 MPH: 2.5 SECONDS (EST.)
TOP SPEED: TBD
126 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
Translated from the Italian,
Lambo’s latest concept is named
for the “sixth element,” carbon, because
its monocoque shell (stop giggling) and
a majority of the car’s parts—brake discs,
exhaust system, even its suspension—
are made from carbon composites. The
ultralight, ultra-sturdy material is used
for better handling, quicker acceleration,
and, uh,making the Sesto Elemento look
just appropriately ex treme enough
to be the brand’s next halo car. Although
Lambo hasn’t announced plans to
produce this exact model, we’d make a
bet that both its carbon-fiber fetish
and its Darth Maul-does-origami design
language make it to the Bull’s next-gen
supercar. We think that’s Awesomum.
TWO FUEL TANKS
MAKE FOR FASTER
FILL-UPS.
Perfection
has a darker side.
An extraordinary blend of Patrón tequila and the pure,
natural essence of the finest coffee.
simply perfect.
simplyperfect.com
The perfect way to enjoy Patrón is responsibly. © 2010 The Patrón Spirits Company, Las Vegas, NV. 35% Alc./Vol.
Kim Jong Il
The nutty North Korean supreme
leader has nukes to spare. On the
other hand, he wears a jumpsuit and
Elvis shades and keeps a stable of
sexpots called the Pleasure Brigade.
Threat level: With the world’s
fourth largest army, this
daffy despot is no joke, despite
insisting that “a double rainbow
appeared over the mountain” after
he was born.
128 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
Nazario Moreno
González, a.k.a. El Más
Loco (the Craziest)
This Mexican drug lord is known for
“corpse messaging”: leaving dead
bodies in the streets with warnings
attached and rolling severed heads
into rival areas.
Threat level: Even other
murderous Mexicans call him El
Más Loco. If you’re south of the
border, keep your head down
(especially if one rolls past you).
The Serial-Killer
Truckers
The FBI says that more than 500
unsolved murders of prostitutes,
hitchhikers, and stranded motorists
along U.S. highways can be linked to
psycho long-haul truckers who pick
up victims on the interstate.
Threat level: You’re probably
safe unless you happen to be
turning tricks at a truck stop, in
which case you should probably
get back to work!
Mark Zuckerberg
Despite rescinding Facebook’s
scary antiprivacy push, the
baby-faced CEO hasn’t stopped
thinking about how to peddle your
personal info to advertisers.
Threat level: With 500 million
users and counting, you can bet on
more annoying people from your
past “friending” you, then posting
updates about their toddler’s
potty-training progress three
times a day.

General Butt Naked
Joshua Milton Blahyi, the former
Liberian warlord, fought in the nude
and devoured the hearts of slain
children before battle while leading
his troops to slaughter 20,000
during a bloody civil war.
Threat level: Now an evangelical
preacher, General Naked has
renounced his ultraviolent past,
though we’d recommend scrubbing
his church’s pews with a Wet-Nap
before sitting down.
Adnan Shukrijumah
Bin Laden’s new fuckhead-in-chief
of terror attacks took over for the
9/11 mastermind and is believed
to be responsible for a failed New York City attack in 2009. He
reports directly to bin Laden.
Threat level: Adnan knows the ins
and outs of America, having been
raised in a Miami suburb for 15
years. Does anything good ever happen in Florida? Ever?
A. Q. Khan
Dateline NBC said this Pakistani
nuke dealer could be the “most
dangerous man in the world.”
Impressive given that Dateline
brought us the chat-room trolls of
To Catch a Predator.
Threat level: If a terrorist
detonates a suitcase nuke, we may
have Khan to thank. But
at least he’s never been fi lmed
bringing wine coolers to
a 12-year-old girl’s house.
Brian Austin Green
His marriage to Megan Fox
suggests the 90210 alum is actually
an all-powerful warlock who
can shoot lasers out of his penis.
Threat level: Besides wedding
the world’s hottest woman, the
Notorious B.A.G. lived with
Tiffani-Amber Thiessen and
knocked up Vanessa Marcil. Brian,
for those about to touch your
magic wand, we salute you.
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 129
THREAT KEY
Christopher
“Dudus” Coke
This awesomely named alleged
Jamaican drug lord—whose “Shower
Posse” gang has waged deadly street
battles with Jamaican soldiers—was
arrested in New York dressed in drag.
Threat level: Not high unless you’re
the top tranny in whatever jail
he’s heading to: Coke’s girly getup is
impressively reminiscent of Martin
Lawrence as Sheneneh.
CRAZY CANNIBALISM
VIOLENT NUKES
OPRAH BAD HAIR
CRAZY STRONG ANNOYING
SEX
DRUGS RELIGION
By Chris Wilson Icons by Quickhoney
PENIS LASER
James Arthur Ray
Oprah-approved self-help guru’s
advocacy of extreme sweat lodges
allegedly led to the deaths of three
followers in an ovenlike teepee.
Threat level: Now that he’s facing
manslaughter charges, it’s unlikely
Ray will be luring anyone into a
150-degree hot pocket of doom,
unless you count the Dutch oven
he'll probably give his cellmate.
P e n i s L a z e r
R e l i g i o n

Robert Gleason Jr.
This convicted murderer of two
people desperately wants to be
executed. So much so that he told
authorities at his Virginia prison
that if they didn’t off him, he’d kill
again. They ignored his plea; true
to his word, Gleason strangled
another inmate with a bedsheet. Threat level: If you’ve thought about stealing cable lately, let this be your “scared straight” moment.
Zydrunas Savickas
The World’s Strongest Man
titleholder has held 40 world
records in various events
and can most likely crush your
head like a cantaloupe.
Threat level: If you’ve ever been
sucked into watching World’s
Strongest Man contests on
ESPN2, you understand the
strangely hypnotic power of
boulder-lifting competitions.
“Hey, buddy, my
tattoo is up here.”
say hello to melissa satta
,

an italiana so sexy that she

s
resistant to all known
forms of clothing
(except bikinis).
by paolo giovanazzi
photographs by nicola favaron
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 131
If there is one thing
Italy’s famous for the
world over, it’s how
good their plumbers
are at stomping
on turtles. Also? Pro -
duc ing women so
attractive that grown
men are reduced to
quivering heaps at
the mere mention of
them. Case in point:
Melissa Satta, karate
champion (ouch!),
model (yay!), and gf
of Italian soccer
superstar Christian
Vieri (ouch again!).
You’ve been famous
in Italy for years and
finally made an
American splash in
this year’s Sports
Illustrated Swimsuit
Edition . Please tell
us we’ll be seeing
more of you in the
U.S. of A.
I am trying. I’m work-
ing as I do with my
career in Italy. There
are some things in
dance, but I can’t
speak about it—we
have to wait until
commitments are set.
Is it annoying to be
labeled a WAG?
It’s a funny saying. If
someone doesn’t like
it, maybe it’s better
they don’t get en-
gaged to a footballer,
don’t you think?
What’s a big differ-
ence between life in
Italy vs. America?
Americans are very
rigorous about work.
Here we seldom
reach those levels.
Pics of you shopping
have appeared on
the Web, and you’re
defined as a “shoe
collector.” Is it true?
Sure, I like shoes, but
I’m not a maniac.

Can you explain to
us something of
women’s mania for
shoes that men fail
to understand?
There are things
that cannot be
explained. It’s like
men’s passion for
soccer. Also, it is not
true that men don’t
understand; many are
equally passionate
about shopping.
Guilty as charged!
T
H
E

B
.

C
O
M
P
A
N
Y
SCARFACE IN STILETTOS
ANGIE SANCLEMENTE WAS A COLOMBIAN BEAUTY QUEEN AND TV STAR WHO AUTHORITIES SAY BECAME
A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND. BUT WAS SHE REALLY A FEMALE TONY MONTANA, WITH A TEAM OF MODELS
MOVING TONS OF COCAINE FROM SOUTH AMERICA TO MEXICO AND BEYOND, OR JUST AN UNLUCKY
BOMBSHELL CAUGHT IN A WEB OF DECEIT? INSIDE THE RISE AND FALL OF A PINUP GIRL. BY MARK EBNER
ARRESTED 5/26/10
DRUG LORD OR PRETTY FACE?
ANGIE MAINTAINS HER
INNOCENCE: “I’VE NEVER STOLEN
ANYTHING, NEVER ACTED
WRONG IN ANY WAY.”
134 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
ON DECEMBER 13, 2009, MARIA NOEL LOPEZ
IGLESIAS MADE HER WAY THROUGH EZEIZA INTER-
NATIONAL AIRPORT IN BUENOS AIRES, BENEATH
THE GAZE OF THE SOCCER STARS AND SUPER-
MODELS THAT LOOM ON GIANT BILLBOARDS HANG-
ING FROM A VAST STEEL-RIBBED VAULT ABOVE.
IT WAS THE HEIGHT OF THE TRAVEL SEASON, AND
MARIA WAS HEADED FOR MEXICO CITY AND THEN
ON TO CANCÚN. BY ALL APPEARANCES THERE
WAS NOTHING SUSPICIOUS ABOUT THE BEAUTIFUL
21-YEAR-OLD WEAVING HER WAY THROUGH THE
TERMINAL. SHE’D PASSED THROUGH SECUR ITY
WITHOUT INCIDENT, MADE IT THROUGH CUS-
TOMS, AND NOW SAT AT GATE 7, WAITING TO
BOARD FLIGHT 1692. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
the trade. After leaving him, and in concert with her new boyfriend,
she launches her own operation, using her fellow models as mules.
She successfully runs several tons of product out of South America,
through Mexico, and on to Europe and the United States, until one of
her models gets busted and the whole thing falls apart.
Angie’s technique was simplicity itself. Instead of having couriers
swallow condoms full of coke or disguising it as Virgin Mary statu-
ettes or frozen mango purée, she had professional beauties pack 100
pounds of the stuff in their luggage and wear a skimpy dress through
customs, where minimum-wage offi cials would fall all over them-
selves trying to expedite their clearance. It’s a great story—so great
that it has already inspired a Spanish-language TV series. But
Angie’s brazenness may have been her undoing. Even on the run
with an international warrant from Interpol hanging over her head,
the model-actress couldn’t resist the limelight, sending Facebook
messages to the media and even granting interviews. Beautiful but
reckless, Angie was like Tony Montana in stilettos.
“She’s a big player in the South American drug trade,” according
to a senior Argentine investigator, “and that’s worth hundreds of
millions of dollars—perhaps billions.”
But the truth is as twisted as the Colombian slums in which the
“Narco Queen” was raised, a story of glamour and drugs, models and
crime lords, where nothing is quite what it seems.
OUT OF THE CAULDRON AND INTO THE FIRE
Angela Sanclemente Valencia was born on May 25, 1979 in Bogotá,
Colombia, and raised in Barran quilla, a city of 1.7 million on the
Caribbean, famous as the birthplace of such bombshells as Sofia
Vergara and Shakira and where the North Coast drug cartel wreaked
havoc in the ’90s. In a place where sex and crime blended seam -
lessly and beauty was prized above all else, an ambitious girl blessed
with exotic looks—a girl like Angie San clemente—could raise herself
up and find her way in the world.
“Angie was always such a sweet girl,” says her mother, Jeanneth
Valencia. “She never spoke much and was always very conservative.
The other girls at her school, who wore their skirts up high, would
make fun of the way she dressed.”
The story Jeanneth tells is of a poor but determined girl who
longed to escape her station in life. Sitting in a Buenos Aires
pensione, the unassuming 51-year-old is both dignified and weary,
with just a trace of the beauty queen she almost was, an ambi-
tion she transferred to her only child. From early childhood Angie
competed in beauty pageants, and while at 5'3" she was too short for
a career as a runway model, she studied ballet, modern dance, voice,
and acting. In 2000 she was crowned Colombia’s “Queens of Coffee,”
an important step before Miss Colombia and then Miss Universe,
only to be stripped of her title when it was revealed that she’d been
briefly married to a businessman a decade her senior.
“She didn’t know the rules,” says Jeanneth. “But it was a big
scandal, all over the newspapers.” For girls growing up in Colombia,
beauty pageants are a common childhood dream, but the criminal
element was always lurking in the shadows. It was not uncommon
for drug lords to sponsor contestants; according to Jeanneth, it was
to avoid such entanglements that Angie decamped to Mexico.
“At the beginning it was very hard for Angie,” she says. “She would
work trade shows and do catalogs and beach photos for magazines.
She was hungry.” But before long Angie was making appearances on
Mexican TV and began to indulge in Mexico City’s nightlife, where
models, moguls, athletes, and crime lords mixed, and where—at a
club in the fall of 2008—Angie met Nicolas Gualco.
THE MODEL AND THE MONSTER
A tall, dark Argentine bearing more than a slight resemblance to
Madonna’s current boy toy, Jesus Luz, Nicolas had come to Mexico
three years earlier. Six-foot-two, with bright blue deep-set eyes,
strong, angular features, and the long unruly hair of a South Ameri-
can soccer star, Nicolas was the archetypal Latin lover. In addition to
The plan was simple, and in fact, she’d made a practice run just 10
days before. Her boyfriend had given her a lift to the airport that morn-
ing, and a friend helped her with the two large suitcases wrapped in
plastic (a common security measure taken by passengers after a scan-
dal two years before revealed that operators allegedly stole everything
from laptops to jewelry out of baggage before loading it onto outgoing
flights). Besides, Maria had been assured that both here in Argentina
and in Mexico, all the potential obstacles had been taken care of.
In CancÚn she’d meet her Mexican contact at the airport, hand off
the bags, and then head to a luxury hotel, where she could relax before
dinner and a night of clubbing. In the morning it was back to Buenos
Aires, several thousand dollars richer for a few days’ work. Easy money.
Then came an announcement over the loudspeaker calling her to
baggage claim. Maria could have just walked away, gone back home,
and tried for the easy money another day. But she didn’t; instead, as
directed, Maria Noel Lopez Iglesias reported to baggage claim, where
she was ordered to open her luggage. Inside were 50 bricks of cocaine
tightly wrapped in clingy green plastic, covered in a blanket and a
beach towel. The total haul was worth upwards of $3 million on the
street. After being taken into custody, Maria told authorities
everything she knew and was released without charges being filed.
This routine drug bust, once the plot behind it began to unravel,
revealed a tale that would capture the imaginations of the gossip-
hungry public throughout the world. It would take five months
before all the main players had been rounded up, but long before
then the story of Angela Sanclemente Valencia, the “Narco Queen,”
was splashed across newspapers from Argentina to Australia.
MODEL-SLASH-ACTRESS-SLASH-DRUG LORD?
According to authorities, Angie Sanclemente, a Colombian beauty
queen and actress, was the ringleader behind an international
drug-traffi cking ring that used models like Maria as drug mules. It’s
a story that could have been penned by Quentin Tarantino, replete
with characters dubbed the Monster, the Dwarf, the Nose, the Fat
Man, and the Diamond. There was Maria, the naïve looker busted at
the airport; her boyfriend, Ariel Letizia, a beefy, drug-addled model-
wrangler and party boy charged with hiring the smugglers; his old
acquaintance Nicolas Gualco, a lean male model and international
striver whose uncle was allegedly the cocaine source; and finally,
there was Angie, Nicolas’ fiancée, a petite exotic beauty and the
alleged mastermind of the whole operation.
The basic outline was this: While working as a model and actress,
Angie allegedly marries a drug-traffi cking kingpin known as the
Monster and stays with him just long enough to learn the tricks of
THE STRANGE JOURNEY OF ANGIE SAN-
CLEMENTE TOOK HER FROM COLOMBIAN
“QUEEN OF COFFEE” IN 2000 (1) TO INTERNA-
TIONAL FUGITIVE (2) IN MAY 2010. ALONG THE
WAY SHE STARRED IN TV MOVIES IN MEXICO,
POSED FOR COUNTLESS PHOTO SHOOTS,
AND MET HER FIANCÉ, NICOLAS GUALCO (3).
TODAY, AS SHE SITS IN PRISON, HER MOTHER
JEANNETH (4) PETITIONS FOR HER RELEASE.
3
2
4
1
136 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
his work on the catwalk and in advertising campaigns, Nicolas had
a sideline connecting wealthy businessmen with the willing young
women in his circle. It wasn’t prostitution, exactly, but it wasn’t far
off. He describes the Mexico City nightlife as rife with danger, where
“tramps, footballers, and narcos” all mingled, and where talking to
the wrong woman could get you shot. According to Nicolas, how-
ever, everything changed the night he met Angie. “It’s very funny,”
he recalled 18 months later. “We looked at each other from across the
club for two hours before I finally spoke to her. Two weeks later we
were looking for an apartment together.”
“Nicolas was a lonely guy, with no family [in Mexico]—nothing,”
says Jeanneth. “But the guy was like gold. Last Christmas Angie came
to Buenos Aires to meet his family and to get married.”
Court documents claim that, according to those who knew her ,
Angie’s time in Mexico may not have been quite so innocent—that
she allegedly became involved in the city’s vibrant drug scene and
had a second short-lived marriage, this time to the mysterious
crime lord known as the Monster. A shadowy figure, variously
described as Mexican or Colombian, the Monster is believed to be
Victor Girao Alatrista. According to Claudio Izaguirre of the Anti-Drug
Association of Argentina, Alatrista built a network smuggling
cocaine base paste from Peru to Argentina, where it was refined to
98 percent pure cocaine. The Monster “organized an army of
recruiters and mules, of which Angie was a key player, first in Mexico,
and then in Argentina,” said Izaguirre. According to authorities,
Angie and her new boyfriend teamed up to run the operation out of
Buenos Aires, and their trip to Argentina was for more than just
planning a wedding.
A CONSPIRACY OF DUNCES
In late November, Nicolas returned to Buenos Aires for the first
time in three years, and on one of his first nights back he ran into an
old acquaintance from his hometown. Ariel Letizia, 25, dabbled in
modeling in addition to working as a personal trainer and petty drug
dealer. Nicknamed Kid Ephedrine, he lived in a trendy neighborhood
and helped support himself by supplying well-to-do jet-setters with
weed, cocaine, and speed.
According to Ariel’s court testimony , Nicolas claimed to be
involved in the drug trade and was anxious to find some girls to use
as couriers. Since Ariel had a gig booking models for events in and
around Buenos Aires, he was the perfect guy for the job. According
to Nicolas, the girls needed to be beautiful enough to charm the
customs offi cials but not so glamorous as to arouse suspicion. The
product would allegedly come from his uncle, Daniel Monroy, but
to get the drugs into Mexico and then Europe, they needed help,
which was where Ariel and his girls came in. Nicolas wanted to make
a shipment every 24 hours, for which he would pay $7,000 ($5,000 to
the courier and a $2,000 finder’s fee for Ariel). It was a good deal and,
Nicolas assured him, virtually risk-free. The Mexican connection,
Nicolas explained, was his fiancée, a Colombian model named Angie,
who was due to arrive in Buenos Aires on December 7, 2009
to coordinate the plan.
On Saturday, November 29, Ariel arrived at the Hotel Embassy to
meet with Nicolas and his uncle. The pair were eager to get going,
and they asked Ariel if he’d found a girl to make a practice run. He
had just the person: his girlfriend, Maria Noel Lopez Iglesias.
Just over a week later, Angie arrived in Buenos Aires on a first-class
ticket with her two cats and pet Pomeranian Stuart in tow . According
to Ariel , he first met the alleged queen pin at a luxury hotel five days
later. Angie was sitting on the bed watching TV while Nicolas and his
partner packed bricks of cocaine into two suitcases, rubbing them
with soap (to throw off drug-sniffi ng dogs) and covering them with
plastic wrap. Ariel’s instructions were clear: drive his girlfriend to the
appointed rendezvous and wait to cash in.
The next day , on the evening of December 13, Ariel was anxiously
awaiting word from Maria. That morning he had driven her to the
designated meeting place, the first step on her trip to Mexico as a
drug mule. But when Maria called to report that something had gone
wrong, paranoia set in. Angie ordered everyone to abandon their ho-
tels and stand by for further instructions. So now Ariel found himself
sitting at his kitchen table nervously waiting for the other shoe to
drop. Suddenly there was a loud crack, and Ariel looked up to see a
swarm of policemen in riot gear
pouring through his front door.
Leaping to his feet, Ariel bolted
for the second-floor balcony
and jumped, injuring his leg and
rendering himself incapacitated
as the police bore down. Inside
Ariel’s apartment, the police dis-
covered marijuana and cocaine,
and he was quickly hustled off
in handcuffs and taken into
custody. Then he started talking.
The story he spilled was
outrageous, but just plausible
enough for the authorities to
believe it. Meanwhile, as news
of the failed operation made
its way back to Angie and the
rest of the crew, they went into
crisis mode. The Mexicans were
demanding to know what had
gone wrong, Daniel was trying
to hire a lawyer, Nicolas was in
a full-blown panic, and Angie
was trying to manage the whole
thing. In the end, they fled.

ANGIE ON THE RUN
By late May, Angie had been
on the run for five months, her
legend growing by the day. But
despite her status as a celebrity
fugitive, the Narco Queen wasn’t
completely cut off. In March
she’d sent CNN a Facebook mes-
sage proclaiming her innocence.
“I don’t want to go to jail, and
don’t deserve it,” she wrote. “I
am innocent.”
Two weeks later Angie
checked into the $16-a-night
K-Lodges hostel on the outskirts
of Buenos Aires’ trendy Palermo
district. According to court
records, she used a fake Colom-
bian passport in the name of
Ana Lucia Ballent and took a
single room. Swaddled in baggy
hooded sweatshirts and with
her hair shorter and blonder
than in her pinup photos, Angie
was virtually unrecognizable.
On May 20 Angie surfaced in the
form of an interview with the
Colombian newspaper El Tiempo, ready to tell her side of the story,
which was a far cry from Ariel Letizia’s tale of coke-smuggling models
and Mexican drug lords.
Angie claimed that on the day she arrived in Buenos Aires to meet
Nicolas’ family and plan her wedding, she and her fiancé traveled to
Mar del Plata to visit his uncle Daniel. A hulking mixed martial artist
with a buzz cut, prominent nose, and tribal tattoos snaking around
his torso, Daniel was a formidable presence. Nicolas had warned
WE LIKE BIG
BUSTS
MAXIM’S “HAULS OF FAME”
WHEN: March 2007
WHERE: Off the coast of Panama
WHAT: 38,000 pounds of cocaine.
They should have tried Paris Hilton’s
“I thought it was gum” excuse.
STREET VALUE: $500 million
WHEN: June 2007
WHERE: Melbourne, Australia
WHAT: 15 million tablets of ecstasy,
packed in tomato cans sent from
Italy. Now that’s a tasty hallucination!
STREET VALUE: $309 million
WHEN: June 2008
WHERE: Afghanistan
WHAT: 260 tons of hashish discovered
by authorities in Kandahar, weighing
as much as 30 double-decker buses, or
enough to get Snoop high for two weeks.
STREET VALUE: $307 million
WHEN: March 2009
WHERE: Barcelona, Spain
WHAT: A 42-piece set of crockery
made of compressed cocaine.
Pablo Escobar would have loved it.
STREET VALUE: $1.2 million
WHEN: June 2010
WHERE: U.S.-Mexican border
WHAT: 1,200 pounds of meth, two
tons of coke, 1,400 pounds of heroin,
69 tons of pot, and countless
counterfeit breakfast burritos.
STREET VALUE: $661.6 million
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 137
Angie that his family was involved in some shady business, and after
coming face-to-face with Daniel, she told Nicolas she was uncom-
fortable and asked to leave. Angie later discovered that her passport
and return plane ticket to Mexico were missing. She reported her
lost passport to the Colombian embassy but failed to mention
the ticket. Part of Angie’s story holds up; her plane ticket was later
discovered in Daniel’s possession.
Her claims of innocence notwithstanding, behind-the-scenes
evidence against Angie was steadily mounting. In March , Interpol
had issued a warrant for her arrest. So it wasn’t just the Argentine
authorities on her tail, but the world’s biggest international police
force. “There are some very determined and
very strong women who have got more
balls than the men,’’ an Interpol investigator
said at the time. “Angie kicks up dust wher-
ever she goes. That’s her nature. So we’ll get
her eventually.’’
On May 26, the day after her 31st birthday,
Angie stepped into the shower at the
K-Lodges hostel, the only place she felt safe
from the prying eyes of an extremely hostile
world. Three weeks before, Interpol had
added Angie’s name to their “Infra-Red” list—
a compendium of 450 international fugitives
for whom they actively sought public help
through the Internet and social networking
sites—and had received a tip about Angie
from a fellow guest at the hostel. As the
shower’s scalding water was washing her
troubles away, the authorities pounced. They
allowed Angie to finish her shower and get
dressed, then led her off in handcuffs. At the
time of her arrest, the alleged drug lord had a
grand total of $36 in her pocket.
A MODEL, IDIOT
Sitting in the Villa Devoto Detention
Institute—described as “the darkest penal
hellhole in all of Argentina”—Nicolas Gualco
looks like a broken man. A day after Angie’s
arrest, he remains adamant about both his own innocence and his
fiancée’s. Both, he claims, are patsies who got caught up in a world
beyond their comprehension. “I like luxury, to have a good life, you
know. But I work for that,” says Nicolas. “The real people involved in
this—who were caught at the airport, who delivered drugs, who hired
the girls—well, they are all free and out on the street, and the only
one left in jail is me. And I’m not related to any of these guys!
Everybody knows I’m not in the drug trade. I’m just a male model.”
According to Nicolas, he returned to Buenos Aires from Mexico in
order to plan his wedding. He admits that soon after he arrived, he
met up with Ariel, his old acquaintance. “If you are in town and want
drugs,” says Nicolas, “Ariel is your guy.” Nicolas also con firms that
he drove Maria to the airport on the morning of her practice run, but
claims he was in the dark as to its purpose. “Ariel asked me to take
her to the airport because he was paranoid. He was whacked out on
cocaine. I was hanging around, so I accompanied her.”
Nicolas calls Angie a good Christian girl who helped him get off
drugs, and who is not cut out for prison. They were to be married
in March, then move to England. “When I came back to Argentina
in November, it was to get married in the church where my parents
were married,” he says. “I was about to marry the woman I love, like a
cheesy soap opera. Who could tell what was about to happen?”
UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER
The Ezeiza Women’s Prison is located on the outskirts of Buenos
Aires, just a few miles from the airport where Angie’s world began to
crumble. The sad, nervous woman sitting alone in the large enclosed
prison yard seems almost sexless, emaciated, mostly skin and
bones. It’s a far cry from either the pinup queen of her posters or the
Narco Queen of her legend. She is dressed in dark blue jeans, a beige
sweater, and basketball sneakers.
“They don’t let anybody wear black clothes in here,” she says,
shrugging. “And all my clothes are black.”
Angie’s hair is a dusky blonde and hangs loosely around her bony
shoulders. The only indications of her former glamour are her eyes
and hands, which are immaculately groomed, and her sparkling white
teeth. The rest of her seems to vanish into thin air. “I was two months
pregnant, but I lost the baby,” she says. “I can’t take this anymore.”
While Angie steadfastly maintains her in-
nocence, the government’s case against her
rests on a series of wiretaps and text messag-
es between her alleged coconspirators and a
woman called “the Diamond” immediately
after the December bust. Outside of Ariel’s
testimony, there is no other direct evidence
linking her to the case. In a text soon after the
bust, Nicolas beseeched Angie to “speak with
my uncle,” and promised, “I will disentangle
you from everything.” Later Daniel placed a
call to an unidentified woman with a Colom-
bian accent who answered to the name the
Diamond, asking her to smooth things over
with the Mexicans. On January 6, Daniel and
Nicolas were both arrested. Based on certain
terms of endearment used in the texts and a
voice analysis of the wiretap, the authorities
claim that the Diamond is in fact Angie. By
establishing an intermediary link between
Daniel and Nicolas on the one hand and the
Mexican connection on the other, the gov-
ernment infers that Angie—the Diamond—
was supervising the entire operation.
According to an Interpol investigator, “Sev-
eral female drug mules we’ve arrested in re-
cent times have direct links to San clemente.
A few have negotiated reduced sentences for
information that they’ve been recruited to
carry cocaine on flights out of Argentina to other markets.
“We’ve been looking at her activities for a considerable time, and,
based on those who’ve squealed, she’s running a big operation.”
While hardly an airtight case, it may not matter. Angie says she is
broke, without a lawyer , and powerless to fight the charges against
her. Facing up to 16 years behind bars, today she spends most of her
time scrubbing toilets or cooking for the 13 other women in her cell-
block. She is openly frightened of the rest of the prison population;
it’s widely assumed that she has a lot of money stashed away, and
her fellow prisoners want a piece.
“They blame everything on me because I am from Colombia—
that’s the reason I’m here. The judge, too! He thinks, Well, she’s
Colombian and lived in Mexico, and that’s it!” she says. “I have noth-
ing against Argentina. It’s a beautiful country, and my boyfriend is
Argentine, but I’m having the most horrible moment in my life.”
As the reality of her predicament sinks in, Angie starts to cry.
“I’ve lived my life without any trouble,” she says, sobbing. “If you
could investigate my life a little bit more, it’s not like this, I swear
to you. I can’t comprehend this! I have never stolen, never acted
the wrong way. Meanwhile the real criminals are back on the streets
committing felonies. Why?”
And with that the beauty queen turned alleged Narco Queen
composes herself. The crying stops, she says her goodbyes, and as a
plane leaving Ezeiza International Airport flies overhead, Angie
Sanclemente Valencia is led back into the prison.
Additional reporting by Maria del Pilar González Lonzième.
NO LONGER AN INTERNATIONAL GLAMOUR
MODEL, ANGIE SANCLEMENTE TODAY
FACES UP TO 16 YEARS BEHIND BARS.
138 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
WHETHER OLD OR NEW, AMERICAN BRANDS ARE DRAWING ON THE PAST AND LOOKING TO THE
Why you care: Because sometimes the original is the best, and for a century
and a half no brand has better evoked America’s working-class heroics.
Philosophy: “Given the economy, people are looking for comfort through sta-
bility, items that are built to last from brands with time-tested track records,”
says director of brand concepts Carl Chiara, who has been with the grand-
daddy of denim brands since 1995. “With the fall 2010 collection, we went back
to the very beginning, when jeans and the 501 were workwear. We took those
roots, complete with a slew of historic functional details, and applied them to
suit and fit the functionalities and needs of today’s guy.”
Why you care: Because despite Pendleton’s rustic history, teaming up with brands
like Opening Ceremony, Hurley, Nike, and Vans has helped the company reach new
fans seeking to rock out like mountain men or beach bums.
Philosophy: “Our founder, Thomas Kay, brought his love of tartans with him from
Britain, which became our iconic plaid shirts,” says Jim Buckner, manager of
menswear. “But our first customers—American Indians—will always influence our
approach to patterning.” And Pendleton has had plenty of influence itself: “In the
early 1960s, a group of kids formed a band called the Pendletones, after our
woolen shirts. They eventually changed their name…to the Beach Boys.”
LEVI’S
FOUNDED: 1853 BY LEVI STRAUSS, SAN FRANCISCO, CA
PENDLETON
FOUNDED: 1863 BY THOMAS L. KAY, PORTLAND, OR
LEVI’S wool work pants, $98 LEVI’S denim jacket, $88
LEVI’S work shirt, $70
PENDLETON jacket, $198
(top) PENDLETON tartan shirt, $98
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 139 PHOTOGRAPHS BY BRIAN KLUTCH
D
FUTURE. WELCOME TO THE GOLDEN AGE OF STAR-SPANGLED STYLE. BY WILLIAM BUCKLEY
Why you care: Because as the fashion director at New York style mecca Berg-
dorf Goodman, Bastian had firsthand knowledge of what customers want, and
with his own line he’s putting his know-how into practice.
Philosophy: “Before everything crashed economically, we’d been in this period
of 10 or 15 years of high designer fashion: the slim black suit and the skinny tie,
everything branded, and everyone striving for this fashion look,” says Bastian.
“I think we’ve all been shaken up, and as the dust settles we’re looking around
us, and what we’re seeing is America.” The result is a timeless line perfect for
a weekend in the country or a night on the town.
MICHAEL BASTIAN
FOUNDED: 2006 BY MICHAEL BASTIAN, NEW YORK CITY
Why you care: Because after stints with classic American brands like Calvin
Klein and Ralph Lauren, the British-born Spurr knows how to craft both Savile
Row–worthy suits and denim that’ll last you forever.
Philosophy: “I design products that make guys feel comfortable and look good.
There’s a reality and a functionality to the clothes,” says Spurr. “It’s a slimmer-
fitting, cleaner product than you’d associate with a European brand, but I was
heavily influenced by American denim brands like Levi’s, Wrangler, and Lee.”
And take this tip when purchasing a pair of his seriously addictive jeans: “Buy
the correct size, which is often a size smaller than what you’re buying now.”
SIMON SPURR
FOUNDED: 1996 BY SIMON SPURR, NEW YORK CITY
D
SIMON SPURR wool peacoat, $1,695 SIMON SPURR jacket and vest,
price available upon request
SIMON SPURR shirt, $295
MICHAEL BASTIAN quilted hunting jacket, $1,775
(top) MICHAEL BASTIAN plaid jacket, $1,630
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140 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
WOOLRICH WOOLEN MILLS
FOUNDED: 1830 BY JOHN RICH, WOOLRICH, PA
L.L.BEAN
FOUNDED: 1912 BY LEON LEONWOOD BEAN, FREEPORT, ME
Why you care: Because you’re going for the perfect blend of Hemingway and
Alex P. Keaton. Rag sweaters, duck boots—no one does the rugged-prepster look
better, or more affordably, than L.L.Bean.
Philosophy: “L.L. once said, ‘If you get lost, go back to camp,’ and I think a lot of
brands are looking to ‘home base’ to be reminded of their identity,” says Alex
Carleton, the creative director who’s giving the label a modern update with the
L.L.Bean Signature line. “We possess nearly a century of brand history, so
we look at the present and are inspired by the future, but we use the past as the
framework for building the brand.”
Why you care: Because certain staples like rugged parkas and buffalo plaid
flannel shirts look as good on Johnny Depp or Jay-Z as on Paul Bunyan, proving
that some things never go out of style.
Philosophy: “We are the longest continuously operating outdoor apparel manu -
facturer in the United States, ever since our founder was selling wool to lumber-
jacks and sawmill workers out of a mule cart,” says executive VP Brian Mangione
of the 180-year-old brand. “One of the Woolrich classics, the arctic parka, was
worn by workers building the Alaskan pipeline,” notes creative director Andrea
Crane. “So we updated the fit and reinvented the jacket for the modern man.”
STYLE
L.L.BEAN wool henley, $45
WOOLRICH parka,
$505
L.L.BEAN parka,
$199
WOOLRICH vest, $69 WOOLRICH woodsman shirt, $245 WOOLRICH woodsman shirt, $245
NOVEMBER 2010 MAXIM 141
BILLY REID
FOUNDED: 2004 BY BILLY REID, FLORENCE, AL
CAULFIELD PREPARATORY
FOUNDED: 2009 BY VINCENT FLUMIANI, LOS ANGELES, CA
Why you care: Because by melding high style and classic workwear—the rugged
and the refined—this Southern boy conquered the Big Apple fashion scene.
Philosophy: “My favorite brands make things that you can own forever and will
look better with age. It’s a timeless quality that’s very American,” says Reid,
who recently launched collaborations with Levi’s and Stetson. “I start with
pieces I personally want and build from there, things that have the versatility
to wear in the two worlds in which I spend most of my time: Alabama and
New York. If the piece can translate well in both, then we’ve hit our target.”
Why you care: Because like its namesake Catcher in the Rye character, the
Caulfield line—with its distressed fabrics, wrinkled button-downs, and frayed
hems—harks back to a golden age of prep.
Philosophy: “I grew up in a very conservative upper-middle-class society;
there were rules, but I got really good at putting my own twist on things,” says
designer Vincent Flumiani. ”Caulfield Preparatory is very much that. It’s got
this obviously ingrained Waspy middle-class American attitude to it, but I like
to mix shit up a little bit. And break some rules.”
CAULFIELD
PREPARATORY
thermal hoodie,
$92
BILLY REID trousers, $295 CAULFIELD PREP vest, $257 BILLY REID shawl sweater, $165
142 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
J.CREW
FOUNDED: 1983, NEW YORK
SHOP HERE
GITMAN BROS.
FOUNDED: 1978 BY ALFRED AND SHELDON GITMAN, ASHLAND, PA
Why you care: Because since launching their “men’s store” in 2008, J.Crew
has done the work for you—not only with their own ruggedly preppy staples but
also through the other classic brands they carefully curate and stock.
Philosophy: “Traditionally, guys aren’t shoppers, so we try to make their lives
easier by offering edited selections of our favorite styles and brands,” says de-
signer Frank Muytjens. “We’re not too precious in what we design: masculine,
tough, but elegant. Americana gives everything a purpose, with truly functional
details, so everything we do is a product of that, a product of our heritage.”
CONTEXT MADISON, WI
Since opening in 2005, Ryan Huber and
Sam Parker have offered denim addicts
the very best. “Guys are becoming more
interested in where and how things are
made and less interested in sweatshop
garbage,” says Huber. “U.S. brands are
proud of their heritage, and we show
that to our customers.”
Why you care: Because the legendary masters of the perfect button-down—
who have long been churning out classics for other labels—have retooled
their own brand with the Vintage line, featuring slimmer fits and shorter cuts.
Philosophy: “The renewed interest in Americana is a reaction to big-brand
global capitalism—local ‘made in the U.S.A.’ quality trumps global quantity,”
says Chris Olberding, creative director of Gitman Vintage. “I’m not a designer,
though; I’ve been with Gitman for a while, working on shirt production with
Burberry and Thom Browne. I’m really more of a curator of the archive.”
STYLE
J. CREW waffle tee, $35 J. CREW vintage cords, $70 GITMAN BROS. shirt, $175 GITMAN BROS. shirt, $155
GITMAN BROS. flannel tie, $70
ODIN NEW YORK CITY
“People want to go back to comfort and
things that are familiar,” says co-owner
Paul Birardi, who founded the downtown
fashion mecca—which stocks both
the old and the new—in 2004 with Eddie
Chai.” Plus Americana tends to be a
little rough around the edges and confi-
dent. Chicks like that.”
BLACKBIRD AND
THE FIELD HOUSE SEATTLE, WA
“Old-school American brands just
make me smile: Quoddy, Alden, and
Filson,” says owner Nicole Miller,
who opened the Field House in 2009.
“They’re all really small companies
that stand true to their heritage and
refuse to sell out.”
contextclothing.com
Brands: Gitman Vintage, Band of
Outsiders, Engineered Garments
odinnewyork.com
Brands: Rag & Bone, Woolrich Woolen
Mills, Florsheim by Duckie Brown
blackbirdballard.com
Brands: Pendleton, Levi’s Vintage,
RRL, Filson, Red Wing
J. CREW
shirt, $72
GITMAN BROS.
shirt, $175
NE U T R A L I Z E S
ODOR COUNTERACTED
AT THE SOURCE
P R OT E C T S
HELPS ELIMINATE
BODY ODOR
*Total body coverage vs. just using anti-perspirant alone.
HELP ELIMINATE ODOR: DON’T JUST COVER IT UP
MORE ODOR PROTECTION COVERAGE
WHEN USED TOGETHER*
10x
Odor Shield Anti-Perspirant and Body Wash help eliminate body odor instead of just covering it up.
Odor Shield technology targets and neutralizes body odor at the source. And when used together,
you get 10x more odor protection coverage
*
. So you can perform under pressure.
I N T R O D U C I N G Gillette

s L I N E O F O D O R S H I E L D P R O D U C T S .
T A R GE T S
SHIELD ZEROES IN
ON ODOR
©2010 The Gillette Company.
144 MAXIMNOVEMBER 2010
STEVEN ALAN
FOUNDED: 1999 BY STEVEN ALAN, NEW YORK CITY
Why you care: Because while the New York native designed what may well
be the ultimate button-down shirt—slightly rumpled, slightly snug, and best left
untucked—the rest of his clothes and accessories are just as addictive.
Philosophy: As Alan has noted, “Everything came out of the shirt,” which quickly
became the must-have garment for every guy who wanted to look stylish but
not like he cared. “I think about different designers and how they developed, but
for me there’s this certain sloppy schoolboy look that I grew up with.”
RAG & BONE
FOUNDED: 2002 BY MARCUS WAINWRIGHT & DAVID NEVILLE, NEW YORK CITY
Why you care: Because these darlings of style mavens and rock stars alike
have found the perfect combination of traditional rustic staples, impeccable
tailoring, and quirky downtown detailing.
Philosophy: “We make as many of the garments as possible here in the States
and constantly look to the roots of Americana—the workwear and denim
heritage,” says cofounder Wainwright. “But neither of us has any background
in design,” adds Neville. “I was an investment banker in London, and Marcus
owned a telecommunications business.”
STYLE
STEVEN ALAN reverse seam shirt, $168
STEVEN ALAN knit wool tie, $68
RAG & BONE coat, $995 STEVEN ALAN corduroy sport coat, $385
STEVEN ALAN reverse seam shirt, $168
RAG & BONE jeans, $255
RAG & BONE blazer, $495
RAG & BONE shirt, $255
RAG & BONE jeans, $255
© Lorillard 2010
®
Newport, Pleasure, Newport Pleasure, Menthol Gold, Menthol Blue,
spinnaker design, package design and other trade dress elements
TM Lorillard Licensing Company LLC Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.
CIGARETTES
Restricted to Adult Smokers 21 or Older.
These cigarettes do not present a reduced
risk of harm compared to other cigarettes.
146 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010
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Images; finger puppets, Dave King/Getty Images;
wrestler, Justin Pumfrey/Getty Images; Billy
Zabka, Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images;
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Everett Collection; spaceman, Paramount/
courtesy Everett Collection; bent-over sand,
MTV/The Kobal Collection; Jason Acuna and
Preston Lacy sumo, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; matador, MTV/The Kobal Collection;
snake ball pit, Ben Kaller/Paramount; chair
launcher, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; diapers, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; golf cart, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; group run, Sean Cliver/Paramount;
Chris Pontius “keep god,” Paramount Pictures/
courtesy Everett; Johnny Knoxville gray hair,
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; Johnny
Knoxville Steve-O, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; feathers, Paramount/courtesy
Everett Collection; shopping cart dirt explosion,
Ben Zo/Paramount; Jason Acuna dunk tank full
setup, Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection;
sailors, Sean Cliver/Paramount; roasting,
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; sailor 2,
Paramount/courtesy Everett; old man run
explosion, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; old man makeup, Paramount/courtesy
Everett Collection; old men, Paramount/courtesy
Everett Collection; army group shot, MTV/The
Kobal Collection; Knoxville bullhorn, Paramount/
courtesy Everett Collection; bull ride, Sean Cliver/
Paramount; wheelchair jump, Paramount/
courtesy Everett Collection; human metronome,
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; Chris
Pontius rides bull, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; street racing, Paramount/courtesy
Everett Collection; broken golf cart, Paramount/
courtesy Everett Collection; Jason Acuña and
Preston Lacy sumo 2, Sean Cliver/Paramount/
courtesy Everett Collection; jet ski off ramp,
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; dunk
tank 3, Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection;
bottle in nose, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; devil “keep god,” courtesy Paramount;
Bam with snake Ben Kaller/Paramount; beach
pole vault, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; croc pit in thong, Sean Cliver/
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; Jason
Acuna superman, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; falling into cactus, Paramount/
courtesy Everett Collection; old men 2,
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; old men
lineup, Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection;
sumo 3, Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection;
baby doll bike ride, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; superman slide, Paramount/courtesy
Everett Collection; old man explosion,
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; old men
walk in smoke, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; jump into water, Paramount/courtesy
Everett Collection; bumper golf carts,
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; roast
(again), Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection;
alligator nipple, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; underwear chase, Sean Cliver/
Paramount; bull hit, Ben Kaller/Paramount; old
man makeup, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; dunk tank, Paramount/courtesy
Everett Collection; bull throw, Sean Cliver/
Paramount; naked night city run, Paramount/
Everett Collection; tar and feathers, Paramount/
courtesy Everett Collection; Knoxville bullhorn 2,
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection;
motorcycle fail, Sean Cliver/Paramount; bath suit
bellhops, Sean Cliver/Paramount; old man run
explosion 2, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection. Wee-man superman, Paramount/
courtesy Everett Collection; Wee-man superman
,Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; Chris
Pontius rides yak, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; bunny ears beach, Paramount/
courtesy Everett Collection; croc tight walk,
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; the end,
Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection; tar and
feathers 2, Paramount/courtesy Everett
Collection; shooting range, Sean Cliver/
Paramount; jet ski fly, Paramount; (Inside
Photos) Knoxville Tasered, Paramount/courtesy
Sean Cliver; Steve-O hooked, Paramount/
courtesy Sean Cliver; England mouthful,
Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; fight (repeat),
Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; branded,
Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; party boy
thong, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; panda
boxing, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; toy on
X-ray, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver;
tree-way, courtesy Paramount; puking picnic,
Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; underwear
run, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; kicking
self, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver; old man
nip slip, Paramount/courtesy Sean Cliver;
terrorist beard, Paramount/courtesy Sean
Cliver; old men walking, Paramount/courtesy
Sean Cliver; Bam skate, Paramount/courtesy
Sean Cliver p.94: Charles Barkley, AP Images;
LeBron signs with Heat, Gary I Rothstein/epa/
Corbis; Kobe Bryant, Icon Sports Media/Corbis;
Kevin Durant, US Presswire; Celtics Huddle, US
Presswire; Thunders vs Lakers, NBAE/Getty
Images; Kids with LeBron Jerseys, Associated
Press p.95: Dwight Howard dunk, AP Images;
Space Jam Logo, Mary Evans/Warner Bros/
Ronald Grant/Everett Collection; Milwaukee
Bucks’ fans, NBAE/Getty Images p.96: Ron
Artest, US Presswire; beer, D. Hurst/Alamy;
bike, courtesy Giant Bicycles (PR photo); record,
Andrzej Tokarski/Alamy; Lebron Headshot, Getty
Images; Adam Morrison, US Presswire; Celtics
bench, Getty Images; Lakers bench, Associated
Press; Knicks bench, Getty; Lakers hug, NBAE/
Getty Images; p.98: Kevin Durant action, NBAE/
Getty Images; Wooden Texture, Zealot/
Shutterstock; Kevin Durant headshot, NBAE/
Getty Images; Caron Butler, NBAE/Getty Images;
Dwight Howard, NBAE/Getty Images; Chris Paul,
NBAE/Getty Images; Derek Fischer, NBAE/Getty
Images; Nick Collison, Associated Press; Luke
Ridnour, Associated Press; Gabrielle Union,
WireImage/Getty; Teen Wolf, MGM/courtesy
Everett Collection pp.114–126: Grindhouse,
Dimension Films/The Kobal Collection; Dirty Mary,
Crazy Larry, Academy Pictures/The Kobal
Collection; The Fast and the Furious, Original
Films/The Kobal Collection; Tron, Walt Disney
Pictures/The Kobal Collection; The Blue Brothers,
Universal/Everett Collection; The Cannonball Run,
20th Century Fox/The Kobal Collection
pp.128–129: Adnan Shukrijumah, Associated
Press; Nazario Moreno, AFP/Getty Images; Mark
Zuckerberg, Mantel/Sipa; The serial killer
trucker, Rick Lord/Shutterstock; General Butt
Naked, Associated Press; Kim Jong Il, Associated
Press; Christopher “Dudus” Coke, Ho New/
Reuters; Zydrunas Savickas, Icon SMI; Robert
Gleason Jr., Associated Press; James Arthur
Ray, Associated Press; A.Q. Khan, Associated
Press; Brian Austin Green, Getty Images for Fox
pp.132–137: Fingerprint, RTimages/Alamy;
Mugshot, © Interpol; Sanclemente portrait, El
Tiempo/GDA; Sanclemente with puppy, Image
Forum/AFP Photo/El Heraldo; Sanclemente
topless, El Tiempo/GDA; Sanclemente in bikini,
ImageForum/AFP Photo/El Heraldo; Sanclemente
with crown, Héctor Fabio Zamora/El Tiempo/
GDA; Jeannette Valencia, Eduardo Di Baia/AP
Photo; Sanclemente in vest, Cromos/Landov/
Reuters; Sanclemente crying, Alejandro Andam/
Telam/AP Photo; Sanclemente in bikini,
ImageForum/AFP Photo /El Heraldo; Paris Hilton,
Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department via
Getty Images; Tomato can, James And James/
Getty Images; Snoop Dogg, John Shearer/
WireImage/Getty Images; Pablo Escobar, AP
Photo; Breakfast burritos, Brian Hagiwara/Getty
Images p.156: Illustration based on image of
Chris Pine, Landov
CLOTHING CREDITS

p.138: Pendleton Woolen Mills Guide shirt in
Rob Roy tartan, $198, pendleton-usa.com;
Levi’s green wool 201 buckle back work pant,
$98, levi.com; Levi’s sherpa-lined trucker
jacket, $88, levi.com; Levi’s blue and cream
plaid work shirt, $70, levi.com; Pendleton
Woolen Mills jacket, $198, pendleton-usa.
com, Saks Fifth Avenue p.139: Michael
Bastian plaid jacket, $1,630, available at Saks
Fifth Avenue, Chicago and N.Y.C.; Michael
Bastian olive nylon quilted hunting jacket,
$1,775, available at available at Blooming-
dale’s, San Francisco; Simon Spurr burgundy
two tone wool peacoat, $1,695, available at
Saks Fifth Avenue; Simon Spurr gray wool/
cashmere Shadow Stripe jacket and vest,
price available upon request, spurr.tv; Simon
Spurr shirt, $295, available at Saks Fifth
Avenue, , Chicago, Beverly Hills, N.Y.C. p.140:
Woolrich Woolen Mills Mountain parka, $505,
available at Odin, N.Y.C.; L.L.Bean Baxter
State parka, $199, llbean.com; Woolrich Eagle
Fork vest, $69, woolrich.com; Woolrich
Woolen Mills Woodsman shirt, $245, available
at Odin, NYC; L.L.Bean Ragg wool henley, $45,
llbean.com p.141: Billy Reid Willie denim shirt,
$175, available at Billy Reid store, NYC;
Caulfield Preparatory Witty thermal hoodie
(zurich green), $92, revolveclothing.com; Billy
Reid custom made jean pocket trousers,
$295, available at Billy Reid store, NYC; Billy
Reid Savannah shawl collar sweater, $165,
available at Billy Reid store, NYC; Caulfield
Preparatory Gtaad hunting vest (zurich
green), $257, revolveclothing.com p.142:
J.Crew shirt, $72, jcrew.com; Gitman Vintage
shirt, $175, available at Barneys New York;
J.Crew waffle tee, $35, jcrew.com; J.Crew
vintage cords, $70, jcrew.com; Gitman
Vintage plaid shirt, $175, available at Barneys
New York; Gitman Vintage red chambray
shirt, $155, available at Barneys New York;
Gitman Vintage plaid flannel tie, $70, available
at Barneys New York p.144: Rag & Bone deep
blue Dagger blazer, $495, available at
Bergdorf Goodman and Rag & Bone stores;
Rag & Bone navy stripe Trail shirt, $255,
available at Nordstrom and Rag & Bone
stores; Steven Alan reverse seam shirt,
$168, stevenaran.com; Steven Alan knit wool
tie, $68, stevenaran.com; Rag & Bone grey
Blade jean II, $255, available at Saks Fifth
Avenue and Rag & Bone stores; Rag & Bone
dark olive check Carnaby coat, $995, available
at Barneys New York and Rag & Bone stores;
Steven Alan corduroy sport coat, $385,
stevenaran.com; Steven Alan reverse seam
shirt, $168,stevenaran.com
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A
s a kid, I stood hypnotized in front of
the guitar shop window. I stared at the
Gibsons, Fenders, Rickenbackers and Les
Pauls, lined up like lacquered mahogany
and maple trophies. With their smooth
curves, each one could produce hot licks,
reverb and a wailing solo. The six string
guitar is the heart of rock and roll. I’m
proud to say that today I feel the same way
about the new Stauer 6-String timepiece.
We wanted to give our favorite vintage
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The Stauer 6-String is a legendary
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Meet your new favorite rock star. My
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Rock around the clock tonight with the exclusive Stauer 6-String Watch for under $100!
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Promotional Code GUW139-04
Please mention this code when you call.
14101 Southcross Drive W.,
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Burnsville, Minnesota 55337
www.stauer.com
WATCH SPECS:
- Stainless steel case - 27-jewel automatic movement
- Date, day and day/night complications
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3
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3
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Truly Unique
The Official Watch of Rock and Roll
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Rating
Receive a
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purchase of the
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LOT NO.
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3000 LB. CAPACITY
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LOT NO.
91039/67408
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HARBOR FREIGHT TOOLS - LIMIT 1
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not valid on prior purchases. Coupon cannot be bought, sold, or transferred. Original coupon must be presented
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not valid on prior purchases. Coupon cannot be bought, sold, or transferred. Original coupon must be presented
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This valuable coupon is good anywhere you shop Harbor Freight Tools (retail stores, online, or catalog). Coupon
not valid on prior purchases. Coupon cannot be bought, sold, or transferred. Original coupon must be presented
in store, or with your catalog order form or entered online in order to receive the offer. Valid through 2/19/11.
HARBOR FREIGHT TOOLS - LIMIT 1
This valuable coupon is good anywhere you shop Harbor Freight Tools (retail stores, online, or catalog). Coupon
not valid on prior purchases. Coupon cannot be bought, sold, or transferred. Original coupon must be presented
in store, or with your catalog order form or entered online in order to receive the offer. Valid through 2/19/11.
HARBOR FREIGHT TOOLS - LIMIT 1
This valuable coupon is good anywhere you shop Harbor Freight Tools (retail stores, online, or catalog). Coupon
not valid on prior purchases. Coupon cannot be bought, sold, or transferred. Original coupon must be presented
in store, or with your catalog order form or entered online in order to receive the offer. Valid through 2/19/11.
HARBOR FREIGHT TOOLS - LIMIT 1
This valuable coupon is good anywhere you shop Harbor Freight Tools (retail stores,
online, or catalog). Coupon not valid on prior purchases. Coupon cannot be bought,
sold, or transferred. Original coupon must be presented in store, or with your catalog
order form or entered online in order to receive the offer. Valid through 2/19/11.
Coupon cannot be bought, sold, or transferred. Original coupon must be presented in store, or
with your catalog order form or entered online in order to receive the offer. Valid through 2/19/11.
HARBOR FREIGHT TOOLS - LIMIT 1
This valuable coupon is good anywhere you shop Harbor Freight Tools
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SAVE
50%
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45 WATT
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KIT
LOT NO.
90599
REG. PRICE $249 .99
SAVE
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SAVE
$70
60" HARDWOOD
WORKBENCH

$
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LOT NO. 93454
Tools sold
separately.
REG. PRICE $199 .99
REG.
PRICE
$74.99
REG. PRICE
$14.99
3 GALLON 100 PSI
OILLESS PANCAKE
AIR COMPRESSOR

$
39
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$
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LOT NO. 95275
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WEATHERPROOF COLOR
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LOT NO. 95914
SAVE
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REG. PRICE $49.99
$
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HEAVY DUTY
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LOT NO. 95061
600 LB.
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MOVER'S
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LOT NO.
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$
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OFF
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FACTORY DIRECT
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ITEM 65020
REG. PRICE $7.99
Cannot be used with any other discount or coupon. Limit one coupon per customer per
visit. Coupon not valid on prior purchases. Offer good while supplies last. Coupon cannot
be bought, sold or transferred. Original coupon must be presented at your local Harbor
Freight store in order to receive the offer. Valid through 2/19/11. Limit one per customer
Use this coupon to save 20% on any one single item purchased when you shop at a Harbor
Freight Tools store. Cannot be used with any other discount or coupon. One coupon
per customer. Coupon not valid on any of the following - prior purchases, gift cards,
Inside Track Club membership or Extended Service Plans. Coupon cannot be bought,
sold, or transferred. Original coupon must be presented in store in order to receive the
offer. All Campbell Hausfeld products are excluded from this offer. Valid through 2/19/11.
Item
91039
shown
1000 LB.
CAPACITY
156 MAXIM NOVEMBER 2010 ILLUSTRATION BY TIM MARRS
So how do you want to go?
Smiling.
Do you have any deathbed
confessions as you face the
“final frontier”?
I’m an avid procrastinator.
Where will you be going, heaven
or hell?
I’ll steam downstairs and do the
cold plunge upstairs.
The train conductor you play
in Unstoppable gets into some
pretty dangerous situations.
Have you ever had any near-
death experiences in your own
line of work?
Tripping while eating my break -
fast burrito on the way to the
makeup trailer.
Between you and your costar
Denzel Washington, who would
more likely be able to save a town
from a lethal disaster without
dying in the process?
Dunno. But he just may be able to
beat me in an act-off.
Who would you rather kick it with
in the afterlife, Denzel or Spock?
Denzel. Playing Spock.
James T. Kirk was a reckless man.
What’s the biggest trouble you’ve
gotten into during your lifetime?
Tough call…but I’m betting a lady
was involved.
You’ve had the good fortune to
romance some very lovely ladies
on-screen (Anne Hathaway,
Lindsay Lohan, Rosario Dawson).
Any one in particular you’d like
to be stranded in a wormhole with?
Can’t I have a wormhole harem?
What are Trekkies saying over
your casket?
“I never thought Bill would do it.”
You have a college degree in
English. What literary quote would
you like on your tombstone?
“Fuckin’ Ruthie, fuckin’ Ruthie,
fuckin’ Ruthie, fuckin’ Ruthie…”
Chris Pine
THE UNSTOPPABLE STAR—AND NEW CAPTAIN KIRK—MULLS HIS LAST DAY.
24 Hours to Live
Unstoppable rolls into theaters November 12.
:
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