Character

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Lacey Mays Mrs. Yoder C.P. English 11-5 12 May 2011 Character Analysis: Alice

“Days and nights blur into the gray fog of my memory. I am not sure of much of anything anymore…I accept the fact that I am worthless now—my life is meaningless…” (Carlson 149) Alice Laxton, the main character in Finding Alice, is bright, inquisitive and rather unique. In nearly completing her senior year of college Alice begins to develop some very unusual qualities. Due to her above average intelligence, her professors and peers quickly adapt to the fact that Alice Laxton is just a tad strange, and well it comes with the territory. Then somewhat unexpectedly, Alice unknowingly displays even more bizarre behavior. Perhaps she has cracked under the tremendous pressures of college, or maybe it was triggered by her disheartening breakup. Whatever the cause, Alice was beginning to show the signs of inheriting the same debilitating mental illness her grandmother had, schizophrenia. Seeing people and things that don’t exist, experiencing paranoia/anxiety, and even hearing voices that both taunt and encourage her begin to overwhelm Alice to the point of hopelessness. Growing up in a “religious” home was enough to dissuade Alice from Christianity, however, through her illness she is beginning to believe that the voices that constantly bombard her are from a different realm; a spiritual realm. Previous doubts she had about God are continually diminishing as Alice examines the possibilities of whether or not God truly does exist. I have found that the person that Alice reminds me of is well… myself. Although I don’t consid er myself to be above others intellectually I feel as though certain “knowledge” or beliefs I have may make me seem slightly strange to others. I, like Alice have had the privilege of growing up in a Christian home, although our situations and specific stances of things differed we were both introduced to Christ at a young age. As a matter of fact, perhaps Alice isn’t all that crazy, even “normal” people hear voices.

Developing a personal relationship with God has led me to that conclusion; His still small voice encourages and lifts me up on a daily basis. Being struck with insecurity, depression and doubt for many years has also allowed me to believe it’s not only the voice of God a Christian can hear if they are not willing to oppose it. There is perhaps one more similarity that I found to be unnervingly close to home and that is her independence or rather the walls she builds around herself camouflaged as independence. Schizophrenia paranoia affects a person in a number of ways resulting in a complete lack of trust, and panic when privacy is invaded. Although I would say my scenario is not nearly as severe I can relate to the lack of trust and unwillingness to let people get too close to me. I consider it my greatest strength and weakness, I’ve heard it’s a problem when you can’t tell a difference, if that’s the truth I guess I have a problem. Unlike Alice, I haven’t been diagnosed with a mental illness but I find it strange how many things we have in common. Perhaps my mind works like hers but in a much milder way or better yet, who exactly was the person that determined where the line was drawn to be considered “normal” anyway? Personally I believe that somewhere along the way every one of us has crossed it.

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