Coming Out to Parents
Content
This article was downloaded by: [B-on Consortium - 2007] On: 23 February 2011 Access details: Access Details: [subscription number 919435511] Publisher Routledge Informa Ltd Registered in England and Wales Registered Number: 1072954 Registered office: Mortimer House, 3741 Mortimer Street, London W1T 3JH, UK
Journal of Homosexuality
Publication details, including instructions for authors and subscription information: http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/title~content=t792306897
Coming Out to Parents
Lisa K. Waldnera; Brian Magraderb a University of Houston-Downtown, USA b Iowa State University, USA
To cite this Article Waldner, Lisa K. and Magrader, Brian(1999) 'Coming Out to Parents', Journal of Homosexuality, 37: 2,
83 — 100
To link to this Article: DOI: 10.1300/J082v37n02_05 URL: http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/J082v37n02_05
PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR ARTICLE
Full terms and conditions of use: http://www.informaworld.com/terms-and-conditions-of-access.pdf This article may be used for research, teaching and private study purposes. Any substantial or systematic reproduction, re-distribution, re-selling, loan or sub-licensing, systematic supply or distribution in any form to anyone is expressly forbidden. The publisher does not give any warranty express or implied or make any representation that the contents will be complete or accurate or up to date. The accuracy of any instructions, formulae and drug doses should be independently verified with primary sources. The publisher shall not be liable for any loss, actions, claims, proceedings, demand or costs or damages whatsoever or howsoever caused arising directly or indirectly in connection with or arising out of the use of this material.
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
Coming Out to Parents: Perceptions of Family Relations, Perceived Resources, and Identity Expression as Predictors of Identity Disclosure for Gay and Lesbian Adolescents
Lisa K. Waldner, PhD
University of Houston-Downtown
Brian Magruder, PhD
Des, Moines, Iowa
ABSTRACT. This paper examines perceptions of family relations, identity expression, and pro-lesbian/gay resources as factors influencing coming out to parents. One hundred seventy-two adolescents responded to a survey originating from a clinical support group for lesbian and gay youth. Findings indicate that weak family relations significantly detract from coming out to parents indirectly through identity expression and perceived resources. Excluding the effects of family relations, adolescents perceiving supportive resources and expressing their lesbian/gay identity were more likely to come out to parents. [Article copies available for a fee from The Haworth Document Delivery
Service: 1-800-342-9678. E-mail address: [email protected]]
KEYWORDS. Gay/lesbian adolescents, coming out, gay/lesbian identity
Lisa K. Waldner is Assistant Professor of Sociology at the University of Houston-Downtown. Brian Magruder received his PhD in Sociology from Iowa State University. He is employed outside of academe. Correspondence may be addressed to Lisa K. Waldner, Department of Social Sciences, University of Houston-Downtown, 1 Main Street, Houston, TX 77002 (e-mail: [email protected]). Journal of Homosexuality, Vol. 37(2) 1999 E 1999 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved. 83
84
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
INTRODUCTION According to Erikson (1963), identity formation is the most salient developmental task during adolescence. For lesbian and gay adolescents, an additional task is developing a gay identity or positive lesbian/gay self-image (Troiden, 1989). Gay identity formation is complicated for gay adolescents because of conflicting pressures to conform to a heterosexual identity and the internal need to express homo-erotic drives. Maylon (1982) noted such identity confusion can induce low self-esteem, depression, denial, suppression, and compartmentalization in gay youth. Because gay adolescents often lack access to identity-affirming resources (Greene, 1994b), including the adult lesbian/gay community (Gonsiorek, 1988), many youth feel alienated (Martin, 1982; Maylon, 1982). Gay adolescents may cope with sexual identity issues by withdrawing from their families and society as a whole, and by indulging in other self-destructive behaviors including chemical dependency, prostitution, running away, and suicide (Gonsiorek, 1988; Savin-Williams, 1989; 1994). Developing a positive gay or lesbian self-image suggests a healthy resolution of sexual identity issues. Coming out or disclosing a gay/lesbian sexual identity is one indicator that identity development has occurred. While coming out to parents is considered a difficult task for both gay men and lesbians (Albro & Tully, 1979; Savin-Williams & Lenhart; 1990), there are many psychological benefits (Berg-Cross, 1988; Cramer & Roach, 1988). Supporting adolescents who choose to come out to their parents promotes the psychological well-being of these youth. Understanding the coming out process is an important aspect for the design and delivery of lesbian and gay youth services. This research proposes that coming out to parents can be partially understood by examining perceptions of family relations or ‘‘getting along with family members,’’ identity expression, and perceived resources. A gay or lesbian identity develops over time and is considered established when an individual has a positive lesbian/gay self-image. Identity disclosure and expression are both behaviors. Disclosure or coming-out refers to acknowledging a gay identity to others. Identity expression involves behaviors ranging from attending lesbian/gay organizations to having a same-sex relationship. While development, expression, and disclosure often occur sequentially, others may exhibit
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
85
same-sex sexual behavior but not identify themselves as gay or lesbian. Alternatively, others may define and disclose their sexual identity but choose not to express it by avoiding lesbian/gay community activities and/or remaining celibate. This research is concerned with factors predicting identity disclosure. Research in the late 1960s using a nonrandom sample suggested that the average age of coming out was about 19 (Dank, 1972). Recent estimates of identity development and coming-out specify an average age of 16.3 for gay males (Troiden & Goode, 1980) with older mean ages for lesbians (Savin-Williams, 1990; Gonsiorek & Ruldolph, 1991). Not only do lesbians wait longer to come out, but many also choose not to tell their families at all (Berg-Cross, 1988). More recent research suggests that the average age of disclosure for adolescents is decreasing (Remafedi, 1987). While these statistics suffer from measurement problems (Herdt, 1989), it is clear that gay adolescents (especially urban teens) are becoming aware of their sexual identities at younger ages (Herdt, 1989). Adolescents often choose not to reveal concerns about their sexual orientation, opting instead to withdraw. This withdrawal is based on fear of parental rejection (Hersch, 1991), abuse (Savin-Williams, 1994), and a desire to avoid hurting or disappointing parents (Cramer & Roach, 1988). This fear is often justified, as coming out can have a negative impact on family life (Anderson, 1993-94). Parental rejection is often motivated by homophobia, fear of AIDS (Robinson & Walters, 1987) and traditional values (Newman & Muzzonigro, 1993). Some adolescents are able to overcome these barriers and tell their parents. It is proposed that coming out to parents is predicted by perceptions of family relations, lesbian/gay identity expression, and perceived resources. The theoretical perspective guiding this research is exchange theory. The proposed model is based on the premise that identity disclosure is negotiated by perceiving costs and rewards. Behaviors receiving greater rewards are more likely to be exhibited. Likewise, behaviors involving costs are less likely to be performed (Homans, 1974). Rewards are skewed towards heterosexual relations and costs towards lesbian/gay relations. Religion, political ideologies, and family structures reinforce heterosexual behaviors by negatively sanctioning behaviors linked to expressing a lesbian/gay identity. Prior research suggests factors such as political ideologies of parents, religiosity, and the
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
86
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
school environment negatively influence the degree of identity expression for gay and lesbian adolescents (Waldner-Haugrud & Magruder, 1996). In fact, the overwhelming negative reactions to gay persons are often sanctioned by religion (Garnets & Kimmel, 1991). Identity disclosure involves perceiving coming-out as more rewarding than costly. Such a process may be indefinite for some individuals. However, others develop, express, and disclose a lesbian/gay identity during adolescence. Whether or not this identity is disclosed to parents depends upon viewing the benefits of disclosure as greater than its costs. MODEL SPECIFICATION Figure 1 diagrams a fully recursive path model suggesting that coming-out to parents is influenced by perceptions of family relations, perceived resources, and identity expression. Gay youth who perceive supportive resources, are already expressing their identity, and who report weaker family relations are more ‘‘out’’ to their parents. The family represents a basic structural and relational arrangement which serves as a primary socialization agent by supporting heterosexual norms and values. Given the heterosexual orientation of families, parents of lesbian and gay adolescents assume their children are heterosexual (Herdt, 1989) and see no need to provide accurate information about homosexuality or the lesbian/gay community. In fact, some of the information provided by families may be inaccurate and negative. Although siblings’ reactions to a gay brother or lesbian sister are often more positive than parents (D’Augelli, 1994a), family members are often inadvertently a source of negative attitudes and stereotypes long before a child has realized he/she might be gay or lesbian (Greene, 1994a). Since neither parental nor sibling attitudes were measured, it cannot be assumed that all family members have negative views. However, Gallup poll data suggests that the majority of Americans have negative views towards homosexuality (Turque, 1992). Youth who report ‘‘getting along well’’ with family members may place a higher value on all information provided by their family or see no need to seek out alternative information. If negative information is provided about homosexuality, it may discourage gay youth from seeking out additional information from lesbian and gay-supportive resources. Therefore, we
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
87
FIGURE 1. Proposed model illustrating the effect of family relations on disclosure of a lesbian/gay identity to parents, mediated by the extent of perceived supportive resources and identity expression.
Expression of lesbian/gay identity
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
B
F
Family relations
D Disclosure of identity
C A E
Perceived lesbian/gay supportive resources
propose that strong family relations will discourage perceiving gay and lesbian supportive resources (Arrow A). We also propose a related hypotheses, family relations will also negatively impact identity expression (Arrow B). Parents and siblings may directly and indirectly discourage gay youth from participating in lesbian/gay organizations and same-sex dating. Children perceiving close ties with their families are less likely to defy family expectations because the costs are higher. Gay youth whose families are very important to them are less likely to risk losing the support of their family by exhibiting behaviors that would jeopardize that support. Additionally, parents do exercise some degree of control over their minor children which may interfere with same-sex dating, association with other gay persons, frequenting lesbian/gay organizations, and other identity expression indicators.
88
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Another influence on identity expression is the availability of pro lesbian/gay resources. The availability of resources such as lesbian/ gay organizations, supportive friendships, and counselors, might act to encourage identity expression. Prior research has established that gayaffirming resources are important for identity development (Gonsiorek, 1988; Gonsiorek and Rudolph, 1991). It is reasonable to assume these resources would also encourage identity expression by creating opportunities for same-sex interaction and other types of involvement in the lesbian/gay community. We hypothesize that perceiving supportive resources will encourage identity expression (Arrow C). In addition to discouraging identity expression, perceptions of family relations may also discourage coming out to parents. Gay and lesbian adolescents weigh the perceived costs of disclosing a gay/lesbian identity to parents. Children with stronger ties to their families (as measured by perceptions of family relations) may be more reluctant to come out because they may care more about their parent’s reaction. Hunter and Schaecher (1990:302) argue that ‘‘the family is the most important group to which a young person belongs . . . Finding it difficult to predict how the family will react, the adolescent fears confronting them with his/her homosexuality. He or she fears losing family approval and support . . . Fearing this rejection, the young person will hide his/her sexual orientation as long as possible.’’ Martin and Hetrick (1988:174) also support this view by suggesting that ‘‘the primary familial problem for the adolescent . . . lies in the cognitive dissonance that arises from . . . knowledge of the family’s expectations and the contradiction that the adolescent’s homosexuality poses for these expectations.’’ Children having family members with negative views have a much more difficult time. While it seems reasonable that strong family ties may be linked to warmth and acceptance by other family members, which may encourage disclosure, there is no guarantee for the gay or lesbian adolescent that this acceptance will continue once family members are aware of the adolescent’s sexual identity. In fact, Martin and Hetrick (1988) suggest that gay minors refrain from telling their parents because physical violence and homelessness are real concerns, even for gay youth having a positive pre-disclosure relationship with their parents. While some youth fear rejection, others want to avoid hurting and disappointing parents (Cramer & Roach, 1988). Past research suggests these concerns are valid for many youth. In
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
89
one study, approximately 10% of gay youth who disclosed their gay identity to fathers were kicked out of their homes (Boxer, Cook, & Herdt, 1991). Both Weinberg (1972) and Jones (1978) found parental reactions to disclosure were quite negative consisting primarily of two responses: (1) negative misconceptions about homosexuals, and (2) feelings of failure and guilt. Consistent with these misconceptions, parents treat homosexual children in a stigmatized and stereotyped manner, severing family ties (Collins & Zimmerman, 1983; Devine, 1984; Fairchild & Hayward, 1979; Strommen, 1989). While mothers are generally more accepting than fathers (Boxer et al., 1991; D’Augelli, 1994a), research suggests familial reactions are still quite negative; one study found that 61% of the violence aimed at gays and lesbians was perpetrated by family members (Hunter, 1990). Both Collins and Zimmerman (1983) and Devine (1984) assert that parental reaction is guided by structural factors as well as regulative, cohesive, and thematic issues specific to a particular family. Negative consequences of parental intolerance include: an increase in male teen prostitution because children are thrown out of the home (Bales, 1985) and high teen suicide rates (Kournay, 1987). Parents having a positive pre-disclosure relationship with their children are more likely to resolve the situation in a healthier manner which benefits both parent and child (Borhek, 1983; Fairchild & Hayward, 1979; Savin-Williams, 1989; Silverstein, 1977; Weinberg, 1972). The irony is that although parents with a positive pre-disclosure relationship with their gay child may handle ‘‘coming-out’’ better, the model predicts these children are less likely to ‘‘come-out’’ for reasons already cited. Past research suggests other predictors of disclosure that were not tested here including having younger parents and high adolescent self-esteem (Savin-Williams, 1989). We propose that positive perceptions of family relations are associated with lower levels of disclosure (Arrow D). Perceiving supportive resources can counteract the effects of family closeness by encouraging disclosure to parents (Arrow E). Specifically, ‘‘coming-out’’ is less costly if the adolescent is not exclusively dependent on parents for social, emotional, and financial support. Alternative sources of support include resources such as counselors, organizations, and friends. As suggested by D’Augelli (1994b:128) ‘‘disclosure to family . . . is now facilitated by increased cultural
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
90
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
acceptance, more positive imagery in the media, and much more gayaffirming resources.’’ Finally, the model proposes that identity expression influences disclosure (Arrow F). Children expressing their identity through samesex dating and participation in organizations and community events may find it increasingly difficult to hide their homosexuality from parents. Risking parental rejection or disappointment may be less costly than covering for time spent with same-sex partners or at community activities. Furthermore, it is difficult to deny one’s sexual identity when confronted with behaviors which seemingly confirm that identity. In summary, the following hypotheses will be tested: (a) positive family relations will negatively impact perceiving gay and lesbian supportive resources, (b) positive family relations will negatively impact identity expression, (c) perceiving supportive resources will positively impact identity expression, (d) positive family relations will negatively impact identity disclosure, and (e) identity expression will result in higher levels of disclosure.
METHODS Sample A questionnaire was administered to self-identified gay adolescents attending a clinical-based support group designed to provide resources for gay and lesbian youth dealing with sexual orientation issues. Support group participants were asked to distribute the survey to other gay or lesbian youth. Respondents were given a questionnaire with a preaddressed and postage-paid envelope. No identifying marks were placed on either the questionnaire or the envelope to ensure anonymity. An attached cover letter indicated the purpose of the study and safeguards used to protect respondents. Through snowball sampling, the initial clinical sample of 35 expanded to include 172 self-identified (white) gays and lesbians, with 85 females and 87 males ranging in age from 14-18. The average age of the respondents was 17. The majority (95%) were from a suburban, upper East coast community. The families of the adolescents were primarily middle-class, with fairly stable incomes and professional occupations (61%). Further-
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
91
more, family structures were substantially dual-earner with the majority of respondents living with both parents (78%). Unfortunately, the support group facilitator responsible for data collection and survey design did not note how many surveys were circulated, so a response rate cannot be calculated. Measurement Variables were operationalized with both behavioral and perceptual measures. Several researchers support perceptual measures as valid indices of measurement (Acock & Bengston, 1980; Gecas & Schawlbe, 1986; Kerckoff & Huff, 1974). Family Relations. The extent that gay youth identified with their families was measured by the following question: ‘‘Before you realized (or suspected) you were gay, how well did you get along with your family?’’ Respondents chose one of five responses ranging from 1 = ‘‘I have never related to my family’’ to 5 = ‘‘I related to my family very well.’’ There are many reasons children might not get along with their parents besides the sexual orientation of the child. It was necessary to ascertain the parent-child relationship at a pre-identity stage, before being gay becomes an issue. Furthermore, in order to use family relations as a predictor of disclosure, it was necessary to measure before disclosure may have occurred. The distribution of the variable suggests it may be slightly skewed (M = 3.12; SD = 1.12). Perceived Resources (Gay/Lesbian Social Support Networks). The extent of perceived resources was assessed by asking the respondents to indicate approximately how many friends, support groups, family members, organizations, and acquaintances were supportive of homosexuals. The adolescents selected one of the following five response categories: 1 = ‘‘0-5,’’ 2 = ‘‘6 = 10,’’ 3 = ‘‘11-15,’’ 4 = ‘‘16-20,’’ and 5 = ‘‘21 or more’’ (M = 2.46; SD = 1.21). Identity Disclosure to Parents. ‘‘Coming-out’’ can range on a continuum from no disclosure to dropping hints and directly telling others. Respondents were asked to indicate the extent they had come out to their parents. Response categories ranged from 1 = ‘‘have no idea that I may be gay’’ to 5 = ‘‘are fully aware that I am gay.’’ We did not distinguish between adolescents who disclosed only to one parent and those who disclosed to both. Nor did we distinguish between mothers and fathers (M = 2.43; SD = 1.35). Identity Expression. The degree of identity expression was as-
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
92
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
sessed by two questions measuring participation in gay/lesbian organizations and gay/lesbian sexual frequency. Participation was measured by asking respondents to choose one of five response categories to the question: ‘‘During the past month, how many gay organizations, groups, or meetings have you attended?’’ The responses ranged from ‘‘0’’ to ‘‘4 or more.’’ Respondents were also asked to indicate their frequency of same-sex sexual activity. These two measures correlated fairly well as indicated by Pearson’s r (r = .68; p < .001). This variable was positively skewed reflecting the manner in which the sample was gathered (M = 4.62; SD = 1.98). Since the sample originated in a community-based lesbian/gay support group and the friends of those attending the group, we would expect to see a higher mean for resources. Unfortunately, it is virtually impossible to collect a truly random sample of lesbian and gay adolescents (Savin-Williams, 1995).
RESULTS Statistical analysis of the data consisted of computing zero-ordered correlations coefficients (Pearson’s r) and testing the combined effects of independent variables on the dependent variables using LISREL 7 (Joreskog & Sorbom, 1989). The model tested here is a fully recursive or just-identified model which always has a 2 = 0 and df = 0 (Pedhazur, 1982). Because this is a saturated model, a goodness of fit index cannot be computed. The reason for using LISREL over a more conventional path model was so the significance of indirect effects could be calculated. Otherwise, LISREL is producing the same results as OLS regression. At the bivariate level, strong evidence is provided to indicate that perceptions of family relations, identity expression, and perceived resources are associated with disclosing to parents. All correlation coefficients were statistically significant at the .05 level and in the direction predicted. Additionally, all correlations can be assessed as moderate in strength. Table 1 reports all correlation coefficients for all variables estimated in the model. Structural equation modeling results, as estimated by LISREL 7, are illustrated in Figure 2. Perceptions of family relations (path A) has a significant negative direct effect (t = 6.10) on perceived
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder TABLE 1. Correlation matrix for all indicators. 1 1. Family Identification 2. Perceived Resources 3. Identity Expression
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
93
2
3
4
1.00 .42* .47* .40* 1.00 .41* .51* 1.00 .49* 1.00
4. Identity Disclosure
Note: * p < .05 a level N = 172
resources for gay adolescents ( = .42) indicating that the higher the degree of ‘‘getting along’’ (family relations), the less resources adolescents perceived were available. Family relations explained 18% of the variance in perceived resources for gay adolescents (R2 = .18). Both perceptions of family relations and perceived resources are strong predictors of identity expression. Adolescents who reported ‘‘getting along well with their families’’ are significantly (t = 5.01) less likely to express their identity through attending lesbian/gay organizations or having same-sex relations (path B, = .36). Perceptions of resources counteracts the effects of perceived closeness by significantly (t = 3.60) contributing to identity expression (path C, = .26). In other words, the more pro-lesbian/gay resources perceived, the greater the degree of identity expression. Family relations and pro-lesbian/gay resources explained approximately 28% of the variance associated with identity expression (R 2 = .28). Perceptions of family relations is not a significant predictor (t = 1.52) of identity disclosure or coming-out to parents ( = .11). However, both identity expression ( = .30; t = 4.16) and perceived resources ( = .34; t = 4.90) did significantly and positively influence disclosure. About 37% of the variance in disclosure is explained by the effects of family relations, perceived resources, and identity expression (R2 = .37).
94
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
FIGURE 2. The impact of family relations on disclosure of a lesbian/gay identity to parents.
R2 = .28
Expression of lesbian/gay identity
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
-.36**
.30**
Family relations
-.11 Disclosure of identity
.26** -.42** .34** R2 = .37
Perceived lesbian/gay supportive resources
Note: ** indicates p < .01 N = 172
level R2 = .18
Significance levels for indirect effects were calculated with the aid of LISREL. Family relations has a significant (t = 2.75) indirect effect on identity expression through perceived resources. Family relations also indirectly and significantly influences coming out through identity expression and perceived resources (t = 5.80). Perceived resources indi-
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder TABLE 2. Decomposition of effects. Total Direct .42** .36** .26** .11 .34** .30** Indirect 0.00 .11** (se = .04)
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
95
Perceived Resources Family Relations Identity Expression Family Relations
.42 .47 .26 .40 .42 .30
Perceived Resources
0.00 .29** (se =.05) .08** (se = .03) 0.00
Identity Disclosure Family Relations
Perceived Resources Identity Expression
Note: ** p < .01 a level N = 172
rectly and significantly influences identity disclosure through identity expression (t = 2.66). Table 2 lists all total, direct, and indirect effects.
DISCUSSION The results provide some evidence that coming-out to parents is affected by perceptions of available pro-gay resources, identity expression, and perceptions of ‘‘getting along’’ (family relations). First, family relations negatively influences perceptions of available resources. Parents assume their children are heterosexual and see no need to educate them about homosexuality. Children who report ‘‘getting along well’’ (family relations) with their families perceive fewer resources because they may place less value on finding alternative information. From the perspective of a gay child, seeking out alternative information may be costly because it violates family expectations. This may result in fewer informational resources to challenge both heterosexual norms and values.
96
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Secondly, family relations significantly and negatively influence identity expression. Gay children who report getting along well with their families may believe it is more costly to violate heterosexual norms and values by expressing a gay identity. Fearing sanctions such as rejection or disapproval, gay children may initially find it less costly to avoid expressing a gay identity. Even if families do not have negative views of homosexuality, children with strong identification may try to meet the heterosexual expectations of their predominately heterosexual families. Perceived resources positively affects identity expression as measured by lesbian/gay organization involvement and same-sex sexual frequency. Adolescents perceiving supportive resources have alternative sources of information to challenge heterosexual norms and values. Supportive resources may mediate the effects of family relations by making it less costly to express a gay identity. Family relations have a both a negative direct and indirect effect on identity expression. This has important implications for adolescents because same-sex dating and interaction with other gay persons provide the necessary resocialization experiences needed for healthy adult relationships. Levine and Barbach (1985) suggest that partners are the most important source for modifying sexual norms. Furthermore, preventing gay adolescents from associating with other gays has a negative impact on psychological well-being (Schneider, 1991). An interesting finding is that although perceptions of family relations do not directly reduce the degree of disclosure to parents, the significant indirect effect renders family relations an important variable. In fact, the size of the indirect effect exceeds the direct effect. Less positive family relations decrease identity disclosure through the relationship with both identity expression and gay-supportive resources perceived by the adolescent. Family relations, then, dilute the direct positive effects of these variables and should be considered in future models. Both identity expression and perceptions of resources have positive effects on identity disclosure. This suggests that having supportive resources and opportunities for identity expression can help gay youth overcome the effects of family relations. Implications for those who work with gay youth are to continue to provide resources and ‘‘safe’’ places for gay youth to express their identity. This also suggests that gay youth living in rural areas are less able to counter the effects of
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
97
family relations because often, few, if any, resources are available and fewer opportunities for identity expression. The model explains some of the variance for all three dependent variables, but the model is more successful explaining identity expression and disclosure than perceived resources. Future research should consider other variables which may also influence disclosure including region, religion, urban/rural, and traditional gender-role ideologies. Adherence to religious beliefs, traditional gender-roles, and conservative political ideologies may raise the cost of gay identity expression and disclosure. Besides the inclusion of other variables, measurement should also be more precise for identity disclosure by differentiating between mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, and employers. D’Augelli (1994a) tells us that children are more likely to tell mothers and siblings than fathers. At the very least, more information about how family dynamics affects disclosure to parents is needed. While the findings provide some interesting information on factors affecting disclosure, sampling limitations, lack of multiple indicators, and the imprecise operationalization of other key variables render the findings preliminary. We would have preferred a family relations variable with items differentiating between mother, father, and siblings. Additionally, when measuring perceived resources respondents were only asked to count how many resources were available to them. It seems that both quantity and quality are important and should both be measured. Finally, this sample was non-random and homogenous lacking in class, racial, and family structure diversity. The experiences of adolescents from two-parent, dual-earner families do not mirror the increasingly common single-parent and bi-nuclear family structures. Unfortunately, we were not involved with designing the survey instrument or data collection and were given access to the data in exchange for providing the service agency with some descriptive statistics. We would have preferred the more precise operationalization of variables and the use of multiple indicators. While these concerns should be addressed in future research, we believe the paucity of data on gay and lesbian youth justifies data analysis to provide some preliminary information. Disclosure of a gay/lesbian identity for adolescents requires a resocialization experience in which adolescents adopt new sexual norms
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
98
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
and values. Alternative resources facilitate this by providing extra-familial sources of information and approval. When the balance of support exceeds the perceived costs of rejection, hurt, and disappointment, the adolescent will disclose to parents. The implication for the gay/lesbian community and agencies working with gay youth is to expand services for youth by providing information and support. This includes reaching out to parents through organizations such as Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Youth with less dependency on their families for information and support are more likely to come out to their parents which is important for both healthy families and adolescents. REFERENCES
Acock, A. and Bengston, V. (1980). Socialization and attribution processes: Actual versus perceived similarity among parents and youth. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 42, 501-515. Albro, J. and Tully, C. (1979). A study of lesbian lifestyles in the homosexual micro-culture and the heterosexual macro culture. Journal of Homosexuality, 4, 331-343. Anderson, D.A. (1993-1994). Lesbian and gay adolescents: Social and developmental considerations. High School Journal, 77, 13-19. Bales, J. (1985). Gay adolescents’ pain compounded. APA Monitor, 16, 21. Berg-Cross, L. (1988). Lesbians, family process and individuation. Journal of College Student Psychotherapy, 3, 97-112. Borhek, M. (1983). Coming out to parents. New York, NY: Pilgrim Press. Boxer, A.M., Cook, J.A. and Herdt, G. (1991). Double jeopardy: Identity transitions and parent-child relations among gay and lesbian youth. In K. Pillemer & K. McCartney (Eds.), Parent and child relations throughout life (pp. 59-92). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum. Collins, L. and Zimmerman, N. (1983). Homosexual and bisexual issues. In J. Hansen, J. Woody, & R. Woody (Eds.), Sexual issues in family therapy (pp. 82-100). Rockville, MD: Aspen Publications. Cramer, D.W. and Roach, A.J. (1988). Coming out to mom and dad: A study of gay males and their relationships with their parents. Journal of Homosexuality, 15, 79-91. Dank, B. (1972). Why homosexuals marry heterosexual women. Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, 6, 14-23. D’Augelli, A.R. (1994a). Lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth and their families: Disclosure of sexual orientation and its consequences. Paper presented at the American Psychological Society, Washington, D.C. D’Augelli, A.R. (1994b). Lesbian and gay male development: Steps toward an analysis of lesbians’ and gay men’s lives. In Greene, B. and Herek, G.M. (Eds.). Psychological perspectives on lesbian and gay issues: Vol 1. Lesbian and gay
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
99
psychology: Theory, research, and clinical applications. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. Devine, J. (1984). A systemic inspection of affectional preference orientation and the family origin. Journal of Social Work & Human Sexuality, 2, 9-17. Erickson, E. (1963). Childhood and society. New York: Norton. Fairchild, B., & Hayward, N. (1979). Now that you know: What every parent should know about homosexuality. New York, NY: Harcourt, Brace, & Jovanovich. Garnets, L. and Kimmel, D. (1991). Lesbian and gay male dimensions in the psychological study of human diversity. In J. Goodchilds (Ed.), Psychological perspective on human diversity in America: Master lectures (pp. 143-192), Washington, D.C., American Psychological Association. Gecas, V., & Schwalbe, M. (1986). Parental behavior and adolescent self-esteem. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 48, 37-46. Gonsiorek, J.C. (1988). Mental health issues of gay and lesbian adolescents. Journal of Adolescent Health Care, 9, 114-122. Gonsiorek, J.C. and Rudolph, J.R. (1991). Homosexual identity: Coming out and other developmental events, In J.C. Gonsiorek and J.D. Weinrich (Eds.), Homosexuality (pp. 161-176). Newbury Park: Sage. Greene, B. (1994a). Ethnic and minority lesbians and gay men: Mental health and treatment issues. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 62, 243-251. Greene, B. (1994b). Lesbian and gay sexual orientations. In Greene, B. and Herek, G.M. (Eds.). Psychological perspectives on lesbian and gay issues: Vol 1. Lesbian and gay psychology: Theory, research, and clinical applications. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. Herdt, G. (1989). Gay and lesbian youth. Journal of Homosexuality, 17, 1-4. Hersch, P. (1991). Secret lives: Lesbian and gay teens in fear of discovery. The Family Therapy Networker, 36-39, 41-43. Homans, G.C. (1974). Social behavior: Its elementary forms. Rev. Ed. New York: Harcourt, Brace, and Jovanovich. Hunter, J. (1990). Violence against lesbian and gay male youths. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 5, 295-300. Hunter, J. and Schaecher, R. (1990). Lesbian and Gay Youth, In M.J. Rotheram-Borus, J. Bradley and N. Obolensky (Eds.), Planning to live: Evaluating and treating suicidal teens in a community setting (pp. 297-316). Tulsa: University of Oklahoma Press. Joreskog, K.M. and Sorbom, D. (1989). Lisrel 7: A guide to the program and applications. Chicago, IL: SPSS, Inc. Jones, C. (1978). Understanding gay relatives and friends. New York, NY: Seabury. Kerkoff, A., and Huff, J. (1974). Parental influence on educational goals. Sociometry, 37, 307-327. Kourany, R. (1987). Suicide among gay adolescents. Journal of Homosexuality, 13, 111-17. Levine, L. and Barbach, L. (1985). The intimate male. New York: Signet Books. Martin, D. (1982). Learning to hide: The socialization of the gay adolescent. In Feinstein, Looney, Schwartzberg, and Sorosky (Eds.), Adolescent Psychiatry, Vol. 10, (pp. 52-65). Chicago, Ill: University of Chicago Press.
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
100
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Martin, A.D. and Hetrick, E.S. (1988). The stigmatization of the gay and lesbian adolescent. Journal of Homosexuality, 15, 163-183. Maylon, A. (1982). Biphasic aspects of homosexual identity formation. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, and Practice, 19, 335-40. Newman, B.S. and Muzzonigro, P.G. (1993). The effects of traditional family values on the coming out process of gay male adolescents. Adolescence, 28, 213-226. Pedhazur, E.J. (1982). Multiple Regression in Behavioral Research. New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston. Remafedi, G. (1987). Male homosexuality: The adolescent’s perspective. Pediatrics, 79, 326-330. Robinson, B. and Walters, L. (1987). The AIDS epidemic hits home. Psychology Today (April), 48-52. Savin-Williams, R.C. (1989). Coming out to parents and self-esteem among gay and lesbian youths. Journal of Homosexuality, 18, 1-35. Savin-Williams, R.C. (1990). Gay and lesbian youths: Expressions of identity. Washington, DC: Hemisphere. Savin-Williams, R.C. (1994). Verbal and physical abuse as stressors in the lives of lesbian, gay male and bisexual youths: Associations with school problems, running away, substance abuse, prostitution, and suicide. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 62, 261-269. Savin-Williams, R.C. (1995). An exploratory study of pubertal maturation timing and self-esteem among gay and bisexual male youths. Developmental Psychology, 31, 56-64. Savin-Williams, R.C. and Lenhart, R.E. (1990). AIDS prevention among lesbian and gay youth: Psychosocial stress and health care intervention guidelines. In D.G. Ostrow (Ed.), Behavioral aspects of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (pp. 75-99). New York: Plenum Press. Schneider, M. (1991). Developing services for lesbian and gay adolescents. Canadian Journal of Community Mental Health, 10, 133-151. Silverstein, C. (1977). A Family matter: A parent’s guide to homosexuality. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill. Strommen, E. (1989). You’re a what? Family member reactions to the disclosure of homosexuality. Journal of Homosexuality, 18, 37-58. Troiden, R. (1989). Gay and lesbian identity: A sociological analysis. Dix Hills: General Hall, Inc. Troiden, R. and Goode, E. (1980). Variables related to the acquisition of a gay identity. Journal of Homosexuality, 5, 383-392. Turque, B. (1992). Gays under fire. Newsweek, 34-40. Weinberg, G. (1972). Society and the healthy homosexual. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press. Waldner-Haugrud, L.K. and Magruder, B. (1996). The expression of homosexual identity among lesbian and gay adolescents: An analysis of perceived structural associations. Youth and Society, 313-333.
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
Journal of Homosexuality
Publication details, including instructions for authors and subscription information: http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/title~content=t792306897
Coming Out to Parents
Lisa K. Waldnera; Brian Magraderb a University of Houston-Downtown, USA b Iowa State University, USA
To cite this Article Waldner, Lisa K. and Magrader, Brian(1999) 'Coming Out to Parents', Journal of Homosexuality, 37: 2,
83 — 100
To link to this Article: DOI: 10.1300/J082v37n02_05 URL: http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/J082v37n02_05
PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR ARTICLE
Full terms and conditions of use: http://www.informaworld.com/terms-and-conditions-of-access.pdf This article may be used for research, teaching and private study purposes. Any substantial or systematic reproduction, re-distribution, re-selling, loan or sub-licensing, systematic supply or distribution in any form to anyone is expressly forbidden. The publisher does not give any warranty express or implied or make any representation that the contents will be complete or accurate or up to date. The accuracy of any instructions, formulae and drug doses should be independently verified with primary sources. The publisher shall not be liable for any loss, actions, claims, proceedings, demand or costs or damages whatsoever or howsoever caused arising directly or indirectly in connection with or arising out of the use of this material.
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
Coming Out to Parents: Perceptions of Family Relations, Perceived Resources, and Identity Expression as Predictors of Identity Disclosure for Gay and Lesbian Adolescents
Lisa K. Waldner, PhD
University of Houston-Downtown
Brian Magruder, PhD
Des, Moines, Iowa
ABSTRACT. This paper examines perceptions of family relations, identity expression, and pro-lesbian/gay resources as factors influencing coming out to parents. One hundred seventy-two adolescents responded to a survey originating from a clinical support group for lesbian and gay youth. Findings indicate that weak family relations significantly detract from coming out to parents indirectly through identity expression and perceived resources. Excluding the effects of family relations, adolescents perceiving supportive resources and expressing their lesbian/gay identity were more likely to come out to parents. [Article copies available for a fee from The Haworth Document Delivery
Service: 1-800-342-9678. E-mail address: [email protected]]
KEYWORDS. Gay/lesbian adolescents, coming out, gay/lesbian identity
Lisa K. Waldner is Assistant Professor of Sociology at the University of Houston-Downtown. Brian Magruder received his PhD in Sociology from Iowa State University. He is employed outside of academe. Correspondence may be addressed to Lisa K. Waldner, Department of Social Sciences, University of Houston-Downtown, 1 Main Street, Houston, TX 77002 (e-mail: [email protected]). Journal of Homosexuality, Vol. 37(2) 1999 E 1999 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved. 83
84
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
INTRODUCTION According to Erikson (1963), identity formation is the most salient developmental task during adolescence. For lesbian and gay adolescents, an additional task is developing a gay identity or positive lesbian/gay self-image (Troiden, 1989). Gay identity formation is complicated for gay adolescents because of conflicting pressures to conform to a heterosexual identity and the internal need to express homo-erotic drives. Maylon (1982) noted such identity confusion can induce low self-esteem, depression, denial, suppression, and compartmentalization in gay youth. Because gay adolescents often lack access to identity-affirming resources (Greene, 1994b), including the adult lesbian/gay community (Gonsiorek, 1988), many youth feel alienated (Martin, 1982; Maylon, 1982). Gay adolescents may cope with sexual identity issues by withdrawing from their families and society as a whole, and by indulging in other self-destructive behaviors including chemical dependency, prostitution, running away, and suicide (Gonsiorek, 1988; Savin-Williams, 1989; 1994). Developing a positive gay or lesbian self-image suggests a healthy resolution of sexual identity issues. Coming out or disclosing a gay/lesbian sexual identity is one indicator that identity development has occurred. While coming out to parents is considered a difficult task for both gay men and lesbians (Albro & Tully, 1979; Savin-Williams & Lenhart; 1990), there are many psychological benefits (Berg-Cross, 1988; Cramer & Roach, 1988). Supporting adolescents who choose to come out to their parents promotes the psychological well-being of these youth. Understanding the coming out process is an important aspect for the design and delivery of lesbian and gay youth services. This research proposes that coming out to parents can be partially understood by examining perceptions of family relations or ‘‘getting along with family members,’’ identity expression, and perceived resources. A gay or lesbian identity develops over time and is considered established when an individual has a positive lesbian/gay self-image. Identity disclosure and expression are both behaviors. Disclosure or coming-out refers to acknowledging a gay identity to others. Identity expression involves behaviors ranging from attending lesbian/gay organizations to having a same-sex relationship. While development, expression, and disclosure often occur sequentially, others may exhibit
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
85
same-sex sexual behavior but not identify themselves as gay or lesbian. Alternatively, others may define and disclose their sexual identity but choose not to express it by avoiding lesbian/gay community activities and/or remaining celibate. This research is concerned with factors predicting identity disclosure. Research in the late 1960s using a nonrandom sample suggested that the average age of coming out was about 19 (Dank, 1972). Recent estimates of identity development and coming-out specify an average age of 16.3 for gay males (Troiden & Goode, 1980) with older mean ages for lesbians (Savin-Williams, 1990; Gonsiorek & Ruldolph, 1991). Not only do lesbians wait longer to come out, but many also choose not to tell their families at all (Berg-Cross, 1988). More recent research suggests that the average age of disclosure for adolescents is decreasing (Remafedi, 1987). While these statistics suffer from measurement problems (Herdt, 1989), it is clear that gay adolescents (especially urban teens) are becoming aware of their sexual identities at younger ages (Herdt, 1989). Adolescents often choose not to reveal concerns about their sexual orientation, opting instead to withdraw. This withdrawal is based on fear of parental rejection (Hersch, 1991), abuse (Savin-Williams, 1994), and a desire to avoid hurting or disappointing parents (Cramer & Roach, 1988). This fear is often justified, as coming out can have a negative impact on family life (Anderson, 1993-94). Parental rejection is often motivated by homophobia, fear of AIDS (Robinson & Walters, 1987) and traditional values (Newman & Muzzonigro, 1993). Some adolescents are able to overcome these barriers and tell their parents. It is proposed that coming out to parents is predicted by perceptions of family relations, lesbian/gay identity expression, and perceived resources. The theoretical perspective guiding this research is exchange theory. The proposed model is based on the premise that identity disclosure is negotiated by perceiving costs and rewards. Behaviors receiving greater rewards are more likely to be exhibited. Likewise, behaviors involving costs are less likely to be performed (Homans, 1974). Rewards are skewed towards heterosexual relations and costs towards lesbian/gay relations. Religion, political ideologies, and family structures reinforce heterosexual behaviors by negatively sanctioning behaviors linked to expressing a lesbian/gay identity. Prior research suggests factors such as political ideologies of parents, religiosity, and the
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
86
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
school environment negatively influence the degree of identity expression for gay and lesbian adolescents (Waldner-Haugrud & Magruder, 1996). In fact, the overwhelming negative reactions to gay persons are often sanctioned by religion (Garnets & Kimmel, 1991). Identity disclosure involves perceiving coming-out as more rewarding than costly. Such a process may be indefinite for some individuals. However, others develop, express, and disclose a lesbian/gay identity during adolescence. Whether or not this identity is disclosed to parents depends upon viewing the benefits of disclosure as greater than its costs. MODEL SPECIFICATION Figure 1 diagrams a fully recursive path model suggesting that coming-out to parents is influenced by perceptions of family relations, perceived resources, and identity expression. Gay youth who perceive supportive resources, are already expressing their identity, and who report weaker family relations are more ‘‘out’’ to their parents. The family represents a basic structural and relational arrangement which serves as a primary socialization agent by supporting heterosexual norms and values. Given the heterosexual orientation of families, parents of lesbian and gay adolescents assume their children are heterosexual (Herdt, 1989) and see no need to provide accurate information about homosexuality or the lesbian/gay community. In fact, some of the information provided by families may be inaccurate and negative. Although siblings’ reactions to a gay brother or lesbian sister are often more positive than parents (D’Augelli, 1994a), family members are often inadvertently a source of negative attitudes and stereotypes long before a child has realized he/she might be gay or lesbian (Greene, 1994a). Since neither parental nor sibling attitudes were measured, it cannot be assumed that all family members have negative views. However, Gallup poll data suggests that the majority of Americans have negative views towards homosexuality (Turque, 1992). Youth who report ‘‘getting along well’’ with family members may place a higher value on all information provided by their family or see no need to seek out alternative information. If negative information is provided about homosexuality, it may discourage gay youth from seeking out additional information from lesbian and gay-supportive resources. Therefore, we
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
87
FIGURE 1. Proposed model illustrating the effect of family relations on disclosure of a lesbian/gay identity to parents, mediated by the extent of perceived supportive resources and identity expression.
Expression of lesbian/gay identity
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
B
F
Family relations
D Disclosure of identity
C A E
Perceived lesbian/gay supportive resources
propose that strong family relations will discourage perceiving gay and lesbian supportive resources (Arrow A). We also propose a related hypotheses, family relations will also negatively impact identity expression (Arrow B). Parents and siblings may directly and indirectly discourage gay youth from participating in lesbian/gay organizations and same-sex dating. Children perceiving close ties with their families are less likely to defy family expectations because the costs are higher. Gay youth whose families are very important to them are less likely to risk losing the support of their family by exhibiting behaviors that would jeopardize that support. Additionally, parents do exercise some degree of control over their minor children which may interfere with same-sex dating, association with other gay persons, frequenting lesbian/gay organizations, and other identity expression indicators.
88
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Another influence on identity expression is the availability of pro lesbian/gay resources. The availability of resources such as lesbian/ gay organizations, supportive friendships, and counselors, might act to encourage identity expression. Prior research has established that gayaffirming resources are important for identity development (Gonsiorek, 1988; Gonsiorek and Rudolph, 1991). It is reasonable to assume these resources would also encourage identity expression by creating opportunities for same-sex interaction and other types of involvement in the lesbian/gay community. We hypothesize that perceiving supportive resources will encourage identity expression (Arrow C). In addition to discouraging identity expression, perceptions of family relations may also discourage coming out to parents. Gay and lesbian adolescents weigh the perceived costs of disclosing a gay/lesbian identity to parents. Children with stronger ties to their families (as measured by perceptions of family relations) may be more reluctant to come out because they may care more about their parent’s reaction. Hunter and Schaecher (1990:302) argue that ‘‘the family is the most important group to which a young person belongs . . . Finding it difficult to predict how the family will react, the adolescent fears confronting them with his/her homosexuality. He or she fears losing family approval and support . . . Fearing this rejection, the young person will hide his/her sexual orientation as long as possible.’’ Martin and Hetrick (1988:174) also support this view by suggesting that ‘‘the primary familial problem for the adolescent . . . lies in the cognitive dissonance that arises from . . . knowledge of the family’s expectations and the contradiction that the adolescent’s homosexuality poses for these expectations.’’ Children having family members with negative views have a much more difficult time. While it seems reasonable that strong family ties may be linked to warmth and acceptance by other family members, which may encourage disclosure, there is no guarantee for the gay or lesbian adolescent that this acceptance will continue once family members are aware of the adolescent’s sexual identity. In fact, Martin and Hetrick (1988) suggest that gay minors refrain from telling their parents because physical violence and homelessness are real concerns, even for gay youth having a positive pre-disclosure relationship with their parents. While some youth fear rejection, others want to avoid hurting and disappointing parents (Cramer & Roach, 1988). Past research suggests these concerns are valid for many youth. In
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
89
one study, approximately 10% of gay youth who disclosed their gay identity to fathers were kicked out of their homes (Boxer, Cook, & Herdt, 1991). Both Weinberg (1972) and Jones (1978) found parental reactions to disclosure were quite negative consisting primarily of two responses: (1) negative misconceptions about homosexuals, and (2) feelings of failure and guilt. Consistent with these misconceptions, parents treat homosexual children in a stigmatized and stereotyped manner, severing family ties (Collins & Zimmerman, 1983; Devine, 1984; Fairchild & Hayward, 1979; Strommen, 1989). While mothers are generally more accepting than fathers (Boxer et al., 1991; D’Augelli, 1994a), research suggests familial reactions are still quite negative; one study found that 61% of the violence aimed at gays and lesbians was perpetrated by family members (Hunter, 1990). Both Collins and Zimmerman (1983) and Devine (1984) assert that parental reaction is guided by structural factors as well as regulative, cohesive, and thematic issues specific to a particular family. Negative consequences of parental intolerance include: an increase in male teen prostitution because children are thrown out of the home (Bales, 1985) and high teen suicide rates (Kournay, 1987). Parents having a positive pre-disclosure relationship with their children are more likely to resolve the situation in a healthier manner which benefits both parent and child (Borhek, 1983; Fairchild & Hayward, 1979; Savin-Williams, 1989; Silverstein, 1977; Weinberg, 1972). The irony is that although parents with a positive pre-disclosure relationship with their gay child may handle ‘‘coming-out’’ better, the model predicts these children are less likely to ‘‘come-out’’ for reasons already cited. Past research suggests other predictors of disclosure that were not tested here including having younger parents and high adolescent self-esteem (Savin-Williams, 1989). We propose that positive perceptions of family relations are associated with lower levels of disclosure (Arrow D). Perceiving supportive resources can counteract the effects of family closeness by encouraging disclosure to parents (Arrow E). Specifically, ‘‘coming-out’’ is less costly if the adolescent is not exclusively dependent on parents for social, emotional, and financial support. Alternative sources of support include resources such as counselors, organizations, and friends. As suggested by D’Augelli (1994b:128) ‘‘disclosure to family . . . is now facilitated by increased cultural
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
90
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
acceptance, more positive imagery in the media, and much more gayaffirming resources.’’ Finally, the model proposes that identity expression influences disclosure (Arrow F). Children expressing their identity through samesex dating and participation in organizations and community events may find it increasingly difficult to hide their homosexuality from parents. Risking parental rejection or disappointment may be less costly than covering for time spent with same-sex partners or at community activities. Furthermore, it is difficult to deny one’s sexual identity when confronted with behaviors which seemingly confirm that identity. In summary, the following hypotheses will be tested: (a) positive family relations will negatively impact perceiving gay and lesbian supportive resources, (b) positive family relations will negatively impact identity expression, (c) perceiving supportive resources will positively impact identity expression, (d) positive family relations will negatively impact identity disclosure, and (e) identity expression will result in higher levels of disclosure.
METHODS Sample A questionnaire was administered to self-identified gay adolescents attending a clinical-based support group designed to provide resources for gay and lesbian youth dealing with sexual orientation issues. Support group participants were asked to distribute the survey to other gay or lesbian youth. Respondents were given a questionnaire with a preaddressed and postage-paid envelope. No identifying marks were placed on either the questionnaire or the envelope to ensure anonymity. An attached cover letter indicated the purpose of the study and safeguards used to protect respondents. Through snowball sampling, the initial clinical sample of 35 expanded to include 172 self-identified (white) gays and lesbians, with 85 females and 87 males ranging in age from 14-18. The average age of the respondents was 17. The majority (95%) were from a suburban, upper East coast community. The families of the adolescents were primarily middle-class, with fairly stable incomes and professional occupations (61%). Further-
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
91
more, family structures were substantially dual-earner with the majority of respondents living with both parents (78%). Unfortunately, the support group facilitator responsible for data collection and survey design did not note how many surveys were circulated, so a response rate cannot be calculated. Measurement Variables were operationalized with both behavioral and perceptual measures. Several researchers support perceptual measures as valid indices of measurement (Acock & Bengston, 1980; Gecas & Schawlbe, 1986; Kerckoff & Huff, 1974). Family Relations. The extent that gay youth identified with their families was measured by the following question: ‘‘Before you realized (or suspected) you were gay, how well did you get along with your family?’’ Respondents chose one of five responses ranging from 1 = ‘‘I have never related to my family’’ to 5 = ‘‘I related to my family very well.’’ There are many reasons children might not get along with their parents besides the sexual orientation of the child. It was necessary to ascertain the parent-child relationship at a pre-identity stage, before being gay becomes an issue. Furthermore, in order to use family relations as a predictor of disclosure, it was necessary to measure before disclosure may have occurred. The distribution of the variable suggests it may be slightly skewed (M = 3.12; SD = 1.12). Perceived Resources (Gay/Lesbian Social Support Networks). The extent of perceived resources was assessed by asking the respondents to indicate approximately how many friends, support groups, family members, organizations, and acquaintances were supportive of homosexuals. The adolescents selected one of the following five response categories: 1 = ‘‘0-5,’’ 2 = ‘‘6 = 10,’’ 3 = ‘‘11-15,’’ 4 = ‘‘16-20,’’ and 5 = ‘‘21 or more’’ (M = 2.46; SD = 1.21). Identity Disclosure to Parents. ‘‘Coming-out’’ can range on a continuum from no disclosure to dropping hints and directly telling others. Respondents were asked to indicate the extent they had come out to their parents. Response categories ranged from 1 = ‘‘have no idea that I may be gay’’ to 5 = ‘‘are fully aware that I am gay.’’ We did not distinguish between adolescents who disclosed only to one parent and those who disclosed to both. Nor did we distinguish between mothers and fathers (M = 2.43; SD = 1.35). Identity Expression. The degree of identity expression was as-
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
92
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
sessed by two questions measuring participation in gay/lesbian organizations and gay/lesbian sexual frequency. Participation was measured by asking respondents to choose one of five response categories to the question: ‘‘During the past month, how many gay organizations, groups, or meetings have you attended?’’ The responses ranged from ‘‘0’’ to ‘‘4 or more.’’ Respondents were also asked to indicate their frequency of same-sex sexual activity. These two measures correlated fairly well as indicated by Pearson’s r (r = .68; p < .001). This variable was positively skewed reflecting the manner in which the sample was gathered (M = 4.62; SD = 1.98). Since the sample originated in a community-based lesbian/gay support group and the friends of those attending the group, we would expect to see a higher mean for resources. Unfortunately, it is virtually impossible to collect a truly random sample of lesbian and gay adolescents (Savin-Williams, 1995).
RESULTS Statistical analysis of the data consisted of computing zero-ordered correlations coefficients (Pearson’s r) and testing the combined effects of independent variables on the dependent variables using LISREL 7 (Joreskog & Sorbom, 1989). The model tested here is a fully recursive or just-identified model which always has a 2 = 0 and df = 0 (Pedhazur, 1982). Because this is a saturated model, a goodness of fit index cannot be computed. The reason for using LISREL over a more conventional path model was so the significance of indirect effects could be calculated. Otherwise, LISREL is producing the same results as OLS regression. At the bivariate level, strong evidence is provided to indicate that perceptions of family relations, identity expression, and perceived resources are associated with disclosing to parents. All correlation coefficients were statistically significant at the .05 level and in the direction predicted. Additionally, all correlations can be assessed as moderate in strength. Table 1 reports all correlation coefficients for all variables estimated in the model. Structural equation modeling results, as estimated by LISREL 7, are illustrated in Figure 2. Perceptions of family relations (path A) has a significant negative direct effect (t = 6.10) on perceived
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder TABLE 1. Correlation matrix for all indicators. 1 1. Family Identification 2. Perceived Resources 3. Identity Expression
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
93
2
3
4
1.00 .42* .47* .40* 1.00 .41* .51* 1.00 .49* 1.00
4. Identity Disclosure
Note: * p < .05 a level N = 172
resources for gay adolescents ( = .42) indicating that the higher the degree of ‘‘getting along’’ (family relations), the less resources adolescents perceived were available. Family relations explained 18% of the variance in perceived resources for gay adolescents (R2 = .18). Both perceptions of family relations and perceived resources are strong predictors of identity expression. Adolescents who reported ‘‘getting along well with their families’’ are significantly (t = 5.01) less likely to express their identity through attending lesbian/gay organizations or having same-sex relations (path B, = .36). Perceptions of resources counteracts the effects of perceived closeness by significantly (t = 3.60) contributing to identity expression (path C, = .26). In other words, the more pro-lesbian/gay resources perceived, the greater the degree of identity expression. Family relations and pro-lesbian/gay resources explained approximately 28% of the variance associated with identity expression (R 2 = .28). Perceptions of family relations is not a significant predictor (t = 1.52) of identity disclosure or coming-out to parents ( = .11). However, both identity expression ( = .30; t = 4.16) and perceived resources ( = .34; t = 4.90) did significantly and positively influence disclosure. About 37% of the variance in disclosure is explained by the effects of family relations, perceived resources, and identity expression (R2 = .37).
94
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
FIGURE 2. The impact of family relations on disclosure of a lesbian/gay identity to parents.
R2 = .28
Expression of lesbian/gay identity
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
-.36**
.30**
Family relations
-.11 Disclosure of identity
.26** -.42** .34** R2 = .37
Perceived lesbian/gay supportive resources
Note: ** indicates p < .01 N = 172
level R2 = .18
Significance levels for indirect effects were calculated with the aid of LISREL. Family relations has a significant (t = 2.75) indirect effect on identity expression through perceived resources. Family relations also indirectly and significantly influences coming out through identity expression and perceived resources (t = 5.80). Perceived resources indi-
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder TABLE 2. Decomposition of effects. Total Direct .42** .36** .26** .11 .34** .30** Indirect 0.00 .11** (se = .04)
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
95
Perceived Resources Family Relations Identity Expression Family Relations
.42 .47 .26 .40 .42 .30
Perceived Resources
0.00 .29** (se =.05) .08** (se = .03) 0.00
Identity Disclosure Family Relations
Perceived Resources Identity Expression
Note: ** p < .01 a level N = 172
rectly and significantly influences identity disclosure through identity expression (t = 2.66). Table 2 lists all total, direct, and indirect effects.
DISCUSSION The results provide some evidence that coming-out to parents is affected by perceptions of available pro-gay resources, identity expression, and perceptions of ‘‘getting along’’ (family relations). First, family relations negatively influences perceptions of available resources. Parents assume their children are heterosexual and see no need to educate them about homosexuality. Children who report ‘‘getting along well’’ (family relations) with their families perceive fewer resources because they may place less value on finding alternative information. From the perspective of a gay child, seeking out alternative information may be costly because it violates family expectations. This may result in fewer informational resources to challenge both heterosexual norms and values.
96
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Secondly, family relations significantly and negatively influence identity expression. Gay children who report getting along well with their families may believe it is more costly to violate heterosexual norms and values by expressing a gay identity. Fearing sanctions such as rejection or disapproval, gay children may initially find it less costly to avoid expressing a gay identity. Even if families do not have negative views of homosexuality, children with strong identification may try to meet the heterosexual expectations of their predominately heterosexual families. Perceived resources positively affects identity expression as measured by lesbian/gay organization involvement and same-sex sexual frequency. Adolescents perceiving supportive resources have alternative sources of information to challenge heterosexual norms and values. Supportive resources may mediate the effects of family relations by making it less costly to express a gay identity. Family relations have a both a negative direct and indirect effect on identity expression. This has important implications for adolescents because same-sex dating and interaction with other gay persons provide the necessary resocialization experiences needed for healthy adult relationships. Levine and Barbach (1985) suggest that partners are the most important source for modifying sexual norms. Furthermore, preventing gay adolescents from associating with other gays has a negative impact on psychological well-being (Schneider, 1991). An interesting finding is that although perceptions of family relations do not directly reduce the degree of disclosure to parents, the significant indirect effect renders family relations an important variable. In fact, the size of the indirect effect exceeds the direct effect. Less positive family relations decrease identity disclosure through the relationship with both identity expression and gay-supportive resources perceived by the adolescent. Family relations, then, dilute the direct positive effects of these variables and should be considered in future models. Both identity expression and perceptions of resources have positive effects on identity disclosure. This suggests that having supportive resources and opportunities for identity expression can help gay youth overcome the effects of family relations. Implications for those who work with gay youth are to continue to provide resources and ‘‘safe’’ places for gay youth to express their identity. This also suggests that gay youth living in rural areas are less able to counter the effects of
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
97
family relations because often, few, if any, resources are available and fewer opportunities for identity expression. The model explains some of the variance for all three dependent variables, but the model is more successful explaining identity expression and disclosure than perceived resources. Future research should consider other variables which may also influence disclosure including region, religion, urban/rural, and traditional gender-role ideologies. Adherence to religious beliefs, traditional gender-roles, and conservative political ideologies may raise the cost of gay identity expression and disclosure. Besides the inclusion of other variables, measurement should also be more precise for identity disclosure by differentiating between mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, and employers. D’Augelli (1994a) tells us that children are more likely to tell mothers and siblings than fathers. At the very least, more information about how family dynamics affects disclosure to parents is needed. While the findings provide some interesting information on factors affecting disclosure, sampling limitations, lack of multiple indicators, and the imprecise operationalization of other key variables render the findings preliminary. We would have preferred a family relations variable with items differentiating between mother, father, and siblings. Additionally, when measuring perceived resources respondents were only asked to count how many resources were available to them. It seems that both quantity and quality are important and should both be measured. Finally, this sample was non-random and homogenous lacking in class, racial, and family structure diversity. The experiences of adolescents from two-parent, dual-earner families do not mirror the increasingly common single-parent and bi-nuclear family structures. Unfortunately, we were not involved with designing the survey instrument or data collection and were given access to the data in exchange for providing the service agency with some descriptive statistics. We would have preferred the more precise operationalization of variables and the use of multiple indicators. While these concerns should be addressed in future research, we believe the paucity of data on gay and lesbian youth justifies data analysis to provide some preliminary information. Disclosure of a gay/lesbian identity for adolescents requires a resocialization experience in which adolescents adopt new sexual norms
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
98
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
and values. Alternative resources facilitate this by providing extra-familial sources of information and approval. When the balance of support exceeds the perceived costs of rejection, hurt, and disappointment, the adolescent will disclose to parents. The implication for the gay/lesbian community and agencies working with gay youth is to expand services for youth by providing information and support. This includes reaching out to parents through organizations such as Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Youth with less dependency on their families for information and support are more likely to come out to their parents which is important for both healthy families and adolescents. REFERENCES
Acock, A. and Bengston, V. (1980). Socialization and attribution processes: Actual versus perceived similarity among parents and youth. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 42, 501-515. Albro, J. and Tully, C. (1979). A study of lesbian lifestyles in the homosexual micro-culture and the heterosexual macro culture. Journal of Homosexuality, 4, 331-343. Anderson, D.A. (1993-1994). Lesbian and gay adolescents: Social and developmental considerations. High School Journal, 77, 13-19. Bales, J. (1985). Gay adolescents’ pain compounded. APA Monitor, 16, 21. Berg-Cross, L. (1988). Lesbians, family process and individuation. Journal of College Student Psychotherapy, 3, 97-112. Borhek, M. (1983). Coming out to parents. New York, NY: Pilgrim Press. Boxer, A.M., Cook, J.A. and Herdt, G. (1991). Double jeopardy: Identity transitions and parent-child relations among gay and lesbian youth. In K. Pillemer & K. McCartney (Eds.), Parent and child relations throughout life (pp. 59-92). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum. Collins, L. and Zimmerman, N. (1983). Homosexual and bisexual issues. In J. Hansen, J. Woody, & R. Woody (Eds.), Sexual issues in family therapy (pp. 82-100). Rockville, MD: Aspen Publications. Cramer, D.W. and Roach, A.J. (1988). Coming out to mom and dad: A study of gay males and their relationships with their parents. Journal of Homosexuality, 15, 79-91. Dank, B. (1972). Why homosexuals marry heterosexual women. Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, 6, 14-23. D’Augelli, A.R. (1994a). Lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth and their families: Disclosure of sexual orientation and its consequences. Paper presented at the American Psychological Society, Washington, D.C. D’Augelli, A.R. (1994b). Lesbian and gay male development: Steps toward an analysis of lesbians’ and gay men’s lives. In Greene, B. and Herek, G.M. (Eds.). Psychological perspectives on lesbian and gay issues: Vol 1. Lesbian and gay
Lisa K. Waldner and Brian Magruder
99
psychology: Theory, research, and clinical applications. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. Devine, J. (1984). A systemic inspection of affectional preference orientation and the family origin. Journal of Social Work & Human Sexuality, 2, 9-17. Erickson, E. (1963). Childhood and society. New York: Norton. Fairchild, B., & Hayward, N. (1979). Now that you know: What every parent should know about homosexuality. New York, NY: Harcourt, Brace, & Jovanovich. Garnets, L. and Kimmel, D. (1991). Lesbian and gay male dimensions in the psychological study of human diversity. In J. Goodchilds (Ed.), Psychological perspective on human diversity in America: Master lectures (pp. 143-192), Washington, D.C., American Psychological Association. Gecas, V., & Schwalbe, M. (1986). Parental behavior and adolescent self-esteem. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 48, 37-46. Gonsiorek, J.C. (1988). Mental health issues of gay and lesbian adolescents. Journal of Adolescent Health Care, 9, 114-122. Gonsiorek, J.C. and Rudolph, J.R. (1991). Homosexual identity: Coming out and other developmental events, In J.C. Gonsiorek and J.D. Weinrich (Eds.), Homosexuality (pp. 161-176). Newbury Park: Sage. Greene, B. (1994a). Ethnic and minority lesbians and gay men: Mental health and treatment issues. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 62, 243-251. Greene, B. (1994b). Lesbian and gay sexual orientations. In Greene, B. and Herek, G.M. (Eds.). Psychological perspectives on lesbian and gay issues: Vol 1. Lesbian and gay psychology: Theory, research, and clinical applications. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. Herdt, G. (1989). Gay and lesbian youth. Journal of Homosexuality, 17, 1-4. Hersch, P. (1991). Secret lives: Lesbian and gay teens in fear of discovery. The Family Therapy Networker, 36-39, 41-43. Homans, G.C. (1974). Social behavior: Its elementary forms. Rev. Ed. New York: Harcourt, Brace, and Jovanovich. Hunter, J. (1990). Violence against lesbian and gay male youths. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 5, 295-300. Hunter, J. and Schaecher, R. (1990). Lesbian and Gay Youth, In M.J. Rotheram-Borus, J. Bradley and N. Obolensky (Eds.), Planning to live: Evaluating and treating suicidal teens in a community setting (pp. 297-316). Tulsa: University of Oklahoma Press. Joreskog, K.M. and Sorbom, D. (1989). Lisrel 7: A guide to the program and applications. Chicago, IL: SPSS, Inc. Jones, C. (1978). Understanding gay relatives and friends. New York, NY: Seabury. Kerkoff, A., and Huff, J. (1974). Parental influence on educational goals. Sociometry, 37, 307-327. Kourany, R. (1987). Suicide among gay adolescents. Journal of Homosexuality, 13, 111-17. Levine, L. and Barbach, L. (1985). The intimate male. New York: Signet Books. Martin, D. (1982). Learning to hide: The socialization of the gay adolescent. In Feinstein, Looney, Schwartzberg, and Sorosky (Eds.), Adolescent Psychiatry, Vol. 10, (pp. 52-65). Chicago, Ill: University of Chicago Press.
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
100
JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Martin, A.D. and Hetrick, E.S. (1988). The stigmatization of the gay and lesbian adolescent. Journal of Homosexuality, 15, 163-183. Maylon, A. (1982). Biphasic aspects of homosexual identity formation. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, and Practice, 19, 335-40. Newman, B.S. and Muzzonigro, P.G. (1993). The effects of traditional family values on the coming out process of gay male adolescents. Adolescence, 28, 213-226. Pedhazur, E.J. (1982). Multiple Regression in Behavioral Research. New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston. Remafedi, G. (1987). Male homosexuality: The adolescent’s perspective. Pediatrics, 79, 326-330. Robinson, B. and Walters, L. (1987). The AIDS epidemic hits home. Psychology Today (April), 48-52. Savin-Williams, R.C. (1989). Coming out to parents and self-esteem among gay and lesbian youths. Journal of Homosexuality, 18, 1-35. Savin-Williams, R.C. (1990). Gay and lesbian youths: Expressions of identity. Washington, DC: Hemisphere. Savin-Williams, R.C. (1994). Verbal and physical abuse as stressors in the lives of lesbian, gay male and bisexual youths: Associations with school problems, running away, substance abuse, prostitution, and suicide. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 62, 261-269. Savin-Williams, R.C. (1995). An exploratory study of pubertal maturation timing and self-esteem among gay and bisexual male youths. Developmental Psychology, 31, 56-64. Savin-Williams, R.C. and Lenhart, R.E. (1990). AIDS prevention among lesbian and gay youth: Psychosocial stress and health care intervention guidelines. In D.G. Ostrow (Ed.), Behavioral aspects of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (pp. 75-99). New York: Plenum Press. Schneider, M. (1991). Developing services for lesbian and gay adolescents. Canadian Journal of Community Mental Health, 10, 133-151. Silverstein, C. (1977). A Family matter: A parent’s guide to homosexuality. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill. Strommen, E. (1989). You’re a what? Family member reactions to the disclosure of homosexuality. Journal of Homosexuality, 18, 37-58. Troiden, R. (1989). Gay and lesbian identity: A sociological analysis. Dix Hills: General Hall, Inc. Troiden, R. and Goode, E. (1980). Variables related to the acquisition of a gay identity. Journal of Homosexuality, 5, 383-392. Turque, B. (1992). Gays under fire. Newsweek, 34-40. Weinberg, G. (1972). Society and the healthy homosexual. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press. Waldner-Haugrud, L.K. and Magruder, B. (1996). The expression of homosexual identity among lesbian and gay adolescents: An analysis of perceived structural associations. Youth and Society, 313-333.
Downloaded By: [B-on Consortium - 2007] At: 19:33 23 February 2011
