Correspondence

Published on February 2017 | Categories: Documents | Downloads: 20 | Comments: 0 | Views: 275
of 3
Download PDF   Embed   Report

Comments

Content

A long overdue explanation.
It’s been about an hour since you read my last message, months since
our last amiable conversation, and years since our first encounter. Even
though the deepest confinements of my mind stir in utmost confusion, and
my apathetic posture is broken by suppressed disdain within myself, I am left
in utter discomfort with the last words we’ve said to one another. Therefore, I
shall take upon myself the task of imprinting onto this document everything
that I’ve either experienced or thought concerning you since the events that
stirred that inexorable, juxtapositional fate responsible for our disintegration
as a couple, and more importantly, as friends. I shall note that there is not a
single ounce of grudging ill-will in myself towards you, even though the
subsequent lines might appear to negate this statement. You asked for an
explanation, and I shall correspond accordingly out of respect for our dead
friendship. Consider this my way of saying thank you.
Honestly, I can’t remember that which made me desire for the wind to
come from any direction to take me away, nor can I remember whether it
arose before or after four months of negligence from your part. It was the
January of 2013, and my mind was fixed on the January of 2016. Years were
lost in minutes of hatred and I denied this fact. With a newfound love for
science, art, and literature, I decided to suppress your memory for as long as
I could. I couldn’t tell the difference between the present day and the
morrow. All I could think about, besides your memory, was books. My glow
was gone.
I consumed a considerable amount of literature and drowned my
sorrows in music. My walks through this city increased in length, and my
reliance on cigarettes escalated exponentially as well. If you’re
knowledgeable about the 5 stages of grief, you could say I was going through
the “bargaining” phase.
If I recall correctly, I stayed for about a month in this state of mind, and
(during the first week of high school) I eventually broke down. I came back
one hot August day from my daily routine and realized that I was alone. I sat
down in my backyard, weeping to my contempt. I had developed this attitude
towards others of disinterest. None really minded me, and I minded none.
This is where I realized the burden your memory had on me.

After my father left, Mother told me that if someone you care about
hurts you to a point in which you can’t even function accordingly, the best
course of action to take is to consider them physically dead. This -besides
helping the subject of hurt not to taint the perpetrator’s memory with
resentment- will surely speed up the grieving process. I made a pledge to
myself. I stopped waiting for a message from your part to reach me, for
disappointment requires expectation. I befriended 3 very amiable persons,
which I still love and frequent to this very day. My outlook on life changed
and I cut all poisonous friendships. I was on my way to personal prevalence
and stability.
A month or two passed and dead foliage left from a once beautiful tree
crawled its way back to my hands. A message from your part came to my life
with panting effects. I do not recall its subject matter, but I do remember
feeling different towards you. Still, I desired to hold on to you. “Nostalgic”
isn’t the right word to describe my attitude, but is the first that comes to
mind. We corresponded for some days and you eventually noticed my
inaccessible responses to your self. An inevitable discussion gave way to
separation once again, yet this time I didn’t feel as upset as I once did.
This is where I draw the line. We’ve exchanged few words within the
last year and I am in a very different position to the one I was in. I find myself
to be enjoying life as it is. I can no longer be of support to you, I’ve failed
you. This is where I ask for you to send my present self to oblivion. You
showed me how to love. Countless nights were spent between ourselves
exchanging ideas and emotions. We accepted each other, and I will always
thank you for that. Thanks to you, I’ve learned that there will always be a
hemisphere for a person. Your memory will not be tainted by the present nor
the future, for the past will always remain unchanged. I sincerely wish you
nothing but the best in every single aspect of your life. I find quite
discouraging that I can no longer reciprocate to you as you do to me. We
weren’t lovers as much as we were friends, yet we were not friends as much
as we were lovers. This paradoxical relationship we once had left me full of
abstract feelings I lack the vocabulary to adequately describe. I encourage
you to love, cherish, and breathe those that you find worthy of your time and
attentions. I’m quite sure that we will end up harming each other more if we
decided to reunite. Our feelings are destined to be out of synchronization for
evermore.

With everything said from my part, I must stress that you can no longer
milk this stone that is our friendship. If it was a Pyura Chilensis, it ceased to
live long ago. I can’t say I haven’t aged in these past two years. I’ve
outgrown what I used to be. I’ve spent some years alone, at the price of
forgetting you.
I apologize.

Sponsor Documents

Or use your account on DocShare.tips

Hide

Forgot your password?

Or register your new account on DocShare.tips

Hide

Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link to create a new password.

Back to log-in

Close