Dear Jacob

Jacob, I'm writing to you to express my hateful feelings towards you. Here it goes: Childhood Friends Do Not Equal Lovers just because you made mud pies as children , it does not mean she wants to be with you. She didn't even remember you; that' s how much of an impression you made on her. Ha ha ha you lameo. You came to prom! What was with that? My prom! Not yours! You go to some crappy native American school where your idea of prom is dancing around the campfire ma king that stupid red Indian sound with your mouth and your hand! Your father is disabled? Yeah right! He was seen driving a car! Paralysed my ass ! What was he doing behind the wheel of the car? And then five seconds later bei ng wheeled around! What was with that? You are a dirty stinky dog. Stay away. You'll never have Bella. Stop trying. Bella loves me. She does not love you. Fuck off. Cut your hair you lazy piece of shit. You look like a freak and my future mutant baby will be embarrassed by you if you don't cut it. I don't care if it's cool on the reservation. Get some new friends. The ones on the beach could do with a makeover and a hairc ut. Not to mention a wash. Get away from my girl. You'll never get your paws on Bella. I will never leave her. You smell. Have a wash. You're ugly. Nothing can change that. They are make-up artists; not miracle work ers. You're shorter than me. Well, for now. You don't look good in a cagoule. Neither does Bella. The next time it's raining ; go inside. I couldn't bear to see that again. You are a MANSLUT. You repulse me. I HATE YOU. I hope you take none of this personally, it's just business. Yours Sincerely, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen (aka snugglemuffin)