Domestic Violence

 

INTRODUCTION:

Domest Dom estic ic vio violen lence, ce, also kno known wn as dom domest estic ic abu abuse, se, spo spousal usal abu abuse, se, chi child ld abuse or intimate partner violence (IPV), can be broadly defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, friends or cohabitation. Domestic violence has many forms including physical aggression (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, sexual   restr strai ain ning, ing, slap slappi ping ng,, thr hrow owin ing g ob objjec ects ts), ), or th thrreat ats s th the ereo eof; f; sexual abuse;; emotional abuse emotional abuse abuse;; con contro troll lling ing or dom domine ineeri ering; ng; intimidation intimidation;; stalking stalking;; neglect); ); an and d econo economic mic depri deprivatio vation n. Dom Domest estic ic passive/cov passiv e/covert ert abuse (e.g. (e.g.,, neglect crime,, depending on local statutes, violence may or may not constitute a crime sev se ver erit ity y

an and d du dura rati tion on of sp spec ecif ific ic ac acts ts,, an and d othe otherr va vari riab able les. s. Al Alco coho holl

consumption and ment mental al illn illness ess can be co-morbid with abuse abuse,, and prese present nt additional challenges when present alongside patterns of abuse. Awareness, perception and documentation of domestic violence differs from country to country, and from era to era. Estimates are that only about a third of cases of domestic violence are actually reported in the United States and the United Kingdom. According to the Centers for Disease Control, Control, domestic violence is a serious, preventable public health problem affecting more than 32 million Americans, or over 10% of the U.S. population Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars. 1

 

Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of  the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out. There is help available. a vailable.

HISTORY:

 The first attested use of the expression "domestic violence" in a modern cont co ntex ext, t, me mean anin ing g "spo "spous use e abu abuse se,, viol violen ence ce in the the ho home me"" wa was s in 19 1977 77.. Violence between spouses has long been considered a serious problem. The legal precedent condemning spousal United States has a lengthy history of  of legal abuse. In 1879, law scholar Nicholas St. John Green wrote, "The cases in the American courts are uniform against the right of the husband to use any [physical] [phys ical] chastise chastisement, ment, moderat moderate e or other otherwise, wise, toward the wife, for any purpose." Green also cites the 1641 Body of Liberties of the Massachusetts Bay colonists -— one of the first legal documents in North American history —- as an early de jure condemnation of violence by either spouse. 2

 

Popular emphasis has tended to be on women as the victims of domestic violence. Many studies show that women suffer greater rates of injury due to domestic violence, and some studies show that women suffer higher rates of    other studies show that while men tend to inflict injury at higher assault. Yet,

rates, rat es, the maj majori ority ty of dom domest estic ic viole violence nce ove overal ralll is recip reciproc rocal. al. How Howeve ever, r, the National Institute of Justice points out that the "studies that find that women abuse men equally or even more than men abuse women are based on dat data a com compil piled ed thr throug ough h the Confl Conflict ict Tac Tactic tics s Sca Scale le (CT (CTS), S), a sur survey vey tool developed in the 1970s. CTS may not be appropriate for intimate partner viole violence nce resear research ch bec because ause it doe does s not mea measur sure e con contro trol, l, coe coerci rcion, on, or the motives for conflict tactics; it also leaves out sexual assault and violence by ex-spouses or partners and does not determine who initiated the violence." Centers rs for Dise Disease ase Contr Control ol   Moreover More over,, "nati "national onal surv surveys eys suppor supported ted by NIJ, NIJ, Cente and Prevention, Prevention, and Bureau of Justice Statistics that examine more serious assaults do not support the conclusion of similar rates of male and female spousa spo usall assa assault ults. s. The These se sur survey veys s are con conduc ducted ted wit within hin a saf safety ety or cr crime ime cont co ntex extt an and d cl clear early ly fi find nd mo more re pa part rtne nerr ab abus use e by me men n ag agai ains nstt wo wome men. n."" Michael Flood and Michael Kimmel separately argue that the men's rights movement "tells the lie that domestic violence is gender-equal or genderneutral – that men and women assault each other at equal rates and with equal effects." Modern attention to domestic violence began in the women's movement of  women' en's s ri right ghts s, as co conc ncer ern n the 19 1970 70s, s, par partic ticula ularl rly y wit within hin feminism and wom about wives being beaten by their husbands gained attention. Only since the late 1970s, and particularly in the masculism and men's movements of the 1990 19 90s, s, has th the e pr prob oble lem m of do dome mest stic ic viol violen ence ce ag agai ainst nst me men n ga gain ined ed an any y significant attention. Estimates show that 248 of every 1,000 females and 76 of every 1,000 males are victims of physical assault and/or rape committed by their spouses. A 1997 report says significantly more men than women do not disclose the identity of their attacker. There is no evidence however that 3

 

male victims are more likely to under-report than female victims. In fact, men tend to over-estimate their partner’s violence and under-estimate their own,, whi own while le wom women en do the re rever verse se (Ki (Kimme mmell 20 2001 01,, 10 10-11 -11). ).  A 2009 study showed that there was greater acceptance for abuse perpetrated by females th than an by ma male les. s. Se Seve vera rall stud studie ies s ha have ve co conf nfir irme med d that that wo wome men’ n’s s ph phys ysic ical al violence towards intimate male partners is often in self-defense (DeKeseredy et al. 1997; Hamberger et al. 1994; Swan & Snow 2002, 301; Muelleman & Burgess 1998, 866). 

DEFINITION:  The term "intimate partner violence" (IPV) is often used synonymously with domestic abuse/domestic violence. Family violence is a broader definition, ofte often n us used ed to incl includ ude e chi child ld abus abuse e, eld elder er abus abuse e, an and d othe otherr vi viol olen entt ac actts betw be twee een n fam famil ily y me memb mber ers. s. Wi Wife fe abu abuse se,, wi wife fe be beat atin ing, g, an and d ba batt tter erin ing g are are descriptive terms that have lost popularity recently for at least two reasons: Acknowledgment that many victims are not actually married to the abuser, but rather cohabiting or other arrangement. Abuse can take other forms than physical abuse and males are often victims of violence as well. Other forms of abuse may be constantly occurring, while physical abuse happens occasionally. illness,, self These other forms of abuse have the potential to lead to mental illness harm,, and even attempts at suicide harm suicide.. AMARTYA SEN calculated that more than 100 million females and follow up studies showed that between 60 million and 107 million women are missing worldwide. Offi fice ce on Vi Viol olen ence ce Ag Agai ains nstt Wo Wome men n (OV (OVW) W) def define ines s dom domest estic ic   The U. S. Of violence as a "pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate 4

 

partner". The definition adds that domestic violence "can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender", and that it can take many forms, including physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional, economic, and psychological abuse.  The Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service in the United United   Kingdom in its "Domestic Violence Policy" uses domestic violence to refer to a range of violent and abusive behaviours, defining it as: Patterns of behaviour characterised by the misuse of power and control by one person over another who are or have been in an intimate relationship. It can occur in mixed gender relationships and same gender relationships and has profound consequences for the lives of children, individuals, families and communities. It may be physical, sexual, emotional and/or psychological. The latter may inclu latter include de intim intimidati idation, on, harass harassment ment,, damage to prope property, rty, thre threats ats and financial abuse. abuse. In Spain, the 2004 Measures of Integral Protection Measures against Gender Violence defined gender violence as a violence that is directed at women for th the e ve very ry fac factt of be bein ing g wo wome men. n. Th The e law law ac ackn know owle ledg dges es that that agg aggre ress ssio ions ns against women have a particular incidence in the reality of Spain and that gender violence stands as the most brutal symbol of the inequality persisting in Spain. According to the law, women are considered by their attackers as lacking the basic rights of freedom, respect, and power of decision.

UNDERSTANDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE: Domestic abuse, also known asspousal abuse, abuse , occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.. violence

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Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domest Dom estic ic vio viole lence nce and abu abuse se doe does s not dis discri crimin minate ate.. It hap happen pens s amo among ng heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges ran ges,, eth ethnic nic bac backgr kgroun ounds, ds, and eco econom nomic ic lev levels els.. And whi while le wom women en are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a wo woma man, n, a teen teenag ager er,, or an ol olde derr ad adul ult. t. Yo You u de dese serv rve e to fe feel el va valu lued ed,, respected, and safe.

RECOGNISING ABUSE IN THE FIRST STEP STEP:: Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and an d ps psyc ycho holo logi gica call co cons nseq eque uenc nces es of do dome mest stic ic ab abus use e are are al also so se seve vere re.. Emot Em otio iona nall lly y abu abusi sive ve re rela lati tion onsh ship ips s can de dest stro roy y yo your ur se self lf-w -wor orth th,, lead lead to anxi an xiet ety y an and d de depr pres essi sion on,, an and d ma make ke yo you u fe feel el he help lple less ss an and d al alon one. e. No on one e should have to endure this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is rec recogn ognizi izing ng tha thatt you yourr sit situati uation on is abu abusiv sive. e. Onc Once e you ack acknow nowled ledge ge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:  There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—c partn er—constan onstantly tly watchin watching g what you say and do in order to avoid a blow blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that 6

 

you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or trie tries s to co cont ntro roll yo you, u, an and d feel feelin ings gs of se self lf-l -loa oath thin ing, g, he help lple less ssne ness ss,, an and d desperation.   To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. belo w. Th The e mo more re “y “yes es” ” ans answe wers rs,, the the mo more re li like kely ly it is that that yo you’ u’re re in an abusive relationship. 

 Your inner thoughts and feelings Do you: 

feel afraid of your partner much of the time?



avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?



feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?



believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?



wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?



feel emotionally numb or helpless?

 Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior Does your partner: 

humiliate or yell at you?



criticize you and put you down?



treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family

to see?



ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? blame you for his own abusive behavior?



see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person? 



 Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats Does your partner: 

have a bad and unpredictable temper?



hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?



threaten to take your children away or harm them?



threaten to commit suicide if you leave? 7

 



force you to have sex?



destroy your belongings?

 Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior Does your partner:  

act excessively jealous and possessive? control where you go or what you do?



keep you from seeing your friends or family?



limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?



constantly check up on you?

PHYSICAL ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: When people talk about domestic violence, they are often referring to the physical abuse of a spouse or intimate partner. Physical abuse is the use of  physic phy sical al for force ce agai against nst som someon eone e in a way that inj injure ures s or end endange angers rs that that person. Physical assault or battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside of the family. The police have the power and authority to protect you from physical attack.

SEXUAL ABUSE IS A FORM OF PHYSICAL ABUSE ABUSE:: Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or in inti tima mate te pa part rtne nerr wi with th wh whom om yo you u al also so hav have e co cons nsen ensu sual al se sex, x, is an ac actt of  aggression and violence. Furthermore, people whose partners abuse them physic phy sicall ally y and sex sexual ually ly are at a hig higher her risk risk of bei being ng ser seriou iously sly inj injure ured d or killed. It Is Still Abuse If . . . 

 The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk 8

 

about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example. 

 The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship.Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he will continue to physically assault you.



 The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!



  The There re has no nott

be been en an any y ph phy ysica sicall

vio iole lenc nce e.

Man any y wo wome men n

are are

emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE: When people think of domestic abuse, they often picture battered women who have been physically assaulted. But not all abusive relationships involve violence. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused. Many men and women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimized or overlooked—even by the person being abused.

Understanding emotional abuse: The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of  emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without your abusive partner you have nothing. Emot Em otio iona nall

ab abus use e

incl includ udes es ve verb rbal al

abu abuse se  su such ch

as

ye yell llin ing, g,

na name me-c -cal alli ling ng,,

blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also falll und fal under er em emoti otiona onall abu abuse. se. Add Additi itiona onally lly,, abu abuser sers s who use em emoti otiona onall or 9

 

psycho psy cholog logica icall abu abuse se oft often en thr throw ow in thr threat eats s of phy physic sical al vi viole olence nce or oth other er repercussions if you don’t do what they want.  You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, th the e scar scars s of em emot otio iona nall abu abuse se are are ve very ry re real al,, an and d they they ru run n de deep ep.. In fact fact,, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so.

Economic or financial abuse - A subtle form of emotional abuse: Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he or she will frequently use money to do so. so .Economic or financial abuse includes: 

Rigidly controlling your finances.



Withholding money or credit cards.



Making you account for every penny you spend.



Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).



Restricting you to an allowance. a llowance.



Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.



Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)



Stealing from you or taking your money.

VIOLENT AND ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR IS THE ABUSER’S CHOICE: Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you.

Abusers use a variety of tactics tactics::

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Dominance –

Abusive

individuals

need

to

feel

in

charge

of

the

relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his or her possession.

Humiliation – An abuser will do everything he or she can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of  abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless. orde derr to incr increa ease se yo your ur de depe pend nden ence ce on him him or he her, r, an Isolation – In or abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He or she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Abus user ers s co comm mmon only ly us use e thre threats ats to ke keep ep thei theirr par partn tner ers s from from Threats – Ab leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He or she may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services. 11

 

Your ur ab abus user er ma may y us use e a va vari riet ety y of inti intimi midat datio ion n tact tactic ics s Intimidation – Yo desi de sign gned ed to scar scare e yo you u into into su subm bmis issi sion on.. Su Such ch tact tactic ics s incl includ ude e ma maki king ng threateni thre atening ng looks or gestur gestures, es, smashing things in front of you, destroyi destroying ng proper pro perty, ty, hur hurtin ting g you yourr pet pets, s, or put puttin ting g we weapon apons s on dis displa play. y. The cle clear ar message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.

Denial and blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He or she will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his or her violent and abusive behavior is your fault.

ABUSERS ABUSE RS ARE AB ABLE LE TO CONT CONTROL ROL THEI THEIR R BEHAVI BEHAVIOR OR: Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse: They don’t insult, threaten, or assault everyone in their life who gives them grief. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love.

Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse: They control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. They may act like everything is fine in public, but lash out instantly as soon as you’re alone.

Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits Most st ab abus user ers s ar are e no nott ou outt of co cont ntro rol. l. In fact fact,, they they’r ’re e ab able le to them: Mo immediately stop their abusive behavior when it’s to their advantage to do so (for example, when the police show up or their boss calls).

Violent abusers usually direct their blows where they won’t show: Rather than acting out in a mindless rage, many physically violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where the bruises and marks won’t show.

THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE IN DOMESTIC ABUSE: 12

 

 

Domestic abuse falls in to a common pattern or cycle of violence: Yourr abu abusiv sive e par partne tnerr las lashes hes out wit with h aggr aggress essive ive,, bel belitt ittlin ling, g, or Abuse – You violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."

Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.

Excuses – Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may ma y co come me up wi with th a stri string ng of ex excu cuse ses s or blam blame e yo you u fo forr thea theabu busi sive ve behavior—anything to avoid taking responsibility. The e abu abuse serr do does es ev ever eryt ythi hing ng he ca can n to re regai gain n "Normal" "Nor mal" behav behavior ior — Th control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.

Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality. 13

 

Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.   Your Your abu abuser ser’s ’s apo apolog logies ies and lov loving ing ges gestur tures es in bet betwee ween n the epi episod sodes es of  abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are a re very real.

The Full Cycle of Domestic Violence - An Example: A

man abuses hi his s

part pa rtne nerr.

Aft fter er he hi hitts

her er,,

he exp xpe erie ienc nce es

self se lf--

directed guilt. He says, "I'm sorry for hurting you." What he does not say is, "Because I might get caught." He then rationalizes his behavior by saying that his partner is having an affair with someone. He tells her "If you weren't such a worthless whore I wouldn't have to hit you." He then acts contrite, reass re assur urin ing g he herr th that at he wi will ll no nott hu hurt rt he herr ag agai ain. n. He th then en fantasizes and reflects on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. He plans on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries. What he withholds from her is that she has a certain amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up in tr traff affic ic and is a fe few w mi minu nute tes s la late te,, he fe feel els s co comp mple lete tely ly ju just stif ifie ied d in assaulting her because "you're having an affair with the store clerk." He has  just set her up.

RECOGNIZ RECO GNIZING ING THE WAR WARNING NING SIGNS OF DOME DOMESTIC STIC VIOL VIOLENCE ENCE AND ABUSE: It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but ther there e ar are e so some me tell tellta tale le si sign gns s an and d sy symp mpto toms ms of em emot otio iona nall ab abus use e an and d domestic violence. If you witness any warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously.

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General warning signs of domestic abuse: People who are being abused may: 

Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner.



Go along with everything their partner says and does.

Check in often with their part Check partner ner to repo report rt where they are and what they’re doing.



 

Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner. pa rtner.  Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness.

Warning signs of physical violence: People who are being physically abused may: 

Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents.”



Fr Freq eque uent ntlly

miss

wor ork, k,

sc scho hool ol,,

or

so soc cia iall

occ cca asion sions, s,

witho ithout ut

explanation. 

Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long

sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors).

Warning signs of isolation: People who are being isolated by their abuser may: 

Be restricted from seeing family and friends.



Rarely go out in public without their partner.



Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car.

The psychological warning signs of abuse: People who are being abused may: 

Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident.



Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes

withdrawn). 

Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal.

Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse

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If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesita hes itatin ting—t g—tell elling ing you yourse rself lf tha thatt it’ it’s s non none e of you yourr bus busine iness, ss, you mig might ht be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life.

SUGESSION FROM NYS OFFICE FOR THE PREVENTION OF DOMESTIC  VIOLENCE:: VIOLENCE Do's and Don't's Do: Ask if something is wrong. Express concern. Listen and validate. Offer help. Support his or her decisions.

Don’t: Wait for him or her to come to you.  Judge or blame. Pressure him or her. Give advice. Place conditions on your support.  Talk to the person in private and let him or her know that you’re concerned. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person thatt you tha you’re ’re there there,, whe whenev never er he or she feels ready to tal talk. k. Rea Reassur ssure e the person that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that you’ll help in any way you can. 16

 

Rememb Rem ember er,, abu abuser sers s are ver very y goo good d at con contr troll olling ing and man manipu ipulat lating ing the their ir vi vict ctim ims. s. Pe Peop ople le wh who o ha have ve be been en em emot otio iona nall lly y ab abus used ed or ba batt tter ered ed are are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they’ve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.

COUNSELING COUNSELIN G FOR VICTIMS: Due to the extent and prevalence of violence in relationships, counselors and the herrap apiists sts

sh sho oul uld d

as asse sess ss

every ery

cli lien entt

for for

do dome mest stic ic

viol ole enc nce e

(b (bot oth h

experienced and perpetrated). If the clinician is seeing a couple for couple’s coun co unse seli ling ng,, this this as asse sess ssme ment nt sh shou ould ld be co cond nduc ucte ted d wi with th ea each ch indi indivi vidu dual al privately during the initial interview, in order to increase the victim’s sense of saf safety ety in dis disclo closin sing g DV in the rel relati ations onship hip.. In add additi ition on to det deter ermin mining ing whethe whe therr DV is pre presen sent, t, cou counse nselor lors s and the therap rapist ists s sho should uld als also o mak make e the distin dis tincti ction on bet betwee ween n sit situati uations ons whe where re bat batter tering ing may hav have e bee been n a sin single gle,, is isol olat ated ed in inci cide dent nt or an on ongo going ing pa patt tter ern n of co cont ntro rol. l. Th The e ther therapi apist st mu must st,, however, howe ver, consider that domes domestic tic violenc violence e may be prese present nt even when there has been only a single physical incident as emotional/verbal, economic, and sexual abuse may be more insidious. Another important issue in assessing clients for DV lies in differing definitions of abuse – the therapist’s definition may differ from that of the client, and paying close attention to the way the client describes their experiences is cr cruc ucia iall

in de dev velop elopin ing g

ef effe fect ctiv ive e

trea treatm tmen entt

plan plans. s. Th The e

ther therap apis istt

mu must st

determine if it is in the best interest of the client to explain that some behaviors (such as emotional abuse) are considered domestic violence, even if she did not previously consider them as such. If it becomes apparent to the therapist that domestic violence is taking place in a client’s relationship, there are several statements the clinician can make 17

 

thatt hav tha have e bee been n sho shown wn to be eff effect ective ive in rap rappor port-bu t-buil ildin ding g and imm immedi ediate ate crisis intervention with clients. Firstly, it is essential that the therapist believe the victim’s story and validate their feelings. It is recommended that the therapist acknowledge them for taking a risk in disclosing this information, and an d as assur sure e th them em that that an any y am ambi biva vale lent nt feel feelin ings gs they they ma may y be ha havi ving ng are are norrmal no al.. Th The e

the herrap apiist sh shou oulld em emph phas asiz ize e

tha hatt

th the e ab abus use e th the ey ha hav ve

experienced is not their fault, but should keep their feelings of ambivalence in mind and refrain from blaming their partner or telling them what to do. It is unr unreas easona onable ble for the thera therapis pistt to exp expect ect that a vi victi ctim m wil willl leave leave the their ir perpet per petrat rator or sol solely ely bec becaus ause e the they y dis disclo closed sed the abu abuse, se, and the the therap rapist ist should respect the victim’s autonomy and allow them to make their own decisi dec isions ons reg regard arding ing ter termin minati ation on of the rel relati ations onship hip.. Fin Finall ally, y, the the therap rapist ist must explore options with the client (such as emergency housing in shelters, police involvement, etc.) in order to uphold their obligation to protect the welfare of the client.  

SAFETY PLANNING: Safety planning planning allow allows s the victim to plan for dange dangerous rous situatio situations ns they may encounter, and is effective regardless of their decision on whether remain with their perp perpetrat etrator. or. Safety plannin planning g usuall usually y begin begins s with determi determining ning a course of action if another acute incident occurs in the home. The victim shou sh oulld

be gi give ven n

str strat ateg egie ies s

for for

the heiir

ow own n

sa safe fety ty,,

su such ch as av avoi oidi ding ng

confrontations in rooms where there is only one exit and avoiding certain rooms that contain many potential weapons (such as kitchens, bathrooms, etc.). The victim can then be given a list of items that they should have available avail able (extra money, keys, impo important rtant document documents) s) in a conve convenien nientt and hidden place, so that they are able to leave the home suddenly if they need to. Safety planning can also include thinking of ‘code words’ the victim can use with children in order to have the children call the police, determining

18

 

contacts the victim may have if they needs to leave the situation, and setting up a way to signal an emergency with a trusted neighbour.

COUNSELING FOR OFFENDERS:  The main goal for treatment for offenders of domestic violence is to minimize the off offend ender’ er’s s ri risk sk of fut future ure dom domest estic ic vio violen lence, ce, whe whethe therr wit within hin the sam same e re rela lati tion onsh ship ip or a ne new w on one. e. Trea Treatm tmen entt fo forr offe offend nder ers s sh shou ould ld em emph phas asiz ize e minim mi nimizi izing ng ris risk k to the vic victim tim,, and sho should uld be mod modifi ified ed dep depend ending ing on the offender’s history, risk of reoffending, and criminogenic needs.] The majority of offe offend nder er trea treatm tmen entt prog progra rams ms ar are e 24 24–3 –36 6 we week eks s in leng length th an and d are are conducted

in

a

group

setting

with

groups

not

exceeding

12

part pa rtic icip ipant ants. s. Gr Grou oups ps are are al also so stan standar dardi dize zed d to be ge gend nder er spe speci cifi fic c (m (mal ale e offenders offend ers onl only y or fem female ale off offend ender ers s onl only). y). It has be been en dem demonst onstrat rated ed tha thatt domestic violence offenders maintain a socially acceptable façade to hide abusive behavior, and therefore accountability is the recommended focus of  offender treatment programs. Anger management alone has not been shown to be effective in treating domestic violence offenders, as domestic violence is based on power and control and not on problems with regulating anger respon responses ses.. Ang Anger er man managem agement ent is recom recommen mended ded as a par partt of an off offend ender er treatment curriculum that is based on accountability, along with topics such as recognizing abusive patterns of behavior and re-framing communication skills ski lls.. Any cor corres respon pondin ding g pro proble blems ms sho should uld als also o be add addres ressed sed as par partt of  domest dom estic ic vio violen lence ce off offend ender er tr treat eatmen ment, t, suc such h as pro proble blems ms wi with th sub substa stance nce abuse or other mental illness.

VIOLENCE:: EPIDEMIOLOGY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Domestic violence occurs across the world, in various cultures, and affects people across society, irrespective of economic status, and gender. Family

19

 

conflict studies find approximately equal rates of both verbal and physical assault by women and men in heterosexual relationships.

States,, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics in 1995 In the United States women reported a six times greater rate of intimate partner violence than men. The National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS) indicates that in 1998 about 876,340 violent crimes were committed in the U.S. against women by theirr curr thei current ent or form former er spouse spouses, s, or boyfr boyfriends. iends. Howeve Howeverr studi studies es have found that men are much less likely to report victimization in these situations. Fighting

the

prevalence

of

domestic

violence

in Kashmir has

brought Hindu and Muslim activists together. Additionally, aspects of Islamic of  Islamic   law have been criticized for promoting domestic violence, One study found Palestinian women have been the victims of domestic violence. that half of  of Palestinian 80% of women surveyed in rural Egypt said that beatings were common and ofte often n ju just stif ifie ied, d, pa part rtic icul ular arly ly if the the wo woma man n re refu fuse sed d to ha have ve se sex x wi with th he herr husb hu sban and. d. Th The e Hu Huma man n Righ Rights ts Wa Watc tch h fo foun und d th that at up to 90 90% % of wo wome men n were e sub subjec jectt to ver verbal bal,, sex sexual ual,, emo emotio tional nal or phy physic sical al abu abuse, se, in Pakistan wer within their own homes. Up to two-thirds of women in certain communities in Nigeria's Nigeria's Lagos State say they are victims to domestic violence. 20

 

St Stati atist stic ics s pu publ blis ishe hed d in 20 2004 04,, sh show ow that that the the ra rate te of do dome mest stic ic vi viol olen ence ce victimisation for Indigenous women in Australia may be 40 times the rate for non-Indigenous women. A 2006 study showed that women in the United States commit domestic violence against men 33% more often than men do against women, and women commit severe domestic violence twice as often as men. The rate of mino minorr assaults by wome women n was 78 per 1,000 couple couples, s, compa compared red with a rate for men of 72 per 1,000. The severe assault rate was 46 per 1,000 couples for assaults by women and 50 per 1,000 for assaults by men. Neithe Nei therr dif differ ferenc ence e is sta statis tistic ticall ally y sig signif nifica icant. nt. Sin Since ce the these se rat rates es are bas based ed excl ex clus usiv ivel ely y on info inform rmat atio ion n pr prov ovid ided ed by wo wome men n re respo spond nden ents ts,, the the ne near ar-equality in assault rates cannot be attributed to a gender bias in reporting." Results will vary, depending on specific wording of survey questions, how the survey is conducted, the definition of abuse or domestic violence used, the willingness or unwillingness of victims to admit that they have been abused and other factors. One On e an anal alys ysis is fo foun und d that that "w "wom omen en are are as ph phys ysic ical ally ly ag aggr gres essi sive ve or mo more re aggr ag gres essi sive ve th than an me men n in thei theirr re rela lati tion onsh ship ips s wi with th thei theirr spo spouse uses s or ma male le partners". However, studies have shown that women are more likely to be injured. Archer's meta-analysis found that women suffer 65% of domestic violence injuries. A Canadian study showed that 7% of women and 6% of  men were abused by their current or former partners, but female victims of  spou sp ousa sall vi viol olen ence ce we were re mo more re than than tw twic ice e as li like kely ly to be inju injure red d as ma male le victims, three times more likely to fear for their life, twice as likely to be st stal alke ked, d, an and d tw twic ice e as li like kely ly to ex expe peri rien ence ce mo more re than than ten ten inci incide dent nts s of  vi viol olen ence ce..

Ho Howe weve ver, r, St Stra raus uss s no note tes s that that Ca Canad nadia ian n stud studie ies s on do dome mest stic ic

vi viol olen ence ce ha have ve si simp mply ly ex excl clud uded ed qu ques esti tion ons s that that as ask k men ab abou outt be bein ing g victimized by their wives. Some studies show that llesbian esbian relationships have similar levels of violence as heterosexual relationships, while other studies 21

 

report that lesbian relationships exhibit substantially higher rates of physical aggression.

CONCLUSION:  Having looked at a sensitive topic of “Domestic Violence for women”, we

can sense the importance of discussion of such a topic. The varying causes which can spark the violence within the four walls of homes need to be analysed analy sed carefull carefully y and a wise study of the factors causing the viol violence ence may pr prev even entt a fa fami mily ly to su suff ffer er fr from om the the me mena nace ce of do dome mest stic ic vi viol olen ence ce.. Th The e domestic violence may have a far wider and deeper impact in real life than what has been covered in this essay. What is required is to see closely the association of the factors provoking a particular form of domestic violence. If  these factors can be controlled then more than one form of violence can be prevented from harming an individual or our society and India would be a much better place to live in.

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SOME OF THE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:

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