Engagement

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Engagement 2. Vietnamese and American Engagement 2.1. Preparation 2.1.1. People 2.1.2. Gifts 2.2. During the engagement 2.2.1. Rituals 2.1.3. After the engagement
2.1. Vietnamese and American Engagement In Vietnam, the engagement is a festive ceremony involving the fiance's and fiancee's families, and arranged in advance by the parents. The engagement is considered very important, and in some areas, even more important than the wedding. When a couple decides to get married in the U.S, sometimes the man asks for permission to marry from the father and/or mother of the bride-to-be. But usually this is just considered a courteous gesture with no real meaning or effect. Instead, most couples go on and get engaged and only inform their parents afterwards. Indeed, some engaged couples only meet their future in-laws for the first time after the engagement, especially in the U.S. where the geographical distances between family members may be long.An engagement itself is a private matter, not governed by legalities. Therefore the time, place and manner of proposing marriage is up to personal preference.

2.1. Preparation 2.1.1. People: Vietnamese Well before the engagement day, each family chooses two There American are some

representatives from their side. The representatives can be members of the family,

family members or friends, but are usually a married couple close friends

come to

who have a happy family of their own. Although there are two the engagement party. or representatives, the man is the one who actually does only the couple together. the representation, requesting for the fiancee's hand in marriage on behalf of the fiance's family, exchanging gifts, and controlling the flow of the ceremony.

In addition to selecting their representatives, the families get together to negotiate the dowry and a date and time for the ceremony. Traditionally, the date and time are chosen based on the fiance's and fiancee's dates and hours of birth, but in a fast-paced society, such as that of the United States, it is usually a matter of convenience.

2.1.2. Gifts Vietnamese The gifts are prepared by the fiancé family several days No American gifts at all,

before the engagement ceremony. Traditionally the gifts was because this is very placed a number of trays. The number must be an odd number 5, personal. They even 7 or 9« trays depends on the condition of the fiancé family. The no need to ask for the gifts are covered by the red color paper or cloth. In Vietnamese permission of their beliefs, the odd number and the red color will bring luck to the parents and they only young couple. The gifts include betel leaves, areca nut fruits inform sticky rice... one of the most important gift is the whole roasted pig which placed in a large tray. Both families also choose 5, 7 or 9 people who bring and receive the gifts. These people must be when they (tr u, cau), wine, tea, husband-wife cake (bánh phu thê) and engaged eah other.

young and not marriage. Boys represent for fiancé bearing the gifts and girls represent for fiancée receiving the gifts.

2.2. During the engagement Rituals Vietnamese On engagement day, the fiance's family bear American According to tradition, a

the gifts to the fiancee's home and is greeted by the Western groom was required to fiancee's family. Once everyone is inside, the fiance's ask the bride's father for his representative asks the other representative for the daughter's hand in marriage. An fiancee's hand in marriage on behalf of his party. engagement ring was then The fiancee's representative graciously accepts the presented to the girl as a symbol gifts and presents the fiancee to her in-laws to be of the groom's commitment and united. Together, the engaged couple prays in front as a sign to other potential suitors of the family altar and asks their ancestors for that her affections While were modern approval. When the prayer is finished, the fiance "engaged". Following the ring presentation,

places the engagement ring on his fianced's finger. romantics might not like the idea, the this tradition is rooted in the days and a groom's family paid a representatives formally introduce their party's when marriages were arranged family members according to his or her family role. From this moment forward, the fiance and fiancee dowry or "bride-price" for the are official members of their in-law family, and girl's hand.

should refer to their in-law family members by their respective roles--"dad", "mom", "uncle", "aunt", and so forth. The parents in return accept a new son or daughter into their own family.

The day after the engagement, the engaged couple and their parents visit their neighbors, friends, co-workers, and relatives who could not attend the ceremony. They bring some betel leaves and areca nuts, tea and/or wines to spread the good fortune.

2.3. After the engagement Vietnamese engaged couple and their parents visit their neighbors, relatives friends, who could co-workers, not attend and the American The day after the engagement, the They only prepare for their wedding.

ceremony. They bring some betel leaves and areca nuts, tea and/or wines to spread the good fortune In conclusion, in United State, people are expected to develop and display their individual personalities and to choose their own affiliation. This represents the individualism. On the other hand, in Vietnam, people are defined and act mostly as member of a long-term group such as the family, the relatives, a town or among others. This represents collectivism.

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