Fall 2013

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Coffee Cup
A Newsletter for Valley Hope Alumni and Friends

VALLEY HOPE
Edition 3 Fall 2013

Inside this Issue:
Association News Letters to the Editorial Committee Family Matters Carry The Message Foundation News Friends & Alumni News Reflections Spotlight on 12-Steps Letters from Home You Asked Just for Laughs

Association News
It Is A Disease
By: Ken Gregoire, Ph.D. President/CEO It’s a Monday morning and I’m working on a plan for Valley Hope’s participation in advocacy for the enforcement of the Parity Act. I’m also opening my mail at the same time (either a weak attempt at multi-tasking or a remarkably successful attempt to avoid the complexities of parity implementation). In my mail Ken Gregoire was a letter from a person in treatment in one of our continuing care programs. The letter was cogent and heartfelt and full of observations about the value of random drug screening in chemical dependency treatment. Maybe it’s Monday morning and I have too much on my mind but in thinking about parity and random drug testing the one common thread that I can’t shake is that people in our country have tremendous ambivalence about the idea that chemical dependency is a disease…we say it is but we don’t consistently act like it is. Well let’s keep saying it: It is a disease. Seems like we can’t say that enough. Our country passed legislation in 1996 that is commonly known as the Parity Act. The point of the legislation is to mandate that insurance plans treat behavioral health and chemical dependency on par with other illnesses. Those of you who have been in treatment and who have had part of your care paid by insurance know that in many ways insurance plans treat chemical dependency differently than other more “respectable” illnesses. Frequently, partial or residential care for CD, e.g., won’t be covered unless a patient fails first at a lower level of care. Or some plans have a life time limit on the number of episodes of care that a CD patient can receive. Some plans have different co-payments for chemical dependency than for other illnesses. The list goes on. The aim of the Parity Act is to eliminate these differences. So…let’s once again get on the same page. It is a disease. It is a disease in the same way that heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. are diseases. People with the disease of chemical dependency generally have significant difficulty accepting the idea that they are ill, not bad. Reaching out for help and then discovering that their insurance plan treats them differently than if they had a more “respectable” illness tends to reinforce their belief that maybe they don’t have a real disease. Let’s say it again…it is a disease, a real disease. Let’s all insist that our country fully define and enforce the Parity Act. Even in our treatment we must continue to say the basic truth…it is a disease. The very foundation of the treatment developed by Doc Leipold in Norton, KS in the late 60s was that alcoholism and drug addiction were diseases and those afflicted deserved to be treated with dignity, respect, compassion and, shockingly at that time, with love. As time has passed there has been much pressure on us to change the way we do basic treatment. One example of this is that drug testing of patients has become common practice in most treatment facilities in our country. We have always resisted doing across the board drug testing with our patients. We offer drug testing to patients as a part of their individual treatment plan if the patient feels that random drug screens will be helpful in their early recovery. Requiring patients to accept random drug screening as part of treatment has never quite seemed to me to square with our overall message…you are ill, not bad; we trust you and will treat you like responsible adults coming to grips with a deadly illness. The person who sent me this morning’s letter doesn’t feel that it gives the right message either. Let me share some quotes from his letter: I have reservations about the efficacy of random urine testing for continuing care patients for the following reasons: Counselors: The people that make V alley Hope a business of excellence are your counselors. They are trained, and they make it their job to be skilled at detecting relapse both before and after it occurs. Initiating a random urine testing program undermines their place in this process. Y our policy essentially tells them that they are not good enough to do this job themselves so corporate V alley Hope will try a testing program to “supplement” their expertise. Cost: Someone must pay each time a urine sample is processed. I have health insurance and I am told that my insurance will be billed. But this is ultimately still my money. My insurance rates are based on costs. Although slight, there is a cost that will accrue to me if my insurance must pay for this. The uninsured, I am told, will be “covered.” Ultimately, if V alley Hope picks up the tab through their contract with the testing agency, this is a cost again, that I am bearing through increased costs on my V alley Hope program that will accrue. Nothing will be for free and if it costs you more, ultimately it costs me more. Patient Trust and Faith in your own program: After completing Initial outpatient or inpatient care, the notion of “it’s your program” comes into play. I heard a patient yesterday tell his story of how he had just finished his court ordered UA program and how anxious he was to “be on his own.” This is a big step forward for many and to then tell them that V alley Hope still doesn’t believe in them is an insult. I have been a patient for 2 and ½ years—at what point will you trust me? It is also an indictment of the strength of your own program if you demonstrate the need to add random UA’s. The program works well as it is and does not need additional safeguards for patients. Refusal: What if a patient refuses to take the test? Will this be treated like a DUI where “guilt” is assumed? If so, what happens next? Does the patient have to “cooperate” or risk being eliminated from the program? If patient does relapse, we don’t currently throw them out so what is your recourse if they simply refuse the test. In summary, I do not see the upside from Valley Hope’s perspective or the patient’s. If you “catch” one or two relapses, they would have eventually been found by other means. The downsides are that your counselors will feel undermined, costs will increase to a minor extent for all, patients will wonder why Valley Hope feels compelled to intrude on their trust, and the program may not be able to withstand non-cooperation. So…the bottom line is that we treat people who are ill. We provide a warm, accepting environment to help people accept their illness and put together a life-long recovery plan. Our job is not to catch anyone falling short of their goals but to provide them encouragement and strength to be honest, to share their struggles and to grow every day in the joy and meaning of recovery. Drug testing has a role in treatment. For us across the board drug testing does not. In order to be effective in promoting recovery the patient must be involved in the decision to include drug testing in the treatment plan and must own its value. And the ultimate question for me when trying to decide whether an intervention is appropriate for treating the disease of addiction is…would we do this for patients who have heart disease? Cancer? Diabetes? After all…it is a disease. And thank you to the person who sent me this morning’s letter.

Gregoire Named Board Chairman of National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers
Dr. Ken Gregoire, President /CEO of the Valley Hope Association, was recently named Chairman of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers (NAATP) Board of Directors. Dr. Gregoire has served as Vice Chairman for the NAATP Board since 2011. The announcement came during the NAATP Annual Spring Meeting in San Antonio. “It’s an honor to serve the NAATP organization as Chairman,” said Dr. Gregoire, “and to promote the organization’s mission to provide leadership, advocacy, training and support services to assure the continued availability and highest quality of addiction treatment.” The 25-member board of directors is proportionally representative of the membership and represents not-forprofit facilities, independent for-profit facilities, multi-facility residential treatment centers and outpatient facilities as well as units in acute care hospitals. With the Affordable Healthcare Act, Parity and changing federal and state regulations within the healthcare industry, the addiction treatment field will continue to face challenges in the coming year; said Dr. Gregoire. “However, NAATP will continue to play a pivotal role as the leading voice of addiction treatment providers and together we will push forward to serve as advocates for those in need of addiction treatment and together we will work to develop treatment options that best fit the needs of our patients in an ever changing field.” Dr. Gregoire is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Kansas and a graduate of the Clinical Psychology program at the University of Nebraska and has worked for the Valley Hope Association, a multi-state organization that has provided chemical dependency services since 1967, for 36 years. He has held numerous positions within the Valley Hope organization with a variety of duties including directing programs in two different states, managing accreditation and licensing activities, direct clinical care and administration. .

Letters Letters to to the the Editorial Editorial Committee Committee
Notes, Cards and Letters from our readers:
Every month goes by and it is one more month of sobriety thanks to the staff at Valley Hope Boonville. Every month goes by and I wish we did not live quite so far away because I sure would like to get up there for Renewal Day and see so many of those who helped me nearly five years ago. Every once in a while I come across something else that helps me stay sober and this is one I saw today: “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.” ~Warren B. The Coffee Cup is great, don’t change it. I was a patient in Chandler the summer of 1998 and spring of 2003 and still sober today. Life is good. Take care and keep the mail coming. ~Mickey W . I think the Coffee Cup is great and very informative. It has been over 30 years since I was in treatment at O’Neill and getting the Coffee Cup it still keep me in touch with that center. ~Jim K.

I would like to see a counselor and chaplain of the month segment. It would be nice to know some of the new programs thatare taking place. I do like the personal stories by location. I specifically can’t wait until the next new issue comes out because I like to see what Scott Ehrlich (Boonville) has to say. He is probably most entertaining story teller I’ve met. I had the pleasure of listening to many of his lectures. ~Tony B. I think that the Coffee Cup magazine is a wonderful newsletter that Valley Hope has created. The stories that patients have written are so amazing to read and to see how Valley Hope has changed their lives and also their families. I wish that when I was obtaining my sobriety that Valley Hope was around in Massachusetts. I am proud to say that I have 13 years of sobriety. I am thankful to be working for Valley Hope and I am excited to see what next issue will bring. ~Danielle R. Front Cover Photo: Sage Hill Trails, Wenatchee WA By: Dan O’Connor

By: Scott E., M.Div., Chaplain Today, by the grace of God and because this program really does work, I am free from my cravings for alcohol, but my freedom has gone far beyond that. Maybe a story will help me explain: I hadn’t been sober very long when I knew I was in trouble because when I came home from work my wife was reading a woman’s magazine, and, not only that, she was writing in it! Immediately my defenses went on high alert and I asked her what she was doing: “Taking a test,” she said. “What kind of test,” I rather sarcastically responded. “How Healthy is Your Marriage?” she replied. (At this point my defense mechanisms were all on mega-red-alert, def-con 4…but it got worse because my wife started laughing!) “What’s so funny,” I yelled. “Oh,” she said sweetly, “it’s just my answer to this question.” (By now I could hardly breathe.) “What question,” I croaked.

Family Matters:
She smiled and said, “It’s, ‘What about your husband turns you on?’” “And?” I screamed. “Well,” she said, “it used to be the smell of beer on your breath.” I tried to make a joke, which is my usual response to perceived danger: “Well, I can run up to Casey’s and grab a 6-pack if you’d like.” My wife did not think that was at all funny. As a matter of fact, she started crying and said through her tears: “Don’t you understand, your drinking wasn’t the problem; it was your attitude.” On my sobriety birthday, my Independence Day, I get to celebrate the fulfillment of the 12 Promises: I not only am free from drinking like an alcoholic, I am free from reacting to life like an alcoholic, I am free from my alcoholic attitude! This program works. I believe it will work for you. God has really done for me what I could not do for myself. I believe He will do that for you. Come, join me and so many other really free people as we “trudge the road of happy destiny” together. What a great trip! I wish you peace.

Carry The Message
By: Lisa A. Every day, addiction patients who need inpatient treatment at a qualified addiction facility are denied coverage for this treatment by their health insurance. My hope is that if you or someone you know has experienced this, my story will give you the information, strength, hope and courage to pursue reimbursement of your denied insurance claim. I was a patient at Valley Hope in 2011. At age 46, my husband and parents performed an intervention for my alcoholism. When I contacted Valley Hope regarding admission, I was in what I jokingly call “parental lockdown.” I was at my parents’ home with no access to alcohol and one week of sobriety. The admissions counselor informed me that if I was admitted sober, it was likely that my health insurance would deny coverage for inpatient treatment. Given my current circumstances, “sober” was the only way I was coming to Valley Hope. I chose to take a step of faith and I was admitted with full knowledge that I would probably end up paying for my treatment. So, it came as no surprise when the Valley Hope business office informed me that my health insurance had determined I was not eligible for inpatient treatment. Due to the two weeks of sobriety that I had prior to being admitted, the insurance company’s opinion was that inpatient treatment was “not a medical necessity.” They recommended outpatient treatment instead. I knew that I was at Valley Hope for all the right reasons. I chose to trust God and stay right where I was. After thirty days of inpatient treatment, I paid my bill and began IOP. True to their recommendation, my insurance company paid for my outpatient treatment. Immediately following my inpatient treatment, my journey to reclaim my residential treatment fees began. The steps of this journey were similar in many ways to my sobriety journey: keep my focus on the goal, do the next right thing, “let go and let God,” expect a miracle. This became a yearlong process. I tell you this up front, not to deter you, but to set your expectations. The following is a chronological account of the events that did lead to the overturn of the insurance company’s denial of payment for my in-patient treatment: • Month One: Valley Hope begins the appeal process on my behalf. They submit my claim again as a First Appeal in response to the initial denial. • Month Two: Insurance company requests my Valley Hope medical records for review of medical necessity. • Month Three: Insurance company sends notification of First Appeal Denial, re-stating that, upon review of my medical records, there was no “medical necessity” for inpatient treatment. • Month Four: Valley Hope has done everything that they can do to appeal the claim. I will need to pursue the appeal privately. I consider the matter at a stalemate. However, my husband is supportive and urges me not to give up. • Month Five: My sense of indignation kicks in and I make a personal decision to pursue the claim because it is the right thing to do. I write a Second Appeal, in which I chronicle my progressive physical, mental and emotional deterioration due to alcoholism over the course of five years, leading up to my admittance to Valley Hope.

It Just Takes Tenacity

• Month Six: The insurance company responds that my appeal will be reviewed with an Appeals Committee, where my husband and I will present our appeal verbally. We submit all written documentation to date, including medical records, my first appeal letter and a letter from my primary care physician supporting my need for inpatient treatment as a medical necessity. • Month Seven: The Appeals Committee meeting is conducted via conference call. Within this same month, we receive our Second Appeal Denial. I am advised that I can appeal at the National level. I write my Third Appeal letter, in which I formulate another explicit rebuttal to the Denial, again refuting their reasoning with complete honesty regarding my alcoholism. • Month Eight: Insurance company replies that we have exhausted their internal appeal process and our next recourse is through my husband’s employer (under who I am insured). • Months Nine and Ten: These months are spent providing all documentation to date to my husband’s employer and following up as they go through their internal review process. • Month Eleven: I receive notification that my husband’s employer has determined the insurance company is required to follow through with my Third Appeal, which I again pursue with the insurance company. • Month Twelve: I am informed by insurance company that, by law, I have the right to request an external review of my appeal by a third party arbitrator at no cost to me, which I exercise. I send all documentation to date to this third party. • Month Thirteen: I receive notification that the third party arbitrator has overturned the denial for inpatient treatment. The arbitrator determined that my inpatient treatment was “medically necessary.” My claim is to be paid in full. This is a final, binding ruling and cannot be appealed by my insurance company. What did it cost me to go through this year-long process? From a monetary standpoint, a few dollars for paper, certified mail, return receipts for mailings. From a time standpoint, several hours for each of the Appeal letters, phone calls, documentation and the Appeal Committee meeting. From an emotional standpoint, I gained far more than I could ever have imagined. Writing my First Appeal letter, in which I chronicled every verifiable event of my alcoholism (i.e.: by medical records, unemployment histor y, credit card statements, etc.), was more factually thorough than my first 4th Step confession. Writing it, while still difficult, hammered home to me just how far I had come in my recovery, how much peace and self-forgiveness I had obtained through God and the Twelve Steps. And beyond the spiritual and emotional benefit I received from this exercise, my First Appeal letter became a primary source of documentation for the third party arbitrator. They referred to my account of my alcoholism repeatedly in their summary that overturned the insurance company’s denial. Winning my appeal gave me such a sense of achieving something right. I consider it to be a gift and a blessing to pass my experience on to you. My prayer is that God will grant you the serenity to accept what you cannot change, the courage to change what you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I entered Norton Valley Hope in October 1979 at the age of 39 and after 18 years of hard drinking. Vodka was my drink of choice. I took my first drink on my 21 st birthday and quickly graduated from drinking a little to a lot. The worse thing was not what I did to myself but what I did to my family. I was married with two children by the time I was 26 years old. I missed the best part of life. With help from my Higher Power and what I learned at Valley Hope (a day at a time) I’ve been sober 33 years. My family and children still love me. We have a wonderful relationship. Thanks Ken G, Doc L, and all of those people that opened a new door for me in 1979. It seems like yesterday. Love, Nancy H.

Heroin My Demons
I may be a scarred rag doll and bruise easily like a pear, With these track marks on my arms With dead eyes that drip despair, A wingless bird, a wounded dove Like a fish without its scales The war inside of me, this addiction Never fails. I feel rotted to the ground, trapped beneath my skin. My soul is screaming out That this war I’ll never win. I think I’m drained of hope And I know I’m without friends, And dreams can be misleading On the fringes of the end. You feel your spirits bleeding But you ache for one last taste. And the only thing that numbs you Is the same that seals your fate. And anyone who asks me… Is it worth it just to try? And I tell them all the same thing, And every reason why… I wish someone had warned me That it will steal your soul. The warmness that it brings you, Is not worth the sinking hole. One day at a time, Is what the program says, But I need a time machine To repair the broken mends. Heroin, my demons, It bled me red and dry. And for those of you who don’t know Do not touch it or you will die. ~Alisha A.

Grateful
From what I have learned and understand about addiction, as well as my experience, it seems to me that boundaries, the concept of who we are and where we stop, is at the very core of what this disease attacks. I see a lot of onsequences from not having boundaries for both the family and the addict. The problem seems to be the inability to identify proper boundaries and adhere to them in a healthy manner after the devastation of addiction has rendered us crippled. When alcoholism first appeared in my immediate family, I didn’t understand what was happening. I started reacting, trying to protect my loved ones, including my qualifier, and made decisions without the necessary tools to maintain my boundaries. After years of this kind of fallout, the sickness had it’s grip and the hopelessness set into who I was and took over. I was no longer myself and I was at the full mercy of this disease. My family was suffering and not only did I have no idea what to do, but even the thought of Al-Anon being able to help me was at best laughable. My problems were so much more complicated than that, I thought, at the time. I talk with addicts from time to time and the thing that seems most in common with their recoveries was the inability for the families to receive the help they needed, or even to realize they were sick at all, discarding the addict for a lost cause. This is very sad to me since my life is not only back to where it once was, but is very much improved from where I started. I have learned things from this program that I did not even know before active addiction took place in my household. Understanding the things this program teaches, such as the ver y importance of healthy boundaries, has allowed me to not only make a recovery from the disease, but also allowed me to become a person who I am much more proud of even before the active disease showed its ugly head in my family. I can now say that by using the tools learned through this program has made me a better father, employee, and hopefully a more supportive person for my wife. I use this boundary stuff at work all the time. It has made my work environment so much happier, and the people around me

are benefiting from my boundaries as much as I am. And knowing who I am and accepting my differences has given me so much fulfillment over the past year I can’t even describe how much better I feel about myself. I actually like myself and those that matter most to me actually like me better too. Specific to my qualifier, boundaries were a bit of a challenge at first. I did experience the backlash from first implementing boundaries with my wife. She still gets very angry with me and does everything in her power to get me to engage in unhealthy arguments and blaming. And I still fall down once in a while and react to her in unhealthy blaming and arguing. But now I can identify it and with lots of practice I can understand that it’s not my wife yelling at me, but rather the disease speaking through her. She is sick and working to get better. I have learned through repeated reminders from my old counselor what addiction is. See the What is Chemical Dependency section of this program. I was reminded to go back and read it again and again and again and again the first time I went through this program. Once I could understand what it meant and accept it, things started going in the right direction and I could say that it was really my first step in getting healthier. I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did for me and my family. ~Jim S

ATTENTION!!!!!!!
Y ou can read the Coffee Cup on line at
www.valleyhope.org if you prefer to not receive a hard copy and view it online, we will remove your name from the Coffee Cup mailing list, or if you wish to be removed from the subscription list, please call us at 800-654-0486 or e-mail us at [email protected].

Valley Hope Association Foundation
Megan O’Connor, BS ADAC, Director of Development

Why Give?
Caritable gifts make a difference in the lives of our patients. Our sole mission is to help the chemically dependent and their families. We promise to be good stewards of your donation and support!

Valley Hope’s Gift Acceptance Policy
Valley Hope Association and the Foundation will not accept gifts from a patient in excess of a cumulative $250 amount within the first two years of discharge from any level of care. This amount was determined to allow everyone the opportunity to participate in fundraisers, golf tournaments, Birthday Club, etc. Our ethical policies guide us to maintain only a therapeutic and professional relationship with patients, for a minimum of two years following discharge. If we begin accepting donations within that two year period, our relationship changes from therapeutic to “donor-social.

Possibilities

Choose the center you want to benefit and designate your gift for a specific purpose or leave as unrestricted

How to Give

Donate online www.valleyhope.org/donate or mail to: VHA Foundation, P.O. Box 59, Norton, KS, 67654 Contact Megan at [email protected] or phone (785)877-4483 (GIVE) Recently, our beloved Tim passed away. Please accept this as a memorial so that the help you gave to Tim can be passed on to someone else. We can never repay you for all you did but we can do our best to pay it forward. God Bless you all. ~Terry and Dellane I recently lost my nephew Jered to an overdose. He was only 25. I would like to donate this check in the memory of him. I also hope that this donation will prevent another family from the experience that his family and friends ~Uncle John Enclosed is a check for $100 for the recovery garden at Valley Hope in Parker, CO. I hope this will get it going and show, like sobriety, it starts from nothing and blossoms into a beautiful garden if you care for it. I am stronger and better than ever before thanks to Parker Valley Hope.

~Phyllis K.

We saw the obituary in the Kansas City Star on June 16 and were very saddened. He worked for some months with us and was a very happy face to see every morning. We are hoping that he did not suffer a long-term addiction that overcame him. His demons are at peace if that is what claimed his life. He will be missed. I hope the enclosed check will help others who are lost in this way. Thank you for your help. ~K June 25, 2013 is the 5th anniversary of my brother Christian’s death. I miss him every day, his smile, laugh, whistle and big presence. Please use the enclosed funds to provide direct support for folks who want to get free of addiction, but don’t have the financial resources to do so. Thank you. ~Ashley C.

Valley Hope Association Foundation
Donations Received from April 10 -July 5, 2013
Thank you for supporting Valley Hope’s mission to help alcoholics, addicts and their families. Norton
Unrestricted
Tim Parkman Oberlin Group Marlene & Fred Gakle In memory of Donald E. Bartels NS Waterline Inc. Alan & Mary Bangert Chuck McGinnis & Family Fred & Georgine Barber Calvin Well Service Mini Motors Marletta & Jack Wilkens In honor of Keith D. Keith Dickey Rebecka Jones Teresa Schmeck Susan & Joe Sims In Memory of David Sims In Memory of Mark A. Otterstedt Brad, Allison, Brynn & Sydney Robenstein Nancy Scherer Michael Turvey Mark & Katherine Berger Sharon & Bill Mitchell Dr. Ed Christophersen Carol Jones H. A. Dierking Olive’s Good Karma Foundation

Leaura Plummer In memory of Bob Englert Tom Votapka

In Memory of Mary Votapka Patient Scholarship Assistance
Rachel Wurm, Wurm Inc. Juanita & Ken Gregoire In Memory of Tim Burke JoAnn Smolczyk Nick’s Distribution JBN Inc. Jim Hitchman In Memory of Brian O’Connor

Patient Scholarship Assistance

Patient Scholarship Assistance

Atchison

George R. Ambassador’s Class 1st Christian Church Julie Siefers

Robin Crutcher Elizabeth Cleveland In Memory of Christian Cleveland

Unrestricted

Cushing
Patient Scholarship Assistance
Oklahoma Elks

Facility Improvement

Jay Nauman Sr. Renfro Family Foundation Sunoco

Al & Susan Roberts Scholarship Fund Chesapeake Operating, Inc. Carl & Carolynn Renfro Scholarship Fund

Renfro Family Foundation In Memory of Brian O’Connor Renfro Family Foundation

Boonville

Unrestricted

Robert & Joan Taylor In Memory of Becky Sansom Ada Arford In Memory of Elizabeth Burns Patient Assistance Fund Eric Davis

O’Neill

Unrestricted Sally Beardslee In Honor of William B. 30+ yrs. Patient Scholarship Assistance
Beth and Bob Sanders

Lucienne Michalski In honor of Reuben Dethlefs Patient Assistance Fund
Steve Shaaf Michael Hardesty Connie Peters In Memory of Doug Peters Mark & Cindy Lobeda James Leadabrand Ryan Hodgson Kevin Bykerk Marcia & Monty Regier Dan McIntyre Tim & Penny Putscher Sachi Mahaptra Thomas Fitzgerald O’Neill Helping Hands Steve & Ruth Thompson Robert & Marcia Almquist Almquist, Maltzahn, Galloway & Luth, P.C. Bruce Hollingsworth Jeff Shimek Charlie Peasinger Dennis & Keanna Leonard James Rookstool

Robert Bryant Carleton Recovery Centers The Petersen’s Oasis Animal Hospital Alpha Omega Counseling Healthnet Pucketts Floring Jacob Garcia Mark Dillon Charles (Chuck) Ory Al Rosen Louis Pena Jr Mike Pico Gonzalo Ardavin David Brown Gerald Bloom Daniel Miller Roth’s Friend Special Olympics Arizona Golf Tournament Raffle Billy Rubin Terry Murphy Dean Notaries of Arizona Dawn Amado Ken & Juanita Gregoire Michael Kelly Art Felix Pablo Kusak Jennifer Roberts In honor of Richard Finch

MEP Engineering, Inc. Front Range Duct Cleaning Jeffrey Wheeler Dale Hawkins Tim Simpson Brian Hudson Chris Nelson & Debbie Bird Mary Likes Allegra Hoopingarner Chris Perreault Gonzalo Ardavin MiTek USA, Inc. Amy Mitchell Connie Anderson John & Joanna Barry Jeff or Kati Wieck Aaron and Leah Smith Rose Transition Home Heidi Hammer Skinner Debra/Richard Hadley Rev. Olive Hinnant Erica & Lester Thompson Heather Crosby April Horace William Dougal

All Facilities
Unrestricted
Rickey Dawson April Rodewald Sharon P. Union Pacific Teresa Schmeck Linda & Geoff Green In Memory of Gary Martinez Stuart Olson Eugene Edwards Landscapes USA In Memory of Tim Burke Cheryl & Donald Buchanan Sara and William Davidson Barbara & Robert Jones Karen Shaw Terry & Dellane Burke Sheila & Thomas Strong Laura Weiss In Memory of Brian O’Connor Mike, Mary & Andrea Mattas Steve Riedel & Sharon Batson Donna & Rachel Haskins Jim Hitchman Kerri Ray Rhonda Reusink Violet Kinderknecht Donald Schlatter Jon Thummel Ada Arford In Memory of Tim Gable Ada Arford In Memory of Barbara Gilhousen

Grapevine
Fred Gentry

Patient Assistance Fund

Moundridge

Patient Assistance Fund

Cheryl Elaine Fulsom Linda Likes & Grady Likes In Memory of Mandy Likes

Parker

Unrestricted
Darlene & Gilbert Eaton In Memory of Jered Rowe John Rowe In Memory of Jered Rowe Loretta Pederson In Memory of Jered Rowe Rebecca Russell In Memory of Jered Rowe

Patient Scholarship Assistance

Facility Improvement Fund
Phyllis Kascak

Chandler/Tempe
Unrestricted
Betty Schaefer Susan Echols United Way Valley of the Sun Sherry & Rob Kornheiser In memory of Aaron Goldsmith Valley of the Sun United Way Patient Scholarship Assistance

Patient Assistance Fund
Bob & Carol Suter Laura Silverman Colleen Fleming Douglas McLaughlin Mike Tomko Dr. & Mrs. Gary Forrest Eric Rosales Debbie Skipper Active Network David Coil

Friends & Alumni News
Stay in Touch
Alumni and Friends
Visit our website, www.valleyhope.org and click on Alumni and Friends link and ‘STAY IN TOUCH’ to receive emails about Renewal Days, special events and you’ll also be the first to see the new Coffee Cup newsletter

Renewal Day Calendar
Medallions, Speakers and Fellowship
State ARIZONA COLORADO Parker KANSAS Atchison Mission Norton Moundridge Wichita MISSOURI Boonville St. Louis NEBRASKA O’Neill Omaha OKLAHOMA Cushing OKC TEXAS Grapevine 30 27 25 29 Fri 8:30AM 16 6 20 3 18 1 15 5 Fri Tue 9:00AM 6:00PM * 6 6 3 4 1 1 5 Fri Tue 8:50AM 6:30PM * 28 13 25 11 23 8 27 Fri Wed 8:30AM 5:30PM 16 30 * 30 21 20 27 13 * 18 18 25 11 25 16 15 29 8 29 20 Fri Fri Fri Fri Wed 9:00AM 6:00PM 9:00AM 8:30AM 6:00PM 16 20 18 15 Fri 9:00AM Center Chandler Aug 16 Sept 20 Oct * Nov 15 Day Fri Start Time 9:00AM

Anniversary Events
All Saturdays Boonville –August 10 Norton - August 17 O’Neill –August 24 Moundridge – September 28 Chandler/Tempe – October 19 Grapevine – October 19 Atchison – November 2

Alumni & Friends Support Groups
Oklahoma City, OK
Join us every Tuesday evening at 6 PM at Oklahoma City Valley Hope, 6110 NW 63rd Contact: Brian G - Phone: (405) 315-7916 E-mail: [email protected]

Atchison, KS
Alumni group meets each month at Atchison Valley Hope on Renewal Day at 9 a.m. for a business meeting and 10 a.m. for ‘Road to Recovery’ when we answer questions from the patient group. Upcoming dates: Aug 16, Sept 20, Oct 18, Nov 15

Parker, CO
Alumni and current patient group meet for an open discussion in the lecture hall. Patient group is encouraged to ask alumni questions about recovery, meetings, sponsorship, etc. When: 2nd and 4th Saturday of each month at 7 p.m. Contact: John W. - Phone: (303) 808-4861

Chandler, AZ
Alumni and friends meet in the dining hall of Chandler Valley Hope every Tuesday evening 7:15- 9 p.m. for speaker and group discussion. Also, join us for Renewal Day the 3rd Friday of each month starting at 9 a.m.

St. Louis, MO
NEW - Alumni group meeting every week on Tuesday nights at 6 p.m. Alumni also meet on the 4th Wednesday each month for Renewal Night; from 5:30 to 6:45 pm. We’ll have a speaker and refreshments. Upcoming dates, Aug 28, Sept 25, Oct 23 Where: St. Louis Valley Hope -12777 Olive Blvd. ph: (314) 514-9220 E-mail:[email protected]

Dodge City, KS
Group meets 3rd Sunday each month for breakfast, fellowship and speaker at 9 a.m. Where: Casey’s Cowtown, 503 E. Trail St. Dodge City Upcoming dates: Aug18, Sept 15, Oct 20, Nov 17 Contact: Damon P. - Phone: (620) 514-0421 E-mail: [email protected]

Tempe, AZ
Group weekly meetings are held at Tempe Valley Hope, Rio Sureno Med Plaza, 2103-2115 E. Southern phone (480) 831-9533 Tuesdays - 8 p.m. Young People’s Alumni Meeting with rotating schedule of discussion & book studies. Wednesdays –4:30 Alumni Big Book Study one hour meeting Thursdays – 6 p.m. Speaker and open meeting format. Open to patients, alumni, family and friends. Note: 2nd Thursday of each month a POTLUCK at 5 p.m. Contact: Rick K. ph. (480) 232-7587

Grapevine, TX
Alumni meet every Saturday for 12-Step Big Book Study/Recovery Meetings @ 6:00 in the Lecture Hall at Grapevine Valley Hope. Alumni also meet on the last Friday of every month for Renewal Day starting at 9 a.m. with alumni meeting, 10 a.m. Brunch, 11a.m. alumni led lecture and 1 p.m. alumni group Contact: Suzanne W. Email: [email protected]

Hays, KS
Group meets once per month on Sunday morning at 9:30 a.m. for breakfast, fellowship and speaker Smoking Barrel BBQ, 1006 Cody Ave (just off Vine, north of 23rdt St) Upcoming breakfasts: Aug 18, Sept 22, Oct 20, Nov 17 Contact: Ron S - Phone: (785) 650-1064

Tulsa, OK
Every Thursday evening at 6:00 p.m. join us for a great one hour meeting. Where: at the Fellowship Church, 2900 S. Harvard Contact: Peter G. Phone: (918) 760-6011 or Lori G. Phone: (918) 510-1713

North Platte, NE
Group meets the third Saturday of every month for an evening potluck fellowship and speaker. Where: Bethel Church in ‘the loft’, 2700 W. Philip Ave Upcoming meetings: No August, Sept 21, Oct 19, Nov 16 Contact person: Ralph and Charlene O. Phone: (308) 537-3863

Wichita, KS
Join us for Renewal Night scheduled for the third Wednesday of every month starting at 6 p.m.

Norton, KS
Alumni group meets weekly every Thursday evening, 7p.m. for a meeting. Come early for coffee and cookies. Where: Norton Valley Hope Dining Hall. Also join us for Renewal Day 2nd Friday every month for alumni meetings at 9 a.m. and 1p.m.

ATTENTION!!
Y ou can read the Coffee Cup on line at
www.valleyhope.org if you prefer to not receive a hard copy and view it online, we will remove your name from the Coffee Cup mailing list, or if you wish to be removed from the subscription list, please call us at 800-654-0486 or e-mail us at [email protected].

Ogallala NE
Saturday September 7th 6.m. - A pot luck followed by an Open 12-Step meeting. Location:Traditions Clubhouse 1008 West A, Street, Ogallala, NE Contact: Roxie 308-289-5509

Reflections:
Crazy is Relative
Amy Morrison, MS, CADC, Business Manager, Cushing Valley Hope There is a popular song right now that references how things change from generation to generation. Miranda Lambert sings about being taught to “…go and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady…”She cleverly references having been taught to squelch her feelings and save face, tongue planted firmly in check, maybe. The use of sarcasm to convey genuine feelings often clouds the validity of one’s message; that could apply to the song. The reality is that there are times when this sentiment is very accurate, especially in families where addiction has ravaged its members. The addicted family often includes secrets and shame and the message that how one looks is far more important than how one feels. There are even times when loved ones might encourage denying one’s truth in an effort to maintain the façade, ultimately enabling the cyclical sickness to evolve and be handed down from generation to generation. The vast majority of the time families mean no harm as they teach the new generation to keep secrets and deny reality. They are likely passing on their most powerful, albeit self-defeating, means of coping, the one they were taught and/or the one they developed in response to the addiction they have endured. At some point, though, what often occurs is a member of the family embraces a new way of living, communicating, and responding to the people and things around them. The reaction this prompts is unique to say the least. Suddenly, the family dynamic changes from what it has been for so long. Things are confronted, truths are spoken, and feelings are

expressed regardless of the situation. Recovery behaviors are displayed at first with hesitation, then with more ease, and eventually almost as second nature. Healthier selves grow intolerant of the chaos and deceit and masks, aware that reality is only unpleasant if one visits rather than exists among it. Recovery is meant to be a freeing experience for those who embrace it, and it is. But sometimes it ends up putting distance between those who find it and those who feel alienated by it. Those who are still hiding their crazy, so to speak, cannot fathom matching their outsides with their insides. They do not seem to recognize the importance of speaking their truths and embracing their realities, sharing them with the world as they do the next right thing. There are even times when those outside the recovery world feel persecuted by the family members who now live differently, almost insulted by their choice to change for their own sakes. They do not realize that those who changed did so not because they did not love those who gave them life, but rather because they found a newfound love for themselves. That is surely where the recovery family comes in to lift one another up and offer support and affirmation. Family is not just about blood, but rather about fellowship and spiritual connection. It is also about similarities and unique qualities, including the decision to no longer hide that crazy stuff that used to keep things so sick. Funny, once the secrets are exposed and feelings are processed, the healing begins as the bonds are solidified among families—the ones people are born into and the ones they embrace alike. The synchronicity and the love abound, even when things are not perfect. Before long, recovery permits not only newfound freedom and family, but also forgiveness and acceptance of what has always been and is not likely to ever change. And for this, we grow thankful.

Spotlight on the h 12 Steps s Steps 6 Through 9
By: Steve C., Chaplain,
Step 6: (We) were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. “But I LIKE some of my resentments and I LIKE being selfish”, I thought to myself. Perhaps I didn’t say it or think it that clearly, but the thoughts were there. After all, these things defined me for years and years. I enjoyed feeling self-righteous and resentful at that dude who slapped me around when I was a kid. (Of course, it was easy to forget I’d been an obnoxious fool to him before-hand.) And how glorious to be focused on me, me, me, and shouldn’t everyone else be focused right here on me too? Isn’t that the way life works? So yeah Steve, are you entirely ready to let go and let God with these defects? Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Well, yes, on balance, while those resentments and those acts and thoughts of selfishness may have defined me for years, they weren’t leading me anywhere good. It seems hard to believe it took me so long to figure this out- when I hang on to these character defects, things quickly go south. Not the good kind of South, either. I’ve come to realize that I am as powerless over my character defects as I am over my addiction. So yes, I need to ask God to handle what I am incapable of doing- cleaning out the muck and mess of my imbalanced character. Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and

became willing to make amends to them all. The list was long! Even now it grows. Sometimes as chaplain I hear a Fifth Step and think, “Wait, I did that too, and had forgotten all about it!” At first I wanted to paint in broad strokes, maybe just putting the very worst harms done to certain people. Now I think the more specific the better. So part of the work of Step 8 is asking God for willingness and for clarity. Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. I find it treacherously easy to find excuses and reasons not to make direct amends. Certainly there are people who may be hurt and I don’t want to add insult to injury. At the same time, I do want to be as honest, direct, and honorable a man as I can be. Certainly it’s healing and good to those I have harmed, if I continue to walk a clean and sober path of recovery. Yet I don’t think that’s sufficient. Money I stole needs to be repaid. Insults thrown at someone need to be acknowledged and countered with affirmation. Lies I told need to be amended to the truth. For me, actually taking Steps 8 and 9 seriously became the clear and direct path to the Promises enumerated in the Big Book. Here’s my suggestion: These Steps, not just Steps 6-9, but all of them, come from Higher wisdom and Greater love than any one of us could have imagined by ourselves. It makes sense to actually DO them.

Letters From Home:
A Through These Doors Comes Freedom T C H I S O N
By: Dee M. , LAC Community Service Clinician My door is open as I sit here trying to figure out what to share in the Coffee Cup. In walks a counselor with a bit of a frazzled look on his face. He has a new patient wanting to leave. I can tell that this counselor has spent much time with her, trying to help her stay in treatment. He has taken her to see Jack, our Program Director, and he’s talked with her family, talked with her…and he’s listened. I can tell the counselor knows her story, her fears, and her addiction well! It takes me back to when my counselor(s)/patient group had the same concerns for me…as I was trying to run down 2nd street to escape my own fear. There is something special about Valley Hope! When you walk through the doors you can sense it by the caring staff, the Valley Hope sponsored and participated in the Relay For Life, 2013. Good Times! Good Friends! Good Cause! patients and the warm welcome you receive. You can sense it by the painted stones in the flower beds, and the cups hanging on the walls. It took me a “few times” before I had the courage to stay in treatment. But each time I walked through those doors and felt the love of all, my faith in them grew…knowing they only wanted the best for me. They truly cared! As the counselor sat in my office, still sharing about his struggling patient…we came to the conclusion that she just wasn’t ready. Maybe all she needed at this point was love and the faith in him that someone truly cared. And, when she is ready the doors will be open!! It’s funny how the “circle” in sobriety works! The counselor that was struggling with his patient was in my patient group over 10 years ago. He, and a few others, sat with me in the Chapel while I detoxed, trying to convince me to stay. Call it coincidence? We call it God! We call it Valley Hope! Atchison Valley Hope’s staff would like send a Heartfelt Thank You to Board Member John Russell, for all his dedication, time and love that he has shown to us and the patients that have passed through. You will be missed! John has recently retired from the Board and moved to be closer with his family .

MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND COME CELEBRATE WITH US! Atchison Valley Hope Anniversary DinneR Saturday, November 2nd, 2013
2:30 - 4:30: Open House at Valley Hope Dinner/Program at The Heritage Center

5 p.m

Alumni “Pam” Counselor/Survivor “Lisa” Staff/Survivor “Sue”

Please call our Business Office to RSVP 913-367-1618

Atchison Renewal Day -3rd Friday
Alumni start coming about 8:30AM. Our first official activity is Alumni Group at 9 a.m. in the dining hall. At 9:30, we’ll watch patient cup hangings in the Lecture Hall. After cup hangings, our alumni get introduced to the group and the alumni share about when they were at Valley Hope, and where they go to meetings. The patient group spends time with visiting alumni to talk to and get telephone numbers for AA/NA contacts in their area. We take a short break and start Road To Recovery around 10:45 a.m. Next we have medallions usually about 11:15 a.m. After lunch, Renewal small group starts around 1p.m. for an hour. We usually have 60 or more alumni visiting and usually 15 to 20 birthdays that we celebrate. Atchison Valley Hope 1816 N. 2nd St Atchison, KS 66002 Ph: (913)367-1618

O’ Ride Thru the Valley N E I L L

Deb Ludemann, BS, LADC Counselor and Community Services Clinician

Coming up... Anniversary Party and Golf
The weekend of August 24th, you’re invited to our
36 th Annual Reunion on Saturday at the O’Neill Community Center. It’s a great setting with lots of room and air-conditioned comfort. Come join us for guest speakers, prizes, and drawings. This year’s theme is “Rockin Into Recovery” so dig out those 1960’s clothes stashed in the back of your closet,

It was a great event and raised more than $3,400 for the Patient Assistance Fund, for sober living downpayments and books. Here are a couple of pictures from our 4th Annual Motorcycle ride held June 8th. Yes it was cold and rainy and yes we had diehard riders complete it anyway. We are proud of the riders who persevered through the rainy day, including our own biker Chaplain James. Our thanks to the couple who helped make the motorcycle ride possible, Mike and Gail H.

Sunday, August 25th, join us for a 4 Person 9/9 Hole Golf Scramble. Registration begins at 8 a.m, Tee Off at 9 a.m. We’ll have lunch and awards ceremony at noon. Prizes awarded for the 1st 9 holes only. The second 9 holes start at 1 p.m. Cost is $50 per person, $200 for team. Singles are welcome and we will form into teams. All funds raised goes toward the Patient Assistance Fund. Registration is online at www.valleyhope.org/special-events or at the treatment center.

O’Neill Annual Motorcyle Ride

Gail and Mike H.

ONION RINGS and RENEWAL
Last but not least, even random food prepared at Valley Hope portrays our logo. This is an onion ring found in the fryer on one of our recent Renewal Days. Do we eat, sleep, and think Valley Hope, or what?!!! Hope to see LOTS of people at the Reunion and Golf Tournament. Thanks for being part of our awesome alumni.

Counselor Steve

Chaplain Jim

Omaha Renewal
1st Tuesday of each month. Starts at 6:30 p.m. We present Continuing Care Program completion letters and/or Cups to Alumni in attendance. We have an alumni speaker, share announcements about upcoming events, and close with Serenity Prayer. After the meeting we enjoy a great potluck dinner until around 8pm. It’s AWESOME! Omaha Valley Hope 7703 Serum Ave, Ralston, NE 68127 Ph: (402)991-8824

O’Neill Renewal Day - 1st Friday
Renewal Day, the first Friday of the month at O’Neill Valley Hope has grown to be an inspiring event. Events start Thursday night for those that will be in O’Neill with guest attendance at the 6:30 p.m. Continuing Care group. Lots of people start their Friday by attending Chapel services at 7:40 a.m. and then lecture at 8:50 a.m. The famous “Brunch” prepared and served by Marlene and the Kitchen staff starts at 10:00 a.m. This is a great time for patients staff and alumni. Medallion ceremonies begin promptly at 11:00 a.m. If it’s your sobriety birthday month join us and collect a “Celebrating Recovery” cup no matter how many years your celebrating. Lunch is served at 12:30 and small group starts at 1:30 p.m. Join us for a Celebration of Recovery and “Carry the Message” to others. Give us a call if you plan to attend Thursday continuing care. Call (402)3363747 O’Neill Valley Hope 1421 North 10th St. O’Neill, NE 66763

Tami Anderson Community Relations Clinician I want to thank all of our alumni, families, and friends for making this year’s reunion wonderful! We were blessed again this year with three inspirational speakers. Ryan N, Sherry W., and Betty M. Congratulations to Sherry W, who also picked up her 20 year medallion this year! Our talented staff and patients performed at the reunion and we enjoyed beautiful music, songs, and skits. Thanks to each of you for your time and talent and helping make the reunion great. This was another year of fantastic recipients of the Golden Heart Award. Joe Pellow of Jim Riley Outreach was one of the recipients this year. Joe is one of those guys that works his program and gives back so much with such great gratitude. He has helped many and continues each and every day. Thanks for all you do and congratulations Joe. Two other recipients of the Golden Heart Award were Alisha Cherry and her son Zak Yokum. They continue their journey of raising awareness of the disease of alcoholism with Zak’s show truck built in memory of his dad. We had a lot of fun, great fellowship and fantastic food this year. If you had to Ryan N., miss the reunion this year, we will hope to speaker at see you next year in June. We love our reunion alumni, patients, families and friends. Thanks for all you do!

C Letter From Home U S H I N G

“On the plains of hesitation lie the blackened bones of countless millions who at the dawn of victory lay down to rest, and in resting died.” The quote’s been credited to Adlai E. Stevenson, but Richard Rogers, the most brilliant teacher I’ve ever known, owned each and every word that day as he concluded our class. I was a first year seminary student with dreams of changing the world, and the phrases fell like hammers on my heart. To hear that defeat could be snatched from the jaws of victory just didn’t jive with my inexperienced enthusiasm, and I remember feeling like Richard had soured something for me that day. I decided then that I’d make him eat those words, that no bones would blacken on my watch, that my ministry would successfully see those countless millions through to victory. How miserably naive I was. But ministry has a way of humbling a man, and naiveté eventually gives way to an acquiescing acceptance of the truth of things. Through the course of time, I decided that humanity much prefers the microwave to the crockpot and that any solutions I offered to those seeking my counsel had better be simple and short term or else they’d be summarily rejected. And then the God of my understanding led me to Valley Hope where I heard people say things like ‘one day at a time’ and ‘don’t quit before the miracle happens,’ and my fatalistic cynicism was challenged by that same humanity whom I now witnessed rushing forward, on a daily basis, to lay claim to the prize and promise of recovery. There are still those who sit down to rest, and the finish line for some has been strung with black ribbon, but there are countless millions of others who greet each day’s dawn with a prayer of surrender, who seek through that prayer to improve their conscious contact with the Power greater than themselves, who pray only for the knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out. There are countless millions of addicts and alcoholics who are restoring my faith in humanity, one day at a time. How blessedly naive I was. ~Kyle Wright, Chaplain

Betty M. Al-Anon Speaker

Sherry W. speaker at reunion

Randall Lea, Head of Maintenance, celebrated 20 years of employment with Cushing Valley Hope. Congratulations Randall, we all appreciate you and all you do!

Cushing Renewal Day -3rd Friday
Alumni begin arriving at the center around 9:00 a.m. to visit. (Some actually arrive in time to sit in on the 8:50 a.m. lecture) 9:40 a.m. we’ll have patient cup hanging ceremony in the lecture hall and then celebrate recovery time of 1 year and multiple years. Many alumni stay and enjoy lunch with us. Cushing Valley Hope 100 S. Jones Cushing,OK 74023 Ph: (913)225-1736

Oklahoma City Renewal Night -1st Tuesday
Starts with fellowship at 6p.m. followed by potluck at 6:30 p.m. We begin with serenity prayer at 7 p.m and recognize those celebrating varying lengths of sobriety and then the speaker is introduced. We wrap it up with any announcements pertaining to Valley Hope or Upcoming Local Recovery events. Oklahoma City Valley Hope 6110 NW 63rd Oklahoma City, OK 73132 Ph: (405)946-7337

Happenings in Oklahoma City
Arnold R. Smith, MHR, LADC
Hi Valley Hopers… I would like to take a few moments and share some exciting things happening at Oklahoma City Valley Hope Outpatient treatment. I am Arnold Smith and I have served Valley Hope in many capacities during the past several years. I have a heart for those suffering from addictions and have been truly blessed in seeing many individuals whose lives have been changed through a meaningful program of recovery. I have been blessed to serve as a Chaplain beginning in 1983. I have worked as a LADC Counselor and other capacities. I have been working as an AC/ESS Counselor for the past several months and have watched this program grow to become a meaningful support for many recovering addicts and alcoholics. I have stepped into the role as the new full time AC/ ESS Counselor at Oklahoma City. I would like to share a moment about the accessible online programs we offer. The online program has options available at the Intensive Outpatient level of treatment and the Continuing level of care. It offers the benefits of being able to have unlimited access to a counselor from anywhere you may have access to a computer. The group rooms have daily posts and assignments to offer feedback and responses and interactions with others in the group room. Something else exciting at the Oklahoma City is our Alumni group which meets Tuesday evenings at 6-7 pm and offering peer support at no charge. We have renewal nights with guest speakers the first Tuesday of every month. Renewal nights are where alumni and current Valley Hope patients can eat food and enjoy each other’s company and fellowship. Allow me to make some new additions to our team here at

Oklahoma City Valley Hope. Karen Matthews is our administrative assistant. Karen retired from AT&T after 30 years of working with a large business of customers and corporations; she added “It’s quite the change, but that the change is good. I enjoy the small group of people that I work with and anxiously wait to meet the next patient that comes through the door. I was familiar with Valley Hope from when my family member went to Cushing in 1999. That is when I learned the terms codependent and enabler. Jon Penoi is a welcomed addition to our staff and team here at Oklahoma City Valley Hope as well. Jon is MPH and LADC and has been a Licensed Drug and Alcohol Counselor for 15 years. He has experience with individual and group sessions for patients with addiction, legal, state and federal probation issues. Jon has also been a director of a half-way house in Lawton, Oklahoma for four years as well as working in a Community Mental Health Center in Lawton, Oklahoma. We want to encourage and invite you to stop by and meet our family of staff members as we look forward to helping people in their journey of recovery.

Arnold Smith

Jon Penoi and Karen Matthews

P A R K E R

By:Valarie Colgate, Secretary Parker Valley Hope celebrated the beginning of the summer season with our Second Annual Run for Recovery on June 22, 2013. It was a success with over 100 attendees, a happy mix of alumni, staff, and family, with golden yellow mugs awarded to all participants. We were able to fundraise over $4000 for our patient assistance fund! The party continued as Bill F. brought us live rock n roll music with his band as we transitioned into the afternoon Round Up activities. Our Golden Heart Award was awarded to John Walker of the Oxford House, who gives so much of his time working with community, patients, and alumni of Valley Hope. Thank you John! We love our Renewal Days here at Parker – we are continually blessed by many alumni celebrating years and years of sobriety – this last month we were happy to honor all those who celebrated one continuous year of staying clean and sober -Wes B., Krista G., Pete H., Emily J., Kristin R., Matt W. Ryan D., Kristy C., Kayla B., and Donald Y. Our beautiful landscaping continues to improve as Chaplain Olive can be seen from time to time planting colorful flowers around the facility. We now have two large entry planters outside our front door that add a welcoming touch for patients and visitors. Chaplain Olive has been coordinating with local nurseries for donations and we feel blessed to have her here at Parker for all she does.

Around Parker

Jen, Donna and Megan

Jesse and Daughter Abigail

Tino

Jen, John Gonzalo and Jesse

THE PRICE OF DISCIPLINE IS ALWAYS LESS THAN THE PAIN OF REGRET
-Nido Qubein

G R A P E V I N E

Recovery Is In Full Bloom Grapevine Valley Hope Alumni Group
Hot off the press…

Upcoming Events
Bake Sale – Proceeds to help with Sober Living expenses for qualified alumni Alumni @ Texas Ranger Game- TBA date and time September- 2nd Beautification project OctSober Fest- Yearly Reunion - Oct. 19

The Grapevine Valley Hope Alumni group has been growing! In March we had our first beautification project. Several alumni and their families showed up to plant some new Canna’s and give back to the place that gave them hope! This is the first phase of several beautification projects we are planning to do. All in preparation for our Serenity/Memorial Gardens. Grapevine Valley Hope Alumni All Stars vs. The Right Step We played in our first ever Softball Tournament this past April. We played against several other treatment and 12 Step organizations, and brought home the We have two Alumni Information boards. One is located in the 2nd place trophy! Everyone had a blast and we can’t wait to do it again next year. Many thanks go out to Jim E. who helped get all of the softball equipment for the Tip M. and Suzanne W. group! Main Hallway next to the cafeteria and the 2nd is in the Intensive Outpatient hallway. We encourage all of our alumni to get connected and stay up to date with all the Grapevine Valley Hope Sober Fun events, fundraisers, etc. Getting connected is simple: Fill out the Alumni Registration Form so that we can send updates, mtg. reminders, sober fun events, etc. Email: [email protected]. Text: “GVHALUMNI” to 313131 Visit our local webpage: alumnihope-line.wordpress.com, which always has our latest calendar of events.

Grapevine Alumni and Friends Support Groups
By: Suzanne W. Grapevine Valley Hope Alumni meet the last Friday of every month for Renewal Day to share and hope. 9 a.m. check in begins

Suzanne W.

9:40 a.m. attend current patient’s cup hanging’s, welcome them to the alumni family 10:00 a.m. free brunch for all patients, alumni, friends, family and staff 11:00 a.m. Medallion Ceremony & Cup Retrievals 1:00 p.m. attend Alumni Small group facilitated by a counselor We also meet every Saturday at 6 p.m. in the Lecture hall for an Alumni Open Recovery Mtg. On the 2nd Saturday of the month we hold our Alumni Business Mtg/Group Conscience. We encourage you to attend so that you can get plugged into the groups events, speaking engagements, chairing a meeting and volunteer opportunities as they arise. Hope to see you around, until then, keep doing the next best thing!

Letters to God...
Dear God, as I begin this day. Let me turn my thoughts to you, And ask your help in guiding me in everything I say and do. Give me the patience that I need to keep my peace of mind, and with life’s cares, I hope, Dear God, some happiness to find. Let me live for today, not worrying what’s ahead. For I have trust that you will see I get my “Daily Bread”. Give me the courage to face life’s trials and not from troubles run. Let me keep this thought in mind, “Thy Will” not “mine”, be done. And I wish if some wish I do not get, though I have prayed to Thee, help me to believe what’s best for me. I’ve failed you many times, I know, but when tonight I rest, I hope that I can kneel and say, “Dear God, I tried my best.”

12 Step Resources Alcoholics Anonymous www.aa.org Narcotics Anonymous www.na.org Al-Anon Family Groups www.al-anon.alateen.org

N O R T O N

Letter From Home

By: Larry Black MS, LCAC Program Director Wow, are summers ever busy around here - but lots of fun. In June, we held our annual cookout. Burgers and the fixings for all our alumni and anyone in the community who wanted to come and enjoy. We served over 150 people. It was great to see so many familiar faces and Steve and Johnny and Tim served up some pretty great burgers. Thanks also to the dietary staff for everything! It was a great time. You know how all the TV shows have a big cliff hanger at the end of the season. Well, we will be having our own NVH Alkathon cliff hanger. Last year the North Platte alumni group issued a challenge that I foolishly accepted. If the North Platte group can raise $1000 for the patient fund, yours truly, Larry Black, Norton Valley Hope Program Director must spend the day of Alkathon wearing a BRIGHT RED Nebraska Cornhusker shirt. Now, my tastes tend to run more to purple for my Wildcats, so that could be a very traumatic day. You will want to be there to see if they can accomplish this feat which has never been done before and get me to wear a Nebraska Husker’s shirt. News from around the facility! We have our new recovery rooms open. This has been a Godsend because now we can make sure we are able to admit as many people in need of help as possible. With some of our patients staying in the recovery room longer due to tapering off certain chemicals and medications, this

will make sure Annie and our staff keep admitting folks when they call. We have also added a new room to the facility which we call “The Study.” This is a room just off the living center with recliners and desks and a subdued atmosphere where our patients can go to work on AC/ESS online therapy, work on their fourth steps, read from their AA or NA books, or just to relax away from the crowd. The next time you are in town, stop by and check out “The Study.” Finally, we are really excited about our next big event after the Alkathon. “Hope in Color.” This is a 5K or 1 Mile run/walk which will be held in Elmwood Park in Norton on Saturday, September 14th. Individuals and families are invited to attend. We are planning to make this a fun event for everyone: And very colorful. During the run, participants will be “blasted” with color and by the end the whole throng they should look like a rainbow. We would really love to have as many alumni and friends as possible participate so we can all celebrate “Hope in Color.” See the Valley Hope web site for online registration and more information, or feel free to call us at Norton Valley Hope, 785-8775101. Entry fee is $30 in advance and $35, the day of the event. I guess that’s enough for now. Until next time, best wishes from all of us at Jaylyn helping Norton Valley Hope.
Dan F.

46th Annual Alkathon Saturday Aug. 17 12:30 to 5 p.m. Speaker Food Fellowship

Retired Chaplain Bob with Rochelee

Scott helping Ted O.

B O O N V I L L E

News From Boonville
By: Chaplain Scott Ehrlich On Saturday, August 10, Boonville Valley Hope will celebrate its 32 nd Anniversar y. I have been blessed to be around for about half that time and simply want to say, “I am grateful to be a part of this remarkable institution”. I have been able to watch cup-hangings and medallion ceremonies; I have shared in Green Ribbon and in Black Ribbon ceremonies; I have been privileged to have “patients” become “peers” through the Valley Hope counselor training program. I don’t know if Doc Leipold and crew knew what they were starting when the first shovel of dirt was turned in Boonville more than 3 decades ago, but it has been amazing; and I just want to thank the administrators, staff and patients, then and now, who have made Boonville Valley Hope a place of healing and hope and renewal and those “daily miracles” that keep on happening.

Boonville Renewal Day -2nd Friday
8:30 a.m. - Registration in the Common Area. Enjoy coffee and goodies. 9:40 a.m. - Cup Hanging Ceremony in the Lecture Hall. 10:00 a.m. - Alumni Group in the Lecture Hall 11:00 a.m. - Medallions Ceremony in the Lecture Hall. 12:30 p.m. - Lunch - discounted price of $2.50 1:30 p.m. - Alumni/Patient Groups If you would like to join us for LUNCH, please let staff know. Give us a call if you plan to pick up your cup or share a birthday! Call if any questions. Boonville Valley Hope 1415 Ashley Road Boonville, MO 65233 Ph: (660)883-6547 There are really only two ways to approach life - as victim or as gallant fighter - and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don’t decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you. ~Merle Shain

M News Around Moundridge O U N D R I D G E
Letter From Wichita Change

By Chaplain Steve Conrad One of the great things about summer at Moundridge Valley Hope is that the community swimming pool is open! Nothing beats the searing Kansas heat like a quick or leisurely dip. Oddly, “The Space Place,” where visiting NA and AA meetings happen, is almost a straight line in between our Moundridge Valley Hope building and the pool. We think nothing beats the “heat” of addiction like a quick or a leisurely dip in the cool waters of recovery. Which destination brings the most energy and anticipation from patients?

us for Renewal Day each month- you’ll find information about Renewal Days times and schedules on the Friends and Alumni link on www.valleyhope.org

Celebrate Sobriety In September with Moundridge Valley Hope Soberfest
September 28th at 4 p.m.
A guest speaker Barbecue (meal provided) Balloon launch Medallions Ice cream We will end the night with music We will also have a silent auction with donated items to help raise money for the patient care fund Party will take place at the Moundridge facility located at 200 S Ave B in Moundridge If you are interested in taking part in the music session please contact Chaplain Steve 620-345-4673

Renewal Days It seems like the news is spreading. “Come on home, alumni!” Folks are showing up to celebrate with us. In April, Kenyon J., Timothy L., Jacob K., and Leon T. (2 years!) came by to collect cups and celebrate. May brought flowers, yes, and also Mark L., Carissa A., Terri P., and Dylan D.- each a year winner. Les A. and Brenda B. picked up a 2 year cup, and Tony M. celebrated 3 clean and sober years! June brought not only the Super Moon, huge and glowing, but also Bud S., Rita S., Pam M., Christine R.- all one year sober- and Thomas C., 2 years- to pick up cups. We even had a 6 year winner, Chris S.! We’re so proud of each one of you- how heartening and wonderful to see you smiling, contented, and happy. Please join

Alicia Landrum, BA, LAC Outpatient Program Director, Change is a word we have all come to know and love in recovery, right? Maybe some of us aren’t so used to it yet, maybe some still fear it, but recovery teaches us that change happens. Fear of change is one of the biggest fears I hear most often from patients who are new to recovery. Change is the goal of stepping into recovery. We want a change to move away from the guilt, shame, and misery related to active addiction, which is why we chose treatment in the first place. Then we start to make the steps necessary and the fear of change can get in the way. Little do we know it, there isn’t much to fear. If I knew today what I knew the first time I “tried” to stay clean and sober, I would have a few more days strung together. Change is synonymous with life for various reasons: the seasons change, the world changes, flowers bloom, winds blow and the sun and stars take turns lighting our sky. The Twelve Steps help us to change and grow while our sponsor and others in recovery guide us. One day at a time, change IS possible and with support of others in the program and a Higher Power, it can turn out to be pretty simple. We would like to see our Wichita Valley Hope alumni return and share with us how their lives have changed. We have a Renewal Night scheduled for the third Wednesday of every month starting at 6p.m. It’s always a blessing to see our former patients. Wichita Valley Hope will be experiencing a pretty big change in the coming months, and it will be very noticeable. Harry Gard, who has been a part of the Valley Hope family for thirty years, and is a former alumnus, will be retiring in August. Many of you may remember him as the Program

Director, but he has been working hard as a counselor for many years. Whatever role he has been in, Harry has always been compassionate and caring to our patients. For all of the hard work and dedication Harry has done for Valley Hope, we are truly grateful. I also know that he will be missed by our staff, current patients, and former patients. The coffee café is named after Harry so he will always be a part of our team and commemorated here at Wichita Valley Hope. We would like to have our former patients come and celebrate Harry’s retirement by attending our Renewal Night or just stopping by when you can. Please help us show Harry Gard Harry how much he is appreciated!

Volume 45 Edition 3 Editorial Committee: Megan O’Connor, Lydia Iacobucci, Kacie Boydston and Keri Vanover

Coffee Cup

If your address needs to be updated or if you wish to be removed from the subscription list, please call us at 1-800-654-0486 or e-mail
[email protected] The Valley Hope Coffee Cup newsletter is published quarterly by the Valley Hope Association Editorial Committee P .O. Box 510 Norton, KS 67654

C Letter From Home H A N D L E R

By: Terry M. AZ Hope Builder Board Member Chandler and Tempe Valley Hope teamed up to host our 1st ever golf tournament. The scene was a beautiful course called Vistal at the base of South Mountain. 144 golfers, 18 hole sponsors, mulligans, best and worst golf outfit competition and tons of prizes. We raised $13,628 for patient scholarships! Absolutely amazing for our 1st try at a golf tourney! Special thanks go to our own Kandi Morris and Hope Builder Board/Alumni Gonzalo A. for spearheading the event. On nearly every hole there were 12 step meetings taking place. Some golf. ers got in 18 mini meetings along with 18 holes of fabulous golf. The Spirit of the golf tournament was truly amazing, from the opening prayer, the stirring speech given by our President/CEO Ken Gregoire to the last goodbye, it was obvious to all who attended that God was there. We invite you to join us again next Roth F., year for the 2nd Annual! best dressed

JanW.

Jan. with Team

One of our long time employees in the Business Office at Chandler Valley Hope is retiring. Her name is Jan Westphal and she has been a wonderful secretary. She has been with us since 1997.

Tempe Valley Hope Sun Rise
By: David Moerman My morning drive to work is pretty early and lately the timing is just right to watch the sun rise. It is my favorite part of the day. For me, the event symbolizes not only the beginning of a new day, but the opportunity for new ideas, new hopes, new dreams and new motivation. Every day is a gift from God and I never know how many more I will get and it is up to me to make the most of it. The immense power of the sun is awe inspiring. We would not exist without it. The sun is a universal symbol of life and the ultimate energy source. It gives us light and warmth. Our skin uses it to produce vitamin D and plants use it for photosynthesis, which coincidently produces oxygen for us to breath. And in a very definitive and symbolic manner – light conquers darkness – and I see this symbolize so many things: good vs. evil, knowledge vs. ignorance – right vs. wrong, hope vs. despair, love vs. hate, etc. No matter what we are, or what we have done or not done in our lives, the sun shines on all of us equally. This is a very important concept to me – that with each new day the sun rise will come and we all will have yet another chance, no matter my regrets of yesterday, to make the right choices today. I know of no one that has lived a perfect life. I know of no one that doesn’t wish they would have done things differently. No matter the number of wrongs that we have committed, no matter the lives we have ruined, the jobs and money we have lost – the sun will shine on us in the morning. The sun does not discriminate. The new day belongs to us all. We often blame our misfortunes on others but the truth is that we have played a part. This should have proven to be obvious to me early in life – but now I realize that the outcomes for my goals are directly and proportionately related to my effort, honesty and willingness to listen and to observe others. Make it a goal to make everything you can out of each and every day. Today may be the day you become a sponsor. It may be the day you make that amends. Perhaps today will be the day you experience a miracle before it is too late. You might have a chance to watch the sun rise today. Sun rises, you may realize, as I have - they are a ‘God thing.’

Kandi and Gonzalo

Kandi, Ken and Juanita

Chandler/ Tempe Round Up
Saturday, October 19
10 a.m. -2 p.m.
Speakers, Medallions, Sobriety Countdown, Music, Great Food and Beverages A family friendly event with KIDS ZONE Bouncy House, Face painters and tons of fun for kids! Join US!

You Asked...
Friends In Recovery Answered
Question: How did you explain your addiction to your young children?
My name is Alicia and I am 18 months sober. I have 2 boys, 6 and 7. I actually have been fortunate not to have to explain my alcoholism to my kids! I tell them I need to go to a meeting and they have asked why and I just say so I can be a better mommy. I am currently on my 8th steps and have learned that I don’t have to make direct amends to them, I just continue to give them a life they deserve. We communicate better instead of screaming, we express our feelings and I am there mom, not their friend. I make more time for my boys, pray with them, and enjoy and cherish every minute. I know now that I have a lot more to lose if I go back out and they remind me of that every day! My name is Suzanne W. and I have 4 children. When I went into treatment my twin girls were 8 and my two boys were 10 and 11. In the beginning they thought mommy was at the hospital for an extended stay. Partly because that’s where I was a lot of their life growing up due to lymphoma and other health reasons. When I transferred over to Intensive Outpatient, they knew mommy was getting better but they still did not understand fully what Valley Hope was. Time continued to go by, I was getting stronger on my new sea legs (as my counselor called them). I finally got to a comfortable point in my life that I realized my burden of addiction had indeed transformed into my blessing and my life’s testimony. So long story short...they are fully aware of everything now, my conscience is clear, God is able to work in and thru that and we visit Grapevine Valley Hope and give back as a family all the time! ~Suzanne W. Hello My Name is Tim and I’m an addict. I got the e-mail from the Coffee Cup the same day my oldest granddaughter was coming to visit for a few days. This is the first time in 5 years I’ve been faced with this. My Children were 21 and 17 years old when I got clean. My Sister is a drug and alcohol counselor, so my children went to her to learn about my disease. Nope, I didn’t have to explain anything early in recovery to them. Maybe a few things, but they were really ac-

cepting of their NEW DAD. But when my granddaughter came to visit a fear came over me. I was in Fear of judgment from my granddaughter! Lucky me, God blessed me with a girlfriend who is in Recovery. She got to be the one to answer the questions, because I was at work when they went to the 1st meeting and that evening we all went to our group Birthday Night. The only question that she asked was: What does NA stand for? “Narcotics Anonymous” was the answer. That was the only question asked. My Home group is simply an extension of my family. NA feels like family, NA is my Family. Yet I still struggle with the fear of answering this question and being able to properly explain what the disease of addiction is! There was a child in my home group, and her mother told her it was just like being sick and having to go to the doctor to get healthy. The little girl said “that’s where my Mommy goes to get healthy.” I still have NO clue how I will answer that question. But I do know this: Recovery has given me the tools, and has put the people in my life to help me deal with any situation or question that I might face. I think I should simply pray about it, and the answer will present itself! “LIFE IS GOOD TODAY” ~Tim P. The only time it has been brought up I told her I was going to a meeting. She said she didn’t like me going to meetings because I couldn’t spend that time with her. I asked her if she enjoyed our time together more now or before I stopped drinking beer? She said she liked it more now. I told her the meetings help me to quit drinking beer. She said, okay, I can go to the meeting but I have to play with her when I get home. My daughter is going to be 8 in September. I have joint custody of her so she is not here all the time. She has said many times that she likes me better now that I don’t drink beer. I have been sober for 13 months. ~Joe F. I was fortunate enough to have my daughter stay with me at Valley Hope. We attended family meetings and played with the others who were in recovery. Children know when there is a problem. They just may not be able to ‘identify’ the problem. Valley Hope counselors helped my daughter and I to open up to each other regarding sobriety. She enjoyed the meetings and that there were other children involved in the meetings with their families. I think this really helped my daughter understand she could be a big help in many ways. Thank you for reminding me what we went through, and how beneficial it all is! ~Sonja S.

Just For Laughs
When the students ready, the cartoon will appear.

By: Ben Ben the Fisherman www.recoverycartoons.com
Sure there’s gratitude in recovery. My ex-wife is real glad I’m sober! ...except when to do so would injure them or their mothers.

Step Seven

Step Eight

Step Nine

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Norton, KS 67654-0510

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