Fed Up? In trying to be the perfect mother for your children?
Have you ever thought of ….
Giving Up? Running away?? Suicides???
Cheer UP! ‘Cause we have JUST the thing you need!!
How to be a Good Mommy 101 A beginners guide to becoming the world’s best mother!
Tried and tested by the Mommy herself. *Note: no mommies were hurt in the making of this presentation
Tip no. 1 • Be the best ‘cake-cutter’ of all time
Master the craft of cutting cake with such precision that you can feed around 60 people with an one-pound cake! Note: knives are not always available in which case you might have to make do with scales/ pens/ pencils/ hand/ spoon/ microphone
Tip no. 2 • Have a portable water storage tank
Water = life Make sure your children don’t die of thirst and always carry a water bottle which can quench the thirst of around 105 children and their teachers!
Note: develop a special bond with the water pot and anyone who dares to come near it…give ‘em ‘The Chop’
Tip no. 3 • Make sure your pencil box is equivalent to a stationery shop Children need various tools to advance in their education. Always keep in handy markers/multi color pens/ staplers/ pencils/erasers/whitener/ extra stapler pins/scale/tape/scissors/brush/water color/geometry box/ globe/ screwdriver/ hammer/saw etc etc.
Tip no. 4 • Have an unlimited supply of Shahi Tukras in your house
Rumor has it Mommy is often seen standing at railway stations wearing a black saree with a ‘gamla’ full of Shahi Tukras beside her. She offers them to random strangers visiting her village in Chittagong.
Side note: So philanthropic. Amen :’)
Tip no. 5 • Make the ‘Deddy’ look good
A beautiful fair Daddy will help to increase your credibility. Remember, to be a good mom, you need to be a good wife first. For this always carry: 1)Skin Whitening Facewash 2)Fairness Cream 3)Sun Tan lotion 4)Chandan bar 5)Umbrella 6)Tomato
Tip no. 6 • Recite the whole of Qur’an after every namaz
Note: The real mommy actually practices this.
Tip no. 7 • Be smart about fulfilling your child’s wish Take every possible measure to ensure your child goes to the batch trip, but make sure he/she doesn’t go near the water.
Note: Emotional blackmail coupled with a stern voice works best here
Mommy ples, ektu jai pani te?
Tip no.8 • For health issues (esp. street foods), don’t hesitate to be a little stern. Being strict at times ensures your child remembers who the boss is.
Pani puri!! Bhel puri!! Varapao!! Dosa! Yummmmm Indiyeah XD
Tip no. 9 • Take extra care for your child’s academic results You should be a daredevil and when you child sits for his/her exam, march into the exam hall, push the teacher aside and shout out the answers to your child and also their friends.
Note: in case the teacher attempts to throw you out, claim you are pregnant and going through a hormonal phase
Tip no. 10 • Know how to manipulate your child’s teachers
Note: Our mommy was the voice of the entire 18th batch and convinced the Mango to postpone the exam. And Mango changed the exam for the first time in history. Wondering what she said? ;) *sir apni to onek strong*
Tip no. 11 • Feed your children with your own hands no matter how old they get
Note: our Mommy used to feed Wasifa and Tabbassum all the time and she used to pick out the fish-bones for Masud…aawwhh ^__^
Tip no. 12 • Remember to get PLENTY of sleep Being a Mommy is a tiring work and you need plenty of sleep. If you can’t find the time, fall asleep, well in any place.
Note: Our Mommy falls asleep everywhere! Bus, train, car, chair, on her children’s shoulders, plane, bed, floor, trees, grass, table, stairs, wall (!). The mommy was once seen to float on air while sleeping!!
So far we have talked about the general tips that you must follow if you want to be acknowledged as a good mother… But now for some practical examples. We are going to show you how our Mommy, keeps a whole lot of us (40 or so :P) people under control <3
What our Mommy does! Practical examples to help you understand the Mommy role better ^__^
Keeps Jummon sane
Is the voice of sanity when a certain chinku starts her usual after-exam ritual
Is especially concerned about her friend’s new partner’s religion! In fact, that’s the first thing she enquires about when he tells her the good news!!
• Doesn’t EVER go on a date with Deddy without a third-wheeler!
• Never hesitates to jharafy her children for… Not saving for the future
Not taking a shower
Not coming to Frehserz Coming to Fresherz Not eating Eating! Hair-cut No hair cut
Breathing Not breathing!!!
Has mastered the art of poetry! • Some of our mommies best work: Priyo Ashiq, hole na tumi roshik Kori tomar opekha, bhaggish hoyni tomar jokkha Tao tomai bhalobashi, ei bhebe kori hasha hashi Oray meye, roiyo na tumi cheye Aibar nao tumi kichu kheye Mon khushi hobe tomar khabar peye
Ai je nazia, kothao jashna tui shajia Tui ektu mota shota, er jonno nei kono quota Ekla pothe tui chute cholish, tor priyo holo bichana balish
Doesn’t give a damn about technology xD Who cares? It keeps changing all the time anyway :P *First we thought to make this on Prezi. Then we realized you may not be able to see it since you’re technologically challenged.
Is all ears to everyone’s problems…EVERY TIME!! Rumor has it Mommy’s famous heart-to-heart convos have helped • 4 teenagers from committing suicide • 2 elderly fellow to find their true loves • 18 couples to get married • 3 girls from getting pregnant • 206 people from going insane
Is an expert at making random faces!!
Now you know the qualities of a good Mommy! But the MOST important quality that you need to have, is to be wonderful
friend to your children ^__^ And the Mommy we have has been the most amazing, the most incredible friend that we could ever dream of <3 _ <3
Happy Birthday Mommy!! You have very right-fully earned the title ‘MotherIBA’! Thank you for taking such good care of your children!! A certain chinky probably would have died crying had you not been there… Jummon probably would have committed 5 murders and been behind bars by now…. A certain princess would probably never had the chance to go to her batch trip and have the best time of her life…
Many people would probably have died of thirst… A certain batch would never have been complete…