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Ravings Of A Diseased Mind aka I’m only serious when I’m not laughing aka
HHRBS Blurbs aka
No Opinion, No Brain!
Full Moon Rising
March 10th, 2202 pm
by c james “The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal. They're about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories easy to cover. – Al Franken –
Feelin’ Awwwright!
OMG, pirates! Headlines around the country squealed with glee as our Navy SEALS took out the Somalian baddies, freed the newest American hero and helped PrezO’ with the "dodging of a PR bullet," as USA Today put it. Meanwhile, "Pirates around the Indian Ocean vowed revenge," the New York Daily News chimed in, letting us know that we could have an exciting new war on our hands, as speculation continues that at least one of the old ones will be cancelled (someday). And if you think this sounds kind of like reality TV, well, it is. E! Online reported that "Spike TV has closed a deal with the U.S. Navy to chronicle pirate-hunting special forces in a new reality show, 'Pirate Hunters: USN.'" So fasten your seatbelts, folks. The “War on Pirates” is an idea that's winwin-win an’ win some’ore as Military recruitment will soar, the dying MS media will rejuvenate (or at least go into remission) as it reports the playby-play and a depressed, fragmented nation will reunite!
Does anybuddy know what this hillbilly just said?
E:Mail • ESP • entre nous • Pony Express • Courier Pigeon • USPO
She Can’t Help It
to:
[email protected] From: southerntransplant@ Where do you get off criticizing our President in such a manner. What kind of a publication is this? Who do you think you are? My husband has been brining this thing in the house for a few years now and I have never, not once, seen such a month to month diatribe on a President or any other US leader. What gives you the right?
Eviction Convictions
Holy molé and holy shi† too can ya’ believe some of the madness Franklin
Our future as a great Country is now in the hands of a full basketcase AKA Obama, Pelosi, Reid and Hillary
southerntransplant, try taking a few deep breaths sweetheart. We know you can’t help it. It’s called excercising our 1st amendment rights and if you don’t think that knowing our future as a great Country is now in the hands of a full basketcase AKA Obama, Pelosi, Reid and Hillary Clinton doesn’t just piss me off royally, then perhaps you should be reading Pink instead of the Rail. Let me remind you of something you may have forgotten. FACT: A young man is elected to the state legislature. His wife is given a make believe job as director of "community services" for a large hospital that receives state funds. The young man runs successfully for the U.S. Senate. His wife's salary is tripled because the hospital receives more federal than state funds. The young man leaves the senate for another position. His wife no longer needs the "job" -- and the hospital decides that it no longer needs a director of "community services." Instead of facing a criminal investigation for accepting bribes and illegal political contributions, the young man and his wife are lauded for their "service." How bad has the venality become? How ingrained is the
acceptance of this kind of fraud in our culture? Fifty two percent of America's voters recently elected this man president ... and his wife is now the first lady. Tell yer hubby hello for us will you dear?
gets hisself into referrin’ of course to th’ boy subjecting himself to a forceable evicition jus’ to save a few bucks and get some stuff for a little story he’s been wanting to tell and then claiming that he didn’t know it was comin’ which th’ point we’re tryin’ to get to here is that Franklin claims that there are folks right here on the Island having such a hard time makin’ ends meet that they’ve taken to hunting for food jus’ like the cowboys an’ Indians used to do which leads us to believe that Franklin may be losing it? (see “Eviction” pg.6
He may be good buddy, headed for a padded cell!
Ammunition Run
to:
[email protected] From: TNTony@ Hey Cork, Tony here. We always talk about the Calverts when we run into each other. I tried to call but your greeting is about an hour long. Thought you might like to know that I took your advice about buying a handgun. I found a nice 25 calibre semi in a pawnshop in Beaufort but forgot to buy ammo while I was over there. I went to WalMart but they were out. Where else can you go for ammo around here? Tony, good move sir, now go to a shooting range and learn to shoot and handle your weapon safely. The loonies in Washington are gearing up for gun restrictions as we speak. Sorry but you’ll have to go to Sanannah or back to Beaufort for the shells. Stock up while you’re there as the guy I talked to at WalMart a few months back told me that they can’t get them in fast enough. That ought to tell you something heh?
A Billion Iz
Think about it folks, a billion seconds ago it was 1959. B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet. E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes at the rate PrezO’ is spending it. Holy shi†!
The Posh Rock Rail
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May -2009
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First Time Rail Reader? Great! We luv when that happens! From our ‘09 Spring Staff, The Supreme Masters of “Money’s Worth” Relaxed Living of the World, We’d Like to welcome Y’all to our little neighborhood..,
Welcome Folks.., to one of the Low Country’s finest hours. If you don’t find something inside that moves you, there’s a very good chance that you may be dead. Otherwise, we’d like to welcome the good folks of.., Hilton Head, B’Town, Daufuskie, Moss Creek, Buckingham, Heritage Lakes, Colleton River, Sawmill Forest, Westbury park, Woodbridge, The Farm, Lake Linden and now Pineridge. Welcome, you’ve got Rail! – Rail staff 2009 –
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InSide:
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May-2009
May-09-Spring in Session
Rail 2009 Staffers
❀vs❘¤✽vss¤✪s¤✪❘✏¤vs ✫q❖¤❙❚¤✻❙❑s¤✯❊❘❖w❘ Layout/Design ✼vw◗❊¤✹❊s✬✒¤✳❊◗s Regulars ✻¤✯❊❘❖w❘¤❼¤✳¤✼w❚❚s ❼✬¤✳❊◗s¤❼¤✳✭ ✽qqww ❼¤✻¤✶❊vw¤❼¤✼❊❊v¤✼w◗◗ Guests & Ghosts ✵ws¤✳❙s✶wq❖s¤✱w❙❘¤¤ Creative License ✽❙¤❊¤v❙¤ws✏¤❍sw❑❘✏¤ ❚v❙❙❑❊❚v¤✡¤❍ww❋s Photography ✬❙❖¤✳❊◗s✏¤✵ws¤✱❋❊❘❍ ✡¤✬❊¤✶q✬❙✏¤✱✱w Distribution ✫¤✼q❊qv¤✡¤✵ss✏¤✱✱w All letters re. E:mail-V:mailSnail:mail will be published unedited when submitted by the 25th of the month. HHRBS Publications PO Bx 6233, HHI-29938 E:mail:
[email protected]
“The Couch Potato’s Tomatoes”
COVER Credits: • Rail MAILBOX: R A N T S , R AV E S , M O A N S & G R O A N S pg. 5 • THE SCHEME: E V I C T I O N U P C L O S E / P E R S O N A L - pg. 6 : • LJ-6’S WORLD: Chaos Cops, Fact or Fiction? P 7
Op Ed
"The greatest tyrannies are always perpetrated in the name of the noblest causes." –Thomas Paine – Both party’s propaganda and spin machines are in high gear these days as the ideaology and culture wars rage as the system continues to tank. As the conservative leaning-Libertarian sort, we’ve become intrigued by the current state of the cable news media’s reporter actresses as it seems that orders from way above somewhere obviously think it good for business to have all of the most devastating economic, depressing social lunacy and personally debilitating news delivered mostly by women with bright, smiley faces w/extra-bubbly demeanors. The most interesting part of it all is that these actresses are much too obviously in the same boat as the majority of Americans re. fear for their jobs, shock and awe at the growing numbers of mothers and fathers slaughtering their families and the sinking ship that is America today. It’s almost macabre to watch obviously stressed people attempting to put on a happy face as they constantly stumble over their words while reporting truly bad news back to back all day long. No wonder MSM is tanking. What ever happened to somber reports delivered with straight faces? rf
• STUFF/FYI: Cyber Scams- G E E K S & G A D G E T S pg. 10
• FILM: Simms sez State Of Play is a waste. pg 14
• LOCAL BARS • LIVE MUSIC NIGHTLY Pgs 18-19
• CONCERTS & SHOWS THIS MONTH
PG 22 pg 17
• TREND WATCH: The Nightlife By Day • Neighborhoods/Child sex offenders
• JAZZ TALES:Sippel Revisits “Fathead”Newman pg 20
pg 22
•SPRING DOIN’S: F&A BEVERAGE:
PLUS: • Travel+Leisure recommended
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Nitelife News starts pg. 16
843-842 5156
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RailTrail #6
✲➠¤❊¤❊❋❙ ❀❊¤✭❙❘¤✼❙v¤❙❏¤✽vs¤✸➠¤✫❙❊❍¤✻ws¤ By Roger Franklin
The Scheme Of Things
Eviction: Up Close & Personal
By Roger Franklin, HHI People all over the Country are being foreclosed on and forcibly evicted from their homes. Details of the forcible eviction itself never make the news which of course makes it ever more important that it should. It is of course a sign of the times which will undoubtedly continue to worsen in the foreseeable future. This little tale comes from a single personal experience, and how one chooses to handle a forcible eviction procedure, or not, will of course be left to the reader. knowing it's coming and dealing with it while it's in progress are two very different things. We had known ir was coming, but we weren't aware of the timeline. At the eviction hearing, the Magistrat issued misleading information or we would have otherwise simply not been there, sound asleep, when a BC deputy by the name of "Jimmy", came crashing in like a oneman swat team. A "rude awakening" indeed. We had for several years been leasing a 4 bedroom house in North Forest owned by Fred and Lonnie Goulet. (Pronounced Goo-lay.) While dropping off the lease check for January -$1850.- we opened rent renegotiations with the Gou's stateing that the current rent was too much for too little and that we'd have to relocate to more affordable houseing unless the rent was reduced. Mrs. Gou became recalcitrant re. the proposal and left a note in the mailbox the following day declaring that we had 60 days to vacate. No discussion, no negotion, refusing to budge. We discovered that the Gou's had refinanced the mortgage in February-08, for a half a million-plus, -upside downwhich we further opine pretty much explained their dismay. Like so many, the Gou's were laboring under the false impression that the housing boom would never end. Since then however, it has of course and, in our opinion, their hubris as well. In February, we nevertheless dropped off a check for $1500.00. The next day, Mrs. Gou came to the house and, in our opinion, demanded hysterically that we be out that afternoon. We quietly informed Mrs. Gou that she was being silly and that it was a simple take it or leave it offer and that if she wasn't going to take it, then she should leave it. As she refused to leave the check, in effect taking it, we then elected to inform Mrs. Gou that we would furthermore be applying our $1750. deposit to the March rent and would be out by April first. Mrs. Gou left an unhappy camper and the next day initiated the eviction. Lest we be accused of complaining about the cards we were dealt, perhaps a little history is in order to clarify our decision to ignore the ultimatum. Before taking the house at 13 Sandpiper in June of 2006, we stressed the importance of having a quiet enviornment in which to live and work which Mr. Goulet assured us of even though he knew quite well that a weekly rental was in the works next door. Within 2 months the construction began which would for the next 3 months result in the daily endurance of hammering, sawing and digging machines grinding away beginning daily at 7am. Then came the weekly renters with all night parties etc. Also worthy of note was the 2 weeks spent without an AC, in June no less, which came at a time when the Goulet's were "out of town". After several messages left at their residence were ignored, 3 days passed before we elected to call in a repair service which resulted in a total of 2 weeks before the AC was back up. Ultimately, the Gou's refused to pay the repair bill claiming that it was us that had “made the call" and that they "had a service repair contract arranged with a different company" which they claimed "relieved them of the obligation". We kept the documentation from Gray Heating and Air. And then there were the screens Mr. Goulet promised that never materialized which ultimately resulted in our having to purchase and install. Living in the South with no screens on your house is not a simple matter and as the right to quiet, peaceful existance is just about the only right a renter has in this State, we got little of that for almost 3 years. We could carry on with the lengthy story of the bathroom tile replacement promised but not delivered, the Gou’s actually painted the tile, but perhaps the reader can make up his/her own mind at this point regarding the MO employed by many landlords such as the Goulets. The eviction notice is served by a BC Deputy that comes to the residence for personal delivery and signature of receipt. The court date is included and ours was scheduled for Friday, March 12. We stood before the magistrat along with the Gou's and stated our cases. I related the events concerning the take it or leave it offer only to discover that the Gou's had yet to deposit the check for $1500 which the magistrat interpreted to mean that no rent for February had been tendered. (?) The court appearance terminated with the magistrat misinforming us that she would be filing the forcible eviction order sometime between Fri the 20th and Thur the 27th of March, and that it would take 5 to 7 working days before the date of eviction was posted on the property. The following Monday, March 15th, we began moving our personal furnishings to a new NFB location and by Tuesday afternoon had cleared the house with the exception of a makeshift bed, cooking and eating necessities, shower articles and the office equipment including the computers necessary to complete the deadline for the April issue. After 14 years, this deadline was memorable. We were there, dead asleep, when one BC Deputy, with the Gou's in tow, came bursting in loudly declaring that we vacate the premises immediately. With a serious case of the blinks, I asked the deputy about the required
notice, he led me outside and pointed to the notice, posted high on a fence and totally obscured from anyone entering or exiting the door that I had been using for several years. I began breaking down the computers while the Gou's, with self rightious indignation on their faces, began rushing through the house gathering and bagging the various and sundry remnants of roommates of old including an ancient sectional couch, several lamps, garbage containers and numerous odds and ends left as instructed by the movers of two days prior. It was at about that time that this story started taking shape and the atmosphere changed. With the Deputy standing there, Mr. Goulet began making remarks and got what we have to opine "mouthy". With this story writing itself as minutes went by, we elected to take a few photos. Mr. Gou's expression of indignation changed. (see story intro on Cover) In a quandry as to how to get our computers and office equipment off the premises, we were stacking the boxes out in the drive next to the car when a neighbor came strolling up the street to check his mail. “You need some help? I've got a truck and nothing to do for a few hours”. Thank you Mattie Hosey, we owe you one sir. It was the start of one hell of a week. As the new digs were still being cleared and repainted etc., checking into a local motel later that evening became another eye opener. I never imagined that there would be such a shithole on Hilton Head. I mean this place was rife with decay and "deferred maintenance" and the theives and homeless in this area were apparent. We’ve since begun referring to it as “Motel Sick”. The odds are pretty much stacked against the evictee from square one and for all those who have, and the many, many more that may be going thorough it in the future, we can personally assure you that you don't want to be there when the SWAT team hits. Knowing that this is happening to families across the Country, we don’t envy Jimmy’s job these days.But because we've had such an underreported experience, and possess the wherewithal to express it here, we'd have to do it all over again. cj
BACK in
June
Chaos Cops?
Little Joe is a bit worried about illustrious editor Franklin these days. He’s directed me to a couple web-sites that address US social unrest response and as one was the Department of Justice, I spent some time there and It is food for thought indeed. According to an excerpt from the DOJ, “An American government and defense establishment lulled into complacency by a long-secure domestic order would be forced to rapidly divest some or most external
6 Pack
cumstances to put its broad resources at the disposal of civil authorities to contain and reverse violent threats to domestic tranquility.” OK fine. But, as Franklin put it, “why are they addressing this now”? The more I read the more I wanted to read. The piece continues with, “Under the most extreme circumstances, this might include use of military force against hostile groups inside the US. Further, DODefence would be, by necessity, an essential enabling hub for the continuity of political authority in a multi-state or nationwide civil conflict or disturbance.” Holy Molé folks, if I’m interpreting this stuff clearly, they’re talking about the possibility of an all out revolution. A “nationwide civil conflict or distrubance”? Franklin may have something here. The Nat’l stage does seem to be evolving into something radical but a “nationwide civil conflict or distrubance” would require some organization. There is civil unrest, no doubt about that, but if the DOD and DOJ are concerned enough to discuss prepardness, then they know something they’re not saying. The last statement is telling: “While likely not an immediate prospect, this is clearly a “Black Swan” that merits some visibility inside DOD and the Department of Homeland Security. This is largely un-charted strategic territory. Widespread civil violence inside the US would force the defense establishment to reorient priorities in extremis to defend basic domestic order and human security.” Is anyone thinking “Civil War”? lj6
Keeping Sheep Sleeping
By C. James
Calvert UpDates
Hard looks at the circumstances surrounding the dissappearance of the Calverts leave few realistic opportunities for the inarguable unobserved snatch. By plane would have been as impossible as Gerwing acting alone. It had to have been either by land or by sea and two doable opportunities have presented themselves. It is also significant to note that whether by land
Holy Molé folks, if I’m interpreting this stuff clearly, they’re talking about the possibility of all out rebellion. A “nationwide civil conflict or distrubance”?
security commitments in order to address rapidly expanding human insecurity at home. Already predisposed to defer to the primacy of civilian authorities in instances of domestic security and divest all but the most extreme demands in areas like civil support and consequence management, the DOJ might be forced by cir-
Little Joe can only hope that all the bowing and scrapeing our President is doing for the Arabs, and the “talks” that he’s planning with the maniac of Iran, has some underlying logic. I can only pray that Obama has conspired with the Jews and is not really leaving them out while he sits down with men who have declared that the Jews must be wiped off the face of the Earth. Time and again we are told by the politically correct "experts" not to worry about Islam posing a threat to our way of life. We are repeatedly lectured that only a very small minority of Muslims are troublemakers who are giving the peaceful masses of Muslims a bad name. We are also informed that the terrorists, who happened to be Muslims, are the disaffected and the young. And not to worry, since as the fire of youth turns to ashes of old age the rebellious will mellow, as they always have. With heavy assurances like this, coming from so many know-it-all authoritative figures, we can sleep soundly without the aid of sleeping pills. After all, people reason that these pundits are "experts" whose job is to know and tell it like it is. Those who voice contrary views must be a bunch of racist, alarmist hate mongers. Who is right? The point is, that Little Joe is having a hard time giving the gurus in the Whitehouse the benefit of the doubt. On one hand, I have to agree that the general public must be kept in the dark about how dangerous the situation really is. On the other, I have to doubt our leaders ability to accurately assess the situation. LJ6
Grins: Semper Fi Moment
Last month, as PrezO' got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes and says: "Nice pigs, sir." The President replies: "These are not pigs....these are authentic Arkansasas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi." The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes and says, "Excellent trade, sir."
man oh man oh man.
Our Gangs
A Rail staff report
U
Criminal gangs in the USA have swelled to an estimated 1 million members responsible for up to 80% of crimes in communities across the nation, according to a gang threat assessment compiled by federal officials. We’re convinced that they are alive and well South of the Broad. The major findings in a report by the Justice Department's National Gang Intelligence Center, which has not been publicly released, conclude gangs are the "primary retail-level distributors of most illicit drugs" and several are "capable" of competing with major U.S.-based Mexican drugtrafficking organizations. "A rising number of U.S.-based gangs are seemingly intent on developing working relationships" with U.S. and foreign drug-trafficking organizations and other criminal groups to "gain direct access to foreign sources of illicit drugs," the report concludes. The gang population estimate is up 200,000 since 2005. Bruce Ferrell, chairman of the Midwest Gang Investigators Assoc, whose group monitors gang activity in 10 states including SC, says the number of gang members may be even higher than the report's estimate. The report says about 900,000 gang members live "within local communities across the country," and about 147,000 are currently in U.S. prisons or jails.
Time Warner’s Bluff Called
Outrage Prompts Time Warner To Drop Tiered Pricing Until We Can Be “Educated”. Score one for the consumer-- Time Warner Cable has decided to temporarily shelve their tiered pricing plan in response to "unprecedented
Notice:
HH Rugby Seeks Individuals interested in trying-out for the -08 HH Rugby Team should contact “Irish” Murphy @ 842 3448.
Know Your Neighbors?
Okay, here's the deal... go to this link and near the bottom left, it has a "Click Here" button... click on it and enter your address... it will show your neighborhood and a tiny "house", that's yours... all the little colored boxes are Sex Offenders... click on them and get his/her name & picture along with the crime http://www12.familywatchdog.us/
Geeks • Gadgets • Digital Goodies
customer protests. Ultimately, it’s a rate hike that will of course be monitored by Big Brother and the Democrats for the sole purpose of additional taxation. Our Government is broke and in desperate need of more bailout bucks. In a statement released by TWC, this is how Chief Executive Officer Glenn Britt explained the situation: "It is clear from the public response over the last two weeks that there is a great deal of misunderstanding about our plans to roll out additional tests on consumption based billing. As a result, we will not proceed with implementation of additional tests until further consultation with our customers and other interested parties, ensuring that community needs are being met." Apparently, the new plan is to roll out some sort of meter system that will “help” customers gauge their internet usage and, in most cases, realize that the bandwidth caps will not really affect them. As far as I can tell, there is no "misunderstanding" here. No matter how you break it down, it's pretty obvious that TWC customers are about to get screwed.
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M a x t o r Black Armor
160GB USB Drive By R. Mathis, HHI They say that good things come to those who wait. Like us you once looked at the super-secure Maxtor BlackArmor drives and thought "Wow, I'd really like one of those, but they are way too spensive." This is a drive you could feel safe about putting your pr0n tax returns on, with its hardware-based full-disc encryption technology and all. Hmm, what's that? BlackArmor drives are only $59 at TigerCompUSA? Whoa! Mathis’ Gadget of the month:
moments, even company me traveling around the world. However because of the size of the old camcorder, which was big, I got trouble in taking care of it. However now, Panasonic launched SDR-S10 “The World Smallest Cam-corder” measures 1.2 x 2.5 x 4.5 inches, 10x optical zoom, 2.5-inch
World’s Smallest Camcorder
Panasonic launches World Smallest When Camcorder joins your daily life, capture all your precious LCD. With the ability to record on SD/SDHC format, Panasonic reveal that a 4GB SDHC memory card will
allows 100 minutes recording time whereas the 2GB SDHC memory card will allows 50 minutes recording time. SDR-S10 designed in a stylish look, easy shooting that allows you to shoot your precious moment comfortably in the palm of your hand. Unfortunately no word on the price of SDR-S10 however it will be available in Europe around the beginning of this month.
Rail’s✱❙❙q❙❚s
Quote of the Month:
Page 11
"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.” –Friedrich Nietzsche–
REEL FLIX
By Sara Simms, HHI Quick-Takes:
Page 14
State Of Play
Stop the Presses!
A thriller torn from the pages of the 'Daily Bugle.' by Sarah Simms Directed by Kevin Macdonald t must be difficult, crafting a political conspiracy thriller these days, what with all the conspiracies to choose from. One almost has to feel sorry for the team of screenwriters responsible for the new Washington thriller State of Play when they get all tangled up in theirs. Ben Affleck, playing a congressman who seems to be a Republican, calls a hearing in which he upbraids the head of a firm clearly based on Blackwater. First he accuses the firm's ex-military employees of being "mercenaries" who commit "atrocities" in Iraq and Afghanistan, and then a minute later he says the Blackwater-like firm is getting its
Simms sez.., • See It • Go For The Ride
noble ex-military employees killed. Well, whatever. It's a corporation, and it's bad, and Iraq is bad, and Afghanistan is bad. Another congressman who complains when someone takes the Lord's name in vain is bad, and he's in it with the bad corporation, which is attempting to privatize homeland security, which is bad-I mean the privatization is bad, not homeland security, although that's almost certainly bad too, only the part of the movie in which it's explained why it's bad was probably cut and will be on the DVD. It's unfortunate the economic crisis hit after filmmaking was completed, because maybe Affleck could have blamed that on Blackwater too. Indeed, in its focus on Iraq and Afghanistan, State of Play seems instantly dated, like the moment in the first Austin Powers movie when Dr.
Classic Film Quotes:
When all was black & white
• Take A Hike • Get Out’a Town
"My nerves could use a
drink."
I
It's unfortunate the economic crisis hit after filmmaking was completed, because maybe Affleck could have blamed that on Blackwater too.
Evil, who's been in the deep freeze since the 1960s, says he wants to blackmail the world for $1 million. And the event that gets the plot moving, the death of a congressional staffer, evokes the murder of Chandra Levy in the spring of 2001, a moment in time that, in some strange way, seems longer ago than the 1960s. Having said that, save your money.
Frances "Francie" Stevens (Grace Kelly) -To Catch a Thief (1955)
Hot on The Horizon in May:
Angels & Demons
Release Date: May 15, 2009 Director: Ron Howard Screenwriter: Koepp and Goldsman Starring: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor and Ayelet Zurer, Genre: Suspense Thriller The team behind the global phenomenon "The Da Vinci Code" returns for the highly anticipated "Angels & Demons," based upon the bestselling novel by Dan Brown.
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Spring Kicks
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By Cork James
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Some speculate that ‘09 will be a pivotal year for F&B destinations choosing to ignore the need to aggressivly address their competition. Regardless, for those who do it has to be a pleasure for patrons who consider the evening meal as the
2009
Chinese Year of The Ox
More like a pissed off alligator
Lookin’ Good!
While Prez rhetoric portends “glimmers of hope” these days and both party’s spin machines continue to rage pro to con the local scenario has a bit more concrete reason to be positive this month as good word from Rail sources re. Resort/Hotel/Villa Rental Agencies and transportation companies offer upbeat speculation re. not what Hilton Head is, but what it isn’t. The bottom line appeal for the Island these days appears to be cheap easy access for regional states seeking the beach within a day’s drive offering money’s worth F&B and a myriad of diverse and entertaining nightlife destinations. While airfare may be competitive across the board it nevertheless results in the lease car and Hotel/Motel additionals that have traditionally made the summer vacation a splurge for the family unit’s tight budgets. Good word from Villa Rental agency contacts familiar with the toll this economy has taken to date are enthusiastic about the bookings they’re receiving which appear to be looking good on thru the Fall.
highlight of the day!
While The Tavern has had it’s share of live music woes it’s still managing to keep the real music happening regularly there and with the frugal minded F&B staffers seeking steal deals more than ever (see pg 2) One Hot Mama’s has been ruling the Triangle’s local appeal thanks in part to aggressive marketing and the outside smoker’s bar there. Wise Guys continues to enjoy steady numbers there with good numbers week-nights and 30-45 minute waits on the week-ends. Prana International’s overwhelming success to date is undoubtedly due to the myriad of diverse high energy offerings presented nightly there which embraces the 21-30 yo seeking upbeat festive atmospheres. Ushering in a new era of Island nightlife the Prana MO appears to be recession driven as nightly numbers continue to challenge Dark Spots Island-wide. Monkey Business has the Nat’l Concert schedule back up and running and with current GM and former Monkey Biz DJ Mike Taylor enjoying good numbers on the weekends there it appears that the Island has yet another viable concert destination and dance club combo. That the Shoreline’s concert schedule is growing steadily means more Nat’l acts to choose from than ever. The Jazz Corner continues to rule live music venues Island-wide and as co-owner Bob Masteller continues to add and tweak the weekly stage performance schedules while dropping the cover for locals and adding a value minded late night menu has us believing that little will change the steady turnouts 7 nights there.
Making the smaller spots last month took us –clockwise from the top-L– from Main Street Cafe, to the Electric Piano to the 10th birthday doin’s at the JAzz Corner to the most affordable bar on the S-end re. $2 Bills as well as Catch 22 for scratch soups and homemade hot bread. As the economy continues to tank it will surely be the Island’s smaller eateries that sustain the competitive edge. whether mid-range or upscale it appears that they will have the competitive edge this Summer which may protend a trend in the works as so many of the Island’s larger restaurants continue to struggle under the weight of fewer diners and higher fixed monthly expenses, The Sea Shack keeps on rocking and continues to host more bodies on any given day than 90% of the eateries on the Island. WIth a focused crew and streamlined service MO this small spot is set to weather whatever economic conditions come along. Good word at Catch 22 has numbers up over last year and is enjoying the hard earned rep of offering nothing but inhouse prepped cuisine from soups and homemade bread to scratch desserts. Stellini’s has locked in the early diner’s appeal that most large restaurants strive for and the off the beaten path location has for 20 years served as a haven for locals and visitors preferring a more subdued dinner destination. Murphy’s is likely the most popular jock destination on the Island as good numbers of Rugby/Soccer players and fans alike huddle there ThursdaySaturday and with the walking distance convenience of the Forest Beach residents and dozens of nearby white collar workers the lunch, happy hour and dinner numbers continue to be steady. Frugal minded locals have got to be loving the all new Two Dollar Bill’s now up and running which features $2 wells, domestics and house vinos all day, 7 days a week.
Trends:
Small Standing Tall
With so many bar restaurants just hanging in there and banking on the Summer season to make up for lost revenues over the Winter our focus last month was on the smaller eateries that have been enjoying the benefits of lower fixed expenses and
•Chow• ✭❊❖✼❚❙ •Live Music• ✭❊❖✼❚❙ •NiteLifeNewz•
The Wild Wing’s value formatted menu and regular live music schedule is producing steady all you can eat lunch numbers and accentuated by good turnouts Thu-Sat for the no cover real music offerings there we have no doubt that the growing number of frugal minds will be the driver behind this spots continued success.
pg 17
Lodge Goes Live
The Nightlife
by Day
WIth an elevated stage, lighting and sound now completed The Lodge whas added a long overdue live music venue to the Barmuda Triangle and good word has it all about high energy and class acts. –more as it comes– .
Sign of The Times
Shoreline Shine
The unexpected success of a 2500 seat capacity concert venue has taken many Islanders by surprise and Savannah’s concert halls cannot compete with the diverse numbers of National names that Shoreline entertainment directors
Blues & BBQ @ The Dock
A Sunday afternoon safe haven from the touristas featuring high energy blues w/butts, chops and ribs all Summer. Bands seeking new venues should contact Ritch at 842 9775 for booking info.
Isl Bistro Adds Breakfast
July 5th
Anthony Marsbanian and Freddie Ward continue to bring in. From Snoop Dog coming this month to Hank lll in July this spot is hot.
The Dry Dock’s all day 15 yr birthday cele was a slam dunk full house with long-time locals we hadn’t seen in years. That same week-end the HH Rugby Club slipped by undefeated Birmingham for an undefeated season. Hat tips and elbows are bent for the Gators.
From basic eggs, grits and biscuits @ $5 to filet, eggs & muffins @ $9 to crabcakes and egg for $10 the Island Bistro has brought a legit money’s-worth option to the Pope Ave Beach area. The Lodge will be gearing hard for the warm season with the addition of an elevated stage equipped with lights and sound which will add another legit live music venue to the Island at a time when tighter wallets are seeking more bang for the buck. Kurama’s long time local sushi loving clientele and table-side Chef entertainment combines to keep numbers steady there and we see this as one of the Island’s few Japanese restaurants sustaining by year’s end.
Station 70
B’Town’s New Star
While Bluffton has several local haunts doing good numbers these days the now 1 year old Station 70 continues to make steady strides as owner MariRene and staff work it for all its worth and this month will feature Paul Kerns late nite Fridays. May 2 – Mr. Bill out of beaufort May 9 – Sloppy Seconds with Silicone Sister May 16 - Souls Harbor May 23 – Habitual Offender May 30 – Noise on Vine Street
Aunt Chilada’s frugal to high-end menu offering continues to draw steady lunch and happy hour numbers and as one of the S-ends most visible restaurants will sustain through the tougher times ahead via first time visitors and the steady local clientele there. Remy’s has been offering more value-minded lunch, happy hour and dinner hour deals there and with the real music 5 nights weekly will likely be able to eke out ends that meet this year. Remy’s 2 fer 1 lunch offering on wednesdays there have resulted in one of the busiest midweek offerings on the S-end. PB Sunrise Cafe has ruled the breakfast hours Island-wide for years now and we see little change throughout the Winter months there as PBSC continues to attract the lion’s share of
the breakfast/brunch locals seeking variety and prompt in and out access. Cap’n Woody’s continues to do steady lunch and good happy hour numbers and accentuated by the outdoor dining and water-side Hurricane Bar will be doing festive numbers on nice days on into the Summer. The Zone is the N-ends hottest spot currently and we have to believe that the billiards room and successful concerts at the Shoreline Ballroom just across the hall are adding to this small sport’s bars popularity.
3 - 5 pm
✭❊❖✼❚❙ •No ad-driven BS Guides to Live Music nightly ✭❊❖✼❚❙
Spare Parts alternating w/Martin Lesch Trio at Remy’s and w/The Beaggles @Big Bamboo @7 will likely make for 3 of the most locals frequented Friday nite live music destinations. The Mezzaluna features the Target Band at 9pm and B’Town’s all new Station 70-formerly One Hot Mama’s will feature live bands all month. The Simpsons at the Hilton XO and the Wild WIng will keep regional bands -see display ad back cover- and continues to offer some of the best local/regional entertainment.
Day Weeks
Music, Wine, Food & Bodies
(Not Ad Driven/UpDated Mar 25-09)
HH Islander’s of 10 years or less may not recall weeknights when finding a jumpin’good, fun lovin’ scene on any given night could mean a road trip. During the mid-80’s to early ninties little was happening with any regularity throughout the peak season to speak of, pitiful actually, and short of a half dozen or so guitar solo’s doing a predominant tourista formatted, slowhand Jimmy Buffet routine, festive week-end only dark spots like The Golden Rose, The Crows Nest --now The Marriott Grand Ocean on SFB-Scarlet O’Hara’s -now the Hilton XO- The Old Post Office -now Adelphia Cable Co on Pope- Jim’s Paradise -now Mezzaluna, and Remy’s were just about all of the offseaon options there were.
Tribute is picking up steam there and Hinchey’s local fave sax-man/entertainer Earl Williams goes til 4 am.
Tuesdays: One Hot Mama’s is hosting 16 yo Sara Burns from 6:30 to 9:30 there and The Jazz Corner’s all new line-up featuring Martin Lesch and the Multi-Jazz Quintet is breathing new life to early week-day offerings. Craig Coyne goes unplugged at Remy’s and On the mainland it’s now Station 70 with GAME NITE featuring Wii, Corn Hole and Beer Pong. accentuated by $3 Olive Vodkas there. Wednesdays: Early on 8-midnight at the Jazz Corner alternating
Bobby Ryder with Earl Williams will continue to be a popular local 8 to midnight destination and @The Bamboo Patwa plays Reggae til late and its the The Coyne Band Trio now at Remy’s around 10pm.
Saturday’s: will offer more diversity than ever this Spring as Remy’s will maintain the latest Spare Parts around 10 w/Coyne & Lesch. The Mezzaluna features the Target Band at 9pm. and with the Simpsons at the new XO Sat night crowds should be brisk this Spring. On the mainland Station 70-formerly One Hot Mama’s will feature live bands all month. Sunday’s: may not be the slackest day of the week for live music this Spring beginning early with Jessie Watkins @ Brick Oven. Late nite atmospheres such as Hinchey’s Chi Bar ‘round midnight featuring alternating soloists Mike Kavanaugh and Reid Richmond and no doubt The Jazz Corner’s Sunday nite doin’s with Deas Guys will continue to be the hottest Sunday might destination throughout the Spring.
Thursdays: Spare Parts with a newly formed 3 pc. will be replacing MArtin Lesch @ Remy’s as the The Mezzaluna features the Target Band at 9pm. Sterling & Schuvette have return to the Electric Piano 9-midnight there. Friday’s: is of course the SOTB’s hottest real music night w/Tavern On The Park late with Tommy Simms open mic gets fair crowds and with
Monday: Slim pickin’s this month but The Jazz Corner’s new Blues
•Music• ✭❊❖✼❚❙ •Concerts• ✭❊❖✼❚❙ •Local Bars•
Local Bar UpDates: May-09
pg 19
No ad-driven BS Guide Updated April 25th
LocalBars
Located via 278 Mile Markers
Traditionally, a genuine Island local bar was characterized by peaked bottom lines during the off-months and reflecting the year's slowest as May thru August. However this year’s recession atmosphere has most posting weaker #’s and as many longtime residents tend to stay closer to the house during the warm months citing the crowds, the traffic, awful drivers etc. this Summer’s pump pain is shaping up to be the slowest in many years. As the N-end’s latest The Zone located at Beach and Tennis is one of a handful doing steady numbers along w/the heavy boosts from the new Shoreline’s concert nights is combining for some of the better local bar numbers Island-wide. Happy Hour offerings 4-8 as well as 10-2am features $1.50 house drafts, $2.00 Rum and Vodkas, and daily 1/2 price appetizers running daily from 4-8pm there. Go 278 from either direction and take the turn @ Folly Field Rd-3 blocks to Beach & Tennis & (R) w/eyes (L) Remy’s has no doubt reestablished itself and long time Islanders are taking to the new diggs very well. Maintaining consistency from the meat and 3 lunch offering, a $5 happy hour menu offering and regularly scheduled live music Tues-Saturday nights there. From the seapines circle take Pope ave & go (L)@ lagoon Rd. w/a quick (L) @ 1st drive past the bike shop to the end with eye’s straight ahead. Park Plaza’s Tavern On The Park maintains a regular post shift F&B destination due to a consistant menu and when the live music plays Fridays there. From any approach take the SeaPines circle to Greenwood Drive to the 1st street and L to 2nd Park Plaza entrance w/eyes straight ahead. While The Lodge was initially formatted and generally most frequented during the off-season’s cooler months this cozy Barmuda Triangle nightlife destination has over the past few years acquired such a substantial reg-
ular clientele base that year’round local bar status has become apparent. From any approach take the SeaPines circle to Greenwood Drive to first (L) w/eyes (R) w/entrance behind Reilley’s-S. The Wild Wing Cafe continues to be one of the S-end’s hotter local spots featuring live entertainment Wed-Fri-Sat & Sun accentuated by the Island’s most frugal minded menu, -never a cover-. (see back cover) 278 to Seapine's circle and 3/4's around to Pope Avenue, go half mile to circle center complex w/ eyes R. Say hello to Brian Corey behind the bar there. Hinchey's Chi Bar is one of the South-end working local's fave wee hour destinations featuring the real music from around midnight on Thur and Sunday nights there. Take Seapines circle to Pope Ave, go to the end re. Coligny Circle and 3/4's around with an immediate right at the first drive for convenient underground parking. The Frosty Frog now in a 7th year has recently reached local bar status and much like the Earl’s annual Summer/Tourista to off-season/locals transition caters to a mid-aged group early and the 21-25 set post midnight there.Take SP circle down Pope Ave and (L) on Lagoon & (R) @ 3rd driveway. Eyes straight ahead OK for parking@ Nash Drugs after 7pm. The Drydock has over the past 14 years become one of the North-eastern transplanted local's regular destinations and home away from home for many NY Yankee fans. The Dock’s frugal minded lunch and Sunday Pig roasts will run throughout the Winter there. 278 to Seapine's circle and 3/4's around to Pope Avenue and left at the 2nd street re. Pope Ave Executive Park w/eye's R. While Aunt Chilada’s long time year’round gathering gets interrupted during the warm season this bar nevertheless has a loyal patronage envied by most Irish and Sport’s bar formats due to the 4-7 happy hour and all the action taking place during NFL and MLB seasons. Take SP circle to Pope Ave and U-turn @ Lagoon & 2 blks w/eyes (R). Callahan’s Featuring a money’s worth median priced lunch and brisk 4-7pm happy hour Callahan’s casual dinner offerings ranging from $6 to $10 and post midnight burgers and finger food makes this long-time
local’s destination one of the most popular year’round. Pass MM #10 & left on New Orleans and 1/2 mile w/ eye’s left.
Steal Deals
F&B steal deals are more scrutenized than ever. Not only by the skimping family units, college students and week-end warriors, but working year’rounds and the savvy bar/restaurant owners that are wisely addressing their competition. Ck out a few of our faves. • Sundays @ B’Town’s new Station 70-$2 Bloody Marys all day • Monday’s @Hinchey’s-$2 Beam and $2 Merlos, Pink Martinis and Mojitos @ Big Bamboo and at Wise Guys it’s 2 fer1 small plates for F&B staffers after 8p. The Jazz Corner’s new Blues Tribute Monday offers $3 domestic brews and $4 house liquor & wine. •Tuesdays @The Lodge-$2 Tinis & Trinities’ for $1 pitchers of MHL • Weds@ Remy’s 2 fer 1 lunches. • Thurs $1 Vodkas @ Wild Wing, and also at Prana. Two Dollar Bills now offers wells. vinos and domestics for $2 every day, all day long there. Prana offers 50¢ drafts daily NEW: Island Bistro offers $2 vodkas & $2 Fish tacos all day, everyday.
AdultDoin’s
Thee Diamond Club has been an integral part of the nightlife of Hilton Head Island for the past six years and as the only competitor in adult nightlife re. Club Paradise closeddoors permanently in July TDC is once again the only game in town. The beautiful women that this popular adult gentleman’s club attracts have wowed anyone who is an island native or a frequent yearly visitor. All of these beautiful women are dancing all night for your pleasure and enjoyment. The gowns are stunning. These ladies know how to dress to impress. They all know how to treat a gentleman. Have a drink with a southern belle or an exotic princess. Located on Dunnagan’s Alley @ Palmetto Bay near the Seapines Circle. Say hey to John Laney & Mom.
May 17th
M A Y 2 0 0 9 May 3 @ The Drydock • May 8 @ The Tavern
ARTS & DOWNTIME
From the Cradle
For the blues/jazz’d confused By John Sippel
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May
@ The
Bio: David “Fathead” Newman
As a high school student, David "Fathead" Newman was admittedly bad at reading music, and learned to play by ear and from memory in band class. His teacher discovered he was pretending to read music when he saw Newman’s part upside down on his stand. He struck Newman with his conductor’s baton, and angrily called him “Fathead.” The name stuck for the rest of his life. Bebop and Blues: Newman grew up in Dallas, Texas, where he studied piano and alto saxophone at Lincoln High School. He was heavily influenced by bebop, but out of a desire to work as a musician, he became schooled in the more locally popular R&B and blues styles. After attending Jarvis Christian College for two years, where he studied music and theology, Newman decided to drop out to pursue a performance career. He began touring with Buster Smith, an alto saxophone player who had played with many of the top musicians of the swing era, including Lester Young and Count Basie. Smith had helped develop the raw, bluesy sound that became associated with Southern saxophone players, and also mentored Charlie Parker. Newman played with Smith and others until Ray Charles hired him to play baritone saxophone in 1954. A year later, Newman switched to tenor saxophone, and became a lead soloist in Charles’ groups, helping to define the soulful jazz sound of the great singer and pianist. Newman played with Charles for ten years, recording on baritone, alto, and tenor saxophones. Charles also helped boost Newman’s solo career, supporting his first solo record, Fathead: Ray Charles Presents David Newman (1958). After his tenure with Charles, Newman went on to record almost 40 albums as a leader, and many more as a sideman. He performed and recorded with Herbie Mann, Aretha Franklin, B.B. King, Donny Hathaway, Natalie Cole, and others. In his later years, Newman brought his bluesy, effusive sound to large concert and festival audiences as well as the big screen, appearing in Robert Altman’s film, Kansas City. At age 75, he died of pancreatic cancer in Kingston, New York.
✭wws❊❘❍ ✳❊¤
The Dixieland Jazz Society jams the last Sunday of every month @ The Jazz Corner from 3-5pm.
Hilton Head, SC 1st- Hot Sauce 2nd- Wormsloew 7th- Loose Cannons 8th- EPDMK 9th- The Gullah Roots 14th- Tokyo Joe 15th- Permanent Tourist 16th- The Plaids 21st- Villanova 22nd- McFly 23rd- U-Phonik 24th- Silicone Sister 28th- Airiel Down 29th- Johnny Swim 30th- The Notion 2nd- Zach Deputy 9th- Liquid Ginger 16th- Stoneking 23rd- Radio Cult 30th- Silicone Sister
FREE
Friday Nights @
✽vs¤✪w❑❊❙ ✰ws
B’Town
May
@
Wednesday :Craig Coyen Thursday: Martin Lesch Fridays : Craig Coyne Saturday : Spare Parts
Tommy Simms
Blues Tribute
✽❊❑s
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Mon nights @ The Jazz Corner featuring Martin Lesch, Whitney Deputy, Chris Russell & C Williams
Kingfisher on Wed-7-10pm Thu-Fri & Sat 8-12:30 @ The Mezzaluna
Mike Kavanaugh Thur Nights @ Hinchey’s
‘round Midnight
Sun’s @
B r i c k O v e n
Tues & Sat Nights @ Remy’s
Jessie Watkins
Reid Richmond
The Spare Parts
Sun@ Hinchey’s ‘round Midnight
The Simpson Brothers
@ the new XO Lounge Wed-Sat
T he Beaggles
Friday @ 7 The Big Bamboo
Thursday nights this month @ The Jazz Corner, HHI
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Back this month on Thursday @ The Electric Piano
Grins: Right Place, Right Time
A mid-day fire destroyed a four-plex in South Los Angeles. A Nigerian family of six con-artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire. An Islamic group of seven Nigerian welfare cheats, all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire. Six Hispanic, gang-banger ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor, and they too, died. One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple did not perish. Jesse Jackson, John Burris, and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into L.A., and quickly demanded a meeting with the fire chief. The news media found out what they were doing, and showed up to record the event. On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Blacks, Black Muslims, and Hispanics all died in the fire; but only the white couple lived. The fire chief quietly replied, "Simple -- they were both at work." Man oh man! Now how unPC is that?
Deas Guys
Sundays nights this month @ The Jazz Corner-HHi
Rail Trail #22
Rail’s Community Series re.
Parental Alerts
SLED is currently undergoing program changes to the Sex Offender System. If you feel the information is incorrect, please contact the Sheriff’s Department in the county in which the sex offender is registered or SLED Sex Offender Registry at (803) 896-1440.
Offender Information Name: HAMMETT, SCOTT G Sexual Predator: No Ht: 6' 01" Wt: 240 lbs. Eyes: Green• Hair Color: Partially Gray Skin Tone: Light Address: 5 GUMTREE ROAD APT I33 HILTON HEAD ISLAND SC 29926 Status: Residence Criminal Charges: Statute: 18 USC SEC 2252 A (A)(5)(B) Date of Conviction: 200502-28 Literal: POSSESSION OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY Sentence Release Date: 2007-08-09 Offense: Statute: 18 USC 2252 Date of Conviction: 2005-02-28 Literal: SENDING AND RECEIVING CHILD PORNOGRAPHY • State of Conviction: SC
a-MAY-zing!
the line ups.
Hilton Head
5.1 - Hot Sauce 5.2 - Wormsloew 5.7 Loose Cannons f. Nikki Lixx 5.8 - EPDMK 5.9 - The Gullah Roots 5.14 - Tokyo Joe 5.15 - Permanent Tourist 5.16 - The Plaids 5.21 - Villanova 5.22 - Mighty McFly 5.23 - U-Phonik 5.24 - Silicone Sister 5.28 - Airiel Down 5.29 - Johnny Swim 5.30 - Notion
long weekends rock!
Memorial Day Weekend at the Wing!
Bluffton
Tuesdays - Kirk O' Leary Thursdays - The Free Shotz Fridays - The B-Town Playaz Saturday Bands 5.2 - Zach Deputy 5.9 - Liquid Ginger 5.16 - Stoneking 5.23 - Radio Cult 5.30 - Silicone Sister
HHI - Memorial Day Weekend Line-Up!
5.21 Thursday - Villanova • 5.22 Friday - Mighty McFly 5.23 Saturday - U-Phonik • 5.24 Sunday - Silicone Sister
Bluffton - Memorial Day Weekend Line-Up!
5.21 Thursday - The Free Shotz • 5.22 Friday - B-Town Playaz 5.23 Saturday - Radio Cult • 5.24 Sunday - Live Music TBA
HHI • 72 Pope Ave. • 785-WING ◆ Bluffton • 1188 Fording Island Rd. (278) • 837-WILD ◆ wildwingcafe.com