Kick any Habits
Content
Tap into Your Inner Phoenix to Kick any Habit
(And get what you want in return)
By Kaarin Alisa Copyright © 2007
Welcome Phoenix!
Yes! You are a phoenix, or rather, there is a phoenix inside you, and you can unleash your phoenix to help you make big and lasting changes in your life if that is your desire! This special report will concentrate on overcoming bad habits. More information about what your inner phoenix can do for you is available at http://www.kaarinalisa.com. Everyone has habits. Some habits are good for you, like brushing your teeth regularly. Other habits are not so good, like procrastinating paying your bills until they are overdue! In this special report, I will reveal to you some simple strategies for kicking any habit you wish to eliminate by tapping into your inner phoenix and simply
paying attention.
These powerful techniques have been used by countless people to transform their lives for the better. They can help you too!
P.S. Throughout this report I refer to your phoenix as she. Please do not be offended if you are a man. Just substitute the word he for she and keep going! After all, you really do have both male and female aspects to your being whether you know it yet or not! *smile*
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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http://www.kaarinalisa.com
Distribution You may re-distribute this special report in its entirety and without change as long as you give it freely and do not charge money in exchange. The author, Kaarin Alisa, holds the copyright on this material and retains all rights and privileges thereof.
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
3
http://www.kaarinalisa.com
You and the Phoenix
You may have heard of the ancient Egyptian Phoenix; a magical, mythical bird that regenerates itself from the ashes of its own funeral pyre. Or perhaps you have heard of Feng Huang; the Chinese Phoenix that appears only in times of prosperity and brings peace, longevity, and grace. Perhaps you have heard of any of the other phoenixes mentioned in the folklore of almost every ancient culture on earth. Even the wildly popular Harry Potter books written by J. K. Rowling feature a phoenix whose tears can heal the most severe maladies. The Phoenix that resides within you is none of these, but does share some of their characteristics. Among other things, your phoenix is a master of many essential life traits, such as perseverance, gratitude, forgiveness, thought, action, intention, and observation. If you spend the time to find and unleash your inner phoenix, you will have access to life tools that will help you transform your life for the better. So I challenge you. Right now, today, as you are reading this report, acknowledge your inner phoenix. Bow to her, ask for her help, and make ready to pay attention to your life and, yes…
…to soar!
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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Habits
Oh my! We all have habits. Habits are very important to living a good and effective life. Many people think of habits only as bad things they need to overcome. But habits are simply the unconscious things we do without having to apply conscious thought to do them. Here's an example: Remember when you first learned to drive a car? You sat down in the driver's seat and had no idea what to do first. Do you fasten your seatbelt? Do you put the key in the ignition? Do you adjust the mirrors? The list of things you could do first goes on and on. And the list gets much longer as soon as you put your foot on the gas pedal and begin to move the vehicle! If you had to think about everything on that list every time you got behind the wheel, you would never get out of your driveway, let alone go anywhere else! But by the time you got your driver's license, most of these things had become habits. I know when I sit down behind the wheel, I put the key in the ignition, fasten my seatbelt, check the mirrors, turn the ignition key, check the gas level, pop on the radio, adjust the environmental controls, and put the car in gear and I don't even think about what I'm doing until I am ready to pull out into traffic. I don't think about these things, they just all happen as a result of sitting down in the driver's seat. My sub-conscious mind has been programmed to do it all for me. This is a good example of a set of habits that serve life. They make life more efficient. Without good habits like this everything you do would be harder. And of course you really want things to be easier, not harder! Celebrate habits for their ability to help you. Be grateful for your subconscious mind and its ability to learn and deploy actions for you. What a marvelous mechanism you have to create and sustain habits: good habits and bad habits!
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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Bad Habits
While your sub-conscious mind is busy creating habits to make your life work better, it does not have the ability to distinguish between habits that serve you and habits that detract from the life you truly want. Your sub-conscious will simply create a habit out of anything you do on a regular basis. This is good news and bad news! The good news is that if you want to establish a habit, all you have to do it perform the action associated with the habit over and over until it becomes a pattern. The bad news is that if you perform an action over and over again it will become a habit! Simply performing an action over and over will create a subconscious pattern to do it more often. The more you perform the action, the more ingrained the habit will become. NOTICE: BAD
SERVE YOU. H A B IT S A R E S I M P L Y A C T I O N S Y O U H A V E
P E R F O R M E D T I M E A N D T I M E A G A I N T HA T N O L O N G E R
Now, here is the rub! Once a habit is established, especially if that habit has been years in the making, it can take quite a lot of effort to abandon it. In fact, if all you are trying to do is abandon a long-standing habit, you may indeed fail. The sub-conscious mind only deals with things in the positive. If you concentrate on not doing a thing, the thing itself is all the sub-conscious mind will recognize and the habit will stay firmly entrenched in your life. What a sad fact! This is where your inner phoenix comes into the picture. Your phoenix knows how to take action. Your phoenix is a master of action. If you let your inner phoenix guide you, you will have the ability to supplant any habitual action with a new action that serves you better. Your phoenix knows this by paying attention!
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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Paying Attention
With some focused attention on any area of your life you can create good habits to support the life you desire. With attention, you have choices. Without it, you are living life on autopilot. Sometimes that is okay. But more often than not, you are missing out on an opportunity to make conscious choices. The majority of people I have worked with do not pay attention to most of their life. They may pay attention to one or two aspects of their life, but not to their entire life. They let habits run most of their days and only pay attention to their children or their jobs or their coveted desires. But paying attention to your life is the only opportunity you have to understand what it is you are currently doing. It also helps you discern if the habits you have right now are helping or hindering your life. Let's begin! To begin the process of paying attention to your life just ask yourself regularly throughout the day, 'What am I doing now?' Focus on the actions you are taking, including the actions of thought. Don't worry yet about why you are taking these actions, just observe yourself. Remember, observation is neutral. Observation has no judgment. Your inner phoenix is a master at observation. Your phoenix always knows what she is doing, even if what she is doing is nothing. I'm guessing, however, that if you truly pay attention you will find that you are rarely, if ever, doing nothing! Here's an example of doing nothing: You come home from a hard day at the office. After changing out of your work clothes and greeting others who live with you, or checking your voice mail and e-mail, you plop down on the couch, grab the remote, and turn on the TV.
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Then the phone rings. It turns out to be your best friend and when she asks you what you are doing, you say, "Nothing." Excuse me while I chuckle, but you were far from doing nothing. Let me ask your phoenix here… what were you doing? Ahhhh... I see… Here is what your phoenix said. You were: Watching TV Trying to relax Worrying about work tomorrow Wondering if the plans you have for the weekend are the ones you want Wondering what is for dinner Realizing your feet hurt Trying to remember if you saw this program before Ignoring the chores you have to do Listening to the neighbor's dog bark… again … See what I mean? Were you really doing nothing? NOTICE: BECOMING
AWARE OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING, GIVES
YOU THE POWER TO CHANGE WHAT YOU ARE DOING!
It is too overwhelming to perform this exercise all day long. You would get nothing else done! But try it at intervals. Perhaps once every hour, whatever interval doesn't seem overwhelming to start. Most people find this exercise fun and very, very enlightening! Once you learn how to pay attention to what you are currently doing, you can begin to figure out if what you are currently doing is what you really want to do. Making these changes and creating new habits can only be accomplished with action.
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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Action
The truth is that every habit you have right now was built from actions you took to give yourself what you wanted at the moment you performed them. That's right! NOTICE: EVERY
HABIT YOU HAVE NOW SERVED YOU WELL WHEN
I T W A S E S T A B L I S HE D !
Let's look at this example: Once upon a time, you wore braces on your teeth. Of course you wanted your teeth to be straight and your smile to look great for the rest of your life. But while you wore those braces, you were very self-conscious about how you looked. You got into a habit of covering your mouth with your hand every time you smiled or laughed. At first this worked very well. It made you feel less self-conscious by concealing the blemish of the braces from full view of the world. But you don't have those braces any more and this habit doesn't work so well. Now you are more interested in projecting a powerful image of a person who is confident. Covering your mouth when you smile or laugh does just the opposite; it tells those around you that you are less than happy with your appearance and behavior. You can see here though, that this habit served you when it was established. It gave you what you wanted at the time. Just because you think you don't want that same thing now is not enough of an action for the habit to disappear.
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NOTICE: THOUGHT
N O T E N O U G H T O M A K E T HE C H A N G E . WHEN THOUGHT IS FOLLOWED BY
IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR CHANGE, BUT IT IS
C HA N G E A C T IO N .
ONLY OCCURS
Action is a must-do, but only if you are clear on what action to take. Otherwise, the actions you take will bring you mixed results. You can only form clear sets of action by becoming clear about what it is you want.
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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What You Want
Knowing what you want is not always clear. Knowing what you want is the bug-a-boo of many people I know. When you ask most people what they want they will give you a stock answer. Something like: Lots of money A sexy body A soul-mate Happiness A new house While these are all fine things to want, they are too general to be of any real use when trying to create change in your life. The truth is, your inner phoenix always knows exactly what you want in fine detail. The trick is listening to what she has to say. NOTICE: IF
YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS YOU WANT, YOU
C A N F O R MU L A T E T HE A C T I O NS T O M A K E I T H A P P E N !
I have one thing more to say about getting what you want before I reveal how to listen to what your phoenix is telling you. Your desires have to be realistic. If you are a man, you will not succeed if what you want is to be pregnant. If you are 50, you will not succeed if what you want is to be 20 again. These are no-brainers that everyone can agree are impossibilities. However, where most people fail is to compare their desires not to reality, but to their judgment of who they currently are. NOTICE: IF
GOING AWAY! YOU WORK FOR CHANGE, WHO YOU ARE NOW IS
OF THE FUTURE AS YOUR GUIDE, NOT YOUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES!
COMMON
S E N S E T E L L S Y O U T O U S E Y O U R V IS I O N
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Here's an example: You make a good income, enough to pay your rent and put food on the table. You even make enough to have a few hundred dollars in your pocket for fun stuff each month. But it's not really the life you want. You desire to increase your income by $2,000 a month. This would give you that beautiful new car you want and a good vacation; not to mention a new wardrobe, a new TV, and that sweet new stereo system you saw recently. You look at your life and realize that given what you do for a living, and your education, as well as how much you have ever made in the past, that extra $2,000 is out of the question. For the person you are right now, there is no way you will make that much money! So you give up. The reality is though, that even if it takes time and effort, you probably can boost your income by $2,000 a month. But to believe that fact you have to stop comparing your desire with who you currently are! Who you currently are has been formed by the sub-conscious habits you are about to change! Your inner phoenix knows better. She knows you can get what you want. Listen to her and these concerns will vanish. Okay, let's explore how you listen to your phoenix when she tells you what you want. It's very simple if you use The Want List.
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The Want List
The want list is a very simple exercise that takes about a week to complete. You spend 20 minutes a day for 7 days and then, on the 8th day, you will be able to write a comprehensive list of exactly what it is you want. Sound unbelievable? It's not, it's 100% doable. I have seen this work wonders for many people and it can work wonders for you too. *smile*
Here's the formula for The Want List: What you need: 20 minutes a day of quiet time set aside. (Plan on Day 8 taking more time.) A pad of paper and pencil –or- a computer with a word-processing program. A willingness to explore your desires; including your physical desires, your mental/emotional desires, and your spiritual desires. What you do: Beginning steps for each session, each day: Find your quiet place and close your eyes. Take several deep breathes to help relax yourself. Greet your inner phoenix and welcome her participation in this exercise. Remind yourself to not judge anything you think or feel. Ready yourself to start writing.
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Day 1: Perform the beginning steps. Write down everything you think you want: do not eliminate anything. And do not judge it. Just put down everything that comes to mind. This should be pretty rapid and your list will be long! Set this list aside.
Day 2: Same as day 1, but do not think about or look at your list from day 1. Start fresh! (Most people find that their list gets shorter with each iteration. But if yours doesn't that's okay!) Day 3: Perform the beginning steps. Take the lists from day 1 and day 2 and compare them. Notice the similarities and differences. Consolidate them into one list, striking out things that are redundant, consolidating things that are similar, and eliminating anything that stands out as no longer desired. Set this list aside. Day 4: Same as day 1, but do not think about or look at any of your previous lists. Start fresh! Day 5: Same as day 1, but do not think about or look at any of your previous lists. Again, start fresh!
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Day 6: Perform the beginning steps. Take the lists from day 4 and day 5 and compare them. Notice the similarities and differences. Consolidate them into one list, striking out things that are redundant, consolidating things that are similar, and eliminating anything that stands out as no longer desired. Set this list aside. Day 7: Perform the beginning steps. Take the lists from day 3 and day 6 and compare them. Notice the similarities and differences. Consolidate them into one list, striking out things that are redundant, consolidating things that are similar, and eliminating anything that stands out as no longer desired. Set this list aside. Day 8 (now for the real fun): Perform the beginning steps. Take the list from day 7. Look it over carefully. Remember there is no judgment as to whether or not you think you can do any of these. These are desires. Think about each line item. Rewrite that line to truly reflect this desire. Embellish this item to include details about it. For example, if one of your desires is to remodel your kitchen, add to this item what you want the kitchen to be like. Instead of "remodel the kitchen" you may write "remodel the kitchen by adding a center island, making the room bigger, installing a greenhouse window, and bringing more natural materials into the construction." Put in whatever matches the picture you have in your mind of a remodeled kitchen. Rejoice at finding your desires!
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Congratulations! If you have suspended your judgment, listened to your phoenix, and have been honest with yourself, this will be a pretty accurate reflection of what you want in your life right now. You should feel a thrill when you look at this list. Give yourself the gift of reading this list over several times and feel the feelings you would feel if all these things were truly made manifest through action!
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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Manifest through Action
So now what? Now you combine all of this good stuff and transform your life! Each of these newly uncovered desires can become its own action plan. I suggest you look at your list of desires and determine three things: 1. Where is the best place to start, 2. What actions must you take to make this desire a reality, and 3. Which of your current habits do not support these actions?
NOTICE: AS
Y O U MO V E C L O S E R T O Y O U R D E S I R E S , Y O U R D E S I R E S
WILL UNDOUBTEDLY CHANGE.
THIS
IS A D Y N A M I C P R O C E S S A N D
U R G E Y O U T O R E V IS I T Y O U R L I S T O F D E S I R E S R E G U L A R L Y .
EVERY
I 3
TO
4
M O N T H S IS A G O O D T I M E F R A M E T O C O N S I D E R .
Where to Start? Pick the low-hanging fruit to start with! If your list of desires is twenty long, surely you will notice that some of them look easier to accomplish than others, or that some of them must be accomplished before others. For example: If one of your desires is to spend 2 months in China, and another desire is to make $2,000 more each month so you can afford to take time off and travel, then you can easily see that the increased earnings are necessary in order to pay for the travel. So you start with the desire of earning extra money. You may find that the assigning order to all your desires may not be as easy or clear as it is in this example, but if that is so, just pick one! You want them all so it doesn't really matter which one you start with!
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What Actions are Needed? Figuring out which actions to take may or may not be something you know off the top of your head. You may need to research your subject to make a determination about the best course of action. You can read books, talk to knowledgeable people, and conduct research on the internet. If you know you need to research things before you can make your full to-do list, then make 'doing research' the top item on your to-do list for this desire and then note the subjects you know need to be researched. For example: Perhaps one of your desires is to become an auto mechanic. You probably need to get some additional training to fulfill this desire. So, you need to research what type of education will prepare you the best for the type of auto mechanic you want to be. If you want to be an auto mechanic by trade, then you might want to consult with auto repair shops about the type of education they want in new mechanics they hire. Probably you would need classroom education and perhaps an apprenticeship. If you want to be a weekend mechanic, fixing up old cars in your spare time, you will want to research what type of education will give you the skills to do that. Perhaps you would need to join a club and read a bunch of books. Then you might want to practice on some old junker of a car you bought just to facilitate your learning process. You can see that the action items that result as part of your education process would be very different in these two scenarios. And this will be the case for each of the desires on your list.
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Which Habits to Change? Once you have your action list, now you get to take your observations about your current habits and figure out which ones get in the way of performing your new action list. For example: Perhaps one of your action items is to become proficient at Karate. Through your research in forming your action list, you realize that the only Karate class that fits in your schedule is at 6:45 am. Uh-oh, you have a habit of not getting out of bed until 8:00 am, just in time to shower, grab coffee, and race to the office. This habit is not going to help you accomplish your desire. So you know that you have to get up at a new time, to form a new habit about awakening each day. Uh-oh, now you realize that to get up that much earlier, you have to go to bed earlier. So now you have identified 2 habits you have to change, going to bed and getting up in the morning. Uh-oh, now you realize that grabbing a cup of coffee for breakfast is not going to work if you have already spent 40 minutes doing Karate before breakfast. So you realize you need to change your breakfast habit and make room for better nutrition to make ready for each day. 3 habits to change - all related, but each with its own possible pitfalls to success. How do you avoid the pitfalls?
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Avoid the Pitfalls?
How do you avoid the pitfalls? Well, unfortunately, the answer is you can't! You can overcome them in time, but falling short of the mark from time-totime is probably inevitable. What counts in changing your habits is: 1. Giving it your full attention, so that when you are tempted to return to old behaviors you are aware of the choice you are making to do so. Example: Remind yourself of the desire you are postponing by succumbing to your old habit. This is a good way to stay on track. 2. Give yourself short-term rewards for doing a good job. Nicely, your desires list now becomes your long-term rewards, but daily change requires something much more immediate to be motivating in the moment. Example: You may decide that when you have accomplished your new action of going to karate class for 6 weeks that you will treat yourself to a new outfit. Karate will continue, your long-term goal is not yet realized, but you have a short-term goal to keep you motivated! 3. When the day comes and you do fail to uphold your new habit, employ some of your phoenix' other tools and forgive yourself, pick yourself up, and persevere with your new action the next time. Do this and before you know it, you will have new habits that support your life and bring you closer to your true desires each and every day. I wish you and your phoenix supreme success!
To receive more tips and wisdom about unleashing your inner phoenix, sign up for Kaarin's weekly tip-letter at http://www.kaarinalisa.com/signup.htm!
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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(And get what you want in return)
By Kaarin Alisa Copyright © 2007
Welcome Phoenix!
Yes! You are a phoenix, or rather, there is a phoenix inside you, and you can unleash your phoenix to help you make big and lasting changes in your life if that is your desire! This special report will concentrate on overcoming bad habits. More information about what your inner phoenix can do for you is available at http://www.kaarinalisa.com. Everyone has habits. Some habits are good for you, like brushing your teeth regularly. Other habits are not so good, like procrastinating paying your bills until they are overdue! In this special report, I will reveal to you some simple strategies for kicking any habit you wish to eliminate by tapping into your inner phoenix and simply
paying attention.
These powerful techniques have been used by countless people to transform their lives for the better. They can help you too!
P.S. Throughout this report I refer to your phoenix as she. Please do not be offended if you are a man. Just substitute the word he for she and keep going! After all, you really do have both male and female aspects to your being whether you know it yet or not! *smile*
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
2
http://www.kaarinalisa.com
Distribution You may re-distribute this special report in its entirety and without change as long as you give it freely and do not charge money in exchange. The author, Kaarin Alisa, holds the copyright on this material and retains all rights and privileges thereof.
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
3
http://www.kaarinalisa.com
You and the Phoenix
You may have heard of the ancient Egyptian Phoenix; a magical, mythical bird that regenerates itself from the ashes of its own funeral pyre. Or perhaps you have heard of Feng Huang; the Chinese Phoenix that appears only in times of prosperity and brings peace, longevity, and grace. Perhaps you have heard of any of the other phoenixes mentioned in the folklore of almost every ancient culture on earth. Even the wildly popular Harry Potter books written by J. K. Rowling feature a phoenix whose tears can heal the most severe maladies. The Phoenix that resides within you is none of these, but does share some of their characteristics. Among other things, your phoenix is a master of many essential life traits, such as perseverance, gratitude, forgiveness, thought, action, intention, and observation. If you spend the time to find and unleash your inner phoenix, you will have access to life tools that will help you transform your life for the better. So I challenge you. Right now, today, as you are reading this report, acknowledge your inner phoenix. Bow to her, ask for her help, and make ready to pay attention to your life and, yes…
…to soar!
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
4
http://www.kaarinalisa.com
Habits
Oh my! We all have habits. Habits are very important to living a good and effective life. Many people think of habits only as bad things they need to overcome. But habits are simply the unconscious things we do without having to apply conscious thought to do them. Here's an example: Remember when you first learned to drive a car? You sat down in the driver's seat and had no idea what to do first. Do you fasten your seatbelt? Do you put the key in the ignition? Do you adjust the mirrors? The list of things you could do first goes on and on. And the list gets much longer as soon as you put your foot on the gas pedal and begin to move the vehicle! If you had to think about everything on that list every time you got behind the wheel, you would never get out of your driveway, let alone go anywhere else! But by the time you got your driver's license, most of these things had become habits. I know when I sit down behind the wheel, I put the key in the ignition, fasten my seatbelt, check the mirrors, turn the ignition key, check the gas level, pop on the radio, adjust the environmental controls, and put the car in gear and I don't even think about what I'm doing until I am ready to pull out into traffic. I don't think about these things, they just all happen as a result of sitting down in the driver's seat. My sub-conscious mind has been programmed to do it all for me. This is a good example of a set of habits that serve life. They make life more efficient. Without good habits like this everything you do would be harder. And of course you really want things to be easier, not harder! Celebrate habits for their ability to help you. Be grateful for your subconscious mind and its ability to learn and deploy actions for you. What a marvelous mechanism you have to create and sustain habits: good habits and bad habits!
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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Bad Habits
While your sub-conscious mind is busy creating habits to make your life work better, it does not have the ability to distinguish between habits that serve you and habits that detract from the life you truly want. Your sub-conscious will simply create a habit out of anything you do on a regular basis. This is good news and bad news! The good news is that if you want to establish a habit, all you have to do it perform the action associated with the habit over and over until it becomes a pattern. The bad news is that if you perform an action over and over again it will become a habit! Simply performing an action over and over will create a subconscious pattern to do it more often. The more you perform the action, the more ingrained the habit will become. NOTICE: BAD
SERVE YOU. H A B IT S A R E S I M P L Y A C T I O N S Y O U H A V E
P E R F O R M E D T I M E A N D T I M E A G A I N T HA T N O L O N G E R
Now, here is the rub! Once a habit is established, especially if that habit has been years in the making, it can take quite a lot of effort to abandon it. In fact, if all you are trying to do is abandon a long-standing habit, you may indeed fail. The sub-conscious mind only deals with things in the positive. If you concentrate on not doing a thing, the thing itself is all the sub-conscious mind will recognize and the habit will stay firmly entrenched in your life. What a sad fact! This is where your inner phoenix comes into the picture. Your phoenix knows how to take action. Your phoenix is a master of action. If you let your inner phoenix guide you, you will have the ability to supplant any habitual action with a new action that serves you better. Your phoenix knows this by paying attention!
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
6
http://www.kaarinalisa.com
Paying Attention
With some focused attention on any area of your life you can create good habits to support the life you desire. With attention, you have choices. Without it, you are living life on autopilot. Sometimes that is okay. But more often than not, you are missing out on an opportunity to make conscious choices. The majority of people I have worked with do not pay attention to most of their life. They may pay attention to one or two aspects of their life, but not to their entire life. They let habits run most of their days and only pay attention to their children or their jobs or their coveted desires. But paying attention to your life is the only opportunity you have to understand what it is you are currently doing. It also helps you discern if the habits you have right now are helping or hindering your life. Let's begin! To begin the process of paying attention to your life just ask yourself regularly throughout the day, 'What am I doing now?' Focus on the actions you are taking, including the actions of thought. Don't worry yet about why you are taking these actions, just observe yourself. Remember, observation is neutral. Observation has no judgment. Your inner phoenix is a master at observation. Your phoenix always knows what she is doing, even if what she is doing is nothing. I'm guessing, however, that if you truly pay attention you will find that you are rarely, if ever, doing nothing! Here's an example of doing nothing: You come home from a hard day at the office. After changing out of your work clothes and greeting others who live with you, or checking your voice mail and e-mail, you plop down on the couch, grab the remote, and turn on the TV.
Copyright © 2007, Kaarin Alisa – All rights reserved
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Then the phone rings. It turns out to be your best friend and when she asks you what you are doing, you say, "Nothing." Excuse me while I chuckle, but you were far from doing nothing. Let me ask your phoenix here… what were you doing? Ahhhh... I see… Here is what your phoenix said. You were: Watching TV Trying to relax Worrying about work tomorrow Wondering if the plans you have for the weekend are the ones you want Wondering what is for dinner Realizing your feet hurt Trying to remember if you saw this program before Ignoring the chores you have to do Listening to the neighbor's dog bark… again … See what I mean? Were you really doing nothing? NOTICE: BECOMING
AWARE OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING, GIVES
YOU THE POWER TO CHANGE WHAT YOU ARE DOING!
It is too overwhelming to perform this exercise all day long. You would get nothing else done! But try it at intervals. Perhaps once every hour, whatever interval doesn't seem overwhelming to start. Most people find this exercise fun and very, very enlightening! Once you learn how to pay attention to what you are currently doing, you can begin to figure out if what you are currently doing is what you really want to do. Making these changes and creating new habits can only be accomplished with action.
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Action
The truth is that every habit you have right now was built from actions you took to give yourself what you wanted at the moment you performed them. That's right! NOTICE: EVERY
HABIT YOU HAVE NOW SERVED YOU WELL WHEN
I T W A S E S T A B L I S HE D !
Let's look at this example: Once upon a time, you wore braces on your teeth. Of course you wanted your teeth to be straight and your smile to look great for the rest of your life. But while you wore those braces, you were very self-conscious about how you looked. You got into a habit of covering your mouth with your hand every time you smiled or laughed. At first this worked very well. It made you feel less self-conscious by concealing the blemish of the braces from full view of the world. But you don't have those braces any more and this habit doesn't work so well. Now you are more interested in projecting a powerful image of a person who is confident. Covering your mouth when you smile or laugh does just the opposite; it tells those around you that you are less than happy with your appearance and behavior. You can see here though, that this habit served you when it was established. It gave you what you wanted at the time. Just because you think you don't want that same thing now is not enough of an action for the habit to disappear.
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NOTICE: THOUGHT
N O T E N O U G H T O M A K E T HE C H A N G E . WHEN THOUGHT IS FOLLOWED BY
IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR CHANGE, BUT IT IS
C HA N G E A C T IO N .
ONLY OCCURS
Action is a must-do, but only if you are clear on what action to take. Otherwise, the actions you take will bring you mixed results. You can only form clear sets of action by becoming clear about what it is you want.
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What You Want
Knowing what you want is not always clear. Knowing what you want is the bug-a-boo of many people I know. When you ask most people what they want they will give you a stock answer. Something like: Lots of money A sexy body A soul-mate Happiness A new house While these are all fine things to want, they are too general to be of any real use when trying to create change in your life. The truth is, your inner phoenix always knows exactly what you want in fine detail. The trick is listening to what she has to say. NOTICE: IF
YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS YOU WANT, YOU
C A N F O R MU L A T E T HE A C T I O NS T O M A K E I T H A P P E N !
I have one thing more to say about getting what you want before I reveal how to listen to what your phoenix is telling you. Your desires have to be realistic. If you are a man, you will not succeed if what you want is to be pregnant. If you are 50, you will not succeed if what you want is to be 20 again. These are no-brainers that everyone can agree are impossibilities. However, where most people fail is to compare their desires not to reality, but to their judgment of who they currently are. NOTICE: IF
GOING AWAY! YOU WORK FOR CHANGE, WHO YOU ARE NOW IS
OF THE FUTURE AS YOUR GUIDE, NOT YOUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES!
COMMON
S E N S E T E L L S Y O U T O U S E Y O U R V IS I O N
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Here's an example: You make a good income, enough to pay your rent and put food on the table. You even make enough to have a few hundred dollars in your pocket for fun stuff each month. But it's not really the life you want. You desire to increase your income by $2,000 a month. This would give you that beautiful new car you want and a good vacation; not to mention a new wardrobe, a new TV, and that sweet new stereo system you saw recently. You look at your life and realize that given what you do for a living, and your education, as well as how much you have ever made in the past, that extra $2,000 is out of the question. For the person you are right now, there is no way you will make that much money! So you give up. The reality is though, that even if it takes time and effort, you probably can boost your income by $2,000 a month. But to believe that fact you have to stop comparing your desire with who you currently are! Who you currently are has been formed by the sub-conscious habits you are about to change! Your inner phoenix knows better. She knows you can get what you want. Listen to her and these concerns will vanish. Okay, let's explore how you listen to your phoenix when she tells you what you want. It's very simple if you use The Want List.
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The Want List
The want list is a very simple exercise that takes about a week to complete. You spend 20 minutes a day for 7 days and then, on the 8th day, you will be able to write a comprehensive list of exactly what it is you want. Sound unbelievable? It's not, it's 100% doable. I have seen this work wonders for many people and it can work wonders for you too. *smile*
Here's the formula for The Want List: What you need: 20 minutes a day of quiet time set aside. (Plan on Day 8 taking more time.) A pad of paper and pencil –or- a computer with a word-processing program. A willingness to explore your desires; including your physical desires, your mental/emotional desires, and your spiritual desires. What you do: Beginning steps for each session, each day: Find your quiet place and close your eyes. Take several deep breathes to help relax yourself. Greet your inner phoenix and welcome her participation in this exercise. Remind yourself to not judge anything you think or feel. Ready yourself to start writing.
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Day 1: Perform the beginning steps. Write down everything you think you want: do not eliminate anything. And do not judge it. Just put down everything that comes to mind. This should be pretty rapid and your list will be long! Set this list aside.
Day 2: Same as day 1, but do not think about or look at your list from day 1. Start fresh! (Most people find that their list gets shorter with each iteration. But if yours doesn't that's okay!) Day 3: Perform the beginning steps. Take the lists from day 1 and day 2 and compare them. Notice the similarities and differences. Consolidate them into one list, striking out things that are redundant, consolidating things that are similar, and eliminating anything that stands out as no longer desired. Set this list aside. Day 4: Same as day 1, but do not think about or look at any of your previous lists. Start fresh! Day 5: Same as day 1, but do not think about or look at any of your previous lists. Again, start fresh!
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Day 6: Perform the beginning steps. Take the lists from day 4 and day 5 and compare them. Notice the similarities and differences. Consolidate them into one list, striking out things that are redundant, consolidating things that are similar, and eliminating anything that stands out as no longer desired. Set this list aside. Day 7: Perform the beginning steps. Take the lists from day 3 and day 6 and compare them. Notice the similarities and differences. Consolidate them into one list, striking out things that are redundant, consolidating things that are similar, and eliminating anything that stands out as no longer desired. Set this list aside. Day 8 (now for the real fun): Perform the beginning steps. Take the list from day 7. Look it over carefully. Remember there is no judgment as to whether or not you think you can do any of these. These are desires. Think about each line item. Rewrite that line to truly reflect this desire. Embellish this item to include details about it. For example, if one of your desires is to remodel your kitchen, add to this item what you want the kitchen to be like. Instead of "remodel the kitchen" you may write "remodel the kitchen by adding a center island, making the room bigger, installing a greenhouse window, and bringing more natural materials into the construction." Put in whatever matches the picture you have in your mind of a remodeled kitchen. Rejoice at finding your desires!
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Congratulations! If you have suspended your judgment, listened to your phoenix, and have been honest with yourself, this will be a pretty accurate reflection of what you want in your life right now. You should feel a thrill when you look at this list. Give yourself the gift of reading this list over several times and feel the feelings you would feel if all these things were truly made manifest through action!
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Manifest through Action
So now what? Now you combine all of this good stuff and transform your life! Each of these newly uncovered desires can become its own action plan. I suggest you look at your list of desires and determine three things: 1. Where is the best place to start, 2. What actions must you take to make this desire a reality, and 3. Which of your current habits do not support these actions?
NOTICE: AS
Y O U MO V E C L O S E R T O Y O U R D E S I R E S , Y O U R D E S I R E S
WILL UNDOUBTEDLY CHANGE.
THIS
IS A D Y N A M I C P R O C E S S A N D
U R G E Y O U T O R E V IS I T Y O U R L I S T O F D E S I R E S R E G U L A R L Y .
EVERY
I 3
TO
4
M O N T H S IS A G O O D T I M E F R A M E T O C O N S I D E R .
Where to Start? Pick the low-hanging fruit to start with! If your list of desires is twenty long, surely you will notice that some of them look easier to accomplish than others, or that some of them must be accomplished before others. For example: If one of your desires is to spend 2 months in China, and another desire is to make $2,000 more each month so you can afford to take time off and travel, then you can easily see that the increased earnings are necessary in order to pay for the travel. So you start with the desire of earning extra money. You may find that the assigning order to all your desires may not be as easy or clear as it is in this example, but if that is so, just pick one! You want them all so it doesn't really matter which one you start with!
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What Actions are Needed? Figuring out which actions to take may or may not be something you know off the top of your head. You may need to research your subject to make a determination about the best course of action. You can read books, talk to knowledgeable people, and conduct research on the internet. If you know you need to research things before you can make your full to-do list, then make 'doing research' the top item on your to-do list for this desire and then note the subjects you know need to be researched. For example: Perhaps one of your desires is to become an auto mechanic. You probably need to get some additional training to fulfill this desire. So, you need to research what type of education will prepare you the best for the type of auto mechanic you want to be. If you want to be an auto mechanic by trade, then you might want to consult with auto repair shops about the type of education they want in new mechanics they hire. Probably you would need classroom education and perhaps an apprenticeship. If you want to be a weekend mechanic, fixing up old cars in your spare time, you will want to research what type of education will give you the skills to do that. Perhaps you would need to join a club and read a bunch of books. Then you might want to practice on some old junker of a car you bought just to facilitate your learning process. You can see that the action items that result as part of your education process would be very different in these two scenarios. And this will be the case for each of the desires on your list.
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Which Habits to Change? Once you have your action list, now you get to take your observations about your current habits and figure out which ones get in the way of performing your new action list. For example: Perhaps one of your action items is to become proficient at Karate. Through your research in forming your action list, you realize that the only Karate class that fits in your schedule is at 6:45 am. Uh-oh, you have a habit of not getting out of bed until 8:00 am, just in time to shower, grab coffee, and race to the office. This habit is not going to help you accomplish your desire. So you know that you have to get up at a new time, to form a new habit about awakening each day. Uh-oh, now you realize that to get up that much earlier, you have to go to bed earlier. So now you have identified 2 habits you have to change, going to bed and getting up in the morning. Uh-oh, now you realize that grabbing a cup of coffee for breakfast is not going to work if you have already spent 40 minutes doing Karate before breakfast. So you realize you need to change your breakfast habit and make room for better nutrition to make ready for each day. 3 habits to change - all related, but each with its own possible pitfalls to success. How do you avoid the pitfalls?
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Avoid the Pitfalls?
How do you avoid the pitfalls? Well, unfortunately, the answer is you can't! You can overcome them in time, but falling short of the mark from time-totime is probably inevitable. What counts in changing your habits is: 1. Giving it your full attention, so that when you are tempted to return to old behaviors you are aware of the choice you are making to do so. Example: Remind yourself of the desire you are postponing by succumbing to your old habit. This is a good way to stay on track. 2. Give yourself short-term rewards for doing a good job. Nicely, your desires list now becomes your long-term rewards, but daily change requires something much more immediate to be motivating in the moment. Example: You may decide that when you have accomplished your new action of going to karate class for 6 weeks that you will treat yourself to a new outfit. Karate will continue, your long-term goal is not yet realized, but you have a short-term goal to keep you motivated! 3. When the day comes and you do fail to uphold your new habit, employ some of your phoenix' other tools and forgive yourself, pick yourself up, and persevere with your new action the next time. Do this and before you know it, you will have new habits that support your life and bring you closer to your true desires each and every day. I wish you and your phoenix supreme success!
To receive more tips and wisdom about unleashing your inner phoenix, sign up for Kaarin's weekly tip-letter at http://www.kaarinalisa.com/signup.htm!
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