Lavender Issue 380

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Contents |

[ Minnesota's Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgender Magazine ]

LavenderMagazine.com
New Lavender Digital Edition.

36 On the Record
Embryonic • I and Love and You • The Power of Two • Sainthood

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38 Bar Advertiser Guide
Find Your Way to Hot Spots 38 Bartender Spotlight Tickles: Nate 40 Tickles Relocating to Downtown Minneapolis Popular Bar Reopening New Year’s Eve in Double-theSize Space 44 Bar Showcase Lush 46 Lavender Lens Rumours: The Atons Holiday Party 48 Bar Calendar Plan Your New Year’s Eve Bar Outings

YOUR CHANCE TO WIN PRIZES EVERY ISSUE!

CUISINE
Photo by Mike Hnida

50 Off the Eaten Path

Christopher Straub.

2009 PERSONS OF THE YEAR
Lee Anderson (left) and Laura Smidzik Photos by Hubert Bonnet

moto-i 55 Lavender Lens MAP World AIDS Day 56 Nutrition A Healthier You in 2010 58 Dining Guide Food for Every Mood

GLEE DVDS

A SINGLE MAN PRIZE PACKAGE

BACKTALK

60 Lavender Lens
The Main Club: Blue Moon Ball 61 The Network Business Services Directory 63 LavenderMagazine.com Calendar Plan Your Fortnight 66 Community Connection GLBT-Friendly Nonprofits 68 Classifieds Find Some Classy Stuff 70 Ms. Behavior Bored And Reformed 73 Yellow Pages Advertiser Index What’s Where This Issue 74 Consider the Source “Will Work for Cheese Logs” 74 Cartoon Trolín Correction In the “Holiday Gift Guide,” Lavender, December 4, page 20, JUMP Shoes was misspelled.

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WandaWisdom.com
America’s ORIGINAL Podcasting Drag Queen
Fall is here and your favorite podcasting drag queen has all sorts of fun for you to participate in! Stay tuned during the whole month of September for exciting surprise guests, appearances and maybe even a few giveaways! Click on over to http:// Photo by Adam Carmichael wandawisdom.com to find out what’s hot, where she’s going, and how to join in the fun!

8 A Word in Edgewise Do I Hear Bells? 10 Queer As Folks 18th Annual Holidazzle Parade • Minnesota OUT! Campus Conference • Open Arms Completes Capital Campaign

COMMUNITY DIALOGUE

COVER FEATURE
16 Lavender Lens
Lavender First Thursday

12 2009 Persons of the Year
Lee Anderson and Laura Smidzik

ON THE RUNWAY
22 He Made It Work 26 Onward Style
Glove Love 28 Isn’t Fashion Fun Winter Accessories and Gifts Christopher Straub Reflects on Project Runway

BigGayNews.com
Your daily podcast of GLBT world news with host Bradley Traynor

Top Headlines
Irish Lawmakers Open Debate on Gay Rights Bill Ugandan Church Leader Brands Anti-Gay Bill ‘Genocide’ Wounded Israeli Gay Teen Seeks $4M in Damages Anti-Gay Rhetoric Rises in Race for Houston Mayor

NEWS & POLITICS
30 Big Gay News
December 18–31, 2009

National and World News

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

32 Glee Makes Music à la American Idol and
High School Musical Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester Is Comedy at Its Best 34 On the Townsend 2009 Year in Review and 2000-2009Decade in Review

ISSUE 380 December 18, 2009 Person of the Year, Year in Review, New Year’s Eve What-ToDo, Worship Guide.

Next Up ISSUE 381 December 31, 2009 Lavender Yellow Pages Edition 2010.

Get Your News in 12 Languages!
Big Gay News now offers TWELVE foreign language newswires! You can get international GLBT news from hundreds of sources in twelve different languages. There is absolutely no other site offering this much relevant content. Visit http://biggaynews.com today!
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Volume 15, Issue 380 • December 18–31, 2009

Editorial
Editor Emeritus Ethan Boatner 612-436-4670 Editorial Director Russell Remmick 612-436-4671 Editorial Associate George Holdgrafer 612-436-4672 Podmaster Bradley Traynor 612-436-4669 Contributors Kolina Cicero, Meryl Cohn, Carla Continenza, Julie Dafydd, Chad Eldred, Heidi Fellner, Lawrence Ferber, Daniel Fink, Terrance Griep, Ed Huyck, Steve Lenius, John Michael Lerma, Jennifer Parello, Todd Park, Kevin Quinn, Sara Rogers, Darin Schwinkendorf, Vince Sgambati, Elizabeth Stiras, John Townsend, Carla Waldemar

Advertising
Sales & Advertising Director Barry Leavitt 612-436-4690 Senior Account Executive Suzanne Farrell 612-436-4699 Account Executives Jonathan Halverson 612-436-4696, Michael Ladzun 612-436-4697 Sales & Advertising Traffic Coordinator Linda Raines 612-436-4694 Advertising Associate George Holdgrafer 612-436-4672 Classifieds Suzanne Farrell 612-436-4699 National Sales Representative Rivendell Media 212-242-6863

Creative
Creative Director Hubert Bonnet 612-436-4678 Creative Assistant Mike Hnida 612-436-4679 Photographer Sophia Hantzes Cartoonist Rodro Lavender Studios Hubert Bonnet, Mike Hnida

Administration
Publisher Lavender Media, Inc. President & CEO Stephen Rocheford 612-436-4665 Vice President & CC Pierre Tardif 612-436-4666 Chief Financial Officer Carolyn Lima 612-436-4664 Administrative Assistant Austin Lindstrom 612-436-4661 Founders George Holdgrafer, Stephen Rocheford Inspiration Steven W. Anderson (1954-1994), Timothy J. Lee
(1968-2002), Russell Berg (1957-2005), Kathryn Rocheford (1914-2006)

Letters are subject to editing for grammar, punctuation, space, and libel. They should be no more than 300 words. Letters must include name, address, and phone number. Unsigned letters will not be published. Priority will be given to letters that refer to material previously published in Lavender Magazine. Submit letters to Lavender Magazine, Letters to the Editor, 3715 Chicago Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55407; or e-mail <[email protected]>.

Lavender Media Inc. 3715 Chicago Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55407 LavenderYellowPages.com 612-436-4660 phone 877-515-9969 toll free 612-436-4685 fax 612-436-4664 subscriptions 612-436-4671 distribution To advertise, call 612-436-4698

December 18–31, 2009

LavenderMagazine.com

BigGayNews.com

WandaWisdom.com

Entire contents copyright 2009. All rights reserved. Publication of the name or photograph of any person, organization, or business in this magazine does not reflect upon one’s sexual orientation whatsoever. Lavender® Magazine reserves the right to refuse any advertising. This issue of Lavender® Magazine is available free of charge during the time period published on the cover. Pickup at one of our distribution sites is limited to one copy per person.

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Community Dialogue > A Word in Edgewise

[ by E.B. Boatner ]

Do I Hear Bells?
ust in time to brighten the holidays, Roman Catholic Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan, 76, recently retired as head of the Vatican’s Council for Health Pastoral Care, pronounced: “Transsexuals and homosexuals will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” Speaking online on Pontifex News, Barragan took refuge behind the redoubtable Saul of Tarsus, hedging, “It’s not me who says so; it’s St. Paul”—quoting the apostle’s Letter to the Romans (1:26-27). Wrapping himself in the mantle of St. Paul, Barragan expatiated on his thoughts, stating knowledgeably, “One is not born a homosexual. One becomes a homosexual.” One voluntarily and deliberately may transform oneself in a number of ways, as Barragan noted, “It is for various reasons,

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such as education, or for not developing one’s own proper identity in adolescence; perhaps they are themselves not responsible, but acting against the dignity of the human body, certainly they will not enter Heaven.” To hammer home his point, Barragan stressed, “All that goes against nature and against the dignity of the human body offends God.” Deliberately choosing celibacy over procreation by that token also might be seen as a contravention of Yaweh’s exhortation: “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth….” (King James Version, Genesis 1:28—another discussion.) After Barragan’s pronouncement, the Vatican itself, via the Catholic News Agency, stepped in to say that his No Gays in Heaven is not official teaching of the Catholic Church. Vatican spokesman Fr. Federico Lombardi, SJ, went so far as to quote the Catechism

of the Catholic Church 2358, which instructs followers concerning GLBT folks in their midst by teaching that “the number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. They do not choose their homosexual condition; for most of them it is a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives, and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.” So, every time you sit through another showing of It’s a Wonderful Life in the next few weeks—and little Zuzu Bailey warbles, “Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings”—it may be a newly fledged transsexual or homosexual harbinger of Heaven.

December 18–31, 2009

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Community Dialogue > Queer As Folks

Minnesota Freedom Band Holidazzle Contingent.
Photo by Sophia Hantzes

18TH ANNUAL HOLIDAZZLE PARADE
The 18th annual Holidazzle Parade began November 27 and goes through December 20. It has become a staple of Minneapolis during the holidays, drawing thousands of people each year. Every Thursday through Sunday night, the parade runs along Nicollet Mall in Downtown Minneapolis, For those who want to see Holidazzle, but don’t like the cold, a heated tent offers complimentary hot cocoa and cider—tickets are $9. Or, you can brave the cold for free, and enjoy the brightly lit parade.
Photo by Sophia Hantzes

MINNESOTA OUT! CAMPUS CONFERENCE
Minnesota GLBTA Campus Alliance held its fourth annual Minnesota OUT! Campus Conference on November 14-15. The organization strives to build a statewide network of individuals and groups working for equality and justice on issues of gender and sexual diversity; to empower the voices of those underserved and underrepresented in campus communities; and to create welcoming, affirming, and safe environments on college and university campuses throughout Minnesota. The conference is the annual statewide gettogether to discus issues facing GLBTA students, staff, and faculty on college and university campuses. For more information, visit <www.mncampusalliance. org>.

OPEN ARMS COMPLETES CAPITAL CAMPAIGN
On November 30, just in time for the holidays, Open Arms announced that it has raised the $8.1 million needed for its new building. The successful completion of the capital campaign ensures that it will receive $1.2 million in challenge grants from the Kresage and Bush Foundations. To celebrate this achievement, Open Arms held an open house on December 1, World AIDS Day, at the new building, 25th Street and Bloomington Avenue in Minneapolis. Donations still can be made to the campaign. They will be used to expand the program to serve more clients. For more information, or to donate, visit <www.openarmsmn.org>.

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> Cover Feature

2009 PERSONS OF THE YEAR
[ by Amber Schadewald ]

I
Laura Smidzik

magine not having the final say over your spouse’s remains. Imagine being denied the right to use vacation time at your job to take care of an ill partner. Imagine begging to see your husband or wife in the hospital, but being told you legally are not entitled. These are just three of the harsh realities GLBT couples face because of unfair Minnesota laws. Now, add another 512 to the list. Project 515 is an organization with a simple mission: to ensure that same-sex couples and their families have equal rights and considerations under Minnesota law. The organization was born following a 2006 public opinion survey sponsored by Equality Minnesota that went beyond the yes or no to same-sex marriage, and dug deeper into what Minnesotans really think about equality and fairness. It discovered almost 70 percent of Minnesotans agreed that gays and lesbians deserve the same rights and responsibilities as straight people. Obviously, our state laws aren’t up to par. Since the organization’s official launch in 2007, it has been dedicated to educating communities and legislators statewide about the gap in fairness— putting “Minnesota Nice” into perspective. Project 515 Executive Director Laura Smidzik and Board Chair Lee Anderson have been an incredible asset to Minnesota’s GLBT community, stimulating minds with the truth, thus inspiring tangible change in our legal system. According to Anderson, “It’s all about the discussion—talking to people, so they understand and

December 18–31, 2009

Photos by Hubert Bonnet

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LEE ANDERSON AND LAURA SMIDZIK OF PROJECT 515

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are aware of the inequalities. You can’t have public policy change without people talking about it, and being supportive of change.” Anderson first felt the need for Project 515 after his extensive efforts to oppose the constitutional marriage ban with Together Minnesota during the 2005-06 legislative session. The ban officially was defeated, yet at the end of that fight, Anderson found GLBT activists, in his words, “still had no light. All we had done was put a stop to permanently banishing rights that we as a community never even had.” These rights also were absent in Anderson’s personal life. Throughout their 15 years together, he and his husband, William Fehrenbach, have been committed not only to each other, but also to achieving equality in their own marriage. The couple married in a private ceremony in 1998, established a civil union in Vermont in 2000, married legally in Canada in 2003, and upgraded their civil union to a full Vermont marriage license this fall. Anderson states, “My personal passion drives me to achieve for everyone.” Putting his passion into progress, Anderson began to call to action the talented individuals and valuable resources he had discovered while working to oppose the marriage amendment. He hosted a meeting in his living room to discuss possible next steps, and a new initiative began to take shape. The band of motivated activists began researching what discrimination in our state really meant, digging deep into Minnesota laws, and discovering all 515 laws that exclude same-sex

Lee Anderson

...

[Cover Feature]

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couples from deserving rights. Anderson gives his husband credit for suggesting the name Project 515. The group organized around the principle of advocating to change the long list of inequalities. Anderson notes, “This level of discrimination had never been quantified, and I’m very proud to have been part of the research team.” At the same time as Project 515’s inception, Smidzik, who just had left her position as Rainbow Families Executive Director, immediately was impressed by the whole concept of Anderson’s new project, and instantly was excited to get involved. Smidzik recalls, “We were sitting together at Hell’s Kitchen, and Lee had the list of 515 printed on legal-sized paper, stapled in the corner. I felt like he had this treasure in his hands—something so tangible and so real.” In its first active year, Project 515’s work helped to pass the Medical Lien or Preserving One’s Home Bill, which delays the state from putting a Medical Assistance lien on a home until after a surviving same-sex partner also dies. Proud of the organization’s strong legislative committee and well-trained attorneys, Smidzik relates, “With one law passed, we have shown ourself at the Capitol as a capable organization. Legislators watch to see if you can do it. We really crossed our t’s and dotted i’s at the Capitol.” While half of the organization works on Project 515’s ambitious legislative to-do list, the Education Campaign has been focusing on community outreach, visiting unsuspecting small towns to spark conversations with local government officials and school board members. Referring to the schedule of outreach programs in cities where conversa-

WITH ONE LAW PASSED, WE HAVE SHOWN OURSELF AT THE CAPITOL AS A
tions about same-sex relationships are few and far between, Smidzik explains, “Our specialty is to hit the unlikely suspects. Our goal is to have the hard conversations. I like [having them]. It creates the need to connect on many levels with people—to find a common place with them where same-sex relationships will matter to them.” Measuring success of the educational campaigns isn’t always easy, but Smidzik insists it’s more about building connections with people than a hitand-run. Bonding with an important person in the community, involving local media, having a positive editorial published, and getting invited back for another round are sure signs that something went in the right direction.” Noting the importance of patience for the seeds of change to grow, Smidzik observes, “There are different thresholds. If I’ve got 50 people in a room, listening intently for an hour, I’m pleased. When I hand out the e-mail signup for more information about us, and it goes around like a hot potato—I get that.” Smidzik’s most recent visit was to Brainerd, where she met with the county administrator and the school superintendent; appeared on a local cable access show; and spoke before a group of human resources professionals about the effects same-sex discrimination has on businesses. She focused the discussion on what it means to employ people whose rights are not protected under the law, and how this can hurt recruiting and retaining employees. As Smidzik shares, “No one got up and walked out, and that’s the way we are going to continue to make change. It’s county by county, judge by judge at this point. So, that’s great if your company made HRC’s Top 100 list, but what is the climate outside the walls of your corporation?” The main obstacle to gaining complete fairness is the sheer lack of knowledge on the subject, both in the straight world and even within the GLBT community. Discovering the state’s high number of discriminatory laws should be shocking to anyone, and crucial knowledge to everyone. State governments often use the marriage law and license as a vehicle for conferring hundreds of benefits and liabilities. Most states do not know the level of discrimination present in their laws, because of lack of clear and thorough research.

Anderson details, “New York has over 1,000 [laws excluding same-sex partners], and Maryland has 300. It varies so greatly, because it all depends on their exact laws and the complexity of those laws.” Smidzik is a strong believer that every conversation about Project 515’s goal may help inspire positive change for fairness that most residents in our state can agree upon. The Equality Minnesota poll found that the majority of Minnesotans believe in fairness, and Project 515’s message is a reality check about the lack thereof. As Smidzik’s points out, “We want to explain why fairness is better for this state than what we currently have. And I do believe that Minnesotans, in their heart, are struggling with these issues. It’s just getting them to connect the dots—what discrimination looks like, and what change looks like.” For individuals in the GLBT community who would like to help educate others, Smidzik suggests they not only come out, but also “come out, and make people feel uncomfortable. Tell people about the injustices you and your partner face, and the inconsistent rights between gay couples and their straight allies. The lack of rights can be really destabilizing for families. It really affects people in times of joy and in crisis. Go to the people who know us, who think we look normal and happy, and tell them we are discriminated against. It’s not an easy conversation.” Educating people is the best way to ensure a desire for change, and eventually a Legislature that reflects those desires. Project 515’s ability to change the law is all a matter of what the Legislature looks like, as well as the shape of the Governor’s office. Smidzik reveals that the organization plans on clustering

CAPABLE ORGANIZATION. LEGISLATORS WATCH TO SEE IF YOU CAN DO IT.
bills in the future to help speed up the process, but at the moment, its pace purposefully was set to ensure things would take off in the right direction. Smidzik herself is stepping down from her position to pursue a career in ministry. She will enroll at United Theological Seminary come January to study for her Master’s in Divinity over the next three to five years. Happily recounting her extensive involvement at her church over the past decade, Smidzik muses, “It’s a crazy thing—not a midlife crisis, but a midlife renewal. The seeds have been planted for a while, and I’m ready to take the leap.” After seven years working in the GLBT community, Smidzik would like to try relating to people on a more intimate level—more one-on-one opportunities to call on the inner depths of people. Even though members of Project 515 and the GLBT community probably would agree it’s exactly what Smidzik has been doing over the past seven years, she remarks, “I want to inspire and ignite the best in people. And I’ll still be finding ways to work in the community, and within social justice and GLBT rights. It’s in my blood. I can’t give it up.” Anderson is incredibly grateful for Smidzik’s work with Project 515, citing her commitment and enthusiasm to being a tremendous advocate and spokesperson for the organization from the start. Her ability to connect with Minnesotans from all walks of life, combined with Anderson’s deep passion for equality and political intelligence, have helped shape Project 515 into the incredible organization it is today. As Smidzik sums up, “It’s been great working on the inside of Project 515, and I look forward to cheering it on from the outside.”

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PROJECT 515 PO BOX 50143 MINNEAPOLIS, MN 55405-0143 (612) 246-3885 <WWW.PROJECT515.ORG>

Community Dialogue > Lavender Lens
LAVENDER FIRST THURSDAY
DECEMBER 3 CROWNE PLAZA MINNEAPOLIS

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December 18–31, 2009

[ Photos by Sophia Hantzes ]

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December 18–31, 2009

He Made It Work
CHRISTOPHER STRAUB REFLECTS ON PROJECT RUNWAY
BY DANIEL FINK
.hen the Season Six of Project Runway, the fashion reality-television show phenomenon, hit the airwaves this September, avid fans were more than just excited—they were relieved. A drawn-out legal battle between the Bravo and Lifetime TV networks left many biting their nails, wondering when and where they’d be able to hear Tim Gunn’s comforting mechanical tone, Michael Kors’s backhanded compliments, and Heidi Klum’s adorable accent. When the dust settled, Lifetime won the legal battle, the show had a new backdrop of Los Angeles (where Kors’s orange skin finally fit in), and the season already was a year old. This left the contestants lock-lipped for a very long time. Of the 16 contestants who started off the season, Minnesotans were delighted to find out that not one but two from the Land of 10,000 Lakes were representing them. Christopher Straub, from Shakopee, made it not only onto the show, but also all the way to the last challenge before getting Klum’s trademark “auf.” For the 30-year-old, home-taught fashion designer, Project Runway was truly an opportunity of a lifetime. To say Straub was raring to flex his sewing needles on the show is an understatement. An avid Project Runway viewer since the first season, he even got braces to close a small gap in his teeth right before heading to Los Angeles. Straub shares, “I wasn’t starstruck with the judges. They’re there to do a job and to critique your work, and so, I respected them for that.” However, Straub was dying to meet Gunn, the show’s resident mentor and voice of reason. Straub relates, “He’s the most personable with the designers, because he’s right there, nurturing them as they go.” At the outset of the show, Straub seemed like he had everything under control, recounting, “Before Project Runway, I was, like, the king of the five-hour dress. I could make something in a very short amount of time.” Straub came out of the gate swinging, winning the very first challenge, along with the hearts and attention of the fans. Though he may have been celebrating, he knew he had an uphill battle coming up. As Straub explains, “When given two days to create something, and given a budget more than I’ve ever had before on one garment, I thought I really needed to take it to the next level.” Straub’s idea of ratcheting things up a notch got him into trouble a couple of times. Toward the end of the show, he found himself lower and lower on the judge’s lists, but still managed to make it to the end. Though he always stayed true to his perspective as a designer, he had to deal with his share of harsh comments from the judges. For Straub, the show revealed a side of the fashion industry he hadn’t anticipated. In Straub’s words, “It’s art, and it’s your own perception, and how you perceive fashion and color and volume and shape and all that stuff was to me this kind of sacred thing. So, when I hear people kind of being put down for their art, it really kind of affected me. I wasn’t really expecting that at all.” One of the criticisms Straub received was a lack of a formal education, which may have impeded his execution and decision-making. Even though he did not go to fashion school, he did not see it as a disadvantage by any means. Straub notes, “Because I learned it by myself, I sort of came up with different ways that might not have been taught, so I just have a different eye for things sometimes, especially in terms of craftsmanship.” When all was said and done, Straub was being true to himself as a designer, but the judges weren’t having it. So, would Straub have done anything differently?
Photo by Mike Hnida

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Katie Sticksel models designer Christopher Straub's winning red carpet look in the premiere episode of Project Runway, Season 6 on Lifetime Television. Photo by Mike Yarish/Lifetime Television

(Top of page) Project Runway designer Christopher Straub, (above) Katie Sticksel models designer Christopher Straub's look in the "models as clients" challenge in Episode 4 of Project Runway. Photos by Mike Yarish/Lifetime Television

SEE CHRISTOPHER STRAUB AT THE MINNEAPOLIS HOME & GARDEN SHOW ON FEB 25, IN THE LAVENDER LOUNGE. GO TO <HOMEANDGARDENSHOW.COM> FOR MORE INFORMATION.

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Straub insists, “Of course. I mean, really, every challenge, you can look back, and say ‘What could I have done to make that more successful,’ but can I go back, and change it? No. Do I think about it regularly? All the time.” This show certainly didn’t make Straub a fashion designer. It just showcased what he already had been doing for years. He has his own underwear line, Cricket Syndicate; his own T-shirt and accessory line; and his own fashion garment line. So, whom is Straub designing for? Who is a typical customer? According to Straub, “It’s someone still younger, stylish, looking for something unique, something with a little excitement to his or her clothes. Even if it’s not, like, a crazy blazer or a crazy pair of jeans; like, a great wallet or a belt; or, like, a duffle bag for travel, luggage—that’s the kind of customer. I’m also looking for that girl that’s a little younger than me who really just wants to find something cute and funky, and show off to her friends.” What the show did was give Straub exposure the likes of which would have been extremely difficult in a place like the Twin Cities. But he has no plans of leaving Minnesota anytime soon to join the fashion rat race. Straub comments, “Right now, I’m working on some accessories, and working on some pieces with overseas manufacturers, and most people in New York or LA are working with it. So, there’s no need for me to go to some unfamiliar place in order to do exactly what I’m doing right this second.” That’s not to say it will remain this way forever. Straub muses, “If I get an opportunity with a designer, or with a retailer to design

for them, of course, I’m going to take a look at that, but as of right now, I would choose to stay in Minnesota, given the opportunity.” For the time being, Straub just is continuing to do what he does best: create fun clothes. As Straub points out, “I’m designing so many pieces around what have I been missing in the marketplace.” Straub also is getting used to his newfound fame: “There’s everything from moms coming up to you, and going, ‘My daughter loves your show, and can she get in a picture with you?’ to, like, people grabbing your arm, and screaming in your face, and everything in between.” Even the crazies appear. Straub remarks, “People have asked me to come to funerals for their family. People have requested sexual encounters. It’s really, like, sometimes the most bizarre things. Or, like, little girls inviting me to their birthday party, and I thought it would be really funny if, like me, a 30-year-old guy showed up to a 14-year-old’s birthday party. Yeah, Dad is going to love that.” Above all else, Straub has done an excellent job of keeping his eye on his goal of being a fashion designer, and keeping a level head about his whole experience. If he’d give one piece of advice to aspiring fashion designers, it is something he practiced every day on the show and every day of his life: “Be true to your designs, and stand behind what you do. If you’re really a true designer, you should be able to stand behind and fight for your design.”

On the Runway > Onward Style

[ by Sara Rogers ]

Glove Love
Hot picks from MOA® Trend Specialist Sara Rogers
It’s time to give some attention to those ten little digits that help make your life so much easier. How else would you button that perfect new shirt? Who else is going to help you put that last touch of pomade in your hair? Yep – your hands have been through a lot during the years, and it’s time they got a little attention of their own. Check out the great selection of glove styles below and make your hands happy.

LEATHER
BLOOMINGDALE’S A classic leather glove never goes out of style – especially when it’s updated with an incredibly soft lining and a great zipper. This deerskin pair from Bloomingdale’s has just the right mix of rugged and refined.

MENSWEAR PATTERNS
CLUB MONACO LEVEL 1, NORTH (N102) The perfect complement to a basic black coat, houndstooth, herringbone and glen plaid patterns are once again a huge hit for winter wear. In addition, this Club Monaco glove features a leather palm and cashmere lining. Definitely one trend you need to ‘check’ out!

FINGERLESS
AMERICAN APPAREL LEVEL 1, NORTH (N186) For those of you who live for fashion over function, the fingerless glove trend is right up your alley! A secret known by Karl Lagerfeld for generations, the fingerless glove is the ultimate in rocker chic, and also makes texting in a snowstorm a breeze.

BUFFALO PLAID
COLUMBIA SPORTSWEAR CO. LEVEL 1, WEST (W112) This is probably the only time you’ll actually want to raid Uncle Ned’s hunting-gear inspired closet for the must-have of the season – buffalo plaid. Usually only spotted in the deep, dark woods, buffalo plaid is taking it to the streets (and runways) this winter.

FUNCTION
METROPARK LEVEL 1, NORTH (N108) The perfect remedy for the constant multitasker, this pair of Magic Touch gloves from Metropark features a special technology that allows you to adjust your iPod, laptop, PDA or any other touch screen device without taking your gloves off. Now, that’s ‘handy!’

December 18–31, 2009

Onward Style is Lavender’s exclusive column written by Sara Rogers, MOA® Trend Specialist. She has worked in the fashion industry for more than 20 years as a model, fashion specialist, wardrobe therapist, and television host. As the Trend Specialist and Personal Shopper for Mall of America®, her “office” spans 4.2 million square feet and more than 520 stores, providing her with extensive resources to research what’s hot in retail trends.

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On the Runway > Isn't Fashion Fun

™

[ Tim Creagan ]

Ahh, the excitement of the new season. Winter is the most exciting season for looking great and keeping warm! Let's embrace our fashion this season in a new, fun way. Sexy Eskimo? OK, maybe not. But Modern Minnesota for sure! :-) The wardrobe experts™ at styledlook® help celebrate winter accessories and making your new year look the best it can be. We are here to assist you with a fantastic selection of accessories and gifts to treat yourself with... or if you are thinking about those on your holiday list, we will help you shine when your gifts are opened by those you love.
For the dude who truly understands fashion, Viktor & Rolf is about as fierce as it gets. Would you expect anything less from STYLEDLIFE?Didn't think so! This scarf print is masculine and modern. STYLEDLIFE carrries the best of designer scarves anywhere including Missoni, Pucci and Versace.

"Wrap" your look in a fine gauge Knit. This extra long, modern scarf adds instant cool to any ski ensemble.

Dynamite Digits: These special gloves, with small openings at the fingertip allow you to tweet your friends in style!

Suede Gloves: Fashion and function. Thinsulate for warmth and style for... well, yes, You.

December 18–31, 2009

Come in and check out the more than 100 different scarves and more than 50 different gloves in our brand new flagship Galleria store today. Remember, as you think about gifts that work… accessories don’t have to fit, they will add instant snap to anyone’s personal style and they are fun. Beyond accessories, we might suggest a CD from our music bar or a travel inspired present from STYLEDtravel. Come after 5 PM on Fridays for our weekly Fun Friday fashion happy hour. The music will be cued, sparkling wine or water will be waiting and our chocolate bowl filled. Retail should be fun... come in and meet the team. Live your Best Life… your STYLEDLIFE! Tim Creagan
Isn’t Fashion Fun™ is your monthly go-to resource for fashion expertise on how style-related topics play into your wardrobe and vis-à-vis your busy life. Isn’t Fashion Fun™ is brought to you by the fashion leader STYLEDLIFE® and the wardrobe experts™ of styledlook®, the premier at-home wardrobe consulting company with clients nationwide. Got a big event or hot date coming up and don’t know what to wear? No worries—we’re here for you. What’s the best accessory gift or music CD for a special someone? Yes, we can dial you in on that, too. Email us your fashion/wardrobe dilemmas to <[email protected]>. Live your best life… your STYLEDLIFE!

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Big Gay News >
[ Written & Compiled by Bradley Traynor ]

NATIONAL NEWS

LA EPISCOPAL DIOCESE ELECTS OPENLY LESBIAN BISHOP
According to the Los Angeles Times, the Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles elected openly lesbian Reverend Canon Mary D. Glasspool, 55, to be its new Bishop. She is the first openly gay bishop to be elected since the national church lifted a ban preventing gay bishops. She is also the first woman to be elected to head the LA Diocese in its 114-year history.

US SUPREME COURT TO HEAR CASE OF CHRISTIAN GROUP BARRING GAY MEMBERS
According to The Christian Science Monitor, the US Supreme Court agreed to hear a case about a college organization that lost its official status because it violated a college’s nondiscrimination policy by barring gay and lesbian students. Christian Legal Society (CLS) at San Francisco’s Hastings College of Law required its members to sign a statement of Christian faith. In addition, the group adopted a policy position from its national parent organization that stated “unrepentant participation in or advocacy of a sexually immoral lifestyle” would disqualify an individual from membership. CLS filed suit in federal court, claiming the college violated its members’ right to free speech, exercise of religion, and equal protection, but a judge upheld the college’s policy. The Ninth US Circuit Court of Appeals also upheld the ruling. The case likely will be argued before the high court next spring.

GAY HOUSE MEMBERS SAY GAY-FRIENDLY BILLS ARE NEAR
According to the Associated Press, openly gay US Representatives Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin and Jared Polis of Colorado told an international conference of gay politicians that they expect the US House to vote on bills providing samesex partner benefits to federal employees and protections for gay and transgender employees by early 2010. They also said they were confident a provision to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell would be part of the annual military spending bill next year. Baldwin remarked, “I’m hopeful we will see those three pieces of legislation make

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December 18–31, 2009

it all the way, or damn close.” The Obama Administration’s Office of Personnel Management Director John Berry stated that the President strongly supports each of these efforts.

MCDONALD'S FACES COMPLAINT OVER TRANSGENDER ROW
Teenager Zikerria Bellamy claims McDonald’s managers twice refused her employment at an Orlando location because she is transgender, according to the BBC. She also claims one of the managers left an obscene message on her voicemail telling her she never would be hired. The Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund has filed a complaint with the Florida Commission on Human Relations. A spokeswoman for McDonald’s said in a statement that the employee who left the voicemail “acted outside the scope of his authority,” adding that the employee no longer works there.

WORLD NEWS

CHRISTIAN LEADERS OPPOSE UGANDA'S GAY DEATH PENALTY BILL
A group of Christian leaders has signed a joint statement opposing Uganda’s proposed antigay legislation that calls for the death penalty in cases of “aggravated homosexuality,” according to USA Today. The statement reads in part, “Our Christian faith recognizes violence, harassment and unjust treatment of any human being as a betrayal of Jesus’ commandment to love our neighbors as ourselves. As followers of the teachings of Christ, we must express profound dismay at a bill currently before the Parliament in Uganda.” The statement, signed by dozens of leaders, was organized by Faith in Public Life and Catholics in Alliance for the Common Good.

SPAIN APOLOGIZES FOR JAILING GAY MAN IN 1970S
The Telegraph reports that 50-year-old Antoni Ruiz has become the first person in Spain to receive an official apology from the government for his imprisonment in the 1970s for being gay. He was jailed for three months when he was 17 after being tried for homosexuality, which was illegal in Spain until 1970. He received a formal letter of apology from Spain’s Justice Minister, in addition to financial compensation of about 4,000 euros.

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Arts & Entertainment |

[ by Elizabeth Stiras ]

of American Idol with the cheese factor of the High School Musical franchise. Fans are anywhere from silent, guilty watchers to out, loud, and proud addicts. In either case, and everywhere in between, lie rapidly expanding legions of “gleeks.” Starring Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch, alongside an ensemble cast of relatively unknown actors, Glee revolves around the titular student group, also known as New Directions!, at William McKinley High School. It is made up of kids who, in any other fictional high school, individually would play scattered token roles. It’s a battle royal of stereotypes.

ers such gems as: “I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.” Lynch has deserved a grander stage for nearly a decade. A denizen of Christopher Guest comedies since 2000, her talent lies in her dry, insinuating, take-no-prisoners humor, and her willingness to propel roles to a dizzying height of absurdity. It doesn’t hurt that her lines make her more quotable than Gregory House and Dwight Shrute combined. Glee’s creators set out to make a postmodern musical. Culturally, American Idol paved the way by cultivating a

“I EMPOWER MY CHEERIOS TO LIVE IN FEAR BY CREATING AN ENVIRONMENT OF IRRATIONAL, RANDOM TERROR.” — Sue Sylvester
Lea Michele, the face of Glee, plays Rachel Berry, a type-A overachiever of Tracy Flick’s caliber whose internal monologue could have its own show. Rachel assumes the role of leader in groups big and small, familiar and foreign. Teenage drama touches on popular versus unpopular, the choice and struggle of conformity in all its varying complications, and other frustrating microbattles no self-respecting adult could be paid to revisit. Glee’s adults, however, are prone to exploring their own messy, romantic entanglements. The standout character of Sue Sylvester, played by Jane Lynch, adroitly tears through whatever meager confidence presents itself in her colleagues and students. As head coach of the Cheerios, the school’s cheerleading team, she resembles a fascist, a bully, and a certain misanthropic doctor a few time slots over. She delivsteady audience for performers untouched by fame and glamour. Songs like Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’,” Sisqo’s “Thong Song,” and Lily Allen’s “Smile” put a fresh veneer on an old pastime. While the student cast members sing like seasoned professionals, Amber Riley, in the role of Mercedes Jones, is the powerhouse of the pack. Ironically, she auditioned for, but was rejected by, American Idol. Music is the heart of Glee. Nobody tunes in expressly for the drama, even at its most engrossing. All too often, climactic moments carry the strong stench of an after-school special, and viewers disconnect at first whiff. The show has just enough plot to make it worth watching. Even the most excruciating high school moments are worth reliving for a little song and dance.

Glee Makes Music à la American Idol and High School Musical
Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester Is Comedy at Its Best

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December 18–31, 2009

o our collective relief, scripted television is making a longoverdue comeback. Quality, once treated as superfluous by the networks,

has the potential to create change we can believe in. One of the strongest harbingers of this phenomenon is Glee, Fox’s hourlong musical comedy-drama series that blends the contemporary music selection

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Arts & Entertainment > On the Townsend

[ by John Townsend ]

2009
& 2000-2009 Decade in Review
The Whipping Man. Photo by Ann Marsden Robots vs. Fake Robots. Photo by Amy Rummenie

YEAR IN REVIEW

Theatre Event of the Year & Decade
Tony Kushner Celebration (Guthrie)

Best Productions 2009
1.Ivan the Drunk and His Terrible Tale of Woe (Off Leash) 2.Caroline, or Change (Guthrie) 3. A Raisin in the Sun (Penumbra/Guthrie) 4. Ruined (Mixed Blood) 5. Grey Gardens (Ordway/Park Square) 6. The Intelligent Homosexual's Guide to Capitalism and Socialism with a Key to the Scriptures (Guthrie)

7.The Whipping Man (Penumbra) 8. Robots vs. Fake Robots (Walking Shadow) 9. By the Bog of Cats (Frank/ Guthrie) 10. (3-Way Tie) Palace of the End (Frank) Moonlight and Magnolias (Minnesota Jewish Theatre) King of Shadows (Pillsbury House)

(Pillsbury House); As You Like It (Strange Capers) Sally Wingert, Actress: Faith Healer, Happy Days (Guthrie); 2.5 Minute Ride (Minnesota Jewish Theatre)

and His Terrible Tale of Woe (Off Leash)

Best Actress—Musical
Greta Oglesby, Caroline, or Change (Guthrie)

Best Director
Lou Bellamy, A Raisin in the Sun, The Whipping Man, Radio Golf (Penumbra)

Best Actress— Nonmusical
Alayne Hopkins The Skin of Our Teeth (Girl Friday Productions)

December 18–31, 2009

Theater Artist of the Year
(Tie) Randy Reyes, Actor: The Romance of Magno Rubio (Theatre Mu); Two Gents (Guthrie)/ Director: King of Shadows

Best Actor—Musical
Joshua James Campbell, The Full Monty (Theatre Latte Da)

Best Supporting Actor
(Tie) Sam Landman Caligula (Walking Shadow) Nathan Suprenant, Robots vs. Fake Robots (Walking Shadow)

Best Actor—Nonmusical
Paul Herwig, Ivan the Drunk

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Best Supporting Actress
Kathleen Chalfant, The Intelligent Homosexual's Guide to Capitalism and Socialism with a Key to the Scriptures (Guthrie)

David Mann, Corleone: The Shakespearean Godfather (Gremlin)

Outstanding Ensembles
Corleone: The Shakespearean Godfather (Gremlin) Homeland Prayer (Urban Samurai) The Seafarer (Jungle Theater) .faust (Sandbox)

Best Crossgender Performance
Julie Ann Nevill, Life of Galileo (Theatre Pro Rata)

Best Solo Performance
Sonja Parks, No Child (Pillsbury House)

Best “From Out of Town” Shows
Peter Neofotis’s Concord, Virginia (Minnesota Fringe Festival) Druid Theatre’s The Walworth Farce (Walker/Guthrie) National Tour of In the Heights (Orpheum)

Best Performance Art
My Never Being Loneliness (Open Eye Figure)

Best Choreographer
Carl Flink, Mary's Wedding (Jungle)

Best Dance Production
Short Fall (ARENA Dances)

Outstanding Farewell Production
My Name is Rachel Corrie (Emigrant Theater)

Best Costumes
Kathy Kohl & Mandi Johnson, .faust (Sandbox)

Most Mythic Actor
Ryan Lindberg, for playing quite marvelously two watershed figures (one actual, one fictional) in classic cinema: David O. Selznick, in Moonlight and Magnolias (Minnesota Jewish Theatre); and Michael Corleone in Corleone: The Shakespearean Godfather (Gremlin)

Best Set
Paul Herwig, Ivan the Drunk and His Terrible Tale of Woe (Off Leash)

Best Lighting
Michael Kittel, Grey Gardens (Ordway/Park Square)

Best Sound Design
Mike Hallenbeck, King of Shadows (Pillsbury House)

Best New GLBT Performance Hot Spot
Lab Theatre

Outstanding Puppetry
Masanari Kawahara, A Path Home (In the Heart of the Beast)

Production of the Decade
Third (Guthrie)

Mover and Shaker of the Decade
Joe Dowling, Guthrie Artistic Director

Outstanding Achievement—Queer Youth Issues in Theater
Disordered (thy name is teenager) (blank slate)

Theater Artists of the Decade
Lou Bellamy, Penumbra Artistic Director Wendy Knox, Frank Artistic Director

DreamBoys (Blue Umbrella)

Outstanding New Playwriting

Staged Reading of the Decade
The Laramie Project: 10 Years Later (Guthrie)

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Outstanding Music Revue

Arts & Entertainment > On the Record

[ by Ed Huyck ]

Embryonic
FLAMING LIPS

I and Love and You
THE AVETT BROTHERS

The Power of Two
MICHAEL FEINSTEIN & CHEYENNE JACKSON

Sainthood
TEGAN AND SARA

For the past 25 years, the

Over the past few years, the

If you’re looking for some-

As Tegan and Sara (short

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December 18–31, 2009

Flaming Lips have been masters of modern-day freakout music. Through their long career, this mad band of Oklahomans have crafted an artistic ambience that would have made the denizens of Swinging London or Warhol’s New York proud. On their latest, the band goes one step further, making music that sounds like it’s a bona fide lost piece of 1960s music, complete with swooping organ lines, drifting melodies, and guitar parts fueled by substances banned in most states. This music works best when it’s dark, either late at night or early in the morning, and turned down low. It’s a long, sprawling, double album of the type you usually want a band to rein in, but the Flaming Lips go for complete broke here, making a mad, maddening, and ultimately engaging collection of tunes. Embryonic is more about the aural journey than pop music, but it’s absolutely engaging all the same.

Avett Brothers have built a name based on their folksy Americana style music. They’ve left their indie days behind, crafting music that is broader and deeper in sound, but doesn’t leave behind the essential heart of their earlier work. The changes are clear from the opening title track, which is powered by a piano-played melody, and features (gasp!) strings in the background. The song, a bittersweet look back at a relationship, uses all these elements to fine effect, while the vocal makes the heart ache, but you want to hear the song again. The album features a mix of the trio’s stripped-down folk and bluegrass tunes that have become a part of their music. The 13-track album has plenty of standouts, but it’s made up of such diverse influences that hold up as a musical whole. That’s the biggest reward for the listener.

thing a bit more traditional, you can turn to this CD version of the duo’s nightclub show—at Feinstein’s titular club in New York City— from last summer. The two move through a number of pop standards and Broadway show tunes—not surprising, considering their respective backgrounds (Feinstein’s years as an interpreter of classic pop music; Jackson’s years on Broadway, including the current lead in Finian’s Rainbow). The disc has an engaging, warm sound, with the main duo backed up by a tight five-piece jazz combo—though all that does slip occasionally over into “lounge lizard” territory. Still, when the duo hit the highs, it’s an incredible ride, such as on standout solos like Feinstein’s tender “Old Friend” and Jackson’s closer “Someone to Watch Over Me.” The two also share vocals throughout the collection, bringing out new meanings to standards like “Me and My Shadow” and the title song.

history: identical twins from Calgary who started recording as teenagers a decade ago) have grown, their music has taken on a more complex sound, without ever losing its singular, youthful charm. That’s still evident here, as the two—along with Death Cab For Cutie’s Chris Walla as producer—craft 13 tight (the longest track is threeand-a-half minutes) rocking pop songs that dig into three decades of alternative music without ever aping the sound of the past. It results in a driving, mature set, led by first single “Hell,” and featured in tracks throughout. The sense of leaving youth behind comes up again and again—check out the ironic “talking like a teen” chorus to “On Directing” for an example. All these factors make for a satisfying collection that’ll keep the fires of youth burning through the long winter until their local show. Tegan and Sara play the Orpheum on March 24.

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Bar Advertiser Guide |
Ave. 09 3rd E .N ve lA ra Hennepin Ave. nt

Bartender Spotlight |
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[ by George Holdgrafer ]

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01

19 BAR
19 W. 15th St., Mpls. (612) 871-5553 Shoot pool or play darts at your neighborhood bar—the Twin Cities’s oldest GLBT establishment.

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RUMOURS INNUENDO
213 E. 4th St., St. Paul (651) 225-GLBT (4528) <www.rumours-stpaul.com> Rumours Hottest dance club with fabulous DJs, plus shows featuring variety of the best local talent. Innuendo Casual, intimate “Cheers” ambience for quiet conversation, Happy Hour, and community organization shows/fund-raisers.

BRASS RAIL LOUNGE
02

422 Hennepin. Ave., Mpls. (612) 332-RAIL(7245) Completely remodeled piano lounge featuring variety of entertainment. Nightly drink specials 7 PM-2 AM.

03

CAMP
490 N. Robert St., St. Paul (651) 292-1844 <www.camp-bar.net> An upscale but casual spot with great video, dancing, cabaret, and the friendliest staff in town!
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TICKLES
(Through Dec. 28) 1032 3rd Ave. NE, Mpls. (612) 354-3846 (Starting Dec. 31) 420 S. 4th St. , Mpls. New Phone Pending <www.ticklesbar.com> Live Piano Music. Full-Service Menu, Happy Hour, Sports on 4 Flat-Panel TVs, Pool, Darts.

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GAY 90’S MEGABAR
408 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. <www.gay90s.com> Gay 90’s Upper Midwest’s Largest Gay Entertainment Complex. Serving reasonably priced menu in main bar Wednesday-Sunday. Dance Annex Awesome DJs deliver latest in dance, techno, and hot gay anthems for your dancing pleasure. Happy Hour Newly remodeled. Open longest hours of any local GLBT bar. State-of-the art sound/video. La Femme Show Lounge The Ladies of La Femme present the Twin Cities’s best female impersonator show Wednesday-Sunday. Men’s Room It’s a guy thing (ladies beware!). Hot men in a sizzling scene. Best male dancers. Retro Bar Just what its name says. Fabulous DJs reprise the best of the ’70s through ’90s.

▼

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TOWN HOUSE PIANO LOUNGE
1415 University Ave. W., St. Paul (651) 646-7087 <www.townshousebar.com> Town House Fun neighborhood bar with a great mix of men and women. Karaoke. Drag shows. Piano Lounge That’s entertainment! Friday: Karaoke (Twyla). Saturday: Lori Dokken & Friends. Sunday: Karaoke (John). Monday: Men’s Night.
Superior

NATE

WHO
Nate

WHAT
Recipe: Glitter Kitten 1 part Amaretto 1 part Chambord 1 part Midori 1 part Peach Schnapps 1 part Southern Comfort Splash of Grenadine Splash of Orange Juice Splash of Pineapple Juice

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Wisconsin Somerset

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GLADIUS
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1111 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (612) 332-9963 <www.gladiusbar.com> The New York Chic of Minneapolis. Most elegant space to drink in Twin Cities.

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CLUB METRO
223 Main St., Somerset (715) 247-3373 <www.clubmetrosomerset.com>

LUSH
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WI

THE FLAME
1612 Tower Ave., Superior (715) 395-0101 <www.SuperiorFlame.com>

WHEN
Wed.-Sat. • 4 PM-1 AM

990 Central Ave. NE, Mpls. <www.lushfoodbar.com> Video Bar. Eclectic Live Entertainment, Mixing Artists. Eat. Drink. Be LUSHious.

WHERE
Tickles (Through Dec. 28) 1032 3rd Ave. NE, Mpls. (612) 354-3846 (Starting Dec. 31) 420 S. 4th St. , Mpls. New Phone Pending <www.ticklesbar.com>

WI

J.T.’S BAR & GRILL
1506 N. 3rd St., Superior (715) 394-2580 <www.jtsbarandgrill.net>

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MINNEAPOLIS EAGLE BOLT BOLT UNDERGROUND
515-513-501 Washington Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 338-4214/(612) 338-0896 <www.minneapoliseagle.com> <www.boltbar.com> Minneapolis Eagle Gay-owned & operated for 11 years. Home of famous Friday 3-for-1 Happy Hour & Sunday afternoon Beer Bust. Bolt Best video bar in Twin Cities. Huge selection of music/comedy video clips & Show Tune Sundays. Best patio in town. Bolt Underground Industrial & carnal nightclub hidden beneath the city. Join us for CHAMBER every Thursday night.
WI

THE MAIN CLUB
1217 Tower Ave., Superior (715) 392-1756 <www.mainclubsuperior.com>

December 18–31, 2009

WHY
“Awesome staff and amazing clientele—good company. Great live piano music. Excellent place to watch sports. Delicious food. Oh!—we’re moving Downtown December 31.”

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Bar Scene |

[ by George Holdgrafer ]

Tickles Relocating to Downtown Minneapolis
Popular Bar Reopening New Year’s Eve in Double-the-Size Space
n December 31, just in time for New Year’s Eve, Tickles bar is moving from its present location in Northeast Minneapolis to its new one in Downtown Minneapolis. Near the corner of Fourth Street and Fifth Avenue, the space formerly was occupied by The Little Wagon. Tickles debuted at its current address in November 2008, so the reloca-

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tion is the soonest ever in local GLBT bar history. Why the move? Tickles owner Roy Caples says, “Our new location is way larger—twice the size of our present place. It’s closer to a number of other GLBT bars. Being in the heart of Downtown will allow easy access for our customers. We now can stay open another hour in the evening—until 2 AM—un-

Joel Jansen and Roy Caples.

Photo by George Holdgrafer.

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December 18–31, 2009

...

[Tickles]

like our current 1 AM closing, so our new hours will be 11 AM-2 AM. “Additionally, we’ll have much more parking. It’s on the main floor of the seven-story Jerry Haaf Memorial Ramp, which offers overnight parking at a minimum cost. Plus, ample parking is available on nearby streets—60 metered spots within a block radius are free on weekends and after 6 PM weekdays.” How are Tickles customers reacting to the imminent move? Caples shares, “We have spent a year developing our clientele, and the response has been very positive. We have gotten excellent feedback from most of our customers, who are very excited about the move.” What a beautiful ambience the new Tickles provides! It has three spacious areas: an enormous main room with a huge bar, along with tables and booths; a large entertainment lounge with a stage; and a sizable game room with two pool tables. Customers will appreciate much more seating than at the old Tickles, as well as an outdoor patio when weather permits.

Throughout the interior, wood paneling makes for an elegant appearance. And windows give it a bright, open look. Over the past year, Tickles has developed a reputation for excellent dining at affordable prices, which certainly will grow after it reopens. Tickles General Manager Joel Jansen explains, “Our larger and expanded kitchen will allow us to serve longer hours. We’ll be open during the day to provide lunch weekdays and brunch on weekends. It’s close to many businesses, apartments, and condos. We will continue to offer our complete menu, while widening the selections.” A hallmark of Tickles has been its piano entertainment, featuring such impresarios as Mark Bloom, Gary Collins, and Jeff Olson tickling the ivories. Chanteuse Nichola Miller will grace the stage at the new Tickles. Jansen notes, “We will have a cozy and intimate dining room area for our performance and stage area. We will continue to focus on our piano entertainment, while also offering other music options for the rest of the bar. And as always, sports fans

will want to make us their headquarters.” The last day at the old Tickles is December 28, which just happens to coincide with a Monday night Vikings football game screening there. Then, on December 31, watch the ball drop on New Year’s Eve at the new Tickles. As Caples sums up, “At our new home, our goal is to further expand the Tickles experience in a quality and fashionable atmosphere with a quiet and intimate open setting. We presently have a great loyal following, but we hope to reach out to the many community members who have not been to visit us yet. We are extremely excited to build on our first-year success with the new Tickles!”

(STARTING DEC. 31) TICKLES 420 S. 4TH AVE., MPLS. OLD PHONE: (612) 354-3846 NEW PHONE PENDING <WWW.TICKLESBAR.COM>

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December 18–31, 2009

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Bar Scene > Bar Showcase
LUSH
December 10

[ Photos by George Holdgrafer ]

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December 18–31, 2009

Bar Scene > Lavender Lens
THE ATONS HOLIDAY PARTY
December 6 Rumours

[ Photos by George Holdgrafer ]

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December 18–31, 2009

Bar Scene > Bar Calendar
For club addresses, phone numbers, and Web sites, see “Bar Advertiser Guide” on page 36. For events not at bars, see <LavenderMagazine. com/calendar>.
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 18

Gary Collins 5 PM. Tickles. Mia Dorr 9 PM. Tickles. Dragged Out 9:30 PM. Town House.
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 19

5 PM. Tickles. Lure 9 PM. Rumours.
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 26

Jeff Olson 8:30 PM. Tickles. Holiday Jingle Ball Featuring DJ Chi Chi LaRue 9 PM. Gay 90’s. Live: Sick of Sarah 9 PM. Town House. Booby Trap Bolt Underground
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 20

Bear Night 8 PM. Bolt Underground. Jeff Olson 8:30 PM. Tickles. North Star Gay Rodeo Association Fund-raiser Show 9 PM. Innuendo. Homme Circuit Lovers Dream 11 PM. Rumours.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 31

Singles Pool Tournament 4 PM. 19 Bar. Hollys and Barrys Triangle of Hope Benefit for Clare Housing 5 PM. Town House.
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25

New Year’s Eve Celebration 19 Bar Ring in Your New Year at the Rail Brass Rail Black and White Ball Camp 2010 New Year’s Eve Gala Gay 90’s Fabulous VIP Party Gladius New Year’s Eve Blast Lush

Gary Collins

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December 18–31, 2009

New Year’s Eve Bash Minneapolis Eagle/Bolt New Year’s Eve Ball Rumours/Innuendo The Ball Drops New Year’s Eve at New Location Tickles New Year’s Eve Drag-a-ganza Variety Show Town House Special Drag Show Open All Night Club Metro. Somerset, WI. New Year’s Eve Open All Night The Flame. Superior, WI. New Year’s Eve Open All Night The Main Club. Superior, WI.
SATURDAY, JANUARY 2

Lip Service 9 PM. Town House. Underwear Nite Bolt Underground
FRIDAY, JANUARY 8

Minneapolis Movie Bears Bar Night 7 PM. Rumours. Total DiscTracktion 9 PM. Town House.
SATURDAY, JANUARY 9

Imperial Start to the New Year Imperial Court of Minnesota Benefit for Hearthstone of Minnesota 6:30 PM. Hilton Garden Inn. Downtown St. Paul. TNT Show 9 PM. Town House. Leather Night Bolt Underground

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December 18–31, 2009

Cuisine > Off the Eaten Path

[ by Heidi Fellner ]

moto-i
dining room, the space does not venture into kitsch. The staff takes sake-brewing seriously, and customers are treated to a wealth of information about the process. Richardson also is the owner of nearby brewpub Herkimer, so clearly,
Photos by Hubert Bonnet

he first sake brewpub outside of Japan doesn’t make much of a show of itself. With its slim, neon kanji windows, moto-i manages to keep a low profile. I’m not sure whether owner Blake Richardson foresaw the economy-driven backlash against the brash and ubercool, or whether the demure street front was just a welltimed choice. Whatever the reason, he has managed to slip by the skeptics and naysayers to bring us something entirely new. Bravo!

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Step inside moto-i, and its modesty slips just a peg to reveal a bit of cheek: the bar’s televisions all play Japanese programs, and the menus are delightfully thematic. However, set against the dark, sleek-lined furniture of its moody

fermentation is a passion of his. Normally, I discuss wine or beer in the context of pairing, and while the food at moto-i is impressive, the menu has been created to support the sake, not the other way around. You can order a Minnesotan beer at moto-i, but unless you can’t tolerate sake, your first order of business should be a tasting flight ($12). Each sake at moto-i has its own distinct flavor, so it is only in sampling a few that you begin to appreciate just what Richardson has managed to accomplish. Our first sake, Tokubetsu ($10), simply was bursting with notes of honeydew. Not too dry and not too sweet, it is smooth as liquid silk. Ginjo ($12) is subtler, with a hint of pear in the finish.

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Junmai Nama Tokubestsu sake (above); Junmai Nama Genshu, Junmai Nama, Junmai Nama Nigori.

...

[Off the Eaten Path]

We also tasted Yamahai ($14) alongside Genshu ($9), and the contrast between the two was even more striking. Yamahai offered a velvety texture with a trace of banana, but Genshu presented something else entirely—cask-strength, it exchanges fruitiness for sensation, tickling the sides of the tongue. The bartender warned us not to make fast friends of Genshu, because its high alcohol content sneaks up on the unsuspecting enthusiast. Lastly, Junmai Nama was crossed by Futsuu (both $8). Junmai Nama offers the same honeydew kiss as Tokubetsu, but it is more delicate. However, Futsuu is straight sassy. “Futsuu” is the term given to an informal, “daily” sake, and a sake sometimes is termed so when its maker isn’t quite satisfied. I always have favored flavor over smoothness, but if you’re of the oth-

er camp, try the same Futsuu served hot ($11), and it mellows out significantly. If I hadn’t been eating food the whole time, I would have ended up a statistic. Luckily, the menu is broad enough to include everything from snacks to entrées, and they all are fabulous. We began with appetizers. Fried Shishito Peppers with kosher salt ($4) are surprisingly sweet and mild, so before I knew it, they all were gone. If you need a bit of crunch, Taro Shoestrings ($3) are a decent chip alternative, served with spicy chili aoli.

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Thai Chili Peanuts ($3) are especially good with the lighter, sweeter sakes. For a heartier snack, consider Hoisin Pork Bun ($3), a Northern Chinese-style steamed bun featuring a neat little rectangle of succulent pork tucked into a puffy dough pocket. Housemade Green Curry Chicken Dumplings ($8) are surprisingly light and spunky, with just a dash of curry to punch things up. Oven Roasted Chicken Wings (daily special at $7) are prepared as one traditionally would approach duck feet—cured and cooked in duck fat be-

Fried Shishito Peppers (above); Tuna with Grated Diakon, Kawari Sprouts, and Oyster Sauce (right)

...

[Off the Eaten Path]

fore a final crisping in the oven. Entrées are plentiful as daily specials. Frequent features include Hawaiian Blue Prawns ($16), with perfectly al dente housemade pasta, carmelized garlic, chilis, and sake; Hangar Steak ($20), which is simply spectacular with thyme-miso butter and sautéed mitake mushrooms; and Coconut Green Curry ($10), a regular menu item worth ordering repeatedly—although one of moto-i’s spiciest dishes, I still found it to be very approachable. Because of moto-i’s focus, I hadn’t expected the desserts to be as memorable, but Orange Blossom Panna Cotta ($4) is worth planning ahead for. Little chocolate pearls give a nice crunch to the creamy panna

December 18–31, 2009

cotta, served in a sake glass, and spiked with light berry coulis. Sata Andagi ($4) are traditional Okinawan doughnuts that have been dusted with sugar and five spice—if fried dough appeals to you, then a word of warning: Taste these, and State Fair doughnuts forever will be ruined for you. And you know what? That’s not altogether a bad thing, because moto-i should be in business for a long, long time— ubercool Uptown and all.

moto-i 2940 LYNDALE AVE. S., MPLS. (612)-821-NAMA (6262) <www.moto-i.com>

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[Photos by Sophia Hantzes]

MAP WORLD AIDS DAY
DECEMBER 1 MALL OF AMERICA BLOOMINGTON

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Cuisine > Nutrition

[ by Darin Schwinkendorf ]

A Healthier You in 2010
On a routine basis, I converse with countless numbers of people wondering why they are unable to follow a consistent healthy eating plan. They always make excuses such as: “I do not have time to prepare healthy fair. It is too much work.” Another common excuse: “Healthy food tastes terrible.” To those responses, I usually answer, “I think you have it backward. In fact, you do not have time to eat like crap”; and “You must be eating the wrong healthy foods, or not giving them much of a chance.” The few extra minutes a day it takes to choose and prepare healthier meals and snacks most likely will keep you years out of the grave. You undoubtedly will feel more energetic and enthusiastic about life in general once your body adapts to the newfound sustenance. Additionally, eating healthy takes less and less “work,” as you learn which foods you enjoy most, and how to prepare them. My own strategy involves preparing my favorite meals in bulk on Sundays. That way, I do not have to cook the entire week. Make a bag of grilled chicken Sunday night, and you can use it in various recipes throughout the week: maybe chicken salad on Monday, chicken with baked sweet potato and asparagus on Tuesday, grilled whole wheat barbeque chicken tortilla wrap with cheese and bell peppers on Wednesday, etc. Trust me when I say that the whole idea of healthy eating taking too much time is a complete myth. As far as taste goes, you can find healthy foods you love regardless of taste preferences. You just have to be somewhat patient to find what satisfies your cravings. The healthy world has just as many, if not more, taste combinations as in other foods. Sweet, sour, bitter, salty, and umami (if you are into that sort of thing)—they all are here, and you just need to find the mix of them in the healthy world that fits your preferences. Explore. Go exotic. Take a risk. Life is too short to limit your aesthetic horizon, and you just may expand your lifespan by finding a healthier you. What foods do I consider healthy? Well, you will get a different answer to this

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question from just about every health professional. Oh, excuse me, I meant, a different answer from just about every nutritionist (i.e., confirm your doctor’s recommendations with a nutritionist as physicians have very limited training when it comes to nutrition). Foods I would eat tons of include eggs; leaner meats (chicken, 95 percent lean beef, bison/buffalo, pork loin, fish/seafood, etc.—note that grass-fed is always better); fat-free/low-fat dairy products (cheese, yogurt, milk, cottage cheese); fruits and vegetable; 100 percent whole grains (not just “with whole grains”); and beans/legumes. Foods I would eat often but in moderation include nuts; nut butters; and healthier oils such as olive oil. I actually consider wine a health food when consumed sparingly (i.e., one 4 oz. glass a night at most). Take in a square of dark chocolate with no added sugar and coffee for dessert. Your palate and waistline will thank you. Just about any food has a leaner version, and the technologies for making them taste like the originals are getting better every day. Sure, it may take you a few weeks or months to get used to new foods, but once you do, your mind and body will appreciate it. You will have a better appearance, find more energy, and feel better about yourself. Share the commitment with a partner or friend to make things easier, and give each other support. I honestly can say that healthier versions of most foods taste better to me than their fatty, artery-clogging counterparts. This was not always the case. Most of us are “trained” and unwilling to change our eating habits, because we like what we eat, and do not want to take the time to explore and change the pattern. What we do not realize is that we can eat healthier, and still enjoy everything we eat. I am not saying to rush into a healthy lifestyle 100 percent, and change everything at once. Make it a gradual process. Alternate healthier meals with your usual diet to start off, and then gradually work your way up to a 90 percent healthy/10 percent “unhealthy” diet. It is unrealistic to expect to eat healthy 100 percent of the time, and you do not have to give up any foods to make the switch. However, most of those “junk” foods you may be used to eating on a daily basis need to be limited significantly (maybe once a week or month). Be proactive this year. Make the change. Your body and mind will love you for it.

Dining Guide Listing |
AVERAGE PRICE OF A TYPICAL ENTREE $ LESS THAN $15, $$ $15-$25, $$$ MORE THAN $25

Our Guide to the Metro Eateries Featured in This Issue Lavender Magazine’s Dining Guide is your resource to GLBT-friendly restaurants. We recommend calling restaurants before visiting to confirm information. All bars, restaurants and private clubs have been smoke-free since Minnesota became the 20th state to pass a statewide smoke-free law on October 1, 2007. However, many restaurants may have a designated outdoor area for smoking. Lavender’s cuisine section and updated dining guide appears each issue. Please direct questions about the directory and cuisine advertising to [email protected].

BLACKBIRD $$ American Casually classic comfort foods, thoughtful beer & wine list. Lunch, Dinner, Weekend Breakfast 815 W. 50th St. Minneapolis, MN 55419 (612) 8234790 Mon – Fri: 11 AM – 10 PM • Sat: 8 AM – 2 PM, 5 PM – 10 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 2 PM BRADSTREET CRAFT HOUSE $$
Fusion Delightful dinners with innovative plates, ideal for sharing & mixology cocktails made from artesian ingredients. Dinner 601 1st Ave. N., Minneapolis, MN (612) 312-1821 www.bradstreetcrafthouse.com

COSMOS $$$ Contemporary American Cosmos cuisine – regionally inspired, local ingredients with progressive cooking technique. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Brunch 601 First Ave. (in Graves 601 Hotel), Minneapolis Sun – Thurs: 6:30 AM – 3 PM, 5 PM – 10 PM • Fri – Sat: 6:30 AM – 3 PM, 5 PM – 11 PM DANCING GANESHA $$
Contemporary Indian We would like you to come & enjoy our novel Indian cuisines in an extraordinary ambiance. Lunch, Dinner 1100 Harmon Pl., Minneapolis (612) 388-1877 Mon – Sat: 11 AM – 2 PM, 4 PM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 2 PM, 5 PM – 9 PM

THE GRANDVIEW GRILL $
American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch 1818 Grand Ave., St. Paul (651) 698-2346 Mon – Fri: 6:15 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 6:15 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

IT’S GREEK TO ME $ Greek Family-owned & run for over 25 years, we’ve treated generations of diners to our authentic menu & warm Greek hospitality. Dinner only weekdays, Lunch & Dinner on weekends 626 W. Lake St., Minneapolis (612) 825-9922 Tues – Fri: 4:30 PM – 11 PM • Sat: 11 AM – 11 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 10 PM

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KINDEE THAI $ Thai This isn’t your traditional everyday Thai restaurant. Lunch, Dinner 719 S. 2nd St., Minneapolis (612) 465-8303 Mon: Closed • Tues – Thurs: 11:30 AM – 9 PM • Fri: 11:30 AM – 10:30 PM • Sat: 11 AM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 9 PM THE LOUISIANA CAFÉ $
American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, 613 Selby Ave., St. Paul (651) 221-9140 Mon – Fri: 6:30 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 6:30 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

MIDORI’S FLOATING WORLD CAFÉ $ Sushi, Tempuru Sushi, tempura, noodles, traditional, contemporary, home-styled specials, beer, wine, sake. Lunch, Dinner 3011 27th Ave. S., Minneapolis (612) 721-3011 Mon: Closed • Tues – Wed: 11:30 AM – 2 PM, 5 PM – 9 PM • Thurs – Fri: 11:30 AM – 2 PM, 5 PM – 10 PM • Sat: 12 noon – 2 PM, 5 – 10 PM • Sun: 4 PM – 8 PM NEW UPTOWN DINER $ American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch 2548 Hennepin Ave. S. Minneapolis (612) 874-0481 Mon – Wed: 6 AM – 3 PM • Thurs – Sat: 24 Hours • Sun: Close at 6 PM

New Uptown Diner. Photo by Hubert Bonnet
NORTHERN SHORES GRILL $$
American Located in the Minneapolis Marriott City Center, serving a culinary mix of regional & casual specialties. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner 30 S. 7th St., Minneapolis, MN (612) 349-4000 www.minneapolismarriott.com

PARK TAVERN BOWLING & ENTERTAINMENT CENTER $
LavenderMagazine.com

American 50 years of dining & entertainment – award winning food, groups up to 300. Weekend Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Late Night Daily 3401 Louisiana Ave., St. Louis Park (952) 929-6810 Mon – Fri: 10:30 AM – 12:30 AM • Sat – Sun: 9 AM – 12:30 AM

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...

[Dining Guide]

ROAT OSHA $$
Thai Uniquely crafted authentic and American influences. Decor that invites conversation Lunch, Dinner 2650 Hennepin Ave. S., Minneapolis Sat: 11 AM – 11 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 10:30 PM

BLUE MOON BALL
NOVEMBER 20 THE MAIN CLUB SUPERIOR

Roat Osha. Photo by Hubert Bonnet

SAWATDEE – WASHINGTON AVE. $ Thai The 1st and only authentic Thai restaurant for over 25 years. Lunch, Dinner 607 Washington Ave. S., Minneapolis (612) 338-6451 Daily 11 AM – 9:30 PM SUSHI TANGO $$ Japanese Exciting and eccentric mix of Japanese cuisine and Uptown attitude. Lunch, Dinner Calhoun Square, (612) 822-7787 Mon – Wed: 5 PM – 1 AM • Thurs – Sun: Noon – 1 AM TIGER SUSHI $
Asian Fusion A bold fusion of flavors and cultures take you beyond traditional sushi. A hip vibe & exceptional chefs. MOA location: Lunch & Dinner 11 AM – 9:30 Daily (952) 876-9410 Lyn-Lake location: Daily Dinner, Weekend Lunch 2833 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis (612) 8774-1800 Mon – Fri: 5 – 10:30 PM • Sat: Noon – 10:30 PM • Sun: Noon – 9:00 PM
December 18–31, 2009

TOAST WINE BAR AND CAFÉ $ Wine bar with Italian influence Neighborhood wine bar serving pizzas, cured meats and small plates. Dinner 415 N. 1st St., Minneapolis, MN (612) 333-4305 Tues – Thurs: 5 PM – 11 PM • Fri – Sat: 5 PM – 12 AM • Sun: 5 PM – 11 PM

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Accounting & _________ Bookkeeping________ Automotive

Tiger Sushi. Photo by Hubert Bonnet
WILDE ROAST CAFÉ $
American Homemade, comfort food, outstanding desserts, beer, wine, espresso drinks. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner 518 E. Hennepin Ave. Minneapolis (612) 331-4544 Mon – Sat: 7 AM – 11 PM • Sun: 7 AM – 9 PM

Addiction__________ Barbers___________ Astrology__________

THE WOODBURY CAFÉ $ American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch Bielenberg & Tamarack, Woodbury, MN (651) 209-8182 Mon – Fri: 7 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 7 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

Attorneys__________

Zen Fusion. Photo by Hubert Bonnet

Business Services____
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ZEN FUSION RESTAURANT $
Asian Contemporary Authentic pan-Asian food with a contemporary French twist. Lunch, Dinner 3016 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis (612) 822-8896 Sun – Thurs: 11 AM – 9 PM • Fri – Sat: 11 AM – 10 PM

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Chiropractors_______ Financial Services___

Lavender Lens >
[Photos by Sophia Hantzes]

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[Continued from page 55]

MAP WORLD AIDS DAY
DECEMBER 1 MALL OF AMERICA BLOOMINGTON

Computer_______ Sales & Services

Funeral Services____ Home Services______

Home Services______

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The Network Calendar |
[ LavenderMagazine.com ]

Home Services______ Home Services______

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 18
The Enchanted Toy Shop. Saint Paul City Ballet is premiering an original ballet for a limited engagement just in time for the holidays. The playful performance takes the audience to a magical toyshop on the banks of the Mississippi River where beautiful enchanted events unfold on Christmas Eve. Why waste the evening watching the same old Christmas story when you can be entertained with a new magical ballet? Dec. 18-20. E.M. Pearson Theater, Concordia University, 312 Hamline Ave. S., St. Paul. (651) 690-1588.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 8
Edina Art Center Faculty Exhibit. This new exhibit will feature artwork created by more than 50 artists who teach at the Edina Art Center. See what the teachers have to offer not only their students, but the entire Twin Cities area. Through Feb. 23. Foss Gallery, Edina Art Center, 4701 W. 64th St., Edina. (952) 9035780. <www.edinaartcenter.com>

TUESDAY, JANUARY 12
Dreamgirls. Direct from the world famous Apollo Theatre in New York City, the dream of making it big in this rags-to-riches story of a 1960s Motown girl group comes to Minneapolis, complete with onstage joy and backstage drama. If you thought the movie with Oscar-winner Jennifer Hudson was good, wait until you view it onstage the way it was meant to be seen! Jan. 12-17. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.ticketmaster.com>

Dreamgirls. Photo by Joan Marcus

SATURDAY, JANUARY 16
The Ultimate Pajama Party. After a very wild and successful first year, this party is back for a girl’s evening “all about” gals and gal pals. Show up in your favorite night apparel, and the rest will be supplied: drinks, appetizers, spa services, advice experts, raffles, palm readers, shopping, and male servers at your beck and call. All proceeds benefit Minneapolis Junior League’s programs for women and children. Reservations required. <www.theultimatepajamaparty.com>

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The Network

Home Services______ Insurance__________ ...

[Calendar]

TICKETS ON SALE

Avenue Q. The hilarious, Tony Award-winning musical about a group of puppets living on Avenue Q in New York City is back in Minneapolis. If you missed this show the last time it was here, be sure not to make the same mistake twice. Apr. 13-18. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.tick etmaster.com>. CATS. The winner of seven Tony Awards, including Best Musical, which features 20 of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s timeless melodies, is hitting the stage in the Twin Cities. One of the best-known musicals in recent memory, CATS is a must-see for any theater enthusiast. May 14-16. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.ticketmaster.com>. Mamma Mia! The best-selling, Abba-filled musical is takes the stage again in Minneapolis. The feel-good show tells the story of a mother, a daughter, and her three possible fathers. What could possibly go wrong? Mar. 9-14. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.ticketmaster.com>.

Insurance__________
Mamma Mia! Photo by Joan Marcus

Pet Products & Services___________

The Wizard of Oz. The Yellow Brick Road is leading to Minneapolis, as Dorothy and her faithful friends take a trip to the great and powerful Wizard. This production is bound to blow you away from the moment the tornado touches down, and takes you to the dazzling art deco Oz. Mar. 26-28. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.tick etmaster.com>.

ONGOING Ongoing
December 18–31, 2009 Brett Favre’s Christmas Spectacular: The Immaculate Interception. Retail stores have told us it’s that time of the year again. In the holiday spirit, Brave New Workshop is back with its wonderful Christmas tale, and Minnesota-style, it stars Brett Favre! (Not really, but we always can dream.) Through Jan. 30. Brave New Workshop, 2605 Hennepin Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 332-6620. <www.bravenewworkshop.com>.

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A Christmas Carol. Join the Guthrie for its 35th annual production of Charles Dickens’s classic story of finding the joy of Christmas. Not to be missed is Peter Michael Goetz, returning for the ninth consecutive season as Ebenezer Scrooge. Through Dec. 31. Guthrie Theater, 818 S. 2nd St., Mpls. 818 S. 2nd St., Mpls. (612) 377-2224. <www.guthrietheater.org>. Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. The classic tale of finding hidden beauty inside is coming live to the Ordway. Watch as the hideous beast is transformed into a prince through the power of love. Through Jan 3. Ordway Center for the Performing Arts, 345 Washington St., St. Paul. (651) 224-4222. <www.ordway.org>.

Psychotherapy______ Psychotherapy______

Real Estate_________

Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.
Courtesy of Ordway Center for the Performing Arts

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IBEW Holiday Lights in the Park. Join this growing tradition, as the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers (IBEW) lights up Phalen Park nightly. Enjoy the spectacular array of more than 50 larger-than-life holiday-themed light sculptures and animated displays, and help raise funds for local charities. 5:30-10 PM. Through Dec. 31. Phalen Park, 1615 E. Phalen Dr., St. Paul. <www.ibewpros.org>. Junior Claus. The heart-warming and hilarious new musical finally is coming to the Twin Cities South Metro for a very limited (that means don’t miss it) run. With Santa on the sidelines, Will Junior must master the art of climbing down chimneys, driving reindeer, and wrapping gifts. Through Dec. 27. Burnsville Performing Arts Center, 12600 Nicollet Ave., Burnsville. (800) 982-2787. <www.ticketmaster.com>. Spiked! Put Some Punch in Your Holiday. Join Lowry Lab and Table Salt Productions for a classic Variety Show in the style of Andy Williams, Sonny & Cher, Carol Burnett, and the Dukes of Hazzard. Yes, Dukes of Hazzard. Through Dec. 20. Lowry Lab, 350 St. Peter St., St. Paul. <www.tablesaltproductions.com>.

Community Connection
Community Connection brings visibility to local GLBT-friendly non-profit organizations. To reserve your listing in Community Connection, call 612-436-4698 or email advertising@ lavendermagazine.com. Red Ribbon Ride Four-day Bike Ride in July Benefiting Eight HIV/AIDS Service Organizations in Minnesota. 4457 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-2110 www.redribbonride.org Guthrie Theater Come On In! Performances, Classes, Dining, Tours. 818 South 2nd St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 377-2224 www.guthrietheater.org Hennepin Theatre Trust Orpheum, State and Pantages Theatres Twin Cities’ best live entertainment: Broadway shows, music concerts, comedy, dance and more! Minneapolis, MN (612) 673-0404 www.HennepinTheatreDistrict.org Illusion Theater Nationally Renowned For Developing Artists and New Work While Sparking Conversation About Challenging Human Issues. 528 Hennepin Ave., #704 Minneapolis, MN (612) 339-4944 www.illusiontheater.org Jungle Theater Professional theater producing contemporary and classic works in an intimate setting in the Lynlake neighborhood. 2951 Lyndale Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-7063 www.JungleTheater.com Minneapolis Musical Theatre “Giving Voice to the Human Experience” New and Rarely-Seen Musicals. 8520 W. 29th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 605-3298 www.aboutmmt.org Minnesota Opera America’s Most Exciting Opera Company Now Has a New GLBTA Group “Out at the Opera!” 620 N. First St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 342-9550 www.mnopera.org Minnesota Orchestra Led by Music Director Osmo Vänskä, the Minnesota Orchestra, one of America’s leading symphony orchestras. 1111 Nicollet Mall Minneapolis, MN (612) 371-5656 (800) 292-4141 www.minnesotaorchestra.org Northrop Presenting world-class entertainment in the heart of the Twin Cities. 84 Church St. SE Minneapolis, MN 55455 Business Office: 612-625-6600 Ticket Office: 612-624-2345 northrop.umn.edu One Voice Mixed Chorus Passionate about building community and creating social change by raising our voices in song. 732 Holly Ave. Ste. Q Saint Paul, MN (651) 298-1954 www.ovmc.org [email protected] Ordway Center for the Performing Arts Serving our community through hosting, presenting, creating performing arts and educational programs enriching diverse audiences. 345 Washington St. St. Paul, MN (651) 224-4222 www.ordway.org Park Square Theatre Creating entertainment that matters; transporting you to unique worlds through exceptional talent and masterful stories. 20 West Seventh Pl. Saint Paul, MN (651) 291-7005 www.parksquaretheatre.org Theater Latté Da Exploring And Expanding The Art of Musical theater Under The Artistic Direction of Peter Rothstein. Minneapolis, MN 612-339-3003 www.latteda.org Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus An award-winning chorus that builds community through music and offers entertainment worth coming out for! 528 Hennepin Ave., Suite 307 Minneapolis, MN (612) 339-SONG (7664) [email protected] www.tcgmc.org University of Minnesota Theatre Arts and Dance Educating artists and audiences through a diverse mix of performances on both land and water. U of M Theatre 330 21st Ave S, Minneapolis, MN (612) 624-2345 www.theatre.umn.edu

Fitness Addiction Info & Treatment
Hazelden Providing comprehensive treatment, recovery solutions. Helping people reclaim their lives from the disease of addiction. P.O. Box 11 15251 Pleasant Valley Rd Center City, MN (800) 257-7800 www.hazelden.org

YWCA of Minneapolis Healthy Me. Healthy Community. Co-ed, full-service health clubs. Locations in Downtown, Midtown and Uptown 2808 Hennepin Avenue South Minneapolis, MN 55408 (612) 874-7131 www.ywcampls.org

AIDS/HIV Information & Treatment

Health Services

Aliveness Project, The Community Center for Individuals Living with HIV/AIDS -- On-site Meals, Food Shelf and Supportive Services. 730 East 38th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 824-LIFE (5433) www.aliveness.org HIM Program One of the Red Door Services of the Hennepin County Public Health Clinic. 525 Portland Ave. 4th Floor Minneapolis, MN (612) 348-9100 www.himprogram.org www.StopSyphilisNOW.org www.CrystalClearMN.org www.inSPOT.org/Minnesota MAP AIDSline MAP AIDSLine is the confidential statewide toll-free HIV information and referral service. 1400 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 373-AIDS (metro) or (800) 248-AIDS (statewide) [email protected] www.mnaidsproject.org Park House Day Health / Mental Health Treatment Program for Adults Living with HIV/AIDS. 710 E. 24th Street, Suite 303 Minneapolis, MN (612) 871-1264 www.allina.com/ahs/anw.nsf/page/ park_house_home U of MN Research Studies Looking for HIV+ and HIV- individuals to participate in research studies. 420 Delaware Street SE Minneapolis, MN 55455 612-625-7472 WEB ADDRESS

GLBTCALLITQUITS.COM If you're ready to quit smoking, we're here to support you. 1-866-434-9736 Rainbow Health Initiative A coalition reducing the impact of tobacco use through mini-grants, education, and community events. 41 N. 12th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 252-1222 www.rainbowhealth.org

Historical

Minnesota Historical Society The best of Minnesota comes to life with fun, hands-on exhibits and signature programs. 345 Kellogg Blvd W., St. Paul, MN (651) 259-3000 www.mnhs.org/historycenter

Pets

Animal Humane Society Buffalo: (763) 390-3647 Coon Rapids: (763) 862-4030 Golden Valley: (763) 522-4325 St. Paul: (651) 645-7387 Woodbury: (651) 730-6008 www.animalhumanesociety.org

Library

Animal Humane Society Quatrefoil Library Your GLBT Library with stacks of DVDs, books, and magazines. Check out our online catalogue. 1619 Dayton Ave., No. 105 St. Paul, MN (651) 641-0969

Politics & Rights

Human Rights Campaign Advocates for all GLBT Americans, mobilizes grassroots action, invests strategically to elect fair-minded individuals. P.O. Box 50608 Minneapolis, MN www.twincities.hrc.org www.hrc.org OutFront Minnesota Delivering programs / services in the area of public policy, anti-violence, education and training, and law. 310 E. 38th St., Ste. 204 Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-0127 www.outfront.org

Media & Communications
Minnesota Public Radio Providing in depth news coverage, classical music and emerging artists on our three regional services. (651) 290-1212 www.mpr.org

Public Market

Art Galleries

Radio K 770 Radio K is the award-winning student-run radio station of the University of Minnesota 330 21st Ave. S. 610 Rarig Center University of Minnesota Minneapolis, MN 55455 (612) 625-3500 www.radiok.org

Midtown Global Market An internationally-themed public market with over 40 independent vendors offering the finest selection of produce, meats, delicacies, prepared foods, grocery items, unique gifts and services from around the world. 920 E. Lake St. Suite G.10 Minneapolis, MN (612) 872-4041

December 18–31, 2009

Minneapolis Institute of Arts Enjoy Masterpieces From All Over The World And Every Period Of Human History. Free Admission Daily! 2400 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 870-3000 www.artsmia.org

Performing Arts

Religious & Spiritual

Education

Minnesota Online Highschool Get ready for college and life with a supportive, online, public school that fits you 1313 5 Street, SE, Suite 227 Minneapolis, MN 55414 Phone: 1-800-764-8166 x 111 Fax: 1-866-586-2870 Website: www.mnohs.org

Ballet of the Dolls Resident Company of Newly Renovated Ritz Theater. Twin Cities first year-round dance-theater program. 35 13th Ave. NE Minneapolis, MN (612) 623-7660 www.balletofthedolls.org Brazen Theatre Plays, Musicals, Cabaret and Other Entertainment for Adventurous Audiences. See Individual Ads for Venue (414) 248-6481 www.brazentheatre.org

All God’s Children Metropolitan Community Church All inclusive, welcoming Christian church founded by and for GLBT people and their allies. 3100 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 824-2673 www.agcmcc.org Edina Community Lutheran Church Upbeat, growing congregation committed to inclusion, justice, peace, community and proclaiming God’s YES to all. 4113 W. 54th St. Edina, MN (952) 926-3808 www.eclc.org

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Community Connection
Central Lutheran Church We welcome all people to celebrate, discover and share the love of Christ. 333 Twelfth St. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 870-4416 www.centralmpls.org Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Church Take a Spiritual Journey With Hennepin’s Faith Community Through Worship, Education, Fellowship, Service, and More. 511 Groveland Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 871-5303 www.haumc.org Mayflower Community Congregational United Church of Christ An open and affirming, peace with justice church welcomes you. 106 E. Diamond Lake Rd. (I-35 & Diamond Lake Rd.) Minneapolis, MN (612) 824-0761 www.mayflowermpls.org Mount Olive Lutheran Church Ours is a welcoming parish, rich in music, liturgy and opportunities to serve the community. 3045 Chicago Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 827-5919 www.mountolivechurch.org Plymouth Congregational Church, Minneapolis A Beacon of Liberal Theology. Progressive Christianity, Traditional Setting & Service, Social Action, The Arts & Music. 1900 Nicollet Ave. at Franklin Minneapolis, MN (612) 871-7400 www.plymouth.org Spirit of Hope An Independent Catholic community At our table, all are welcome. Mass at 5 PM Saturday evening. Fr. Marty Shanahan. Worship at: St. Anne’s Episcopal Church 2035 Charlton Rd Sunfish Lake, MN www.spiritofhopecatholiccommunity.org St. Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral Wherever you are on your faith journey... St. Mark’s Welcomes You. 519 Oak Grove St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 870-7800 www.ourcathedral.org St. Luke Presbyterian Church We’re a Joyful, Compassionate Commmunity on a Spiritual Journey, Seeking Justice and Peace. Join Us. 3121 Groveland School Rd. Wayzata, MN (952) 473-7378 www.stlukeweb.org University Lutheran Church of Hope Reconciling Congregation - All Are Welcome. Social Justice Opportunities. Strong University Links - Questioning Encouraged. Great Music. 601 13th Ave. SE Minneapolis, MN (612) 331-5988 www.ulch.org Westminster Presbyterian Church A Covenant Network Congregation, Working Toward a Church as Generous and Just as God’s Grace. Nicollet Mall at 12th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 332-3421 www.ewestminster.org Wingspan Ministry + PASTORAL CARE + EDUCATION + WITNESS + ADVOCACY + Outreach of St. Paul-Reformation Church to the GLBTQA Community. 100 N. Oxford St. St. Paul, MN (651) 224-3371 www.stpaulref.org

Social Organizations
Imperial Court of Minnesota P.O. Box 582417 Minneapolis, MN www.impcourtmn.com

Student/Campus/ Alumni

Minnesota GLBTA Campus Alliance A statewide alliance of students, staff, faculty, alumni, and community members uniting for campus change. 2136 Ford Parkway #131 St. Paul, MN (612) 730-8541 www.mncampusalliance.org

Travel

Palm Springs Bureau of Tourism America's Gay Oasis is Beautiful Palm Springs. www.palm-springs.org Visit Minneapolis North Convention & Visitors Bureau We take pride in helping individuals find the ideal location for events & celebrations. 6200 Shingle Creek Parkway, Suite 248, Minneapolis, MN 55430 763.566.7722 / 800.541.4364 www.visitminneapolisnorth.com

Women’s Services

Womyn Unlimited Minnesota A Minnesota based non-profit grassroots philanthropic organization by, of, and for a diverse community of women. Rose Hart (612) 250-0119 www.womynunlimitedmn.org

Youth

District 202 District 202 provides social, cultural and educational opportunities for GLBT youth ages 21 and under. www.dist202.org

Zoo

Minnesota Zoo Open year-round. More than 2,400 animals to explore. Numerous special events. 13000 Zoo Blvd Apple Valley MN 55124 (952) 431-9200 www.mnzoo.org
LavenderMagazine.com

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Classifieds
Employment Health/Fitness
501 FIT. Strength with Class. Improve your life. Fun, Effective and Affordable Strength Training Classes. Try “1” Class for FREE! 501 Washington Ave. S. 3rd Fl., Minneapolis, MN. (612) 767-4415. www.501fit.com.

Real Estate

Home Furnishings
COTTAGE HOUSE • An Occasional Market • Next sale: THRIFTY & CHIC! • January 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Wednesday: 1 - 6pm. Thurs-Sun: 10am - 6pm • 4304 Chicago Ave. S., Minneapolis, MN.

Home Services
Current Affairs Electric, Inc. Full Service Electricians, Personalized Service, Affordable Rates, Prompt Response. License #CA05093, Bonded, Insured, Commercial, Residential. Twin Cities Metro, MN. Sahir: (612) 817-9213, Carl: (612) 220-6273. www. currentaffairselectricinc.com.

Roommates
Looking for housemate to share beautiful Minnehaha Parkway home in South Minneapolis. Off-street parking. Fantastic location. $500.00 per month. Utilities included. Call: (612) 578-3687 for more information.

House Cleaning
CLEANING MASTER INC. - 12 years experience. Homes, offices, clinics. Daily, weekly, bi weekly, event or monthly. Thorough, professional, responsible & honest. BBB member. (612) 521-9658. The Maids Home Services gives you the healthiest, most thorough housecleaning, guaranteed! Supervised teams, bonded, insured, environmentally safe cleaning products are why Nobody Outcleans The Maids.® Free estimates (952) 929-6243. www. maids.com.

Spa Services
The Tranny Factory @ The Spa. Complete Makeovers for Men becoming Women. [email protected]. (612) 986-4929. Private-Supportive-Affordable makeup-nailswardrobe-hair-waxing.

Psychotherapy
IRENE GREENE, MSEd, Psychotherapist: 24 years experience. Individual, Couples Counseling, Mediation. Life changes, relationship, gender, sexuality, parenting, anger, anxiety, depression. Coming Out, Sexual Abuse, DID Groups. Sliding fee. Professional, nonjudgmental, confidential. (612) 874-6442. [email protected]. Dan Maki, MA, LMFT - Individual Couples & Family Therapy. Helping people build confidence, hope and fulfillment in life and relationships. Office now located at 394 and 100 in St. Louis Park. (651) 497-9859. www. danmaki.com.

Therapeutic Massage
STRONG & RELAXING hands, resulting in bodywork at its best! Bruck, MT, DC in South Minneapolis @ (612) 306-6323. FULL BODY MASSAGE. Warm relaxing atmosphere, Minneapolis. Hour Massage $60.00. Shower Available. (612) 219-6743. 7 days a week, 10 am - 10 pm. Therapist: 5'10, 167#, 32 waist. GOT ME? I’ll do your body good. Swedish, Deep Tissue, Shiatsu & Tui Na. Downtown location. In/Out. Call anytime. Kurt, CMT: (612) 338-3329. FULL BODY DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE. Relax & Unwind from Head to Toe. Private S. Mpls Studio. Music, Candles, Jacuzzi, Full Bath. In/ Out Calls. 7 days. 10am - 10pm. (612) 3888993. Keith.

Real Estate

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December 18–31, 2009

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LavenderMagazine.com

Ms. Behavior© |
[ by Meryl Cohn ]

Bored and Reformed
Dear Ms. Behavior
I am a 23-year-old gay man. After a string of failed relationships, I decided that I was the common factor. If I want things to change in my love life, then I will have to be the one to change. For a long time, I was making all these wrong decisions. I would fall for men who would not treat me right, and eventually leave me. I also would go out as often as I could, get drunk, and hook up with the first guy whose eye I caught. This only led me to feel slutty, worthless, and alone. It wasn’t until recently—after almost breaking up someone else’s relationship by first having a threesome with both members, then later sleeping with one of them on the sly—that I came to the realization things needed to change. Not only was I hurting myself, but also I was hurting others. Then, I read your column about how to meet the person of your dreams, and fall in love. That seemed to have put things in perspective for me. Although I haven’t completed everything on your checklist (which includes flossing, using great skin care products, things to improve yourself, etc.), I have made great changes to my own personal lifestyle. I’ve been staying in more, drinking less, and cultivating my own hobbies. While I haven’t been waking up hung over in stranger’s beds, I have been extremely bored. Staying in alone on a Friday night, watching Ugly Betty, has led me to feel like a bored, lonely housewife. I realize that I am not ready to be in any sort of relationship, and not even sure if I’m ready to be intimate with another person, yet I still want to go out and meet people, and at least be on the right track to finding love. I know I shouldn’t be focusing on bars to meet people, but I can’t seem to meet other gay men anywhere else. Believe me, I’ve tried. My eyes are constantly on the prowl. I’ve tried bookstores, and joining a soccer team. Even my college campus is pretty limited. So, I was wondering if you had any tips on how to meet people without being a

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December 18–31, 2009

Adult > Classifieds
drunken slut, and how not to be absolutely bored out of my mind. —Bored and Reformed

Massage
YUM!!! Very Sexy, Attractive, Affectionate, Talented! ••• Warm Soothing Bubble Bath ••• Incredible Full Body Massage ••• Lots of Uninhibited XXX Fun ••• Peppermint Hot Towel Treatment •••• Get Pampered and Have Fun! Kevin, (612) 229-0001. HI GUYS -- 5'9", 175# hairy-chested masseur gives great sensual erotic massage. Pro-trained, intuitive, responsive. Many repeats. Noon10pm, 7 days. Gene, (612) 749-7726. Thanks! Before you book your next male massage appointment, make sure to read the reviews at www.MassageM4M. com/Minneapolis to find the best male massage therapist. See photos and browse over 1,000 male massage therapists online.

Dear Bored and Reformed:
It may be a relief to stop feeling “slutty, worthless, and alone,” but in the long term, if you don’t find other activities to replace your usual routine, life is bound to feel monotonous. Luckily, you really don’t have to choose between being a “drunk slut” and a “bored housewife” (or even a drunk housewife and a bored slut). You are neither a virgin nor a whore. You are a man who needs to find some balance, which means you patiently will have to explore (or discover) your other interests. OK, so you went to a couple of bookstores, and you kicked a soccer ball around a few times, but that hardly sounds like an exhaustive list of new activities. Think about how much of your thoughts and energy you devoted to supporting your time in the bars: searching for the right jeans to wear, whitening your teeth, choosing your signature scent, and perhaps even perfecting your special blow job technique. Nothing’s wrong with any of these activities, but the question is whether you’re willing to devote the same time and energy to cultivating other interests. You could try joining a book club, a cooking class, a ski group, a volunteer activity, a political organization, or a poker game. No one’s saying you need to behave like a Boy Scout, but you’ve said that bar life doesn’t work for you any more. This doesn’t mean you need to give up on life, and resign yourself to staying home with bad television. However, going through a mildly dormant period—where you evaluate your life, and decide what you want to do next—isn’t necessarily the worst thing. It enables you to reach out to new people, and to think about what you value. You’re at the right age to begin figuring out who you are, and what you want. It’s actually a lot easier if you start now than if you wait until you’re 40 or 50. If you follow your own interests during this fallow period, you’ll find new friends and new opportunities. If all else fails, check out a gay AA meeting or two. You might meet some cute men who are experts at booze-free fun.
© 2009 Meryl Cohn. Address questions and correspondence to <[email protected]>. She is the author of Do What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton Mifflin). Signed copies are available directly from the author.

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Adult > Classifieds
Adult Chat

72

December 18–31, 2009

Yellow Pages > Advertiser Index
Adult
1-800-GayLive ......................71 Déjà Vu .................................72 Dream Girls ..........................69 Hennepin Avenue Adult Boutique ...............................69 Interactive Male ....................70, or 72???? Megaphone...........................72 SquirtPressNet .....................71 72???? The Main Club .............................. 60 R. Davis Construction ................... 64 Ryan’s Tree Care .......................... 63 Skalski’s Woodworking Co. ....... 63 Soderlin Plumbing, Heating & Air Conditioning........................ 63 Solum Fine Flooring ...................... 63 SOS Homecare ............................ 63 Tangletown Design and Interiors .......................................... 63 The Tile Shop ................................ 7 Todd the Plumber .......................... 63 Twin City Heating and Air............ 37 Universal Windows Direct ........... 63 Minneapolis Grand Apartments . 16 New Home Store Realty .............. 9 Richardson, Beth ........................... 5 Rossom, Lynn ................................. 65 Ruzick, Amy & Johnson, Kay ....... 17, 65 Walker, Nancy ............................. 65

Financial
Boyer, Daniel................................. 62 Moltaji, Roya ................................. 9 Palm, Karen ................................... 7 ROR Tax Professionals.................. 61 Wells Fargo Bank ......................... 6

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Religious
All God’s Children MCC ............. 20 Central Lutheran Church ............. 19 Edina Community Lutheran Church ........................................... 19 Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Church ......................... 18 Mayflower Community Congregational United Church of Christ ......................................... 19 Mount Olive Lutheran Church ..... 18 Plymouth Congregational Church ........................................... 20 St. Luke Presbyterian Church ....... 20 Wingspan/St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran Church ............................ 20 Westminster Presbyterian Church 19

or

Funeral Services
Funeral Consult ............................. 62 Barbara Johnson Hannah ............ 62

Apparel & Accessories
STYLEDLIFE -styledlook ......29

Gifts
Eyes of Horus ................................ 61 Fantasy Gifts ................................. 27

Insurance
American Family Insurance.......... 17 Baldwin, Davina ........................... 64 Wagner Insurance-Financial Services ......................................... 64 Whitesong, Therese ...................... 64 Wolfson, Steve .............................. 64

Arts & Entertainment
Dixie’s Tupperware Party......8 Bodies The Exhibition ...........33 Ordway Center for the Performing Arts .....................33

Grocery Stores
Groceries on Harmon .................. 67 Wedge Co-op ............................... 56

Automotive
Hagen’s Auto Body ...............61 LaMettry’s Collision ..............58

Health, Wellness & Recovery
3 Bears Chiropractic .................... 62 Avenues of Health ........................ 30 BioScrip Pharmacy ....................... 27 Burns, Steve ................................... 11 Carrillo, Dr. Thomas P. .................. 65 Christian, Dennis V........................ 64 Fitness Together ............................ 3 Frederick, Ron ............................... 65 Heffelfinger, Kate .......................... 65 Heteroflexible Therapy................. 65 Homecare Assist ........................... 9 Laser Body Sculpture .................... 31 Latitudes-Meridian Behavioral Health ............................................ 33 Mayfield Chiropractic .................. 11 North Suburban Eye Specialists . 37 O’Hara, Paul ................................. 65 Pride Institute ................................. 61 Stechmann, Dr. Fred ..................... 65 University of Minnesota, Infectious Diseases........................ 2 Vader, Kathy.................................. 64

Jewelry
Max’s ............................................. 31 Tesa Jewelry .................................. 29 T Lee Fine Designer Jewelry ........ 27

Bars & Clubs
Twin Cities Bar Advertiser Guide ....................................38 19 Bar ...................................47 Brass Rail .............................42 Camp ....................................49 Club Metro ............................46 Gay 90’s ........................................... 39, 41, 75 Gladius .................................48 Lush ......................................49 Minneapolis Eagle/Bolt .........40 Rumours/Innuendo ....................... 44 Tickles ............................................ 45 Town House ................................. 43

Restaurants
Blackbird ....................................... 57 Bon Vie Café ................................. 52 Dancing Ganesha ........................ 55, 58 It’s Greek To Me ........................... 59 KinDee Thai Restaurant ................ 58 Louisiana Café .............................. 52 Midori’s Floating World Café ..... 53 Marriott City Center ..................... 53 Paisano’s Pizza and Hot Hoagies ......................................... 52 Park Tavern Bowling & Entertainment Center .................... 53 Roat Osha ..................................... 56 Sawatdee Thai .............................. 57 Selby Avenue Restaurants............ 52 Sushi Tango ................................... 58 Tiger Sushi 2 ................................. 56 Toast Wine Bar & Café ................ 59 Uptown Diner/Calhoun Grill/Louisiana Café/ Grandview Grill ............................ 57 W.A. Frost ...................................... 52 Wilde Roast Café ......................... 53 Zen Restaurant .............................. 53

Legal
Bohn & Associates ....................... 61 Cloutier & Brandl .......................... 16 Dean, Jeff ...................................... 3 Dunlap Law Office ....................... 9 Heltzer & Burg .............................. 11 Hoffner Law Firm .......................... 5 The Molever Law Firm .................. 35 Moshier, Becky ............................. 7 Pierce Richards Law Office .......... 61 Terry, Slane, Ruohonen ............... 5

Mortgage
Gleason, Pat .................................. 8 Lozinski, David .............................. 17

Beauty & Relaxation
Barbers on Bryant ......................... 61 Garden of Eden ............................ 57 Homme by Maric Group ............. 30

Optical
Grand Spectacle .......................... 5 Specs Appeal................................ 30

Beverages
Miller Lite ....................................... 76 Surdyk’s ......................................... 55

Home Services
A-Z Electric ................................... 63 Bauer Floor Covering ................... 64 Bluestem Construction .................. 62 Bretts True Quality Homes ........... 63 Elegant Expressions ...................... 63 Your Style Tile & Granite ............. 64 Good Stuff Moving ...................... 63 Halet Remodeling & Renovations ................................... 62 Hopkins Carpet One .................... 6 Jeff’s SOS Drain & Sewer Services ......................................... 9 MAGIC Painting Company ........ 63 Matt’s Tree Service ....................... 62 Personal Pride Construction ......... 64

Organizations
Imperial Court of Minnesota ....... 3

Communications
89.3 The Current .......................... 5 Air America Minnesota ................ 67 Radio K .......................................... 11

Pet Products & Services
Animal Humane Society ............. 30 Larpenteur Animal Hospital ......... 9 Pampered Pooch Playground ...... 64

Travel & Accommodations
Graves 601 Hotels ....................... 59 Hilton Garden Inn......................... 29 Marriott City Center ..................... 53
LavenderMagazine.com

Computer & Internet
DeskTech ....................................... 62

Real Estate & Rentals
Bowman, Jennifer.......................... 35 Calfee, David ................................ 65 Launert, Malinda .......................... 11 Leviton, Ann ................................... 65 McGee, Michael .......................... 6

Duluth-Superior
The Flame Nightclub .................... 60 Glensheen Mansion-The Historic Congdon Estate .............. 60

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Backtalk > Consider the Source

[ by Julie Dafydd ]

“Will Work for Cheese Logs”

W

ell, the holidays are barreling around the corner with more momentum and frenzy than a Sarah Palin booksigning event. And they’re almost as scary.
real world, rather than sitting around writing about it, informed me that I would have to dance naked. Naked? In December? Do they know what cellulite looks like covered with goose bumps? Dental Receptionist W/ Front Office Skills Technically, I have been a receptionist ever since I got that partial plate last year, when I started picking up transmissions from Radio Free Quebec. And, although I’m not quite sure what front office skills are, I am sure they must include the ability to smile pleasantly at customers, while scribbling notes in their charts, such as “allergic to anesthetic.” Director of Unplanned Giving This is the kind of vague and meaningless job title that really appeals to me. What exactly is unplanned giving? Is that another phrase for mugging? And does that director actually participate in the muggings, or spend all day going to meetings to plan and evaluate them? Lingerie Model/Salesperson If they’re looking for someone to model what lingerie looks like on the average American middleaged woman who is close personal friends with Ben & Jerry, I’m their woman! My question is: Do I wear my own lingerie, or is it provided for me? Mine tends to feature sagging elastic, and moth holes in unusual, although not erotic, places. But—and this is important—no matter how much the job

I don’t know about you, but I think I need to get a part-time job to pay for this jolly season. How else am I going to pay for those lousy…er, I mean, lovely cheese logs I’ve got on layaway for my deserving friends? Unfortunately, the typical holiday sales jobs that pop up this time of year are not an option for me because I have SDD (Sales Deficit Disorder). No matter how much medication I take, I simply cannot utter the sentence “No home should be without a Salad Shooter” without adding “unless the average IQ of its residents is about that of grout.” So, I checked the classified ads to see what opportunities were available. Bartender W/ Food Experience Although my bartending skills are limited to getting beer out of the refrigerator, or tapping a hose into a wine box, you’d be hardpressed to find anyone with more food experience than me. I’ve purchased it, cooked it, cleaned it, eaten it, thrown it, played with it, and smuggled it over the Canadian border. I was once even married to a vegetable. Dancers Wanted, Top Money I may not be Ginger Rodgers, but I can do all the classics: the Frug, Twist, and Hustle. For those born after the Beatles started using Grecian Formula, those are dances, not cappuccino flavors. I almost called to apply for this job, but my friend, Amada, who actually participates regularly in the

pays, I don’t do thongs. I know from experience that my self-esteem will plummet below sea level when I stand in front of a mirror draped in what appears to be three strands of linguine. SuperAmerica Manger Trainee What better way to spend the holidays than dispensing hot dogs and cigarettes, while ducking bullets? And they say you can’t go home again. And then, right there near the end of the listings was the job. Death-Care Professionals It is not morbid to consider joining one of the most successful companies in the death-care industry. (Abnormal, morose, and gruesome, perhaps, but not morbid.) Our top counselors earn a very high commission. (Of course, our counselors also have no friends and no social life, and tend to attract small animals with their odor. Many spend their evenings in computer chat rooms pretending to be insurance sales reps and accountants, just so someone will talk to them.) Women do extremely well in this industry, and are encouraged to apply. (After all, women tend to be better criers, and we have a motto in the Death-Care Industry: “If they’re crying, they’re buying.”) Intensive training is provided. (We’ll teach tricks, like how to say “$5,000 coffin” as if it’s an insult, and how to make sure no blood circulates to your hands.) I dunno. Getting a part-time job through the want ads seems like a lot of work. Consider the source here, but maybe I’ll just stand out on the freeway with a sign that says: “Will Work for Cheese Logs.” Bye for now. Kiss, kiss.

December 18–31, 2009

Apparently rhinoceros’ horn… Il paraît que la corne de rhinocéros…

…is a powerful aphrodisiac. …renferme un puissant aphrodisiaque.

Ah!

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