Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage
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MARRIAGE, DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE A.) OPENING STATEMENTS
1. I’M NOT DIVORCED, NOR DO I EVER PLAN TO GET DIVORCED
I’m happily married, and plan to stay that way. Therefore, in teaching on this subject, I’m not trying to justify something I’ve done, (or plan to do)… So, I’m able to approach this subject with no preconceived ideas or biases. Also… for those of you that don’t know me… you need to understand that, by no stretch of the imagination, could I be considered a “liberal theologian”. I believe in Christians living right! On a personal level ... I’ve never had a cigarette. Never had a beer. Never kissed anyone but my wife… (I’m not bragging, just stating a fact). On a personal level, I don’t have a track record of looking for “loopholes”. If the Bible says “No”, then that’s the way it is. No means no. If God said, “No divorce and remarriage”, then I’m not about to argue with Him! If that’s what the Bible says… then I’m more than happy to uphold that standard! I just want to be sure that’s what God really said. (I’m not into following the commandments of men… I am into following the commandments of God!) Really, what I desire to do, over the next few minutes, is take a long, honest, hard look at what the Scriptures actually teach on the subject… with no preconceived ideas.
2. IT’S A SHAME, BUT I THINK WE’D ALL HAVE TO AGREE THAT CHRISTIANS HAVE BEEN HARD ON DIVORCED PEOPLE
For the most part, we’ve treated them like they have leprosy. When a leper entered into public, and anyone started to get close to them, they had to cry: “Unclean, unclean”. In the church, we’ve tended to look at divorced people as “unclean”. In fact, in many churches, divorced people aren’t allowed to sing in the choir, teach Sunday school, sit on the board, or serve in any way. Really, all they’re allowed to do is attend and tithe – of course, tithing is always permitted! But, they can’t continue to work for God. (In other words, we have
no problem with your money… it’s you that’s “dirty”! But, let me ask you a question, does the Blood of Jesus cleanse sin, or not?) I believe it does! I see nothing in the Word that disqualifies any repentant sinner from working for God! But, with divorced people, (in some churches), if should they try to do something for God, the Christians around them “beat them up” with the Word of God. Folks, I think if there’s any Scripture that needs to be applied to the divorced, it’s LUKE 4:18 – Jesus came to heal the broken hearted! Listen: RELIGION is hard on people, but Jesus never is! i. To the woman caught in adultery, He said, “Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more.” ii. When He was on the earth, Jesus was known as the friend of harlots and sinners. iii. I think we need to learn a lesson from Christ, and be part of peoples’ solution - not part of their problem!
I said that the church tends to look at divorced people as unclean. I’ve got one more Scripture to apply to those that are divorced, whom God has forgiven: Acts 10:15. What God has cleansed, that call not thou unclean.
3. CHRISTIANS, AS A WHOLE, HAVE BUILT THEIR DOCTRINE ON DIVORCE ON ONE OR TWO PASSAGES OF SCRIPTURE, (TO THE NEGLECT OF THE REST OF THE WORD OF GOD)
When the subject of Divorce comes up, people immediately turn to what Jesus said in Matthew 5 and Matthew 19. But, my question is: What about the rest of the Word of God? (Isn’t it all inspired?) What about Deuteronomy, Malachi, Romans, 1 Corinthians? Jesus, Himself, told us to “search the Scriptures”. That’s what we’re going to do, over the next few minutes.
B. START WITH A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS:
1. IS DIVORCE A SIN? (Or, maybe I should say)… IS DIVORCE ALWAYS A SIN?
Of course, we all understand that divorces are sinful. When one partner (for the sake of the illustration, let’s say it’s the man) breaks the promise he made to his wife, and runs off with another woman … there’s no way around it… that’s SIN! On the other hand… if a man commits adultery and cheats on his wife… and she leaves him (like Jesus said she could), is that a sin? I tend to think not. To me, in that case, her leaving wasn’t a sin, it was a legitimate response to her husband’s sin. God did the same thing with Israel. JEREMIAH 3:6-8 - God said He divorced Israel – (Did God sin? Certainly not. Then, not all divorces are sinful.) As we go through this… we’re going to see a couple people that we never really thought of as being divorced. (The first is God!) God is a divorced Person. He divorced Israel b/c of her sin. And, at times, He allows His people to get divorced, in response to the sin of their mate. Then, to me… even though all divorces are the RESULT of sin, not all divorces are sinful.
2. CAN GOD USE DIVORCED PEOPLE?
Sure, He can! (Here’s the second person we usually don’t think of as being divorced!) Moses was divorced!
EXODUS 4 – In the passage of Scripture (we’re about to read), Zipporah got
offended over the circumcision of her second son…
verse 24-26 – Amplified – Along the way at a [resting] place, the Lord met
[Moses] and sought to kill him. [Now apparently he had failed to circumcise one of his sons, his wife being opposed to it; but seeing his life in such danger] Zipporah took a flint knife and cut off the foreskin of her son and cast it to touch [Moses'] feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband you are to me!
At this point, Moses sent Zipporah (along with her dowry) back to her father, and Moses went on to deliver the children of Israel alone. In Chapter 18 – When Moses returned to Midian (after the Exodus), his fatherin-law tried to get the two back together…
18:1 – “When Jethro, the priest of Midian, Moses’ father in law, heard of all that God had done for Moses, and for Israel his people, and that the Lord had brought Israel out of Egypt; Then Jethro, Moses’ father in law, took Zipporah, Moses’ wife, after he had sent her back…” The term “sent her back” is “Shiluach” in the Hebrew, and it means “to divorce”. Moffatt’s translation says: “Jethro, the father in law of Moses had taken back Zipporah the wife of Moses, after Moses had dismissed her.” Jahn’s exegesis says: “after Moses had sent back her dowry”. After the fight in Exodus 4, Moses said, “Forget it”, and sent both her and her dowry back to her father. After the Exodus, Jethro tried to get them back together, but it didn’t work. So, Moses eventually married an Ethiopian woman. So, not only was Moses divorced, he was remarried! How many of you think God used Moses, in the Exodus? God can use divorced people!
Okay, (enough opening statements)… let’s get into this… Let’s look at…
B. VARIOUS CHRISTIAN POSITIONS ON DIVORCE
There are four stands that churches take on this subject: NO DIVORCE, NO REMARRIAGE – According to this position, no divorce or remarriage is permitted, under any circumstances. DIVORCE, BUT NO REMARRIAGE – Those who hold to this point of view will allow divorce (under certain circumstances), but will never allow remarriage (under any circumstances). DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE, IN CASES OF MARITAL UNFAITHFULNESS ONLY – This would be considered the standard position of most protestant denominations. DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE IN VARIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES – Let’s start our process of elimination.
A. NO DIVORCE, NO REMARRIAGE – (even in cases of abuse or adultery.)
You’ll never get me to believe this one. (To me, it goes against the very nature of God!) I don’t believe that God expects a woman to stay in a situation in which her life is in danger, or her children are being abused by some pervert! No, the Word itself makes provision for divorce - Matt. 19:8. Those who adopt a standard of “no divorce ever” choose for themselves a standard that’s higher than the Word of God requires. If you want to choose this position for yourself, fine. But, you have no right pushing it off on others.
B. DIVORCE, BUT NO REMARRIAGE –
This one’s easy to disprove.
Deut 24:1-2 – “When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, SHE MAY GO AND BE ANOTHER MAN’S WIFE…”
Does that sound like remarriage is forbidden in every circumstance? Certainly not. This verse plainly said, “She may go be another man’s wife”. (Now, some of your newer translations don’t phrase that like the KJV does. They say, “If she goes…” But, really, there’s no argument there… because history itself backs up the KIV’s statement…) See, we’re not told here (in Deut. 24), exactly what the Bill of Divorcement was to consist of. But, SCRIBAL LAW gives us a clue as to what was to be written in a Bill of Divorcement. According to the MISHNAH, the essential words of such a document were: “Behold, you are free to marry any man.” (Up ‘till that point, you could improvise, but that statement had to be in there…) The TALMUD agrees, when it states: The essence of the divorce document is the words, Behold you are hereby permitted to any man.”
Here’s a quote from an actual Bill of Divorcement from that time. “I have dismissed thee… so as to be free at thy own disposal to marry whomsoever thou pleasest, without hindrance from anyone from this day forever. Thou art therefore free for anyone who would marry thee. Let this be thy bill of divorce from me, a writing of separation and expulsion, according to the Law of Moses and Israel.” Now, does that sound like no remarriage was ever permitted? Certainly not. The RIGHT to REMARRY was written right into the divorce document . And, if you look closely here, you’ll find out that (as far as the divorce is concerned), the wife (in this case) was the guilty party. Now, let’s take a closer look…
Verse 1 said her husband found some “uncleanness” in her – The margin of my Bible says: “He discovered a matter of nakedness”. (This is what Jesus meant when He mentioned “fornication”. In the Greek, the word refers to “any sexual sin”.)
Since it says he “discovered” a matter of his wife’s nakedness, I think it’s safe to assume that he wasn’t there when it happened. (SHE’S the one who sinned – she was naked with another man - and she caused the divorce, yet God says, she’s free to remarry.) Remarriage is not always forbidden in the Word of God. So, “no remarriage ever” is not a viable position.
Then, you have the last two Christian positions…
C. DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE, IN CASES OF MARITAL UNFAITHFULNESS ONLY D. DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE, IN A VARIETY OF CIRCUMSTANCES
To me, it comes down to a controversy between these last two positions. The other two are easily eliminated, just by looking at the Scriptures we just quoted. Between these two positions, though, it’s not that easy… because Jesus takes a “hardline stand” on number three. and, Paul seems to believe in number four! So, the controversy comes up, (and has been raging for centuries)… “WHO WAS RIGHT? JESUS OR PAUL?” Now, MOST OF THE TIME (when faced with this question), PEOPLE WILL SAY: “WELL, I’M INCLINED TO GO WITH JESUS!” And, that SOUNDS SPIRITUAL, but
really, it’s a stupid question. Who was right? They both were! They have to be! There are no contradictions in the Bible. Yet, Jesus and Paul DON’T SEEM TO AGREE on this issue! Now, WHY? What’s the key to understanding this, and making the two teachings fit together? Simply this: JESUS AND PAUL WERE SPEAKING TO DIFFERENT AUDIENCES!
JESUS WAS INTERPRETING THE LAW OF MOSES TO THE JEWS When the Pharisees came to Jesus in Matthew 19:3, they said, “Is it LAWFUL… for a man to put away his wife for every cause?” IS IT WHAT? LAWFUL!!! WHAT DID THEY ASK ABOUT? THE LAW! So, that’s what Jesus expounded on. Jesus was interpreting the Law of Moses to the Jews.
PAUL, ON THE OTHER HAND, WAS INTERPRETING THE LAW OF LOVE TO THE CHURCH In 1 Cor. 7, (and, we’re going to go there, in just a moment), Paul DISCUSSES SEVERAL DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES, and INTERPRETS THEM IN THE LIGHT OF THE LAW OF LOVE. (That’s the Law of the New Covenant). So, you can see where some differences might come in. Jesus’ teaching DIFFERS from Paul’s, but they don’t CONTRADICT each other (WHEN YOU KEEP IN MIND who they’re speaking to). So, Jesus was interpreting the MOSAIC LAW to the Jews (in the dispensation of the Law). And, Paul is writing to the Church, in the age of Grace. So, as New Testament believers, where should our FOCUS BE? Let me give you a few facts that will help you decide.
FACT #1 - ACCORDING TO 1 COR. 10:32, THERE ARE THREE CLASSES OF
PEOPLE WITH WHOM THE WORD DEALS – THE JEWS, THE GENTILES, AND THE CHURCH One of the MOST BASIC RULES of Bible interpretation states: When you approach a passage of Scripture, always ASK YOURSELF, “Who is doing the speaking?”, and “Who are they speaking TO?”
Again, Jesus is speaking to the Jews. Paul is addressing the CHURCH. (I don’t know about you, I’m primarily interested in what God’s saying to the Church!)
FACT #2 – GOD GAVE THE MOSAIC LAW TO THE JEWS ONLY
Several Scriptures bear this out: LEV. 26:46 – “These are the statutes and judgments and laws, which the Lord made BETWEEN HIM AND THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL…” ROMANS 9:4 - “Who are Israelites, TO WHOM PERTAINETH… THE GIVING OF THE LAW…” ROMANS 2:14a – “For when the Gentiles WHICH HAVE NOT THE LAW… See, the Gentiles NEVER DID have the law… (which brings us to our next point.)
FACT #3 - THE MOSAIC LAW WAS NEVER TRANSFERRED TO THE CHURCH
ROMANS 6:14 – For sin shall not have dominion over you, for YE ARE NOT UNDER THE LAW… but under grace. Paul PLAINLY STATES that the CHURCH IS NOT UNDER THE LAW. In Gal. 2:19, he said, “I AM DEAD TO THE LAW”. And, in… GAL. 3:24-25 - “Wherefore the Law was our schoolmaster to bring us to Christ, that we might be justified by faith. But after that faith is come WE ARE NO LONGER UNDER THE SCHOOLMASTER – (NO LONGER UNDER THE LAW). So, doesn’t it seem silly to go to the Law, (or for that matter, Jesus’ explanation of the Law) to get the Church’s position on Divorce and Remarriage?
FACT #4 -
THE CHURCH HAS A NEW LAW THAT GOVERNS IT – THE LAW OF LOVE
And, we can find that “Law” in JOHN 13:34-35.
See, WHERE WE MAKE OUR MISTAKE, (I think sometimes), is we TRY TO MESH what JESUS SAID (in the GOSPELS), with what PAUL SAID (in the Epistles), and THEY DON’T MESH! When we try to fit them together, they don’t fit! They’re speaking to TWO DIFFERENT AUDIENCES, they’re discussing TWO DIFFERENT LAWS, and they take place in TWO DIFFERENT DISPENSATIONS. As New Testament Christians, we need to go to the EPISTLES, (the letters written to the Church) – to get our “LAW” concerning Divorce and remarriage.
1 CORINTHIANS 7 In this chapter, Paul discusses several different situations, and interprets them in the light of the law of Love. Let me start by giving you a breakdown of the chapter.
v. 1-2 – Deals with SINGLES IN A DATING RELATIONSHIP. (You know that, because he said, “To avoid fornication, let every man get his own wife”. So, obviously, he doesn’t have one yet. v. 3-5 – Speaks to MARRIED PEOPLE CONCERNING THE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP v. 10-11 – Gives us some guidelines for TWO BELIEVERS WHO ARE GETTING
A DIVORCE FOR AN UNSCRIPTURAL REASON.
v. 7-9, 25-28, 32-38 – Paul speaks to SINGLES WHO ARE LOOKING
FOR A MATE
Each of these situations are discussed in detail, and the question that’s answered in every case is: “WHAT WOULD LOVE DO?” (That’s our Commandment! That’s OUR “Law”!)
THE CHURCH’S DIVORCE POSITION v. 25-28 –
“Art thou bound to a wife (married)… seek not to be loosed (divorced).”
If you’re experiencing marital difficulties, (according to Paul) your first response shouldn’t be to consider divorce. When you get divorced, you’re not “getting rid of a problem”. Really, you’re trading one set of problems for another. (You might get a divorce and lose one set of problems – your husband. But now, you’re
a single parent, and you’ve got to support yourself, and you’ve got to deal with visitation rights, legal battles, etc. You just got a whole new set of problems! That’s why Paul said, don’t be so quick to seek a divorce. Now, that’s not to say that divorce is never an option, but it shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind… Keep reading. Paul said: “Art thou bound to a wife (married)… seek not to be loosed (lusis - divorced). Are you loosed (divorced) from a wife? Seek not a wife.” If we stop reading right there, then that settles it. You should stay single forever, if you’ve ever been divorced. But, you can’t cut the man off in mid-thought. If you take it in context, when Paul says, “If you’re divorced, seek not a wife”, he must mean, “Don’t make it your ONLY goal in life”, because he goes on to say… “Seek not a wife… but, if you (the divorced person) marry, THOU HAST NOT SINNED! Read the whole verse again, and you’ll see it: “Are you bound to a wife (married), seek not to be loosed (divorced). Are you already divorced from a wife, seek not a wife (don’t make that you’re whole goal)… but if YOU (the divorced person) marry, THOU HAST NOT SINNED… and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned.” In other words: A divorced person that remarries is NO MORE SINNING, than a virgin who’s getting married the first time – if they got divorced for a Scriptural reason. Remarriage is not a sin to that person. But, he goes on to say, “such shall have trouble in the flesh”. A person re-marrying will have more “trouble” than a virgin who’s getting married for the first time, because there’s “baggage” that comes out of those previous relationships. That’s true. But, Paul didn’t forbid remarriage. He simply warned them that they’d have more things to deal with.
SCRIPTURAL REASONS FOR DIVORCE
1. PHYSICAL ABUSE – You never will get me to believe that God expects one of his daughters to stay in a situation in which her life is in danger! (7:13 – Paul said, “If he be pleased to dwell with her… let her not leave.”) Now, let’s dig a bit. The Greek word for “pleased” (suneudokeo) means: To think well of, to take pleasure in, to applaud. Paul said, “Don’t leave IF he’s pleased”. Well, if he’s beating your head in, is there any way to consider that “pleased”?
Paul didn’t say “stay under any and all circumstances – even if your life’s in danger”. He said, “Don’t leave IF he’s pleased…” So, you must be able to flip it around and say, “If he’s abusive and is not pleased to dwell with her, then she can leave.”) 2. DESERTION – v. 15 – The main thought here is this: If I’m a Christian, and my wife isn’t… just the fact that she’s not saved, is not a good enough reason for me to leave. I have no right to desert her. On the other hand… if she deserts me… then I’m not at fault, and I’m no longer “bound” to the marriage contract. Now, I know Paul was talking about an unbeliever departing. But, I know some Christians who act worse than unbelievers. (The point here wasn’t “believer or unbeliever”. It’s what to do if you’re deserted.) Even Christians can do that! In another place, Paul said, “If a Christian doesn’t take care of his family, he’s denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever! In those cases, to me, the same rule would apply. If you’re deserted, you’re not under bondage to the marriage vows. 3. MENTAL ABUSE – The same concept of “pleased to dwell with her” comes into play. Here, each case has to be judged on its own merits. Verse 15 says, “God has called us to peace”. If a man is beating his wife down verbally, and she’s gotten to the place where she despairs of life, and has no self-image left, UNDER PASTORAL COUNSEL, I believe there may be times where separation and/or divorce would be in order. Again, there doesn’t seem to be any hard-and-fast rule here. 4. FORNICATION – all sexual impurity. 5. DEATH – Obviously, if a person’s mate dies, they’re free to remarry. If a person is looking for a “loophole”, they’ll find one! It comes down to the heart!
1. I’M NOT DIVORCED, NOR DO I EVER PLAN TO GET DIVORCED
I’m happily married, and plan to stay that way. Therefore, in teaching on this subject, I’m not trying to justify something I’ve done, (or plan to do)… So, I’m able to approach this subject with no preconceived ideas or biases. Also… for those of you that don’t know me… you need to understand that, by no stretch of the imagination, could I be considered a “liberal theologian”. I believe in Christians living right! On a personal level ... I’ve never had a cigarette. Never had a beer. Never kissed anyone but my wife… (I’m not bragging, just stating a fact). On a personal level, I don’t have a track record of looking for “loopholes”. If the Bible says “No”, then that’s the way it is. No means no. If God said, “No divorce and remarriage”, then I’m not about to argue with Him! If that’s what the Bible says… then I’m more than happy to uphold that standard! I just want to be sure that’s what God really said. (I’m not into following the commandments of men… I am into following the commandments of God!) Really, what I desire to do, over the next few minutes, is take a long, honest, hard look at what the Scriptures actually teach on the subject… with no preconceived ideas.
2. IT’S A SHAME, BUT I THINK WE’D ALL HAVE TO AGREE THAT CHRISTIANS HAVE BEEN HARD ON DIVORCED PEOPLE
For the most part, we’ve treated them like they have leprosy. When a leper entered into public, and anyone started to get close to them, they had to cry: “Unclean, unclean”. In the church, we’ve tended to look at divorced people as “unclean”. In fact, in many churches, divorced people aren’t allowed to sing in the choir, teach Sunday school, sit on the board, or serve in any way. Really, all they’re allowed to do is attend and tithe – of course, tithing is always permitted! But, they can’t continue to work for God. (In other words, we have
no problem with your money… it’s you that’s “dirty”! But, let me ask you a question, does the Blood of Jesus cleanse sin, or not?) I believe it does! I see nothing in the Word that disqualifies any repentant sinner from working for God! But, with divorced people, (in some churches), if should they try to do something for God, the Christians around them “beat them up” with the Word of God. Folks, I think if there’s any Scripture that needs to be applied to the divorced, it’s LUKE 4:18 – Jesus came to heal the broken hearted! Listen: RELIGION is hard on people, but Jesus never is! i. To the woman caught in adultery, He said, “Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more.” ii. When He was on the earth, Jesus was known as the friend of harlots and sinners. iii. I think we need to learn a lesson from Christ, and be part of peoples’ solution - not part of their problem!
I said that the church tends to look at divorced people as unclean. I’ve got one more Scripture to apply to those that are divorced, whom God has forgiven: Acts 10:15. What God has cleansed, that call not thou unclean.
3. CHRISTIANS, AS A WHOLE, HAVE BUILT THEIR DOCTRINE ON DIVORCE ON ONE OR TWO PASSAGES OF SCRIPTURE, (TO THE NEGLECT OF THE REST OF THE WORD OF GOD)
When the subject of Divorce comes up, people immediately turn to what Jesus said in Matthew 5 and Matthew 19. But, my question is: What about the rest of the Word of God? (Isn’t it all inspired?) What about Deuteronomy, Malachi, Romans, 1 Corinthians? Jesus, Himself, told us to “search the Scriptures”. That’s what we’re going to do, over the next few minutes.
B. START WITH A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS:
1. IS DIVORCE A SIN? (Or, maybe I should say)… IS DIVORCE ALWAYS A SIN?
Of course, we all understand that divorces are sinful. When one partner (for the sake of the illustration, let’s say it’s the man) breaks the promise he made to his wife, and runs off with another woman … there’s no way around it… that’s SIN! On the other hand… if a man commits adultery and cheats on his wife… and she leaves him (like Jesus said she could), is that a sin? I tend to think not. To me, in that case, her leaving wasn’t a sin, it was a legitimate response to her husband’s sin. God did the same thing with Israel. JEREMIAH 3:6-8 - God said He divorced Israel – (Did God sin? Certainly not. Then, not all divorces are sinful.) As we go through this… we’re going to see a couple people that we never really thought of as being divorced. (The first is God!) God is a divorced Person. He divorced Israel b/c of her sin. And, at times, He allows His people to get divorced, in response to the sin of their mate. Then, to me… even though all divorces are the RESULT of sin, not all divorces are sinful.
2. CAN GOD USE DIVORCED PEOPLE?
Sure, He can! (Here’s the second person we usually don’t think of as being divorced!) Moses was divorced!
EXODUS 4 – In the passage of Scripture (we’re about to read), Zipporah got
offended over the circumcision of her second son…
verse 24-26 – Amplified – Along the way at a [resting] place, the Lord met
[Moses] and sought to kill him. [Now apparently he had failed to circumcise one of his sons, his wife being opposed to it; but seeing his life in such danger] Zipporah took a flint knife and cut off the foreskin of her son and cast it to touch [Moses'] feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband you are to me!
At this point, Moses sent Zipporah (along with her dowry) back to her father, and Moses went on to deliver the children of Israel alone. In Chapter 18 – When Moses returned to Midian (after the Exodus), his fatherin-law tried to get the two back together…
18:1 – “When Jethro, the priest of Midian, Moses’ father in law, heard of all that God had done for Moses, and for Israel his people, and that the Lord had brought Israel out of Egypt; Then Jethro, Moses’ father in law, took Zipporah, Moses’ wife, after he had sent her back…” The term “sent her back” is “Shiluach” in the Hebrew, and it means “to divorce”. Moffatt’s translation says: “Jethro, the father in law of Moses had taken back Zipporah the wife of Moses, after Moses had dismissed her.” Jahn’s exegesis says: “after Moses had sent back her dowry”. After the fight in Exodus 4, Moses said, “Forget it”, and sent both her and her dowry back to her father. After the Exodus, Jethro tried to get them back together, but it didn’t work. So, Moses eventually married an Ethiopian woman. So, not only was Moses divorced, he was remarried! How many of you think God used Moses, in the Exodus? God can use divorced people!
Okay, (enough opening statements)… let’s get into this… Let’s look at…
B. VARIOUS CHRISTIAN POSITIONS ON DIVORCE
There are four stands that churches take on this subject: NO DIVORCE, NO REMARRIAGE – According to this position, no divorce or remarriage is permitted, under any circumstances. DIVORCE, BUT NO REMARRIAGE – Those who hold to this point of view will allow divorce (under certain circumstances), but will never allow remarriage (under any circumstances). DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE, IN CASES OF MARITAL UNFAITHFULNESS ONLY – This would be considered the standard position of most protestant denominations. DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE IN VARIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES – Let’s start our process of elimination.
A. NO DIVORCE, NO REMARRIAGE – (even in cases of abuse or adultery.)
You’ll never get me to believe this one. (To me, it goes against the very nature of God!) I don’t believe that God expects a woman to stay in a situation in which her life is in danger, or her children are being abused by some pervert! No, the Word itself makes provision for divorce - Matt. 19:8. Those who adopt a standard of “no divorce ever” choose for themselves a standard that’s higher than the Word of God requires. If you want to choose this position for yourself, fine. But, you have no right pushing it off on others.
B. DIVORCE, BUT NO REMARRIAGE –
This one’s easy to disprove.
Deut 24:1-2 – “When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, SHE MAY GO AND BE ANOTHER MAN’S WIFE…”
Does that sound like remarriage is forbidden in every circumstance? Certainly not. This verse plainly said, “She may go be another man’s wife”. (Now, some of your newer translations don’t phrase that like the KJV does. They say, “If she goes…” But, really, there’s no argument there… because history itself backs up the KIV’s statement…) See, we’re not told here (in Deut. 24), exactly what the Bill of Divorcement was to consist of. But, SCRIBAL LAW gives us a clue as to what was to be written in a Bill of Divorcement. According to the MISHNAH, the essential words of such a document were: “Behold, you are free to marry any man.” (Up ‘till that point, you could improvise, but that statement had to be in there…) The TALMUD agrees, when it states: The essence of the divorce document is the words, Behold you are hereby permitted to any man.”
Here’s a quote from an actual Bill of Divorcement from that time. “I have dismissed thee… so as to be free at thy own disposal to marry whomsoever thou pleasest, without hindrance from anyone from this day forever. Thou art therefore free for anyone who would marry thee. Let this be thy bill of divorce from me, a writing of separation and expulsion, according to the Law of Moses and Israel.” Now, does that sound like no remarriage was ever permitted? Certainly not. The RIGHT to REMARRY was written right into the divorce document . And, if you look closely here, you’ll find out that (as far as the divorce is concerned), the wife (in this case) was the guilty party. Now, let’s take a closer look…
Verse 1 said her husband found some “uncleanness” in her – The margin of my Bible says: “He discovered a matter of nakedness”. (This is what Jesus meant when He mentioned “fornication”. In the Greek, the word refers to “any sexual sin”.)
Since it says he “discovered” a matter of his wife’s nakedness, I think it’s safe to assume that he wasn’t there when it happened. (SHE’S the one who sinned – she was naked with another man - and she caused the divorce, yet God says, she’s free to remarry.) Remarriage is not always forbidden in the Word of God. So, “no remarriage ever” is not a viable position.
Then, you have the last two Christian positions…
C. DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE, IN CASES OF MARITAL UNFAITHFULNESS ONLY D. DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE, IN A VARIETY OF CIRCUMSTANCES
To me, it comes down to a controversy between these last two positions. The other two are easily eliminated, just by looking at the Scriptures we just quoted. Between these two positions, though, it’s not that easy… because Jesus takes a “hardline stand” on number three. and, Paul seems to believe in number four! So, the controversy comes up, (and has been raging for centuries)… “WHO WAS RIGHT? JESUS OR PAUL?” Now, MOST OF THE TIME (when faced with this question), PEOPLE WILL SAY: “WELL, I’M INCLINED TO GO WITH JESUS!” And, that SOUNDS SPIRITUAL, but
really, it’s a stupid question. Who was right? They both were! They have to be! There are no contradictions in the Bible. Yet, Jesus and Paul DON’T SEEM TO AGREE on this issue! Now, WHY? What’s the key to understanding this, and making the two teachings fit together? Simply this: JESUS AND PAUL WERE SPEAKING TO DIFFERENT AUDIENCES!
JESUS WAS INTERPRETING THE LAW OF MOSES TO THE JEWS When the Pharisees came to Jesus in Matthew 19:3, they said, “Is it LAWFUL… for a man to put away his wife for every cause?” IS IT WHAT? LAWFUL!!! WHAT DID THEY ASK ABOUT? THE LAW! So, that’s what Jesus expounded on. Jesus was interpreting the Law of Moses to the Jews.
PAUL, ON THE OTHER HAND, WAS INTERPRETING THE LAW OF LOVE TO THE CHURCH In 1 Cor. 7, (and, we’re going to go there, in just a moment), Paul DISCUSSES SEVERAL DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES, and INTERPRETS THEM IN THE LIGHT OF THE LAW OF LOVE. (That’s the Law of the New Covenant). So, you can see where some differences might come in. Jesus’ teaching DIFFERS from Paul’s, but they don’t CONTRADICT each other (WHEN YOU KEEP IN MIND who they’re speaking to). So, Jesus was interpreting the MOSAIC LAW to the Jews (in the dispensation of the Law). And, Paul is writing to the Church, in the age of Grace. So, as New Testament believers, where should our FOCUS BE? Let me give you a few facts that will help you decide.
FACT #1 - ACCORDING TO 1 COR. 10:32, THERE ARE THREE CLASSES OF
PEOPLE WITH WHOM THE WORD DEALS – THE JEWS, THE GENTILES, AND THE CHURCH One of the MOST BASIC RULES of Bible interpretation states: When you approach a passage of Scripture, always ASK YOURSELF, “Who is doing the speaking?”, and “Who are they speaking TO?”
Again, Jesus is speaking to the Jews. Paul is addressing the CHURCH. (I don’t know about you, I’m primarily interested in what God’s saying to the Church!)
FACT #2 – GOD GAVE THE MOSAIC LAW TO THE JEWS ONLY
Several Scriptures bear this out: LEV. 26:46 – “These are the statutes and judgments and laws, which the Lord made BETWEEN HIM AND THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL…” ROMANS 9:4 - “Who are Israelites, TO WHOM PERTAINETH… THE GIVING OF THE LAW…” ROMANS 2:14a – “For when the Gentiles WHICH HAVE NOT THE LAW… See, the Gentiles NEVER DID have the law… (which brings us to our next point.)
FACT #3 - THE MOSAIC LAW WAS NEVER TRANSFERRED TO THE CHURCH
ROMANS 6:14 – For sin shall not have dominion over you, for YE ARE NOT UNDER THE LAW… but under grace. Paul PLAINLY STATES that the CHURCH IS NOT UNDER THE LAW. In Gal. 2:19, he said, “I AM DEAD TO THE LAW”. And, in… GAL. 3:24-25 - “Wherefore the Law was our schoolmaster to bring us to Christ, that we might be justified by faith. But after that faith is come WE ARE NO LONGER UNDER THE SCHOOLMASTER – (NO LONGER UNDER THE LAW). So, doesn’t it seem silly to go to the Law, (or for that matter, Jesus’ explanation of the Law) to get the Church’s position on Divorce and Remarriage?
FACT #4 -
THE CHURCH HAS A NEW LAW THAT GOVERNS IT – THE LAW OF LOVE
And, we can find that “Law” in JOHN 13:34-35.
See, WHERE WE MAKE OUR MISTAKE, (I think sometimes), is we TRY TO MESH what JESUS SAID (in the GOSPELS), with what PAUL SAID (in the Epistles), and THEY DON’T MESH! When we try to fit them together, they don’t fit! They’re speaking to TWO DIFFERENT AUDIENCES, they’re discussing TWO DIFFERENT LAWS, and they take place in TWO DIFFERENT DISPENSATIONS. As New Testament Christians, we need to go to the EPISTLES, (the letters written to the Church) – to get our “LAW” concerning Divorce and remarriage.
1 CORINTHIANS 7 In this chapter, Paul discusses several different situations, and interprets them in the light of the law of Love. Let me start by giving you a breakdown of the chapter.
v. 1-2 – Deals with SINGLES IN A DATING RELATIONSHIP. (You know that, because he said, “To avoid fornication, let every man get his own wife”. So, obviously, he doesn’t have one yet. v. 3-5 – Speaks to MARRIED PEOPLE CONCERNING THE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP v. 10-11 – Gives us some guidelines for TWO BELIEVERS WHO ARE GETTING
A DIVORCE FOR AN UNSCRIPTURAL REASON.
v. 7-9, 25-28, 32-38 – Paul speaks to SINGLES WHO ARE LOOKING
FOR A MATE
Each of these situations are discussed in detail, and the question that’s answered in every case is: “WHAT WOULD LOVE DO?” (That’s our Commandment! That’s OUR “Law”!)
THE CHURCH’S DIVORCE POSITION v. 25-28 –
“Art thou bound to a wife (married)… seek not to be loosed (divorced).”
If you’re experiencing marital difficulties, (according to Paul) your first response shouldn’t be to consider divorce. When you get divorced, you’re not “getting rid of a problem”. Really, you’re trading one set of problems for another. (You might get a divorce and lose one set of problems – your husband. But now, you’re
a single parent, and you’ve got to support yourself, and you’ve got to deal with visitation rights, legal battles, etc. You just got a whole new set of problems! That’s why Paul said, don’t be so quick to seek a divorce. Now, that’s not to say that divorce is never an option, but it shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind… Keep reading. Paul said: “Art thou bound to a wife (married)… seek not to be loosed (lusis - divorced). Are you loosed (divorced) from a wife? Seek not a wife.” If we stop reading right there, then that settles it. You should stay single forever, if you’ve ever been divorced. But, you can’t cut the man off in mid-thought. If you take it in context, when Paul says, “If you’re divorced, seek not a wife”, he must mean, “Don’t make it your ONLY goal in life”, because he goes on to say… “Seek not a wife… but, if you (the divorced person) marry, THOU HAST NOT SINNED! Read the whole verse again, and you’ll see it: “Are you bound to a wife (married), seek not to be loosed (divorced). Are you already divorced from a wife, seek not a wife (don’t make that you’re whole goal)… but if YOU (the divorced person) marry, THOU HAST NOT SINNED… and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned.” In other words: A divorced person that remarries is NO MORE SINNING, than a virgin who’s getting married the first time – if they got divorced for a Scriptural reason. Remarriage is not a sin to that person. But, he goes on to say, “such shall have trouble in the flesh”. A person re-marrying will have more “trouble” than a virgin who’s getting married for the first time, because there’s “baggage” that comes out of those previous relationships. That’s true. But, Paul didn’t forbid remarriage. He simply warned them that they’d have more things to deal with.
SCRIPTURAL REASONS FOR DIVORCE
1. PHYSICAL ABUSE – You never will get me to believe that God expects one of his daughters to stay in a situation in which her life is in danger! (7:13 – Paul said, “If he be pleased to dwell with her… let her not leave.”) Now, let’s dig a bit. The Greek word for “pleased” (suneudokeo) means: To think well of, to take pleasure in, to applaud. Paul said, “Don’t leave IF he’s pleased”. Well, if he’s beating your head in, is there any way to consider that “pleased”?
Paul didn’t say “stay under any and all circumstances – even if your life’s in danger”. He said, “Don’t leave IF he’s pleased…” So, you must be able to flip it around and say, “If he’s abusive and is not pleased to dwell with her, then she can leave.”) 2. DESERTION – v. 15 – The main thought here is this: If I’m a Christian, and my wife isn’t… just the fact that she’s not saved, is not a good enough reason for me to leave. I have no right to desert her. On the other hand… if she deserts me… then I’m not at fault, and I’m no longer “bound” to the marriage contract. Now, I know Paul was talking about an unbeliever departing. But, I know some Christians who act worse than unbelievers. (The point here wasn’t “believer or unbeliever”. It’s what to do if you’re deserted.) Even Christians can do that! In another place, Paul said, “If a Christian doesn’t take care of his family, he’s denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever! In those cases, to me, the same rule would apply. If you’re deserted, you’re not under bondage to the marriage vows. 3. MENTAL ABUSE – The same concept of “pleased to dwell with her” comes into play. Here, each case has to be judged on its own merits. Verse 15 says, “God has called us to peace”. If a man is beating his wife down verbally, and she’s gotten to the place where she despairs of life, and has no self-image left, UNDER PASTORAL COUNSEL, I believe there may be times where separation and/or divorce would be in order. Again, there doesn’t seem to be any hard-and-fast rule here. 4. FORNICATION – all sexual impurity. 5. DEATH – Obviously, if a person’s mate dies, they’re free to remarry. If a person is looking for a “loophole”, they’ll find one! It comes down to the heart!
