Maybe I Still Be Alive
Content
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Maybe I Would Still be Alive
By: Tessa Tartarini Sept. 07, 2010
Chapter One:
In this world there are to many things that can change your life. Friends are one of them. The main charter in this book, Eudora Skat, is hurt so bad by close friends that it effected her life. She wanted to die, she though she had no point in life to live. If this book does not touch your heart then I guess you really don’t care about anyone. This books shows how one person saying a single thing can change their lives for ever and they will never have the chance to take it back. Once things are said they never go away. So choose wisely who you say things to and who you trust. You may trust them now but in a couple days, weeks, or maybe even years they can change and tell everyone about you. So watch out what you say and who you say it to. Because one day it may just come back and mess everything up In your life. Don’t let that happen to you! PLEASE!!! If someone is hurting you talk to someone that has been there for ever thing. Don’t think just because its happening to you its not happening to someone else out there. Every one is hurt by someone so bad that they want to die. If someone says that talk to them and make sure that they know you do care and that you love them and that you will be there for them no matter what. I LOVE EVERYONE!! Who is reading this book. I hope this will change your point of view on things and how to treat others. Don’t be mean to anyone that you don’t know. Don’t say you hate them even when you haven’t talked to them once. Or maybe you dislike them because they looked at you wrong, or hurt your friend. Get to know the person before prejudging. Hope you like this book.
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3 November 15, Dear Journal, I love how one day everything can change!, I think its funny, when people walk into your relationship and all they want is to wreck it. Or maybe just how everyone could say they care but they truly don’t? wow some great people I know right! Oh yes there the best! NOT!!!! And that’s why when I grow up I will kill ever single one!! All these thoughts came
running through my head, wow I think this is crazy. But I really don’t want to live anymore. All the times I have been hurt and al the times I cried. Or maybe it is because everyone I though were my friends turned on me! Well I guess they will hear my voice for last time on these tapes. I will record my voice and I will send them to the right person. Now how should I start them? Should I tell them every reason that they made me kill myself. Oh how about, how they all killed me a little inside everyday! Or how about the things they said hurt me bad enough to make me wanna die? I know how I want to start them!! Ah I got it, I will tell them all to meet in the same place, and make them think of things that they did to make me want to die. That will be on one tape. I will have someone watching them to make sure they all go. And if they don’t then I guess they wont get their next tape. But if they all go then I will have that person that is watching them, send them the next tapes. On these tapes what will there be? Oh yes I know what will be on them. They will have all the reason that I cared for them. And once again I will tell them to meet up and have them share the reasons that I cared for them. I think a week after that I will have the one person send them the next tape. This tape will have all the memories, good and bad. Our memories from when ever we first meet to last one I can think of. I could be very blunt and just make a tape that says you are all the reasons I killed my self. But I will have some more respect for them and list the reasons out and everything. Hopefully this will change their lives and how they treat others. If they ever though being mean would do nothing , well then hopefully that will change ever thing. I cant say I don’t want to live. I do but there is no reason for me. I guess
when everything turns out right I 4 can say I did my job. I hope when I leave these people will learn that its not always the way you act its how you do that can change a persons life forever. They all changed mine and now what I want to die! Hmmm they must feel so great, knowing that the reason I died was because of them. Man nothing is happy anymore, all I ever what to do is cry, and hide. I never though that this would happen in my life time. But I mean when you grow up things do change and things are never the same. Maybe this one thing that could change their lives will change others around them. Although many people where mean to me there are only about 8 that I would like to make these tapes to. Names to send these to: 1. Dakoda 2. Brandi 3. Alexis 4. Jake 5. Timmy 6. Austin 7. Nicole 8. Leanne
4 Chapter Two:
It was just a normal day of school. Everyone was all happy, no one cared about anything but their friends. Our school breaks it down easy for you. You have your preps, jocks, wanna-be’s, the goodies, the gangsters, Goths, emo, screen, outcasts, and then at the end of this you have my group of friends. Call us the No bodies. In this group there is; Kaiti, Michaela, Audrey, Kara, Jordan, Brianna, Miranda, Hana, Anna, Maddy, Heather, Sara, Darcy, Seth, Chris, Zak, Kevin, Marcus, Connor, Mitch, Dan, Lori, Mitch, Joe, and then you have me. Hello my name is Eudora. I am a tenth grader at Wild Mountain Cat high school. I think of my self as a “leader” of this group. Everyone in this group loves me and they don’t hurt me. I could say we are “popular”, in our own little way. Its not easy be hated by so many people. Also its not easy to know that people are my “friends” talk about me and don’t care for me. I try my best to cover my feeling but I think today I will put my plan into play. I will be friendly to all eight of the people and gain their trust. And I will hang with them. Once we are close enough I will go away for ever. It is sad to think that I will have a few month left of suffering. But I am also glad that I will only have few months, that way I can get out of this hell hole and never look back. I can spread my wings and truly fly out of this place. I can see everything that I was missing. There will only be a few people that I truly miss when I am gone. That will be my group of friends and my family. No one else matters, right now. Cant wait to see how everything falls into place. “Oh my god! Is that Eudora?” asked Alexis, acting all preppy and bitchy. “Like no way it totally is her” said Nicole, one of the followers. “Man she hasn’t changed a bit” “I know. I guess she never did decide to go to weight camp!” Nicole said giving me the bicthies look around! All I could think in my head was “oh no! here come the sluts!! I better run or I might be come on!” good thing no one can read minds. If they could they would hate to read mine, but at the same time love it. “Eudora??” said Alexis “Yes? What do you want?” I asked “Its so good to see you again! I wonder if we have any classes together?” “Yeah! Its been like 2 months? Wow such a long
6 time! Hey look I‘m sorry for all the things I “said” about you” “Oh no worries! I just hope we can be besties again!!! Can we?” She asked with suck a happy attitude. “Sure we can! When do you want to hang out?” I asked. Thinking in my head if we hang and I find things you like how easy it will be to make you feel even worse! “Well it was nice talking to you! Hope to see you in class sometime” Alexis said. “Ummm okay? Bye” I said. Yes, finally she has left me alone. I couldn’t remember the last we really did talk like that. Normally it starts with her bragging and ends with me about to punch her in the face. Ha-ha, some good times right there. As the day starts off I’m thinking how many more people do I have to be nice to. Lets see one down, that leaves, hm, seven to go. Now who will be my next “friend”. Maybe this time I will do a guy. There we go I will girl boy, for the next ones. So next I will do Timmy. Now only if it was easy to find him, in this school. I haven’t seen him yet. Oh no really I have my first hour class with him. Man they most really want me gone. ***** And when I looked up guess was there with a great big smile? Oh yeah you guessed Dakoda, this will be fun. It just kind of sucks that our last names are right next to each others. “Eudora? Is that you?” Dakoda asked “Yes, Dakoda, it is me” I replied “ Oh I haven’t seen you in such a long time that I didn’t eve realize that you were you” “Um thanks I guess. Hey well I‘m sorry for the things I “said/did” to you that made you mad at me” He looked at me with a big smile and said “it’s all good don’t worry,” now he whispers “maybe we can pick up what we ended?” I looked at him with a fake smile and whispered back “ No we cant, can we just be friends?” He looked at me all sad and said “Sure, I guess.” “Thank you, I just don’t want either of us getting hurt” I replies and then looked away. He pulled his chair over and sat next me. I looked away from him. When I looked back he was trying to hold my hand. Okay, yes I really likes him but I couldn’t have the pain again. I mean he his the guy of my dreams and it kills me knowing I wont be with him much longer but I don’t want to hurt him later on when we are really close. He looks at me with the sweetest face and I wanted to cry. *I felt a
hand on my face by my eyes wiping the tears away from my face* 7 When I felt that I know I was safe once again. But I know what he is trying to do. All he wanted was to act sweet and then hurt me all over again. I was not going to stand for this. **** ***** Now that I can ask the teacher if I can sit right next to him. Yes such a perfect plan. I will use this in one of my other classes. Man I have to have a reason to talk to him.. Hm, I got it. I can drop my pencil in front of him and ask him to get it for me. Now is my chance: one, two, three, drop my pencil. He bent over *slowly he reached down. With his nice, sexy arms reaching for my pencil. Yes my pencil. He is so tan I cant believe it.* “Hey, is this your pencil?” Timmy asked, with his really sexy voice. “Oh yeah thank you,” I replied, “hey don’t I know you from some where?” “um yes I think so,” *oh many he said it with his really cute voice that made every girl swan* He had the perfect eyes and the perfect body. He was all so perfect but one thing,, he had a girlfriend. “Hey will we should talk some more some time. I had a nice time stare- I mean looking- I mean seeing you again” “Nice seeing you to!” I replied back with a flirty smile on. Man I cant let him get to my head. Yes he is SUPER sexy but I cant take him, he has a girlfriend. I cant see that changing any time soon. Man I wish he didn’t do what he did. (you’ll see later what he did to me) *** Now in fifth hour I’m trying to find the next girl I need to “fix” things with. Well lets see I fixed things with Alexis, kind of Timmy and Dakoda. Oh no, of course I have a class with, AH-HA perfect, Leanne. She is in my next class, that will be who is next. I have to figure the way that I want to “fix” things with her. GOT IT!! I will ask if I can sit right next to her. If the teacher ask why then I will say it is because she helps me learn and she helps me when I don’t get the something and that way I don’t always have to ask you. I went up and asked and the teacher said yes! Wow that was easy. Man I wish my life was always that easy. Of course right as we get our sitting chart the bell rings and class is over. I didn’t even get to talk to her at all. WOW this is so gay, like no joke! Later that day when I got home, I noticed a letter on my table. It was addressed to me, but someone
already read it. All I could thing was UGH! “Mom did you read my letter?” I asked, kind of mad. “Why yes sweetie I did. It was such a nice letter from 8 a very young man” she replied with a big smile on her face. “Okay? Well, where is my letter?” “It is in your room hunny.” she finally said. When I walked into my room my letter was right on my bed. I am scared of what it was. I am scared to see if he knows my plan. I am terrified it has all the info on my diary and stuff. Man I hope not ‘cause if so, he will be on my tape list.
9 Chapter Three: November 20 So today I have decided that there are two more people that I would live for. Their names are Dakoda and Timmy. I think I like Timmy a lot more, but Timmy can be dick at some times and that is one thing I do not like about him. Man today is dark and rainy and I think its really depressing to most people. But for some reason I like it! I mean I really truly like it! It is one thing that makes me smile and I have no reason to be sad on a day like this. School may not have been the best it was surely not the worst. I got my plan into play. Also I got both the guys I like to like me. Ha-ha only one thing they don’t know, I wont be here much longer! Will now that kind of sucks for them. I mean I cant change anything now. Nothing can every be token back, what they said what they did, and how they acted. All the things they did to me, all the ways they hurt me, and how they changed my life for ever. ALL over one stupid thing that happened in like seventh grade. Oh God forbid that anything bad they do its easily forgotten for but no not me. Oh yes I use to be on of the “popular” people. Until they all though I said something I never did. I told one person I liked Him and they turned it into “were dating!” um no that’s not what I said. They all believed it and it wrecked everything for everyone will I mean everything that I had with all of them it was wrecked. All the times they beat me up and all the times the broke my bones. All the times that I had my heart broken over and over by the same guy! My life was wrecked forever. The times the called me names, the times the spread stupid lies, and the worst time was when they got a picture of me naked, somehow, and mad a posture of it and give it to everyone!. You know how bad that hurts I guess not. If you did you would want to kill yourself just like I am going to. I should start making the tapes. In fact I will start those tomorrow. Yup, that is what I will do. I will start my tapes tomorrow. Many I better get going, it is almost one and I haven’t done any homework and I have a test tomorrow. Will
This is one of the last journal entries you will ever see from me again. ---- Eudora Skat<3 10 Chapter Four: I slowly wake up to sound of rain outside. My eyes got really big and my heart filled with joy. Now today will be a perfect day, even if the rain stops, the day will be perfect. Now one will change their ways, even though it is raining , no one will stop what they are doing. In this hell hole that I live in the rain is the sweetest thing alive. ** Walking up to school, the preps by the door, the whores by the bath rooms. Couldn’t the day, just end.
Maybe I Would Still be Alive
By: Tessa Tartarini Sept. 07, 2010
Chapter One:
In this world there are to many things that can change your life. Friends are one of them. The main charter in this book, Eudora Skat, is hurt so bad by close friends that it effected her life. She wanted to die, she though she had no point in life to live. If this book does not touch your heart then I guess you really don’t care about anyone. This books shows how one person saying a single thing can change their lives for ever and they will never have the chance to take it back. Once things are said they never go away. So choose wisely who you say things to and who you trust. You may trust them now but in a couple days, weeks, or maybe even years they can change and tell everyone about you. So watch out what you say and who you say it to. Because one day it may just come back and mess everything up In your life. Don’t let that happen to you! PLEASE!!! If someone is hurting you talk to someone that has been there for ever thing. Don’t think just because its happening to you its not happening to someone else out there. Every one is hurt by someone so bad that they want to die. If someone says that talk to them and make sure that they know you do care and that you love them and that you will be there for them no matter what. I LOVE EVERYONE!! Who is reading this book. I hope this will change your point of view on things and how to treat others. Don’t be mean to anyone that you don’t know. Don’t say you hate them even when you haven’t talked to them once. Or maybe you dislike them because they looked at you wrong, or hurt your friend. Get to know the person before prejudging. Hope you like this book.
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3 November 15, Dear Journal, I love how one day everything can change!, I think its funny, when people walk into your relationship and all they want is to wreck it. Or maybe just how everyone could say they care but they truly don’t? wow some great people I know right! Oh yes there the best! NOT!!!! And that’s why when I grow up I will kill ever single one!! All these thoughts came
running through my head, wow I think this is crazy. But I really don’t want to live anymore. All the times I have been hurt and al the times I cried. Or maybe it is because everyone I though were my friends turned on me! Well I guess they will hear my voice for last time on these tapes. I will record my voice and I will send them to the right person. Now how should I start them? Should I tell them every reason that they made me kill myself. Oh how about, how they all killed me a little inside everyday! Or how about the things they said hurt me bad enough to make me wanna die? I know how I want to start them!! Ah I got it, I will tell them all to meet in the same place, and make them think of things that they did to make me want to die. That will be on one tape. I will have someone watching them to make sure they all go. And if they don’t then I guess they wont get their next tape. But if they all go then I will have that person that is watching them, send them the next tapes. On these tapes what will there be? Oh yes I know what will be on them. They will have all the reason that I cared for them. And once again I will tell them to meet up and have them share the reasons that I cared for them. I think a week after that I will have the one person send them the next tape. This tape will have all the memories, good and bad. Our memories from when ever we first meet to last one I can think of. I could be very blunt and just make a tape that says you are all the reasons I killed my self. But I will have some more respect for them and list the reasons out and everything. Hopefully this will change their lives and how they treat others. If they ever though being mean would do nothing , well then hopefully that will change ever thing. I cant say I don’t want to live. I do but there is no reason for me. I guess
when everything turns out right I 4 can say I did my job. I hope when I leave these people will learn that its not always the way you act its how you do that can change a persons life forever. They all changed mine and now what I want to die! Hmmm they must feel so great, knowing that the reason I died was because of them. Man nothing is happy anymore, all I ever what to do is cry, and hide. I never though that this would happen in my life time. But I mean when you grow up things do change and things are never the same. Maybe this one thing that could change their lives will change others around them. Although many people where mean to me there are only about 8 that I would like to make these tapes to. Names to send these to: 1. Dakoda 2. Brandi 3. Alexis 4. Jake 5. Timmy 6. Austin 7. Nicole 8. Leanne
4 Chapter Two:
It was just a normal day of school. Everyone was all happy, no one cared about anything but their friends. Our school breaks it down easy for you. You have your preps, jocks, wanna-be’s, the goodies, the gangsters, Goths, emo, screen, outcasts, and then at the end of this you have my group of friends. Call us the No bodies. In this group there is; Kaiti, Michaela, Audrey, Kara, Jordan, Brianna, Miranda, Hana, Anna, Maddy, Heather, Sara, Darcy, Seth, Chris, Zak, Kevin, Marcus, Connor, Mitch, Dan, Lori, Mitch, Joe, and then you have me. Hello my name is Eudora. I am a tenth grader at Wild Mountain Cat high school. I think of my self as a “leader” of this group. Everyone in this group loves me and they don’t hurt me. I could say we are “popular”, in our own little way. Its not easy be hated by so many people. Also its not easy to know that people are my “friends” talk about me and don’t care for me. I try my best to cover my feeling but I think today I will put my plan into play. I will be friendly to all eight of the people and gain their trust. And I will hang with them. Once we are close enough I will go away for ever. It is sad to think that I will have a few month left of suffering. But I am also glad that I will only have few months, that way I can get out of this hell hole and never look back. I can spread my wings and truly fly out of this place. I can see everything that I was missing. There will only be a few people that I truly miss when I am gone. That will be my group of friends and my family. No one else matters, right now. Cant wait to see how everything falls into place. “Oh my god! Is that Eudora?” asked Alexis, acting all preppy and bitchy. “Like no way it totally is her” said Nicole, one of the followers. “Man she hasn’t changed a bit” “I know. I guess she never did decide to go to weight camp!” Nicole said giving me the bicthies look around! All I could think in my head was “oh no! here come the sluts!! I better run or I might be come on!” good thing no one can read minds. If they could they would hate to read mine, but at the same time love it. “Eudora??” said Alexis “Yes? What do you want?” I asked “Its so good to see you again! I wonder if we have any classes together?” “Yeah! Its been like 2 months? Wow such a long
6 time! Hey look I‘m sorry for all the things I “said” about you” “Oh no worries! I just hope we can be besties again!!! Can we?” She asked with suck a happy attitude. “Sure we can! When do you want to hang out?” I asked. Thinking in my head if we hang and I find things you like how easy it will be to make you feel even worse! “Well it was nice talking to you! Hope to see you in class sometime” Alexis said. “Ummm okay? Bye” I said. Yes, finally she has left me alone. I couldn’t remember the last we really did talk like that. Normally it starts with her bragging and ends with me about to punch her in the face. Ha-ha, some good times right there. As the day starts off I’m thinking how many more people do I have to be nice to. Lets see one down, that leaves, hm, seven to go. Now who will be my next “friend”. Maybe this time I will do a guy. There we go I will girl boy, for the next ones. So next I will do Timmy. Now only if it was easy to find him, in this school. I haven’t seen him yet. Oh no really I have my first hour class with him. Man they most really want me gone. ***** And when I looked up guess was there with a great big smile? Oh yeah you guessed Dakoda, this will be fun. It just kind of sucks that our last names are right next to each others. “Eudora? Is that you?” Dakoda asked “Yes, Dakoda, it is me” I replied “ Oh I haven’t seen you in such a long time that I didn’t eve realize that you were you” “Um thanks I guess. Hey well I‘m sorry for the things I “said/did” to you that made you mad at me” He looked at me with a big smile and said “it’s all good don’t worry,” now he whispers “maybe we can pick up what we ended?” I looked at him with a fake smile and whispered back “ No we cant, can we just be friends?” He looked at me all sad and said “Sure, I guess.” “Thank you, I just don’t want either of us getting hurt” I replies and then looked away. He pulled his chair over and sat next me. I looked away from him. When I looked back he was trying to hold my hand. Okay, yes I really likes him but I couldn’t have the pain again. I mean he his the guy of my dreams and it kills me knowing I wont be with him much longer but I don’t want to hurt him later on when we are really close. He looks at me with the sweetest face and I wanted to cry. *I felt a
hand on my face by my eyes wiping the tears away from my face* 7 When I felt that I know I was safe once again. But I know what he is trying to do. All he wanted was to act sweet and then hurt me all over again. I was not going to stand for this. **** ***** Now that I can ask the teacher if I can sit right next to him. Yes such a perfect plan. I will use this in one of my other classes. Man I have to have a reason to talk to him.. Hm, I got it. I can drop my pencil in front of him and ask him to get it for me. Now is my chance: one, two, three, drop my pencil. He bent over *slowly he reached down. With his nice, sexy arms reaching for my pencil. Yes my pencil. He is so tan I cant believe it.* “Hey, is this your pencil?” Timmy asked, with his really sexy voice. “Oh yeah thank you,” I replied, “hey don’t I know you from some where?” “um yes I think so,” *oh many he said it with his really cute voice that made every girl swan* He had the perfect eyes and the perfect body. He was all so perfect but one thing,, he had a girlfriend. “Hey will we should talk some more some time. I had a nice time stare- I mean looking- I mean seeing you again” “Nice seeing you to!” I replied back with a flirty smile on. Man I cant let him get to my head. Yes he is SUPER sexy but I cant take him, he has a girlfriend. I cant see that changing any time soon. Man I wish he didn’t do what he did. (you’ll see later what he did to me) *** Now in fifth hour I’m trying to find the next girl I need to “fix” things with. Well lets see I fixed things with Alexis, kind of Timmy and Dakoda. Oh no, of course I have a class with, AH-HA perfect, Leanne. She is in my next class, that will be who is next. I have to figure the way that I want to “fix” things with her. GOT IT!! I will ask if I can sit right next to her. If the teacher ask why then I will say it is because she helps me learn and she helps me when I don’t get the something and that way I don’t always have to ask you. I went up and asked and the teacher said yes! Wow that was easy. Man I wish my life was always that easy. Of course right as we get our sitting chart the bell rings and class is over. I didn’t even get to talk to her at all. WOW this is so gay, like no joke! Later that day when I got home, I noticed a letter on my table. It was addressed to me, but someone
already read it. All I could thing was UGH! “Mom did you read my letter?” I asked, kind of mad. “Why yes sweetie I did. It was such a nice letter from 8 a very young man” she replied with a big smile on her face. “Okay? Well, where is my letter?” “It is in your room hunny.” she finally said. When I walked into my room my letter was right on my bed. I am scared of what it was. I am scared to see if he knows my plan. I am terrified it has all the info on my diary and stuff. Man I hope not ‘cause if so, he will be on my tape list.
9 Chapter Three: November 20 So today I have decided that there are two more people that I would live for. Their names are Dakoda and Timmy. I think I like Timmy a lot more, but Timmy can be dick at some times and that is one thing I do not like about him. Man today is dark and rainy and I think its really depressing to most people. But for some reason I like it! I mean I really truly like it! It is one thing that makes me smile and I have no reason to be sad on a day like this. School may not have been the best it was surely not the worst. I got my plan into play. Also I got both the guys I like to like me. Ha-ha only one thing they don’t know, I wont be here much longer! Will now that kind of sucks for them. I mean I cant change anything now. Nothing can every be token back, what they said what they did, and how they acted. All the things they did to me, all the ways they hurt me, and how they changed my life for ever. ALL over one stupid thing that happened in like seventh grade. Oh God forbid that anything bad they do its easily forgotten for but no not me. Oh yes I use to be on of the “popular” people. Until they all though I said something I never did. I told one person I liked Him and they turned it into “were dating!” um no that’s not what I said. They all believed it and it wrecked everything for everyone will I mean everything that I had with all of them it was wrecked. All the times they beat me up and all the times the broke my bones. All the times that I had my heart broken over and over by the same guy! My life was wrecked forever. The times the called me names, the times the spread stupid lies, and the worst time was when they got a picture of me naked, somehow, and mad a posture of it and give it to everyone!. You know how bad that hurts I guess not. If you did you would want to kill yourself just like I am going to. I should start making the tapes. In fact I will start those tomorrow. Yup, that is what I will do. I will start my tapes tomorrow. Many I better get going, it is almost one and I haven’t done any homework and I have a test tomorrow. Will
This is one of the last journal entries you will ever see from me again. ---- Eudora Skat<3 10 Chapter Four: I slowly wake up to sound of rain outside. My eyes got really big and my heart filled with joy. Now today will be a perfect day, even if the rain stops, the day will be perfect. Now one will change their ways, even though it is raining , no one will stop what they are doing. In this hell hole that I live in the rain is the sweetest thing alive. ** Walking up to school, the preps by the door, the whores by the bath rooms. Couldn’t the day, just end.
