by victoria lashes and Sir Bamm!, June 17, 2000
victoria lashes discussed how old school submissives act... what is expected and with
a little help from Me, she showed how a Top's weak moral fortitude can affect how a
submissive acts, reacts and loses respect for the Dom who "gives in" just to make sure
he has a date for the Saturday night party.
Here is the outline:
Difference between BDSM and D/s
1. What part of this lifestyle drew you (sub) into it?
2. What part of this lifestyle drew you (Dom/me) into it?
Behavior inside dungeon or play area
Behavior outside dungeon or play area
Communication between Dom/me and sub
1. What and when is negotiation a "good" thing?
1. Times we get to "live" the fantasy
2. Reasons for a lapse in "mindsets"
At a BDSM weekend event a little while ago, victoria lashes and I were discussing
that Wwe couldn't tell easily who were the subs and who were the Doms. 5 or 10
years ago, the code of conduct was much clearer. This brought up lots of interesting
discussion at the workshop and afterwards at the social.
So what is different? 10 years ago, you'd see more submissives showing their
submission with their body language and behavior. Now, you can barely tell who the
submissives are unless you actually see them play. What specific differences do you
see between then and now? Are the differences for the better or worse?
Why are things different? The audience came up with numerous reasons:
Now that our lifestyle is much more open, there's more diversity (people into mental
24/7 D/s vs. people who enjoy spanking as play, for example). There are more casual
players and there is less social/peer pressure to conform to a set of standards for D/s
behavior. (Not a judgment, just a fact.)
Because there is more diversity, ironically, the traditional posturing is less politically
correct -- those who are traditional may not feel comfortable being out any more.
There are more switches out there. In fact, someone said that he thought most folks in
the community these days were some degree of switch. There was some debate over
Some of it is cultural -- every major geographical area seems to have its own flavor
and code of BDSM.
When folks first become involved in this lifestyle, they tend to focus on the physical
aspects, then learn about and appreciate the mental aspects (there are exceptions, of
course). Since we have so many folks who are new to the scene, there's more
emphasis on the physical, which is mostly confined to the play areas, than the mental
New folks don't have role models.
Doms are willing to lower their standards to get a date.
Doms are too accommodating and not strict enough.
Smart-assed masochists (SAMs) are enabled and encouraged, rather than taken in
Society in general is less formal now.
The online community has had a tremendous impact, for better or worse.
Prevalence of the belief that acting submissively is the same as submitting to
everyone in the room or that it means being a doormat.
Some misinterpretations of Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC) have gone to such an
.extreme that subs are essentially topping from the bottom