Revised RA Paper

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Price 1 Jenna Price Ms. Caruso ENGL 1101 26 September 2011 iPhone 4 When someone mentions the word “iPhone”, I automatically think about my phone. With text messaging, facetime, e-mail, Internet, camera/video, iPod access, and games, the iPhone has become one of the most popular cellular devices around the world. The main features that come with the iPhone are a photo shop, calculator, maps, compass, stocks, weather, YouTube, note pad, clock, contact information and a calendar. All of these features are going to be explained throughout the writing of this paper. An iPhone might also be known as a

“smartphone” because it allows so many opportunities. For those of you that have never heard of an iPhone; it is a device used for many, many things. The main purpose the iPhone is used for is making a phone call and this often catches the attention of business people.. Many business people purchase the iPhone because it is great for e-mail and communication, but all different types of people such as teenagers, etc use the iPhone.. I plan on telling you all about the iPhone 4 and what it can do, but first I am going to start with the appearance of the iPhone 4 and then move on to speaking about everything that the iPhone is capable of doing. . The iPhone 4 is the most updated iPhone. Before the iPhone 4, there was a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd iPhone. Supposedly, the iPhone 4 has faster Internet access and clearer phone calls . (Shaer). Personal experiences have proven this theory. As long as the iPhone has a 3G network, Internet access is available anywhere at anytime. There is a significant amount of difference between the signal of a smartphone, like the iPhone, and a basic cellular phone. The signal that an iPhone has
Comment [BC2]: This poses your paper as more of a spoken discussion, rather than as a formal paper. Comment [BC3]: In order to make your introduction catchier, try to structure it a bit more by including the ideas you will actually talk about in your paper. It is difficult to type out exactly what to do in your intro. Let me know if you’d like to meet to work on it. Comment [JP4]: I changed some things throughout this paragraph so it wouldn’t be such a discussion and more about a formal paper. Comment [BC5]: Rather than just saying this, tell your audience if you have noticed any of these differences and how clear of a change they may pose to the workings of the phone. Comment [BC1]: Use more specific wording here, or combing this sentence with another to make your wording tighter.

Price 2 is a great deal better! It is a very small device and because of this people may not realize how “smart” the iPhone actually is. The iPhone is somewhat rectangular and thin. It has more height than a normal phone would probably have, but it barely has a width. You have a choice of two colors, black or white. The white seems to be the more popular color because it has only been out for a short amount of time. Many people seem to have leaned more towards the white just to be different and also because it is a newer version.. I chose the black iPhone 4 because it appeared a lot more professional. The Droid is also a new phone that has just recently come out. When comparing the iPhone 4 to a Droid, the iPhone gets better reviews. Both phones are extremely fast, have a ton of apps to choose from and are loaded with multimedia features. (Miles) The camera, display and camcorder are proven to be stronger on the iPhone. (Miles) Other than these differences, the iPhone and Droid are pretty similar. Depending on which one to choose from relies on how big someone wishes his or her phone to be. The Droids are fairly larger than the iPhone and can become somewhat difficult to carry around in certain situations. The one advantage that the Droid has over the iPhone is the Droid is not only touchscreen, but has a keyboard as well. The iPhone is only touchscreen and that could become annoying after a while. Therefore, the iPhone and the Droid are very similar when compared and when choosing one over the other there wouldn’t be any disadvantage. The phone company (Verizon or AT&T) will give you a choice of how many gigabytes, or the capacity of storage space available, you wish to have on your iPhone. Gigabyte is “a measure of storage capacity equal to 1 billion.” (“gigabyte.com”) Just like the color, there are two different sets of gigabytes you can choose from. There is a sixteen-gigabyte iPhone and a thirty-two gigabyte iPhone. Depending on how much money someone is willing to spend will
Comment [JP12]: I rearranged this sentence to clean it up a little bit. Comment [BC13]: Rather than including this, since most people now (who would be reading about an iPhone) would know about gigabytes, you can just include a phrase after the word in the previous sentence. Ex: … how many gigabytes, or how big of a storage capacity you wish to have on your iPhone. Comment [BC10]: Be sure you are closing your paragraphs. Rather than just dropping a paragraph after your last idea, give a wrap-up of the main idea of the paragraph. Comment [JP11]: I added this comment to “close” the paragraph. Comment [JP7]: I added this comment to give more examples of why people would have chosen the white iPhone. Comment [BC8]: Although you seem to contain the updates within this paragraph, and you do give an introductory sentence to show that, work on analyzing the ideas you have here, rather than just telling about them. The paragraph will sound less like a list. Comment [BC9]: You may want to talk more about the iPhone before you get into another text. If you clearly articulate your ideas about the iPhone and analyze its characteristics, your paper will then naturally open itself to inquiry about another phone. Comment [JP6]: By adding these sentences, I explained the differences that I have noticed personally.

Price 3 determine what gigabyte they will want. Obviously, the thirty-two gigabyte is going to require more money because it allows a larger amount of space for pictures, videos, songs, etc. I chose the thirty-two gigabyte so that I would be provided a lot of space to keep the memorable moments, my favorite songs, and other special things that define me. The prices seem to rise with every new version of iPhone that comes out. This is because each iPhone is more updated and has a lot more features than the previous one. The iPhone 4 is very protected with insurance. Some people choose not to buy insurance on their iPhone, but I strongly recommend that they do. If the iPhone is dropped, cracked, etc. it will be replaced by a new iPhone with no questions asked! There are also many cover cases that are invented specifically for the iPhone. The cases come in any color or texture and they all work very well in protecting the iPhone. The Apple Company has thought about the many ways of protection and what is easiest for the buyers. However, my only suggestion would be to lower the prices of the protective hardware. A neat feature of the iPhone is facetime. Facetime enables you to chat with friends through an online video chat but it is completely mobile. As mentioned at the top of the paper, I would like to elaborate more on the facetime feature for the iPhone 4. Out of all the versions of the iPhone, the iPhone 4 is the only one that provides facetime. Skype is a very commonly used video chatting application. Has anyone ever heard of skype? If not, Sskype is something used on a computer where you can “video chat” with one another. It allows two people to talk back and forth while being able to see the other person’s face and hear their voice. Facetime is very similar to skype except for facetime can be used anywhere and everywhere as long as wireless is present! Facetime is already built into the iPhone and ready for use as soon as the iPhone is purchased. The only disadvantage that comes with facetime is it can only be used with someone
Comment [BC16]: This paragraph seems to be about benefits and downfalls of the iPhone, but you need to give analysis of it and possibly make suggestions about how it could be better. Comment [JP17]: I added this sentence to show how the Apple Company is working everyday to better improve the iPhone. Comment [JP18]: I changed this around so the attention wouldn’t be all on me. Comment [BC19]: This sentence acts as filler and calls attention to you, rather than to the phone. Comment [BC14]: Why does this matter? Does this influence the purpose of the phone and how it works? Comment [JP15]: I added this comment to show why it matters to have a lot of space.

Comment [BC20]: This is extremely conversational.

Price 4 else who has an iPhone. For example: if you have an iPhone and your friend has a droid, then you cannot use facetime to call them because they do not have the iPhone 4. Another really cool feature that comes automatically with purchasing the iPhone 4 is the built-in iPod. Surely everyone has heard of an iPod? If not, Aan iPod is an MP3 player that carries music so that music can be heard on the go. When the iPhone 4 is purchased, earphones are part of the package deal. Simply plug the earphones into the iPhone and begin listening to music. If a phone call happens to come through while the music is playing, the music will stop and the phone call can be taken. Leave the earphones in and you can hear the caller through the earphones! The iPod is a really big plus when purchasing the iPhone. Not only do you receive a cell phone, but an iPod as well! This feature reminds me of the phrase “knocking out two birds with one stone” because the iPhone contains two great inventions for the price of one. The iPhone also comes with an app store. The app store contains many categories to choose from. The categories are as follows; games, entertainment, utilities, social networking, music, productivity, lifestyle, reference, travel, sports, navigation, health & fitness, news, photo & video, finance, business, education, weather, books and medical. The app store is an awesome feature that only requires a username and password to download anything that is desired! While some apps require money, there are plenty of apps that are free to download. Some of the more popular apps are the social networking apps such as Facebook, twitter, or MySpace. Instead of going to the Internet, typing in facebook.com then typing in a username and password, why not just download the Facebook app? With one touch on the Facebook app, it will go straight to the desired page, making your facebook account viewable and accessible at any time, just like it would be on the computer.
Comment [BC26]: Why does this matter? Rather than just summarizing the features, give analysis. Comment [BC24]: Rather than just commenting on this as being a good thing, tell why it is a good thing and how it is perfect for achieving the purpose it set out to achieve. Comment [JP25]: By adding this sentence, I gave an example of why the iPhone is so “great” Comment [BC22]: Begin a new paragraph, since you begin a new idea. Comment [BC23]: Conversational Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5" Comment [JP21]: I took the below comment out because it seemed pointless.

Price 5 The iPhone 4 is very popular for its text messaging and e-mail. The text messaging is very fast and simple. It has a setting that is called “auto-correct”. Auto-correct makes the text messaging on an iPhone a lot more enjoyable. While in a hurry, if a misspelled word is typed the auto-correct will automatically correct the spelling. Like any piece of technical equipment, there will always be a few defaults and auto-correct might not catch every mistake or change it to the word that you desire. Another neat feature involving the text messaging is the fact that when a new message is received, it pops up on the front of the phone with whom the message is from and what the message reads. If you do not like this feature then it is very simple to remove just by going to the “settings” section of the iPhone. The e-mail is extremely easy to set up. The iPhone settings guide the user right through the process. Many business people have more than one email, one for their personal life and one for the business side of things. No worries, with the iPhone 4 both emails can be set up to come straight to the iPhone! This is what makes the email feature so popular. The iPhone 4 is produced by the “Apple” company and is known all around the world. There has already been talk about an iPhone 5 coming to stores very soon. With all the features and the opportunities that the iPhone 4 already carries, it is hard to imagine the company producing a newer, better version of the iPhone. We will just have to wait and see. Technology surprises us everyday!
Comment [BC29]: Jenna, You include some excellent ideas within this paper, but my main suggestion for you would be to analyze what you say, rather than just continuing to talk about how good these features are. How did these features make the iPhone what it is? How well is the concept of a smartphone achieved through this iPhone? Also, be aware of the language you use to talk about your ideas. You have a great deal of informal language choices, which we can certainly work on together, if you need help with them. You have a great paper here. Just be sure to analyze, rather than summarize. -Ms. C Comment [BC27]: Does it always work? Think of all of those websites dedicated to autocorrect gone wrong.

Comment [JP28]: I tried to add this comment to show that auto-correct does not ALWAYS work.

Price 6

Works Cited

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S h a e r, M a t th ew. " i P h o n e 4 v e rs u s iP h o n e 3 ." H o r i z o n s . N.p., 10/06/2010. We b . 3 Oct 2011.

< h t t p : / / w w w. c s m o n i t o r. c o m / I n n o v a t i o n / H o r i z o n s / 2 0 1 0 / 0 610/iPhone-4-versus-iPhon e-3G-S-A-buyer -s-guide>. M i l e s , G i n n y. " i P h o n e 4 v e r s u s D r o i d . " P C w o r l d . N . p . , 25/06/2010. We b . 3 Oct 2 0 11.

< h t t p : / / w w w. p c w o r l d . c o m / a r t i c l e / 1 9 9 8 4 4 / i p h o n e _ 4 _ v s _ d roid_x_a_headtohead_comparison.html>.

Price 7 " gigab yte." 2 0 11 . < h t t p : / / d i c t i o n a r y. r e f e r e n c e . c o m / b r o w s e / g i g a b y t e > . “ i P h o n e 4 ” . Ve r i z o n . 2 0 1 0 “ D r o i d ” . Ve r i z o n . 2 0 1 0 d i c t i o n a r y. c o m . N.p., 2 0 11 . We b . 4 Oct

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