Scav 2013 fake List

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The 2013 University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt List
The University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt Organization Committee
12 May 2013
SCAV TEAMS AND THE RULES OF THE HUNT
1. Acquisition of Items. All items on the List can be obtained and performed legally. It may involve
smooth talking, or it may involve something else, but it is all possible. The Judges take no responsibility
for your getting thrown into the clink—be it local clink, state clink, federal clink, or Colonel Klink.
2. Fair Play. Sabotage is bad. We don’t like it, and we don’t want it in the Hunt. Sabotaging teams or their
items can lead to immediate disqualification, and we may even loose the hounds of the Administration
on you.
3. Contact with Judges. While we don’t want to complain and say that Judges have it so tough, Scav
Hunt is always teetering on the edge of sheer chaos, and if we can avoid it, we should. Thus, please
only communicate with the Judges if you are going to do it in a professional manner. Generally, just
remember that the more people shout, the less will be understood. That seems like it makes sense, no?
4. Props. All props must, always and forever, be mad props.
5. Points. Point totals are final. We ask you to do awesome things and expect awesome things to be done.
If you do said awesome things, the Judge will accord to you Full Points, the highest number of points
possible for any item. In rare cases—for example, if we ask for a car and you give us the Batmobile
with both George Clooney and Adam West inside—we will consider giving you 1 special point. Maybe
2. As far as point values, well, we use a dartboard, numberwang, and Tibetan numerological methods
to determine how much items are worth, so no complaining that “the lazy eye patch was worth more
than the moonbounce made of guns!”
6. Items. Be aware that doing items nude when it’s not explicitly asked for will not get you more points.
Nor will involving alcohol in items that don’t clearly call for alcohol. The same goes for nudity and
alcohol’s redheaded, stepchild cousins sex and drugs. Please note that few items explicitly call for
nudity, alcohol, or either of the aforementioned redheaded variants. Lastly, we don’t like to harm large
mammals that can make sad eyes at us, so please treat any non-humans involved in your items with
extreme care.
7. A Good Time. For a good time call (202) 762-1401.
8. Preliminary Events. The deadlines for the submission of items and performances are final as stated on
the list or as announced by the Judges at the Wrestlemania. It is the Captains’ responsibility to make
sure that they submit these in a timely manner. Items that do not have discrete time/place stated
on the list are not preliminary and therefore must occur at Judgment. Upon request, we may, at our
discretion, come to see an item at a time/place other than Judgment. Consider this a privilege, and
use your “Come See Our Items” cards sparingly.
9. YOLOMANIA. At 9:00 a.m. on Saturday, all Captains will gather in their bro-iest attire for a good
bout of...eh fuck it. We’ll do it live. YOLO.
10. Road Trip. The Road Trip can be done without getting busted by the cops or breaking any rules.
Please get it done that way. The destination point most distant from campus may not exceed 1,000
miles. Use of 15-passenger vans or trucks is prohibited.
Driver requirements:
a. Minimum age of 18 (If a rental car is used, the rental car company minimum age requirements
apply).
b. Must have held a valid US driver’s license for at least two years, which must be in driver’s
possession throughout trip.
c. Must possess valid passports, should the mischiefs of foreign intrigue beckon.
d. Must have more than 2,000 miles driving experience.
e. May not have received moving violations or convictions or court-ordered supervision.
f. Must be alcohol- and drug-free (it’s the way to be), including illegal, prescription, and non-
prescription drugs that could impair driving function or are used for any reason other than their
FDA-approved intent.
g. Must have valid automobile insurance.
Road Trip Management:
a. No one may operate a vehicle for more than three consecutive hours or six total hours in one day.
b. Total driving time may not exceed 16 hours within a 24-hour period.
c. No driving permitted between midnight and 6 a.m.
d. Another person must be awake in the seat next to the driver at all times.
Road Trip Rules:
a. Upon spotting a sign casting opprobrium upon various measures of birth control or the deliberate
termination of a pregnancy, one must punch another occupant of the car and proclaim, “Foetus
Boetus!”
b. Upon spotting an adult entertainment venue or advertisement, one must punch another occupant
of the car and proclaim, “Moetus Boetus!”
c. Punches not in accordance with the above rules may be met with one equal or harder punch in
retribution.
A Captain of each team must certify in advance to the Judges that the team understands and agrees
to abide by these regulations.
11. Judgment Day. Like in the Bible, Judgment Day should take, like, 45 minutes. Late Saturday night,
the Judges will email the Captains with a list denoting which items are Road Trip. Prepare all Road
Trip items for judging at 9:00 a.m. on Judgment Day. Regular items will be judged after the Showcase.
The Showcase will be judged at Showcase, which will be at 10:00 a.m.
In addition, please have a highlighted list of the items you’ve acquired ready so that when a Judge
comes by to judge your page, there won’t be any time wasted with “do we have the particle accelerator?”
questions. If an item is followed by †, it must be ready for judging as part of the Showcase, prior to
regular page judging. Judges will hold up placards (really just sheets of paper with Sharpie
TM
-ed
numbers) denoting which pages they are ready to judge. Call over whichever Judge corresponds to
the page you are ready to present. Here’s a tip: Sort your items based on which page they are on. In
short, BE ORGANIZED.
12. Rules. Ain’t no rule says a YOLO
13. Prizes. Prizes are money and eternal glory. If you are not a house team, you may have to provide
extra documentation in order to get your fat benjis; ORCSA can hold your hand through this. If this
is the case, you must provide such documentation to the Head Judge.
14. Decisions. All decisions of the Judges are final. Final.
15. Final. See Decisions.
Scav 0lympics
1. Furrah Pawcett. [3 Charlie’s Terrier Points]
2. Coney O’Brien. #COCO [11 O’Clock points]
3. Blue Jay Leno. [11.35 points]
4. George Looney. [Ocean’s Thirteen points]
5. Mole-issa Joan Hart. [13 points for explaining it all]
6. Camelron Diaz. [Did you know Cameron Diaz went to the same high school as Snoop Dogg? points]
7. Lionardo DiCatprio. [9 (lives) points]
Items
1. Them haters cellist of ma swag. #YOYO [0 points]
2. A Lindsay Lohan with 4 days until a movie premiere. That same Lindsay Lohan, not enrolled in a
rehab program, at Judgement. #LILO [0 points]
3. Sword limbo time anybody? #HOWLOW [0 points]
4. On Friday, at 7p.m., bring four team members and one blindfold to the obstacle course we’ve set up
at Ratner. You may station your three lookouts where you see fit, but your explorer can navigate
using only a set call and response. You will have exactly one attempt to avoid certain death. Marco?
#YOLO! [0 points]
5. Set up a crooked cop for his inevitable fall with your dying breath. #ROLO [0 points]
6. Scavvie, take this object, but beware: it comes with a terrible curse. (That’s bad). But it comes with
a free Frogurt! (That’s good!) The frogurt is also cursed. #FROYO [0 points]
7. Investigate Ernst Stavro Blofeld’s nefarious activities in the Orient. Infiltrate his volcano lair. Avoid
the piranhas. Summon the ninjas. Stop the spaceship. #YOLT [0 points]
8. A song without words. #TROLOLOLOLO #LOLOLO #LOLOLO [0 points]
9. it’s legal in WA and CO. #GROWLO [0 points]
10. Get a frat boy to wear a Pokemon costume to class. #SLOWBRO [0 points]
11. Create an OK Cupid profile as Woodrow, and get a date using only the phrase "And I hate yoyos."
#YOYOLO [0 points]
12. Don’t let them take you alive. #POPO [0 points]
13. Bring Tupac to judgment. #HOLO [0 points]
14. Hang out inside Notre Dame cathedral dressed appropriately. #QUASIMODO [0 points]
15. Send a species of flightless birds into extinction. #DODO [0 points]
16. Turn from a girl to a fish then back in to a girl! Get a tiny boat and blow it up with your mouth and
power it with a candle! Flood your house and swim away! #PONYOLO [0 points]
17. A gun. #LOLNO [0 points]
18. Fill your holes. #CHOLO [0 points]
19. Die. #YOLO [0 points]
20. Two would be dice. It would have to be 1d6. #YOGO [0 points]
21. Ride Ralph Lauren like a pony. #POLO [0 points]
22. Use sexual activity to decrease stress. #BONOBO [0 points]
23. Run 100 meters. Quickly. #GOGOGO [0 points]
24. Those are the tallest boots I’ve ever seen! #GOGO [0 points]
25. Points per hop. #POGO [0 points]
26. Have one person on your Scav team. #SOLO [0 points]
27. Kick back in your mom’s station wagon. #VOLVO [0 points]
28. Burninate. #TROGDO [0 points]
29. Stop Time. #KRONO [0 points]
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30. Pele. At Judgement. #GOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLOOOOOO [0 points]
31. Volcanus. #NOLOW [0 points]
32. Skydive. #LOOKOUTBEYOLOW [0 points]
33. Crash a Booth party dressed as Mr. Monopoly. #DONOTPASSGOLO [0 points]
34. Chocolate Moooooose! #COCOA [0 points]
35. Extreme coupon-ing. Get $1000 of groceries for free. #BOGO [0 points]
36. Bring Purple Drank to the Med and Convince them to Let you drink it with dinner #BYOBYOLO [0
points]
37. Candy. #ROLO [0 points]
38. Bamboo #BOLO [0 points]
39. Throw yourself at the mercy of the court. #NOLO [0 points]
40. Rescue a princess from the devil king using only the power of moving blocks. #LOLO [0 points]
41. Tick your granny into looking up goatse. #TROLLO [0 points]
42. I want so badly to drive a Toyota Corolla but they’re just too feminine. #COROLLO [0 points]
43. Destroy Esmeralda and let her taste the fires of Hell #FROLLO [0 points]
44. Shoot first. #SOLO [0 points]
45. Shoot last. #GREEDO. [0 points]
46. re-animate the corpse of brandon lee. #CROWLO [0 points]
47. Camp out for a night at 65th and cottage. #HOBO [0 points]
48. Do something weird for the sake of weird #PoMo [0 points]
49. Rosemary’s baby carriage. #STROLLO [0 points]
50. Survive a war against the Daleks. #YOLTT [0 points]
51. The most impressive horde of discontinued Hostess products #HOHO [0 points]
52. Take out those friggin’ Dragon Twins once and for all! #ABOBO [0 points]
53. Ramen eating contest. #TAMPOPO [0 points]
54. Send a species of flightless birds into extinction. #DODO [0 points]
55. Turn from a girl to a fish then back in to a girl! Get a tiny boat and blow it up with your mouth and
power it with a candle! Flood your house and swim away! #PONYOLO [0 points]
56. Have your team shaman magically transform your captain into one of the following, right before our
very eyes: a termite, a crocodile, a pumpkin, a washing machine. #MUMBOJUMBOGLOWBO [0
points]
57. fill your holes. Again #CHOLO [0 points]
58. Demonstrate the Morph Ball mode on your Power Suit. #CHOZO [0 points]
59. Demonstrate the Blind Crawl Stance in your creepy suit. #VOLDO [0 points]
60. Ride Ralph Lauren like a pony. #POLO [0 points]
61. Draw us in with your quiet intensity. #SOTTO [0 points]
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62. Use sexual activity to decrease stress. #BONOBO [0 points]
63. Seduce a Judge. #MOJO [0 points]
64. Run 100 meters. Quickly. #FLOJO [0 points]
65. Show us your skills with a Water Meteor. #GOGO [0 points]
66. Points per hop. #POGO [0 points]
67. Have one person on your Scav team [big points]. #SOLO [0 points]
68. Kick back in the Batmobile. #VOLO [0 points]
69. Kick back in your mom’s station wagon. #VOLVO [0 points]
70. Be lifted off the ground by a wind vortex. #TOTO [0 points]
71. Bless the rains down in Africa. #TOTO [0 points]
72. Comute to class in a tiny boat. #GOWITHTHEFLOLO [0 points]
73. Gasoline fight. #WAKEMEUPBEFOREYOUGOGO [0 points]
74. Celebrate a good point made in discussion, Cantor style. #GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLO [0
points]
75. Skydive. #LOOKOUTBEYOLOW [0 points]
76. Crash a Booth party dressed as Mr. Monopoly. #DONOTPASSGOLO [0 points]
77. Neglect to pay your taxes; x points per subsequent night in jail #THOREAULO [0 points]
78. Resolve long-standing ethno-linguistic tensions in the Balkans #KOSOVOLO [0 points]
79. Demonstrate basic profiency in database management software #FILEMAKERPROLO [0 points]
80. Tell the Judges that your item is WAY better than it actually is. #HYPERBOLO [0 points]
81. Breathe out of an orifice in the top of your skull #BLOWHOLO [0 points]
82. Take your own blood pressure. #SYSTOLO #DIASTOLO [0 points]
83. Catch Asian Carp using your #FISHPOLO [0 points]
84. Rudely interrupt someone in class. #PIEHOLO [0 points]
85. Witness geologic wonders at Yellowstone #FUMAROLO [0 points]
86. Dip your #PROFITEROLO’s into some #GUACAMOLO [0 points]
87. Metamorphose into your adult form. #TADPOLO [0 points]
88. Get out your buckets! #BOZO [0 points]
89. Symmetrize Maxwell’s equations: #MONOPOLO [0 points]
90. Hope your gorilla knows sign language #KOKO [0 points]
91. Kidnap and brainwash children of newspaper magnates! #CUJO [0 points]
92. I’m still Jenny from the block. #J-LO [0 points]
93. Why can’t I find a cheap loft? #SOHO [0 points]
94. 100 Proof. #SOCO [0 points]
95. Atmospheric region discovered by Ludacris #HOZONE [0 points]
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96. Default on your credit #REPO [0 points]
97. So much acetaldehyde. #ASIANGLO [0 points]
98. Excuse me, I have to go. Somewhere there is crime happening. #ROBO [0 points]
99. Aztec Space Heaters! #XOLO [0 points]
100. And Chris Straus descended from on high and said unto those gathered, “thou hast made an abom-
ination of the divine bounty entrusted to you and so I shall allow this Hunt to be destroyed utterly.
The great teams shall be lashed prostrate by Kammerer’s silver tongue and you shall know the end is
nigh as Team Athens Study Abroad rides astride a pale shopping cart to Ida Noyes to be crowned the
final champions of flies.” The judges trembled in their wickedness and knew in their heart of hearts
that even they could not be saved by a 4/5th’s vote. All falls into shadow. Scavenger Hunt 2013:
#YOLOCALYPSE [0 points]
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