Surrogate
Content
1 Surrogate Scene One: Dinner At rise, LYDIA OWENS, a 24 year-old woman, lays on the couch. She is reading a book and occasionally sips from a glass of wine that rests on the coffee table. She checks her wrist watch from time to time and steals glances at the door. LYDIA is an attractive woman, in decent physical shape but slight in build. She wears an old pair of workout shorts and a tank top. Her hair is loose around her shoulders. QUENTIN TURNER, a 30 year-old man, enters from UR. He takes the time to bolt three different locks. QUENTIN is dressed in work pants, steel toe boots, and a work shirt that is drenched in sweat. He is a strong man, handsome but worn by the nature of his work. LYDIA continues reading. QUENTIN (kissing LYDIA on the cheek) Hey, baby. Miss me? LYDIA All day long. I was wondering what kept you. You’re late. QUENTIN Hold on. Lemme get a beer. Wanna refill? LYDIA Sure. Bring the bottle. There’s not much left. QUENTIN disappears into the kitchen. LYDIA eyes the door. QUENTIN (offstage) You won’t believe what happened at the worksite today. That’s what kept me by the way. Big accident. Knew it was gonna happen. Only a matter of time, I told ‘em. LYDIA Accident? Is everything alright? QUENTIN enters with a beer and sets the bottle of wine on the coffee table next to LYDIA’s glass. Sits in recliner. QUENTIN It will be. Jeff. You remember him.
2 LYDIA Jeff? QUENTIN Jeff! Wiry shit. About fifty. Been on the site longer than any of us. LYDIA Oh. Jeff. QUENTIN Yeah. So everyone knows that Jeff throws back a forty on his lunch break. He pops mints. Chews gum. But you can still smell it a mile away. I dunno why Gus hasn’t fired him yet. LYDIA finishes her wine and polishes off the bottle. LYDIA Maybe he was going to. Maybe he just couldn’t make up his mind. QUENTIN Well, his mind’s been made up for him. Jeff was carryin’ some pipes up on the seventh floor. Lost his footing. Splat. LYDIA Quentin! Is he alright? He didn’t die, did he? QUENTIN Lydia, baby, no. No. He’ll be fine. But he’s off the site. They kept us over because the ambulance and cops stopped work for close to an hour. We’re already set back two weeks as it is. LYDIA You’ll catch up. QUENTIN It doesn’t matter. You read the day away? LYDIA I don’t have a lot of options. And I haven’t been feeling so hot, either. QUENTIN Anything I can do? LYDIA You know better than to ask that. QUENTIN Hmm. Point taken. (Big swig) Place looks good. LYDIA Just the way you like it.
3 QUENTIN You better watch out. (Big swig) You keep spoilin’ me like this, I’m gonna have to marry you. LYDIA Why buy the cow, Quentin? QUENTIN Oh, baby. Honey. You’re a lot of things. A cow ain’t one of ‘em. (Big swig) Round two. QUENTIN crosses to kitchen to get another beer. QUENTIN (offstage) What do you want for supper tonight? LYDIA I’m not hungry. QUENTIN (offstage) You gotta eat somethin’. Can’t have you wastin’ away on me. QUENTIN enters with another beer. LYDIA Whatever you want is fine. QUENTIN I’ll broil some salmon. Salad. Maybe some fruit. It’s been steamy all day. Then I thought we could…ya know. Give it another try. LYDIA Of course. It’s your dime.
Blackout.
4 Scene Two: Foreplay It is two o’ clock in the morning. LYDIA steps out of the bedroom at UL. She is only wearing a button-down dress shirt, obviously QUENTIN’s. She is restless, surveys the rooms, wanders about, and sprawls on the couch. QUENTIN enters in pajama bottoms, no shirt. He is groggy. QUENTIN Can’t sleep, baby? LYDIA I’m sleepwalking. QUENTIN Come back to bed, Lydia. LYDIA We’ve already done it there. QUENTIN I’ve gotta be at work in four hours. I need to sleep. LYDIA I’m in heat. QUENTIN I’ll turn up the air. LYDIA No. I’m primed for you. QUENTIN You gotta be kiddin’ me. LYDIA Don’t you want this, Quentin? (Poses suggestively) I can’t sleep, honey. Wear me out. Make me sing. We haven’t christened the kitchen counter yet. QUENTIN Lydia. LYDIA Don’t you want me? I’m already wet, Quentin. Wet for you. Ride me, honey. You haven’t had dessert yet. I’m delicious. Juicy. I’ll run down your chin.
5 QUENTIN is trying to restrain himself. QUENTIN Stop it. LYDIA I want you inside me. Now. QUENTIN Fuck this. I’m gettin’ some juice. QUENTIN exits into the kitchen. LYDIA Get me some, too. LYDIA abandons her sex-cat posturing and preens while she waits for QUENTIN to return. She eyes the door. LYDIA I don’t know why you’re so upset. I thought this was what you wanted. QUENTIN (offstage) I never asked for that. LYDIA Make up your mind then. So I know how to act. QUENTIN enters with two glasses of juice. He sets one on the coffee table for LYDIA and stands by the recliner. QUENTIN This isn’t a game. Don’t play games with me. LYDIA I’m playing games? This from the man who… QUENTIN What goes on between a man and a woman in the bedroom has nothin’ to do with what you were suggestin’. LYDIA Make a choice, Quentin. I’ll be your girlfriend or your whore. I won’t play both. QUENTIN downs juice and starts to exit to the bedroom. LYDIA Please.
6 QUENTIN stops. QUENTIN How long have you been with me? LYDIA Two months. QUENTIN We’ve had a lot of good nights, hadn’t we? LYDIA Yes. QUENTIN (moving towards her) I’ve never raised a hand to you. LYDIA Never. QUENTIN So what was that all about? LYDIA I just…nothing. QUENTIN We have to be smart about it. Keep on tryin’. It’ll happen. You’ll see. LYDIA I’m sorry I woke you. QUENTIN It’s alright, baby. Come back to bed. LYDIA I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’ll see if I can’t wind down a little first. QUENTIN Is there anything I can get you? Warm milk? Somethin’ to eat? LYDIA You’re too kind to me, Quentin. QUENTIN Nah.
7 LYDIA No. Really. You are. It’s confusing. QUENTIN I want you to feel comfortable here. LYDIA I do. And there are times I didn’t know that I would. That I could. You’re a good man. QUENTIN I’m a tired man, that’s what I am. LYDIA Don’t brush it off. Talk to me. QUENTIN I’m gonna be worthless tomorrow if I don’t get some sleep. LYDIA It’s already tomorrow. QUENTIN Today. Tomorrow. It’s all the same. LYDIA It’s not too late. QUENTIN We’re not havin’ this discussion. LYDIA But I don’t get it. Why? QUENTIN Things are goin’ so good right now! We’re tryin’ for a baby. I know it’s not the perfect situation. I’d like to be able to give you more. But this is only temporary. I promise. LYDIA Temporary? I’m not even pregnant yet. There’s a whole nother nine months after that! It’s not temporary. QUENTIN What do you want from me? LYDIA Don’t ask me that? QUENTIN What do you want from me?
8 LYDIA You already know. QUENTIN What do you want from me?! LYDIA I want to go home! QUENTIN Good. You said it. Now get it out of your system. I’m goin’ to bed. Goodnight, Lydia.
Blackout.
9 Scene Three: Fertilization It is five o’ clock in the afternoon. One month has passed since the previous scene. As the lights rise, LYDIA is at the UR exit, trying to open the door. The door is locked from the outside, and she has no means to unlatch the lock that keeps her from freedom. LYDIA manipulates the two locks she can open and tries to use what strength she has to jar the door. She is not successful. LYDIA relocks the two locks and crosses to the couch. She is clean but disheveled, her hair is pulled back, and she is wearing old linen pants, a loose, cotton blouse, and no shoes. LYDIA No need to let Quentin catch me trying to escape. Again. There is a noise at door. QUENTIN unlocks the door and enters. He is carrying a small shopping bag from the pharmacy. He also has a newspaper. QUENTIN I got it, Liddie. I got the test. This is it. LYDIA We don’t know that. QUENTIN You said you’re two weeks late. What else could it be? LYDIA Sometimes a woman might miss her period if she’s under a great amount of stress. QUENTIN Are you stressed, baby? LYDIA No, Quentin. I love being held against my will. QUENTIN Here. Go to the bathroom and start the test. We can wait on it together. LYDIA Are you serious? QUENTIN What? You want me to hold the stick while you piss on it? Go. LYDIA relents and crosses into the bedroom.
10 QUENTIN That’s my girl. I knew you’d come through. That’s why I picked you. You’re dependable. Never changed your habits. Seven, forty-five in the mornin’ you were out your door. Stopped in the corner store for some coffee and Danish. Then off to work. I wonder how long it took ‘em to replace you? Eleven, forty-five you took your lunch in the park. Sometimes you brought it, sometimes you went to this Greek deli. And you sat at the same picnic table. Readin’ your books. Always readin’. I wanted to come and talk to you sooner, but…Twelve-thirty, back to work. Then back home by five or so. Hardly anyone ever came over. You didn’t go out a lot. Dunno why. Pretty girl. Beautiful. Not a wallflower. I thought maybe we wasn’t so different. Just waitin’ for the right person to come along. LYDIA enters with the pregnancy test. LYDIA The right person doesn’t do this. QUENTIN So we wait? LYDIA We wait. QUENTIN I picked up a paper. You made the news. LYDIA puts the test stick on the coffee table and dives into the newspaper. LYDIA It only took three months. Where is it? QUENTIN Front page of the C Section. Which I think is kinda funny, seein’ as that we’re tryin’ to conceive. LYDIA (reading) Police found the remains of a white, Ford Tempo on the outskirts of County Road 641. The Tempo was registered in the name of one Lydia Owens, resident of the East Side, who abandoned her apartment three months ago. The car was scorched, and no remains of Miss Owens were recovered. Local authorities are beginning to investigate Miss Owens’ disappearance, though they are not optimistic. More than 80,000 missing person cases were reported last year nationwide… QUENTIN Sorry ‘bout your car. LYDIA You torched my car. QUENTIN Liddie, I did you a favor. Before that car turned up, you weren’t even a blip on the radar. They’re lookin’
11 QUENTIN (CON’T) for you now. They won’t find you, but at least they’re lookin’. And when you do finally turn up, you’ll be able to give ‘em one hell of a story. Probably get you on television. LYDIA They think I abandoned my apartment. QUENTIN No forced entry. No signs of a struggle. No reason to believe you were abducted. No major debt. Person like you could pick up and move any time she wanted. LYDIA This is ridiculous. A person doesn’t just up and disappear. My work would’ve called. Would’ve checked up on me. This can’t be the first notice of it. QUENTIN You’re invisible, Liddie. LYDIA Stop calling me that! You make it sound familiar. Cozy. Like I’m something special to you. Don’t kid yourself. You’re nothing to me. QUENTIN That’s okay, baby. I know you’re upset. It must be scary to not have anyone in the world. No family. No friends to speak of. That’s why I picked you. You’re perfect. LYDIA I hate you. You disgust me. QUENTIN Seems I disgust most women. But that ain’t gonna keep me from havin’ more. Family. I don’t need a wife for that. Just someone to have a baby. Someone to be my…what’s the word? LYDIA Surrogate. QUENTIN Yeah, that’s it. My surrogate. It’s like this: you have my baby, and in nine months, I’m gonna have the family I always wanted. And you’ll finally have a life. Free. You won’t be invisible anymore, that’s for sure. LYDIA I have to get pregnant first. QUENTIN I bet you already are. Check it. LYDIA looks at the pregnancy stick.
12 QUENTIN Lemme see it. LYDIA hands it over. He examines it. QUENTIN There ya go. I’m gonna be a daddy. LYDIA What about me? QUENTIN Baby, I’m gonna treat you like a queen! You’re my surrogate. Hell, come to think of it, I’m your surrogate. I’m gonna give you a life when this is all over. And you’ll never have to see me again. LYDIA Do you think it’s that easy? QUENTIN What? LYDIA You’re stealing a year of my life to have your child. A child that is going to have to be delivered in a hospital! A child whose mother is going to have to have regular check-ups to bring a healthy baby into this world! Are you going to deliver it? Say you do. What then? Do you honestly believe I’ll let you take my baby? I know your name, Quentin. I know what you do. You can’t get away from me quickly enough! This plan of yours is preposterous. You’re going to fail. QUENTIN Oh really? LYDIA Yeah. Really. QUENTIN News flash, Liddie. Quentin isn’t my name. You know nothing.
Blackout.
13 Scene Four: Contraction Six months have passed since the previous scene. LYDIA is propped on the couch. She is showing her pregnancy and is dressed in sweat pants and a baggy T-shirt. There is an exercise bike that has been added to the room, situated along the back wall. As the scene begins, LYDIA is reading. QUENTIN enters from the kitchen with two cups of hot hot chocolate. He places one on the coffee table for LYDIA. QUENTIN I put extra marshmallows in yours, just the way you like it. LYDIA Thanks. LYDIA takes her cup and pours the contents behind the couch with her free hand as she continues reading. QUENTIN Jesus Christ, Liddie! What the hell do you think you’re doin’? LYDIA Reading. QUENTIN Goddammit! I don’t work all day to come home to this shit. QUENTIN hurries into the kitchen. QUENTIN (offstage) Just because you’re in the home stretch doesn’t give you the right to act this way. QUENTIN enters with towels to clean up the mess behind the couch. Aren’t you goin’ to say anything? LYDIA I guess your queen wasn’t in the mood for cocoa. QUENTIN Yeah? I’m not in the mood to clean up after you, either. Don’t think I’m gonna put up with this passiveaggressive shit for the next three months. First thing I’ll do is take away your books. You haven’t even been usin’ the exercise bike I got you.
14 LYDIA Maybe I don’t want to. QUENTIN You really don’t have a choice. LYDIA What are you going to do? Hit me? QUENTIN Have I hit you before? LYDIA No. QUENTIN Then stop askin’ stupid questions and get your ass on that bike. I want my baby to be healthy, and you need the exercise. LYDIA At least let me finish this chapter. QUENTIN Don’t you wanna look good after you’ve had the baby? LYDIA Like you’re not going to kill me as soon as the baby is born. (Slams book down on the coffee table) Go on. Pull it out from the wall already. QUENTIN Thank you. QUENTIN pulls the exercise bike out from the wall and LYDIA slowly makes her way to the bike. She makes a show of getting on and starts peddling while QUENTIN finishes cleaning the mess. QUENTIN You’ll be glad you’re doin’ this. I’ve read that women who get regular exercise up until their due date have much easier deliveries than those that stay sedentary. LYDIA Sedentary? Passive-aggressive? Look at you and your ten dollar words. QUENTIN A person has to study up to have a conversation with you. QUENTIN exits with towel into the kitchen.
15 LYDIA While you’re up, I’d love a cup of hot cocoa, if you don’t mind. QUENTIN (offstage) You really piss me off sometimes! LYDIA Quentin, or whatever your name is, tell me something. And be honest. Am I ever going to make it out of this room? QUENTIN (offstage) Of course you are. I just haven’t decided in what condition it’ll be. LYDIA Thanks a lot, asshole. Ever been married before? QUENTIN enters with fresh cocoa for LYDIA. QUENTIN No. Why do you ask? LYDIA Because you do this very well. I mean the unlawful imprisonment withstanding I don’t understand why you don’t do this legitimately. Meet a girl. Settle down. Have a child. Without locked doors. QUENTIN People leave. (Beat) Don’t ask me about my past. LYDIA All I’m saying is that you’re not a bad man. I hate you. But if you hadn’t kidnapped me, I would’ve dated you. I might’ve even fallen for you. QUENTIN This isn’t gonna work. LYDIA What? QUENTIN What you’re doin’. Right here. Sweet talkin’ me like I’m a good man. Someone you could be with. It’s bullshit. LYDIA I mean it. Maybe it’s the hormones talking, but if you’re feeling frisky I could even go a round or two.
16 QUENTIN Shut up! I didn’t bring you here for sex. Fuck. I haven’t even touched you like that since we found out you were pregnant. What kind of monster do you think I am? (Beat) You don’t really want to, do ya? LYDIA I don’t know what I want. I mean besides getting out of here. QUENTIN You don’t even know where here is. LYDIA You’re right. You could tell me, though. QUENTIN Not a chance in hell. LYDIA I have to level with you. About the baby. QUENTIN Go ahead. LYDIA May I take a break? QUENTIN No. You can level with me while you peddle. LYDIA You are such an asshole. I don’t know how I feel about leaving my baby with you. I don’t know the first thing about you. Except that you’re a doctor. QUENTIN What makes you think that? LYDIA You’re going to deliver the baby. You have to be a doctor. QUENTIN Lydia, there ain’t enough brains in my head for me to be a doctor. I know just enough to be dangerous. LYDIA You’re dangerous alright. You’re…whoa. LYDIA doubles over on the bike. Drops cocoa. LYDIA Oh shit.
17 QUENTIN What is it? Liddie, you okay? LYDIA Of course I’m not okay. QUENTIN Here. I’ll help you to the couch. QUENTIN leads LYDIA to the couch and helps her down. He props up her feet and feels her forehead. QUENTIN You want some water? Lemme get you some water. LYDIA No. No. Just get me some more cocoa. QUENTIN Fat chance. (Feels around her stomach) Are you tender anywhere? LYDIA I’m fine. I don’t think it was a contraction. Doctor. QUENTIN Very funny. Just lay there for now. See if you have any more pains. LYDIA What’s your name, Quentin? Your real name. QUENTIN I’m sorry, Liddie. There are some things I just can’t tell you. QUENTIN starts to exit to the kitchen. LYDIA Please. I’d at least like to know what my child’s father’s real name is. QUENTIN Get some rest. I’ll get dinner ready.
Blackout.
18 Scene Five: Afterbirth Two months have passed since the last scene. At the top of the scene nobody is on stage. The room is in a good deal of disarray, and there are clothes strewn over the couch, the recliner, and the exercise bike. QUENTIN enters from the kitchen with an empty laundry basket and starts picking up the clothes from the aforementioned areas. LYDIA enters from the bedroom. She is close to bursting and her clothes show it. LYDIA waddles to the couch and plops down. LYDIA I think I’m going to die. QUENTIN I know, baby. I wish I had somethin’ to give you for the pain. But you’re just about ready. Have your contractions started? LYDIA If only. I hope you know that if I make it through the delivery, I’m going to strangle you with the umbilical cord. QUENTIN Whatever you say. QUENTIN has filled the laundry basket and exits with it in the kitchen. LYDIA Doctor! I need some lemonade. Stat! QUENTIN (offstage) One lemonade comin’ up. And I’m not a doctor! LYDIA Whatever. I don’t believe you. QUENTIN enters with a glass of lemonade for LYDIA and a small pitcher for refills, which he sets on the coffee table. QUENTIN One lemonade for the lady. LYDIA Could you make it a Lynchburg?
19 QUENTIN Sorry, Liddie. I don’t want my baby to have low birth weight because his or her mother was hittin’ the sauce. LYDIA I don’t think you have to worry about low birth weight. I’m as big as a house. It has to be healthy. QUENTIN I wish I could say the same for you. Have you been slackin’ off on your exercise? LYDIA Guilty. QUENTIN Dammit, Liddie, I need you to be healthy when I take the baby. LYDIA Take the baby? QUENTIN When it’s born. I mean when it’s born. LYDIA No, you don’t. You’re going to induce labor, aren’t you? Aren’t you! You know how to…you can do that? QUENTIN Just calm down, Liddie. Deep breaths. I’ll get a cool, damp cloth for you. QUENTIN exits into the bedroom while LYDIA drinks her lemonade. He hurries back in with a damp cloth. Any traces of coarse speech have vanished. QUENTIN Here you go. Let me put it right here on your forehead. Or would you rather the back of your neck? LYDIA No. That feels fine. What happened to the Quentin-speak? QUENTIN (regaining façade) Shut up. Just relax. LYDIA Why are you going to induce labor, Doctor? Are you nervous? Or just getting sloppy. QUENTIN Gettin’ sloppy? I’ve been nothin’ but careful with you. I got you all the way here from your apartment without anyone seein’ us. I took your car to the middle of nowhere and torched it, and nobody was the
20 QUENTIN (CON’T) wiser. I brought you tampons and books and clothes and food without leavin’ a paper trail. So don’t talk to me about nervous or sloppy. Cause I’m not. LYDIA You’re sloppy enough to tell me I’m a long way from my apartment. What is it? Another city? Another state? Probably not another state. That wouldn’t make much sense. Plus you’d be looking at a felony if you got caught. QUENTIN I’m not gonna get caught. But maybe we are in another state. After all, if I’m gonna kidnap someone, I want there to be the least possible connection between us. LYDIA So, another state. But not your state. QUENTIN No. Not my state. And not my city. But close enough. And that’s all you get. LYDIA What little good that does me. As soon as the baby is born, you’re probably going to move again. QUENTIN Drink your lemonade. LYDIA refills her glass. Deep breaths. There is little left in the pitcher. LYDIA If I were you, I’d leave the country. QUENTIN Don’t worry about what I should do. If I were you, I’d be more concerned with what the hell I was gonna do after I got outta here. LYDIA What do you think I’m going to do? (Crosses to face him) I will not rest until I’ve hunted you down and gotten my baby back! Do you seriously believe I would let my only child be raised by a lunatic?! QUENTIN Now I’ve treated you pretty fairly up to this point! Don’t ruin it. LYDIA Spare me the bullshit. My death’s been on the calendar for a year now! QUENTIN No! (No trace of faked accent) It wasn’t! I have never killed a human being in my life. And I’m sure as hell not going to start with you.
21 LYDIA Come on, Doctor! You didn’t get to this point without losing someone on the table! QUENTIN It wasn’t my fault! Goddammit, I was good at what I did. I was going to be the best. But someone had to take the fall, and that someone was me. I lost my job, my wife, and my little girl in the span of about two months. I go from being a surgeon to carrying support beams on a construction site. Where is the fairness in that? LYDIA You’ve stolen a year of my life! Now you’re going to steal my baby and leave me here to die. (Pain) Oh shit. (Doubles over) QUENTIN What? LYDIA I think this might be it. QUENTIN Quick. Over to the couch. QUENTIN leads LYDIA to the couch. QUENTIN As much as you can, I need you to relax. Focus on your breathing. I need to get my bag. QUENTIN hurries into the bedroom. LYDIA Relax. Relax my ass, you psychopathic piece of shit. QUENTIN enters with his doctor’s bag. Puts it on the back of the couch. QUENTIN I heard that. LYDIA Sorry. QUENTIN Alright. We’re going to need to get you out of those sweat pants. LYDIA I don’t think this is exactly the time for make-up sex. QUENTIN Funny. Now spread ‘em.
22 LYDIA spreads her legs slightly and QUENTIN pulls her sweat pants off to examine her more thoroughly. QUENTIN I’m sorry about before. Really. And don’t worry. You’re going to walk away from this. I promise. LYDIA I know. But I’m the one who’s sorry. QUENTIN Stop it. You don’t have any reason to be sorry. QUENTIN is preparing to remove her panties for the delivery. LYDIA Yes I do. I really do. LYDIA grabs the lemonade pitcher and crashes QUENTIN across the head with it. He goes over the back of the couch taking his doctor bag with an angry, painful cry. LYDIA gets up and crosses around the back of the couch. QUENTIN seems unconscious. LYDIA retrieves a shard from the pitcher handle and takes aim. LYDIA You’re not going to take my baby. LYDIA raises her arms with the shard and prepares to strike QUENTIN a death blow in the throat when he emerges from behind the couch and pulls her down with him. They struggle for a short while ending in gurgling screams from LYDIA and pained groans from QUENTIN. At last QUENTIN rises from behind the couch, spattered in blood with a bloody scalpel in his hand. QUENTIN I think we’re ready to operate. (Beat) I hope it’s a boy.
Blackout.
2 LYDIA Jeff? QUENTIN Jeff! Wiry shit. About fifty. Been on the site longer than any of us. LYDIA Oh. Jeff. QUENTIN Yeah. So everyone knows that Jeff throws back a forty on his lunch break. He pops mints. Chews gum. But you can still smell it a mile away. I dunno why Gus hasn’t fired him yet. LYDIA finishes her wine and polishes off the bottle. LYDIA Maybe he was going to. Maybe he just couldn’t make up his mind. QUENTIN Well, his mind’s been made up for him. Jeff was carryin’ some pipes up on the seventh floor. Lost his footing. Splat. LYDIA Quentin! Is he alright? He didn’t die, did he? QUENTIN Lydia, baby, no. No. He’ll be fine. But he’s off the site. They kept us over because the ambulance and cops stopped work for close to an hour. We’re already set back two weeks as it is. LYDIA You’ll catch up. QUENTIN It doesn’t matter. You read the day away? LYDIA I don’t have a lot of options. And I haven’t been feeling so hot, either. QUENTIN Anything I can do? LYDIA You know better than to ask that. QUENTIN Hmm. Point taken. (Big swig) Place looks good. LYDIA Just the way you like it.
3 QUENTIN You better watch out. (Big swig) You keep spoilin’ me like this, I’m gonna have to marry you. LYDIA Why buy the cow, Quentin? QUENTIN Oh, baby. Honey. You’re a lot of things. A cow ain’t one of ‘em. (Big swig) Round two. QUENTIN crosses to kitchen to get another beer. QUENTIN (offstage) What do you want for supper tonight? LYDIA I’m not hungry. QUENTIN (offstage) You gotta eat somethin’. Can’t have you wastin’ away on me. QUENTIN enters with another beer. LYDIA Whatever you want is fine. QUENTIN I’ll broil some salmon. Salad. Maybe some fruit. It’s been steamy all day. Then I thought we could…ya know. Give it another try. LYDIA Of course. It’s your dime.
Blackout.
4 Scene Two: Foreplay It is two o’ clock in the morning. LYDIA steps out of the bedroom at UL. She is only wearing a button-down dress shirt, obviously QUENTIN’s. She is restless, surveys the rooms, wanders about, and sprawls on the couch. QUENTIN enters in pajama bottoms, no shirt. He is groggy. QUENTIN Can’t sleep, baby? LYDIA I’m sleepwalking. QUENTIN Come back to bed, Lydia. LYDIA We’ve already done it there. QUENTIN I’ve gotta be at work in four hours. I need to sleep. LYDIA I’m in heat. QUENTIN I’ll turn up the air. LYDIA No. I’m primed for you. QUENTIN You gotta be kiddin’ me. LYDIA Don’t you want this, Quentin? (Poses suggestively) I can’t sleep, honey. Wear me out. Make me sing. We haven’t christened the kitchen counter yet. QUENTIN Lydia. LYDIA Don’t you want me? I’m already wet, Quentin. Wet for you. Ride me, honey. You haven’t had dessert yet. I’m delicious. Juicy. I’ll run down your chin.
5 QUENTIN is trying to restrain himself. QUENTIN Stop it. LYDIA I want you inside me. Now. QUENTIN Fuck this. I’m gettin’ some juice. QUENTIN exits into the kitchen. LYDIA Get me some, too. LYDIA abandons her sex-cat posturing and preens while she waits for QUENTIN to return. She eyes the door. LYDIA I don’t know why you’re so upset. I thought this was what you wanted. QUENTIN (offstage) I never asked for that. LYDIA Make up your mind then. So I know how to act. QUENTIN enters with two glasses of juice. He sets one on the coffee table for LYDIA and stands by the recliner. QUENTIN This isn’t a game. Don’t play games with me. LYDIA I’m playing games? This from the man who… QUENTIN What goes on between a man and a woman in the bedroom has nothin’ to do with what you were suggestin’. LYDIA Make a choice, Quentin. I’ll be your girlfriend or your whore. I won’t play both. QUENTIN downs juice and starts to exit to the bedroom. LYDIA Please.
6 QUENTIN stops. QUENTIN How long have you been with me? LYDIA Two months. QUENTIN We’ve had a lot of good nights, hadn’t we? LYDIA Yes. QUENTIN (moving towards her) I’ve never raised a hand to you. LYDIA Never. QUENTIN So what was that all about? LYDIA I just…nothing. QUENTIN We have to be smart about it. Keep on tryin’. It’ll happen. You’ll see. LYDIA I’m sorry I woke you. QUENTIN It’s alright, baby. Come back to bed. LYDIA I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’ll see if I can’t wind down a little first. QUENTIN Is there anything I can get you? Warm milk? Somethin’ to eat? LYDIA You’re too kind to me, Quentin. QUENTIN Nah.
7 LYDIA No. Really. You are. It’s confusing. QUENTIN I want you to feel comfortable here. LYDIA I do. And there are times I didn’t know that I would. That I could. You’re a good man. QUENTIN I’m a tired man, that’s what I am. LYDIA Don’t brush it off. Talk to me. QUENTIN I’m gonna be worthless tomorrow if I don’t get some sleep. LYDIA It’s already tomorrow. QUENTIN Today. Tomorrow. It’s all the same. LYDIA It’s not too late. QUENTIN We’re not havin’ this discussion. LYDIA But I don’t get it. Why? QUENTIN Things are goin’ so good right now! We’re tryin’ for a baby. I know it’s not the perfect situation. I’d like to be able to give you more. But this is only temporary. I promise. LYDIA Temporary? I’m not even pregnant yet. There’s a whole nother nine months after that! It’s not temporary. QUENTIN What do you want from me? LYDIA Don’t ask me that? QUENTIN What do you want from me?
8 LYDIA You already know. QUENTIN What do you want from me?! LYDIA I want to go home! QUENTIN Good. You said it. Now get it out of your system. I’m goin’ to bed. Goodnight, Lydia.
Blackout.
9 Scene Three: Fertilization It is five o’ clock in the afternoon. One month has passed since the previous scene. As the lights rise, LYDIA is at the UR exit, trying to open the door. The door is locked from the outside, and she has no means to unlatch the lock that keeps her from freedom. LYDIA manipulates the two locks she can open and tries to use what strength she has to jar the door. She is not successful. LYDIA relocks the two locks and crosses to the couch. She is clean but disheveled, her hair is pulled back, and she is wearing old linen pants, a loose, cotton blouse, and no shoes. LYDIA No need to let Quentin catch me trying to escape. Again. There is a noise at door. QUENTIN unlocks the door and enters. He is carrying a small shopping bag from the pharmacy. He also has a newspaper. QUENTIN I got it, Liddie. I got the test. This is it. LYDIA We don’t know that. QUENTIN You said you’re two weeks late. What else could it be? LYDIA Sometimes a woman might miss her period if she’s under a great amount of stress. QUENTIN Are you stressed, baby? LYDIA No, Quentin. I love being held against my will. QUENTIN Here. Go to the bathroom and start the test. We can wait on it together. LYDIA Are you serious? QUENTIN What? You want me to hold the stick while you piss on it? Go. LYDIA relents and crosses into the bedroom.
10 QUENTIN That’s my girl. I knew you’d come through. That’s why I picked you. You’re dependable. Never changed your habits. Seven, forty-five in the mornin’ you were out your door. Stopped in the corner store for some coffee and Danish. Then off to work. I wonder how long it took ‘em to replace you? Eleven, forty-five you took your lunch in the park. Sometimes you brought it, sometimes you went to this Greek deli. And you sat at the same picnic table. Readin’ your books. Always readin’. I wanted to come and talk to you sooner, but…Twelve-thirty, back to work. Then back home by five or so. Hardly anyone ever came over. You didn’t go out a lot. Dunno why. Pretty girl. Beautiful. Not a wallflower. I thought maybe we wasn’t so different. Just waitin’ for the right person to come along. LYDIA enters with the pregnancy test. LYDIA The right person doesn’t do this. QUENTIN So we wait? LYDIA We wait. QUENTIN I picked up a paper. You made the news. LYDIA puts the test stick on the coffee table and dives into the newspaper. LYDIA It only took three months. Where is it? QUENTIN Front page of the C Section. Which I think is kinda funny, seein’ as that we’re tryin’ to conceive. LYDIA (reading) Police found the remains of a white, Ford Tempo on the outskirts of County Road 641. The Tempo was registered in the name of one Lydia Owens, resident of the East Side, who abandoned her apartment three months ago. The car was scorched, and no remains of Miss Owens were recovered. Local authorities are beginning to investigate Miss Owens’ disappearance, though they are not optimistic. More than 80,000 missing person cases were reported last year nationwide… QUENTIN Sorry ‘bout your car. LYDIA You torched my car. QUENTIN Liddie, I did you a favor. Before that car turned up, you weren’t even a blip on the radar. They’re lookin’
11 QUENTIN (CON’T) for you now. They won’t find you, but at least they’re lookin’. And when you do finally turn up, you’ll be able to give ‘em one hell of a story. Probably get you on television. LYDIA They think I abandoned my apartment. QUENTIN No forced entry. No signs of a struggle. No reason to believe you were abducted. No major debt. Person like you could pick up and move any time she wanted. LYDIA This is ridiculous. A person doesn’t just up and disappear. My work would’ve called. Would’ve checked up on me. This can’t be the first notice of it. QUENTIN You’re invisible, Liddie. LYDIA Stop calling me that! You make it sound familiar. Cozy. Like I’m something special to you. Don’t kid yourself. You’re nothing to me. QUENTIN That’s okay, baby. I know you’re upset. It must be scary to not have anyone in the world. No family. No friends to speak of. That’s why I picked you. You’re perfect. LYDIA I hate you. You disgust me. QUENTIN Seems I disgust most women. But that ain’t gonna keep me from havin’ more. Family. I don’t need a wife for that. Just someone to have a baby. Someone to be my…what’s the word? LYDIA Surrogate. QUENTIN Yeah, that’s it. My surrogate. It’s like this: you have my baby, and in nine months, I’m gonna have the family I always wanted. And you’ll finally have a life. Free. You won’t be invisible anymore, that’s for sure. LYDIA I have to get pregnant first. QUENTIN I bet you already are. Check it. LYDIA looks at the pregnancy stick.
12 QUENTIN Lemme see it. LYDIA hands it over. He examines it. QUENTIN There ya go. I’m gonna be a daddy. LYDIA What about me? QUENTIN Baby, I’m gonna treat you like a queen! You’re my surrogate. Hell, come to think of it, I’m your surrogate. I’m gonna give you a life when this is all over. And you’ll never have to see me again. LYDIA Do you think it’s that easy? QUENTIN What? LYDIA You’re stealing a year of my life to have your child. A child that is going to have to be delivered in a hospital! A child whose mother is going to have to have regular check-ups to bring a healthy baby into this world! Are you going to deliver it? Say you do. What then? Do you honestly believe I’ll let you take my baby? I know your name, Quentin. I know what you do. You can’t get away from me quickly enough! This plan of yours is preposterous. You’re going to fail. QUENTIN Oh really? LYDIA Yeah. Really. QUENTIN News flash, Liddie. Quentin isn’t my name. You know nothing.
Blackout.
13 Scene Four: Contraction Six months have passed since the previous scene. LYDIA is propped on the couch. She is showing her pregnancy and is dressed in sweat pants and a baggy T-shirt. There is an exercise bike that has been added to the room, situated along the back wall. As the scene begins, LYDIA is reading. QUENTIN enters from the kitchen with two cups of hot hot chocolate. He places one on the coffee table for LYDIA. QUENTIN I put extra marshmallows in yours, just the way you like it. LYDIA Thanks. LYDIA takes her cup and pours the contents behind the couch with her free hand as she continues reading. QUENTIN Jesus Christ, Liddie! What the hell do you think you’re doin’? LYDIA Reading. QUENTIN Goddammit! I don’t work all day to come home to this shit. QUENTIN hurries into the kitchen. QUENTIN (offstage) Just because you’re in the home stretch doesn’t give you the right to act this way. QUENTIN enters with towels to clean up the mess behind the couch. Aren’t you goin’ to say anything? LYDIA I guess your queen wasn’t in the mood for cocoa. QUENTIN Yeah? I’m not in the mood to clean up after you, either. Don’t think I’m gonna put up with this passiveaggressive shit for the next three months. First thing I’ll do is take away your books. You haven’t even been usin’ the exercise bike I got you.
14 LYDIA Maybe I don’t want to. QUENTIN You really don’t have a choice. LYDIA What are you going to do? Hit me? QUENTIN Have I hit you before? LYDIA No. QUENTIN Then stop askin’ stupid questions and get your ass on that bike. I want my baby to be healthy, and you need the exercise. LYDIA At least let me finish this chapter. QUENTIN Don’t you wanna look good after you’ve had the baby? LYDIA Like you’re not going to kill me as soon as the baby is born. (Slams book down on the coffee table) Go on. Pull it out from the wall already. QUENTIN Thank you. QUENTIN pulls the exercise bike out from the wall and LYDIA slowly makes her way to the bike. She makes a show of getting on and starts peddling while QUENTIN finishes cleaning the mess. QUENTIN You’ll be glad you’re doin’ this. I’ve read that women who get regular exercise up until their due date have much easier deliveries than those that stay sedentary. LYDIA Sedentary? Passive-aggressive? Look at you and your ten dollar words. QUENTIN A person has to study up to have a conversation with you. QUENTIN exits with towel into the kitchen.
15 LYDIA While you’re up, I’d love a cup of hot cocoa, if you don’t mind. QUENTIN (offstage) You really piss me off sometimes! LYDIA Quentin, or whatever your name is, tell me something. And be honest. Am I ever going to make it out of this room? QUENTIN (offstage) Of course you are. I just haven’t decided in what condition it’ll be. LYDIA Thanks a lot, asshole. Ever been married before? QUENTIN enters with fresh cocoa for LYDIA. QUENTIN No. Why do you ask? LYDIA Because you do this very well. I mean the unlawful imprisonment withstanding I don’t understand why you don’t do this legitimately. Meet a girl. Settle down. Have a child. Without locked doors. QUENTIN People leave. (Beat) Don’t ask me about my past. LYDIA All I’m saying is that you’re not a bad man. I hate you. But if you hadn’t kidnapped me, I would’ve dated you. I might’ve even fallen for you. QUENTIN This isn’t gonna work. LYDIA What? QUENTIN What you’re doin’. Right here. Sweet talkin’ me like I’m a good man. Someone you could be with. It’s bullshit. LYDIA I mean it. Maybe it’s the hormones talking, but if you’re feeling frisky I could even go a round or two.
16 QUENTIN Shut up! I didn’t bring you here for sex. Fuck. I haven’t even touched you like that since we found out you were pregnant. What kind of monster do you think I am? (Beat) You don’t really want to, do ya? LYDIA I don’t know what I want. I mean besides getting out of here. QUENTIN You don’t even know where here is. LYDIA You’re right. You could tell me, though. QUENTIN Not a chance in hell. LYDIA I have to level with you. About the baby. QUENTIN Go ahead. LYDIA May I take a break? QUENTIN No. You can level with me while you peddle. LYDIA You are such an asshole. I don’t know how I feel about leaving my baby with you. I don’t know the first thing about you. Except that you’re a doctor. QUENTIN What makes you think that? LYDIA You’re going to deliver the baby. You have to be a doctor. QUENTIN Lydia, there ain’t enough brains in my head for me to be a doctor. I know just enough to be dangerous. LYDIA You’re dangerous alright. You’re…whoa. LYDIA doubles over on the bike. Drops cocoa. LYDIA Oh shit.
17 QUENTIN What is it? Liddie, you okay? LYDIA Of course I’m not okay. QUENTIN Here. I’ll help you to the couch. QUENTIN leads LYDIA to the couch and helps her down. He props up her feet and feels her forehead. QUENTIN You want some water? Lemme get you some water. LYDIA No. No. Just get me some more cocoa. QUENTIN Fat chance. (Feels around her stomach) Are you tender anywhere? LYDIA I’m fine. I don’t think it was a contraction. Doctor. QUENTIN Very funny. Just lay there for now. See if you have any more pains. LYDIA What’s your name, Quentin? Your real name. QUENTIN I’m sorry, Liddie. There are some things I just can’t tell you. QUENTIN starts to exit to the kitchen. LYDIA Please. I’d at least like to know what my child’s father’s real name is. QUENTIN Get some rest. I’ll get dinner ready.
Blackout.
18 Scene Five: Afterbirth Two months have passed since the last scene. At the top of the scene nobody is on stage. The room is in a good deal of disarray, and there are clothes strewn over the couch, the recliner, and the exercise bike. QUENTIN enters from the kitchen with an empty laundry basket and starts picking up the clothes from the aforementioned areas. LYDIA enters from the bedroom. She is close to bursting and her clothes show it. LYDIA waddles to the couch and plops down. LYDIA I think I’m going to die. QUENTIN I know, baby. I wish I had somethin’ to give you for the pain. But you’re just about ready. Have your contractions started? LYDIA If only. I hope you know that if I make it through the delivery, I’m going to strangle you with the umbilical cord. QUENTIN Whatever you say. QUENTIN has filled the laundry basket and exits with it in the kitchen. LYDIA Doctor! I need some lemonade. Stat! QUENTIN (offstage) One lemonade comin’ up. And I’m not a doctor! LYDIA Whatever. I don’t believe you. QUENTIN enters with a glass of lemonade for LYDIA and a small pitcher for refills, which he sets on the coffee table. QUENTIN One lemonade for the lady. LYDIA Could you make it a Lynchburg?
19 QUENTIN Sorry, Liddie. I don’t want my baby to have low birth weight because his or her mother was hittin’ the sauce. LYDIA I don’t think you have to worry about low birth weight. I’m as big as a house. It has to be healthy. QUENTIN I wish I could say the same for you. Have you been slackin’ off on your exercise? LYDIA Guilty. QUENTIN Dammit, Liddie, I need you to be healthy when I take the baby. LYDIA Take the baby? QUENTIN When it’s born. I mean when it’s born. LYDIA No, you don’t. You’re going to induce labor, aren’t you? Aren’t you! You know how to…you can do that? QUENTIN Just calm down, Liddie. Deep breaths. I’ll get a cool, damp cloth for you. QUENTIN exits into the bedroom while LYDIA drinks her lemonade. He hurries back in with a damp cloth. Any traces of coarse speech have vanished. QUENTIN Here you go. Let me put it right here on your forehead. Or would you rather the back of your neck? LYDIA No. That feels fine. What happened to the Quentin-speak? QUENTIN (regaining façade) Shut up. Just relax. LYDIA Why are you going to induce labor, Doctor? Are you nervous? Or just getting sloppy. QUENTIN Gettin’ sloppy? I’ve been nothin’ but careful with you. I got you all the way here from your apartment without anyone seein’ us. I took your car to the middle of nowhere and torched it, and nobody was the
20 QUENTIN (CON’T) wiser. I brought you tampons and books and clothes and food without leavin’ a paper trail. So don’t talk to me about nervous or sloppy. Cause I’m not. LYDIA You’re sloppy enough to tell me I’m a long way from my apartment. What is it? Another city? Another state? Probably not another state. That wouldn’t make much sense. Plus you’d be looking at a felony if you got caught. QUENTIN I’m not gonna get caught. But maybe we are in another state. After all, if I’m gonna kidnap someone, I want there to be the least possible connection between us. LYDIA So, another state. But not your state. QUENTIN No. Not my state. And not my city. But close enough. And that’s all you get. LYDIA What little good that does me. As soon as the baby is born, you’re probably going to move again. QUENTIN Drink your lemonade. LYDIA refills her glass. Deep breaths. There is little left in the pitcher. LYDIA If I were you, I’d leave the country. QUENTIN Don’t worry about what I should do. If I were you, I’d be more concerned with what the hell I was gonna do after I got outta here. LYDIA What do you think I’m going to do? (Crosses to face him) I will not rest until I’ve hunted you down and gotten my baby back! Do you seriously believe I would let my only child be raised by a lunatic?! QUENTIN Now I’ve treated you pretty fairly up to this point! Don’t ruin it. LYDIA Spare me the bullshit. My death’s been on the calendar for a year now! QUENTIN No! (No trace of faked accent) It wasn’t! I have never killed a human being in my life. And I’m sure as hell not going to start with you.
21 LYDIA Come on, Doctor! You didn’t get to this point without losing someone on the table! QUENTIN It wasn’t my fault! Goddammit, I was good at what I did. I was going to be the best. But someone had to take the fall, and that someone was me. I lost my job, my wife, and my little girl in the span of about two months. I go from being a surgeon to carrying support beams on a construction site. Where is the fairness in that? LYDIA You’ve stolen a year of my life! Now you’re going to steal my baby and leave me here to die. (Pain) Oh shit. (Doubles over) QUENTIN What? LYDIA I think this might be it. QUENTIN Quick. Over to the couch. QUENTIN leads LYDIA to the couch. QUENTIN As much as you can, I need you to relax. Focus on your breathing. I need to get my bag. QUENTIN hurries into the bedroom. LYDIA Relax. Relax my ass, you psychopathic piece of shit. QUENTIN enters with his doctor’s bag. Puts it on the back of the couch. QUENTIN I heard that. LYDIA Sorry. QUENTIN Alright. We’re going to need to get you out of those sweat pants. LYDIA I don’t think this is exactly the time for make-up sex. QUENTIN Funny. Now spread ‘em.
22 LYDIA spreads her legs slightly and QUENTIN pulls her sweat pants off to examine her more thoroughly. QUENTIN I’m sorry about before. Really. And don’t worry. You’re going to walk away from this. I promise. LYDIA I know. But I’m the one who’s sorry. QUENTIN Stop it. You don’t have any reason to be sorry. QUENTIN is preparing to remove her panties for the delivery. LYDIA Yes I do. I really do. LYDIA grabs the lemonade pitcher and crashes QUENTIN across the head with it. He goes over the back of the couch taking his doctor bag with an angry, painful cry. LYDIA gets up and crosses around the back of the couch. QUENTIN seems unconscious. LYDIA retrieves a shard from the pitcher handle and takes aim. LYDIA You’re not going to take my baby. LYDIA raises her arms with the shard and prepares to strike QUENTIN a death blow in the throat when he emerges from behind the couch and pulls her down with him. They struggle for a short while ending in gurgling screams from LYDIA and pained groans from QUENTIN. At last QUENTIN rises from behind the couch, spattered in blood with a bloody scalpel in his hand. QUENTIN I think we’re ready to operate. (Beat) I hope it’s a boy.
Blackout.
