The Austin Cut Issue #10

March 2012

MARCH SHOW LIST FREE SHOWS FINDER! SXSW WEEK
Page 17

How far can you get when you start with nothing? P.7

Refugees in Austin

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The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

Contents
Issue 10
Starting Over . . . .
by Lisa van Dam-Bates

$20/DAY BIKE RENTALS
3 DAYS: $15/DAY - 5 DAYS: $10/DAY

March 2012
. . . . . .

How far can you get when you start with nothing?

2308 E. CESAR CHAVEZ 7 AUSTIN, TEXAS 78702

MON-FRI 10-6 Served . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 SAT 10-3

Fo o d

March madness
by Marie Scott

Drink of the Month . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Ever heard of a Bloody Mary shot?
by Lisa van Dam-Bates

(512) 542-9505

N EWS
Reader Response . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
Some people get offended and others shower us with praise

LONGHORN BIKES
SALES, SERVICE, PARTS, RENTALS

The Criminal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Narcotics cops are gonna try n’ win this thing one dealer at a time
by Brandon Roberts

Music
Unofficial Fever
by Rebecca Seung

Save the official bullshit for someone else’s time. Here’s where you wanna be, for free.

. . . . . . . . . 12

Impressive
Styles
with Color or Highlights
Walk-ins welcome Closed Sundays 512.554.1483
2308 E. Cesar Chavez Austin, Texas 78702

A Tale of Two Burgers . . . . . . . 15
by Louis Fontenot

Free unofficial SXSW shows may be fleeting, but the burger will definitely live on.

FREE Haircut

March 2012 Music List
by Josh Newport and Curtis Grey

The most relevant and scholarly music calendar in Austin. If you take this too seriously, there’s something wrong with you.

. . . . . . . . 17

S EX
Sexscapes
Hardcopy porn collections aren’t just for perverts
by Anderson Rodriguez

. . . . . . . . . . . .

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austincut.com | March 2012, The Austin Cut

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Staff
Music Calendar

SOME PEOPLE GET OFFENDED AND OTHERS SHOWER US WITH PRAISE
RE: Austin’s Dirty Secret: Dillo Dirt
The “Great Lawn” at Zilker Park (where the ACL fest is held) is STILL dead and brown. The rest of the park is thriving, and ankle deep grasses are being cut almost weekly. The goal is to kill the park, then build condos. Austin is rife with corruption and the next five years are going to blow everyone’s minds. It’s definitely over. -Ruined the park?

Reader Response

Editor-in-Chief
Brandon Roberts

Managing Editor
Lisa van Dam-Bates Louis Fontenot, Rebecca Seung Josh Newport, Curtis Grey

about to ram down your throats. Thanks to Laura Morrison and Kathie Tovo, the Texas Rose group and Better Austin Today for fighting against this terrible injustice. If you aren’t getting involved in getting new faces on the city council -- Laura Pressley, etc. -- you should be. Getting rid of Martinez, Riley and Spellman should be our highest priority. -Occupy Arrests

RE: The Austin Cut

Copy Editors
Nick Longoria

Columnists & Contributors
Anderson Rodriguez, Marie Scott

Cover Art
Lisa van Dam-Bates

Photographer
Aaron Robertson

Hey there...Dan from the Austin Chronicle. Just wanted to let you know that we’ve been finding Austin Cut papers in our racks. Please let your distribution people know that they can’t use our racks to distribThe decision to shoot heroin in your arm purchased ute your paper. from an anonymous retailer vetted by an online comThanks, and we wish you success in your publishing munity shows a shocking faith in the efficacy of the free endeavor! market. Even if Adam Smith were a degenerate junkie, -Dan Hardick still he would say that’s insane. Circulation Manager -Ian Austin Chronicle

RE: Silk Road: A Vicious Blow to the War on Drugs

RE: Communications

Advertising Director
Lisa van Dam-Bates

Advertising Representatives
Jamie Rice, Bobbi Jo Rice

About This Issue

I hope all you Austin psychos are ready for March – the month that can only be defined in terms of one thing. SXSW®, South-ByTM, etc. … and don’t you even think about treading on their trademark. Luckily, we at the Austin Cut don’t need to worry about that nonsense, because we’re broke and committed to doing this thing right: unofficial and FOR FREE. This month’s feature is a sensitive subject, and long in the works. We hope that some of you will turn off Jeopardy for a second and volunteer. Austin’s refugees rely on people like you to make it in this wicked country.

I really enjoy the cultural and political coverage in the Austin Cut. You are touching areas others ignore such as the fine article about how hard it is to be a waitress and to survive on $2.13 an hour plus tips. This has become, according to USA Today, the third most expensive city to live in, in the USA. Right behind San Francisco and Boston. That, of course, is based on income. Not everyone makes $80,000 in the gaming industry it appears or lives on a trustfund in a downtown condo. You miss a lot of opportunities by not having your phone listed on your masthead. Not everyone has a lap top or an Iphone stuck into their ear at all times of the day. Some of us actually prefer to speak to someone one on one. -S.

RE: 22 Thoughts, Befriend The Bears

Tsk-Tsk. Didn’t even have the guts to simply say generic. Tried to play it safe by saying The Bears are ‘somewhat generic’ Because you know you’re wrong. -Emily Rae (Author’s note: Last month, I called this band “somewhat generic.” I’d like to retract that statement and say that Befriend the Bears are SUPER generic.)

RE: Served, El Meson
Just read your article (oct 3) about El Meson restaurant while researching Atticus Macias. My wife has worked at La Reyna Restaurant for over 20 years. She is an excellent waitress and beloved by her customers. Your article really hit home with her because she suffered from Atticus’ strict and intimidating demeanor. We are currently going to the Texas Workforce Commission to get her unemployment benefits which were awarded but Atticus has filed a protest so that’s on hold. He is desperate and making false claims. We have a telephone hearing Thursday Feb. 2 on this matter. We are also in the process of filing an age discrimination suit on him too. Atticus has tried to ruin many people’s livelihood and it needs to stop. -M.

Writers! Contact

RE: Austin Police Shut Down and Arrest Occupy Austin from 2AM-6AM
The Occupy Austin group has shown enormous courage and determination against the winter weather, the police, the city administration and the endless cowardly carping of many of the cheap shot artists on these blogs. More power to Eric, Debbie Russell, David Van Os and Virginia Lu -- they have shown enormous courage to stand up and speak out and fight back. Those of you who stand silently on the sideline will no doubt enjoy the HUGE rate increase in both electricity and water that your so-called “progressive” council is

We’re looking for someone to write an advice column. Send us your best to the below e-mail or regular mail address. We’re also looking for journalists who know how to do research and pull it all together. We’re looking to uncover hypocrisy, ridiculousness, and other generally unbroken stories. There are no shortages of those things here. Writing for us will look great on your resume and we’ll even buy you a drink.

E-Mail [email protected] Phone (512) 221-2136 The Austin Cut 1712 E. Riverside Dr., Box 56 Austin, Texas 78741

Questions? Compliments?
Call the Austin Cut’s new office hotline! We’re down to chat 24/7. Or, if you’re more into leaving text messages, you can follow the QR code to the right. It’ll lead you to a no-nonsense comment form. Oh, yeah. The number:

512-221-2136

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The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

MARCH MADNESS
by Marie Scott
March in Austin is a damn good time to be in the service industry. Pretty much every hotel, food trailer, restaurant, and bar is hiring extra people to accommodate the 30,000 or so (rich) people that show up for SXSW. Even if you haven’t worked as a waitress or bartender in a while, you can still find something to make some extra cash. It’s not like anyone who’s been bartending in the last couple of years can afford to actually attend any SXSW events anyway.  Just a heads up to all you out-of-towners: people are going to be getting rich off of you, but most of them deserve it. Service industry people here make $2.13 an hour all year, and during the March festivities often don’t make an hourly wage at all. Lots of bars and restaurants need to hire extra staff, but don’t want to jump through the hoops of doing so officially. A lot of bar owners know that they have a desirable spot to work at and will refuse to pay bartenders anything. In my opinion, this is ridiculous. The people who are really getting rich off this festival are the restaurant and bar owners (I’m pretty sure you have to be kind of rich to own a bar), and the people putting on the fest (Louis Black, SXSW founder). The flip-side to the money-making coin is that Austinites can be a little protective of this weird little city. People that live here have a hard time even going to the store or driving down the street because of the extra traffic during SXSW. An anti-foreigner vibe (foreign as in, if you don’t live in Austin) has been known to creep its way into the hospitality industry’s heart, culminating in all sorts of ways. A reporter from Seattle, who came to SXSW last year, noted an attitude problem best summed up by one bartender’s t-shirt that read, “thanks so much, now go home.” What’s with the ‘tude guys? We need the money, right? Yeah, it’s annoying to not be able to do all of the things you’d like to for more than a week because all of our favorite places to go are swarming with vacationers, but I think smiling through the pain will make it a better experience for all. So, in short, make a lot of money all my service peeps. And all you other people, we’re working our asses off (14 hour shifts, seriously), please make it worth our while :)

A lot of servers depend on their arms and legs to make money. Help out Jennifer Prude whose medical bills have reached insanity. No cover, live music, raffle prizes and much more! Check it out, Sunday March 4 from 2:00pm til 10:00pm at Trophies.

DO BLOODY MARYS REALLY CURE HANGOVERS?
by Lisa van Dam-Bates
It’s weird, but the idea of a Bloody Mary is usually better than the actual thing. For me, anyway. I always think that I want one, but once it comes, I know I was wrong. Maybe it’s because I’m too picky, or because I’m too cheap to order the good vodka. I don’t know! But if y’allz is getting wasted this month and need a quick hangover fix in the morning, I suggest a Bloody Mary shot. First: pour one shot of vodka. You can buy pepper flavored (Absolut Peppar is my favorite) or just buy whatever plain vodka you want and grind pepper into it. Next: pour a shot of tomato juice. Not Clamato or Bloody Mary mix! Just plain tomato juice. I like to add hot sauce to the tomato juice. (Cholula!) Last: drink the vodka shot, then tomato juice shot and eat an olive or suck on a lime.

Drink of the Month

Do you like a sour or salty BM (also an acronym for bowel movement, good to know)? There. You just drank a Bloody Mary in like two seconds.

austincut.com | March 2012, The Austin Cut

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The Criminal: Listening THINGon the Cops in ONE DEALER AT A TIME NARCOTICS COPS ARE GONNA TRY N’ WIN THIS
Undercover Narcotics is a ridiculous and thankless job. They’re out there trying to stop the massive waves of drugs and deals, and they’re trying to do it one dealer at a time. They bust a guy for selling a crack rock to a cop and someone else steps into his place the same day. On the subject of dealing, I once had a diehard junkie tell me: “well, if you sell it, you can do all the dope you want for free ... which is the goal in life.” And with a healthy population of people with that mindset, there’s no way the undercover cops can win this war. Feb 5th – Super Bowl Sunday During the Super Bowl itself, all was quiet. There were a couple police shift changes, but basically dead air on the scanner. As soon as the game ended, the calls flooded in. Most of the police dispatch activity was domestic disputes and people being pulled over for drunk driving. A lot of plates got ran in East Austin. But as the night went on, things got freakier: 9:15pm, Southwest The dispatcher describes a man getting into a car, a known dealer, who “possibly put something, heroin, under the bumper.” 9:45pm, Southwest Police dispatchers get a call about a woman screaming at an apartment complex. Police rush there, but they can’t figure out where the scream came from, if it was from inside another apartment, or outside the complex. Feb 8th 10:15pm, Northeast I don’t think that undercover drug busts get much more ridiculous than this. Someone should send this to the fuckers who publish Busted in Austin. An officer, who is watching a drug-buying suspect: “See him walkin’ on Manor there? Black male, red hat, he’s walkin’ with two lil’ kids.” Police continue to follow him. A few minutes later: “He’s in the AutoZone parking lot.” Police watch a “black male walking up, out of a black car, wearing a black hoodie.” They watch the suspected drug deal going on in the AutZone parking lot from a distance. About the suspect, they say: “Female with him ... so he may have brought the whole family.” Fifteen minutes pass and another guy comes from across the street. It sounds like the drug deal has been set up with the undercover officer. 10:32pm There are screeching car wheels in background of the cop’s broken up transmission. He sounds really calm after burning rubber like that. Then there are sirens. “We’re with him, northbound on Manor.” They follow a man driving a Taurus (most likely the dealer) across town, into an apartment complex. The suspect runs upstairs. Police watch him and call for backup. Less than five minutes later: “We got him in custody.”

by Brandon Roberts

Feb 13th 4:20pm, East Riverside Police respond to a crowd of people gathering in an East Riverside parking lot. Two people are fighting in the middle of the crowd. Feb 17th 10:30pm, South, IHOP by the La Quinta off I-35 Undercover cop buys crack from a dealer. They arrest the suspect and search for more of the “crack that he got out of his sock.” Minutes later they’re seeing if they can “get enough” to arrest the driver for transporting the dealer. They arrest him, too. Feb 18th 3:30pm, Off East Riverside “Criminal mischief at [censored address] Grove Lane ... kids banging on doors and running away.” Gross. So ding-dong-ditch is “criminal mischief” these days? 4:12pm, Southwest, Near ACC off Stassney Two groups of men are arguing and “throwing rocks across the street at each other.” Other calls come in: “some [callers] are saying it’s two males holding bats about to fight.” Feb 21st 7:40pm, Narcotics Channel Officers are looking through all sorts of utility bills and records on addresses in Southwest Austin. Watch out, stoners, this is a well known tactic for busting your pot growing

asses. Feb 23rd 10:40pm, North Lamar, Texan Motel Undercover police are watching everyone’s favorite whorehouse: the Texan Motel. “We got a really good white female, prostitute, walking around.” More officers are on the way. An officer setting up a lookout: “Yeah, I’m trying to pull into somewhere a little darker.” “You got a definite ... male and a female prostitute ... you will definitely get an arrest out of this ... they’re on foot walking down the street towards the Short Stop.” They describe the suspect: a man wearing a “black shirt, blue jeans ... got him a little strut.” Minutes later, an undercover officer: “At first he was on his cell phone talkin’ to his dealer, but now the conversation is about the governor ... alright he hung up.” The officer sets up a deal. They plan to head to the dealer’s home. They discuss the directions on how to get there. “Yeah, this is the same neighborhood where that guy ran off with the money.” They position themselves around the dealer’s house. “The dealer’s coming out to the vehicle.” They pull the suspect over in a nearby parking lot by the Loyola and Johnny Morris intersection. Arrests are made: “Is the female the dealer? ... Do we have delivery and possession?”

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The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

HOW FAR CAN YOU GET WHEN YOU START WITH NOTHING?
by Lisa van Dam-Bates

Starting Over

My first apartment in Austin was a complete dump. Because I moved from out of state, I found and applied for the apartment online and didn’t actually see it until I arrived. When I pulled into the parking lot, my heart sank. The place was shitty (it got demolished in September), but the price was right. Once we crammed three people into a one-bedroom, my rent was only $150 per month. To furnish my new apartment within the range of “livable” condition – I’m talking a Goodwill couch, second hand table, plastic plates and one frying pan – we didn’t buy our first mixing bowl for about three months – it cost about $350. Once I factored in a security deposit, stocking my new fridge, and maybe some toiletries, I think my portion of the new apartment and the move cost roughly $1,000. That was just for housing and food. I came with a car, packed full of clothes and shoes, a cell phone, laptop, and a damn good resume. It took me about three weeks to find my first job. I quickly quit, but found a semi-permanent job within two months of my arrival. So what if I hadn’t had the advantages that I did? Could I have gotten a job as easily without a resume, access to a computer, or a cell phone? What if I didn’t speak a word of English? I’ll guess that if I’d started literally from scratch, the transition wouldn’t have gone very smoothly. I think it’s fair to say that I wouldn’t have gotten settled for months, and if I’d had to learn English, maybe even years. Well, in Austin every year there are about 1,000 refugees, trying to get a fresh start.

in danger. The number of refugees that are accepted in the United States each year is based on a congressional decision that is made annually. In recent years the ceiling has been set around 80,000 people, although the actual number of arrivals tends to fall a little below that. While many countries around the world accept refugees, many don’t accept families with unhealthy or disabled members. Sweden, for example, only takes 1,500 refugees per year. As well as passing rigorous screenings and interviews, individuals accepted to Sweden must also be in very good health – mentally and physically. The US does accept people that have no other options. There are cities all over the US that have resettlement agencies, and refugees are placed throughout. In Austin right now, there are refugees from almost every part of the world.

Why They Are Coming Here: Problems in Other Countries

“In Austin right now, there are refugees from almost every part of the world.”

What is a Refugee?

A refugee is a “displaced” person who has been forced to leave their home country for a number of reasons. Refugees differ from immigrants in the sense that they did not choose to leave their home country but were forced out or escaped because their lives were

The United States grants refugee status to “displaced” people from around the world. It also grants asylee status to people on US soil (at a US border or already in the country), who can prove that their lives could be in danger if they return home. To be considered a refugee or asylee in the United States, you have to come from a country where the form of government is not democratic (Cuba) or where the government fails to protect its peo-

ple from things like genocide and religious persecution. While most Americans are aware of the political issues taking place in Cuba, Iraq, and Iran, many are not as informed about other countries. People who come from the following countries have been forced from their homes into refugee camps; sometimes in their native countries and sometimes in bordering countries. Refugees can spend anywhere from 5 to 30 years in a refugee camp, although 5 to 10 is more typical, before being offered permanent resettlement in a third country. The process of resettlement is time consuming, and even after being accepted the wait can continue for years. So here are the basics about what’s going on. Democratic Republic of Congo: Rebel armies making money off minerals (like gold & coltan – a key ingredient in many technologies like cellphones) terrorize people. Groups like LRA (Lord’s Resistance Army) force minors to enlist and are responsible for over 2,300 deaths since 2008. About 4,500 people die each month, many from starvation. In 2004, 462,203 people left the DRC and found refuge in neighboring countries while 199,323 came into the DRC seeking refuge. The official language of the DRC is French, although more people actually speak Swahili and a variety of other regional languages. Eritrea: Major issues include inhuman standards for prison systems (along with a lack of any real judicial system) and religious

persecution of non government-supported religions (Sunni Islam, Roman Catholic Church, and Eritrean Orthodox Tewahedo Church). The majority of people in Eritrea speak Arabic and Tigrinya, although the country boasts no official language and many other languages are spoken. Ethiopia: Ethiopia is the host to a lot of human rights abuses, but starvation is proving to be one of the biggest problems. The main health problems in Ethiopia are caused by malnutrition and communicable diseases like HIV/AIDS. In 2003 there were an estimated 2.6 doctors per 100,000 people (the United States has about 250 per 100,000). The official language of Ethiopia is Amharic, but the country recognizes about 90 other spoken languages. Sudan: Wars between North and South went on for years and recent rival nomadic tribes in South Sudan displaced thousands of people. Slavery is common in southern Sudan. Drought and starvation are predominant throughout the country. There are 133 different languages spoken in Sudan, although Arabic is the country’s official language. Most of the country practices Islam. Somalia: Civil war since 1991 and no central form of government are part of the reason why Somalia is one of the poorest and most violent places in the world. This war has impeded agriculture. In combination with the worst drought in over 60 years, people are starving. Since 2009, over 1 million people have been forced to leave their homes due to starvation and genocide (about 300,000 are internally displaced). The official languages are Arabic and Somali (with three major dialects). Most people are Muslim. Burma: Burmese armies are trying to “cleanse” the country of minorities (about 135 different groups). The minority ethnic groups do not always speak Burmese and sometimes

austincut.com | March 2012, The Austin Cut

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use their ethnic group to name where they are from (i.e.: “I am from Karen”). Over 500,000 people were estimated to be internally displaced (refugees) in 2007. It is not uncommon for the Burmese army to burn down entire villages, forcing inhabitants to travel through the jungle for weeks before finding safety. Human trafficking is also an issue. Burmese is the official language, but a variety of languages are spoken, many of which are very obscure including Karen and Kareni. Bhutan: The majority of people are Buddhist and speak Bhutanese. The 35% of Nepali-speaking Bhutanese, who are generally Hindu, lived predominantly in Southern Bhutan. In the mid 1980s, laws were passed to prevent this minority group from maintaining their laws and customs, and as a result, many (about 100,000 people) fled to Nepal in fear of persecution. By 2011, over 30,000 Nepali speaking Bhutanese refugees resettled in the United States. About 55,000 people are in the process. Refugees from Bhutan speak a variety of Nepali dialects and generally practice Hinduism. No two refugee camps are alike, but they have a lot of things in common. Camps are a temporary place for people to live. People in the camps are generally not allowed to leave and are always unable to return to their homes. Most camps have very basic food supplies and medical care, but lack jobs, education, and freedom in general. Sometimes families are split up, and members are resettled separately; often in different countries and at different times altogether.

How They Get Here: Bureaucracy

Refugees in camps must apply to come to the United States. Sometimes this is done by people running the camps on the refugee’s behalf. The application process is long and can take several years. The UNHCR (United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees) assists voluntary agencies called VOLAGs. VOLAGs work with US Embassy officials and Homeland Security to conduct a very scrupulous interview process and medical screenings. The US accepts people on a case-by-case basis. They do background checks to make sure that a potential refugee doesn’t have any previous involvement with criminal groups. If there is any doubt whatsoever about a person’s history, they usually are not approved for refugee status in the United States. Refugees accepted by the US have a “Cultural Orientation,” or CO, which is about 15 hours long. The culture gap between refugees’ home countries and the US is huge. Some refugees have never driven a car or seen a traffic light, others have never had running water or electricity. Many don’t recognize canned goods as food. While assistant teaching a class of refugees, I did an exercise where students came up to the board and drew their favorite foods. One Burmese man spent several minutes on a small drawing that was unrecognizable. After some pantomime, animal noise imitations, and more drawings, I realized it was an owl. Other Burmese students agreed that this was a delicious food. Some students in the class had never been to school and didn’t know how to hold a pencil. I’m not sure what the 15 hour CO consists of, 8 4

but there’s no doubt that it fails to teach many things that refugees need to know about their new country and its culture. Aside from vast cultural differences, refugees do not speak English natively. After the CO, travel arrangements are made for the refugee’s journey to the United States. The entire process, from approval to the actual travel, can take up to five years. Refugees are expected to pay back the government for their travel expenses once they “get on their feet” in the US. Most refugees come to the US with literally nothing except the debt of their travel. There are eleven different VOLAGs that work directly with resettlement agencies in cities all over the United States to place refugees. These non-profit organizations are responsible for assimilating refugees into their new communities. If refugees already have family in a US city, they may request to be sent there. If not, then their final destination in the US will be chosen for them. In Austin, there are two resettlement agencies: RST (Refugee Services of Texas) and Caritas. These agencies are advocates for refugees and help in every aspect of resettlement, from housing to job training. Resettlement agencies are partially government contracted, but rely heavily on volunteers and community support. Volunteers are thought to cut their costs by about 25%. If the government was responsible for all aspects of resettlement, it is estimated that costs would double. For each refugee that comes to the United States, there is a federally granted sum of money for the purpose of resettlement. This is called an R&P fund (reception and placement fund). This fund is designed to last anywhere from 30 to 90 days, and is supposed to cover all of the costs of “moving” and “getting settled in.” In January of 2010, the R&P fund was raised from $900 to $1,800. Of the $1,800, $1,125 is used directly by the refugee or used on their behalf (to set up apartments prior to arrival in the US). The remaining $675 pays costs within the resettlement agency like employee salaries and administration fees. In Austin the R&P fund only lasts 30 days (this varies between cities due to rent prices and cost of living). Austin has been ranked as the most expensive place to pay rent or buy a home in Texas, according to a study done by the D.C.-based Center for Housing Policy. The study concluded that “home ownership is unaffordable for many workers despite drops in house prices and low interest rates.” Austin also made the list of most expensive cities in the entire county, at 23rd, in a recent study done by Forbes. In expensive cities like Austin, the R&P fund doesn’t go as far as it probably should. The resettlement agencies are responsible for case-management for the first 90 days, regardless of the city. After the R&P fund is gone, some refugees are eligible for another federally funded sum of money called a “match grant.” This is usually the financial assistance that lasts for the 2nd, 3rd, and sometimes 4th month that a refugee is here. This grant is part of a federal employment program and is only given to “employable” refugees. To be considered “employable” you must be of legal working age (over 18 and under 65) and be able to work (a new mother would not be considered “employ-

The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

months is not enough time to learn English, get a job, and become completely self-reliant. For younger refugees who speak some English and are capable of physically demanding work, self-sufficiency usually happens fairly quickly. For older people that speak absolutely no English, have no education, and are physically unable to do demanding work, this goal is a little bit less attainable. Often times elderly refugees have children who can work and support them. In Seattle, several cases were reported where children dropped out of high school to start working so that they could support their parents. Research into similar situations in Austin hasn’t been done. The R&P fund secures case-management for the first three months while “match grant” and “refugee cash assistance” extends casemanagement for an additional six or eight months, respectively. After that, refugees are expected to reapply for food stamps and Medicaid on their own. Without the language skills to do so, many refugees end up going without benefits that they need.
AARON ROBERTSON

Caritas, one of the more visible agencies that provide case management and resettlement services able,” but her spouse would). Each household is only eligible for one match grant. If, for some reason, a refugee is not eligible for the match grant, there is a state administered program called “refugee cash assistance.” The resettlement agency helps refugees apply for either of the financial supports, but the refugee must decide for themselves which assistance to apply for. In the long-term, some refugees are eligible for SSI (Supplemental Security Income), if they are disabled or over 65 years old. Proving disability, especially without any English or knowledge of the system here, is difficult. Some refugees with valid physical disabilities who could get jobs if they spoke more English, do not qualify. In order to receive their allotment of the R&P fund, resettlement agencies must provide “core” services within the first 30 days of a refugee’s arrival. These services include medical screening and immunizations, referrals to English classes (provided by iACT – interfaith Action of Central Texas), and applying for a social security card. At RST the client to case-manager ratio is 75 to 1 per fiscal year. Amanda Posson, the Austin Area Director for RST, said that although the number of refugees at any given time fluctuates, case-managers can expect to have anywhere from 10 to 15 clients at a time.

Life in the US: Work

The First Months
The resettlement agencies pick up refugees from the airport, bring them to their new apartments and show them how to use them (running water, electricity, etc.). One of the

very first things that case-managers do is help their clients apply for food stamps and Medicaid. Refugees aren’t allowed to work until they get their social security cards – this usually takes about three months. Until they are allowed to work, they are kind of in limbo. For the first three months, refugees spend a lot of time fulfilling the general demands of resettlement; doctors appointments, appointments with case-managers and English classes take up most of their time before they begin work. Once they get their social security cards, refugees are expected to work and pay their own rent and expenses. Self-sufficiency. In an ideal situation, this three month adjustment period would be enough to get people on their feet. Realistically, however, three

Every refugee has to get what is known as a “survival job.” Some of the refugees that come here were highly educated or trained in their home countries. I’m not talking dental hygienists and nurses, but doctors and engineers. Some even speak English fluently. But because benefits run out quickly and getting re-qualified in their fields here takes a long time (and can be costly – medical school), everyone has to get a shitty minimum wage job first. These jobs help refugees learn about the American work environment and American culture. Refugees are strongly encouraged to take the first job that they get no matter how inappropriate or unsuited it may be. Refugees used to be able to get a variety of temp jobs and service jobs that paid OK, even when they first arrived. But the recession and unemployment has had an effect on refugee jobs. While Austin is lucky to have lower rates of unemployment than most of the country,

REFUGEES NEED OUR HELP! HERE’S HOW TO GET INVOLVED
Casa Marianella
Casa Marianella is an emergency shelter for adult immigrants. It provides beds and meals for up to 35 people at a time. Casa Marianella serves people escaping persecution from all of Latin America, Nepal, and Africa. Recently, it’s been an important first place for people seeking asylee status to stay while their cases are being reviewed. To help out email: [email protected] Coalition’s goal is to “empower refugees towards self-sufficiency through education, community, and reconciliation.” They are always looking for people to help, contact them at: [email protected] [email protected]

Interfaith Action of Central Texas (iACT)
Interfaith Action of Central Texas teaches English to refugees. iACT is always looking for volunteer teachers, teacher assistants, and much more. To get involved contact Desaree at: [email protected]

Emily at: [email protected]

Caritas
Caritas is a refugee resettlement agency. They also help the homeless and work with low-income families. To get involved with them contact Molly at: [email protected]

Center for Survivors of Torture
Center for Survivors of Torture has both a Dallas and Austin site. This non-profit does about everything under the sun for survivors of torture and can match volunteers based on their skills. To volunteer, contact Samantha at:

Austin Refugee Roundtable
Austin Refugee Roundtable has a website where people can see updates and current events pertaining to refugees in Austin. Check it out at: austinrefugees.org

Refugee Services of Texas
Refugee Services of Texas is a resettlement agency responsible for all aspects of case-management and resettlement. To volunteer contact

The Multicultural Refugee Coalition
The Multicultural Refugee

austincut.com | March 2012, The Austin Cut

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it’s still high: 7.4%. In June, the job market saw a rebound of 1.3% (the biggest “year-overyear gain” since November of 2008). Unlike the high paying software and technical jobs that Austin lost to the recession, the 10,100 jobs created were minimum-wage restaurant and hotel jobs. Couple that with Austin being the number one city that young people, ages 25-34, are moving to (according to a study done by the Brookings Institute), and refugees are finding themselves in direct competition with young Americans. Amanda Posson (RST) said that while jobs for refugees are abundant, they are low paying jobs. Working refugees generally make $8.80 per hour: well below a “living wage.” This time period is really sink or swim. If refugees are unable to find or keep work, sometimes community members and religious congregations will step in to help. However, this is not a permanent solution. Some refugees are incapable of finding work due to lack of English skills, disabilities or emotional trauma. Many refugees suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Depression often accompanies this disorder. Curious as to whether refugees ever end up on the street, I contacted Mitchell Gibbs, Director of Development and Communication at Front Steps (an Austin homeless shelter).  He told me that the homeless shelter often sees refugees at its door. Many, he said, do not have the English skills to even do a proper intake and most do not engage in the case-management that is available to them. Because of this, the shelter is unable to reserve beds for them and they are forced to shuffle between the shelter and the Salvation Army. Although the shelter

doesn’t keep data on the number of refugees that have been there, Gibbs said that it’s easy to tell refugees apart from the other homeless, and that there are a lot more than just a few. Gibbs also mentioned that the homeless soccer league is seeing an influx of nonEnglish speaking homeless players that are undoubtedly refugees. It is difficult, however, to make a distinction between refugees and immigrants without proper documentation. After a refugee has been in the United States for one year they are eligible for a status change to “lawful permanent resident,” after five years they are eligible for naturalization to US citizenship. If a person doesn’t seek out case-management from a homeless shelter, determining their legal status in this country is impossible. The Front Steps program deals with 500-700 people a day and is seeing roughly 100 new people every month. Clearly, we Americans aren’t doing as well financially as we used to. I heard on the radio a while back that teenagers are having trouble finding a summer job before college because all of the positions that used to be available, like washing cars or working at McDonald’s, are now being taken by adults that need the money. I guess it makes sense that if Americans are taking shittier jobs out of necessity, then any leftovers will be worse than they used to be. The problem is that refugees need jobs to support themselves right away, usually at the expense of their English, since it takes at least a year of regular English classes to get a real grasp on the language. One iACT student from Sudan recently got a job as a dishwasher in a high-volume kitchen. He said that the work was really hard and, because

of the hours, he was no longer able to attend English classes. He had hopes of eventually studying at UT and playing soccer for them. Without learning fluent English, chances for better jobs in the future dwindle.

A Fighting Chance

So, the system has problems. Refugees aren’t given enough time to get a real grasp on their future. Refugees on a federal level are all treated the same, while the cities in which they relocate to and individual circumstances are far from similar. Every agency involved with refugees is busting at the seams, and the entire system relies greatly on community support and volunteers. People are falling through the cracks. If it took me (somewhat literate, English speaking, car, cellphone, existent savings account) about a month to settle into a new city, how can a person from a different country, language group, and culture be expected to do so in a similar amount of time? Not only did I have advantages of citizenship and a little extra cash, but I lived like most young and poor people do: crammed in a tiny apartment with more people than is generally permitted by the complex. Recently, a previous iACT student who found work cleaning hotel rooms came back to school for a visit. He told us that he had an interview for a second job because he couldn’t afford his rent with just one. He said his rent was $1,300 a month (although this may refer to his total monthly costs, including utilities, records indicated that his rent was around $800 a month). Refugees are at a real disadvantage because they’re initially placed in apartments

that will be hard to afford in the long run. The resettlement agencies can’t lie to apartment complexes about the number of occupants the way that most young Americans will. Pair a big apartment with low paying jobs and it’s hard to imagine any refugees really “making” it. Two weeks ago, I went out for a friend’s birthday. I walked to her house but decided to take a cab home because it was late. The taxi driver who picked me up had an accent I recognized. He told me that he was from Eritrea and had come to Austin as a refugee about 12 years ago. He was 15 when he arrived. His English was good, probably in part because he went to most of high school here in Austin. The cab he was driving was his own. I asked if he liked driving and he said, “it’s OK.” While I think he’s doing pretty well for himself and there’s nothing wrong with being a cab driver, I wonder if that’s what he had dreamt of growing up to be when he first arrived in “the land of opportunity.” Did he realize when he graduated high school that he’d have to support his parents, or that college wasn’t an option? I wonder if there is really anything left here for people who came with nothing. It’s not that the United States shouldn’t take these people, I think that we should always make a little room for people who need it. No matter how fucked things are here, where refugees are coming from is way worse. But is it fair to bring them here and not give them a real chance at a fresh start?

East Side Food Park
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The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

2209 E. Cesar Chavez

austincut.com | March 2012, The Austin Cut

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Unofficial Fever
SAVE THE OFFICIAL BULLSHIT FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S TIME. HERE’S WHERE YOU WANNA BE, FOR FREE.
by Rebecca Seung

Whenever the lineups start rolling out for the insanity of unofficial SXSW, I’m still the kid in the candy store who is looking at all these great shows and thinking, “holy fuck, how lucky am I to get to see so many of my favorite bands and favorite people all in one city for a week of rocking and rolling and getting down?” This isn’t some overblown, overpriced reunion of sell-outs. This is the hardworking, the passionate, the folks who are willing to play 30 shows in 3 days for nothing and never (okay, barely) complain. And, well, you’ve just gotta respect that. I mean, sure, SXSW has gotten so big. There’s so much going on that it can be overwhelming to navigate if you don’t know the ins and outs. I’ve been fortunate enough to see a lot of these bands on the road, so I know which ones will make it worth your while. But there’s so much great music coming out of every corner of the globe that there are even more bands playing that I haven’t had a chance to see yet. And really, that’s the beautiful thing about SXSW. It’s become such a great meeting place for everyone to find common ground, and for those on one side of the country to see what’s happening in other parts. So maybe there’s a lot of official bullshit, long lines, and RSVP-onlys around Austin, but in that case, you’re just at the wrong show. So here are some of the right ones to be at.

TUES. 13th, TRASH CAN CITY TAPES SHOWCASE @ BREAK IT DOWN
One of the obvious downsides to the influx at SX is that Austin tends to get shoved to the side to make way for those that aren’t typically in the 512 area code. But just because they live here, it doesn’t mean they aren’t doing great things in the music world. Trash Can City Tapes is working hard to help out the local scene and represent it to the rest of the country. Their show will feature some awesome bands that you might not have heard about outside of the state, but that you nevertheless should see. From the psych garage rockers Unknown Relatives, to the groovy stoner sounds of Niall, plus the newly formed Pantyliners, which came out of other Austin bands like Queen St., Uppers, Dikkk Sexxx and the Weepy Teens, and Neighbor, this showcase will be an introduction to some great locals, in addition to other up-andcomers like the powerpop Brooklyn-based band Hector’s Pets and Alabama’s Nightmare Boyzzz with their surfy gems. And on top of the music, the venue is a neat recycling processing and composting facility that works to reduce landfill waste. I even hear the stage will be partially made of compressed cardboard, so if you’re going to be in Austin early, make sure you stop by this Tuesday show for a glimpse at the city before the rest of the crowds flock in.

THURS. 15TH, SiiickXSW w/ CMRTYZ AND CASTLEFACE @ A WAREHOUSE

There are a lot of venues in Austin. It’s like coffee shops in Seattle or boot stores in Nashville—one on every corner. Which is part of what’s great about this place, but at the same time, there’s nothing that can quite compare to a nasty DIY party. It’s comforting to know that even though SXSW grows every year, there are still these pockets of homebrewed chaos. Well, no one knows more about that than the guys at CMRTYZ, who have been throwing the siiickest house shows for awhile now. It’s not their only SX show; they have two others at Cheer Up Charlies, and a drag show with Burger at Iron Bear, but if you want to be an on-the-edge kinda punkster, this is the one to see. And moreover, this is the one partnered with Castle Face, the John Dwyeraffiliated label out of San Fran that keeps putting out some top of the notch shit from the Bay (like Ty Segall before he was a thing). You can pretty much guarantee that with their powers combined, not to mention a solid lineup of class acts like Thee Oh Sees, The Fresh and Onlys, Bare Wires, Dead Ghosts, Xray Eyeballs, K-Holes, and more, this all-day show is gonna be the tits.

Trailer Space Records, Beerland, and Spider House

Now, if you prefer the luxury of plumbing

and air conditioning, backyards might not be up your alley. Fortunately, there are a few notable venues that you can always rely on to show you a good time. Trailer Space, Beerland, and Spider House are such institutions that, if you want to be lazy and not bother figuring out where to be, you can always just go. Trailer Space will host shows by Burger Records, Trouble in Mind Records, 12XU Records, and more, but what’s really refreshing about that store is its attitude. Supportive with its allowance of free all ages shows, and always down to party, their slogan after all is, “Bring beer.” And sure enough, drop by and there’s gonna be someone drinking, smoking, and chucking dice. Beerland, on the other hand, is in the heart of the downtown bar hoppers, but despite how many drunken assholes show up, they keep chugging along with what they do, and that’s not give a fuck. When you’re talking about punk rock, that’s the best possible place to be. Get down, get dirty, and never have to worry about spilling drinks, stage diving, or any of that other “we’re a classy establishment” ego trip. So it makes sense that the no-frills labels like Goner and Tic Tac Totally are set up for their shows at Beerland. And if you’re gonna bother fighting the swarms on 6th, you should at least stop by for a cheap drink and some of the highest octane bands around. A little sweat on you won’t hurt. Then there’s Spiderhouse/29th Street Ballroom. With 8 stages set up, it’s becoming its own fest within a fest. If you go nowhere else during SX and just post up there from 1pm to close, you are going to see almost every band

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The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

you could ever want to see. In fact, the schedule there is so exhaustive, I don’t really know where to start. So instead, whenever you have that brief window between whatever you were planning on doing, stop by, eat some tasty sandwiches, drink some good taps, check out the thrift store style decor, and get slapped in the face by rock n’ roll.

Hozac Records, Aye Aye Aye Tapes, and other labels
But if you don’t want to sit at one bar for 3 days (and you really shouldn’t), and you don’t know a lot of bands you want to see, you can always go by label. Many choose to host a show (or five) that feature bands whose record they’ve put out. Since many labels develop a distinct sort of flavor, it’s a great way to explore new bands based on ones you know you already like. And in my mind, getting to know a band through their live show is more rewarding than painstakingly hitting the listening booth at your local record shop. Hozac Records out of Chicago is one such label that just won’t quit. Putting out a slew of records every year from bands that no one’s generally heard of until they’re taken under wing, they’ve got their finger on that beat because they’re not just following amazing bands, they’re enabling them. Covering a wide selection of rock that swings from dreamy pop to fuzzed out noise, they’ll be at The Liberty Bar on Saturday night with nine bands that will destroy whatever’s left of your brain by then. I mean, is there such a thing as

too much awesome? Well, go hang with Puffy Areolas, Ketamines, Heavy Times, Rayon Beach, The Band in Heaven, and more, and find out. (The answer is no.) Aye Aye Aye Tapes’ Friday show at Eastside Bikini Company will feature some of my favorite Southern bands. Growing up in Alabama, the region will always have a soft spot for me, but it was living in Nashville last year, where I was fortunate to fall in love with the emerging scene there that features a laundry list of bands that if you haven’t heard of yet you will soon. With bands like the good ol’ rock n’ roll boys Natural Child, the upbeat pop tunes from Turbo Fruits, and the razor sharp punk snarls of Heavy Cream, this show is an excellent opportunity to see several of Tennessee’s children tear it down with licks so fierce, those bikinis will be taking themselves off. On top of that, there’s my favorite Memphis band that no one seems to know about, Modern Convenience, who put on such a blistering live set, you’d think they were playing to a crowd 10 times as big, and the noise synth group Destruction Unit, featuring former members of the iconic Reatards. And of course, there’s more, but even though I’ve had the opportunity of seeing those bands on countless occasions, I’ll never get tired of them—they’re that good. In addition to these labels and others I’ve mentioned already, there are always more, like Captcha Records, Dirtnap Records, Suicide Squeeze, not to mention the booking behemoth Panache. So not only do you get to see some kick ass bands that probably don’t tour as often as we’d all like, you also have a chance to learn more about these industry

Trailer Space Records: part store, part venue folks and their perspective on what they do. Are the bands putting on a show or focusing on their instruments? Are they pretty boys in skinny jeans, or leathery, wizened dudes who obviously have a drug problem? Sure, it’s not always that black and white, but watch the bands someone endorses, and you can find the heart of them. Well, now that I’ve shared some of the exciting things to look for at SXSW, if you’re not as out of your mind with barely contained teenage girl level squeals, then you might be a robot. You should get that looked at.

austincut.com | March 2012, The Austin Cut

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The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

A Tale of Two Burgers
FREE UNOFFICIAL SXSW SHOWS MAY BE FLEETING, BUT THE BURGER WILL DEFINITELY LIVE ON.
by Louis Fontenot
For years upon years, burgers, both cheese and ham, have been regular staples of teenage rock n’ rollers coming of age in America. From their beginning in the malt shops of the 1950s where they got their start, being gladly eaten alongside shakes and fries to the musical stylings of Gene Vincent and Buddy Holly, to the other day, when I scarfed one down before the musical stylings of some of Austin’s own young rock n’ rollers at the 29th Street Ballroom, they still remain a standard for hungry dudes and ladies who want something that’s going to fill them up and not empty their pockets. They have literally fueled and sometimes even inspired so many people in the punk rock scene that I’m convinced they’ll be around forever. Here we take a look at what’s on our plates for SXSW, served up by two of my favorite Cheeseburger/Hamburger obsessed rock n’ roll institutions: Burger Records, an amazingly prolific record company based out of Fullerton, CA. They have a great eye for new talent, as well as awesome, more seasoned rock n’ roll bands. And Burger City: an entity that is whatever it needs to be, whenever it needs to be, and was cooked up right here in Austin, by the equally prolific modern day renaissance dude, Ben Tipton. While not a record company, Burger City does a similar solid to the same community, whether it’s getting people into new good music or old great music or helping up-and-coming bands catch a break. Both of these cheddar-covered powerhouses are always willing to give musicians a greasy helping hand along their way to greatness or obscurity. Burger City and Burger Records will be killing it:

Rock on, burger-fueled Austin psychos

WED. 14th @ TRAILER SPACE RECORDS
w/ HABIBI, HAUNTED TIGER, THE ZOLTARS, WRONG WORDS, JOHN WESLEY COLEMAN, TOMORROWS TULIPS, PART TIME, SAM FLAX, TIGER HIGH, MIKAL CRONIN, TOUGH SHITS, GAP DREAM, PANGEA, LOVELY BAD THINGS, WHITE MYSTERY, AUDACITY, NIGHT BEATS & A SECRET

THR iiCE
Fresh Baked Pastries
Gluten Free & Vegan

BAND!! This show, last SXSW, was easily my favorite. Burger Records brought out some of my favorite bands, including White Mystery, Mean Jeans, Shannon and the Clams, Hunx and his Punx, Feeding People, and tons more I didn’t even know I loved ‘til I went to the show. I would expect this year to be no different with the likes of Austin’s own, The Zoltars, bringing some fuzzed out, surf drenched,

garage rock as a companion to John Wesley Coleman’s much loved, brilliantly garbled songs of love and hate about bad ladies, dogs, cops, and getting fucked up. Tomorrows Tulips make you savor some dreamy bummed out stoner pop. Mikal Cronin and his band will blast out some garage rock that will make it easy for you to see why he’s been a musical colleague of Ty Segall for so long. Tough Shits have some dirty punk rock for you, while

coffee

wine

music

Made In-House Daily Thai Breakfast Tacos Local Draft Beer & Wine
7am-9pm Mon-Fri 8am-9pm Sat & Sun austincut.com | March 2012, The Austin Cut

909 W Mary St

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Pangea’s got a good rock n’ roll feel with pop notions. Alex White and her brother Francis make up White Mystery: a rhythm heavy two piece, that blows through heavy, incredibly catchy songs belted out by Alex White while she swirls around those tangerine curls. Audacity nails out some awesome power pop and Night Beats play some almost Seeds reminiscent real garage rock.

THUR. 15th @ SPIDER HOUSE w/ PSYCH FEST

For this event, Burger Records joins forces with Austin’s own tripped-out Psych Fest. While the bands were still to be announced at time of press, you can guarantee these bands are going to scramble your brains.

marinaded glam rock. King Tuff is easily one of the most interesting songwriters I’ve really enjoyed in a while, and I love his weirdo voice. Bad Sports are three dudes who are only concerned with using their songs to destroy your mind with awesome punk that’s like power pop with a huge set of balls. Natural Child kills, as always, with feel good rock n’ roll that makes beers way too easy to slam while hanging with friends. Cosmonauts bring their own brand of some strangely catchy drone psych.

THURS. 15th, BURGER CITY SHOWCASE @ THE LIBERTY

SAT. 17th BURGERMANIA! @ SPIDER HOUSE w/ BURGER CITY

w/ BURNT ONES, ERIC & THE HAPPY THOUGHTS, THE WOLF, HECTORS PETS, DEAD GHOSTS, BARRERACUDAS, KING LOUIE’S MISSING MONUMENTS Getting down on East Sixth, Burger City has put together a nice mix of bands from California, New York, New Orleans, and Austin. Burnt Ones kick off an awesome night of riled and wild rock n’ roll bands. Eric and The Happy Thoughts dish out addictive guitar hooks with poppy vocals, The Wolf will be cranking out their catchy garage rock songs fans can’t help to sing along with, whether or not they know the words. New York rock n’ rollers Barreracudas bang out some killer songs with a little bit of Stones twang and King Louie and his Missing Monuments finish off the set with some NOLA rock.

6 STAGES AND 73 OF OUR FAVORITE BANDS!!!! AND ITS ALL FREE! ALL AGES! NO COVER! NO WRISTBANDS! YOU WILL BE BODY SLAMMED, ELECTRIC CHAIRED, BRAIN BUSTED, SUPLEXED, DDT’D, FULL NELSONED, ATOMIC DROPPED AND HEAD LOCKED!!!!!! (Bands listed in the order they’re playing.)

BALLROOM STAGE
w/ SQUAREHEAD, THE ZOLTARS, LOVELY BAD THINGS, TOMORROWS TULIPS, BURNING ITCH, BURNT ONES, FLESH LIGHTS,THE WOLF, DEAD GHOSTS, NAT C, JACK OBLIVIAN, “SPECIAL GUEST” LAS ARDILLAS ,

BAR ROOM STAGE
w/ HAUNTED TIGER, LUST CATS OF THE GUTTER, THE ABIAGILS, SWEET TALK, CREAMERS,  THE SHRINE, TEENAGE NEWS, KING LOUIE’S MISSING MONUMENTS, HECTORS PETS, THE CHUMPS, “SPECIAL GUEST” , BARE WIRES, THE BAD LOVERS

FRI. 16th @ THE GRAND

w/ THE SHIVAS, CRYSTAL ANTLERS, VOMETTES, GRAPE STREET, BURNT ONES, LAS ARDILLAS, TIGER HIGH, “SPECIAL GUEST” LUST CATS OF THE GUTTER, BLUE , JUNGLE, DEAD GHOSTS, THE ABIGAILS, DIARRHEA PLANET, BAD SPORTS, GRAVYS DROP, NATURAL CHILD, SUMMER TWINS, COSMONAUTS AND THE RESONARS! Here is where burgers collide for the first time this week, Burger Records in collaboration with Burger City, stacked up this whoppingly awesome double cheeseburger of a show. This show is held at Burger City’s regular stomping grounds, The Grand, a pool hall with attitude. Burger City holds a party every Monday night throughout the year, where Ben Tipton and often a guest DJ play some of their favorite records, while service industry folk get down and play pool for free. At midnight, a band of Burger City’s weekly picking kicks out some jams ‘til close. For this Friday show, they join forces and bring out a slew of music served on a bun. The Shivas are a killer psych-oriented garage-ish band I got to catch at some point last year at Beerland and I still remember enjoying their set. Vomettes is an awesomely nuts party punk band made up of ex-members of The Shitty Beach Boys/Cowabunga Babes/so many other projects who love nothing more than singing songs about titties and punching your mom. Burnt Ones kick out some very listenable Marc Bolan 16 4

OUTSIDE STAGE 1
w/ MOM, STRANGE ATTRACTORS, FUNBOYS, TERRIBLE TWOS, NIGHTMARE BOYS, TOUGH SHITS, SWEAT LODGE, WHITE CRIME, THE RESONARS

OUTSIDE STAGE 2
w/ RAYON BEACH, DENNY AND THE JETS, BLUE JUNGLE, VOMETTES, PANGEA, FLASH BOYS, BARRERACUDAS, “SPECIAL GUEST” COSMO, NAUTS

When Burgers collide, you get things like this: one hell of a freakshow of a show flier.

PARKING LOT STAGE
w/ GRAVYS DROP, THE BEST, SAM FLAX, PART TIME, DIARRHEA PLANET, QUILT, ERIC & THE HAPPY THOUGHTS, AUDACITY, WOMEN IN PRISON, JOHN WESLEY COLEMAN, HEAVY CREAM, USELESS EATERS

INSIDE SPIDERHOUSE STAGE
w/ LOS HEADACHES, THE SHIVAS, COATHANGERS, THE WELL,  HABIBI, GRAPE STREET, DEAD SPACE, APACHE,

BLASTED CANYONS, DIKES OF HOLLAND, GAP DREAM, TIGER HIGH, SUMMER TWINS, WHITE MYSTERY, FEEDING PEOPLE, CRYSTAL ANTLERS B U R G E R M A N I A A A A A !!!!!!!! Here is where burgers collide a second time and your brain gets fried. This shit will be so totally insane I’m still at a loss for words. Don’t miss out on this killer opportunity to see some bands from all over the country you don’t even know you’re gonna love yet! If you do nothing else, go to this show or you’re gonna feel like an asshole.

SUN. 18th @ THE IRON BEAR w/ CMR TYZ

w/ TIGER HIGH, VOMETTES, PANGEA, AUDACITY and more to be announced! If Burgermania wasn’t enough for you, Burger Records rounds out the week with another collaboration with CMRTYZ, a similarly analogous rock entity, for a drag show as well as killer sets. Stay tuned Burger addicts.

The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

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Show List March 1-3
(Austin) spazz a rowdy indie pop rock set with an A.D.D. enthusiasm. Beerland 9:00pm Antone’s Presents: Cody Jasper Band CD Release Party with The Continuums, Wildcat The Cody Jasper Band (Amarillo, TX) is like what you would get if the cast of Entourage had a transcendent experience at a Lenny Kravitz show and decided a sweaty life on the stage was the only life. The Continuums (Austin) savage out the kind of hard blues rock pleather pants were made for (no one in this band actually wears any pleather like pants). Wildcat (Austin) beast out an alternative pop rock sound with Monster Magnet and space rock influences. Antone’s 9:00pm rock anthems. Frontier Bar 8:00pm Fashion Freakout 5 w/ The Fleshlights, A Giant Dog, OBN III’s A rock n’ roll centipede of hardcore, garage rock, and classic rock from some of Austin’s most titillating bands. Be apart of the ferocity and baudy behavior of this night to remember. Mohawk Outside 8:00pm T Bird and the Breaks (EP release), Brownout, DJ Secondliner (from Soul Happening), live art from Micca Toone, visuals by 4th Wall If rapper Asher Roth started a church, T Bird and the Breaks (Austin) would sound like his choir with their funky pop rock and marijuana lifestyle vibes. Brownout (Austin) are a funky Latin ensemble. ND at 501 Studios 8:00pm Daniel Lee James Band This band roars a grizzly cotton rock with a Kindform presents Total Crush 2 with The lesson or two about life. White White Lights, New Roman Times, Cherrywood Coffeehouse Magnificent Snails, Boy + Kite, Robert D 7:00pm Junior, DJ Nick Lopez Escatones, Electric The White White Primadonnas Lights (Austin) play biA lo-fi rock show. “The Cody Jasper Band is polar indie rock with a Hang ten with the Esthe like what you would get if dualistic taste forsoft. catones’ (Houston) gasuper harsh and rage-surf beach party the cast of Entourage had a New Roman Times jams and relax to the transcendent experience at (Austin) slither out wistful and strained alternative dance rock vocals of Electric Pria Lenny Kravitz show and with 80s allure. Magnifimadonnas (Oklahoma cent Snails (Austin) are decided a sweaty life on the a rhythmically acute inCity) and their lo-fi psychedelic pop rock. die pop rock band with stage was the only life.” Trailer Space Records jangly happy songs. 7:00pm Cheer Up Charlie’s 8:30pm Los Amigos Invisibles Fall in love with the Venezuelan dance rock Miles Zuniga, Tony Scalzo, Fastball sensation. Alt-pop demigods, Miles Zuniga and Tony La Zona Rosa Scalzo, are going to perform their alt rock side 8:00pm projects. Then, with their powers combined, they’ll form Fastball (Austin), the buzz ballad Eyes Burn Electric With Saints Of Valory, 90s sensation. Sounds Under Radio, Saturdays Radar, BK Frank And Mr E 9:00pm Eyes Burn Electric (Austin) disclose very emotional pop rock with pains taken orchesZlam Dunk (vinyl release), Equals tration. Saints Of Valory (Austin) are up-andZlam Dunk (San Marcos) integrate post coming masters of modern arena pop rock. punk, garage rock, and a variety of -cores to After Bono and Star Bucks cure world hunger give you the myriad taste of back sweat you with rock n’ roll, Saints Of Valory will be playwill come to know at their shows. Equals ing the overture to Bono’s ascension into the (Austin) hold their own with dance oriented great ether. Sounds Under Radio (Austin) and ambient math rock. Stubb’s Inside give a very vulnerable and intimate set. Their 9:30pm music can be heard on the soundtracks to a number of box office blockbusters and The Vampire Diaries. Beauty Ballroom Stone Fox Booking presents Rings Band, 8:00pm Scorpion Child, Blind Pets, Kay Leotard, Sabbath Crow, Lone Star Demons, Shotgun Holy Wave, Floating Holidays, Psychic Hustler Palms Mangled and broken by life, Sabbath Crow A show for those with a taste for hard rock (Austin) are like The Hills Have Eyes’ house and the psychedelic life style. Somehow, this band. Lone Star Demons (Austin)are an inshow shares a likeness to medieval fairs and strumental rock duo with heavy space rock civil war reenactments, but with a 70s burninfluence. Shotgun Hustler (Austin) sod off out rock theme. Rings Band (Austin) wrangle almost Colin Malloy-like vocals to chuggy alt through musical movements of ambient psy-

Texas Metal Collective with DSGNS, No Hope In Texas, Memoirs of a Mercenary, The Revival Party A mosh show. All the headlining bands have about half their riffs dedicated to moshing and the rest of the song to convey some form of attonomy (mostly with metal-core). DSGNS (Austin) relinquish a poppy melodic metal core. No Hope In Texas (San Antonio) combine an equal mixtiure of orthodox mosh music and metal core. FREE SHOW Dirty Dog Bar 8:00pm Mary Ann and the Revival Band, Crying Cole Wilson and those Miserable Cowboys, Reverend Cory Cross and Ali Holder, Luck Mountain Indie folk and country hootenanny hose down. Mary Ann and the Revival Band (Austin) play feverish pop country folk with catchy hooks and upbeat rhythms. Crying Cole Wilson and those Miserable Cowboys (Austin) lullaby dreary alt-country to gently ease you into a depressed slumber. Reverend Cory Cross and Ali Holder (Austin) are an indie folk duo with poppy carols of ravaged innocence. Skinny’s Ballroom 9:00pm Possum Posse presents A Guy on a Buffalo Comical blue grass band Possum Posse play music and sing nararation to edited clips of Buffalo Rider. Mohawk Inside 9:00pm Roxy Roca, DD Dagger (CD release) Roxy Roca (Austin) a very campy adulteration of funk and southern rock. Where as DD Dagger (Austin) eeks out an experimental alt pop. Other than the headlining bands, this show is going to be mostly performed by a number of duets with musicians from a wide variety of musical backgrounds. Performances by: Roxy Roca, DD Dagger (CD release), La Pistolle Dancers, duets by Mike Vasquez & Max Vandever, Dirty Davey & Marisa Pool, Kana Harris & Mark Tonucci, Jamie Panzer & Mistress Stephanie, Nic Armstrong and DD Dagger, Aileen Adler and Aaryn Russel, Melissa Bryan & John Wesley Coleman The 29th St. Ballroom 9:00pm Graham Wilkinson, Slowtrain, Wood & Wire Graham Wilkinson (Austin) makes chill singer songwriter music with relaxing and tranquil acoustic riffs. If the Beatles and Maroon 5 got a room at the Chateu Marmont and spent the ensuing night in a ruckus haze of champagne and brutal lovemaking, Slowtrain’s pop rock ballads would sound something like the left over mattress. Wood & Wire (Austin) conglomerate a tight knit group of blue grass bastards. Stubb’s Inside 9:00pm Black Gum, Woozy Helmet An indie rock show with a little bit of chaotic twang. Black Gum (Austin) fire off rambunctious indie surf pop. Woozy Helmet

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chedelia on an indie rock canvas. Scorpion Child (Austin) flex stoner nuts with a nostalgic 70s party rock style and a sound found in the commonalities of Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. Blind Pets (Austin) are a full throttle minimalistic hard rock group. Hotel Vegas 6:00pm Gigantour 2012 with Megadeth, Motorhead, Volbeat, Lacuna Coil Supposing that you think “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs” is an instruction list for being racist, you should go to this show. I bet you’d have an interesting time. You’re probably always having an interesting time. The Moody Theater 8:00pm Shearwater, Dana Falconberry, Marmalakes Shearwater (Austin) heavily produce indie pop rock. David Letterman probably likes this band. Antone’s 8:00pm Saul Williams, CX Kidtronik Saul Williams’ renowned spoken word musician, known for his experimental, genreblending style, became prominent for winning the Nuyorican Poets Cafe’s Grand Slam Championship. CX Kidtronik does modern and hectic hip hop. This show should be pretty wild. Mohawk Outside 9:00pm The Casualties, Toxic Holocaust, Power Trip, Night Siege Full throttle punk metal fiesta from drunk rockstar labor punks, The Casualties (New York), and classic thrash metal fiends, Toxic Holocaust (Portland). Hope for plenty of hairspray and a sea of black clothing. Red 7 9:00pm In Defence (MN), Esclavo, Cabra, Blurry Vision In Defence (Minneapolis) bust skulls and nuts in the tradition of crossover hardcore thrash. Also, if you’ve been feeling a little too Christian lately, come by and immerse yourself in the blasphemy of Esclavo’s (Austin) murky sludge metal. Cabra (Austin) will also be playing a mathy noise punk set sure to dazzle. The Annex at 1808 9:00pm Antone’s Presents: Wisebird, King Corduroy, Baby Atlas All about the bluesy pop rock. King Corduroy (Austin) and Baby Atlas (Austin) have quite a bit of funk in them, with touches of jazz or folk respectively, and Wisebird (Austin) raises the morale as a feel good blues rock powerhouse. Antone’s 9:00pm Sam Sliva and The Good Sam Sliva and The Good (Austin) swelter bluesy ballad alt rock. Provided that a black Bob Dylan and a white Bob Marley had a child together with a yin yang birth mark, that child would replace Sam Silva as frontman for

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Sam Silva and The Good. Stubb’s Inside 11:00pm

Show List March 4-12
back for a second serving of alt folk enchantment. Little Hurricane (San Diego) plays modern bluesy alt rock, compitently constructed Stubb’s Inside 9:00pm Antone’s Presents - Movemento Rockero w/ Kalua, Yayo, Vitera This show is like the perfect soundtrack to a mid life crisis. You might as well get it over sooner than later. The aura of leather pants and greasy machismo should have you covered for the next ten life spans. Kalua (Austin) drum out latin pop rock. Yayo (Austin) jam balls to the wall alternative pop metal. Think Nickle Back after a few lines of Viagra. Antone’s 9:00pm NOISY NEIGHBORS W/ Shortwave Party, Cowboy Indian Bear, Rongeur Another indie rock bash. Compared to the majority of indie pop arena rock out there, Shortwave Party sounds the most sincere and the least like their music belongs in a soul grating commercial. Cowboy Indian Bear (Lawrence, KS) go for a less is more sound with a number of minimalistic indie rock anthems. With unyielding tenacity Rongeur (Austin) inflict their hard driving indie rock. Beauty Bar 10:00pm

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Mission Dorado w/ Kyle Offidani Mission Dorado (Austin) drone out country pop with a sonorous psychedelic ambiance. Kyle Offidani (Austin) is an acoustic guitar composer with a variety of influences from flamenco to bluegrass. Mohawk Inside 10:00pm

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Leslie & The Ly’s w/ Pennyhawk, Ramona & the Swimsuits Did you ever watch a lot of daytime T.V. in 04-05? Maybe you’ll remember a Lori Beth Denberg type rapper on a number of talk shows performing with an over the top, almost opera style, delivery and ravenous passion for gem sweaters. The musical abortion you may have witnessed and since forgotten was Leslie & the Ly’s from Ames, Iowa. She’s developed her style since then and toned down some of the obnoxiousness. She’s taking two other Ames, Iowa bands with her: Pennyhawk (glib acoustic indie pop folk) and Ramona & the Swimsuits (very very lo-fi pop rock). Mohawk Outside 7:30pm p-teK w/ Neiliyo An electro rap show with P-teK (Iowa City) delivering his Midwestern party rap grooves. Neiliyo (Austin) struts a mild mannered electro pop with the occasional rap verse. Mohawk Inside 10:00pm

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Burnt Skull, Air Traffic Controllers, Vommettes Burnt Skull (Austin) shriek a hellish maelström similar to the psychosomatic Tinnitus George Romney may have suffered upon hearing of O.J.’s innocence. Air Traffic Controllers (Austin) wail a hot mess of noise punk clamor while The Vommettes (Austin) insult your existence with a cheeky fuck-youattitude. Ayatollah Gold, Dudes “Provided that a black Trailer Space Records Die 7:00pm If you’re down with Bob Dylan and a white Bob 2X ALBUM RELEASE math rock you’d probMarley had a child together PARTY THROWably be into this show. DOWN! w/ White Ayatollah Gold (Nashwith a yin yang birth mark, Ghost Shivers, Posville) rock an atmothat child would replace sessed By Paul James, spheric alt rock sound The Ghost Wolves with a lot of studious Sam Silva as frontman for This event is kinambiance. Dudes Die dred to an old timey Sam Silva and The Good.” alternative exposition. (Austin) crochet an indie pop rock splendor White Ghost Shivers with plenty of layered (Austin) liven the mood with a superabunharmonies. dance of saloon party jams. Possessed By Paul Trailer Space Records James (Austin) is freakishly (semi shockvalue) 7:00pm foreign sounding acoustic roots musician Rabbit Teeth, The Locksmiths, Space Camp, touching on and melding roots of the roots P-Tek/Bad Wolf music with world music. Last but not least, An electronic lyrical hoopla with P-tek The Ghost Wolves (Austin) showcase a set of playing Austin once again. Also Rabbit Teeth noisy and raw heavy blues pop rock. It must (Austin) and their crunchy electro pop and be blues season or something. The Locksmiths (Austin) exercising a unique Antone’s minimalistic alloy of electro rap. 9:00pm Beerland 9:00pm Dr. Dog with Givers Pop rock group Dr. Dog (West Grove, PA) Jenny Owen Youngs w/ Little Hurricane utilize an array of nostalgic nuances more Jersey’s singer songwriter acoustic titan is as an added variable than any sort of a gim-

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micky crutch. Givers (Lafayette, LA) ham it up Score More Presents SLAUGHTERHOUSE with dancey heart warming indie pop rock. With Royce Da 5’9” Joe Budden, Joel Ortiz, , Stubb’s Inside Crooked I 7:00pm Caustic rap super group with lyrics about how they’re always having sex, on every drug, The Great Sabatini, Illustrations, Teeth Are and are untouchable pimps. Swords Beauty Ballroom A night of hard rock and heavy petting. The 7:00pm Great Sabatini (Montréal) pull a mishmash of influences from their grab bag of stoner Dude Magnets, Laute Leute, Distance Runmath rock. Illustrations (San Antonio) break ner it down with a moshy hardcore that begs for a Dude Magnets (Galesburg, IL) put the hate crime. pedal to the metal with driving 80s alt rock Trailer Space Records in the practice of Husker Du and The Wipers. 7:00pm Laute Leute (Austin) take “Did you ever watch pop punk and tweak it here Junius, O Brother, My Education, Tactics, Brother/ a lot of daytime T.V. in and there, resulting with none other than alternative Ghost 04-05? Maybe you’ll pop punk. Check out DisThe goal of this show is to be both ambient yet rocking remember a Lori tance Runner (Austin) and (really reaching for the stars climb the indie alt rock walls on this one). Junius is a high Beth Denberg type of sound they’ll occasionally concept prog indie band fling in your face. that doesn’t really sound like rapper on a number Trailer Space Records prog rock or stereotypical inof talk shows per- 7:00pm die rock. They mostly sound Gang of Thieves, Treetop like a wall of super produced forming with an over Sailors, Jokes On You alt rock with the sporadic the top, almost opera Gang of Thieves (Berlingnu metal chug and echoed the style, delivery and ton, VT) glitzfunkstage with snare. O’ Brother (Atlanta, a homespun rock acGA) shimmy a musical habi- ravenous passion for companied by gaudy show tat of alt pop with vividly tune like vocals. Treetop gem sweaters. ” tender vocals. Prepare to be Sailors (Austin) got the blues swooned. For your listening like you wouldn’t believe. enjoyment My Education (Austin) meticuJokes On You (Corpus Cristi) are a dualistic lously orchestrate indie pop rock opuses day dance of pop punk and metal-core. in and day out. Hours and hours of mindlessHeadhunters ly plucking away for your entertainment. 8:00pm Beauty Bar 9:00pm Antone’s Presents: The Scabs, English Yeast by Sweet Beast 2012 with YouthTeeth, The Sweet Nuthin ful Masturbation Techniques, How I Quit The Scabs (Austin) are a super raunchy Crack, Bee vs. Moth, Brekekekoaxkoax, funk band with raspy John Mayer sounding Smokey Emery, Zorch, Topher vocals with lyrics about various sex acts and Yeast by Sweet Beast 2012 is a two parter having pussy fever. fest. As the show progresses, the bands playAntone’s ing are going to be more like bizarre perfor9:00pm mance pieces than anything else. Samantha Crain, Leatherbag, Some Say Headhunters Leland 2:15pm This Oklahoma cutie pie Samantha Crain Shearwater (Shawnee, OK) rustles catchy indie pop rock Alt-rock with medieval vocals. The accomwith a lil’ bit o’ that country twang. Leatherbpanying instruments are subject to change ag (Austin) is an alt rock band with noticeable from venue to venue, but the vocals and Dire Straits vibes. Not to sandbag them as a melodies are more or less consistent. Dire Straits rip off band, but I’m merely sugFREE SHOW gesting that if you like Dire Straits you might Waterloo Records like Leatherbag a little more. Some Say Le5:00pm land (Austin) come across as an experimental Yeast by Sweet Beast 2012 with Aurora Plasacoustic pop group with a wide variety of tics Company, Johnathan Horne & Matt Arinfluences. mistead, Future Blondes, Dromez, Sections Frank (Bradford Kinney & Justin Waters), Scot9:30pm tless and Bible Black (members of ST-37) Thomas Wynn & The Believers A second installment of Yeast by Sweet Orlando malcontents Thomas Wynn & the Beast 2012. This show in particular is going to Believers lay it all on the line: country, blues, be noise oriented so be prepared to have your poetic, and soulfull lyrics about burning souls senses rancorously assaulted. and life and relationships and a variety of Skinny’s Ballroom other melodramatic topics. 9:30pm Stubb’s Outside 11:00pm

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Yeast by Sweet Beast 2012 with Jerry Sein-

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The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

feld’s Atrophied Sac, Christopher Petkus, Hard HNW, Waco Girls, Sex Bruises, Odor Baby, Daze of Heaven, Lee Dockery, 7-Inch Stitch, Man of the Down, Destroyed for Comfort Another line up of Sweet Beast experimental bands. Out of all the shows going on in Austin the Sweet Beast ones may be the safest havens for socially damning behavior. Might as well see what you can get away with. Trophy’s 5:00pm Texas Metal Collective presents Hoeks Metal Fest with The Periwinkle Massacre, No Hope In Texas, Former Thieves, Walk The Graves, Curse The Heavens, Fat Fuxxx This show is very much a pan-metal (not pan as in the cooking utensil (that would be ridiculous and could possibly be called steam-metal (gross)), but pan like the omni inclusive prefix i.e. pan-sexual) show with some mosh bands, metal-core, and deathmetal. It’s at a pizza chalet too, so live a little and mosh with a slice. Hoek’s Death Metal Pizza 7:00pm Burger City SXSW Kickoff Party with The Bad Lovers, Stuffies, Creamers, Burger City DJs Krunchy Krystals and Ben Jammin The Bad Lovers and Stuffies are more garage-proto punk bands where as Creamers play very much an acrid hardcore. Oh yeah, The Grand has free pool too. FREE SHOW The Grand 8:00pm

Show List March 12-15 14
Strongbow & SWAMP Present High On Fire with Star & Dagger, Rwake, Eagle Claw A metal show headlined by High On Fire (Oakland), chugging and thrashing with a frontman who looks like the botched experiment of a Lemmy Danzig genome splice. Star & Dagger (New Orleans) howl a poppy frenzy of alt-metal with a touch of classic rock and nu-metal. Rwake (Little Rock) and Eagle Claw (Austin) will also be playing with a sludge metal concoction of prog and psychedelia. Emo’s East 8:00pm BleachOnline.com and Fanatic Promotion present Art Disaster no. 14 This show is going to be an indie rock collage with some humorous and noxious bands as well as some of Austin’s biggest pop rock sensations. Outside: Boy + Kite (1:15am), Belaire (12:15am), Metal Mother (11:15pm), Young Man (10:15pm), Pomegranates (9:15pm), Sleepy Vikings (8:15pm) Inside: White Mystery (1am), Cotton Mather (midnight), The White White Lights (11pm), The Tins (10pm), Xylos (9pm), Automusik (8pm), DJ Keiron FREE with RSVP Beauty Bar 8:00pm Super Secret Records/Twistworthy Records/Sick Thought Records present The Fleshlights, The Best, Nazi Gold, Serious Tracers, Manikin, Come and Take It, Ichi Ni San Shi A hoppin’ punk jollification with some of Austin’s most notorious punk rock super stars, The Fleshlights, Nazi Gold, and The Best. Where Fleshlights and The Best go balls out, beefcake Nazi Gold takes it to a whole new level of deranged perversion. Beerland 8:00pm C3 Presents Band of Skulls with We Are Augustines C3 presents the reluctant rock stars, Band of Skulls hailing from Southampton, conglomerating alt pop rock gems through the medium of a blues driven bar rock. The heart throbbing Brooklyn duo, We Are Augustines, play very soulful and somber indie rock tunes with vocals that turn any song with a poppy guitar lick into a dirge of schmaltzy pathos. Antone’s 9:00pm The Skuds, Deadly Reign, Nuklear Blast Suntan, Dethrone, Bomraw This whole show is a collectanea of thrash metal, d-beat, and crusty hardcore. BYOB The Broken Neck 9:00pm
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The Boxing Lesson presents A Music OVRLD A Music OVRLD is going to feature a variety of different sub-genred indie bands. The Great Nostalgic (Austin) bang out indie pop rock with dancey rhythms and recognizable influences of 77-punk. The Good The Bad (Copenhagen) play guitar virtuoso surf rock. The Hi-Tones (Austin) merge a mixture of indie and heavy classic rock. Gueros Taco Bar 12:00pm - 10:00pm Trailer Space presents Hoopenany with A Giant Dog, Elvis!, Grape St., Coma in Algiers, Marriage, Church Shoes, Stuffies, Teenage News, Dahling, Dikes of Holland, Randall Holt, Ichi Ni San Shi This is going to be one of the cooler local rock shows playing this month featuring a ton of noisy punk, post-punk, and garage rock bands. Trailer Space Records 6:15pm Monofonus Presents: Cloudland Canyon, JWC III, Black Gum, Chapter 24, Stormshelter Cloudland Canyon coordinate a layered melange of indie pop rock pickled in a heavy use of echoes, distortion, and droney feedback. Black Gum (Austin) triturate somewhat of a crunchy surf sound. Beerland 7:30pm

“Out of all the shows going on in Austin, the Sweet Beast ones may be the safest havens for socially damning behavior. Might as well see what you can get away with.”

Can’t Stop The Bleeding.com Presents Apache Dropout, Puffy Areolas, G.Green , Mannequin Men, Cruddy, Bare Wires, Unholy Two, Obnox A punkrock weenie riot with garage rock, art punk, ass punk, driving shock rock, and regular punk too. FREE with RSVP Beerland 12:00pm Burger Records Presents- BURGERSTOCK III This show is going to be a rocking cavalcade consisting of arty noise punk and sloppy garage rock. With Thee Oh Sees, Night Beats, Mean Jeans, Tough Shits, Tiger High, Audacity, Pangea, Natural Child, Gap Dream, Sam Flax, Tomorrow’s Tulips, Salsa Chips, John Wesley Coleman, White Mystery, Forever Baby, The Zoltars, Haunted Tiger, Habibi Trailer Space Records 12:00pm Get Bent presents, along with Southpaw, Oops Baby, Evil Weevil, and NRBW Lo-fi pop punk, astringent punk, rustic garage punk, and almost every other kind of punk not mentioned. Missing Monuments, Bare Wires, Natural Child, Audacity, Heavy Times, Las Ardillas, Dead Ghost, FIDLAR , Cosmonauts, Ketamines, Puffy Areolas, Dikes of Holland , Public Dims, Mujeres, Summer Twins, Rayon Beach, Allah-Las, The Amoebas, Mannequin Men, Mouthbreathers, Nightmare Boyzzz, Brown Brogues, Guantanamo Baywatch, Lola Cola, Crooked Bangs, Psychic Palms, Turbo Fruits, Habibi, Fungi Girls, Lovely Bad Things, The Band in Heaven FREE SHOW Spiderhouse 2:00pm Gigacrate Five Year Anniversary with Flosstradamus, Tittsworth, Eh Team!, Brick Bandits, DJ Theory, Goon This could be one the most bumpin’ shows the whole month with renowned DJs Flosstradamus (Chicago) and Tittsworth (D.C.). Expect to hear mashed up house cuts, dubstep, and probably a bunch of sub-genres that were invented like a week ago. FREE with RSVP Beso Cantina 8:30pm Deep Time Catchy and raw indie art punk with a tart and jaded zen. Hotel Vegas

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Pitchfork Day Party with El-P, SBTRKT, The War on Drugs, Danny Brown, Youth Lagoon, Japandroids, Lower Dens, Cloud Nothings, Trash Talk, Peaking Lights, Cities Aviv, Mikal Cronin, Bleached, Dive, Friends This show is going to be crazy. It’s chalk full of high demand touring bands and features an incredibly eclectic collection of musicians ... and it’s free. FREE SHOW Mohawk Outside 12:00pm - 6:00pm Captcha Records presents Puffy Areolas, Supersonic Piss, Heavy Times, Weird Words, Purling Hiss, Lorelle Meets the Obsolete, Charles Albright, Cosmonauts This show is one of the gnarliest collection of bands playing SXSW. So much sleaze, so much natural crust, and they don’t really need to go out of their way to be shock value and gross because they’re naturally gross, too. This show should rule. Puffy Areolas (5:05pm), Supersonic Piss (4:30pm), Heavy Times (3:55pm), Weird Words (3:20pm), Purling Hiss (2:45pm), Lorelle Meets the Obsolete (2:10pm), Charles Albright (1:35pm), Cosmonauts (1pm) FREE SHOW Beerland 12:00pm Slapdash and BombOnEm present Post Traumatic Fresh This show’s line up has a big ol’ batch of up and coming rap and R&B stars. Most of the performers for this show are good, but missing a free show by Jon Connor could one of the biggest bummers you’d make all day. That and selling pot brownies to a sadistic undercover officer. Jon Connor (10:40pm), STS (10:20pm), Dee-1 (10pm), Nickelus F (9:45pm), Laws (9:30pm), Troy Ave (9:15pm), Noah O (9pm), Scolla aka Young Scolla (8:45pm), Conrizzle (8:30pm), Suburban District (8:15pm), Luck One (8pm), Mr. Ivory Snow (7:45pm), Mike Millz (7:30pm), Ryshon Jones (7:15pm), Rickie Jacobs (7pm), music by DJ Numonics, WillToThe & DJ R!3ZA FREE with RSVP Shangri-La 7:00pm Isolated Wax presents Prog Rap Attack Nuthin’ but a gangsta party with a few DJs and MCs from all around. I love these crowds, but sometimes it’s amusing to admire how many fitted caps are being worn. Louis Logic (NYC), Subtitle (LA), Megabusive (CA), PremRock & Willie Green (NY), Gel Roc (LA), Marq Spekt (Atlanta), Riddlore (Austin), Open Mike Eagle (LA), J the Sarge (Humboldt, CA), Haez One (CA), ADAM (NYC), Elucid (Brooklyn), Billy Woods (Brooklyn), Marq Spekt (Atlanta), Vida Killz (CA), Sean Blak (CA), Tape Mastah Steph (CA), A.M. Breakups (Brooklyn), Anacron (LA), Benofficial (CA), Warren Britt (NYC) at Club Pachanga Club Pachanga (2120 E. Riverside Dr.) 9:00pm - 3:00am

austincut.com | March 2012, The Austin Cut

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Burger City SXSW Liberty Showcase A Burger City courtage of garage rock disciples. FREE SHOW The Liberty 9:00pm

Wedding Present (Brighton, 1pm), Education (San Antonio, noon). FREE SHOW Flat Top Burger Shop (1900 Manor Rd.) 12:00pm BrooklynVegan/The Power of The Riff/ Southern Lord present A million bloodied bodies wearing tattered black cloth and denim will likely destroy this Isolated Wax presents Prog Rap Attack venue. Some of the biggest Nuthin’ but a gangsta names in modern hardcore party with a few DJs and MCs from all around. I love these “Nuthin’ but a and some metal, too. High on Fire, Off!, Trash Talk, Black crowds, but sometimes it’s amusing to admire how many gangsta party with Cobra, Ceremony, Deafheavfitted caps are being worn. a few DJs and MCs en, Full of Hell, Heartless, Balaclava, Dead in The Dirt, Louis Logic (NYC), Subfrom all around. I DNF (members of Trash Talk, title (LA), Megabusive (CA), PremRock & Willie Green love these crowds, Touche Amore) FREE SHOW (NY), Gel Roc (LA), Marq but sometimes it’s The Scoot Inn (1308 E. 4th St.) Spekt (Atlanta), Riddlore (Austin), Open Mike Eagle amusing to admire 12:00pm (LA), J the Sarge (Humboldt, Waterloo Records presents how many fitted CA), Haez One (CA), ADAM Some pretty incredible (NYC), Elucid (Brooklyn), artists of every genre. I sugcaps are being Billy Woods (Brooklyn), gest getting there hours Marq Spekt (Atlanta), Vida worn.” ahead of time to secure a Killz (CA), Sean Blak (CA), view. The Cult (6pm), Gary Tape Mastah Steph (CA), Clark Jr. (5pm), Father John A.M. Breakups (Brooklyn), Anacron (LA), Misty (4:30pm, inside), Howlin Rain (4pm), Benofficial (CA), Warren Britt (NYC) at Club Of Montreal (3pm), Jimmy Cliff (2pm), Talib Pachanga Kweli (1pm), Say Anything (noon). Club Pachanga (2120 E. Riverside Dr.) Waterloo Records 9:00pm - 3:00am 12:00pm 3rd Annual Wildfire Reggae and Arts FesThe 3rd Annual And So... SXSW Party tival Fusion show of comedy on one stage, with Pretty much everyone I know has a time or live surf rock and no wave on the other. Thee mood for reggae. You know what to expect: Oh Sees, The Strange Boys, Kid Congo Powers, Sleepy Sun, Mikal Cronin, Bare Wires, Baggy cargo shorts on every dweeb and the Football, The Blind Shake, Duchess Says, light but everpresent scent of burnt mariDirty Ghosts, Grave Babies, K-Holes, Aaron juana. 77 Jefferson (Kansas City), Ashes of Babylon (Austin), Audic Empire (Austin), Axis Blount (Knife in the Water), The Ketamines, Chapter 24, Burnt Ones, Xray Eyeballs, TerUnity (Austin), Bacchanalian Bliss (Laredo), rible Twos, Young Prisms, Laura Gibson, Bending Villa (Houston), Catfish Mustache The Darcys, Mean Jeans, Carnivores, Los (Mesa, AZ), Common Kings (Costa Mesa, Headaches, The Wrong Words, Throwing Up, CA), Coral Thief (Denver), DJ Ivor (San AntoChains of Love, The Mallard, Magnetix, Lily nio), DJ Styff (Brooklyn), Don Chani (Austin), Taylor, Blasted Canyons, Shimmering Stars, Dub Gideon & Likkle Shanx (Austin), Duband a fucking shit load more. tonic Kru (Kingston, Jamaica), Ease Up (San Diego), Fayuca (Phoenix), Footpie (Houston), FREE SHOW Gappy Ranks (London), Goulash (Hugo, MN), The 29th St. Ballroom 12:00pm Haleamano (Las Vegas), H.R. (of Bad Brains), Huerta Culture (Austin), Jah Kings (SpringShirts For A Cure presents field, MO), Jahn TI (Austin), Kings & ComTwo stages, two shows. Every youth crew rades (Philadelphia), McPullish (Buda, TX), hardcore kid in Washington State was into Mojo Morgan of Morgan Heritage (Brooklyn), Hot Water Music in 2006, but I was above all New Reb (Minneapolis), Peace Officer (Fort of that sissy soft stuff. I stuck with melodic Collins), SlaughterHouse Rootz (Denver), hardcore bands like Comeback Kid (who I Soulfiya & The Black Lung Crew (Galveston), can’t wait to see). Outside: Hot Water Music, Ugly Lion (Dallas), Zvuloon Dub System (IsBraid, Darkest Hour, Anti-Flag, Coliseum, Tim rael), Emcees Lance-O (Miami) and Mister Barry (Avail), Regents, Beast of No Nation. InKali (Santa Fe). side: Comeback Kid, DYS, Foundation, Such FREE SHOW Gold, Living With Lions, Blacklist Royals, Ruta Maya (3601 S. Congress Ave.) Seahaven, Luther. 12:00pm FREE SHOW Red 7 Music For Listeners 12:00pm Put your indie rock socks on, cuz you’ll get a loading dose of just that. Starts early, Century Media Records, CVLT Nation, and sp maybe wear double socks. Dutch Uncles Stumptown Coffee Roasters present (Manchester, 7pm), Treetop Flyers ( London, Party and rock and roll legend Andrew 6pm), The Spinto band (Wilmington, 5pm), W.K. graces Austin temporarily. If you love Literature (Austin, 4pm), A Classic Education to rock, and you love to party, here’s your (Bologna, 3pm), Spectrals (Leeds, 2pm), The God. Nachtmystium, The Atlas Moth, Bruce

Show List March 15-18
Lamont, Young and In the Way, Vestiges, and Enabler enhance the glorious appearing. Longbranch Inn (1133 E. 11th St.) 12:00pm Jolly Dream Records and Tic Tac Totally present One of the finest showcases of local and rising hardcore and rock talent you could assemble. Consider making it out. Wiccans (6pm, on the patio), TBA (5pm), OBN IIIs (4:20pm), Destruction Unit (3:40pm), Useless Eaters (3pm), Creamers (2:20pm), A Giant Dog (1:40pm). FREE SHOW Beerland 1:00pm Texas Metal Collective presents Hoeks Metal Fest I want to see at least one person with full plate armor goin’ nuts. Prey For Sleep (Austin, midnight), Beyond Gods and Empires (Austin, 11pm), Vile Aura (Austin, 10pm), Perish The Land (San Antonio, 9pm), Head Crusher (Austin, 8pm), Before The Eyewall (Columbus, 7pm), Wake The Colossus (Killeen, TX, 6pm), Rust (Austin, 5pm), Carrion Sun (Houston, 4pm), Family (Brooklyn, 3pm), Opposition A.D. (2pm) FREE SHOW Hoek’s Death Metal Pizza (511 E. 6th St.) 2:00pm Pour Le Corps SXSW Showcase I wouldn’t show up to this freaky electro jam party without taking three blotters and a few jello shotz. Xander Harris (1:45am), Sneaky Snake (1am), Tassels (12:15am), Oedipa Pass (11:30pm), Darktown Strutters (10:45pm), Delores Boys (10pm), Eyes, Wings & Many Other Things (9:15pm), Tenstairs (8:30pm), Spacebeach (7:45pm), Keepbullfighting (7pm), Diamond Age (6:15pm), Son Fish (5:30pm), Water Falls (4:45pm), Ana & Ina (4pm) Dominican Joe (515 S. Congress Ave.) 4:00pm

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Reverb Party Some dope, yet nottoo-popular electronic artists. I’ll try to make it for Com Truise. Typhoon, Bass Drum of Death, Com Truise, Milagres, Love Inks, Snake Rattle Rattle Snake, Flashlights, The Swayback, Flashbulb Fires, and Mr. Right. Dirty Dog Bar (505 East 6th St.) 11:00am Filter Magazine’s Showdown at Cedar Street Built to Spill is still spreadin’ that light Boise indie like they did when they started back in 92. Built to Spill (5pm), Oberhofer (4pm), Milo Greene (3pm), Imagine Dragons (2pm), We Are Serenades (1pm), The Bombettes (noon), Anna Ihlis (11am). Cedar Street (208 W. 4th) 11:00am

“I want to see at least one person with full plate armor goin’ nuts.”

The A.V. Club and Flowerbooking present March Into Softness 2012 Pretty hectic band names for how light/ melodic they are. You simply cannot go wrong with our lord Andrew W.K. in the establishment. White Rabbits (5pm), The War on Drugs (4pm), We Were Promised Jetpacks (3pm), The Twilight Sad (2pm), Cymbals Eat Guitars (1pm), The Jealous Sound (noon), host and special musical guest Andrew W.K. FREE SHOW Club Deville 12:00pm Peelander-Fest I heard somewhere that once you experience Japan, nothing else matters. Peelander-Z brings that ridiculous, but awesome, Japanese style to ya in punk form. Peelander-Z, Foot Patrol, Electric Eel Shock, Math The Band, Birthday Suits, Child Bite, Gagakirise, Black Cock, Trippple Nippples, Ken South Rock, and Lagitagida. FREE SHOW The Grackle (1700 E. 6th St.) 12:00pm Get Bent and Rubberneck present Daytime punk show! Some of the best local and southern talent during the pinnacle of SXSW. Bad Sports (6pm, on the patio), Bass Drum Of Death (5pm), Terrible Twos (4:30pm), Video (3:55pm), Sex Cult (3:20pm), Flesh Lights (2:45pm), White Mystery (2:10pm), Los Vigilantes (1:35pm), Diarrhea Planet (1pm). FREE SHOW Beerland 1:00pm Texas Metal Collective presents Hoeks Metal Fest Where better to get your fix of shredding than Death Metal Pizza? Bult (Gothenburg, Sweden, midnight), Indisgust (New Braunfels, 11pm), Brink of Disaster (Austin, 10pm), Lug (Austin, 9pm), Better Left Unsaid (Modesto, CA, 8pm), Strength Beyond Strength (New Braunfels, 7pm), Sever The Senses (Dallas, 6pm), The Audran Sequence (Channelview, TX, 5pm), Unspeakable Things (Austin, 4pm), Rise From Your Grave (Houston, 3pm), The Revival Party (Austin, 2pm). FREE SHOW Hoek’s Death Metal Pizza (511 E. Sixth St.) 2:00pm S.O.TERIK Now.Art! Showcase Pop sensation Of Montreal leads their 500th SXSW dance party. You know what to expect. Clive Bar (609 Davis St.) 2:00pm

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Sux by Suxwest 2 Titans of the experimental universe unite briefly in Austin. Crank sturgeon wears a custom suit and layers screams over the most devastatingly piercing feedback. Rat Bastard runs the annual International Noise Confer-

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The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

ence. Black Leather Jesus sounds like Jerry Seinfeld’s atrophied sack. Just assume all of these artists ‘express themselves’ harder than the last. Some trippy shit! Bernadette’s 12:00pm Texas Metal Collective presents Hoeks Metal Fest Summon your bannermen and ride to Hoek’s Death Metal Pizza for Metal, Pizza, and possibly Death. Former Thieves (Cedar Falls, IA, midnight), TBA (11pm), Maidens (Milwaukee, WI, 10pm), Seize the Prophet (San Antonio, 9pm), Of The Sun (Austin, 8pm), Deliver Us From Evil (Evansville, IN, 7pm), Untitled We Stand (Copperas Cove, TX, 6pm), Lead The Follower (Austin, 5pm), Wake The Colossus (Killeen, 4pm), Fall (Portland, 3pm), Shattered Sun (Alice, TX, 2pm), Memories in Broken Glass (San Antonio, 1pm). FREE SHOW Hoek’s Death Metal Pizza (511 E. 6th St.) 1:00pm

Show List March 18-31
Trailer Space Records 7:00pm

Art Versus Industry They look like Panic! At the Disco, and I could only pick out a few words of the lyrics, but I think I heard the industrial voice say “kill myself” on time with a Prodigy style break beat. Sold. Stubb’s Inside 11:00pm

Night two of Young the Giant and Grouplove (L.A.) rocking it hard with super produced walls of indie majesty. Stubb’s Outside 9:00pm

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Braves & Babes Dance Party A happy hour dance party with DJs playing it all from Cash Money, indie, to punk. Be there or be sober. Mohawk Inside 9:00pm

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True School Tuesdays with DJ Notion, Czech One DJ Notion and Czech One’s dedication to old school artists and the golden age of hip hop. Beauty Ballroom 8:00pm No Comply and Complete present TueRad with Go Go Garcia If you get down on remixes of Young Money and shit like that like I do, then you would probably enjoy yourself listenin’ to these powerhouse DJs. Beauty Bar 8:00pm

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James Hyland and The Joint Chiefs, Big Ol Band I usually don’t like any country or americana shit but there’s something interesting going on with local artist James Hyland that I like. The Big Ol Band is unadulterated music you can only make with a large selection of instruments. Frank 9:30pm

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Nu Sensae (Canada), Cruddy, The Creamers, Citymen This is the show to be at. Vancouver’s Nu Sensae rips on their latest release TV, Death and the Devil LP. Every instrument sound is played hard and still sounds raw on the track. Cruddy possesses some rock-like elements. Creamers is hard, fast, and fists your youknow-what. Beerland 9:00pm

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Martin Bremberg, Dana Falconberry, Daniel Francis Doyle Local artists play pleasant acoustic and folk music. Bring Beer.

Animal Train, Penny Arcade, Devour The World The lead singer of Animal Train fucking rules, a 30+ year old burnout with nothing left Deicide, Jungle Rot, Abigail Williams, Lecherous Nocturne, Flesh Hoarder to lose but her teal Trans-Am. They already This is a serious face melting, guitar and took her kids. What are they gonna take next? double bass pedal driven lineup. Deicide Not her rock and roll. A story like that fits her started back in 1987 and has survived a few stage persona more than any other possible lineup changes since then. Best band name scenario. She may have never even owned award goes to Flesh Hoarder. a teal Trans-Am or kids. But if she did... You Emo’s East know how awesome that would be, right? 9:00pm Trailer Space Records 7:00pm Perfume Genius, Parenthetical Girls Show brought to you by the Northwest. Young the Giant, Grouplove Parenthetical Girls is Stadium indie rock by some catchy Oregon pop. California bands Young Perfume Genius hails the Giant and Grouplove “The lead singer of Seattle and plays (L.A.). Animal Train fucking fromlight piano songs Stubb’s Outside very 8:00pm rules. A 30+ year old with warm humming Tje Austin, Lex Land, burnout with nothing melodies. Lamberts Jaimee Harris With the voice of an left to lose but her teal 9:30pm angel and delivery of a Trans-Am. They already Scott Miller serial assailant T.V.’s The From Knoxville, TenVoice mega star Tje Austook her kids. What are nessee, Scott Miller softly tin will bewitch you into a sings gritty and humorthey gonna take next? ous country folk tunes meshwork of merriment. Lex Land and Jaimee Not her rock and roll.” with the rigor of a well Harris (both from Austin) practiced pro. Lamberts have a singer pop writer 9:30pm allure, Lex Land’s being more produced and centered around her voice and Jaimee Harris’ music also featuring her acoustic riffs. Atomic Duo Frank Go if you’re bored as fuck. You might laugh. 9:00pm Or... You’ll want to kick my ass. Stir enough interest, yet? FREE SHOW Waterloo Records Weee Fest: A Celebration of Austin Absurd5:00pm ditties featuring Ornette Molman, Night Viking, Space Quake, Us... Jetu, Bumping Uglies, Soft White, Three Ladies Vs, The World A noise rock fest plus happy hour all day. Boy + Kite, Paperthreat, Broken Umbrella And by noise rock I mean band members Academy inconsiderably beating away at their instruCatchy pop indie show. Boy+Kite is a little ments and going “Ugggghhhhhhh!!!!” while more upbeat and melodic than Paperthreat, other members of the band walk around take that as you will. Broken Umbrella Acadbumping furniture against things. emy is an easy listenin’ folk / pop group. Skinny’s Ballroom Frank 3:00pm - 11:00pm 9:30pm Danny Malone Acoustic soothsayer Danny Malone delivers a jovial performance of silly heart bullshit The Austin Urban Music Festival with and cheerful carols that will have your pulse Miguel, Melanie Fiona, V.I.C The King of racing and feet moving in no time. Wobble Hotel Vegas Pop and R&B moguls Miguel and Melanie 7:00pm - 9:00pm Fiona bring you the hits, and it’s day #2 at the fest for the KING OF WOBBLE, COME GET Young the Giant, Grouplove

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SOME! Auditorium Shores (800 W. Riverside Dr.) 3:00pm - 10:30pm Eisley, Marksmen, Christie Dupree Eisley is some alt rock girl with catchy tunes from Tyler, Texas. They already have a solid hit or two. Other acts introduce more acoustic instruments to the stage. The energy seems to crescendo as the night progresses. The Parish 8:00pm Big Gigantic Big Gigantic is... huge where it hails from, in Colorado. I can only describe some of it as an electronic version of the SNL band with audio clips from movies. La Zona Rosa 9:00pm

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The Austin Urban Music Festival with Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds, Boyz II Men, After 7, Jammin Jay Lamont (MC/comedian), V.I.C The King of Wobble Have yourself a nostalgic day and hit this. Seeing Boyz II Men perform “End of the Road” as aging men probably feels like an acid trip. After 7 is some dinosaur relic R&B group that never really made it, but somehow survived since 1988. Respect! Auditorium Shores (800 W. Riverside Dr.) 11:00am - 10:30pm ESG, League of Extraordinary Gz, P.Watts, Mad-One, Subkulture Patriots, Good Time Boys, D.O.S., DJ Notion An insane rap line up headlined by ESG (Houston) the chopped and screwed pioneer not the 80s Bronx dancey post-punks. Which wouldn’t have been that out of the ordinary since E.S.G. (Bronx) were sampled by a zillion DJs and rap producers. Red 7 8:30pm Bomb the Music Industry!, Laura Stevenson & the Cans, Ghost Knife, Shit Creek Laura Stevenson & the Cans (Brooklyn) engage their audiences with an indie bubble gum pop rock abounding with plenty of build-ups and catchy hooks. Ghost Knife (Austin) fuck around with a melodic and belligerent pop punk. With rotten nasty vocals and canorous punk, Shit Creek (Austin) play the kind of music that leaves a taste in your mouth that sticks around for days. Mohawk Inside 9:00pm Johnny Legend, Sons of Hercules, OBN IIIs Renaissance man Johnny Legend headlines this fracas with the know how of a battered and true rockabilly ogre. The Sons of Hercules (San Antonio) plunder the stage and your being with a tempered garage rock spent almost 50 years in the making. Accompanying these leathery old rock sharts is the OBN III’s, wielding a classic rock hardcore battle axe and driving it into your skull over and over and over again. Continental Club 10:00pm

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austincut.com | March 2012, The Austin Cut

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Sexscapes
HARDCOPY PORN COLLECTIONS AREN’T JUST FOR PERVERTS
by Anderson Rodriguez
I was asked to write this column because my editor knows I watch a lot of porn. Please note, however, that my hardcopy porn collection is neither a measure of my hoarding tendencies, nor a Y2K-reminiscent preparatory measure for whenever the government finally passes a bill that kills my freedom to watch pretty, naked women on the internet. Rather, this growing porn collection is the result of my writing for the sociological perspective-oriented site, Porn Valley Vantage. Over at PVV, which was started by a sociologist/feminist/social justice advocate/former professor of mine (who happened to be the “hot” professor from my college years—it was, I believe, the only course where I never missed a class), I review pornographic films and take pains to connect the actions depicted on-screen to the wider socio-cultural world. Okay, so I write about the sex, too, but the focus is always on what these pornos say about our culture at large. What I’m learning is that, like everything else in life when examined too closely, porn is fucking complicated. Simplicity is for gazing at flowers as you pass them on your way to other affairs; Botany is an activity unto itself. Before I began to write for PVV, pornography was just an engaging visual I took in from time to time and enjoyed rather obtusely. But now I can deconstruct porn like a champ. What this has led to, the fact that I am now often interrupted mid-session by thoughts running the gamut from “Did she take drama classes in high school? I’m curious if she ever thought she’d end up naked on a billiards table jamming an Eight-ball up there on camera…” to: “I wonder what she thinks about the idea of a pornographic actors’ union?” is in many , ways the logically extreme outgrowth of a lifelong tendency to over analyze mundane and trivial aspects of life. I once told an ex-lover about this cognitive habit and she responded by asking, “What’s something you over analyze other than comic books?” “What’ve you got?” I said. “What about… brushing your teeth?” She cocked her head as she asked this, confident I wouldn’t have an asininely overwrought response to such a seemingly innocuous daily activity. “Always before I eat. Or no less than an hour after eating—never immediately after a meal because the residual, acidic, oral build-up can be incredibly damaging when combined with the bristles of a toothbrush.” She laughed and then I think we might have had sex. I remember our conversation almost verbatim but not whether or not we had sex afterwards—that’s just the kind of person I happen to be. And I recognize from a certain point of view it is lame that I devote such a large amount of thought to such a routine act. But in another 22 4 light, dental hygiene is important as hell. Cavities are expensive and I’ve got a terrible gag reflex/crippling fear of dental practitioners. The medium I’ve found that makes me happy is going back and forth between these two extremes. Some days I’m the kind of person whose oral hygiene is fastidiously practiced, and other times I’m the guy who wakes up in an unfamiliar city and uses a mouthful of generic-brand cola as mouthwash in the parking lot of 7-11 to get rid of the taste of stale puke. And that’s the attitude I want to bring to the world of Austin-based sex columns: flux and open-minded adaptation. Though I will admit the fact that I now become distracted mid-porn has been something of a hassle. Pre-PVV porn was the one masturbatory bastion over which I still truly held dominion. Even before I was over analyzing my pornography I was always apt to become distracted mid-session. There has always been the spank-bank, of course, which has some fantastic memories, but some of these are too emotionally costly to dredge up from such sticky, murky depths for cheap, short-lived, instant gratification. Sometimes I try to modify memories from real life and mix them with slight elements of fantasy but that usually just ends up getting weird. After that comes the realm of pure-fantasy, but for me to truly get off in this manner I have to set aside a pretty fair amount of time so that I can vividly set up the scene I want to play out. Being trained in and obsessed with narrative formats, this oftentimes gets pretty complex story-line wise, but almost always comes to involve my fantasy-self approaching the person whom I happen to be lusting after and attempting to seduce them in a way that I imagine to be realistic but also kind of badass and Han Solo-esque. I say “attempting” because even in my head it only works sixty-five-or-so-percent of the time (an absolutely un-Solo-esque success rate). As best as I can figure, this stems from my desire to have sexual partners who amount to more than living blow-up dolls. I don’t want to fuck an object; I want to have sex with someone. What I think I get off on, more than any physical sensation, is the idea that someone, for a moment in time, desires engaging in a shared, intimate relationship with me in the same way I happen to be desiring them at the moment; things become different and (depending on your viewpoint) ultimately more meaningful in a long-term relationship, but typically more complicated as well. But regardless of the specific circumstances, for me to truly enjoy sex, even in my head, I simply cannot get around the fact that there’s no way to get someone to have sex with me in absolutely every situation without fail. In regular life, even during the times when I am feeling solid and fully confident in my selfsupposed sexual prowess, there are instances when it just simply will not happen, no matter

Read the article and it will make sense to you how I try and swing it, and I think this is what is reflected in my false-start sexual fantasies. When it becomes clear that I’ve hit this masturbatory wall after several minutes of trying, I pull a “Dirty Cartridge Reset” and, much the same way I’d blow on the inside of Nintendo cartridges as a child so that I could enjoy my playtime after a failed attempt, I clear everything out and start over.   Luckily, water is allocated at our apartment complex. But surely I’m not the only one who wastes water from time to time in this city. I called City Hall but was unable to obtain an estimate on how many gallons of water are wasted in this city each year by people having sex in the shower, or people who aren’t having as much sex as they like getting on by themselves in the shower. Austin, as anyone who is between adolescence and forty (I think that’s when people become real-life grownups and stop having casual sex at night clubs and bars and stuff, right?) knows, is a city that is sexual as all hell. With a higher than average population of university students, horny, underemployed hipsters (and the hippies… can’t forget the hippies), sexual partners are often separated by surprisingly few degrees here. And there remains much to explore in regards to this city’s sexuality. Are there orgy-consortiums which meet in town at regular intervals? If so, invite me. I’m not particularly into group sex, but I am interested as hell to see how it works. Are there caterers and food platters? Naked bartenders? Is it couples-only, or are singles allowed but herded into the corner to watch creepily from the sidelines? Are there secret glory holes in the W hotel? Are there groups of people who like to meet up and talk about having sex with cars? Cats, perhaps? Are there readers out there who try to breed mammals and reptiles together to form some unholy breed of lukewarm-blooded chimeras? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but these are the kinds of things I want to learn about. I’m sure some more conventional sex-related topics will arise along the way, but surely at some point you’re going to encounter something which you’d define as perverse, because what is the baseline standard for somebody else’s sexual preference isn’t always going to be socially normative.  I want to learn about sex in this fair capitol city of ours because everyone’s doing it, or at least thinking about it in some shape or another, even if only in the hopes of rejecting it. Sex, from evolutionary biology, macro and micro-level sociological understandings, anthropological, and personal viewpoints is something which is deeply important and vital to our understanding of our humanity. And if that’s the case then damn, we should be discussing it openly and honestly, no matter how weird it might seem at first…  That being said, I want to make sure you don’t think I’m taking this too seriously, because sometimes sex is hilarious. Like when animals do it, for instance. Videos of giant tortoises mate-humping? They never get old. Those tortoises are moving so slow but trying so damn hard. Sometimes the females just continue to eat while the males enter them because why the hell not? With that I’m going to end because I have just become aware that I am Google-searching for “Animal Humping Videos” in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. And no one should be that person.

The Austin Cut, March 2012 | austincut.com

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