What Should I Do?

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©2010 by Teri Lynne Underwood ~ www.pleasingtoyou.com

What Should I Do?
Giving and Receiving Godly Counsel

Teri Lynne Underwood

©2010 by Teri Lynne Underwood ~ www.pleasingtoyou.com

“Does

it really matter who I listen to?”

How we choose the people who will influence our decisions is important issue. Let’s jump into some Scripture and look at King Xerxes. Listed below are five passages from Esther in which the King seeks advice. Read them and answer the following questions about each passage. Esther 1:13 – 22 Esther 2: 1 – 4 Esther 3:8 – 15 Esther 6:6 – 10 Esther 8:1 – 8

Questions to consider ….
Who advised the King during this portion of Scripture? What counsel was given? What motivated the counsel? Was the counsel Godly? Why or why not?

{For a short video to accompany this lesson, please go to the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBTQ_Bqae1U.}

©2010 by Teri Lynne Underwood ~ www.pleasingtoyou.com

“Why are they telling me that?”
Learning to discern others’ motives is a key factor in becoming wise. And this principle is not only applicable to actions … but also to words, including advice. King Xerxes sought advice from several people and groups of people. Looking over your notes from your reading, did you see any pattern for the king? This is what I noticed … He asked whoever was around at the time. I’m going out on a limb here: That’s not the best plan. It’s not even a good plan. In fact, it’s a very poor plan! I find four specific motivations for the counsel given to King Xerxes.

1. Self-preservation (Esther 1:13-22, 2:1-4)
The king’s counselors gave him advice that benefitted them! They were not concerned about his best interest … they led him to make decisions that helped them. Warren Wiersbe’s commentary on Esther says:
“Concerned about the repercussions of Vashti’s disobedience, the king asked his seven counselors what she should do. The first thing they did was exaggerate the importance of the event … These counselors were playing it smart; for by exaggerating the problem, they also inflated their own importance and made the king more dependent on them.” (Be Committed, 79-80)

Wiersbe continues to explain their motivations in advising the king to find a new queen.
“The king’s advisors were concerned that Vashti not be restored to royal favor; for if she regained her throne, their own lives would be in danger. After all, it was they who had told the king to remove her.” (84)

King Xerxes lacked discernment … he was prideful and susceptible to pandering to his ego.

©2010 by Teri Lynne Underwood ~ www.pleasingtoyou.com

2. Selfish Agendas (Esther 3:8-15)
We’ll do a deeper investigation into Haman’s agenda next week but for now we need to understand that often people seek to counsel our decisions based on their own prejudice and bias. Haman sought revenge … using the king and his position of influence to achieve his personal goal. Charles Swindoll shares the following in Esther: A Woman of Strength and Dignity:
“Haman is telling the king what he wants to hear, but he’s not telling the king the whole story. Haman doesn't mention his own prejudice, his own long-standing prejudiced grudge … No, he deliberately hides his real motive while acting as if he has only the king’s good at heart.” (66)

Again, we see the king’s lack of discernment. He did not seek any corroboration or further counsel and is an example of the truth in Proverbs 18:13:
“He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.” (NIV)

3. Self-importance (Esther 6:6-10)
I love this portion of Esther! Feels like the great “Gotcha!” when you know the rest of the story. Haman is completely convinced of his own invincibility … his importance to the king. And it renders him blind to the truth. He advises the king to give honor to another assuming he is the only one the king would desire to recognize. Vanity!! I think of another Proverb:
“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (16:18)

Haman would have done well to heed the wisdom of Albert Einstein:
“Try not to become a man of success, but try to become a man of value.”

©2010 by Teri Lynne Underwood ~ www.pleasingtoyou.com

Have you noticed a trend in these motivations for counsel? Any four letters stand out to you? *S.E.L.F.* We must be aware that many who seek to advise us are motivated by selfishness. But there is another motivation we find in these passages.

4. Protection of others (Esther 8:1-8)
Perhaps one of the most familiar verses in Esther is the queen’s declaration,
“If I perish, I perish.” (4:16, NIV)

When the queen and Mordecai advised the king, their motivation was entirely the protection of others. If you have read the rest of Esther, you know the Jews did not plunder those they defeated, though they had every right to do so. The advice given to the king was not given to diminish or destroy him, rather it was to protect the innocent. The best advice we receive is motivated by Paul’s admonition:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:34, NIV)

We must pray for wisdom in discerning motives of those who would seek to advise us. And be mindful of counsel that does not measure up to God’s Word.

Have you ever been advised by someone with impure motives? Did you listen? Why or why not?

©2010 by Teri Lynne Underwood ~ www.pleasingtoyou.com

Discerning Godly Counsel
Who gives you advice? Who do you trust with those questions about your fears and sin struggles? Has someone you trusted to guide you ever betrayed you? Have you ever followed someone’s advice only to find that you were completed ill-advised? Truthfully, it’s happened to all of us. But even understanding that bad advice happens to everyone doesn’t ease the difficulty in dealing with it when it happens to you.

There has to be a better way!

And guess what … there is!! God’s Word shows us clearly the differences between those who are wise and foolish … and honestly, why would we ever seek counsel from a fool? Here are three questions to help you discern godly counsel.

1. Is the counsel consistent with Scripture?
Job 12:13 But true wisdom and power are with God; counsel and understanding are His. Psalm 37:30 The godly offer good counsel, they know what is right from wrong.

2. Is the counsel helpful?
Proverbs 10:31-32 The godly person gives wise advice, but the tongue that deceives will be cut off. The godly speak words that are helpful, but the wicked speak only what is corrupt. Proverbs 18:2 Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to offer their own opinions.

©2010 by Teri Lynne Underwood ~ www.pleasingtoyou.com

3. Is the counsel spoken with grace and love?
Proverbs 27:9 The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Colossians 3:16 Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise.

The bottom line is simple … we must seek the Lord in all things and all counsel should be grounded in His Word.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not lean on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths. 2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right.

Who gives you godly counsel? How has that person’s influence encouraged your relationship with God?

©2010 by Teri Lynne Underwood ~ www.pleasingtoyou.com

Giving Godly Counsel
This discussion would be incomplete without addressing our responsibility to give godly counsel. Let me first say, the three questions we asked yesterday about the counsel we receive are good ones to ask ourselves about the counsel we give. Is my counsel consistent with Scripture? Is my counsel helpful? Is my counsel spoken with grace and love? Another important aspect of giving counsel is this … acknowledge when you don’t know or are not qualified! Be honest. It is okay to be unsure how to best help someone and in those instances it is far better to admit that you are uncertain and then help find a good answer than to speak from ignorance. I also urge you to listen carefully …. sometimes the question asked is not real question. For example, last week someone shared with me that she had been asked about how a friend should handle a matter upon which she and her husband disagreed. My friend wisely counseled that the wife pray not for her husband to agree with her but rather for the two of them to come into alignment about the issue. We must be very cautious that we do not inadvertently give counsel that is contradictory to Scripture. It would have been easy for my friend to encourage her friend to do what she thought best regardless of her husband’s feelings … but that would have been to subvert the Biblical structure of the home. Finally, this should go without saying … but wise counsel is ALWAYS preceded by prayer. We should always ask the Lord for guidance and direction before we begin to give counsel to anyone. Always. As in every. single. time.

What are your thoughts on giving Godly counsel? How do you prepare to answer questions when you are asked?
©2010 by Teri Lynne Underwood ~ www.pleasingtoyou.com

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