Whats the Hurry
Content
What’s the hurry?
I am a super achiever, I got 5 promotions in 10yrs and at one point (seems like in history now), was one of the
youngest directors in my organization. I know it sounds like gloating but hold on before you rush towards a
judgment. If I didn’t get promoted in 2yrs I felt like my career was an utter failure, life was unfair and entire
organization was conspiring against me! (Oh yeah, not promoting me must have been an agenda in their 2015
strategy meeting!)
And this growth did not come easy. It was nonstop, 14 hours work day, travel at the drop of a hat, leave my 6
month old nursing baby and fly off to US to save my company from doom, suffer anxiety attacks and stress
related insomnia. But that was “normal” in my world. If you want to win a race you can’t be strolling in the
meadows, can you? I had everything going for me- excellent support system, supportive husband and quite an
accommodating kid (for her, seeing mamma for 1hr during bed time was normal!) So why would I think twice
about running the race to the top?
Movie style, there’s got to be a “And then one day….” moment, when my “perfect” life (stress related insomnia
and anxiety really merged well into the perfect picture!) took a roll on the roulette table. My husband got an
opportunity to work in the UK. We had to shift. I got questions from many colleagues; why I would want to
leave my fantastic role and follow my husband? Why don’t my daughter and I continue in India while my
husband lives in the UK? What does 4-5 years of skype living matter, when you can conquer the world by
staying back and husband cashes on the exchange rates?
Luckily my husband and I had this unwritten rule that we would never opt to live separate for any reason. But
for that, we would have been 1 among thousands of separated couples pursing career/monetary goals abroad,
missing out on prime time of life together.
So we moved to a pretty little town in the UK. Away from London, by the coast, it is like slowing down the
clock. But for me who was running on the treadmill at the highest speed, suddenly I was in a walk mode. I was
actually getting to drop my daughter at school, chat with her when she got back, do her home projects with her
and get to know her friends’ names!! I realized the meaning of “my time” (I always believed all th e time at
work was my time!!). I had my little vegetable garden and realized the pleasure of plucking fresh tomatoes and
strawberries. I even checked out my long time suspicion that I was a born artist- I sat in a coffee shop by the
lake and tried my hand at pastel painting. My suspicion was confirmed- I thought I could pass off the painting
as my 6yr old daughter’s but she refused to take any ownership for my “piece of art”!!
I found time thrice a week for exercise and yoga. Never felt so physically fit and charged. Realized how drained
I use to feel all the time and that was again part of my “normal”.
I was not jobless; I was just doing the amount of work that would keep me busy for 8hrs -9hrs a day. I was
enjoying this, all the while thinking about my career wreckage lying somewhere down the road. I felt a failure
doing less than what I use to do. I wouldn’t stop telling anyone I meet on how hard we software engineers
work (throw in the jargon like 24 cross 7 and 19 cross 7), how many time zones we cover, how we never have
time for lunch and can’t make it to children’s unplanned events. But instead of sympathetic headshakes and “I
know how hard that is”, “oh you must be a pretty important person” expression, I got weird looks which
sounded more like “you must be nuts to be doing this”, “why the hell would you want to do that?”. And I would
explain, how this contributes to career growth and getting to the next level.
During my one such “sad storytelling session” to an elderly man trapped in conversation while waiting to pick
up his daughter/grand daughter ( something else I have learnt not to ask/assume in this country based on
looks!), he asked, “ What’s wrong in being slow? What’s the hurry?”
It was such a simple question but I was stumped. I fumbled through my mind for an answer “Is it to prove
myself? To whom? To colleagues who spend time going through promotion lists looking for other’s names? Or
my family? Would my husband love me more if I got promoted? Or to my daughter, who is going to get less
time with me than before? Yes, they would be proud and celebrate my achievement for all my hard work but
then what? If it’s for myself, what does it mean to me? I might become the Vice President, oh c’mon if I am
imagining I might as well imagine being the President of the company by 40. I might even appear on glossy
business magazine covers ( and be stressed about employing an image consultant so that I look professional in
the pic and not “glamorous”), give a few well prepared interviews ( gosh, got to employ an executive and media
coach, so that I don’t say something that becomes viral on FB and I get fired!). I can even give a TED talk ( but
you don’t need to become a President of a company to give a TED talk, I can just study ants and talk about it!).
I am sure I will earn a fortune but I will be still paying loans because of the bungalow I bought in the most
expensive area to match my new status and my new car. And the best part is now I get to travel more, attend
more crucial meetings, every problem in the organization is mine and I don’t have the problem of insomnia
since I don’t have the time to sleep anymore! My daughter is in her teens and doesn’t need me anymore, and is
happier when I am not around while she “discovers” the power of the Internet. And the most frustrating part is
that the race doesn’t end here, there is still the “what next?” And this time, there are more people in the world
watching and tracking your progress.
In that 1 sec, my entire life played in front of my eyes. Sensing the confusion in my eyes, the elderly man, sat
me down and said, “Everyone is in a hurry nowadays to get somewhere. Back in my times, we lived life to
enjoy it. We had to work hard at farming for few months in a year and then enjoy the rest.”
He sounded very much like what our grandparents or even our parents. My mind was mocking him. I asked
with a straight face, “If whole world did that now, worked for few hours and relaxed and enjoyed life, what
would happen to the progression of human race?”
He asked, “What would happen? Would we regress to stone age? Progressing at this rate, with technology, we
think we are making things easier for humans but rather we are making things difficult for many others and
increasing the divide between the people. New inventions replace people, burn up more natural resources,
increase unemployment, build frustration and deepen the divide. The progress that we take so much pride in,
is actually taking us faster towards, human extinction.
What do you think is happening in Syria and Iraq? Disgruntlement will always find a vent. Don’t you sense this
spread of unrest across the world more rapidly now than before?”
I had never heard this argument. It was too much to comprehend. I realized I was not talking to a commoner.
There has to be more to him, than what met the eyes. I knew he was from Cambodia but nothing more. He
must be an economist or some researcher. I asked him what he did now. He said he was a painter. Where did
he do his college from, in the Uk or Cambodia? He said, he didn’t go to college. That’s quite common in the UK
since many just complete school and start working, I asked him where he did his schooling, He said he never
had an opportunity to go to school!
I asked him when he was born. He said in the 60s. I dreaded my next question “Are you a survivor of the killing
fields of Cambodia?” He said, “Yes.”
I was in a daze. I couldn’t believe I was talking to someone who had lived through unimaginable hell. Most
people are familiar with the holocaust but the killing fields was genocide that happened just a few decades ago,
around the time when we were born.
And someone who survives that would know what life means. And cherish life for life itself. Everything he s aid
made sense. (He was not an old man. The pain of his early years had aged him so much!)
He was right. What harm would it cause, if everyone slowed down and lived life? Sadly we don’t realize, that,
we are not living our lives rather we are living our ambitions and careers. We feel burdened with the
responsibility of saving the world from mediocre, simple life! Burdened with providing the best for our
children, which we have forgotten is a world with less mobile radiations, pollution free air, open, safe spaces to
play and a violence free world. And for now I just don’t see how anything I do contributes to that!
It is liberating just to know that I don’t have to run this race, I have nothing to prove to anyone and I am in no
hurry to get anywhere. I am going to stroll through the meadow and watch my children grow up and do things
that I believe in, (or just make more “pieces of art”), which in some way will make things better/simpler for my
children. I want to enjoy the journey, relish the small pleasures o f life, try my hand at everything that I ever
wished to do ( pottery, stained glass, creative writing, ….), not to prove that I am God’s miracle on earth but to
have amusing stories of my exploits that I can relish in my old age. Memories that will make me laugh and give
me a sense of contentment. I am sure it will give me more joy, than sitting in a bungalow with a wall covered
with awards , framed magazine covers(regretting why I wore that dress), with aches and pains, wondering
where and when life passed by.
Try it, get reckless, slow down and feel liberated. What’s the hurry?
I am a super achiever, I got 5 promotions in 10yrs and at one point (seems like in history now), was one of the
youngest directors in my organization. I know it sounds like gloating but hold on before you rush towards a
judgment. If I didn’t get promoted in 2yrs I felt like my career was an utter failure, life was unfair and entire
organization was conspiring against me! (Oh yeah, not promoting me must have been an agenda in their 2015
strategy meeting!)
And this growth did not come easy. It was nonstop, 14 hours work day, travel at the drop of a hat, leave my 6
month old nursing baby and fly off to US to save my company from doom, suffer anxiety attacks and stress
related insomnia. But that was “normal” in my world. If you want to win a race you can’t be strolling in the
meadows, can you? I had everything going for me- excellent support system, supportive husband and quite an
accommodating kid (for her, seeing mamma for 1hr during bed time was normal!) So why would I think twice
about running the race to the top?
Movie style, there’s got to be a “And then one day….” moment, when my “perfect” life (stress related insomnia
and anxiety really merged well into the perfect picture!) took a roll on the roulette table. My husband got an
opportunity to work in the UK. We had to shift. I got questions from many colleagues; why I would want to
leave my fantastic role and follow my husband? Why don’t my daughter and I continue in India while my
husband lives in the UK? What does 4-5 years of skype living matter, when you can conquer the world by
staying back and husband cashes on the exchange rates?
Luckily my husband and I had this unwritten rule that we would never opt to live separate for any reason. But
for that, we would have been 1 among thousands of separated couples pursing career/monetary goals abroad,
missing out on prime time of life together.
So we moved to a pretty little town in the UK. Away from London, by the coast, it is like slowing down the
clock. But for me who was running on the treadmill at the highest speed, suddenly I was in a walk mode. I was
actually getting to drop my daughter at school, chat with her when she got back, do her home projects with her
and get to know her friends’ names!! I realized the meaning of “my time” (I always believed all th e time at
work was my time!!). I had my little vegetable garden and realized the pleasure of plucking fresh tomatoes and
strawberries. I even checked out my long time suspicion that I was a born artist- I sat in a coffee shop by the
lake and tried my hand at pastel painting. My suspicion was confirmed- I thought I could pass off the painting
as my 6yr old daughter’s but she refused to take any ownership for my “piece of art”!!
I found time thrice a week for exercise and yoga. Never felt so physically fit and charged. Realized how drained
I use to feel all the time and that was again part of my “normal”.
I was not jobless; I was just doing the amount of work that would keep me busy for 8hrs -9hrs a day. I was
enjoying this, all the while thinking about my career wreckage lying somewhere down the road. I felt a failure
doing less than what I use to do. I wouldn’t stop telling anyone I meet on how hard we software engineers
work (throw in the jargon like 24 cross 7 and 19 cross 7), how many time zones we cover, how we never have
time for lunch and can’t make it to children’s unplanned events. But instead of sympathetic headshakes and “I
know how hard that is”, “oh you must be a pretty important person” expression, I got weird looks which
sounded more like “you must be nuts to be doing this”, “why the hell would you want to do that?”. And I would
explain, how this contributes to career growth and getting to the next level.
During my one such “sad storytelling session” to an elderly man trapped in conversation while waiting to pick
up his daughter/grand daughter ( something else I have learnt not to ask/assume in this country based on
looks!), he asked, “ What’s wrong in being slow? What’s the hurry?”
It was such a simple question but I was stumped. I fumbled through my mind for an answer “Is it to prove
myself? To whom? To colleagues who spend time going through promotion lists looking for other’s names? Or
my family? Would my husband love me more if I got promoted? Or to my daughter, who is going to get less
time with me than before? Yes, they would be proud and celebrate my achievement for all my hard work but
then what? If it’s for myself, what does it mean to me? I might become the Vice President, oh c’mon if I am
imagining I might as well imagine being the President of the company by 40. I might even appear on glossy
business magazine covers ( and be stressed about employing an image consultant so that I look professional in
the pic and not “glamorous”), give a few well prepared interviews ( gosh, got to employ an executive and media
coach, so that I don’t say something that becomes viral on FB and I get fired!). I can even give a TED talk ( but
you don’t need to become a President of a company to give a TED talk, I can just study ants and talk about it!).
I am sure I will earn a fortune but I will be still paying loans because of the bungalow I bought in the most
expensive area to match my new status and my new car. And the best part is now I get to travel more, attend
more crucial meetings, every problem in the organization is mine and I don’t have the problem of insomnia
since I don’t have the time to sleep anymore! My daughter is in her teens and doesn’t need me anymore, and is
happier when I am not around while she “discovers” the power of the Internet. And the most frustrating part is
that the race doesn’t end here, there is still the “what next?” And this time, there are more people in the world
watching and tracking your progress.
In that 1 sec, my entire life played in front of my eyes. Sensing the confusion in my eyes, the elderly man, sat
me down and said, “Everyone is in a hurry nowadays to get somewhere. Back in my times, we lived life to
enjoy it. We had to work hard at farming for few months in a year and then enjoy the rest.”
He sounded very much like what our grandparents or even our parents. My mind was mocking him. I asked
with a straight face, “If whole world did that now, worked for few hours and relaxed and enjoyed life, what
would happen to the progression of human race?”
He asked, “What would happen? Would we regress to stone age? Progressing at this rate, with technology, we
think we are making things easier for humans but rather we are making things difficult for many others and
increasing the divide between the people. New inventions replace people, burn up more natural resources,
increase unemployment, build frustration and deepen the divide. The progress that we take so much pride in,
is actually taking us faster towards, human extinction.
What do you think is happening in Syria and Iraq? Disgruntlement will always find a vent. Don’t you sense this
spread of unrest across the world more rapidly now than before?”
I had never heard this argument. It was too much to comprehend. I realized I was not talking to a commoner.
There has to be more to him, than what met the eyes. I knew he was from Cambodia but nothing more. He
must be an economist or some researcher. I asked him what he did now. He said he was a painter. Where did
he do his college from, in the Uk or Cambodia? He said, he didn’t go to college. That’s quite common in the UK
since many just complete school and start working, I asked him where he did his schooling, He said he never
had an opportunity to go to school!
I asked him when he was born. He said in the 60s. I dreaded my next question “Are you a survivor of the killing
fields of Cambodia?” He said, “Yes.”
I was in a daze. I couldn’t believe I was talking to someone who had lived through unimaginable hell. Most
people are familiar with the holocaust but the killing fields was genocide that happened just a few decades ago,
around the time when we were born.
And someone who survives that would know what life means. And cherish life for life itself. Everything he s aid
made sense. (He was not an old man. The pain of his early years had aged him so much!)
He was right. What harm would it cause, if everyone slowed down and lived life? Sadly we don’t realize, that,
we are not living our lives rather we are living our ambitions and careers. We feel burdened with the
responsibility of saving the world from mediocre, simple life! Burdened with providing the best for our
children, which we have forgotten is a world with less mobile radiations, pollution free air, open, safe spaces to
play and a violence free world. And for now I just don’t see how anything I do contributes to that!
It is liberating just to know that I don’t have to run this race, I have nothing to prove to anyone and I am in no
hurry to get anywhere. I am going to stroll through the meadow and watch my children grow up and do things
that I believe in, (or just make more “pieces of art”), which in some way will make things better/simpler for my
children. I want to enjoy the journey, relish the small pleasures o f life, try my hand at everything that I ever
wished to do ( pottery, stained glass, creative writing, ….), not to prove that I am God’s miracle on earth but to
have amusing stories of my exploits that I can relish in my old age. Memories that will make me laugh and give
me a sense of contentment. I am sure it will give me more joy, than sitting in a bungalow with a wall covered
with awards , framed magazine covers(regretting why I wore that dress), with aches and pains, wondering
where and when life passed by.
Try it, get reckless, slow down and feel liberated. What’s the hurry?
